Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Lifetime Cut.
Speaker 1: This is our quick down and dirty.
Speaker 2: Usually you say I'm Laura.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. Hi, Brittany. Hey continue, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is our quick down, and I'm trying to make
Speaker 1: it extra quick. I didn't even want to interro us
Speaker 1: this time. You're like, hey, question one, So all right, fuckers,
Speaker 1: let's get into this. This is our quick down and
Speaker 1: dirty episode, which you guys know this is where we
Speaker 1: answer oh, your deep, dark and burning question.
Speaker 2: But this one's going to be even quicker, downer and dirty.
Speaker 2: Up doesn't want to buyrom That's not even true.
Speaker 1: I'm guys, We're we're like, Okay, I said I wouldn't
Speaker 1: talk about baby talk anymore, but I lied because I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do it right now. I am thirty seven weeks.
Speaker 1: We have two weeks left. Let me talk about it
Speaker 1: and complain.
Speaker 2: I I actually think when you're a human, right when
Speaker 2: you're two weeks away from giving birth, I feel like
Speaker 2: you have every right to complain as much as you want.
Speaker 1: So yesterday we had this massive day, like I haven't
Speaker 1: finished work yet, but I'm going to take off next week,
Speaker 1: which is like one week off before the baby's due,
Speaker 1: and you go crazy, I'm going to have a one
Speaker 1: week of maternity league. Whoo. But I had a shoot
Speaker 1: yesterday for Tony May. Were down at the National Park.
Speaker 1: We started super early in the morning and we shot
Speaker 1: all day until seven pm. And we were running up
Speaker 1: and down rock platforms all day. And by the end
Speaker 1: of it, I realized I was walking from side to
Speaker 1: side but wasn't actually moving forward at all. Like imagine
Speaker 1: that I was like waddling side to side on this
Speaker 1: rock platform trying to get forward, but like on a treadmill,
Speaker 1: everything hurts so much that I was just moving on
Speaker 1: the spot.
Speaker 2: Well, because people that are thirty seven weeks pregnant shouldn't
Speaker 2: be clocking up like five kloments a day on their feet.
Speaker 1: I've just got an arm hanging out from between my legs.
Speaker 1: It's great, you're like baby staying there. I've got to
Speaker 1: get the shot the perfect floor. I mean, I sneeze
Speaker 1: and I pay myself and now I'm like really clenching
Speaker 1: those public floor muscles. So they just need it to
Speaker 1: stay in for another week at least. But guys, we
Speaker 1: are going to jump straight into it today. So I'm
Speaker 1: going to just kickstart with a question we have. Okay,
Speaker 1: before you kicked up with a question, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: preempt there.
Speaker 2: You know what, I just try and get on board
Speaker 2: with you and make it quick because you want quick
Speaker 2: and now you want to talk about something.
Speaker 1: I wanted a quickie, but then I wanted a little
Speaker 1: bit of full play as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't have it all. You get your full
Speaker 2: play or you get your quirki which want dry.
Speaker 1: It's like, I don't want to be sore afterwards. No
Speaker 1: one wants to listen to that. I was just gonna say,
Speaker 1: we have picked out some questions for you today, and
Speaker 1: two of these questions are wedding related questions, and we
Speaker 1: thought maybe that's a bit too much, but then we
Speaker 1: did read them again a couple of times and I
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, if you've ever been to
Speaker 1: a wedding, or you've been invited to a wedding, or
Speaker 1: you might go to a wedding next year, then both
Speaker 1: of these questions are going to be very relative to you.
Speaker 2: We may as well stick with the theme.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like a good wedding question. So anyway, all right,
Speaker 1: hit me number one.
Speaker 2: Question number one. So for our wedding, we asked for
Speaker 2: money in our wishing well. Two of our really good
Speaker 2: friends did not give us a present or a card, which,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm fine with each to their own, But
Speaker 2: when it comes to their wedding, which we are invited
Speaker 2: to in the very near future, are we expected to
Speaker 2: contribute to their wishing well? This is a good question.
Speaker 1: Firstly, are you one hundred percent sure that they didn't
Speaker 1: leave money in the wishing well? Because some people don't
Speaker 1: necessarily put it in a car, They just put in
Speaker 1: an envelope. There's like some anonymous few hundred dollar notes.
Speaker 2: To flying around. Nah, no one gives money anymore without
Speaker 2: putting the name on it.
Speaker 1: He's a bit enthusiastic, wasn't it.
Speaker 2: Yeah? I feel like that's wishful thinking if someone's got
Speaker 2: enough money to be like waving hundies around without attaching
Speaker 2: your name. Like if I give one hundred dollars out,
Speaker 2: that person's got a note from me.
Speaker 1: The I mean, this is kind of like a golden
Speaker 1: rule with weddings. It's like, however much it is per head,
Speaker 1: is what is the expected gift worth? So like is it? Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 2: So like I did not know that, And how are
Speaker 2: you supposed to know how much it is? Ahead, Well,
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 1: You kind of assume that, like, you know, one hundred
Speaker 1: dollars to one hundred and fifty dollars depending on the
Speaker 1: type of wedding that it is, is like what they
Speaker 1: would be paying. So I think, like I personally would say,
Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty dollars gift like cash gift per
Speaker 1: person is like a kind generous wedding gift. And I think,
Speaker 1: if I'm gonna go out on a Saturday night and
Speaker 1: have a big dinner and drinks night, it's probably gonna
Speaker 1: cost me one hundred and fifty dollars anyway. So you've
Speaker 1: got unlimited drinks, you've got unlimited food, Like that's kind
Speaker 1: of you paying for yourself. And that's like the sentiment
Speaker 1: that goes behind the gift giving that they're not out
Speaker 1: of pocket at the end of day.
