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Speaker 1: I just love Fridays. Fridays are the best day of

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Speaker 1: the week. But none tomorrow, it's the weekend. Tomorrow, We've

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Speaker 1: got a great interview dropping with a former vice president

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Speaker 1: of what Disney Corporation who's going to be on the pod.

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Speaker 2: You've clearly told Emily about this interview. Yes, she asked

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Speaker 2: me if I listened to it.

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Speaker 1: Oh, oh, yes. She is a little bit nervous because

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Speaker 1: I asked him about roadblocks. I just said one word

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Speaker 1: answer yes or no.

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Speaker 2: She's like, maybe you don't need to listen to that.

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Speaker 1: One moment, She's still begging for it. I just thought

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Speaker 1: it no, not going to happen. But the main reason

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Speaker 1: that I love Fridays is because this is the Happy

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Speaker 1: Families Podcast episode where we talk about what went right

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Speaker 1: or what went wrong in the week just gone. We

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Speaker 1: deconstruct it and we talk about how we can make

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Speaker 1: our families happier by being more intentional learning the lessons

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Speaker 1: of the week that just was. So we're really glad

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Speaker 1: to have you along for The Happy Families Podcast is

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Speaker 1: where we give you real parenting solutions every day on

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Speaker 1: Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are justin and Tyley

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Speaker 1: Coulson Kylie.

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Speaker 2: Last week on the pod, we interviewed, well, actually you interviewed, yes,

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Speaker 2: Michelle Mitchell. Yes, in relation to her book Where Do

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Speaker 2: Babies Come From?

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Speaker 1: So this is a book for eight twelve year olds

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Speaker 1: so that parents know how to have the talk. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: I did.

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Speaker 2: And we did share the story where one of our children,

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Speaker 2: literally when they were learning for the very first time

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Speaker 2: about where babies came from, looked at you and I

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Speaker 2: and said, do you mean you've done this four times? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: So we were talking about elder she had three younger sisters.

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Speaker 1: She's done the master really quickly and gone, oh my goodness.

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Speaker 1: So we jumped onto Facebook shared the story and it

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Speaker 1: was just just such a funny moment. We said, what

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Speaker 1: is the funniest and most unexpected thing that your child

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Speaker 1: has said when learning about intimacy and how babies are made?

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Speaker 1: And you did not disappoint. I just want to read, Kylie.

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Speaker 1: You don't know what these are. I just told you

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Speaker 1: that we had them. So I'm going to share what

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Speaker 1: happens when we ask our Facebook community to tell us

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Speaker 1: the funny things that happened. And they were having these

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Speaker 1: conversations with their kids Sarah said, when explaining breastfeeding, my

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Speaker 1: nine year old said, please tell me I was bottlefed.

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Speaker 1: Here's the next one from Tomorrow Thompson. My fifth child

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Speaker 1: was ten when we felt pregnant with her little sister.

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Speaker 1: When she announced to her class that we were having

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Speaker 1: another baby, she quickly added, but don't worry they did

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Speaker 1: if they definitely did not do it. One of my

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Speaker 1: favorites came from Isabel, who said, when our eldest was four,

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Speaker 1: she asked the questions we gave her the answers using

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Speaker 1: anatomically correct names a matter of fact discussion. She then

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Speaker 1: asked if she could please watch next time we make

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Speaker 1: another baby. No way, I mean she was four, right,

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Speaker 1: so you can allow that. Another one that cracked me

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Speaker 1: up was from Andrea. Child one said two things. One

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Speaker 1: I wish I'd never asked, and two I hope you're

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Speaker 1: not going to do that again. Child too said don't worry,

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Speaker 1: which wins. Remember they only had to do it, and

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Speaker 1: that was it. I just love this stuff. We had

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Speaker 1: so many come through, like really really, really fun conversation.

