WEBVTT - MINI: Couldn't Turn It Off

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<v Speaker 1>iHeart Podcasts.

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<v Speaker 3>Got anything good?

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<v Speaker 4>Hey, this is the Christian O'Connell Show Podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Today's show, we must take stories about you couldn't turn

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<v Speaker 2>it off. A friend of mine, his smart TV... has

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<v Speaker 2>been stuck on for two days. He's unplugged it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's still on. Ghost TV? Yes. I've never heard of it.

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<v Speaker 1>He's tried Googling it. There's no... How can it be.

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<v Speaker 5>On if the power source isn't there?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. It's self-generating. The machines are taking over.

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<v Speaker 1>They're coming. It starts with a smart TV. The TV's

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<v Speaker 1>too smart for us. It won't turn off. Oh, that's crazy.

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<v Speaker 1>It's on. It's been on with no power. It's scaring him.

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<v Speaker 6>I guess of all the appliances you wouldn't mind being

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<v Speaker 6>left on forever, maybe the TV's all right compared to

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<v Speaker 6>like an oven.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you're right. There's a great of it, but it's

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<v Speaker 1>the start of something. I don't like it.

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<v Speaker 2>Aaron Sorkin's going to be writing his next movie about this.

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<v Speaker 1>So we're looking for your stories. What couldn't you turn off?

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<v Speaker 1>Has this happened to you?

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<v Speaker 6>Yes, when I used to live in Sydney in Newtown

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<v Speaker 6>in this little share house, there were three of us

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<v Speaker 6>crammed into a share house that should have only been

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<v Speaker 6>two people. but it had really, really, really high ceilings.

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<v Speaker 6>And the smoke alarm, you know when the smoke alarm

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<v Speaker 6>is running out of batteries?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, yeah.

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<v Speaker 6>And there was no way.

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<v Speaker 2>It only starts doing that the moment you go to sleep.

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<v Speaker 2>It sees you lie down. It never starts to speak

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<v Speaker 2>to you that it's empty during the day.

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<v Speaker 6>And it obviously had enough batteries to annoy us for

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<v Speaker 6>literally weeks because we had a real estate agent that

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<v Speaker 6>was bloody useless and wouldn't fix it. And it was

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<v Speaker 6>so high up that there's actually no way you could

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<v Speaker 6>possibly get to it.

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<v Speaker 1>What do you need, the cherry picker or the scissor lift?

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<v Speaker 1>How can it get up there? I don't know. Ladder

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<v Speaker 1>upon ladder being like the anthill mob.

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<v Speaker 6>We tried tying like two brooms together and it still

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<v Speaker 6>wasn't tall enough. So we just had to essentially not

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<v Speaker 6>sleep for about two weeks.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, lovely. And pay for that privilege. And pay for

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<v Speaker 1>the privilege, yes. And they finally got one out. It

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<v Speaker 1>was nuts. Patsy, what's your story about you couldn't turn

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<v Speaker 1>it off?

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<v Speaker 5>We couldn't turn our oven off for over 24 hours once.

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<v Speaker 5>The knob of it broke, so it didn't have a

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<v Speaker 5>stop point. You know, it goes up to like 12

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<v Speaker 5>o'clock and it will turn off.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, a little bit heavy-handed with that. What do

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<v Speaker 1>you mean it just broke off?

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<v Speaker 4>Well, it did.

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<v Speaker 5>It's pretty old, so we had to take– the love

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<v Speaker 5>god and I had to take shifts to watch it because–

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<v Speaker 5>We were frightened.

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<v Speaker 1>That the house was going to be damaged.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like the primal days when there was always the

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<v Speaker 2>firekeeper who would watch the fire during the night. It's

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<v Speaker 2>the idea of Chris, the love god, your husband, just

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<v Speaker 2>sat pulling up a chair, just staring into an oven.

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<v Speaker 5>It was stinking hot too.

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<v Speaker 1>It was summer.

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<v Speaker 5>It was so hot.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so dangerous.

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<v Speaker 5>You couldn't get it off.

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<v Speaker 1>Really dangerous.

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<v Speaker 5>It was awful.

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<v Speaker 1>What couldn't you turn off?

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<v Speaker 2>Chris, she reminds me of a Friends episode where Phoebe

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<v Speaker 2>can't dismantle a fire alarm. She ends up throwing it

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<v Speaker 2>down the garbage chute. Morning to Scott. Couldn't turn it off, Christian,

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<v Speaker 2>30 years ago when I started to drive trucks at

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<v Speaker 2>a job carting soy sauce in my tanker. The soy

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<v Speaker 2>sauce is the star. Think about the color, the viscosity,

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<v Speaker 2>and that is the word, friends, viscosity.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't know they moved them in giant tankers. Soy sauce.

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<v Speaker 2>The company was moving locations from an old place to

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<v Speaker 2>a new place.

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<v Speaker 1>Got to shift all that soy sauce.

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<v Speaker 2>The old place had a pump with a 20 meter

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<v Speaker 2>lead to a switchboard, which was inside a narrow hallway.

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<v Speaker 2>And then like a cupboard, which was difficult to get

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<v Speaker 2>into already.

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<v Speaker 1>The scene is set. It's like a trap. We're springing.

