1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,120 Speaker 1: Are you trapped in an exhausting cycle of achievement but 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:09,239 Speaker 1: without fulfillment? Do you lie awake at night wondering how 3 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 1: success or status can just feel so empty? What if 4 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:18,240 Speaker 1: the gap between your exhausted reality and your greatest life 5 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: could be bridged by simple mindset shifts? And what if 6 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 1: transformation required minutes and not months. My good friend Sarah 7 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 1: Grimberg has been there, and she has made the improvements 8 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,280 Speaker 1: needed to completely. 9 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:34,160 Speaker 2: Change her life. 10 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 1: Sarah hit a point a few years ago where she 11 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:41,519 Speaker 1: felt utterly exhausted and unfulfilled, even with all that she 12 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,519 Speaker 1: had achieved in her career and at the time being 13 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:48,280 Speaker 1: an executive producer of one of Australia's top breakfast radio shows. 14 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: That's when she decided to dive deeper into the mind 15 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: body connection. Now, Sarah is the host of the chart 16 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 1: topping podcast A Life of Greatness and one of the 17 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: most requested podcast interviewers for international guests such as Matthew mcconachie, 18 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,720 Speaker 1: Andrew Huberman and Esther Perell, as well as being a 19 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:11,559 Speaker 1: mindset coach and author of the newly released book Living 20 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:16,400 Speaker 1: a Life of Greatness. In this episode, Sarah reveals how 21 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: you can change your negative thoughts to create a more 22 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:23,640 Speaker 1: positive outlook on life, while gossiping is actually making your 23 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:27,080 Speaker 1: life a whole lot worse, and a simple decision making 24 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 1: hack to improve your life dramatically. Welcome to How I Work, 25 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 1: a show about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your day. 26 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:45,559 Speaker 1: I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber. In her book Living 27 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 1: a Life of Greatness, Sarah talks about how she hit 28 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 1: an all time low before finally making the changes she 29 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: needed to ensure a happier and greater life. To start 30 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: things off, I wanted to know what was going on 31 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: and how got to that low point. 32 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 3: This was particularly bad, and you know, something really interesting. 33 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 3: And this is how the brain works is we forget 34 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 3: a lot of stuff that we do. You know, I 35 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,520 Speaker 3: can barely remember if you said to me, what did 36 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,520 Speaker 3: you do last weekend? I'd probably be sitting there for 37 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,800 Speaker 3: five minutes trying to work out what I did last weekend, 38 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 3: you know, because we're so busy in our lives. But 39 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 3: when something is terrible and something is amazing, the brain 40 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,960 Speaker 3: takes a snapshot and it's you know, it stays within 41 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 3: it so I can remember this like it was the 42 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 3: other day. 43 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 4: I remember exactly. 44 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 3: I was sitting on my couch and I'd been doing 45 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,640 Speaker 3: breakfast radio for a period of time, and I was 46 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 3: so excited to get this job. Initially in breakfast radio, 47 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 3: as you would know from having a podcast yourself and 48 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 3: being within media, the breakfast radio show is like the 49 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,680 Speaker 3: krem de la creme of any show at a station. 50 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 3: So being a you know, a senior producer for this 51 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 3: breakfast show was like such a great job. And I'd 52 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 3: produced for a while and so when I got given 53 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 3: that job, it was like, wow, this is amazing everything 54 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 3: on the outside from an external point of view, the 55 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 3: money I was getting paid, you know, the talent I 56 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 3: was working with, being a producer for this like great 57 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 3: entertainment show at one of the biggest stations in Australia. 58 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 4: Everything looked great. 59 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,799 Speaker 3: And then as that year progressed and I did the show, 60 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:25,120 Speaker 3: it was absolutely exhausting, you know, waking up at three 61 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:27,520 Speaker 3: am five days a week, and I had a two 62 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,360 Speaker 3: year old and a four year old. I was just 63 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 3: so tired. But I was miserable. I wasn't happy in 64 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 3: the work that I was doing. I was really beginning 65 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 3: to become run down, you know, those habits that you have. 66 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,400 Speaker 4: Maybe it's exercise or meditation. 67 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 3: I didn't really meditate before then, but I just wasn't 68 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,080 Speaker 3: able to do a lot of them because I was 69 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:55,720 Speaker 3: absolutely exhausted. When you're absolutely exhausted, the worst thoughts start 70 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:59,119 Speaker 3: coming into your mind. So that particular day that you're 71 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 3: talking about, I woke up really sick. I had a 72 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 3: really really bad case of the flu. And I remember 73 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 3: being actually even too scared to call my boss, thinking like, 74 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 3: I don't want to call him sick, like that's how 75 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 3: not in a good place I was. And anyway I did, 76 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,720 Speaker 3: because I remember getting out of bed naturally nearly collapsing 77 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 3: like fainting because my blood pressure just dropped. I was 78 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 3: so unwell so called him and said I can't come in. 79 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 3: I went back to sleep, and then when I woke up, 80 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 3: I crawled my and found my way to the couch, 81 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,040 Speaker 3: and I remember just staring outside it was like a 82 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:37,800 Speaker 3: really cold winter's day in Melbourne, and just thinking like, 83 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:41,040 Speaker 3: how did life become like this? How did I become 84 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 3: so sad and felt so broken? And then you know, 85 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:51,280 Speaker 3: the tears started flooding, And I don't know why. 86 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:55,680 Speaker 4: I thought this, but I did. I thought, the only. 87 00:04:55,520 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 3: Way now that I can change this situation is if 88 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:05,719 Speaker 3: I change. I need to make the change myself to 89 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 3: be able to move my life forward, because I can't 90 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,279 Speaker 3: go on like this, like this is a terrible place 91 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 3: to be. I made that decision and I followed through 92 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 3: with it, and that's when everything changed. 93 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,320 Speaker 1: You talk about how there were several small changes that 94 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,680 Speaker 1: you made initially after coming to that realization. Do you 95 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 1: remember what were those specific changes that you started to make. 96 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:30,760 Speaker 4: So you know? 97 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 3: The first thing was I wanted to really educate myself 98 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:39,080 Speaker 3: about the mind body connection, about the way the brain works, 99 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:41,720 Speaker 3: why some people are happier than others. Why you can 100 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 3: find on the outside some people who look like they 101 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,320 Speaker 3: have everything, but they're miserable, and yet there are others 102 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 3: who don't have much and seem to be so happy. 