Speaker 2: See, I didn't know that. I didn't know that that
Speaker 2: was a rule.
Speaker 1: Am I making this up? Now? Maybe this is a rule,
Speaker 1: But I just made up for myself and it works
Speaker 1: really well.
Speaker 2: Guys. At the bottom of Laura's in mic, She's like, ps,
Speaker 2: it's one hundred and feet dos a head. If everyone
Speaker 2: could please provide the amount popping in the wishing weld
Speaker 2: that will be on the entrance. Thank you very much
Speaker 2: for coming to my party. Now, look the way I
Speaker 2: think about this is, of course there are no expectations.
Speaker 2: Of course you don't have to bring a present. Of
Speaker 2: course you don't have to give money, But there is
Speaker 2: this sort of unwritten expectation that you do do something
Speaker 2: because it is it is wishing someone well, and it's
Speaker 2: just it's just the dune thing.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: And it's also like a bit.
Speaker 1: Fucking rude to go to someone's web, enjoy their hospitality,
Speaker 1: enjoy the party, have a great time, drink all you
Speaker 1: can party on all night, and then not give any
Speaker 1: not even a card to say thank you or we're
Speaker 1: wishing you well. It's just rude.
Speaker 2: I think the card thing is the bit that gets
Speaker 2: me because there are a lot of people financially that
Speaker 2: don't have the money to go throwing around. And if
Speaker 2: somebody came to my wedding and didn't have the money
Speaker 2: to buy me a gift or give me a card,
Speaker 2: I from the bottom of my heart can tell you
Speaker 2: I would not care, but I would still expect I
Speaker 2: suppose a card saying, you know, congratulations, best wishes, we
Speaker 2: love you so much. That's enough for me.
Speaker 1: However, maybe the idea is like, by not leaving a card,
Speaker 1: maybe they won't notice, do you know. I mean, like,
Speaker 1: so if you don't leave a card, because like, if
Speaker 1: you leave a card and there's nothing inside and it's
Speaker 1: just a card that says we're wishing you so well,
Speaker 1: we love you, then maybe there's this thought that like,
Speaker 1: oh well, then they will one hundred percent know they're
Speaker 1: gonna know anyway, because what a bride and groom do
Speaker 1: after they get their wishing well is that they sit
Speaker 1: down with their guest list and they write down what
Speaker 1: each person has given so that they can can write
Speaker 1: a thank you note so they know if nothing has
Speaker 1: been left. Like I think, you know, brid and grooms
Speaker 1: are pretty acutely aware if somebody has not left a present,
Speaker 1: because there is a lot of organization that goes into it.
Speaker 2: But there's more to it than that. It's just not
Speaker 2: that they're going to go through the list. It's that
Speaker 2: these are two of her best friends, Like, there's no
Speaker 2: way this is slipping by them. But this is what
Speaker 2: I find interesting when I'm trying to think about it.
Speaker 2: For example, you and I are such good friends. I'm
Speaker 2: not getting you anything, no, But my point is if
Speaker 2: you got me nothing, I wouldn't care. But I also
Speaker 2: wouldn't be able to say to you like, hey, I
Speaker 2: noticed you didn't bring me anything, but I wouldn't be
Speaker 2: That's what I mean. Even though we're good enough friends,
Speaker 2: there's almost nothing that you and I can't say to
Speaker 2: each other. But I would leave that unset. I would
Speaker 2: be like, just I'm just gonna let that pretend it
Speaker 2: didn't happen. I'm gonna let slide under the boat. That's
Speaker 2: not even an expression, slide under the boat.
Speaker 1: But also I think, oh, look, there are maybe some
Speaker 1: external circumstances where it is okay. For example, like if
Speaker 1: you genuinely are going through financial hardship and you cannot
Speaker 1: contribute or you cannot buy a gift, then like like
Speaker 1: we said, a card is like the absolute bare minimum
Speaker 1: that you can do. A really sentimental card is something
Speaker 1: that I think you have to do. If you're going
Speaker 1: to a wedding, maybe it's an international wedding. This this
Speaker 1: is what I think. The rules don't apply, okay, if
Speaker 1: you've been invited to go overseas to go to a
Speaker 1: wedding and it has cost you a freaking bomb, which
Speaker 1: some weddings do cost so much money to even just
Speaker 1: attend them. Then I think that there can't be an
Speaker 1: expectation to come, do all this travel, put all this
Speaker 1: effort in, and then pay even more money. I think
Speaker 1: in that instance then there is a little bit of
Speaker 1: wiggle room here. But I think if it's just something
Speaker 1: that's relatively local, or you know, you because you opt
Speaker 1: into a wedding, you don't have to go if you
Speaker 1: can't afford it. So I think that there is an
Speaker 1: expectation for some sort of gift.
Speaker 2: I agree. I think if you've gone internationally, then you
Speaker 2: know all the rules are out the door. But to
Speaker 2: answer your specific question, which here is, do you now
Speaker 2: have to get them a gift when you don't do it? Well, no,
Speaker 2: you don't. But would I Yes, I would still give
Speaker 2: them a card and put some money in it, just
Speaker 2: because I'm not a tit for tat kind of person.
