1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers now. 3 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 2: So I would definitely say this is for anyone who's 4 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:14,920 Speaker 2: about to become a dad, whether it's for the first 5 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 2: time or second, third, fourth, fifth time, You're going to 6 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:19,880 Speaker 2: be so much more supportive and so much better in 7 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 2: that labor room if you read this book. 8 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,600 Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum 9 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 1: and dad. 10 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,320 Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin coles To, the founder of 11 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:31,560 Speaker 2: Happy Families dot com dot hu and Channel Minds, parental guidance, 12 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 2: parenting expert and co host. I'm here with Kylie today, 13 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 2: my wife, mum to our six kids and parenting podcast partner. Normally, 14 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:42,240 Speaker 2: every Wednesday we have a conversation with somebody who's written 15 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 2: a book or who's worthy of interviewing so that we 16 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:49,560 Speaker 2: can get our parenting right. But today Kylie is joining 17 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:54,320 Speaker 2: me for a very rare Wednesday appearance and we're reversing roles. 18 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 2: Normally I'm the one asking the questions, but today it's 19 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:00,279 Speaker 2: missus Happy Families asking me the questions because I've got 20 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:01,280 Speaker 2: a new book that's come out. 21 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,040 Speaker 3: Well, I actually have a bone to pick with you, 22 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:04,800 Speaker 3: because I was listening to one of the interviews the 23 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:08,039 Speaker 3: other week and you said that Wednesdays was your favorite 24 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 3: day because you got to talk to very interesting people. 25 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,440 Speaker 2: I really say that you did. Oh maybe I was 26 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:15,959 Speaker 2: just saying that to make them feel good about being 27 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 2: on the podcast being interviewed by me. 28 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,679 Speaker 3: Because so you are suggesting, by the very fact that 29 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 3: you're sitting on the opposite side of the table today 30 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 3: that you are a very interesting person. 31 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:30,880 Speaker 2: Oh gosh boy, Well, I've written. 32 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,760 Speaker 3: A book, and clearly the other four days of the 33 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,399 Speaker 3: week that we talk is not a very interesting person. 34 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 2: And one of the one of the highlights of my 35 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 2: life is recording this podcast with you. 36 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 3: Go hi larious. 37 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 2: Am I digging deeper? Am I getting myself out of 38 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:42,960 Speaker 2: this whole? 39 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,880 Speaker 3: Well, I'm really excited about this today because when we 40 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 3: first started podcasting together, interviews scared the bejeebi's out of me, 41 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 3: the GB's. But I'm actually I'm really excited about today's conversations. 42 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 2: So, Okay, you've got this new book yep, Dad's Guide 43 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 2: to Pregnancy for Dummy. If you're going to google it now, 44 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 2: We've got the link to the to the book in 45 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 2: the show notes. But if you're going to google it, 46 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 2: you need to make sure that you get the one 47 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 2: that I've written, because this is the second Australian edition. 48 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 2: There's dummies books Dad's Guide to Pregnancy for Dummies around 49 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 2: the world. All kinds of editions are out there, so 50 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,320 Speaker 2: you need to make sure you get the one with 51 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:19,959 Speaker 2: my name on the cover. Otherwise I don't know what 52 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 2: you're going to read. 53 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 3: Are you ready to go off the driver's sea? I'm sorry. 54 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,799 Speaker 2: I just wanted to make sure everyone knew that the 55 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,639 Speaker 2: book is called Dad's Guide to Pregnancy for Dummies, Second 56 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:28,680 Speaker 2: Australian edition. 57 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 3: I think they just need to look at Justin Coles 58 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 3: to Justin Coulson. Okay, there's lots of words and I 59 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 3: think for the time for parent, Justin Coulson is enough. 60 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 2: Okay, Dad's Guide to Pregnancy for Dummies, Justin Coulson, Second 61 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 2: Australian Edition. Just wanted to be clear. 62 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:44,639 Speaker 3: I'm really curious, though, how did you feel about being 63 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:46,560 Speaker 3: approached to do a dummies book? 64 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,800 Speaker 2: Am I a bit hard to interview? 