Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: I am Brittany and I'm.
Speaker 2: Laura, And you know what, I think this is going
Speaker 2: to be the last time that we're going to describe
Speaker 2: to you the apartment that we're coming from, because I'm
Speaker 2: finally recording it out of BRIT's new apartment, which.
Speaker 1: Is your old is my old apartment.
Speaker 2: And let me tell you, this apartment looks a hell
Speaker 2: of a lot better when it doesn't have two screaming
Speaker 2: kids and a massive fucking dog in.
Speaker 3: A so funny Matt came over the other day to
Speaker 3: drop something off or pick something up I can't remember,
Speaker 3: and he walked in.
Speaker 1: He's like, holy shit's so nice. It's like this is
Speaker 1: He's like, this is so much nicer than we licha.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to tell Laura.
Speaker 2: Also, okay, wait, I do have one question. Why is
Speaker 2: your lamp duct taped together?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: They're a movie list in it and I haven't had
Speaker 1: time to take it off. It's a really tall lamp
Speaker 1: that I guess it's not like a swivel. It could
Speaker 1: have broken.
Speaker 3: So they wrapped all these duct tape around it and
Speaker 3: then they just left.
Speaker 1: You know when you move into a new.
Speaker 3: House, you leave boxes unpacked for like years, like plural, yes,
Speaker 3: that duct tape.
Speaker 1: God knows how long that's going to be there for.
Speaker 2: So we moved into a new house so that Laura
Speaker 2: could have her own room, and she's still sleeping in
Speaker 2: a portercot in that room amongst boxes, Like, you just
Speaker 2: haven't said it better. Well, actually, no, that's a whole
Speaker 2: other conversation. Matt lost the screws. Do you know what?
Speaker 2: Matt is the friggin' best dad ever and he is
Speaker 2: such a hands on, amazing, amazing man. But that kind
Speaker 2: of leads me a little bit into what we're talking
Speaker 2: about today on today's episode, and we are talking about
Speaker 2: something that is trending on TikTok.
Speaker 1: It seems to be where we get a lot of her.
Speaker 1: I've said that a lot lately, This bad boy is
Speaker 1: trending on the Talk.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's because everything's trending on TikTok.
Speaker 1: That's because TikTok.
Speaker 3: Now has become a place where people even rehash like
Speaker 3: news articles. TikTok is where people get their news, they
Speaker 3: get their entertainment, they get everything from tiki doc.
Speaker 1: It's insane you.
Speaker 2: Say that, like you're shocked, like we've been doing it
Speaker 2: on Instagram fight the past five years and now you're
Speaker 2: like it is insane.
Speaker 1: Well, it is because it's like a.
Speaker 3: One stop shop now that I'm not on, so I
Speaker 3: have to like go on search. I don't TikTok.
Speaker 1: I don't use it.
Speaker 3: I might have to start, but I don't even scroll it.
Speaker 3: I see that things are trending on TikTok because I
Speaker 3: reading news articles that they're trending in TikTok.
Speaker 2: I'm on there, but I'm like, you're lurking in the back.
Speaker 2: I'm a private looker, like I never post. I've hosted
Speaker 2: one thing and then I was like, oh, I'm a
Speaker 2: bit too. I feel like a boomer on this thing.
Speaker 2: But Matt is very much on TikTok to the point
Speaker 2: where like sometimes we're sitting on the couch and I'm
Speaker 2: trying to have a conversation with him and I'm like,
Speaker 2: what are you doing. Oh, you're looking at thirty second
Speaker 2: reels of people knowing their fucking lawn. Great, Okay, that's
Speaker 2: why I don't want to watch it.
Speaker 1: This is the whole point you get. It's like Instagram
Speaker 1: on steroids. You can completely sucked in.
Speaker 2: It's so snackable the content that it's very hard to
Speaker 2: get away from. But okay, I, like they said, I
Speaker 2: was going to tell you what the episode was about.
Speaker 2: That was five minutes ago. We're talking about weaponized Incompetence
Speaker 2: on today's episode. It's something that maybe some of you
Speaker 2: have heard about, heard the term, but for those of
Speaker 2: you who haven't, once we get into describing what it
Speaker 2: actually is and how it can present itself in so
Speaker 2: many different types of relationships, I feel like we're all
Speaker 2: going to get something out of this episode.
Speaker 3: This is definitely one Laura is very passionate about. It's
Speaker 3: definitely one Laura brought to the table and I just
Speaker 3: jumped on board with yes, I'm so glad you said that.
Speaker 1: I've been like pushed.
Speaker 2: I'm like, let's do weaponized in Competence everyone. And Britt
Speaker 2: was like, it doesn't really relate to me, and I
Speaker 2: was like, let's make it relate.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be great. Because we often do this.
Speaker 3: We often bring ideas to the table of things that
Speaker 3: if we've been inspired by something, or we've been through something,
Speaker 3: or we've seen something, and we always just try and
Speaker 3: jump on board. And this was definitely one of Laura's,
Speaker 3: and I was like, look, I'll do my research and
Speaker 3: I will do my best to come on.
Speaker 1: This journey with you. So this is my episode, but
Speaker 1: looks do it.
Speaker 2: One of the things that I find very interesting about
Speaker 2: the conversation around a weaponized in competence and like, it's
Speaker 2: difficult because we obviously haven't told you what it is yet,
Speaker 2: and we will get into the whole unpacking it very
Speaker 2: very shortly. But because it does present itself in so
Speaker 2: many different relationships, and because we do and we are
Speaker 2: all guilty of it in different ways, I think that
Speaker 2: it is very relatable. But I know that this episode
Speaker 2: and a lot of my mum friends, this is something
Speaker 2: that they have experienced or that they have seen their
Speaker 2: friends experience. So that's kind of why I wanted to
Speaker 2: get into it, and we will unpack that. But before
Speaker 2: we do, guys, yesterday was Valentine's Day. Actually for us
Speaker 2: it's today because we're recording this very early on Monday morning, at.
Speaker 3: Six am Monday morning, when it's nothing like the early
Speaker 3: Bird gets the love?
Speaker 1: Is that a thing?
Speaker 2: I brought you a coffee? Happy Valentine's Day, britt.
Speaker 3: Laura walked in with a croissant and coffee at six
Speaker 3: am today, So you're currently the love of my life.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you for bringing me exactly what I
Speaker 3: need to get the day started.
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna say the bar is very low if
Speaker 2: that makes me the love your life.
Speaker 3: Valentine's Day is something Laura and I spoke about it.
Speaker 3: We spoke about it last week on the radio. It's
Speaker 3: not something we really care for. It's not something we've
Speaker 3: really ever done. Like, sure, if you want to get
Speaker 3: me a present and pat me and tell me you
Speaker 3: love me, like, I am here for it. I am
Speaker 3: never going to kick you out.
Speaker 2: You can lay on my lap and I'll just stroke you. Okay,
Speaker 2: so you have human touch.
Speaker 1: It sounded wrong on so many levels.
Speaker 3: But also I just want to share with you.
Speaker 2: I just came out of Britney's bathroom. There's a huge
Speaker 2: thing of condoms in there, and Britt was like, they're expired.
Speaker 1: She's like, I should have wrote about the move.
Speaker 3: I was like, God knows how long they've been there
Speaker 3: for Now when you pack your house up and you're like.
Speaker 1: Where did they even come from?
Speaker 2: There's just a box in the bathroom that hasn't been
Speaker 2: unpacked and just perch on Toppy's condoms.
Speaker 3: She's like, yeah, I need to throw them out. I
Speaker 3: don't even see I've got two bathroom guards. I don't
Speaker 3: even know what's in that bathroom. You know how you've
Speaker 3: got a bathroom, you go into it, you put all
Speaker 3: your shit in one, and you're like, I'm just going
Speaker 3: to pretend that bathroom doesn't exist.
Speaker 2: Well, trust me, after I've been in there this morning,
Speaker 2: you probably should keep it pretending.
Speaker 1: Yikes.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, I mean, like I said, all jokes aside,
Speaker 3: Valentine's Day for me, I would rather it's more important
Speaker 3: to me, and it's more meaningful to me if my
Speaker 3: partner did something any other day of the year than
Speaker 3: Valentine's Day. And I still would love that on Valentine's
Speaker 3: Day because I think it's sweet.
Speaker 1: But it's very commercial to me.
Speaker 3: But I love the idea that I guess some people,
Speaker 3: in some couples what Valentine's Day does is some people,
Speaker 3: some couples of relationships, even friends, people get so busy
Speaker 3: in their life that they do forget to do the
Speaker 3: little things. So I guess Valentine's Day they're a minder
Speaker 3: for people to say, Okay, I really just need to
Speaker 3: put everything aside for a hot second and focus on
Speaker 3: my partner. So I think it's nice that it is
Speaker 3: a day where we're like, hey, check yourself, make sure
Speaker 3: you go and tell someone they mean something to you.
Speaker 3: I like that, But for me, it means more to
Speaker 3: come out of the blue, not on a birthday, not
Speaker 3: on Christmas, not on Valentine's Day, just a message, just
Speaker 3: maybe some flowers, just something to say, hey, like thinking
Speaker 3: of you, love you.
Speaker 1: So for me, I would much rather that.
Speaker 3: But I do you know, we do love love here
Speaker 3: at life on cut So any day to celebrate love
Speaker 3: is a good day.
Speaker 2: I mean, like it's completely overrated, but I still want.
Speaker 1: Flowers, the money to make college of him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I still want something, or at least Actually I
Speaker 2: left the house today and like, like we said, we're
Speaker 2: recording this super early. That was still in bed. I
Speaker 2: snuck out of the house and he was like, oh,
Speaker 2: at least give me a kiss before you leave. You know,
Speaker 2: when you think your partner still asleep so you don't
Speaker 2: want to wake them. H No one ever gave him
Speaker 2: a kiss forgot to say Happy Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1: Just forget. It's like it doesn't matter. Though.
Speaker 3: I don't think you have to say Happy Valentine's Day,
Speaker 3: Like I think that that's okay.
Speaker 2: Are you still yeah, leaving my Valentine.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be okay, You're gonna get through this, okay.
Speaker 2: The thing though, that's really interesting about Valentine's Day, and
Speaker 2: I'm sure that there are many other reasons. I'm sure
Speaker 2: somebody's going to slide into the DMS and be like,
Speaker 2: that's not it. There is a whole other story to it.
Speaker 2: I'm sure there is. But from a commercial perspective, the
Speaker 2: reason why Valentine's Day has become so big when it
Speaker 2: comes to gift giving around jewelry or flowers or like
Speaker 2: all of the little things that you would buy, like
Speaker 2: retail wise that are very giftable items, it's because this
Speaker 2: time of year, so after January, February March April, these
Speaker 2: three months are like your lowest months when it comes
Speaker 2: to running a retail business. Guys. I know because I
Speaker 2: sell a jewelry And it's kind of a weird thing
Speaker 2: to say this because obviously, like from a commercial perspective,
Speaker 2: Valentine's Day for us is great, but the reasoning behind
Speaker 2: it is kind of a little bit more sinister. So
Speaker 2: obviously you have like a dip in sales when it
Speaker 2: comes to February, March April, after the back end of Christmas,
Speaker 2: and to help drive some sales.
Speaker 1: That's why all.
