Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on cart I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and we just
Speaker 1: finished a freaking awesome interview with a woman named logan Urie,
Speaker 1: which is coming out next Tuesday. But that's not what
Speaker 1: we're doing on today's episode. Are you gonna? Are you
Speaker 1: gonna tell them what it's about? Or just drop a name?
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you soft launching an episode?
Speaker 2: Laura?
Speaker 1: I am.
Speaker 2: I'm guys, it's gonna be the best episode that you've
Speaker 2: ever listened to. This one's gonna be really good as well.
Speaker 2: But maybe we should tell you what this episode's about.
Speaker 1: Well, this is asking on Cart. They know what this is,
Speaker 1: don't you'd ask us your questions? Will we answer? I
Speaker 1: think we don't need to go into that one.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe there's a new listener who doesn't know, and
Speaker 2: this is where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions.
Speaker 2: But before we get into unpacking all of the messed
Speaker 2: up that's going.
Speaker 1: On in your life at the moment, britt have you
Speaker 1: watched Squid Game yet? Okay, a few people have asked
Speaker 1: me this and I have seen it everywhere. Obviously, I'm
Speaker 1: in quarantine at the moment, and I'm almost I think
Speaker 1: halfway through. I've been been watching Netflix, but I have
Speaker 1: not turned on a squid game. And this is because
Speaker 1: all I've heard is people say, is really scary and
Speaker 1: really gory, and that like I get scared and scary
Speaker 1: movie as in like the piss take of the scary movies,
Speaker 1: you know, the comedy scary movie and that scares you.
Speaker 1: It scares me because it's like too close to the
Speaker 1: real thing. I'm such a pussy, like I can't watch
Speaker 1: anything scary or I'll have nightmare. So I haven't yet
Speaker 1: watched it. One thing I have. Look, I'm gonna come
Speaker 1: with a recommendation, and I do think that I'm behind
Speaker 1: the times. I think I'm late to the party. But
Speaker 1: it's Peaky Blinders. Have you watched that, Laura? I have
Speaker 1: not seen Peekles, do not know. I thought I had
Speaker 1: seen the whole of Netflix. Now no, so I have
Speaker 1: seen Peaky Blinders. You know, when you're scrolling your Netflix
Speaker 1: of things to watch, you see the same shows, but
Speaker 1: you always just bypass them because you're like that's probably
Speaker 1: so shit, or it doesn't grab you. Something about it
Speaker 1: doesn't grab you. I've seen Pey blinders for so long,
Speaker 1: and I've just thought, man, not for me. I am hooked.
Speaker 1: I just binge watched six seasons like the whole it's
Speaker 1: over for me, and I cried at the end because
Speaker 1: I was like, what I do now? It was so good.
Speaker 1: So I can't recommend it if I tell you what
Speaker 1: it's about. If you haven't watched it, you're not going
Speaker 1: to be interested. It's like back in the day, these
Speaker 1: mafia in England and their drug dealers, and it's about
Speaker 1: their family dynamic and it doesn't it's not a cell
Speaker 1: but you get so obsessed with the characters. There's so
Speaker 1: much great wonderful scripting and great acting and great character
Speaker 1: development that you really get hooked in and you're just
Speaker 1: like you feel like you know them so and they're
Speaker 1: the sort of seasons that I absolutely love. So that's
Speaker 1: my recommendation, and that is what I've been binging. Wait
Speaker 1: can we just go back a second to where you
Speaker 1: said you cried because the series ended. Now was the
Speaker 1: last episode sad or did you actually cry because you
Speaker 1: finished watching it and you were like, there's nothing else
Speaker 1: for me to watch now I'm morning a loss. Okay,
Speaker 1: So this happened with me with Outlander. When I read
Speaker 1: the books. There are also six books of Outlander. It
Speaker 1: took me like two years to really like get through them.
Speaker 1: I was at school. I put the last I remember
Speaker 1: closing the book, and I was in hysterics because I
Speaker 1: didn't know what to do with my life anymore for
Speaker 1: all this time, for years, these people and I sound crazy,
Speaker 1: but any bookworm's out there you know this feeling. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm not crazy, but like when you're that invested, you're
Speaker 1: mourning a loss. Because I went back and read the
Speaker 1: whole series twice. But that's a good writer. You feel
Speaker 1: like you're there with them and you feel like you
Speaker 1: know them and you are so invested in their story,
Speaker 1: and anyone that knows what I'm talking about, I'm not crazy.
Speaker 1: There is a feeling that you can mourn a loss
Speaker 1: when you finish a good series of book or TV.
Speaker 1: So that's my defense. Okay, Well, I have started sword Games,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to tell you when this trauma is finished,
Speaker 1: i am not going to mourn a loss. I'm going
Speaker 1: to be very happy that this is the end and
Speaker 1: it comes to an end. I know that there's going
Speaker 1: to be so many people listening to this who have
Speaker 1: started watching it just for some reference. I am on
Speaker 1: episode two right now. I've seen the first episode, the
Speaker 1: second episode. If you're in early days, we're so early.
Speaker 2: But we turned it on last night because obviously the
Speaker 2: higher Internet has been talking about it. Some people in
Speaker 2: the Facebook group were talking about it. It is fucking chaos,
Speaker 2: and I'm not going to give away too much about
Speaker 2: it for fear of spoiling. I mean, I can't spoil it,
Speaker 2: and I have only watched two episodes, so I can't
Speaker 2: spoil it for you. But it is this dystopian reality
Speaker 2: where they are basically I mean, if you've seen the
Speaker 2: Hunger Games, it kind of has a very similar premise
Speaker 2: to the Hunger Games, except it was created in Korea.
Speaker 2: You can either choose to watch it dubbed or you
Speaker 2: can watch it subtitled. And basically it's a game or
Speaker 2: series of games where the contestants are fighting literally for
Speaker 2: their lives. The losers die, and the winners continue to
Speaker 2: go through the games in order to win this incredibly
Speaker 2: huge amount of prize money. I think it's like forty
Speaker 2: five million dollars, which is supposed to be trying to
Speaker 2: highlight the disparity, and it's got this deep concept. It's
Speaker 2: trying to highlight the disparity between the rich and the poor,
Speaker 2: what we would do for money, how money runs the world.
