1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:08,559 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Kilson, where 2 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:11,680 Speaker 1: Luke and Susie parents of three young boys, and this 3 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,400 Speaker 1: is the podcast for the time poor parent who just 4 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 1: wants some answers. 5 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:18,759 Speaker 2: Now. I'm loving today's topic sues because it's one of 6 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,120 Speaker 2: the times we're talking about marriage and parenting where I 7 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:24,120 Speaker 2: feel like I'm actually coming in as the expert. 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,159 Speaker 1: Joining us from Happy Families dot Com. That are you, 9 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,640 Speaker 1: doctor Justin Pilson, and we are going to nail seven 10 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,080 Speaker 1: ways to totally terrible parenting? 11 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 2: Yay? Do you want me to take Do you want 12 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 2: me to just run from here and just let you 13 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 2: know what I do as a dad and we're done, justin. 14 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,160 Speaker 3: If you don't want me to talk, then you just don't. 15 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, let's go with you. 16 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:50,199 Speaker 2: So we're teaching people to be terrible. 17 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 3: Right, Being a terrible parent, like totally terrible is actually 18 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 3: very easy. You know, we don't have to look too 19 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 3: far to see those times well we've done it. There 20 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 3: are opportunities to be totally terrible in every moment with 21 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,440 Speaker 3: our children. And and what I what I love about 22 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,759 Speaker 3: totally terrible parenting is it's even easier to be judgmental 23 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,760 Speaker 3: about other people's terrible parenting than it is about our own. 24 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 3: Social media you know, puts it right out there. We 25 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,840 Speaker 3: can see every other people's poor parenting pushed straight into 26 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 3: our timelines. But I was thinking about this and I thought, 27 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:25,400 Speaker 3: let's have some fun. I mean, there is a serious 28 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 3: side to this. But what if we were to put 29 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 3: together seven steps to totally terrible parenting? So here we go. 30 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 3: Number one, just ignore your kids. 31 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 2: I don't even know. 32 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, that will absolutely do it. 33 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, what are their names? 34 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:42,800 Speaker 3: And let me explain here as much as you can. 35 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,760 Speaker 3: Just leave them to their own devices. And when I 36 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 3: say leave them to their own devices, I mean that 37 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 3: literally and figuratively, you know, just when they want you 38 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 3: to say, I'm sorry, I'm too busy, I don't have 39 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 3: time for you. 40 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 4: Yep. 41 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 3: And also make sure you say hurry up, would you 42 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 3: hurry up? 43 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:00,240 Speaker 4: Up? 44 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 3: Please just get going, hurry up, because what that means 45 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,920 Speaker 3: is they're absolutely going to know for sure that they're 46 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,640 Speaker 3: not important and they're not worthy of your time, and 47 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:10,799 Speaker 3: that they're an impediment. So that's the best way to really, 48 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 3: I think, be totally terrible. And the more dismissive you 49 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 3: can be the more totally terrible you'll you'll be as 50 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 3: a parent and the worst they'll turn out. Okay, here's 51 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 3: number two. Get angry about everything, and when you're being angry, 52 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 3: yell as much as you can. That helps to show 53 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 3: that you're angry. Yell. Yeah. Okay, here's number three. Spend 54 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:35,679 Speaker 3: more time on your screens yet And this works for 55 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,200 Speaker 3: both you and for your kids. The thing we're not 56 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 3: looking at each other's face is we can't read each 57 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 3: other's cues because we're not really paying attention to each 58 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 3: other because we've got our own agenda, and staring at 59 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 3: screens is a great way to do that. Just say 60 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 3: to your kids, I've just got to finish this Facebook 61 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 3: status update or I'll be with you in a minute. 62 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,359 Speaker 3: Let me just go and catch this pokemon. 63 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, got it, got it, got it. 64 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:04,040 Speaker 3: Okay, this one's my favorite. Stay up late. I know 65 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 3: it doesn't sound that serious, but sleep deprivation is awesome 66 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:13,880 Speaker 3: for completely incapacitating you as a parent. So the less 67 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,800 Speaker 3: sleep you get, the more irritable and angry and dismissive 68 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,120 Speaker 3: and terrible obdiate children. And if you can string a 69 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,799 Speaker 3: bunch of late nights together, in a row, you'll be 70 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 3: even more. 71 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 2: Terrible, awesome, beautiful. 