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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. Now.

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Speaker 2: I made all the kids line up, and if they

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Speaker 2: could throw the tennis ball into the tiny bucket, they

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Speaker 2: got the biggest treat we had.

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Speaker 3: We're a scrooge. If they didn't get it in, you

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Speaker 3: didn't even let them take a little lily.

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Speaker 2: But I gave them like five chances. If some of

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Speaker 2: these kids they just couldn't throw it in.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 2: Okay, missus, Happy Families take six for our old do

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Speaker 2: better tomorrow podcasts. Don't be like that number six. You've

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Speaker 2: still got Okay, I've just got to put it out there.

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Speaker 2: You see him a bit cranky today, but agitated, not

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Speaker 2: at your best. I'm just saying, I feel like.

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Speaker 3: I'm sitting in a sauna. You won't let me have

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Speaker 3: the fan on because it comes through the yes yes,

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Speaker 3: And I'm just struggling a lot.

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Speaker 2: People don't want to listen to a podcast that sounds

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Speaker 2: like while we're trying to talk to them. Doesn't work

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Speaker 2: like that. Welcome to the Happy Family's podcast with the

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Speaker 2: Cranky Missus. Happy Families today not.

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Speaker 3: Really cranky exaggerating.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's just smiling now. The Friday edition of our

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Speaker 2: Happy Families podcast is always I'll do better Tomorrow. The

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Speaker 2: idea is that we recognize that no matter how much

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Speaker 2: we try to get our parenting right, we never will

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Speaker 2: and there are all kinds of things that we need

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Speaker 2: to talk about practice do better tomorrow, hence the title

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Speaker 2: I'll do better Tomorrow, Kylie. Today my conversation is all

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Speaker 2: about Halloween because Monday was was enormous at our house

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Speaker 2: and I have to talk about it because I think

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Speaker 2: that I absolutely nailed it. What about you? What's your

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Speaker 2: older better Tomorrow going to be about?

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Speaker 3: Well, hopefully by the time you finished your story, I'll

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Speaker 3: have one to share to you.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, so let's talk Monday. We have been

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Speaker 2: warned when we bought the house that we now live

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Speaker 2: in that this street is one of the busiest streets

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Speaker 2: in our suburb for Halloween. And we were also warned

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Speaker 2: that the people who used to live in this house

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Speaker 2: had the ultimate Halloween party and the place just get packed,

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Speaker 2: like big time packed. So how many pieces of confectionery

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Speaker 2: do you reckon you had ready to hand out to people?

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Speaker 2: One per child.

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Speaker 3: I brought over twelve hundred so much so you know,

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Speaker 3: a little popping candy and yeah like that. But it

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Speaker 3: was all individually wrapped obviously.

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Speaker 2: You need, yeah, so that we could hand it out

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Speaker 2: to people. Right. So I think that I did the

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Speaker 2: best Halloween ever. What I decided was what you decided.

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Speaker 3: You left me. Let's paint the picture, because this was

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Speaker 3: our very first Halloween. We've never done.

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Speaker 2: Hellow making me look really bad. I had an emergency. Okay,

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Speaker 2: so let's go back. If you're going to we have

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Speaker 2: to do this properly. So last week I have a

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Speaker 2: really expensive road bike, right Like, I love to ride

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Speaker 2: my bicycle, and last week I had it on the

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Speaker 2: car I had on the roof racks.

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay, okay. If you're going to tell the story,

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Speaker 3: then you have to go all the way back to

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Speaker 3: the very beginning when you brought said bike, yes, with

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Speaker 3: your roof racks, and you sat me down and gave

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Speaker 3: me an entire conversation about if I ever was to

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Speaker 3: drive your car with your bike on the route that

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Speaker 3: I was never allowed to drive underneath a undercover car park.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, thank you, thank you so much. And

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Speaker 2: also because I've had bike insurance for I don't know

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Speaker 2: how long, like years, seven years, for all of my

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Speaker 2: nice bicycles, and I've never used it. I decided to

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Speaker 2: cancel my insurance when I bought the best bike that

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Speaker 2: I've ever had. And last week, while I was driving

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Speaker 2: in a hurry to do something, I completely forgot that

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Speaker 2: the bike was on the roof and I drove it

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Speaker 2: into an undercover car park and the bike. You're laughing

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Speaker 2: when I say this is not funny. This was heartbreaking.

