WEBVTT - If you don't ask you don't get 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:05.280 Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:07.720 Australia and their connections to land. 0:00:07.520 --> 0:00:08.639 Sea and community. 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:11.760 We pay our respect to their elders past and present 0:00:11.840 --> 0:00:14.960 and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait 0:00:14.960 --> 0:00:16.160 Islander peoples today. 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:19.560 This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation. 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:42.640 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:42.720 --> 0:00:45.760 I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi Brittany, how are you 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:47.440 going today? On this beautiful day. 0:00:47.479 --> 0:00:50.040 It's probably the first sunny day that we have had 0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:52.680 in Bondai in maybe five years. 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:54.800 Well, I don't think it's let's just not segue to 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:56.600 bond Die. I think it's all of Sydney. 0:00:56.600 --> 0:00:59.640 Sydney has been rained central, it has did you read 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:04.440 It's going to be like the second Lenina and Rain. 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:13.360 We're looking at Keisha, yeahl Nina, what did you call it? Lanino? Lonino? 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:15.640 Lo Nino like this? 0:01:15.720 --> 0:01:20.160 It's a lone long was brother of Anyway, it's the 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:22.400 one and early study day that we've had in forever, 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:25.319 and we're spending it inside podcasting because we love you all. 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:29.800 Kisha and I went on a walk this morning. Oh, 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:31.160 please tell me what happened. 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:33.319 Well, we had an event for war. We both walked 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:36.080 separately that we met up in. We exchanged Delilah halfway. 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:38.240 So I went for a run with Delilah ran past 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:40.240 an X, and I was like, Lol, run past an X. 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:42.720 Awkward moment, pretended I didn't see him, because that's obviously 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:43.600 what you do. 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:45.880 Do you if you walk past or run past or whatever. 0:01:45.959 --> 0:01:47.920 You don't even just give like the nice nod, you know, 0:01:48.000 --> 0:01:50.320 the nod of you've been inside me. We used to 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:52.360 be in love with each other, and now we pretend 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:53.680 that we don't know each other nod like. 0:01:54.520 --> 0:01:57.520 It depends on the situation, and it depends on the X. 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:00.400 Why they're an ex how long? Like it's very If 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:03.000 I see them coming with enough time, I will pretend 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.320 I've taken a phone call. I will look, I'll text, 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:07.280 i will pretend I've waived to someone elsewhere. 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:09.160 If hopefully that someone was s around them and pretending 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:10.720 to wave to, I will avoid them. 0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:13.200 I don't want the awkwardness, but a fine X that 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:15.160 I just like hooked up with a few times or whatever, 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:17.160 I will be like, hey, here you going that's fine. 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:21.240 More cutting though, There's nothing more cutting than seeing an 0:02:21.400 --> 0:02:23.639 X when you're out on a walk and just completely 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:25.880 ignoring them and them ignoring you, like you know that 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:27.880 you've seen each other and you know that the other 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:29.720 person's walking past, thinking crackrack. 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:32.960 He definitely saw me, and I obviously saw him because 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:34.120 I'm telling the story. 0:02:34.000 --> 0:02:35.400 But I pretended I didn't. 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:38.240 But where this is going is when I met back 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:41.560 up with Keisha to swap Delilah over, I told I said, Hi, 0:02:41.560 --> 0:02:43.639 I'm just run into this person blah blah blah. 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:44.960 The exchange of the co parenting dog. 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:48.720 Yeah, so Keisha, the same thing happened to Keisha. But this, 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:52.400 I mean, this isn't funny. I'm not saying it's funny, 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:54.680 but the way Keisha told the story, she was like laughing, 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:57.120 but laughing out of like why do people do this? 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:00.200 And it just got me thinking, Nwa. Keisha a few 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:03.040 months ago was dating this person. They were hitting it off. 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:06.040 I met this person, right, I met this guy out 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:08.560 when we were out one night and he was like 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:11.160 raving about Kisha. He's like, I'm so into your friend, 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:11.920 Like she's. 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:12.760 Amazing, blah blah blah. 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:17.400 They're really vibing, so it was all signals ago. Then 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:22.520 after about almost about three month mark, he did the 0:03:23.160 --> 0:03:26.280 it's not you, it's me. I'm not ready for a relationship, 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:27.800 but you're you're great. 