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<v Speaker 1>We're spring load of the trap right now. We're winching up.

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<v Speaker 2>The hose came over a fence.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like an Acme thing you brought me. The Acme

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<v Speaker 1>came over a fence.

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<v Speaker 2>Uh, the Acme, uh, the hose came over a fence

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<v Speaker 2>and I was parked on a quiet street with no

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<v Speaker 2>one around, but literally on the side of the road. Uh,

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<v Speaker 2>I hooked up the hose from the pump to my

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<v Speaker 2>tank and walked inside to commence the pumping. Came back

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<v Speaker 2>and there was no pumping, so we saw through. This

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<v Speaker 2>could happen when there was an airlock and I needed

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<v Speaker 2>a little bleeding to get the sucking on the way.

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<v Speaker 2>I backed off the connection, nothing. I made my next release,

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<v Speaker 2>I just... randomly releasing various levers. Anyway, my hand must

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<v Speaker 2>have slipped. The hose came off. The outlet pointing straight up. Suddenly,

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<v Speaker 2>there was litres and litres of soy sauce. I had

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<v Speaker 2>trouble turning the pump off. Hundreds of litres spraying everywhere

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<v Speaker 2>and into my face. I had to wrestle the soy

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<v Speaker 2>sauce activated hose back on the connection whilst under pressure

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<v Speaker 2>of pumping at me.

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<v Speaker 1>I was drenched in soy sauce.

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<v Speaker 2>And also two trees on the nature strip were blackened. Luckily,

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<v Speaker 2>I had a pair of spare overalls to wear home

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<v Speaker 2>at fair time. It took me ages in the shower

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<v Speaker 2>to get that kind of tar-like stuff off me. That

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<v Speaker 2>goes for Scott. Thank you for sharing that, Scott. We've

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<v Speaker 2>got Catherine here. Catherine, what couldn't you turn off, mate?

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<v Speaker 4>We couldn't turn off our hot water tap.

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<v Speaker 6>Our hot water tap.

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<v Speaker 4>Hot water tap burst in the bathroom. My flatmate ran

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<v Speaker 4>in screaming. The hot water's bursting out. I've chucked on

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<v Speaker 4>the gumboots, run in. The whole bathroom's filled up with steam.

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<v Speaker 4>Couldn't see into the bathroom cupboard to turn everything off.

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<v Speaker 4>Steam's filled up the apartment. We've set off the smoke alarms.

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<v Speaker 4>We've evacuated the building. There was 500 of us standing

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<v Speaker 4>in the street. Fire brigade, two engines turned up, and

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<v Speaker 4>we're standing there drenched, sort of walking through the crowd

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<v Speaker 4>trying to explain, you know, our hot water had burst

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<v Speaker 4>and a lovely Saturday afternoon for everyone.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, my God.

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<v Speaker 2>Well done for actually owning up that it was you.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to get quiet. Because people have real lack

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<v Speaker 2>of empathy when they're inconvenienced.

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<v Speaker 4>The gumboots and looking like a drowned rat.

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<v Speaker 1>Gave it away. Gave it away.

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<v Speaker 2>Either that or that's her thing. Let's not judge. Catherine,

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<v Speaker 2>thank you very much for the story, mate.

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<v Speaker 1>Have a good day. All right, we're looking for your stories.

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<v Speaker 1>You couldn't turn it off.

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<v Speaker 6>Stephen.

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<v Speaker 1>Good morning. Good morning, Stephen. Welcome to the show. What's

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<v Speaker 1>your story? You couldn't turn it off.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh, look, we had one of these, I'll call it,

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<v Speaker 3>it's an acne version of Tickle Me Elmo or one

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<v Speaker 3>of those spooky monster kind of dolls. And my sister,

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<v Speaker 3>it was a sister's revenge for sure because we couldn't

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<v Speaker 3>turn the damn thing off. It haunted us for days

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<v Speaker 3>and days and days and even weeks on end.

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<v Speaker 2>Is that intern Pete stuck in the system?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, absolutely.

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<v Speaker 3>And I try to attack the thing. I've turned into

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<v Speaker 3>a serial killer, I think.

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<v Speaker 1>Stephen versus Elmo. Nightmare on Elmo Street.

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<v Speaker 3>You used to have this stupid singing voice.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was shocking.

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<v Speaker 3>So I used to sing something like, you know, Fisher, Fisher,

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<v Speaker 3>where are you? Anyway, I ran it over with a car.

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<v Speaker 1>Things escalated real quick.

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<v Speaker 2>And good morning to all the kids on the school

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<v Speaker 2>run back at school.

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<v Speaker 3>We ended up, he went with the garbage man. The

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<v Speaker 3>voice box went with the garbage man.

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<v Speaker 1>It was the.

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<v Speaker 3>Only way we could turn him off.

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<v Speaker 1>He went with the Garbo. Gone with the Garbo.

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<v Speaker 2>Stephen, I'm going to give you a $ 250 voucher for

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<v Speaker 2>Chemist Warehouse. That was a brilliant story, really well told.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you. Cheers for that.

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<v Speaker 3>Cheers, guys.

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<v Speaker 1>The Christian O'Connell Show. Go on. Podcast.