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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the.

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Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 1: Now. Hello, this is doctor Justin Courson here with my

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Speaker 1: wife from Undo, our six kids, missus Happy Families, Kylie. Hey,

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Speaker 1: you got a question for you, Kylie?

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Speaker 2: Uh huh?

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Speaker 1: What do you think Australia's favorite meal is?

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Speaker 2: Well? Going on? The meals are favorites in our house.

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Speaker 2: It would have to be spaghetti, Bolinna's lasagna and raps.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so I need to just highlight today's segment is

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Speaker 1: not technically sponsored, but the number one meal in Australia

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Speaker 1: according to san Remo, who I did do some promotional

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Speaker 1: work for a little while ago. It's spaghetti bolonnaise and

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Speaker 1: we did not set that ups, really just went there.

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Speaker 1: It's the only thing we can be guaranteed that our

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Speaker 1: kids will leave. I'm really impressed. So today a conversation

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Speaker 1: about the importance of what was once considered the norm

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Speaker 1: and today well not so much family dinners.

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Speaker 2: So for as long as you have been doing Happy Families,

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Speaker 2: we have had lots and lots of conversations about the

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Speaker 2: struggle to have family dinners in other people's homes. It

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Speaker 2: has just been a given in in our home that

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Speaker 2: every night, regardless of what's going on, we would sit

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Speaker 2: down to eat dinner together. Yeah, in the last handful

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Speaker 2: of years, we are struggling to be all in the

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Speaker 2: same room at the same time, and often the kids

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Speaker 2: are eating because Mum and dad are doing things and

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Speaker 2: or else we're eating really late at night as a family.

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Speaker 2: Like it's just never before have we had the challenges

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Speaker 2: that we're having.

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Speaker 1: And it was much easier when the kids were younger.

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Speaker 1: Just the kids have gotten older, it's gotten really really tricky.

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Speaker 2: Extracurriculars, they're working, they've got activities, socialization. All of a sudden,

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Speaker 2: there's two people at the dinner table instead of all

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Speaker 2: five of us.

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Speaker 1: Also, recently, you've picked up a little bit of fitness stuff,

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Speaker 1: so you're out one night a week for that. You're

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Speaker 1: out one night running a youth night at church, you're

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Speaker 1: out on a Tuesday night with art Plass. You're the

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Speaker 1: one who is ruining our family dinners. Of course there's

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Speaker 1: me traveling, but this is this incessantly.

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Speaker 2: This is a problem for so many families.

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Speaker 1: I feel like this is going to be a podcast

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Speaker 1: that is a therapy session for you tonight. We're supposed

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Speaker 1: to be helping other people have their family dinners, and

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Speaker 1: we're just really, how many nights a week do you

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Speaker 1: reckon we eat together as a family when I'm home,

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Speaker 1: because obviously when I'm away we can't do it. Legitimate question,

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Speaker 1: I would say, hello, folks, this is a moment of

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Speaker 1: real transparency here.

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Speaker 2: Two or three.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So most Sunday nights, Yeah, most Saturday nights, and

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Speaker 1: if we're lucky, we get one week night. It's chaos.

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Speaker 2: It's really really tricky.

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Speaker 1: And I feel so guilty about it because I'm really

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Speaker 1: big on saying we need to eat dinner together as

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Speaker 1: a family.

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Speaker 2: It's probably the one thing as our families changed, It's

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Speaker 2: the one thing that I really miss the most. There

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Speaker 2: was just one meal a day together.

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Speaker 1: So I did some promotional work. I mentioned this before

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Speaker 1: for san Remo just a little while back. The Pastor

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Speaker 1: company and I dug up some of their stats based

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Speaker 1: on some Aussie market research that they did, and I

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Speaker 1: think it's fascinating. So give me your reactions. And by

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Speaker 1: the way, I'm going to say san Remo a couple

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Speaker 1: more times, okay, but I'm not doing it for any

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Speaker 1: reason except that's where it came from. I'm not trying

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Speaker 1: to be cheeky, but san Remo found that almost a

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Speaker 1: quarter of their Australian audience found that deciding what to

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Speaker 1: cook was the biggest barrier to eating with others. I

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Speaker 1: can't figure it out. And if I was to say,

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Speaker 1: what's the question that you dread more than any other

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Speaker 1: question on a regular basis in our home, it would be.

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Speaker 2: What's for dinner, mum?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? And it's always what's for dinner, mum? No one,

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Speaker 1: No one ever comes to me and says, hey, Dad,

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Speaker 1: what's for dinner.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. But I don't see that as being a barrier

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Speaker 2: to not being able to eat together.

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Speaker 1: Except that we end up just sort of fixing stuff ourselves.

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Speaker 1: And we made a big deal. We were really excited.

