Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on Cut.
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany and I'm Keisha filling in for Laura today
Speaker 2: because very excitingly, I mean, there's kind of this whole
Speaker 2: other side. I know that everyone who listens to the
Speaker 2: podcast knows that Laura has Tony made.
Speaker 1: A double life. Yeah, she fully has a double life, and.
Speaker 2: I do think that very excitingly Tony may drops two
Speaker 2: collections a year. Today just so happens to be one
Speaker 2: of those days where she's dropped a brand new collection
Speaker 2: and a little bit of insight into you know, how.
Speaker 3: This little team works. I don't know how the hell
Speaker 3: Laura does it.
Speaker 1: We don't know how the hell we work at all,
Speaker 1: full stop, Like we don't know. We scratch our hands
Speaker 1: every single week.
Speaker 3: Every single time.
Speaker 2: But part killie when I consider that Laura has two
Speaker 2: completely separate businesses.
Speaker 3: She also has two young children. Like I just I
Speaker 3: genuinely I don't know when the woman sleeps.
Speaker 1: A Kisha has stepped on him for her And we
Speaker 1: love having you, hear keys. You always happen to fall
Speaker 1: on a Thursday, though, don't you? It never falls on
Speaker 1: a Tuesday.
Speaker 2: I know, and I feel a little bit gypped, because
Speaker 2: not that I don't love asking, don't get me wrong.
Speaker 2: The reason that I mostly feel a bit gypped is
Speaker 2: because usually on a Thursday, we don't do Accidentally Unfiltered
Speaker 2: or the brand new segment confessionals, even though I'm often
Speaker 2: the one who will read your messages on Instagram and
Speaker 2: kind of say, oh, this person sent in this hilarious
Speaker 2: accidentally unfiltered.
Speaker 3: Anyway, someone has sent in a confessional.
Speaker 1: Basically, what you're trying to say. She's basically trying to say,
Speaker 1: is you want your time to shine, you want to
Speaker 1: read a confessional. I can tell no, I don't want
Speaker 1: my time to shine.
Speaker 3: I want my.
Speaker 2: Time to share. Because sometimes I'm not even joking. I
Speaker 2: would just be sitting there. When I used to have housemates,
Speaker 2: I used to know that they hear me just start
Speaker 2: cracking up laughing from my bedroom, and they would be like,
Speaker 2: she's reading messages for work, She's reading those things that
Speaker 2: people send in. Someone sent in a confessional that actually
Speaker 2: had me gasping for air. I was laughing that hard
Speaker 2: at and I would love to share it if I'm
Speaker 2: allowed to, even though it's a Thursday.
Speaker 3: I want to break the rules.
Speaker 1: Before you share it, I want to ask you something.
Speaker 1: I want to know, how has this week been for you?
Speaker 1: Because it's Freedom Week in New South Wales. You more
Speaker 1: than anyone you have had every lockdown in Australia, I
Speaker 1: think because you just moved around. How did you feel
Speaker 1: about it?
Speaker 2: What did you get up to a bit of context
Speaker 2: about that is that I went through the whole Victorian
Speaker 2: lockdown last year, which was an absolute shit show and
Speaker 2: a half. So for any of our Victorian listeners, I
Speaker 2: feel you because I was there with you and listening
Speaker 2: to Laura talk about how, you know, coming out of
Speaker 2: lockdown she actually felt for the first time that she
Speaker 2: had a little bit of social anxiety. I really really
Speaker 2: know what she was talking about, but for me, it
Speaker 2: happened last time. So I went through the Victorian line
Speaker 2: and then I went into hotel quarantine. And when I
Speaker 2: came out of hotel quarantine, I was like, this doesn't
Speaker 2: make any sense to me. I'm such an extroverted person.
Speaker 2: I've been locked up for literally months and I feel
Speaker 2: so weird being around people. I feel like I don't
Speaker 2: want to make plans, I don't want to go out
Speaker 2: and socialize. And it was really really odd this time around.
Speaker 3: I was at the pub on Monday night. You were
Speaker 3: like straight out there.
Speaker 2: I was honestly like, where can I have my first
Speaker 2: sip of a beverage in a venue surrounded by people?
Speaker 2: And I went to the Clavelli Hotel, which is a
Speaker 2: couple of suburbs down. I could hear all of these
Speaker 2: men that had just been like having drinks together. They
Speaker 2: were a bit drunk, and I saw these really young
Speaker 2: boys with Vogka raspberries in their hands, and I was like, ah,
Speaker 2: nature is healing.
Speaker 1: What was the general vibe? Were people just frothing or
Speaker 1: were people still like people cautious of COVID? Like could
Speaker 1: you see? Was there like a feeling of people not
Speaker 1: really knowing how to act normal, like they've been keipt
Speaker 1: up for too long?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I mean I think that there's quite a few mixed opinions.
Speaker 2: I've definitely spoken to some of my friends that have
Speaker 2: been like, I'm not ready to go out yet, Like
Speaker 2: I just I still am a little bit worried. I
Speaker 2: guess for me, I kind of have a bit. Maybe
Speaker 2: I feel a little bit more secure because you know,
Speaker 2: I am jabbed and I'm kind of like Yeah. Cool,
Speaker 2: Like risks are a lot lower and I'm ready to
Speaker 2: get back out there and do my fang.
Speaker 1: Yep, get back on the horse. What you really mean
Speaker 1: is it's time to get back on the dating scene.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm absolutely ready for my hot girl summer. The
Speaker 2: one thing that has been a little bit disappointing about
Speaker 2: this freedom week is that all of a sudden, the
Speaker 2: weather has turned to shit. And I mean like it's
Speaker 2: raining and cold, and it's just raining all day for
Speaker 2: the next week.
Speaker 3: So it's put a little bit.
Speaker 2: Of a dampener, quite literally on the spirits.