Speaker 1: I don't do.
Speaker 2: Something to get something back, and I think that's where
Speaker 2: a lot of people go wrong. And if you are
Speaker 2: doing something purely in hopes of someone will return that
Speaker 2: exact favor. Then I think you're doing it for the
Speaker 2: wrong reason.
Speaker 1: But not so nice. You clearly have never been to
Speaker 1: like a big Greek or Italian wedding where it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: so like in like big Italian families, our families keep
Speaker 1: track of what other family members have given so that
Speaker 1: we can give the same amount back at the next wedding.
Speaker 1: Like it's like that's a cultural thing, Like it's not
Speaker 1: the norm by any means. And I'm totally with you.
Speaker 1: I don't think that this is a time where you
Speaker 1: should necessarily feel like you need to do a tit
Speaker 1: for tat. However, if you chose not to give anything at.
Speaker 2: That wedding, they can't say anything about it.
Speaker 1: No, Like they don't have the right to be angry,
Speaker 1: like because they did the same to you at your weddings.
Speaker 2: But also right at the goddamn card if you're giving
Speaker 2: them nothing, still give them a card because then you've
Speaker 2: got one up on them. Anyway, here's my seven dollars
Speaker 2: hall Mark ond we leave the price on the back.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it is rude at the end of
Speaker 1: the day to go to a wedding and to not
Speaker 1: give anything. It just feels like you haven't put any
Speaker 1: time or energy into it. And I think in today's
Speaker 1: day and age, with online shopping, with being organized, there
Speaker 1: is always opportunity to buy something that is not hugely expensive.
Speaker 1: If you cannot afford to put one hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: dollars cash in, go and buy a nice cheese plat.
Speaker 1: I go and buy something they can use for the house.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be something that costs you an
Speaker 1: arm and a leg. That's something that's sentimental, that shows
Speaker 1: that you've thought about this and that you care and
Speaker 1: didn't just rock up to get pissed at a party.
Speaker 1: I think is really important. And I think that for
Speaker 1: me as a friend, I'd be like, Okay, I appreciate
Speaker 1: that you've gone to the effort, because it truly is
Speaker 1: the thought that counts.
Speaker 2: And you know, Laura, and I feel like, you know,
Speaker 2: if I gave you a card with nothing in it,
Speaker 2: you would know that.
Speaker 1: I feel like Brittany's been really spending her money on something.
Speaker 1: We need to call you know, you need to start
Speaker 1: a hocking some product on Instagram because something's going wrong.
Speaker 2: Sell a kidney girl. But you would know, you would know,
Speaker 2: and you wouldn't question it because you'd be like, Okay,
Speaker 2: something's wrong with Brittany in her financial life. I'm not
Speaker 2: going to question it because there's no way I know
Speaker 2: as a friend she would do that and then you
Speaker 2: would leave it. The thing that gets me here is
Speaker 2: just the no card thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that maybe also this sentiment is
Speaker 1: like sometimes you go to a wedding and you forget
Speaker 1: the gift or you forget to do it ei though,
Speaker 1: like I mean, there's definitely going to be times where
Speaker 1: you get there and like you're like, oh, I'll do
Speaker 1: it later. Like I'm sure that there are people who
Speaker 1: have good intentions and in their mind they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll give it to them the next time I see them.
Speaker 1: But if you do that and then you don't give
Speaker 1: it to them the next time you see them, you're
Speaker 1: just that dickhead that showed up at a wedding didn't
Speaker 1: bring anything.
Speaker 2: Do you know what the funny thing is that I'm
Speaker 2: thinking right now, if this girl listens to our podcast
Speaker 2: religiously and she's writteny in chances I had two best
Speaker 2: friends listen to the podcast, Hey, so go and get
Speaker 2: the card and slide it under a door.
Speaker 1: Maybe this is something that's gonna be controversial. Man, there's
Speaker 1: gonna be people that totally disagree with this. I'm interested
Speaker 1: to put this one up on the Instagram and see
Speaker 1: what on the Onstagram, on the interwept, to see what
Speaker 1: people say. But I want to poll this. I want
Speaker 1: to see, like, what is a what is like a
Speaker 1: considered amount of money? Like am I being too overzealous
Speaker 1: and thinking that one hundred and fifty dollars is normal?
Speaker 1: Is it eighty dollars? Is it two hundred dollars? I
Speaker 1: don't know. I want to know what you guys think
Speaker 1: from a poll of what is an acceptable amount of money.
Speaker 2: Personally, I genuinely feel like my go to for a wedding,
Speaker 2: I think one hundred dollars is fine. I think if
Speaker 2: it was like my best friend and I was in
Speaker 2: the bridal party, I would have done a lot more
Speaker 2: for them throughout the period. But I think that these
Speaker 2: day and age, one hundred dollars is completely acceptable. I
Speaker 2: don't think if anyone opened a card with one hundred
Speaker 2: dollars in it, they would say, can you believe that?
Speaker 2: And they gave me a hundred dollars?
Speaker 1: You think you make a really good point around like
Speaker 1: Hen's parties and stuff like if you are a part
Speaker 1: of the bridal party, that shit costs so much.
Speaker 2: Money, so much money.
