1 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:08,720 Speaker 1: Hello and welcome. This is episode fourteen of the Happy 2 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:11,879 Speaker 1: Families podcast. My name is doctor Justin Coulson, and this 3 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: is the podcast that's dedicated to making your family happier. 4 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:20,959 Speaker 1: In today's podcast, Discipline, we're looking at the way you 5 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,240 Speaker 1: discipline your children, what you think discipline is and how 6 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:26,479 Speaker 1: it's working for you. Oh, and what makes for the 7 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:29,920 Speaker 1: best kind of discipline. Plus a brand new segment today 8 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,960 Speaker 1: called sixty second Psychology. Today we're going to take a 9 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,480 Speaker 1: look at a study in sixty second Psychology that looks 10 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 1: at the impact of parenting style on teenager's decisions around 11 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,479 Speaker 1: four different areas pro social behavior and acting nicely, friendship choices, 12 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: alcohol and other drug use, and academic efforts. And the 13 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 1: results may surprise you. Also seven reasons punishment does not work. 14 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: We're talking about parent discipline and how we can get 15 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,800 Speaker 1: our children to act in good ways, and in three 16 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 1: minute therapy, a parent who wants to stop the cycle 17 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,720 Speaker 1: of abuse in her home. It's a challenging and important 18 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:11,039 Speaker 1: discussion for every parent to think about. That's all coming up, 19 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,800 Speaker 1: but first sixty seconds Psychology. This is a new segment 20 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: on the Happy Families podcast. So let me explain how 21 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 1: it works. I'm going to take sixty seconds to share 22 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 1: the findings of a scientific study. I'll tell you the 23 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,200 Speaker 1: research is, what they did in their investigation, what they found, 24 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:28,759 Speaker 1: what it means for you. But to keep it interesting, 25 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 1: I've only got sixty seconds to do it. And my 26 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,760 Speaker 1: sixty seconds is up. My producer Russell is going to 27 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:38,119 Speaker 1: shut me off or do something horrible to me, play 28 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 1: a sound effect or some music over the top of me. 29 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 1: Here we go, sixty seconds. Psychology starts now. A team 30 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,400 Speaker 1: of researchers from Brigham Young University looked at the way 31 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,560 Speaker 1: that parents raise their teens, and they looked at their 32 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 1: behaviors in relation to school effort, friendship choices, how they 33 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 1: treated other people, and the use of alcohol and other drugs. 34 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 1: And results showed that means who had high values and 35 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,680 Speaker 1: stuck to them had proactive parents. They were parents who 36 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,799 Speaker 1: used something called deference or reasoned difference as their parenting style. 37 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,440 Speaker 1: These were the kids that had good friendships, They treated 38 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 1: others respectfully, they worked hard at school, they stayed away 39 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,120 Speaker 1: from alcohol and drugs. They were good kids. And those 40 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 1: parents were doing something unique. This is what they were doing. 41 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,679 Speaker 1: They were saying to their kids here's the situation, here's 42 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 1: what I expect. How do you feel about it? What 43 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 1: do you see is the best way to work through it? 44 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 1: How can we problem solve and reconcile our differences? And 45 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: then they say, okay, well, I'm leaving it up to you. 46 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 1: I trust you. They deferred to their kids. But parents 47 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,840 Speaker 1: who were reactive and who were high on control had 48 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,840 Speaker 1: children whose behavior was incongruent with their professed values. So 49 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 1: in short, the kids who behaved best did it because 50 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:45,120 Speaker 1: they wanted to. 51 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 2: Sue. 52 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: That's my time up, sorry, Russell. Let me finish that sentence. 53 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 1: The kids who were doing the right thing were doing 54 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: it because they wanted to, because they had parents who 55 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 1: were proactive and who talked about stuff before it happened, 56 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,240 Speaker 1: and they supported their all time and let them make choices. Well, 57 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,360 Speaker 1: I'll do better next time, I promise. In a fortnite 58 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 1: sixty second psychology only go sixty second. Okay, so that's 59 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 1: sixty second psychology. If you miss it because I was 60 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,919 Speaker 1: really against the clock, it might be worth just rewining 61 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 1: on the podcast and listening again, because the results are 62 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: important for parents. If we want to use deference or 63 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,760 Speaker 1: reason to deference, we'll get better results. Okay, up next, 64 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 1: Why punishment doesn't work. 65 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:27,120 Speaker 3: Most children are born curious and confident. They love to 66 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 3: explore the world, meet new friends, and try new things. 