Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms.
Speaker 2: Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch
Speaker 2: Up podcast. Welcome back to the partty. It is Flexi's
Speaker 2: last Day've been twenty four years old. Yeah, your dog
Speaker 2: feels good.
Speaker 1: It's nice to age. I like feeling like I can
Speaker 1: wrap up a year being like that was interesting. I
Speaker 1: learned a few things, ready to learn some new stuff.
Speaker 1: First four months of the year, it's been a bit
Speaker 1: of a doozy, you know. I feel like, not just me,
Speaker 1: but I'm observing the girl is going through trials and tribulations,
Speaker 1: and it's nice that we're getting fresh goss.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Too.
Speaker 1: Many of the stories circulating between twenty nineteen and twenty
Speaker 1: twenty two were archival pieces.
Speaker 2: That was me.
Speaker 1: You're talking about twenty seventeen dating stories. Get out, Get out,
Speaker 1: talk about the job you had in twenty eighteen. No, babe,
Speaker 1: give me some fresh starter, and people are delivering. I'm
Speaker 1: very happy about it.
Speaker 2: I'm there with you. Here's the potty Kata data Flex
Speaker 2: and Frooms. You're listening to Flex and Frooms.
Speaker 3: What the frick?
Speaker 2: Flexy? I have been getting into my audible reading literature, literature.
Speaker 2: Before we get into it, can I say I've got
Speaker 2: an account on this book listening to device, and I
Speaker 2: can't buy more credits. It's physically impossible to buy more credits.
Speaker 2: I feel like a boomer. I finally understand what it's
Speaker 2: like when my parents.
Speaker 1: Happening to me.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, Why have I so mean
Speaker 2: to my parents when they're just trying to figure out
Speaker 2: how to upload photos to eBay. Anyway, I was at
Speaker 2: a dinner with my friend the other day, correct, and
Speaker 2: we were talking about boys stuff. Okay, both heterosexual presenting women.
Speaker 1: Are and sexual presenting yes, heterosexual being yes, and heterosexual
Speaker 1: passing yeah, let's go with that.
Speaker 2: Great, for sure, for sure. And we were talking about
Speaker 2: this guy texting this guy. We both had these situations
Speaker 2: where we were texting a guy, right, And I.
Speaker 1: Was like, happened to the rest of us?
Speaker 2: Literally, what the hell? Half the dinner? Like, we're eating
Speaker 2: this beautiful meal.
Speaker 1: And you're not even chewing properly. What do you think
Speaker 1: you mean? It's like the food's getting cold, You're getting
Speaker 1: indigestion and.
Speaker 2: Not drinking enough water. So I was showing her my
Speaker 2: messages and she said, can I look at your phone?
Speaker 2: And I said, okay, grabs my phone out of my hand,
Speaker 2: deletes the messages. What does she then do? Goes to
Speaker 2: my contact deletes the guy's number, bold and I really said,
Speaker 2: and I just looked at her. I shook my head
Speaker 2: and sorry, I nod on my head and.
Speaker 1: I said, yeah, yeah, I needed that.
Speaker 2: I needed that. Thank you for not enabling me for once.
Speaker 2: And then she was like to me, I listened to
Speaker 2: this book, He's just not that into you. Initially my
Speaker 2: back was up. I was like, I randomly watched put
Speaker 2: that movie on Netflix the other day and it was
Speaker 2: the most heinous crap that I'd seen in a long time,
Speaker 2: like just so out of touch.
Speaker 1: She like, obviously it was written. What's the premise of
Speaker 1: the movie?
Speaker 2: Super like, high powered, really attractive producer woman can't find
Speaker 2: a guy. And then this other producer comes into the
Speaker 2: room and is like, he's just not that into you,
Speaker 2: and like they start arguing and then they fall in love. Okay,
Speaker 2: Obviously I went and downloaded the book, immediately started listening
Speaker 2: to it on the way home, desperate and I have
Speaker 2: come away.
Speaker 1: It's good. I like that you went from concept to
Speaker 1: execution quickly straight away. That's great.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I have some extreme learnings to share with you.
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear them.
Speaker 2: This is how the book came to be. I personally
Speaker 2: listened to Frum's price. Have been watching Sex and the
Speaker 2: City for the past two months, from the start to finish.
Speaker 2: I have ten more minutes left, right, Like.
Speaker 1: Are you saving them? Yeah?