Speaker 1: But guys, is it is so messed up. I can't
Speaker 1: even recommend it because it makes me feel so uncomfortable
Speaker 1: watching it. I don't think I would be able to
Speaker 1: watch it. Like you know where there was that period
Speaker 1: in our life. I think you and I were probably
Speaker 1: about twenty when it happened where all these horror films
Speaker 1: came out and the real gruesomeness. I couldn't watch them.
Speaker 1: I can't do it.
Speaker 2: It was like, I know what you did last summer
Speaker 2: saw and they were just back to back and if
Speaker 2: you go back and watch them now, they're so lame.
Speaker 2: They're so poorly put together, and they go for really
Speaker 2: horror like Gore Factor, whereas Squid Game. It's not scary
Speaker 2: like I mean, it makes you feel very uncomfortable, and
Speaker 2: I think for me, I went to bed with wild
Speaker 2: anxiety after watching it last night. But it's not so
Speaker 2: much scary as what it is just really fucking disturbing,
Speaker 2: and the fact that somebody actually sat down and created
Speaker 2: this this came out of someone's mind is just so
Speaker 2: mind blowing in and of itself.
Speaker 1: I think I would still be scared. I don't think
Speaker 1: i've outgrown scream in those things because my tolerance is
Speaker 1: just so low. But do you watch these shows, like
Speaker 1: when you watch a foreign show, do you watch it
Speaker 1: dubbed or do you watch your subtitled?
Speaker 2: This is pretty controversial. Look, I prefer subtitles, but if
Speaker 2: I'm doing something, I'll watch it dubbed. So last night
Speaker 2: we watched the first two episodes dubbed because we were
Speaker 2: eating and I was like, I want to also be
Speaker 2: able to enjoy my food and not miss anything. And yeah,
Speaker 2: so I think for like ease of watching, we watched
Speaker 2: it dubbed. But dubbed kind of makes it all feel
Speaker 2: a little bit more comical, Like I think, when you're
Speaker 2: watching it dubbed, it kind of loses an element of
Speaker 2: that suspense and fear because a person's voice doesn't match
Speaker 2: up to their mouth. Two episodes in, I am hook
Speaker 2: Line and Sinker and now I need to know what happens.
Speaker 1: But I also think, and I do think this, and
Speaker 1: I think this is why you've watched it as well.
Speaker 1: For sure, it's going to end up being the number
Speaker 1: one modest stream show that Netflix have ever had. But
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people have watching it because
Speaker 1: there has been It's everywhere, Like there's been so much
Speaker 1: talk about it. It's everywhere I look. People are talking, tweeting, resharing,
Speaker 1: it's all over every platform, squid games. I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot of people that are like, would never be
Speaker 1: interested in it or would never watch it, and they're like,
Speaker 1: all right, fine, like let's just see what the fuss
Speaker 1: is about, which I feel like is probably why you've
Speaker 1: checked into it now, because you're like, probably not saying
Speaker 1: i'd watch I'll probably end up watching it because eventually
Speaker 1: it's going to get the better of me. When everyone's
Speaker 1: talking about something, you're like, Okay, I'm going to have
Speaker 1: to see what the fuss is about. But I reckon
Speaker 1: there's a big chunk of people watching it purely to
Speaker 1: see what everyone else is talking about. It's totally fomo.
Speaker 2: And I think as soon as you start seeing the
Speaker 2: memes that are coming out and the jokes, you have
Speaker 2: this feeling of like, oh, I don't want to miss
Speaker 2: out on this.
Speaker 1: I want to see what's going on. But then you
Speaker 1: check in and you see what's going on, and it's
Speaker 1: actually so so messed up and so chaotic. So I
Speaker 1: don't even know if this is actually a recommendation. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to sit here and recommend that you guys
Speaker 1: should go and watch good games if you haven't already.
Speaker 1: But it's there, everyone's watching it.
Speaker 2: It's a thing to do, and I am voluntarily jumped
Speaker 2: on the bandwagon.
Speaker 1: Okay, maybe I'll force myself to watch one just so
Speaker 1: I can. Maybe just one. Is the first one? Two gruesome?
Speaker 1: The first one is that fucked? That's that.
Speaker 2: The second episode is actually really slow moving, I thought,
Speaker 2: but the first episode is so maybe that's just it.
Speaker 1: It doesn't.
Speaker 2: I don't know if the gruesomeness adds anything. And I
Speaker 2: don't think we need to see that many people be
Speaker 2: killed in that close range, Like I feel like we've
Speaker 2: become desensitized to watching people just get slaughtered.
Speaker 1: It's wild that this is going to be the most
Speaker 1: watched Netflix series. It blows my mind. But here we
Speaker 1: are fully the world. We're full of sickos, so sick anyway, guys,
Speaker 1: let's get into the questions.
Speaker 2: We have picked out a couple for you guys, today.
Speaker 2: I mean, no surprise, it's the same thing every week,
Speaker 2: has been for two years. But Brittany hit me with
Speaker 2: question number one.
Speaker 1: Okay, question number one. My partner and I are both
Speaker 1: twenty one and have been dating for over four years,
Speaker 1: So do the math. That's pretty young. He's absolutely my penguin,
Speaker 1: and I am ridiculously happy and settled in a life
Speaker 1: that we have together. We have spoken a lot about
Speaker 1: marriage and both see it as the next step. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm absolutely ready for that commitment. However, there
Speaker 1: is a part of me that worries about the judgment
Speaker 1: of my friends. There have been a lot of successful
Speaker 1: young marriages in my family, so I know they will
Speaker 1: be support as well. I'm just not sure about some
Speaker 1: of my friends. Not that it really matters, but I
Speaker 1: would just love to hear your opinion on this. What
Speaker 1: do you think? What are your thoughts on young marriage, Laura?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, look, I'm not against it. I think
Speaker 2: there is a big part of me that's like, you know,
Speaker 2: you need to experience life. You don't know who you
Speaker 2: are in your early twenties. But that comes from my
Speaker 2: own personal experience. You know, I know how much I've
Speaker 2: changed from being in my early twenties to being in
Speaker 2: my mid thirties. But just because that's my personal reflection
Speaker 2: on it, and just because that's my experience doesn't mean
Speaker 2: that it's somebody else's. And if you're in an awesome
Speaker 2: relationship in your early twenties and you are so lucky
Speaker 2: that you've met someone who you can grow with, who
Speaker 2: challenges you, who supports you, who you can see and
Speaker 2: know that you're going in the right direction together, then
Speaker 2: I don't think that you need to just experience dating
Speaker 2: a whole lot of people. You don't need to go
Speaker 2: and experience how fucked up dating can be to appreciate
Speaker 2: something that you already have. It's totally a non essential
Speaker 2: and I think sometimes we put too much pressure on
Speaker 2: this idea that you need to be single to find yourself.
