Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
Speaker 1: the Order Kerney Whaltbury and a waddery woman. And before
Speaker 1: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
Speaker 1: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
Speaker 1: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,
Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming
Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing
Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for
Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
Speaker 3: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
Speaker 4: Hello and welcome. Just She's on the Money the podcast
Speaker 4: and millennials who want financial freedom this new year?
Speaker 2: Are you excited about that part? Today? My friends, it
Speaker 2: is Friday.
Speaker 4: Beck is still broken and it is time to get
Speaker 4: our team together to celebrate you, our incredible She's on
Speaker 4: the Money community. Today, mister Grigi is going to be
Speaker 4: sharing our best money wins and confessions from twenty twenty four.
Speaker 4: Miss Beck say ed, have you got some hot broke
Speaker 4: tips to lead us into a very successful twenty twenty four?
Speaker 2: I do you've better?
Speaker 4: No pressure, and we're going to be helping to answer
Speaker 4: a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about
Speaker 4: sorting out your credit history. Good time to do it
Speaker 4: at the start of the year, I reckon, It's almost
Speaker 4: like I picked that one out specifically, and we're going
Speaker 4: to unpack something that you slid into our DMS. About
Speaker 4: this week, we're talking about birthday gifts in relationships, and
Speaker 4: I feel like now's the time to talk about presents,
Speaker 4: given we've just come out of what I would argue
Speaker 4: is the silliest season of gift giving of all. But
Speaker 4: before we get there, Happy New Year, Happy New Year,
Speaker 4: Happy guys.
Speaker 2: It's fresh, it's fun, it's funky. Jess, how are you.
Speaker 5: I'm good. I love a new year, New me vibe like.
Speaker 6: I am a big goal person, so I think it's
Speaker 6: it's always so good for me. I like every year
Speaker 6: in January, I redo my budget. I like have a
Speaker 6: list that I keep in my notes up on my
Speaker 6: phone of all my goals that I had for theater.
Speaker 6: So I review what I did in twenty twenty three,
Speaker 6: do I what am I aiming for in twenty twenty four.
Speaker 6: So I'm just like I'm feeling very like organized and
Speaker 6: refreshed and rejuvenated. And I know that you don't need
Speaker 6: to wait for a new year to do any of
Speaker 6: that stuff. But I always get a little extra motivation,
Speaker 6: you know, so I try and grab onto it and
Speaker 6: like use it to do something productive.
Speaker 7: Yes, it's good for you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, how about you, guys?
Speaker 7: Well I'll go first. I am still broken. I almost
Speaker 7: got my voice back, but partied a little bit too hard.
Speaker 2: News Eve is so ry.
Speaker 7: Here we are, but no, I feel really good. I
Speaker 7: also feel so motivated. Yeah, to change things up?
Speaker 4: Yeah, what are we changing up?
Speaker 5: Back?
Speaker 7: Obviously I talk about this a lot, but I am
Speaker 7: going to go to the gym more now, more than ever,
Speaker 7: and I'm going to go harder, and I'm gonna go faster.
Speaker 4: We're going to go faster, but a better faster.
Speaker 2: Stronger, stronger what.
Speaker 4: Song I was referencing? But okay, all good? No, never
Speaker 4: thinking of this year, not not ever. He's my Roman Empire, Empire.
Speaker 5: Year.
Speaker 7: But no, it's been really good and happen to you guys.
Speaker 7: How about you?
Speaker 2: The best week ever?
Speaker 4: I have been polishing of all about your best year yet?
Speaker 2: Content?
Speaker 4: Because today it is Friday, the fifth of January, which
Speaker 4: means the course dropped.
Speaker 2: It means enrollments are now officially open.
Speaker 4: We did a whole lead up to pre enrollment, and
Speaker 4: I feel like last year for me, not for Jest.
Speaker 4: I do apologize she fluttered her house like three times,
Speaker 4: just it was not just this year, but this year
Speaker 4: is just this year. But I had a really productive
Speaker 4: year last year, and I do think it all comes
Speaker 4: down to how I set my goals and how I
Speaker 4: followed that up, and like I had arguably a pretty
Speaker 4: awful twenty twenty three, or like start of twenty twenty
Speaker 4: three went through a whole heap of stuff. We won't
Speaker 4: recap it now. However, I still managed to tick off
Speaker 4: I would say, ninety nine percent of the goals on
Speaker 4: my goal list, and I was so proud of it
Speaker 4: and obviously wanted to do that again this year, but
Speaker 4: decided to share it with the community. So I'm running
Speaker 4: your Best Year Yet kind of workshop sessions, which I
Speaker 4: think will be really exciting because.
