1 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:09,960 Speaker 1: Today. Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. Today, the last 2 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:10,600 Speaker 1: week of summer. 3 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 2: Don't say that that's really sad. 4 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,760 Speaker 1: I'm feeling so excited about it. I'm tired of sitting 5 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: in my office and sweating in the air conditioning not working. 6 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 1: I'm really looking forward to the end of summer, cool weather, Autumn. 7 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: Here we go. This is why we live in Queensland, right, 8 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 1: It's just ten weeks twelve weeks of real heat and 9 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,600 Speaker 1: then we get that beautiful weather for the rest of 10 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: the year. Okay, all right, I appreciate you being so 11 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: accommodating to my preferences. Hey, today on the pod, we're 12 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:37,479 Speaker 1: going to have a conversation about an article that I 13 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:41,400 Speaker 1: read back in October last year, and it's just it's 14 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: that grain of sand in my shoe. It's the provocation. 15 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 1: I heard a great quote recently came from a school 16 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:53,199 Speaker 1: leader who said, contented cows give milk, agitated oysters give pearls. 17 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: And I've been agitated and I feel like it's time 18 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 1: for the pearl to come out today. So Derek Thompson 19 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: is a former Atlantic staffer who now has his own substack. 20 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:08,039 Speaker 1: Just look up Derek Thompson on substack and you'll find him. 21 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,839 Speaker 1: We will link to the article on the show notes. 22 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,400 Speaker 1: But I read this back in October and I can't 23 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,679 Speaker 1: let go of it. It has been a sand in 24 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: my shoe that has become a pearl in my oyster. 25 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 1: And today we have a look at whose cup we 26 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 1: are filling by Derek Thompson. Because it's just too good 27 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: to not share as widely as possible. Stay with us. 28 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Happy Family podcast, where you 29 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,319 Speaker 1: get real parenting solutions every single day. This is Australia's 30 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: most download a parenting podcast. We so appreciate that you 31 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 1: choose to make us that. Thank you for listening. We 32 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: hope that you're getting great value from it. We ad 33 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 1: Justin and Kylie course my the parents have six kids. 34 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: And today Kylie, I'm going to just share some thoughts 35 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:48,960 Speaker 1: from this substack article from Derek Thompson that he shared 36 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:52,760 Speaker 1: last year that has not let me go. I keep 37 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 1: coming back to it again and again and again, usually 38 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,160 Speaker 1: in a guilty way because I'm doing it wrong. And 39 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: the substack is a really positive way of realigning values, 40 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 1: realigning intention and I just love for you interrupt me 41 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 1: if anything strikes you as I'm reading is that. 42 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, hit me. 43 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:13,480 Speaker 1: The post is called Whose Cup Are You Filling? It's 44 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 1: a Sunday Morning post about attention, finitude, and a game 45 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,840 Speaker 1: of life. He says, I'm thinking of a game. The 46 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:24,240 Speaker 1: rules are simple. Every morning you have a full picture 47 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:27,600 Speaker 1: of water and many empty cups. By day's end, you 48 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: pour all the water from the picture into the cups. 49 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,919 Speaker 1: The goal of the game is to pour the water 50 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:34,280 Speaker 1: into the right cups. 51 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,760 Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm going to stop you right there. Okay, 52 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:41,360 Speaker 2: this is so hard, like you haven't even got into it. 53 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 2: And I'm thinking about all of my cups. I'm a daughter, 54 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 2: I'm a sister, I'm a wife, I'm a mother to 55 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,960 Speaker 2: six really unique individual kids. 56 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,519 Speaker 1: So that is six cups right there. 57 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:56,079 Speaker 2: Right, So lots of people think that our kids are 58 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 2: kind of cookie cutter when you look at them, that 59 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 2: they they look the same. But yeah, to parent them, 60 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:02,880 Speaker 2: they are not. 61 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,359 Speaker 1: All you have to do is have a second child, 62 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,600 Speaker 1: and you realize this, right, and once you have six, 63 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 1: I want to six, and I just I'm never endingly 64 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:11,920 Speaker 1: surprised at how different I am to my siblings, and 65 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:13,840 Speaker 1: they are from one another. And so we would expect 66 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,519 Speaker 1: that would happen with our kids too, and it has. 67 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,079 Speaker 2: I'm a mother in law, I'm a grandmother, I'm a teacher, 68 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,680 Speaker 2: I'm a taxi driver, I'm a nurse, I'm a therapist. 