Speaker 2: You can very much find yourself and be in a
Speaker 2: supporting and loving relationship at the same time.
Speaker 1: The key here, the key sentence is what you are
Speaker 1: most worried about is I'm worried what my friends will think.
Speaker 1: I mean, that is the biggest problem here, and it's
Speaker 1: a problem that should be nonexistent. It does not matter
Speaker 1: what your friends think of your decision. To marry the
Speaker 1: person that you love like that is irrelevant. And if
Speaker 1: any of your friends are going to judge you for
Speaker 1: that and not get on board and not be supportive,
Speaker 1: that's the problem. And I would be looking more at
Speaker 1: those kinds of friendships and why you're still in those friendships.
Speaker 1: If you were in an abusive relationship and you were saying, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm going to marry him and your friends were worried
Speaker 1: about you doing that, that is very different. But you
Speaker 1: are so happy, you're in love, you really want to
Speaker 1: marry the love of your life. I wouldn't worry about
Speaker 1: what your friends think. In regards to what Laura said.
Speaker 1: If you had written in and said, we talk about
Speaker 1: marriage and we're pretty happy, but I'm not sure if
Speaker 1: he's the one, That's when I would say, maybe you
Speaker 1: need to think about this really carefully because you are
Speaker 1: on the border and you're not sure whether he's someone
Speaker 1: you want to commit to. That's when I'd be like,
Speaker 1: maybe you do need to experience life, Maybe you do
Speaker 1: need to date some more people, Maybe you do need
Speaker 1: to figure out who you are. But you sound very
Speaker 1: convinced and confident in your relationship, so I think go
Speaker 1: helpful leather. There are plenty, plenty of long, beautiful love
Speaker 1: in relationships that have been together since they were like
Speaker 1: sixteen years old, regardless of age.
Speaker 2: I think that there are the same things that you
Speaker 2: need to ask yourself when you're heading into like making
Speaker 2: a big decision of marriage, Like having the big conversations
Speaker 2: around do you guys want to have kids, where do
Speaker 2: you want to live, how do you see your life
Speaker 2: looking in the future, Like what are you aiming towards?
Speaker 2: What are your aspirations. Having all of those really big
Speaker 2: hard conversations first are what really defined whether it's going
Speaker 2: to be a successful marriage. Whether you guys have your
Speaker 2: five year and your ten year plan mapped out, it
Speaker 2: doesn't matter at the end of the day. Sure, maybe
Speaker 2: some of your friends will think, oh, it's a bit
Speaker 2: weird they got married so young. They're gonna get over it.
Speaker 2: Loads of people in my friendship, grooves in my life
Speaker 2: got married young, and some of them are still together,
Speaker 2: some of them aren't. You can't predict exactly what's going
Speaker 2: to happen in the next ten years of your life
Speaker 2: or fifteen years of your life. But if you make
Speaker 2: that commitment that you want to get married. I think
Speaker 2: the big thing is regardless of age, is really being
Speaker 2: clear on where you want their relationship to head and
Speaker 2: making sure that you have those big, big conversations. And
Speaker 2: also I guess it will come with its own set
Speaker 2: of challenges in that you know, you guys are not
Speaker 2: going to be the same people that you are now
Speaker 2: in ten years time. You will do a lot of
Speaker 2: personal development in your twenties. We all do, like we
Speaker 2: all experience and grow so much in our twenties. It's
Speaker 2: a time of huge, huge change for so many people.
Speaker 2: But that doesn't mean that that change can't happen alongside
Speaker 2: someone and it doesn't mean that you can't grow together
Speaker 2: and be a great relationship and have a great relationship
Speaker 2: at the same time. So if your only thing and
Speaker 2: your only barrier is what people will think of you
Speaker 2: getting married young, I just think be super clear with
Speaker 2: your intentions and who cares what people think?
Speaker 1: Amen, sister. I wouldn't have been nice to just meet
Speaker 1: someone early and just like cut out all the fucking bullshit.
Speaker 2: My first boyfriend from eighteen until twenty three was an angel,
Speaker 2: and then I just.
Speaker 1: Dated so much shit after that. Like if only I
Speaker 1: had known what I knew then. I was like, this
Speaker 1: is what relationships should be. But I then kind of
Speaker 1: got a bit bored and then dated some other people,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I really need to fuck things
Speaker 1: up before it gets good again. Honestly, my relationship from
Speaker 1: sixteen to like twenty three was what dreams made of
Speaker 1: Like in hindsight, like he was such a he was
Speaker 1: just such a nice guy. But for me, and it's
Speaker 1: exactly what you said, Laura, you do grow so much
Speaker 1: in your twenties, like one hundred percent, I am a
Speaker 1: different person. Some people are lucky enough to grow together
Speaker 1: and grow in the same direction and on the same path.
Speaker 1: For me, this person he was still he still is incredible.
Speaker 1: He's just such a great human. But our paths diverged
Speaker 1: and where we were heading and what we wanted from
Speaker 1: our life was different, even though we loved each other.
Speaker 1: And that's just something for us. It didn't work young
Speaker 1: after eight years, but that doesn't mean it's not for you.
Speaker 2: And also the last thing I want to say on
Speaker 2: this as well, is like, sometimes when you are young
Speaker 2: and you're in a good relationship, you don't necessarily value
Speaker 2: how good it is or what you're getting from that person.
Speaker 2: Because you because you don't know, You don't know, you
Speaker 2: don't have a point of comparison. You think that you're
Speaker 2: supposed to experience dating lots of people. You think that
Speaker 2: you're supposed to put yourself out there. And look, I
Speaker 2: do think that there are so many benefits from meeting
Speaker 2: a variety of people, from dating, from kind of learning
Speaker 2: the life lessons.
