Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on de rug Wallamata Land. Hi guys, and welcome
Speaker 2: back to another episode of Life on Cut.
Speaker 3: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany.
Speaker 1: And on today's episode, we have the one and only
Speaker 1: the man, the myth, the legend.
Speaker 3: Matthew Hussy.
Speaker 1: Now, if you haven't come across Matthew Hussey, he's a
Speaker 1: New York Times bestselling author Forget the Guy. He has
Speaker 1: the number one YouTube channel for dating advice with four
Speaker 1: hundred and eighty nine million views. He's got one point
Speaker 1: five million followers on Instagram. I've been looking to him
Speaker 1: for years for dating advice. I love him, I'm obsessed
Speaker 1: with him, and I'm so excited. I just love him
Speaker 1: in a non weird way.
Speaker 3: To bring him to you today.
Speaker 2: We also wanted to talk about some new laws that
Speaker 2: have come out of France. Now, I know that you
Speaker 2: might be thinking, hey, didn't I hear this a couple
Speaker 2: of weeks ago. It's not those laws. It's not the
Speaker 2: social media and child laws. It's the new ones that
Speaker 2: they have around influencers.
Speaker 3: They have more. They hate us.
Speaker 2: They are bringing out laws against influencers where they could
Speaker 2: go to jail for up to two years or be
Speaker 2: charged forty eight thousand dollars for not disclosing that they
Speaker 2: are retouching or editing their photos. And we think it's
Speaker 2: pretty wild. Let's get into it, and we are coming
Speaker 2: from cross continents, brit Is currently in Scotland, back reunited
Speaker 2: with the man who's trying to tear us apart.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden that song in my head side
Speaker 1: a plane, and he will never tear us apart. Yes,
Speaker 1: I am cross continent, and I am excuse my French
Speaker 1: because I'm in Scotland. I am jet lagged as fuck.
Speaker 1: I am so incredibly the most jetlagged I have been
Speaker 1: ever in my entire life in anywhere in the world.
Speaker 2: Well, it's like eleven o'clock over there now it's seven
Speaker 2: point thirty in the morning here. And this just gives
Speaker 2: me wild anxiety about how we will ever do this
Speaker 2: podcast if you were to actually ever consider moving to Scotland.
Speaker 2: But you know that's a conversation that is not for now.
Speaker 1: Put it that way anyway, We're not fine about that now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, tell us, how has it been a What was
Speaker 2: it like the first moment you saw each other after
Speaker 2: several months apart?
Speaker 1: Well, there was no like time stood still, slow motion running.
Speaker 1: There was no background music as we slow motion rend
Speaker 1: into each other's arms.
Speaker 3: So it definitely wasn't like that.
Speaker 1: But I have this like obsession with trying to scare Ben,
Speaker 1: like hiding all over the house. I go to the
Speaker 1: lengths of pretending I'm not home. I messy Jim when
Speaker 1: he's on his way home usually and I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: just ducking out for a coffee. I'll prop you back
Speaker 1: like half an hour after your home.
Speaker 2: How old are you.
Speaker 3: It's become an obsession because he's impossible to ski.
Speaker 1: I went to the next level this time. When he
Speaker 1: came home. I went outside into the garden. When you
Speaker 1: have to come out, it's like a little underground cement walkway,
Speaker 1: which is actually very scary in itself, and I tried
Speaker 1: to hide in there to scare him.
Speaker 3: And that was our first moment. Our first moment was me.
Speaker 1: Trying to be like, oh wow, I jump out of
Speaker 1: the bushes and it didn't really work, but it's been
Speaker 1: really nice. But to be honest, I feel like I've
Speaker 1: barely seen him. So when I got here, he had
Speaker 1: a day off. We went to Edinburgh. We had this beautiful,
Speaker 1: little romantic day and it was a really amazing first
Speaker 1: day together. And then he's just gone away playing and
Speaker 1: he's back to normal scheduling. So I have just been
Speaker 1: on my own, which is really hard in Scotland because
Speaker 1: I don't know anyone anymore.
Speaker 3: But Ben thought it was very considerate.
Speaker 1: He thought he would set me up on like a date,
Speaker 1: like a friend date, saw some friends for me.
Speaker 2: He was like, I'm gonna be gone, but here's somebody
Speaker 2: and you can hang out with here.
Speaker 3: She is yeah.
Speaker 1: So he's like, hey, I've sort of become friends with
Speaker 1: the neighbor Alex, and.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh cool. He's like yeah, he's really nice.
Speaker 1: We got chatting and he and his partner know you're
Speaker 1: coming and they're really excited. They looked you up on
Speaker 1: Instagram and they're always home, like they're working from home.
Speaker 1: They want to be friends and so they said you
Speaker 1: can go for coffee, they can take you into town,
Speaker 1: you can do all this stuff and hang out. And
Speaker 1: I was like, that's amazing. Anyway, I was getting all
Speaker 1: ready for this friend date. There's a buzzer on the
Speaker 1: door and I go to answer it and there's a
Speaker 1: man standing there and I'm like hello. He's like hi,
Speaker 1: and he's standing there with a bottle of wine and
Speaker 1: like a strawberry tart and I was like hi. He's
Speaker 1: like Brittany, and I was like that's correct. I was like,
Speaker 1: do you have a delivery? And he's like, this is
Speaker 1: a sixty six year old gay man and he's like no,
Speaker 1: I'm Alex and I was like sorry. He's like, I'm
Speaker 1: Alex from next door. The friend date Alex, Ben didn't
Speaker 1: tell me.
Speaker 3: Is a sixty six year old gay man that lives
Speaker 3: next door.
Speaker 1: So now my two new best friends, my.
Speaker 3: Two new best friends in Scotland.
Speaker 1: He's just mid to late sixties year old man that
Speaker 1: I get to go to you have wine with, say
Speaker 1: they brought me a wine and a cake over for
Speaker 1: the initial meet and greet date, and now they're my
Speaker 1: new best friends.
Speaker 3: So I was like, Ben, did it occur to you
Speaker 3: even once? Just to mention that they were nearly seventy?
Speaker 3: I was like, doesn't matter, does not matter, But in
Speaker 3: my head.
Speaker 1: In my head, I had pictured like mid to late twenties,
Speaker 1: want to go out, have a party, want to.
Speaker 3: Go have some fun.
Speaker 2: My favorite part is that he met these people and
Speaker 2: then was like, you know who's going to get along
Speaker 2: with them? So well, I'm not even gonna have to
Speaker 2: give her a heads up. They're gonna jump. She's an
Speaker 2: old soul.
Speaker 3: Anyway, they're my new friends.
Speaker 1: I went over, actually I did go over twice today,
Speaker 1: but the unfortunately they went home today.
Speaker 3: So I I'm really going to try and ride this
Speaker 3: friendship into the sunset.
Speaker 2: Okay, how do you cope knowing that when you get there,
Speaker 2: I mean even though you're on holidays, you're there. Then
Speaker 2: Ben is training every day and you're not just like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I came here for you and now you're not here?
Speaker 2: Can you come home now?
Speaker 1: Or are you?
Speaker 2: Like? It's fine, but I love being in Scotland in
Speaker 2: the rain, sitting inside a house waiting for you to
Speaker 2: come with this year old man.
Speaker 1: I'm actually so bored. I don't cope well at all,
Speaker 1: and I'm very clingy. So like Ben will leave in
Speaker 1: the morning and I'll message him and I'll be like,
Speaker 1: are you nearly home yet he's like, I'm in the driveway.
Speaker 3: He hasn't even left for the day yet, Like, when
Speaker 3: are you coming home?
Speaker 1: It's tough, but I guess we don't get holidays at
Speaker 1: the same time, we get a couple of days off
Speaker 1: together where we're going to try and like explore. But
Speaker 1: he goes to training, you know, he goes and comes
Speaker 1: back as quickly as possible for me, and I just
Speaker 1: do some work in the day.
Speaker 3: At the moment.
Speaker 1: To be honest, I'm sleeping because I'm so jetlag. So
Speaker 1: it's okay, But I don't know far out. I don't
Speaker 1: know how i'd find friends. I might have to start
Speaker 1: to go to like the old bowls club with my
Speaker 1: new next door neighbors if I moved here and find
Speaker 1: some locals, or you would be.
Speaker 2: Like every time we have an ask guncut question that
Speaker 2: comes in, which is like how do I meet new friends?
Speaker 2: You within like the test drive, You'll have to go
Speaker 2: out and do all the activities and come back and
Speaker 2: report on it.
Speaker 3: I will.
Speaker 2: We're gonna be doing this hard, well only the startup,
Speaker 2: because we've banked a couple of awesome interviews just before
Speaker 2: Britt left. But we're going to be doing this podcasts
Speaker 2: continent for the next two weeks, and then you were
Speaker 2: coming home because I hate the zoom shit. But well,
Speaker 2: you know, we deal, we survive, and we thrive. I
Speaker 2: wanted to tell you about something that happened to me
Speaker 2: on the weekend, which is not very glamorous at all.
Speaker 1: I love when your stories start with this, but I
Speaker 1: feel like you are never ever going to start a
Speaker 1: story with I did something very glamorous on the weekend.
Speaker 2: Fuck, I don't think I've ever done anything glamorous in
Speaker 2: my life. This involves Matthew Johnson and one of our
Speaker 2: wonderful dedicated life is I hope so much that she's
Speaker 2: listening right now. So over the weekend, matt and I
Speaker 2: we went down the coast to Kayama. We spent the
Speaker 2: weekend with my mom and my stepdad down there and like,
Speaker 2: the kids had a beautiful time. We booked an airbnb
Speaker 2: and they went swimming in the pool. It was like
Speaker 2: truly just a glorious lit a weekend with the family.
Speaker 2: On the way back up, we've had the most trash
Speaker 2: weather so like the last couple of days in Sydney
Speaker 2: has been just raining every day, super windy, the Thursday, Friday,
Speaker 2: Saturday was perfect and then since kind of like Saturday,
Speaker 2: it's just been gross. Anyway, driving back up from Kayama
Speaker 2: and we stopped in at the McDonald's and Matt it
Speaker 2: was teeming with rain and both girls need to go
Speaker 2: to the toilet. So I was like, I'll take them
Speaker 2: into the toilet. Matt, you see in the car, let
Speaker 2: me know what you want. And he put on this
Speaker 2: ridiculous order and it was like he ordered all his
Speaker 2: chips and these burgers and whatnot. Fine, So I had
Speaker 2: the two kids, I've got no shoes on, I have
Speaker 2: gotten all of his food, and I walk out and
Speaker 2: it's like pissing down rain as we go to exit
Speaker 2: McDonald's and I walk out with the two girls and
Speaker 2: I'm trying to get them in the car, and I've
Speaker 2: got this fucking bag of food. And then the bag
Speaker 2: of food gets wet and the bag of food explodes
Speaker 2: onto the ground, and Matt jumps out of the car
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I'm yelling at him. I'm like, can
Speaker 2: you fucking help me with the kids. So the first
Speaker 2: thing he does is he dives down to the ground
Speaker 2: like the food is on the ground in the rain,
Speaker 2: it is wet. He's like, no, he starts picking up
Speaker 2: the burgers. But you would think he would go for
Speaker 2: the burgers first, except the chips have spilt out onto
Speaker 2: the wet ground.
Speaker 3: I would have thought he'd go for the girls first.
Speaker 2: Actually before the chips.
Speaker 3: All the burgers.
Speaker 2: To be fair, the girls are kind of old enough
Speaker 2: to climb into the car themselves, so they were safe.
Speaker 2: It was a bit of a fend for yourself situation.
Speaker 2: But so the burgers are on the ground. The chips
Speaker 2: have cascaded out of the little packet onto the floor.
Speaker 2: So what does Matt do first? He doesn't put the
Speaker 2: burgers back in the paper bag that's like disintegrated because
Speaker 2: of the rain. He bends down and picks up a
Speaker 2: handful of wet chips off the ground and puts them
Speaker 2: into his mouth as someone drives past with the window
Speaker 2: down and goes, oh.
Speaker 1: My god, Laura, I love your podcast.
Speaker 2: I'm listening to it right now, And there's Matt hunched
Speaker 2: over the fucking McDonald fries sort of wet, shoveling them
Speaker 2: into his mouth like gollum. And I was just sitting
Speaker 2: there like, I'm so embarrassed by this. Situation, and what
Speaker 2: did he do? I was like, fucking stop, he goes
Speaker 2: down for seconds, he eats a second handful off the ground,
Speaker 2: out of the wet ground.
Speaker 3: Yes, Laura, you've committed. He has committed. He's done it.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna if you've done one handful of cold,
Speaker 1: disgusting chips off the ground, as if you're gonna stop
Speaker 1: at one handful, and that he's already been seen, he's
Speaker 1: been sprung.
Speaker 3: You're gonna eat the whole thing.
Speaker 2: No, it's like eating chips in a shower, but worse
Speaker 2: because it's off the ground, off a public rose. But like,
Speaker 2: could you imagine two handfuls of wet chips? While I
Speaker 2: tried to have a lovely conversation with truly the nicest,
Speaker 2: most excited life where I think I've ever come across.
Speaker 2: She was absolutely divine and she was literally listening to
Speaker 2: the episode at the same time. It was very cool.
Speaker 3: I absolutely love that.
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on eating from the ground, like
Speaker 1: the five second rule? Oh, I feel like you wouldn't
Speaker 1: be that strict on it.