103 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,599 Speaker 4: Like why. I was curious. I was like, why is that? 104 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,039 Speaker 3: So I ended up really diving into a lot of 105 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,560 Speaker 3: personal development work, and I met this guy it was 106 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 3: actually at a coffee shop who ended up kind of 107 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 3: becoming a mentor to me. And he had studied it, 108 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,040 Speaker 3: spent a lot of time in an ashram. He'd studied Buddhism, 109 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:13,280 Speaker 3: and he knew a lot about the personal development world, 110 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:18,800 Speaker 3: and learning through him and my own studies, I really started. 111 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 3: The first thing was becoming consciously aware. So before that 112 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,000 Speaker 3: I was completely unconscious, as most of us are because 113 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 3: we don't understand what being conscious is. And I started 114 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:35,040 Speaker 3: to watch my mind because there's this beautiful quote by 115 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 3: the Sufi poet Roomy which says, why do you keep 116 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 3: yourself in jail when the door is open? 117 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,560 Speaker 4: And that was my life. 118 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:47,279 Speaker 3: My mind would make me so sad Amantha, even though 119 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:51,039 Speaker 3: nothing bad had happened, and you know that happens a lot, 120 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 3: because you know, for me, I came from a family 121 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 3: of warriers, and they worried because they just wanted good 122 00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:58,919 Speaker 3: things and for you to be okay. But when you 123 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 3: grow up around people who are always worrying, you take 124 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:05,200 Speaker 3: that on too. But everything can be changed, right, So 125 00:07:05,279 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 3: I would always worry about things. And the first thing 126 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 3: that I did was try and change my thought patterns, 127 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 3: and that made a huge difference in my life. I 128 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 3: became very conscious about what I was thinking, about what 129 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,680 Speaker 3: I was saying, and my actions too. 130 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 2: How do you change your thoughts? 131 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 3: So once we have a negative thought, it's very hard 132 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 3: to change that, but the way that we can disrupt 133 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 3: that thought is by moving to the better feeling thought. 134 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 3: I'm a mindset coach and so I teach a lot 135 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,320 Speaker 3: of my clients as this. We have I think it's 136 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,880 Speaker 3: something like sixty five seventy thousand thoughts. 137 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 4: A day or something like that. 138 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 3: Eighty percent of those are negative and ninety five percent 139 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 3: of those are repetitive. So if you're having negative thoughts, 140 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 3: most of them are the same thoughts every day, right, 141 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 3: So learning how to change those thoughts is very helpful. 142 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 3: Think about something that brings you joy or brings you 143 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 3: love in your life. So it might be your dog, 144 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 3: or a person, or even a destination, whatever it is, 145 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 3: have the knowledge in your mind of what that thing 146 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 3: that brings you love and joy is. And let's take 147 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,360 Speaker 3: the example of a dog. You think of your dog 148 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 3: brings you love and joy. Every time that negative thought 149 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,240 Speaker 3: comes up, you immediately move to the better feeling thought of. 150 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 4: Thinking about your dog. 151 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 3: When you start doing this, you could be doing this 152 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 3: like sixty seventy times a day. The more you do it, 153 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 3: and it'll only work if you keep doing this, the 154 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 3: more that the brain and we know this from neuroplasticity 155 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,720 Speaker 3: starts to rewire itself. The more it starts to rewire 156 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,679 Speaker 3: itself into having those better feeling thoughts and not the 157 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 3: negative thoughts. And the more you do it, the more 158 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,800 Speaker 3: the negative thoughts stop happening, and the more the better 159 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 3: feeling thoughts start. If you get into a situation, which 160 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,680 Speaker 3: a lot of us do, and I still get into 161 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:58,199 Speaker 3: situations like this, two thirty in the morning, wide awake, 162 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:02,000 Speaker 3: the rumination starts happening. Oh my god, I got that email. 163 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:05,600 Speaker 3: Did they mean this? They probably meant the worst thing 164 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 3: in the world. Oh my god, it's going to end 165 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 3: up being X, Y and Z. I'm going to lose 166 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 3: my house. I'm going to you know, like the worst 167 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 3: thoughts come at that time, right, So this is a 168 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 3: great way of being able to help that rumination. The 169 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:23,880 Speaker 3: first thing you do is you look at the thought 170 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 3: and say, the thought was Sally doesn't like me. 171 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 4: So you test the thought. Do you know for sure 172 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,439 Speaker 4: that Sally doesn't like you? 173 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,960 Speaker 3: Ninety percent of the time, I promise you will not 174 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,680 Speaker 3: know for sure that Sally doesn't like you. 175 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 4: So that's the first thing. 176 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 3: When we start questioning the negative thought, it alleviates any stress. 177 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 3: The second thing is external and internal levels of control. 178 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,719 Speaker 3: If you know for sure that Sally doesn't like you 179 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 3: external levels of control, can you do something about it? 180 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,440 Speaker 3: Quite possibly, you could go and talk to her and 181 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 3: speak to her about the feelings that you think that 182 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,080 Speaker 3: she has. Maybe you could write her an email, whatever 183 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 3: it is. So then that alleviates that if there is 184 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:05,160 Speaker 3: nothing you can do in the knowledge of Sally not 185 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,440 Speaker 3: liking you, and that's really upsetting you, we go to 186 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 3: the next step, which is the acceptance. The acceptance of 187 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 3: the fact that Sally doesn't like me and there's nothing 188 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 3: that I can do, but I'm going to accept. 189 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,080 Speaker 4: That and move on. 190 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 3: And then every time that comes up, I move to 191 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 3: that better feeling thought. 192 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 4: So those habits. 193 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:30,880 Speaker 3: And using that has absolutely changed my life. 194 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,800 Speaker 2: How do you catch those thoughts? 