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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, what I love about the way you and I

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Speaker 2: work is just looking for ways that we can serve

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Speaker 2: each other.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, My mum

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Speaker 1: and Dad could.

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Speaker 3: They were Justin and Kyliekilson, where the parents has six daughters.

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Speaker 3: I know that we're supposed to be used to saying that,

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Speaker 3: but every now and again I kind of go, it

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Speaker 3: is a lot, isn't it.

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Speaker 4: I don't feel like it is. I think that it

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Speaker 4: really is.

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Speaker 2: But I feel like if my body could have done it,

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Speaker 2: I would have done it cheaper by the dozen.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if twelve was ever on the cards,

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Speaker 3: I could ever, I could have probably played around the

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Speaker 3: number of ten. But I didn't want to be a

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Speaker 3: dad at like sixty. We're still raising teenagers at sixty

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Speaker 3: five or something like that.

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Speaker 4: Well, now that.

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Speaker 2: We're in the position we're in, I'm really glad we

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Speaker 2: stopped at six.

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Speaker 4: Yes, I'm getting tired.

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Speaker 3: So where are we what I'm supposed to mention some

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Speaker 3: other stuff? Oh, that's right. I'm the founder of Happy

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Speaker 3: Families dot com, dot you and I've written some books

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Speaker 3: about making families happy. So it's the end of week

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Speaker 3: one of school and this is our Older, Better Tomorrow

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Speaker 3: episode at the end of every week. For those of

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Speaker 3: you who are new to the podcast, Fridays are our

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Speaker 3: day where we kind of get a bit personal. We

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Speaker 3: talk about what's worked or what hasn't, how we can

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Speaker 3: be more intentional as parents. But we also promised earlier

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Speaker 3: in the week that we were going to do a

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Speaker 3: quick review of the school holidays, so I thought it

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Speaker 3: was probably worth just spending a minute on that. I

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Speaker 3: hope your holidays were nice. I hope it went well ours.

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Speaker 3: What would you say about our holidays?

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Speaker 2: Well, my number one take home from holidays this time

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Speaker 2: around is just don't plan our holiday.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, just don't bother.

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Speaker 2: Lockdown every holidays without fail, and lockdown is announced. It's

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Speaker 2: almost like they don't trust us to be able to

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Speaker 2: live life when we're not doing routine.

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Speaker 3: Really bad timing gift and what made the timing even

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Speaker 3: more challenging for us. So we're in Queensland, I mean

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Speaker 3: New South Wales really copped it. It's got to be

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Speaker 3: a tough time to be in New South Wales at

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Speaker 3: the moment. Fortunately for New South Wales they've done well

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Speaker 3: with the state of origin in the football. That's probably

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Speaker 3: the only shining light in their lives right now, because

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Speaker 3: these lockdowns just they're so horrible and for anyone who

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Speaker 3: owns a business, it's just it's the worst. I feel

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Speaker 3: so bad every time there's a lockdown for anyone who

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Speaker 3: owns a cafe, or as a hairdresser or running a florist,

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Speaker 3: or imagine being an event planner or something like that.

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Speaker 3: Such a tough time. Anyway, that's not what the podcasts about.

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Speaker 3: But we had the Brisbane lockdown, and a couple of

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Speaker 3: days before lockdown began, your sister, her husband and their

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Speaker 3: five kids came to our place so that they could

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Speaker 3: spend their holidays. They have ten hours west out in

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Speaker 3: the back of woo book and they came in to

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Speaker 3: spend time being in the big smoke and having some

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Speaker 3: time with everybody.

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Speaker 5: Out with all their friends.

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Speaker 2: It was a lockdown and they got stuck with us

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Speaker 2: for three solid days.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. How bad is that for timing? And

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Speaker 3: it rained well.

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Speaker 2: I actually think I dealt with that very well. We

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Speaker 2: couldn't go camping. You put the tilt up in the

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Speaker 2: living room. Our ten men tent went up in our

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Speaker 2: living room. Yeah, there's no room for anything else.

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Speaker 3: We're tiptoeing around the edges of the rooms we get

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Speaker 3: from one side to the other. And the kids, the

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Speaker 3: kids barely used it.

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Speaker 4: They did barely use it. But we know what I loved.

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Speaker 4: They made the bed every morning.

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Speaker 5: It was perfect inside that tent.

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Speaker 3: I can't believe it. It was so bizarre.

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Speaker 5: It was cleaner than their bedrooms are ever ever.