Speaker 2: I'm fine, I'm fine. I'll eat shit off the floor,
Speaker 2: But will I eat it off the floor during a storm?
Speaker 2: Probably not. I think that that's where I draw the line.
Speaker 1: And I think there's a difference between the floor of
Speaker 1: like your home and the floor of like a public
Speaker 1: twiter McDonald's car, McDonald's car.
Speaker 2: Part you would have thought, because like when Matt gets
Speaker 2: to the stage of being hungry, we get there so
Speaker 2: quickly and it's so profound and he needs to eat
Speaker 2: so immediately that he will literally eat shit off a
Speaker 2: sidewalk because his hangarness has gotten this so out of control.
Speaker 1: I just picture him literally like Gollum. That is so far,
Speaker 1: all right. I wanted to talk to you about something
Speaker 1: I've seen in France. I know you've seen in France too,
Speaker 1: because we've been speaking about it, but neither of us
Speaker 1: have actually been to France to witness.
Speaker 3: That's not what this is, but.
Speaker 2: We've seen it. I love that you say this. It
Speaker 2: makes it sound like you are in France, and it's
Speaker 2: something that I just witnessed the other day when I
Speaker 2: popped over to France.
Speaker 3: I just witnessed this as I applied a filter to
Speaker 3: my face and uploaded it to Instagram.
Speaker 1: So this is the headline of these news article circling
Speaker 1: influences in France could face two years in jail for
Speaker 1: posting a selfie without saying it's been edited.
Speaker 2: If you listen to the Pickup Our Best of the episode.
Speaker 2: A couple of weeks ago, we spoke about some of
Speaker 2: the new laws that have been passed in France recently
Speaker 2: around how parents use their children across Instagram, whether they
Speaker 2: can have their children had their own YouTube channels, and
Speaker 2: children making money for participating in paid advertising across Instagram. Well,
Speaker 2: it seems like France has really up the ante across
Speaker 2: all social media and how people are making money on
Speaker 2: that platform, because these are some new laws that are
Speaker 2: being brought in which are around not just parenting now,
Speaker 2: but around how influencers filter, how they use liquefying tools
Speaker 2: to change their body shape. There's all different types of
Speaker 2: ways in which we all know the influencers used to
Speaker 2: kind of you know, make themselves look better or to
Speaker 2: better promote a product.
Speaker 1: Well, in twenty seventeen, so they sort of have been
Speaker 1: I guess.
Speaker 3: Bread crumbing these laws.
Speaker 1: So in twenty seventeen, friends past the law mandating that
Speaker 1: the disclaimer photography retache. I definitely butchered that, but you
Speaker 1: have to say on any retouched photograph that you've retouched
Speaker 1: the photograph, and this has to go online and print
Speaker 1: advertisements anything that's featured models whose bodies have been photoshopped.
Speaker 1: So in twenty seventeen you had to say it has
Speaker 1: been retouched. And I do remember seeing a little bit
Speaker 1: of a trend in Australia at the time. There are
Speaker 1: a few models that started to post that, and I
Speaker 1: don't think that was a regulation. I think they were
Speaker 1: just starting to do it, like say, hey, I'm going
Speaker 1: to be really.
Speaker 2: Honest in transparency.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just gonna be honest and authentic. This shoot
Speaker 1: was photo retouched, not necessarily photoshop. It's my understanding and
Speaker 1: you might know law Laura, but it's my understanding that
Speaker 1: retouched is different to photoshop.
Speaker 2: No, I think that's like tomatoes tomatoes. Like, so, retouching
Speaker 2: is something that you do in Photoshop is a program.
Speaker 2: It's a program that people use. It does so many
Speaker 2: different things, but it is the program that is used
Speaker 2: to retouch photos. So whether you say photoshop or retouching,
Speaker 2: it is essentially the same thing. But I think sometimes
Speaker 2: people think of photoshop as being sinching of a waste
Speaker 2: or removing literally centimeters from your thighs or making your
Speaker 2: jaw sharper, or you know, getting ready to under eyebags
Speaker 2: or whatever. I think a lot of people think of
Speaker 2: photoshopping as being more cutting into I guess a photo
Speaker 2: and retouching as being applying filters. But I think that
Speaker 2: that is literally just splitting hairs. They are essentially all
Speaker 2: done within the same platform, and they are kind of
Speaker 2: the same thing.
Speaker 1: Well, the French government now is proposing legislation which would
Speaker 1: make it mandatory for influences to a disclose if the
Speaker 1: photos they've posted have been filtered or edited, and also
Speaker 1: banned them from promoting cosmetic surgery. So this is actually
Speaker 1: some statements that have come from the French finance minister.
Speaker 1: Now I don't know why the fine nance Minister's getting
Speaker 1: involved in this.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't have.
Speaker 2: Thought that this was his because they want to make
Speaker 2: some money.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't follow this is his kettle of fish.
Speaker 1: But he has said that the move will help limit
Speaker 1: the destructive psychological effects of these practices.
Speaker 3: On Internaught's esteem.
Speaker 1: And now Internaughts we googled, it just means somebody that
Speaker 1: spends a lot of time on the internet, which is
Speaker 1: the next generation let's be real.
Speaker 3: So what he's trying to.
Speaker 1: Say is we think that social media is extremely damaging
Speaker 1: for the next generation, so we want to make it,
Speaker 1: you know, as real and raw as possible and limit
Speaker 1: those psychological effects.
Speaker 3: And the way they think to do that is to
Speaker 3: put influences.
Speaker 1: In jail for two years if they even put a
Speaker 1: filter on their photo. To me, I think a little
Speaker 1: bit dramatic. I think that the punishment far outweighs the crime.
Speaker 1: Do I think that we should be saying that we've
Speaker 1: filtered things or photoshops. Sure, that's fine, that's one step.
Speaker 1: But to say, go to jail for two years and
Speaker 1: have a forty eight thousand dollar fine on top of that,
Speaker 1: you're never allowed to work again. So if you have
Speaker 1: been convicted of a filtered photo or a photoshopped photo
Speaker 1: or promoting cosmetic surgery and you go to prison and
Speaker 1: you come out, you're banned from social media and you
Speaker 1: can never capitalize on it again, I think it's a
Speaker 1: bit extreme.
Speaker 2: I mean I read this and I was like, what't
Speaker 2: somebody think of the influences?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to, you can't read it not think
Speaker 3: of that.
Speaker 2: Well, I was like, surely this like I mean, it
Speaker 2: finds an excess of forty eight thousand dollars a two
Speaker 2: year jail sentence. I was like, surely this is the
Speaker 2: most extreme version. And now I would like to think
Speaker 2: that maybe the article is leaning into the like catastrophizing
Speaker 2: what the sentencing could be. So I think, like, for example,
Speaker 2: if you know an influencer who has fourteen thousand followers
Speaker 2: post a filtered photo, I'm going to assume that she's
Speaker 2: not going to go to prison for two years for
Speaker 2: doing that. Maybe it's holding people to account who have
Speaker 2: an immense amount of influence, like say, for example, the Kardashians,
Speaker 2: who influence millions of people every single day. Maybe they
Speaker 2: are the types of people that they're trying to put
Speaker 2: these restrictions on. But I think, for me, when I
Speaker 2: read this, my instant thought is I do think that
Speaker 2: there needs to be way more legislation and way more
Speaker 2: accountability across social media because it is still largely unregulated.
Speaker 2: We see it all the time. I know that there
Speaker 2: is hashtag ad, I know that there is paid partnership
Speaker 2: in Australia. But if people can get around it, they will,
Speaker 2: And I think also if people can get around being
Speaker 2: transparent about how they're altering their body. They will. But
Speaker 2: the issue I have with this whole two year sentencing
Speaker 2: thing or having really harsh fines on it is that
Speaker 2: I think so many people who are influencers, and so
Speaker 2: many people who work in this industry, even though they
Speaker 2: have influence on others, a lot of their photoshopping of themselves,
Speaker 2: a lot of they're curating a lifestyle that they don't
Speaker 2: live and it doesn't exist. It comes from feelings of insecurity,
Speaker 2: It comes from this place of not being adequate enough.
Speaker 2: It comes from a place of needing and feeling like
Speaker 2: they need to be better. So they're living almost a
Speaker 2: false life through social media. And I don't know whether
Speaker 2: a jail sentence and a fine is the right course
Speaker 2: of action to try and get those people to change
Speaker 2: their behavior, because it's like, if you're somebody who has
Speaker 2: such little self confidence because you need to change everything
Speaker 2: about yourself in order to be validated and liked, then
Speaker 2: I think some sort of rehabilitation around your body dysmorphia
Speaker 2: would be a much better use and a much more
Speaker 2: like socially inclusive way of approaching this, rather than being
Speaker 2: like you will be fined for capitalizing. I think it
Speaker 2: kind of makes influences seem like they're inherently evil when
Speaker 2: they don't think that that is overall the intention of
Speaker 2: most influences. Am I being too kind to the influencers?
Speaker 3: I don't know, Absolutely not.
Speaker 1: And let's like, actually look at this for a section
Speaker 1: from a conviction point of view, two years in prison,
Speaker 1: there's no influencer out there that is maliciously putting a
Speaker 1: filter on their face.
Speaker 3: They're not like, I'm going to put this filter on my.
Speaker 1: Face to go and hurt all these people that are
Speaker 1: following me exactly what you'd have said. They're doing it
Speaker 1: because they feel insecure. But then there's I guess there's
Speaker 1: another level of regulation. I know I make fun of it,
Speaker 1: but how does one regulate it to the powers it being?
Speaker 1: Look at a photo and be like, I know that
Speaker 1: chick can possibly be that.
Speaker 3: Hot, I'm going to bring her in. I'm calling her
Speaker 3: in for questioning, like it's so ridiculous.
Speaker 1: And I know that photos have you know, this metadata
Speaker 1: that you can see when something's been changed and uploaded,
Speaker 1: But how did they see that? Can they screenshot that
Speaker 1: photo and see or do they have to go and
Speaker 1: request you to send a photo in does someone have
Speaker 1: to dob you in? Like, I don't understand how this
Speaker 1: can happen.
Speaker 2: I think it'll work a very similar way to how
Speaker 2: it does in Australia in terms of the advertising code.
Speaker 2: So some of you may not know this, but in
Speaker 2: Australia influencers are held to a seat set of standards.
Speaker 2: It's the Advertising Code of Standards, and if an influencer
Speaker 2: is doing the wrong thing, you can report them and
Speaker 2: it happens a lot. There are so many people out
Speaker 2: there that are the vigilantes of influencers and they report
Speaker 2: people for not doing appropriate hashtag, paid ads or you know,
Speaker 2: whatever it is, whatever code they're broken, you can report someone.
Speaker 2: So I would assume that this new law within France
Speaker 2: would work on a sort of vigil anti type situation
Speaker 2: where it would be people reporting influencers for doing the
Speaker 2: wrong things and then they'd have to be investigated, and
Speaker 2: then if they've been found to be guilty of it,
Speaker 2: it would turn into you know, maybe some sort of
Speaker 2: fine or sentence or whatever it is. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think ultimately more restrictions and regulations are good, but
Speaker 2: I also think they need to come from people who
Speaker 2: truly deeply understand social media, and I think sometimes the
Speaker 2: laws around social media and Facebook are created by people
Speaker 2: who don't understand the platforms themselves and probably don't understand
Speaker 2: the users using them too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not sure Bruno, the French Fine Nance minister's
Speaker 1: quite the man that understands young influencers on social media,
Speaker 1: but hey, let's give him the benefit of down.
Speaker 2: The only thing I want to add to this though,
Speaker 2: is I do think that this whole concept around and
Speaker 2: there was the part that you mentioned, Britt, which was
Speaker 2: the restrictions around advertising plastic surgery. I saw that and
Speaker 2: I was like, I kind of do think that within
Speaker 2: Australia there should be more control. And I say this
Speaker 2: because we cannot not acknowledge the fact that influencers have
Speaker 2: so much influence. It's almost like a referral from a friend.
Speaker 2: You know, you follow people that you think are aspirational,
Speaker 2: you follow people who have a lifestyle that you idolize,
Speaker 2: especially the younger generation. And I think that plastic surgery
Speaker 2: is becoming so unbelievably commonplace that it's become normalized. And
Speaker 2: I know that for myself. I saw an influencer the
Speaker 2: other day who had had a boob job after having
Speaker 2: three kids. And it was none of the process. It
Speaker 2: was none of the recovery, it was none of the pain,
Speaker 2: it was none of the bad stuff. I just saw
Speaker 2: a photo of her looking fire in an amazing dress
Speaker 2: with her sibly pert boobs, and I was like, Fuck,
Speaker 2: do I want to get my boobs done? Do I
Speaker 2: want to get my titties done? And then I realized
Speaker 2: that the only reason why I was considering this is
Speaker 2: because I was being influenced by an influencer to get
Speaker 2: my tits done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but then is that on you or on her?
Speaker 1: That's not her making you get them done. It's also
Speaker 1: a level of awareness of what's out there and the
Speaker 1: availability and accessibility. Now, I think the cosmetic surgery thing
Speaker 1: is a double edged sword. What I mean by that
Speaker 1: is I don't know what the better option is. Right
Speaker 1: If we say to people you're not allowed to promote
Speaker 1: that anymore, are they then going to want to not
Speaker 1: be transparent and honest about it? And then is that
Speaker 1: going to leave the younger generation, not even the younger generation,
Speaker 1: even our generation law like you just said, you looked
Speaker 1: at it. Is that going to leave them thinking?