69 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 2: But then there's also all of the facets that make 70 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 2: up me, what's going to me, and it is a 71 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 2: mental met and the emotional me, Like there is so 72 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 2: many cups, and the idea that we can find balance 73 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:35,320 Speaker 2: and all of that is kind of a bit of 74 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 2: a fallacy. 75 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't believe in balance. We've had this conversation 76 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 1: on the pod before. 77 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 2: You just think about any one of those relationships and 78 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 2: when one of them is in crisis. 79 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 1: Then all of the water goes into that cup. 80 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 2: That's right, Yeah, keep reading, but I'm just well, before 81 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:51,520 Speaker 2: I keep reading, let's just I've lost count of how 82 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 2: many cups are sitting in front of me. 83 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,160 Speaker 1: Right now, You've mainly been talking about the roles that 84 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 1: you feel, but then you added and I think it's 85 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: worth fleshing it out. In fact, he does it in 86 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 1: the next paragraph. There's also the things you do that 87 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 1: you're tipping water into, whether it's watching Netflix or going 88 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 1: and exercising or spending some time in faith and devotion 89 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 1: and putting your energy into reading uplifting literature. Like all 90 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 1: of these things also are emptying that picture of water 91 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: every single second of every single day. 92 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 2: My table is big enough. 93 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,680 Speaker 1: No, no, there's a lot of cups. All right, here's 94 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,039 Speaker 1: what he says. He says sounds like it's a weird game. 95 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 1: I know, But there's a catch. You have been playing 96 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 1: this game your whole life, and I think that's worth 97 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,920 Speaker 1: pointing out. Whether you opt in or not, you're still 98 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:36,160 Speaker 1: playing the game. This is a non optional game. This 99 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,839 Speaker 1: is what our life is. The game is attention. You 100 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,279 Speaker 1: are the picture. The water is your time, your daily 101 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 1: sixteen or seventeen hours of waking consciousness, all your care 102 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,600 Speaker 1: and focus and feeling. The cups represent everything you pour 103 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 1: your thoughts and attention into. They're abled, work, TikTok, wife 104 00:04:54,800 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: or husband dishes, exercise, regret, parents, anxiety. God. I just 105 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:06,359 Speaker 1: want to pause there for a sec because attention. I 106 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,360 Speaker 1: love how you said this. If you're focused on this regret, 107 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 1: something happens, I don't know, a week ago, or a 108 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: month ago, or five seven years ago, five years ago, 109 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:18,560 Speaker 1: that's exactly right. And you wake up and once the 110 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 1: morning rushes over and you sit down, and then it 111 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 1: just pops back into your head and you spend five 112 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,039 Speaker 1: or ten minutes thinking about that regret, and maybe you 113 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,239 Speaker 1: journal a bit about it, or maybe you ring somebody 114 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:28,840 Speaker 1: and talk to them about the regret and how this 115 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,560 Speaker 1: thing just won't get shaken, or maybe you go and 116 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:33,680 Speaker 1: spend hours and an enormous amount of money in a 117 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 1: therapist's office talking about this regret. This is pouring water 118 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:42,359 Speaker 1: out of you into that glass. And here's what he says. 119 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 1: By its nature, water cannot go into two cups simultaneously. 120 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,360 Speaker 1: When you're listening to a podcast, you aren't listening to 121 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:51,719 Speaker 1: your husband, when you're thinking about politics, you aren't thinking 122 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 1: about your sister. When you're working, you aren't praying. It's 123 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 1: easy to lie to ourselves about our values and our priorities. 124 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 1: But attention doesn't tell lies. Attention reveals the preferences that 125 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 1: we have our values. 126 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 2: Well, there's that kind of well known saying that where 127 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:14,599 Speaker 2: your attention goes, your energy flows. So wherever I'm putting 128 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 2: my attention, that's where my water is going. Right. 