72 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 1: This is going really well. We're going to look at 73 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 1: the last three of these seven ways to completely totally 74 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: terrible parenting. 75 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:31,799 Speaker 2: That's just recap the first four. 76 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 1: So we're ignoring our kids, getting angry about everything, spending 77 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 1: time on our screens, and staying up late. 78 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,640 Speaker 2: Nailing it so far more with doctor Justin Wilson from 79 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:46,000 Speaker 2: twenty one Days to a More Terrible Families, Happier Family Family, 80 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 2: that's what we're looking at next. 81 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 4: Family life is pretty tough going sometimes most days are 82 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 4: a struggle between strong willed children and frazzled parents. And 83 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 4: while no parent wakes up in the morning saying today's 84 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:00,800 Speaker 4: the day I'm going to ruin everyone's lives, sometimes feels 85 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 4: like that by the end of the day. Twenty one 86 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 4: Days to a Happier Family is the number one parenting 87 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,440 Speaker 4: book by doctor Justin Crulson for parents who want their 88 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 4: kids to be better, themselves, to be calmer, and their 89 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 4: family to be happier now. The book is also available 90 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,239 Speaker 4: as an online video course. In the program, you'll find 91 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 4: specific strategies to help you be at your best, evidence 92 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:24,400 Speaker 4: based ideas to strengthen your relationship with your children. Research 93 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 4: proven practices to improve understanding between you and your child, 94 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:33,240 Speaker 4: discipline strategies that work because they're about discipline and not punishment, 95 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,280 Speaker 4: and more tips to make your family happier. And as 96 00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:39,360 Speaker 4: a special offer only for podcast business, use the Code 97 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 4: podcast at check out for a massive fifty dollars saving 98 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:45,479 Speaker 4: twenty one days to a happier family. The online video 99 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,680 Speaker 4: course by doctor Justin Coulson. Get it now from Happy 100 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 4: Families dot com dot au. 101 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,800 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Coulson, and 102 00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:58,400 Speaker 1: today it is all about seven ways to totally terrible parenting. 103 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,479 Speaker 2: Okayler're up to the fifth one. What's number five? For 104 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,480 Speaker 2: us to absolutely rute our kids' lives. 105 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 3: Blame them, just blame them for everything, especially for how 106 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 3: terrible your life turned out. It's all their fault. Everything 107 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 3: is their fault. It'll work, It will ruin their life 108 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 3: and yours. Good, all right? 109 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,159 Speaker 2: Number six, give. 110 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 3: Them alcohol and drugs. You know, some parents try to 111 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,160 Speaker 3: show their kids that they're actually not totally terrible but 112 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 3: totally cool by giving them alcohol and drugs. I've come 113 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,440 Speaker 3: across many of these parents, and if you supply these 114 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 3: substances to your children so they can be totally cool 115 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 3: and have really totally cool parents. Well, that's actually obviously 116 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 3: totally terrible. So the best time to start this, if 117 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,760 Speaker 3: you're planning on it, is around thirteen and they've started 118 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,159 Speaker 3: going to parties. If you want to be extra totally terrible, 119 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 3: start earlier. 120 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 2: Well okay, great, I haven't. I haven't got into that. 121 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 2: So number seven to round out how to be totally terrible. 122 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:58,640 Speaker 3: Okay, let's just let them do whatever they want. Seriously, 123 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:01,600 Speaker 3: it's probably the easy way to be a totally terrible parents. 124 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:04,440 Speaker 3: Shrug your shoulder and say, sure, kids, go for your 125 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,920 Speaker 3: life every time they ask for anything. If they wanted 126 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 3: our school, go for it. We want to hang out 127 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 3: with your friends at the shops a dane sit and 128 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 3: go to school. Hey great, I want to try those 129 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 3: drugs or sleep for those people a party all night 130 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 3: and drive without a license in the car. Just do 131 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,040 Speaker 3: whatever feels good. Shore makes my life easier to get 132 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 3: you off my back. Go for it. 133 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:24,280 Speaker 2: Good all right? 