Speaker 3: Wow?
Speaker 1: Look how naturally amazingly beautiful that person is. I'm never
Speaker 1: going to be like that. I feel even worse about myself.
Speaker 1: Or is it better for them to have said, hey,
Speaker 1: check out my nose job that I got.
Speaker 3: This is by before.
Speaker 1: And after, I don't actually look like this. I don't
Speaker 1: know what the better option is. Is it better for
Speaker 1: people to know the cosmetics surgery is out there inaccessible,
Speaker 1: or to feel shit about themselves because they know they'll
Speaker 1: never be like that because I think these people are
Speaker 1: naturally this incredible.
Speaker 2: Well. I think the other big thing is so many
Speaker 2: influencers get their surgeries for free. So many influencers get
Speaker 2: it for kickbacks. They get free boobs or free nose
Speaker 2: jobs in order to do social media pushing. And I
Speaker 2: think that when you're getting something for free, you're no
Speaker 2: longer able to be transparent about the process or the recovery.
Speaker 2: You're really only giving the highlight reel. I think that
Speaker 2: that should be the part that needs to be more
Speaker 2: heavily regulated, because I do think that there are so
Speaker 2: many rules around advertising within Australia, within every country, and
Speaker 2: it seems like the world of influencing, the world of
Speaker 2: social media, which we know is a billion dollar revenue
Speaker 2: stream that influencers are making. I think that that needs
Speaker 2: to be as heavily regulated as what other corporations are.
Speaker 2: But it's tricky because it's on an individual level.
Speaker 3: Well interesting to see what France does.
Speaker 1: Dun, dun, all right, something we have not done in
Speaker 1: a while, and I'm very excited to bring it back
Speaker 1: today because it's bloody brilliant is accidentally unfiltered, and we
Speaker 1: have a cracker. Actually, cracker is pun intended, unintended.
Speaker 2: I don't even know what the sun is, but I'm
Speaker 2: ready for.
Speaker 1: It pun unintended. I used to work on a super
Speaker 1: yot in the south of France and one day I
Speaker 1: got invited to go to the French engineer's family's home
Speaker 1: in Marseilles for the weekend that we had off, along
Speaker 1: with a couple other crew members. All right, flex, I know,
Speaker 1: big flex, but also amazing.
Speaker 3: We had a great weekend.
Speaker 1: They're hosted by his family, who were absolutely lovely. Communication
Speaker 1: was tough as I don't speak French and they have
Speaker 1: limited English, but we got by. As I was a chef,
Speaker 1: I decided I should probably make a really nice Sunday
Speaker 1: meal for his family as a thank you. Now, a
Speaker 1: little backstory. About two weeks prior to this, I'd had
Speaker 1: surgery due to a tough couple of years with an
Speaker 1: anal fisher. The surgery involves botox injection to the area
Speaker 1: to the buttocks to help it heal. Let's flash forward
Speaker 1: to this lovely Sunday meal. We all sat around the
Speaker 1: dinner table, having finished eating and just enjoying relaxing at
Speaker 1: the table with each other, having a chat without even
Speaker 1: feeling it coming on a fart. Now, this was no
Speaker 1: quiet far. As soon as I heard it, I did
Speaker 1: my best to close that hole off.
Speaker 3: But try as I might.
Speaker 1: As we all know, botox relaxes the muscles, and no
Speaker 1: amount of dancing was.
Speaker 3: Gonna do a damn thing.
Speaker 1: Ten seconds of loud trombone, unmistakable fight echoing out across
Speaker 1: the table. I was trying to squeeze with all my might,
Speaker 1: it was doing nothing. I was mortified. All I could
Speaker 1: do was laugh and cry at the same time. Thank goodness,
Speaker 1: they saw the funny side. They'll never forget the Ossie
Speaker 1: girl that made them lunch and ripped one at the table.
Speaker 1: I could not stop laughing. It's so funny because I've
Speaker 1: never heard of botox in the anus before, but it's true.
Speaker 3: How do you cut off the how do you cut
Speaker 3: the futt off?
Speaker 2: How do you cut the pool off? How do you
Speaker 2: cut anything off? Why are you getting botox in your bummele.
Speaker 1: Well, because you had an anal fisher and anal fishers worse.
Speaker 1: Trust me, not that I've had one, but I'm saying that.
Speaker 2: What is an anal fisher? Is it when there's like
Speaker 2: a breakage between the wall of your Yeah, so as
Speaker 2: in the you're intestine wall.
Speaker 1: I guess, well, think of a fisher as a tunnel.
Speaker 1: So some people after birth actually it can tear and
Speaker 1: they can have like vaginal anal fisher, and so you
Speaker 1: could almost this is hectic, but like you could pooh
Speaker 1: out the wrong place, So it ends up being like
Speaker 1: a tunnel and it can go different places.
Speaker 3: That's what a fisher is. So think of it as.
Speaker 1: Like a little bridge or a little tunnel that can
Speaker 1: go places that it absolutely shouldn't be. So in this
Speaker 1: poor girl's situation, getting getting botox to fix that and
Speaker 1: the outcome is just like uncontrollable faces that you can't
Speaker 1: cut off is definitely better.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I have the most Before we
Speaker 2: get into talking to Matthew Hussey, which is truly one
Speaker 2: of my most favorite interviews of the year. I have
Speaker 2: a book recommendation speaking about anal fishers.
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, this is not book Club.
Speaker 2: You just reminded me of it when you spoke about
Speaker 2: like having a fisher after birth. There is this incredible book.
Speaker 2: It's quite old now, so many of you probably would
Speaker 2: have read it or heard of it. But it's called
Speaker 2: Hospital by the River. Have you heard of that?
Speaker 3: Never?
Speaker 2: So it's called Hospital by the River. It's about a
Speaker 2: very famous Australian gynecologist who moved to Ethiopia and she
Speaker 2: helped to save all these women who had experienced that,
Speaker 2: who had been outcast from their communities in Ethiopia. It's
Speaker 2: amazing read it. That's my recommendation.
Speaker 3: Do you know what? Those books just make me feel shit?
Speaker 3: So I'm like, what am I doing for humanity?
Speaker 2: Like all I do is talk?
Speaker 3: What am I doing? I'm not saving anyone by the River.
Speaker 2: Nothing between, nothing. All right, let's get into the chat
Speaker 2: with Matthew.
Speaker 1: I'm super excited about today's guest, Matthew Hussy. He is
Speaker 1: what I would like to say, the leading dating expert.
Speaker 1: He's also a New York Times bestselling author, a speaker,
Speaker 1: a podcast, a coach, and has a particularly honest and authentic, practical.
Speaker 4: Look at love and relationships.
Speaker 1: Now, Matthew, you have been sliding into our dms asking
Speaker 1: to come on Life on Cut for many years now,
Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4: We've been so busy.
Speaker 1: We have finally made tark you today, So welcome to
Speaker 1: Life on Cut.
Speaker 5: Can I just say I really appreciate it. It means
Speaker 5: the word to me that you finally had me on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we cleared the schedule after all this time, Matthew, if.
Speaker 2: You were just to me a favor, and never ever
Speaker 2: ever look at the message exchange from me to you,
Speaker 2: because it will look pathetic and desperate be sending you
Speaker 2: multiple messages being like please come on our podcast dating
Speaker 2: back to twenty nineteen or something.
Speaker 4: So I actually just looked.
Speaker 1: Twenty twenty was my first text to you, and you
Speaker 1: responded and you said you appreciate it. Congrats, I'll speak
Speaker 1: with my team and see what's possible. And here you
Speaker 1: made room in twenty twenty three, so thanks, I.
Speaker 5: Did see what was possible. Here we are we may.
Speaker 2: It have it okay, Well, we're very excited to have
Speaker 2: you on now. We like to kickstart every episode with
Speaker 2: our guests by asking them to share one of the
Speaker 2: most vulnerable times in life, one of your most embarrassing stories.
Speaker 2: If you could share with us you're accidently unfiltered, we
Speaker 2: would bloody love that.
Speaker 5: I remember you asked me this, Britta and I had
Speaker 5: a story at the time and I couldn't remember what
Speaker 5: it was, but the thing that immediately comes to mind
Speaker 5: was me giving a public speaking seminar. I must have
Speaker 5: been twenty three, twenty four, something like that. It was
Speaker 5: one of those you know, back when. I don't know
Speaker 5: if what it was like in Australia, whether it was
Speaker 5: a thing there, but groupon was crushing it in the
Speaker 5: UK at the time.
Speaker 4: It didn't really make it, No, it did. My mum
Speaker 4: was obsessed with it.
Speaker 1: But not the UK. I used to live there. It
Speaker 1: was everyone grouped on. You only lived via group on. Oh,
Speaker 1: my mom would have liked it.
Speaker 5: In the UK then it was this weird time where
Speaker 5: you could promote something on groupon and get a ridiculous
Speaker 5: amount of people overnight seeing whatever you had, whether it
Speaker 5: was like you were giving massages or personal training or whatever,
Speaker 5: and I was like, I'm pretty good at this public
Speaker 5: speaking thing. I'm gonna promote a public speaking seminar because
Speaker 5: I'd been speaking for years at that point, doing what
Speaker 5: I do now, dating advice, working on people's confidence. So
Speaker 5: I said, I've never done a public speaking seminar before.
Speaker 5: I'll do that, and I promoted this thing. I thought
Speaker 5: maybe one hundred people would show up. We had six
Speaker 5: hundred people who showed up for this event. The venue
Speaker 5: that I booked was way over subscribed. We had people
Speaker 5: standing at the back of the room and there was
Speaker 5: a whole standing section because we ran out of seats.
Speaker 5: And I must have gotten it was designed to be
Speaker 5: a three hour event. I must have gotten about twenty
Speaker 5: minutes into the event and I was doing my thing.
Speaker 5: I thought it was going well, and I sometimes curse,
Speaker 5: you know, I swear in my sessions in my events,
Speaker 5: less so these days, but more so back then. And
Speaker 5: there was this one woman in the third row who,
Speaker 5: in the middle of the event, like twenty minutes in
Speaker 5: in front of everybody, just shouted at me, excuse me,
Speaker 5: can you please stop swearing?
Speaker 4: For you audacity?
Speaker 5: And I mean, who does that in the middle of
Speaker 5: a live show, like it's not.
Speaker 4: It's your show, But how did you respond?
Speaker 5: That's what I mean, it was my show. It's like,
Speaker 5: you can't just do that. You just in the middle
Speaker 5: of a Broadway performance say excuse me, this is too sexy.
Speaker 2: I think the best response there is ma'am kindly fuck off.
Speaker 5: Well you're gonna laugh because my version was not so
Speaker 5: dissimilar to that. Oh, I said, and this was me
Speaker 5: And I was immediately my you know, when you get
Speaker 5: a combination of fear and anger and self consciousness and
Speaker 5: righteousness and all at the same time. I said, I
Speaker 5: didn't even address this person. I addressed the whole room,
Speaker 5: and I said, I want everybody to grab yourn and paper,
Speaker 5: and everyone read the pen and paper, and I said,
Speaker 5: I want everyone to write this down. Matthew Hussy doesn't
Speaker 5: give a fuck.
Speaker 4: What to power me.
Speaker 5: I want to say that I suffice it to say
Speaker 5: where I am in my life. Now that would not
Speaker 5: be my response, but back then it was. And I
Speaker 5: said it, and the whole audience like tensed up, and
Speaker 5: no one people didn't laugh. They thought there was some
Speaker 5: nervous laughter, but like kind of the whole audience, you know,
Speaker 5: raised up, and this gentleman in the same row, but
Speaker 5: on the other side of the row, said, I don't
Speaker 5: appreciate you talking to her like that.
Speaker 1: Oh no, you've started a riot, sat.
Speaker 5: So now I'm like, oh man, I'm in now, like
Speaker 5: I've got myself into this. I don't exactly know a
Speaker 5: way out of it. And I said, he said, I
Speaker 5: don't appreciate you talking to her like that, And I said, well,
Speaker 5: I don't appreciate you interrupting my event. So listen, you
Speaker 5: guys can either stay and take what you feel you're
Speaker 5: going to get from this, and there will be some
Speaker 5: things for you to get from this, and if I
Speaker 5: swear more, just ignore it, or you just decide you
Speaker 5: don't want to swear in your own lives, or you
Speaker 5: can leave and I'll have someone waiting for you at
Speaker 5: the door with your money. But you cannot stay and
Speaker 5: do this. So the choice is yours. And I thought
Speaker 5: to myself and nailed it.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 5: I didn't realize was that everyone in between that woman
Speaker 5: and that man came together, the whole of Row three.
Speaker 5: I don't know if it was like a company or
Speaker 5: it was a whole group of people that came together
Speaker 5: and when I said you can either stay or you
Speaker 5: can leave, but you need to make the choice, the
Speaker 5: entire row stood up and left. Oh my, twenty minutes
Speaker 5: into a seminar on public speaking, I sent home row
Speaker 5: three and then what.
Speaker 4: What did the rest of them do? Do they clap
Speaker 4: them out?
Speaker 5: No, it was awkward for a little while. The one
Speaker 5: saving grace was I was like, I got three hours
Speaker 5: with this crowd, So now this is where you earn
Speaker 5: your stripes. Is now I've got to figure out away
Speaker 5: to make this event work. And funnily enough, there were
Speaker 5: actually some people who came up to me at the
Speaker 5: end and said that was the best part of the
Speaker 5: whole thing, Like that moment. They were like, I learned, Yeah,
Speaker 5: I came to get public speaking advice, and I learned
Speaker 5: just how much can happen when you get on stage
Speaker 5: and decide to public speak. So it was like a
Speaker 5: crash course for people in that moment what not to do,
Speaker 5: that's for sure.
