Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
Speaker 1: welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2: Laura, what is wrong with that?
Speaker 3: I'm Brittany. I've been trying to figure out what's in
Speaker 3: my eye and I've just realized I'm like, something is
Speaker 3: my eye. I'm pretty sure it's a flake of my croissant,
Speaker 3: because it was just all over me more shuffling it
Speaker 3: in before the record, and I think I have croissant hied.
Speaker 3: Do you want me to come get it out?
Speaker 2: What with your tongue?
Speaker 3: With my with my tongue? No, maybe I've got a
Speaker 3: maybe you can't get it with those nails. Do you
Speaker 3: want me to no?
Speaker 2: I think figure her eyeball on record.
Speaker 3: Brittany, I would figure your eyeball because I'm wondering now
Speaker 3: if I've actually got the flake out and the flake
Speaker 3: left a mark on my eye. You know how sometimes
Speaker 3: your eye get scratched and then it feels Yeah, I
Speaker 3: think I've got it. I think I've got a croissant wound. Wow,
Speaker 3: that was crazy.
Speaker 2: Croissant debreed or get your could you go?
Speaker 3: You got to be careful croissants. I'm dangerous.
Speaker 1: Okay, So, guys, if you're just joining us, you will
Speaker 1: know that we've been on holidays.
Speaker 2: Clearly things are not back to normal yet.
Speaker 1: But we actually can't update you on the holiday because
Speaker 1: we haven't had it. So we're recording this just before
Speaker 1: we went away so that we can, you know, school
Speaker 1: ease an.
Speaker 2: Extra day out of it.
Speaker 3: This is our last day before holidays.
Speaker 1: And this is technically my last holiday before I have
Speaker 1: a baby and never have holiday again in my life
Speaker 1: because you actually never will. Yeah, so that's it. So
Speaker 1: hopefully I had a great time. I'll tell you all
Speaker 1: about it on Wednesday.
Speaker 3: What can you tell us what you're doing?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going what do you think I'm doing? Going
Speaker 2: to holiday and I'm going down to Ala Dallah. That's
Speaker 2: all we do. We were talking about it recently.
Speaker 1: Matt and I were like, okay, so technically, I mean
Speaker 1: we will go for other trips locally, but like, technically,
Speaker 1: once this baby comes, like we're never going to be
Speaker 1: able to afford to fly anywhere again because like you've
Speaker 1: got to once your kid turns too, you've got to
Speaker 1: pay for three seats for children.
Speaker 2: So I was like, that's it. We're never going anywhere.
Speaker 3: We're gonna stay maybe you can just leave them at home?
Speaker 2: No, why not?
Speaker 3: Why is that such a bad thing? Actually? Okay, like
Speaker 3: my can't parents have a week to recover and leave
Speaker 3: the kids with the grandparents or some boom? Is that
Speaker 3: like shamed?
Speaker 2: Not everyone has grandparents?
Speaker 3: Who you do?
Speaker 2: Capable? Alia is super capable.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't leave her with the kids for a week, right,
Speaker 1: I certainly would never leave her with three kids for
Speaker 1: a week like me.
Speaker 3: I could take a You're like, hell no, you would call.
Speaker 1: The dog sitter and be like, sorry, can someone please
Speaker 1: mind Laura's children.
Speaker 2: I would've got seventy dollars an hour. I would leave
Speaker 2: them at home and Delilah look after them.
Speaker 3: I'm like, girl's got.
Speaker 2: It, very mature, like where is where's Poppy?
Speaker 3: Bree?
Speaker 2: You're like she's fine and maybe.
Speaker 3: Not she's too, which went, oh is a fan?
Speaker 1: But anyway, well, we will update you on holiday stuff
Speaker 1: and everything that's been happening, but like we said, hasn't
Speaker 1: happened yet, so we don't want to make up stories
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 3: I forgot to tell you guys something and I got
Speaker 3: I saw it again today because I screamed on it,
Speaker 3: but got me giggling.
Speaker 2: Was it thirsty hams, so because let me tell you
Speaker 2: that's going off.
Speaker 3: Was it the thirsty hands? Did we get any responses
Speaker 3: from people that have been thirsty Hamstring?
Speaker 1: No, I've had a few people DM me about the
Speaker 1: thirsty Hamster. If you don't know what it is, guys,
Speaker 1: just go back and listen to the first ten minutes
Speaker 1: of the last askar and cut we did or it
Speaker 1: was truly unhinged and.
Speaker 3: It was obviously we hadn't been on holidays yet.
Speaker 1: I don't recommend ever trying it at home. A lot
Speaker 1: of people commented, no one's tried it. I'm yet to
Speaker 1: find someone who's actually tried it. Slide into my DMS
Speaker 1: if you have, if you've had a man just playing
Speaker 1: on top of the car for the good of the nation.
Speaker 3: I just don't. I think it's some Do you know
Speaker 3: what I think this is? I don't think it's like
Speaker 3: a trend or a thing. I think one sicco's done
Speaker 3: at once and has written about it, and now it's
Speaker 3: turned into something like people aren't doing this.
Speaker 1: Let's not call people sicicos just because they like to
Speaker 1: have the car adventurous sex capades.
Speaker 2: Anyway, what is your update?
Speaker 3: Well, I was just going to say, it's very small,
Speaker 3: it's not an update. But I'm on Dancing with the
Speaker 3: Stars at the moment, as are you, and you guys know, well,
Speaker 3: sometimes I forget myself because we recorded it so long ago.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh shit, that's right, I'm on Dancing with
Speaker 3: the Stars. But you know, it's so funny, you know,
Speaker 3: when you go to respond to a story or send
Speaker 3: it to a friend and you accidentally get it sent
Speaker 3: to you. I didn't know if I explained that right.
Speaker 3: You know how you can go to forward someone else's
Speaker 3: story to a friend, Yes, but sometimes you just forward
Speaker 3: it to the person. And I remember the most prime
Speaker 3: example is when you put up a photo of Maley
Speaker 3: as a little kid Malie May is a little baby Laura,
Speaker 3: and someone responded someone went to send it to their
Speaker 3: friend and say something about her looking like a turtle,
Speaker 3: or like oh she finally looks cute, something rude, but
Speaker 3: they accidentally sent.
Speaker 2: It to you. So it was when Maley was two
Speaker 2: years old.
Speaker 1: I put up a really cute picture of her and
Speaker 1: somebody replied to the picture very very obviously meant to
Speaker 1: send it to their friend, and she said, oh, look,
Speaker 1: I guess her kid finally got cute, and I was like,
Speaker 1: she was an odd looking little baby, but she was
Speaker 1: still cute to me. God damn it, she was cute
Speaker 1: to everybody, thanks for the The cross side that she
Speaker 1: had when she first came out was a stigmatism that
Speaker 1: really was she was totally cross.
Speaker 2: That made her cute. No.
Speaker 3: So I had put up some stories from dancing and
Speaker 3: I had three responses in my damn from the same person,
Speaker 3: like they'd responded three times and its very evidently wasn't
Speaker 3: supposed to go to me. The first one said ill
Speaker 3: just one word eat two laters ill, and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 3: that's unusual, weird. Next one yuck, and I was like, okay, interesting.
Speaker 3: A couple of minutes later, who even is she? So
Speaker 3: somebody messaged me ill, yuck? Who even is she? And
Speaker 3: I was like the fact I get that you're trying
Speaker 3: to send my story to somebody else, and I'm ill,
Speaker 3: like you don't like red, that's cool, but imagine trying
Speaker 3: to send the same story three times to a friend
Speaker 3: to comment like that could have been one sentence, that
Speaker 3: could have been one sentence and one comment. And I
Speaker 3: got it, and I was like, oh was it was
Speaker 3: that bad.
Speaker 1: I still think honestly, when I see things like that,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're a fan.
Speaker 2: That's a fan.
Speaker 1: She's doing your favor, she's engaged with your content. You
Speaker 1: should be grateful, brit But.
Speaker 3: It was also weird because I did go on a
Speaker 3: little investigation. She doesn't follow me, so she's obviously that's
Speaker 3: why she said who is she? Obviously, but she's she
Speaker 3: stumbled across my It just it's just weird to me.
Speaker 3: When I see that stuff, it makes you wonder how
Speaker 3: many people are sending that to other people. But I'm
Speaker 3: like three messages to a friend sending just a random
Speaker 3: you don't know her, she's on a TV show. You've
Speaker 3: sent it to really double down on like ill gross,
Speaker 3: discussing vomit in my mouth, like like clomped out, Oh
Speaker 3: did I tell you?
