Speaker 1: Life un Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
Speaker 1: lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
Speaker 1: elders past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on drug Wallamuta Land.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on Cut.
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, and I am having a breakdown, just.
Speaker 3: A small one. Okay, that's not a joke, she actually
Speaker 3: just did. It's not I'm not joking. I just had
Speaker 3: a big cry before. Everything's on fire the world, lover.
Speaker 2: I know we joke about how like chaotic things are.
Speaker 3: You know, you would think that over the years we
Speaker 3: would have gotten better.
Speaker 2: Today we had to record this on Tuesday because I'm
Speaker 2: heading to towns Will to see my dad as his
Speaker 2: seventieth birthday.
Speaker 3: Happy birthday.
Speaker 2: Who has never listened to an episode of this podcast,
Speaker 2: never will entire life.
Speaker 3: Thank god for that.
Speaker 1: But that's because he lives on an island with no service,
Speaker 1: no Wi Fi, no home phone, no running water.
Speaker 3: My dad would.
Speaker 2: Live in a an a tent if he could, Like
Speaker 2: he'd live in one of those rucksack things.
Speaker 1: Do you know what my favorite thing about your dad
Speaker 1: is like you've spoken about you dad a lot. He's
Speaker 1: an amazing man. He spent many years serving Australia in
Speaker 1: the Army. My favorite thing is his obsession with the Koalas.
Speaker 1: So this my love Terry loves Koalas.
Speaker 2: Terry for President might no not Terry for president. Terry
Speaker 2: has PTSD from serving in the army. No Terry for
Speaker 2: like Koala president. I mean, like the very short version
Speaker 2: of my dad's story. Dad was a sniper in the
Speaker 2: Australian Army, worked in secret services.
Speaker 3: It is it's wild, it is actually wild. It's amazing.
Speaker 3: And he then.
Speaker 2: Really struggled with PTSD like a lot of people do
Speaker 2: who are ex veterans. And then he decided he wanted
Speaker 2: to be on his own and live on an island.
Speaker 2: And he lives on Magnetic Island Townsville, where there's a
Speaker 2: very small population of people and he doesn't have to
Speaker 2: talk to anyone and he just lives in a little
Speaker 2: house with his dog. And we're gonna go and celebrate
Speaker 2: his seventieth birthday. So this is going to be so
Speaker 2: much social interaction for him. The whole family's going.
Speaker 1: You need to you miss the important part was like
Speaker 1: his connection to the koalas.
Speaker 2: Oh, and there's lots of koalas. That a clamitty of
Speaker 2: free on Magnetic Island. It's the only chlamitty of free
Speaker 2: population in Australia.
Speaker 3: Did you know that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And your dad, Terry does a lot of charity
Speaker 1: work and like raises money for koalas and it's really cool.
Speaker 2: He's like king of Koala's over there. So the only
Speaker 2: time I really hear from my dad, like with any
Speaker 2: sort of consistency, is when he's like, hey, Laura, there's
Speaker 2: a fundraiser for the koalas.
Speaker 3: Hey Laura, I took a photo of a koala in
Speaker 3: my backyard.
Speaker 1: But we I'm about that because the koalas are endangered
Speaker 1: and we are losing them a lot, and I think
Speaker 1: it's really important that we do everything we can to
Speaker 1: keep them alive.
Speaker 2: If you've not been to Magnetic Island, shout out Magnetic Island.
Speaker 2: It is a fucking beautiful play that is in a
Speaker 2: time warp. You get onto the island, you feel like
Speaker 2: you're back in the seventies. There's tiny little minimogs. There's
Speaker 2: like you can walk down the street and there's a
Speaker 2: koala in the gum tree just on the side of
Speaker 2: the road. It's it's a really incredible place.
Speaker 3: So I have my new hobby. This is not sponsored
Speaker 3: by Magnetic Island.
Speaker 2: FYI and a committed and let me tell you this,
Speaker 2: Terry Byrd doesn't want you on his island, but it's
Speaker 2: a great place to go.
Speaker 1: Okay. So my new hobby is that I look at
Speaker 1: the houses I'll probably never have all over Australia.
Speaker 3: Sometimes the world sometimes fun, Bobby, I do the same.
Speaker 3: I love it. Some of them I could have one day.
Speaker 1: And then there are the ones where I'm like, imagine
Speaker 1: having thirty million dollars to buy this beautiful house. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I saw a property that I probably could afford on
Speaker 1: Magnetic Island.
Speaker 3: It was it was for sale, and the thought crossed
Speaker 3: my mind. I was like, do I want Terry Byrd
Speaker 3: as a neighbor.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: He would definitely come over.
Speaker 2: You'd find it in your backyard one day and he'd
Speaker 2: just be digging up sweet potatoes, like, Terry, what are.
Speaker 3: You doing here? Terry, They're my sweet potato.
Speaker 2: Go back on to you, like I'm trying to fix
Speaker 2: the fans. Anyway, So that's what I'm doing. That's not
Speaker 2: why I'm having a breakdown. I'm having a breakdown because
Speaker 2: we're recording this Tuesday morning. The live show tickets are
Speaker 2: supposed to go on sale at one o'clock.
Speaker 3: They're not. They're going on sale at four o'clock. But
Speaker 3: that's because, like Taylor Swift, the zite crashed.
Speaker 1: You guys jumped on. You were too many of you,
Speaker 1: which we love, and the site crash.
Speaker 3: I wish that was the truth.
Speaker 2: The truth of the matter is is that the lack
Speaker 2: of organization around the announcement of the live show meant
Speaker 2: that we didn't have the website set up properly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, look it's a sinking ship, but come to the
Speaker 3: live show because it's gonna be way better than the website. Basically,
Speaker 3: it wasn't that.
Speaker 1: It was disorganized, but it was that there were two
Speaker 1: different parties doing it and everyone thought the other party
Speaker 1: was doing something and there was a little misshap But
Speaker 1: it will be No one's going to miss out. I
Speaker 1: mean people will miss out, but no, you're not going
Speaker 1: to miss out because of this. They're just going to
Speaker 1: go live a little bit later. This is the thing,
Speaker 1: right we talk about on every ask on cunt episode.
Speaker 1: Communication is key, and this is what happens. Communication breaks down.
Speaker 2: Laura cries breaks it down for twenty five minutes before
Speaker 2: the episode starts. But anyway, I want to show you
Speaker 2: something live. You know I told you I fell downstairs.
Speaker 3: Yes, you're gonna show me your ass, aren't you.
Speaker 1: I am going to show you my balm? Can you
Speaker 1: sign a waiver for me first? Can I sign a
Speaker 1: consent for Okay, I'm consenting live. Do you want to
Speaker 1: see my ass?
Speaker 3: Yes? I actually never thought you'd ask. It's like I've
Speaker 3: waited for four years. I've seen your supple nipples, I've
Speaker 3: seen your soft booth happening in real time. I'm taking
Speaker 3: my pants off. Keisha is looking offended. Okay, hang on, Laura,
Speaker 3: I'm going to talk us through it.
Speaker 1: Laura is wearing big, baggy black jeans like a It's
Speaker 1: like a twelve year old skater boy.
Speaker 2: You're wearing a g stream, which means you'll probably see
Speaker 2: my buttholes.
Speaker 3: Now you've got undersign, yeah, no, I've got full breeks on.