Speaker 2: It's not necessarily like finance based.
Speaker 4: You definitely can apply it to finance, but more about
Speaker 4: general goal setting and smashing it out of the park
Speaker 4: and actually setting realistic goals that are for you not
Speaker 4: necessarily something that you're not going to be able to
Speaker 4: upkeeping and keep changed. It's also about like actually facilitating
Speaker 4: that change, because like it's one thing, jess as you know,
Speaker 4: to set a goal, but it's another thing to actually
Speaker 4: facilitate it. And it's kind of like all my favorite
Speaker 4: tools and resources, how to use them or what that
Speaker 4: actually looks like because as a little ADHD girly, it's
Speaker 4: not just for people with ADHD. Honestly, I feel like
Speaker 4: if you had all the tools an ADHD person users,
Speaker 4: you'd thrive. But it's all the tools to make sure
Speaker 4: that happens as well, which I'm just honestly super stoked
Speaker 4: about because it's another opportunity for me to interact with
Speaker 4: our community, which is my favorite. So it's not too late.
Speaker 4: We will put all of the information that you need
Speaker 4: in the show notes. It's a subtle plug, but it's
Speaker 4: honestly what I'm excited about this week.
Speaker 2: Guys like love that. I'm just the branding's so cute.
Speaker 2: The team did a killer job, so.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just really excited about that. And yeah, just
Speaker 4: New Year knew us there's going to.
Speaker 2: Be a new baby.
Speaker 7: Amazing.
Speaker 4: That's very exciting, exciting, so fun. So how about we
Speaker 4: get into the episode mis just grichy, what money wins
Speaker 4: and confessions you bring into the table this fresh, fresh year.
Speaker 6: First one I've got this week is from Maddie, who said,
Speaker 6: money win thanks to the seven eleven fuel lock, I
Speaker 6: filled up today and saved almost fifteen dollars.
Speaker 4: I did that the other day and saved like nineteen.
Speaker 4: So one I win, but to Eugenius, I love it.
Speaker 6: Next, I've got one from Murphy, who said, each week
Speaker 6: in term four, my daughter gets one dollar to buy
Speaker 6: an icy pole at school. Eventually she told me that
Speaker 6: she doesn't actually get an icy pole because she can
Speaker 6: have one at home and she saves her money instead.
Speaker 2: She doesn't how wholesome.
Speaker 6: She used a portion of her savings to buy herself
Speaker 6: and her friends flashing Santa hats for her school disco.
Speaker 4: I've sat prout, very cute, are iconic. She's like little
Speaker 4: She's on the money, bubby.
Speaker 6: I know, I am obsessed with her. Then we've got
Speaker 6: a win from Kirsten, who said, we did our garden
Speaker 6: a few months ago and I'm finally starting to see
Speaker 6: the results. We've saved around fifteen dollars in cucumbers and
Speaker 6: have so many more and considering I eat them like apples.
Speaker 6: This is a huge win when they cost three dollars each.
Speaker 2: A cucumber like an apple.
Speaker 5: Yeah, crazy, I get that photo for beautiful bad.
Speaker 4: Then I would want to like dip it in salt. Yeah,
Speaker 4: like a lot of gas or something has no salt.
Speaker 5: Okay, it's just salt.
Speaker 4: Makes me I would like to dip it in salt.
Speaker 4: I feel like that's weird, just as like I'm gonna
Speaker 4: use it as an actual like crude Ie.
Speaker 6: I get that a vehicle for Hummus, a vehicle that's
Speaker 6: just smarter than everybody at the stable. Next, I've got
Speaker 6: to win from Sophie who said I ummed an ard
Speaker 6: about getting this bag in store from Kmart that was
Speaker 6: marked at twelve dollars and came in my favorite color.
Speaker 2: I got to the.
Speaker 5: Checkout and it scanned at six.
Speaker 7: No, it didn't.
Speaker 5: It was the only color that was on sale. Money win.
Speaker 2: That's so good.
Speaker 4: I love when you like finally commit to a financial decision.
Speaker 2: You're like yeah, like I'll do it.
Speaker 4: I deserve it, and you've like justified that twelve bucks.
Speaker 4: Then you come up and it's SICKX and you're like,
Speaker 4: was meant to be?
Speaker 2: I do deserve this.