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Speaker 2: This crushed me the bike.

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Speaker 3: I know, I know it was heartbreaking for you, but

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Speaker 3: I can't tell you how relieved I was when you

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Speaker 3: told me that you had done it, because I don't

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Speaker 3: think our marriage would have survived if it had been me.

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Speaker 2: Oh, don't say that, No, that's not true.

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Speaker 3: Well, I would definitely never have lived that one down.

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Speaker 2: I would have hugged you. I promise you I would

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Speaker 2: have huged you, and I would have said you feel

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Speaker 2: worse about this than me if it had been you,

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Speaker 2: I guarantee I would have said that. Anyway, so I've

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Speaker 2: driven into an uncovered car park with my I'm not

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Speaker 2: even going to tell you how expensive this bike is

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Speaker 2: but it is it's more expensive than some small cars.

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Speaker 2: Like this is an expensive bike I've saved up for

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Speaker 2: years and years and years to buy. It's literally one

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Speaker 2: of the best bicycles on the market. For those of

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Speaker 2: you who are cyclists. I'm going to brag for a second.

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Speaker 2: It's what's called a Pinarello Dogma F twelve, Like this

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Speaker 2: bike is, this is the pinnacle of bicycles. And I've

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Speaker 2: driven it into the cover car park and not only

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Speaker 2: did I damage the bike, but but I hit the

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Speaker 2: undercover car parks cement roof at such velocity that the

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Speaker 2: bike and the roof racks were ripped from the roof

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Speaker 2: of the car. And when I finally stopped the car

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Speaker 2: and turned around, the bike was still attached to the

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Speaker 2: roof racks on the concrete beside the car. The car

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Speaker 2: has been down. I like, we're up for a huge

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Speaker 2: amount of money in insurance costs because the car has

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Speaker 2: been really badly hurt because roofracks are not supposed to

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Speaker 2: be ripped off a car by a bicycle hitting a

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Speaker 2: concrete undercover car park. So anyway, I've had a very

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Speaker 2: very very bad week. That was last week, and I

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Speaker 2: pretty much cried for three days. I can't believe you're

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Speaker 2: laughing at me. But on Monday, Halloween, I finally went

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Speaker 2: and spoke to the insurers. Not insured by hospital, not

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Speaker 2: insured for the bike, but I got the car looked

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Speaker 2: at by the insurers and so we got that booked

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Speaker 2: in and then I called the bike hospital. There's a

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Speaker 2: place in Brisbane that repairs carbon bicycles, and we had

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Speaker 2: to pull the entire bike apart. But I had to.

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Speaker 2: I had to actually get in the car and drive

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Speaker 2: all the way down to Brisbane and go through this

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Speaker 2: long process with them where we're trying to work out

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Speaker 2: how badly damaged the bike is. Is it written off?

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Speaker 2: If I lost all of it, can we salvage it.

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Speaker 2: We had to go through that entire process, and while

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Speaker 2: I was there, I said, well, if we're going to

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Speaker 2: do all of this, we might as well repaint it

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Speaker 2: so it feels like it's a brand new bike when

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Speaker 2: I get it back, it's salvagible. So I decided to

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Speaker 2: spend some more money there, which I might not be

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Speaker 2: doing now that we've had this interest rate hike again.

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Speaker 2: But the whole point of this story is that you're

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Speaker 2: saying that I left you behind, but I didn't. I

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Speaker 2: was dealing with an emergency and I had to Well.

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Speaker 3: My emergency was the fact that there has been so

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Speaker 3: much pressure around this Halloween because Emily had gone to

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Speaker 3: play with some of the neighbors on Sunday and she

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Speaker 3: came home in an absolute flap because we had not

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Speaker 3: decorated that's right, and she was like, we have to

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Speaker 3: do it now. We're not going to have enough time

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Speaker 3: if we don't do it now. I said, I could

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Speaker 3: be okay. She's like, oh, you don't understand. Everybody doesn't.