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Speaker 1: I actually got a text from Michelle Mitchell. She said

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Speaker 1: that podcast episode really had an impact because our shop

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Speaker 1: went bonkers when it dropped, like and I'm so glad,

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Speaker 1: Like she deserves it. She has written a book that

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Speaker 1: I truly believe if you want to know how to

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Speaker 1: have this conversation with your kids and do it in

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Speaker 1: a really positive, fresh, helpful way, they're the books that

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Speaker 1: you've got to buy. She's I don't get any kickbacks.

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Speaker 1: This is not sponsored. Michelle doesn't even know that we're

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Speaker 1: talking about this again today. But the books that she's written,

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Speaker 1: they're available at her shop. Just type in Michelle Mitchell

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Speaker 1: into Google and you can go to the shop and

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Speaker 1: find them. The book's about puberty, The Girl's Guide and

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Speaker 1: the Guy's Guide to Puberty, and the book where do

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Speaker 1: Babies Come From? And other questions. Eight to twelve year

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Speaker 1: old ask, I just think that they must have. If

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Speaker 1: you're a parent, you got to buy it.

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Speaker 2: You know you're on a good thing. When you're eleven

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Speaker 2: year old picks it up of her own free will

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Speaker 2: and just wants to have a read.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, like she loves them.

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Speaker 2: And when she saw the new book sitting on my

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Speaker 2: bedside table, she was like, ah, she didn't have a book.

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Speaker 1: Yep, you're so excited. So Michelle if you hear this

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Speaker 1: podcast episode, you're welcome. And Emily's your number one fan.

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Speaker 1: She really is. She just thinks you're great. Okay, let's

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Speaker 1: talk about older better tomorrow, Kylie. I'm going to jump

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Speaker 1: in and kick on with my one first, because mine's

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Speaker 1: a good news story and I think that it's nice

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Speaker 1: to come to the weekend knowing that there's room for improvement.

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Speaker 1: And I know from what you've told me, I think

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Speaker 1: you're going to be reflective and give us room to improve. So,

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Speaker 1: very very briefly, recently, when I was in Sydney, I

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Speaker 1: caught up with somebody who was having a really tough

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Speaker 1: time with their child. It's not an overexaggeration to say

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Speaker 1: that this child had been hospitalized and was dealing with

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Speaker 1: a persistent desire to no longer be in this family

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Speaker 1: and to be alive. This child was really truly struggling

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Speaker 1: in the deepest and most profound way. About fourteen years old,

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Speaker 1: little boy and I sat down with his dad. His

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Speaker 1: mum couldn't make the conversation, but I sat down with

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Speaker 1: his dad and we had a long chat. It's rare

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Speaker 1: that I get the opportunity to do this, but it

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Speaker 1: was a real. I just felt like a real gift

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Speaker 1: to be able to talk and listen and understand and

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Speaker 1: be there. At the end of the conversation, they were

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Speaker 1: already getting good help. They were signed up with some

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Speaker 1: outpatient care with a hospital. But I said, in spite

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Speaker 1: of everything that you're getting, there are a couple of

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Speaker 1: things that stand out to me. Number One, I feel

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Speaker 1: like one of the most important things you can have

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Speaker 1: is something to look forward to, something to live for.

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Speaker 1: And right now, after this conversation, I feel like he

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Speaker 1: wakes up every day and there's nothing to look forward to.

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Speaker 1: And I suggested, is there some way that you can

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Speaker 1: get a weekend off or a day off, even pull

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Speaker 1: him out of school for a day, or give him

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Speaker 1: a mental health day or whatever, and give him something

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Speaker 1: to look forward to, whether it's a mountain bike ride

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Speaker 1: or a surf or what is it that you do.

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Speaker 1: And they talked it through and they said, yeah, we

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Speaker 1: actually we really do like bike riding. I said, so

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Speaker 1: maybe go for a bike ride, go camping for a weekend.