65 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:49,399 Speaker 3: You're painful? 66 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 2: I was shocked. I had no idea. So the dummies 67 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:54,520 Speaker 2: Book's been around for such a long time now they 68 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:56,239 Speaker 2: literally came to me and said, we want to update 69 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 2: the Dad's Guide to Pregnancy for Dummies. 70 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:00,880 Speaker 3: Did you even know the book existed? 71 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 2: I didn't know that it existed. 72 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:03,160 Speaker 3: Maybe you should have. 73 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 2: The first edition was put together by a couple of 74 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:08,760 Speaker 2: Kiwi guys, and they used to have a Dad's website 75 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,079 Speaker 2: that was out there, and it was actually a pretty 76 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,919 Speaker 2: decent sort of content on their website and also pretty 77 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,200 Speaker 2: decent content in the book. But once they handed me 78 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 2: the book and I looked at I was like, oh, 79 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,680 Speaker 2: it does need a fresh and it does feel like 80 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 2: it's a bit old and the world's moved on. But 81 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 2: I was stoked. I mean, the Dummies brand is fantastic. 82 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,359 Speaker 2: I've never written a book specifically for dads, and I've 83 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:31,639 Speaker 2: certainly never written anything for parenting at at the very 84 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,080 Speaker 2: very beginning stages. I mean, everything that I write is 85 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 2: really for parents who have got kids at are two 86 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 2: or three and above and are starting to drive their 87 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,559 Speaker 2: parents crazy. So it was really fun to look at 88 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 2: the pregnancy and labor period, just that first just after 89 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 2: the baby's born kind of period, do some research and 90 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 2: write some really cool stuff about that. 91 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 3: This process was obviously really different to your other books. 92 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 3: I mean, you have created a concept all on your 93 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 3: own and have written a book from start to finish, 94 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 3: whereas this one you were reviewing somebody else's work and 95 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 3: then putting your touch and feel to it. And I'm 96 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 3: wondering how you found going through that process. Was it 97 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 3: an enjoyable process for you? 98 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:14,640 Speaker 2: Yes? And no. So the workload's a lot smaller, a 99 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,239 Speaker 2: lot lower, because somebody's already done all the structuring. Somebody's 100 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,160 Speaker 2: already put together all of the ideas, and now it's 101 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 2: a case of saying, do these ideas belong? Should I 102 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,520 Speaker 2: chuck them out? What else could go in here? Every 103 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 2: now and again, with the greatest respect to the guys 104 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,680 Speaker 2: that wrote the first edition, they didn't have a pH 105 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 2: d in psychology, They didn't know the stuff that I know, 106 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 2: and they also didn't have the benefit of an additional 107 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 2: fifteen or so years of psychological research to help us 108 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 2: to be well informed on these things. So a couple 109 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 2: of times I would read things and be like, oh, really, 110 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,920 Speaker 2: oh man, it needed a freshen up, it needed an update. 111 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:47,640 Speaker 2: But it was also frustrating because it kind of already 112 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,480 Speaker 2: had this structure and with the timeframes we were dealing 113 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:53,600 Speaker 2: with I probably would have structured the whole book differently 114 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,159 Speaker 2: if I had time, But this is a revision and 115 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 2: an update. It's not a brand new book. So within 116 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,280 Speaker 2: the fins of what I was writing, it was both 117 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 2: good and bad. It was efficient, it was effective, and 118 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 2: I got to do really great work. I think if 119 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 2: I'd had more time, I probably would have done a 120 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,000 Speaker 2: more comprehensive review of it. But these are the restraints 121 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,800 Speaker 2: that we're dealing with, and I'm really happy with the outcome. 122 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:19,600 Speaker 2: I mean, I'm delighted with it. 123 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,840 Speaker 3: So did you change much of the content and the 124 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 3: feel of the book, and if so, would you consider 125 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 3: that the book is now yours? 