Speaker 1: Like I cannot tell you, like in the last couple
Speaker 1: of years how much money I have spent on Hen's
Speaker 1: parties on like, because you know, Hen's parties often these
Speaker 1: days require going overseas or they require like a lavish weekend,
Speaker 1: awigh or something, and it just racks up. So maybe
Speaker 1: in this instance, like if you've spent so much money
Speaker 1: on the Hen's party, and you've spent so much money
Speaker 1: on other things leading up to the wedding, then that
Speaker 1: can all be taken into account as well. And I
Speaker 1: think if this is your, like for the person who's
Speaker 1: written this in if you had a bougie af Hen's
Speaker 1: party and your friends had to pay a lot of
Speaker 1: money to come to that, then I kind of don't
Speaker 1: really think that you should expect a big wedding president,
Speaker 1: but you can still expect a card.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, I think we've covered this one. Yeah, okay, right, right.
Speaker 2: The good thing that we're keeping the short and sharp
Speaker 2: today people we always see that we get really passionate
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: About like literally the most nothing or the most minute detail.
Speaker 1: But I'm sure that there's other people out there like
Speaker 1: feeling enraged by this.
Speaker 2: When we get closer to Laura's wedding, we will do
Speaker 2: weighing more episodes on wedding stuff and getting ready and
Speaker 2: like the stresses of it.
Speaker 1: No, we won't. I'm so not a wedding person. No,
Speaker 1: but we'll do one episode on like weddings. Like that'll
Speaker 1: be it? Yes, boss, Okay, I'm already pressing around regarding
Speaker 1: my wedding.
Speaker 2: I should have a two. What do you do when
Speaker 2: you really don't like your brother's girlfriend. He's twenty five
Speaker 2: and she's twenty one. Usually I would just wait it out,
Speaker 2: but he's just got a job into state. She's now
Speaker 2: following him there. Don't get me wrong, She's nice enough,
Speaker 2: but she's always so demanding, and he's always doing something
Speaker 2: wrong in her eyes, like he's not calling her enough,
Speaker 2: or he's not being affectionate enough. In public. She's always
Speaker 2: all over him, talking about how intelligent she is compared
Speaker 2: to him, and it drives me insane. She's even saying
Speaker 2: to demand things like a proposal. She takes it upon
Speaker 2: herself to point things out that she doesn't like about
Speaker 2: our family, and I've caught her out a few times
Speaker 2: fabricating stories and embellishing truths to make herself seem better.
Speaker 2: She also has lots of chronic issues, mental and physical.
Speaker 2: In the big scheme of things, it's nothing major. She's
Speaker 2: just not the kind of person I want for my brother.
Speaker 2: What do I do? Do I say something? Or do
Speaker 2: I just butt out? Letting work it out for himself?
Speaker 2: What are the rules when you don't like someone else
Speaker 2: in your family?
Speaker 1: Oh? You just sabotage it, Like you totally ruin that
Speaker 1: relationship until he breaks up with her, go to town.
Speaker 2: Do you think you just like set up that she's
Speaker 2: cheated on him? Okay, that's what not to do.
Speaker 1: Okay, I think you suck it up, girlfriend, Like, this
Speaker 1: is his life, this is his relationship. If he's at
Speaker 1: a point, I mean he's pretty young still, Like, if
Speaker 1: he's at a point where he's settling for bad behavior,
Speaker 1: he will probably wake up to it at some point
Speaker 1: and see it for what it is. But by you
Speaker 1: jumping in and by you giving your two cents, you're
Speaker 1: only going to drive a wedge between you and your brother,
Speaker 1: not between him and his girlfriend. I think that's the
Speaker 1: thing you need to be really careful about. Imagine if
Speaker 1: it was your boyfriend and your brother said to you, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't really like him for X y Z reasons.
Speaker 1: If anything, I think that usually makes people dig their
Speaker 1: heels in more and really galvanizes the couple more so
Speaker 1: than opening their eyes to what the other person in
Speaker 1: the relationship is doing wrong.
Speaker 2: Here's what I think. I think you have to tread
Speaker 2: carefully with this one, but I think there is a
Speaker 2: way around it. It depends how close you are with
Speaker 2: your brother. You're obviously very protective of him, so I'm
Speaker 2: gonna just like make an assumption that you were close
Speaker 2: enough that you would talk to each other. What you
Speaker 2: need to do is wait for the opportunity that they've
Speaker 2: had a fight, or they're having a tiff, or there's
Speaker 2: a bit of a problem. And if that opportunity arises
Speaker 2: and he's like, you know, things aren't great right now,
Speaker 2: that's your opportunity to say, yeah, I do want to
Speaker 2: say anything, but I've noticed a few things like how
Speaker 2: do you feel when she does this? But that's your
Speaker 2: opportunity to start the conversation and maybe tread really gently
Speaker 2: as you enter the conversation, because, like Laura said, when
Speaker 2: you go in attacking someone that someone else loves, they're
Speaker 2: gonna get on the back foot. They're gonna get defensive,
Speaker 2: and they're gonna blame you, and they're gonna push away
Speaker 2: from you. But this also comes with some problems because
Speaker 2: you risk saying too much about not liking them, and
Speaker 2: you risk them working out and getting back together, and
Speaker 2: then everyone knows you don't like that.