Speaker 6: The universe has your back. Angie said she just paid
Speaker 6: off her personal loan.
Speaker 2: Oh congrats, what a time to do it. New Year,
Speaker 2: one dred so personal loan.
Speaker 6: She's now focusing on paying off and deleting her zippay
Speaker 6: and then she'll officially be consumer debt free.
Speaker 4: This year is your year, my love, Go Angie go.
Speaker 6: And then lastly, Montana said, I'm self employed and I
Speaker 6: had a whopping fourteen hundred dollars in overdue payments that
Speaker 6: I chased up today. All the clients paid. As I
Speaker 6: survived without money for the last three weeks. I've decided
Speaker 6: to pay all of my January bills and pop the
Speaker 6: rest into savings. A nice little top up there for
Speaker 6: the savings account.
Speaker 7: Cool.
Speaker 4: That is very cool.
Speaker 6: Self employed struggle, chase up your invoices, don't leave it
Speaker 6: too long.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's everything that I've got this week.
Speaker 4: You know what I feel like, that's a very good
Speaker 4: start to the year. Miss jessic Ricci, good job.
Speaker 5: Well down everyone, love the Miss Becks.
Speaker 4: I ed, we're back with broke tips. What have you got?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 7: So as usual, I have two from the community, one
Speaker 7: from myself. First one comes from Sam, who says, cut
Speaker 7: or tear things into smaller pieces, sponges, magic erasers.
Speaker 5: The magic I love a magic eraser.
Speaker 2: I love a magic eraser.
Speaker 7: And this will elongate usage, so it does end up
Speaker 7: saving your money in the long run. Might be a
Speaker 7: little bit inconvenient, but honestly, I think it's a great idea,
Speaker 7: and you don't often need such big pieces.
Speaker 2: So true for a sponge especially.
Speaker 4: I love it.
Speaker 2: What else if you got back? Next one is from
Speaker 2: Prea hypri is such a pretty name.
Speaker 7: I love the name Preyer. She says, save veggie scraps
Speaker 7: and invest time and energy into growing your own fruits
Speaker 7: and vegetables, just like your money win from before. It
Speaker 7: ends up saving you so much money. I've gotten eggplants, chili's,
Speaker 7: all these things from.
Speaker 2: Kill it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so much.
Speaker 2: It's good for you.
Speaker 4: Mine will become compost, which is also really good for
Speaker 4: the environment.
Speaker 7: So you welcome absolutely. My bro tip is something that
Speaker 7: I've tried to do. I wasn't smart enough, not smart enough.
Speaker 2: I shouldn't say that, but you didn't know yet.
Speaker 7: I didn't know yet.
Speaker 5: There you go, good one.
Speaker 7: One of my friends does transcribing and surveys, which is
Speaker 7: also something you mentioned last week. Yes, makes a couple
Speaker 7: hundred dollars a week.
Speaker 5: That's so Smart's awesome.
Speaker 7: So if you have the time, if you have the energy,
Speaker 7: if you just want to stay at home.
Speaker 4: And have like a job to do on a laptop
Speaker 4: while you're on a couch enjoying the air conditioning at
Speaker 4: this time of year, totally, that's so smart. Another like,
Speaker 4: I guess tip to add to that, I do apologize
Speaker 4: back to get into transcribing is like sign up for
Speaker 4: air task or like fiver, yes, because that's where people
Speaker 4: advertise those jobs, and if you get good at them
Speaker 4: and you get quick at them, you can actually make
Speaker 4: a favorite of bank. Like I've got a girlfriend who
Speaker 4: does like transcribing, and I didn't know what was the
Speaker 4: thing because last year Jess and I sat down and
Speaker 4: we said it would be really great to have a
Speaker 4: bank of all of our episode transcriptions, which we've obviously
Speaker 4: never done before but want to make a priority of.
Speaker 4: But it's really hard because there are like five hundred
Speaker 4: plus episodes of Sheese on the Money, and we're like,
Speaker 4: all right, what we'll do is find some AI tool
Speaker 4: where you plug in the audio and spit out, you know,
Speaker 4: the transcription. It doesn't work that well, it's not that accurate,
Speaker 4: and when it comes to finance, it needs to be accurate.
Speaker 4: Back like, there's no option. So we've been slowly tracking
Speaker 4: through manually getting it done. And I won't call it
Speaker 4: expensive because people are getting paid what they work. But
Speaker 4: when it's five hundred episodes, that has really added up
Speaker 4: for us, no complaints, really important to us. But at
Speaker 4: the same time, you could be the person making bank
Speaker 4: in that circumstance, you know, like transcribing podcasts, transcribing people's
Speaker 4: voice notes, transcribing literally anything.