Speaker 1: It's always like I didn't want to give you everything
Speaker 1: all once. It's like we don't want to give you
Speaker 1: complete freedom, like we still want to semi keep you inside.
Speaker 1: So here is a downpour.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think something that we'll be keeping the numbers
Speaker 2: down is the fact that no one wants to go
Speaker 2: outside right now. But I have a question that is
Speaker 2: so important brit that I need your wisdom and I
Speaker 2: need your advice on well.
Speaker 1: Like this is ask I'm card I give my wisdom
Speaker 1: out every Thursday. What do you need to know?
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't know if you because you've only been
Speaker 2: back in Australia for a little bit. Blueberries have been
Speaker 2: weirdly cheap for quite some time. Blueberries and strawberries you
Speaker 2: can get them for like two dollars a punnet, and
Speaker 2: I have been eating upwards of a punnet a day. However,
Speaker 2: I have a question for you. This particular punnet of
Speaker 2: blueberries that I have just gone to eat, I've opened
Speaker 2: and I must have had them for maybe three days.
Speaker 2: They've been sitting on the bench, so I haven't refrigerated them.
Speaker 2: One of them has mold on it.
Speaker 1: Oh, you want to know if i'd eat the other ones?
Speaker 2: Do you If one of the berries has mold on it,
Speaker 2: can you just discard that blueberry?
Speaker 3: Slush strawberry? It's happening in both punnets.
Speaker 2: Can you just get rid of that one and the
Speaker 2: rest of fine? Do you eat the rest of the
Speaker 2: punnet or do you throw the whole thing away?
Speaker 1: This is actually a good question. This has happened to
Speaker 1: me before with strawberries. It happens with that as well,
Speaker 1: because sometimes you'll just get like one really bad strawberry
Speaker 1: and the other ones are Okay, I think what I
Speaker 1: think at this point of my life. Okay, in the
Speaker 1: olden days in my youth when I was a sprightly
Speaker 1: young thing with no money.
Speaker 3: When you were poor and you couldn't afford to buy
Speaker 3: another punnet, and.
Speaker 1: I was poor and like a young unichhoodent and you
Speaker 1: know you don't have because I used to be like
Speaker 1: six dollars upun it, I probably would have just Okay,
Speaker 1: when I say probably, I did. You just throw the
Speaker 1: bad one out and you eat the rest. You give
Speaker 1: them a rinse, You give them a rinse under the water,
Speaker 1: just to be sure. But now I just wouldn't do it.
Speaker 1: If there's one that's moldy, I just couldn't. I would
Speaker 1: just think that there is mold on the other ones
Speaker 1: that might be so small and significant that I can't
Speaker 1: see it yet, and it just freaks me out. And like,
Speaker 1: I'm not at a point now where I have to
Speaker 1: eat moldy food, like I can. I can throw it out.
Speaker 2: And it must be nice to be at the point
Speaker 2: where you don't have to eat the moldy blue bear.
Speaker 1: It's a really great place to be in live. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I would probably not eat the mold if there
Speaker 1: was something in there that was moldy and just be
Speaker 1: in the bin for me. What. I feel like you
Speaker 1: are going to eat it.
Speaker 2: Look now that I'm actually making my way through the
Speaker 2: entire punnet, I've just picked out three that have mold
Speaker 2: on them. Still, there's some that are really nice and
Speaker 2: firm and taught, and I'm like, that one looks great.
Speaker 1: Nah, chuck them.
Speaker 3: I'm going to risk it to get the biscuit.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if I'm in the point where
Speaker 2: I have to worry about how expensive blueberries are.
Speaker 3: Firstly, they're very cheap at the moment.
Speaker 2: Secondly, I'm earning money, so like, my life isn't that dire.
Speaker 1: But Keisha, you live in Bondai Beach. You've got it.
Speaker 1: You've got a job, and you just said the pannet
Speaker 1: of blueberries was two dollars. Throw the punnet out. It's
Speaker 1: got mold on it. I will shout you a new
Speaker 1: punnet it's on me.
Speaker 2: Oh, that one's got a lot of mold on it. Yeah, No,
Speaker 2: I think this punnet's done.
Speaker 1: There is a bit. I'm literally feeling sick as I
Speaker 1: look at this. She's holding them up to me, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm like, woman, are we not paying you enough?
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 1: Let me hear it? What is your confessional keche.
Speaker 3: Oh, I forgot. I haven't even told you yet.
Speaker 2: Okay, this has got me so excited. Thank you for
Speaker 2: welcoming me to the brand new segment. If you have
Speaker 2: a confessional, please slide on into the DMS at Life
Speaker 2: Uncut podcast on Instagram. We get a lot of messages
Speaker 2: where people are like, I don't know where to send this.
Speaker 3: Just send it, just type the message.
Speaker 1: It's also funny because every episode we tell you were
Speaker 1: to send it and people go, hey, is this where
Speaker 1: I send it?
Speaker 3: I'm like, yes, girl, right here, drop it in. Okay.
Speaker 3: This one had me literally in stitches laughing.
Speaker 2: I was out one night and ended up back at
Speaker 2: a guy's house for drinks. All the guys were around
Speaker 2: the fire and I went to the bathroom to check
Speaker 2: myself out. I was totally wasted. My makeup was absolutely nowhere.
Speaker 2: I hadn't fake tanned or really prepared for the night
Speaker 2: as it was spontaneous and look, I knew I wasn't
Speaker 2: looking my best. I thought I could fix the situation
Speaker 2: if I could just find a little bit of foundation
Speaker 2: or maybe some bronza.
Speaker 1: In this man's bathroom.
Speaker 2: Yeah, in this guy's bathroom hoping this guy had a sister.
Speaker 3: I started looking in the bathroom drawer and cupboard.
Speaker 2: I couldn't find anything except for some better dean.
