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Speaker 1: Special are UOK Day special edition of The Will and

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Speaker 1: Woody Show. Guys, and the emphasis here today for us

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Speaker 1: on AUOKD would are the really nasty things that you

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Speaker 1: can say to yourself, so nasty in fact, that you

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Speaker 1: would never say some of the things that you say

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Speaker 1: to yourself to other people. And to prove that, we

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Speaker 1: got a list of really really big, high profile people

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Speaker 1: to sit down with their co hosts, their partner or

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Speaker 1: even just a friend and say to that person the

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Speaker 1: nasty thing that they think about themselves.

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Speaker 2: It yielded results that we never could have expected.

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Speaker 3: It's really jarring to watch, yeah, actually and listen to.

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Speaker 1: You can check it out in our socials Instagram, Will

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Speaker 1: and Woody TikTok Will and Woody. We've got Harry Garside,

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Speaker 1: Olympic boxer who's going to join us very very shortly

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Speaker 1: to do a live one of these. But if you

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Speaker 1: want to go and see the video, go and.

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Speaker 2: Have a look at it.

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Speaker 1: Otherwise, have a listen to all of these people, the

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Speaker 1: lifelin Cut people, Brit Hockley, Laura Burn, Mitch Churry, Jack

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Speaker 1: and Falcon from The Inspired Unemployed You'll Hit Josh Van,

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Speaker 1: kyleen Berg and Ryan Shelton from The Perfect, Brook Bony

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Speaker 1: from Channel Nine, Steph Claire Smith and Laura Henshaw from

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Speaker 1: The Kickpot all of them in this video You're about

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Speaker 1: to hear now. Georgie Tunny and Sam Taunton from The Project.

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Speaker 4: I can't believe.

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Speaker 2: That word from you speak. You're not funny and as core.

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Speaker 3: You're just charismatic and that's funny.

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Speaker 1: Get Brooke Boney from The Today Show.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Layla, why aren't you more productive?

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Speaker 3: Why do you need more rest?

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Speaker 1: It's a bit lazy.

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Speaker 2: Steph Claire Smith and Laura Henshaw from Kick I just

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Speaker 2: don't think you're good enough.

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Speaker 4: Well, I think you're pretty useless.

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Speaker 1: Ryan Shelton and Josh Van Kylenberg from The Imperfects.

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Speaker 5: You're selfish, You're not very good at your job and

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Speaker 5: everyone's starting to notice.

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Speaker 2: Britt, Laura and Mitch from The Pickup.

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Speaker 4: You are completely and totally unlovable.

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Speaker 3: You're a bad mum because you don't have enough time

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Speaker 3: for your kids. You are never going to be a mum.

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Speaker 2: Jack and Falcon from The Inspired Unemployed.

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Speaker 3: Hey mate, I don't think you really deserve any of

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Speaker 3: the thing you.

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Speaker 1: Got, so I don't think anyone thinks she's funny today,

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Speaker 1: So just be careful.

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Speaker 5: What you say really really hard to listen to and

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Speaker 5: just seems so wrong, like it doesn't fit, and it

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Speaker 5: just perfectly punctuates the point that we're trying to prove

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Speaker 5: here on aoa Kado, which is you just wouldn't say

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Speaker 5: the things that you say to yourself to other people.

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Speaker 3: It would just be.

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Speaker 5: So off, yeah and so wrong. Yeah, and they would

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Speaker 5: have further punctuated. We actually we've never had a live

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Speaker 5: one of these, we've never had a live one, and

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Speaker 5: it needed a great person to go live. And I

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Speaker 5: think there is no better, of course than Harry Garside,

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Speaker 5: who is in the studio with us now. He's going

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Speaker 5: to do it up next. But firstly, Harry, how are

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Speaker 5: you feeling about I think you're going to be addressing

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Speaker 5: this to me. We're pretty close mates. You're going to

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Speaker 5: be saying to me the things that you say to yourself.

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Speaker 4: My palms are so sweaty right now. I'm just thinking

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Speaker 4: about what I'm about to say.

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Speaker 2: Jeez.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we knew, we knew you'd go there, We knew.

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Speaker 2: You guys here. But he's also like a you know,

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Speaker 2: a little pussy.

