1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:05,400 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. 2 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:08,960 Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just 3 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:10,000 Speaker 2: wants answers. 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,039 Speaker 3: Now you know what it's going to be twenty three 5 00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:14,920 Speaker 3: years this weekend. I'm just saying, I don't know if 6 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,760 Speaker 3: you knew that or not, But do I get Browning 7 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:17,640 Speaker 3: points for knowing that? 8 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,759 Speaker 1: You? Sure I do? What are we doing this weekend? 9 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 1: That's for me to know and you to find out? 10 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,680 Speaker 1: Is that? Okay, can I organize it? Since you obviously 11 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: haven't because you're asking what we're doing? 12 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:31,200 Speaker 2: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum 13 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:32,200 Speaker 2: and daddy. 14 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,240 Speaker 3: This is doctor Justin Colson, the founder of Happy Families 15 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,640 Speaker 3: dot com dot au. I'm here with my wife, missus. 16 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,919 Speaker 3: Happy Family is kylie My. I was going to say 17 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,239 Speaker 3: love with my life, But does that sound just way 18 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 3: too cheesy for a podcast where there's tens of thousands 19 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,000 Speaker 3: of people listening to every episode. 20 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 1: It kind of does, doesn't it. 21 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,879 Speaker 2: I love it so much more than life Partner. 22 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,599 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that does sound a little bit light, doesn't it. 23 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:58,880 Speaker 3: Speaking of making things sound awesome, we got some really 24 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 3: big news, Yes we did. 25 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 1: So. 26 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,399 Speaker 3: There's all sorts of podcast charts that are out there, 27 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 3: and you can look them up all over Google and 28 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,400 Speaker 3: they give you all kinds of different information. But there's 29 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,400 Speaker 3: only one in Australia that really counts. It's called the 30 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 3: Australian Podcast Tracker. It's the one that looks at the 31 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 3: biggest podcast in the country and ranks them once a month. 32 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,360 Speaker 3: And well, the news is, thank you very much to you, 33 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 3: our Happy Families listeners. As a result of the number 34 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 3: of you who are now listening to the Happy Families podcast, 35 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:30,479 Speaker 3: according to the Australian Podcast Tracker, this podcast is now 36 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,759 Speaker 3: the number one perenning podcast in the country. 37 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:37,280 Speaker 1: Isn't that fantastic? 38 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:42,399 Speaker 3: So exciting, mainly because what that means is that we're 39 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 3: sharing this stuff with you and it's helping you to 40 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 3: make your family happier, and you're telling people about it. 41 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 3: You're leaving those ratings, those reviews, and more and more 42 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,240 Speaker 3: people are listening to the podcast, which means that we 43 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 3: get to help more people and that, more than anything 44 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:56,960 Speaker 3: matters to us. Don't really care what number we are, 45 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 3: And in fairness to some of the other people who 46 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,040 Speaker 3: are doing some extraordinarily good work, not every podcast in 47 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 3: the country gets ranked on the Australian Podcast Tracker. So 48 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:08,840 Speaker 3: there may be some other people out there who are 49 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,400 Speaker 3: doing great stuff as well, and we don't want to 50 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 3: take away from what they're doing. 51 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: But it's official. 52 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,240 Speaker 3: Okay, we are number one in parenting and family because 53 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 3: we are on that tracker and it's looking great. Hey, 54 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 3: let's talk about tonight and the Happy Families membership webinar 55 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 3: that's happening. 56 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:24,519 Speaker 1: You don't have to be a member. 57 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,720 Speaker 3: You can pay thirty bucks and participate in the webinar tonight, 58 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,359 Speaker 3: or you can become a member for seventeen dollars a month. 59 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 3: That's much cheaper and get tonight's webinar. I can't wait 60 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 3: for what I'm going to be talking about. 61 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 2: So tonight we're talking about parenting on this same page. 62 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 2: I think this is probably one of the number one 63 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 2: things that people want to know on Facebook, on your 64 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,080 Speaker 2: Instagram pages is just this idea of how do we 65 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 2: how do we come together? 