Speaker 1: Thank god, You've got Bridget Jones is Oh okay, hang on,
Speaker 1: I'm looking at the right cheek. There's basically under it's
Speaker 1: a great bart but under the button hang on, please
Speaker 1: quiet as right now quite.
Speaker 3: Dry brushing is helping it at the moment.
Speaker 1: Laura, quiet, I'm explaining to the people this is not
Speaker 1: a visual medium, but keep it down, don't play pansa.
Speaker 1: So basically, some black lacy underas under the crease is
Speaker 1: a huge I don't know if you can even see that, Laura,
Speaker 1: that's deep. There are two big bruises, big bruise up
Speaker 1: the side. You really took a fall. Wow, And it's
Speaker 1: just the right cheek.
Speaker 3: Do you know?
Speaker 2: I needed to share this because you know, when you
Speaker 2: hurt yourself and you don't get any level of sympathy.
Speaker 2: I've been like hobbling around my house like Matt, my
Speaker 2: bottom hurts.
Speaker 3: He doesn't care.
Speaker 2: So I need to show other people my bum so
Speaker 2: that someone at least goes you okay.
Speaker 3: But you like validate my falls. Want someone to say you, okay,
Speaker 3: I protected my child like a hero. Laura.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's about the butt. I think you
Speaker 1: just need someone to ask you okay and hold you
Speaker 1: from it. I will do it immediately after this. I
Speaker 1: will hold you.
Speaker 3: The answer to the question is not what.
Speaker 1: Oh it's this is a wild intro, but it has
Speaker 1: been a wild morning.
Speaker 3: Do you know what I did?
Speaker 2: This?
Speaker 3: This is how stupid I am. This morning.
Speaker 1: I was like thirty minutes late for our record, which didn't.
Speaker 3: Help, or a situation which was fragile already. I left.
Speaker 1: I mean, I had one job. I've been talking about
Speaker 1: this fertility thing that I'm doing. It's only day two
Speaker 1: and you have to do your injections at the same
Speaker 1: time every day, like without doubt. You have to do
Speaker 1: it or it doesn't work properly. Now it's the morning,
Speaker 1: so this is day two.
Speaker 3: Only started yesterday.
Speaker 1: I got up, didn't even think about it, truck and
Speaker 1: drove to work and I was on my way here
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, I didn't take
Speaker 1: my medication.
Speaker 3: I didn't do the injection. So I had to turn around,
Speaker 3: drive back.
Speaker 1: This is peak hour traffic now in Sydney, drive back,
Speaker 1: do the injection, get back on the road and come
Speaker 1: to work.
Speaker 3: But like one.
Speaker 2: Job, and considering that you've been talking about it so much, right,
Speaker 2: it's like, yeah, I mean you had one thing to remember,
Speaker 2: You've had multiple things to remember.
Speaker 3: There's a lot going on today.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to make an excuse for why I did
Speaker 1: what I did this morning.
Speaker 2: I also think we just need to be more like
Speaker 2: Terry Byrne and just live on an island and talk
Speaker 2: about Koala's do you your life would be more.
Speaker 3: Simple and happier. That's why I looked at a house there.
Speaker 1: No one can contact me, no, but the reason was
Speaker 1: and now Ben just think some irresponsible for our future
Speaker 1: child now because we're in the car on the way
Speaker 1: and he's like, how is your injection this morning? And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh about that, It will be good
Speaker 1: in a minute.
Speaker 3: When I turned around and drive back, Britt had her injection.
Speaker 3: The live show stuff is sortied.
Speaker 2: This is just your reminder that when you're listening to this,
Speaker 2: tickets are on sale. I have no idea how they've
Speaker 2: sold so far because they haven't gone on sale yet
Speaker 2: as of recording, but when you're listening to it, they
Speaker 2: will be on sale. We've got eight locations, seven of
Speaker 2: them in Australia, all across the country.
Speaker 3: We're going to Auckland.
Speaker 2: So if you're one of our New Zealand listeners, get
Speaker 2: your friends, get your girlfriends, get your boyfriends, get your
Speaker 2: non binaries and all let's go have a prosecco. It
Speaker 2: is going to be the night of your life. It's
Speaker 2: going to be so fun.
Speaker 3: The Auckland venue is beautiful.
Speaker 2: Have you seen the It's amazing Originally, so it's in
Speaker 2: like the Auckland Town Hall and I was like, are
Speaker 2: we doing this at a Girl Scouts? Oh yeah, is
Speaker 2: this that a Brownie's convention? And it turns out it's
Speaker 2: actually just the most stunning venue.
Speaker 1: Because we didn't look at the venue right, They're like, okay,
Speaker 1: we've booked you Auckland town Hall because somebody looks at
Speaker 1: the best venues and we were like, oh, you literally
Speaker 1: feel like you're gonna have to do a one dollar
Speaker 1: donation and sell brownie when we get in there, Like
Speaker 1: I felt like we were going to Girl Scouts and
Speaker 1: it was only a couple of days ago.
Speaker 3: We saw the venue and we're like, oh my.
Speaker 2: God, it's magnificent that each of the venues, not just
Speaker 2: I mean one is really pretty.
Speaker 3: We're doing State Theory in Sydney.
Speaker 2: All the venues are amazing and they're all around the
Speaker 2: two thousand capacity, so the shows are going to be huge.
Speaker 2: They're going to be so much fun. Anyway, that's your
Speaker 2: reminder again. We're gonna put the link in the show notes.
Speaker 2: Go get your tickets. They are on pre sale now
Speaker 2: only for you guys, and then you know, in a
Speaker 2: week or two they go on like full sale across
Speaker 2: all of Live Nation's websites. So go and get them
Speaker 2: first so you can get really good seats at the front.
Speaker 2: So like when we speak really loudly, you get spat on.
Speaker 2: You're the best things, right and maybe not. So you
Speaker 2: might remember last week.
Speaker 1: You might remember it was like five days ago.
Speaker 3: Last week, I.
Speaker 2: Was talking about how when I was young, that song
Speaker 2: I was insanity.
Speaker 3: I was wearing the headphones.
Speaker 2: I was singing out loud to the song I have
Speaker 2: my first real six string, played it honest. Whatever the
Speaker 2: words are, I don't know them all clearly, because the
Speaker 2: point of the story was I wasn't singing I had
Speaker 2: my first real six string. I was singing I had
Speaker 2: my first real sex dream.
Speaker 3: Hugely embarrassing.
Speaker 2: Turns out that all of you have had songs that
Speaker 2: you misheard the lyrics too, and embarrassingly sung the wrong lyrics. Also,
Speaker 2: we just fill in the blanks, right, Yeah, the Mum
Speaker 2: and mea song I sing wrong every time we were
Speaker 2: broken hearted. Ooh, since the day we parted, and it's
Speaker 2: like it's blue and he always corrects me, but I
Speaker 2: sing the same thing.
Speaker 3: Ooh since the day we parted. Oh, I sing that too,
Speaker 3: it's blues since the day. Okay, everyone's blowing their minds
Speaker 3: and oh my god, I didn't know that either. They go, well,
Speaker 3: you know what, Fuck you, Matt, because it makes me
Speaker 3: feel so dark. Fuck you, mat, Fuck you Matt.
Speaker 2: You guys wrote in with all of the misheard lyrics,
Speaker 2: the things that you have been singing incorrectly over the years,
Speaker 2: and they are so fucking funny that we wanted to
Speaker 2: share them with you. Before we get into answering your question,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna kick it off.