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Speaker 1: Cat, So don't don't crush him. Don't crush him, and

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Speaker 1: just reminded for you, this is something Harry thinks about himself.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't actually thinking about you. Mental health is part

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Speaker 1: of our show, has been ever since I basically had

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Speaker 1: to tell everybody that I get depressed because I can't

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Speaker 1: do the radio show when I'm depressed, or it certainly

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be a blast to listen to. So it has

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Speaker 1: always been a big part of our show. So we're

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Speaker 1: honored to be talking about our uokadaw and your radios.

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Speaker 1: And today the theme for us is how you talk

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Speaker 1: to yourself? And a question that I think we're not

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Speaker 1: very good at asking ourselves, which is are you okay

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Speaker 1: like the person to this listening to the person that's

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Speaker 1: listening to this right now?

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Speaker 2: Are you okay?

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Speaker 1: How do you go about checking in with yourself? And

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Speaker 1: I think the way that we formulated that this year

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Speaker 1: is by looking at some of the really nasty things

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Speaker 1: you can say about yourself. If you miss that, We've

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Speaker 1: got a whole bunch of celebrities, very very influential people

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Speaker 1: to say the nastiest thing that they think about themselves

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Speaker 1: to somebody else, just to see how absurd.

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Speaker 2: That thing is to see how.

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Speaker 1: Weird it is that they reserve the nastiest things they

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Speaker 1: think for themselves.

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Speaker 2: It's atrocious.

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Speaker 1: We all do it and you can go and check

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Speaker 1: that video out Instagram TikTok, Will and Woody mate.

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Speaker 5: Before we get to the nasty thing that you say

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Speaker 5: about yourself, which you are going to deliver to me,

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Speaker 5: which I know is going to be very very difficult

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Speaker 5: because we're pretty close and I don't think either of

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Speaker 5: us have said anything nasty about each other ever. But

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Speaker 5: before we get to that, because I know you're nervous

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Speaker 5: about it. Where are you at with your Olympic preps?

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Speaker 4: Yes? So we've got just currently training at the moment

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Speaker 4: our last Olympic qualifier. The last step is end of

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Speaker 4: November early December, so about nine ten weeks away yep,

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Speaker 4: and just making sure I qualify before Christmas and then

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Speaker 4: have a good break and focus on next year.

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Speaker 3: Oh massive, And how are you feeling about it?

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Speaker 4: I'm feeling good. I feel like I'm exactly where I

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Speaker 4: need to be right now, which is great.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: What do you mean by that, Harry, Because I mean,

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Speaker 1: I know we can't go into this because the details

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Speaker 1: are pretty dense, and I'm sure very sticky at the

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Speaker 1: moment because I know there's ongoing legal proceedings.

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Speaker 2: But in terms of the place.

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Speaker 1: That you really need to be right now, I feel

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Speaker 1: like two months ago, for someone who's preparing for Olympics,

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Speaker 1: you couldn't really have been in a trickier position mentally.

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Speaker 4: To be honest, this year has been the hardest year

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Speaker 4: I've ever had. I think all other adversity that I

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Speaker 4: faced prior to this year I sort of put myself

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Speaker 4: in and this year was true adversity and I really

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Speaker 4: had to pull on things that I never thought i'd

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Speaker 4: have to pull on and to make sure I got

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Speaker 4: through that moment. And I guess because of that the

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Speaker 4: amount of work I put in over this year, and

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Speaker 4: there was many ups and downs, I feel like I'm

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Speaker 4: finally reaping the rewards of the hard work that I

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Speaker 4: put in, especially when I was down.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I can ask you specifically on you said then

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Speaker 5: you had to pull on some things that you never

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Speaker 5: thought you'd have to pull on.

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Speaker 3: Is there an example there of something that you can share.