126 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say the book's eighty percent mine. It 127 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,040 Speaker 2: was a lot. It was kind of bloky, and it's 128 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 2: still got that little bit of a blokey tinge to it, 129 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:37,839 Speaker 2: but not nearly like it was before. I feel like 130 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:41,840 Speaker 2: I've put in really important material to help dads to 131 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 2: support their partner during not just pregnancy, but particularly during 132 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:50,360 Speaker 2: the labor process. That's something that the book was really 133 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 2: really light on, and I've beefed that up incredibly. And 134 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 2: because it's twenty twenty two and we've learnt so much 135 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 2: about how relationships work in the last fifteen or twenty years. 136 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,560 Speaker 2: I put a great big section in there about consent. 137 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 2: Consent matters at every stage of a relationship, but every 138 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 2: now and again there's this idea that once you're in 139 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 2: a permanent relationship with somebody that maybe consent isn't such 140 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 2: a big deal. I wanted to really clearly state it 141 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:15,839 Speaker 2: is a big. 142 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,040 Speaker 3: Deal, especially postpartum. 143 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 2: Especially during pregnancy and after the labor. This is something 144 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:25,520 Speaker 2: that we really need to ensure that men understand. 145 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:29,799 Speaker 3: So were there any specific personal experiences that you leaned 146 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:31,600 Speaker 3: into as you went through this process. 147 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,400 Speaker 2: Well, we've been through this six times. We've had six 148 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:40,120 Speaker 2: healthy pregnancies and five natural births one Cesaian and I 149 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,800 Speaker 2: leaned heavily on the experiences and the learnings that we've 150 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 2: had and the people that we've talked to that have 151 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:51,360 Speaker 2: taught us really valuable stuff about how husbands and partners 152 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:55,200 Speaker 2: can be the most supportive possible over the person who's 153 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 2: actually giving birth in the delivery room. That was what 154 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,839 Speaker 2: I leaned on so heavily. I'm going to say something 155 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:05,200 Speaker 2: that's a bit provocative, a bit controversial, but I really 156 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 2: believe it and I don't say it with disrespect to 157 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 2: those who are doing this work. What I will say though, 158 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 2: is that typically the birth in classes that occur in hospitals, 159 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 2: the sort of semi compulsory birthing classes that you get 160 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:19,679 Speaker 2: to go to pride to the birth of the baby, 161 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 2: they're not valuable. They're not helpful as a dad. They 162 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 2: gave me absolutely nothing, literally nothing. I was useless as 163 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,000 Speaker 2: a result of what I learned there. But what I 164 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 2: learned from books and from talking to people who were 165 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 2: educators in this space, people who really know their stuff 166 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 2: change the way that you and I had our birth experiences, 167 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,480 Speaker 2: the way that you went through labor, and the way 168 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 2: that I supported you, and I leaned heavily on that 169 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 2: information and what the research around that emphasizes, so that 170 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 2: dad's new dads, whether it's the first baby or the 171 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,880 Speaker 2: fourth baby, so that they can be the very best 172 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,120 Speaker 2: support to their partner or wife that they can be. 173 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,440 Speaker 2: And I know that that section of the book is 174 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 2: going to be more more valuable than anything else in 175 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 2: the book. It's just so good. 176 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 3: So after the break, we'll talk a little bit more 177 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 3: about this editing process that you've been through. But I'm 178 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 3: actually really curious to know what you've learned as a 179 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 3: dad and what you wish you'd knowing all the way 180 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 3: back at the outset, and how that will hopefully flow 181 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:19,600 Speaker 3: on to your readers. 