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Speaker 1: We used to have family with so much. And then

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Speaker 1: we started the yo yo night where we just say,

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Speaker 1: all right, kids, one night a week or one night

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Speaker 1: a fortnight, you're on your own, yo yo, you're on

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Speaker 1: your own because Mum and dad want to go and

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Speaker 1: have a date night or something like that. And what

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Speaker 1: has happened over time is that it's just so hard

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Speaker 1: to figure out what tweet the kids we've got a

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Speaker 1: couple of really really well, we've got a gluten free,

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Speaker 1: dairy free kid. We've got a kid who's just not

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Speaker 1: into eating what everybody else is eating, because that's how

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Speaker 1: she seems to be at the moment, only it's yellow

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Speaker 1: and white food. Trying to decide what to cook makes

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Speaker 1: it so hard to just get together for dinner. Here's

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Speaker 1: another thing that CANRIMA found over a fifth, so about

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Speaker 1: the same amount. Just over twenty percent of Ossie's between

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Speaker 1: forty five and fifty four say that different food preferences

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Speaker 1: are the top barrier eating with others on a daily basis.

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Speaker 1: I guess that ties in with what I was just saying,

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Speaker 1: and unfortunately we're in that demographic. Now here's another one.

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Speaker 1: Forty one percent of OSSIE say that the removal of

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Speaker 1: phones during meal times would make them look forward to

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Speaker 1: a meal with others.

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Speaker 2: So that's one thing that I'm really grateful for in

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Speaker 2: our home.

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Speaker 1: It's really pushed it, Hud.

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Speaker 2: It's not a conversation pee, because we just know that

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Speaker 2: there's no phones at the dinner table.

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Speaker 1: But we started that early, from the very beginning of

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Speaker 1: phones being in our lives, we've always said no screens,

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Speaker 1: no phones, no TV. Even before there were phones about to.

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Speaker 2: Say, even when the phone was on the wall, we

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Speaker 2: kind of had a rule that we just didn't answer

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Speaker 2: the phone during dinner time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I really like this one. Sixty four percent

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Speaker 1: of Aussies believe that shared meal times strengthen their relationships.

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Speaker 2: Because our shared dinner time is so limited at this

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Speaker 2: point in our lives, Sunday night is by far our

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Speaker 2: most treasured treasured time together. And I just love the

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Speaker 2: conversations that we're able to have when we're all together,

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Speaker 2: that gratitude circle where we just are able to spend

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Speaker 2: time reflecting on the goodness in our lives. And I've

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Speaker 2: watched as we've continued to do this, how sometimes when

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Speaker 2: other people are in our space and we invite them

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Speaker 2: into it, they're really kind of taken back by it, Yes,

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Speaker 2: because it feels so vulnerable to be able to share.

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Speaker 2: But it's something that we've just honed in on with

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Speaker 2: the kids, and I love the joy that we get

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Speaker 2: to collectively share as we reflect on the goodness.

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Speaker 1: It's become a genuine ritual of connection.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And if I can summarize what the San Remo Market

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Speaker 1: Research showed that. I want to move on to some

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Speaker 1: other research. They said, and I quote, Australians have never

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Speaker 1: been more disconnected with the distractions of the modern world,

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Speaker 1: and this is having an impact on the traditional Australian

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Speaker 1: family meal time. And based on our conversations, based on

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Speaker 1: what other parents tell me, based on our own experience,

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Speaker 1: I think their market research is right. So that's all

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Speaker 1: I wanted to say about the San Remo thing. But

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Speaker 1: I think that we do need to talk about family meals.

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Speaker 2: I'm assuming there's got to be a lot of research

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Speaker 2: which suggests that having family meals together is just such

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Speaker 2: an important part of family life.

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Speaker 1: So the big study over the last few decades has

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Speaker 1: come out of Columbia University, but we've got Australian research

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Speaker 1: as well that pretty much supports what all the biggest

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Speaker 1: research shows, and that is essentially, families who eat together

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Speaker 1: frequently are more likely to have better diets, better family functioning,

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Speaker 1: and kids with higher self esteem. They do better at school,

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Speaker 1: they sleep better, they have better social experiences, they're more resilient.

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Speaker 1: It's like it's a really big deal and it all

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Speaker 1: seems to be tied into having this family meal.

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Speaker 2: It feels like a lot of pressure though for families

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Speaker 2: when you just feel.

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Speaker 1: Like pressure for you and I because our current record

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Speaker 1: is nuts and not looking very good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well we're talking about this, but I'm looking at

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Speaker 2: what's going on in our in our families, and even

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Speaker 2: just the acknowledgment that because there's so many moving parts now,

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Speaker 2: we're more likely to get take out than sit down

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Speaker 2: as a family and have a home cooked meal.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that goes the better diet, right.

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Speaker 2: So some researchers at Flinders UNI and QUT have put

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Speaker 2: together five super solutions to help create the connection you

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Speaker 2: need and I love what they're saying. Let's go through them.