129 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, this is another way of kind of saying what 130 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:23,719 Speaker 1: Stephen Covey said, the things that matter most should never 131 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,000 Speaker 1: be at the mercy of the things that matter least. 132 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,360 Speaker 1: And so if you're getting a nickers in a not 133 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 1: about things that on a global scale, really do matter, 134 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,840 Speaker 1: right like the stuff that's on the front page of 135 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 1: the news, I'm not going to talk about anything there 136 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: because it might offend somebody who really does care about 137 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,599 Speaker 1: those things. The reality is, you can't do anything about 138 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 1: that stuff. Well, most of us can't do anything about 139 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:47,480 Speaker 1: that stuff. Maybe a few of us in some strange 140 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: circumstances can, But we can do something about the fact 141 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 1: that our daughter is coming home and crying every afternoon, 142 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:58,920 Speaker 1: or that we've got a husband who feels disconnected and 143 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,239 Speaker 1: the way that he demonstrates that disconnection is to dispair 144 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 1: into his bedroom and watch Netflix rather than coming out 145 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 1: and communicating with the family. We can focus on things 146 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: that we're concerned about, or we can focus on things 147 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,240 Speaker 1: that we have some power to control. Where we put 148 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 1: our water, where we tip our water out of our 149 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 1: finite resource each day has a huge impact on what 150 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 1: the rest of our life feels like and whether we 151 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 1: feel like we're in control or not. And Derek Thompson 152 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 1: says many people spend their whole lives emptying themselves without 153 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 1: taking stock of the water levels of the cups into 154 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 1: which they pour their existence. They spend hours, days, and 155 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 1: decades watering cups that they never meant to water, and 156 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,400 Speaker 1: leaving empty other vessels they always meant to fill. 157 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 2: Clearly, I only have my perspective to go from. But 158 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,840 Speaker 2: I talk to too many women who feel like their 159 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 2: pitch is empty, but they've gotten nothing out of the experience. 160 00:07:56,760 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 2: They're just constantly pouring into other people's cups or or 161 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 2: other things and feeling depleted from the process. 162 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,240 Speaker 1: This is a question of where we're going to focus. 163 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,760 Speaker 1: I do this activity when I'm talking to staff or 164 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 1: parents sometimes or students where I get them to put 165 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 1: a broomstick on their fingertips and they look at their 166 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: fingertips and the broomstick falls over. It usually hits them 167 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: in the head. But instead of looking at their fingertips, 168 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,200 Speaker 1: if they look at the top of the broomstick, they 169 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,920 Speaker 1: can balance it on their fingertips. So when I hear 170 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 1: you say that, I'm thinking the attention is there regardless, 171 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:36,520 Speaker 1: but sometimes we're putting our attention in less effective places, 172 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:40,440 Speaker 1: and that is depleting. If we're putting our attention to 173 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: something that depletes us. We are going to feel empty, 174 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 1: We're going to feel horrible. I'll give you a really 175 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 1: simple example. Every now and again, I will write a 176 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:53,439 Speaker 1: piece for social media, and then I get caught up 177 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: in what I'm seeing in the comments, and all my 178 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 1: attention gets poured into too spending a long time responding 179 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 1: to people that I don't know and that I don't 180 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: need to impress, and that often have been brought in 181 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 1: by the algorithm. They're not actually followers of what we do. 182 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,840 Speaker 1: And I sit down at the table and I'm angry. 183 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,560 Speaker 1: You know that I'm angry, and you'll be like, oh, 184 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 1: you've been on social media. There's so much so that 185 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,440 Speaker 1: I've stopped. I've given all my social media to my team. 186 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,319 Speaker 1: I just write this stuff and I walk away. I 187 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,600 Speaker 1: don't even look at it anymore. I don't even know 188 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 1: how to log in anymore. My team posts it all 189 00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:29,079 Speaker 1: for me and does it because I don't want to 190 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:32,400 Speaker 1: put my attention on it. I made the decision because 191 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:34,719 Speaker 1: a little while ago, like I'm talking in the last 192 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,079 Speaker 1: six months, I made a post about something that was 193 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:42,200 Speaker 1: pretty provocative, and somebody came at me pretty hard, and 194 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 1: they were just in retrospect. They were thoughtful, but they 195 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: were impolite, and I just called them a goose on 196 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 1: social media, not in my mind. I actually said you're 197 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 1: a goose. And then they screened shouldered and said, oh, 198 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,320 Speaker 1: we've got screen sholders. Justin Coulson called me a goose, 199 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 1: and that they carried on and I apologized them at 200 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:02,560 Speaker 1: it right, But I was putting my attention into something 201 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,320 Speaker 1: that wasn't helpful, and it had flow and effects because 202 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 1: I had less capacity to put attention into you and 203 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 1: the kids that day, that night, that evening, as we 204 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 1: spend time together. 205 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 2: On my side of the coin. Then at the moment, 206 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,760 Speaker 2: I'm putting a lot of energy into my physical health 207 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:25,840 Speaker 2: and moving my body and exercising, and that is having 208 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 2: a huge toll on my capacity to be as presidents. 209 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 2: I would like come the afternoon time when I'm ready 210 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 2: for bed four o'clock. But the challenge is, as most 211 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 2: of us will experience, what I'm doing is not bad. 212 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:44,280 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah. 213 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 2: And if we recognize and know that balance isn't an like, 214 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 2: it's just not it's not achievable, then how do we 215 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 2: make the decision about where our energy needs to go 216 00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:00,200 Speaker 2: and our attention needs to go. If all of these 217 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,720 Speaker 2: things are good, I have six children, they're all good, right, 218 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 2: and have a grand baby she's good. 219 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: How do you find the energy to put the attention 220 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,959 Speaker 1: into it if you've depleted your energy even though you've 221 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 1: still you've still got the minutes and the hours in 222 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 1: the day, but there's no energy left to direct the 223 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,800 Speaker 1: attention productively. Yeah. Yeah, let's talk about it after the break. 224 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 1: Stay with this, We're back into Happy Families podcast. Kylie, 225 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,679 Speaker 1: you've asked this really hard question. I don't know that 226 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 1: I've got a great answer for you, but I think 227 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 1: it would be worth stepping back into the Derek Thompson 228 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,680 Speaker 1: piece because he does say something that I think really 229 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,880 Speaker 1: matters here. He says the game of cups is a 230 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 1: useful allegory because it recommends a clear action. Think of 231 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 1: it as a waterline inventory. At the end of the day, 232 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 1: you can ask yourself, who got my water today? Did 233 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,439 Speaker 1: I save my attention for my priorities or do I 234 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: consistently pour myself into activities and media that I would 235 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,920 Speaker 1: never say I valued. And I feel a little pad 236 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,839 Speaker 1: of guilt there because I probably only need to check 237 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,680 Speaker 1: the news headlines two or three times a day, but 238 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 1: I probably checked them eight times a day, and therefore 239 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,040 Speaker 1: I'm pouring water into the wrong spot. And often I'll 240 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,040 Speaker 1: do it because I'm feeling depleted and I'm not sure 241 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 1: that I have the energy to do the stuff that 242 00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:16,600 Speaker 1: I want to do. Anyway, let me jump back in, 243 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:19,440 Speaker 1: he says. One can be quite precise about this waterline inventory. 244 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 1: If you're a white collar worker, for example, you'll have 245 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,320 Speaker 1: typed hundreds or thousands of words in a given day. 246 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,400 Speaker 1: Who or what got your words? Projects you care about 247 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,679 Speaker 1: or projects you wish never existed, colleagues or family, group 248 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,560 Speaker 1: chats with people you don't really care about, or group 249 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,679 Speaker 1: chats with people you love and want to see more of, 250 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 1: he says, if I'm being strictly honest with myself, there 251 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,920 Speaker 1: are too many weeks when looking back, I sent hundreds 252 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,600 Speaker 1: of words to slack channels and group chats I don't 253 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,760 Speaker 1: really care about without sending a word to a friend 254 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,840 Speaker 1: I care about and haven't contacted in a while. 