Speaker 3: You've got the fattest cock I got. You have the
Speaker 3: fattest cock.
Speaker 2: You got the fattest cock instead of you got a
Speaker 2: fast car.
Speaker 3: Hang on, how are we doing this? Are we gonna
Speaker 3: sing it?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: You have to sing everyone? Oh fux Sorry guys, one
Speaker 3: and a three legged gold. Okay, listen to this one.
Speaker 1: I'm your penis, um, your fire, I'm your desire.
Speaker 3: Instead of I'm your venus.
Speaker 2: I can't believe you kiss your cock nah, because he's
Speaker 2: very flexible. There's so many cocks in mind. Don't impress
Speaker 2: me much, oh, she twain.
Speaker 3: Obviously it is.
Speaker 2: You don't impress me much. Yeah, but it's the you
Speaker 2: kiss your cock at night? Is not it's you kiss
Speaker 2: your car at night. Oh god, it's not the impressed
Speaker 2: me much. That was the problem on that one.
Speaker 1: Okay, every night I'll find someone like you. This is
Speaker 1: a girl instead of never mind, I'll find someone she
Speaker 1: finds them every night.
Speaker 3: Every night I'll find some thank you.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 2: I shut the sheriff, but I did not shoot him dead.
Speaker 1: He Okay. The national anthem, this one actually came through
Speaker 1: a lot. It's the national anthem.
Speaker 3: Okay. They thought it said our home is good.
Speaker 1: I see our homeies good by sick.
Speaker 3: Our home is good.
Speaker 4: I see.
Speaker 3: I mean how Australia is good. It's a good place
Speaker 3: and I do see it. Okay, I see that. Okay.
Speaker 3: Terry Burn's gonna love this one. I can't see.
Speaker 2: If you like being in a koala, I'm getting corn
Speaker 2: in the room.
Speaker 3: If you like instead of if you like peanut color, if.
Speaker 2: You like being a kowala, I yeah, I'm just seeing
Speaker 2: these are so funny.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is one of my favorites. You know, fat
Speaker 1: Man's scoop? No, Who's Who's fucking tonight? Who's fucking tonight?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's my eighteen to twenty that would be
Speaker 2: at a club.
Speaker 3: Okay, fat Man's Scoop.
Speaker 1: Literally the song is called I'm pretty sure Who's fucking Tonight?
Speaker 3: This person thought they said, ha ha, who's the falk
Speaker 3: and the knife? Who's the fuck and the knife? Who's
Speaker 3: the fuck in the knife?
Speaker 2: Why would anyone.
Speaker 3: Say why would anyone say that?
Speaker 1: Do you know what?
Speaker 2: That's the most amazing PG or G rated version of this.
Speaker 2: It's like, if you're going to turn that song into
Speaker 2: a kid's song, that's what that is.
Speaker 3: What did a lullabye?
Speaker 1: Tar? Kids?
Speaker 3: Who's the fucking the knife? Who the fucking the knife?
Speaker 3: I am dead? I remove umbillicles? Do I'm a mid wife?
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, okay, this is another national anthem or
Speaker 1: Australians all and oh stroogs.
Speaker 3: We don't even have ostriches in Australia. This person thought
Speaker 3: we did. I think they mistook them for e news.
Speaker 2: I think this song, I mean, this is one that's
Speaker 2: like very famous at the moment Lewis Capaldi song.
Speaker 3: But instead I only wish you you were dead? Is
Speaker 3: it what I wish? I wish you the best? Instead
Speaker 3: I only wish you were dead. Oh guys, okay, I've
Speaker 3: got one more. I don't remember how this goes, like,
Speaker 3: shake it like a polaroid picture. How does that go?
Speaker 1: G it?
Speaker 3: Shake it like a polaroid pitch? Shake it?
Speaker 2: Well, this is shake it like a Puerto Rican pizza.
Speaker 3: People can't really think. Okay, Hilary Duff, you know all
Speaker 3: lips are sealed. It goes all lips are sealed. I
Speaker 3: don't know that as the.
Speaker 1: Seal untone deaf, but you will know it if we
Speaker 1: sing it. Anyway, everybody thought it was Alex the Seal.
Speaker 2: I have one more and it's Rihanna's umbrella. And this
Speaker 2: person thought it was under my arm forever ever.
Speaker 3: Ever. That's pretty cute, though, is it?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Because I'll walk with you under my arm forever. It's
Speaker 3: better than umbrella.
Speaker 1: Actually that should have been the lyrics, because I remember
Speaker 1: when Umbrella came out.
Speaker 3: I was like, this is my stupid lyric I've ever heard.
Speaker 3: It doesn't rain all the time. You don't always think
Speaker 3: I'm mbrella, but you always need to be on the
Speaker 3: rain and.
Speaker 2: More than ever, because we're in the middle of La Nina, you.
Speaker 1: Can be under my arm forever in case I lose
Speaker 1: my umbrella.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, how do we not get a job
Speaker 3: as a singer?
Speaker 1: How are we on radio? And we don't know the
Speaker 1: lyrics to any of the songs? Anytime you guys want
Speaker 1: us on the mask singer, We're ready. I will dress
Speaker 1: up as a giant song and I will sing my
Speaker 1: heart out. It is time for our vibe and unsubscribe.
Speaker 2: Keisha little Pitit, Keisha petit, What is your vibe today?
Speaker 3: My vibe for the week?
Speaker 4: Hard to summarize is like one particular thing because lately
Speaker 4: I have really been vibing sleep elements to this that like,
Speaker 4: I've just started to get absolutely obsessed with sleep, and
Speaker 4: I know that a lot of people are going to
Speaker 4: be listening to this, being like, oh must be nice.
Speaker 3: You don't have kids and you work from home some.
Speaker 1: Days, Like we more just lost listeners because you just
Speaker 1: vibe sleep like everyone does every night.
Speaker 3: Wait, are you vibing tracking your sleep?
Speaker 4: A couple of different aspects of the sleep. So sleep
Speaker 4: tracking is definitely a part of it. I had this
Speaker 4: really old fit bit and I'd forgotten about it, but
Speaker 4: I was like, I used to use that to track
Speaker 4: my sleep, So I redownloaded the app.
Speaker 3: I've like charged it up.
Speaker 4: I've been sleeping with it for the past couple of weeks,
Speaker 4: and I have a goal, and it's to get eight
Speaker 4: hours of sleep a night. Because yeah, I knew it
Speaker 4: was gonna come.
Speaker 3: Anyone that has a child is going to be like,
Speaker 3: fuck off you are. You're opening yourself up here.
Speaker 2: I used to have one of them, and I felt
Speaker 2: personally victimized.
Speaker 3: So that's why I stopped using it.
Speaker 2: But Matt obsessed with tracking his sleep, obsessed with hitting
Speaker 2: like sleep goals like deep rem and whatever he talks
Speaker 2: about all the time.
Speaker 3: But he also tracks his heart rate.
Speaker 2: And we've had sex before and he stopped and he
Speaker 2: looked at his watch.
Speaker 3: And I realized he was checking his heart rate during sex.
Speaker 3: You needn't know the worst part.
Speaker 4: I already know this because Matt and I've spoken about
Speaker 4: it because we bond over how we both track.
Speaker 3: Our sleep yours.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 3: Look, sleep is the elixir to life, Okay.
Speaker 4: And I say this as someone who used to have
Speaker 4: very troubled sleep, and I had a bit of a
Speaker 4: period of my life where like it was really a
Speaker 4: problem that impacted me in a really bad way.