Speaker 1: I think I've told you this one before, but like
Speaker 1: cut it out if I have cash. So Matt, because
Speaker 1: like obviously Matt does really silly videos, and for like
Speaker 1: the longest time during COVID, like some of those videos
Speaker 1: got pretty weird, right, Like Matt would be dressing up
Speaker 1: in my dresses and doing all weird types of things. Anyway,
Speaker 1: we went to England when we first started dating, and
Speaker 1: Matt used to live over there, so he's got a
Speaker 1: really great group of friends over there.
Speaker 2: I remember really great group.
Speaker 1: Of friends and I met them all and they're so
Speaker 1: lovely And anyway, came back here covid hit. He was like,
Speaker 1: we were doing enough funny videos and one of his friends,
Speaker 1: actually it was the wife of one of his very
Speaker 1: very friends, just sent the video to him and was
Speaker 1: like like, oh my god, this is so cringe. I
Speaker 1: can't believe he would post this. And then he never
Speaker 1: heard from her again. He wrote back and was like, oh,
Speaker 1: thanks for that, and then never they've never spoken since
Speaker 1: it's been five years.
Speaker 3: Like, that's really shit because it's your private group. Anyway,
Speaker 3: it's an actual friend.
Speaker 4: I was gonna ask you if you replied to the
Speaker 4: person who said yuck, who is she?
Speaker 3: I just put a hand up.
Speaker 2: It's me.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I sent her the vote number.
Speaker 2: I was like, click a link.
Speaker 1: Oh guys, let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes for
Speaker 1: answering your questions, Brittany, what is your vibe?
Speaker 3: My vibe is nothing new, but I'm sure a lot
Speaker 3: of people haven't heard of it. It is something that
Speaker 3: my family and my group of friends have been playing
Speaker 3: for a very long time.
Speaker 2: It's a board game Monopoly.
Speaker 3: No, have you heard of Monopoly? No? I want a vibe.
Speaker 3: I'm disappointed at how sucked into my phone I can get.
Speaker 3: And I'm trying to bring back some wholesome interactions with
Speaker 3: people again because this got me thinking. It was off
Speaker 3: the back of an article I read about George Clooney
Speaker 3: and a Mile Clooney, and so whenever they have people
Speaker 3: over to the house, they entertain a lot. There is
Speaker 3: like a phone basket and you go in and you
Speaker 3: can't go into their house without putting your phone in.
Speaker 3: And it's because they, I guess, they get no privacy
Speaker 3: in their life. They're huge. They want to be able
Speaker 3: to feel safe to have their conversations knowing that no
Speaker 3: one has the phone anyway. That's not my vibe, but
Speaker 3: it got me thinking about those interactions and I'm bringing
Speaker 3: back and my sister Sherry and I and Jay we
Speaker 3: played a couple of weeks ago when I visit them.
Speaker 3: But just the board game Articulate, I don't know if
Speaker 3: you guys haven't played it.
Speaker 2: Articulated is great.
Speaker 3: It's so good, so We've got two favorite board games
Speaker 3: that we've been like playing for years and we've just
Speaker 3: sort of brought them back. Balderdash and Articulate. But Articulate
Speaker 3: if you haven't heard of it, it is so much fun.
Speaker 3: It's literally just you team up. You've got thirty seconds
Speaker 3: and you just have to guess. One person describes whatever
Speaker 3: word it is and the other person has to guess
Speaker 3: it and you just churn through them. But it is
Speaker 3: so much much fun, and it's really fun to play
Speaker 3: with a group of friends. Like I just think we
Speaker 3: sometimes needed the reminder to go back and have these
Speaker 3: wholesome interactions where A you're actually present and B you're
Speaker 3: using your brain. It's like, but so that's my You
Speaker 3: can get it literally anywhere. Twenty five bucks, Big Wa
Speaker 3: so great.
Speaker 1: When we used to live together, Nasa and I Na's
Speaker 1: our video editor. For anyone who is new to the
Speaker 1: pod Articulate, it used to get a very good run
Speaker 1: in our house.
Speaker 2: It's great. A couple of lines play game articulates.
Speaker 3: Sherry and I a band from playing in our family
Speaker 3: because we're so competitive. No, not that we know each other.
Speaker 3: We spend our whole life living together. We shared a
Speaker 3: room our whole life. We've worked in the same hospital
Speaker 3: our whole life, live together. We know each other inside
Speaker 3: out that it's just not fair. It's like, it's no
Speaker 3: we finish the telepathic community. Sometimes we say one people
Speaker 3: think we're cheating. We'll say one word, not even we
Speaker 3: haven't got a syllable out and we've got the answer,
Speaker 3: and people think we're cheating. I'm like, how we But
Speaker 3: we just know each other too well, so we're allowed
Speaker 3: to play together.
Speaker 2: Do you know what'd board games really anti climactic?
Speaker 1: That I tried to wheel out recently and play with
Speaker 1: Matt's mum Scrabble.
Speaker 2: It's fucking sober.
Speaker 3: It's a bit like seventy plus now.
Speaker 2: So slow moving, isn't it?
Speaker 3: Anyway?
Speaker 2: Can just watch your vibe So slow moveing.
Speaker 3: That's because you're slow. It's spelling subscribers Scrabble.
Speaker 4: My vibe this week is for anyone who perhaps was
Speaker 4: not taught handy little things while they were growing up,
Speaker 4: whether that came from your parents or your grandparents, and
Speaker 4: you were just missing. There's a couple of gaps in
Speaker 4: how to do shit around the house. I have been
Speaker 4: using the Bunnings Warehouse how to videos extensively. I now
Speaker 4: feel like I've gone from a novice. So over the weekend, I.
Speaker 3: Know I'm building my first house out.
Speaker 2: I'm now a pro.
Speaker 4: Well, I removed wallpaper and I was really I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: this could be a really big job. I've heard people
Speaker 4: say it's really challenging.
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah.
Speaker 4: They had like a two minute thirty video on everything
Speaker 4: that I needed and how to remove it, all properly
Speaker 4: and different like if it's on this surface and if
Speaker 4: it's on that surface.
Speaker 3: Anyway.
Speaker 4: The videos are short, they're concise, They're obviously made by
Speaker 4: people who know relatively what they're doing, but it's not
Speaker 4: too complex. I've also watched ones on how to paint
Speaker 4: because I've been painting as well, and.
Speaker 3: How to rip up grass and replant grass.
Speaker 2: So Keisho is now a Diway queen.
Speaker 1: I mean, you've always kind of been a Diway queen,
Speaker 1: but now you're like really erring into Doway pro category.
Speaker 4: Now I'm allowed to do it. Before I had to
Speaker 4: hide it from the land lawn. Now I'm actually a
Speaker 4: load to two things.
Speaker 3: It looks great, Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 4: I appreciate that I tried very hard, but yeah, They've
Speaker 4: got some really really good practical videos.
Speaker 3: So if there's anything that you're not really sure that here, they've.
Speaker 4: Got how to clean tile flows, how to install a
Speaker 4: security camera, how to hang a TV, how to identify
Speaker 4: and fixed drafts. Like, they've got this whole video series
Speaker 4: that are only a couple of minutes long to help
Speaker 4: you kiss.
Speaker 3: She's also like squeezing away into my family. You know,
Speaker 3: she's got a crush on my dad. I get a message, Hey,
Speaker 3: just got off the phone from your brother, a really
Speaker 3: great fifteen minute chat.
Speaker 2: I was like, what your brother.
Speaker 3: She's like, he's talking me through my renot. I'm like, what,
Speaker 3: he's the best. He's a painter, So I asked him.
Speaker 4: I was like hey, he replied to sorry, I think
Speaker 4: his partner, Kim replied to a story that my boyfriend
Speaker 4: put up of me painting. So they got, in my opinion,
Speaker 4: they opened the door to ask for unsolicited advice.
Speaker 3: My boyfriend put on a photo and that my brother's
Speaker 3: wife commented on that told my brother that that opened.
Speaker 2: Up the next thing.
Speaker 4: I was having a twenty five minute conversation with Dane.
Speaker 2: It was very helpful.
Speaker 4: He helped me like what types of paints for skirting boards.
Speaker 3: It was very good. Maybe he could start a series.
Speaker 1: Can I just say we've gone from the vibe being
Speaker 1: Bunnings related to being just called Dane called Dane.
Speaker 3: Feel so in the show notes I will put Dane's photos.
Speaker 4: We absolutely will not, But no, my actual vibe is
Speaker 4: the Bunnings Warehouse how to video series.
Speaker 3: Cool.