Speaker 5: Yeah, meeting notes or something meeting notes.
Speaker 7: And the same time, genius, I could be transcribing while
Speaker 7: we talk today to save me sometime. Does that makes
Speaker 7: sense because you're saying I could be.
Speaker 4: Transit Yeah, you could, but you dood all too much
Speaker 4: on your papers, So I really don't think that I
Speaker 4: would trust your Transcriptionspeck. As much as I love you, like,
Speaker 4: there are too many flowers and love hearts and like
Speaker 4: squiggles and stuff on your page for me to think, Wow,
Speaker 4: Beck's really been paying a lot of attention to the
Speaker 4: comments that just and I make.
Speaker 7: Mes really been paying attention to. I've been writing all
Speaker 7: of that down all.
Speaker 4: Right now, she's transcribing so much money. Just on transcribing
Speaker 4: this episode, adore, good work back. Let's go to a
Speaker 4: really quick break on the flip side. We're gonna be
Speaker 4: talking about sorting out your credit card history, which I
Speaker 4: think is genius at this point in the year.
Speaker 2: Get it done early. Let's start a plan.
Speaker 4: And then we're gonna be talking about something you slid
Speaker 4: into our dams about and its birthday gifts in relationships
Speaker 4: and I have always struggled with this one, so guys,
Speaker 4: don't go anywhere.
Speaker 5: Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to the very
Speaker 5: first money dilemma of.
Speaker 2: Twenty twenty four.
Speaker 4: Hi, there, have you got a money dilemma you just
Speaker 4: can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here
Speaker 4: to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big
Speaker 4: and small, to answer your most burning money, career and
Speaker 4: life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website
Speaker 4: and leave us a short voice recording and you might
Speaker 4: just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a
Speaker 4: listen to this Week's money dilemma.
Speaker 8: Ladies, I need your help. I have completely ruined my
Speaker 8: credit history. I got sick earlier in the year and
Speaker 8: I didn't stay on top of my loan payments for
Speaker 8: a personal loan. The personal loan is now six months
Speaker 8: in arrears, and my car loan is currently two thousand
Speaker 8: dollars in arrears. The personal loan is the more serious one,
Speaker 8: but my credit score has dropped from seven fifty to
Speaker 8: two hundred from doing this. We're currently paying over eight
Speaker 8: hundred dollars per week in arrears fees alone. What would
Speaker 8: your recommendation be As we're trying to buy our first
Speaker 8: home again, We're trying to get ourselves out of this rut.
Speaker 4: My partner has fantastic credit history. I don't ooh, this
Speaker 4: is a sticky one, but it also just goes to
Speaker 4: show how quickly things can change. Yeah, she went from
Speaker 4: being absolutely fine, having a good credit history, probably having
Speaker 4: very good health, and completely backwards from getting sick. And
Speaker 4: I just really empathize with that situation, because no one
Speaker 4: goes into personal debt to go you know what, I'm
Speaker 4: just gonna get this debt, Jess, and the I'm not
Speaker 4: going to pay it off. That's such a good idea, Like,
Speaker 4: no one does that. No one goes and gets a
Speaker 4: loan that they think is just more than they can swallow,
Speaker 4: Like we will justify it and say, oh no, that's fine,
Speaker 4: Like I'm going to get that loan for that not
Speaker 4: paid off, or I'll get that car and you know
Speaker 4: it'll only be.
Speaker 2: X per month.
Speaker 4: And this is where it's just so important to avoid
Speaker 4: personal debt honestly at all costs, because we never know
Speaker 4: when the world is going to change. The first thing
Speaker 4: I would do, honestly in your circumstance is call up
Speaker 4: our friends at the National Debt Helpline. They are amazing,
Speaker 4: will put all of the information into the show notes.
Speaker 4: They are open week days from nine thirty to four
Speaker 4: thirty pm. It is free. You can also jump on
Speaker 4: their website to talk to them, so if you don't
Speaker 4: want to like pick up the phone, it's not less
Speaker 4: confrontational to do a little bit of a live chat.