67 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,200 Speaker 3: But between the ages of two and twelve, confidence often 68 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 3: drops off. Why and how can we rebuild it? Creating 69 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,200 Speaker 3: Confident Kids is an easy to read ebook for busy 70 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 3: parents where you'll discover the five biggest mistakes most parents 71 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,480 Speaker 3: make that crush their kids' confidence, and the five best 72 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 3: confidence boosters for building resilience and well being in your children. 73 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 3: Creating Confident Kids by doctor Justin Coulson at Happy Families 74 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 3: dot com dot a. 75 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast. My name is doctor Justin Coulson. Today, 76 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: punishment as discipline? Does it work? Doesn't it work? What's 77 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 1: the problem with it? Well, I hit the streets and 78 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 1: pop down to a local school. You'll hear a lot 79 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 1: of noise in the background as I talk with some 80 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: parents randomly, unexpectedly and asked them what their usual discipline 81 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 1: strategies are. I was at the school gate and here's 82 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: what they said when I asked them, what do you 83 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,760 Speaker 1: think of when you hear the word discipline? 84 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 4: At the moment? Yelling yeah, yelling, He's one of the 85 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 4: things I seem to do a lot and I try 86 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 4: really hard not to do. But yeah, that's how I 87 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 4: seem to get through. 88 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,720 Speaker 1: To her a little bit explanation. 89 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 5: We need to explain, for bearing in mind their ages, 90 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,200 Speaker 5: I need to explain to them what they've done wrong. 91 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 5: So talking, I need to talk to them. 92 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 4: When i'm what about you time out? 93 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,400 Speaker 1: They're going to go to their rooms. That's the first 94 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 1: thing that comes to mind. Discipline is time out. Oh well, 95 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,720 Speaker 1: don't do it, of course, but time yeah, yeah, go 96 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 1: to your room, think about what you've done, you know. 97 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 2: Basically discipline, giving your children boundaries and having consequences if 98 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,080 Speaker 2: they don't stay with him. 99 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: So it seems that in my very small sample, I 100 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 1: got pretty much the same responses that I normally get 101 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:17,240 Speaker 1: from parents in my workshops all over Australia. Discipline is 102 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:21,599 Speaker 1: just another word for consequences or punishments. So then I 103 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,720 Speaker 1: asked this question, what kinds of discipline strategies do you 104 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 1: think that most parents rely on? And the results probably 105 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:28,800 Speaker 1: won't surprise you. 106 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 4: Probably grounding, yeah, a lot of yelling. 107 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 5: Yeah, a lot of people do consider time out. I 108 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,360 Speaker 5: like to think that a lot of my school friends. 109 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 5: We talk to our kids and we generally explain what 110 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 5: it is that they've done wrong and remind them of 111 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 5: the choices they've got. 112 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:56,240 Speaker 1: Do you reckon that mums and dads do discipline differently, Yes, oh, definitely. 113 00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 5: Definitely, even within the same family sometimes that can. 114 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:04,440 Speaker 1: Be So what's the difference, because that was a definite Yes. 115 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 5: Yeah, sometimes, Marx, I don't know. 116 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 3: I'm pretty easy going for most of the time, but 117 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,159 Speaker 3: once it gets to the limit, I can have a 118 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:15,719 Speaker 3: bit of a yell at him, you know what I mean. 119 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 1: Screwing at him. 120 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 3: But yeah, it's mainly, you know, my best way to 121 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 3: deal with them is get to your room. 122 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 6: Okay, probably yelling, Probably time out I feel just from 123 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:36,120 Speaker 6: reading bits and pieces, but yeah, probably those two things 124 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:37,719 Speaker 6: aways helping the blue. 125 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:37,839 Speaker 1: Like. 126 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 2: Removing items that they enjoy, you know, maybe no dessert. 127 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 2: Timeouts gets changed a bit over the years. 128 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,840 Speaker 1: Sounds nasty. How did it used to be? 129 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,159 Speaker 2: I know, I got many wooden spoons broken over my 130 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 2: bottom and lots of groundings. 