Speaker 1: But if you don't, you don't need to subject.
Speaker 2: Yourself to dating shitty people or to like sleeping around
Speaker 2: in order to learn those lessons. If you're already in
Speaker 2: a great space and you're already happy, then it just
Speaker 2: means you buy. You skipped all the bullshit that so
Speaker 2: many of us get to a point that we're trying
Speaker 2: to avoid it one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: But again that comes with age. But you do, you
Speaker 1: get married, Congratulations and I hope you live a happy life.
Speaker 1: Invite us to the wedding. Okay, Question number two, Hey,
Speaker 1: question number two is it's a little bit different. This
Speaker 1: has come in from a wife whose husband has literally
Speaker 1: asked her to write it in. They're having a disagreement
Speaker 1: in the bedroom and he has said, well, I think
Speaker 1: you need to ask the life uncut girl. So that's
Speaker 1: why I think this one's interesting. My husband recently got
Speaker 1: fixed up, so he obviously got the chop. Now we
Speaker 1: obviously have a lot of unprotected sex. Wait, when you
Speaker 1: see the chop, you make it sound like he had
Speaker 1: his bulls cut off. He did, he was cartrated. We
Speaker 1: took my husband to get into He obviously got a resection. Me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he didn't get these balls, he didn't get carcerated. Now
Speaker 1: we obviously have a lot of unprotected sex. After he comes,
Speaker 1: I really want him to go down on me, but
Speaker 1: he flat out refuses to basically lick his own com
Speaker 1: Is this a normal request from me? Does anyone else
Speaker 1: do this? Or is it just a weird, kinky thing
Speaker 1: that I'd like to try. My husband knows how much
Speaker 1: I listen to you guys, and he told me to
Speaker 1: ask you guys. He's dying to hear you tell him
Speaker 1: that it's weird. I would just love to hear your thoughts.
Speaker 1: Am I alone in wanting my husband to go down
Speaker 1: to me after he's coming me. I just love this
Speaker 1: question so much because there's like so many lights the
Speaker 1: semi lays, So my favorite part is the fact that
Speaker 1: the husband's like ask the girls like Laura and Brittany
Speaker 1: will know what to do. Dear God, I think nothing
Speaker 1: is weird, Like, nothing is weird so long as both
Speaker 1: people are accepting of it for starters, right, Like if
Speaker 1: he was all down for it, then it wouldn't be weird.
Speaker 1: Clearly it's weird to him, and that's also okay. I
Speaker 1: do find it pretty interesting when a guy wants you
Speaker 1: to go down on him but is absolutely adverse to ever,
Speaker 1: like he's not okay with his own jiz. Do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like, there's so many guys who don't want to go
Speaker 2: down on you afterwards, or they don't want to like
Speaker 2: even get it near them.
Speaker 1: Because their penis has already been there, but they're like
Speaker 1: quite happy for you to put it in your mouth.
Speaker 1: It's like, dude, if it's not okay for your mouth,
Speaker 1: it shouldn't be okay for mine. That's like this is
Speaker 1: a benchmark. What's good enough for you is good enough
Speaker 1: for me. I do think there is a different level
Speaker 1: of expectations there. But also, I mean, it's not like
Speaker 1: you're drinking. You're not asking him to drink a cup
Speaker 1: of it. You're not like, here, have a go. I
Speaker 1: think it would be nice if he would give it
Speaker 1: a try. But I also very strongly think that if
Speaker 1: someone's against something in the bedroom, you can't force them
Speaker 1: to do it. And if there's something about this that
Speaker 1: he's uncomfortable with, and he's explained why he's uncomfortable, then
Speaker 1: I kind of think you have to be accepting of that.
Speaker 1: I don't think that you can really like coerce or
Speaker 1: guilt your partner into going down on you. Yeah, I think.
Speaker 1: And the thing is not even that you're trying to
Speaker 1: guilty me into going down And I don't think that's
Speaker 1: his problem. It doesn't sound like that's his problem. The
Speaker 1: problem is that you want him to do it when
Speaker 1: he's just ejaculated inside of you and it's still there.
Speaker 1: Everything Laura said is right. We talk about this all
Speaker 1: the time. Whatever you want to do in the bedroom
Speaker 1: is what you want to do. Nothing is weird something.
Speaker 1: Sure they're not as common in other relationships, but that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it's not right, doesn't mean it's wrong. It's
Speaker 1: whatever you guys are comfortable with. In this instance. All
Speaker 1: I can do is think about what I would do.
Speaker 1: Would I ask that, would I expect that, because that's
Speaker 1: what you've said, would you girls expect this? I would
Speaker 1: love to hear your thoughts. For me, I wouldn't ask
Speaker 1: my partner to do that, and I can understand why
Speaker 1: he wouldn't. And like you said, Laura, like why the
Speaker 1: expectations different. They shouldn't be. But I for me, if
Speaker 1: I would ask one thing and if my partner said,
Speaker 1: like I'm not comfortable to do that, it's just something
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't push. So I think maybe you guys
Speaker 1: need to come to a compromise. Maybe you can say
Speaker 1: I just love it when you go down on me,
Speaker 1: but he does it before he comes. I've got my
Speaker 1: hand up. Okay, Okay.
Speaker 2: My question here is, Britt, would you go down on
Speaker 2: a guy after you've been having sex for a while,
Speaker 2: so like, if he was having sex with you and
Speaker 2: then pulled out, would you then still go down on
Speaker 2: him or you like, no, I don't want that in
Speaker 2: my mouth.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but this is why the expectations. That's why I said,
Speaker 1: there's almost like this difference in expectations. I also think
Speaker 1: it has to do with I think for a lot
Speaker 1: of people has to do with like the we're getting
Speaker 1: very in depthy but the literal consistency and like what
Speaker 1: it is because I feel like men's ejaculation is very
Speaker 1: different to women's. I'm like, you can't argue that totally.