Speaker 3: But there is also an episode.
Speaker 4: So the number one sleep expert in the world, his
Speaker 4: name is Matthew Walker, and of course he was on
Speaker 4: Diary of the CEO, because you know, I love Stephen Barlets.
Speaker 4: This is my second week in a row recommending that
Speaker 4: he just like, stop listening.
Speaker 3: To La fun Cuck, go listen to Diary of CEO. Well,
Speaker 3: this is all.
Speaker 4: About sleep and like how it's so important and how
Speaker 4: you can try and improve it.
Speaker 2: Imagine being an expert on sleep, like the one thing
Speaker 2: that you decided to dedicate your life too.
Speaker 3: I'd love it.
Speaker 1: I think this is hard because half the population doesn't
Speaker 1: have the luxury.
Speaker 3: Even if they want to sleep, they don't get to know.
Speaker 3: I disagree.
Speaker 1: I mean with the kid, sorry, I mean with kids.
Speaker 1: Even so, I think, like when you have very very
Speaker 1: young kids, it's obviously an exception to the rule. But
Speaker 1: I think so many of us prioritize like death scrolling
Speaker 1: at nighttime, or we procrastinate.
Speaker 2: For me, for example, I stick up really late. Sometimes
Speaker 2: in some times I'm not being productive. But it is
Speaker 2: the couple of hours where I feel like I have
Speaker 2: time to myself, even though I could use those hours
Speaker 2: more productively by sleeping a death scroll.
Speaker 4: I also think that there's a bit of a hangover
Speaker 4: from the whole like hustle culture sleep when you're dead
Speaker 4: kind of vibe. The lack of sleep that people can
Speaker 4: function on has almost been worn as a badge of
Speaker 4: honor of like, well, I only need four hours and
Speaker 4: you know, we heard about all these billionaires that only
Speaker 4: need four.
Speaker 3: Hours of sleep. It's actually not true, and women need
Speaker 3: more sleep than men. They've proven that it's a hormone thing.
Speaker 4: So I am feeling really good something that I'm really
Speaker 4: putting a lot of my energy into. I'm doing all
Speaker 4: of the things I'm putting my energy into. Yo, you've
Speaker 4: got the rain sounds, I've got the sleep tracking. I've
Speaker 4: tried to do the right things before I go to bed.
Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you something that's going to make
Speaker 3: your vomit in your mouth.
Speaker 1: So Ben and I, because we're on opposite sides of
Speaker 1: the world and the time is so different that when
Speaker 1: I'm going to bed, I only get a window of
Speaker 1: like half an hour to talk to him at night,
Speaker 1: and I have to say I'm late to have that window.
Speaker 1: So we chat for like fifteen twenty minutes and then
Speaker 1: I go to sleep. But what we do is I
Speaker 1: put the iPad down and he through his He stays
Speaker 1: on the iPad and he plays meditation music or rain music,
Speaker 1: or he'll go and find a sleep soundtrack and he'll
Speaker 1: just play it through his iPad until I fall asleep,
Speaker 1: and then he hangs up the iPad. I think it's
Speaker 1: really cute.
Speaker 3: I no, that's nice because they're a long distance. That's cute.
Speaker 3: But he puts me to sleep with his music.
Speaker 1: He's like night babe, and then he puts it and
Speaker 1: then he'll hang up once he knows that I've drifted off.
Speaker 3: I think it's really cute. I think that's cute.
Speaker 2: But that's also like a testament to the fact that
Speaker 2: you seek out ways to have connection when you're doing
Speaker 2: I actually I read this article quite a while ago.
Speaker 2: Business Insider did an article and when you talk about
Speaker 2: this idea of hustle culture and how we glorify people
Speaker 2: who don't sleep. I just looked it up because I
Speaker 2: remember reading it and it was about all these successful
Speaker 2: CEOs and billionaires who basically get very minimal sleep and
Speaker 2: are hugely successful. People like Martha Stewart who talks about
Speaker 2: hash she only gets four hours sleep a night, People
Speaker 2: like Tom Ford, who only gets three hours sleep a night.
Speaker 2: And I do definitely think that there's been this shift
Speaker 2: from sacrificing so much about your personal self in order
Speaker 2: to get ahead in life verse. I think that this
Speaker 2: kind of the pendulum swinging the other way where people
Speaker 2: are tracking their sleep again, they're tracking their wellness and
Speaker 2: they're kind of prioritizing their self, which is also nice
Speaker 2: to see.
Speaker 4: Interestingly, something I learned from all of the podcasts that
Speaker 4: I've been listening to about sleep is that consistent, really
Speaker 4: good sleep is the number one preventative thing for things
Speaker 4: like dementia and Alzheimer's. So there are chemical processes that
Speaker 4: happen in your sleep that can't be mimixed through like
Speaker 4: you can't get that through having coffee during the day.
Speaker 4: You know, there are things that happen in sleep that
Speaker 4: we have in our society I think tried to kind
Speaker 4: of make up for, you know, like, oh, if I've
Speaker 4: had a really bad sleep, I'll just have an extra
Speaker 4: coffee today.
Speaker 3: Well, it doesn't really work like that. This is a
Speaker 3: sleep podcast. Good night everybody, This is a wellness health
Speaker 3: I'm sorry if we just.
Speaker 1: Lost you when you had a nap as well, we'll
Speaker 1: bring it back. My vibe of the week is chrome nails.
Speaker 3: Now bear with me.
Speaker 1: I've never had chrome nails BEFO, but Kylie Jenner is
Speaker 1: big on chrome nails and I got suggested them by
Speaker 1: this sounds like Wenkriash. But when my stylist was dressing
Speaker 1: me for the logies, she was like, what nails are
Speaker 1: you doing? I was like, oh my god, as if
Speaker 1: I didn't even think about it. She's like, I think
Speaker 1: you try chrome. So it's just the type and the
Speaker 1: look of the nails.
Speaker 3: It like SNS acrylic or yeah, it's like an S
Speaker 3: and S. But it's the chrome.
Speaker 1: Is the type of the color where it's almost like
Speaker 1: a metally opal reflective kind of nail. And that's my
Speaker 1: vibe of the week. I've been really really loving them,
Speaker 1: so that's it.
Speaker 3: It's a beauty vibe.
Speaker 2: I have not had my nails done in about two years.
Speaker 2: You didn't even do I look like my nails have
Speaker 2: been shoved into like a food processor.
Speaker 3: And I didn't even do them for the logies. They're
Speaker 3: so bad. My vibe for the.
Speaker 2: Week is self indulgent one. But I'm gonna remind you anyway,
Speaker 2: go and buy tickets to the live show. Now let's
Speaker 2: get into your questions. Question number one. Now, this got
Speaker 2: sent around in our group chat as possibly the weirdest
Speaker 2: question that we have ever received. Keisha's response to this
Speaker 2: was is this the worst question we've ever received? And
Speaker 2: then it sparked an interesting conversation, so he thought we'll
Speaker 2: bring it here to you.
Speaker 3: Potentially the worst question. But look, we don't say that
Speaker 3: with prejudice.
Speaker 2: We say it because I mean you will understand why
Speaker 2: my partner doesn't yawn at the same time as me.
Speaker 2: He doesn't quote unquote catch my yawns. Does this mean
Speaker 2: that he isn't emotionally connected to me. I'm going to
Speaker 2: jump in first and just say I think that the
Speaker 2: litmus for having a good connection with your partner has
Speaker 2: gone too far.