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Speaker 4: It's just more around I think. I think daily we

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Speaker 4: make promises with ourself, right, and it's when we're down,

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Speaker 4: and I felt this myself. I'm a recovering addict. Addiction

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Speaker 4: runs in my family and has for many generations. And

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Speaker 4: when things are hard, we usually try and pick the

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Speaker 4: easy option, right. We try and pick comfort, We try

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Speaker 4: and think that, we try and pick the thing that

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Speaker 4: gives us temporary relief. But I knew that I couldn't

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Speaker 4: do that in that moment, or else I would genuinely

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Speaker 4: be I would genuinely be in a really bad place

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Speaker 4: anywhere else. I had to I had to really uphold

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Speaker 4: my word myself. I had to make promises with myself,

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Speaker 4: and they were just little promises for making sure that

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Speaker 4: every day I was upholding those promises myself. And as

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Speaker 4: I said, the journey was hard. But I feel like

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Speaker 4: because I uphold my word with myself throughout that process,

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Speaker 4: I am reaping the rewards.

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Speaker 1: Now, can I ask Harry, Because like I was listening

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Speaker 1: to a chat earlier today with the guy who wrote

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Speaker 1: the book at Tommy Cabots, which I'm sure you're across

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Speaker 1: if people aren't across that, these names James Cleary maybe.

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Speaker 2: A coaking book, but basically he.

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Speaker 1: Talks about the fact that you you're the.

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Speaker 2: Way that you behave in the world.

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Speaker 1: You need to get to a point in your life

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Speaker 1: where you realize that the way that you kind of

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Speaker 1: go about your life, you probably haven't adopted the perfect

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Speaker 1: way of going about it right, And you're also responsible

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Speaker 1: for how you go about your life, so you can

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Speaker 1: You've got a choice there. You can either carry on

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Speaker 1: with these things that you've adopted as your habits, or

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Speaker 1: you can go no, no, no, I want to do this,

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Speaker 1: and I want to do that, and I want to

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Speaker 1: do this, and that means I've got to change how

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Speaker 1: I live effectively. You strike me as someone who is

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Speaker 1: very very conscious of that, particularly given what you were

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Speaker 1: just saying about the addiction thing. You're worried about tipping

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Speaker 1: into that neural pathway which probably feels very easy, bit

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Speaker 1: of a slippery slope once it starts, and I know,

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Speaker 1: on are you okada? It's all about this idea of

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Speaker 1: you know, your mental well being, and we talk about

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Speaker 1: this conversation that you have where you go, oh, you

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Speaker 1: ask someone are you okay?

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Speaker 2: And they go, well, no, not very.

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Speaker 1: Well, and then we go because I think the big

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Speaker 1: question then is how do you change things from that?

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Speaker 1: And it appears to me that you've obviously gone on

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Speaker 1: a very long journey with this. How much of your

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Speaker 1: life is now sort of maintaining the good habits that

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Speaker 1: you have to keep you happy? And I think the

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Speaker 1: other side of that question is does it ever get

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Speaker 1: to a point for you where you can over maintain

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Speaker 1: your habits and that becomes a bit of a curse itself.

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Speaker 4: Great question, Thank you. I feel like I feel like

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Speaker 4: my whole life is genuinely just doing things so I

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Speaker 4: feel happier more often, right, And it's like happiness is

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Speaker 4: just such an unattainable thing to have all the time, right,

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Speaker 4: we have ups and downs, and but I feel like

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Speaker 4: all the work that I do is purely so I

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Speaker 4: can be more stable because the reality is internally, I

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Speaker 4: might look on the exterior as we all do. On

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Speaker 4: the exterior, I look confident, our happy, and most of

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Speaker 4: the time there is a big portion of the time

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Speaker 4: they am. But a lot of the time, as all

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Speaker 4: behind closed doors, I'm like a duck underwater, just treading,

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Speaker 4: treading as hard as I can, trying to uphold my habits.

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Speaker 4: I'm constantly critiquing myself in the mirror, as I think

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Speaker 4: a big portion of our society does, and and I

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Speaker 4: feel like we don't talk about this, and and I'm

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Speaker 4: sweating right now thinking that I'm showing a side of

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Speaker 4: myself right now that I usually go on podcasts or things.

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Speaker 4: And I'm so happy right that the hyper and I

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Speaker 4: feel like I have to uphold that. It's like it's

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Speaker 4: it's I'm it's what's the word you can't constantly be there?

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Speaker 3: Unsustainable?