Speaker 4: But fixing your credit score is going to be one
Speaker 4: essential to get you into that house you want to purchase,
Speaker 4: and that's really exciting. However, I would actually put the
Speaker 4: goal of purchasing a home completely on hold until you've
Speaker 4: sorted out your personal debt. Because I don't know a bank,
Speaker 4: and I'm trying to be as kind as possible with
Speaker 4: delivering this. I own a mortgage broken company. I don't
Speaker 4: know a bank who would lend a mortgage amount of
Speaker 4: money to someone with a credit score of two hundred.
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter too much if your partners involved, like
Speaker 4: they're gonna, I guess, view you individually, but you being
Speaker 4: part of that is going to significantly increase the risk
Speaker 4: on their behalf. But also it's going to decrease your
Speaker 4: borrowing capacity significantly as well. So obviously the best way
Speaker 4: to improve your credit score is to just adopt healthy
Speaker 4: financial habits. Chat to the guys at the National Debt Helpline.
Speaker 4: That's not me trying to do get out of jail
Speaker 4: free card of answering this question.
Speaker 2: Don't worry.
Speaker 4: It's more they are incredibly helpful and have so many
Speaker 4: tools and resources for you to lean on. The Next
Speaker 4: thing I think about is negotiating. So, like you are
Speaker 4: obviously paying so many fees in arrears, pick up the phone,
Speaker 4: call your banking institution or whoever your loan is from,
Speaker 4: and say, hey, guys, I'm really struggling. You're just piling
Speaker 4: on the arears like fees. What can we do about
Speaker 4: this so that we can both get ahead. I want
Speaker 4: to get out of debt. I want to pay you back,
Speaker 4: but right now you're making it incredibly hard. Have a
Speaker 4: good logical conversation about what they can do, and they
Speaker 4: might default. And I've seen it before and go, you
Speaker 4: know what, if you're in debt and you're so passionate
Speaker 4: about paying it off, let's just wipe the erears fees.
Speaker 4: We're going to go back to what it was before.
Speaker 4: We're going to get you to pay back your original
Speaker 4: amount each and every single month, but we will be
Speaker 4: reinstating the fees if you mess up again. And it
Speaker 4: would just be worth having those conversations. So don't forget that.
Speaker 4: Even when it's a personal loan, you can negotiate, you
Speaker 4: can pick up the phone, you can have a conversation
Speaker 4: with them. But I would really be putting I guess
Speaker 4: your foot out there and going all right, I do
Speaker 4: need to get on top of this. But I'd also
Speaker 4: be putting that home buying goal maybe at the back
Speaker 4: of the mind until all of this personal debt stuff
Speaker 4: is sorted out, because there's no way I want you
Speaker 4: to take on a mortgage if right now your financial
Speaker 4: habits aren't in tiptop shape.
Speaker 2: What do you guys, reckon?
Speaker 7: I obviously don't have advice on how to get out
Speaker 7: of this situation, but I just wanted to say I've
Speaker 7: been here before, and it's so anxiety inducing.
Speaker 1: It is.
Speaker 2: It's really awful.
Speaker 1: Hey.
Speaker 7: The only bit of advice is to try not to
Speaker 7: mentally give up because it can be so consuming and
Speaker 7: you might just be anxious every single day, every weeking second,
Speaker 7: but just know you can get out of it and
Speaker 7: everything will be okay on the other side.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I also think it's adding to that back. We
Speaker 4: need to remember that being in debt does not make
Speaker 4: you a bad person. Your financial decisions and your financial
Speaker 4: circumstances do not define what makes a good or a
Speaker 4: bad human being. Your kindness, your empathy, your thoughtfulness, how
Speaker 4: you treat others, that's what defines you as a human being,
Speaker 4: not your personal finances. I have never in my life
Speaker 4: met someone who's like, oh, I wouldn't want to be
Speaker 4: friends with them because they're in debt, or I wouldn't
Speaker 4: want to be friends with them because they don't earn
Speaker 4: enough money. If anyone ever says that, that's the best
Speaker 4: red flag to be like, you don't want to be
Speaker 4: friends with them anyway, Like, ill no, get away from me.
Speaker 4: Absolutely not. So I think just remembering that this does
Speaker 4: not define you. It's something you're going through as well,
Speaker 4: not something being done to you, is a really good
Speaker 4: way of redefining going far out, I've got to get
Speaker 4: through this. This isn't happening to you because you're a
Speaker 4: bad person. This isn't happening to you. It's happening as
Speaker 4: a part of your journey. And that's okay. It's really
Speaker 4: dire and it feels bloody terrible.
Speaker 3: Doesn't it.