Speaker 1: That was exactly what I was about to say. I
Speaker 1: was like, and this is something that I've experienced with
Speaker 1: my ex relationship that I spoke about when we went
Speaker 1: through our breakup. And then all my friends were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we hate him. He doesn't treat you right. He's this,
Speaker 1: he's that. And then I got back with him. Lol
Speaker 1: it yeah, hey, so my friends hate you.
Speaker 2: Then I got back with him for the seventeenth time,
Speaker 2: and then I.
Speaker 1: Got back with him literally for this six time that year.
Speaker 1: All it did was create a wedge between me and
Speaker 1: my friends, and it meant that I didn't feel comfortable
Speaker 1: telling them everything about my relationship because I knew how
Speaker 1: they felt about him, and I knew that they didn't
Speaker 1: like him, and so it created a real rift and look,
Speaker 1: eventually I ended up seeing that relationship for what it was.
Speaker 1: Eventually my eyes were open, but they were never going
Speaker 1: to be open until I was ready to see that
Speaker 1: for myself.
Speaker 2: I agree, I think that you do need to let
Speaker 2: them play it out for themselves. But I still do
Speaker 2: think that it's okay to say something when the opportunity
Speaker 2: arises and there is an opening. If he has said
Speaker 2: something about things not going well, you can jump in
Speaker 2: on that. But you don't go in saying yeah, she's
Speaker 2: a fucking mole. You don't like, That's not how the
Speaker 2: way you approach it. You just say it really gently,
Speaker 2: like I did notice of some stuff going on, like
Speaker 2: the other day, I noticed she said this to you
Speaker 2: or did this, Like are you okay with that? Or
Speaker 2: so you say it like you're caring and like you've
Speaker 2: just noticed these things. But you can't go in. You
Speaker 2: can't drag him out of bed and be like you
Speaker 2: need to get rid of that bitch.
Speaker 1: No, but you can also like I mean, if you
Speaker 1: have seen that she's saying things that are not consistent
Speaker 1: with like or saying negative things about your family or
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you've seen her do firsthand that's
Speaker 1: made you feel uncomfortable, you have absolutely right to say
Speaker 1: something to her as well, like if she's embellishing stories
Speaker 1: or making up things or fabricating stuff, like so long
Speaker 1: as it's if it's malicious, if it's hurtful, it's if
Speaker 1: it's harmful, then you have every opportunity to call out
Speaker 1: that behavior. But if it is harmless, and she's maybe
Speaker 1: big noting herself because she wants you to like her,
Speaker 1: or she wants to be seen to be better than
Speaker 1: what she is, like maybe she has some insecurity issues
Speaker 1: and this is a reflection of her personality, and we
Speaker 1: can see it from a different perspective, because you know,
Speaker 1: I think that there's definitely times when people are insecure,
Speaker 1: don't feel good enough that they embellish who they are
Speaker 1: as a person because they want you.
Speaker 2: To like them, for sure. And the family thing is
Speaker 2: a bit the only bit that gets me where I'm like, yes,
Speaker 2: you can say something, or you can even ask him
Speaker 2: to say something. Anyone that came into my family and
Speaker 2: spoke about my family negatively, I would have something to
Speaker 2: say to you one hundred percent, because that's very personal
Speaker 2: and very uncalled for, and that's not the way you
Speaker 2: treat somebody that has welcomed you into.
Speaker 1: Their life one hundred percent. I mean, do we just agree?
Speaker 1: Do we just totally agree on this? No, we didn't
Speaker 1: because you were saying to tell him during a breakup. Okay,
Speaker 1: we didn't quite agree on this, but we're close enough.
Speaker 1: We're close enough. Let's go on to question number three.
Speaker 2: Okay, so this is the other wedding one. Uh, this
Speaker 2: is an interesting one as well. Okay, one of my
Speaker 2: closest friends from high school is having her hens and
Speaker 2: getting married this year. Now here's the thing. While I
Speaker 2: still have a lot of love and I wish her well,
Speaker 2: we just don't hang out much these days. We don't
Speaker 2: talk a lot. I don't really know anyone going to
Speaker 2: the Hens, which is a few hours from where I live,
Speaker 2: mind you, and the wedding is even further away. It's interstate.
Speaker 2: With the wedding, I'm not keen on traveling by myself
Speaker 2: to then stay somewhere by myself and then attend the
Speaker 2: wedding by myself. It just doesn't feel right. To add
Speaker 2: to this, My partner and I have been together the
Speaker 2: last couple of years, but he's not even invited Also,
Speaker 2: when he met this friend of mine, he didn't have
Speaker 2: the best experience and was pretty rude to him, so
Speaker 2: he isn't even keen to come if he was invited.
Speaker 2: I honestly just feel stressed even having been invited, which
Speaker 2: is not how a wedding is supposed to make you feel. Help,
Speaker 2: what do I do? Do I go to the hens
Speaker 2: to be polite, as it's more conveniently located to me,
Speaker 2: but then not go to the wedding? Or do I
Speaker 2: not go to both? I don't want to be an asshole,
Speaker 2: but I don't want to fork out hundreds of dollars
Speaker 2: for both occasions when I'm trying really hard this year
Speaker 2: to save money and I feel like I would just
Speaker 2: be attending to be polite. Again, we're not even that
Speaker 2: close anymore.