Speaker 3: I don't know what came to me, but I proceeded
Speaker 3: to rub the dark yellow antiseptic solution all over my body.
Speaker 2: Trying to give myself that bronzed, glowy, freshly face tanned look.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I went back outside and danced by the fire all night,
Speaker 2: looking like someone who had a bad case of jaundice.
Speaker 3: I hope no one could smell me.
Speaker 1: I don't understand. Okay, so just before we get into this,
Speaker 1: because this has to be unpacked for anyone that doesn't
Speaker 1: know what better dean is. It's like that antiseptic that
Speaker 1: you put on a cut or a wound, or that
Speaker 1: can be better than garb, or that you mix me
Speaker 1: water for a sore throat, and it's like it's like
Speaker 1: a deep, rusty red color, Like it's very distinct smell
Speaker 1: and a very distinct color.
Speaker 3: So I'm and it stains too, and it's stained.
Speaker 1: So I'm assuming everyone knows what better it in is.
Speaker 1: Now to unpack this, what the actual fuck were you thinking?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Wow? And also betting usually comes in like really small containers.
Speaker 1: How did you think there's enough of that to rub
Speaker 1: on your body and make it look like a faked hand? Like,
Speaker 1: I'm so confused.
Speaker 3: She must have been so drunk that stuff is concentrated.
Speaker 3: A little bit goes a long way, Britt. I mean,
Speaker 3: maybe she's the type of girl who also.
Speaker 2: Would eat the moldy punet of blueberries because.
Speaker 3: Maguiva up some fake tan fors.
Speaker 1: And okay, I don't I would have been out. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't straight out of it. I would have I don't know,
Speaker 1: because okay, you put it on your body, you put
Speaker 1: it on your face for blush, like trying to look
Speaker 1: like you've got this tan. You definitely look like you've
Speaker 1: got a disease. And then you go out to the
Speaker 1: fire and act like nothing happened. You're like, hey boy,
Speaker 1: it's just had to freshen up in the bathroom. How
Speaker 1: did no one notice?
Speaker 3: She goes out and they're like, are you experiencing liver failure?
Speaker 2: Because right now you are yellow. You look like a
Speaker 2: Simpsons character. You should have just been a homer like
Speaker 2: backing into the bush away being like I have made
Speaker 2: a mistake.
Speaker 1: I think I need to take you to the hospital.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that was so good. This is why
Speaker 1: this this is why this new segment is so brilliant,
Speaker 1: because there are things that you think no one would
Speaker 1: ever I ever do, And I'm sure you've never told
Speaker 1: anyone that story. So thank you so much for sharing
Speaker 1: that with us. Keep those coming in, all right, Should
Speaker 1: we get into some questions?
Speaker 3: Yep, let's jump into some questions. Ah.
Speaker 2: This first one I have for you, brit very very juicy,
Speaker 2: and I just want to remind everyone that this is
Speaker 2: a real person.
Speaker 3: Okay, so before you.
Speaker 2: Get your judgment on, this is a real person and
Speaker 2: we need some kindness.
Speaker 1: I mean, just so you guys know, they're all real
Speaker 1: people every week and you're gonna see why I needed
Speaker 1: to remind you of this though.
Speaker 2: Okay, I've turned into someone I never thought I would.
Speaker 2: I'm getting married in three months, but I've been sleeping
Speaker 2: with someone I work with for two months.
Speaker 3: I love my fiance. I want to be with him.
Speaker 2: We have our life together, we want to start a family.
Speaker 2: He is so amazing and so is our life. I've
Speaker 2: been sleeping with a guy I work with for two
Speaker 2: months who is also married with two kids.
Speaker 3: It's the best sex I've ever had.
Speaker 2: There's definitely feelings there beyond sex for both of us,
Speaker 2: but I know I need to end it with him
Speaker 2: and focus.
Speaker 3: On my partner.
Speaker 2: We both agree we need to end it and want
Speaker 2: to stay with our current partners. My question is, how
Speaker 2: do we end it when it's hard to walk away
Speaker 2: from the sex and the connection that we have.
Speaker 3: Do we just stop talking or do we.
Speaker 2: Slowly cut it out of our lives? Please help me
Speaker 2: figure this out, since I know you'll probably ask. We
Speaker 2: both still have sex with our partners, but for me,
Speaker 2: there is definitely a sexual chemistry lacking, and I feel
Speaker 2: like my partner doesn't want sex as much as I do.
Speaker 2: I really really don't want to end things with my
Speaker 2: current partner. I haven't told anyone about this, and it's
Speaker 2: been really hard not being able to talk to my
Speaker 2: friends about it. I hope I can get some of
Speaker 2: your help.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, what are you doing? Girl? I feel
Speaker 1: so sorry, not for you, but for your fiance. That
Speaker 1: is who I feel really sorry for. This is a
Speaker 1: really shitty situation, and it's obviously very hard for you
Speaker 1: because you've developed feelings for someone else. But the only
Speaker 1: reason you've developed feelings for someone else is because you've
Speaker 1: allowed yourself to develop those feeling You've put yourself in
Speaker 1: a situation where you have become close and intimate with
Speaker 1: someone else that's not your fiance. And we all know
Speaker 1: that sex isn't ever just sex for women or very rarely,
Speaker 1: we get these dopamine hits and it becomes an addiction
Speaker 1: and we feel very intimate and close, and these connections
Speaker 1: form even if you don't want them to. Your question
Speaker 1: here is you're saying that you know you need to
Speaker 1: be with your partner and you need to end things
Speaker 1: with this person, and it should How do you end it?
Speaker 1: Should it be a soft fade out? Can you keep
Speaker 1: the contact? No? Like it's not a soft fade. This
Speaker 1: has to end if you want to be with your partner.