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Speaker 4: So unsustainable? And why am I? Why? Why am I

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Speaker 4: so nervous now to be real, like actually, like you

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Speaker 4: know what, the last the last six months have been

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Speaker 4: really really fucking hard, like really hard, and I've really

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Speaker 4: been struggling. This has been the hardest year of my life.

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Speaker 4: And and you know what, I know I'm competitive, and

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Speaker 4: I know I'm an athlete, but for me to say

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Speaker 4: that out loud, it's like, I feel like the situation

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Speaker 4: beat me and I won't let that happen, Like I

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Speaker 4: refuse to let that happen.

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Speaker 3: It is funny, isn't it?

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Speaker 5: How in our heads we believe as well that, just

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Speaker 5: as you're talking about Harry, if we don't uphold that

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Speaker 5: image that we think people have of us, it's almost

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Speaker 5: the image we have of ourselves more than what other

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Speaker 5: people view us as.

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Speaker 3: And if we don't uphold that, then in some.

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Speaker 5: Way we're going to be letting them down or disappointing them.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely. I just it's almost as well, like I obviously

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Speaker 4: don't want to go to fire into it, but like

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Speaker 4: I just a big portion of my life has stemmed

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Speaker 4: from insecurity. I feel like when I achieve that goal,

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Speaker 4: when I get that thing, when I have this certain thing,

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Speaker 4: then I will finally be happy. But it's like I

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Speaker 4: have constant run the same pattern. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah,

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Speaker 4: And I know that it never works, right. It never

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Speaker 4: like you can get the job, you can get their

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Speaker 4: pay rise, you can get the play, you can get

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Speaker 4: the new car. It never never worked.

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Speaker 1: The thing. It's never the thing, is it?

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Speaker 3: It's funny in the jungle, horow.

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Speaker 5: I know you were going through a pretty big, well,

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Speaker 5: a pretty big journey for you as to whether you

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Speaker 5: wanted to keep boxing and whether you wanted to be

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Speaker 5: pursuing the Olympics. And I don't want to put words

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Speaker 5: in your mouth or say what you said, but it

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Speaker 5: felt to me like it was actually the process of

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Speaker 5: boxing that got you really motivated again, rather than the

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Speaker 5: idea of actually the gold medal, it was just getting

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Speaker 5: back in the ring that you were really pumped about.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Absolutely, I'm feeling this resistance right now to the

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Speaker 4: Olympic Olympic Games, right because I know the pattern that

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Speaker 4: I ran last time in order to make myself an

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Speaker 4: Olympic bronze medalist was to like be that little beast

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Speaker 4: that is trashing myself constantly, which we're about to talk about.

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Speaker 4: And I'm so I've done a lot of work on

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Speaker 4: myself to sort of silence that voice a lot more

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Speaker 4: than what it used to be. And I feel like,

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Speaker 4: in order to be an Olympic gold medalist, I have

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Speaker 4: to feed that beast. I have to go backwards on

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Speaker 4: myself grows my self worth has to And I hate

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Speaker 4: that I feel like that because i feel like, for

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Speaker 4: the first time in my life, I'm making waves on that.

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Speaker 4: But then I'm terrified that if I don't feed that beast,

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Speaker 4: I'll lose the edge. I'm terrified.

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Speaker 1: I'm terrified, So hang on a sec so because I

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Speaker 1: think this is true for me as well.

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Speaker 2: It's a scary realization.

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Speaker 1: It's good that you mentioned it, though, because I imagine

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Speaker 1: it's probably the same for a lot of people. You're

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Speaker 1: scared that if you stop being cruel to yourself, then

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Speaker 1: you won't know who you are.

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Speaker 4: Or I won't get the results that I want.

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Speaker 5: It's a motivator for you, right The nasty thing you

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Speaker 5: say to you is like, yeah, well, let's just say

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Speaker 5: you are crap at this, You're no good. So then

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Speaker 5: the next day you'll train harder. Yeah, because you've been

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Speaker 5: gives you the rebound, gives you the motivation to succeed. Wow,

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Speaker 5: that's a great thought.