Speaker 4: I mean, it is a power move.
Speaker 1: And you would never go to somebody else's show, Like
Speaker 1: you said, you wouldn't go to a show, or you
Speaker 1: wouldn't go to a comedy show or a public speaking event.
Speaker 1: You don't go to tell them how to perform, Like
Speaker 1: you go to watch somebody perform so good?
Speaker 2: Ah, are you going to stand up comedy to heckle people? Though?
Speaker 4: Don't you know they heckled a crowd?
Speaker 1: But were you someone like a prominent figure at this
Speaker 1: point when you were going on to group on and like,
Speaker 1: how did you get six hundred people to turn up
Speaker 1: to a public speaking event?
Speaker 4: Were you somebody yet?
Speaker 5: I wouldn't say I was a prominent person. I would
Speaker 5: say I was a person who I'd gained a decent
Speaker 5: amount of attention for helping people in their love lives.
Speaker 5: And you know, I guess yeah. I was maybe twenty three,
Speaker 5: twenty four at that point. I'd been coaching people since
Speaker 5: the age of nineteen in one way or another. So
Speaker 5: by that point I'd been written up about in newspapers.
Speaker 5: I'd been on some TV shows. By that point, I'd
Speaker 5: done MTV's Playing Jane with Louise Row. I don't know
Speaker 5: if you know Louis Row. It was a show on
Speaker 5: like a five day transformation process for young women. So
Speaker 5: I was part of that, and so I was starting
Speaker 5: to become a little more known, But nothing like what's
Speaker 5: happened since, but it was a time where I was
Speaker 5: known enough to feel like that something like that was
Speaker 5: incredibly embarrassing for me. It's going to be hard to live.
Speaker 2: It's embarrassing for me to listen to Can you tell
Speaker 2: us at nineteen or twenty three or twenty four? When
Speaker 2: your dream these sorts of seminars, public speaking and life
Speaker 2: coaching in terms of relationships, how does a nineteen year
Speaker 2: old or a twenty four year old have the relationship
Speaker 2: experience to be able to impart that knowledge on people
Speaker 2: to help guide them in their lives.
Speaker 5: Well, I never knew what to call myself. I didn't
Speaker 5: like I've never liked relationship expert, because the arrogance of
Speaker 5: any kind of title like that has never escaped me.
Speaker 4: Strong the intro time I got the rest, I.
Speaker 5: Just always I really have always loved this kind of
Speaker 5: content for myself. I grew up loving it. My parents
Speaker 5: had the book How to Win Friends and Influence People
Speaker 5: on their bookshelf, along with a whole bunch of other
Speaker 5: psychology book self development books when I was a kid.
Speaker 5: I picked up How to Win Friends and Influence People
Speaker 5: when I was maybe eleven years old and read it
Speaker 5: back then, and I wasn't reading it because I was thinking,
Speaker 5: I can't wait to pass this on to other people.
Speaker 5: I was reading it because I was a shy kid,
Speaker 5: and I was both shy and introverted. Still introverted, I
Speaker 5: just know how to deal with my shyness. But when
Speaker 5: I was a kid, I was very shy, and it
Speaker 5: was like I was learning these superpowers about how to
Speaker 5: relate differently to people, to the world, how to have
Speaker 5: more impact, and how to make my voice heard, and
Speaker 5: that was really really empowering for me. So by the
Speaker 5: time I got to nineteen, it was really just about
Speaker 5: sharing things that I had found exciting for myself, as
Speaker 5: opposed to thinking that I was some kind of expert.
Speaker 5: And my career has just been a series of steps
Speaker 5: where I've shared things that I really love that have
Speaker 5: helped me a lot, and more and more people have
Speaker 5: listened to them over time. I did used to have
Speaker 5: the insecurity when I was in my early mid twenties,
Speaker 5: probably even into my later twenties, that you know, what's
Speaker 5: my qualification? And people would ask me that. I would say,
Speaker 5: what's you know? So, what's your qualification? And I felt
Speaker 5: like I never had a good answer other than I
Speaker 5: seem to be quite good at this. And I don't
Speaker 5: know how I was to say it, but I've seemed
Speaker 5: to be quite good at this and people really enjoy
Speaker 5: it and is helping a lot of people. And by now,
Speaker 5: you know, over time it was turned from helping hundreds
Speaker 5: of people to thousands to millions across the world. And
Speaker 5: at that point you've got this kind of mosaic that
Speaker 5: you've got of knowledge in your head from having worked
Speaker 5: with that many people. There as certain point it switched
Speaker 5: for me and I just went, you know what, Instead
Speaker 5: of being insecure about my answer, I just would tell
Speaker 5: the truth, which is that some of us in life
Speaker 5: are lucky to find something that we're naturally really good at.
Speaker 5: And I found a thing that I'm really interested in.
Speaker 5: The more energy I put into it, the better I got.
Speaker 5: The same was not really true for me about singing,
Speaker 5: you know, but when it comes to this area of
Speaker 5: my life, the more energy I put into it, the
Speaker 5: better I got. I really and I started to get
Speaker 5: very good, and that was really encouraging to me, and
Speaker 5: I just I kept going. And now I kind of
Speaker 5: don't mind if someone says I'd rather have someone who's
Speaker 5: got a psychology degree or a therapist's license, or that's okay,
Speaker 5: those people are there too. I use those resources for myself.
Speaker 5: I have a therapist for myself, like I believe in
Speaker 5: taking tools and wisdom from wherever it comes. But I
Speaker 5: always say to people, at least just check out the
Speaker 5: things I'm talking about or the videos that I have
Speaker 5: on YouTube, or the programs I have, because we all
Speaker 5: need a certain voice that breaks through for us. And
Speaker 5: I might be that voice for you. If I'm not,
Speaker 5: it might be someone else. It might be an Esta
Speaker 5: Perel or a Guy Wench or a neck Art Toll
Speaker 5: or you know. It's it's different for everybody. It's just
Speaker 5: I think life is about finding voices that really resonate
Speaker 5: with you.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, you you have
Speaker 1: done the time, and you've done the due diligence, and
Speaker 1: you've done the study. Without you might not have officially
Speaker 1: been given that certificate, the bachelor degree or the doctorate,
Speaker 1: but you've you've still done the time. And I think
Speaker 1: those days are gone now of saying what degree do
Speaker 1: you have? What qualifications do you have? Because so many
Speaker 1: inspirational people and successful people that we're looking at haven't
Speaker 1: done that. They are just people that naturally embody something.
Speaker 2: But also exactly what you said, this idea that like
Speaker 2: it's the cut through so many and I remember, I
Speaker 2: still remember the very first time. It was my now
Speaker 2: husband who sent me one of your videos and he
Speaker 2: was like, I think this guy's onto something. And this
Speaker 2: was quite a few years ago, and it was the
Speaker 2: first time I came across your Instagram or your YouTube channel.
Speaker 2: First thing, I was skeptical because I think as a woman,
Speaker 2: I was like, how does this guy know so much
Speaker 2: about women?
Speaker 4: I was like, prove it.
Speaker 2: And then the more I.
Speaker 4: Want it, I was twenty five hours deep and I
Speaker 4: was like yeah.
Speaker 2: And then I was literally so deep in your YouTube
Speaker 2: channel and I was like far out. There is so
Speaker 2: much about this and so much in this that like,
Speaker 2: at what point in your life did you start to
Speaker 2: realize I really understand not just relationships, but I understand
Speaker 2: kind of the female dynamic as well as to how
Speaker 2: we show up in relationships.
Speaker 5: Firstly, I really deeply, deeply care about the subjects I'm
Speaker 5: talking about, and the ones that you hear me talk
Speaker 5: about less and less are the ones I tend to
Speaker 5: care about less and less, You know, they're the ones
Speaker 5: that I'm not as naturally drawn to. You know, someone
Speaker 5: might come to me and say, Matt, what are the
Speaker 5: three great texts to send someone for this or whatever?
Speaker 5: And I'll play along because I have enjoyed giving very
Speaker 5: practical advice at different points in my career, and I
Speaker 5: think there's something very useful about that for people. But
Speaker 5: when it comes to talking about people's healing or dealing
Speaker 5: with why is it that people go through their lives
Speaker 5: going from one toxic situation to another? Why is it
Speaker 5: that they accept less than they deserve? Why is it
Speaker 5: they don't do what they know they should do or
Speaker 5: what their friends and family know they should do, Or
Speaker 5: why is it someone doesn't value themselves or doesn't see
Speaker 5: that they can increase the perception of their value in
Speaker 5: other people's eyes by the way that they treat themselves
Speaker 5: or the way that they create boundaries. Those things are
Speaker 5: infinitely interesting to me, and I care about them. I
Speaker 5: really care about them. And I think when you really
Speaker 5: care about something, you pay attention to it, you really
Speaker 5: ask yourself why is this happening? You don't just give
Speaker 5: out kind of bumper sticker logic to things like let
Speaker 5: me just throw out a fun Instagram quote here that's inspirational.
Speaker 5: To me, I feel like I could have had a
Speaker 5: much bigger Instagram account if I put out much more
Speaker 5: inspirational kind of quotes where they were just like plain
Speaker 5: inspiration without in the morning. I don't know if I
Speaker 5: feel like if I'd have been more on the nose
Speaker 5: with things, I would have done better. But I just
Speaker 5: I really struggle with that because to me, I'm always
Speaker 5: obsessed about the nuance of things, like when is that true?
Speaker 5: When is it not true? For example, when someone says,
Speaker 5: watch you know, this is good advice. Right when you're
Speaker 5: dating someone, watch what they do, not what they say.
Speaker 5: That's good advice that will save you from a lot
Speaker 5: of bad situations in life. If someone keeps telling you
Speaker 5: they love you, I care so much about you. I
Speaker 5: always want the best for you. But everything they do
Speaker 5: is damaging to you, and they're inconsistent, and they treat
Speaker 5: you poorly, and they disrespect you, and they cheat on you,
Speaker 5: they lie, well, their words really cease to matter at
Speaker 5: that point. Their behavior is telling you everything you need
Speaker 5: to know about the person. But what would happen with
Speaker 5: me is I because I've worked with so many people
Speaker 5: now over fifteen years. I would always hear something that
Speaker 5: would stop me in my tracks and make me go, oh,
Speaker 5: hang on, I feel like I need to go back
Speaker 5: to the drawing board on this. And an example for
Speaker 5: that piece of advice, which is good advice, is when
Speaker 5: someone would say to me, but Matt, I'm with this
Speaker 5: person and they literally treat me like I'm a girlfriend.
Speaker 5: They take me to meet their family, like We've gone
Speaker 5: on these amazing trips together. He's big with these gestures,
Speaker 5: and he spends all his time with me, we speak
Speaker 5: for hours on the phone, and yet he tells me
Speaker 5: he just doesn't know if he wants a relationship.
Speaker 2: And so many people have experienced that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so if you apply watch what they do, not
Speaker 5: what they say to that scenario, you're going to get
Speaker 5: yourself in a lot of trouble because what they're doing
Speaker 5: is showing you all the right things through their behavior,
Speaker 5: but what they're telling you is that they don't want
Speaker 5: a relationship. Well, that to me is nuance. You add
Speaker 5: a layer of complexity there where you say, oh, well, actually,
Speaker 5: what appears to be true empirically is that you should
Speaker 5: follow the rule of watch what they do not what
Speaker 5: they say unless what they say to you is inconvenient
Speaker 5: for them to say and wouldn't help them in any way.
Speaker 5: So if I'm a guy and I want to continue
Speaker 5: to have this intimacy and this connection and regular sex
Speaker 5: and all of the things that come from doing that
Speaker 5: with a person, I don't want to tell you I
Speaker 5: don't want a relationship because it might hurt what I'm getting.
Speaker 5: You might decide, Oh, if that's true, then I'm out.
Speaker 5: So I'm risking the things that I'm enjoying by admitting this.
Speaker 5: And if you imagine for a guy like that, he
Speaker 5: feels like he has to say it, or he should
Speaker 5: say it, or he wants to to keep your arm's length,
Speaker 5: but it doesn't help his cause. And if something doesn't
Speaker 5: help someone's cause but they say it anyway, you can
Speaker 5: believe that thing. Then it's almost like the rule inverts,
Speaker 5: because now it's like the small print at the end
Speaker 5: of a pharmaceutical ad. A pharmaceutical ad is this whole
Speaker 5: commercial where the whole time they're like showing people bouncing
Speaker 5: in a field who you know, were struggling with back problems,
Speaker 5: but now they're having a great time and look how
Speaker 5: great their relationship is, and look how great life is,
Speaker 5: and it's changed their life taking this back pill or
Speaker 5: whatever it is. And then at the end of the commercial,
Speaker 5: very very quickly, it races through the fact that this
Speaker 5: pill is going to make you suicidal. You might vomit,
Speaker 5: you might have diarrhea, you might it might ruin your
Speaker 5: life like it.
Speaker 1: Might die, but you could be happy run around.
Speaker 4: In a field.