Speaker 2: In I think season three, there's an episode where Miranda's
Speaker 2: trying to work out or the girls are trying to
Speaker 2: work out if this guy's into her, Like she's getting
Speaker 2: all these mixed messages and she's on this date, right
Speaker 2: and this guy's not doing what she expects him to do.
Speaker 2: He's not asking her out or something, and like he's
Speaker 2: not asking her to go home, and she's like, I
Speaker 2: get it, you're just not that into me, Like you
Speaker 2: could just come out and say it, and she like
Speaker 2: goes on this ditribe and then he's like I just
Speaker 2: really need a shit and runs away. Ah. Probably the
Speaker 2: one scat human moment in Sex and the City that
Speaker 2: really resonated with me. And then at some point later
Speaker 2: in that episode, Miranda is sitting in front of these
Speaker 2: chicks like she's on her lunch break and he chicks
Speaker 2: are on the stairs in the city being like, yeah,
Speaker 2: like he's really busy with work, but he texts me
Speaker 2: but this that, and Miranda gets up and he's like,
Speaker 2: he's just not that into you and walks away. So
Speaker 2: turns out what that show came about because the chicks
Speaker 2: who in the writing room of Sex and the City,
Speaker 2: one of them was talking about this guy that she
Speaker 2: was texting, and they were all like spitballing, you know,
Speaker 2: classic work behavior advisory board, literally unpaid labor. And this
Speaker 2: guy works in walks in who's a producer, and they
Speaker 2: asked for his opinion, you know, man opinion vibes, and
Speaker 2: he goes, he's just not that into you. Eruption option
Speaker 2: in the writer's room, right, And then that's how that
Speaker 2: episode started. And from that episode they created this book
Speaker 2: He's just not that into you. Ah, And then the
Speaker 2: movie came later, but the book came out in around
Speaker 2: two thousand and four. Cool, So I download the book
Speaker 2: knowing exactly what it is. The way that it works
Speaker 2: is that they come up with this scenario. They're all
Speaker 2: not based in real life where it's a woman being like, hey, Greg,
Speaker 2: I met this guy and he did this, but he
Speaker 2: did this, we do this? Tell me what I should do.
Speaker 2: And then Greg who's the producer guy, and this chit
Speaker 2: called Liz both give their take on the situation. So
Speaker 2: Greg's were like, yes, Sweedy, let me give rejuce read
Speaker 2: he's just not that into you. And then Liz will
Speaker 2: follow it up. And then they've got like they've interviewed
Speaker 2: twenty guys, They've surveyed twenty guys, and this voice will
Speaker 2: be like, don't believe Greg, one hundred percent of the
Speaker 2: guys that we surveyed, so that if they were really
Speaker 2: into a chick, they would do X y zed right.
Speaker 2: It's good read, very, very easy to read. I think
Speaker 2: it was three hours. I demolished it in two days, obviously,
Speaker 2: and what I've learned from it, and I'm open to
Speaker 2: being wrong, of course, but I don't think I've ever
Speaker 2: had on Haut gonna text the guy first ever again
Speaker 2: in my whole life. Okay, good luck.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I do believe in a lot of cases,
Speaker 1: he's just not that into you works really well. I
Speaker 1: think too many women who date men live in delusional
Speaker 1: land for fun, and they're very impractical about the world
Speaker 1: we live in. Now. If the best we can do
Speaker 1: with datings look at it objectively, and I think a
Speaker 1: lot of women struggle to do that. They bring a
Speaker 1: lot of their fantasy into the dynamic, and they assume
Speaker 1: that they're coming from an earnest place and the other
Speaker 1: person's coming from a manipulative place. And what I often
Speaker 1: find is a dynamic where two people who don't know
Speaker 1: each other, one expects the most, one expects the very least.
Speaker 1: I hear the same rhetoric when I talk to my friends.
Speaker 1: If he liked me, he would do that. Maybe he
Speaker 1: doesn't like you yet because he doesn't know you, and
Speaker 1: of all the amazing beautiful people that he gets to
Speaker 1: interact with by virtue of social media or apps, whatever,
Speaker 1: that is, like made him believe that he has a chance.