Speaker 2: Businesses do their Valentine's Day sales. That's why there's big
Speaker 2: Valentine's Day campaigns. So the actual day itself grew in success,
Speaker 2: and it grew in importance because of retail. So it
Speaker 2: truly is a commercial day because it was a day
Speaker 2: for small businesses, for big businesses, for commercial conglomerates to say.
Speaker 1: Oh, you need to spend some money.
Speaker 3: Oh you really know how to take the magic out
Speaker 3: of Valentine's dayDay, Laura.
Speaker 2: And I'm saying this from like someone who owns a
Speaker 2: jury business, Like obviously I benefit from it in some ways,
Speaker 2: but we always angle our Valentine's Day sale around buying
Speaker 2: something nice for yourself. I don't care about like, don't
Speaker 2: you don't have to go buy something for your partner,
Speaker 2: your friends. But I'm always like, if you want to
Speaker 2: use a fifteen percent of discount and spend it on yourself,
Speaker 2: go and you treat yourself because that's some sort of
Speaker 2: self love I can get behind.
Speaker 3: Look, we do have something a little bit left field today,
Speaker 3: something we haven't done and we will not be doing
Speaker 3: again in the future, in.
Speaker 2: The spirit of Valentine's Day. This is a one time
Speaker 2: only show. Guys, it's coming right up.
Speaker 3: We had and we thought this was really really cute because,
Speaker 3: as we said, we do love love. We had a
Speaker 3: man called Dylan rin into the podcast. Now, Dylan has
Speaker 3: listened to the podcast before. Because Dylan's girlfriend is a huge,
Speaker 3: huge fan of Life Uncut. She has been for a
Speaker 3: long time. She listens all the time. He listens in
Speaker 3: the background.
Speaker 1: Shout out to you, Lily.
Speaker 3: We do love when men writing, when men have listened
Speaker 3: to the pod, but when they do go to the
Speaker 3: effort to write to us and say that they've loved
Speaker 3: an episode or that they got onto the podcast because
Speaker 3: of their partner. And that is what has happened with Lily.
Speaker 3: But more so, the reason that we are highlighting this
Speaker 3: little Dylan and Lily love story is that Dylan is
Speaker 3: a musician. Dylan is head over. He was in love
Speaker 3: with Lily, and Dylan wanted to do something very very special,
Speaker 3: So he has got Billy.
Speaker 1: Didn't Billy Way. We can call him Dilly Team Dilley, Lily.
Speaker 2: Dilly didn't want to spend money on a fifteen per
Speaker 2: cent of sale, so he did something a little bit
Speaker 2: more heartfelt.
Speaker 3: Dylan knows as a scam. We need more Dylan's in
Speaker 3: the world. Okay, Dylan wrote into us Anyway, he has
Speaker 3: been spending the last year working on something and this
Speaker 3: is why we wanted to highlight it. Dylan said, Hey, ladies,
Speaker 3: love the podcast. I started writing a song at the
Speaker 3: end of twenty twenty for my partner Lily. I've spent
Speaker 3: a year trying to keep it a secret from her
Speaker 3: until it was finished, which was quite the task living
Speaker 3: together through Melbourne lockdowns. I'm my gosh, you poor things
Speaker 3: to me. The song is about letting go of any
Speaker 3: walls you hold to protect yourself and fully letting yourself
Speaker 3: feel the meaning of the words.
Speaker 1: I love you.
Speaker 3: I think it'd be the best surprise for her to
Speaker 3: hear this song for the first time without knowing on
Speaker 3: her favorite podcast.
Speaker 2: We love it. Happy Valentine's Day, Lilian Dylan. We're gonna
Speaker 2: play a tiny snippet. Also, like Britz said, do not
Speaker 2: come for us with any more request. Guys, this is
Speaker 2: not an open forum, but here, it is not late night.
Speaker 4: There's nothing I can done.
Speaker 3: Dylan, Lily, Dilly whatever, we're gonna call you hashtag Dilly.
Speaker 3: That was just the sweetest thing. And that was only
Speaker 3: a snippet, guys, that was thirty seconds. We're going to
Speaker 3: play the whole song at the end if you want
Speaker 3: to listen. And it is such a beautiful song. And
Speaker 3: for sure Dylan is getting lucky tonight.
Speaker 2: Have you ever had somebody write you a song?
Speaker 3: Oh, but it's similar. No one's written me a song
Speaker 3: that I know of. Maybe there are some songs floating
Speaker 3: out there that I haven't received yet. But I received
Speaker 3: when I had this like big crush on my neighbor
Speaker 3: when I was like fourteen fifteen. He was from the Mark,
Speaker 3: he was a few Yeah, that's the last time I
Speaker 3: had something really romantic. He was a few years older
Speaker 3: than me and he had a crush on me too,
Speaker 3: But you know when you're that young, because like, we
Speaker 3: had big crushes on each other, but nothing was ever
Speaker 3: gonna happen. He was a friend of my brothers, I think.
Speaker 1: Anyway. We used to go.
Speaker 3: Surfing together and hang out, but I was such a tomboy,
Speaker 3: so I didn't really know that he had the crush
Speaker 3: on me.
Speaker 1: I just thought I was one of the boys.
Speaker 3: And then one day, and I'm pretty sure was Valentine's Day,
Speaker 3: he dropped me like an envelope. He didn't want to
Speaker 3: wait around while I opened it, because like, I made
Speaker 3: this for you, and then he ran and I opened it,
Speaker 3: and this is going to really show my age, guys,
Speaker 3: But it was a mixed tape.
Speaker 1: He made me a mixtape and the first song and
Speaker 1: I will never forget it.
Speaker 3: I went on to learn every word of the song
Speaker 3: and I still know every word of the song. The
Speaker 3: first song was could You Be the Most Beautiful Girl
Speaker 3: in the World from France?
Speaker 1: And I played that mixtape. I put that on repeat.
Speaker 3: That was my pride and joy, and actually, to this day,
Speaker 3: when I think about it, it was probably the sweetest thing
Speaker 3: anyone's actually done. He went to so much effort to
Speaker 3: make that mixtape because you've got to like remember, back
Speaker 3: in the day, you had to press record at the
Speaker 3: same time as you'd heard it on something else that
Speaker 3: you had to like.
Speaker 1: On the radio, so he had to sit.
Speaker 3: There was so much effort when you think about it,
Speaker 3: he had to sit and listen to a radio until
Speaker 3: any love song came on. Then he had to press
Speaker 3: record at the same time and make it smooth for
Speaker 3: a whole tape.
Speaker 2: Okay, but you think this is showing your age? Do
Speaker 2: you know what you know when you're on Bachelotte? So
Speaker 2: if you, guys, if you don't really.
Speaker 3: Know when you're on the Bachelotte, everyone listening, you've done
Speaker 3: it before, Britt.
Speaker 2: No, But if you if you're not somebody who watches
Speaker 2: The Bachelor, you haven't seen the sort of first episode
Speaker 2: where they walk down the red carp and they meet
Speaker 2: the bachelor or the bachelorette. Often the contestants bring a gift.
Speaker 2: They often like because we have to. Yeah, the producers
Speaker 2: tell you you have to bring a gift, Britt, Matt
Speaker 2: gave Georgia Love a mixtape.
Speaker 1: But that can't be nation. That's gonna be a cute thing,
Speaker 1: so cute.
Speaker 2: He's never given me a mixtape, Daily Mail, you can
Speaker 2: write an article about that.
Speaker 3: I mean, like, I know you won at the end
Speaker 3: and you're you've got a happy ending, but I'd be shattered.
Speaker 3: I'd be shaded knowing he gave a mixtape because I
Speaker 3: wonder if she still has it, I should play it. Lokay, Okay,
Speaker 3: I have a story for you speaking of Matt sex
Speaker 3: girlfriends because we're on the top.
Speaker 1: I love that for us. So, okay, I've met a
Speaker 1: lot of Matt sex girlfriends. I went to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I went to one of their weddings, Like, there
Speaker 2: is absolutely no I mean, god, we've got two kids. Like,
Speaker 2: it doesn't come from a place where I care anymore.
Speaker 3: No. It's also interesting though that he keeps the relationships
Speaker 3: to that level. Yeah, that the friendship level that you'd
Speaker 3: go to their wedding. Like for me, that's a bit like, really, no,
Speaker 3: I do what I think. I found it quite difficult
Speaker 3: at the start. And I've spoken about this when we
Speaker 3: did an episode on retroactive jealousy quite a while ago.
Speaker 3: Sure did, And retroactive jealousy is when you're jealous of
Speaker 3: your partner's exes.
Speaker 2: And I think I came into our relationship with a
Speaker 2: very unique experience, obviously coming out of the Bachelor. What
Speaker 2: happened to us is that the Daily Mail and a
Speaker 2: couple of other news outlets had run all these articles
Speaker 2: about Matt's ex girlfriends. So not only did I know
Speaker 2: that they were his ex girlfriends, I could go and
Speaker 2: stalk them. But on top of that, it was like
Speaker 2: it just was a real comparison that was drawn. So
Speaker 2: normally you wouldn't have a news article being like, look
Speaker 2: at how beautiful all his exes are and then having
Speaker 2: public opinion being like, wow, they're better looking than Laura. Yes,
Speaker 2: weirdly so it made me feel super self conscious.
Speaker 1: Yet fancy that totally right.
Speaker 3: But anyway, I'm so I'm like, I'm over it now, guys,
Speaker 3: but no, I really am.
Speaker 1: However, I can.
Speaker 2: Totally appreciate that all of Matt's sex girlfriends are ridiculously stunning,
Speaker 2: like ridiculously.
Speaker 1: I have seen a lot of them. They're pretty attractive,
Speaker 1: their bomb it so are you so okay?
Speaker 2: But on top of that, one of them is actually
Speaker 2: like a supermodel, like a legitimate supermodel lives overseas.
Speaker 1: Is a supermodel?
Speaker 3: You have to live overseas. You cannot be a supermodel
Speaker 3: in Australia.
Speaker 2: No, she's just like she's divine, Like looks like she
Speaker 2: walked out of the sun. She's so divine, which is
Speaker 2: funny because so I buy and have bought the same
Speaker 2: skincare for a very long time. Sunscreen Skincare bought it
Speaker 2: for many, many years. And I walked into the chemist
Speaker 2: the other day to go buy my skincare and there
Speaker 2: she is on the front of the packet of my
Speaker 2: new skincare, and I was like, Fuck.
Speaker 1: It's like her whole.
Speaker 2: Face is the skincare product.
Speaker 1: But now you.
Speaker 3: Literally touch, squeeze, and look at her face on the
Speaker 3: daily then proceed to rub her.
Speaker 1: On your own skin.
Speaker 2: Well, there's only a tiny picture of her on the
Speaker 2: actual product, And I was like, I wonder if she
Speaker 2: actually uses this, because that's good if she does, because
Speaker 2: she's got great skin. But like, her whole face is
Speaker 2: on the box. So I brought it home and then
Speaker 2: I like felt like I had to take the skincare
Speaker 2: out of the box so that Matt couldn't see the
Speaker 2: box because then he would be.
Speaker 1: Like, why did you buy that? Why are you so weird?
Speaker 1: So has Matt seen?
Speaker 3: Does Matt know that you are rubbing pictures of his
Speaker 3: ex girlfriend on your face?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: I haven't told him.