Speaker 5: And here's the thing. Those are the things that they
Speaker 5: have to say. They wouldn't say it if they had
Speaker 5: a choice, but they have to say those things. So
Speaker 5: you don't necessarily know if any of the nonsense marketing
Speaker 5: was true. But you know the other things are true
Speaker 5: because they wouldn't say them unless they had to. So
Speaker 5: when someone's telling you something that doesn't help them to
Speaker 5: tell you, that's usually the part that's true, even if
Speaker 5: their actions are giving you lots of hope.
Speaker 2: It's so obvious that it's so important because even me
Speaker 2: reflecting on my past experien answers, and I mean this
Speaker 2: is well spoken about in the podcast. I dated a
Speaker 2: guy for almost a year and a bit where he
Speaker 2: kept saying you didn't want a relationship, but he was
Speaker 2: behaving like that and I just wish someone had said
Speaker 2: it so obviously to me at the time, because sometimes
Speaker 2: you lull yourself into this sense that like, well, if
Speaker 2: you wait, if you hope, if you try harder, if
Speaker 2: you do more, then something will click in them and
Speaker 2: they will come around and want to be with you.
Speaker 5: I've seen that get so many people into trouble. And
Speaker 5: that's the you know, the short answer to your question
Speaker 5: is when you spend so much time obsessing over something
Speaker 5: and you really care about it and you're interested in
Speaker 5: the nuances, you start to arrive at better answers than
Speaker 5: the average answers. And that's been my entire adult life,
Speaker 5: is arriving at that level of nuance that hopefully says
Speaker 5: it simply, but arrives at something that actually might have
Speaker 5: taken someone years or decades to arrive at on their own,
Speaker 5: or they may never have gotten there, which we see
Speaker 5: in people all the time. They live and die in
Speaker 5: relationships that make them unhappy.
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear your idea on the idea of
Speaker 1: a soulmate or that we have this one person out
Speaker 1: there that we're destined to be and then they end
Speaker 1: up being the one that got away.
Speaker 4: And how do we ever replace that person. What are
Speaker 4: your thoughts on this idea of finding that one, Penguin.
Speaker 5: I don't believe in the idea of the one. I
Speaker 5: think that the person, the ideal person, is a bit
Speaker 5: like the ideal job. I don't think I'm doing my
Speaker 5: ideal job or the one job I was supposed to do.
Speaker 5: When anyone says to me, Matt, you found your calling,
Speaker 5: I always think I don't believe in things like that.
Speaker 5: I believe that I've stumbled on something I'm good at.
Speaker 5: The Japanese term icky guy, I forget. It's the combination
Speaker 5: of finding something you're good at, something the world needs,
Speaker 5: something that provides for you, something you actually enjoy, something
Speaker 5: that gives you fulfillment. And in my work I've found
Speaker 5: my ikey guy. That doesn't mean to me that that's
Speaker 5: the only thing that could be my ikey guy. There
Speaker 5: are many things I think that could have done those
Speaker 5: four things. And a relationship is the same way.
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 5: We find someone who has the raw materials to be
Speaker 5: an amazing partner in our life, and then we build
Speaker 5: with that person. But just like the ideal career, the
Speaker 5: ideal career isn't found. I don't believe that you two
Speaker 5: just stumbled into something that is an amazing career for you.
Speaker 5: You sort of found something that had some core ingredients
Speaker 5: that made it enjoyable to you, fulfilling, challenging, and then
Speaker 5: you sculpted it, and you're still sculpting it right now.
Speaker 5: You're always i'm sure, asking your questions like, what's okay,
Speaker 5: this part's working and we really enjoy this, but we
Speaker 5: want to do less of that. How do we make
Speaker 5: that leap to doing less of that? And that involves
Speaker 5: some risk, but I think we can do it, and
Speaker 5: I think you know, and gradually, over time you end
Speaker 5: up it's something that you have fashioned into an amazing
Speaker 5: career that other people look at and go, I want
Speaker 5: your job, and they don't realize that your job is
Speaker 5: something you didn't find. You sculpted. And an amazing relationship,
Speaker 5: I believe, is really a lot like that. You find
Speaker 5: a great person to build with, and it doesn't start
Speaker 5: as the most beautiful thing ever. It starts as something
Speaker 5: that has an awful lot of potential, and that potential
Speaker 5: becomes realized because two people actually demonstrate that they're willing
Speaker 5: to build together, and then you end up with something extraordinary.
Speaker 5: But that's why I kind of I understand what people
Speaker 5: mean when they say love at first sight, but I
Speaker 5: always find the concept a little bit.
Speaker 4: A bit Hollywood fairy tale Disney.
Speaker 2: I think it's like some people experience love at first sight,
Speaker 2: and then it's almost like luck plays a part in
Speaker 2: it actually working out long term. Like I met my
Speaker 2: maner on The Bachelor and we are now married and
Speaker 2: have two children, and it's truly the best relationship I've
Speaker 2: ever been in, obviously because I married the guy, but
Speaker 2: I think for me, I got really really lucky and
Speaker 2: had this. And I would never say that it was
Speaker 2: like a love at first sight, because you know, I
Speaker 2: didn't love him.
Speaker 4: Then I saw him and I was like, oh, because Matthew.
Speaker 2: But that is about it. But I think that for
Speaker 2: the people who truly strongly believe in it because they
Speaker 2: feel like they've experienced it, then there must be some
Speaker 2: sort of luck element, because I know that chemistry can lie.
Speaker 2: I think so many of us have been in a
Speaker 2: situations where we thought, oh my god, that's the love
Speaker 2: of my life, and then you almost hold onto the
Speaker 2: relationship for too long because you believed so much in
Speaker 2: the beginning that they were the love of your life,
Speaker 2: even though it's toxic.
Speaker 1: A but love has so many layers. You can't love
Speaker 1: someone at first sight when you know nothing about totally
Speaker 1: but what they've been through, their morals, their values, their wants.
Speaker 4: For the future.
Speaker 1: You can last the fuck out of them, like you
Speaker 1: can be like I want to get you naked. But
Speaker 1: I think the idea of this all consuming, all empowering
Speaker 1: love at first sight physically is impossible.
Speaker 5: Yeah, how many things that we actually need for an
Speaker 5: amazing relationship do we know about someone in the beginning.
Speaker 5: This is one of the ways that for people who
Speaker 5: get very nervous when they have a great date and
Speaker 5: suddenly they're scared to go on the next one because
Speaker 5: they like this person so much. It's actually a great
Speaker 5: way of sobering yourself is to realize. Usually when people
Speaker 5: get off a date and they tell me, Matt, you
Speaker 5: know this is like the most eligible bachelor. Oh my god,
Speaker 5: Like I can see they've built themselves up, They've built
Speaker 5: this person up, they've built the possibility of the relationship up.
Speaker 5: And I look at it and I go, well, let's
Speaker 5: run through what you think makes them eligible. I'd love
Speaker 5: to know what you already know makes them so eligible,
Speaker 5: And it will be. They're handsome, it will be, they're
Speaker 5: so charismatic, it will be we had such a great
Speaker 5: connection that, by the way, is the deepest one that
Speaker 5: I'm going to mention. Yeah, and it's not that deep.
Speaker 5: There will be they're super successful, they're financially independent or
Speaker 5: very well off. There's all these things that go into
Speaker 5: making them super eligible, and none of those things are
Speaker 5: the things that are actually going to make the biggest
Speaker 5: difference to quality of life in a relationship. I can't
Speaker 5: tell you the number of times someone I've worked with
Speaker 5: has got that person and then looked in the mirror
Speaker 5: and gone, what the hell did I get?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 5: What am I getting here? It's terrible, this is toxic.
Speaker 5: I'm not happy. This person doesn't care about my needs.
Speaker 5: This person is selfish. This person doesn't actually see me,
Speaker 5: they don't understand me. I feel alone in this relationship.
Speaker 5: I don't get the attention that I need, I don't
Speaker 5: get the time that I need. And forget how many
Speaker 5: of those you know, those great qualities you thought you
Speaker 5: had in the beginning of eligibility, all of the stuff
Speaker 5: that actually mattered you didn't have. And that's because once
Speaker 5: we think someone has value, we stop asking ourselves whether
Speaker 5: they're actually made of the stuff that's going to make
Speaker 5: for a great relationship, and we just get obsessed with
Speaker 5: getting them without ever really asking what we're getting in
Speaker 5: the process. And that's a very dangerous place to be.
Speaker 5: I believe in this kind of depedestaling process that you
Speaker 5: should go through whenever you feel yourself getting too carried away,
Speaker 5: where you ask yourself, write down on a piece of paper,
Speaker 5: what are the things that I actually want in a relationship,
Speaker 5: the things that I think would make an amazing partner.
Speaker 5: Write them all down. You know how this person argues,
Speaker 5: what making up looks like after an argument, How long
Speaker 5: it takes for us to make up. What's the level
Speaker 5: of humility in this relationship. What's the ability of us
Speaker 5: to say sorry to each other? How does this person
Speaker 5: treat my family? They don't have to like them, but
Speaker 5: they have to respect them, and they have to at
Speaker 5: the very least they have to risk my relationship with them,
Speaker 5: and that they're important in my life. How much do
Speaker 5: they try with the various elements of my life all
Speaker 5: of these things? Write all those down, and then anytime
Speaker 5: you get too excited about someone, actually ask yourself how
Speaker 5: many of these things do I have? And I guarantee
Speaker 5: you you will have so few it will be embarrassing
Speaker 5: because what you'll realize you've built this up on is
Speaker 5: this imagined idea of how great this person would be,
Speaker 5: not what they've actually shown you, and not how much
Speaker 5: they've invested in you.
Speaker 2: And I think also like this idea of potential, we
Speaker 2: get so exactly what you're talking about. You can get
Speaker 2: so caught up in the potential of someone, the potential
Speaker 2: of what you thought the relationship would be, but also
Speaker 2: not just I guess potential, but this idea of like
Speaker 2: the time invested in it. So maybe you've spent two
Speaker 2: years in this relationship and it's still not good and
Speaker 2: it's not heading anywhere, but thinking, well, I've already spent
Speaker 2: two years in this relationship. I don't want to throw
Speaker 2: this away even though it's shit for nothing because being
Speaker 2: on my own is so scary, or maybe nothing better
Speaker 2: will come along. How do you coach people through situations
Speaker 2: where they feel like they don't necessarily want to leave
Speaker 2: because they're frightened of what's out there, or they're frightened
Speaker 2: of having even less by being alone.
Speaker 5: Yeah, such a great question. That's called the sunk cost fallacy.
Speaker 5: You know, this idea that you know people do it
Speaker 5: in casinos. I keep throwing good money after bad because
Speaker 5: I have to recover my losses. It's an easy way
Speaker 5: to go broke, and doing it in a relationship is
Speaker 5: an easy way to go broke on time in your life,
Speaker 5: and you can get money back. By the way, you're
Speaker 5: never getting your time back, you know, if you're in
Speaker 5: your thirties and saying, but I've already invested five years
Speaker 5: in this relationship and you're thirty five. Now, you're never
Speaker 5: getting thirty five again. This is the only year you
Speaker 5: ever get to be thirty five. And the same is
Speaker 5: true at forty and the same is true at fifty.
Speaker 5: And so we have to start getting real with ourselves
Speaker 5: and saying, Okay, this idea that I've invested this much
Speaker 5: so far, so I should keep going. Is that based
Speaker 5: on me being happy right now? No? Otherwise I wouldn't
Speaker 5: be asking this question. I wouldn't be having this conversation
Speaker 5: with my friends and tortured at night as I think
Speaker 5: about how I'm feeling about this relationship or how much.
Speaker 5: My needs aren't getting met, so I'm not happy. So
Speaker 5: if I stay, presumably it's based on the idea that
Speaker 5: I will one day be happy in this relationship. So
Speaker 5: you have to then ask yourself, can I be happy
Speaker 5: if nothing changes? And if you've got to this point
Speaker 5: where you're not here because you're being entitled or taking
Speaker 5: your partner for granted, you're here because your fundamental core
Speaker 5: needs the level investment that you need from someone in
Speaker 5: a relationship, those standards aren't being met. So if it
Speaker 5: stays this way, I can't be happy. And this ask yourself,
Speaker 5: do I want this pain forever? Forget? Do I want
Speaker 5: this relationship forever? Do I want this pain forever? And
Speaker 5: if the answer is no, then the only way you
Speaker 5: can stay is if you convince yourself that it will
Speaker 5: one day be different, that there is a level of
Speaker 5: investment that you're going to put into this relationship that
Speaker 5: is going to make it shift from where it is
Speaker 5: right now. And I always ask people what is your
Speaker 5: evidence for that on? What is this based other than hope?
Speaker 5: Hope isn't a plan, so what's it based on. Usually
Speaker 5: when people get to this point, they've already tried a
Speaker 5: lot they've cried, they've got mad, they've screamed, they've gone quiet,
Speaker 5: they've withdrawn, they've aggressively pursued, they've done everything to try
Speaker 5: to get this relationship to be the way they want
Speaker 5: it to be. What emotion do you have up your
Speaker 5: sleeve that you haven't shown this person yet to get
Speaker 5: them to change or to get this relationship to change,
Speaker 5: And usually there isn't one. People do not normally have
Speaker 5: a good answer for that. So then we have to say,
Speaker 5: if the truth is that this person isn't changing, and
Speaker 5: that's always going to be the part where people trip
Speaker 5: up is but maybe this person is going to change.
Speaker 5: If the truth is they're never going to change, the
Speaker 5: only option that works for your happiness is to leave.