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:31.120 Like, it's not you, it's a soft exit. I don't 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:32.600 want a relationship right now. 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:35.120 So that's always really hard to hear, right, because if 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:37.400 you do want that, or you're vibing and you think 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:39.480 it's going really well, it's always hard to hear. 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:40.640 Well, you weren't here for this. 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:42.640 But we spoke about this on Ask and Cut a 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:44.400 couple of weeks back, Briet Will, So you were off 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:47.600 frolicking in South America recording the challenge. So Matt and 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:50.440 I spoke about this. We are strong believers, and we 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:52.880 were united on the front that if someone tells you 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:55.360 that they're just too busy they're not ready for a relationship, 0:03:55.360 --> 0:03:57.680 it's just code for it's not me, it's you. 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:00.240 I just don't want to be with you. Yeah. Well 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:03.960 turns out that's right. So Keisha's like, okay, cool, that's okay. 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:07.680 But then today on her walk she ran into him, 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:09.760 and not only did she run into him, literally smack 0:04:09.840 --> 0:04:12.040 bang into him. But this is like I don't know. 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:15.520 Six weeks after with his new girlfriend, Oh. 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:17.080 See, I told you this is what happens. 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:19.760 I would say ninety percent of the time when they say, oh, like, 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:22.200 you know, it's just not the right time in my life. 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:24.600 I'm too busy with work. I can't be in a relationship. 0:04:24.800 --> 0:04:27.080 It's usually just code for this is not the right 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:28.400 relationship undred percent. 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:31.080 It's like a soft exit port produced a Keisha is 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:32.920 sitting here right now, Keisha, it's not you. 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:35.599 Let's just say it is no, and it's I said 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:37.520 this a Keisha. We both had a moment this morning. 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:39.919 We were both laughing with each other, but laughing a 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:42.000 bit like of a distressed laugh where we're like, what 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:43.880 you know, because like stuff like this has been happening 0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:45.680 to me a lot lately as well, and we're like, 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:46.480 what's wrong with us? 0:04:46.520 --> 0:04:46.800 Like what? 0:04:46.960 --> 0:04:48.400 We had that moment for a second where we're like 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:50.000 what's wrong with us? And then we're like, hang on 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:51.520 a minute, nothing is wrong with us. 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:54.000 It's them. But it brings me to this point of 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:57.000 this would have been a different moment today when she's 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:58.720 running to him with his new girlfriend, if he had 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:01.120 just said I I think you're great but I don't 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:03.080 feel like it's going anywhere long term with us. 0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:04.800 Yeah, And I guess the big thing with that, though, 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:07.839 is that people are so hesitant to hurt someone's feelings, 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:10.960 so instead of giving the truth, they give the softest. 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:11.400 Version of the truth. 0:05:11.920 --> 0:05:15.120 Actually, weirdly, this was not a setup that this does 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:17.120 lead us into what we're talking about today, which is 0:05:17.160 --> 0:05:20.960 called askers and guesses. Strap in because I know ninety 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:23.120 nine percent of you will have no idea what that 0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:23.679 even means. 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:25.360 But we will unpack it in a little while. 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:28.080 But I think in these situations, so many people don't 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:30.520 want to offend someone. But this actually brings me to 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:32.760 something that I read recently, and I would love to 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:35.400 get your opinion on this. It's gone semi viral on 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:39.000 the socials, this idea that three month mark is a 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:43.480 really significant time frame in a relationship. And basically there's 0:05:43.560 --> 0:05:46.120 this theory or and I mean, I'm sure it's not 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:48.360 backed by much science, but it's this idea that you 0:05:48.400 --> 0:05:51.039 shouldn't fully commit to someone until you reach the three 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:53.320 month mark of a relationship. Now, there's a couple of 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:55.760 reasons for this. One is because once you hit the 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:58.400 three month mark, it's enough an amount of time that 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:00.599 the rose colored glasses have kind of come off and 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:02.839 you start to see the relationship for what it actually 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:05.640 is and see that person for who they are. But 0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:08.160 also there's a bit more of like a darker side 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:09.960 to it as well, like if you're dating someone who 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:14.159 is narcissistic or who is manipulative, or who is able 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:17.640 to mask the personality. It's usually around the three month 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:20.320 mark that that starts to come undone as well, and 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:22.560 you really start to see who the person is. 