Speaker 1: I mean, a this shouldn't have happened. But I don't
Speaker 1: know what else is going on in your life. Obviously
Speaker 1: there's something that's not quite right, because that's why you've
Speaker 1: gone to seek out someone else. If you want this
Speaker 1: relationship with your fiance to work, you need to one
Speaker 1: hundred percent end this, and I think you need to
Speaker 1: cold turkey it. You just end it. You don't soft fade.
Speaker 1: You don't cut down to sleeping together once a week,
Speaker 1: you don't contact each other anymore. He has a wife
Speaker 1: and kids, like he has a whole whole family. On
Speaker 1: the flip side of this, if you're saying, like, we
Speaker 1: just have this real connection and if you think it's
Speaker 1: going to be hard to pull away from this other
Speaker 1: person that you're having in an affair with, then I
Speaker 1: don't think you should marry your fiance. Like, I don't
Speaker 1: think you're in the right situation. Because if you have
Speaker 1: these really strong feelings for someone else and you're saying,
Speaker 1: I don't know how I'm going to keep him up
Speaker 1: and we have this real connection, then I don't think
Speaker 1: you're marrying the right person. So I think that you've
Speaker 1: got to really make a decision. If you know you
Speaker 1: want to be with your fiance like you're saying, then
Speaker 1: this shouldn't be hard for you. You need to cut it
Speaker 1: and give everything you have to your fiance. And I
Speaker 1: know that this might not be what you want to hear.
Speaker 1: And I think deep down you already know the answer.
Speaker 1: I think you really do. I think you know what's right,
Speaker 1: and you think you know what we're going to say.
Speaker 1: But I think you want to hear somebody else tell you.
Speaker 2: Well, that was why I actually like at the start
Speaker 2: of this, I said, I just want to remind everyone
Speaker 2: that this is a real person who is experiencing this,
Speaker 2: because I'm not in any position to stand on a pedestal,
Speaker 2: point the finger and say you're doing the wrong thing,
Speaker 2: because you like the reality is cheerity know that she is,
Speaker 2: and you know she doesn't need us to kind of
Speaker 2: stand here and berate her about that. But the question
Speaker 2: that you've asked is how do I stop this? And
Speaker 2: I think that realistically, if you work with this person,
Speaker 2: that you're kind of I guess what I'm reading between
Speaker 2: the lines is that is that you feel so sexually
Speaker 2: attracted to this person that you don't really trust yourself
Speaker 2: around them because you kind of let this innate desire
Speaker 2: take over.
Speaker 3: When you're in their presence.
Speaker 2: I think you need to put things in place so
Speaker 2: that you're not in their presence. So, whether that be
Speaker 2: that you are not alone together ever at work, if
Speaker 2: you somehow find a way to implement that, or I'm
Speaker 2: obviously you're going to have to have this conversation with
Speaker 2: this other person. But as you've said, he also wants
Speaker 2: to remain with his partner. It sounds as though you
Speaker 2: need to put some actual physical boundaries in place, and
Speaker 2: if that's not able to be done, it might mean
Speaker 2: that you have to leave your job.
Speaker 3: It might mean that you.
Speaker 2: Have to kind of go that is who I used
Speaker 2: to be, and I don't want that for myself. I
Speaker 2: don't want that for my life with my partner that
Speaker 2: I do want to be completely dedicated to and I
Speaker 2: do want to be committed to, And if that's what
Speaker 2: has to happen, then maybe you need to look at
Speaker 2: that as an option, because it's sounding like you will
Speaker 2: already feel guilt about the situation, and perhaps you can
Speaker 2: try and rewire your brain so that when you're around
Speaker 2: this person that you have been cheating with, maybe it's
Speaker 2: good for you to picture something like the look on
Speaker 2: your partner's face if they were to find out. Picture
Speaker 2: what would happen if it was on your wedding day
Speaker 2: and all of a sudden, this information got released to
Speaker 2: everyone in front of you. And I think that if
Speaker 2: you can try and associate feelings like that with this
Speaker 2: other person that you're cheating with, I think that those
Speaker 2: feelings of that chemistry and that sexual desire could quite
Speaker 2: quickly be quashed because what you have writing on the
Speaker 2: line is so much more than just this innate desire
Speaker 2: to have sex with this person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but also like, just have some self control, Like, honestly,
Speaker 1: if you are I really I do believe this, and
Speaker 1: I know there's always temptations in relationships, and for the
Speaker 1: rest of our life, you're always going to have an
Speaker 1: attraction to someone else. We're humans. You're always going to
Speaker 1: look at someone and be like, damn surety, like you're
Speaker 1: a babe.
Speaker 3: That's so normal.
Speaker 1: But if you can't, if you cannot have any self
Speaker 1: control around someone that you think is attractive, I don't
Speaker 1: think you're in the right relationship. And I'm not having
Speaker 1: to go at you personally. This goes for any relationship.
Speaker 1: If you marry someone and you're saying I want to
Speaker 1: spend my life with them, and they are of the
Speaker 1: understanding that you two are exclusive and you don't have
Speaker 1: an open relationship, then that is something you really need
Speaker 1: to commit to an honor and think about because maybe
Speaker 1: that isn't the life you want deep down, maybe you're
Speaker 1: really comfortable. I also want you to keep in mind
Speaker 1: that it is a really normal thing when you're in
Speaker 1: a long term relationship for the sex to change. It's
Speaker 1: you don't have that same animalistic feeling where you want
Speaker 1: to be all over each other like you do at
Speaker 1: the beginning of a relationship. It's different. You still want
Speaker 1: to have sex and you love makings different and your connections,
Speaker 1: but it's not the same as it was. And what
Speaker 1: you're feeling now with this person is a level of excitement.