195 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,720 Speaker 1: I must say, I'm reminded of a quote that you 196 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 1: put in your book based on one of your podcast guests, 197 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:44,280 Speaker 1: Marissa Pierre, and she said that as little as four 198 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:48,240 Speaker 1: percent of our worries will ever take shape, which blew 199 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: my mind but also really resonated. How do you catch 200 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:56,679 Speaker 1: yourself when you're in that worrying or catastrophizing state, whether that. 201 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 2: Be at two thirty in the morning or just one 202 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 2: roundom ut, I have. 203 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,880 Speaker 3: To say that Mark Twain, I think it was him, 204 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,520 Speaker 3: also said I've had so many worries in the world, 205 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,320 Speaker 3: none which have ever come true. 206 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 2: Est I love that you know. 207 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:12,719 Speaker 3: And I remember having a conversation with someone and they 208 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,680 Speaker 3: said I had mentioned that exact thing on a podcast 209 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,640 Speaker 3: episode that I had done, and they said, it made 210 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,079 Speaker 3: me feel so much better when you said that. So 211 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 3: you become consciously aware. If you're consciously aware, you were 212 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 3: always watching your thoughts. And when you're always watching your thoughts, 213 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 3: when you start worrying, you realize that you're worrying, and 214 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 3: then you use the techniques that I just started speaking about. 215 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,080 Speaker 3: But another thing to also make sure of when we 216 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 3: talk about conscious awareness is being consciously aware of the 217 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:44,439 Speaker 3: way that you talked about yourself. You know, you might 218 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,600 Speaker 3: say to yourself, oh, I look so awful in that 219 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 3: I've put on weight and I feel terrible, or I'm 220 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 3: not good enough. 221 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,000 Speaker 4: To get that job. 222 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:56,559 Speaker 3: When we become conscious of that, we're able to change it. 223 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,559 Speaker 4: A belief is just a. 224 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 3: Thought you keep thinking, nothing more. So if you test 225 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:06,040 Speaker 3: that is it true? And if you know that, why 226 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 3: wouldn't you fill yourself with better beliefs? 227 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:08,520 Speaker 2: Right? 228 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,680 Speaker 3: A belief is just a thought you keep thinking. I 229 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:15,000 Speaker 3: might believe this about myself something negative. Doesn't mean Amantha 230 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 3: thinks that about me. It's just a belief that I have. 231 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 4: And knowing that. 232 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 3: Alleviates so much stress. So being consciously aware, noticing when 233 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 3: we're worrying, noticing when we're talking negatively to ourselves about ourselves. 234 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,200 Speaker 3: But also one thing I want to allow people to 235 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,440 Speaker 3: know is being very consciously aware about the words that 236 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,199 Speaker 3: we say about others and the words that come out 237 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:43,480 Speaker 3: of our mouths to others that aren't nice that have 238 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,080 Speaker 3: to do with a that person or be talking about 239 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 3: other people. And when we gossip, it's like that triangular theory, right, 240 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 3: in the sense that someone comes to gossip about someone 241 00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:58,559 Speaker 3: with you, they try and become closer to you through gossip, 242 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:00,280 Speaker 3: say oh, did you. 243 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:01,360 Speaker 4: See this person? 244 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,760 Speaker 3: God, they're so annoying when they say X, Y and 245 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,719 Speaker 3: Z it and you say, yeah, I agree, data da right, 246 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 3: And it's a way of trying to bond with you. 247 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,679 Speaker 3: It's not a good way of trying to bond with you. 248 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,320 Speaker 3: There's one thing about asking for advice or venting in 249 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,720 Speaker 3: a sense where it really is like they need advice 250 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 3: from you, Like, I don't know what to do about 251 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,640 Speaker 3: this person. It's upset me. Can you give me advice? 252 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 3: It's very different to gossiping. Really, once you stop engaging 253 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,679 Speaker 3: in that negative banter, you'll find that the people that 254 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,800 Speaker 3: come into your life are a lot more positive as well, 255 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,000 Speaker 3: because you won't want to hang around those negative people. 256 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 4: So it's really a win win. 257 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:35,840 Speaker 2: It's funny. 258 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 1: I always feel that whenever I'm having a negative thought 259 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:43,240 Speaker 1: about someone and I express it in conversation, I'm like, 260 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,320 Speaker 1: where is that coming from? 261 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 2: Why am I feeling the need to say that? 262 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:50,840 Speaker 1: And often it's because I'm feeling insecure or not enough 263 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,439 Speaker 1: or inferior in some way, and so by putting someone 264 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: else down, it's going to raise me up and make 265 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:00,160 Speaker 1: me feel better. And I feel like that's probably it's 266 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 1: behind a lot of people's motivation two percent. 267 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,200 Speaker 4: But how good that you're consciously aware. 268 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,040 Speaker 2: What do you do when you notice it in yourself? 269 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 1: Because I feel like I will have that thought, I'll 270 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 1: have that awareness a lot of the time, but I'll 271 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,680 Speaker 1: still be feeling like, ah, what they did is so 272 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:20,560 Speaker 1: irritating or you know, like, I just don't feel the 273 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 1: need to get it off my chest, even though I 274 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: know that it is completely you know, misguided and not 275 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:30,160 Speaker 1: serving anyone at all by saying that if you need. 276 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,000 Speaker 4: To get it off your chest. 277 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 3: What I would advise is like telling someone like potentially 278 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,200 Speaker 3: it could be your fiance or someone that or a 279 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 3: best friend, where they're going to look at you and go, 280 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:41,920 Speaker 3: you're being. 281 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,720 Speaker 4: Ridiculous and pull you back. 282 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 3: Like one of my best friends if I ever ran 283 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 3: to her and i can hear myself doing it and 284 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 3: I'm very consciously aware of doing it, and I don't 285 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:54,680 Speaker 3: feel good after I've done it, She'll say to me, like, 286 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 3: you know, where's that coming from. I don't feel like 287 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 3: what you're saying maybe is justified, And I'll be like, 288 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 3: you know what, You're completely right. Try and say to 289 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,320 Speaker 3: the people that are conscious so they can say something 290 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 3: back in return that will make you reflect on what 291 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 3: you've been saying, rather than talking about it to people 292 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 3: who are unconscious and they're just going to fuel that fire, 293 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:15,840 Speaker 3: which a lot of people do. 294 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 1: How do you think about this in the workplace, because 295 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,360 Speaker 1: I feel, you know, there's so much talk about creating 296 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: psychologically safe workplaces, and one of the things that can 297 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 1: quickly damage that is an environment where there's bitchiness and blame. 