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Speaker 1: My favorite thing about Christmas is actually not receiving. I

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Speaker 1: just get so much joy out of giving.

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Speaker 2: It's a Happy Family's podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 2: Poor parent he Yes Wants Answers Now. Hello.

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Speaker 3: This is doctor Justin Colson and the author of six

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Speaker 3: books about raising Happy Families. And I'm here with my

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Speaker 3: wife and co host missus Happy Families, Kylie, mom to

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Speaker 3: our six daughters.

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Speaker 1: Well, tonight you are doing a webinar.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I love doing webinars.

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Speaker 3: So if you remember, if you Every time I say

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Speaker 3: if you remember, it's like I'm saying if you remember,

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Speaker 3: but I'm not saying if you remember. I'm saying if

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Speaker 3: you're a member of the Happy Families membership. Every single

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Speaker 3: month we do a webinar, and tonight is our December webinar.

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Speaker 3: And you know what, I'm just so excited about tonight

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Speaker 3: because one of the big questions that comes up in

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Speaker 3: the media at this time every year is how are

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Speaker 3: we supposed to get the balance ripe with the gift

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Speaker 3: giving and the kids and the entitlement and the expectations

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Speaker 3: and all that sort of stuff. So we're talking about

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Speaker 3: how to unspoil the kids for Christmas. And I've put

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Speaker 3: so much effort into this webinar. I can't wait to

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Speaker 3: talk about it because I reckon that's it's a topic

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Speaker 3: that's really pressing, right.

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Speaker 2: We want our kids to have the magic of Christmas.

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Speaker 3: We want them to feel the joy and or the

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Speaker 3: goodness that Christmas offers, but we don't want.

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Speaker 2: To over do it.

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Speaker 3: You know, that whole indulgence thing. It really weighs on parents'

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Speaker 3: minds at this time.

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Speaker 2: Of the year.

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Speaker 1: I have to admit so that at this time of

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Speaker 1: the year, I am a little bit jealous of families

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Speaker 1: with only two kids.

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Speaker 3: Can you imagine how quiet Christmas Morning would be with

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Speaker 3: two kids?

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Speaker 1: I don't even worry about Christmas Morning. It's how do

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Speaker 1: I make sure that six children feel like they're equally

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Speaker 1: gifted and do it in such a way that I

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Speaker 1: don't lose my mind in the process because it's so

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Speaker 1: hard to keep track of it all.

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Speaker 2: It's actually really interesting.

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Speaker 3: I've watched you do this over the year, So something

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Speaker 3: about Kylie and I I'm like, I just don't really

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Speaker 3: care about gifts.

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Speaker 2: I don't care or you.

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Speaker 1: Are literally the hardest person to buy for.

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Speaker 2: So I don't need anything. I don't want anything.

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Speaker 3: I literally my perfect Christmas gift is, Hey, here's here's

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Speaker 3: some money. Let's all go to the cafe and have

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Speaker 3: a really nice brunch. Obviously not on Christmas Day, because.

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Speaker 2: That's a lie.

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Speaker 1: Your favorite gift is a book every year without fail.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well I like that too, But really it's just

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Speaker 3: about time with the people that I love, and I

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Speaker 3: don't care about stuff. But because I don't care about

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Speaker 3: receiving gifts, I'm really lousy at buying.

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Speaker 2: Them and giving them.

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Speaker 3: And so you have, like Kylie will come to me

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Speaker 3: and say, what should we get the kids for Christmas?

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Speaker 3: Or what should we get your brother or you know,

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Speaker 3: the sisters or whoever it is. We've got a large

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Speaker 3: extended family, and I stare blankly at Kylie, and I'm like,

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Speaker 3: does anybody really need anything? Like I don't need anything.