Speaker 1: I love this question because I feel like this is
Speaker 1: something that so many people will experience at some point
Speaker 1: in their life. Like, you know, we all have those
Speaker 1: friends that we have fallen out of touch with, who,
Speaker 1: of course they want to keep, Like you want to
Speaker 1: keep that connection. You want to like be able to say, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're a really big part of my past, so I
Speaker 1: want you to be at my wedding because it would
Speaker 1: be weird for you to not be there. But I
Speaker 1: think that this has probably happened to so many people.
Speaker 2: Oh all the time. I have a number of friends
Speaker 2: I can think of off the top of my head
Speaker 2: that have been like, Oh, I have to go to
Speaker 2: this hens I don't want to, and I'm like, why
Speaker 2: are you going? Then I just feel like I have to.
Speaker 2: That's the response. I feel like I have to. But
Speaker 2: I think we get to a point there are definitely
Speaker 2: people in your life that you have to front up
Speaker 2: for always.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to front up with them if you
Speaker 1: want them to continue to be an active person in
Speaker 1: your life. That's the decision you have to make.
Speaker 2: But in this case, I think it's a big ass
Speaker 2: to ask anyone to travel into state for a multitude
Speaker 2: of things. It's already going to cost you a fortune.
Speaker 2: What's behind they're not inviting the partner? Is that because
Speaker 2: of COVID or is that because she just doesn't want
Speaker 2: to pay for your partner? Because I have this funny
Speaker 2: thing with inviting partners or wedding, I think if you've
Speaker 2: been with someone for a long time, they should be invited.
Speaker 2: I would never invite half of a couple. If you
Speaker 2: were my really good friend, your partner is one hundred
Speaker 2: percent invited, unless it's COVID where they're like, you can
Speaker 2: only have twenty people.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's a funny thing. I think that
Speaker 1: that's like a normal thing. It is, right, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: weird even if you haven't spent much time with your
Speaker 1: friend's partner. If you know that they have had a
Speaker 1: boyfriend four years and you're really close with them, and
Speaker 1: they're coming on their own, like they don't have like
Speaker 1: other friends in there to support them, that I think like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you invite it to partners.
Speaker 2: So I don't think every single person that you're inviting
Speaker 2: you have to invite their partners. That's not what I think. Obviously.
Speaker 2: If you've never ever met them and they've only been
Speaker 2: together for six months or something, I think you're excused
Speaker 2: in inviting them. When you know that they're coming with
Speaker 2: their group of friends. You know they'll be okay, because
Speaker 2: ultimately you're the one paying two hundred dollars ahead. All
Speaker 2: of a sudden, you're paying thousands of dollars for people
Speaker 2: that you've never met, just so that they can have
Speaker 2: their partner there. When someone's been together for years and
Speaker 2: you know that's it, and you know that's them forever.
Speaker 2: You know they've got no other friendships. Then like, yeah, dude,
Speaker 2: you've got to invite them, like you're doing. I think
Speaker 2: you're doing the wrong thing. And unless it's obviously COVID restrictions.
Speaker 1: Totally, and it's one of those weird things right where
Speaker 1: you're like, You're like, I don't want to have someone
Speaker 1: in my wedding photos who is not going to be
Speaker 1: a part of your life in six months time. My
Speaker 1: mum got married a couple of years ago to her
Speaker 1: partner who she've been with for thirteen years, and I
Speaker 1: fucking hate that my ex is in them. I hate
Speaker 1: that my ex in those photos.
Speaker 2: I remember that because you made you weren't gonna invite
Speaker 2: him pay.
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna invite And he was over that day.
Speaker 1: He was okay, he almost missed the wedding. He'd gone
Speaker 1: out on an absolute bend of the night before. I
Speaker 1: rocked up at his house to come get him for
Speaker 1: my mum's wedding and he was passed out. I had
Speaker 1: to get the lobby, the doorman to come and open
Speaker 1: his apartment door to get him, and then I finally
Speaker 1: got him in a suit, dragged him down to Woollongong,
Speaker 1: and he was the reason I was late for my
Speaker 1: mum's own Like my mother's wedding, I cannot even tell
Speaker 1: you how mad it makes me. And then I got
Speaker 1: back with him the next day, and then we dated
Speaker 1: for another five months. But at the time our relationship
Speaker 1: was super volatile, and I was like, I really wanted
Speaker 1: it to work out. But now I look back on
Speaker 1: those photos of my mum's wedding and I have deleted
Speaker 1: every single photo of him because he's not someone who
Speaker 1: I want to be reminded of. He's not someone who
Speaker 1: I want to ever have real memories of.
Speaker 2: But now he's in the most important photos of your
Speaker 2: mum's existence.
Speaker 1: But I cannot delete those photos. So there are still
Speaker 1: photos in my phone and in my album that he's in,
Speaker 1: and I hate that I have that memory with him.
Speaker 1: So I think, like you know that that's a very
Speaker 1: extreme example, and clearly I have some trauma that I need.
Speaker 2: To get over myself.
Speaker 1: But I think it's okay as a bride and groom
Speaker 1: to not invite partners if you've been with that person
Speaker 1: for a short period of time. And I think it's
Speaker 1: actually really rude if someone has invited you to their
Speaker 1: wedding and you've only been dating a boyfriend for a
Speaker 1: short period of time. I think it's rude to reach
Speaker 1: out to the bride and groom and say, hey, can
Speaker 1: I bring my boyfriend? You've never met him, I've only
Speaker 1: been with him for six months, but can you bring
Speaker 1: Can I bring him? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Because that's hard on the bride and groom then to
Speaker 2: have that conversation back and say, well, no totally.