131 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,680 Speaker 1: There was one mum who responded completely different to the. 132 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,960 Speaker 6: Others leadership and its. 133 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 1: That's a really unusual response. Most people say yelling. 134 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 6: No, I don't like yelling for me or my kids. 135 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: And I think this mum is on the money. See, 136 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 1: most parents think discipline and punishment are the same thing, 137 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 1: but they're not. Punishment means hurting someone because we don't 138 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,960 Speaker 1: like the way they've acted, we make them pay a price. 139 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 1: Punishment is about retribution, not rehabilitation. Discipline, however, is about 140 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 1: teaching and guiding and instructing and problem solving. The emphasis 141 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 1: with discipline is not on getting someone in trouble and 142 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 1: making them pay a price because we don't like what 143 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 1: they've done. It's about guiding them through a useful, positive 144 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: thinking process and helping them to solve problems so that 145 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 1: they can act in good ways. Now, I've got a 146 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,800 Speaker 1: list of seven reasons that punishment is bad for our children. 147 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: The first one is that it's just bad for our relationship. 148 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: Children who grow up being punished consistently don't have good 149 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 1: relationships with their parents as a general rule, because we 150 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 1: don't like people that punish us. But we know from 151 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 1: lots and lots of research that kids need to have 152 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 1: strong relationships with their parents. That's what leads to resilience, 153 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 1: that's what leads to happiness in life, and that's what 154 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 1: they really need from us. Punishing our children is bad 155 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 1: for our relationship. The second thing, punishment teaches power and coercion. 156 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 1: It's one thing to get people to do the right 157 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: thing just because they want to do it. It's another 158 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 1: thing altogether to use your power to make them do it. 159 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,760 Speaker 1: And punishment is a form of control. It's overt and 160 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:42,079 Speaker 1: explicit control, and that it just leads to less optimal outcomes. 161 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 1: Plus it teaches kids that that's how they can get 162 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,040 Speaker 1: things done as well. So kids who are punished a 163 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 1: lot at home tend to be the same children who 164 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,280 Speaker 1: may bully in the playground, or may bully their siblings 165 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 1: or their neighbors. There can be a little bit of 166 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,839 Speaker 1: a problem there, okay. The third thing, punishing your children 167 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,839 Speaker 1: atually reduces your influence. You've got lots of influence when 168 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 1: you're there, but not so much when you're not. Think 169 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: about the policeman down the road. He's got lots of 170 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 1: influence while ever he's visible, everyone slows down. But as 171 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:14,720 Speaker 1: soon as you've gone past that policeman and his influence 172 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 1: is no longer nearby, chances are you're not going to 173 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: be quite so cautious in keeping the speed limit. Hitting 174 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:25,360 Speaker 1: or punishing your children reduces your influence. Here's the fourth thing. 175 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: Punishing your children actually ignores the reasons for the behavior. 176 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,560 Speaker 1: And I've spoken a lot about this in my podcast 177 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 1: and in my seminars. Our kids are behaving in challenging 178 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,720 Speaker 1: ways not because they've woken up this morning and decided 179 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,080 Speaker 1: that they're going to be ratty and horrible. It's because 180 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,960 Speaker 1: there's something going on in their world that's challenging them, 181 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 1: and this is how they're displaying their difficulty in coping 182 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: with the challenge. When we punish our children, we ignore 183 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 1: the need that is driving the challenging behavior. It's like 184 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 1: a band aid, a very painful and happy band aid 185 00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: that we put over our children's behavior. But five, Punishing 186 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: your children actually has an impact on their comprehension of 187 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 1: what is good and bad. There's a lot of morality 188 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: mixed up with punishment. The more we punish, the more 189 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 1: they start to wonder what's okay and what's not. The 190 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: more we punish, the more it can impact on their 191 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 1: capacity to think through things and have a healthy perspective. 