Speaker 1: I love this because I honestly do believe that if
Speaker 1: you I mean, apart from like surgery or something really
Speaker 1: high level, go to go to school for that. But
Speaker 1: for most things in life, there are such thorough tutorials
Speaker 1: on how to get started, especially for things in like business,
Speaker 1: not just handy things, but there's so much you can
Speaker 1: find online. They can, like step by step help you
Speaker 1: through all the stuff that you think you can't do.
Speaker 2: And then you get this little sense of like, oh,
Speaker 2: look at me.
Speaker 3: The number of times I've poot three quarters of away
Speaker 3: through a business course online and I just get bored.
Speaker 3: I've never finished it, but I've restarted the same one
Speaker 3: so many times, and I'm like, well, boring, what are
Speaker 3: all these numbers?
Speaker 1: All right, all guys. My recommendation. It is a drama
Speaker 1: slash biopic. It's called scoop. It came out in twenty
Speaker 1: twenty four, and it's all about the behind the scenes
Speaker 1: story of how the women at BBC were the ones
Speaker 1: who brought that interview, that very famous interview of Prince
Speaker 1: Andrew in twenty nineteen where he spoke about not being
Speaker 1: able to sweat and everything else, all of their links
Speaker 1: to Jeffrey Epstein off the back of a pat picture
Speaker 1: that was taken in the park of the two of
Speaker 1: them together. I thought it was a really fascinating story.
Speaker 1: I had no idea that it was the women of
Speaker 1: BBC who were the ones who absolutely brought that to
Speaker 1: the forefront, who were the ones who who curated the
Speaker 1: relationship with the royal family and also with the royal
Speaker 1: family's pr relations in order to bring that to being
Speaker 1: a possibility. It doesn't have great ratings on Rotten Tomatoes,
Speaker 1: and I saw that, and I think it's like seventy
Speaker 1: something on Rotten Tomatoes. Went into it thinking and expecting
Speaker 1: that it wasn't going to be very good as a
Speaker 1: result of this, But I think if you're interested in
Speaker 1: media or you're interested in that whole story and how
Speaker 1: it unfolded, for me, I found it utterly fascinating. I
Speaker 1: watched it with my mother in law, who's a total royalist,
Speaker 1: And the thing about it is that Prince Andrew did
Speaker 1: that interview, and the royal family were all privy to
Speaker 1: that interview and they thought the interview was well done.
Speaker 2: Their perception of that interview was that.
Speaker 1: Actually, you know what, he nailed that, and he did
Speaker 1: a really great job at at least educating the public
Speaker 1: on his version of events. And as we know, it
Speaker 1: was the most damning pr interview that he could have
Speaker 1: ever done, and he was stripped of all these royal titles.
Speaker 2: And the flow and effect from that.
Speaker 1: But it kind of raises the questions would the pun
Speaker 1: been as severe had he never done that interview, Because
Speaker 1: if he hadn't done that interview and had just stayed
Speaker 1: quiet as he had done up until that point, he
Speaker 1: potentially would still have all these royal titles. But the
Speaker 1: backlash from it was just so incredibly severe.
Speaker 2: So it's called Scoop.
Speaker 1: It's on Netflix now, and yeah, it's about an hour
Speaker 1: and twenty minutes, and I.
Speaker 2: Really thoroughly enjoyed it.
Speaker 4: This is the one that has Julian Anderson and Billy
Speaker 4: Piper in it.
Speaker 3: I've seen it. I absolutely loved this film.
Speaker 2: It's really good, so good.
Speaker 3: Billy Piper unrelated, She's amazing. She's a bit of an underdog.
Speaker 3: People don't give her enough credit. I reckon what was
Speaker 3: her band she was in? I can't remember. She's in
Speaker 3: secret director diary. But she was a singer, push was
Speaker 3: an actress and now she's actually a really good actress. Anyway,
Speaker 3: that sounds great, Laura.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, go watch it. Let's get into your question.
Speaker 3: Kay, question number one, to look or not to look
Speaker 3: during birth? That is the question. For a bit of
Speaker 3: background on Mother's date, my entire family had a bit
Speaker 3: of a heated argument about a certain topic, and I
Speaker 3: want your opinion on it. The disagreement was about whether
Speaker 3: the father should have a peep at their child being
Speaker 3: born during active birth. My opinion is that the father
Speaker 3: should at least have a quick glance at what the
Speaker 3: woman has to go through to have a child. I
Speaker 3: really don't want to sound insensitive, as I know some
Speaker 3: people can be grossed out. I'm also a nurse, so
Speaker 3: I don't know if that impacts my opinion, as I
Speaker 3: don't get turned off by these things. I also understand
Speaker 3: there are certain circumstances where this would not be encouraged
Speaker 3: by midwives or doctors. But in best case scenario with
Speaker 3: a healthy vaginal birth, I'd love to hear what you
Speaker 3: all have to say.
Speaker 1: I remember when Matt didn't want to cut the umbilical cord.
Speaker 1: Matt's really square, like he's really squeamish. He doesn't do
Speaker 1: well with blood. He's not the best person to have
Speaker 1: by your side during a birthing experience.
Speaker 2: But you know, like he makes up for it in otherways.
Speaker 2: But he absolutely by.
Speaker 3: How he nearly missed it getting the chicken sandwich no.
Speaker 1: Usually, but how he makes like funny content reels when
Speaker 1: I'm in active labor about things you shouldn't say when
Speaker 1: your wife's in labor.
Speaker 2: But I'm actually legitimately like, okay.
Speaker 3: Matt, things you shouldn't do when I'm in Where is
Speaker 3: make it video?
Speaker 2: So Marley, this happened with both babies.
Speaker 1: They're like out of me, connected by the umbilical cord,
Speaker 1: like still there and like everyone's like a baby. And
Speaker 1: then the obsctrician hands him the scissors to cut It's
Speaker 1: like a clamp and then scissors to cut the umbilical cord.
Speaker 1: Matt was like like not even looking and like just
Speaker 1: waving scissors around.
Speaker 3: I was like, dude, I.
Speaker 2: Push this kid out of my who heart.
Speaker 1: You can at least look at it to cut the
Speaker 1: umbilical cord and not accidentally stab it. Anyway, he cut
Speaker 1: the umbilical cord and it was I'm not kidding you,
Speaker 1: about fifteen centimeters long because he was just so squirmished.
Speaker 1: The obstrician just looked at him and recount it straight away.
Speaker 2: Looked at like, what the fuck was that recut it?
Speaker 1: Look my opinion, yes, I think that they should have
Speaker 1: get over it. Get the fuck over it. However, I
Speaker 1: understand that some people might then pass out. They might
Speaker 1: then make it about themselves. I think you've just got
Speaker 1: passing out.
Speaker 3: It's making it about yourself, like if you're conscious, and
Speaker 3: I guess so selfish. It's like convulsion on the ground.
Speaker 3: That's what happened with Carest and you're like, you would
Speaker 3: have a heart attack.
Speaker 4: Podcast on doting Dad's ash fainted during the birth of
Speaker 4: his first kid.
Speaker 3: I think a lot of people would. Dude, my ex
Speaker 3: fainted when I got a splinter. I've never seen not
Speaker 3: what It's not their fault, obviously, he's gotten an aversion
Speaker 3: of blood. But like, I got this big splinter ones
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh, can you get this splinter out?
Speaker 3: I'll never forget it, talk about getting the ick. You
Speaker 3: can get this splinter out. And he looked at it
Speaker 3: and it was really it wasn't even a splinter. It
Speaker 3: was like a big chunk of wood in my finger.
Speaker 3: And then he just looked up at me and I
Speaker 3: was like, you're right, and then his eyes just rolled
Speaker 3: back and he just fainted every time he saw blood.
Speaker 3: So there was no if I was still with him,
Speaker 3: which I'm obviously not, There's no way somebody like that
Speaker 3: could watch a birth like you just couldn't. You just couldn't.
Speaker 2: I think it is you know, obviously I make lots
Speaker 2: of jokes.
Speaker 1: It is definitely dependent on the person and what they can.
Speaker 1: You know, if you've met you can't stomach it and
Speaker 1: you're going to pass out, and then it's going to
Speaker 1: be more of an inconvenience. Like obviously, I understand that
Speaker 1: there are parameters to it, but I do not like
Speaker 1: it when men use it as an excuse because they
Speaker 1: don't want to take on the responsibility of looking. And
Speaker 1: I always think of that fucking Robbie Williams quote where
Speaker 1: it's quite famous, where he's.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, it's like watching your favorite pub burned down.
Speaker 4: If that's the reason, though, I don't agree with it,
Speaker 4: but I haven't heard that same, haven't you.
Speaker 3: Oh, but it is funny, it's like watching it's like
Speaker 3: my safe place. No.
Speaker 2: But the thing is is like.
