WEBVTT - S06E04 - Delve deeper into... Sex with Sexologist Laura Miano 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:04.200 Oh oh wow. I'm like, I have had to cut. 0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:06.040 I think a lot of people do struggle to talk 0:00:06.040 --> 0:00:07.440 about sex because people. 0:00:07.160 --> 0:00:08.560 Are worried that they're not normal. 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:12.040 There is also, especially in porn, a big focus on 0:00:12.160 --> 0:00:12.799 male pleasure. 0:00:12.920 --> 0:00:16.400 Yeah, she was like sketching a vagina and glitterist and 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:18.320 then she was just like, yeah, so this is what 0:00:18.360 --> 0:00:20.360 you need to do. It makes it more pleasurable for 0:00:21.239 --> 0:00:22.840 the partner, and I just froze up. 0:00:34.960 --> 0:00:40.479 I'm always always be careful those. 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:44.840 Hi. 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:48.960 I'm Amanda and I'm Rumby. Welcome to It's Layered podcast. 0:00:49.200 --> 0:00:52.080 We are under the Blackcast Network POWD by iHeart, and 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:54.480 we're recording in studio today in Melbourne. 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:57.800 Yeah, it's aid Bittersweet Studios and our beautiful setup is 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:00.960 still going with our soft Girl era done by Pink 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:05.800 Lady Picnic. Yeah, today is a special episode, don't you 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:06.479 reckon RMB. 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:09.640 I really think it's a long overdue episode. I mean 0:01:09.640 --> 0:01:13.759 we're six seasons in right, and we have not talked 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:14.120 about this. 0:01:14.120 --> 0:01:15.720 We've heard you at all. 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:20.000 We've heard you further requests, we heard that, and finally 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:24.000 today we're gonna delve deeper into six Let's talk about sex, 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:27.240 Baby let's talk about you and me. I had to 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:30.080 for our special guest, Laura Mianna if you don't know, 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:35.160 loves to go into song, so just roll with her 0:01:35.200 --> 0:01:38.640 when she does. But Laura is an experienced sex therapist 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:42.520 and educator. She's passionate about breaking down sexual stigmas and 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:47.039 opening conversations that foster deeper learning of one's own sexuality 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:51.960 and desires. Her approach to sex therapy is empathetic, trauma informed, 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:53.200 and person entered. 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:53.840 Dude. 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:58.360 Laura founded Miano Clinical Sexology, but her work also spans 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:02.440 the sexual wellness space. She co founded Melbourne based sexual 0:02:02.480 --> 0:02:06.760 wellness brand Posmo. Laura uses Posmo as a platform to 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:10.880 empower people to embrace a unique experience of sexuality. 0:02:11.120 --> 0:02:13.679 So we are so thrilled that you could be here 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:14.520 with us, Laura. 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:17.000 I think for us it was really important to have 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:20.040 a sexual therapist so that we can have a really 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:23.959 meaningful conversation around it, have some fun, and learn a 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:27.760 little bit about your work so that we can destigmatize 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:30.000 the conversations around sex. 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:32.720 So, yeah, thank you for having me. I was so excited. 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:37.360 How would you describe the work that you do and 0:02:37.400 --> 0:02:38.520 how you got into it? 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:40.919 Well, how I got into it. 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:45.720 I think from a young age, I always felt quite 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:47.200 comfortable talking about sex. 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:50.480 My mom would always kind of make little. 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:54.760 Cheeky jokes about sex, and it was something that behind 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:56.760 closed doors it was always safe to talk about. 0:02:56.760 --> 0:03:00.320 There was a safe space. But when I was in. 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:05.040 High school, I really loved hip hop music and R 0:03:05.080 --> 0:03:07.280 and B and a lot of it can be quite sexual. 0:03:08.600 --> 0:03:11.520 Yeah. Yeah, and Little Kim was actually. 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:20.880 Do you remember, And I remember her music was all 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:26.800 about sexual empowerment, especially for women, and I really loved it. 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:30.000 I feel like she had a really great message, and yeah, 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:33.800 from a young age, just made me really inspired to 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:38.400 push a similar message that women can own their sexuality 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:42.040 and advocate for it and it's just as important as 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:42.840 everyone else's. 0:03:43.160 --> 0:03:45.840 Yes. Agree. And I think you mentioned something. 