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Speaker 3: And our house is the best house.

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Speaker 2: The whole neighborhood knows that our house is the Halloween

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Speaker 2: house in the Halloween Street in the Halloween suburbs.

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Speaker 3: So you disappeared.

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Speaker 2: I kind of did, But I was doing important things.

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Speaker 2: It's not like I was being negligent and abrogating my

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Speaker 2: responsibility as a as a husband and father. I was

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Speaker 2: looking after my bike, your bike. Oh, honeybun, don'teel like that,

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Speaker 2: while I and you did an amazing job the front

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Speaker 2: of the house, an amazing.

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Speaker 3: Job so that everybody knew that they could come to

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Speaker 3: our house.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So fast forward. It's the afternoon I walk in

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Speaker 2: the door. You say, oh, I've got to now vacate

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Speaker 2: the house. You're going to look after the screaming hordes,

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Speaker 2: the masses as they come through the gate asking for lollies.

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Speaker 3: Where was I going?

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Speaker 2: You were going to take one of our children to

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Speaker 2: an activity, pick her up from school, take her to

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Speaker 2: one of her after school activities, thank you, and like

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Speaker 2: a planned extracurricular activity. So I'm stuck in the driveway

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Speaker 2: and I thought to myself, I love the community aspect

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Speaker 2: of Halloween. I love the people are out and about

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Speaker 2: with their kids and their families. In fact, I've got

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Speaker 2: to just address something before I say what we did.

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Speaker 2: A lot of people say, oh, we don't look this

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Speaker 2: because what the child safety issues. So there's an amazing

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Speaker 2: podcast out there called Cautionary Tales with Tim Harford, and

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Speaker 2: he shares this incredible episode just before Halloween talking about

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Speaker 2: how there is literally not a single documented case of

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Speaker 2: any kind of foul play occurring to any children on

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Speaker 2: Halloween ever, apart from a couple of people giving kids laxatives.

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Speaker 2: That's but they got charged, They got in trouble from

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Speaker 2: the police, caused some reputational damage, and there was one

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Speaker 2: tragic story of a father who did badly by his family,

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Speaker 2: and it's a devastating, devastating story. But other than that,

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Speaker 2: this idea that our kids are at risk because they're

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Speaker 2: out and about on Halloween. He shows that statistically, they're

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Speaker 2: more likely to get hit by a car while they're

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Speaker 2: crossing the street on Halloween asking for lollies from someone

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Speaker 2: than they are experiencing any kind of foul play from anyone.

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Speaker 2: I mean, it's just it's a safe, wonderful community minded

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Speaker 2: everyone out and about having a great time kind of event.

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Speaker 2: So just had to put that out there. So I'm

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Speaker 2: in the front yard. People have to come through our

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Speaker 2: spooky gate that you've put together, and I'm thinking, I

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Speaker 2: don't want to have this transactional kid shows up. Can

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Speaker 2: I have some lollies? I stick some lollies in their

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Speaker 2: bucket and they walk away. I'm thinking that's lame. We

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Speaker 2: can do better than that. And you bought more than

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Speaker 2: twelve hundred individual pieces of candy, so I figured we

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Speaker 2: can have some fun with this. So I grabbed three buckets,

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Speaker 2: a really little one, a medium sized one, and a

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Speaker 2: really big one, and I drew a line on the

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Speaker 2: driveway with the chalk, and I got a whole bunch

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Speaker 2: of tennis balls, and I made all the kids line up,

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Speaker 2: and if they could throw the tennis ball into the

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Speaker 2: tiny bucket, they got the biggest treat we had. If

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Speaker 2: they could throw it into the medium sized bucket, they

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Speaker 2: got the medium treats that we had. And if they

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Speaker 2: could throw it into the big bucket, then they got

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Speaker 2: the littlest treats because the big bucket's the easiest one.