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Speaker 3: Why would anyone else need anything? I'm just not into

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Speaker 3: the whole Christmas gift giving. And so you carry the burden,

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Speaker 3: the significant burden of buying for your family and extended family,

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Speaker 3: which I think totals around about twenty odd people, and

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Speaker 3: my family and extended family, which probably total is about

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Speaker 3: forty odd people.

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Speaker 2: Do we actually buy gifts for that many people. Not anymore.

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Speaker 2: We've backed off, haven't we.

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Speaker 1: We have backed off a little bit. The problem is,

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Speaker 1: I guess that whole opposite attracts thing because I am

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Speaker 1: a gift giver. Oh oh my goodness, absolutely so. My

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Speaker 1: favorite thing about Christmas is actually not receiving. I just

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Speaker 1: get so much joy out of giving.

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Speaker 2: So I'm with you on that.

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Speaker 3: What I've found is i've gotten older, is I get

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Speaker 3: I'm not interested in opening any gifts that people get

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Speaker 3: for me. I don't care, and I don't say that

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Speaker 3: in a nasty way, like I'm so grateful that they've

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Speaker 3: thought of me and wants to do that, But I'm

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Speaker 3: just not that excited about opening gifts. It's not important

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Speaker 3: to me because gifts don't interest me that much. But

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Speaker 3: what I love is the excitement that comes as we

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Speaker 3: watch somebody picking up the gift that you have taken

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Speaker 3: so much time to carefully select and thoughtfully personalize so

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Speaker 3: that it's something for them. I love the anticipation behind

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Speaker 3: the giving, which is I know what you love as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, tonight you're actually going to talk about how

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Speaker 1: we unspoil kids at Christmas time. It's a pretty interesting topic.

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Speaker 3: I think yeah, let's talk about that in a sec

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Speaker 3: But before we do that, I reckon, just this conversation

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Speaker 3: has sparked something for me. I reckon, We've got a

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Speaker 3: couple of Christmas conversations that we've got to have on

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Speaker 3: the podcast. So in the next few days, let's have

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Speaker 3: a conversation about whether we should be you know, like,

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Speaker 3: what is an appropriate amount of gifts for the kids,

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Speaker 3: whether we should be buying them essentials. Let's talk about

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Speaker 3: Santa Claus and what Santa should be bringing, what parents

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Speaker 3: should be bringing. I reckon, there's a whole lot of

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Speaker 3: really fun Christmas stuff that we can talk about now

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Speaker 3: that we're in December.

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Speaker 2: I mean, gosh, Christmas is count the days. Monday the seventh.

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Speaker 2: I can't do the Mass, but like three.

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Speaker 3: Weeks away or something like that. It's less than three weeks,

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Speaker 3: holy smokes. So let's do that over the next few days.

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Speaker 3: In just a sect though, we'll talk about what's happening

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Speaker 3: in tonight's webinar. By the way, if you haven't grabbed

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Speaker 3: tickets for tonight's webinar, they're available at Happy Families dot

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Speaker 3: com dot au. Just go to the shop and click

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Speaker 3: on how to unspoil the kids. This Chris, we'll give

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Speaker 3: you a taster of what's in the webinar tonight in

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Speaker 3: just a second.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 4: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having

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Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts

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Speaker 4: of discipline. There's a webinar to help parents set limits

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Speaker 4: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happyfamilies

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Speaker 4: dot com dot au slash shop.

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Speaker 1: It's a Happy Families podcast and today we are talking

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Speaker 1: about how we unspoil the kids at Christmas. You've got

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Speaker 1: a webinar coming up tonight, and I did have a

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Speaker 1: sneak peek at your notes just to have a look

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Speaker 1: at what you are going to talk about, and I'm

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Speaker 1: actually really impressed.

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Speaker 2: Cool.

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Speaker 1: I don't get to watch your webinize usually because I'm.

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Speaker 2: The one children, yeah at night, trying to put them

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Speaker 2: on to bed.