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:49.400 Your mom was your safe space, and she created a 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:52.520 safe environment, and I think a lot of us we 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:55.080 didn't have that, at least I never had that growing up, 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:58.720 which then brings the question, and I guess I'm kind 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:00.400 of alluding to it, but I'd love to hear from 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:05.120 your perspective why you think sex is so often difficult 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:08.000 to talk about and it's a difficult topic for discussing 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:11.720 with friends or family in some households. 0:04:12.240 --> 0:04:15.320 Yeah, I mean I think firstly, we kind of tell 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:18.359 people it's not okay to talk about sex. You know, 0:04:18.400 --> 0:04:21.440 when when one person tries to talk about sex, whether 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:24.520 it's at home or with friends or at school, people 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:27.040 are often met with a bit of a shutdown because 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:30.200 it makes the other person uncomfortable. So we're really just 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:33.000 never taught the skills to be able to talk about sex. 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:35.919 But it is interesting because what I've found in my 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:39.000 therapy sessions is because it becomes such a safe open 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:42.159 space to talk about sex, the moment you actually provide 0:04:42.160 --> 0:04:44.800 that for people, they pick up on the skill really quickly. 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:48.400 Yeah okay, wow. 0:04:48.600 --> 0:04:53.880 Yeah, that safe space is never really offered in real life. Yeah. 0:04:54.040 --> 0:04:56.280 Yeah, it's crazy because I think like even amongst friends, 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:59.600 we like people don't know about Like I mean we 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:01.839 in my friendship group, you have this thing called Kusy's 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:04.760 Corner shout out to you, QUIZI, and he like loves 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:07.760 to ask people like what they're going through and a 0:05:07.800 --> 0:05:10.320 lot of it ends up being sexual even just like 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:12.200 how often that people having sex in a week? 0:05:12.279 --> 0:05:14.120 Like what's the norm? I suppose? 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:16.760 And you can tell even that we can share about 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:19.680 everything and anything else, but when it comes to that, 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:22.120 people kind of almost shut down or we need liquid 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:23.360 courage to go there. 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:26.400 It's just so strange. Yeah, yeah, could. 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:29.360 I ask if you could give us like an idea 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:32.560 of how to the skill or what kind of skill 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:35.839 is required, or how to talk about it better? You know, 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:39.400 we understand like a safe stacee of feeling comfortable as 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:42.960 you you know, in your friendship group, but like what 0:05:43.279 --> 0:05:45.520 should we how do we go into it? You know, 0:05:45.680 --> 0:05:48.640 as like bringing it up? Because I'm like, how even start? 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:51.279 Yeah, how do you ask? Yeah? 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:55.120 I guess I could start with you being open about 0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:56.360 your own sex life. 0:05:56.480 --> 0:05:58.039 I'm kind of setting that standard. 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:00.000 I think a lot of people do struggle to talk 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:02.640 about sex because people are worried that they're not normal. 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:06.640 But everyone is so varied and so different. So yeah, 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:11.000 just opening up about your experiences and also appreciating that 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:13.359 it is normal because everyone's experience is normal. 0:06:13.560 --> 0:06:16.200 Yeah, like what is normal? Yeah? Exactly exactly. 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:19.960 If there's one misconception or one myth you want to 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:23.600 debunk today about sex, what is it and why? 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:25.920 Oh what is it? 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:28.800 And like okay, well I'd say one myth would be that. 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:33.600 I guess sex needs to follow like a kind of formula. 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:37.080 I think people don't outwardly say that, you know, people 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:39.560 don't outwardly say it needs to follow a formula formula, 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:44.000 but people internalize that a lot from cultural messages, from porn, 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:49.040 from movies, and yeah, there's this idea that it needs 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:51.880 to start with a certain amount of kissing, certain amount 0:06:51.880 --> 0:07:02.400 of for play, penetration. Yeah yeah, yeah, and there's this myth. 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:04.000 I guess that it needs to look like that, but 0:07:04.080 --> 0:07:05.560 it's really so varied. 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:08.640 You're so right, right, because even as I think about 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:10.840 how I approach it, it is like that like a bit 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:13.120 of full play and a bit of like penetratives, Like 0:07:13.120 --> 0:07:16.640 it's always just that like order you've seen. Yeah, people 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:20.880 even knowing that, like penetrative sex is not the only sex. 