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:26.599 When you say you shouldn't commit fully until the three 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:28.039 month mark, what do you mean by that? Do you 0:06:28.080 --> 0:06:30.960 mean like you shouldn't say that you're in a committed relationship? 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:34.440 There actually be dating lots of other Frank on a 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:39.159 Saturday night, he's hanging Frank, or someone is Frank, someone's 0:06:39.160 --> 0:06:40.440 getting begging Frank on a Saturday. 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:42.840 But does this just mean like, yeah, what are the 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:45.839 specifics of that saying just saying like let's casually date. 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:49.000 Okay, Obviously this isn't like, this isn't a. 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:50.919 Gold stand Yeah, it's not like a well maybe it 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:52.880 is the gold standard, but it's not a steadfast rule. 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:54.520 I'm sure there are so many people listening to this 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:56.720 who are like, I was exclusive after two weeks, got 0:06:56.720 --> 0:06:59.360 married after two months, and we're happily together. But the 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:02.080 thing is that for so many people, if you get 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:04.760 caught up in the early stages of the relationship and 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:07.000 at that point in time when you've only just met someone, 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:10.600 when you're like one month into dating, you're not actually 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:11.960 in love with the person. 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:14.080 You're in love with the you're in love with the 0:07:14.880 --> 0:07:16.920 after a month once. Yeah, but I. 0:07:16.800 --> 0:07:19.040 Think, okay, I think at one month you're in love 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:21.760 with the potential of who that person in that relationship 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:24.200 can be, Like you're in love with all the things 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:28.600 that could happen. But truly, at one month mark, you 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:31.600 don't necessarily know that person very well, and they could 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:34.240 end up being somebody entirely different. And if they don't 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:36.920 end up being someone different, you're lucky and you got 0:07:37.000 --> 0:07:39.920 really lucky. But we don't know someone at the four 0:07:39.960 --> 0:07:42.680 week mark, you simply don't. How could you possibly this? 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:44.040 Look, I agree with you. 0:07:44.320 --> 0:07:46.440 I'm not saying I agree with like the you know, 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:48.840 don't fully commit for the three months, because I've definitely 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:49.640 done that before. 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:51.720 I mean, I'm a romantic. We know that so I 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:52.280 think she's. 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:54.160 Going with your whole heart, but you need to go 0:07:54.160 --> 0:07:55.760 in with your brain as well. And that's what I 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:57.920 think it is. You don't want to be completely sucked 0:07:57.960 --> 0:08:00.720 in by the chemistry that you're going to feel, because 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:03.200 we all know that at the start of a relationship 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:06.160 it's that honeymoon feeling, it's the obsession, it's the chemistry. 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:09.040 You can't be sucked in by that. You can embrace that. 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:11.640 For sure, like go nuts, have all the sex, all 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:14.200 the love, all endorphins, do it all, but just use 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:15.400 your brain at the same time. 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:17.520 And I think back, I mean, you guys will. 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:21.240 Remember when I started dating Jordan. That happened very very fast. 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:24.000 So we fell ahead over heels in love. After about 0:08:24.040 --> 0:08:26.360 four or five weeks, we spent every day together. 0:08:26.360 --> 0:08:28.000 He pretty much moved into my house. 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:31.840 And officially we were together for only about three ish 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:35.559 months before he left. So this is a really interesting 0:08:35.920 --> 0:08:38.000 subject that you brought up, Laura, because the three month 0:08:38.120 --> 0:08:41.520 mark is literally when he left. So I often think, well, 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:43.720 what would have happened if he did stay here? Would 0:08:43.760 --> 0:08:46.280 it have stayed as amazing as it was? Did we 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:48.960 only not work out because of the distance? Did things 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:51.439 change because of the three month mark or did they 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:53.920 change because it was long distance? These are questions I 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:55.280 mean I'm never going to know the answer to. 