182 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 2: You've asked politely, you've asked again, you've patiently waited, you've 183 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 2: even made a threat, but finally you lose it. Listen 184 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 2: to me, you shout. In the practical webinar the Screaming Spiral, 185 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 2: you'll learn the top reasons why your child isn't listening, 186 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 2: and you'll get pro tips and strategies to get them 187 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 2: to hear without yelling. Available on the Happy Family's webshop. 188 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 3: Now it's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the 189 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,960 Speaker 3: time poor parent who just wants answers Now and we 190 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 3: are discussing your brand new. 191 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 2: Book, Dad's Going to Pregnancy for Dummies, second Australian edition. 192 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 2: Make sure that you follow the link in the show 193 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:02,880 Speaker 2: notes if you want to grab a copy for anyone 194 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,840 Speaker 2: that you know who's going to be having a baby soon. 195 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 2: It's funny being in the interview's chair, isn't it. 196 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm much happier on the other side. 197 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 2: So what else do you want to know about how 198 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 2: I wrote this book. 199 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 3: Huh, well, I'm interested to know how did you decide 200 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,440 Speaker 3: what to keep and what not to keep, because, like 201 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,840 Speaker 3: you said, you're going through this process, it's not actually 202 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 3: your bookah, and you've got this structure in place, it 203 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,680 Speaker 3: isn't what you would have done. How did you decide 204 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 3: what you got rid of? 205 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 2: There was some things that were really obvious, Like there 206 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 2: was one section about how there is a very low 207 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:36,280 Speaker 2: percentage chance, like infinitesimally small chance that women during label 208 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 2: will have an orgasm. I mean, there's documented cases of 209 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 2: this happening, but it barely ever happens. It kind of 210 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,560 Speaker 2: felt like it was voyeuristic, it was sensationalistic, and it 211 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:46,839 Speaker 2: just didn't need to be in the book. It's not 212 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,160 Speaker 2: going to be helpful, it's not really relevant. It doesn't 213 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 2: help anybody as they're going through the labor process, male 214 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 2: or female. 215 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 3: I don't think I know any woman who's thinking about orgasming. 216 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 2: Whilst she's kipping breath. No, and while I don't have 217 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:03,200 Speaker 2: a detailed conversations with too many people, it's nothing that 218 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:05,880 Speaker 2: I've ever heard of before. So I mean, if it happens, 219 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 2: good luck to your well done. But I didn't think 220 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:08,520 Speaker 2: that it needed to be in the book. So there 221 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:10,240 Speaker 2: were things like that where I was like, well, actually 222 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:13,480 Speaker 2: this is not all that relevant. There were also just 223 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:15,839 Speaker 2: things to update, There were things to tidy up, things 224 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:19,080 Speaker 2: that I wanted to move through. And all it really 225 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,000 Speaker 2: came down to is having been through this six times, 226 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 2: having read lots of books, having had the experience that 227 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 2: we've got, and having a PhD in psychology and working 228 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:32,599 Speaker 2: with families for ten, fifteen, twenty years now, there's just 229 00:10:32,679 --> 00:10:34,200 Speaker 2: kind of this feel. As you write a book, you 230 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 2: get a feel for what needs to be there and 231 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 2: what doesn't, what's going to be helpful and what's not, 232 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 2: what's going to add value to a person's life and 233 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,320 Speaker 2: what won't. And so I just pulled stuff out that 234 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,600 Speaker 2: didn't seem to me to be going to add value 235 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:48,000 Speaker 2: and tried to find ways that I could really be 236 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 2: useful to somebody reading. My job when I write a 237 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,320 Speaker 2: book is not to show everyone how much I know. 238 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,200 Speaker 2: It's to say, what's the most useful thing that you 239 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,959 Speaker 2: need to know about this specific issue. So I tried 240 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,839 Speaker 2: to put useful stuff in, tried to take stuff out 241 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 2: that didn't feel like it was going to be quite 242 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:02,880 Speaker 2: so relevant. 