192 00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:26,439 Speaker 1: It can actually affect the way they perceive what is 193 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:29,080 Speaker 1: good and bad because where the parents, and we're apparently 194 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 1: doing something good by doing something bad to them. It 195 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,839 Speaker 1: sends a very big mixed message. Punishment's only a quick fix. 196 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,360 Speaker 1: Is the sixth reason that it's a problem. It doesn't 197 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,040 Speaker 1: really last want that we want our kids to regulate 198 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:43,079 Speaker 1: their behavior for the right reasons, not because we're standing 199 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,680 Speaker 1: above them with a big stick metaphorically speaking. Of course, 200 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,120 Speaker 1: it's a quick fix. We get a short term outcome, 201 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: and that is all. And the last thing is punishment 202 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:55,120 Speaker 1: makes kids sneakier. It pushes unwanted behavior underground. When we 203 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:56,680 Speaker 1: say to our children, don't you ever let me catch 204 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: you doing that again, they say to us, don't worry, dad, 205 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:01,800 Speaker 1: you lever catch me doing that again. I'll be much 206 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 1: sneakier next time. Now, this summary of seven reasons that 207 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 1: punishment doesn't work based on decades of scientific evidence, which 208 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,439 Speaker 1: pretty much collectively says that punishing our children and controlling 209 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: them when they behave in challenging ways does not lead 210 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 1: to optimal outcomes, except for the very brief quick fix 211 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:22,320 Speaker 1: that we might sometimes get. I did allude to that earlier, 212 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 1: But of course it doesn't really ever lead to anything 213 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: easy because we've got to deal with all of the dramas. 214 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 1: The kids whine and moan when we start to come 215 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 1: in with these punishments as discipline, it just doesn't work. Oh. 216 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 1: By the way, you know when I said it was 217 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,400 Speaker 1: a quick fix, I should point you to George Holden's 218 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:41,160 Speaker 1: experiment in twenty fourteen. He studied corporal punishment hitting in 219 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,680 Speaker 1: the home. He found that in seventy four percent of cases, 220 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,679 Speaker 1: children who were hit by their parents as punishment were 221 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 1: back at their challenging behavior in less than ten minutes. 222 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,680 Speaker 1: It was a pretty short term outcome. I chatted with 223 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: parents and as in how effective all long lasting those 224 00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 1: disciplined strategies were not real good. They seem to do 225 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 1: it a lot, and they don't stop. That's all right. 226 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:06,319 Speaker 5: No time out works sometimes. 227 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,080 Speaker 1: I don't. The yelling doesn't get us anywhere. It's yelling is. 228 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,839 Speaker 3: Just more of a release for yourself, you know what 229 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:14,160 Speaker 3: I mean. 230 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: You just you've had an af stop and that's it. 231 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 6: I'm not sure it's not something we've necessarily explored. Perhaps 232 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 6: time out might be effective because it might give a 233 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:27,200 Speaker 6: child time to process what if explained to why the 234 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:30,080 Speaker 6: timeout is happening. Perhaps it gives them chance to think 235 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 6: about what they've what they've been putting in time out for. 236 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 6: But I'm to be honest, I'm not really sure. 237 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,200 Speaker 1: First they get upset, but then I understand. 238 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,480 Speaker 4: And that's what I've said about discipline and having to 239 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:42,439 Speaker 4: understand it. 240 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:43,559 Speaker 1: Well. 241 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:47,040 Speaker 2: I know time out works for my children, and certainly 242 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:50,000 Speaker 2: the idea of no Netflix for a week is a 243 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 2: good motivation to stay within the boundaries. 244 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 1: Perhaps most important, I asked how things felt when those 245 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,000 Speaker 1: discipline strategies were used. 246 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:03,280 Speaker 4: It's unpleasant at first because you see your child upset, but. 247 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 1: You obviously know it's for calls and you'll. 248 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 4: Learned from them. It gets very stressful, I know from 249 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,840 Speaker 4: my experience that's what's going on at the minute. Yeah, 250 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:19,040 Speaker 4: it's just not working. So trying to think of a 251 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,840 Speaker 4: lot of other things how to deal with certain things 252 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 4: that are going on. 253 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,439 Speaker 2: Oh frustrating. But that's parenting, isn't it. You've got to 254 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:26,479 Speaker 2: give them those boundaries. 