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Speaker 1: Justin Okay, so this comes from a conversation article. We

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Speaker 1: will link to it in the show notes. Five ideas. First,

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Speaker 1: doesn't have to be dinner, and I think this is

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Speaker 1: really important. I mean, it's great if you can all

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Speaker 1: sit around and have the spaghetti bonetes, that's fantastic. But

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Speaker 1: based on what we've described, sometimes you just grab a

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Speaker 1: chance to beat together and have a snack, maybe on

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Speaker 1: the way home from school, maybe grab a hot chocolate

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Speaker 1: on the way to school. It's about having the meaningful

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Speaker 1: moments where you get to talk and share food. Right,

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Speaker 1: It's about having a ritual of connection.

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Speaker 2: Number two. It doesn't need to be perfect.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So, I mean, we made a big deal about

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Speaker 1: some of that Sandrimi research that highlighted that digital distractions

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Speaker 1: can get in the way of the ritual of connection.

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Speaker 1: But some of our most fun nights have been sitting

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Speaker 1: in front of the TV as a family, watching a

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Speaker 1: movie and eating some pizza, or eating some pasta, or

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Speaker 1: eating some whatever. It's really about the effort that you

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Speaker 1: put into being together, whether you're eating on a picnic

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Speaker 1: blanket in the backyard or at a nearby headland or

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Speaker 1: park or a park bench or I don't really think

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Speaker 1: that it matters what you're doing, just so long as

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Speaker 1: you're spending that time together and you're intentionally being together.

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Speaker 1: Try to make it perfect often puts too much pressure

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Speaker 1: on as we've kind of alluded to earlier in the conversation,

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Speaker 1: and that's not helping.

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Speaker 2: Number three is a great one because it just reminds

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Speaker 2: us how important it is for our conversations to flow naturally.

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Speaker 2: As soon as we start forcing an agenda on our kids,

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Speaker 2: we've actually missed our opportunity.

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Speaker 1: Every now and again, there's been some disgruntled children in

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Speaker 1: our family. I wonder if you've do you know anyone

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Speaker 1: who's ever been gruntled rather than disgruntled. I just put

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Speaker 1: it out there gruntled. No one ever talks about being gruntled.

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Speaker 1: People are only ever disgruntled. But when our kids been disgruntled,

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Speaker 1: and I thought that was so funny. You didn't even

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Speaker 1: smile at me. I thought that was such a good one.

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Speaker 1: Flame blame, lame the conversation. When the kids don't want

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Speaker 1: to do grateful things and you try to force it,

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's just it's horrible, horrible.

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Speaker 2: Well you you don't get any depth.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they just cursory answer the questions because they have

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Speaker 1: to every now and again. They even make it mute.

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Speaker 1: So just don't force the conversation. I think that's great

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Speaker 1: advice Number four.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to do it alone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Involvement is the keyword here, So getting the kids cooking,

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Speaker 1: getting the kids involvement in designing who's going to have

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Speaker 1: what meal or what we're having on Monday or Tuesday

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Speaker 1: or Wednesday. Maybe it's Monday night, Mexican or no meat

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Speaker 1: Mondays or Mediterranean Mondays. Taco Tuesdays has always been a

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Speaker 1: favorite kind of thing. The idea is you don't have

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Speaker 1: to do alone. We always had an Italian night as

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Speaker 1: well when we used to do menus like that, and

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Speaker 1: the kids involvement, they're kids cleaning up with you, lots

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Speaker 1: of loud music. We've shared on the podcast before how

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Speaker 1: much our kids are really happy to be involved when

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Speaker 1: you're making it fun, and that means doing it together.

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Speaker 2: It's not so much a meal, but as part of

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Speaker 2: our dinner ritual, we do at ten minute tidy together

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Speaker 2: and that time together is probably just as important as

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Speaker 2: the conversations we have around the dinner table because we

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Speaker 2: try to create this sense of fun being together. There's

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Speaker 2: lots of laughter, there's lots of music that there's energy, yeah,

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Speaker 2: and the kids love it absolutely.

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Speaker 1: And the last one is that there is no magic number.

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Speaker 1: There's no number of meals. It's the right number for

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Speaker 1: your family. It's all about just being intentional about it

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Speaker 1: and letting everyone know that you have that intention, that

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Speaker 1: that's what you're working towards as much as you possibly can.

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Speaker 2: And I guess that's what I love about our Sunday dinners.

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Speaker 2: It's just a given we all come home for Sunday

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Speaker 2: and I just love it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So does it matter that you have family dinner? Well,

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Speaker 1: yeah it does. Does this reduce the pressure hopefully a lot,

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Speaker 1: because it's one of those things where you can always

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Speaker 1: do better. The main thing, The main thing is that

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Speaker 1: you're doing the best you can with what you've got

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Speaker 1: and looking for ways that you can intentionally build on that.

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Speaker 1: We hope that you've really enjoyed the conversation and can

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Speaker 1: make family dinner a priority, maybe even tonight, although I

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Speaker 1: think that you've got some stuff on tonight, so for

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Speaker 1: us a couple of nights. The Happy Family's podcast is

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Speaker 1: produced by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is

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Speaker 1: our executive producer. For more information about making your family happier,

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Speaker 1: visitors at happy families dot com dot you