Speaker 5: Even if the world is a question mark, even if
Speaker 5: everyone else in the world is a question mark, at
Speaker 5: least they're a question mark. Where you are, you have
Speaker 5: to start believing and reminding yourself that where you are
Speaker 5: is a full stop. Where you are is a period.
Speaker 5: It's not question mark anymore. You've turned the page one
Speaker 5: hundred times and it's always the same page you keep
Speaker 5: reading over and over again. It's no longer a question mark.
Speaker 5: It's already a period, and oh, but maybe this person
Speaker 5: will change one day. Anyone who has ever tried to
Speaker 5: change anything about themselves knows how hard it is to change.
Speaker 5: It's so stupidly hard that it's amazing that any of
Speaker 5: us make changes.
Speaker 4: And the question didn't have to change somebody. I mean,
Speaker 4: I don't think you should.
Speaker 1: Why would you date somebody that you feel like you
Speaker 1: need to mold into the person you want to be with,
Speaker 1: that's compatible with you, with your argument styles or your
Speaker 1: love languages, or what you want for the future. I
Speaker 1: think that that's a bit of a ridiculous statement, and
Speaker 1: it does come down to maybe this will be the
Speaker 1: best I get, so I'll take it now, and then
Speaker 1: I'll try and pottery mold it into something that looks
Speaker 1: like a beautiful vase that I want to put in
Speaker 1: my house. That was the weirdest analogy I've ever done.
Speaker 1: I love that you don't necessarily say the answer that
Speaker 1: people want to hear, or the diplomatic answer. You say
Speaker 1: what you truly believed might offend somebody. But there's one
Speaker 1: particular thing that I want to talk about. We wrote
Speaker 1: a book last year, we Love Love, and I did
Speaker 1: reference this from you in the book, so I do
Speaker 1: hope it's still your opinion. It's surrounding sex on a
Speaker 1: first date. And the reason I'm bringing this up is
Speaker 1: because we do get a lot of questions about this,
Speaker 1: and it is controversial. The idea of, of course it
Speaker 1: shouldn't matter, be sexually free, do whatever you feel in
Speaker 1: the moment, and we truly believe that. But I did
Speaker 1: hear you speak a little bit about the fact that
Speaker 1: maybe it's okay to work on the relationship first. So
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear your opinion on sex on the
Speaker 1: first day if you're looking for a relationship.
Speaker 4: Sorry, I should add in.
Speaker 5: Which is where to me it starts to become not
Speaker 5: controversial anymore, because controversial is when you're making a judgment
Speaker 5: about a gender for having Because that's where all the
Speaker 5: controversiality comes from. Is there's this idea that if you
Speaker 5: imply that a woman should wait, then it's not progressive
Speaker 5: and it's regressive. But I want to remove that from it,
Speaker 5: because the truth is I'd say exactly the same thing
Speaker 5: to a man. I wouldn't say a different thing to
Speaker 5: a man about this. I think that you have to
Speaker 5: just say if I'm not being intentional and I just
Speaker 5: want to have fun, Then go have fun, Like, go
Speaker 5: enjoy yourself. Who cares? As long as you're keeping yourself safe,
Speaker 5: then go enjoy yourself. But if you're being intentional as
Speaker 5: a man or a woman, we have to ask ourselves,
Speaker 5: what's the best path for me to get to where
Speaker 5: I want to go? And I know that there was
Speaker 5: a time in my life where I realized for myself, oh,
Speaker 5: I don't know that I'm doing myself any favors by
Speaker 5: hooking up with someone quickly. And I learned lesson a
Speaker 5: little late, to be honest with you, Like, I kind
Speaker 5: of feel like I wasn't even like I wasn't being
Speaker 5: intentional for a long time, and I didn't even really
Speaker 5: realize that I wasn't. I told myself I was looking,
Speaker 5: but I wasn't really willing to sacrifice anything in the looking.
Speaker 5: I was still like, but I just want to do
Speaker 5: whatever feels good. And what feels good is like you're
Speaker 5: on a date with someone and you like them, and
Speaker 5: you're like, why not let's just go home together? This
Speaker 5: feels good, But doing what feels good might not serve
Speaker 5: what you actually want. Do you imagine, Like, what is
Speaker 5: a lot of love bombing.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 5: Love bombing is a term that's become bigger and bigger
Speaker 5: these days, and it's used to describe that person who
Speaker 5: tells you all of these grandiose things and does all
Speaker 5: of these big gestures and makes big promises very early
Speaker 5: on and then essentially doesn't back it up. Right. They
Speaker 5: do all of that and then they just disappear. That's
Speaker 5: love bombing. Well, love bombers tend to be really high
Speaker 5: and impulsivity. For a lot of them, there's this feeling
Speaker 5: of I don't care about the concept. I don't believe
Speaker 5: that every love bomber is just manipulative. Some are. There's
Speaker 5: a very dark side to some people where it's like,
Speaker 5: I'm going to say all of these things just to
Speaker 5: manipulate you into giving you giving me more than I
Speaker 5: would be getting from you at this stage organically. But
Speaker 5: some people love bomb kind of almost unintentionally because they
Speaker 5: feel something. They're on a date and they have that
Speaker 5: feeling that we've all had at some point in our
Speaker 5: lives where we think, oh my god, I love this person.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you've already.
Speaker 1: Planned a wedding before the main meal comes out, You're like,
Speaker 1: oh my God, this is my humor.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And some people who get accused of love bombing
Speaker 5: are just the people that said everything out loud that
Speaker 5: the rest of us keeping our minds for a few
Speaker 5: more dates, and then they can't back it up. They
Speaker 5: wake up the next week and they're like, oh my god,
Speaker 5: why did I say all of that. I didn't even
Speaker 5: know this person. I'm now realizing they're really annoying. That
Speaker 5: happens to people a lot. And so if you remove
Speaker 5: the word sex from it and just say how quickly
Speaker 5: am I moving with someone that I don't know very well?
Speaker 5: How quickly am I telling this person I've never met
Speaker 5: anyone like you? You're this is the greatest date I've ever had.
Speaker 5: We're like full of chemicals and we're so excited and
Speaker 5: someone shows potential and it is like it's intoxicating. So
Speaker 5: I don't blame people for that, but we have to
Speaker 5: understand that acting on our feelings all the time can
Speaker 5: actually have consequences, and sex itself can really interrupt our
Speaker 5: perception of who this person actually is and how close
Speaker 5: we really are to this person. It makes us feel
Speaker 5: close to someone, it makes us feel like not everyone.
Speaker 5: Some people don't feel close all through sex, which is
Speaker 5: another problem because if you're someone who does feel close
Speaker 5: through sex and someone else doesn't, then you've already got
Speaker 5: this mismatch now because you've done it and now you're
Speaker 5: feeling bonded and they're not, and you think they're in
Speaker 5: the same place as you, but they're not. But at
Speaker 5: the end of that, you can do it because it
Speaker 5: feels good, and now think, oh, we're like having sex.
Speaker 5: We're quite close. We're moving fast, but things moved fast.
Speaker 1: It's so manipulative, and it makes you think sex is
Speaker 1: a gas ladder trademark.
Speaker 5: No, it's a good phrase. It's good, but it's true.
Speaker 5: And that's why it's almost worth saying to people. Look,
Speaker 5: do you lose anything by taking a beat? I'm not
Speaker 5: saying and by the way, I don't want to as
Speaker 5: I'm saying this. It's really important people understand I don't care.
Speaker 5: I don't care how quickly you have sex with someone like.
Speaker 5: I'm not coming from any kind of conservative place. I'm
Speaker 5: not coming from a religious place. I'm not a prude.
Speaker 5: I love sex. I've done it all in my lifetime,
Speaker 5: so I'm not just dging what someone else is doing
Speaker 5: in theirs, Like, none of it comes from any of
Speaker 5: that stuff. For me, it only comes from hearing from
Speaker 5: so many people who do things that don't actually serve them.
Speaker 5: And that's especially true if you know that sex can
Speaker 5: be very distracting for you or intoxicating for you, or
Speaker 5: it can make you feel like if someone doesn't then
Speaker 5: follow up, it's going to make you feel used, and
Speaker 5: it's going to make you feel like you've given more
Speaker 5: than you wish you had. Like that's a good principle,
Speaker 5: by the way, is don't give more than you're willing
Speaker 5: to lose. If you're happy to have sex with someone
Speaker 5: and they don't call you after that, then have sex.
Speaker 5: But if you know that you have sex with them
Speaker 5: and it doesn't go anywhere, it's going to make you
Speaker 5: feel really badly about yourself, then wait because if that's
Speaker 5: how you feel, that's going to come out after sex
Speaker 5: in a kind of desperate feeling of I have to
Speaker 5: hold on to this person now because I can't bear
Speaker 5: that feeling that we have sex and then they disappear.
Speaker 1: No, and it's not like you just said, It's not
Speaker 1: that you believe that people shouldn't be having sex on
Speaker 1: the first date. Because we've done it, I think people
Speaker 1: can do what they want as well. My current partner Ben,
Speaker 1: we slept together on the first date, thought it was
Speaker 1: going to be one night stand, wasn't.
Speaker 2: I also think it comes from this idea and I
Speaker 2: know you touch on a Matthew, but it's like we
Speaker 2: live in a very sex positive society at the moment,
Speaker 2: and like it's had a real renaissance, especially female sexual empowerment,
Speaker 2: and this idea that if you were to say, don't
Speaker 2: have sex on the first date, that that's almost then
Speaker 2: shaming somebody for being in touch with their sexuality. But
Speaker 2: I do think by only leaning into that side of
Speaker 2: the story, we neglect this idea and coming back to
Speaker 2: again what you said, this idea of intention and this
Speaker 2: idea of well, if it's not sex that you're looking for,
Speaker 2: then maybe that shouldn't be the first main priority of
Speaker 2: what it is that you're developing with someone.
Speaker 5: Look, I want to restate this because it's important. If
Speaker 5: I had a guy in front of me and I
Speaker 5: knew he was serious about finding a relationship and he
Speaker 5: happened to go on a date tonight with someone he
Speaker 5: really liked, and as he was leaving that date and
Speaker 5: figuring out whether to try to take that person home
Speaker 5: for the night or go home. I'd be like, if
Speaker 5: you want a relationship and you actually had a great
Speaker 5: date and you like this person, go home.
Speaker 4: By yourself, flesh line, flesh lige.
Speaker 5: Because what's going to be gained from speeding up the
Speaker 5: process right now? Like, name one great thing that will
Speaker 5: come from this? Okay, fine, It will might feel spontaneous
Speaker 5: and in the moment, but it might also have her
Speaker 5: misinterpreting you as a player. It might have her seeing
Speaker 5: you as just someone who does this all the time.
Speaker 5: It might have her see you as someone who's not
Speaker 5: that serious because you're not really trying to get to
Speaker 5: know her. It might have her seeing you as someone
Speaker 5: who's impatient. Like, there's lots of misconceptions that could come
Speaker 5: from that and what comes from it. That's good, you
Speaker 5: have a fun time to But your biggest goal isn't
Speaker 5: to have a fun time tonight. Your biggest goal is
Speaker 5: to find a partner, so you have to start going.
Speaker 5: Is the priority to find a person that is compatible
Speaker 5: with me? Or is the biggest priority to have as
Speaker 5: much pleasure as possible in the short term? Those will
Speaker 5: change your decision making. And I also want to say
Speaker 5: the delicate balance to strike is never ever, ever, ever,
Speaker 5: ever do I want to give women the impression that
Speaker 5: sex is their power, Because if you think sex is
Speaker 5: kind of this valuable thing that you've given up, then
Speaker 5: you've lost your power the moment you have it. That
Speaker 5: framing of it is what has women a lot of
Speaker 5: the time acting like their power has dissolved the morning after.
Speaker 5: And if you think that's true, you will start behaving
Speaker 5: as someone with no personal power the moment you've had sex,
Speaker 5: and you'll lose it all, not because you had sex,
Speaker 5: but because you start behaving as someone who's given up
Speaker 5: their biggest card. That part of it. I really make
Speaker 5: sure people never ever feel it's more that again, if
Speaker 5: you remove the word sex from it and you just
Speaker 5: say any kind of investment or effort, everything is a
Speaker 5: kind of investment.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 5: If you didn't know someone in business, and someone came
Speaker 5: up to you on the street and said, Hey, could
Speaker 5: you sit down and plan my business for me, and
Speaker 5: you said yeah, I'll spend the next week with you,
Speaker 5: it would be strange. It would be like, wait, but
Speaker 5: I haven't done anything for do I have to pay you?
Speaker 5: Is that. Is there a reason you're giving me this
Speaker 5: much time and energy. This hasn't been earned at all.
Speaker 5: So it's true in every part of life. If a
Speaker 5: guy showed up on a first date and at the
Speaker 5: end of the date he said, Hey, I just wanted
Speaker 5: to tell you I liked you so much from your
Speaker 5: profile that I bought you a new car and is
Speaker 5: waiting outside. So at the end of the date, the
Speaker 5: keys are yours. Like here it is if.
Speaker 4: Someone problem math.
Speaker 5: No, britt, you would think, this is this guy's this
Speaker 5: this is the creepiest thing I've ever seen.
Speaker 4: Away, very very.
Speaker 5: Quickly, you drive away as fast as possible. It would
Speaker 5: freak you out because but if someone did that for
Speaker 5: you years in in a committed relationship, you might think,
Speaker 5: oh my god, what a beautiful grand gesture. So we
Speaker 5: have to start saying if I want people to put
Speaker 5: value on things, I have to put value on them myself.