Speaker 4: Beck, Because someone who's been in significant personal financial debt,
Speaker 4: I think we all have. Like Jess, you had a
Speaker 4: credit card you've mentioned on the show before. Beck, you've
Speaker 4: literally gone bankrupt. I had a massive personal loan. You
Speaker 4: don't sleep, you don't eat properly, you get stressed, take
Speaker 4: it out on everybody around you. Like I think you
Speaker 4: need to give yourself a little bit more grace. And
Speaker 4: that's also one of the reasons why I'm like, let's
Speaker 4: just take the foot of the pedal when it comes
Speaker 4: to that property goal, because you're going to be really
Speaker 4: disappointed really quickly if you don't get on top of
Speaker 4: the personal stuff for sure. All right, let's now unpack
Speaker 4: something you slid into our DMS about this week. We're
Speaker 4: talking about birthday gifts in a relationship. Here's the DM.
Speaker 2: I got high.
Speaker 4: She's on the money. So I've been with my partner
Speaker 4: for two years now. Both of our birthdays are in June.
Speaker 4: But this year my partner didn't give me a present.
Speaker 4: I kept thinking he'll surprise me with a gift, but
Speaker 4: the day came and went with nothing. Before our birthdays
Speaker 4: this year, I mentioned money was pretty tight and maybe
Speaker 4: we should loller how much we spend on each other.
Speaker 4: He was upset by this and made a comment along
Speaker 4: the lines of you won't be able to get me
Speaker 4: anything I want with such little money, so don't bother.
Speaker 4: It turned into an argument and I ended up dropping it.
Speaker 2: Maybe that was his.
Speaker 4: Way of saying we aren't doing presents, but it certainly
Speaker 4: was not clear. He didn't even get me a card
Speaker 4: or flowers. Is he doing this out of spite for
Speaker 4: me not being able to get him something expensive? He
Speaker 4: made me feel so sad by saying I couldn't afford
Speaker 4: to buy him something he wanted. Am I wrong for
Speaker 4: feeling so upset at this? How would you guys address
Speaker 4: this conversation?
Speaker 3: I hate it.
Speaker 5: God, that's crazy.
Speaker 4: I'm assuming your birthdays before his birthday as well.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, by the way that's going.
Speaker 4: It sounds like your birthday's first, and then his birthdays after.
Speaker 4: You're waiting for a gift, and now you don't know
Speaker 4: what to do. I would not be getting him anything.
Speaker 4: I would actually, you know what I would Actually, I'd
Speaker 4: give him his freedom back. I'd be like, oh, you
Speaker 4: have shown me that what you need to be as single.
Speaker 4: Here go, babe, you are welcome.
Speaker 5: Gifting is such a personal thing.
Speaker 6: I feel like this is similar to the Christmas one
Speaker 6: we had a few weeks ago, in that the concept
Speaker 6: is not inherently bad, but the delivery is atrocious because
Speaker 6: not giving each other gifts. I mean, I can't imagine
Speaker 6: a single person who didn't have something that they would
Speaker 6: enjoy for under one hundred dollars, like your favorite chocolate
Speaker 6: bar or your favorite coffee, or there are plenty of
Speaker 6: things I'm sure that he would like that are under
Speaker 6: one hundred.
Speaker 4: Bring me tea and toast in bed. Yeah, we already
Speaker 4: have the toast in the fridge and it's duht milk
Speaker 4: from the pantry.
Speaker 5: You can give me a massage every week for the
Speaker 5: next I.
Speaker 4: Don't even care what it is. It's the thought that
Speaker 4: counts as being thought of on your birthday. If that's
Speaker 4: something you celebrate.
Speaker 6: Correct, Like if you don't want to do gifts, that
Speaker 6: is fine, but that is something that one needs to
Speaker 6: be clearly articulated, and two needs to be articulated kindly,
Speaker 6: not in the way that he has spoken to her,
Speaker 6: which is quite frankly, just so disrespectful.
Speaker 2: It's disrespectful.
Speaker 4: But also imagine saying to someone you won't be able
Speaker 4: to get me anything I want with such little money,
Speaker 4: so don't bother.
Speaker 7: Yeah I hate that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's really demeaning.
Speaker 7: I am so sad that I can't talk much because
Speaker 7: I have so much to say about this.
Speaker 5: But all I'm going to.
Speaker 7: Say, leave him.
Speaker 6: I love it.
Speaker 4: I will advocate for that too, beck As I said,
Speaker 4: I'll give you the gift of your freedom back.