255 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 1: So what should we do instead? Here are five ideas 256 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 1: to help make your family happier and improve your child's behavior. 257 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 1: First of all, we've got to be in each other's 258 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 1: worlds more. Now I know that you actually when they're 259 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 1: challenging you don't want to be anywhere near them, and 260 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,560 Speaker 1: you want to send them away from you. But what 261 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 1: they need is they need to be close. At the 262 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 1: times where they need our love the most, they ask 263 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 1: for it in the most uncivil ways. They need us 264 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 1: to be close to them. We need to read books 265 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:53,880 Speaker 1: with them, or invite them into the kitchen to help 266 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,320 Speaker 1: with the cooking, or just go and play some games 267 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,360 Speaker 1: on the ground or in the backyard with them. Do 268 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,079 Speaker 1: something to them, ask them questions, get involved in each 269 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:09,640 Speaker 1: other's worlds. That's what stops problem behavior. Secondly, understand things 270 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:13,240 Speaker 1: from your child's perspective. See we often say to our children, 271 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 1: would you cut that out? Your being a pain? What 272 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,079 Speaker 1: do you think the universe revolves around you? What we're 273 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 1: really saying is you're being quite difficult. What do you 274 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 1: think the universe revolves around me? Don't be silly, It 275 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:29,320 Speaker 1: revolves around me. Why is our child acting up? Are 276 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,160 Speaker 1: they jealous of a new sibling? Are they feeling lonely? 277 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 1: Are they hungry or tired or angry or stressed or sick? 278 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: Just sit and be patient and listen. Eventually they'll tell 279 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,600 Speaker 1: you if you listen and observe. The third thing you 280 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,040 Speaker 1: do when your children are challenging you is you do 281 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:47,200 Speaker 1: everything you can to not punish them. You teach them. 282 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 1: When a child can't read, we don't get them in 283 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 1: trouble for it. We just teach them how to read. 284 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,160 Speaker 1: When a child can't swim, we don't get them in 285 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,200 Speaker 1: trouble for not being able to swim. We teach them 286 00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,880 Speaker 1: how to swim. And when a child can't why his shoelacers, 287 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 1: we don't get angry at him and say, for goodness sakes, 288 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,560 Speaker 1: you're going to your room until you can tie your shoelaces. 289 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,760 Speaker 1: We sit down on the floor and we teach him. 290 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: And when a child can't behave in ways that we 291 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: approve of, we tend not to teach. Instead we punish. 292 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 1: But what we need to do is teach with love. 293 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 1: Discipline means teaching and guiding and instructing. I mentioned that before. 294 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 1: We don't do that by hitting and punishing. We do 295 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,280 Speaker 1: it by talking and problem solving. Here's the fourth thing 296 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 1: we can do. We can actually do the problem solving 297 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: it and the way we do this is pretty simple. 298 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:35,840 Speaker 1: The best way to discipline effectively is to wait until 299 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,320 Speaker 1: children have calmed down and we've calmed down, and then 300 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 1: invite them to problem solve around the issue. Just ask them, 301 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 1: because of this problem, what do you think we should do? 302 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: Get our kids' ideas on how they can stop being 303 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,280 Speaker 1: so angry or hurting their siblings or lying or stealing 304 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 1: or whatever it is that they're doing. Get them to 305 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,000 Speaker 1: tell you. And the last thing that I want to 306 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: mention is remember that they're just kids. Once sort of 307 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 1: children get to four or five, they can start to 308 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 1: understand a bit more about the world around them. But 309 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 1: while they're little, they really really struggle with that. They 310 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 1: can be capable of being incredibly awesome, but sometimes we 311 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 1: become really intolerant of their mistakes and their challenging behaviors, 312 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:23,640 Speaker 1: and in becoming intolerant, we often say to them things 313 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,080 Speaker 1: like I'm not asking that much. I just want you 314 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 1: to be perfect. I want you to stop doing this, 315 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,040 Speaker 1: because then you'll be perfect. Our children are not perfect, 316 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 1: and neither are we. We need to help them to 317 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:37,960 Speaker 1: grow up with kindness and compassion and understanding and love. Now, 318 