Speaker 1: But I also think it's so unfair for a guy
Speaker 1: to expect a female or any of their relationships or
Speaker 1: partners to be okay with their semen if they're not
Speaker 1: okay with it, Like, and this is my question is
Speaker 1: is if he says to you, babe, I don't care
Speaker 1: if you don't swallow, like I don't, I don't expect
Speaker 1: you to. If he's like I genuinely think it's a
Speaker 1: bit gross for you and for me and for everyone
Speaker 1: I don't like it, then I would be like, cool,
Speaker 1: that's okay. But if he is saying he thinks you
Speaker 1: should swallow, he wants you to go down on him,
Speaker 1: he thinks you should have absolutely no problem with his seemen,
Speaker 1: that he thinks it's gross, I think it's such an
Speaker 1: unfair and weird disparity that we are okay with, Like
Speaker 1: why are we okay with a guy thinking that that's gross?
Speaker 2: Because I think on the flip side, if a girl
Speaker 2: was to say, oh, I don't want anything to do
Speaker 2: with it after he's put it inside me, I think
Speaker 2: that that would be seen as more unusual than for
Speaker 2: a guy. I do also question as to whether this
Speaker 2: plays into our social perspectives around heteronormity and around like
Speaker 2: what is and isn't homosexual or emasculating. I wonder if
Speaker 2: there is something that's been very much ingrained in us
Speaker 2: that if a guy is okay with that, then there
Speaker 2: must be some homosexual tendencies there. Why is it that
Speaker 2: there's this expectation that women would be okay with their
Speaker 2: own discharge, but men find there's okay for women but
Speaker 2: gross for themselves. I think that there's more to unpack
Speaker 2: it from like a social perspective as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, and I mean, like way too deep. You're
Speaker 1: taking this way too deep, guys, you really did, Laura.
Speaker 1: But I think what it comes down to here is
Speaker 1: the same thing in any relationship and any situation in
Speaker 1: the bedroom, if somebody is not comfortable with something, it's
Speaker 1: pretty much irrelevant what it is. It doesn't really matter
Speaker 1: if you think it should be okay or if other
Speaker 1: people in your life have found it okay. The fact
Speaker 1: of the matter is that in that moment, in that relationship,
Speaker 1: in that situation, someone has said Hey, I'm uncomfortable doing this.
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it, and I think that
Speaker 1: that's it. You've just got to come to an agreement
Speaker 1: and respect your partner's decisions. So as much as you
Speaker 1: would love him to do that, maybe you can just
Speaker 1: ask him to do it before he finishes so he
Speaker 1: might be more comfortable in doing that and then just
Speaker 1: come home with a bang. Technically, it would also be
Speaker 1: pretty messy, like imagine slamming your face into that when
Speaker 1: it's full. There's a lot going on. It's a lot.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I kick I get it. I
Speaker 2: get why he doesn't want to do it. I understand
Speaker 2: you know what that sucks for you If that's like
Speaker 2: the one kink that wants to get that you need
Speaker 2: to get off on. But at the same time, I
Speaker 2: can see this from both perspectives.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So if you don't want him to hear that,
Speaker 1: don't just tell him what do you and answer the question.
Speaker 1: Don't let him listen to the podcast. Okay, next question, Okay,
Speaker 1: question number three. Let's get into this one. Now.
Speaker 2: We had a couple of questions that were similar to
Speaker 2: this this week, all around loud sex. Some of them
Speaker 2: were in regards to their housemaids. But the one I'm
Speaker 2: going with is in regards to a neighbor, so I
Speaker 2: think that the advice is slightly different.
Speaker 1: But here we go. So the guy who lives in
Speaker 1: the apartment below mine has sex with his girlfriend every night,
Speaker 1: and and she is so so loud, like so loud,
Speaker 1: like screaming loud.
Speaker 2: That's all I can hear. And when I'm asleep, it
Speaker 2: wakes me up. Sometimes it even wakes the dog up too.
Speaker 2: They're at it now whilst I'm typing this. There is
Speaker 2: literally no peace, and it goes on for ages.
Speaker 1: I love that it's happening in real time and it
Speaker 1: goes on for ages.
Speaker 2: Am I being a bitter old cow because I'm single
Speaker 2: and not getting any or do I have a right
Speaker 2: to not hear extremely loud sex and moaning when I'm
Speaker 2: trying to sleep almost every night? If it's the latter,
Speaker 2: how on earth do I approach the subject? Do I
Speaker 2: write a note? Do I leave under the door face
Speaker 2: to face? Do I publicly shame him in the Buildings
Speaker 2: Facebook group? I won't do that, But what are my options?
Speaker 1: Guys? How can I bring this up?
Speaker 2: Or how can I enjoy my evenings again without having
Speaker 2: to listen to my neighbor having outrageous sex.
Speaker 1: She's even written, do I dob him into the real
Speaker 1: estate agent? I mean not the real estate agent's going
Speaker 1: to tell you to go get laid. I think that
Speaker 1: this is pretty common and we do get it a lot,
Speaker 1: and I have a lot of friends that I've talked
Speaker 1: about it. I have been in this situation, especially in Okay,
Speaker 1: for example, where we live in Bondaire in Sydney, and
Speaker 1: this is in a lot of high density city areas.
Speaker 1: It's just apartment on apartment on apartment next to apartment.
Speaker 1: They're all old, they're all thin walls. Like you hear
Speaker 1: this a lot, and hey, hats off to them. They're
Speaker 1: living their best life. You know that they're both getting
Speaker 1: some really good sex. Hopefully you're getting that too. Can
Speaker 1: you complain if it's just like here and there? I
Speaker 1: don't think so. I think like you've got to let
Speaker 1: them live their life. You might have to suck it up,
Speaker 1: put some headphones in, just get on with it, turn
Speaker 1: the TV up a bit louder. If this is happening religiously,
Speaker 1: not after night after night, and if it's going for
Speaker 1: a really long time, and it's really interrupting your sleep,
Speaker 1: and it's like disgustingly obnoxiously like poor no loud, Like
Speaker 1: it's not just like the thumping. If it's like full
Speaker 1: on screaming and moaning, which it sounds like it is.
Speaker 1: Can you do an example for us on example of
Speaker 1: the thumb, but I'm not example of the moaning. But
Speaker 1: if it's like that, then I think, and it's really
Speaker 1: getting you're not gonna be the only one that is bothering.