Speaker 5: Whether it's I love you as a phrase, whether it's sex,
Speaker 5: whether it's my time, whether it's introducing you to key
Speaker 5: people in my life, whether it's inviting you to my
Speaker 5: birthday party of six friends and you're going to be
Speaker 5: the seventh person at this table. Like, if I just
Speaker 5: invite you after a date because I'm like, you seem
Speaker 5: awesome come to my private, intimate birthday party with people
Speaker 5: I've been friends with my whole life. It's not going
Speaker 5: to come across like you value you those seats at
Speaker 5: that table. But if someone's got close enough to you
Speaker 5: that you now say, hey, I want to invite you
Speaker 5: to this thing. It's all my close friends, but you've
Speaker 5: become a special person in my life. I'd love you
Speaker 5: to be there. That's now going to mean something. So
Speaker 5: it's about what you want things to mean. That's a
Speaker 5: personal decision for all of us, men and women.
Speaker 2: Matthew, I wanted to ask you for somebody who understands
Speaker 2: the workings of relationships, and I would assume as well,
Speaker 2: you have had a clear idea of what you want
Speaker 2: for yourself in your relationships. Have you ever felt pressure,
Speaker 2: I guess like pressure in your own dating life or
Speaker 2: pressure to have things perfect. I would think almost having
Speaker 2: so many tools, it creates even more of a problem
Speaker 2: because I would feel that people might think that they
Speaker 2: don't measure up, or that they're having to perform almost
Speaker 2: like you actually dating person like you in your previous
Speaker 2: dating life. I know that you're happily engaged now with
Speaker 2: beautiful fiance, but did you ever find pressure in your
Speaker 2: own dating life to kind of get it right? I guess,
Speaker 2: especially when you're then speaking to everybody else about dating.
Speaker 5: I did feel that feeling that people sort of have
Speaker 5: around Christmas where their grandma is asking them if they've
Speaker 5: found anyone yet, and you know, they're like, well, no,
Speaker 5: I haven't, and then people say, well why not, why
Speaker 5: haven't you found someone? You know? Like that that feeling
Speaker 5: that a lot of people get at the family dinner table.
Speaker 5: I felt an element of that, but just from globally
Speaker 5: a million people.
Speaker 4: No pressure.
Speaker 1: I remember stumbling across you, and I remember when I
Speaker 1: was speaking to Rebel about you. I was like, surely
Speaker 1: this guy's got to be the best human in the
Speaker 1: world to date because you know every aspect well, it
Speaker 1: seems like you know every aspect of everything there is
Speaker 1: in a relationship.
Speaker 4: You have the best advice.
Speaker 1: I imagine every woman that's ever dated you would just been
Speaker 1: like fucking bingo, this is gonna.
Speaker 3: Be a breeze.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I think the opposite. I think it would be like
Speaker 2: fu fu fuck h like over analyzing God I'm gonna
Speaker 2: fuck this up.
Speaker 4: Nah, He's going to be analyzing Bee and then.
Speaker 2: It's gonna think I'm crazy.
Speaker 4: It's like kicking back, like he's got this.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 5: I think it probably was from a point of view
Speaker 5: of having tools about, you know, that I'd learned over
Speaker 5: time about how to have a great relationship with a person.
Speaker 5: That was the most powerful part of it. And that's
Speaker 5: the part I wouldn't take back for anything. The perception
Speaker 5: of it was only bad really because someone could only
Speaker 5: come in either not being themselves because they assume I
Speaker 5: A'm analyzing things, which anyone who knows me and is
Speaker 5: close to me will tell you is like it's so
Speaker 5: far from who I am as a person. You know,
Speaker 5: how you meet certain people you know like you I
Speaker 5: don't know. I've never been interested in matchmaking anyone ever
Speaker 5: am a coach. But when you meet matchmakers, and even
Speaker 5: in their spare time, they're like, oh, I think that person,
Speaker 5: that person would go well together, and it's like they're
Speaker 5: doing it all the time. They're always thinking about it.
Speaker 5: For me, it is the opposite with friends, family, girlfriends, whoever.
Speaker 5: Is always been the thing that I'm like, this doesn't
Speaker 5: enter my personal world at all. If anyone ever asks
Speaker 5: me for advice, that's a different thing. I will never
Speaker 5: if you're a friend of mine and you come to
Speaker 5: me for help, or if you come to me with
Speaker 5: something going wrong in your life. I'm never giving unsolicited
Speaker 5: advice because I just want to connect with people. But
Speaker 5: that wasn't necessarily everyone's perception. And I think that probably
Speaker 5: some people were maybe two in their head, or their
Speaker 5: expectations were too high and they was severely disappointed by
Speaker 5: the person they ended up dating. You know, and my
Speaker 5: fiance herself will kind of tell you all sorts of
Speaker 5: stories about how we had to work through things, and
Speaker 5: there were things I thought I had dealt with and
Speaker 5: I hadn't dealt with, and I was learning on the job,
Speaker 5: so to speak, and so I don't know, and I
Speaker 5: love it that way. It's meant that we've been able
Speaker 5: to grow together and learn together. And I think that's
Speaker 5: what makes someone great for us, is that you meet
Speaker 5: a person who encounters your stuff right, and hopefully we
Speaker 5: have a decent amount of our stuff either worked out
Speaker 5: or at least we have an awareness a whole, we
Speaker 5: have a sort of our arms around it a little
Speaker 5: bit by the time we meet someone, yeah, yeah, and
Speaker 5: then there's always going to be things we haven't worked out.
Speaker 5: Like this idea of you have to have your own
Speaker 5: stuff figured out by the time you meet someone is bullshit.
Speaker 5: No one comes to a relationship for having figured out
Speaker 5: all of this stuff. No one comes fully healed. No
Speaker 5: one comes like when I met so and so, I
Speaker 5: became the most confident version maybe, but you still had
Speaker 5: stuff and you still hadn't worked it all out. I
Speaker 5: love when married people look back and they that you know,
Speaker 5: when they like tell their friends who are still single,
Speaker 5: you need to learn how to be okay on your
Speaker 5: own first, or you need and you're like you were
Speaker 5: on your own for five minutes before you got married.
Speaker 2: I love this because I think so often we tell
Speaker 2: people like you need to have every think sorted for
Speaker 2: yourself before you can show up in a relationship. But
Speaker 2: I think relationships can be not that they're going to
Speaker 2: fix you or heal you, but I do think you
Speaker 2: can meet somebody who the things that might have been
Speaker 2: inflamed in another relationship, they will not inflame those things,
Speaker 2: and they may work with you to bring out the
Speaker 2: best qualities in you. And I think you can grow
Speaker 2: to heal in a relationship. I really hate the saying that, like,
Speaker 2: you have to love yourself before anybody's gonna love you,
Speaker 2: because I think it tells people that if you are
Speaker 2: going through periods of self doubt or periods where you
Speaker 2: don't have that confidence in yourself completely, that therefore you're unlovable.
Speaker 4: It's a very black and white almost saying. I think
Speaker 4: it's about what you just said.
Speaker 1: It's the intention and knowing when you go into a
Speaker 1: relationship knowing the stuff that you still have to work on,
Speaker 1: the awareness, I should say, the awareness of what you
Speaker 1: need to work on. I know when I just got
Speaker 1: into my relationship not that long ago, five six months ago,
Speaker 1: I knew the shit that I was taking into that.
Speaker 4: I laid it out pretty early. I was like, hey,
Speaker 4: this is.
Speaker 1: Something you know that's happened to me in the past,
Speaker 1: and I have boundaries around this, and just so you know,
Speaker 1: this angle might not be easy, you know, like, and
Speaker 1: I put it out there and it was fine from
Speaker 1: the get go. He's like, thanks for letting me know.
Speaker 1: And then we work around that and we work together.
Speaker 1: No one goes into a relationship as a whole, perfect circle,
Speaker 1: whole perfect pizza. There's always like a slice that's been
Speaker 1: taken that's so right, Peperoni.
Speaker 5: You, I just I want a book of your analogies
Speaker 5: and met Yeah. I think the right person is someone who,
Speaker 5: when they come along, we find ourselves and our parts
Speaker 5: that get inflamed, we actually find them soothed by the
Speaker 5: way that person handles those parts of us. And so
Speaker 5: often in life we find ourselves with someone who just
Speaker 5: agitates the parts of us that are already inflamed, and
Speaker 5: then we blame ourselves for that, and we think that
Speaker 5: we're doing a horrible job, and we go, oh, why
Speaker 5: can't I just feel safe? I wish I could just
Speaker 5: be the kind of person that could feel safe. But
Speaker 5: often we find ourselves with someone who's not safe, and
Speaker 5: we're trying to feel safe. And that's the worst possible
Speaker 5: eventuality for someone who's already got stuff going on, They've
Speaker 5: already got trauma, they've already got things they're trying to heal,
Speaker 5: and now they're trying to do it in an environment
Speaker 5: with someone who's not safe to begin with, someone who's
Speaker 5: already saying to them, I just don't know if I
Speaker 5: want this. I don't want a relationship and they're like
Speaker 5: going in and out of this situation with this person.
Speaker 5: And meanwhile they'll come to me and say, I just
Speaker 5: wish I could feel confident with this person. And the
Speaker 5: thing I'll say to them is, you don't feel safe
Speaker 5: because you're not safe.
Speaker 4: It does exit button.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it doesn't mean that you're never gonna feel unsafe
Speaker 5: with someone who is safe. There are going to be
Speaker 5: times where you meet the right person and there'll still
Speaker 5: be moments where you feel unsafe, and it won't be
Speaker 5: because there's real danger. It will be because there's perceived danger.
Speaker 5: But in those moments, the right person tends to have
Speaker 5: a healing effect that tends to have a soothing effect.
Speaker 5: They bring us. You know, if you want to talk
Speaker 5: attachment styles, if we're anxiously attached, I believe that the
Speaker 5: right person brings us more to the middle. The wrong
Speaker 5: person mutates our attachment style to its worst possible version
Speaker 5: of it. Blame ourselves for that totally.
Speaker 1: I mean, we could speak to you forever, but I
Speaker 1: know you're a busy man, so we'll we'll wrap it.
Speaker 1: But I do want to know what are your personally,
Speaker 1: your core foundations for a success for a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1: And in saying that, how did you know your fiance
Speaker 1: was the one?
Speaker 4: Sorry? That was a really deep just.
Speaker 2: A quick one to end on such as wrap it up,
Speaker 2: tell us the perfect relationship and why do you love
Speaker 2: your to wrap it What is the key to life?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Literally, I know that the thing that has meant the
Speaker 5: most to me. Aside from there are certain baseline things
Speaker 5: I feel we need, like loyalty, teamwork, We need someone
Speaker 5: who is actually committed to us. You know when you
Speaker 5: have those baseline things that give you a feeling of
Speaker 5: safety and you say, well, what takes a relationship from
Speaker 5: feeling safe? And I mean that in a positive way,
Speaker 5: in not a derogatory way, what takes it from being
Speaker 5: a safe relationship to being a great relationship? I know
Speaker 5: that one of the big things, perhaps the most important
Speaker 5: thing for me, has been feeling seen and feeling like,
Speaker 5: oh this person. That was one of the things to
Speaker 5: answer your question about my fiance. That was one of
Speaker 5: the things that Audrey did that was so special for
Speaker 5: me is that I felt, I truly felt like I
Speaker 5: could be myself and I could reveal new parts of myself,
Speaker 5: even the parts that I thought would not be impressive,
Speaker 5: the parts that I thought would be embarrassing, the parts
Speaker 5: that I thought were kind of weird or too quirky,
Speaker 5: or to just the parts of myself that I wouldn't
Speaker 5: say in a YouTube video because I'd feel like, oh,
Speaker 5: that's just a bit too people aren't going to get that,
Speaker 5: that's going to be a bit strange, or you know.
Speaker 5: I could say those things and it just made her
Speaker 5: love me more. And the things that weren't manly, the
Speaker 5: things that I had worried if I showed those to
Speaker 5: a woman, they would it would be emasculating, It would
Speaker 5: be too insecure, It would be perceived as weak and ugly.
Speaker 5: They didn't push her away, And you know, I think
Speaker 5: the paradox is we can't be those things all the time,
Speaker 5: because then we really might end up driving someone away
Speaker 5: because we're only being one version of ourselves, or only
Speaker 5: being the negative version of ourselves, or the sad version
Speaker 5: of ourselves, or the weak version of ourselves, or the vulnerable.
Speaker 5: But I felt like I could let her into those
Speaker 5: parts of me, and she both saw them, She really
Speaker 5: saw me, and I would I would see that in
Speaker 5: little moments. I'd see it in little moments like a
Speaker 5: morning routine that she thought was super ridiculous that I
Speaker 5: would have that was actually important for me to be
Speaker 5: in the right state of mind for the day. It's
Speaker 5: not like a public ritual that I would do in
Speaker 5: front of other people, but it's like something that allows
Speaker 5: me to feel emotionally in the right place for the day.