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:57.320 But I think like it's interesting, isn't it. 0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:00.600 Because of course long distance adds an entirely different element 0:09:00.600 --> 0:09:04.040 and layer to it, right that that puts another amount 0:09:04.080 --> 0:09:06.719 of stress on it. But I do remember, and time 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:08.120 me to shut up if you don't want to share this. 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:11.760 I do remember it was around the three month mark 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:14.360 and Jordan had just shortly left, and I remember that 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:18.440 you were feeling like you hadn't been reassured enough, you know, 0:09:18.480 --> 0:09:22.319 like you were feeling upset about him not being contactable 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:25.560 and feeling like the distance was upsetting you. And the 0:09:25.640 --> 0:09:28.360 thing was is he didn't need as much reassurance around 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:30.280 the distance. He didn't need as much contact as what 0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:31.920 you needed. So there was this difference in the way 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:34.880 the two of you communicated, which maybe it would have 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:37.280 come out at some point. Obviously long distance put that 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:39.560 under a lot of pressure. But I do think that 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:42.199 when you get to this as soon as like that 0:09:42.280 --> 0:09:45.800 honeymoon phase of just pure intensity wears a way and 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:48.040 you start to see someone for exactly who they are, 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:50.880 that's when you actually get the opportunity to be like, yes, 0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:53.559 you are someone who I can see myself spending the 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:56.439 rest of my life with potentially, or wow, A lot 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:58.480 of the things that you do give me the fucking ick. 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:00.600 And I guess one of the things when I read 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:03.080 this through, and I read all the reasons around why 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:05.360 you should really take it slow for those initial three 0:10:05.360 --> 0:10:09.439 months before completely committing yourself or throwing yourself into a relationship, 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:12.840 is it takes me back to the very messed up 0:10:12.880 --> 0:10:16.040 relationship I had with someone who not gonna dinose because 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:18.480 you know, I'm not a doctor, but there are a 0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:22.160 lot of telltale signs that he had narcissistic personality disorder. 0:10:22.640 --> 0:10:26.760 And I think for three months he was so good 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:30.600 at masking who he was. He was the perfect boyfriend, 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:34.560 he was the perfect everything. He was just so interested 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:38.040 in me, so available, he loved bomb the shit out 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:40.400 of me, like he honestly was just everything I had 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:43.840 ever wanted in a relationship. And then that slowly started 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:46.000 to erode after the three months mark, I was like that, 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:49.839 like the fucking glasses fell off and it became very real. 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:50.800 Who he was as a person. 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:52.960 And so that's what I mean by this idea that 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:56.120 you can mask and be on your best behavior, but 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:57.200 you can't do that forever. 0:10:58.120 --> 0:10:58.800 So it's funny. 0:10:58.840 --> 0:11:01.000 The first I mean I started to read up about 0:11:01.080 --> 0:11:03.760 this as well, the first year, so the three months 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:06.800 are obviously crucial, but the first year is actually referred 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:10.120 to as a discovery year, or like a discovery stage 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:13.440 because for the first entire year, and I mean hopefully 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:15.640 longer than a year, I hope that one day, if 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:18.080 I have a make a relationship that long, I hope 0:11:18.080 --> 0:11:20.760 that I hope that I am discovering things every day. 0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:23.440 But the idea is that there's the discovery year because 0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:26.360 every single day you learn something new about your partner. 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:28.440 And this is why it's so hard, because the first 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:31.040 three months are the intimacy stage, right the obsession, the 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:34.120 love bombing, the sex, the chemistry, everything. Then the rest 0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:36.880 of that year is the discovery stage. So you realize like, Okay, 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:39.400 yes I'm obsessed, but now I need to figure out 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:41.360 if I continuously like this person. 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:44.040 Yes I'm obsessed, but he certainly or she certainly leaves 0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:46.160 her underwear inside her pants on the floor in front 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:47.640 of the washing basket right there. 