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Speaker 1: Just do that. I said, there are two other things

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Speaker 1: that are really important. Number one relationship and number two

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Speaker 1: being outside. I said, if you can build physical activity

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Speaker 1: relationship and outside into his life and give him things

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Speaker 1: to look forward to. They don't have to be expensive,

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Speaker 1: they can be as cheap as anything. It's about getting

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Speaker 1: out there and doing it. And I got an email

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Speaker 1: the other day from this dad and he said, Hey,

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Speaker 1: it's been a while since we chatted. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: give you an update on my son. In short, in

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Speaker 1: the past few months, we have seen a wonderful turnaround.

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Speaker 1: I went from not even recognizing my boy when we

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Speaker 1: last spoke to having our amazing, happy kid back. The

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Speaker 1: hospital program was excellent at giving us support and tools

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Speaker 1: that we needed, but probably the tool that has had

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Speaker 1: the greatest effect was from you. Let's create our own

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Speaker 1: purpose together. We've done this through mountain biking together and

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Speaker 1: it's been transformational. The trips, the trails, camping, the pizza afterwards,

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Speaker 1: the car ride, watching YouTube videos and so on. The

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Speaker 1: intentionality of always creating something to look forward to has

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Speaker 1: been a game changer. Lots more to say, but I

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Speaker 1: can't thank you enough for your advice and being there

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Speaker 1: when I really needed it. I'm sure there'll be up

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Speaker 1: and in the future, but we are so much better

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Speaker 1: equipped to handle it now. I get a message like that,

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Speaker 1: and I just think, oh, my goodness. So first of all,

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Speaker 1: let me make it about me for a sec. It

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Speaker 1: is so gratifying to know that I can help people.

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Speaker 1: It's why I do what I do. But the thing

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Speaker 1: that really touches me, the thing that I'm most grateful for,

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Speaker 1: is there's this teenage boy who doesn't feel like life

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Speaker 1: is worth living, and with a couple of small and

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Speaker 1: generous tweaks from his parents, they start to find something

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Speaker 1: to look forward to. Together, they start to spend time

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Speaker 1: in relationship, they spend time doing physical activity, and all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden, life feels amazing. One more really interesting

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Speaker 1: thing on this I gave the data quick call and said,

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Speaker 1: your email has just made my day. Thank you for

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Speaker 1: sharing that. I said, tell me one other thing, how's

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Speaker 1: he going with his screens? Because I didn't really talk

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Speaker 1: about screens much in our conversation, but I knew that

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Speaker 1: screens was also a problem, and at the heart of

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Speaker 1: getting it outside going and doing these trips with Dad,

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Speaker 1: what I knew would happen is that he's going to

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Speaker 1: have reduced screen time. And Dad said, he's barely touched

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Speaker 1: Fortnite since we started doing this, Like he's just not

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Speaker 1: looking for that outlet anymore because he's got this new

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Speaker 1: outlet that we're engaged in. And I just thought, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you get kids off screens, you get them active, you

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Speaker 1: get them outside, and it makes such.

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Speaker 2: A difference when I hear that story. What stands out

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Speaker 2: to me the most is that for so many parents,

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Speaker 2: we watch our children's behavior, whether it's challenging in that

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Speaker 2: he's spiraling down or they're angry and they're pushing us away,

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Speaker 2: our kids are desperate for our connection. They're desperate for it,

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Speaker 2: and they don't know how to ask for it, and

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Speaker 2: it's not cool to ask for it and all the

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Speaker 2: eggs that goes around it. And yet I would say

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Speaker 2: that what ninety nine percent of the challenges that our

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Speaker 2: kids experience would change almost overnight if we took intentional

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Speaker 2: effort to create connection. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I mean, there's always going to be challenges and sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's not that easy. But this kid was in a

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Speaker 1: complex and challenging situation. He'd been hospitalized and his parents

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Speaker 1: really were wondering if he would wake up the next morning,

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Speaker 1: Like it was extremely intense. Getting back to those basics,

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Speaker 1: they're profound, they're so basic that we overlook them, and

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Speaker 1: we feel like we've got to go and have all

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Speaker 1: these specialist appointments and things, and sometimes we do, but

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Speaker 1: those basics are so profound, they're so impactful. And you

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Speaker 1: get a letter like that or an email like that,

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Speaker 1: and you go, Okay, let's go back to basics again.