Speaker 2: I mean he does now, but okay, but can you
Speaker 2: imagine how weird this is? Like nobody listening to this
Speaker 2: has ever been in an experience where their favorite skincare
Speaker 2: brand has a photo of their boyfriend's ex girlfriend on it.
Speaker 1: I'm still gonna buy it.
Speaker 3: I have been in a similar not to the same level,
Speaker 3: but I remember there was a guy that I was
Speaker 3: dating for a while and so dumb, a guy that
Speaker 3: was saying for one and literally the same thing like
Speaker 3: his Actually no, this was like reverse.
Speaker 1: This was his new girlfriends. It was worse. He upgraded.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no. See if we broke up.
Speaker 2: And then Matt started dating a supermodel and her face
Speaker 2: was on the skincare, I'd have to stop buying the skin.
Speaker 1: She was on a billboard.
Speaker 3: So like every day I drove us and saw the
Speaker 3: new girl on a billboard because she was also like
Speaker 3: a beautiful model that came out of the center of
Speaker 3: the sun.
Speaker 2: That's a real flex, isn't it when you date someone
Speaker 2: who's on a billboard.
Speaker 1: Totally.
Speaker 3: It wasn't even like a little bus sign. It was
Speaker 3: a whole billboard. I was like, you'd on a bus stop, though,
Speaker 3: don't worry.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, unletss we forget.
Speaker 3: I can't even break was on a bus stop because
Speaker 3: she was the face of Tinder at one point.
Speaker 1: Excuse me.
Speaker 2: It was bumble wash it it was bumble Sorry, Bubble
Speaker 2: Bumble didn't sponsor this episode, so I'm not Tinder.
Speaker 1: That is now the Tinder Swindler. What a seguey that was.
Speaker 1: That was a good segue. Guys.
Speaker 2: We have some very important research. You all need to
Speaker 2: go and watch The Tinder Swindler because we may have
Speaker 2: a very exciting episode coming up.
Speaker 1: We may or may not well. I mean, if we
Speaker 1: don't have one, it is because they canceled.
Speaker 2: But we're hoping we're gonna have a great episode coming up.
Speaker 2: But even if the episode doesn't happen, we cannot recommend
Speaker 2: going and watching The Tinder Swindler enough. So I'm gonna
Speaker 2: give it like a really top overview. I mean, it's
Speaker 2: a documentary. It is on Netflix. It goes for two hours,
Speaker 2: so you could watch it in an evening. Go watch
Speaker 2: it tonight. Seriously, we really want you to watch it
Speaker 2: before next Tuesday's episode.
Speaker 3: I mean, if you haven't already, it's literally sitting at
Speaker 3: number one in the UK, it's training all over America.
Speaker 3: It is huge in Australia. It's an insane documentary. It's
Speaker 3: an insane story, one that I like resonated with a
Speaker 3: little bit too closely. It's actually from the filmmakers. I
Speaker 3: don't know if anyone watched Don't Fuck with Cats. That
Speaker 3: was also an incredible documentary on a completely different level,
Speaker 3: but it's from the same makers. But long story short,
Speaker 3: it follows the life of a man called Simon Levive
Speaker 3: and he's an insane conment. It's like nothing you've ever seen.
Speaker 3: And for the people that listen or have heard the
Speaker 3: Tinder swindler story but haven't watched it, everyone's very skeptic cool.
Speaker 3: Everyone's very against these women because these women to get
Speaker 3: conned out of a lot of money, up to six
Speaker 3: hundred thousand dollars. But three women that Simon conn over
Speaker 3: the years have gotten together and they've told their story
Speaker 3: very bravely come forward and told their story on this documentary.
Speaker 3: But he makes women fall in love with them on Tinder.
Speaker 3: He pretends to be a billionaire on Tinder. They fall
Speaker 3: in love with him. He winds and dines them, and
Speaker 3: it's very believable to these women that he's a billionaire
Speaker 3: because he straightway puts them on a private jet, he
Speaker 3: flies them to an amazing location.
Speaker 1: He buys them gifts. He's dripping and dressed in the
Speaker 1: most expensive, beautiful clothing and jewelry. And we won't go.
Speaker 3: Into it yet until next week with exactly the mechanics
Speaker 3: and how he does it. But it would just leave
Speaker 3: you wanting to pick your draw up off the ground.
Speaker 2: Well, I also don't want because, like it's a really
Speaker 2: interesting storyline, and we obviously don't want to like spoil
Speaker 2: the storyline. But it's a romantic con man basically. And
Speaker 2: Britt told me about this, and she was like, you
Speaker 2: have to watch this documentary. It's so interesting, and she
Speaker 2: was explaining how these women had been literally swindled out
Speaker 2: of hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars. And I
Speaker 2: have to say this, at the time when you described
Speaker 2: it to me, in my mind.
Speaker 3: I was like, well, they must be idiots, like a
Speaker 3: lot of the world is thinking right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I didn't know the story, and I hate
Speaker 2: myself that that was my initial reaction. I thought, oh, gosh,
Speaker 2: you know, you really have to be very gullible to
Speaker 2: be carried along with this sort of story and to
Speaker 2: be taken advantage of in this way. And then the
Speaker 2: more that I watched the show and the more that
Speaker 2: I got into how this all unfolded, I actually really
Speaker 2: hated that that was my initial reaction, Like, I was
Speaker 2: really disappointed in myself that I didn't give these women
Speaker 2: the benefit of the doubt, because these women are incredibly
Speaker 2: intelligent women. They are hugely empathetic women, and they just
Speaker 2: want to be loved. They think that they're in a relationship,
Speaker 2: and I really think that the most important take home
Speaker 2: of this at the start is the fact that like
Speaker 2: this truly can happen to anyone. We did an interview
Speaker 2: last year with India Oxenburg, who is the survivor of
Speaker 2: a sex cult called Nixim. It is still our most
Speaker 2: listen to episode that we have ever done. If you
Speaker 2: haven't heard it, go back and listen to it. It's
Speaker 2: India Oxenburg. It's freakin' amazing. And I think I felt
Speaker 2: the same thing when I very first started watching the show.
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't understand how this could happen
Speaker 2: to anyone. I don't think I don't understand the type
Speaker 2: of personality it takes to allow these things to happen
Speaker 2: to them. But now we know India, we are very
Speaker 2: friendly with her, and she is freaking amazing. She's a
Speaker 2: very normal girl who just got trapped in something that
Speaker 2: was incredibly sinister, and I think it's the exact same
Speaker 2: case for these women. I guess I felt a level
Speaker 2: of sympathy for them, and I never had that reaction
Speaker 2: because I know to a level, you guys, most of
Speaker 2: you know my past, that I was with someone and
Speaker 2: manipulated for two years that had a double life that
Speaker 2: wasn't pretty much wasn't who they said they were. I'm
Speaker 2: a smart woman, but I know it can happen, and
Speaker 2: I know that's not comparable. I know that what happened
Speaker 2: to me is on such a smaller level. But I
Speaker 2: also gave him money because I thought I was with
Speaker 2: my partner that needed something at the time, and that
Speaker 2: is just what you do when you're in love. I
Speaker 2: can one hundred percent see how this happened, and I
Speaker 2: know a lot of you will understand once you've watched it.
Speaker 3: Now, there is a lot of kickback around the world. Actually,
Speaker 3: there are still a lot of people that have watched
Speaker 3: this and have no sympathy for these women. They're pretty
Speaker 3: much just saying you're an idiot. But I think unless
Speaker 3: you can really put yourself in that situation, you don't
Speaker 3: understand how can happen. And there have been a lot
Speaker 3: of statistics that have come out and said over the
Speaker 3: last few years, this kind of romantic con is bigger
Speaker 3: than ever because of the pandemic as well. Because people
Speaker 3: are meeting online, they're forming emotional connections. They're not getting
Speaker 3: to see as much of someone else's life that they
Speaker 3: might have seen ten years ago in the real world,
Speaker 3: before the lockdowns, before the restrictions, before travel. So I
Speaker 3: think that we need to go into this well, I
Speaker 3: mean I've watched it. Everyone needs to go into this
Speaker 3: with I think, a really open mind and a level
Speaker 3: of sympathy. These are very, very normal, intelligent women that
Speaker 3: were swept up in something horrible. Their only crime is
Speaker 3: being too generous and too loving to somebody that they
Speaker 3: thought loved them back. So I cannot wait for next
Speaker 3: week's episode. It's going I'm so excited for I'm so
Speaker 3: excited to speak to these women and it's going to
Speaker 3: be absolutely huge. So please, if you do anything this week,
Speaker 3: watch the Tinder Swindler.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think the last thing that I want
Speaker 2: to say on this is, like like anything, I think
Speaker 2: if your initial reaction or anybody who's initial reaction is
Speaker 2: like that couldn't happen to me, or they're idiots. That
Speaker 2: is such a victim blaming mentality, like it comes from
Speaker 2: such a negative and unconstructive place. And I think when
Speaker 2: you watch this you will all have such empathy for
Speaker 2: these women because it just shows how much one that
Speaker 2: they wanted to be loved and be in a loving relationship,
Speaker 2: but two also how fucking powerful things like love bombing are.
Speaker 2: And when somebody is incredibly narcissistic and they have the
Speaker 2: intent to mislead you, they have the intent to take control.
Speaker 2: There was all of this conversation that comes back to
Speaker 2: coercive control, which we've spoken about loads on this podcast.
Speaker 2: It just shows how powerful this is, and it shows
Speaker 2: how much anybody can be impacted by these things, and
Speaker 2: how if you are in a relationship where it's moving
Speaker 2: super quickly and bombing is happening, just being aware taking
Speaker 2: a step out of it and going Okay, is this
Speaker 2: too good to be true? Is this too much of
Speaker 2: a fantasy? And what am I giving of myself that
Speaker 2: I wouldn't normally give just because I'm so invested in
Speaker 2: this relationship?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And The thing is, I want to say one
Speaker 1: more thing. I could talk about it forever.
Speaker 3: The thing that I wanted to add with this is
Speaker 3: a lot of people are saying, well, how stupid are
Speaker 3: you for believing that you met a billionaire online? Firstly,
Speaker 3: why wouldn't you believe it? When you've met someone and
Speaker 3: immediately you're on private jets, immediately everything about their life
Speaker 3: that you have seen screams, I'm telling the truth.
Speaker 1: Screams, well, the screams like this is legit.
Speaker 3: No one just goes and hires a private jet to
Speaker 3: fly you on a first date if they don't have
Speaker 3: that kind of money.
Speaker 1: There was a girl I follow on Instagram, Tara. If
Speaker 1: you're listening to Tara, Hey, she did it. She's got
Speaker 1: a big Instagram following.
Speaker 3: I'm not doing shout outs anymore, no, but she does
Speaker 3: a big She has a big Instagram following, and she
Speaker 3: puts something up recently, she had watched the Tindersunla and
Speaker 3: she was putting some question and answers up and seeing
Speaker 3: pole seeing what people thought and things like that. And
Speaker 3: one of her polls was, do you think it's crazy
Speaker 3: that they thought they meant a billionaire online?
Speaker 1: And when you click the pole.