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:23.080 Yes, I think for women. 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:25.560 We are always told like, oh, just make the guy 0:07:25.640 --> 0:07:26.480 come and then. 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:29.200 Yeah, that's your job done. Yeah yeah, because. 0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:31.360 There's so many different Like you know, even if you're 0:07:31.360 --> 0:07:33.120 in your period or whatever, you don't feel like having 0:07:33.160 --> 0:07:36.400 penetrated sex, you can still be intimate with your partner. 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:39.559 I think that's something that we're just not told enough. 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:41.000 Yeah. 0:07:41.040 --> 0:07:44.320 Sure, I think For me, it's that sex was never 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:48.600 about me, if that makes sense. There was never like 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:51.840 a conversation around you're supposed to get pleasure from this, 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:55.200 you're also supposed to really enjoy it. It kind of 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:59.160 is just like, Okay, this is how you pleasure your husband. 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.000 So we have this conversation with Amanda how when I 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:04.320 was younger and I'm putting my people on blast where 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:06.520 my mom I think I was about to go to 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:09.080 university and then she just called me into her room 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:12.640 and she's like, roomby, bring me a paper and a pen. 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:14.880 So I gave her and then she was like sketching 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:18.480 a vagina and glitterist and then she was just like, yeah, 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:20.280 so this is what you need to do and then 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:24.160 it makes it more pleasurable for the partner. And I 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:26.080 just froze up because I was like, we have never to. 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:30.679 Yeah, they've gotten such a loud left to one hundred, 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:33.120 and she was like, oh, yeah, let your sister know, 0:08:33.200 --> 0:08:34.440 and I was just like, soa what now? 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:37.400 But even in that, it wasn't so much about me. 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:39.839 It was more about. 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:42.640 How to make sure I'm pleasing something. 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:45.719 Yes, it's very male center feels, and I feel like 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.480 that's where we kind of go wrong because sex is 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:50.000 such a complimentary process. 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:53.280 The more that you get turned on, the more it turns. 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:55.959 Them on, And that's when it's a really, really connected experience. 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:59.280 But when it's more so about you just touching them 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:02.000 in the right way makes them feel good, and not 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:05.280 really focusing on what brings you pleasure, you're actually I 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:05.840 would say. 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:07.959 It's not going to lead to the best kind of sex. 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:08.520 I agree. 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:12.199 And if you feel good about yourself and are really 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:15.400 you feel sexy, you feel confident, I find that is 0:09:15.440 --> 0:09:21.280 the best sex, Like when you feel so good and yeah. 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:25.360 And relax, RelA, yeah, yeah. Why do you think it 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:27.440 is that way though? That it is male centered? Do 0:09:27.480 --> 0:09:30.240 you think it is due to porn? Because sometimes I 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:33.200 feel like even like we might think, okay, you're being 0:09:33.200 --> 0:09:35.480 a bit of a selfish lover, but even the guy thinks, oh, 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:38.040 this is the way. Like, I feel like the mis 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:41.040 education is on both ends. Even if your partner is 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:44.679 trying to be generous, they might not have the roadmap 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:48.040 on how to be But what are we missing there 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:49.880 to not get all those skills? 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:54.800 Well, yeah, I think the sources of education for sex 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:57.720 are yeah, porn and movies, and they don't really go 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:03.520 into all of the details of it and the reality 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:05.800 of what it can look like, how it is so varied. 0:10:06.360 --> 0:10:09.839 But there is also, especially in porn, a big focus 0:10:09.880 --> 0:10:10.760 on male pleasure. 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:11.080 Yeah. 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:15.839 Yeah, and the way that someone would stimulate a woman 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:20.160 to get her to orgasm is usually not the reality. 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:24.880 You know, it happens really quickly, and yeah, there's just 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:28.600 this misinformation around what women's bodies need to reach climax. 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:28.960 Yeah. 