298 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 1: And you know, having been a leader or a manager 299 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 1: of people for many years now, I have had the 300 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:40,120 Speaker 1: I guess displeasure of having you know, a lot of 301 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 1: people come to me to have a vent or a 302 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:46,360 Speaker 1: winge about someone else, and I often think, where's the 303 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 1: line where do I, as a leader need to just 304 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: let the person get stuff off their chest because they're 305 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,600 Speaker 1: obviously feeling really frustrated with the way someone else has behaved, 306 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,960 Speaker 1: Versus where do I need to adopt more of an 307 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:01,200 Speaker 1: approach that we've been talking about and help them unpack 308 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,560 Speaker 1: why is this really affecting them so much? 309 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,440 Speaker 3: Well, I think it's all in your response, right, So 310 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,960 Speaker 3: the fact that I mean, it's very obviously dependent on 311 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,320 Speaker 3: what they say, but if you feel what they're saying. 312 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 3: And look, most people are going to come to their boss, 313 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 3: most not all, and say something that they've been upset 314 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,520 Speaker 3: by someone, and that's completely justified. And I think that 315 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 3: people should one hundred percent talk up. So that's the 316 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,600 Speaker 3: first thing, and it's about the constructive advice. 317 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 4: That you give them. 318 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,200 Speaker 3: It's something that you need to talk to them about 319 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,000 Speaker 3: or maybe take away and reflect on it. You don't 320 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,200 Speaker 3: have to answer them straight away, but take the information, 321 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:41,000 Speaker 3: sit with it, and then when you have allow them 322 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 3: to then come back and give them a pathway to 323 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 3: be able to move forward. 324 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 4: As the leader, as the boss, you need to be 325 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 4: helpful back. 326 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,360 Speaker 3: And helpfulness might be, you know, if they're saying something 327 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 3: which is really not justified and it's actually very mean 328 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 3: to the other person, would be maybe for them to 329 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,200 Speaker 3: look inside themselves and reflect on why they feel like that, 330 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:05,159 Speaker 3: but don't make them feel terrible. So a lot of 331 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,360 Speaker 3: it does lie on you, but allowing them to reflect 332 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,800 Speaker 3: on what they're saying as well. 333 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,120 Speaker 1: I want to move on to I guess a related 334 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,680 Speaker 1: topic of forgiveness, and I know it's something that you've 335 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 1: thought a lot about and I think about in my 336 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 1: own life where I remember in my early twenties, it 337 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,320 Speaker 1: was probably the first time I'd had a really, really 338 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 1: big falling out with someone and it was a really 339 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,600 Speaker 1: close friend. 340 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,400 Speaker 2: I had a crush on a guy. 341 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,240 Speaker 1: She ended up going home with that guy one night 342 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: and I was devastated and I was really pissed, and 343 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,840 Speaker 1: that friendship never recovered. And I don't think all it 344 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:44,960 Speaker 1: took many years for me to forgive her. How do 345 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,840 Speaker 1: you think about forgiveness, because obviously it's probably not that 346 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 1: healthy living with such negative feelings towards someone. 347 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,840 Speaker 3: Forgiveness is not letting the other person off the hook. 348 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,080 Speaker 3: It's allowing yourself to be free. 349 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:00,640 Speaker 2: Right. 350 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,359 Speaker 3: And the example in the book that I give is 351 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 3: of Scarlett Lewis, and Scarlett Lewis is the mother of 352 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:10,879 Speaker 3: Jesse Lewis, and Jesse Lewis was part of the Sandy 353 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:13,080 Speaker 3: Hook massacre in the sense that he was in Grade one. 354 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,439 Speaker 3: I think he was five or six going to school 355 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:20,320 Speaker 3: that day, and a man who was twenty years old 356 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 3: came in with a gun and nearly shot that whole 357 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 3: Grade one class to death, and Jesse died within that 358 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,680 Speaker 3: he actually saved about six or seven of his class 359 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 3: members because he started yelling and alerted the other class 360 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 3: members that the gunman was in their room and they 361 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:37,400 Speaker 3: had time to run. 362 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:38,440 Speaker 4: Everyone else died. 363 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,560 Speaker 3: If you want to think of a story of forgiveness, 364 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:46,120 Speaker 3: of how anyone could forgive a man who comes and 365 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,439 Speaker 3: shoots children in a classroom where they're supposed to be safe, 366 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,919 Speaker 3: you would think she could never do that. And so 367 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,959 Speaker 3: when I spoke to her on my podcast, she talked 368 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,919 Speaker 3: about how she had to really look within herself to 369 00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:04,240 Speaker 3: understand that again, she forgave the guy that came in 370 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 3: and shot everyone because she knew that if she did 371 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,120 Speaker 3: not forgive him, she would. 372 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,680 Speaker 4: Forever have a horrible life herself. 373 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,399 Speaker 3: Right, So we're not saying something that someone does something 374 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,560 Speaker 3: bad to you and then two weeks later you need 375 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 3: to have absolutely forgiven them. Forgiveness is done on your 376 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:25,600 Speaker 3: own timeline. But again I have to say this that 377 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:29,400 Speaker 3: it's about letting yourself be free, not letting them off 378 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,800 Speaker 3: the hook. And really, in the situation of Scarlet, she 379 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 3: went and she looked, and she found out that the 380 00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:39,679 Speaker 3: boy had special needs, and her oldest son had special needs, 381 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,960 Speaker 3: and the system had let her down with her son 382 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,400 Speaker 3: and Adam Lander, who was the gunman. 383 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,679 Speaker 4: His mother was a single mother like she was. 384 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,200 Speaker 3: She tried to get help for him, it didn't work, 385 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,360 Speaker 3: and I mean Adam ended up killing the mother too. 386 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,359 Speaker 4: And she knew all of. 387 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:58,920 Speaker 3: This, So in her mind, she was acknowledging a lot 388 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 3: of the reasons of how this could help allow her 389 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 3: to be the one that was able to forgive, and 390 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,840 Speaker 3: a lot of the people at Sandy Hook never forgave, 391 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 3: and you know, they've lost their children. That's one of 392 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,840 Speaker 3: the most shocking things ever. But she did and now 393 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,080 Speaker 3: she puts a lot of that forgiveness into service, and 394 00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 3: she has a beautiful charity that she runs in the 395 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 3: name of Jesse that helps people. She goes out to 396 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:26,080 Speaker 3: schools and she educates people about love and you know, 397 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 3: she doesn't want kids to get into the situation that 398 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 3: they'll be like the boy that ended. 