Speaker 1: Have it.
Speaker 2: You can be single. You are welcome. Yeah, oh absolutely not.
Speaker 4: Like, no, you know what I can't afford I can't
Speaker 4: afford you, mate, I can't afford to be wasting any
Speaker 4: more time with you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is awful.
Speaker 4: Is it bad that I'm so cut and dry? No,
Speaker 4: it's not.
Speaker 6: If your standards high, there's no gray here. I don't
Speaker 6: think like it's all it's terrible delivery.
Speaker 2: I think it's audacity.
Speaker 4: I also think it is so fine to say, hey,
Speaker 4: this year's been pretty tough, like, let's cut back our
Speaker 4: present budget to each other, at which point, as a
Speaker 4: supportive partner, you'd go, yeah, absolutely, that's fine. You don't
Speaker 4: even need to have shared finances to be having these conversations.
Speaker 4: It's more like, why would you want to put that
Speaker 4: pressure on your partner anyway?
Speaker 2: Like why would you want your.
Speaker 4: Partner to be stressing about your birth date? That would
Speaker 4: make me feel like if my husband bought me a present.
Speaker 4: I mean, we share finances, but let's pretend we're still dating.
Speaker 4: If my husband had brought me a present while we
Speaker 4: were dating, that I assumed put him significantly out. I
Speaker 4: would feel worse than having not got anything.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I don't want to present, Like, I really
Speaker 4: don't want to present if you can't afford it to me.
Speaker 4: It's the thought that counts, and yes, could you just
Speaker 4: like maybe make me a cup of tea and tell
Speaker 4: me that you'll give me a foot massage without any
Speaker 4: complaints for at least ten minutes. Yeah, Like that would
Speaker 4: be good.
Speaker 6: Him going out of his way to make her feel
Speaker 6: guilty shows that he doesn't really care about her feelings.
Speaker 4: And it also feels this is me just getting a
Speaker 4: little bit deeper into it, I suppose, But like, that's
Speaker 4: such a savage comment to make that I'm assuming it's
Speaker 4: not the only types of these comments that he's making. Yes,
Speaker 4: that's an awful one and it's worth discussing. But I
Speaker 4: feel like either it's a complete twist of personality and
Speaker 4: out of the blue, he's said this random thing and
Speaker 4: this is very strange and we need to talk about it,
Speaker 4: or like this is just how your partner is and
Speaker 4: maybe you haven't seen it yeah yet, because we always
Speaker 4: put some blinkers on and see the best in everybody,
Speaker 4: especially partner, especially when you've only been together for two years,
Speaker 4: like you're still in that little love bubble. I just
Speaker 4: don't think anybody should be treated like trash and expected.
Speaker 2: To put up with it.
Speaker 4: No, what did everybody else say, so, we asked the community.
Speaker 4: First thing, we said, would you be upset if your
Speaker 4: partner didn't buy your birthday present? This one surprised me.
Speaker 4: Eighty three percent of you said, yes, yeah, I get that,
Speaker 4: I get it. I totally get it. I would be
Speaker 4: upset if my partner didn't buy me a birthday present
Speaker 4: if we hadn't discussed it beforehand, because we've already for
Speaker 4: the last eight plus years, set the expectation that we
Speaker 4: gift each other things. If it was discussed, no problem.
Speaker 4: The next question we asked was, if this was you,
Speaker 4: would you take the comment of don't bother to mean
Speaker 4: let's not do presents. Sixteen percent of you said yeah,
Speaker 4: that feels clear. But that's only sixteen percent of you.
Speaker 4: Eighty four percent of you said no, it was just
Speaker 4: a passing comment. He said in a fight.
Speaker 2: Agree.
Speaker 4: The next question we asked was do you think it
Speaker 4: sounds like the partner did this out of spite? Seventy
Speaker 4: seven percent of you said sadly yes, Twenty three percent
Speaker 4: of you said no communication, he was just bad. We
Speaker 4: then asked, how do you think that this person should
Speaker 4: address this conversation with their partner? So I love the
Speaker 4: comment section, because just people are as savage as I am.
Speaker 5: People can't real spicy.
Speaker 4: This is a note for our producer. This bit can
Speaker 4: stay on the show. Can you just beep out what
Speaker 4: I say here because it's a bit rude.
Speaker 2: They shouldn't. Sounds like he's a break it off one
Speaker 2: thousand percent?
Speaker 4: Break up with this guy?