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:31.680 I remember, like even in biology or the boys would 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:34.360 be like, huh, like when the vagina is being shown 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:36.480 and they're like, even till this day, I think boys 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:38.959 still have trapped their heads around one of vagina actually 0:10:39.000 --> 0:10:42.760 like looks like so then for them to be able 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:45.920 to pleasure it is like, but do you find us 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:49.240 women also might not know how to pleasure ourselves like masturbation. 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:52.520 How does that? Yeah? Yeah, I think it's it is 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:53.280 on both ends. 0:10:53.320 --> 0:10:58.880 Both people are kind of misinformed and uneducated around female pleasure. 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:00.360 Yeah. 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:03.320 A lot of the times when I see clients, especially 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.800 when there's maybe mismatch desire in a relationship, when the 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:08.280 man wants it more than the woman, a lot of 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:10.440 times it will be that the woman isn't aware of 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:14.680 what she wants, or she might be kind of aware 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:17.360 of it and then maybe ask him for it, but 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:21.440 because it might not seem similar to the poem or 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:23.680 like the movie kind of secks, both of them will 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:26.920 actually disqualify it. The man and the woman, they'll both 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:28.719 kind of just not put too much focus on it 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:31.839 because she'll think, oh, maybe it's a bit of left center. 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:34.120 And you're so right about asking for what you want. 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:38.679 And because I think again maybe male centric. Maybe also 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:41.280 as women, we are raised to put our needs in 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:42.360 the back burner in. 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:44.480 A lot of ways, like in society. 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:46.240 So then it's like, oh, if I ask for this, 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:49.480 but learning to articulate that actually I prefer it this 0:11:49.559 --> 0:11:52.040 way or this is where my spot is, or you 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:55.320 know things like that. I would, if you don't mind, 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:58.400 would love for you to if you were to speak 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:03.800 to women, someone who's trying to get past all these 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:07.040 stigmas that we're in myths we're talking about, I'll say, 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:09.800 from a female perspective, for now, how do you think 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:13.640 we can start to really embrace our sexuality and kind 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:15.360 of get to learn ourselves better. 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:17.359 And like if you could. 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:21.720 Say, like top three stake for that, because I think 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:23.600 it's like, where do you start? Right, If we're not 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:26.560 having these conversations, all we rely on is TV, maybe 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:29.679 porn maybe if we even have a conversation with a friend, 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:32.000 like where do we begin? 0:12:32.120 --> 0:12:34.080 So since you're here, we'd love to hear. 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:38.800 Yeah. I guess how I would help a client with 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:43.120 that kind of thing is I would get them to observe, 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:46.840 just be an observer during sexual experiences for a little 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.840 while and just notice times during sex when they want 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:52.800 to do something but they don't do it, when they 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:54.959 do something but they don't really feel like doing it, 0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:58.679 and just kind of observe how they're behaving versus how 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:02.720 they're feeling, how much their partner, you know, is intertwined 0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:06.360 in that process as well, a sexual partner. And then 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:09.120 I would ask them, if you were to act on 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:10.800 some of these things that you want to do or 0:13:10.840 --> 0:13:14.440 you don't want to do, what kind of thoughts come 0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:16.679 up that make it more challenging to do that? 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:18.680 Like it could be a body image thing. 0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:21.400 It could be that they think their sexual partner is 0:13:21.440 --> 0:13:23.880 going to think they're being too much. It could be 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:26.400 that they don't want to be viewed as too sexual, 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:31.600 so everyone's experience with why they hold back will be 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:36.200 kind of different. So kind of pinpointing what barrier holds 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:39.280 you back from asserting what you need can be a 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:42.080 really good point, and then you can kind of pinpoint 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:44.160 that barrier and then work. 0:13:43.920 --> 0:13:45.400 On that barrier specifically. 