Speaker 1: You're doing the wrong thing. You're sneaking around. He's feeling
Speaker 1: the same thing too, because he's sneaking around behind his
Speaker 1: wife and his children's back. If you were in a
Speaker 1: long term relationship with this person too, the sex would
Speaker 1: probably end up exactly the same as it is with
Speaker 1: you now. It would also die down the same as
Speaker 1: it has with his relationship. So I think that that's
Speaker 1: really important, something really important to think about. And I
Speaker 1: know a lot of people that have written it in
Speaker 1: the past, and a lot of people we've spoken to
Speaker 1: have said that this is what's happened. They have met
Speaker 1: someone and they've left their partner for this person because
Speaker 1: it was just like this all consuming feeling that they'd
Speaker 1: never had before, and the sex was amazing and they
Speaker 1: just wanted to be with each other all the time.
Speaker 1: And after a couple of months, six months, they realized
Speaker 1: very quickly that it was a moment in time and
Speaker 1: it was more about the situation and it wasn't necessarily
Speaker 1: the connection was not this deep seated connection where they
Speaker 1: were soulmates. So I think you really need to sit
Speaker 1: down and just ask yourself what you want. And if
Speaker 1: you don't want to marry your partner, that's actually okay
Speaker 1: like that, there is nothing wrong with that. You just
Speaker 1: need to decide why you're making these decisions. So think
Speaker 1: about what it is that's driving you to be with
Speaker 1: someone else. Is there more going on at home? But
Speaker 1: if you really really want to be with your fiance,
Speaker 1: then like for me, it needs to end. There's no
Speaker 1: slow fade off with this person you're having an affair with.
Speaker 1: It just needs to end. I would just have one
Speaker 1: last conversation with him and say I'm absolutely committed to
Speaker 1: my relationship and this we cannot have any communication anymore,
Speaker 1: and then that's it. That's it. You just have some
Speaker 1: self control.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think what you were saying about the whole
Speaker 2: forbidden fruit vibe is very real. Like when you feel
Speaker 2: like you're doing something that's a bit naughty and it's
Speaker 2: so exciting, you know, we get addicted to that dopamine hit,
Speaker 2: that rush of like this is such a thrill. So
Speaker 2: I very much agree with you in that sense, and
Speaker 2: I think that it's probably best you have said that
Speaker 2: you haven't told anyone about this. I actually think that
Speaker 2: this is the type of thing that would be really
Speaker 2: good for you to unpack with a psychologist, just so
Speaker 2: that you can have that accountability. You know, these people
Speaker 2: are trained professionally for this, and I think that if
Speaker 2: you do have someone that you can go to that
Speaker 2: is such a trusted source, like a professional psychologist, that
Speaker 2: might actually help you keep yourself on track, because right
Speaker 2: now it sounds like you need someone to be accountable to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you definitely need to have someone to talk to.
Speaker 1: And I know I understand this is something that you
Speaker 1: don't want to speak to your friends or anyone about,
Speaker 1: but it's important that you are going through something that
Speaker 1: is pretty heavy and it's a big weight on your
Speaker 1: shoulders and it is confusing, and I don't think it's
Speaker 1: the sort of thing you should ever have to keep
Speaker 1: just to yourself. So absolutely, if there's someone that you
Speaker 1: can reach out to and share this with and work
Speaker 1: through it. I think that that's one hundred percent what
Speaker 1: you should do. Yeah, and before, I'm just still thinking
Speaker 1: about it. Before. I don't want it to sound like
Speaker 1: I'm just having to go with this girl, because I
Speaker 1: know people that have been in this kind of situation
Speaker 1: before that have done the wrong thing in their relationship,
Speaker 1: and there's always more to the story. It's never just
Speaker 1: like I want to be a horrible person and do
Speaker 1: the wrong thing to my partner. There is always more
Speaker 1: going on. But that is why I just think it's
Speaker 1: important you talk to someone about it and work out
Speaker 1: what you really want.
Speaker 2: I wholeheartedly agree with you, Britt. We are not here
Speaker 2: to put judgment on everyone. We've all got our demons
Speaker 2: and we've all fucked up before, so I'm not gonna
Speaker 2: point the finger at anybody.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, so, let's jump into question number two. Okay,
Speaker 1: question number two. I'm eight weeks into a new relationship
Speaker 1: with an absolutely amazing guy. We are super compatible in
Speaker 1: so many ways. He treats me like a goddess, he's
Speaker 1: done sexy, and he's just a genuinely great human. He's
Speaker 1: the first guy in my seven years of dating that
Speaker 1: I have felt there might actually be a future with,
Speaker 1: and I really want to give it my all. But
Speaker 1: because there's always a butt when it comes to our beliefs,
Speaker 1: we are very very different. He is religious, He's Christian,
Speaker 1: he takes his faith very seriously, whilst I consider myself
Speaker 1: to be more spiritual. I was raised Christian, but I
Speaker 1: don't agree with a lot of the teachings now, so
Speaker 1: I just no longer follow it. There are certain elements
Speaker 1: of Christianity, particularly around LGBTI matters that I will never
Speaker 1: agree with, and I know that he and I will
Speaker 1: never see eye to eye on He knows where I
Speaker 1: stand and claims to be okay with it, but I
Speaker 1: worried that might not always be the case. So my
Speaker 1: question is, do you think you can be with someone
Speaker 1: long term who fundamentally holds very different views and beliefs
Speaker 1: to you?
Speaker 3: Woo.
Speaker 2: Usually I'm a bit of a let's play two sides
Speaker 2: of the coin here, but for this I have a
Speaker 2: very very clear answer. But I do think the answer
Speaker 2: is from my perspective. I do not think that you
Speaker 2: can be with someone where you have different belief systems.
Speaker 2: So whether that be your political views, whether that be
Speaker 2: your religious.
Speaker 3: Views, whatever it might be.