Speaker 1: And it also means that, like you know, they probably
Speaker 1: have a limitational numbers, and if you have a partner
Speaker 1: like it doesn't mean that they're instantly entitled to come
Speaker 1: to every single wedding. I think that there are some
Speaker 1: external circumstances to this, especially in twenty twenty one, where
Speaker 1: there's COVID restrictions, there's number limitations and all that shit
Speaker 1: has to be taken into account.
Speaker 2: I have a question, yes, and put you on the spot.
Speaker 1: Your boyfriend can come to my wedding, Brittany, It's fine.
Speaker 2: Can I bring plus one? Everybody has been has It's
Speaker 2: so funny that you knew what I was going to
Speaker 2: a Yeah, I don't know if I'll have a boyfriend then,
Speaker 2: but I'm just saying, if I do, can I bring
Speaker 2: up plus while?
Speaker 1: Lease, you should see this girl. She's glowing, glowing.
Speaker 2: That's not from what you think from the multiple guys. No,
Speaker 2: but also we haven't even answered this poor girl's question yet.
Speaker 2: The actual question was no.
Speaker 1: I literally have forgotten what the question is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because we did that thing where we pick one
Speaker 2: thing and go on and rant. The actual question was
Speaker 2: do you have to go to either of these? And
Speaker 2: the answer is no, you're at a stay.
Speaker 1: Took that to a different place.
Speaker 2: I know, I know we did that thing when we
Speaker 2: went real of course, but the ultimate answer is no. Like,
Speaker 2: you're at a point where obviously you're not best friends
Speaker 2: with her as adults. We don't have to do anything
Speaker 2: we don't want to do anymore. And if you don't
Speaker 2: think the friendship is going to be that worthwhile and
Speaker 2: that's strong in the future, then I don't think you
Speaker 2: have to go. Especially it's in the state, it's COVID,
Speaker 2: there are restrictions, there's financial issues, there are a lot
Speaker 2: going on. There's actually a lot of ways for you
Speaker 2: to say that you cannot attend the wedding.
Speaker 1: I one hundred percent agree with you, Britt. I think that,
Speaker 1: like Marie Condo, the shit out of your life. Life, guys,
Speaker 1: if there is ever something that you don't want to
Speaker 1: do and you feel anxious by the thought of being
Speaker 1: made to do it, then that's your answer, like, do
Speaker 1: not do that.
Speaker 2: And if you've taken the time to writing to ask
Speaker 2: to ask us if you have to go to your
Speaker 2: friend's wedding, then the answer is no, you don't have
Speaker 2: to go because you're obviously worked up about it, you're
Speaker 2: stressed about it, you're anxious about it, and you know
Speaker 2: a fuck twenty twenty was stressful enough. You don't need that.
Speaker 1: And like life is so short and so limited. Time
Speaker 1: is really precious, Like you need to prioritize the things
Speaker 1: that are important to you, and even if that means
Speaker 1: disappointing someone else. I think the most important thing here
Speaker 1: to actually answer the question at hand is have a think.
Speaker 1: How will your life feel and will you be okay
Speaker 1: if that person is not your friend in the next
Speaker 1: five years or ten years time or do you think
Speaker 1: they're probably not going to be your friend in five years,
Speaker 1: ten years time? Anyway, because you've already drifted apart so
Speaker 1: much that you don't need them or want them necessarily
Speaker 1: in your life in the same capacity that you had
Speaker 1: them in your life when you were at school, when
Speaker 1: you're growing up. That will be your answer. That doesn't
Speaker 1: make you a bad person because your life has moved
Speaker 1: on and you're at a different point in time. But
Speaker 1: you will not feel great about yourself if you spend
Speaker 1: money on something, you go to something by yourself, and
Speaker 1: you feel obligated into doing something which should be a
Speaker 1: really fun and beautiful celebration if you don't want to
Speaker 1: be there anyway.
Speaker 2: The hardest part of this is the ringson that you
Speaker 2: give to say no. That is probably the most stressful
Speaker 2: part is because you do have to write her and
Speaker 2: say sorry, I can't attend now. I was reading something recently.
Speaker 2: We're actually going to do an episode on it down
Speaker 2: the track, but I was reading about how to say
Speaker 2: no to people. The thing is you don't even have
Speaker 2: to give them an excuse. You don't have to go
Speaker 2: down that track. You can literally write to them and
Speaker 2: say thank you so much for the invite, I'm so sorry,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to be able to attend. I wish
Speaker 2: you guys so much happiness for this year, and I
Speaker 2: hope it's the most amazing day. That's what you need
Speaker 2: to do. You don't have to don't make up a line,
Speaker 2: don't go into depth of why you can't come. You
Speaker 2: keep it really nice and sweet. You put it in
Speaker 2: the middle. You don't give them any leeway if they
Speaker 2: come back and ask you why. Obviously you're gonna have
Speaker 2: to come up with something or think of something. But
Speaker 2: that is actually the advice that professionals give. When you
Speaker 2: want to say no, you just say no. You don't
Speaker 2: have to feel the guilt. You don't have to make
Speaker 2: something up. You just deliver it in a really nice way,
Speaker 2: and you don't leave any opening for them to come
Speaker 2: and question it.