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:48.079 Oh wow, yeah, So I think for us a lot 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:52.040 of times city come from Zimbabwe, it's religion. So our 0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:57.120 just to give you contexts, our background for generalizing most people, 0:13:57.240 --> 0:14:01.720 it's very religious. And then the messaging is okay, you know, 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:03.760 And obviously that's because it's like, oh, you're meant to 0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:06.600 be a virgin when you get married, and then thus 0:14:06.679 --> 0:14:10.360 that means there is no sexual there's no talk on 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:14.680 sexual desire, there's no all saved for when you get married. 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:16.600 Which you know, each to their own. 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:18.440 But then the thing is, even after you get married, 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:20.560 we're not even provided with the tools. 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:21.640 We have these things. 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:23.720 I mean today we're having some high tea, but we 0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:26.240 have these things called kitchen tea in Zimbabwe. And like 0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:29.200 your aunts come and then all of a sudden, this 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:32.160 aunt you've never talked to you about anything sexual. It's 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:38.600 impacting all the sexual wisdom. Obviously, sometimes it's it is comical. 0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:41.240 It's humor filled, but at the same time it's quite 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:43.000 sad that we save up all. 0:14:42.920 --> 0:14:44.560 This to then finally tell you. 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:47.320 So it's a lot of information coming in at once 0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:50.880 at the same time, like porn itself is illegal in Zimbabwe, 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:53.280 so it's like all these things are like cloak and 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:56.320 dagger and hidden, and it makes it so high because 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:59.000 I feel like sex is meant to be so open. Yeah, 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:03.160 but why do that disconnect between sex being such an 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:05.840 open thing and the where the world operates and makes 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:08.080 it such a closeted thing. Like why do you think 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:10.480 there's that disconnect there? 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:11.160 Yeah? 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.840 I guess one could be like the history of religion, 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:19.400 which has kind of traditionally said to abstain and kind 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:22.880 of not really explore. Yeah, they've kind of promoted the 0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:25.840 idea of not exploring sexuality until it's within a marriage. 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:29.160 But then yeah, when you're in that marriage, there want 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:30.040 much information. 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:31.960 Yeah. 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:34.840 The wildest thing we just like, huh And for us, 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:38.040 I think you grew up being told no boys because 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:40.240 we're I was, and this is the thing of things 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:44.680 being kept under wraps in secret. You know, family members, 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:48.800 cousins who felt pregnant, teenage pregnancies, early pregnancies, but it 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:52.400 was like no one was telling us about like safe 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:55.880 sex truly and these things. So it's like the consequences 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:58.560 of just not talking about it. And then I remember 0:15:58.560 --> 0:16:01.480 having a family meeting and my dad saying, this is 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:05.080 what happens when you have sex. Girls don't have sex, 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:07.840 boys wear a condom. I'll never forget that stage. And 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:11.239 I was like, huh, like make it make sense. Yeah, 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:12.160 that's normal. 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:14.760 That was normal, and we were brought up so it's like 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:17.160 if you if you bring a pregnancy in this household, 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:19.560 it's a huge problem. But the guy can go and 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:23.120 make someone else pregnant, but that's someone else's daughter too. 0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:24.240 It's such a weird. 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:28.720 Yeah, And if you're just told to abstain, then when 0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:30.960 you get in that situation, you really have no information. 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:35.240 And I'm sorry abstaining, especially in high school, and that's 0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:38.360 when I met Rumby. You have all these sexual desires 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:41.480 Pubert starts and you're like, oh my gosh, my boobs 0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:44.320 are growing and I touched my nipples. They're so sensitive. Yeah, 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:45.840 but it's like what do I do? 0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:50.960 And we were reading and you're romantic, like, oh my gosh, yeah, 0:16:51.000 --> 0:16:52.280 I can't be feeling this way. 