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Speaker 2: And then I just made them line up and I

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Speaker 2: gave them three shots, and if they couldn't get it in,

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Speaker 2: I said, oh sorry, you don't get a treat. It's

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Speaker 2: a trick. See you later. But the thing is, we

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Speaker 2: had without a word of a lie, I reckon. We

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Speaker 2: had five, six, maybe seven hundred kids come through our

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Speaker 2: front gate with their parents. Like our house was insane.

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Speaker 2: It was berserk. And I've got all these kids throwing

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Speaker 2: tennis balls. Tennis balls are going everywhere. We're just having

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Speaker 2: giving away lollies. I'm sending kids out because they couldn't

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Speaker 2: get them in. I'm bringing the top lease in.

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Speaker 3: We're screwge. You wouldn't they if they didn't get it in.

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Speaker 3: You didn't even let them take a little lolly.

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Speaker 2: But I gave them like five chances. I mean, if

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Speaker 2: some of these kids they just couldn't throw it in.

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Speaker 2: But there were toddlers, We brought them nice in clothes.

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Speaker 2: There was a little girl who came through in a wheelchair.

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Speaker 2: We gave her the opportunity to do it in a

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Speaker 2: way that she was going to succeed. I even tapped

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Speaker 2: the ball in for a bunch of kids. I was

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Speaker 2: trying really hard to give these lollies away. I didn't

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Speaker 2: want to keep it all. But I think we nailed it.

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Speaker 2: Like the kids got to a point where I was

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Speaker 2: so exhausted because for two and a half hours I

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Speaker 2: just chased balls and yelled said come on, you can

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Speaker 2: do it, and kind of giving these instructions. And after

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Speaker 2: about two and a half hours, I was like, I'm

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Speaker 2: so done, guys. We're just going to give you the lollies.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to throw the ball anymore. And the

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Speaker 2: kids are like, no, no, no, we've been lining up so

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Speaker 2: we can throw the ball. Like they literally wanted to

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Speaker 2: throw a tennis ball into a bucket to get a lollie.

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Speaker 2: They loved the challenge of having to do that rather

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Speaker 2: than the alternative. The other big story that came from

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Speaker 2: it was I don't know if I did this right

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Speaker 2: or not, but there were a couple of teenagers that

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Speaker 2: got in the front of the line at one point,

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Speaker 2: and a teenage girl I reck and she was fourteen

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Speaker 2: or fifteen. She missed threw out an F bomb, like

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Speaker 2: just bang, and I was like, did she actually say

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Speaker 2: what I think she said? And I let it go

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Speaker 2: because it was so short and so sharp and so

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Speaker 2: there was so much noise. I was not sure if

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Speaker 2: that's what she'd actually done. She had her second shot,

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Speaker 2: and this time she did it again. I just looked

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Speaker 2: at her and said, you can leave, no Wally's for you,

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Speaker 2: And she looked at me and didn't even argue. She

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Speaker 2: just walked out. She was like, yep, sorry, and she

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Speaker 2: knew that she'd overstep. Like there's kids, there's families everywhere,

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Speaker 2: and there's this kid doing that. So that was my

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Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow. Next year, we're going to have

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Speaker 2: an even better competition and even better challenge skill test

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Speaker 2: for kids. But that's what we're doing it out place

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Speaker 2: so that they can earn their sugar, they can earn

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Speaker 2: their treats, I think I absolutely nailed it, and that's

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Speaker 2: my my brilliant parenting moment. I let the kids wander

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Speaker 2: the streets without my supervision. Well, I gave a whole

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Speaker 2: lot of other like six hundred other kids lollies. What

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Speaker 2: do you think about that? Missus Wilson, and I even

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Speaker 2: made it back from Brisbane and the bike shop in

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Speaker 2: time to do it all.

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Speaker 3: You're amazing.

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Speaker 2: I do what I can. I do it again. I

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Speaker 2: wish I was amazing when I was driving with my

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Speaker 2: bike on my roof. Then I wouldn't have had to

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Speaker 2: have gone down to Brisbane in the first place. Any feedback,

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Speaker 2: are you're happy with the way that Halloween went?