Speaker 1: If that's the reason why you're not looking, then you
Speaker 1: need to get a grip and like.
Speaker 3: At least you said favorite pub, because there are many.
Speaker 2: I love him to.
Speaker 3: Security and I'm not even allowed jobs that bas has. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I've got a need a timeline.
Speaker 1: I think it's like, I mean those types of tropes
Speaker 1: and the jokes like, look, you can laugh about it,
Speaker 1: but it is deeply entrenched in misogyny. As a woman,
Speaker 1: you don't get the opportunity to not be one affected
Speaker 1: by childbirth or have the luxury to not look, not feel,
Speaker 1: not anything, whether it's coming out the sun, ruth, or
Speaker 1: you're having a vaginal birth, Like that's affecting you in
Speaker 1: ways that are beyond your control that you have to
Speaker 1: look at whether you're squirmish or not. And it's like
Speaker 1: men get to have the option to choose because they
Speaker 1: might feel uncomfortable or it might change their opinion.
Speaker 3: Or guess what, my vagina is uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just I just don't have a lot of sympathy.
Speaker 1: And even when you know, we make jokes about partners
Speaker 1: passing out or whatnot, I still don't have a lot
Speaker 1: of sympathy.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I do, kick them to the side, continue
Speaker 2: on with birth.
Speaker 3: They're making it about the I do only because I
Speaker 3: worked in a hospital so long. I've seen so many
Speaker 3: family members pass out over different things, like some people
Speaker 3: can't stomach stuff, and I get it. And the reason
Speaker 3: I mean, I want to say, yes, everybody should be
Speaker 3: having a look, and you should be there and supporting
Speaker 3: it if you can. I'm talking about people that are extreme,
Speaker 3: like not people that just don't want to see their
Speaker 3: pub get ripped apart. But I also think the people
Speaker 3: that say it'll ruin it for me, like I don't
Speaker 3: want to remember it like that, I won't ever be
Speaker 3: able to look at the same Guess what is not
Speaker 3: the same? A watermelon just came out of it, like
Speaker 3: it's changed, We've changed. I hate I hate that kind
Speaker 3: of stuff, But I just think, and you know, your
Speaker 3: partner This is what it comes down to. You know,
Speaker 3: your partner, if they're not gonna faint over, like, if
Speaker 3: they're not blood fainters, then yes they can have a
Speaker 3: fucking look, they can be there with you and support you.
Speaker 1: But on that, let's unpack that for one second. When
Speaker 1: you say it's changed, you just birthed the watermelon. It's
Speaker 1: not the same, absolutely, But then we're inferring that a
Speaker 1: pre virginal, perfect, unspoiled vagina is like the preferred version,
Speaker 1: and like, yes, it might be changed, Yes there might
Speaker 1: be things that don't go back to exactly the way,
Speaker 1: but like, let me tell you, you can have vaginal births
Speaker 1: and then go and still be able to, you know,
Speaker 1: have fantastic sex and not be able to tell the difference.
Speaker 3: No, but it's I'm saying it's their mind, yes exactly.
Speaker 1: And that's the problem is that there's this like psychology
Speaker 1: that once a woman's had a baby that.
Speaker 2: Like it's all, oh, they've destroyed them. Yeah, fucking have it.
Speaker 1: And it's just like I hate that it adds to
Speaker 1: that sort of sigma around it for women.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but they're like freaking weirdos that are like, oh,
Speaker 3: I can't I don't want to watch your breastfeed because
Speaker 3: I can't look at a breast the same like they
Speaker 3: should be sexy, not a way of lying. And I
Speaker 3: know that they're a minority, like that is not as common,
Speaker 3: but they exist, like those people exist, So I don't know,
Speaker 3: you know your partner at the end of the day.
Speaker 3: Whilst you might like them to be down there, you
Speaker 3: can't force them down there. I think it's a conversation
Speaker 3: you need to have before you go into birth, like
Speaker 3: how do you feel do you want to have a
Speaker 3: look It would be really cool. I would like you
Speaker 3: to see that moment. And if you think that they're
Speaker 3: doing it for the right reason, like they're very vomity, fainty, lightheaded,
Speaker 3: don't force them. But if they you think they're just
Speaker 3: doing it because they're like can't look it a the same,
Speaker 3: then fuck that. Yeah, and you grab their hair and
Speaker 3: you push that down there.
Speaker 2: I'll get it.
Speaker 3: You get that head down there, you get it in there.
Speaker 2: Do you know what?
Speaker 1: I actually find really reassuring about this though, And this
Speaker 1: is very subjective. It's only within my own sort of
Speaker 1: like friendship network and people that I've spoken to. I
Speaker 1: do think that often men have a perception of how
Speaker 1: they think it's going to be, and they might even
Speaker 1: have written their own sort of version of narrative of
Speaker 1: like what childbirth is going to be, and Oh, I
Speaker 1: don't want to go down there, I don't want to look.
Speaker 1: I would say ninety nine point nine percent of dads
Speaker 1: that I know that I've spoken to who have had
Speaker 1: a look have been like, Wow, that was fucking amazing,
Speaker 1: what absolute miracle, Like that was a really cool thing.
Speaker 1: And the dads I'm thinking of in particular are probably
Speaker 1: people who I would have thought would have been a
Speaker 1: bit more like, oh my pub Burton down but really
Speaker 1: they were the one that was like, hey, can I
Speaker 1: send you the birth video? And I was like, maybe
Speaker 1: check with my best friend first before you sent me.
Speaker 2: Ben I'd because he was so excited.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm interested to see how Ben would go
Speaker 3: because he isn't actually very good with blood. I haven't
Speaker 3: seen him faint, but i've seen him like with needles
Speaker 3: and injections. I've seen him go very pale like he's
Speaker 3: and he'll say I'm not great with it, which is weird,
Speaker 3: like I don't know the psychology behind it. Because he
Speaker 3: said he can get tattooed all day, Like, it's not
Speaker 3: the needle in the pain, but it's something the psychology
Speaker 3: to do with, like maybe you're withdrawing blood or it's
Speaker 3: like a placenter injection or whatever. But I'll be interested.
Speaker 3: I'm not convinced he'll be down there, but we'll see,
Speaker 3: all right.
Speaker 1: Question number two, how do I tell my husband I've
Speaker 1: been adding tomatoes to Sorry, this is so stupid to
Speaker 1: his dishes?
Speaker 2: Hear me out, though, you'll know why.
Speaker 1: My husband told me when we met that he is
Speaker 1: allergic to tomatoes, as in, he gets ibs from it and
Speaker 1: he ends up on the toilet. For six years, I
Speaker 1: have not cooked with tomatoes. Can you imagine how hard
Speaker 1: that is? No tomato in any dishes. It has been hell.
Speaker 1: But about four weeks ago I got ballsy. I started
Speaker 1: adding tomatoes to things.
Speaker 3: Like that is ballsy if someone's allergic, like.
Speaker 2: To the bolonaise loll She writes.
Speaker 1: I even blended it so he wouldn't see it. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, it tasted amazing. God I'd missed tomatoes, it
Speaker 1: had been so long. Anyways, he didn't run to the
Speaker 1: toilet afterwards, and he said that that was my best
Speaker 1: bolonnaise yet obviously because I had fucking tomatoes in So
Speaker 1: the last four weeks I have been adding tomatoes to
Speaker 1: our dinners and hiding it, and then he has been
Speaker 1: completely fine. So my issue is this, how do I
Speaker 1: tell him that he's not allergic to tomatoes? Or do
Speaker 1: I just never tell him?
Speaker 2: Help? He will soon be so mad if he finds
Speaker 2: out what I have done to him.
Speaker 3: I mean, first of all, I think we need to
Speaker 3: put a disclaimer in if your partner's allergic to something
Speaker 3: or things they are, don't like secretly try and test it.
Speaker 3: We don't advise that why haven't you just cooked your
Speaker 3: meals with tomato for six years? Six years is a
Speaker 3: long time to like go without something.
Speaker 2: No, because then you've got to cook two separate meals.
Speaker 1: Like often, if you're the one who's cooking, you'll just
Speaker 1: create one dish that is suitable for everyone.
Speaker 3: Do you know what I think has happened. I'm going
Speaker 3: to give him the benefit.
Speaker 2: Of the doubt.
Speaker 3: I think he probably did have reactions to tomatoes. Tomatoes
Speaker 3: are like a proper IBS trigger. They are in the
Speaker 3: fodmap group because of their high fructose, and a lot
Speaker 3: of people have issues with tomatoes, but you can outgrow that.