Speaker 3: We expect too much.
Speaker 2: It is okay if your partner doesn't yawn at the
Speaker 2: same time, you could still be in a great relationship.
Speaker 3: But Britt had a different take on this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't go breaking up with him because he's not yawning,
Speaker 1: but be aware he could be a psychopath, it could
Speaker 1: be a serial killer.
Speaker 3: So this is funny, right the group chat, we're all laughing.
Speaker 2: They were like, I just want to say I want
Speaker 2: to reiterate this is not a made up question.
Speaker 1: This was sent into us as an ask guncut question. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do I not have a connection because my partner doesn't
Speaker 1: catch my yawn?
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: Everyone was laughing at this question because they were like,
Speaker 1: this is so funny because this doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 3: They didn't catch a yawn, So what kind of a thing.
Speaker 1: And then I because I'm obsessed with crime and serial
Speaker 1: killers and psychopaths and narcissists. It's like my other hobby.
Speaker 1: One of my hobbies is looking at homes and the
Speaker 1: other hobby is looking at criminals. It's actually a part
Speaker 1: of a psychopath test. So when they test, now bear
Speaker 1: with me, when they test psychopaths, there is a hair
Speaker 1: psychopath checklist that they go through, like there's lots of
Speaker 1: things that they have to tick.
Speaker 3: Well, what's the telltale signs of a serial killer?
Speaker 1: Well, they do questions about superficial charm, impulsive behavior, pathological lies,
Speaker 1: like there's a whole checklist. But this is from insider
Speaker 1: dot com, but there's a lot of actual research done
Speaker 1: on this. They like it could be a simple way
Speaker 1: to see if someone is a psychopath and that yawning.
Speaker 1: So yawning is an empathetic response. And I don't know
Speaker 1: if a lot of people know that, but a yawn
Speaker 1: is something The reason we say do you catch a yawn?
Speaker 1: People do catch them because we look at someone yawning
Speaker 1: and inside we're empathetic to them that they're tired, and
Speaker 1: as a result, we reflect that mirror we yawn. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so yawning they usually are something that you can quote
Speaker 1: unquote catch but because one of the characteristics of a
Speaker 1: psychopath is that they don't have empathy and their connection
Speaker 1: to reality, so one of the things is they they
Speaker 1: don't yawn back. So it's actually a checklist, is do
Speaker 1: you catch a yawn because you could be a psychopath. Now,
Speaker 1: just because someone doesn't yawn back doesn't mean they're the
Speaker 1: next Jeffrey Darmer, Like, let's be clear, but.
Speaker 3: It could, but it could. You need to do the
Speaker 3: rest of the checklist.
Speaker 2: I reckon if this is the only reason why you're
Speaker 2: thinking you don't have an emotional connection. You're probably okay
Speaker 2: if everything else is good and it's just the lack
Speaker 2: of yawning, and then I reckon stay in the relationship instead,
Speaker 2: keep going if there are other things, like he's unreliable,
Speaker 2: he lies to you, he murdered your cat, any of
Speaker 2: those sorts of you know, telltale science that maybe redbag
Speaker 2: is a serial killer. Well, honestly, I mean that went really,
Speaker 2: that got dark real quick. He lies to you, he's inconsistent.
Speaker 1: Well, According to a study from twenty fifteen published in
Speaker 1: the journal Personality and Individual Differences, psychopaths aren't so susceptible
Speaker 1: to yawns. The researchers from Baylor University recruited one hundred
Speaker 1: and thirty five students and measured their personalities for psychopathic traits.
Speaker 1: They then subjected them to a contagious yawning experiment. Those
Speaker 1: who scored highly on the psychopathic scale were far less
Speaker 1: likely to catch ay on. So they have done real
Speaker 1: life scientific studies. This has been in these like, it's
Speaker 1: in journals, and a lot of people don't know about it.
Speaker 1: So you guys all go home tonight yawn right in
Speaker 1: front of your partner. See what happens? I also want
Speaker 1: to say this.
Speaker 2: Don't ever come to life on cart and say you
Speaker 2: don't learn something totally. Don't ever don't ever turn around
Speaker 2: and say, you know, those laugh uncut girls don't know
Speaker 2: what they're talking about, because we do. We do our
Speaker 2: research on everything, everything from yourn's to anal sex.
Speaker 3: I don't know it's a real thinking.
Speaker 1: I just think is when I told produce a Keisha this,
Speaker 1: when I said no, this is a thing, she was
Speaker 1: in hysterics. She's like, as if what a load of shit?
Speaker 1: And I was like, girl, google it and she goes,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't believe it's real.
Speaker 3: Every day's a school day, all right. Question number two.
Speaker 2: My boyfriend and I have been together for five years.
Speaker 2: We've lived together for two. We bought our dog a
Speaker 2: year ago. We both see our future together and always
Speaker 2: talk about it. I feel really strongly about getting engaged
Speaker 2: and have been pretty clear about it, but it is
Speaker 2: not in his mind. He always says things like, well,
Speaker 2: what's the rush and we have everything we need, and
Speaker 2: I think he genuinely believes that and means that. He
Speaker 2: says he doesn't feel ready and that it's not me,
Speaker 2: it's him. His parents are divorced, and so his grandparents, uncle, Annie,
Speaker 2: sister's husband. Everyone is divorced. The family is full of divorce.
Speaker 2: I am from a home where there has been no divorce.
Speaker 2: I think we see marriage and engagement very differently because
Speaker 2: of this. It has created some tense conversations and we
Speaker 2: both understand how each other feel, but neither of us
Speaker 2: will budge. Am I being stupid getting so worked up
Speaker 2: over a ring when everything else is great.
Speaker 1: This is a tricky one because some people do feel really,
Speaker 1: really strongly. Maybe it's for a religious reason, or maybe
Speaker 1: it's just a self validation for themselves about marriage and
Speaker 1: about having the official document, the official ceremony, and taking
Speaker 1: that next step as a couple.
Speaker 3: And I think that's wonderful. Some people couldn't care less.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean anything to them, and it doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that you mean anything less to them, Like that's super important.
Speaker 1: You can find the love of your life and not
Speaker 1: ever want to marry them, but you only ever want
Speaker 1: to be with them for your entire life.
Speaker 2: But the important thing is is that you share the
Speaker 2: same views on it, because otherwise that mismatch can create
Speaker 2: so much especially for the person who wants to get married.
Speaker 2: It can create so many feelings of being invalidated.
Speaker 1: I always think, and I have thought about this many times,
Speaker 1: because over the years, this type of a question in
Speaker 1: different variants has come through, and it is something that
Speaker 1: shouldn't be not taken seriously in your relationship. But what
Speaker 1: I've always thought is relationships are about compromise always. Someone
Speaker 1: is always going to have to compromise in a relationship
Speaker 1: where you live, how many kids you have, what you
Speaker 1: do for work, where you go for a holiday, who's
Speaker 1: gonna look after the kids more, whatever, there's always a
Speaker 1: compromise in this situation when one person wants to get
Speaker 1: married and one person doesn't. I've always thought the happy
Speaker 1: medium is can you be engaged so you've got the
Speaker 1: meaning and the commitment, and you've got the ring and
Speaker 1: you've had that special moment, because that moment means a
Speaker 1: lot to people too, literally, just the proposal and those
Speaker 1: words and the meaning behind the ring. Can you come
Speaker 1: to a compromise where you have the ring and you
Speaker 1: have the proposal, which means he's compromising to do that,
Speaker 1: and you're compromising.