Speaker 5: She would learn those things and just think that's such
Speaker 5: an interesting and lovable quirk about you. And then like
Speaker 5: I might wake up one morning and she had set
Speaker 5: up the room for that for me next door so
Speaker 5: that I could go and do it because she knows
Speaker 5: it's important to me, even though she wouldn't care about
Speaker 5: doing that thing at all and never will. Like when
Speaker 5: I arrived next door and she'd set up the room
Speaker 5: in that way or done, I'd be like, oh my god,
Speaker 5: she knows me. She knows me, and she accepts me,
Speaker 5: and so I think that's one of the most important
Speaker 5: things a person can feel. And the other thing I
Speaker 5: just want to say, because I think is a really
Speaker 5: important lest I sound like I'm saying all you need
Speaker 5: for long term relationships is to be seen. We also
Speaker 5: have to accept human behavior, and human behavior is you know,
Speaker 5: Esther Perell talks about the difference between love and desire
Speaker 5: in her book Mating in Captivity, which is an important
Speaker 5: read for anyone who's serious about making a relationship last.
Speaker 5: And love is this the coming together of two people
Speaker 5: and all the ways we want to close down the
Speaker 5: space between us and get each other in our pajamas
Speaker 5: and live there forever. And desire exists in the space
Speaker 5: between two people. You know, Love is constant and stable
Speaker 5: and wants to join, and desire is a fickle bitch.
Speaker 5: Like desire is that moment we see someone across the
Speaker 5: room and they're dressed up and they look good, and
Speaker 5: they don't feel like they're else, and they don't feel
Speaker 5: like a sure thing. The irony of desire is. Desire's
Speaker 5: mission is to get you in your pajamas, so that
Speaker 5: once you're in your pajamas, if you stay there too.
Speaker 4: Long, there's no desire. Now the suit's desire.
Speaker 5: So I'm a big believer in maintaining those two things
Speaker 5: in a relationship. And I think that relationships suffer because
Speaker 5: people come to think love is enough, and love, on
Speaker 5: its own, it can overcome an awful lot, but it's
Speaker 5: not enough to make us want to stay on its own.
Speaker 5: And that's the trick is not just making an environment
Speaker 5: in a relationship where it's good to stay, but continually
Speaker 5: helping ourselves and our partner want to stay well.
Speaker 1: I mean, we spoke to esther recently and it is
Speaker 1: an incredible episode. We read the book, it was great.
Speaker 1: We went and saw her.
Speaker 5: She's so great.
Speaker 4: Oh she's so great.
Speaker 1: But it sounds like what I just took from you then,
Speaker 1: is it's not just that Audrey gave you the space
Speaker 1: to be you, but she went the next step and
Speaker 1: encouraged and embraced you being you. So she didn't just
Speaker 1: say I see you, and you know, I'm accepting that
Speaker 1: you do this. She went one step further and she
Speaker 1: was creating the room for you to go to have
Speaker 1: a weird ritual you.
Speaker 2: Lean into your crazy mathew. Here it is, here's a
Speaker 2: whole room to do it in.
Speaker 1: But I think that's really important. It's not just about
Speaker 1: locks the door shoes. I don't have to want to
Speaker 1: yeah totally. It's so important to do that and say
Speaker 1: not just like oh I see you, that's cool, you
Speaker 1: do you, but to feel like you're supported in what
Speaker 1: you're doing.
Speaker 5: That's such an important distinction you just made because you're right,
Speaker 5: that is the distinction. It's more than acceptance. It's a
Speaker 5: leaning into the way that person is, and that's it.
Speaker 5: That's got to be one of the most beautiful things
Speaker 5: you can do for a person. And that, by the way,
Speaker 5: is where desire comes from.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 5: Love wants us to be one. Desire kind of wants
Speaker 5: to feel like they're the other so that I can
Speaker 5: bring them closer. So don't lose the things that make
Speaker 5: you the other you, not in a bad way, but
Speaker 5: in a good way. Don't lose those things that give
Speaker 5: you a sense that you are your own entity and
Speaker 5: that there's always more to be discovered.
Speaker 1: And like the pajamas and a sutany to meet her way,
Speaker 1: like suit jacket on top of charms on the bottom.
Speaker 5: I feel like I've got no credibility in this area
Speaker 5: because living in LA I've sort of taken to wearing
Speaker 5: only clothes that feel like pajamas regardless of where I'm going.
Speaker 4: That's also parenting where I'm att Matthew, thank you so much.
Speaker 4: This is i mean, a long time coming.
Speaker 3: Again.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you could finally make the time
Speaker 1: for us here at life uncut because you've been on
Speaker 1: the hit list, not just from us, but from the
Speaker 1: listeners for a very long time. Every time we've put
Speaker 1: it out there, just so you know how loved you
Speaker 1: are down Under every time we put it out for guests,
Speaker 1: as always, Matthew Hussey, Matthew Hussey.
Speaker 2: If you're ever going to do a group on tour
Speaker 2: in Australia, like, let us know Sydney is your group
Speaker 2: on tour again, we already discounted, but we'll definitely tell
Speaker 2: everyone that's happening.
Speaker 5: Group is cursed. I have such a wonderful time anytime
Speaker 5: I'm in Australia. There is something special about our audience there,
Speaker 5: and I want to thank you both for having me
Speaker 5: on and sharing your platform with me, because I know
Speaker 5: you're wildly successful what you do and you have a
Speaker 5: massive audience and I really appreciate it, and I always
Speaker 5: feel a special connection when I go over there. It's
Speaker 5: always crazy when we say we're coming to Australia. The
Speaker 5: rooms sell out so quickly, and I've always just so
Speaker 5: appreciated it because people they want to learn, they want
Speaker 5: to grow, and they've been really really kind to me
Speaker 5: over there, so I appreciate you having me, and I
Speaker 5: hope we can do it in person sometime. And I
Speaker 5: also say, by the way, for anyone who's listening to
Speaker 5: this who wants to kind of continue your journey with me,
Speaker 5: but you can always come and watch my videos on
Speaker 5: YouTube every week for free. But I have an actual
Speaker 5: coaching membership for anyone who says, how do I actually
Speaker 5: get coached by you? And in all of the things
Speaker 5: that you teach, And it's called the Love Life Club,
Speaker 5: And I'm pouring energy into this thing this year. We
Speaker 5: have amazing master classes, we have speakers in there who
Speaker 5: are experts in their areas. It's just a really amazing
Speaker 5: place to be right now. And you have an entire
Speaker 5: community of people all over the world who are on
Speaker 5: the journey with you. A lot of people feel very
Speaker 5: alone in these things, and you are part of an
Speaker 5: app that has its own in book community, and people
Speaker 5: make friends. They don't need to be on Facebook or
Speaker 5: anywhere else. It's all inside the app. And it's just
Speaker 5: a really it's a special thing and it's helping a
Speaker 5: lot of people right now. So if anyone wants to
Speaker 5: come and do it, it's you can literally do it risk free.
Speaker 5: There's a fourteen day free membership right now for a
Speaker 5: trial that you can come and just check it all
Speaker 5: out at join lovelife dot com.
Speaker 2: All right, you guys know that we never finished an
Speaker 2: episode without our suck and our sweet, our highlight and
Speaker 2: our low light of each and every week. Now, Britt,
Speaker 2: I feel like we all know what your sweet is,
Speaker 2: but you know, humor us.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm trying to think of a sucker that I
Speaker 1: haven't told you yet.
Speaker 2: Jet lag.
Speaker 3: Yes, the jet lag is so bad.
Speaker 1: But I guess my suck is probably like that my
Speaker 1: new friends next door and you sixty five year old
Speaker 1: friends seem to be too busy for me because I
Speaker 1: went around like two or three times a day and
Speaker 1: they weren't there. So they're either screening me and not
Speaker 1: answering the door, or they're just actually too social and
Speaker 1: too busy.
Speaker 3: But I'll try again tomorrow.
Speaker 1: So that was my suck that I tried to have
Speaker 1: a friend date today a couple of times and they
Speaker 1: blew me off.
Speaker 3: My sweet would be that I've.
Speaker 1: Obviously it's just one big giant sweet, big big giant sweet. Actually,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, I'm just gonna put this out there.
Speaker 1: I get so many messages about how tall Benn is. Yes,
Speaker 1: Benni's very tall. Just on the record, I think he's
Speaker 1: just shy.
Speaker 3: Of six foot six.
Speaker 1: So now you all know that you don't have to
Speaker 1: message me every day saying how tall he's Ben.
Speaker 3: He's six foot six. He is a giant. So yeah,
Speaker 3: my sweet is a big sweet.
Speaker 1: It's just been here obviously and seeing Ben again.
Speaker 2: My big sweet is his height, My very big big
Speaker 2: sweet see is that my boyfriend is six six.
Speaker 3: No, I was like, it's a big sweet because he's
Speaker 3: a giant. He's a gentle giant.
Speaker 2: It's so cute. We love seeing you so happy. My
Speaker 2: suck for the week is that I have gotten back
Speaker 2: into exercise. I have ferociously gotten back into exercise. Why
Speaker 2: is that just because I feel like it's time. It's time? Interesting, Yeah,
Speaker 2: shut out you. You know exactly why, and I'll share
Speaker 2: that with you guys later on. But I've ferociously gotten
Speaker 2: back into.
Speaker 1: You're going into the BONDI miss BONDI competition, aren't you.
Speaker 3: It's time to get back on the stage in a bikini.
Speaker 2: I have decided I want to enter a bikini competition.
Speaker 2: That's exactly what's going on, So I'm training really hard
Speaker 2: for it now. Guys, counting my macrons? Is that what
Speaker 2: it's called macron macros? MACARONI is the suite counting my macro.
Speaker 3: Rooms your macros? I think you might have seen macros,
Speaker 3: you idiot.
Speaker 2: I can confirm I'm not doing a bikini competition, and
Speaker 2: I'm absolutely not counting my macros. But i am getting
Speaker 2: back into fitness and my fucking hip flexes. Holy shit,
Speaker 2: I didn't even know that that muscle or ligament existed
Speaker 2: and that it is. I'm dying. I can't even walk
Speaker 2: up a stair going to the toilet. I have to
Speaker 2: lower myself onto that thing.
Speaker 1: Oh, you're at the early stage where you have to
Speaker 1: put your hands on the side of the toilet and
Speaker 1: take all the weight through the palms and then like
Speaker 1: lower the body.
Speaker 2: But let me tell you there's in the next I
Speaker 2: don't know a couple of months, I'm gonna be so
Speaker 2: ripped and I know no one cares. Already are and
Speaker 2: have abs in my head. They're gonna be like ripped everywhere.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, and you're gonna be like eh, And
Speaker 2: then that's gonna be my sweet but we're not there yet. Well,
Speaker 2: my sweet for the week is that last night I
Speaker 2: went out for dinner with my girlfriends, who they're like
Speaker 2: one of my closest group of friends. They've been friends
Speaker 2: with them for ten years, and we had a little
Speaker 2: birthday celebration. Brit you're too far away. We've missed my
Speaker 2: birthday celebration. Now we're gonna have to do something. And like,
Speaker 2: I know, June, but it was really cute and like,
Speaker 2: I know, it's April and it's already weeks past, but
Speaker 2: it was just nice to see them, and my sister
Speaker 2: came and we just had dinner done at Sean's Panorama.
Speaker 2: It was lovely. It was so love it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did see a little cocktail photo with your
Speaker 1: sister and I was like, that's weird.
Speaker 3: What are they doing.
Speaker 2: They never go out, we never go out, We never
Speaker 2: got I get to see these girls like literally four
Speaker 2: times a year or five times a year, and it's
Speaker 2: always for one of our birthdays. And that's pretty.
Speaker 3: Much like, yeah, I know the group. They're a good
Speaker 3: group of girls.
Speaker 2: They're the best. They used to meet my little mulrat
Speaker 2: friends when I owned that's so bad. But I don't
Speaker 2: mean it the way it sounds. We used to own
Speaker 2: shops together down in Westfield and it was like this
Speaker 2: tiny little kiosk store marketplace and we all owned shops
Speaker 2: next to each other, and we used to call ourselves
Speaker 2: mull rats because we'd be down in Westfield's in the
Speaker 2: fucking artificial light with no sunlight. So yeah, it was
Speaker 2: just it was such a nice evening Sunday night, all
Speaker 2: the girls, like no boys were allowed, and we just
Speaker 2: got to catch up and it was beautiful. And that
Speaker 2: is it from us, guys.
Speaker 1: If you guys loved this episode with Matthew Hussy as
Speaker 1: much as we did, this has been on the list.
Speaker 3: For so long.
Speaker 1: But if you think one of your friends or someone
Speaker 1: you know might benefit from this, please I was about
Speaker 1: to finish the episode, Please.
Speaker 3: Tell you mum, don't do don't talk to your friends.
Speaker 1: Please share it with your friend. We definitely feel honored
Speaker 1: to have recorded with Matthew Hussey and it was a
Speaker 1: bit of a flex for us.
Speaker 3: Square Fang Gelly.
Speaker 2: Like we said, we've been trying to get him one
Speaker 2: for so long, but oh, he's just honestly, he puts
Speaker 2: into words in such a simple way things that I
Speaker 2: feel like so many of us have experienced for years,
Speaker 2: just having someone be like, this is why, and then
Speaker 2: you go, oh, I wish someone had told me that
Speaker 2: ten years ago. So obvious took me so long. Well, anyway, guys,
Speaker 2: if you love the episode, as Britt said, jump on.
Speaker 2: You can also leave us a review on Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 2: join the Facebook group it is Life and Cut Discussion group,
Speaker 2: or the Instagram It's a Life on Cut podcast.
Speaker 1: And you know the drill, So your mum to your dad,
Speaker 1: tell you don't tell your friends, and shit, I love
Speaker 1: because we love love