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Speaker 1: Jum mission with Jonesy and Amanda.

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Speaker 2: Well, look, we all want to raise happy, healthy, resilient

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Speaker 2: tweens and teens. It's terrifying in today's world. It feels

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Speaker 2: harder than ever and it feels like as parents we

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Speaker 2: are taking on the burden more and more, which is

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Speaker 2: making everyone unhappy. Clinical psychologist doctor Joe Lamble has a

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Speaker 2: new book out called The New Teenage and I have

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Speaker 2: found this to be an incredibly practical book, so much

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Speaker 2: so I wrote a blurb on the front. Jo Lamble, Hello,

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Speaker 2: Hi guys. We were just talking about vaping before. And

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Speaker 2: I know you talk about vaping in the book. I

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Speaker 2: know you love a vape vapor.

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Speaker 3: I am not. Oh, it's such a huge problem. Remember

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Speaker 3: in our day, you know, as footy cards. I was

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Speaker 3: so excited when I got the Rod Ready card. That

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Speaker 3: was so good. Now the vape twelve thirteen year olds,

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Speaker 3: there's reports of them vaping classes. Sydney Principles have signed

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Speaker 3: a group of them have signed a petition saying regulators

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Speaker 3: please do something about it. These little fruity, colorful things

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Speaker 3: is all the rage. It's horrendous.

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Speaker 2: Can I ask you about and I know you talk

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Speaker 2: about this in here rather than Fomo pomo proof of

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Speaker 2: missing out with the new snapchat snap map I think

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Speaker 2: it's called, isn't it where kids can see exactly where

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Speaker 2: all their friends are everyone but you was invited somewhere

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Speaker 2: in our day, you wouldn't know that. How do teams

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Speaker 2: survive this?

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Speaker 3: Well? This is a huge problem, isn't it? I mean,

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Speaker 3: this is when their self esteem is developing, their whole

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Speaker 3: sense of self and they are measuring their worth on

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Speaker 3: whether they're invited to something, and as you say, they've

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Speaker 3: got proof that they weren't. How do you help your

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Speaker 3: team with that? You talk to them, You just empathize

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Speaker 3: with them. It's no use saying, well they're not your friends,

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Speaker 3: don't worry, you know, do.

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Speaker 2: Something else, which is what I would say.

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Speaker 3: Or they're just jealous, you know how how parents us doing?

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Speaker 3: They don't wry.

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Speaker 2: They just flush your headcause.

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Speaker 1: The other one or the other one is I'll be

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Speaker 1: your friend, which is the worst. Not So how do

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Speaker 1: you deal with that? What do you say to them?

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Speaker 3: Everything is all about, you know, empathy is all about saying, gosh,

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Speaker 3: I get it, get why you're so disappointed. I get

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Speaker 3: how that really affects your self esteem, and you know

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Speaker 3: it is going to it is going to be a

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Speaker 3: hard journey. Let us help you with that. Let us

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Speaker 3: find other ways to you know, make you feel good

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Speaker 3: about yourself that is not measured against you know, what

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Speaker 3: happens online. So how you know, make them into you know,

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Speaker 3: what are their values? How to make them a beautiful

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Speaker 3: little human being. How to make them proud of themselves

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Speaker 3: for their actions, for how they help others, for being

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Speaker 3: a responsible bystander, all of these things that they're going yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: of rolling their eyes thinking you have no idea how

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Speaker 3: hard it is. And we've got to admit we don't know,

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Speaker 3: we didn't grow up with this. We've got to help

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Speaker 3: them say, look, we don't know. We're glad we didn't

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Speaker 3: have it growing up, but let us help you get

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Speaker 3: through this really tough time.

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Speaker 2: But it's hard for parents too. I don't think our

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Speaker 2: parents were expected to micromanage our lives in the way

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Speaker 2: that we want to for our children. Are we being

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Speaker 2: more hurtful than helpful?

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Speaker 3: Yes, we definitely are. I think Professor in Hickey talks

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Speaker 3: about this really well. When we interviewed him that he

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Speaker 3: was saying, all parents now are feeling responsible for everything

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Speaker 3: that goes on with their kids and every bad thing

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Speaker 3: that happens, they feel it too, and they feel the

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Speaker 3: guilt too, and they think, Okay, how can I protect them?

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Speaker 3: How can I stop them having the pain? And the

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Speaker 3: trouble is you can't, And how they're going to build

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Speaker 3: resilience if they don't. One just have the freedom, the

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Speaker 3: independence to do things their way. Also for us to

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Speaker 3: trust them and us to say, look, we think you've

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Speaker 3: got it, but we're here if you don't.