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Speaker 1: But I love number one seeing what Ev does with

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Speaker 1: your slides because she just does such an amazing job

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Speaker 1: at the visuals. But the concepts that you're going to

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Speaker 1: talk about tonight, I think are really important.

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Speaker 3: So let's do a quick snapshot of a couple of

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Speaker 3: ideas because obviously we can't go over it all. There's

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Speaker 3: an hour's worth of content. Let's talk about two things

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Speaker 3: that I'll discuss tonight.

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Speaker 2: It just in brief.

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Speaker 1: So I think the first thing I really want to

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Speaker 1: touch on with you is perspective. I think that that's

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Speaker 1: probably going to set the scene for what you're talking

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Speaker 1: about tonight.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I reckon that when it comes to Christmas, sometimes we

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Speaker 3: lose all perspective about everything Christmas related. We get so

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Speaker 3: caught up in and I know this is going to

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Speaker 3: sound so stereotypical, but we get caught up in the

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Speaker 3: rush and the busyness and the buying, the gifts, and

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Speaker 3: the materialism and the commercialization and the you know, like

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Speaker 3: we actually sometimes think that the whole purpose of Christmas

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Speaker 3: is indulgence, and well, that's.

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Speaker 1: What it is, isn't it.

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Speaker 2: No, it's not. But here's you're so funny. Yes, that's

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Speaker 2: exactly what it is for some people like you. And

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Speaker 2: I'm just kidding.

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Speaker 3: You know what I actually think drives this though, there's

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Speaker 3: this feeling that hopefully, if we had wonderful childhoods, we

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Speaker 3: have grown up experiencing what we loosely called the magic

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Speaker 3: of Christmas.

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Speaker 2: You know, everyone talks about the.

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Speaker 3: Magic of Christmas, and as adults, what we think the

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Speaker 3: magic of Christmas means is lots and lots of presents,

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Speaker 3: or as my mum says, prasies.

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Speaker 2: We've got to get preezies for everyone.

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Speaker 3: We need presies for you and for the grandkids, and

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Speaker 3: presies and presies.

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Speaker 2: I hate it when she says prazies. For goodness sakes,

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Speaker 2: they're not prezies. Anyway.

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Speaker 3: We get so caught up in that, and it actually

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Speaker 3: feels like that is the purpose of Christmas.

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Speaker 1: But if that's not the purpose of Christmas, what is well.

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Speaker 3: I mean, some people will have a faith background, and

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Speaker 3: so for them, and that's us as well.

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Speaker 2: That's absolutely the very core of it.

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Speaker 3: But even if you don't have a faith background and

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Speaker 3: you're just trying to recreate the magic of Christmas that

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Speaker 3: you enjoyed when you were a child, you'll probably recall,

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Speaker 3: if you reflect carefully, that prezzies was only a very

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Speaker 3: small part of the magic of Christmas. Yes, there was

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Speaker 3: excitement about what Santa would bring, and there was delight

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Speaker 3: and thrill that you could all sit around the Christmas

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Speaker 3: tree and unpack these preises. But there was something else though,

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Speaker 3: that was really really magical about Christmas. And here's what

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Speaker 3: it was. We focused on zero agenda. It was just family.

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Speaker 3: It was relationships. It was fun, games, humor, music. If

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Speaker 3: you're lucky enough to have a pool, that was swimming

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Speaker 3: in the backyard pool with dad, and you know, all

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Speaker 3: those things that you you don't get on pretty much

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Speaker 3: any other day of the year. No shops are open,

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Speaker 3: no one's driving around doing stuff unless you're going to

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Speaker 3: visit loved ones or they're coming to visit you.

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Speaker 2: But it's pretty much a day where everyone is so

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Speaker 2: focused on here.