Speaker 3: It was like something like ninety five percent of the
Speaker 3: people said yes, it's crazy, like you're never going to
Speaker 3: meet someone, and a few people said no, it's not
Speaker 3: that crazy. Now I wrote back to her and I said, hey,
Speaker 3: heads up, I know a billionaire online like this. I
Speaker 3: actually this is a thing. People still do want to
Speaker 3: try and meet normal people without them knowing. So for me,
Speaker 3: this is why it's so believable.
Speaker 2: But also like, of course billionaires would still I mean
Speaker 2: they can still use Tinder, Like why can't they still
Speaker 2: have the interweb. There's some guys who might or even
Speaker 2: women who have a whole of a lot of money,
Speaker 2: they still want to meet people.
Speaker 3: I met one, I dated one, like it happened legend,
Speaker 3: I dated a billionaire everybody.
Speaker 1: But my point is I didn't know.
Speaker 4: He didn't.
Speaker 3: He was definitely not like that and he didn't let
Speaker 3: anyone in his life.
Speaker 1: No, he didn't.
Speaker 3: I didn't know for a long time because it wasn't
Speaker 3: a flex for him, that's not what it was. But
Speaker 3: he was just someone with a lot of money that
Speaker 3: still wanting to date. And she actually wrote back and
Speaker 3: she said, I actually know a billionaire online as well.
Speaker 3: So for anyone listening that thinks these women are just
Speaker 3: so stupid, They're actually not like this happens. There are
Speaker 3: people out there that are just trying to find love
Speaker 3: as well.
Speaker 1: Do you millionaires need love too? Guys?
Speaker 2: Do you know what I'm taking form this related this conversation? Guys,
Speaker 2: there are billionaires online.
Speaker 1: Go out.
Speaker 2: If you're not on all those platforms where you are,
Speaker 2: you're never gonna meet one. Go out there and find one.
Speaker 2: All right, let's get into one of our most favorite
Speaker 2: parts of the episode, even though to be honest, I
Speaker 2: feel like the whole episodes are always our favorite.
Speaker 1: Accidentally unfiltered. All right, Brittany, you can kick it off.
Speaker 1: I'm actually gonna kick it off with one.
Speaker 3: I've just decided I was tossing up between two and
Speaker 3: then this conversation has made me pick one.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad that I helped you to like define well,
Speaker 2: it's about.
Speaker 1: Flying and planes and stuff, So I'm gonna.
Speaker 2: Mile high club now.
Speaker 3: I don't even know if it's an accidentally unfiltered or
Speaker 3: it's just cooks.
Speaker 2: If anybody who's new to the podcast and doesn't actually
Speaker 2: know what accidentally unfiltered is, axcellan filter is basically like
Speaker 2: you guys, write in your most embarrassing stories. Sometimes they're
Speaker 2: not even embarrassing, sometimes they're just fucking wild. Just write
Speaker 2: in your wildest stories, and we read them mountain, we
Speaker 2: all laugh together.
Speaker 1: It's basically what it is, all right, I'm kicking it off.
Speaker 3: So I have been going through a very drawn out
Speaker 3: and complex breakup with my ex. We were together for
Speaker 3: five years and have been separated for a year. Just
Speaker 3: after New Year's I flew to Adelaide to see him officially,
Speaker 3: to put boundaries in place to allow us to both
Speaker 3: move on.
Speaker 1: I love that you had to fly there to put
Speaker 1: the boundary place.
Speaker 2: You don't need you never need to do a face
Speaker 2: to face, just do it on the phone.
Speaker 1: It was super emotional and hard, et cetera. However, and
Speaker 1: we had sex. Hund sent it in. It was like
Speaker 1: that last closing sex. You know you all have to
Speaker 1: have it.
Speaker 3: However, around this time I started seeing this other person.
Speaker 3: He was being so lovely and making himself very available
Speaker 3: to me.
Speaker 1: Let's call him Phil.
Speaker 3: I was originally meant to be flying back from Adelaide
Speaker 3: to Sydney on the Wednesday, but ended up changing it
Speaker 3: to the Tuesday. Phil By Chair was flying from Sydney
Speaker 3: to Adelaide on the Wednesday, but our flights would cross
Speaker 3: in the sky. I just kept up with the white
Speaker 3: lie that I was flying back on Wednesday, as I
Speaker 3: knew that he would want to see me on Tuesday
Speaker 3: when I got back. However, I also knew that the
Speaker 3: emotions from my trip to my ex would be hectic
Speaker 3: and I wouldn't feel like seeing him. For whatever reason,
Speaker 3: I just felt it was easier not to mention I
Speaker 3: was home a day earlier. So Wednesday, at midday he
Speaker 3: messages me asking how I was tracking and my flight movements, etc.
Speaker 1: I mentioned that I was just heading to the airport
Speaker 1: in Adelaide.
Speaker 3: Now noting I was already home in Sydney and in bed.
Speaker 3: But to my horror, he messaged saying his flight was
Speaker 3: changed and he would now be at the airport in
Speaker 3: Sydney when my flight arrived. It was too late to
Speaker 3: say my flight was already changed. I had already said
Speaker 3: I was on my way to the airport, and he
Speaker 3: knew the flight I was meant to be on, so
Speaker 3: he would be able to see that it was at
Speaker 3: the airport departure arrival lounge. So call me crazy, But
Speaker 3: over an hour before I was meant to land in Sydney,
Speaker 3: I packed to pretend carry back. I put on a cap,
Speaker 3: dark sunnies and the biggest face master hide behind, and
Speaker 3: I drove to the airport. I went through security, I
Speaker 3: found the gate I was meant to be rhyming at.
Speaker 3: I found the closest toilet and I sat there for forty.
Speaker 1: Five minutes waiting for my plane to land.
Speaker 3: As new waves of people came into the toilet, i'd
Speaker 3: causually find an excuse to ask, Hey, what flight did
Speaker 3: you come off, until finally someone said adelaide. I walked
Speaker 3: outside the toilet to see if Phil walking towards the
Speaker 3: gate to meet me, And there I was, pretending to
Speaker 3: have just arrived with my fate carry on luggage, being
Speaker 3: embraced with the hargin questions about how my flight was.
Speaker 3: I have never felt more crazy, whilst also being weirdly
Speaker 3: impressed with myself for pulling off this crazy act seamlessly.
Speaker 3: Phil and I are still dating months later, but this
Speaker 3: story is in the vault for a long time yet.
Speaker 3: Maybe it could be a wedding night story when it's
Speaker 3: too late for him to run.
Speaker 1: Is this I actually died.
Speaker 3: It's like, I don't even know if it's an accidentally
Speaker 3: unfiltered I don't think it's fucking nuts.
Speaker 2: It's so fucking nuts.
Speaker 1: I just couldn't believe the effort she went to. She
Speaker 1: just got home and she's exhausted in bed, and she
Speaker 1: got up to go.
Speaker 3: She went through security to pretend she just landed because
Speaker 3: she didn't want to say, oh, do you know what
Speaker 3: I actually got back last night?
Speaker 2: Like you would just I mean, like you wouldn't go
Speaker 2: through security.
Speaker 3: You would just like rock up and then be like, oh,
Speaker 3: I know because they were landing past you. Yeah, they
Speaker 3: were at the same time. So she had to If
Speaker 3: you're going to do this, you have to commit to
Speaker 3: the line.
Speaker 2: It's such a commitment to the it's so deep.
Speaker 3: That's so that is like I can't I actually can't believe.
Speaker 3: But also like it's very deceptive. I would actually love
Speaker 3: for you, like, if you feel like you're there in
Speaker 3: the relationship, I'd love for you to tell him so
Speaker 3: you can tell us what happens.
Speaker 2: No, do you know what I want? I want you
Speaker 2: to phone record this. Can you if you're listening to this,
Speaker 2: can you phone record telling him one day when you
Speaker 2: actually tell him and then send us the audio. So
Speaker 2: not only did you prank him once, prank him twice.
Speaker 2: That's the same thing.
Speaker 3: I would love to know if there's anyone else out
Speaker 3: there that has gone above and beyond something like this
Speaker 3: to avoid a situation or in a relationship. I would
Speaker 3: have loved you know how many other crazy stories there are,
Speaker 3: and for some reason, Laura, I feel like you would
Speaker 3: have one.
Speaker 2: No, I don't have any like this, but I do
Speaker 2: feel like this sort of thing like this was innocent
Speaker 2: on her part, But I also feel like it usually
Speaker 2: involves another person, Like it usually involves some sort of
Speaker 2: cheating or some sort of like lie or deception, like
Speaker 2: they needn't be bothered to get.
Speaker 1: Out of bed seem that night, well hilarious.
Speaker 2: He probably didn't know that there was this overlap with
Speaker 2: her ex boyfriend either, and so like there's usually like
Speaker 2: something else going on. I think if you have to
Speaker 2: go to these extremes to like lie about your whereabouts,
Speaker 2: it's usually because there's a third party in a relationship,
Speaker 2: which is never healthy. So please, we don't want to
Speaker 2: know about all your cheating scandals.
Speaker 1: Guys.
Speaker 2: I have a brief but extremely cooked accidentally unfiltered. Okay,
Speaker 2: I decided to get into bed with a work colleague
Speaker 2: and things did get a bit heated.
Speaker 1: I like that. You just decided as well. I decided
Speaker 1: to get into bed. She was talking with a bak
Speaker 1: to pass me a pen, and then we ended up
Speaker 1: in there.
Speaker 2: Let's just go in. They were obviously getting a bit frisky.
Speaker 2: So anyway, she's hooking up with a work colleague. Things
Speaker 2: were getting down and dirty, and we were rolling around
Speaker 2: in the sheets, and as he was about to come,
Speaker 2: he says to me in a really sexy voice, keep
Speaker 2: touching my balls, baby feels good. A little confused, I said,
Speaker 2: I looked at him and I replied, I'm not touching
Speaker 2: your balls.
Speaker 1: And then he looked.
Speaker 3: Down only to see my sausage dog was licking his
Speaker 3: ball sack at the exact same time.
Speaker 1: And I had forgotten that I'd left the door open.
Speaker 1: For good man, I had a cottage dog.
Speaker 2: Oh, there was another sausage in the bed that day.
Speaker 3: There were multiple sausages in that bed.
Speaker 2: Anyway, she was like, that's the last time the dog
Speaker 2: was ever in the bedroom whilst we were having sex.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine time.
Speaker 2: We ever had se Could you imagine looking down and
Speaker 2: there's a dog licking your balls don't have balls?
Speaker 1: But that's one thing. But it's the mortification that you
Speaker 1: just openly admitted power much you like, how much she
Speaker 1: liked it. That's what gets me.
Speaker 3: It's the fact that I was like, fuck, I can't
Speaker 3: even come this. I just said how good it felt dead.
Speaker 3: But also it's like, just keep doing it, fighter, It's okay.
Speaker 3: Here's another question I'm posing in this this weird situation.
Speaker 3: Unless the euphoria really was making him crazy, wouldn't you
Speaker 3: be able to differentiate a tongue on your balls to
Speaker 3: like a cupping because obviously obviously he can see her
Speaker 3: face that her tongue is in the air.
Speaker 2: Maybe, to be fair, I don't think guys have a
Speaker 2: hell of a lot of nerve endings in their bullsack.