Speaker 3: Without the wedding.
Speaker 1: If you still want to have a wedding in terms
Speaker 1: of a ceremony to celebrate with friends. But for him,
Speaker 1: what's the reason he doesn't want to get married? Is
Speaker 1: it because he doesn't want to sign a binding piece
Speaker 1: of paper. Can you just have a more spiritual celebration
Speaker 1: together where you have a moment, you tell each other
Speaker 1: what you mean to each other, and you do everything
Speaker 1: without it being official.
Speaker 3: For me, I probably wouldn't want that. But that is
Speaker 3: a compromise, I think it is. I agree with you, Britt.
Speaker 2: It's a really really hard one because people come to
Speaker 2: the decision about marriage based on their own upbringings, based
Speaker 2: on their own experience of what marriage is and how
Speaker 2: that was reflected in their households and how they grew
Speaker 2: up exposed to it. And I guess the big thing
Speaker 2: here is and the part that stands out to me
Speaker 2: and your question is he says he's not ready. He said,
Speaker 2: I don't feel ready to get married yet. He's not
Speaker 2: saying he doesn't want to get married at all, he's
Speaker 2: just not ready yet. And that may mean that in
Speaker 2: the future he does feel ready, But what does that
Speaker 2: look like in terms of a timeline and a time
Speaker 2: frame for him? So I think it's very important to
Speaker 2: sit down and have two separate conversations. One of them
Speaker 2: is do you not want to get married at all
Speaker 2: in your life or is it simply a matter of
Speaker 2: you're not ready yet to get married, like you're not
Speaker 2: at a point in our relationship or in terms of
Speaker 2: what you see for us to get married, Because often
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people think, well, once we
Speaker 2: get married, we're going to have kids. Like I think
Speaker 2: that a lot of people think that that's a normal
Speaker 2: succession of time.
Speaker 1: It's almost like the stepping stones, right, Oh, we have
Speaker 1: to do this now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I guess like for some people who maybe
Speaker 2: want to slow that down, they'll say, well, I'm not
Speaker 2: ready because it's like, well, once the wedding happens, then
Speaker 2: you know, if they think that kids are on the cards,
Speaker 2: it might speed up the process towards that next life decision,
Speaker 2: and he might just be really happy with where his
Speaker 2: life is at the moment. It doesn't mean he doesn't
Speaker 2: want to marry you at all. But I say this
Speaker 2: from someone who's come from a family where divorce was
Speaker 2: also really prolific. My parents got divorced when I was three.
Speaker 2: My mum got divorced again when I was eight. My
Speaker 2: dad got divorced a second time when I was thirteen.
Speaker 3: Around it a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my parents both got remarried. My dad separated again
Speaker 2: a third time. So like marriage and divorce has been very,
Speaker 2: very different in my family. And I always thought I
Speaker 2: would never get married. That's not been a prayer already
Speaker 2: to me in my relationships. It's probably also another reason
Speaker 2: as to why I didn't take Matt's last name, because
Speaker 2: for me, that piece of paper and that ceremony doesn't
Speaker 2: hold the same weight. Although I do appreciate how incredible
Speaker 2: the day was, and I also appreciate how incredible it
Speaker 2: is to be married, because there's almost like another layer
Speaker 2: of comfort I guess in being married that I wasn't
Speaker 2: expecting personally. I kin't have expected it to not change anything. Also,
Speaker 2: you've got great photos for the photo wall, so I'm
Speaker 2: gonna have my own trant. I think on a base level,
Speaker 2: like it hasn't changed our relationship, but it has given
Speaker 2: me this little extra layer of security in knowing that
Speaker 2: Matt's in it for the long haul. And I think
Speaker 2: that that's what a lot of people get out of marriage,
Speaker 2: you know, And and everyone kind of, like I said, feels
Speaker 2: differently about it. But I do think it's important that
Speaker 2: often the advice that I hear is like, well, if
Speaker 2: he wanted to marry you, he would marry you, and like,
Speaker 2: you know that you both have to be on the
Speaker 2: same page. But I do think it is also really
Speaker 2: important to take into consideration his experience and his feelings,
Speaker 2: and to understand that just because he doesn't want to
Speaker 2: get married doesn't invalidate your relationship. It doesn't mean he
Speaker 2: loves you less, and it doesn't mean that that's not
Speaker 2: something that might be on the cards for the future.
Speaker 2: It just means that his experience of what marriage looks
Speaker 2: like is very, very different to you. And I would
Speaker 2: say definitely, don't discard your relationship or don't feel devalued,
Speaker 2: or don't push for something too ferociously if everything else
Speaker 2: is so great.
Speaker 1: But you do need to understand the why. Why doesn't
Speaker 1: Why isn't he ready yet? Because if you've been together
Speaker 1: ten years and someone says I'm not ready, I'd.
Speaker 3: Be like, well, is that because it's me, lady? Yeah,
Speaker 3: So you find out the why.
Speaker 1: Is it something about his upbringing and that's what he's
Speaker 1: scared about. Has he one hundred percent of been like,
Speaker 1: I want to be with you forever.
Speaker 3: I will give you the ring.
Speaker 1: I will give you that to make you feel the commitment,
Speaker 1: but it's just the marriage, because if he's still undecided
Speaker 1: about you in any capacity, that's a red flag you
Speaker 1: need to deal with separately.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I totally agree.
Speaker 2: And look, if it does come to a point forew
Speaker 2: where you're like, I don't want to be with you
Speaker 2: unless marriage is in our long term future, like that
Speaker 2: is a mandatory for your relationship, then it's a conversation
Speaker 2: you have to have so that you're setting the expectation
Speaker 2: for him instead of it becoming this thing where you're like, well,
Speaker 2: when are you gonna propose?
Speaker 3: Well, when are you going to propose?
Speaker 2: And if he doesn't ever want to be married, it
Speaker 2: becomes almost like an annoying thing that's brought up. I
Speaker 2: think it's very important to have these conversations about, well,
Speaker 2: what are our long term goals and what do you want?
Speaker 2: What's a mandatory and what you want out of this
Speaker 2: relationship and if marriage is one of those things, that's okay,
Speaker 2: But it may require a lot more conversations to get there,
Speaker 2: or it may require going and having some counseling or
Speaker 2: sitting down with a third party to really air out
Speaker 2: the reasons why these important to you and how you
Speaker 2: can get to a place where it's like a comfortable solution.
Speaker 1: Also, there are also depending on his reasons, there are
Speaker 1: so many different options. If he's more like I don't
Speaker 1: want to wed, I doesn't want a big wed in
Speaker 1: totally a lope, Maybe he'll elope. Maybe he will go
Speaker 1: to an island with you on a holiday, there's a celebrant,
Speaker 1: it's just you two, doesn't have to be a big hooha.
Speaker 1: Maybe that is a compromise as well. I think you're
Speaker 1: not going to know until you figure out the why.
Speaker 1: That is obviously deeping his soul, but it's very important
Speaker 1: to moving forward. Do you think for you, like if yes,
Speaker 1: I want a big ring and engagement and marriage.
Speaker 3: Yeah, in case Ben's listening.