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:53.800 Reading that was so right. 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:56.680 Actually, in high school sometimes we would have one novel 0:16:56.880 --> 0:16:59.560 and then we'll go around the whole, so we're all 0:16:59.600 --> 0:17:03.760 getting like our education from whoever the author was shout 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:07.199 out and the author's out there, because it really was 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:11.760 just like our only gateway to finding out and knowing 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:12.560 about sex. 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:15.800 Yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, but now I want us to 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:21.760 get a little bit more into you and Posmo. How 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:24.840 and why did you come up with your six concept 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:28.600 store and like what led to that, because like this 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.240 is so exciting for me us like bring the notepad, 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:34.320 like let us know. But yeah, how did that journey 0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:38.199 come about? And why was it important for you to 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:41.679 start that and not just say okay, you can just 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:42.840 go to it whichever's store. 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:44.280 So, yeah, can tell us a bit about that. 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:48.080 Yeah, it started when I was studying my master's to 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:51.960 become a psyxologist, and I was reading a lot on 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:57.399 this theory called postmodern sexuality, where it kind of talks 0:17:57.440 --> 0:18:00.000 about how I mean, it's a bit of a radical theory, 0:18:00.320 --> 0:18:03.000 but they say that they don't think people should have 0:18:03.040 --> 0:18:10.280 sexual orientations because it categorizes people. Again, it's very radical, 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:13.679 So it's not that you know, it's can't really be 0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:16.120 applied to everything. But I really like this the way 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:19.560 that they say that everyone's sexuality is so complex, so 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:25.399 to put it into a category is kind of simplifying it. 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:28.840 It also leads to like disadvantage as well, because you know, 0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:32.840 people will make assumptions based on you know, who someone is, 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:35.280 based on the gender that. 0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:36.040 They're attracted to. 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:40.600 So I really liked this theory, and I wanted to 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:42.520 create a store that was founded on that. 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:45.200 I also have a history, like a. 0:18:45.119 --> 0:18:48.399 Background in fashion, so yeah, I wanted to create a 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:52.679 sex toy store that applied similar kind of esthetic principles 0:18:52.760 --> 0:18:56.000 to the sexual honor space and make it really pretty 0:18:56.080 --> 0:18:57.800 and yeah, rather than. 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:05.919 I love that, Yeah, And like what would be a starter, 0:19:06.480 --> 0:19:09.040 Like if I walked in or contacted you and said, 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:11.000 I'm looking to get some toys. 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:11.200 Okay. 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:16.640 Website, Yeah, what would your recommendation be? And I would 0:19:16.640 --> 0:19:18.240 love for you to also talk about it in the 0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:21.160 context of sometimes I think we feel if you are 0:19:21.200 --> 0:19:24.840 in a committed partnership, you don't need any toys or 0:19:24.880 --> 0:19:26.880 it's like the person is supposed to be your full 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:30.400 place enough, which I don't agree with. But like, yeah, 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:32.440 so like please talk us through that, Like what would 0:19:32.440 --> 0:19:35.320 your recommendation be? Like when you walk in, Like what 0:19:35.359 --> 0:19:37.879 are you looking for? I mean, obviously everyone's different, but 0:19:38.080 --> 0:19:40.040 like out of start or peers? 0:19:40.119 --> 0:19:49.159 Can I just say how excited Ruby looks like. 0:19:45.720 --> 0:19:49.040 We've been waiting? That's all I say. Listening, But. 0:19:51.960 --> 0:19:55.359 Yeah, I guess I would ask what kind of stimulation 0:19:56.040 --> 0:19:56.520 you like? 0:19:56.640 --> 0:19:59.600 Do you prefer internal? Do you prefer external? 0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:03.880 So vaginal literal LaBier, you know, like on the lips 0:20:03.920 --> 0:20:04.880 of the volvera. 0:20:05.640 --> 0:20:07.080 Do you prefer double penetration? 0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:11.720 Sorry, not dual stimulation sorry, where it's internal and external, 0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:17.439 there's also anal stimulation to full body stimulation. So I 0:20:17.480 --> 0:20:22.640 would ask of those things what you prefer, and then 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:26.800 based on that, you know, do you like quite strong 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:31.959 stimulation or something more gentle, because that could vary with 0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:35.720 the kinds of vibrations a toy can give. Some toys 0:20:35.720 --> 0:20:40.000 don't vibrate at all. They their glass or metal toys. 0:20:40.000 --> 0:20:43.560 We have a few that don't have any vibrations, but 0:20:43.560 --> 0:20:47.720