Speaker 3: He might have had that issue not consumed it for
Speaker 3: the last six years, and maybe it's changed and he's
Speaker 3: not having the reactions the same way. Like I don't
Speaker 3: think he's lied to you about it. I'd be bringing
Speaker 3: it up. I'm telling him because you can't. You can't
Speaker 3: go the next twenty years of your marriage secretly like
Speaker 3: dosing his food with tomato.
Speaker 1: I think that it's important to distinguish and now I'm
Speaker 1: going to take it real science y and probably more
Speaker 1: seriously than I should. There's a difference between an allergy
Speaker 1: and an intolerance, right, very different, and I think that
Speaker 1: sometimes we conflate the two, and that's what makes people
Speaker 1: annoy it. There's so many people out there who are like,
Speaker 1: I'm allergic to dairy, I'm allergic to wheat, I'm allergic
Speaker 1: to gluten. Unless you are celiac, or unless you have
Speaker 1: like a very severe reaction where you're anaphylactic and end
Speaker 1: up in hospital, you are not allergic.
Speaker 2: You have an intolerance, which means that you can have
Speaker 2: small amounts of something.
Speaker 1: The more you have of it, the more that there
Speaker 1: is a likelihood that you'll have an adverse reaction. And
Speaker 1: for me specifically, I have an intolerance to MSG. Like
Speaker 1: I'm very sensitive to MSG and I have ended up
Speaker 1: in hospital because I have had an anathletic reaction to it. However,
Speaker 1: if I have small amounts, I'm okay. So if someone
Speaker 1: was microdosing my food.
Speaker 3: I'm still in hospital with it, be like, I'm not
Speaker 3: gonna stop.
Speaker 2: Like I really love Asian food, It's my favorite cuisine.
Speaker 1: No, But the thing is is like I can have
Speaker 1: small amounts and I can cope fine. My worry for
Speaker 1: you in this situation is that your partner has an
Speaker 1: intolerance to tomatoes, and yes, you might be microdosing him,
Speaker 1: but the poor guy's gonna wake up in a few
Speaker 1: weeks time be shitting the bed because you didn't listen
Speaker 1: to him and he's just used the wrong terminology. So
Speaker 1: I do think that that's a very very plausible situation
Speaker 1: that's going to occur, and like he's gonna start having
Speaker 1: these reactions and not know why. So I don't think
Speaker 1: it's really like necessarily an aha moment, I got you,
Speaker 1: you lie totally. But I do think we throw around
Speaker 1: the terms to willy nilly these days, and people are
Speaker 1: too quick to be like, I can't eat that because
Speaker 1: you know, I'm allergic to it, and it's like, oh
Speaker 1: you might, you might get the runs for four hours,
Speaker 1: you're find you know, die.
Speaker 3: I think sometimes people say it because it's easier to
Speaker 3: say to someone, so like if someone says, hey, like,
Speaker 3: what are your dietary requirements? Sometimes so for me, because
Speaker 3: I have such painful reactions with my ibs to garlic,
Speaker 3: now it's easier for me to sometimes say to someone, oh, no, garlic,
Speaker 3: I'm allergic. Like sometimes I'll throw the term away because
Speaker 3: it's just easier to say, like, yes, I have a
Speaker 3: severe reaction. Am I going to die from it? No,
Speaker 3: but it's going to make me extremely uncomfortable for a
Speaker 3: long time.
Speaker 1: I wonder how restaurants respond to this. I'd be so
Speaker 1: interested if you're a cook or a cheffer working in
Speaker 1: a restaurant, because when someone says, you know, I'm allergic
Speaker 1: to shellfish, the way that they have to prepare food
Speaker 1: is so different to just you know, oh, I'm intolerant
Speaker 1: to dairy. Like they're totally different ways in which they
Speaker 1: have to prep a kitchen. So when everyone's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm allergic to this, I'm allerged to this. It just
Speaker 1: like creates, it's just becomes a bit of a pain
Speaker 1: in the art.
Speaker 3: I would never do it at a restaurant because that's
Speaker 3: when I eat it, Yeah.
Speaker 2: An Italian restaurants. Like I'm allergic to garlic.
Speaker 3: I go to a garlic restaurant and I'm like, no garlic,
Speaker 3: I reckon, I am.
Speaker 1: I talked about this before. I have like the most
Speaker 1: severe reaction. I'm fine, digestively fine. I just fucking stink
Speaker 1: after garlic.
Speaker 3: I look so bad.
Speaker 2: It's like outrageous.
Speaker 3: Like now we know we see you every day. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 2: I love you guys. Even even last night that was like,
Speaker 2: did you eat garlic today? I was like, no, I
Speaker 2: haven't even touched it. Did you look at garlic today?
Speaker 3: I secretly micro dosed Ben's food. So Ben hates, like
Speaker 3: detests mushrooms. He will not eat them, which is fine,
Speaker 3: like I don't care for them. I cannot have them
Speaker 3: in my life. He doesn't like the texture mainly. But
Speaker 3: I really like one of my favorite foods to eat
Speaker 3: out for an entres aran chining, and I really wanted
Speaker 3: to get this aran chining, and I wanted to share
Speaker 3: it with him, but it was mushroom and like a
Speaker 3: parmesan or something. Anyway, I just lied to him and
Speaker 3: told him it was cheese. He didn't look at them menu.
Speaker 2: I just ordered it.
Speaker 3: And he ate it and loved it. And then in
Speaker 3: my head I was like, maybe he don't dislike mushrooms,
Speaker 3: so maybe I'm going to start microdosing his food with mushroom.
Speaker 1: But you did say that you think it's a texture
Speaker 1: thing because a lot of people haven't abe to bit,
Speaker 1: a lot of people have aversions to food. It's actually
Speaker 1: got nothing to do with the flavor. It's got to
Speaker 1: do the feeling and the texture of that food. So like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that's how you get kids around trying things
Speaker 1: that they think they don't like. It's like they're like,
Speaker 1: I hate mushrooms, You're like cool, you blend them, put
Speaker 1: them in a soup, and then you figure out, actually
Speaker 1: they're fine.
Speaker 4: I want to back this woman and support her. I
Speaker 4: once had a boyfriend who was a use of shit.
Speaker 4: He used to about cheating on me all the time,
Speaker 4: and he also turns out lied that he had an
Speaker 4: a lactose intolerance when basically this went we were together for.
Speaker 3: Like I don't know six months or something, maybe a
Speaker 3: bit longer. But he used to claim that he.
Speaker 4: Was completely lactose intolerant, and I used to use butter
Speaker 4: to cook and I just kind of snuck it in
Speaker 4: at one point.
Speaker 3: He never had a problem. When she thought she could
Speaker 3: get away with killing him, She's like, I'm going to
Speaker 3: put the butter in.
Speaker 2: It was when you found out he was cheating on you, wasn't.
Speaker 1: It if you lie about everything, you check a stick
Speaker 1: of wur pack in there, and off you go.
Speaker 2: Let's see you go cheat on me now?
Speaker 3: But no, he was always fine, and so I was like,
Speaker 3: I knew that.
Speaker 4: He made this up for drama, Like I knew he
Speaker 4: just thought it added to his personality. I really want
Speaker 4: to just say this because I know someone is going
Speaker 4: to come in the reviews or the comments. Ways Lifers,
Speaker 4: please do not do not follow this woman's advice. Do
Speaker 4: not if your partner has told you, or someone your
Speaker 4: dating has told you that they're allergic, just believe them
Speaker 4: because the negative outcome that could happen is way.
Speaker 2: Worse than you being right. In this instance.
Speaker 3: You can go and do all guys, you can do
Speaker 3: an allergy test. Go and do it properly. It's like
Speaker 3: you don't have to eye it's not one extreme with
Speaker 3: the other. You don't have to never eat something again
Speaker 3: or try to kill them with microdozing, like you can
Speaker 3: go and get tested. Have we answered whether she should
Speaker 3: tell her husband? I said, tell him, Yeah, we have it.
Speaker 3: Actually the question I think you need to tell him.
Speaker 3: I think, but making a mistake, be like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: I blanked and put tomato in the bolinnes last night.
Speaker 1: I put posada in that. I had no idea that
Speaker 1: posada was made from tomatoes. I have a much more
Speaker 1: important question for you. I would love to know how
Speaker 1: the fuck you were making bolinnies without.
Speaker 4: Tomatoes in the first sounds like the worst, No wonder
Speaker 4: he loved this one, Like what what?
Speaker 2: Because bolonnaise is such.
Speaker 3: A marmardo sauce, That's what I don't get. Wow.
Speaker 2: Okay, I raise your question with another question.
Speaker 3: Okay, this definitely needs to be an aftermath.
Speaker 2: Tell us how you cook your bolonnise.