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Speaker 1: Okay, these are the nastiest things you think about yourself,

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Speaker 1: but in a way, they are also the things which

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Speaker 1: motivate you to perform.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a weird relationship I have because it definitely

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Speaker 4: has helped me get to where I am now and

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Speaker 4: helps me with some of my external success, But a

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Speaker 4: lot of what I say also plays at myself worse

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Speaker 4: and my internal happiness.

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Speaker 5: Well, I'm about to cop the full brunt of that

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Speaker 5: internal self worth because, as we all say it to

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Speaker 5: point out and to punctuate just how nasty it is

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Speaker 5: the things we say to ourselves, you are now going

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Speaker 5: to say that to me, Harry.

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Speaker 4: So I'm terrified right now, I'm so sorry. What he apologize.

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Speaker 3: I know what you're doing, okay.

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Speaker 4: For everyone.

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Speaker 2: You're not saying it about Woody. Yeah, yeah yeah.

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Speaker 3: And if what you think about yourself.

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Speaker 1: And if you come on here and say, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: a nice top, not ship ship tits or something.

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Speaker 2: I'll be like, far too personal. There's the line.

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Speaker 3: Okay, he's a boxer. He didn't get the bid.

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Speaker 2: For the jugular.

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Speaker 1: This is the thing that you say about yourself, Harry, Okay,

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Speaker 1: all right, here you are.

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Speaker 4: Would he? You are honestly useless. Honestly you think you

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Speaker 4: can be on on radio and and preach and put

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Speaker 4: this big smile and laugh and be happy all the

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Speaker 4: time when you're a fraud. You know how unhappy you feel,

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Speaker 4: You know how how ship you feel about yourself most

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Speaker 4: of the time. And here you are acting about how

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Speaker 4: happy you are. You're nothing.

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Speaker 5: Mate two is so so yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I.

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Speaker 5: Like you. You are literally the last person who I

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Speaker 5: would associate the word fraud with.

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Speaker 3: Mate.

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Speaker 4: It's it just comes from that place of like I

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Speaker 4: can tell you an exact memory. I never forget it.

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Speaker 4: I'll never forget it. I was having one of the

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Speaker 4: worst days of my life. I think the Olympic blues

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Speaker 4: finally hit me. It was during twenty twenty two and

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Speaker 4: I was on the projects for the first time, and

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Speaker 4: I was I was having one of the worst days.

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Speaker 4: I was having like really negative thoughts right and I

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Speaker 4: was almost about to pull out of the show. But

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Speaker 4: I'm thinking, it's my first time going in the show.

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Speaker 4: I have to do it. Yeah, And then I go

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Speaker 4: on that show and I'm before the show, I'm sort

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Speaker 4: of like a little bit panis because I know how

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Speaker 4: negative I've been all day. And I go on and

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Speaker 4: I put the biggest smile on my face and I

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Speaker 4: act like I act like I've been so good, I've

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Speaker 4: been so my life's going great. Gang buses. And then

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Speaker 4: I go back to my hotel that night and I

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Speaker 4: just think, like, man, like, you're feeling so shit right now.

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Speaker 4: You're lying, you're not you're not happy, you're not You're

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Speaker 4: not good right now? And why why did I feel

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Speaker 4: like I had to uphold that on that TV show.

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Speaker 1: M I've been there. It's a shocking It's a shocking moment,

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Speaker 1: isn't it.

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Speaker 4: And I feel like we would all go through this

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Speaker 4: right like we all have times where life gets a

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Speaker 4: little bit too hard, like and we don't fully know

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Speaker 4: what is making us feel like that, but we know

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Speaker 4: something isn't right inside of us. And then we go

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Speaker 4: out to our jobs, to our work, to our family

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Speaker 4: and we uphold this role like we are we are okay,

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Speaker 4: and there's some honor in that, there's some real honor

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Speaker 4: in that. But it's like it's like, I feel like

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Speaker 4: at that time I couldn't be really honest with anyone,

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Speaker 4: But I feel like I'm grateful now that I can

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Speaker 4: be honest with. There's one or two people that I

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Speaker 4: can be really really honest with, and I'm grateful for that.