255 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 2: So at the beginning of the year, we shared the 256 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:58,319 Speaker 2: three words that we picked to focus on this. 257 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: Year, Connection, vitality, intention. 258 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 2: And as we're talking to me. This is really just 259 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:10,600 Speaker 2: about intention. Yeah, attention is about what our intention is. Like, 260 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 2: if we want to be intentional, then our attention is 261 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:16,680 Speaker 2: going to go to the places that we believe need 262 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:17,560 Speaker 2: our focus. 263 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,200 Speaker 1: And I'm thinking about that question that you asked. What 264 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 1: happens at four o'clock in the afternoon when you are 265 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,920 Speaker 1: out on your feet. You've been going all day, You've 266 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 1: put a whole lot of energy into other activities, productive activities. 267 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,160 Speaker 1: You've been really good. You haven't even snacked, like you've 268 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 1: been really really good and focused on all the right things. 269 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 1: But you've still got another three to four hours to go, 270 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,600 Speaker 1: and you're kind of thinking, hmmm, I don't think I 271 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,559 Speaker 1: want to Something that I've discovered is that if you 272 00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 1: just take that first or second step, just take a 273 00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:46,200 Speaker 1: couple of steps and get some momentuments and progress, it 274 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,160 Speaker 1: starts to feel good again. So you might think, I 275 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,559 Speaker 1: don't want to spend time with the kids, or I 276 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 1: don't want to go on cook dinner. But if you 277 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 1: can pull yourself off the couch or pull yourself off 278 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,640 Speaker 1: the bed or wherever it is that you're laying down 279 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,600 Speaker 1: and trying to get that little breather, because you really 280 00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 1: do feel like you need it if you can switch 281 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,280 Speaker 1: netflick off, or stop scrolling the Instagram reels. And this 282 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:05,200 Speaker 1: isn't about you, This is a general comment. What happens 283 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 1: is you take those steps into the kitchen, you open 284 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,839 Speaker 1: the fridge, you pull the ingredients out, you start chopping, 285 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, you're there. You're putting your 286 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,520 Speaker 1: attention into it. Or you notice that your daughter is 287 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 1: not looking very happy, and you're there. You start to 288 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:21,080 Speaker 1: put your attention into it. My experience has been that 289 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: that attention picture goes from sun up to sundown, from 290 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 1: when we wake to when we sleep. We've just got 291 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: to be intentional about pouring the water into the right cups. 292 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,160 Speaker 1: And this is how Derek Thompson finishes the piece. He says, 293 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 1: the whole project might sound like a major guilt trip, 294 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 1: but I choose to see it differently. Our attention is 295 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:49,480 Speaker 1: a unique resource. Bodies degrade, wealth rises and falls, reputations 296 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:55,160 Speaker 1: come and go, but attention refreshes daily. The morning's picture 297 00:14:55,440 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 1: is always full, the morning's cups are always the game 298 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 1: begins again, and it's a game you can win today 299 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,720 Speaker 1: no matter how many times you've lost. So this week, 300 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 1: I wrote myself a note and taped it to my 301 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,560 Speaker 1: desk where I can't miss it. Whose cup did you 302 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 1: fill today? 303 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,600 Speaker 2: I really like that ending. It's so simple, it's so profound, 304 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:21,440 Speaker 2: the idea that you don't actually have to think about 305 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:25,000 Speaker 2: the hundreds of cups in front of you, because That's 306 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 2: what I've been focusing on, but the one cup you 307 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 2: intend to focus on. 308 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 1: We will link to Derek Thompson's article and his entire 309 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: substack in the show notes because I think it's great. 310 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 1: It's one of my favorites. Even though I don't always 311 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,760 Speaker 1: agree with it. I just think he's so provocative and 312 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,640 Speaker 1: so oh my goodness, he's so articulate. Derrek Thompson substack 313 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 1: will link to that. The Happy Family's podcast is produced 314 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 1: by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Mim Hammon's provides our 315 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 1: admin and other support. If you would like more info 316 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 1: to make your family happier, we'd love for you to 317 00:15:55,720 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: visit us at Happy families dot com dot au