399 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:31,880 Speaker 4: Up killing her son. 400 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,919 Speaker 1: We will be back with Sarah soon and when we return, 401 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 1: she'll share her advice on how to quickly and easily 402 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 1: build rapport with anyone, some easy meditation techniques for beginners 403 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,359 Speaker 1: who struggle to get into it like me, and a 404 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:49,439 Speaker 1: simple mindset shift that can improve your decision making dramatically. 405 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,840 Speaker 1: If you're looking for more tips to improve the way 406 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:59,119 Speaker 1: you work can live. I write a short weekly newsletter 407 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,879 Speaker 1: that contains I've discovered that have helped me personally. You 408 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,320 Speaker 1: can sign up for that at Amantha dot com. That's 409 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:14,680 Speaker 1: Amantha dot com. You mentioned in your book about how 410 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 1: your husband makes decisions and he asks the question that's something. 411 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:20,920 Speaker 2: Like, what is the intention. 412 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,000 Speaker 1: Yes, can you tell me more about what your husband 413 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:24,400 Speaker 1: does there? 414 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:25,160 Speaker 4: Absolutely? 415 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,240 Speaker 3: I mean he's so amazing like this, and he taught 416 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:29,760 Speaker 3: this to me years and years. 417 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:32,600 Speaker 4: Ago, especially when it comes to writing emails. 418 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 3: You know, we send so many emails out or we 419 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:37,199 Speaker 3: might make a lot of phone calls whatever it is 420 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,840 Speaker 3: within business, and we don't even think anything behind the email, 421 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,200 Speaker 3: like I just got to answer this, I've got to 422 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,880 Speaker 3: give a reply, or I've got to send this out 423 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 3: to get what I want right. But when we move 424 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 3: through any of those things and take a moment, and 425 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,119 Speaker 3: it can be honestly seconds, this is not going to 426 00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:54,680 Speaker 3: take up a lot of your day and think to yourself, 427 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,760 Speaker 3: what is my intention I'm writing? I'm about to write 428 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 3: this email because you know, I'm need to get this 429 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 3: from a supplier. But what is my intention for this email? 430 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 3: What will allow them to get the most out of 431 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,680 Speaker 3: whatever it is, and what will allow me to get the. 432 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,159 Speaker 4: Most out of whatever the situation is. 433 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,600 Speaker 3: And then it ends up that the way you craft 434 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,440 Speaker 3: that email is a lot better because you have an 435 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 3: intention behind it. What's my intention of coming on this 436 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 3: podcast today? Because I want to teach people how to 437 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,960 Speaker 3: live their greatest life right, So that is my intention, 438 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 3: rather than I just come on the podcast and I 439 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 3: really don't think twice about it. Oh it's just a 440 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 3: podcast chat, that's not it. I want to help people 441 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:36,360 Speaker 3: on their journey. 442 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,720 Speaker 4: It gives meaning behind a lot of what you're doing. Right, 443 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 4: What is my intention? 444 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,719 Speaker 3: So when we live life looking and thinking about what 445 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,919 Speaker 3: is the intention, you'll find that you'll become quite a 446 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,679 Speaker 3: lot happier. And then anything that you do with the 447 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:54,640 Speaker 3: other person makes it a far more joyful experience. 448 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:56,800 Speaker 2: How do you do that in the moment? 449 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 1: Like, I'm thinking about my evening last night and my 450 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:03,639 Speaker 1: daughter was in a shocking mood and for whatever reason, 451 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 1: her school had had them out in the thirty two 452 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:08,639 Speaker 1: degree heat for an hour right in the middle of 453 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:13,800 Speaker 1: the day playing sports. She was exhausted and my patience 454 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,679 Speaker 1: was limited and I was fine, but I wasn't my 455 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 1: best self. What should I have done in that moment? 456 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 1: Because my intention is always to be the best mum 457 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:22,760 Speaker 1: that I can. 458 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,520 Speaker 4: What did she come to you with whend she say something? 459 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:26,440 Speaker 4: She was just tired. 460 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,159 Speaker 1: I was trying to make conversation with her on the 461 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,480 Speaker 1: way home and try to think about something fun that 462 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,240 Speaker 1: we could do after school and she just didn't want a. 463 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:33,600 Speaker 2: Bar of it. 464 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,119 Speaker 3: Well, I think you know you have an intention, Okay, 465 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 3: My intention is obviously to make her feel a bit 466 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 3: happier because she's only young. 467 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,440 Speaker 4: Firstly. Secondly, I'm her mother. 468 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,479 Speaker 3: I take care of her, and I totally understand the 469 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,320 Speaker 3: fact that she's been running around in thirty five degree 470 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 3: heat and she's little, and she probably hasn't drunk enough 471 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,639 Speaker 3: water or maybe she needs to have something to eat, 472 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 3: and she's grumpy. 473 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,480 Speaker 4: So you know, your intention is to make her feel better. 474 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,520 Speaker 3: And you know, so she's young, so she can be 475 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,240 Speaker 3: grumpy and you're still gonna love her and she's your daughter. 476 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 3: But for moments, you become unconscious and you end up 477 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 3: maybe saying things that you shouldn't, and you get annoyed 478 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,520 Speaker 3: because you're trying to be nice to her and give 479 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,959 Speaker 3: her all these things and she's not really doing anything 480 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:21,520 Speaker 3: back except being rude or whatever the situation is. But 481 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,880 Speaker 3: that's okay because you had actually had a good intention, right, 482 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,840 Speaker 3: and it's just to keep moving forward with that good intention. 483 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,800 Speaker 3: I mean, you can't control other people, right, you can't, 484 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 3: But if you show up being your best self. 485 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,720 Speaker 4: Then they're going to end up looking. 486 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 3: At you, and you're a role model for that. And 487 00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:43,600 Speaker 3: if we go unconscious sometimes that's completely human. I mean, 488 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,960 Speaker 3: of course I go unconscious sometimes, but I know when 489 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,679 Speaker 3: I go unconscious sometimes you're bringing it up. You know 490 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,200 Speaker 3: that you are unconscious during that moment, and I think 491 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,239 Speaker 3: to myself, I got to do better next time, and 492 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:56,840 Speaker 3: that's gross. 493 00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,960 Speaker 1: I want to talk about meditation because I think whatever 494 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,919 Speaker 1: we catch up, probably we talk about meditation. You talk 495 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,840 Speaker 1: about meditation, I say I have trouble meditating. 