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Speaker 1: It's good to hear me, Yeah, really good to hear

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Speaker 1: because I suppose that's what alok is about, right, you know,

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Speaker 1: sort of like sharing that load and finding the people

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Speaker 1: that you can be honest with. Can I ask you

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Speaker 1: how does that process sort of start for you? I mean,

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Speaker 1: because it's changed with me over the years, where you know,

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Speaker 1: you sort of realize, well, I am thinking really really

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Speaker 1: bad things about myself here, and I think our initial

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Speaker 1: reaction in that instance is to go, well, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to push that as far away as I possibly can

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Speaker 1: because that's terrifying, or I'm going to cover it up with.

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Speaker 1: You know, for me, it was always alcohol or drugs

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Speaker 1: or nicotine or just anything or the other side. The

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Speaker 1: other thing that you know instantly I would use is

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Speaker 1: exercise to just like silence, just silence.

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Speaker 3: In my head.

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Speaker 1: But now I'm not sure this has changed for you.

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Speaker 1: But I can only sort of paint it out how

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Speaker 1: it is for me. Now. I feel like what I

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Speaker 1: do is I And I learned this from a teacher

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Speaker 1: called Tara Brack And she's got an exercise called RAIN.

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Speaker 2: Have you heard of that? A?

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Speaker 1: I n It's really interesting. She basically says that your

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Speaker 1: refusal to accept what's going on, your resistance to it,

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Speaker 1: is the thing that sort of self is what perpetuates it. Right,

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Speaker 1: So it was sort of like you you're by resisting it,

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Speaker 1: you're giving it more fuel. Because RAIN stands for recognize, accept, investigate, nurture,

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Speaker 1: And so she talks about doing an exercise where you

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Speaker 1: first of all, have the recognition moment where you go,

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Speaker 1: gee whiz, these are really hurting me. How can you

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Speaker 1: accept that thing rather than resist it? And more importantly,

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Speaker 1: how can you nurture it? Which I always thought was

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Speaker 1: fascinating because why the hell would I nurture that. But

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Speaker 1: the point is that those thoughts are coming from a

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Speaker 1: place of hurt that just want to be loved.

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Speaker 2: So if you can feel in you where that hurt.

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Speaker 1: Is coming from, and you know, she actually talks about

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Speaker 1: just putting your hand on it because I feel it physically,

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Speaker 1: whether it's in your gut or your chest, or your

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Speaker 1: head or your shoal, wherever it is, putting your hand

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Speaker 1: on it and actually saying to the hurt like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I can I can hear, I can really hear what's

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Speaker 1: going on, and I'm not I'm not hating you for

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Speaker 1: the fact that you're hurting anymore, which takes an incredible

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Speaker 1: amount of courage to no longer resist that sort of

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Speaker 1: stuff because facing up to it is, as I said,

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Speaker 1: that recognition steps the first step. Are you any closer

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Speaker 1: do you think to sort of recognition and acceptance, because

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Speaker 1: I really want to tie this into something you said

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00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,119
Speaker 1: earlier in the chat, which was, you know, this stuff

405
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Speaker 1: feels you and it sounds to me a little bit

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Speaker 1: like the exercise thing and the goal setting thing is

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Speaker 1: still really tied in with that sense of motivation and

408
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Speaker 1: negative self talk. Do you think you could remotivate yourself

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Speaker 1: through acceptance and nurturing.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, there's there's one experience that comes to mind straight away.

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Speaker 4: So I did a breathwork experience or probably two three

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Speaker 4: months ago, and it took me back to a memory

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Speaker 4: and I was bird's eye view of my body lying flat,

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Speaker 4: and I was just I was just holding my younger

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Speaker 4: self or look like a young boy, and I thought

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Speaker 4: it was myself and I felt like in that I

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00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,439
Speaker 4: wrote a few poems about it, and I was just like, like,

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Speaker 4: I have the relationship with my younger self, because I

419
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Speaker 4: think that's where a lot of hurt and pain comes from.

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Speaker 4: There's like there's like a young there's a young kid

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Speaker 4: inside of this who felt powerless, who felt empty, who

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Speaker 4: felt unloved, who needs weren't met. And it's like we

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Speaker 4: had a lot of us is spending our whole life

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Speaker 4: trying to help that young person. And I feel from

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Speaker 4: that day I had the ultimate nurture of that young person,

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Speaker 4: and it's almost like I'm doing everything to protect that

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Speaker 4: young person now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, we did some of that breathwork in the jungle

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Speaker 5: and afterwards Dicko thought he flew home and had dinner

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Speaker 5: and then flew back.