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Speaker 1: So the helicopter parent gave way to the snow player parent,

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Speaker 1: and I'm a snow player parent.

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Speaker 2: What's the difference.

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Speaker 1: The snow likes A helicopter parent would just hang around,

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Speaker 1: makes you're okay, you're okay. The snow player parent, as

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Speaker 1: you say, gets in. My daughter, for example, two car

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Speaker 1: keys for her car. So she lost one set of

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Speaker 1: keys for the car. And I said to her, if

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Speaker 1: you lose that final set, it's going to cost eight

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Speaker 1: hundred dollars from Nissan to get a new key. And

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Speaker 1: it was driving me crazy because yeah, whatever, So I

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Speaker 1: went and got a key cut unbeknownst to her, so

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Speaker 1: in case it happens. So it cost one hundred and

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Speaker 1: forty dollars to get the key cup, but I thought

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Speaker 1: I'll just keep it. My wife went and used that

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Speaker 1: spare key, so my daughter ended up with the two keys.

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Speaker 1: She loses one of the keys again.

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Speaker 2: So now your snow plowing, snow plowing you in case

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Speaker 2: it happens the keys.

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Speaker 1: And because it's easy for me, I can afford hundred

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Speaker 1: forty bucks to buy in this key. But it just drives.

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Speaker 1: It burns me up, It just burns me.

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Speaker 3: You're feeling it, Yes, this is the trouble. We feel

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Speaker 3: what they're meant to be feeling. We feel it even worse.

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Speaker 3: And the trouble with that is that our kids are thinking, well,

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Speaker 3: you know, we're meant to be their rock, We're meant

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Speaker 3: to be the steady ones who we can't be more

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Speaker 3: disappointed with them when they you know, than them than

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Speaker 3: when they miss out on a party. We can't be

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Speaker 3: all they don't get picked for a team, or we

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Speaker 3: can't be more angry, you know, more frustrated, more nervous,

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Speaker 3: more scared. But we are, we are inside, we're freaking

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Speaker 3: out inside.

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Speaker 2: But don't show them, don't show them.

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Speaker 1: So if you were me, would you get another key cut?

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Speaker 1: Or do you just let because she's got to lose

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Speaker 1: this key, and so do you say, well, too bad,

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Speaker 1: and you won't be able to drive your car because

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Speaker 1: it's going to crost you eight hundred bucks.

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Speaker 3: And you might you might set up you might say, okay,

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Speaker 3: if you are going to buy because I agree, you

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Speaker 3: know that the money we don't. We know they don't

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Speaker 3: have eight hundred bucks, But you might buy the think

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Speaker 3: the key for them and then set up a payment plan.

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Speaker 3: Then you say, okay, you know you can pay me

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Speaker 3: back over this time. What are you going to do

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Speaker 3: to make this money? And so you're setting them up

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Speaker 3: for life schools that happen in the adulthood.

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Speaker 2: I saw something you wrote in here too that's just

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Speaker 2: said we talk too much and it stops them talking.

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Speaker 1: That's right.

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Speaker 3: We've got to I mean, as I know, it sounds

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Speaker 3: so obvious, but we've got to listen more. We've got

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Speaker 3: to listen more and try and resist that urge to

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Speaker 3: say I've got so many wise words to tell you

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Speaker 3: and so much experience to give you. But if you

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Speaker 3: just listen more. Because every expert we spoke to said

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Speaker 3: that connection is the key. The greater the connection you

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Speaker 3: have with your team, the safer they will be. And

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Speaker 3: you're not going to get connection if you're just talking

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Speaker 3: at them. I remember a funny story. I drove my

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Speaker 3: son to school one day for some reason, anyway for school,

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Speaker 3: but he wasn't on the train for some reason I

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Speaker 3: don't know, but and I just talked at him the

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Speaker 3: whole way, and when he got out of the car,

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Speaker 3: he went, well, you don't get that on the train.

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Speaker 1: Well, the New Teenagers, you're as bad as the rest

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Speaker 1: of the story.

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Speaker 3: My gosh, there's lots of stories about my failures in there. Yeah. Sure.

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Speaker 1: The New Teenager is available in all good bookstores today.

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Speaker 1: Joe Lamblet's so great to talk to you.

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Speaker 3: Thanks for having me.

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Speaker 1: Jonesy and Amanda's