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Speaker 3: Because there had been such a massive talk up about Halloween,

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Speaker 3: I was really nervous about how it would all happen

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Speaker 3: because people that the neighbors had literally said, you won't

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Speaker 3: have time to open and close the front door, like

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Speaker 3: there are just so many kids coming through, And so

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Speaker 3: I was trying to work out how we were going

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Speaker 3: to make this work. And I really loved the idea

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Speaker 3: of doing an activity just just.

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Speaker 2: To clarify in that you won't have time to open

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Speaker 2: and close the front door. There'll be so many kids

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Speaker 2: coming to this house. At one point, I reckon there

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Speaker 2: was probably fifty kids in line to throw the ball.

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Speaker 2: I mean it was relentless for two and a half,

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Speaker 2: nearly three hours.

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Speaker 3: At multiple times we had that around about that many people.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, several ebbs and.

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Speaker 3: Flows, but I was just I was blown away.

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Speaker 2: I don't think there was any ever less than ten.

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Speaker 2: Once it started. It was just on. I mean it

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Speaker 2: was it was relentless. I feel like I'm still recovering.

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Speaker 3: So I just I wanted to do something really really

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Speaker 3: low key, just so we could kind of get a

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Speaker 3: feel for it this year. But next year, I think

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Speaker 3: that what would be good is if we actually had

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Speaker 3: a few different stations so the kids weren't all waiting

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Speaker 3: for one station.

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Speaker 2: Oh well, we'll get the kids involved. We'll get our

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Speaker 2: kids involved in running those stations.

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Speaker 3: Because time and time again, the parents were like, this

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Speaker 3: is great and what I loved at one parent actually.

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Speaker 2: It was so basic though, it really was. It really was.

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Speaker 3: I was a little bit embarrassed about how basic it was.

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Speaker 3: But one parent actually said to me, she said, this

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Speaker 3: is really good idea. This kind of slows everything down

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Speaker 3: and you don't go through so many lollies, And that

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Speaker 3: wasn't our intention at all, giving away lollies. It wasn't

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Speaker 3: our intention. But slowing things down was one hundred percent

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Speaker 3: our attention. Like you said, we didn't want to do

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Speaker 3: this transactional thing. We're in this new neighborhood. We want

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Speaker 3: to meet people, we want to actually add to the

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Speaker 3: you know, the community, and it was just it was

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Speaker 3: it was just such a wonderful community vibe. And that's

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Speaker 3: what I'm loving the most about what we're striving to

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Speaker 3: achieve here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, great stuff. You were a little bit cranky

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Speaker 2: at me for letting kids leave without winning a treat,

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Speaker 2: Yeah I was, Yeah, I wasn't. I still think like,

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Speaker 2: you've got to demonstrate your skill and if you can't

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Speaker 2: get it, we'll give you more chances and they could

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Speaker 2: go to go back to the back of the line.

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Speaker 3: For me, I'd be the person standing at the front

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Speaker 3: of the line, and no matter how many chances you

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Speaker 3: gave me, the pressure is on and whenever I feel pressure,

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Speaker 3: I just will never get there. So I was that kid,

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Speaker 3: and I just it's because it's not a prize, right,

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Speaker 3: And so for me, it was all about just everybody

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Speaker 3: having a good time, and I would have preferred that

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Speaker 3: everybody walked well.

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Speaker 2: I did see you sneaking some treats to people who

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Speaker 2: I kicked out without without actually passing the skill tos.

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Speaker 2: I did see you flicking a few treats that in

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Speaker 2: that way. Maybe Yeah, all right, Hey, we've talked a

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Speaker 2: long time about Halloween. We've got about a minute and

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Speaker 2: a half left till the end of the podcast. What's

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Speaker 2: your d do better tomorrow?

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Speaker 3: Look, I, in all honesty, I've just been a little

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Speaker 3: bit out of sorts all week, and especially around bedtime

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Speaker 3: the kids. I can feel it as the end of the.

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Speaker 2: Year, end of the school years only a few weeks away.

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Speaker 3: Everybody's starting to feel a bit raddy, struggling to get

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Speaker 3: out of bed in the.

