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Speaker 1: Jonesy and Amanda's had Samuel Johnson just on the show

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Speaker 1: before and he's got a new book, Letters to Mum. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's called Dear Mum. And he approached me about it.

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Speaker 1: And it's the stuff that I often think about. Is

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Speaker 1: I do it every day? The stuff I want to

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Speaker 1: tell mom when my kids were little, when Mum passed away,

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Speaker 1: so she knew I had them, and that was so

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Speaker 1: important to me after a long IVF struggle. She knew

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Speaker 1: that I had two boys. But every day there are

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Speaker 1: things I think, oh, gee, she'd love to hear that,

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Speaker 1: or g she'd think that was funny, and wouldn't you

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Speaker 1: be proud of the boys. And I met your mum

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Speaker 1: a few times, Yeah, and she's nicely. Oh she was

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Speaker 1: a fabulous woman. And but separate to being nice and

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Speaker 1: fabulous and all of that, there's such a seam of

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Speaker 1: stuff with your mom, good and bad and to live

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Speaker 1: your life. It's been sixteen seventeen years since Mom passed away.

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Speaker 1: To sit down and write the letter, Look, I'll just

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Speaker 1: read it and I'll try and you know, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to try and read it and give you some out

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Speaker 1: of my nose as I go. So I don't cry.

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Speaker 1: Here we go. How are that hell? Dim Um? There

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Speaker 1: are still times when I go to call you, it

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Speaker 1: seems inexplicable to me that you actually died. I used

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Speaker 1: to wonder how it would feel, and after sixteen years,

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Speaker 1: I'm still not sure. The main thing I want to

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Speaker 1: tell you is that I get it now. I understand

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Speaker 1: that all those times I thought you were smothering or controlling,

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Speaker 1: they were just manifestations of love, and I hope my

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Speaker 1: boys will one day understand that of me. Liam left

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Speaker 1: home at the beginning of the year to begin his

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Speaker 1: university life, and I fell to pieces. I was right

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Speaker 1: back to being seventeen and leaving home for UNI myself.

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Speaker 1: Had I given you and Dad a backward glance? Had

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Speaker 1: I had an iota of insight into how you were

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Speaker 1: feeling as I left my childhood behind? Did you find

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Speaker 1: it hard to let me go? I missed you terribly

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Speaker 1: As I cried over Liam's departure and the clothes you

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Speaker 1: made me to take away to UNI. I was embarrassed

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Speaker 1: by the butterick patterns and the homemade jumpers. I wanted

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Speaker 1: a shop at the Army disposal store. I felt you

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Speaker 1: didn't see me, but I know now that loves are

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Speaker 1: doing work, and every trip to the fabric department of

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Speaker 1: Maya was an act of love. Jack was so young

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Speaker 1: when you died. You would have laughed at the boys

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Speaker 1: at your ceremony. I know you didn't want a funeral.

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Speaker 1: Liam dragged Jack around the floor by his arms. It

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Speaker 1: was a nice diversion on the hardest of days. When

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Speaker 1: Jack was five, he said, I wish I knew Grandma

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Speaker 1: when I had a brain. Me too. You would love

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Speaker 1: these boys. They are now actually fine young men, and

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Speaker 1: I'd tell them often how proud you'd be of their achievements.

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Speaker 1: I find it hard to talk about you without weeping.

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Speaker 1: I'm crying writing this, and here I'm crying reading it.

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Speaker 1: I get a kick to the heart when I see

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Speaker 1: your handwriting. And despite the fact you didn't like having

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Speaker 1: your photo taken, I have your pictures all over the house.

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Speaker 1: Most importantly, I want you to know that your determination

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Speaker 1: for me to have an education and pursue a career

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Speaker 1: has afforded me a wonderful and challenging life and a

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Speaker 1: hot POKEE to you credit and I missed you every day.

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Speaker 1: Sorry to begin a sentence with ann at least I

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Speaker 1: didn't end it with a preposition. She was an English pattern.

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Speaker 1: She would know that all my apostrophes are in the

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Speaker 1: right place. And she was always obsessed with teeth. Remember

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Speaker 1: as well, her dad was a dentist, so she judge

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Speaker 1: people on their teeth because she only knew me when

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Speaker 1: I had bad teeth. Brendan, of all the things she's

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Speaker 1: missed in life, I think we can let that one go.

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Speaker 1: She put in Jones got his teeth fixed, shame about

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Speaker 1: his brain. Jonesy and Amanda's