Speaker 2: The way that you see the world to me is
Speaker 2: a really really important thing. And this actually I grew
Speaker 2: up in a situation quite similar to this.
Speaker 3: As I was a kid.
Speaker 2: My dad became very religious. And it wasn't the thing
Speaker 2: that broke up my parents, but it kind of was
Speaker 2: the thing that broke up my parents because it impacts
Speaker 2: the way that you see so many different aspects of
Speaker 2: the world, and I think it really impacts the way
Speaker 2: that you want to raise your children as well. Though
Speaker 2: I'm not religious, but I have dated someone whose father
Speaker 2: was the pastor of a church, and I remember thinking
Speaker 2: at the time, this could be a really big issue
Speaker 2: for us if we end up having children. I don't
Speaker 2: want my children to be baptized. I don't want them
Speaker 2: to be christened. I don't want them to go to
Speaker 2: church because I don't believe in that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3: But he really would have.
Speaker 2: And it was again, it wasn't the thing that broke
Speaker 2: us up, but it was definitely something in the back
Speaker 2: of my mind that I was like, this is something.
Speaker 3: That maybe I should be taken a little bit more seriously.
Speaker 3: And now that I'm older.
Speaker 2: I very much think that it is so important to
Speaker 2: be aligned on those kinds of things.
Speaker 1: Look, I agree, I do think you one hundred percent
Speaker 1: need to be aligned with where you see your life going,
Speaker 1: how you want to raise kids, the things that you
Speaker 1: can talk about, the things you can support and believe,
Speaker 1: your political agenda, all of the above. Like, it's very
Speaker 1: important that you're sort of on the same wavelength. Do
Speaker 1: I think you can be with someone with differences. I do.
Speaker 1: I do think you can, but only if they're not
Speaker 1: to the extreme. Only if you can both say like, cool,
Speaker 1: well I believe this and you believe that, And that's
Speaker 1: just how it's going to be. Neither of us are
Speaker 1: going to push our agenda on each other. We're still
Speaker 1: going to be able to independently do what we want
Speaker 1: to do and believe in what we want to believe in.
Speaker 1: There is a way that that can work. I mean,
Speaker 1: I dated someone I'm not religious, and I dated someone
Speaker 1: for two years I was a Muslim, and you know,
Speaker 1: we were in love and we talked often about what
Speaker 1: the future would look like and he never actually tried
Speaker 1: to push anything on me, which is the only reason
Speaker 1: it worked. But where you start to come unstuck in
Speaker 1: these kind of relationships is and you're only eight weeks in,
Speaker 1: so you might not have had these conversations yet. But
Speaker 1: where you come unstuck is when children come into the picture,
Speaker 1: because it changes the rest of your life, and it's
Speaker 1: all day and it's every day, and it's very important
Speaker 1: that you're raising them how you want to raise them.
Speaker 1: So if you don't agree on that, and if it's
Speaker 1: the difference between them going to church or not going
Speaker 1: to church or anything else that comes along with your religion,
Speaker 1: then it's going to be a problem, whether you want
Speaker 1: to admit it or not. So I think that it's
Speaker 1: hard for you. It's really early days, so maybe you
Speaker 1: need to have the conversation. I couldn't be with someone
Speaker 1: and you brought up that there's a problem with LGBTI
Speaker 1: if my partner didn't or wasn't supportive of gay marriage
Speaker 1: or he was homophobic, that for me is a deal breaker.
Speaker 1: It just one hundred percent is I'm so passionate about
Speaker 1: it that for me, it's too much of a difference.
Speaker 1: And it sounds like that's an issue in this because
Speaker 1: you've specifically singled that out.
Speaker 3: But I also think that this could.
Speaker 2: And I hope I'm not projecting my own beliefs onto you,
Speaker 2: because I would consider myself to be quite an outspoken
Speaker 2: and quite quite full on in terms of the political space.
Speaker 3: So for me, it's.
Speaker 2: Really important that I would be with someone that had
Speaker 2: the same views as me.
Speaker 3: Maybe if you.
Speaker 2: Were more like a moderate person in things like, you know,
Speaker 2: religion and political beliefs, that kind of thing, they kind
Speaker 2: of go hand in hand, they cross over a lot.
Speaker 2: Maybe if you are a little bit more moderate, this
Speaker 2: wouldn't be as big of an issue to you. But
Speaker 2: you have said in your message to us that you will.
Speaker 2: You know, you're never going to agree or see ey
Speaker 2: to eye on some things like LGBTI matters. So I
Speaker 2: think that for this one, you need to firstly work
Speaker 2: out how big of an issue this will be for you,
Speaker 2: and then have a think about, oh, well, you know,
Speaker 2: is it better to just nip it in the bud
Speaker 2: now because this is not going to change We've got
Speaker 2: very different political and religious beliefs.
Speaker 3: Or is it that important to you.
Speaker 1: I know in eight weeks you've been with it for
Speaker 1: eight weeks, and I know because I fell in love
Speaker 1: with Jordan in eight weeks. I know that you can
Speaker 1: have really strong feelings for someone in that short amount
Speaker 1: of time. Absolutely, but it's definitely easier to extract yourself
Speaker 1: from a situation that you know is not going to
Speaker 1: work now than one year or two years in. So
Speaker 1: I think if you know that you have those feelings now,
Speaker 1: don't just put a band aid on it and keep going.
Speaker 1: I would front up and deally with it now.
Speaker 2: Brick question for you, how would you feel now, However,
Speaker 2: many months into being with Jordan if you found out
Speaker 2: he voted no to the gay marriage debate, Like so
Speaker 2: it is to add that on the end, if you
Speaker 2: found out he voted no to the gay marriage plebiscite.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm very lucky I've been with him almost
Speaker 1: a year now, but I'm very lucky that I know
Speaker 1: he didn't and I know he's very supportive of that.