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Speaker 1: Things are falling apart. How can we get out of

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Speaker 1: the house. How can we go for that walk to

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Speaker 1: the park, the beach, to the top of the hill.

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Speaker 1: How can we go camping for a weekend? What do

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Speaker 1: we need to do to slow it down and to

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Speaker 1: make things feel natural and connected again? Anyway, that's my

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Speaker 1: older bed tomorrow. It's not actually about what I've been

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Speaker 1: doing at home with our family, maybe because I've been

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Speaker 1: in perpole week, but it does highlight just how impactful

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Speaker 1: these changes can be when we truly connect, get active

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Speaker 1: and get outdoors with our kids. Okay, what's your bad news?

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Speaker 1: What's your older better tomorrow? After everything has gone wrong

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Speaker 1: this week, well after.

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Speaker 2: Last week's I'll do better tomorrow, and having that beautiful

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Speaker 2: conversation with our eldest daughter melt your heart kind of stuff.

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Speaker 2: I just was floating on cloud nine. It's hard to

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Speaker 2: believe that I'm down in the valley right now, feeling like.

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Speaker 1: You can't live on top of the mountain. You got

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Speaker 1: to come down to the valley.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it's been a hard week.

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Speaker 1: It's been a really hard week.

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Speaker 2: We have four cars in our house. You and I

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Speaker 2: each have our own car because you travel so much,

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Speaker 2: and then each of our teenage daughters have a car

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Speaker 2: as well. And this week, for nearly three days, we

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Speaker 2: were down to one car in our house, which meant

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Speaker 2: I became everybody's taxi. I literally felt like I was

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Speaker 2: in the car and I was going in every direction.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and it ran times as well, yes, completely. So

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Speaker 1: our year ten daughter had a whole lot of practical

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Speaker 1: practical stuff. So one morning she had to meet everyone

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Speaker 1: at like six o'clock, nearly an hour away from here,

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Speaker 1: and another morning it was at nine point thirty, half an

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Speaker 1: hour away from here.

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Speaker 2: But then needs pick ups at different times. It's not

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Speaker 2: like school times, and.

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Speaker 1: That just annihilates your schedule, absolutely rubbishes the routine.

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Speaker 2: Well, and it didn't coincide with anyone else's schedule. So

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Speaker 2: I would literally have to go pick her up and

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Speaker 2: come home and then go and get the other daughter.

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Speaker 2: Who was in a completely different direction half an hour later.

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Speaker 2: Like it was just insane what I was trying to do.

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Speaker 1: And when the kids, I mean, like you normally set

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Speaker 1: your kids up to go to a school nearby because

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Speaker 1: it's convenient, you don't have to do long drives, but

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you're driving forty minutes there and

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Speaker 1: an hour there and.

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Speaker 2: Then stuck in school traffic.

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Speaker 1: I haven't had to do that, so your life is

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Speaker 1: so hard, first world problem.

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Speaker 2: But then on top of that, because we'd had a

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Speaker 2: weekend away last weekend while you were speaking at the

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Speaker 2: Key Assets gala night, meant that I didn't do my

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Speaker 2: usual Saturday shop and I didn't do any food prep,

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Speaker 2: so we had no food in the kitchen. I didn't

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Speaker 2: have any meal prep done or meal list done.

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Speaker 1: Because we're driving our country school live. No time to

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Speaker 1: go and do the shop because you're spending all day

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Speaker 1: in the car driving kids around, and then you.