Speaker 2: I feel like their ballsack is like it's sensitive, but
Speaker 2: they don't feel like they can distinguish like the type
Speaker 2: of touch necessarily a wet tongue more sandpaper, isn't he
Speaker 2: because maybe you would know maybe he thought it was
Speaker 2: like the nails, like maybe he thought it was like
Speaker 2: a stroke or a scratch. I'm given the guy the
Speaker 2: benefit of the doubt. I don't think he was laying
Speaker 2: there thinking, God, that feels like a dog tongue.
Speaker 3: Keeping and I'm thinking it's like emphoria and juice delirium.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm gonna give him. I'm gonna give him
Speaker 3: an out. Let's get into the conversation around weaponized incompetence.
Speaker 1: I think that's enough, all right.
Speaker 2: Getting into weaponized incompetence probably should start with what it is,
Speaker 2: since we managed to talk about it for a hell
Speaker 2: of a lot in the beginning, to tell it, Oh, okay,
Speaker 2: I don't even know where to start.
Speaker 3: And I was like at the beginning. She's like, I'm
Speaker 3: overwhelmed with information. I was like, break it down. Let's
Speaker 3: start at the beginning. What is a weaponizing competence? Like?
Speaker 2: Okay, so weaponized in competence it sounds like and I said,
Speaker 2: it's a trending on TikTok. It's actually been around, well,
Speaker 2: I mean, the actual thing of it has been around
Speaker 2: for a long time. I would say since the dawn
Speaker 2: of time even but it's recently been reported on up
Speaker 2: until two thousand and seven, that's when the first articles
Speaker 2: came out. It's been called many different names. It's been
Speaker 2: called strategic incompetence. It's also called performative incompetence. BRIT's laughing
Speaker 2: at me because it's taken me about fifteen times, like that,
Speaker 2: was it called a tongue twister for you?
Speaker 1: It's also some people call it gas lighting.
Speaker 2: Well, yes, it's actually a form of gas lighting, and
Speaker 2: it is a form of manipulation. So basically, weaponized incompetence
Speaker 2: is feigning incompetence at a task. But it's kind of
Speaker 2: bigger than that. So it's basically like and I don't
Speaker 2: want to say it's gendered, because it can happen in
Speaker 2: all genders and it can happen in all relationships. But
Speaker 2: where we often see it is say with the housework
Speaker 2: at home. And I was going to give you an
Speaker 2: example to be able to really kind of break down
Speaker 2: what it is. Maybe your partner really sucks at cleaning,
Speaker 2: you know, they always do a shitty job of the laundry,
Speaker 2: they do a shitty job of cleaning up the dishes,
Speaker 2: menial domestic household labor, or things that could be thought
Speaker 2: of as being a bit more boring or being women's
Speaker 2: work in quotation marks. Maybe your partner does a shitty job,
Speaker 2: knowing full well that if they do a shitty job,
Speaker 2: you're going to pick up the slack and do it anyway.
Speaker 2: The reason why I wanted to do this as a
Speaker 2: conversation is because I have seen this, and I have
Speaker 2: had a lot of conversations with my girlfriends who have
Speaker 2: kids around how their partners don't necessarily pick up the
Speaker 2: full slack, or how they feel like their partners are
Speaker 2: helping in quotation marks with the kid, but not necessarily
Speaker 2: really stepping up to the plate. And although I say that,
Speaker 2: you know, it's not just in heterosexual relationships, it isn't,
Speaker 2: but I do think predominantly it presents itself in heterosexual relationships,
Speaker 2: and the reason for that is because it really plays
Speaker 2: into our gender stereotypes and the roles that we have
Speaker 2: as part of our gender stereotypes. So for example, men
Speaker 2: being better at technology or being better at doing the
Speaker 2: garden and doing the maintenance, and women being better at
Speaker 2: the domestic duties, and us relying on our partners to
Speaker 2: do jobs that we are very capable of doing but
Speaker 2: we don't really like doing, so we pretend we can't
Speaker 2: really do them very well. I did it recently when
Speaker 2: I didn't want to set up the Netflix and I
Speaker 2: was like, I don't know how to do that, Babe,
Speaker 2: you do it.
Speaker 3: Well, let's talk before we get into that too much,
Speaker 3: even though you just did. Let's talk about why this
Speaker 3: came up, Like where you've seen this because it is
Speaker 3: training on TikTok, isn't it. It's like one of the
Speaker 3: most tiktocketed things.
Speaker 1: And I know this is showing my but it is.
Speaker 3: It's like, I'm going to call training on tiktoketed from
Speaker 3: here on in totally.
Speaker 2: And if you are not on TikTok and you do
Speaker 2: want to have a deep dive that there is a
Speaker 2: whole subculture around weaponized incompetence. And I don't, like I said,
Speaker 2: it's not something that is new though. It's just that
Speaker 2: we've been given a label for something that people have
Speaker 2: experienced for many, many years. And I think sometimes when
Speaker 2: we have a label to describe something that we've all
Speaker 2: experienced collectively, you go, fuck, that's what that is. I'm
Speaker 2: not insane, and weaponized in competence can truly make you
Speaker 2: feel insane. It can also make you feel like your
Speaker 2: partner's a child and your parenting another child, I mean weaponized.
Speaker 3: To me, I actually don't know how much I love
Speaker 3: the term, to be honest, I feel like it's quite aggressive.
Speaker 3: But the term weaponized is they're saying it's you're using
Speaker 3: it as a weapon because you are putting the onus
Speaker 3: on your partner. You're putting the pressure on your partner.
Speaker 3: You're wiping your hands.
Speaker 1: Clean of it.
Speaker 3: You're just saying, essentially colloquially, unofficially, your internal monologue is
Speaker 3: I can't fuck to do this.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do this. You can do everything.
Speaker 3: So they're saying that in a relationship, you're using it
Speaker 3: as a weapon, and I guess you are. But for me,
Speaker 3: like personally, I think I would probably rename it something else.
Speaker 1: I would probably use it.
Speaker 2: I like a fucking lazy grub.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just be like lazy grubbing confidence or something like that.
Speaker 2: Okay, but also on this, okay, the big question is,
Speaker 2: before we get too far deep into it, is is
Speaker 2: it strategic? Is it something that somebody comes out and goes,
Speaker 2: I'm going to purposefully do a bad job of this
Speaker 2: because I know my partner's going to do it anyway.
Speaker 2: I don't think it has to be strategic. I don't
Speaker 2: think it has to be something that is a conscious decision, but.
Speaker 1: I think often it's subconscious. I'm not on the set.
Speaker 3: I think like I think, if there's every time that
Speaker 3: I have done it, and do you know what. The
Speaker 3: reason that I said to Laura at the start, I
Speaker 3: was like, Oh, I just don't know how much I
Speaker 3: can relate to this is because for as long as
Speaker 3: I can remember, I have been on my own. Even
Speaker 3: if I've been in a relationship or am in a relationship,
Speaker 3: it's There've always been long distance. I've lived alone for
Speaker 3: a long time, travel alone for a long time. I've
Speaker 3: never been really in this situation because I have to
Speaker 3: do everything, Like if the toilet breaks, I have to
Speaker 3: do it. I guess for me, for a long time,
Speaker 3: I've gotten to a point where I have to be
Speaker 3: so fiercely independent that I either pay someone to do it.
Speaker 1: I pay someone to come by my lawns. I'm my lawns.
Speaker 3: So I struggled with trying to find ways that I
Speaker 3: have done this in the past. But when I do
Speaker 3: think back, there have been times like that in my
Speaker 3: past relationships where I've done that, but it's been it's
Speaker 3: always been very manual labor out the outdoors, the gardening,
Speaker 3: like the big heavy stuff. That's the stuff that I've
Speaker 3: probably said to my partner, Oh, you know what, I
Speaker 3: don't even know how to start a lot, Like I
Speaker 3: know how to start a lormow. Dad told me how
Speaker 3: to start lormo when I was twelve years old.
Speaker 1: Like Dad made me so capable of my life. But
Speaker 1: it's really just because it was hard work. I don't
Speaker 1: want to go out there.
Speaker 3: I didn't want to go out in the sun in
Speaker 3: forty five degrees and Moto lawn when he could do it.
Speaker 3: So for me it was, yeah, it wasn't I guess
Speaker 3: it wasn't malicious, But there are sub there's a subconscious
Speaker 3: level to when you do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that that's a really important thing
Speaker 2: because like we are not we are not man hating
Speaker 2: on this podcast. That's not I can love men. And
Speaker 2: I've had lots of conversations with Matt about this, and
Speaker 2: I do really feel like for me, I became acutely
Speaker 2: aware of it after having children, and I became aware
Speaker 2: of it more so around heterosexual gender roles in raising kids.
Speaker 2: So I think that they're like I said, there will
Speaker 2: be some mums who are listening to this who are like, yes,
Speaker 2: I know what you're talking.
Speaker 1: About, Flora burn.
Speaker 2: But also for an example of this in a non
Speaker 2: heterosexual relationship, but in a platonic relationship. So siblings, My
Speaker 2: sister is incredibly organized. She always has been. She's the
Speaker 2: older sister. She is an a personality type.
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 2: That doesn't mean that I don't have the capability of
Speaker 2: organizing Christmas presents and Birthday presents and booking accommodation and
Speaker 2: all that sort of stuff. Like I am very fucking
Speaker 2: capable of doing all of that. I've done it for
Speaker 2: my own family. But when it comes to things that
Speaker 2: we do joint, I always take a backseat to her.
Speaker 2: I always just let her do it. And part of
Speaker 2: me is like, oh, like, I know that she's going
Speaker 2: to do a good job, Like I know that she
Speaker 2: she doesn't enjoy doing it. No one enjoys going and
Speaker 2: doing the organization or the bookings of everything, but.
Speaker 1: Some people do.
Speaker 2: Some whop get off on that maybe, but I know
Speaker 2: she doesn't. Really, she does it out of necessity, but
Speaker 2: she does it so well that I coast along. And
Speaker 2: I think that there's a lot of probably a lot
Speaker 2: of middle children who do take that role to their
Speaker 2: older siblings. You know, they're like, Okay, my sibling kind
Speaker 2: of has that. But what that does is it means
Speaker 2: that they are always the one doing more work. They
Speaker 2: are always the one who is put in that position,
Speaker 2: and you use your lack of ability to kind of
Speaker 2: coast on their position. And we've seen it in group
Speaker 2: of assignments at UNI. There's always one person who kind
Speaker 2: of is like, oh, I don't really know how to
Speaker 2: do it, like they're doing it so well.
Speaker 1: And then they fucking coast along.
Speaker 2: And nobody likes being in a relationship, being in a
Speaker 2: group assignment with somebody who isn't pulling their weight.
Speaker 3: It's funny you say that, And I'm going to have
Speaker 3: to make a comment on it now because Sherry, my sister,
Speaker 3: listens to the podcast, and she'll be like, bitch, you
Speaker 3: didn't comment on that. That's exactly the same thing. I'm
Speaker 3: this four of us kids. I'm number three, Sherry's number four.
Speaker 3: Sherry's the baby of the family, but that role has
Speaker 3: always fallen on Sheridan. Sheridan in our family is the
Speaker 3: one hundred percent planner. She organizes everything every family trip,
Speaker 3: every family gets together, dinners, Christmas foods, all that big
Speaker 3: stuff that if you don't organize it, like you're going
Speaker 3: to have a disaster day.