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Speaker 3: Ever, so we dealt with having an extra seven bodies

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Speaker 3: in our house for three days in the pouring rain

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Speaker 3: during a Brisbane lockdown. Holidays were fantastic. Unfortunately there was

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Speaker 3: more than three days of school holidays but wow, is

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Speaker 3: there anything else we should mention? Oh? In the podcast.

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Speaker 3: Across the holidays, we kept short episodes. Hey, we would

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Speaker 3: love your feedback on that. By the way, if you

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Speaker 3: caught up with those short episodes, how did you like

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Speaker 3: it the six minute or five minute podcast rather than

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Speaker 3: what do we normally do fifteen or so? We'd love

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Speaker 3: to get your feedback. Podcasts at happy families dot com

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Speaker 3: dot I let us know what you think. Do you

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Speaker 3: like it when we are short and sharp or do

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Speaker 3: you like it when we sort of slow things down

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Speaker 3: and have a bit of fun. We'd love your feedback

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Speaker 3: on how we can make the podcast better. But in

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Speaker 3: one of those podcast episodes, we talked about doing hard things,

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Speaker 3: and so during the holidays we decided to do at

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Speaker 3: least one hard thing.

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Speaker 2: Well, we've talked about Emily climbing our walls, like literally

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Speaker 2: climbing our walls in the hallway, and so we thought

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Speaker 2: that rock climbing might.

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Speaker 5: Give her a little bit more of a challenge.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because she's literally touching her head on our ceiling

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Speaker 2: in the hallway.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so she kind of does the Spider Man thing.

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Speaker 3: She puts one hand on either wall and then one

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Speaker 3: leg on either wall and literally climbs up the walls,

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Speaker 3: does it in the door frames, and does it in

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Speaker 3: the hallway where she can reach both sides.

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Speaker 2: And so you took the kids along to do some

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Speaker 2: rock climbing, and they're in these big warehouses like two

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Speaker 2: stories high. Some of these rock.

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Speaker 3: Walls I reckon more I reckon. The big ones are

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Speaker 3: like three stories high. This is huge.

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Speaker 5: And she scaled it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, put the caribeaner on the rope and just straight

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Speaker 3: up and then she was.

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Speaker 2: On that autobilat and she literally just let go jumped off.

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Speaker 2: I was thinking this would be hard for her, and

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Speaker 2: she up.

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Speaker 3: It's really great. You take the kids somewhere like this

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Speaker 3: indoor rock climbing center and you just watch them go

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Speaker 3: for it, and they explore their limits, they find out

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Speaker 3: what they're comfortable with, they push themselves past their previously

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Speaker 3: defined boundaries, and they really feel a sense of achievement,

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Speaker 3: a sense of satisfaction. It's so so great. I'm not

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Speaker 3: suggesting that every family should go in and visit an

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Speaker 3: indoor rock climbing center, but it's those kinds of activities

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Speaker 3: that get the kids outside of the living room and

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Speaker 3: outside of the four walls of the house, that give

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Speaker 3: them the chance to explore. And the best thing about

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Speaker 3: an activity like that, they slept really well that night.

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Speaker 4: They haven't stopped complaining about how.

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Speaker 3: The delayed on set muscle soreness. The doms hit them

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Speaker 3: really hard, and they were for several days. They're like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I can't lift my arms.

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Speaker 4: It was a little bit quiet in the house for

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Speaker 4: the next few days, wasn't it.

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Speaker 3: So anyway, I'll do better tomorrow. We need to talk

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Speaker 3: about our learnings our insights, our inspirations, the things we've

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Speaker 3: done wrong or the things we've done right. Let's do

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Speaker 3: that right after the break. It's the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 6: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having

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Speaker 6: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts

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Speaker 6: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits

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Speaker 6: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happy

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Speaker 6: families dot com dot au slash shop.

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Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now, and today we

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Speaker 2: are talking about the things that we've learned over the

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Speaker 2: last week or so.

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Speaker 3: Okay, you're me first, I'll go. Let's hear it ladies

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Speaker 3: before gentlemen.

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Speaker 2: We've talked before on the podcast about this idea of

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Speaker 2: mental load and how as mothers often we carry a

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Speaker 2: huge part of that mental load, the cognitive load, dealing

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Speaker 2: with the day to day runnings of the house.

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Speaker 3: And the research would really suggest that that's the way

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Speaker 3: it is. Mums are the ones that know when everyone

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Speaker 3: has a birthday and who's going to get what for

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Speaker 3: a gift, and what day's library day and tuch shop

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Speaker 3: Day and all that sort of stuff. It's really mums

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Speaker 3: run the house as a general rule.

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Speaker 2: And I would agree I do all of those things

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Speaker 2: and you don't really have much input in those areas well.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I need to defend myself a little bit.