243 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 3: So what are you hoping that your readers will take 244 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:06,320 Speaker 3: away from the book? 245 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:10,840 Speaker 2: More than anything, what I'd like to see happen is 246 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:15,640 Speaker 2: that dads will know how to be more supportive of 247 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:21,200 Speaker 2: their wives and partners through the pregnancy, but especially during 248 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:24,960 Speaker 2: the labor. I've said this already in the conversation, but 249 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 2: I want to emphasize it. When I think about all 250 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 2: of the things that you and I've been through. We've 251 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:33,480 Speaker 2: been married for twenty four years, if I'm getting my 252 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,960 Speaker 2: math's right, twenty four and a half years. The thing 253 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:41,440 Speaker 2: that has really overwhelmingly stuck in my mind as incredibly 254 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,199 Speaker 2: powerful in our relationship is what we went through as 255 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,080 Speaker 2: our babies were born, and the way that I did 256 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 2: my very best to support you and help you. And 257 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,959 Speaker 2: while I am not claiming for a second that I've 258 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:55,360 Speaker 2: been perfect at it, I know that they've been meaningful experiences. 259 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 2: They've been really transcendent experiences for you and I and 260 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 2: for our relationship, memories that I look back on with 261 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 2: so much awe and so much gratitude and so much 262 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,920 Speaker 2: delight when I consider how it felt for us to 263 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 2: have that experience. So I want other people to have 264 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 2: those experiences. I want the birth of their child or 265 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,839 Speaker 2: children to be as meaningful for them as it has 266 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 2: been for us, and for the partner who's not actually 267 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,240 Speaker 2: going through the labor to do more than stand there 268 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,959 Speaker 2: and you'rn and look at the phone and wonder how 269 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,360 Speaker 2: long this is going to go and feel useless. I 270 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:32,160 Speaker 2: felt like I really made a contribution, and I want 271 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,800 Speaker 2: other husbands and partners to have the same experience. 272 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,079 Speaker 3: I love that notion because I think back to baby 273 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 3: number one and just how ill equipped we both were, yes, 274 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:47,000 Speaker 3: in the whole process from start to finish, and how 275 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:52,200 Speaker 3: helpless you felt because you couldn't do enough to support me, 276 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 3: and how frustrated I was because I needed you and 277 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,560 Speaker 3: you there was I didn't know how to help you 278 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:01,720 Speaker 3: help me either, Yeah, And then going through that process 279 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,600 Speaker 3: three years later with baby number two. 280 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,840 Speaker 2: And how and being so equipped with all that knowledge. 281 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,839 Speaker 3: So equipped and having gone through the process ourselves, even 282 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 3: though we didn't understand it then definitely equipped us better. 283 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 3: But having the education that we were able to go 284 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:21,640 Speaker 3: through made worlds of difference. And as that process continued 285 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 3: with each of our children, what I saw was you 286 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,440 Speaker 3: were my rock in every sense of the word. I 287 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 3: didn't actually see the midwives as being the experts in 288 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 3: the room, because they were. They were the medical experts, 289 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,400 Speaker 3: and if something went wrong, I knew that they would 290 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 3: be there to help me. But the expert for me, 291 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 3: who knew me intimately and knew what I needed and 292 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 3: knew how to give me the specific individual and personal 293 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:59,679 Speaker 3: support that I needed was you. And that was was 294 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:04,280 Speaker 3: just the most beautiful experience. And to think that you're 295 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 3: able to share that knowledge with others so that they 296 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,720 Speaker 3: can have that experience is life changing. 297 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 2: And that's what I've tried to do, and hopefully I've 298 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:18,360 Speaker 2: done it reasonably well because I feel the same way 299 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 2: that you do. And that's why that's why I embraced 300 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,720 Speaker 2: the opportunity to write this book. 301 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 3: So this book is specifically for men who are literally 302 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,840 Speaker 3: staring down the barrel of dadhood. 