Speaker 3: Next question, not inviting mom's new boyfriend to my wedding.
Speaker 3: I'm getting married next year, yay, yay. But I have
Speaker 3: a bit of a dilemma. My parents split a few
Speaker 3: years ago, and since then my mum has had a
Speaker 3: string of short term boyfriends.
Speaker 2: So Queen, she's now dating someone new.
Speaker 3: And will likely want to bring him to the wedding,
Speaker 3: as she will want to parade her new man to
Speaker 3: the rest of the family. That sounds a bit scathing,
Speaker 3: doesn't it. That sounds like there's a bit of something
Speaker 3: going on between the mother and daughter. Here's the issue.
Speaker 3: I don't like him, fair that's pretty okay, that's pretty
Speaker 3: platant issue. It's very likely they're not even going to
Speaker 3: be together by then. Anyway. Our wedding is very small
Speaker 3: and intimate, and I really don't want this random in
Speaker 3: the photos, especially someone who might not be around long term.
Speaker 3: Am I being unreasonable if I don't want to invite
Speaker 3: him or whoever she's dating at the time, or is
Speaker 3: it okay to gently set that boundary. I would love
Speaker 3: to hear your thoughts.
Speaker 1: I think we've answered this question in many variations over
Speaker 1: the years. It's a really tricky one because of course
Speaker 1: it's going to come with a drama. But in the
Speaker 1: same instance, you don't have to have anyone at your
Speaker 1: wedding that you don't want there. Does that mean that
Speaker 1: your mom is going to react in a great way.
Speaker 1: Who knows, Like, I don't know what type of person
Speaker 1: your mum is. I don't know how she responds to feedback.
Speaker 1: I don't know what scene she will cause. She might say,
Speaker 1: of course, honey, like whatever you want, it's your day,
Speaker 1: it's not my day, and I'm not going to make
Speaker 1: it about me. She may also be a mother of
Speaker 1: the generation that makes everything about her, so like, it's
Speaker 1: really hard for us to know.
Speaker 2: Exactly how this is going to impact you.
Speaker 3: I am getting that from what she said, though, even
Speaker 3: the way she said parade her in her the term parade,
Speaker 3: and we've spoken about like how much our word can
Speaker 3: change the structure or the meaning or the feeling of
Speaker 3: a sentence. But the word parade, I'm getting the impression
Speaker 3: there's a bit of disdain there. You feel like she
Speaker 3: will want to make it.
Speaker 1: About her totally, which you know, in your mom defense,
Speaker 1: your mum would categorize that as I'm just happy and
Speaker 1: living my best life and I'm proud, and you see
Speaker 1: that as me parading. I do think that in this instance,
Speaker 1: especially if the divorce is kind of recent or there's
Speaker 1: some dramas there. Obviously your dad's going to be there.
Speaker 1: Maybe that was her husband. I don't know, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know what the relationship set up was, but
Speaker 1: I do think you can say, like, Mum.
Speaker 2: You know, I really just want immediate family.
Speaker 1: I don't know your partner that well, and I really
Speaker 1: want it to be about us and having special time together,
Speaker 1: not so much at being about the relationships. I just
Speaker 1: don't want you to be having to spend time with
Speaker 1: him when I want you to spend time with me
Speaker 1: and be a big part of my wedding.
Speaker 2: That could be a way around it.
Speaker 1: I think that there is an uncomfortable conversation that's going
Speaker 1: to happen here when you don't invite him. However, I
Speaker 1: don't think that you're out of your rights not inviting him.
Speaker 1: I think that you was totally within your rights to
Speaker 1: say that you don't want him to be there.
Speaker 3: I agree it gets tricky when it's someone so immediate
Speaker 3: to you, so like type it's like an aunt here, uncle,
Speaker 3: or a cousin or whatever. I feel like it's easier
Speaker 3: when it's your mum. It's different, and I think it
Speaker 3: might be different. You say it's like next year, so
Speaker 3: it might be another year's time. If he's still around
Speaker 3: by then, it's tricky because that is classified as a
Speaker 3: lot a lot of term relationship that she deems as
Speaker 3: I guess serious, because that's, you know, well over twelve months.
Speaker 3: I don't know how new new is and I don't
Speaker 3: know how far away the wedding is, so it gets trickier.
Speaker 3: I would maybe train wait it out a little bit
Speaker 3: and see how the relationship goes, like do you have
Speaker 3: a few more months to see you'll get the impression
Speaker 3: of if that relationship is probably gonna last or not,
Speaker 3: And you said maybe it won't. You did also say
Speaker 3: or maybe she'll be with someone else by then. That's
Speaker 3: different if she's just met someone absolutely like you're like sorry,
Speaker 3: like it's found me, only I don't know him. He's
Speaker 3: been around for ten minutes, Like I think that that's okay.
Speaker 3: It's only tricky because it's another year away. I'm getting
Speaker 3: some underlying issues there, and I don't feel like it's
Speaker 3: going to go down well. That conversation that it doesn't
Speaker 3: mean you can't have it, and you're not entitled to
Speaker 3: bring that up, Like plenty of people bring those conversations up,
Speaker 3: and they're tough like I had to bring those conversations
Speaker 3: up with people in my extended family over my wedding
Speaker 3: and that was hard, Like I couldn't imagine if I
Speaker 3: had to have that conversation with my mum or my dad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think you hit the nail on the head,
Speaker 1: brit when she says parade her new man around. If
Speaker 1: they've been together for more than a year and a half,
Speaker 1: let's say, as an estimate, by the time the wedding
Speaker 1: rolls around, it's not really her new man, is it.
Speaker 2: It's just her partner.
Speaker 1: So I can understand why when that date rolls around
Speaker 1: that that will be something that will be a real wedge.
Speaker 1: Like I said, it's really going to depend on the
Speaker 1: personality of your parents. And I think we all have
Speaker 1: a bit of a I think most of us can
Speaker 1: kind of look at our mums or look at our dads,
Speaker 1: and at the age that we are now, have a
Speaker 1: gauge as to how they're going to react based on
Speaker 1: the way that they have reacted in past situations, because
Speaker 1: you know, parents don't just spontaneously behave differently. I don't
Speaker 1: think surprise us with this like newfound sense of grace
Speaker 1: or self awareness they usually are pretty set in their
Speaker 1: patent behavior, and so I do think that you probably
Speaker 1: know how your mum's going to react. Hence why you've
Speaker 1: written this in because you know what's going to cause
Speaker 1: a drama. You know what's going to be a big deal,
Speaker 1: and you want to know if you're the problem in causing.
Speaker 2: That big deal.
Speaker 1: That's probably the bigger question here, and it really just
Speaker 1: comes down to whether or not like what's going to
Speaker 1: be the biggest problem is having some guy there that
Speaker 1: will be in a few photos going to cause you
Speaker 1: more distress than the potential family fallout or drama that
Speaker 1: might happen by not inviting him.
Speaker 2: And that's for you to weigh.
Speaker 3: Up also because if it is, I mean, it's more
Speaker 3: than that you don't like him. It's hard you flat
Speaker 3: out don't like him, right, I don't want someone in
Speaker 3: my wedding that I don't like either. But if it's
Speaker 3: more around the photos. We spoke about this in the
Speaker 3: last couple of weeks on an ask on cut you
Speaker 3: just do photos without him as well? Hey, guys, immediate
Speaker 3: family only now and then you always have the best
Speaker 3: of both worlds.
Speaker 2: I totally agree, totally agree, all right, last question.
Speaker 1: It's a bit of a long one, but you got
Speaker 1: some skin in the game with this one who moves
Speaker 1: long distance love. I'm twenty spoiler, I wrote this inn
Speaker 1: I'm twenty five now, yeah.
Speaker 3: Right now, that would be me.
Speaker 2: That would be me.
Speaker 3: Hey guys, I'm twenty two.
Speaker 2: I'm twenty five.
Speaker 1: I met the man of my dreams during a two
Speaker 1: week Kenttiquy tour. We clicked the moment we met.
Speaker 3: Dude.
Speaker 1: He genuinely is everything I've ever wanted and more, except
Speaker 1: he lives in Canada and I'm Australian. I have spent
Speaker 1: literally my entire life focusing on my academics, sacrificing every
Speaker 1: family event imaginable to do this. I'm now a junior
Speaker 1: doctor with an immaculate reputation and planning to specialize in anesthetics,
Speaker 1: which is very competitive. I don't have a medical license
Speaker 1: in Canada. To get one, it would be two exams
Speaker 1: costing five thousand dollars. Assuming that is that I passed
Speaker 1: the first time, then I don't think I'd have much
Speaker 1: of a chance getting into anesthetics in a foreign country.