Speaker 1: You just don't step up. Like You're probably not as
Speaker 1: pretty as the other girl that he's looked at today,
Speaker 1: or not as smart, or not as funny, or not
Speaker 1: as anything. And I don't think that we can recognize
Speaker 1: that as fact. It's very hard to you know, in
Speaker 1: your heart, you're like, but I'm a catch. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: so is a twenty one year old in his DM
Speaker 1: currently with no previous relationship baggage, no expectation, willing to
Speaker 1: do whatever whenever because he said, so, you're not a
Speaker 1: catch in that context. And I also think that we
Speaker 1: fall into the trap of like when we show up
Speaker 1: is when we're ready. And if you think about it
Speaker 1: on the flip side, like how many times have you
Speaker 1: like met a guy and you've thought, I want to
Speaker 1: hang out with him tomorrow, I want to like see
Speaker 1: him four days in a row. That's a bum? Does
Speaker 1: he not have a life and friends that are like
Speaker 1: that take priority of this random person that he meant
Speaker 1: that he doesn't know. Of course, I don't want to
Speaker 1: hang out with someone who would prioritize me immediately. That's weird.
Speaker 1: It's not rooted in reality. It's not reasonable. I think
Speaker 1: it's nice to be able to meet someone and there's
Speaker 1: immediate vibe straight away and you can build on something
Speaker 1: straight away. But it's not the reality. Everyone's step up
Speaker 1: their pussy. Yeah, people are bringing so much more. It's
Speaker 1: not just like you know, when you're in high school,
Speaker 1: it's like there's three or four girls who are like
Speaker 1: gold standard hot and the rest of us are fugglies.
Speaker 1: And that's okay because you kind of know what you see.
Speaker 1: Then you grow up and you have a few experiences
Speaker 1: that affirm the best and worst parts of you, that
Speaker 1: affirm that, yes, you don't really match up to the
Speaker 1: rest of what's happening, but the other part makes you
Speaker 1: feel like you have access to everything. You sleep with
Speaker 1: one ten out of ten you're like, this is me,
Speaker 1: this is me, now, this is what I can get.
Speaker 1: And yet at a time, absolutely but not generally so. Yes,
Speaker 1: as a standard, I don't think he's that into you,
Speaker 1: But I also feel like, for what reason would he be?
Speaker 1: Right in the same way that I would talk to
Speaker 1: a bunch of guys, they would be like, I don't
Speaker 1: think she's that into you, and you for what reason
Speaker 1: would I be like? I don't even know you, and
Speaker 1: I can if I look at you in like in
Speaker 1: a very objectified way, like of course you're cute or whatever,
Speaker 1: But what's gonna make me like take a leave of
Speaker 1: faith and humble mine? And I also think it's very
Speaker 1: contradictory that we spent all this time being like the
Speaker 1: dynamics between men and women can be unconventional and whatever,
Speaker 1: and you fall straight into this gender role of like
Speaker 1: he should and I should. But then I feel like,
Speaker 1: what makes it really terrifying? Is that it's a performed
Speaker 1: gender role. He should have texted me exactly. So wait
Speaker 1: that's the case, then just wait but no, but no,
Speaker 1: you're like, but then if I do this, and he'll
Speaker 1: do this, and I'll do this and he'll do this.
Speaker 1: The conflict in the head is conflicting the actions is
Speaker 1: conflicting the energy. And people get vibes. People hunt. You
Speaker 1: got a vibe. When you're texting someone, you get a vibe,
Speaker 1: and the vibe tells a very clear story. And I
Speaker 1: don't think we take enough responsibility for the vibe that
Speaker 1: we're projecting. We go to our friends and we're doing
Speaker 1: confident confident, Yes, he should, he should. You get into
Speaker 1: the chat. It's giving like you're cutting off the texts randomly,
Speaker 1: You're sending weird emojis. The vibe isn't giving sexy.
Speaker 2: You stop using emojis because they stop literally just no,
Speaker 2: I'm on my dumb bitch juice. If I ever start
Speaker 2: texting a guy and stop using a my ji, you
Speaker 2: just know I've lost. I will say, if you're a
Speaker 2: bit skeptical about the book, I would say the main
Speaker 2: takeaway more is that don't waste your time. I know
Speaker 2: it's so tempting. Don't waste your time. What's it called
Speaker 2: deciphering message? Yes, yeah, that is the thing. The thing
Speaker 2: isn't like wait for him or do this.
Speaker 1: No, the thing is don't wait.
Speaker 2: The thing is do your own thing.
Speaker 1: The thing you don't. Yeah, And there's a lot of
Speaker 1: power in action, like using your using what's actually happening,
Speaker 1: like the physical manifestation. Let that determine what is going on,
Speaker 1: not your fantasy of how things should have gone based
Speaker 1: on your fantasy.