303 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, first time, well not necessarily the first time. I mean, 304 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,640 Speaker 2: I know, with what I've written and what we experience 305 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 2: with all of the births, if you're going to if 306 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,160 Speaker 2: you're about to be a first time dad, this is 307 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 2: going to be immensely helpful, enormously helpful. But I actually 308 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,960 Speaker 2: think it might be even more helpful if you're about 309 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,800 Speaker 2: to become a dad for the second or the third time, 310 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 2: because you've kind of been through this and you know 311 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 2: how useless you felt. Reading the book is going to 312 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 2: help you to feel like you've actually got a contribution, 313 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 2: to make a meaningful contribution. So I would definitely say 314 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,520 Speaker 2: this is for anyone who's about to become dad, whether 315 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,560 Speaker 2: it's for the first time or second, third, fourth, fifth time, 316 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 2: You're going to be so much more supportive and so 317 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 2: much better in that labor room if you read this book. 318 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 2: Then if you just keep on doing what you've always done. 319 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 3: What do you know now as a dad that you 320 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,560 Speaker 3: wish you had a known back when we welcomed our 321 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,440 Speaker 3: first child into life. 322 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 2: I don't think that you can transfer this knowledge, but 323 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,760 Speaker 2: just how transformative it is, how much it will change 324 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 2: your life, how much these little fingers that are wrapping 325 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 2: around your pinky or that tiny little mouth is going 326 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 2: to completely melt your heart for the rest of your life. 327 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 2: That would be one thing, But the second thing is 328 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 2: just what that birth process, if done well, if done 329 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 2: in a really connected way, what it can do for 330 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 2: a partner relationship, for a husband or wife. It's extraordinary, 331 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 2: And I'm so. 332 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 3: Grateful for it. So lucky. Last question, Okay, do you 333 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 3: feel like you achieved what you set out to do 334 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 3: with the book? 335 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm really excited about it. Like I'm genuinely excited 336 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 2: that the book's coming out, Dad's Guide to Pregnancy for Dummies, 337 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:04,600 Speaker 2: second Australian edition by me, doctor Justin Colson. I really 338 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 2: I was stoked with it. With the timeframes that we had, 339 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,920 Speaker 2: with the skeleton, the template that we were working with, 340 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,320 Speaker 2: I don't think we could have done a much better job. 341 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:13,360 Speaker 2: I'm really pleased with it. 342 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 3: So if people are looking to buy the book, where 343 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:16,080 Speaker 3: would they get it from? 344 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,440 Speaker 2: Well, thanks so much for asking. You'll find it wherever 345 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,280 Speaker 2: you find your books. Typically you can go into any 346 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 2: books sore or if you can find one of those, 347 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 2: or jump online and just google my name and Dad's 348 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 2: Guide to Pregnancy for Dummies, or jump into the show 349 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,880 Speaker 2: notes of this podcast and you'll find it all there. 350 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:31,960 Speaker 3: Well, I think that's a wrap. Did I do it? Okay? 351 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 2: You just got to do the whole end of the 352 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 2: podcasting and we're out. Well done. 353 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:43,840 Speaker 3: Okay, So I've got to thank Justin rule On from 354 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,080 Speaker 3: Bridge Media, Yeah, for doing all of our production. He 355 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,680 Speaker 3: makes it sound amazing. He does, so this will sound 356 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,640 Speaker 3: amazing by the time we're finished. Jr. And I've got 357 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 3: to thank Craig Bruce. He's our executive producer and he 358 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 3: is just a wealth of knowledge helps us stay on track, 359 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:05,119 Speaker 3: and we really appreciate everything he does and anyone else. 360 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 3: I think that's probably about it. If you want to 361 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,400 Speaker 3: find more information about any of the things that we've 362 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:14,600 Speaker 3: talked about today or on our podcasts in general, go 363 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,040 Speaker 3: to Happy Families dot com dot au. 364 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 2: It nailed it.