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Speaker 4: You don't because I'm about to.

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Speaker 5: I'm about to defend.

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Speaker 3: You really, yes, okay.

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Speaker 2: So one of the things that we've done in our

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Speaker 2: unspoken split up.

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Speaker 3: The division of labor.

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Speaker 4: Labor.

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Speaker 2: I don't like making phone calls. I don't like talking

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Speaker 2: to people in a call center, or I don't.

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Speaker 3: Like talking to anybody on the phone.

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Speaker 5: No, I don't. Yeah, that's right.

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Speaker 2: And so you have just taken it upon yourself to

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Speaker 2: make all of the appointments. If we've got to have

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Speaker 2: the pest on, or if we've got to engage a trade.

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Speaker 3: E mom has got to come in and fix a

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Speaker 3: leak or something like that.

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Speaker 4: You do all of that.

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Speaker 2: The other day we were talking about the fireplace and

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Speaker 2: how it seems to be struggling a bit.

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Speaker 5: You were struggling to light the fire in a few days.

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Speaker 3: No, I definitely need to defend myself here. I was,

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Speaker 3: you know, how to light a fire?

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Speaker 2: A fire for the last five years they've owned one,

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Speaker 2: but the fire was really struggling, and I just had

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Speaker 2: this kind of thought that maybe it would be a

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Speaker 2: good idea.

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Speaker 5: To clean the chimney.

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Speaker 2: But I didn't know like chimney sweeps, all right, everybody's seen.

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Speaker 3: I'm not thinking Mary Poppin, Mary Poppin.

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Speaker 5: And I'm thinking Bert's out there with this chimney.

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Speaker 3: Sweep one hundred years ago, not in twenty twenty one.

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Speaker 4: But I've never heard of one either.

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Speaker 2: So anyway, you were in the office and you were working,

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Speaker 2: and I was like.

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Speaker 5: I wonder whether or not chimneys actually need to be cleaned.

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Speaker 4: So I did a bit of a google.

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Speaker 2: I realized that they reckon you're supposed to do it

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Speaker 2: every twelve months.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 6: Wow.

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Speaker 2: So I was like, oh my goodness. We've been in

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Speaker 2: the house for like nearly five years. We don't use

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Speaker 2: the fireplace very much.

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Speaker 3: We live in Queensland.

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Speaker 2: But I decided that I would send you the phone

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Speaker 2: number so that you could make the phone call.

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Speaker 3: You never sent me the text message, but I.

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Speaker 2: Didn't because I decided that I could probably put on

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Speaker 2: my big girl pants and try.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So I made a phone call and I rang and

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Speaker 2: he came the next day amazing, and you didn't have

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Speaker 2: to think about anything.

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Speaker 3: Some bloke was just knocking on my door at seven

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Speaker 3: o'clock saying, I'm here to clean the chimney.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, and I just felt I felt really proud

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Speaker 2: of myself. So it's such a minor thing, but it's

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Speaker 2: something that interrupts your day regularly.

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Speaker 4: When I say to you, can you make sure that

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Speaker 4: you organize.

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Speaker 2: Blah blah blah, and I could do it, I just

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Speaker 2: it's not something that I love doing, so I don't.

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Speaker 3: Well, I really appreciate you doing that. I I wasn't

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Speaker 3: aware that it was a big deal for you. I

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Speaker 3: was really glad that it was done. And I would

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Speaker 3: never have thought most people who have listened to the podcast. Now,

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Speaker 3: I'm pretty non handy, and when it comes to cleaning

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Speaker 3: the chimney, I had no idea that it was supposed

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Speaker 3: to be done.

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Speaker 2: Well, he said that it looked like it probably hadn't

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Speaker 2: been done for about ten years, and he said, next time,

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Speaker 2: we might want to just leave it maybe three years max.

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Speaker 2: Because we don't use it very often at all.

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Speaker 3: All right, Well, well, I appreciate you doing that. So

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Speaker 3: the take home message, what's our take home message for

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Speaker 3: I'll do but it tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: I just what I love about the way you and

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Speaker 2: I work is just looking for ways that we can

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Speaker 2: serve each other. And this was such a simple thing

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Speaker 2: that I could do that you didn't even know need

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Speaker 2: to doing, but it would have added to your list

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Speaker 2: cognitive load. Howd I have palmed it off to you?

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Speaker 2: And the reality is I am a big girl and

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Speaker 2: I can do it.

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Speaker 3: I'm so glad you did my old do better tomorrow?

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Speaker 3: Is not about us, and it's isn't it interesting? This

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Speaker 3: week we've both chosen stories that have nothing to do

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Speaker 3: with our children, and this is a parenting podcast, but

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Speaker 3: it does have to do with children.