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.480 That's that's the problem. Yeah, so then what a discovery? 0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:52.560 So then the one year and then the three year mark. 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:54.400 So it's three months, one year, and three years. This 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:56.600 is what experts say, are like when you have your 0:11:56.600 --> 0:11:58.400 little speed bumps, what is supposed. 0:11:58.040 --> 0:11:59.120 To happen at the three year mark? 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:00.719 I find that one interest because I feel like the 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:02.480 three year mark is when a lot of couples and 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:04.800 I space this on the fact that we get hundreds 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:07.280 of ask guncut questions that come in. I get the 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:09.840 feeling that the three year mark is when people really 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:13.000 are making that decision around marriage. If you're in a 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:16.439 monogamous relationship, the decision around marriage, and for a lot 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:18.280 of people, it's like do I want to spend the 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:19.800 rest of my life with this person? 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:22.199 It's the big question. Yeah, well they call that like 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:23.520 an evolution. 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:28.599 Of like an intimacy love. Why can't I say intimacy, Well, intimacy. 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:32.240 Intemacy. It's the difference between. 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:34.800 Like an intimacy love and a mature love. This is 0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:37.080 where it changes. This is where it changes to those 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:40.040 do I want to have this mature love? 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:41.719 The three year mark when you can't be bothered to 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:44.600 have sex anymore, That's exactly it that is exactly it, 0:12:44.720 --> 0:12:46.079 but I got a headache. 0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:48.280 Moving back to the three month mark, there are some 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:50.600 telltale signs. Now this isn't me that have said this, 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:53.520 but this is you know, this is the interwem signs 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:56.679 that your relationship might not make it past the three 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:59.680 month mark. Now I'm I'm gonna tell you some of them. 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:04.840 Number one, first and foremost, your partner isn't consistent with 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:08.559 their communication. And what this means is do you usually 0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:11.360 talk and text most days, and you might send your memes, 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:13.560 you might respond to stuff on Instagram, whatever it is, right, 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:17.280 you have a consistent communication style. Then all of a 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:19.839 sudden they go a y. You don't see them. They've disappeared. 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:21.800 Might just be for an afternoon. They might not respond 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:23.080 to something, might be for two days. 0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:25.880 Whatever it is. This inconsistency is a. 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:29.319 Sign that maybe they're drifting away, maybe they're getting bored, 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:31.320 maybe they're not as into you as you are into them. 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:34.280 I also think with inconsistency as well, and especially when 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:36.480 it rears itself at that sort of like early phase 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:40.040 in a relationship, it really shows you where you lie 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.520 in that person's priorities, and it really shows you, like 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:44.959 how they treat the people that they keep close to them. 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:47.480 Because for anyone who's ever been loved bombed, if you 0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:50.040 have gone through a phase of love bombing and then 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:54.160 there's an inconsistent phase, what happens to you is that 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:56.560 it actually the person who's been love bombed and then 0:13:56.559 --> 0:13:59.800 they've received the inconsistency, it makes you latch on harder. 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:02.960 You want that person even more, and so it actually 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:05.439 binds you to them and makes you work harder for 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:08.400 the relationship rather than taking a step back, especially if 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:11.360 it's at this three month mark and going whoa, whoah, whoa, whoa, whoa, 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:13.760 what the fuck has happened here? So I'm kind of 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:16.040 like saying this for anyone who has gotten to the 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:18.120 three month mark in a relationship and they're seeing that 0:14:18.160 --> 0:14:22.520 this person is behaving inconsistently, just check yourself if you 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:25.360 are feeling, oh my god, I need to like reattach 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:27.840 and latch on harder. I think, if anything, take a 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:29.920 step back and figure out like the why behind it. 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:32.320 For some reason, I feel like you're talking to me 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:32.840 right now. 