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Speaker 1: And now, you know, when I think back to my

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Speaker 1: childhood and think about the things that I remember so

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Speaker 1: fondly about Christmas, my great grandparents they actually would put

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Speaker 1: on a family reunion every Christmas. So we would have

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Speaker 1: cousins and aunties and uncles like showing up from all

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Speaker 1: over the place that I hadn't seen all year. And

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Speaker 1: there were no gifts involved in that process. It was

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Speaker 1: just about family time and I didn't have the stress

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Speaker 1: that parents have, you know, as a young kid, the

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Speaker 1: magic of Christmas was having everybody together, like all my

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Speaker 1: favorite people in the whole wide world in one space.

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Speaker 3: So when I talk about, you know, getting that, understanding

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Speaker 3: the purpose, and taking the long view what we want

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Speaker 3: the kids to remember twenty years from now, I bet

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Speaker 3: your boots that they're not going to remember the presents

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Speaker 3: that were under the tree. They're not going to remember, oh,

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Speaker 3: do you remember that Christmas where I got that thing?

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Speaker 3: They just don't remember that. That's not what the man.

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Speaker 1: Unless it was a pony I read, they.

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Speaker 2: Probably would remember the pony.

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Speaker 3: But when we talk about the magic of Christmas, it's

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Speaker 3: usually it's about the time, it's about the moment, it's

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Speaker 3: about the relationships, it's about all.

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Speaker 1: My sister's chocolate moose trifle.

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Speaker 3: I do like your chocolate moose trifles. If that's one

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Speaker 3: gift that somebody could give me this Christmas, I'll take

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Speaker 3: your sister's chocolate moose trifle.

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Speaker 1: I hope she's listening.

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Speaker 2: Adele, there's your hint.

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Speaker 3: Will make sure that you hear this episode.

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Speaker 1: All right, So we've got perspective now, and you're going

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Speaker 1: to share three things that we're going to focus on tonight. Now,

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Speaker 1: we've really talked heavily about family, because that I think

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Speaker 1: is at the center and the heart of what Christmas is.

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Speaker 1: For me at least.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's worth just pausing for a moment and

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Speaker 3: acknowledging that there are many people who don't have the

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Speaker 3: joy that comes from having a close knit type family

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Speaker 3: where they get to share that time. And if that

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Speaker 3: is you, finding people that you have wonderful support and

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Speaker 3: joy with, people that you can rely on, people who

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Speaker 3: make up your village, having some kind of engagement with

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Speaker 3: them is the best that you can hope for. Make

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Speaker 3: sure that you organize it, make sure it happens. Don't

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Speaker 3: stay home and be on your lonesome. It's just it's

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Speaker 3: too important to day.

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Speaker 1: So the last thing we're going to focus on before

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Speaker 1: we close up is focusing on others.

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Speaker 2: Ah.

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Speaker 3: You know what, we don't have time to talk about

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Speaker 3: all the amazing things that I want to share here.

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Speaker 3: There is so much research that highlights and I quote

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Speaker 3: from Elizabeth Dunn, who is just a beautiful researcher who's

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Speaker 3: done some great science around the science of giving, volunteering, sharing,

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Speaker 3: helping others. She says, quote, investing financial and emotional resources

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Speaker 3: in others is associated with greater happiness than investing in oneself.

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Speaker 1: And I guess that's why I love the gift giving

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Speaker 1: because I just I love bringing joy to other people,

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Speaker 1: and whether it be a homemade treat that my daughters

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Speaker 1: and I have, you know, cooked in the kitchen, or

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Speaker 1: whether it be a gift that I have carefully, painstakingly hicked.

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Speaker 1: As I've been out at the shops and something's jumped

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Speaker 1: out at me and I've thought about a particular person

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Speaker 1: that just would love that. There is just so much

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Speaker 1: joy that fills my heart seeing someone out feel appreciated, valued,

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Speaker 1: and just noticed.

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Speaker 3: Well, I'm going to share a couple of stories that

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Speaker 3: underscore that point in the webinar. I'm going to share

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Speaker 3: that's in the webinar tonight. I'm going to mention one

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Speaker 3: just in brief and I'll expand on it more in

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Speaker 3: the webinar.