Speaker 1: You know what. A perfect example of this was when
Speaker 1: I had Molly May's baby shower. Right we did a big, ridiculous,
Speaker 1: like very ostentatious, super obnoxious. I hate myself for it.
Speaker 1: It was like a balloon frenzy baby shower.
Speaker 2: It was very not you.
Speaker 1: It was ridiculous, like it was very Instagram And at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, I was like, I feel dirty.
Speaker 1: I wish we hadn't done that. I didn't even get
Speaker 1: to speak to my actual friends. I was like, it
Speaker 1: was not this is not how I want to celebrate
Speaker 1: my child. I had a ridiculously big baby shower and
Speaker 1: I invited all of my best friends and all of
Speaker 1: my close friends, and probably some people who I don't
Speaker 1: really know. One of my closest friends, Heather, messaged me,
Speaker 1: and she lives in the Central Coast, and she was like,
Speaker 1: I can't come, and she was like, I'm you know.
Speaker 1: She's like, I want to be really transparent with you.
Speaker 1: I love you, I'm really excited about the fact that
Speaker 1: you're pregnant. I can't wait to meet this baby. But
Speaker 1: I don't want to drive down from the Central Coast
Speaker 1: to be at a big, big baby shower where I
Speaker 1: know I'm not going to get to speak to you,
Speaker 1: or see you or really even have any time with you,
Speaker 1: to then have to drive back to the Central Coast
Speaker 1: and feel like I've put all this time and energy
Speaker 1: into something where we didn't even get to spend time together.
Speaker 1: She was like, I would much rather come down the
Speaker 1: next day for us to go out for lunch and
Speaker 1: for us to properly see each other. She said that
Speaker 1: to me. I thought about it, and I was like,
Speaker 1: am I offended by this? I was like, no, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I was so appreciative that she was honest and that
Speaker 1: she kind of was living her truth and she was
Speaker 1: being very authentically her And I was like, that is
Speaker 1: exactly what I would expect from Heather. I would hated
Speaker 1: for her to come down because she felt obligated to
Speaker 1: and then spent fifteen minutes chatting to me and had
Speaker 1: to stand around making small talk to people who she
Speaker 1: didn't know.
Speaker 2: I also get the fact, though, I like, now that
Speaker 2: I'm thinking about it, imagine though if every single person
Speaker 2: did that, no one would come and you wouldn't have
Speaker 2: a baby shower. But it would never be the case,
Speaker 2: right because you know, you're always going to have people
Speaker 2: who are enthusiast stick or who are close by and available,
Speaker 2: and the extroverts, and they're you know, they're already a
Speaker 2: part of your integral close group of friends, so they
Speaker 2: have friends there. I think it's a bigger ask when
Speaker 2: it's one person who's an outlier who doesn't necessarily know
Speaker 2: all the rest of their friends and they're rocking up
Speaker 2: to an event by themselves, Like, it's a big ass
Speaker 2: to expect someone to make small talk for an entire
Speaker 2: night or an entire day just to be there to
Speaker 2: celebrate something with you when you're not even going to
Speaker 2: get to see them. Yeah, for sure. So ultimately, don't go,
Speaker 2: don't get Well, that was well, I'm glad that we
Speaker 2: agreed a big roundabout way.
Speaker 1: We answered lots of questions in that question that was
Speaker 1: very much unrelated to the question but still interesting. But yeah, Look,
Speaker 1: we're at a stage in life, guys, especially when you
Speaker 1: hit your thirties where time is so precious and you
Speaker 1: really do need to just ma recondo the shit out
Speaker 1: of your life, and you don't say yes to things
Speaker 1: that don't spark joy.
Speaker 2: I'm still trying to think of my reason why I
Speaker 2: can't go to your winning.
Speaker 1: Please go me there front and center. You'd be like,
Speaker 1: I'll be saying a speech at the wedding.
Speaker 2: I'll be the MC, I will be podcasting, i will
Speaker 2: be recording the event. Guys. That is it from us today. Well,
Speaker 2: it was supposed to be short and sharp and sweep,
Speaker 2: but it actually wasn't that short sharp and wait.
Speaker 1: There's a little bit short and sharp of than normal.
Speaker 2: Please keep your questions coming in, send them into the Instagram.
Speaker 2: On the instagrab which is at life un Cut podcast,
Speaker 2: sliding to the GM's at the top, put ask on cut. Also,
Speaker 2: don't forget to send that you're accidentally unfiltered, or you
Speaker 2: can't believe they said that, or any other funny, weird
Speaker 2: and wonderful story that may be happening to you.
Speaker 1: You can also join on the Facebook on I also
Speaker 1: had podcast. We've got a great Facebook group guys, if
Speaker 1: you haven't already joined it, it is a wonderful group
Speaker 1: of like minded women and men.
Speaker 2: I also love how many men have come out of
Speaker 2: the woodwork. You guys are flourishing on there. You're really
Speaker 2: finding your feet.
Speaker 1: Anyway, Guys, you know the drill, share the lot. No,
Speaker 1: that was not it. You know the drill. Tell your mom,
Speaker 1: tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your sister, tell
Speaker 1: your cousin.
Speaker 2: I don't know, just tell everyone and share the love
Speaker 2: because we love that.
Speaker 1: The copy, the cut, the probody, The cut is the property.
Speaker 1: The cut, the bay, the bay, the bay