Speaker 1: He has spent ten years working his way up the
Speaker 1: hierarchy of a jewelry store company where he is now
Speaker 1: the top manager. He's moved twice to open new stores
Speaker 1: for them. Apparently there is very few jewry suppliers for
Speaker 1: the stores, like the wholesales I assume in Canada, and
Speaker 1: his dad owns one of them. And this guy plans
Speaker 1: to work for his dad eventually. This work opportunity for
Speaker 1: him sounds like it is potentially a multi million dollar opportunity,
Speaker 1: So it's going to be incredibly difficult for either of
Speaker 1: us to move. It feels like one of us will
Speaker 1: take a massive step back in our careers that we
Speaker 1: will never overcome.
Speaker 2: What should I do? Do we need to give up?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 1: We are both on the same page that we've never
Speaker 1: had a connection like this before, and I truly think
Speaker 1: he could be my penguin. We've been spending hours on
Speaker 1: the phone every day since we met, and we want
Speaker 1: to make it work. But how I don't know how
Speaker 1: to ask for one of us to make the ultimate
Speaker 1: sacrifice when we are both so career driven. Who should
Speaker 1: sacrifice their career to move for long distance love?
Speaker 3: This is so hard but also not hot.
Speaker 2: But it's like I can't even relate.
Speaker 3: No, I mean, this is my dire life. Yeah, I
Speaker 3: know I read this and I just felt everything that
Speaker 3: you're feeling, and I know how it feels. But what
Speaker 3: I do want to say is, for me, this one's
Speaker 3: a little bit more more obvious. There is not one
Speaker 3: part of me that thinks you should give up your
Speaker 3: career to go and move and be with him. And
Speaker 3: I say that because not all careers are equal. And
Speaker 3: this is because if you get onto the anesthetics program,
Speaker 3: which you've studied for, it's like another eight years of
Speaker 3: trying to study, do your exams. That's if you get
Speaker 3: on straight away, do your residencies, become a consultant, like
Speaker 3: that is your whole life. You've dedicated and you've even
Speaker 3: said that, You've said I've dedicated my whole life. You've
Speaker 3: looked into going, so you are willing to. But if
Speaker 3: it's going to be detrimental to your career at this point,
Speaker 3: I would be looking for a different option.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: I don't want to diminish this guy's career by any means,
Speaker 3: but from the information you've given me, I just think
Speaker 3: he has more leniency to come here for a little while.
Speaker 3: If it's a family business, I'm sure he can talk
Speaker 3: to his dad in some capacity and say, hey, I
Speaker 3: could have met the love of my life, like she
Speaker 3: could be the one. You guys need to spend some
Speaker 3: time together and figure out if it's even a thing,
Speaker 3: because like we all know, a month, look, I married
Speaker 3: the guy I met for three days. I get that,
Speaker 3: but that very well could have gone down the gurgler
Speaker 3: and not been something like you do have to put
Speaker 3: in the time to try and see if it is it.
Speaker 3: I would be going down the track of trying to
Speaker 3: see if he can make his move to Australia work,
Speaker 3: or if not, if he can just travel in between
Speaker 3: a little bit more, because you can't travel anyone that
Speaker 3: knows what it's like when you are at the stages
Speaker 3: you are of your study and a doctor. You don't
Speaker 3: get time to just duck over every couple of weeks
Speaker 3: to Canada. It doesn't look like that. You barely get
Speaker 3: a fucking day off. So I would be saying, can
Speaker 3: he work around it? Does he have any leniency with
Speaker 3: his dad's like it's his family's business. Maybe he can
Speaker 3: come back in a couple of years and you can
Speaker 3: move back. I tried to go and work in Canada.
Speaker 3: My sister and I and it to get the medical license.
Speaker 3: Some countries you just go over, you pay the fee
Speaker 3: and you can start working.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: You think medicine is medicine wherever in the world. Canada's
Speaker 3: laws are so hard, like there's so many exams, you sit,
Speaker 3: it's so expensive that we ended up. I'm just going
Speaker 3: and doing nothing. My sister was a bellboy, Like we
Speaker 3: just said, hey, too hard, basket, which is going to work.
Speaker 3: So I totally get it, but I don't want to
Speaker 3: say give up on the relationship either. If you do
Speaker 3: think it is it. But I would be so upset
Speaker 3: for you if you gave up all your hard work
Speaker 3: to get to this position now without one hundred percent
Speaker 3: knowing if this is your person.
Speaker 1: I think I disagree with you slightly in this because
Speaker 1: when you say not all careers are built the same,
Speaker 1: I think what you're saying is that then there's a
Speaker 1: hierarchy in terms of importance.
Speaker 3: And I don't think I don't mean importance. I mean
Speaker 3: with your ability to travel, Like some careers can travel,
Speaker 3: hers cannot totally.
Speaker 1: But it depends on what the career is that he
Speaker 1: has and the opportunity he has in where he's worked
Speaker 1: he's also spent ten years working his way up the
Speaker 1: hierarchy of this juristal company where he is now their
Speaker 1: top manager.
Speaker 2: That's important to him, and.
Speaker 1: That's something that is of a priority to him that
Speaker 1: he's communicating, and it's something that he has spent a
Speaker 1: decade being ambitious and working towards. I think it's unfair
Speaker 1: to expect that he would give that up just because
Speaker 1: his is not in a medical field and yours is.
Speaker 1: Absolutely some have the flexibility to travel. I don't think,
Speaker 1: by the sounds of the way that this question was framed,
Speaker 1: that this man works for his dad. He works in
Speaker 1: a company that his dad owns one of the businesses
Speaker 1: of with the intention that in the future he will
Speaker 1: work in his dad's company. But you also said he
Speaker 1: spent ten years of his life working his way up
Speaker 1: the hierarchy of a jewelry store company where he's now
Speaker 1: their top manager. I understand why he doesn't want to
Speaker 1: make that sacrifice either, And I guess my feeling towards
Speaker 1: this is I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone
Speaker 1: when neither of us are willing to sacrifice, because that's
Speaker 1: the thing that you have to probably get to the
Speaker 1: bottom of if you can't and you won't and you're
Speaker 1: not able to, and he's also saying he can't and
Speaker 1: he won't and he's not able to, regardless of whether
Speaker 1: you think he's able to, regardless of whether you think
Speaker 1: he should be the one to move, if he's not
Speaker 1: willing to make those sacrifices or you know, isn't able
Speaker 1: to because his career is something that's so important to him,
Speaker 1: then I'm kind of am curious as to why you
Speaker 1: would put all of the time and energy into it.
Speaker 1: I know, well, like brit when we've had this conversations
Speaker 1: about it being about you, like your career is different.
Speaker 1: You know, if there's going to be someone who's going
Speaker 1: to move, it would be you. Of course it would
Speaker 1: come with sacrifices, but you would still be able to
Speaker 1: do a lot of the things that we do here
Speaker 1: from overseas. I don't know if this is the same situation,
Speaker 1: and I know that you've said that it's going to
Speaker 1: cost five thousand dollars and there's all of these caveats.
Speaker 1: I do think that very very big and deep chats
Speaker 1: should be had. It's great to spend, you know, so
Speaker 1: much time on the phone, talking but figuring out like
Speaker 1: if it's a possibility between the two of you, because
Speaker 1: I don't think it's fair for any one of us
Speaker 1: to sit here and say who should sacrifice their career
Speaker 1: to move long distance, because I don't think it's just
Speaker 1: about career. It's sacrificing your family, it's sacrificing your stability,
Speaker 1: it's sacrificing your friendship groups, it's sacrificing living in a
Speaker 1: completely different country. And the thing is is that in
Speaker 1: order for this relationship to work, one person has to
Speaker 1: be willing to make that sacrifice, and it sounds like
Speaker 1: at the moment neither of you are, So I don't
Speaker 1: know whether it is worth the emotional investment. But that's
Speaker 1: just how I would rather have those conversations upfront and
Speaker 1: figure out whether it's a possibility, because you've made it
Speaker 1: really clear in your question that that's just simply not
Speaker 1: a possibility for you.
Speaker 2: So you're expecting a lot of him.
Speaker 3: The thing is, every relationship, long distance or not, every
Speaker 3: single relationship has sacrificed. There's no such thing as a
Speaker 3: relationship without sacrifice. In the day to day, in the parenting,
Speaker 3: with work, with moves, with everything there's definitely more sacrifice
Speaker 3: from somebody in a long distance relationship, without doubt, and
Speaker 3: one of you does have to be okay to do it.