Speaker 1: But it would, honestly, I would, really I would discuss
Speaker 1: with it. I'd have to have a discussion and say, hey,
Speaker 1: do you still feel that way? I know you've voted
Speaker 1: for that, but do you still feel that way? And
Speaker 1: is that the way you're going moving forward? And I
Speaker 1: don't think I could be with him there's too many
Speaker 1: people in my life that I love very very dearly
Speaker 1: that that would affect. So I just couldn't support it.
Speaker 1: I don't think I could be with it. It's just
Speaker 1: one of those things that I feel very very strongly about.
Speaker 3: I very much see what you mean.
Speaker 2: It's like, there's so many memes about this when it's
Speaker 2: like if you fall in love with someone and then
Speaker 2: find out that they have official in their Instagram handle,
Speaker 2: I feel like this is an actual, real one where
Speaker 2: it's like, ah, if you fall in love with someone
Speaker 2: and then find out that they're a secret homopholk.
Speaker 1: If you fell in If you fell in love with
Speaker 1: someone and then you found out they ate moldy blueberries,
Speaker 1: would you stay with them?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: I would say they're very resourceful and they could be
Speaker 2: bear grills if.
Speaker 3: We're out in the wilderness.
Speaker 1: But this is again like this is very individual to you.
Speaker 1: It's only if something matters to you that strongly that
Speaker 1: is going to affect you. So for a lot of people,
Speaker 1: what might not matter. But you've said it's obvious an issue.
Speaker 1: It's on your mind enough to write into us. So
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I have the conversation with him and
Speaker 1: really decide if it's what you want your future to
Speaker 1: look like.
Speaker 3: Rightyh okay?
Speaker 1: Question number three.
Speaker 3: Question number three.
Speaker 2: This one very topical right now because of some international
Speaker 2: travel restrictions apparently being lifted. Very excited with recent years
Speaker 2: of international travel resuming in the near future. When a
Speaker 2: couple of my friends and I met recently, we started
Speaker 2: dreaming of our future travels. I have traveled with one
Speaker 2: of these friends before, but not the other. The friend
Speaker 2: I have traveled with before I would love to travel
Speaker 2: with again. But I can't imagine traveling with the other friend,
Speaker 2: despite knowing her most of my life, because I already
Speaker 2: know that I would be really annoyed by her, and
Speaker 2: I don't want that to affect our friendship. When we
Speaker 2: caught up recently, both friends said that we should plan
Speaker 2: a trip for the three of us next year. They
Speaker 2: were both so excited. I just smiled and didn't comment.
Speaker 2: If they bring it up again, how do I ap
Speaker 2: approach the fact that I don't want to travel with
Speaker 2: one of them?
Speaker 3: Oh, this is so awkward.
Speaker 1: This is pretty awkward, but okay. So the first part
Speaker 1: of me wants to say, you don't have to do
Speaker 1: anything you want to do. You don't have to go
Speaker 1: on a trip. This is your money that you're spending,
Speaker 1: and you have waited a long time, like, of course
Speaker 1: you want to have an amazing time, and of course
Speaker 1: you want to go wherever you want to go and
Speaker 1: make sure you're having fun. On the other hand, they're
Speaker 1: obviously very good friends, and it's a bit of a
Speaker 1: tricky one because what other reason would you give them
Speaker 1: that you wouldn't want to go with them. Have you
Speaker 1: thought that maybe you guys could go on a trip
Speaker 1: and do whatever you want to do. Maybe you could
Speaker 1: go on your own trip for a little while or
Speaker 1: with another friend, and you could all just meet up
Speaker 1: for a week somewhere. Maybe you could say, I really
Speaker 1: want to go and tack these places off. Let's all
Speaker 1: meet for sale Croatia and do a week together in Croatia.
Speaker 1: And I'm sure if she's your lifelong friend for a
Speaker 1: week or two somewhere, that's so amazing. Where there's more people,
Speaker 1: it's not just you guys, I'm sure you'd have a
Speaker 1: really amazing time. So there's definitely ways around it. And
Speaker 1: I I think when I thought about this, this is
Speaker 1: the way I would approach it. I would say, go
Speaker 1: and do what you want to do. Maybe there's someone
Speaker 1: else you can go with as well, maybe it's another friend,
Speaker 1: and then you guys can all meet up for like
Speaker 1: this one or two weeks in the middle. What do
Speaker 1: you reconcasion?
Speaker 2: I think you and I are both in the very
Speaker 2: fortunate situation where we're both traveled a lot. And one thing.
Speaker 2: I remember this being such a big thing for me.
Speaker 2: I was so specific about who I traveled with, and
Speaker 2: a lot of the time that meant I traveled by myself. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: I have never had a friendship end because of traveling together,
Speaker 2: but boy have I heard some stories of friendships crumbling
Speaker 2: under the pressure. The one question I would ask myself
Speaker 2: before I would consider traveling with a friend of mine
Speaker 2: was how do they react when things don't go to plan?
Speaker 2: Because I think that is the best question you can ask,
Speaker 2: because when you're traveling, inevitably things are not going to
Speaker 2: go to plan. You're gonna have missed flights, you're gonna
Speaker 2: have canceled things, you're gonna lose stuff like one of
Speaker 2: you might get sick. Stuff isn't going to work out.
Speaker 2: And I think that it's those situations where the people
Speaker 2: who respond to change and are very flexible and adaptive.
Speaker 2: They shine, but the people who don't, they do not shine,
Speaker 2: and those friendships will come crashing down.
Speaker 1: I think it's like, I think it's important to make
Speaker 1: sure you guys actually want to do the same stuff
Speaker 1: on a trip. Because there are some people that want
Speaker 1: to go traveling and they want to see museums, and
Speaker 1: they want to go on the walking tours of the
Speaker 1: city and they want to do all that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: They want to be really cultural. There are other people
Speaker 1: that want to go because they want to party and
Speaker 1: they want to drink, and they want to go to
Speaker 1: these yacht weeks. They're two very different experiences. I think
Speaker 1: you all need to be on board with the same thing.