Speaker 1: I think you can definitely say something. Now. Do you
Speaker 1: out him to the Facebook group? Absolutely not. Do you
Speaker 1: tell the real estate absolutely not. What I would probably
Speaker 1: do is make a funny, ingest kind of note, like
Speaker 1: so I would make a note that is somewhat humorous,
Speaker 1: like I'm so stoked that you're living your best life
Speaker 1: and like you're obviously doing something right. I would make
Speaker 1: a bit of a joke like that and say, but
Speaker 1: it's really hard to sleep in this building with that
Speaker 1: every night. Do you think there's a way that you
Speaker 1: could keep it down? It can be anonymous unless you're
Speaker 1: in an apartment of two, unless you're in a townhouse
Speaker 1: and they know it's you. But I thought I would do.
Speaker 1: I would just like make it a little bit lighthearted,
Speaker 1: because you don't want to start something, but you also
Speaker 1: want to get your message across. And I think if
Speaker 1: you propping them up a bit, being like, you know,
Speaker 1: you are obviously doing something right in the bedroom, it
Speaker 1: softens a blow a little bit and makes it a
Speaker 1: little bit less embarrassing. But I would make it anonymous.
Speaker 1: I would make it a bit humorous and cute, but
Speaker 1: get your message across. That is what I would do,
Speaker 1: and then I'd go get laid.
Speaker 2: Look, I agree, but I also like the one thing
Speaker 2: I agree with from that is that you have to
Speaker 2: make it kind of lighthearted, because if you don't make
Speaker 2: it lighthearted, if I received a letter this makes me
Speaker 2: sounding like a dickcare but I'm gonna go for it anyway.
Speaker 2: If I received a letter that was like, I'm really
Speaker 2: angry that I can hear you having sex, and it
Speaker 2: was like real bitchy from my neighbor, it wouldn't motivate
Speaker 2: me to be quieter.
Speaker 1: Put it that way, it would be worse. It would
Speaker 1: make me so angry and be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: my bitter neighbor who's so old and doesn't have sex
Speaker 1: and it's an angry, sexually deprived person. It would make
Speaker 1: me turn up the theatrics tenfold and just me so much.
Speaker 1: You go for the oscar, fucking go for God. Oh guys,
Speaker 1: this is my time to shine. So I agree.
Speaker 2: I think you can obviously write a note exactly like
Speaker 2: Britz said. I do think you can maybe try some
Speaker 2: like noise canceling headphones or get some ear plugs first, like,
Speaker 2: there are other things that you can do in your
Speaker 2: own space to try and minimize how much somebody else
Speaker 2: in another apartment is upsetting you before you kind of
Speaker 2: go out of your way.
Speaker 1: But you have to keep it lighthearted. There's a very
Speaker 1: good possibility that they don't know, they don't realize that
Speaker 1: you can hear them. I think that that would probably
Speaker 1: be the more common option ber is, is that they think.
Speaker 2: Maybe you can hear them, and they genuinely don't care.
Speaker 2: So even if you do say, hey, guys, like I
Speaker 2: can hear you having loud sex, they may not want
Speaker 2: to change the way that they have sex. Maybe she
Speaker 2: doesn't realize she's being loud, maybe she doesn't care that
Speaker 2: she's being loud. But I think there's no harm in
Speaker 2: putting it out there. I just think you have to
Speaker 2: live in this building with these people you're going to see.
Speaker 2: These people don't create an environment that makes you uncomfortable
Speaker 2: or them uncomfortable when they are your neighbors. I just
Speaker 2: think what I would do, And I mean, I like
Speaker 2: to think I'm a considerate person, But if I got that.
Speaker 1: Message, my feeling would be embarrassment. I wouldn't say, fuck you,
Speaker 1: I'm turning up the theatricals. I'm going for the LOGI
Speaker 1: watch this performance, sit back at your popcorn. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: do that. They're not even having sex. They're just sitting
Speaker 1: on the couch, screaming on purpose, watching squid Game exactly.
Speaker 1: But I think that I would feel embarrassed and I
Speaker 1: would try and tone it down. You're not gonna stop.
Speaker 1: They're not gonna stop having sex, Like no one's ever
Speaker 1: gonna do that. But maybe they just weren't aware how
Speaker 1: thin the walls are. Like I guess you just don't know.
Speaker 1: But yeah, if they don't stop, that's something you've got
Speaker 1: to think about. Are you happy to live like that?
Speaker 1: Do you want to move out? Do you want to
Speaker 1: think of something else? But when push comes to sharp,
Speaker 1: you can't physically go in and rip them apart and say,
Speaker 1: like you in that corner. You can't put the hoes
Speaker 1: on them like their dogs. So I think you'd have
Speaker 1: to put the cute, little funny, semi funny anonymous letter
Speaker 1: to slide under their door. If you're worried that they'll
Speaker 1: figure out your handwriting, type it up, make it. But
Speaker 1: I think make it like a funny letter, and that's
Speaker 1: what That is the route that I would be going down.
Speaker 2: Okay, but you think the letter has to be anonymous.
Speaker 2: You wouldn't put your name to it. You wouldn't say, hey,
Speaker 2: Apartment seven, you guys are banging on my wall. No,
Speaker 2: I would want to make it more anonymous because otherwise
Speaker 2: I would have this weird like eye contact when I
Speaker 2: passed him in the stairwell, I'd be like.
Speaker 1: Morning, Hope last night was good. Yeah, you sounded like
Speaker 1: you had a great time. Or just go around and
Speaker 1: collect like signatures from everybody in the in the apartment building.
Speaker 1: Here's a petition. Look, we've organized a petition. You could
Speaker 1: also do that. Okay.
Speaker 2: So I used to live in Paddington. I used to
Speaker 2: live in a tiny one bedroom apartment like it was
Speaker 2: a one bedroom studio apartment didn't even have any internal
Speaker 2: walls except for the war with the toilet, and all
Speaker 2: of the apartments in this building were the same. I
Speaker 2: lived directly below a couple and she was this tiny, little,
Speaker 2: like five foot blonde, petite little thing. He was a giant,
Speaker 2: and she used to scream like she was being murdered.