Speaker 1: Someone has to do it.
Speaker 3: That is never an million years going to be me
Speaker 3: and saying this, I'm about to do it. I'm about
Speaker 3: to say exactly what we're talking about. She's so good
Speaker 3: at it, she genuinely is, and she doesn't hate it.
Speaker 1: She quite enjoys it. She loves being organized. I'm a
Speaker 1: loose cannon.
Speaker 3: Like they call me Hurricane Britney, a hurricane into a day.
Speaker 3: I am very disorganized. I don't love planning. I hate planning.
Speaker 3: I don't even like to put things in my diary
Speaker 3: for some reason, I'm so against it. I'd like to
Speaker 3: keep things in my head, which is crazy. But what
Speaker 3: I will do, And if Sherry actually came to me
Speaker 3: and said I need help planning this, I would one
Speaker 3: hundred percent help her. But what I do is I say, hey, look,
Speaker 3: I just give her my card. I will give her
Speaker 3: my bank card and I'll say, do what you need
Speaker 3: to do with that, like I'm happy to be the person,
Speaker 3: Like I will pay you for your time. I will
Speaker 3: pay for this day if you organize it. That's how
Speaker 3: much I detest it.
Speaker 2: This is so interesting because this, okay, like maybe this
Speaker 2: isn't a problem in your sibling relationship with your sister,
Speaker 2: but when you think about that, that is why it
Speaker 2: is such a huge fucking problem in relationships when you
Speaker 2: have kids. Because we are a society don't value time,
Speaker 2: but we do value money. So someone being like, well
Speaker 2: I gave you my car, just do it. That doesn't
Speaker 2: account for the hours of organization, the calling up, pursuing lessons,
Speaker 2: all of that shit that a mom ends up having
Speaker 2: to do. It's like we don't value the time that
Speaker 2: goes into that, and therefore, like that's where the discrepancy
Speaker 2: comes from. But like we're only getting head and I'm
Speaker 2: like getting angry, and I want to just preface this,
Speaker 2: like we're saying that it presents itself in all relationships.
Speaker 2: I think the reason why I get so fired up
Speaker 2: about heterosexual relationships or about parenting relationships is because that's
Speaker 2: where it makes such a long term difference. And it's like,
Speaker 2: you know, you maybe not doing one or two things
Speaker 2: for your sister or me asking Matt to like set
Speaker 2: up the Netflix. They're like one off events. You know,
Speaker 2: it's not very often that I need him to change
Speaker 2: a tire. I can change a tire, but I'd prefer
Speaker 2: him to do it. You know, those things happen, It
Speaker 2: happens once in a blue moon, but parenting happens every
Speaker 2: day constantly, and it's the relentlessness when that task falls
Speaker 2: on a mother and the already share falls on a mother.
Speaker 2: And the thing with this is that there is research
Speaker 2: that's come out in this past year. It comes out
Speaker 2: every year. It looks at the domestic household labor and
Speaker 2: who actually divvies it up and where the imbalances and
Speaker 2: inequality is in our relationships. And on average, women are
Speaker 2: still doing twenty eight hours per week more domestic labor
Speaker 2: than men. And that is unpaid, unappreciated domestic labor.
Speaker 1: And guys, that was in the census. That's accurate. I'm
Speaker 1: coming here with the facts and the data. No, it's crazy.
Speaker 3: That is not shocking or surprising to anyone. I don't
Speaker 3: think there's anyone that would listen to that and be
Speaker 3: surprised by that statistic. But just before we get any
Speaker 3: further into that, because I can see the steam coming
Speaker 3: out of your brain and your anger is building.
Speaker 1: I think that's a.
Speaker 3: Big At the start of the episode, I said to
Speaker 3: you guys, this is why I found this topic hard
Speaker 3: to jump on board with because I think that this,
Speaker 3: whilst presents itself in many aspects and many capacities, I
Speaker 3: think it really presents itself the most in relationships with children,
Speaker 3: so married relationships to facto kids, That's where I think
Speaker 3: this presents self the most. And it's the most problematic
Speaker 3: because when I was trying to relate this to myself,
Speaker 3: obviously with what I just said about Sherry, I don't
Speaker 3: even really fit that mold because, like you just said,
Speaker 3: people don't value people's time. I will pay Sherry for
Speaker 3: her time. I will say, you book this, you don't
Speaker 3: have to pay for the holiday. I will pay for it,
Speaker 3: So this is your time. I will one hundred percent.
Speaker 3: I will never put that on her because I know
Speaker 3: she's also busy reciprocal respected relationship. So I can't really
Speaker 3: find myself any other ways to relate to it because
Speaker 3: I don't have kids, and I'm not married, and whilst
Speaker 3: this definitely happens at work and I've done this so
Speaker 3: just to say that, like we are not man haters.
Speaker 3: I'll put my hand up and say I do this
Speaker 3: in reverse. At work with technology, I am not good
Speaker 3: with technology. We all know that, Laura, Okay, but like
Speaker 3: nobody is good with technology. Everybody learns to become good
Speaker 3: with technology. So like having a backseat and having the
Speaker 3: mentality of like, oh, I'm not good at technology. All
Speaker 3: that does and we've all got someone in our workplace
Speaker 3: who does it. All it means is that they never
Speaker 3: have to get good and everybody else has to pick
Speaker 3: up the slack.
Speaker 1: Well, what I'll always do is it'll be a task.
Speaker 3: I'll be like, oh, can you do this with this
Speaker 3: patient online while I physically scan the patient. It would
Speaker 3: be something like that. It's never that you would sit
Speaker 3: back and do it. But it's it's same with our relationship.
Speaker 3: L I remember when we started the podcast, I was
Speaker 3: like I didn't even know how to turn a computer on.
Speaker 3: To be honest, I was like, look, why don't you
Speaker 3: do that side of stuff? You do the edit and
Speaker 3: I'll do the business. I was like, let's just work
Speaker 3: out what we're good at at the start and go
Speaker 3: from there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's I mean, like that's different in that
Speaker 2: wad DIVRT tasks. But like, let's get back on track
Speaker 2: with weaponis incompetency as I think sad. There is a
Speaker 2: social commentator on TikTok he handle is that done?
Speaker 1: Chat now?
Speaker 2: She sums it up so perfectly, and what she says
Speaker 2: is so society has told us to value money and work.
Speaker 2: We function under capitalism. We also function within a patriarchy.
Speaker 2: And what a patriarchy is is a society that overvalues
Speaker 2: masculine tasks and undervalues care tasks or traditionally feminine tasks.
Speaker 2: Our society does not value the work that goes into
Speaker 2: managing domestic situations. We also don't value time. We value
Speaker 2: money over time. So, like just taking this down again, maybe,
Speaker 2: for example, you give your partner instructions that they need
Speaker 2: to go to the grocery store and pick up some things.
Speaker 2: If they are calling you the entire time that they're
Speaker 2: at the grocery store, that is weaponized in competence. You
Speaker 2: should be able to give your partner a task to
Speaker 2: do where they're not helping you do a task, it's
Speaker 2: actually their job because they're a participant in.
Speaker 1: The household, a task to do.
Speaker 2: They should be able to go and they should be
Speaker 2: able to complete that task without having to constantly rely
Speaker 2: on you to give them feedback, to give them information.
Speaker 3: Well, the reason that also, this is what I saw,
Speaker 3: and I had to have a chuckle. I think people
Speaker 3: took it too far. But another TikToker that went viral
Speaker 3: and started this whole conversation online was exactly that there
Speaker 3: are a couple that take the piss of relationships. It's
Speaker 3: sort of like you and Matt on TikTok, but they
Speaker 3: take the piss out of married life, kid life. She
Speaker 3: sent him to the grocery store with a grocery list,
Speaker 3: but not only a grocery list, she had to print
Speaker 3: out pictures of every item and every.
Speaker 2: Item so you didn't suck it up.
Speaker 1: Every item on the list had a picture.
Speaker 3: Now, it was supposed to be a bit of a
Speaker 3: piss take at exactly this and the world run with it,
Speaker 3: and they started to sort of come at them a bit,
Speaker 3: saying this is weaponize and competence, this is ridiculous. You're
Speaker 3: enabling your partner to not be good at this by
Speaker 3: saying like I'm gonna baby you. And she was like, what, guys,
Speaker 3: this was a joke, but it did kickstart the whole conversation,
Speaker 3: which is, you know, is why TikTok's so great, But
Speaker 3: that opens up the conversation on the dynamic in the household.
Speaker 3: What goes down in your household? How do you divvy tasks?
Speaker 3: How do you compensate for someone saying that they are
Speaker 3: not good enough?
Speaker 2: Well, I think and the reason why I come back
Speaker 2: to this, like once you've had kids conversation is like
Speaker 2: it is a hugely transformative time in a relationship once
Speaker 2: you have children. And not for everyone, but for a
Speaker 2: lot of people, the majority of that labor falls on
Speaker 2: the mum. And you know, so many of us women
Speaker 2: like we have jobs as well. It's not like we
Speaker 2: don't have work or other things to do, but we
Speaker 2: also end up taking primary role as the care provider
Speaker 2: in families. And it's the small things. It's the things
Speaker 2: that like just get done without being noticed. It's the
Speaker 2: washing of the kid's clothes, they're putting the kids clothes
Speaker 2: away there, making sure that snacks are in the cupboard,
Speaker 2: the making sure that like food prep is done, these
Speaker 2: small tasks. And I know that there are men out
Speaker 2: there who do them, So please don't think that this
Speaker 2: is me just saying all men because that's absolutely not
Speaker 2: the conversation. But there is a predominant shift, and we
Speaker 2: know it from statistics that a lot of women take
Speaker 2: on this role in the household. And I think that sometimes,
Speaker 2: and even with the conversations I've had with Matt, Matt's like, oh,
Speaker 2: but you're just better at it, Like you just get
Speaker 2: the schedules, you just understand it more, like because you
Speaker 2: gave birth to the kids, like you just innately understand
Speaker 2: them more. And I'm like, no, I fucking read books.
Speaker 3: Like and I know the schedule because I looked at
Speaker 3: the schedule.
Speaker 2: And it's like, we have very incorrectly created these stereotype
Speaker 2: dynamics where it's expected that the women just innately understands
Speaker 2: parenting before the man does. The bar is low for guys.
Speaker 2: So Sally Hatworth was an incredible author. We had her
Speaker 2: on the podcast. She told a story about how her
Speaker 2: husband can like do bumbling things as a parent. He
Speaker 2: can like send the kid to school with chewing gum.
Speaker 2: He can do stupid things, and he's the primary caregiver
Speaker 2: in their family. He's a stay at home dad. But
Speaker 2: because the bar is set so low for dads, people
Speaker 2: are like, oh, but he's doing such a good job.
Speaker 2: He's trying. And I think it comes down to this
Speaker 2: word that we use, which is help. I'm guilty of it.
Speaker 2: I'll say, Matt, I need you to help me with this.
Speaker 2: I need to help me with the tasks. But when
Speaker 2: we are asking somebody to help us in a domestic setting,
Speaker 2: what that implies is that that's our job. If I'm
Speaker 2: asking you to help me, that's me saying, well, this
Speaker 2: is my job, but I need you to help me
Speaker 2: do much to.