Speaker 2: But if you were in a relationship with someone who
Speaker 2: you felt safe, secure and loved and you knew that
Speaker 2: they wanted to be with you, but they didn't want
Speaker 2: to get married, would that be a deal breaker for you?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: I think I would be completely okay, But I would
Speaker 1: want the engagement because for me, that is because I
Speaker 1: want the ring. No, I mean I yes, but no,
Speaker 1: in all honesty, I'm joking, I don't need a big ring,
Speaker 1: but I like the idea of what you're saying. It's
Speaker 1: a level of commitment where you feel and you shouldn't,
Speaker 1: but you feel another level of certainty and safety and support.
Speaker 3: And I think it's just a it's a.
Speaker 1: Really nice sign to be like, I choose you to
Speaker 1: live out my days with, and this is just like
Speaker 1: a reiteration of that. Like, of course it's not the
Speaker 1: be all and end all, but I would be happy
Speaker 1: with an engagement and never getting married as a sign
Speaker 1: of a commitment.
Speaker 3: Not the ring, but the commit Yeah. I think there
Speaker 3: was something for me.
Speaker 2: There was something really special which I had not really
Speaker 2: fully understood before I got married myself and had our wedding.
Speaker 2: There was something really special about standing up in front
Speaker 2: of all of our family and friends and telling each
Speaker 2: other how much we loved each other and making that
Speaker 2: verbal commitment in front of everyone. There was something really
Speaker 2: solidifying in that moment. And I think because I've only
Speaker 2: ever seen the negative byproduct of marriage, which is when
Speaker 2: it breaks down, like I've never really witnessed in my
Speaker 2: upbringing what a good marriage looks like I've only seen
Speaker 2: how that commitment really doesn't mean anything when the wheels
Speaker 2: fall off the wagon and you can get divorced.
Speaker 3: So I witnessed.
Speaker 1: I was the witness signing the witness wedding citypate for
Speaker 1: Laura and Matt. But at the end I did like
Speaker 1: a kiss, kiss and a smiling face, like I signed
Speaker 1: my name, and I was like kiss, kiss, smiling face.
Speaker 3: I actually don't know if that makes it null and void.
Speaker 3: So I learned this.
Speaker 2: Apparently what you sign on the wedding day is not
Speaker 2: actually your real wedding certificate.
Speaker 3: It's okay, Laura, No, it is.
Speaker 2: It's your It's a wedding certificate that you keep that
Speaker 2: you can frame or whatever. It's a pretty wedding certificate.
Speaker 2: But it's not what's actually lodged to the government.
Speaker 3: So it's okay. So she's still married.
Speaker 2: You get married, I'm not Apparently, apparently it's all it's
Speaker 2: all sign see delivered with the kiss kids.
Speaker 3: In the smiley face.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: Last question, My best friend has always struggled. This makes
Speaker 1: me angry. My best friend has always struggled with not
Speaker 1: feeling good enough for the men she dates. She's had
Speaker 1: a few situationships, but last year she got into her
Speaker 1: first big official relationship. I really don't like her boyfriend,
Speaker 1: but I haven't said anything because I feel like my
Speaker 1: opinion shouldn't matter if she is happy with him, which
Speaker 1: you know to a level is true. However, over this
Speaker 1: past year I have heard him make comments about her weight. Now,
Speaker 1: she has lost a lot of weight since she's been
Speaker 1: with him, And last night we went out for dinner
Speaker 1: and he made comments like, quote, you should work out
Speaker 1: more when we get done with dinner, you should jog
Speaker 1: back to the car, and are you going to finish
Speaker 1: all of that? Worried about what his comments are doing
Speaker 1: to her mentally, how do I talk to her about this?
Speaker 3: And can I talk to her about this? That is
Speaker 3: fucked ACKed?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: My very first thought is if these are the things
Speaker 2: that he is comfortable saying in front of people, imagine
Speaker 2: what is said not in front of people. We imagine
Speaker 2: what's said in private. And maybe it's subtle, maybe it's
Speaker 2: not subtle. But if she has had dramatic weight loss
Speaker 2: and she's struggled with feeling good enough or pretty enough
Speaker 2: or skinny enough in her relationships, I mean, this is
Speaker 2: the type of thing that.
Speaker 3: Can really trigger an eating disorder in someone.
Speaker 2: This feeling of like he'll love me more if I
Speaker 2: do this, or you know, I'll be more beautiful if
Speaker 2: I eat less or lose weight or xyz. I actually
Speaker 2: think you have to talk to her about it, but
Speaker 2: do it in a very non accusatory way, especially because
Speaker 2: you know from all the conversations we've had around non
Speaker 2: physical forms of violence in a relationship, or control in
Speaker 2: a relationship, or being in a relationship with somebody who
Speaker 2: from the extreme to the mild. If you have a
Speaker 2: friend who is dating someone and you are worried about them,
Speaker 2: the last thing you want to do is be like, hey,
Speaker 2: I don't like the way he treats you. I don't
Speaker 2: like this, because you don't want to triangulate yourself and
Speaker 2: make them try and protect their partner and not want
Speaker 2: to talk to you about the issues in their relationship.
Speaker 2: I think one of the things you could say is
Speaker 2: I noticed how he made a lot of comments about
Speaker 2: the things that you were eating. How does that make
Speaker 2: you feel? And see if that opens up a way
Speaker 2: for a conversation. I will also worry that if you
Speaker 2: kind of come out and say, oh, you've lost a
Speaker 2: lot of weight, I'm worried about you. If she's in
Speaker 2: a period of mind where she's like quite happy about
Speaker 2: the weight loss, or she's like wants to lose more weight,
Speaker 2: you can almost like interpret it that as like reinforcement
Speaker 2: that you're.
Speaker 3: Doing a good thing.
Speaker 2: Like I remember back in the day, and I say
Speaker 2: this because I went through a period where I had
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say I didn't have an eating disorder, but
Speaker 2: I had disordered eating. Like those two things I think
Speaker 2: can be slightly different. I lost so much weight. I
Speaker 2: was so thin, and it just came after a breakup,
Speaker 2: and I thought I looked amazing.
Speaker 3: And when people would say to me, oh, you know,
Speaker 3: are you okay? You've lost a lot of weight.
Speaker 2: I used that as reinforcement of like, yes, yeah, I've
Speaker 2: lost a lot of weight. It was almost a thanks
Speaker 2: for noticing, like yeah, it was almost a compliment. I
Speaker 2: didn't take it as though it was a concern. I
Speaker 2: took it as a reinforcement that what I was doing
Speaker 2: was working. So I think you have to be very
Speaker 2: careful when speaking about weight with people, especially people who
Speaker 2: have had dramatic weight loss, and also when they may
Speaker 2: be in a relationship that's a problematic relationship. I think
Speaker 2: the biggest thing that you can do is be that
Speaker 2: person of support there, have oversight, try and be as
Speaker 2: close as possible so you have oversight over what's happening
Speaker 2: in the relationship, so you can see more as to
Speaker 2: how the dynamic is. How he speaks to her, start
Speaker 2: off with just you know, are you okay? Did that
Speaker 2: upset you when he says these things to you? Because
Speaker 2: you know you are so beautiful, you are so perfect,
Speaker 2: and I would hate for you to feel as though
Speaker 2: you're not that in your relationship. And see if that
Speaker 2: opens up a pathway for communication for her to express
Speaker 2: how she's feeling, because it may be enough for her
Speaker 2: to be able to come to you and talk to
Speaker 2: you about what she's experiencing. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Look, there are definitely boundaries in a friendship that you
Speaker 1: don't cross, and definitely reasons you don't approach someone about
Speaker 1: their relationship, but I don't think this is one of them.