496 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:09,879 Speaker 2: That's probably how I respond. And when I read in your. 497 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:14,440 Speaker 1: Book Living a Life of Greatness about your approach to meditation, 498 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,440 Speaker 1: something kind of clicked and I thought, I've never thought 499 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,040 Speaker 1: about meditation in that way. 500 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:20,880 Speaker 2: When I think about meditation, and. 501 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,880 Speaker 1: I'm someone that has tried different kinds of meditation, I've 502 00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,840 Speaker 1: tried different kinds of apps, nothing is. 503 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:27,360 Speaker 2: Stack always feel like a failure. 504 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:31,040 Speaker 1: I always think that the purpose of meditation is to 505 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,800 Speaker 1: just clear your mind and just be present in the 506 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,760 Speaker 1: present moment and aware of your body, and I just 507 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:40,719 Speaker 1: get really bored and then my mind wanders and then 508 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,520 Speaker 1: I'm failing. And the way you've framed it in the 509 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,000 Speaker 1: book is it's just listening to your own thoughts. 510 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,760 Speaker 2: And that made me think, oh, I can do that, 511 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 2: Like I don't think I can clear my mind. 512 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,199 Speaker 1: And you know, and I always think about meditations just 513 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:57,879 Speaker 1: pushing the thoughts away when they come up. 514 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:01,200 Speaker 2: But can you tell me a bit more about how 515 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:02,040 Speaker 2: you meditate? 516 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:07,359 Speaker 3: Yeah? Absolutely, Realistically, unless you're a monk that's meditated for 517 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,240 Speaker 3: so many years and something that you do for majority 518 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,520 Speaker 3: of the day, you're never going to meditate where you 519 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,360 Speaker 3: have no thoughts. The mind moves at one hundred miles 520 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:19,480 Speaker 3: an hour when we go into meditation. It's about realizing 521 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:22,720 Speaker 3: what we're thinking and not judging it, but looking at 522 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,040 Speaker 3: at it like it's a cloud, just kind. 523 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,680 Speaker 4: Of drifting in there and a little drift out of there. 524 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,359 Speaker 3: The one thing with meditation is you have to do 525 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,199 Speaker 3: it consistently. It's not something you can do once a 526 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,520 Speaker 3: week and think like that's going to make it change 527 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,560 Speaker 3: in my life, right, It just isn't. You know, Even 528 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,240 Speaker 3: if you don't do it for a long period of time, 529 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,679 Speaker 3: you're doing it for ten minutes five days a week. 530 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,240 Speaker 3: To do it every day is mostly beneficial, But even 531 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,240 Speaker 3: just ten minutes, five days a week will make such 532 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,640 Speaker 3: a difference because it starts slowing your brain waves down, 533 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,720 Speaker 3: and the purpose of meditation is to do that. In 534 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,720 Speaker 3: the sense that we're going into meditation, you said to me, 535 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,920 Speaker 3: you know, my mind's going one hundred miles an hour, 536 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:06,199 Speaker 3: and you know, I feel like I just you know, 537 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,800 Speaker 3: can't control it, and it's not going to nothingness. 538 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,080 Speaker 4: It's never going to really go to nothingness. 539 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,240 Speaker 3: So don't have those expectations, because then, like me, I 540 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,160 Speaker 3: started meditation like this, you. 541 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,159 Speaker 4: Become hard on yourself. 542 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:19,800 Speaker 3: Like I actually thought there was something wrong with my 543 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 3: mind when I first went into meditation all those years ago, 544 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 3: because I remember watching the thoughts, but then I couldn't 545 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,760 Speaker 3: remember them. So I was like one minute thinking about this, 546 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,639 Speaker 3: I was like what was I thinking about? 547 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:30,840 Speaker 4: And then the next one and they. 548 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:34,159 Speaker 3: Were crazy thoughts where it was like so abstract. I 549 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:37,240 Speaker 3: remember thinking, what am I thinking? This is the weirdest 550 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,680 Speaker 3: thing ever. But the more I showed up and found 551 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,920 Speaker 3: a meditation that worked for me, the more I showed up, 552 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,520 Speaker 3: the more I kept doing it, the more I noticed 553 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,840 Speaker 3: that the difference in my eyes open life was so 554 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,080 Speaker 3: different in the sense that when my kids were young, 555 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,600 Speaker 3: you know, as we all do, we're unconscious, and we 556 00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:59,480 Speaker 3: might be short with them or not showing up the 557 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,520 Speaker 3: best way we can. And because I was doing that 558 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,199 Speaker 3: breakfast radio job and I was exhausted, and you know 559 00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,639 Speaker 3: you're barthing then when they're really little, and this and that, 560 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,600 Speaker 3: and you've got a lot on your plate, and I'd 561 00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:13,119 Speaker 3: probably raise my voice a little bit more than I 562 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:13,639 Speaker 3: wanted to. 563 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,920 Speaker 4: I noticed that when I started meditating properly. 564 00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 3: Honestly, I'm not just saying this, I would say I 565 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,240 Speaker 3: nearly have never done that since. And it's because I 566 00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:25,719 Speaker 3: don't feel a need or if I do, which I 567 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:30,159 Speaker 3: don't at all anymore, the time between something happening and 568 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,040 Speaker 3: your reaction is so different. 569 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:34,160 Speaker 4: It's slowed down. 570 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 3: And this is great in any kind of business conversation 571 00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 3: or meeting. If you're a big meditator, you don't react 572 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,880 Speaker 3: as fast. Right, So usually someone says something beat a child, 573 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 3: or you're in a meeting and they're saying something is 574 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 3: upset you or it's not correct, and you'll fill your 575 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,920 Speaker 3: body get really heated, right, and you bark back at them. Well, 576 00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:56,240 Speaker 3: barking back at anyone is never going to be a 577 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,480 Speaker 3: great solution, right, It's not a good way of getting 578 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 3: a point across. When you're a meditator and do it 579 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,200 Speaker 3: for a period of time, you'll notice that when that 580 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,120 Speaker 3: person says that thing in the meeting, you're not barking 581 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,840 Speaker 3: back at them anymore because you wait, you have the 582 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,760 Speaker 3: time to think about it. Okay, they've said this, I 583 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:17,360 Speaker 3: feel like this. It's making me feel uncomfortable. I know 584 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,800 Speaker 3: if I bark back at them now, this response is 585 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,000 Speaker 3: not going to be good. So you'll either a not 586 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 3: respond or be your respond in a way that is 587 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:30,200 Speaker 3: completely normal and nice and not raise your voice, which 588 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,520 Speaker 3: is a better way of getting whatever you need that 589 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,200 Speaker 3: information to the person rather than just attacking them. So 590 00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,480 Speaker 3: that's one of the greatest things that can come out 591 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:39,120 Speaker 3: of meditation. 