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 1: making these changes is probably not going to make your 319 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: children perfect. That just doesn't happen. But it can and 320 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,280 Speaker 1: it will improve their behavior, and it can and it 321 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,920 Speaker 1: will make your family happier now. Earlier, there was one 322 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,200 Speaker 1: mom who said that discipline for her was about teaching 323 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 1: and guiding and leadership. She was the one mom who 324 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,680 Speaker 1: had a slightly different definition of discipline to everyone else. 325 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 1: And it's more in line with what I'm sharing here now. 326 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,600 Speaker 1: What I asked to how that was working? Here is 327 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,600 Speaker 1: what she said in terms of your explanations and leadership 328 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: and guidance and that strategy for discipline, how's that working 329 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:09,200 Speaker 1: for you? 330 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:13,679 Speaker 6: Seems to be working quite well because it gives the 331 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 6: kids a chance to question why we do things, and 332 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:22,240 Speaker 6: it gives us time to discuss I suppose why we 333 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,000 Speaker 6: do certain things in the way that we do them. 334 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,960 Speaker 1: So with that in mind, what can you do? That's 335 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,680 Speaker 1: my question for you right now? What one thing can 336 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:35,440 Speaker 1: you do to approach discipline differently and focus on discipline 337 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: as teaching rather than discipline as punishment. I'd love to 338 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,960 Speaker 1: hear your answer. Leave your response at happy families dot com, 339 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:45,000 Speaker 1: dot slash podcast slash fourteen as in the number fourteen. 340 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,399 Speaker 1: Let me know what you think up next three minute 341 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,320 Speaker 1: therapy and a mum who is determined to stop the 342 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:54,600 Speaker 1: cycle of abuse in her family. 343 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:58,879 Speaker 7: Are you endlessly nagging, shouting, pleading, threatening and demanding that 344 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 7: your children behave Do you live in a dictatorship where 345 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,880 Speaker 7: the kids are in charge? Time Out is Not Your 346 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,600 Speaker 7: Only Option is an ebook with discipline strategies and ideas 347 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,600 Speaker 7: that work, and they work without you carrying a load 348 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,160 Speaker 7: of parental guilt around all day. No more yelling, threatening, 349 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 7: bribing or timeouts. From day one, You'll notice the difference 350 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,200 Speaker 7: in your children, and they'll notice the difference in you. 351 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:24,720 Speaker 7: Time art is Not Your Only Option by doctor Justin Coulson, 352 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,560 Speaker 7: Available as an ebook and an audiobook at Happyfamilies dot 353 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:29,520 Speaker 7: com dot au. 354 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast. I'm doctor Justin Coulson. This 355 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 1: is the issue for one mum who's been in touch. 356 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,399 Speaker 1: She says this, Hi doctor Justin. I'm a mother of five. 357 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,959 Speaker 1: My children are aged from nineteen through four, and I'm 358 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,720 Speaker 1: struggling with the younger two who are from my second partner. 359 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 1: I'm a single mom. I don't get much family help 360 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,960 Speaker 1: and I've had to cope with a lot of mental abuse. 361 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 1: My four year old is impatient. He doesn't like being 362 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,920 Speaker 1: told no. He throws things, and he hits and kicks 363 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 1: if he doesn't get what he wants. He pulls my 364 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,680 Speaker 1: hair and he laughs when I get angry. His father 365 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,920 Speaker 1: has anger issues. He throws things and punches his head 366 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,640 Speaker 1: when he's angry. He also swears and calls me names 367 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: and makes me cry afterwards. He shows no empathy. And 368 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,160 Speaker 1: the kids have watched this unfortunately, I'm thinking that they 369 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,520 Speaker 1: think if dad does this, to moment must be okay. 370 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,560 Speaker 1: So for to three minute therapy, here is my brief 371 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,959 Speaker 1: three minute response. I do remind you that my answers 372 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,439 Speaker 1: for three minute therapy are general, and it may be 373 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:28,120 Speaker 1: worthwhile going and getting some specific and specialized help if 374 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,119 Speaker 1: you're in a situation that requires it. There are at 375 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,000 Speaker 1: least four contributors to what's going on here with this 376 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,600 Speaker 1: little boy's challenging behavior that are immediately obvious. The first 377 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:41,200 Speaker 1: is that his understanding of the situation is really limited. 