Speaker 1: Just contribute to it slightly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it shouldn't be. We shouldn't need to ask
Speaker 2: our partners for help in a domestic setting. The bar
Speaker 2: needs to be set at a point where we'll equal contributors.
Speaker 2: We both parent this child. And yes, I may know
Speaker 2: and understand the things better now because I've done the research,
Speaker 2: but you were expected to also do that research. And I,
Speaker 2: if you're going to go to the bathroom and take
Speaker 2: a forty five minute shit, I'm going to go to
Speaker 2: the bathroom and take a forty five minute shit, Like
Speaker 2: I'm not going to have a relation love to That
Speaker 2: was an example, well, because some guys were like, they'll
Speaker 2: get up, they'll have a shower, and then and they'll
Speaker 2: go over.
Speaker 1: To the toilet and an hour's gone part and an hour's.
Speaker 2: Gone and you're there with the kids, and then if
Speaker 2: you need to go and have a shower or go
Speaker 2: to the gym or whatever, the kids are screaming. The
Speaker 2: house is a mess, and you don't get to have
Speaker 2: that time, that personal time to relax and actually take
Speaker 2: care of yourself. And that all plays into these gender stereotypes.
Speaker 2: So why it's such a huge problem and where weaponized
Speaker 2: incompetence actually stems from. I'm getting Randy.
Speaker 1: Ah.
Speaker 3: I was like, I feel like there's some personal things
Speaker 3: Matt stop taking forty five minutes.
Speaker 2: Actually not, I'm so proud of and this is not
Speaker 2: a flex but like, I'm so proud of my relationship
Speaker 2: with Matt now because we've had these conversations. We've spoken
Speaker 2: about it so many times that we've had the reset.
Speaker 2: And I think very early on there was this expectation,
Speaker 2: not an expectation that happened with intention, but like obviously
Speaker 2: because I gave birth to Marley and then I was
Speaker 2: breastfeeding Mali, Matt kind of felt a little bit more like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: that's your thing, Like you've got figured out. Now just
Speaker 2: because you're bound to a child from one task, which
Speaker 2: is breastfeeding, doesn't mean you're bound to them for every
Speaker 2: other freaking task.
Speaker 3: And I definitely think it has something to do like
Speaker 3: there's gotta be a lot of aspects to it, but
Speaker 3: it definitely has something to do with the way you're raised.
Speaker 3: If you, I guess, are raised with no level of independence.
Speaker 3: You never do anything for yourself growing up, so you
Speaker 3: never put your dishes away, you never cook anything, you
Speaker 3: don't know how to do the washing, you don't know
Speaker 3: how to live independently. Of course, that's going to carry
Speaker 3: into your relationship. And producer Keisha was telling us about
Speaker 3: a couple that she knew that got married quite young
Speaker 3: twenty two. They were religious, so they had never lived
Speaker 3: together before that. When they did move in together, the
Speaker 3: relationship ended because he couldn't do anything. His mother had
Speaker 3: done his washing till the day he moved out. He
Speaker 3: didn't know how to press go on the washing machine, wild.
Speaker 1: Wild, He didn't know how to literally live.
Speaker 3: She felt like she was mothering him, and there was
Speaker 3: a demise of the relationship. I think we can't pretend
Speaker 3: it has nothing.
Speaker 1: To do with the way we're brought up totally.
Speaker 2: But that also then lends itself into stereotypes, right, like
Speaker 2: we've been raised in different ways. I'm sure the females
Speaker 2: of that household were participants in cleaning up the dishes,
Speaker 2: in taking care of you know, I don't think it
Speaker 2: would be that all the children in that household were
Speaker 2: allowed to just sloth around. None of them grew up
Speaker 2: knowing how to take care of themselves. The imbalance of
Speaker 2: labor is often something that has to be unlearned. Explaining why,
Speaker 2: explaining even what weaponized incompetence is explaining why that needs
Speaker 2: to shift because this as a problem and as a
Speaker 2: reoccurring issue in a relationship, builds so much resentment. When
Speaker 2: somebody is using weaponized incompetence the person who then is
Speaker 2: left to do the job, It embeds in you that
Speaker 2: you can't trust your partner to do a job well,
Speaker 2: so you end up taking on that task as well.
Speaker 1: So how do we turn weaponized incompetence into competence? That
Speaker 1: is the billion lock question.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think the biggest one, and something we
Speaker 2: always come back to you is like communication. Communication is
Speaker 2: key explaining the why around the way that you want
Speaker 2: something to be done is so import I think this
Speaker 2: could work if somebody that you're with doesn't pick up
Speaker 2: the slack, like stop doing those things for that. If
Speaker 2: you're the one always getting up for the kids in
Speaker 2: the night and the kids are screaming and you're laying
Speaker 2: in bed and your partner's still asleep, lay there, the
Speaker 2: kids will scream for a little while, he's gonna wake up,
Speaker 2: Like they're gonna get up eventually.
Speaker 1: I know people that have tried this.
Speaker 3: Actually I don't know plenty of people that have tried
Speaker 3: this whole I I'm just gonna stop doing it for them.
Speaker 3: So like there were this and no one does it,
Speaker 3: and no one does it, so like like you know,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna stop doing his washing.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna stop it. It just piles up and piles
Speaker 1: up and piles up.
Speaker 2: But they don't care. But that's like such a level
Speaker 2: of disrespect.
Speaker 1: I'm with you. I agree. You don't get to.
Speaker 2: Just not care about something that your partner thinks is important.
Speaker 2: If doing your laundry and basic hygiene is important, you
Speaker 2: don't get to just opt out of not caring because
Speaker 2: you know someone's going to do it for you.
Speaker 3: I think there are a lot of people out there
Speaker 3: that just don't care enough. That's what I think the
Speaker 3: problem is. That's what it comes down to, Well, how
Speaker 3: do you make okay?
Speaker 2: And like, maybe that is the case, maybe there are
Speaker 2: things that like I care about more than my partner,
Speaker 2: how do you then change their opinion on something or
Speaker 2: how do you then set the bar so you're like, well,
Speaker 2: at least we can all live in this house in
Speaker 2: a way where I'm not doing one hundred percent of
Speaker 2: the work and we are all living in a house
Speaker 2: that's semi clean, like you just said.
Speaker 3: Besides communication literally saying we need to meet halfway, which
Speaker 3: I cannot imagine, there is one relationship out there in
Speaker 3: this whole world that has never had that conversation. I
Speaker 3: feel like, once you've had kids, it doesn't matter how
Speaker 3: great your relationship, there is always going to be an
Speaker 3: imbalance of work or a level of frustration of people
Speaker 3: saying it doesn't matter how much other partners going to do,
Speaker 3: there's always gonna be a moment where you're like, you're
Speaker 3: not doing enough. You need to help me more, you
Speaker 3: need to meet me halfway. Maybe you can literally and
Speaker 3: like you can write a list of what you guys
Speaker 3: need to do that week.
Speaker 1: This is Bill's list, this is Betty's list.
Speaker 3: You stick it on the fridge, you tick it off
Speaker 3: as you go, this is what I need done today,
Speaker 3: whether it's a daily thing or weekly thing. And you
Speaker 3: just instead of it saying I didn't know I was
Speaker 3: supposed to do that, which is an excuse that a
Speaker 3: lot of people a going to use. I didn't I
Speaker 3: was supposed to do that, or I thought I did
Speaker 3: that last week, or I thought you'd doing that this week.
Speaker 3: Make it clear, Make it so that there is no
Speaker 3: question who's doing what.
Speaker 1: When they're doing it, why they're doing it. It's here.
Speaker 1: You tick it off as you go halfway.
Speaker 2: I think my only thing with like the making of
Speaker 2: a list is that everything you do to solve this
Speaker 2: problem has to be mutual. You have to sit down
Speaker 2: and do it together. It can't be like you making
Speaker 2: your partner a list of things that they need to do,
Speaker 2: because then you're still adding to your own task load
Speaker 2: by giving by having to write a list. Like that's
Speaker 2: another thing you've got to do each week, is writing
Speaker 2: a fucking listener.
Speaker 1: Just throw the reward at the end, like once you
Speaker 1: can put your list you get laid, you don't have
Speaker 1: a reward. Not great.
Speaker 2: Everyone's got a pack of expired.
Speaker 1: Condoms in the back, anyone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think like definitely having those conversations, but also
Speaker 2: ensuring that a minimum standard is set and then that
Speaker 2: is like something that you both have to agree on
Speaker 2: because you just can't be in a relationship like this.
Speaker 2: Like I said, this sort of stuff builds so much resentment,
Speaker 2: and all that happens is like as a as the
Speaker 2: person who's the one taking on more tasks and more tasks,
Speaker 2: you then become naggy and you become angry, and and
Speaker 2: it's like you might snap over something that seems small,
Speaker 2: like you might snap over the dishes and be like,
Speaker 2: for fuck's sake, like I've asked you so many times.
Speaker 2: But the thing is, it's like it's the constant eroding,
Speaker 2: and it's the feeling of not being able to trust
Speaker 2: that someone's going to do a task or that they're
Speaker 2: just leaving everything to you, and that shit wears you
Speaker 2: down over time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think in terms of Now I'm not
Speaker 3: a parent, but I think in terms of what we
Speaker 3: can do.
Speaker 1: With our kids.
Speaker 3: And I'm going to say this from experience, from my
Speaker 3: relationship with my family and my parents growing up.
Speaker 1: Like I said, as four of us kids, I.
Speaker 3: Think that you can as a parent maybe not let
Speaker 3: your child get away with as much in terms of
Speaker 3: if your son says I don't want to do the washing,
Speaker 3: I don't know how to do the washing.
Speaker 1: You can teach, you'll learn and like it. Also not
Speaker 1: a fla. Actually this is a flex. My parents did
Speaker 1: such a great job with us kids.
Speaker 3: In terms of gender roles, there is no gender role
Speaker 3: in my family. My parents both do everything. My dad
Speaker 3: is the main cook of my family. My dad cleans,
Speaker 3: my mom does jobs when she needs to do them,
Speaker 3: like there is no you should be doing this, so
Speaker 3: I should be doing this. It's really really great. They
Speaker 3: really instilled that in us as children. They made us
Speaker 3: very independent. They made us be able to do all jobs,
Speaker 3: which I'm so grateful for now.
Speaker 1: But my older.
Speaker 3: Brothers are probably the cooks in their family because they
Speaker 3: really enjoy it. They were made to do that. Growing up,
Speaker 3: we all just did everything. We never grew up thinking
Speaker 3: that that was a boy's job, that was a man's job.
Speaker 1: This is a woman's job.
Speaker 3: And I can one hundred percent say as a child
Speaker 3: watching my dad in the kitchen growing up cleaning and
Speaker 3: watching my mum do jobs that need to be done
Speaker 3: subconsciously just made me think that there weren't these stereotypical
Speaker 3: gender roles. So I can say from experience that I
Speaker 3: think that that had a lot of impact on me
Speaker 3: as a child, without knowing that I took that into
Speaker 3: my adulthood.
Speaker 2: I think that is like, honestly, such the perfect point
Speaker 2: to wrap up on it. It's so important. Weaponized incompetency
Speaker 2: has such a severe impact on relationships between the couple,
Speaker 2: but it also has such a severe impact on kids
Speaker 2: because all it does is it perpetuates this cycle. It
Speaker 2: raises a generation of boys who don't want to or
Speaker 2: can't do the housework, and it raises a generation of
Speaker 2: girls who also falls into that caretaker role. It falls
Speaker 2: into the role of being the domesticated one in the household.