592 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,720 Speaker 1: I want to ask about your podcast, Yes, A Life 593 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:46,000 Speaker 1: of Greatness. You have had some amazing guests on your 594 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,400 Speaker 1: show over I think we've been podcasting for a similar 595 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:49,280 Speaker 1: amount of time. 596 00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,040 Speaker 2: Six years, so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 597 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:56,320 Speaker 1: So you've had people like Matthew McConaughey, Andrew Huberman, Esther Perell. 598 00:29:56,160 --> 00:30:00,080 Speaker 2: Like just these amazing names, and I know that something. 599 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,760 Speaker 1: Think about is how do you build rapport with people 600 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 1: as quickly as possible? 601 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:05,360 Speaker 2: And often your. 602 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:07,640 Speaker 1: Interviews are with someone that's in another country, and so 603 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:08,880 Speaker 1: you're having to do that virtually. 604 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:11,680 Speaker 3: What are the strategies that you use to build that 605 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 3: quick report? To be honest with you, my natural way 606 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,480 Speaker 3: of being. But the more you do it, as you 607 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,680 Speaker 3: would know, the more you understand. 608 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 4: Okay. I try to talk to them for about five minutes. 609 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 3: Before I get a feel through the way that they 610 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,440 Speaker 3: answer the questions. You know, it might be like, how's 611 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,240 Speaker 3: everything going in America? Whereabouts in America? 612 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:31,640 Speaker 4: Are you? 613 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:35,080 Speaker 3: At the moment I get a gauge of their responses 614 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 3: if they want to talk a little bit more, and 615 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:39,560 Speaker 3: then I might, just before we start the episode, have 616 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,480 Speaker 3: a bit of a chat with them. If I notice 617 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,160 Speaker 3: they're very quick, I'm like, okay, they just want to 618 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,600 Speaker 3: do the podcast chat, which is completely fine. And then 619 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,440 Speaker 3: I listen to what they say. So I find that 620 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:53,440 Speaker 3: if I'm in a conversation with someone, I really listen 621 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,080 Speaker 3: to them. I look in their eyes and I make 622 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,720 Speaker 3: sure I'm listening to what they're saying. Of course, yes, 623 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,640 Speaker 3: I tell stories that are alated to whatever they're talking about, 624 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,680 Speaker 3: because as it's your podcast, it's my podcast. My listeners 625 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:06,920 Speaker 3: want to hear from me as well, But I don't 626 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:10,920 Speaker 3: make the conversation eighty percent me and then twenty percent. 627 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,760 Speaker 3: I've invited them onto my show, and I treat them 628 00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:18,960 Speaker 3: with respect. I'm using eye contact is a huge thing, 629 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,760 Speaker 3: and I'm really listening to what they're saying, and I 630 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,080 Speaker 3: think that just makes the conversation much better and it 631 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:26,800 Speaker 3: enables them to know I've come to a good spot. 632 00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,000 Speaker 3: I'm so happy I came on this podcast. I've been 633 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,640 Speaker 3: told that too from some of these big guests, like 634 00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:32,760 Speaker 3: you really researched. 635 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 4: I love your questions, you know. 636 00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:37,120 Speaker 2: So it works such a compliment, isn't it. 637 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:42,000 Speaker 1: I want to ask how you go deep with your 638 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:43,400 Speaker 1: guests as you do. 639 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:44,320 Speaker 2: That is your style. 640 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,080 Speaker 1: I think that is one of the things that you're 641 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:49,160 Speaker 1: known for if you're interviewing, and also just who you 642 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:49,920 Speaker 1: are as a person. 643 00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,280 Speaker 2: You are someone that goes deep. You don't really do 644 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:53,520 Speaker 2: the small talk stuff. 645 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,440 Speaker 1: And I think you're also really good at getting guests 646 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,000 Speaker 1: off their talking points, which I think is probably a 647 00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:03,400 Speaker 1: bit of a pet peece for any podcast, most because 648 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: your guests are generally doing some sort of tour to 649 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:07,360 Speaker 1: promote some kind of thing. 650 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:10,080 Speaker 2: Absolutely, what are your strategies for doing that. 651 00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,320 Speaker 3: If I feel there's more information I really want to 652 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:17,360 Speaker 3: uncover it. I'll talk about their journey always because I'm 653 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:20,760 Speaker 3: just genuinely so interested to know, like where they came from. 654 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,080 Speaker 3: I might know it already if I've read a book 655 00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:25,280 Speaker 3: and they've written about it, but if I don't, I 656 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:28,800 Speaker 3: start getting ideas, and then I'll in my mind going 657 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:31,520 Speaker 3: that will relate to that, and that will relate to this, 658 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:35,080 Speaker 3: which we'll move to next. And then I ask some 659 00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 3: things that are lighter in nature, and I see how 660 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:43,160 Speaker 3: they answer them. And if I feel that I'm getting 661 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:45,840 Speaker 3: them to a place where they trust me, and we've 662 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,400 Speaker 3: kind of set everything up nicely, we know about their 663 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:51,720 Speaker 3: childhood and their upbringing, and we've talked a bit about 664 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:55,000 Speaker 3: their work or whatever it is. I get to a 665 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:58,320 Speaker 3: place where then I think I'll ask them about something 666 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,520 Speaker 3: deeper and I'll see how they respond. But I genuinely 667 00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:07,520 Speaker 3: do it always because I am interested in the answer. 668 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,360 Speaker 3: I don't do it because and I've never done this 669 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,600 Speaker 3: because I want to get pr headlines or anything like that. 670 00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:16,640 Speaker 4: And I make sure though that I know. 671 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,480 Speaker 3: That they feel safe with me before I go into 672 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:22,560 Speaker 3: the deeper questions. I remember it's just come to mind 673 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:26,360 Speaker 3: when you're asking me this question. I recently interviewed Darren 674 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:29,320 Speaker 3: Hayes from Savage Guard, and his book is so beautiful 675 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,800 Speaker 3: everyone should buy it. But it's deep and his story 676 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:37,720 Speaker 3: is hard and sad and beautiful. But he went through 677 00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 3: Helen backright, had a terrible upbringing and while his father 678 00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:45,680 Speaker 3: was terrible, his sister was amazing. And so I said 679 00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:49,280 Speaker 3: to him in the book, I mentioned his sister and 680 00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:53,400 Speaker 3: I asked about their relationship, and then he just, you know, 681 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,480 Speaker 3: he really welled up with tears and said, you know, 682 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,800 Speaker 3: she had to grow up so fast because my father 683 00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:02,400 Speaker 3: was abusive to my mum, and she became from a 684 00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,040 Speaker 3: young age my mum's best friend because my mum was 685 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:08,839 Speaker 3: isolated from her friends because my dad was abusing her, 686 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:13,240 Speaker 3: you know. And then I am touched by his comment. 