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Speaker 2: At school homeschool to it, and it has been an

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Speaker 2: absolute shamuzzle. And I was thinking about this idea of

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Speaker 2: when we keep ourselves accountable and we look at what

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Speaker 2: we're doing and we decide that we want to make

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Speaker 2: these changes. So one of the biggest changes that we've

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Speaker 2: chosen to make is to kind of live more on

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Speaker 2: a raw diet, to involve more fruits and vegetables into

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Speaker 2: our lives in a way that we've never done before.

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Speaker 2: And we did so well for the first two weeks.

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Speaker 2: Not only did the meal's taste amazing, but we felt amazing.

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Speaker 2: We felt an absolute change, everyone did, including Emily. And

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Speaker 2: then we've had a week like this, and it's so

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Speaker 2: easy to feel like you've absolutely failed, like all the

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Speaker 2: wheels are coming off the wagon and there is no

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Speaker 2: there's no point of return here. We've completely completely thrown

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Speaker 2: everything out that we wanted so desperately to implement, but

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Speaker 2: so much of our week has been out of our control.

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Speaker 2: A car in the shop that wasn't supposed to be

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Speaker 2: in the shop for a week and a half, a

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Speaker 2: car that needed servicing. All of the things and family

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Speaker 2: life is like that. But it just reiterated to me

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Speaker 2: how important structure and routine is. And sometimes we don't

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Speaker 2: have any control over whether we can have that structuring routine,

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Speaker 2: but we can recognize the importance for it. So it's

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Speaker 2: not really it's I mean, it's been a hard week,

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Speaker 2: but the reality is I know how to get back

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Speaker 2: on track structure. Yeah, and it just requires intention and refocus.

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Speaker 1: Okay, and you need your car back. Well, the good

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Speaker 1: news is the car came back yesterday, so we are

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Speaker 1: okay again. But yeah, you you're absolutely right. Structure helps

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Speaker 1: you to feel competence. Right. When you feel competence, that

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Speaker 1: basic psychological need you are being in, motivation go up.

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Speaker 1: But when you do not have the structure, when you

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Speaker 1: don't have the framework, when you don't have the boundaries,

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Speaker 1: the guidelines, the formula, when the system breaks down, you're

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Speaker 1: feeling competent. And life is hard. And that's really what's

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Speaker 1: happened this last week.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think the other thing I really wanted

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Speaker 2: to just reiterate is just when you're making change, it's

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Speaker 2: hard to make it stick. Yeah, it's really hard, but

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Speaker 2: don't give up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's not just hard because of old patterns.

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Speaker 1: It's also hard because life is variable and random and volatile,

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Speaker 1: and things happen that you're not expecting. It's great, I'll

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Speaker 1: do but it tomorrow. It's great reminder about the importance

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Speaker 1: of routine and structure. It really makes a difference to

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Speaker 1: help your family to function. Well, I'm glad you shared that,

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Speaker 1: and hopefully they take our message from my story about

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Speaker 1: the dad that I spoke to and his son. Hopefully

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Speaker 1: that resonates as well, and it helps people whose kids

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Speaker 1: are really struggling to just have a sense of where

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Speaker 1: to go and what to do. I guess the hardest

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Speaker 1: thing is convincing your kids to get on board with it.

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Speaker 1: But usually if you're promising going to take them camping

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Speaker 1: or mountain bike riding or whatever it is, they usually

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Speaker 1: feel pretty good about that. Hey, have a great weekend.

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Speaker 1: Please listen to our episode tomorrow. I can't wait for

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Speaker 1: you to hear the interview with Scott Novis, the former

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Speaker 1: Walt Disney vice president, who is going to talk about

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Speaker 1: kids and games and how to stop the problematic gaming

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Speaker 1: in ways that doesn't that don't require you to have

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Speaker 1: a big war to turn off the TV or the screen.

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Speaker 1: It's going to be great stuff. The Happy Families podcast

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Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Rowlin for Bridge Media. More information

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Speaker 1: and resources to make you family happier you can find

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Speaker 1: it at happy families dot com dot a u