Speaker 1: I think as a friend, this is one hundred percent
Speaker 1: something you do need to do. I think you do
Speaker 1: need to have these conversations because it is not normal,
Speaker 1: it is not right, and it is very obviously affecting
Speaker 1: her mental health and the way she lives her life.
Speaker 1: So I think you one hundred percent. I would say
Speaker 1: you need to speak to your friend. It's just a
Speaker 1: matter of how. And everything you just said is so right, Laura.
Speaker 1: I don't need to reiterate what you just said because
Speaker 1: it's true. It's how you approach it. It's really hard, though,
Speaker 1: it's so hard, but I think this is why we
Speaker 1: have friends, right, And she's one of your closest friends.
Speaker 1: This is why we have them. There are moments in
Speaker 1: life that they need to step in, and I think
Speaker 1: this is one of them. The only other thing that
Speaker 1: I would add to what you said, Laura, is that
Speaker 1: she hasn't been in a relationship before, so this is
Speaker 1: her first relationship. She has nothing to compare it to.
Speaker 1: She doesn't know what a normal relationship is. She probably
Speaker 1: doesn't know what respect in a relationship is, what compromise
Speaker 1: in a relationship, the ups, the downs, the highest.
Speaker 3: She's got nothing to.
Speaker 1: Compare it to, and we know that we live and
Speaker 1: we learn. Right, I'm different in a relationship now because
Speaker 1: of the relationships I've been in. I'm different now because
Speaker 1: of the shit I've been in. I was with people
Speaker 1: way more fucked than this, and I was with them
Speaker 1: because I didn't know better, and I know better now
Speaker 1: and I would never do it again. So maybe something
Speaker 1: else you need to approach her with is very gently
Speaker 1: exactly what you said, Laura. I noticed that these you
Speaker 1: know comments are made around you. Wait last night, how
Speaker 1: do you feel about it? Blah blah blah blah. But then
Speaker 1: i'd be saying, just so you know, it's not be
Speaker 1: with like, this is not a normal thing in a relationship,
Speaker 1: Like I want you to know that, because maybe you
Speaker 1: don't know that, but you should be with somebody that
Speaker 1: loves you exactly how you are and doesn't want to
Speaker 1: change you. Because I think a really big part of
Speaker 1: this is that she doesn't know that it's not a
Speaker 1: normal thing. She might think that every second person is
Speaker 1: doing this and it's normal to tell your partner, and
Speaker 1: you don't also know how he's doing it. He might
Speaker 1: be praising it as I'd be more attracted to you
Speaker 1: if you lost weight.
Speaker 3: It might not just be like lose weight, be better.
Speaker 1: It might also be like you'd be hotter, if you'd
Speaker 1: be hotter, if we'd have better sex, if.
Speaker 2: But also, I don't think it's just a matter of
Speaker 2: like not knowing. I don't think it's just ignorance. Oh,
Speaker 2: it's a whole lot, I think.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think a big contributing factor of like this type
Speaker 2: of potential, you know, staying in a relationship and changing
Speaker 2: yourself when it comes from insecurities, it comes from feelings
Speaker 2: of being invalidated, It comes from feelings of I'm not
Speaker 2: going to get anything better than this, and I want
Speaker 2: him to love me more?
Speaker 3: So what can I do to be loved more? And
Speaker 3: it's X, Y and Z.
Speaker 2: The other thing, I would have found it so hard
Speaker 2: as a friend in that situation. I would have found
Speaker 2: it so hard to not say something to him at
Speaker 2: the time, to not say, do you know what she
Speaker 2: doesn't have to run back to the car, or you know,
Speaker 2: are you gonna eat everything.
Speaker 3: On your plate? I would have had to have bitten
Speaker 3: my tongue.
Speaker 2: And I think it's like, I'm quite a fiery person
Speaker 2: at times, and I find it to not speak when
Speaker 2: I see something that I think is an injustice, you know,
Speaker 2: like if I'm ever in a situation where my friend's
Speaker 2: partners don't speak well to them, or I don't like
Speaker 2: the tone or whatever, I'm the first person to be like,
Speaker 2: don't speak to her like that. But that's also because
Speaker 2: I have a relationship with their partners, and I know
Speaker 2: that they are actually good people. I have a good
Speaker 2: insight into their relationship, and I know where my boundaries
Speaker 2: lie with them, and I know where their boundaries lie
Speaker 2: with me. But I guess the big thing with this
Speaker 2: guy is that you probably don't have a relationship with
Speaker 2: him yet, and you are still getting to know the
Speaker 2: dynamics of their relationship. So I think the best thing
Speaker 2: you can do right now is support her and reinforce
Speaker 2: to her what isn't isn't normal, and what she should
Speaker 2: and shouldn't put up within a relationship. Because really, like
Speaker 2: these small little digs, although they may seem insignificant, although
Speaker 2: they may not seem like a very big deal at
Speaker 2: the moment, I go back to this idea of like, well,
Speaker 2: if he's saying multiple things at dinner in front of
Speaker 2: people who he doesn't know, what is he saying to
Speaker 2: her behind closed doors?
Speaker 1: But on top of that, he's saying this at the
Speaker 1: beginning of a relationship, there's only downhill from them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's only going to get worse. That's your baseline, it's
Speaker 1: gonna snowballs.
Speaker 2: So nothing worse than seeing someone you love in a
Speaker 2: relationship with a person who you know is shit.
Speaker 3: I have gone to a friend before in a situation
Speaker 3: like this. I have been so open.
Speaker 1: I've been gentle at the start, and I've gotten to
Speaker 1: a point where I'm like, I cannot tell you how
Speaker 1: much this is not normal, and you cannot be in
Speaker 1: this relationship anymore. Obviously that it was quite a serious situation,
Speaker 1: but I would not be doing my job as a
Speaker 1: friend to sit back and let those situations continue. And
Speaker 1: as I said, if this is the baseline for the
Speaker 1: starter of the relationship and this is what's happening in public,
Speaker 1: it's going to be ten times worse in a year,
Speaker 1: and ten times worse behind closed doors. So I would
Speaker 1: gently take those steps and action your thoughts and the
Speaker 1: worries now.
Speaker 2: The only thing I would add to this, the last
Speaker 2: thing is for anyone listening, for anyone who has experienced
Speaker 2: something similar. You should never be in a relationship with
Speaker 2: someone who thinks it's okay to say things that slightly
Speaker 2: humiliate you, like it is humiliating to have somebody calorie
Speaker 2: check your meals or to make you feel bad about
Speaker 2: the you look, especially doing it in front of other people.
Speaker 2: All that's doing is eroding your self confidence. It's eroding
Speaker 2: the way that you your self esteem, and ultimately it'll
Speaker 2: get you to a place where you think you need
Speaker 2: to change in order to be better. Nobody should be
Speaker 2: in a relationship with somebody who thinks they have control
Speaker 2: over another person like that. And if your partner does
Speaker 2: make consistent little jabs at you, If your partner or
Speaker 2: you dated someone who does put you down, even if
Speaker 2: it's subtly, but it's consistent, that is not a relationship
Speaker 2: you should be in. And I hope for better. For
Speaker 2: literally every single person who listened to this podcast, we
Speaker 2: hope that you love the episode. You know, send in
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