Speaker 2: I also really want to talk on another time the
Speaker 2: thing that you said, because I've been mulling it over
Speaker 2: and trying to figure out what you meant you date,
Speaker 2: who you can not, what you want? Yeah, because I
Speaker 2: don't get that, but I want to know about it.
Speaker 2: So maybe next week. Yeah, legit, this is flex and Frooms.
Speaker 2: The nonsense really doesn't stop in this studio. Unfortunately for
Speaker 2: my brain. It's a very difficult job, and yet I
Speaker 2: do with ease, poise and grace. Flexi Bronti. One of
Speaker 2: our listeners is sent in a little bit of a dilemma.
Speaker 2: Oh Ari, her boyfriend. Yet again, we have a straight
Speaker 2: king queen coming to us.
Speaker 1: The verosexual couple yeah, as per seems to be a theme. Yeah,
Speaker 1: switch it up everyone. Yeah, I haven't had.
Speaker 2: Many same sex relationship issues because we don't.
Speaker 1: I guess we don't have the breadth to understand. It's
Speaker 1: a bit hard, but we're happy to give unsolicited feedback
Speaker 1: if you would like. Always, let's get into it. I
Speaker 1: have an issue.
Speaker 2: My boyfriend lives at home with his parents and he
Speaker 2: doesn't know how to use the washing machine. And she
Speaker 2: preverces he's twenty one years old. Okay, okay, there's some leeway.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've told him I refuse to sleep at his
Speaker 2: house while I'm on my period in case of leaks
Speaker 2: until he knows how to wash his sheets. I have
Speaker 2: once bled on his bed, to which I had to
Speaker 2: take home and wash because I didn't want his mum
Speaker 2: to see it, obviously and clean it.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: He also made a remark that he would have to
Speaker 2: burn his mattress toper because it had a little bit
Speaker 2: of blood, and I said I couldn't take it home
Speaker 2: as it was too big.
Speaker 1: Oh was just a serious conversation, not a gag.
Speaker 2: This is real. I also helped him pay for the
Speaker 2: new mattress topper. Oh. Because I was so embarrassed. Gemsys,
Speaker 2: you're in deep. Am I in the wrong for not
Speaker 2: just staying until he can learn how to wash his sheets, which,
Speaker 2: chiming bear is a pretty basic job, she says.
Speaker 1: Honestly, Oh, they do say it's the little things that
Speaker 1: really are to blame for a relationship breakdown. Who would
Speaker 1: have thought that? It's just the basic everyday task. That
Speaker 1: being said, though, and we'll get into it more after
Speaker 1: the break Washing your clothes is not simple, great like
Speaker 1: washing machines are complex, washing powder, washing liquid complex, Understanding
Speaker 1: what's setting complex, But everyone should know how to hand wash.
Speaker 1: Oh okay?
Speaker 2: Is she in the wrong for not staying until he
Speaker 2: can learn how to wash his sheets, which, to be fair,
Speaker 2: is a pretty basic job. My initial thoughts. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: willing to dos myself here.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: I didn't learn how to use in washing machine until
Speaker 2: I moved out of home. Yeah, same age twenty three.
Speaker 1: That was nineteen for me. Yeah, and still though I
Speaker 1: don't think I'm very good at it.
Speaker 2: And this is bad for you. You've got a nice
Speaker 2: state of the art appliants right there that you could
Speaker 2: be fudging up with your various powders.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I got the state of the art washer.
Speaker 1: Steady art dryer is very expensive exercise. I thought, let
Speaker 1: me get the best of the best and not read
Speaker 1: the manual. Because everything goes in the same cotton cycle.
Speaker 1: I don't care what it is it's going in. And
Speaker 1: sometimes I even put the whites with the colors because
Speaker 1: I like inclusivity, and sometimes things will come out pink,
Speaker 1: and I say, you know that just is the price
Speaker 1: to pay for this luxury. I will say, washing stuff
Speaker 1: is a very difficult task and we should be really
Speaker 1: thankful that we were raised people who could do it well.
Speaker 1: Your issue isn't the washing machine, though, Like you've got
Speaker 1: to really coach your partner around understanding that having a
Speaker 1: period isn't as inherently gross as he thinks it is,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't warrant throwing out a mattress topper. A
Speaker 1: period blood stained sheet is not that big of a deal. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's not sexy, it doesn't like look cute aesthetically, But realistically,
Speaker 1: I feel like that is the core issue here. It's
Speaker 1: not the washing stuff, because realistically, if he had a
Speaker 1: more comfortable relationship with you menstruating, he could be like
Speaker 1: a mom. Sorry BRONTI stayed over and she'd let a
Speaker 1: little bit, do you mind putting little a little start
Speaker 1: start oxy stain on the little and then it's call
Speaker 1: to day. Now we're dipping into the savings to get
Speaker 1: mattress toppers, and I know you can't recycle them easily.