Speaker 1: I remember I went traveling with one boyfriend once we
Speaker 1: went to We went traveling too soon, like we didn't
Speaker 1: really know each other yet. I was already going on
Speaker 1: a trip by myself. He was like, why don't I
Speaker 1: just come? This is you guys might have heard me.
Speaker 1: This is the guy I've talked about in the past
Speaker 1: where we broke up overseas in Vegas. I broke up
Speaker 1: with me in Vegas. We never saw each other again anyway.
Speaker 1: It was him, but he was. The reason we broke
Speaker 1: up is because we went on this trip traveling and
Speaker 1: we were so different. We didn't want to do one
Speaker 1: thing that was the same. I wanted to go on
Speaker 1: all these hikes. I wanted to go on adventuring, I
Speaker 1: wanted to go cliff jumping, and I wanted to go
Speaker 1: on yours and everything for me was like really outside
Speaker 1: and really adventurous. And he wanted to just do this
Speaker 1: food tour he'd had booked all these really random cafes.
Speaker 1: He just wanted to eat. He didn't wasn't into adventure,
Speaker 1: he wouldn't go for hikes with me, And I thought,
Speaker 1: why we are so different, We don't want to do
Speaker 1: one thing that's the same. Right now, this isn't going
Speaker 1: to work. And we literally ended because we wanted different
Speaker 1: things traveling. And obviously that wasn't the end of the world,
Speaker 1: but I just knew in that moment we were not
Speaker 1: right for each other. But that's the thing. If you
Speaker 1: don't know, if you don't want to do the same
Speaker 1: thing as the people you're traveling with, it's going to
Speaker 1: be disastrous totally.
Speaker 2: And you can have friends in your life and to
Speaker 2: be completely honest, I'm sorry if any of my good
Speaker 2: friends are listening to this podcast and you know I'm
Speaker 2: talking about you.
Speaker 3: I have some high maintenance friends. I'm not being nasty.
Speaker 2: They are not the ones that I would choose to
Speaker 2: go traveling with because I just I can see that
Speaker 2: being a disaster. And whey the sounds of it, you
Speaker 2: like this person, this person is your friend, and you
Speaker 2: like hanging out with them in.
Speaker 3: Your actual life.
Speaker 2: But it's a really really different situation to be around
Speaker 2: each other twenty four to seven, experiencing different things. It
Speaker 2: sounds like you already know that you don't want to
Speaker 2: travel with this person, and you have your reasons for that.
Speaker 2: So look, I if it were me, I would just
Speaker 2: be saying I would be coming up with some type
Speaker 2: of excuse, just saying, hey, look what you guys want
Speaker 2: to do sounds really great. This one I'm gonna sit out,
Speaker 2: come up.
Speaker 3: With a reason.
Speaker 2: It can be anything. It can be I'm gonna save
Speaker 2: for a different trip. It can be oh, I'm thinking
Speaker 2: about maybe going and doing this instead. Unfortunately, it means
Speaker 2: that you are going to miss out on traveling with
Speaker 2: the one friend that you do want to travel with,
Speaker 2: that you have traveled with before. But in my opinion,
Speaker 2: better to miss out on this trip than to ruin
Speaker 2: a friendship that you've had for most of your life.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 3: I'm glad agree on that.
Speaker 1: Well, guys, that is it for ask gun Kat. Thank
Speaker 1: you for coming in, Thanks for coming in and joining
Speaker 1: us today. Keisha, We love, absolutely love having you, and
Speaker 1: thanks for bringing you a little confessional. I hope more
Speaker 1: than anything you have thrown your blueberries out. Oh, if
Speaker 1: you haven't yet, they go straight and they've been after this record.
Speaker 2: No, I have not thrown out the punnets just yet.
Speaker 3: But don't worry.
Speaker 2: I'm still in your house, so by the time you
Speaker 2: get out of quarantine and you get back here, there
Speaker 2: will be plenty of multi blueberries left over for you.
Speaker 1: Great, can't wait. That's so nice of me. But speaking
Speaker 1: of speaking of quarantine, before we wrap up, I just
Speaker 1: wanted to a shout out to one of our listeners, Kelly.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I saw this on your Instagram story.
Speaker 3: This was the most kind, wildly lovely thing that someone
Speaker 3: has done.
Speaker 1: It was like impossible for me to get this past
Speaker 1: start because nowhere does it here, No one delivered it here,
Speaker 1: and I had like a little exponential crisis. But Kelly
Speaker 1: just found out where I was staying. She went and
Speaker 1: got me the past us. She wrote me a note.
Speaker 1: She dropped it to reception and she was like, I
Speaker 1: hope this makes your quarantine better and absolutely diod. So
Speaker 1: that's my little shout out to Kelly. That was really
Speaker 1: really amazing. Guys, give your questions coming in to life
Speaker 1: on cut podcast, Instagram, slide on into the d ms.
Speaker 1: Also keep your accent unfilters and your confessionals and anything
Speaker 1: else you think that we would want to hear.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I actually kind of love so much that it doesn't
Speaker 2: even need to be a segment anymore.
Speaker 3: If something that you think is funny happens, just message us.
Speaker 3: We'll find a space for it.
Speaker 1: If you fuck up, tell us, we'll call the fuck
Speaker 1: up Friday.
Speaker 2: Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell
Speaker 2: you if you tell your cat, tell your neighbor, and
Speaker 2: share the love.
Speaker 3: Is that how it goes?
Speaker 1: You usually do that, but you're a lot better at it.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Better tell your mom, tell your dad, tell dog,
Speaker 1: toy friends, you share the love because we love love