134 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 1: Well, okay, so if we want to be a totally 135 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: terrible parent. 136 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 2: This is this is it is this a really good 137 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 2: time to talk about Australian sarcasm, and you know, make 138 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 2: sure that anybody who's listening to our show right now 139 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 2: understands the facetious nature of this and. 140 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,479 Speaker 3: That Oh, look, I feel I feel bad even saying 141 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,800 Speaker 3: this stuff, but I had fun writing the list. I mean, 142 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 3: you can see how you can poke fun and you 143 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:54,640 Speaker 3: know what, though, Look, every every parent does at least 144 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 3: some of these things some of the time. I mean, 145 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 3: none of us are perfect. But I guess I've really 146 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 3: put the list together because if we do most of 147 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,479 Speaker 3: these things most of the time, our kids are going 148 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:07,440 Speaker 3: to suffer. And in ten days or ten weeks or 149 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,679 Speaker 3: definitely ten to twenty years, so are we, and so's 150 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 3: the community. It's very easy to be a totally terrible parent, 151 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 3: which don't have to do anything. 152 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 2: I've messed up a lot of these things. I can 153 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,520 Speaker 2: avoid zero point six, but the rest, in some way 154 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,960 Speaker 2: I reckon. I've come pretty close to. The one that 155 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 2: gets me. I just feel horrible. Is not just only 156 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 2: being angry, but being quick to angry be angry. And 157 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 2: there was a particular moment where I was really upset 158 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 2: with one of our children, and I was angry very 159 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 2: quickly at him. I didn't ask questions I didn't listen 160 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 2: to his explanation. He went into the naughty corner. He 161 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 2: got told what four, and he looked very forlorn, and 162 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 2: he looked like he was really sorry that he had 163 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 2: done it, until I discovered it actually wasn't him that 164 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 2: did it at all. It was his brother who walked 165 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 2: out of the road with a sheepish look on the face, 166 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 2: and this poor kid, because I was not only angry 167 00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:00,440 Speaker 2: but so quick to angry, he copped it. And I 168 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 2: just felt like the biggest dropkick of a dad at 169 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,680 Speaker 2: that particular point in time, because that poor kid had 170 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 2: just gone through an emotional trauma because I was angry 171 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 2: and quick to anger justin Yeah, yeah. 172 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 3: That's totally terrible, totally terrible parenting right there, Luke. You 173 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,440 Speaker 3: know what we should do in our next conversation is 174 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 3: we should have a conversation, maybe even a couple of them, 175 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 3: about different strategies to turn away our anger, because it's 176 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:30,240 Speaker 3: so easy for us to get really cranky at our kids, 177 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,600 Speaker 3: and it's damaging when we do it. There's no need 178 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 3: for us to be angry at them ever, even when 179 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 3: they do the wrong thing. And I've got a list 180 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:39,880 Speaker 3: of about fifty different ways that we can turn away 181 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:44,760 Speaker 3: anger and deal with children even when they're challenging, in really, 182 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 3: really great ways. 183 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 1: That sounds excellent. I love that at the end of 184 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:52,160 Speaker 1: the day, when you take these totally terrible parenting tips, 185 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 1: a simple strategy of just choosing to love your children. 186 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,719 Speaker 1: You love them through giving them time, by being compassionate, 187 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 1: by being a tentive is the way to turn around 188 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:05,040 Speaker 1: all seven of those things in one simple word. Doctor 189 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 1: Justin Coulson from Happy Families dot com today, you thank 190 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 1: you so so much for your time today. 191 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 3: It's been amazingly awesome. 192 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: For more information on all of doctor Justin's books, podcasts, programs, 193 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 1: you can find them all at happy families dot com 194 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:20,959 Speaker 1: dot au. But don't forget Justin is available to speak 195 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,320 Speaker 1: at your school or organization. You can find out more 196 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: at Justinculson dot com.