378 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:45,440 Speaker 1: When life is unpredictable, or if he feels insecure or unsafe, 379 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,640 Speaker 1: whether it's emotionally or physically, he's likely to lash out. 380 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,439 Speaker 1: He's afraid, he's sad, he's upset. The second thing is 381 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,680 Speaker 1: that he's still quite young, so there are a number 382 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,080 Speaker 1: of developmental milestones that still need to be reached. I 383 00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 1: mentioned this earlier, but up until the age of five, 384 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 1: he's not really going to take the perception of other 385 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,680 Speaker 1: people particularly well before about the age of eight, he's 386 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 1: going to struggle to regulate his emotion and his behavior. 387 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,600 Speaker 1: I mean, I have some adults struggle with that. There 388 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:14,240 Speaker 1: are strategies for working through these developmental difficulties, but we'll 389 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,800 Speaker 1: discuss them in just a sec The third reason that 390 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:20,439 Speaker 1: he's probably behaving like this is it's a big challenge. 391 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,680 Speaker 1: Our children copy us much more than they listen to us. 392 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,960 Speaker 1: So this little boy has models of aggression who teach 393 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,720 Speaker 1: him to behave with anger and violence when unhappy, then 394 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 1: that example is going to be far more strong, far 395 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 1: more salient to him than all of the teaching that 396 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,920 Speaker 1: we might provide verbally. And he's getting it from dad 397 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,399 Speaker 1: by the sounds of things, and he may also be 398 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,919 Speaker 1: getting it from a mum who's on her own and 399 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,280 Speaker 1: doesn't have any support and who's stressed out. And the 400 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 1: fourth and final thing that I mentioned now is that 401 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:51,600 Speaker 1: when our kids throw these tantrums, when they have these fits, 402 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:55,000 Speaker 1: when they behave in anti social ways where it's hitting 403 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,160 Speaker 1: or kicking or punching or throwing things or whatever it is, 404 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,240 Speaker 1: they're normally getting some kind of feedback that they at 405 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,520 Speaker 1: least a little bit rewarding in some way. So how 406 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,880 Speaker 1: do we deal with this damage. I think that he's 407 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 1: actually acting in perfectly understandable ways based on the challenging 408 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,919 Speaker 1: circumstances that he's experiencing. But we want some solutions to 409 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,480 Speaker 1: help him to act in better ways in spite of 410 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,640 Speaker 1: the circumstances. Here's a couple of suggestions. The first thing, 411 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,480 Speaker 1: and this is advice that I don't like to give, 412 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 1: but I'm going to mention this straight up. In the 413 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,840 Speaker 1: last ten to twenty years, researchers have discovered that what 414 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:30,760 Speaker 1: was previously poorly understood about fathers is now well understood. 415 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: That kids need their dads. Kids who are raised in 416 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: a home where they experience regular and consistent and stable 417 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,800 Speaker 1: caregiving of a father thrive, And even if dad doesn't 418 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,520 Speaker 1: live at home, if he can have a positive presence 419 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:47,480 Speaker 1: in their lives, it powerfully impacts their well being. However, 420 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,639 Speaker 1: if dad is not safe, then his presence can have 421 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:57,200 Speaker 1: a negative and even a devastating impact on children's outcomes. 422 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,920 Speaker 1: It's not appropriate for me in this podcast to prescribe 423 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:06,880 Speaker 1: what you should do about your previous partner's presence in 424 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,919 Speaker 1: your lives. But I will just say this, in abusive 425 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:14,720 Speaker 1: or dangerous situations, there are sometimes where we need to 426 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:19,640 Speaker 1: make difficult decisions. Okay, what else can we do? Discipline? 427 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,000 Speaker 1: I've written about this extensively on my blog, I've talked 428 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,040 Speaker 1: about it on the podcast, I've got articles all over 429 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 1: the internet about it, and I've also written about it 430 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,680 Speaker 1: in a lot of detail in my new book, twenty 431 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,520 Speaker 1: one Days to a Happier Family. So, because of time 432 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,159 Speaker 1: limits with three minute therapy, I'm not going to say 433 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,120 Speaker 1: much here. Instead, go and have a look at twenty 434 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:37,800 Speaker 1: one Days to a Happier Family. You'll get everything you 435 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 1: need about discipline. But this four year old needs discipline 436 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: number two Preparing and pre arming for the future. Proactive 437 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 1: parents act before problems rather than reacting after problems. So 438 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,200 Speaker 1: I would be saying, focus on teaching them as