Speaker 1: I know you can't.
Speaker 2: You can't, you can't correct, you can't even recycle pillows.
Speaker 2: I say, stage are silent, intervention, sis, free, lead, cost nothing,
Speaker 2: cost nothing, and yeah, until you have to replace his
Speaker 2: match stopper. But I say, maybe coax him to move
Speaker 2: out and then he'll have to learn.
Speaker 1: We should not force people into moving out, because there
Speaker 1: are there are very few things worse than someone who's
Speaker 1: technically moved out to they're an adult by circumstance who
Speaker 1: do not know how to do the basic tasks, and
Speaker 1: adulthood is not basic by any means. So at least
Speaker 1: learn a few things and then leave.
Speaker 2: You're listening to flex and frooms.
Speaker 1: I've said it before and I say it again. Most
Speaker 1: jobs are silly, stupid and dumb. Well, but that shouldn't
Speaker 1: stop you from utilizing the silliness of it all to
Speaker 1: progress upwards.
Speaker 2: Listen to this. If you have a job title that.
Speaker 3: Most people don't understand, like studio proprietor what you can
Speaker 3: do on your resume in parentheses next to it is
Speaker 3: put a more commonly known job title, so when somebody
Speaker 3: sees it immediately they know what you do.
Speaker 1: Absurd. But it reminds me of the fact that when
Speaker 1: I developed more than like two or three job titles,
Speaker 1: it started getting dumb, because then I started thinking, what
Speaker 1: what can even be a job title? How many times
Speaker 1: you need to do something to say it's a job?
Speaker 1: And I noticed that I was having a lot of
Speaker 1: conversations on the Internet, and I thought to myself, this
Speaker 1: is a job in some capacity. I do get a
Speaker 1: paid to share what I think. But what would you
Speaker 1: call that job title? Know what?
Speaker 2: I call it?
Speaker 1: Professional opinion. Hover to my bio, to my website, I
Speaker 1: get introduced as such, and I thought to myself, there's
Speaker 1: no other title for what I'm doing that you could
Speaker 1: say like social commentator, boring, lame, terrifying, professional opinion have amazing.
Speaker 2: See I don't have a problem with cultural commentator because
Speaker 2: I think what we do ought to be championed.
Speaker 1: Yes, but I think it's it's almost so broad a
Speaker 1: cultural commentator. Sounds like it's nuanced and it's taking like
Speaker 1: a wide range of opinions. No, just mine. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm a professional sharing my own opinion. I don't want
Speaker 1: to be like sharing the others. I don't really care.
Speaker 2: I guess that's a really good point. I will say,
Speaker 2: tell me anyone who is an account manager in bTB sales, oh,
Speaker 2: works as startup, works in tech, works for a tech company,
Speaker 2: works for a company.
Speaker 1: I'd say product and project managers as well.
Speaker 2: I'm freaking out, guys, what do you do? What do
Speaker 2: you do? Because I'm out here dating and I'm gonna
Speaker 2: need to know what bracket we're coming.
Speaker 1: Back to dating a lot for the girly, isn't it?
Speaker 1: Isn't it? Brick?
Speaker 2: It's on my head? What's up with you? Is there
Speaker 2: anything wrong with that? It's what people are here, don't
Speaker 2: Maybe you're the one that you don't want to talk
Speaker 2: about your dating.
Speaker 1: Actually I don't want to speak about it.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not talking about my own experience. I'm talking
Speaker 2: about just wait, what on hinge? Someone told me on
Speaker 2: a hinge that there's one too many specific reference. There's
Speaker 2: one too many account managers. I need to know what
Speaker 2: you do. Sometimes I can't glass doll certain you know jobs,
Speaker 2: and I don't want to ask you because it's not
Speaker 2: going to make sense. So that's why I say. I
Speaker 2: do like the idea of giving another giving another name,
Speaker 2: just the I think the appeal of the said job
Speaker 2: might go away.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes things sometimes we should advocate for smoke and mirrors.
Speaker 1: I like the fantasy of a job tie that doesn't
Speaker 1: make any sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, me too.
Speaker 1: Pick one, choose one, be yourself.
Speaker 2: You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.
Speaker 2: For more, Tune Indicator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.