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:39.840 I know I have a few feelings there's a few 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:41.480 things going on behind the scenes. 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:43.720 Like you're giving me like a subliminent. 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:47.800 Welcome to the counseling session of Laura versus Brittany. 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:49.840 Okay, what's number two? 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:53.320 Your partner isn't their genuine self around you. So by 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:55.120 the three month mark, you should be very comfortable with 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:57.120 each other. You should be I mean like you should 0:14:57.120 --> 0:14:59.120 be doing this anyway. You should be able to say 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:01.120 exactly what you think. You'd be able to give your opinions. 0:15:01.160 --> 0:15:02.720 You should be able to text as many times as 0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:03.040 you want. 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:03.680 If you want a. 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:07.400 Quadruple text, you quadruple text like those days are gone. Nay, 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:08.600 I'll do a ten text. 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:10.680 I mean I did do a full text recently, and 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:12.840 Laura and Keish were like where, And. 0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:14.480 I was like, well, I felt like it was warranted 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:16.920 because it's early days for you, babe. You're not at 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:18.680 the point where you can send full texts in a row. 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:19.400 Let's be sure. 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:20.600 Apparently I am. 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:29.280 Somebody's coming on a little bit Fromber three. 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:32.840 Three. They don't invite you to hang out with their friends. 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:34.000 This is a big year. 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:39.440 This is a very big telltale sign that they're not 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:42.960 that into you. Because if you are that obsessed and 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:45.680 in love and happy and wanting to go places by 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:48.800 three months. You are wanting to immerse someone into your life, 0:15:48.800 --> 0:15:50.400 and you're wanting to be I mersed into their life. 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:52.040 You want to know their friends, you want to know 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:52.960 their family. 0:15:52.640 --> 0:15:54.520 Because that also tells you a lot about. 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:56.480 Who they are as a person, the way they interact 0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:59.520 with other people, their family life, their social life. That 0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:01.720 is a real big thing in a relationship. Well do 0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:04.000 you have do you have aligned values? Do you guys 0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:05.720 want to do the same things? What are they like 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:07.560 when they're with the boys, what she like when they're 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:08.080 with the girls. 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:11.520 It just also like it's completely reflective of their investment. 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:13.560 And this is what I spoke about with Matt when 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:15.520 I dated Okay, the guy I dated for a year 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:18.400 who was in a situationship, who ended up breaking up 0:16:18.440 --> 0:16:20.320 with me and then getting with a girl straight afterwards 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:21.040 who's now marrying. 0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:22.720 Well, I digress. 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:27.160 So he never in that year, we never did anything 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.320 with his family, which is very weird because he owned 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:31.480 his he owned a restaurant with his brothers. Like his 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:34.320 family and him were very close, but I never ever 0:16:34.400 --> 0:16:36.480 met them and I never ever spent any time with them. 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:38.480 But I spent you know, three days a week with him, 0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:41.320 So I always you know, especially when we got to 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:43.640 like the year mark, I was like, it is very clear, 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:47.840 and especially when things like birthdays had come and gone, 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:50.800 Christmas had come and gone again, Easter had come and gone, 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:53.720 and I was like, it became super fucking obvious. 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:58.600 Yeah, literally won't invited, but I mean them before your 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:01.720 partner doesn't find way is to keep moving the relationship forward. 0:17:01.840 --> 0:17:06.600 So maybe they're showing less initiative in setting up date nights, 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:08.960 they're not as intimate with you, they don't want to 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:12.320 be with you as often. These are all signs that well, 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:14.960 it's probably not reciprocated, because at this stage it should 0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:17.679 be reciprocated within three months. This should be a dream 0:17:17.720 --> 0:17:18.560 boat relationship. 0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:20.199 Well, I think the big thing as well is and 0:17:20.240 --> 0:17:23.240