Speaker 3: I just don't think in this situation, and I mean
Speaker 3: we only know what you've told us. I don't think
Speaker 3: in this situation it is the right thing for you
Speaker 3: to do, to go now, unless you know that it
Speaker 3: is something solid and real. Because if you go there
Speaker 3: and you see the exams, you spend ten to fifteen
Speaker 3: thousand dollars if you part them, and then you start
Speaker 3: in a new country your medical training, then something goes
Speaker 3: south and he says, you know what. Not for me,
Speaker 3: you're stuck on a program in another country with people
Speaker 3: you don't know. I'd be trying to spend some more
Speaker 3: time together. Whether he can come to you in the
Speaker 3: interim for a holiday. You definitely need to spend more
Speaker 3: time than two weeks on Kentiqi, because I get why
Speaker 3: there's chemistry after two weeks in KENTICKI, like, I've been there.
Speaker 3: I get it, But I would be then having those conversations. Yes,
Speaker 3: it sounds like you can go. It's not easy. You
Speaker 3: do have to sit exams and it is a lot
Speaker 3: of money. I would be asking him to pay half
Speaker 3: of that as well. Everything's half like if you're going
Speaker 3: to make that sacrifice, But I would also be having
Speaker 3: bigger conversations about what it would look like for both
Speaker 3: of you to do it. So write down and chat
Speaker 3: about what it looks like for you to do it,
Speaker 3: What has to happen, what has to be in place,
Speaker 3: what wheels are in motion, what sacrifice there is will
Speaker 3: put your career back, do the same for him? Maybe,
Speaker 3: and this is what Ben and I talk about, but
Speaker 3: maybe there is an opportunity for both. Maybe in some
Speaker 3: world he can come here now for a couple of years,
Speaker 3: and then when I'm like more locked in my career,
Speaker 3: we can go over there, and then maybe you can
Speaker 3: be a doctor in Canada. But at the end of
Speaker 3: the day, if you both come and say, well, I'm
Speaker 3: not moving and I'm not moving, you either are going
Speaker 3: to be in a relationship that has no end date,
Speaker 3: which is no point if you're not seeing each other
Speaker 3: and you're not working towards the future. It's okay if
Speaker 3: you're in long distance, but you're working towards the same thing.
Speaker 3: But if you guys can't get on the page of
Speaker 3: what you're even working towards. Yeah, I would probably be
Speaker 3: cutting my losses.
Speaker 1: If you were willing to do that, then the cost
Speaker 1: of doing that is absolute parody. Like he's he needs
Speaker 1: to show the commitment to the sacrifices that are being
Speaker 1: made as well. I think that when you are doing
Speaker 1: and navigating a long distance relationship like this, look, go
Speaker 1: over there, have a holiday. He can come here for
Speaker 1: a holiday. See if there's actually some sort of stability
Speaker 1: and reality to it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you're not on cantique.
Speaker 1: Is that even going to be like necessarily enough, like
Speaker 1: you know, going on a two week trip.
Speaker 2: I mean it was for you, Britt. Is that going
Speaker 2: to be the case for everyone? I don't know.
Speaker 3: Some people live with a partner for five years and
Speaker 3: it's not enough.
Speaker 1: If you don't know, you don't know. But I think
Speaker 1: that that part of it's worth a try. My only
Speaker 1: thing though, is when you're in a long distance relationship
Speaker 1: like this, big conversations have to happen earlier and the
Speaker 1: sooner that you can have those big conversations where maybe
Speaker 1: the answers aren't the answers you want to hear, but
Speaker 1: you need to hear them in order to progress or
Speaker 1: make decisions. I think, don't shy away from this conversation
Speaker 1: you're having with us, have it with him. Like you
Speaker 1: can have that conversation with him. It's not overbearing, it's
Speaker 1: not too much because you're both trying to figure out
Speaker 1: how it could be possible for your.
Speaker 2: Life to work.
Speaker 1: And if he turns around and says, I'd love you
Speaker 1: to come here for a holiday, but I want you
Speaker 1: to know there's absolutely no possibility that I'm ever going
Speaker 1: to move to Australia or could ever move to Australia,
Speaker 1: well then you know, you know who's going to have
Speaker 1: to make the sacrifice. But I don't think it's fair
Speaker 1: to assume that he would be the person to do
Speaker 1: that when he's saying he's spent a decade of his
Speaker 1: life working towards something that's clearly really important to him.
Speaker 3: You know, with Ben and I we had that conversation
Speaker 3: both ways where I said, well, well, look like if
Speaker 3: I come to you, and what does it look like
Speaker 3: if you come to him? He looked into coming here,
Speaker 3: but you can't just come. There's X amount of teams
Speaker 3: that sign positions for three years and they're in contracts
Speaker 3: and if there's not a spot for you. There's not
Speaker 3: a spot for you. So when I say not all
Speaker 3: careers are created equal, that's what I mean. No one's
Speaker 3: more important in their career, Like you can't say that,
Speaker 3: but some careers physically are not malleable enough to be
Speaker 3: able to pick up and take somewhere else. The only
Speaker 3: other thing I want to say, and it's like contradictory
Speaker 3: to everything that I did. I know, but you don't
Speaker 3: know if he's a man of your dreams after a
Speaker 3: two week Wintiqui. And he very well could be. But
Speaker 3: it's really easy to get caught up in the chemistry and.
Speaker 2: The love and excitement.
Speaker 3: And I know you've been speaking every day for an hour,
Speaker 3: but they are the moments where you are getting the
Speaker 3: best of somebody, and so I don't want you to
Speaker 3: get caught up. He might have everything you need on paper,
Speaker 3: but you just won't know until he spend a bit
Speaker 3: more time with him.
Speaker 4: I have a very specific to you bit of advice,
Speaker 4: and from what I'm gathering, it sound to me as
Speaker 4: though you're not yet on the scheme program of Anaesthetics,
Speaker 4: which is the program that you go on to. It's
Speaker 4: usually about four to five years where you specialize and
Speaker 4: then you become a n necestist. Right, I would actually
Speaker 4: go right now to your supervisor of training or whoever
Speaker 4: looks after that particular part of the hospital that you're
Speaker 4: working at. I would have a conversation with them and
Speaker 4: just float the idea of, like, do you have any
Speaker 4: good relationships with anyone in Canada of the place that
Speaker 4: you actually do want to move to to be with
Speaker 4: this person, and just suss out what their medical programs
Speaker 4: are like, because yes, it will mean that you basically
Speaker 4: will have to take a one to maybe two year
Speaker 4: step back because you're going to have to sit these
Speaker 4: exams rebuild those relationships in another country. But Canada has
Speaker 4: fantastic medicine. It's not like it would be a detrimental
Speaker 4: move for your career long term to be training over there,
Speaker 4: and you could get onto a program over there, and
Speaker 4: you could be as happy as Larry. I know people
Speaker 4: who have gone over and done fellowships over in Canada.
Speaker 4: The medicine is fantastic, and you know, maybe that could
Speaker 4: be something that you could actually look into. I think
Speaker 4: it would be better for you to make that decision
Speaker 4: now before you're on the program before you're locked in
Speaker 4: to four years here in Australia.
Speaker 1: The only thing is Kesh with that is it's the
Speaker 1: same thing brit said. You're then locked into a program there.
Speaker 1: The relationship doesn't work out, you're stuck there with no family,
Speaker 1: no friends and support, no boyfriend, no nothing, and you're
Speaker 1: the one who made the sacrifice.
Speaker 4: I think you would have to make that move knowing
Speaker 4: that you wouldn't be resentful if you did end up
Speaker 4: on a program there and things didn't.
Speaker 3: It's hard, but I just don't think she should move.
Speaker 3: I just I just don't think she should even like
Speaker 3: I know you just said, Keysh. You know it might
Speaker 3: be a step back of a couple of years. That's
Speaker 3: fucking huge as a woman. And I say as a
Speaker 3: woman because two years as a woman step back is
Speaker 3: huge if you have a biological clock and you want
Speaker 3: to have kids, and like another two years onto like
Speaker 3: eight to twelve years of training is so big. I
Speaker 3: just would be thinking very carefully before I made any move,
Speaker 3: and I would be seeing if he can come here
Speaker 3: for a holiday first. Let him come here and spend
Speaker 3: some time together and make your decision. Unless you have
Speaker 3: holidays coming up one of you needs to commit to
Speaker 3: spending some time together. But it's fucking hard. Man. I
Speaker 3: feel Sophie falling in love with someone on the other
Speaker 3: side of the world. Don't recommend. I know I've got
Speaker 3: a husband on there, best thing to happen to me,
Speaker 3: but it's not been easy. Like it has not been easy.
Speaker 2: Well, guys, that is it from USK.
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