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Speaker 2: But some years ago, when we.

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Speaker 3: Lived in a different place at a different time, we

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Speaker 3: had some neighbors who went through a really acrimonious separation.

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Speaker 3: A couple of weeks before Christmas, he moved out. She

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Speaker 3: was at home with the three kids, and I remember

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Speaker 3: watching and we talked about how hard that must be.

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Speaker 2: She just felt broken.

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Speaker 3: She's trying to manage full time work and dealing with

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Speaker 3: the three children and the sadness and the sorrow, and you,

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Speaker 3: because you've got this remarkable giving heart, you said, well,

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Speaker 3: why don't we do something for them? And so we

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Speaker 3: put together a hamper. We were university students at the time.

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Speaker 3: It's not like we had a whole lot of cash,

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Speaker 3: but we put together what was I thought, an extravagant,

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Speaker 3: amazing hamper.

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Speaker 2: But they didn't have anything. They were really struggling.

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Speaker 3: And we went up there and knocked on the door

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Speaker 3: and said, we know that we were pretty bold about it.

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Speaker 3: We said, we know that things are really bad for

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Speaker 3: you at the moment, and that your family's going through

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Speaker 3: a hard time, and we brought you this Christmas hamper

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Speaker 3: because we thought that it might just help you to

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Speaker 3: have a merrier Christmas.

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Speaker 1: Annie and I were just talking about that the other day.

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Speaker 1: It's something that really stood out to her, is that, right,

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Speaker 1: she doesn't remember who it was, and she was very

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Speaker 1: young at the time.

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Speaker 2: She would have been like five years old or seven

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Speaker 2: years old.

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Speaker 1: Time, do you remember that Christmas when we did that,

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Speaker 1: Like it really has affected her. It's something that she

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Speaker 1: has actually asked that we do again this year.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, beautiful.

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Speaker 3: And so when we give to others it actually starts

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Speaker 3: to matter a whole lot less what's underneath our tree.

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Speaker 3: And so I'm going to be talking about the different

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Speaker 3: ways that we can do that and involve the children

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Speaker 3: to actually make Christmas much more meaningful. You know, we

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Speaker 3: started this conversation by talking about how to make Christmas

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Speaker 3: matam more I how to focus on that long view,

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Speaker 3: and I reckon this is actually the heart of Christmas.

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Speaker 1: Well, I wish I was able to tune in tonight

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Speaker 1: because I really think that there's going to be some

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Speaker 1: exciting stuff to share. So if you have got time and.

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Speaker 3: You haven't got your tickets yet, jump online Happy Families

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Speaker 3: dot com dot Au.

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Speaker 2: Just click in the shop and grab.

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Speaker 3: Tickets for how to Unspoil the Kids for Christmas. If

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Speaker 3: you are a Happy Famili's member, it's already included in

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Speaker 3: your membership. Look forward to seeing you there. Hey, I

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Speaker 3: hope you've really enjoyed this podcast. The podcast is something

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Speaker 3: that we love to do and we'd love for you

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Speaker 3: to share it with people that you know. You can

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Speaker 3: either share the podcast directly or jump onto Apple Podcasts

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Speaker 3: and leave a rating and review.

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Speaker 2: It's your reviews that.

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Speaker 3: Help people to find the podcast and have Happier Families.

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Speaker 3: As always, we appreciate Justin rule On from Bridge Media

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Speaker 3: for making the podcast sound great, and our executive producer,

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Speaker 3: Craig Bruce for being so inspirational.

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Speaker 2: Craig, thank you.

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Speaker 3: If you'd like more information about how to make your

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Speaker 3: family flourish, if you'd like to become a Happy Family's member,

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Speaker 3: you can get all the details at happy families dot

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Speaker 3: com dot au

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Speaker 1: Eight