best 439 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,800 Speaker 1: you can before there's an issue, so that when the 440 00:22:56,840 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 1: difficulty arises, he knows what your expectations are and he's 441 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,240 Speaker 1: prepared to act in line with those good values. The 442 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:07,320 Speaker 1: third thing that I'd mentioned is a just expectations. There's 443 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,840 Speaker 1: no short term fix for these challenges. Expectations need to 444 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,639 Speaker 1: be in line with our children's development, and he's just 445 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,560 Speaker 1: not going to act as maturely as the bigger kids 446 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,200 Speaker 1: when he's upset. He actually can't. So we need to 447 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 1: make sure our expectations are in line with our children's 448 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:25,160 Speaker 1: development developmental capacity so that they can act in good ways. 449 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:31,080 Speaker 1: The most important every child needs secure stable relationships, So 450 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:35,000 Speaker 1: be emotionally available for him, pay attention, really good quality attention, 451 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:38,239 Speaker 1: and listen. Just be a safe space. It's stability and 452 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,200 Speaker 1: safety and limits and love that are the central ingredients 453 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:46,080 Speaker 1: for raising a resilient and strong and caring and responsible son. 454 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,359 Speaker 1: And now this particular environment makes that challenging. But with focus, 455 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,120 Speaker 1: we can work through those challenges and actually get some 456 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,439 Speaker 1: really good outcomes. That's the best that I've got for 457 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,399 Speaker 1: three minute therapy. There's obviously a lot more that we 458 00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,480 Speaker 1: could talk about with that situation, but I hope that's 459 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 1: helpful and hopefully it's applicable to a lot of parents 460 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,720 Speaker 1: who are trying to just make their families safer and 461 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:04,600 Speaker 1: happier places. 462 00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,200 Speaker 3: Parenting is the most important thing we will ever do, 463 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,760 Speaker 3: so it's important that we get it right, but with 464 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,960 Speaker 3: so much pressure, demands and advice, it's hard to know 465 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,240 Speaker 3: what our children really need. Using the very best scientific 466 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,520 Speaker 3: research and then turning it into an easy to read 467 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,680 Speaker 3: book and CD, What your Child Needs from You helps 468 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:26,800 Speaker 3: you connect with, understand, and teach your children in meaningful ways. 469 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:30,280 Speaker 3: What your Child Needs from You by Doctor Justin Coulson 470 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,320 Speaker 3: is the parenting book that offers the solutions to make 471 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 3: you a better parent and help your family to be happier. 472 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,600 Speaker 3: Available in paperback or CD at happy families dot com 473 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:40,159 Speaker 3: dot AU. 474 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,520 Speaker 1: Okay, that's it for the Happy Families podcast for this fortnight. 475 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. I hope that it 476 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 1: makes you family happier and that it helps you to 477 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: grow as a person man as a parent. If you've 478 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,960 Speaker 1: enjoyed the podcast, you'll find the outline and the show 479 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,280 Speaker 1: notes resource links happy families dot com dot a U 480 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 1: slash podcast slash fourteen as in the number one fourteen, 481 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,040 Speaker 1: and there's some social media links to share it as well. Look, 482 00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:05,080 Speaker 1: I've got to ask you a favor. If you have 483 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,119 Speaker 1: been listening to the podcast and enjoying it, it's my 484 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 1: mission to help families be happier right around the world 485 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,359 Speaker 1: and to do that, I think that it would be 486 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,960 Speaker 1: great if this could be the number one podcast for 487 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:19,160 Speaker 1: families on iTunes. Would you please just pop onto iTunes 488 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,960 Speaker 1: and rate the podcast for me. The more ratings the 489 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,680 Speaker 1: podcast gets, the more people see it, and the more 490 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,960 Speaker 1: people can subscribe and participate in the podcast. In fact, 491 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,960 Speaker 1: if you haven't subscribed already, please subscribe. You can get 492 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,040 Speaker 1: it straight to your phone as soon as it arrives 493 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,840 Speaker 1: in iTunes every fortnight. Once again, I'm really grateful to 494 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:41,480 Speaker 1: you listening, Thank you for participating in the podcast. Another 495 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:44,480 Speaker 1: one in a fortnight for you. Until then, remember that 496 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:46,119 Speaker 1: you don't have to be the best parent in the world. 497 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,640 Speaker 1: You just have to be the best parent in your 498 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,000 Speaker 1: child's world.