Speaker 2: Is he for real? Don't waste your breath.
Speaker 4: He's a walking red flag. Someone said, explain how you
Speaker 4: feel and listen and then both apologize what.
Speaker 5: We deal with that at all? That's one way to
Speaker 5: do it.
Speaker 4: Someone said drop him. Someone else said, break up with him.
Speaker 4: He didn't even get you a card.
Speaker 7: Girl.
Speaker 4: The bar is on the floor.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's just a complete lack of any like I
Speaker 6: wrote you a song or like, you know, something like
Speaker 6: some kind.
Speaker 4: My husband would divorce me before writing me a soul.
Speaker 2: I think he'd be like, absolutely not a poem.
Speaker 5: I drew you a picture like this?
Speaker 2: James does for you.
Speaker 4: No, but he writes you songs, he draws you pictures.
Speaker 6: There are so many things that he could do that
Speaker 6: don't require him to spend any money, is the point
Speaker 6: that I'm making.
Speaker 2: Someone said, I'm a psychologist.
Speaker 4: Here's my best professional advice, take the whole man and
Speaker 4: put him in the rubbish. Yes, I love to take
Speaker 4: the whole man.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Someone else said, why don't you just leave their pets?
Speaker 4: Someone says make it clear and say you love receiving
Speaker 4: surprises because not everybody has the same love language. I mean,
Speaker 4: I could keep going, but I would say ninety percent
Speaker 4: of comments in our DMS were like, he ain't it
Speaker 4: he acting like a child? You don't have a son,
Speaker 4: boy bye and break up with him, which look very aggressive.
Speaker 4: Obviously you're writing into us because you want advice and
Speaker 4: you want to talk about it. I think you do
Speaker 4: need to sit down and be like, hey, I feel
Speaker 4: very hurt. And I think that that's one thing that
Speaker 4: when you're communicating with people about the circumstance that has happened,
Speaker 4: you shouldn't say you did this, Beck, you didn't get
Speaker 4: me a present, And that's rude because you're trying to
Speaker 4: tell them they've done something wrong. If you reverse engineer
Speaker 4: that circumstance and be like, hey, beck, I just felt
Speaker 4: really disappointed that I didn't get a present for my birthday,
Speaker 4: that puts the emotion back on you, and you're not
Speaker 4: calling them out for something. You're just communicating your feelings,
Speaker 4: and at the end of the day, people can argue
Speaker 4: with you saying black and white statements, but it's much
Speaker 4: harder to come back and go.
Speaker 2: No, no, I didn't.
Speaker 4: It's like, well, actually I did feel disappointed, and I'd
Speaker 4: really like to talk about why. Like, you know, after
Speaker 4: our conversation, I thought were still doing presence, and I
Speaker 4: just I didn't see it coming. And one of my
Speaker 4: love languages is gift giving, so it just I felt
Speaker 4: incredibly disappointed. That's your partner's opportunity to go, oh, I
Speaker 4: didn't realize you'd be disappointed. I thought we had that conversation,
Speaker 4: you'd be like, oh, that was a really heated argument
Speaker 4: where I felt disrespected, and we can have this conversation.
Speaker 4: I think something that I have learned, much to my
Speaker 4: husband's dismay, is you can't argue with people's emotions. If
Speaker 4: I'm sharing that with you, often the response is going
Speaker 4: to be much easier for them to.
Speaker 2: Deal with because they go, oh, I'm so sorry, Jess.
Speaker 4: I didn't realize I made you feel that way, and
Speaker 4: we can have a chat about it instead of meeting like, well, Jess,
Speaker 4: you didn't get me a present.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Like that's a very black and white statement, because they'll
Speaker 4: be like, yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so fair.
Speaker 4: I think that's probably where we'll leave it, because I
Speaker 4: could go on and on, but I think the last
Speaker 4: thing I'll say is no, you're worth in, then attacks no,
Speaker 4: you're worth.
Speaker 5: Do with that what you will, Yeah, do without what
Speaker 5: you will.
Speaker 4: But it has been great joining you guys for another
Speaker 4: Friday drinks, first one of twenty twenty four, many more
Speaker 4: to come, Beck, go home, get better. I'm sure you've
Speaker 4: been sick for six million years. You can't blame me
Speaker 4: because you haven't seen me any other week except for recording.
Speaker 2: But have the best week, my loves, and we will
Speaker 2: see you.
Speaker 4: Bright's earlier on Monday for another money diary. By The
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Speaker 4: nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on
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