Speaker 2: She used to scream the house down, scream every night
Speaker 2: like it was exactly this.
Speaker 1: It was so wild, and what did you do? Nothing?
Speaker 1: I just listened. I just recorded it.
Speaker 2: I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I didn't want
Speaker 2: to make them embarrassed. I felt wildly uncomfortable by it.
Speaker 1: But I was also in my early twenties, and I
Speaker 1: think back then having like difficult conversations. I felt really
Speaker 1: like I wanted to avoid conflict. They think the way
Speaker 1: that you've described this is like an anonymous letter. Hopefully
Speaker 1: you don't get caught putting it under their door.
Speaker 2: Keep it super lighthearted, which is like, I'm so happy
Speaker 2: you guys are getting some I'm a little bit jealous,
Speaker 2: but also like it's very loud. Is the only way
Speaker 2: to kind of attack this situation, And.
Speaker 1: I know that the big listeners out here now that
Speaker 1: have gone through this, and I think we've touched it
Speaker 1: in the discussion group in the past. But if you
Speaker 1: guys have ever actually written a letter and you have
Speaker 1: made it funny, maybe you haven't made it funny. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's a bit like straightforward and sharp. Let's talk about
Speaker 1: it in the discussion group. So I want you guys
Speaker 1: to just like start a little thread because I know
Speaker 1: that some people have written in saying I've done this before,
Speaker 1: Like I definitely wrote a letter, So put them in
Speaker 1: the discussion group and hopefully we can go and check
Speaker 1: other people's experiences. Wait, I have Matt here for one second.
Speaker 1: He's just walked into the room. I've been handed Lola.
Speaker 1: Matt's about to lead you to go to the gym. Matt,
Speaker 1: if you had someone who is extremely loud at sex,
Speaker 1: I know that you have once before You've told me,
Speaker 1: what would you do? How would you mitigate the situation?
Speaker 2: So basically, I mean, I'm not going to tell you
Speaker 2: the full rundown on this, but basically, this girl has
Speaker 2: a neighbor who has really loud sex.
Speaker 1: But if you were the guy having sex with someone
Speaker 1: and they were screaming, what would be your reaction to that.
Speaker 3: I was once with a girl who was extremely noisy,
Speaker 3: to the point where I thought she was taking the piss,
Speaker 3: But I would have to say mid sex, I'd be like,
Speaker 3: can you please just be quiet? I have roommates, please,
Speaker 3: And she'd be like oh, and I'd be like please,
Speaker 3: Like come on, what are you doing? I said, you
Speaker 3: can't make that much noise. My neighbors are gonna hate me.
Speaker 3: And she just wouldn't be quiet.
Speaker 1: Do you think she's faking a map testament.
Speaker 3: To myself as a lover. I mean, I'm painting a
Speaker 3: pretty good picture here right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Mack, he's just compensating.
Speaker 3: And she just couldn't help it. She just couldn't help herself, Like,
Speaker 3: she just couldn't keep quiet. I would plead with her
Speaker 3: because it was embarrassing for the next day with my roommates.
Speaker 3: Do then come out to the living room and have
Speaker 3: to face them and be like, Hey, I'm really sorry
Speaker 3: about you know that screaming person. I promise they weren't
Speaker 3: in pain last night.
Speaker 1: That would make me uncomfortable in a situation. I haven't
Speaker 1: really ever been in that situation. I mean talking about
Speaker 1: sleeping with someone that's really loud. But I would find
Speaker 1: it quite off putting if someone if I was sleeping
Speaker 1: someone and that would like screaming, I'd be like, is
Speaker 1: everything okay?
Speaker 2: There are a lot of people out there who don't
Speaker 2: realize they just don't even have any idea about their
Speaker 2: own acoustics, and they don't know that they can hit
Speaker 2: some pretty pretty exceptional high notes.
Speaker 1: Well. I also think some people think that their partners.
Speaker 1: I think they think it turns their partners on, like
Speaker 1: they're encouraging their partner almost And some people it might like,
Speaker 1: you know, like you're doing good, sweetie, Yeah, you're doing great,
Speaker 1: CUTI or maybe it's an exaggeration of trying to encourage
Speaker 1: them to do a certain move or certain position. So
Speaker 1: maybe when someone gets into the position they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: if I am really over the top right here, he'll
Speaker 1: realize that I like this, and he'll continue to come
Speaker 1: back to this position. There's there could be so many
Speaker 1: underlying factors here.
Speaker 2: I'm like having this conversation whilst on the ground in
Speaker 2: front of me. Things are getting weird, all right.
Speaker 1: Well, I think we're in a bit of a roll,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna go a bit further today, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna throw me in a fourth question. Are you all
Speaker 1: right with that?
Speaker 3: Laura?
Speaker 1: A bit deeper, a bit darker, throw it, throw it
Speaker 1: in the mire. It's actually I'm trying to actually wind
Speaker 1: it down. It's not deeper or darker, but I think
Speaker 1: it's a nicer way to finish. Help. But two months ago,
Speaker 1: I met this guy. We got along so well, things
Speaker 1: were going great until one day he literally vanished. I
Speaker 1: just never heard from him again. It was the ultimate ghosting.
Speaker 1: I was devastated and I was confused. However, he popped
Speaker 1: up to me, apologizing recently for how he had treated me,
Speaker 1: said that he feels really terrible. He wants to hang
Speaker 1: out again, and he respects that there may never be
Speaker 1: a chance for anything to happen again. What do I do?
Speaker 1: Do I give him a second chance? Or is he
Speaker 1: just back for sex? And should I leave that alone?
Speaker 2: I'm like, a no, I'm a no, don't give that
Speaker 2: another chance. Yeah, I probably would.
Speaker 1: Fuck look, okay, I probably would too. I probably have.
Speaker 1: But if somebody has treated you so disrespectfully, like if
Speaker 1: it's someone who you were dating, who you actually really liked,
Speaker 1: and then they just fucking ghosted, you. There is so
Speaker 1: much disrespect in that. Why would you give him another chance?
Speaker 1: Why would you open yourself back up to being hurt
Speaker 1: by someone who has already shown you exactly who they are?
Speaker 1: And I say, yes, I probably did in the past
Speaker 1: give that exact person another chance and it didn't work out.