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Speaker 3: It was it was, it was totally wild, Dick. I

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Speaker 3: couldn't do breath work anymore.

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Speaker 2: That's classic.

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Speaker 1: It's really interesting that you say that, though, Harry like this,

436
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 1: that the young person thing is that, yeah.

437
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Speaker 2: You you you know.

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Speaker 1: The way I've had it explained to me is that

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00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,840
Speaker 1: you learn basically as a kid, you're not there's an

440
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 1: instance where you're not getting the love that you need,

441
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,359
Speaker 1: as you said, needs weren't met. So you come up

442
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:47,200
Speaker 1: with this misbelief or false way that you get kind

443
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:51,119
Speaker 1: of like nearly the love that you need, and that's

444
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,239
Speaker 1: your resting, that's your default place because you go, well,

445
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 1: I can't get it from the place that I need

446
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:56,200
Speaker 1: it from.

447
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 2: Where else can I get it from? And then you

448
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 2: just keep doing that thing.

449
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 1: You're constantly looking for this unconditional love, which you're never

450
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,480
Speaker 1: going to get again if you keep going down that

451
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 1: beaten path. But it takes like waking up and realizing

452
00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:16,399
Speaker 1: that you're beating down that path, which off for a

453
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,479
Speaker 1: lot of people who comes too late because they've hurt

454
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,479
Speaker 1: themselves so much and they keep finding that there is

455
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:22,480
Speaker 1: nothing down that path.

456
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,479
Speaker 4: It's so interesting because I can't remember the poem off

457
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,080
Speaker 4: the top of my head, but I wrote it recently

458
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,120
Speaker 4: and it was around I felt like in the last year,

459
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 4: I've really worked on my self worth and my and

460
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,679
Speaker 4: I feel more secure than I ever have in my

461
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 4: own life, in my life, in my own body, right.

462
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 4: And it's like in that I feel like I don't

463
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 4: want to prove publicly. I don't want to. I don't

464
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,920
Speaker 4: feel this need. It's not like life or death anymore,

465
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,440
Speaker 4: but it's like a big portion of my life because

466
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 4: I felt so miserable and so flat and so powerless.

467
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 4: It's like I need I need to, I need to

468
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,680
Speaker 4: prove this. I need to win that Olympic gold medal.

469
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:08,199
Speaker 4: And I feel more secure in myself today than I

470
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 4: ever have. And I don't feel like I want to

471
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,159
Speaker 4: prove as much, which sounds so good in theory, But

472
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 4: then where does that leave my life? Right? That is

473
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:17,639
Speaker 4: that does that mean I'm going to go to the

474
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,120
Speaker 4: Olympics and be of failure? Like I don't, I don't

475
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 4: What does that mean? I'm like, I don't. Fully, I

476
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 4: feel really uneasy about it.

477
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you're abandoning Yeah, because because I have exactly saying.

478
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,879
Speaker 1: It's it's terrifying because you're abandoning the metric, which is

479
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:32,680
Speaker 1: the only emetric by which you actually know how to

480
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 1: get love.

481
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 3: And it's and it's working.

482
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 5: It's it's working right, You're you're you're a bronze medalist,

483
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 5: you're incredibly successful boxing. So it's so it's like this,

484
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 5: this is obviously a broken system because it's causing you

485
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 5: so much unhappiness and so much pain. But then you

486
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 5: can also go, oh but shit, it is reaping the rewards. Yeah,

487
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 5: it's it's it's a it's a shocking dilemma.

488
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 2: If I let go of that what is it? As

489
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 2: you said, what does my life look like?

490
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 5: Yeah?

491
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,400
Speaker 2: And that thing.

492
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:01,119
Speaker 1: That has been successful for you, it's also they well,

493
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 1: if you don't do this, then where are you going

494
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:04,040
Speaker 1: to get your love from?

495
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 2: Big guy? I mean, I'm scared for you as well.