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Speaker 2: Well, you talk about this a lot. Parenting isn't necessarily

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Speaker 2: about our children, is it.

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Speaker 3: No, It's about us and our growth and our development.

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Speaker 3: That's right. And it's funny you say that because so

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Speaker 3: we had some friends come over earlier in the week.

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Speaker 3: They had dinner with us, and they've been friends for

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Speaker 3: what do you reckon? Twenty probably twenty five years? Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I reckon we've been friends with these people for a

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Speaker 3: good couple of decades. And while we were chatting, the

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Speaker 3: kids had all eaten and vacated the room. There were

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Speaker 3: just the four adults in the room, and without disclosing

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Speaker 3: too much, these one of her friends have had some

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Speaker 3: really significant challenges with one of their kids. Anyway, I said, so,

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Speaker 3: how are things going with your son? And the response

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Speaker 3: that they gave, Actually it was the mum that gave

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Speaker 3: the response. She said, things are going much better because

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Speaker 3: we're going better. And I just thought, isn't that how

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Speaker 3: it works? Parenting is not about the kids, It's about us,

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Speaker 3: and when we're going better, when we're aligned, when we're

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Speaker 3: on the same page, when we're setting effective boundaries for

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Speaker 3: ourselves in relation to our kids, especially when they're older,

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Speaker 3: when we're communicating effectively, when we're making sure that the

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Speaker 3: right stuff's happening the right way for us, we do better,

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Speaker 3: which means that we can be better for them.

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Speaker 5: We've learned this lesson the hard way.

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Speaker 2: We've had similar challenges to our friends and really really struggled.

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Speaker 2: And what happens when you're in that emotional turmoil is

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Speaker 2: sometimes you actually turn against the one person who should

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Speaker 2: be on your side in your court. And when that happens,

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Speaker 2: everything else is just hard. It's so hard and So

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Speaker 2: that comment that our friend gave we're doing better, was

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Speaker 2: just such a wonderful reminder that the most important thing

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Speaker 2: we can do as parents is get on the same

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Speaker 2: page and work on that relationship together, because that's how

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Speaker 2: we are able to put our best foot forward for

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Speaker 2: our kids.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, things are going better because we're doing better. Parenting

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Speaker 3: is not about the kids. It's about us. The outcome

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Speaker 3: or the product of parenting is the parent, not the children.

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Speaker 3: And what's really interesting in their circumstance is that the

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Speaker 3: whole relationship is improved and their son is actually even

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Speaker 3: doing better. Why because there's a lot less pressure from

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Speaker 3: them on him because they're doing better, and they've learned

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Speaker 3: to lighten up, let go let him make his own choices.

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Speaker 3: And they've realized at some point, as a parent, you

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Speaker 3: stop being responsible for your child and they just have

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Speaker 3: to be responsible for themselves in their own decisions. And

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Speaker 3: when you get to that point, there's a terrible grieving

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Speaker 3: that goes on. There's a painful separation that occurs. There's

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Speaker 3: all sorts of internal challenges that we face as parents

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Speaker 3: to get there. But once we get there, all of

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Speaker 3: a sudden, we experience a sense of freedom that allows

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Speaker 3: us to be better people, and suddenly we draw our

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Speaker 3: kids to us because.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's like we take the little off the pressure

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Speaker 2: cooker right right, all of a sudden, we've just we

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Speaker 2: give air and life and breath to the relationship and

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Speaker 2: allow things to just occur as they need to, as

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Speaker 2: opposed to trying to force situations the way we want

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Speaker 2: them to be.

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Speaker 3: So that's my i'ld do better tomorrow. Let's make sure

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Speaker 3: that we're doing well so that we can be well

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Speaker 3: for our kids, and they'll do better because we're doing.

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Speaker 5: Well, We're always better together.

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Speaker 3: We really hope that you've enjoyed the podcast. Thanks so

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Speaker 3: much for listening to the Happy Families podcast, Kylie and

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Speaker 3: I really do appreciate you being here. If you enjoy

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Speaker 3: what you hear, please visit us or visit Apple Podcasts

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Speaker 3: I should say, and leave us a five star rating

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Speaker 3: and reviews so other people can find out about the

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Speaker 3: podcasts and make their family happier. The podcast is produced

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Speaker 3: by Justin Roland from Bridge Media and Crag. Bruce is

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Speaker 3: our executive producer. If you like Laura info about how

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Speaker 3: you can make your family happier, you can find everything

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Speaker 3: you need at happy Families dot com, dot

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Speaker 4: It