687 00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:17,040 Speaker 3: And then when that happens, because again you're listening, it's 688 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:20,680 Speaker 3: like you form this kind of bond. It's an unspoken energy. 689 00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,560 Speaker 3: And I know this sounds so strange, but you would 690 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:26,160 Speaker 3: understand because you've interviewed people where they share something that's 691 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,439 Speaker 3: really raw and honest. And again this kind of goes 692 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,680 Speaker 3: into that empathy piece you think about them or maybe 693 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:35,319 Speaker 3: yourself in that situation, and that touches something in you, 694 00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:39,040 Speaker 3: and then you have that place to be able to 695 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:42,000 Speaker 3: either ask some more questions about that or talk about 696 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,680 Speaker 3: something else that's quite deep, because you've really formed that bond. 697 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 3: I want to finish by asking you a question that's 698 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,480 Speaker 3: probably a version of a question you've been asking many 699 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,800 Speaker 3: times and I get asked it as well. 700 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,160 Speaker 2: In terms of you know, who's your favorite guest, what's 701 00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:56,919 Speaker 2: your favorite tip? 702 00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,839 Speaker 1: But I guess specifically, I want to know what is 703 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,319 Speaker 1: a piece of advice or something that you've heard with 704 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:05,560 Speaker 1: the many interviews that you've done that has really had 705 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,080 Speaker 1: one of the most profound impacts on you. 706 00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:10,799 Speaker 3: I think one of the biggest pieces of advice I 707 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:12,960 Speaker 3: got given, and it's a chapter in the book, is 708 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:17,440 Speaker 3: being your authentic self, going through the world and being you. 709 00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:18,480 Speaker 4: You know, it's interesting. 710 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,400 Speaker 3: It was actually in the yesterday the kids are dressing 711 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,080 Speaker 3: up for something at school, and I think it's like, 712 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,000 Speaker 3: who do you want to be when you're older kind 713 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,600 Speaker 3: of thing. A lot of my daughter's friends are going 714 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:32,200 Speaker 3: as like ballerinas and gymnasts, and Poppy loves that. But 715 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,759 Speaker 3: my daughter, but she doesn't want to be that, even 716 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,520 Speaker 3: though all their friends are that. And then there's another 717 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:41,080 Speaker 3: group that are doing something else, and she says, you know, mum, 718 00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:42,000 Speaker 3: there's only ten. 719 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,120 Speaker 4: I don't really want to do that like I want to. 720 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:45,160 Speaker 4: She loves basketball. 721 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,200 Speaker 3: She's like, I want to be like a sports person. 722 00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,719 Speaker 3: And I thought, you know, so many people at that 723 00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:53,399 Speaker 3: age were just try and do what their friends did 724 00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,880 Speaker 3: because it's easier, and they all want to be the same. 725 00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:59,239 Speaker 3: But the fact that she's saying that's not when I 726 00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:00,440 Speaker 3: want to do it. I don't want to grow up 727 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,520 Speaker 3: and being a gymnast or a ballerina. I want to 728 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:07,160 Speaker 3: be an athlete. I was like, wow, it's making it 729 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:08,840 Speaker 3: hard a few in the sense that you have to 730 00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:11,480 Speaker 3: find a group now because that group only wants the 731 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,080 Speaker 3: ballerinas and gymnasts. But you're showing up as your authentic self. 732 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:17,640 Speaker 3: And I think there are so many times in life 733 00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:20,120 Speaker 3: where we're trying to fit into what we think other 734 00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:23,280 Speaker 3: people want from us, or trying to be the other person, 735 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,920 Speaker 3: trying to be what someone else thinks is. 736 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:27,000 Speaker 4: Acceptable or right. 737 00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:29,319 Speaker 3: It might be our parents, it might be in a relationship, 738 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:33,960 Speaker 3: whatever it is, and we lose ourselves and garble Matte 739 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:37,799 Speaker 3: talks a lot about this that you know, if you're 740 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:41,759 Speaker 3: a chameleon in so many situations, you don't end up 741 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,720 Speaker 3: knowing who you are, and you do that long enough, 742 00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:46,520 Speaker 3: you end. 743 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:50,480 Speaker 4: Up creating disease. Disease right because you. 744 00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:53,120 Speaker 3: Become insecure, you think that no one really likes you 745 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,480 Speaker 3: for you. You don't even know who you are. So 746 00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:58,080 Speaker 3: the best advice that I've been given is to show 747 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:01,719 Speaker 3: up as your authentic self. And I think what's got 748 00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:04,440 Speaker 3: me the beautiful friends I have, what's allowed me in 749 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:07,360 Speaker 3: the past to be a great producer is I've always 750 00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:08,680 Speaker 3: shown up as Sarah. 751 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,200 Speaker 1: I love that, and you have most definitely been the 752 00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:11,799 Speaker 1: Sarah that I. 753 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,880 Speaker 4: Catch up for coffee over the mind today. 754 00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:18,000 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on. I loved your book. 755 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:19,960 Speaker 1: Like as I said to you when you walked in, 756 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,040 Speaker 1: it's such a gift when you know someone and then 757 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,200 Speaker 1: you're able to read their book that they've put so 758 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,959 Speaker 1: much of themselves into and so many stories I didn't 759 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,279 Speaker 1: know about you. I loved it so much. Living a 760 00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,200 Speaker 1: life of greatness, It's just been such a joy. 761 00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,400 Speaker 3: Thank you, Sarah oh Aman for You're amazing. You're a 762 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:37,680 Speaker 3: beautiful friend. And thank you so much for having me 763 00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,120 Speaker 3: on the podcast. I'm truly very grateful. 764 00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:44,600 Speaker 1: I hope you loved this chat with Sarah as much 765 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:46,799 Speaker 1: as I did, and I can tell you that after 766 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,279 Speaker 1: this chat, I've put a ban on myself engaging in 767 00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:52,400 Speaker 1: any gossip or bitchiness, which I think is such a 768 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:53,000 Speaker 1: game changer. 769 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:56,040 Speaker 2: If you want to learn more about Sarah. 770 00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:58,800 Speaker 1: I highly recommend checking out her book Living a Life 771 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:02,719 Speaker 1: of Greatness and listening to her podcast A Life of Greatness. 772 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:05,440 Speaker 2: The links to both are in the show notes. If 773 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:05,839 Speaker 2: you like. 774 00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:09,080 Speaker 1: Today's show, make sure you get follow on your podcast 775 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:11,640 Speaker 1: app to be alerted when new episodes drop. 776 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:13,480 Speaker 2: How I Work was recorded 777 00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,160 Speaker 1: On the traditional land of the Warrangery people, part of 778 00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:16,919 Speaker 1: the Cool And Nation.