Speaker 1: I agree with what you're saying, like people do show
Speaker 1: you who they are with their actions one hundred percent
Speaker 1: and as long as they follow through with what they're doing.
Speaker 1: He definitely made you feel really shitty. And that's important
Speaker 1: to remember what I would do in this situation because
Speaker 1: I am and this isn't for everyone, but for me.
Speaker 1: I think people can make mistakes, and I'm a big
Speaker 1: believer that people can change and giving people a second chance.
Speaker 1: I really am. I'm just not I'm not a one
Speaker 1: strike person because I've made mistakes in the past and
Speaker 1: I've been very grateful that someone's given me a second chance.
Speaker 1: I've said the wrong things, I've done the wrong things,
Speaker 1: and I'm not a bad person and I know that,
Speaker 1: so I like to try and give people the benefit
Speaker 1: of the doubt. Sometimes that has bitten me in the ass,
Speaker 1: really really badly. Sometimes it's worked out okay, what I
Speaker 1: would do is ask why. Don't make it easy for him,
Speaker 1: but maybe you can entertain the idea what happened? Why
Speaker 1: did you you really hurt me? I was really fucking confused.
Speaker 1: Why did you leave? Maybe he has a good answer,
Speaker 1: Maybe he's like, I don't know. I got scared, I
Speaker 1: panicked and I ran. You don't know what it's going
Speaker 1: to be. Ask him firstly why he happened, and have
Speaker 1: that chat and see if you a think there's anything
Speaker 1: genuine there you think he's telling the truth, and b
Speaker 1: ask why he's back, Say well, what do you want now?
Speaker 1: You want to a random hookup? Do you just want sex?
Speaker 1: Do you want to go on a date? Find out
Speaker 1: what his intentions are and if they're in line with
Speaker 1: what you want. If you are after casual sex and
Speaker 1: he's like, look, I just I loved spending time with
Speaker 1: you and be king to just like hook up again,
Speaker 1: go for it if that's what you want. If you
Speaker 1: want a relationship and you want to actually date and
Speaker 1: he's still saying I'm back, but I still want something casual,
Speaker 1: don't even entertain it because it's never going to end well.
Speaker 1: And you have to listen to what they're telling you,
Speaker 1: like he's telling you what he wants, He's showing you
Speaker 1: with his actions, so they that's my advice, and I
Speaker 1: just think, like I'm going to too my own horn.
Speaker 1: I just think that was really great mature advice. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: fuck em, I was like really vibing my advice there.
Speaker 2: No, I agree, And I think the one part of
Speaker 2: that which I think is the best and most stand
Speaker 2: up very bad Brittany advice is if you want a relationship,
Speaker 2: if you want a boyfriend, if you'll want something that's
Speaker 2: committed and constant, and he isn't able to say that
Speaker 2: that's what he wants off the back, before you guys
Speaker 2: start having sex, before you start going out for dinners,
Speaker 2: whatever it is. If he can't say that that's what
Speaker 2: he's after, then don't entertain the idea because you're only
Speaker 2: going to put yourself into a position where you're what
Speaker 2: you want doesn't align. You're hoping that things will change again,
Speaker 2: and you're just wasting time and energy on someone who's
Speaker 2: already disappointed you so much. I guess my big thing
Speaker 2: around ghosting is that it's so friggin' cowardly. It's such
Speaker 2: a severe way of getting rid of someone and removing
Speaker 2: someone from your life. It's such a cowardly way of being, like, Oh,
Speaker 2: I don't want to have to deal with conflicts, so
Speaker 2: I'm just going to disappear. And I think it says
Speaker 2: a lot about a person. And I don't mean this
Speaker 2: as in like there's a very there's different layers of ghosting.
Speaker 2: If it's someone who you've literally been dating, who you've
Speaker 2: started to form a connection with, You've gone on several dates,
Speaker 2: you've talked about what you guys want, things are heading
Speaker 2: in the right direction, and then they just totally go silent,
Speaker 2: unfollow you on dating apps, unfollow you on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Block you on Facebook. It just says so much about
Speaker 1: that person. And I really think you have to make
Speaker 1: very very strong considerations and you have to think about
Speaker 1: it really hard before you open yourself up to that
Speaker 1: level of drama and open yourself up to being hurt
Speaker 1: again by the same person. And I just think a
Speaker 1: lot of the time in these situations, you're not going
Speaker 1: to get the truth. The truth probably is is that
Speaker 1: there was somebody else he tried to see where that
Speaker 1: went with that person, it didn't work out, and then
Speaker 1: now he's got nothing else on the burn, and so
Speaker 1: he's back to kind of give this one another go.
Speaker 1: He was probably hatching his bets, and I think a
Speaker 1: lot of times when people go that's reason, it's because
Speaker 1: there's somebody else that they're putting their time and their
Speaker 1: energy into. So just be really mindful and really wary
Speaker 1: whether you think this person is worthwhile opening your life
Speaker 1: up to the drama. Yeah, I think that's it. I
Speaker 1: think we nailed it, lord As.
Speaker 2: That is in from us. That is another ask, uncut,
Speaker 2: done and dusted. Like I said, I'm so glad that
Speaker 2: we can bait you for next Tuesday's episode. It's going
Speaker 2: to be great. It's all around navigating the dating world.
Speaker 2: It's all around how important relationships are. It is really
Speaker 2: back to our core roots. This conversation with logan Eurie.
Speaker 2: She's a behavioral scientist and she really puts the science
Speaker 2: behind trying to find a great relationship and not dying alone,
Speaker 2: which is what her book is about and exactly what
Speaker 2: we're talking about on next week's episode. Guys, if you
Speaker 2: want to keep writing in your questions, just send them
Speaker 2: into the Instagram, Life One Cup podcast DM them and
Speaker 2: just put uk on cut, keep your confessionals coming in.
Speaker 2: Confessionals is the new segment where you basically tell us
Speaker 2: your biggest secret. We love it so much. Just put
Speaker 2: confessionals and whatever you.
Speaker 1: Want to call that. And also you're accidently unfiltered and
Speaker 1: tell your mom to you dot Te, you dont tell
Speaker 1: your friends and share the love because we love love