496
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 2: That's the thing. That's what I'm saying before it. This

497
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 2: thing is looks trying to look after you totally. That's

498
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:11,120
Speaker 2: what it is.

499
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:14,600
Speaker 4: And I'm sure maybe you both can relate to this,

500
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 4: But I think a lot of it stems from is

501
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 4: getting my parents' attention. It's almost reinforced by my parents

502
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 4: when they call me and they almost treat me. They

503
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,080
Speaker 4: almost treat me now as Harry Garside, the boxer, the

504
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:30,120
Speaker 4: bronze medalist. They don't treat me as Harry Garside their son. Yeah,

505
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 4: which is like I love my parents and I don't

506
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 4: know if they can help it, but it's like it's

507
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 4: like I'm looking for their approval and they just keep

508
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 4: reinforcing this to me that I'm like, oh, it looks

509
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 4: like I have to do it then.

510
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:42,440
Speaker 1: Yeah.

511
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 5: And beneath the surface, with your parents, they're just trying

512
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,639
Speaker 5: to express love to you, but they I think for

513
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 5: our parents even it's hard just to express love without

514
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 5: the reason behind, so you know what I mean, Like

515
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 5: it makes more sense for them to be like, oh,

516
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 5: how good were you.

517
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 3: There, or like that thing it did was great? Yeah, yeah,

518
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:01,159
Speaker 3: I love you.

519
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 4: Yeah.

520
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,679
Speaker 3: It's almost like a less vulnerable thing to do as

521
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 3: a parent.

522
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,440
Speaker 1: It's this, I think, like a yeah, I think that's

523
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,399
Speaker 1: exactly what it is. And you're right, well, it's this,

524
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,920
Speaker 1: And I think to refine it would be to say

525
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 1: that you grow up with the idea that loves conditional. Yeah,

526
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 1: you grow up with the idea that you're only getting

527
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:21,240
Speaker 1: love when you've done well, when you've performed when you've

528
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 1: got attention, and maybe that's a lovely way to sort

529
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 1: of close this is, you know, on are you okay?

530
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:27,120
Speaker 2: Day?

531
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 1: That's what's good about it is that by saying asking

532
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 1: a friend, are you okay? By asking yourself are you okay,

533
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:38,360
Speaker 1: you're expressing love to yourself that's not conditional. Or you're

534
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 1: expressing love to a friend that's not conditional because you're

535
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 1: asking them if they're okay just because of who they are,

536
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:45,640
Speaker 1: not because of what they've done. And I think that

537
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 1: that is a really really lovely message. And you know,

538
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 1: even if you don't get to check with a friend today,

539
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 1: if you've got friends. I mean, one of my favorite

540
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 1: things to do in the world is send my closest

541
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: friends messages where we'll just say I love you, mate,

542
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,440
Speaker 1: and I just know, being on the end that I

543
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 1: don't know if you have done anything to get that,

544
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,199
Speaker 1: that's a really lovely thing to do.

545
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 4: I'll never forget a moment. I my best mate, Clay Carter,

546
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 4: We've been made since we're five years old. I've never

547
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:13,640
Speaker 4: told him I loved him.

548
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:16,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, when when did you tell him?

549
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 4: It was when he was actually going through some pretty

550
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:21,880
Speaker 4: heavy stuff. But it was during twenty twenty one, during COVID, yeah,

551
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:23,919
Speaker 4: and it was in September. He come up to Bondi

552
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,359
Speaker 4: to live with me for two weeks and we started

553
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 4: training together and I remember just saying I love you

554
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 4: so much, mate, I don't think I've ever said that

555
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 4: to you, and he's like, you didn't know what to do. Thanks, mate,

556
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:36,679
Speaker 4: I love.

557
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 1: You too, and then you both like hug as quickly

558
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 1: as you can sooner have to look at each other,

559
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 1: bury your eyes.

560
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:46,440
Speaker 3: And then neck.

561
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 2: Oh.

562
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 1: Mate, it's been really great to have you on Harry.

563
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:52,360
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much

564
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 1: for sharing. Really appreciate it, mate.

565
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:55,440
Speaker 4: Yeah. Thanks seems boys