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Speaker 2: Morning, suns up later in the evening, suns up earlier

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Speaker 2: in the morning, and.

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Speaker 3: So everything is just starting to feel sluggish. And at nighttime,

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Speaker 3: the kids are going to bed later and later and later,

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Speaker 3: And this week in particular, I've just felt a little

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Speaker 3: bit frustrated because my time with you was so limited,

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Speaker 3: and at night, especially our eight year old, is the

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Speaker 3: bedtimes just creeping up and getting later and later and later,

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Speaker 3: and As a result, by the time you and I

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Speaker 3: finally get to go to bed, I'm so exhausted. I

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Speaker 3: just want to close my eyes. There's no pillow talk,

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Speaker 3: there's no time to actually be together and connect. And

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Speaker 3: as I reflected on all of the frustration and angst

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Speaker 3: that I have been feeling, and the fact that bedtime

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Speaker 3: has been getting more and more frustrating, I realized again

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Speaker 3: for the umpteenth time that while ever I have my

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Speaker 3: own agenda, when it comes to bedtime, it just pushes

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Speaker 3: everything out. It's almost like the kids can read your mind.

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Speaker 3: They know that you've got something else you want to

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Speaker 3: be doing, and they just push it every time. And

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Speaker 3: when I can just let go of that and actually go,

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Speaker 3: you know what, I'm just happy to lay here with you,

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Speaker 3: even if it takes ten minutes, things go so much smoother.

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Speaker 3: But I had to I had to get through a

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Speaker 3: really crappy week to remind myself.

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Speaker 2: I've noticed how good you've been at night in terms

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Speaker 2: of being relaxed and just walking the kids through it

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Speaker 2: bit by bit, just shepherding them as they do it

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Speaker 2: at their own pace. A quick shout out as well

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Speaker 2: to everyone at Pembroke and Adelaide where I spoke last night,

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Speaker 2: and also the Clare Valley Children's Center. I got to

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Speaker 2: hang out with them on Wednesday night. So you've done

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Speaker 2: it a little bit on your own this week as well.

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Speaker 2: It's been a kind of a tough week for you

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Speaker 2: from that perspective. The last thing that I want to

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Speaker 2: mention is November twenty eight, We've got a webinar coming

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Speaker 2: up that I think you'll love. If you are a

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Speaker 2: Happy Family's member, it's included in your membership. If you

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Speaker 2: are not a Happy Families member, I really think this

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Speaker 2: is going to be one that you will absolutely want

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Speaker 2: to get a hold of. It's called No Damage Discipline,

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Speaker 2: No Damaged Discipline. This is a webinar that's coming off

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Speaker 2: the back of the conversations that I've been having recently

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Speaker 2: about smacking on a current affair and time out and

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Speaker 2: a whole lot of other challenges that parents are having

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Speaker 2: with discipline. Everyone keeps on saying, you keep on saying

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Speaker 2: that we have to be more gentle with our kids.

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Speaker 2: We're not supposed to hit them or forcibly isolate them,

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Speaker 2: But what are we supposed to do instead? This is

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Speaker 2: the response No Damage Discipline it's a webinar on November

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Speaker 2: twenty eight. You can get all the details at the

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Speaker 2: doctor Justin Coulson's Happy Family's Facebook page. Really hope you

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Speaker 2: enjoyed our conversation today and that it's inspired you to,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, have a better Halloween next year, or

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Speaker 2: instead just just be more present for the kids and

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Speaker 2: slow things down and get that gentle shepherding happening through

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Speaker 2: the evenings of the mornings to make things happen. Only

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Speaker 2: about what five weeks to go until Christmas holidays and

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Speaker 2: we can all take a big breather. The Happy Families

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Speaker 2: podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Craig

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Speaker 2: Bruce is our executive producer and if you'd like more

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Speaker 2: andfo about no damage, this one the upcoming webinar on

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Speaker 2: November twenty eight. Please visit us at doctor Justin Colson's

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Speaker 2: Happy Families on Facebook or happyfamilies dot com do au