Speaker 2: Like you said, if somebody in your family is doing this,
Speaker 2: if this is something that's happening, and it doesn't just
Speaker 2: have to be around gender, but obviously that is something
Speaker 2: where it comes up more predominantly, But if this is
Speaker 2: happening in your household, not just thinking about the impact
Speaker 2: that it's having on you as a person. But what
Speaker 2: is that saying to our children? What is that saying
Speaker 2: to the way that they're going to raise their household
Speaker 2: and how they're going to treat the people who they
Speaker 2: love in their life as well?
Speaker 3: And this cannot one hundred percent be the opposite role
Speaker 3: that we're talking about. You could be in a relationship
Speaker 3: right now where the man does most of it. He's cooking,
Speaker 3: he's taking the kids everywhere, he's always home. Maybe the
Speaker 3: partner wants to go out more. It doesn't have to
Speaker 3: be man versus woman. It's not that at all. It's like,
Speaker 3: whatever the dynamic is in your relationship. If somebody, one
Speaker 3: person that relationships feels like they're being taken advantage of
Speaker 3: or they're not meeting them halfway, then you have the conversation.
Speaker 2: Well, I feel like we pretty much covered. If you
Speaker 2: are somebody who's listening to this and you're experiencing this
Speaker 2: in your relationship, like you will know like you will
Speaker 2: relate to this. Yes, maybe it's a buzzword, having this
Speaker 2: whole hashtag weaponized incompetence, but it's also really something that's
Speaker 2: quite serious and does very much exist. Still as much
Speaker 2: as we've progressed and we've come forward. There are still
Speaker 2: a lot and very heavily skewed stereotypes and gender roles
Speaker 2: in our households. All right, guys, you know that we
Speaker 2: never finished an episode without our suck and our sweet,
Speaker 2: our highlight and our lowlight of each and every week.
Speaker 1: Brittany, what is your suck? You can go first my suck.
Speaker 3: This week I had a bloody great week. I would
Speaker 3: like to start with that, but.
Speaker 1: You don't have to have a suck. If it was
Speaker 1: a fucking I don't know. I still do, but it
Speaker 1: was a great week. Now older I get, I get
Speaker 1: more motion sickness. So I never used to be motion sick.
Speaker 1: Sherry was always sick.
Speaker 3: You could push Sherry, you could swivel her around on
Speaker 3: an office chair and should vomit from motion sickness. She's
Speaker 3: vomited always on all transport. I've always been fine. But
Speaker 3: the older I'm getting, I start to get car sick,
Speaker 3: I start to get playing sick. Anyway, this week we
Speaker 3: were trying to go on a hike up north. We
Speaker 3: were on this really windy road and I vomited twice.
Speaker 3: So that was my suck. I just can't be in
Speaker 3: a car anymore. If I'm not driving, you also need
Speaker 3: to get off your phone in a car. Not even
Speaker 3: it's not it's been. It's been a real thing. I
Speaker 3: know I can't go on my phone anymore because I
Speaker 3: get sick. But this was just it's beyond me. Nothing
Speaker 3: can stop me.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 3: If I'm not driving, I will one hundred percent feel nauseous,
Speaker 3: and I.
Speaker 1: Don't know how to combat that.
Speaker 2: That's where you come in the front.
Speaker 1: That's in the front.
Speaker 2: Wow, Ginger, it's a very windy hill a travel car.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have to keep it on me start popping it.
Speaker 3: My sweet for the week was I spent the week
Speaker 3: with my sister Sherry.
Speaker 1: We went wedding dress shopping, not for myself anyone. Sherry's
Speaker 1: getting married to.
Speaker 3: Jay fiance, who I absolutely adore. Could not think of
Speaker 3: a better person for her to marry. I love him
Speaker 3: and I love her, and it was just really she's
Speaker 3: the youngest of all four kids and she's getting married first,
Speaker 3: and it was a really weird feeling to see her
Speaker 3: in trying to address him.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I was just a bit.
Speaker 3: I was very I was a very proud moment, a
Speaker 3: very big sister moment, a very like why the fuck
Speaker 3: aren't I getting married moment?
Speaker 1: But did you feel sad?
Speaker 2: Like was there a part of you that was like, wow,
Speaker 2: this is weird, or you just like overwhelmed?
Speaker 1: But I one hundred percent did not feel sad.
Speaker 3: That'll probably come later, maybe like why why ant I
Speaker 3: married yet? But there's no part of me that he's sad.
Speaker 3: Everything is about Sherry. I'm so excited to see her
Speaker 3: get married, and I think, knowing how bloody good of
Speaker 3: a man he is, I cannot I cannot fault him.
Speaker 3: So I just I'm so and like, you know, I'll
Speaker 3: tell that story another day.
Speaker 1: But I picked him for her.
Speaker 3: Now that sounds like an arranged marriage, but it is not.
Speaker 3: But that's a story for another day. I from day one,
Speaker 3: I just knew he was gonna be amazing. So yeah,
Speaker 3: so that was my sway for the week.
Speaker 2: Okay, my suck for the week this week. Now, I
Speaker 2: did mention earlier on an earlier episode that we took
Speaker 2: Gastro with us to Brisbane. We just spent the week.
Speaker 1: You probably gave that to me. That's probably why I
Speaker 1: was it probably.
Speaker 2: Is so Britt went to Nousa, I went to Brisbane
Speaker 2: to spend it with Matt's family. We were trying to
Speaker 2: make up for the Christmas that we had that was
Speaker 2: COVID Christmas, since our Christmas was canceled. It was Matt's
Speaker 2: mum's seventieth birthday. Now we arrived in Brisbane, we brought Gastro,
Speaker 2: So Matt's mum pretty much, I was not so kind
Speaker 2: of you.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: We bought her like a very nice seventieth birthday present
Speaker 2: and gastro. We were there for like twenty four forty
Speaker 2: eight hours and then she got it, so she was
Speaker 2: wiped out, sick and vomiting. And then we had to
Speaker 2: go to Straybroke Island, so we brought her, We bundled
Speaker 2: her in the car. We took it as Strade Broke.
Speaker 2: We got to the island and Matt's brothers came and
Speaker 2: joined us, and by then everybody well seemingly was over it,
Speaker 2: except we weren't over it. We infected Matt's entire family
Speaker 2: with gastro. And there was one moment there on Friday
Speaker 2: night where there are not enough toilets. Dude, I'm not
Speaker 2: even joking. It was like a black comedy, like it
Speaker 2: was like a scene out of the movie in the
Speaker 2: space of like at the exact same moment, one boy
Speaker 2: ran to the bathroom. The other one went to run
Speaker 2: to the bathroom, but then ran down the stairs because
Speaker 2: the other bathroom was downstairs. Millie, who's my niece, vomited
Speaker 2: into a sick bucket, Charlotte vomited onto a plate of pizza,
Speaker 2: and then Matt's other brother had to run outside to
Speaker 2: the other toilet. There was five people in the house
Speaker 2: that same time, either vomiting or.
Speaker 1: PERI It's like my worst nightmare.
Speaker 2: It was like Helen Earth. Anyway, the holiday was great
Speaker 2: because we didn't get gastro. Like I didn't get it,
Speaker 2: but like everybody else got gastro, so that's kind of
Speaker 2: not fun. Kid's just so gross and disgusting, preachy, little
Speaker 2: disgusting Petrie dishes of sickness. So that happened, which was
Speaker 2: a real dampner on the whole trip away. But anyway,
Speaker 2: we got away, so that was good. And the highlight
Speaker 2: was I love Stradbroke Island. It is so beautiful. It
Speaker 2: was so nice to see Matt's mum. I just love
Speaker 2: her so much, and I like, really, I absolutely won
Speaker 2: the mother in law, lottery. She's amazing, amazing, Like she's
Speaker 2: as good. I got two amazing things. I got Matt, oh,
Speaker 2: I got three. I got kids, love gastro, I got kids,
Speaker 2: I got Matt, I got a mother in law. You
Speaker 2: know what it was. Sometimes I look back on like
Speaker 2: all my failed relationship and I'm like, that was all
Speaker 2: for a reason.
Speaker 1: Hey, guys, that is it from us.
Speaker 2: We hope that you love the episode. This felt like
Speaker 2: a really nostalgic episode because it was just you, May,
Speaker 2: Britt and the microphones.
Speaker 1: So nostalgic.
Speaker 3: It's been a while since we've just done an episode
Speaker 3: with a with a few.
Speaker 1: Of us, with just the two of us.
Speaker 3: It's been a while since we've done an episode with
Speaker 3: just the two of us, so that was really nice.
Speaker 1: But guys, before we wrap up, we are going.
Speaker 3: To be playing Dylan's entire song at the end of
Speaker 3: the episode, so if you wanted to listen to that through,
Speaker 3: it is really really beautiful. We hope you guys have
Speaker 3: an amazing week. Keep sliding into the dms with accidentally
Speaker 3: Unfiltered Confessionals. Can't believe they said that usk gun cuts.
Speaker 2: Make sure that you jump onto Apple podcasts or on Spotify,
Speaker 2: leave us a cheeky review. If you have been listening
Speaker 2: to the podcast and you have not yet reviewed us,
Speaker 2: how dare you go and do it?
Speaker 3: Don't forget to watch the Tinder swind Like because we
Speaker 3: have a very very exciting episode coming for you next
Speaker 3: week and you're going to wish you watched it.
Speaker 2: Yes, it is your homework for the week.
Speaker 3: And on that note, tell your mum, to your dad,
Speaker 3: tell you dog, tell your friends.
Speaker 1: And share the love because.
Speaker 5: We love lived.
Speaker 4: If there's something I've got to say, but I'm hold
Speaker 4: him back, I'm hard him back. Been plaking me for
Speaker 4: weeks now, but I'm hold him back, I'm put him back,
Speaker 4: and I'm wet yo. Forget my heart. So there you
Speaker 4: something that I'm trying to say, but it won't come out.
Speaker 4: It won't come up. Try to get the due day,
Speaker 4: but it won't come up. It won't come up. Then
Speaker 4: I'm wet yo.
Speaker 5: I want to sing that's John and now I'm in.
Speaker 6: I'm in I'm in, I'm in love, up, arm in love, I'm.
Speaker 5: In arm in love. I'm in love.
Speaker 4: Love not just a furbug and nomie used. It's changing
Speaker 4: my views the things at dude, like a summer to
Speaker 4: your perfect food. It's changing my.
Speaker 5: Mood, changing my mood.
Speaker 4: When I'm mad, there's nothing I can't do.
Speaker 5: Nom love a man.
Speaker 6: All I'm in love U almyllo, I mean.
Speaker 5: All a laugh.
Speaker 4: It's been so damn mom, it's been so dem I
Speaker 4: must be mom, I must be mom. But when you
Speaker 4: step into the room, I'm like did I with a
Speaker 4: love bl so heasily get dead. He's so up with
Speaker 4: just get me off.
Speaker 1: Le's get you.
Speaker 4: But when you took back in on.
Speaker 5: The mommy love, momy loved, I loved almy love. I'm
Speaker 5: in love. I loved, I loved or