66 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, and when I look at the messages that come through, 67 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 3: almost all of them, literally almost all of them come 68 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,040 Speaker 3: from mums who are saying, I just want my husband 69 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,960 Speaker 3: to listen. I want my husband to be open. And 70 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 3: that's what I love about the podcast. By the way, 71 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 3: we're getting messages from people all the time who are saying, 72 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,239 Speaker 3: dads are listening. You know what wives are saying to 73 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 3: their husbands, You've got to listen to these guys, and 74 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,520 Speaker 3: dads are actually listening. So all the dads are listening. 75 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,919 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for actually getting on the same page. 76 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 3: But there are some parents, some mums particularly, who are 77 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 3: just desperate for a dad, for a husband to consider 78 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 3: that there might be better ways to raise their kids. 79 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,799 Speaker 3: There's a great quote that I love from Epictetters. He says, 80 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,080 Speaker 3: you can't teach a man what he thinks he already knows. 81 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 3: And I think it's interesting that he doesn't say you 82 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,239 Speaker 3: can't teach a woman what she thinks she already knows. 83 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 3: He says, you can't teach a man what he thinks 84 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 3: he already knows. And that's I think the really big challenge, 85 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:45,040 Speaker 3: isn't it. We think we know parenting. We think we 86 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 3: were raised fine, and we think if we raise our 87 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 3: kids the way we think they should be raised, that's it. 88 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 3: And what does our partner really think telling us how 89 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,120 Speaker 3: to raise these kids of ours. 90 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 2: When we were dating. 91 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,080 Speaker 1: Back in prehistoric times, yes, you did. 92 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 2: Something really different. I had dated a few different guys, 93 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 2: and I had never experienced this before. 94 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 3: I was. 95 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 1: I was one of a kind guy, wasn't I? You were? 96 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,360 Speaker 2: But you used to. We used to as we drive around, 97 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,040 Speaker 2: we would watch other couples in their cars and they 98 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 2: would be steering out the window in different directions, or 99 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 2: just you know, sitting in silence, and you and I 100 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:25,600 Speaker 2: just looked at each other and are like, what are 101 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 2: they doing? 102 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 3: There's so much to talk about, But that's fine. Some 103 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,279 Speaker 3: people are introverted, some people are quiet. Not every couple 104 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 3: has to be very conversational. 105 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,840 Speaker 2: Well, we just didn't stop talking, and part of that 106 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 2: was because you did this crazy thing. You used to 107 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 2: ask me all of these hypothetical questions, literally like what 108 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 2: would you do if you're sixteen year olds taking drugs? 109 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:50,000 Speaker 2: Or what would you do if I don't know your 110 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 2: two year old paints pooh. 111 00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:52,040 Speaker 1: On the walls. 112 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:56,480 Speaker 2: You just asked me all of these like random, crazy 113 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,280 Speaker 2: questions about life. 114 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: Well, that's how you get to know somebody. It was 115 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:00,880 Speaker 1: really intentional. 116 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 3: We haven't shared this on the podcast, and this is 117 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,480 Speaker 3: not the podcast for it, but I'm going to share 118 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,320 Speaker 3: a fifteen second version of it. I was really intentional 119 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,279 Speaker 3: about dating I reached a point in my life where 120 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,040 Speaker 3: I knew that I wanted to get married. I was 121 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 3: still very young, but I just knew that I wanted 122 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 3: to get married. 123 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:16,040 Speaker 1: I wanted to get on. 124 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,279 Speaker 3: With the next stage of my life, and so I 125 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:22,200 Speaker 3: literally approached dating in a methodical way where I thought, 126 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,400 Speaker 3: I'm going to go on these platonic dates with as 127 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 3: many girls as I can, and I'm going to learn 128 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,800 Speaker 3: everything that I can about them, which meant that I 129 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:30,480 Speaker 3: had to ask lots of questions. And the best way 130 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,159 Speaker 3: to ask questions is to try to get people to 131 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 3: predict their futures by saying, what would you do in 132 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 3: this situation? How many kids do you think that you 133 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,480 Speaker 3: want to have? Not that I was talking about white 134 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 3: picket fences and kids on first dates with everybody, but 135 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:42,719 Speaker 3: it was about that hypothetical thing. 136 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: So it helps to. 137 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,600 Speaker 3: Create a level of alignment and a level of certainty 138 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:50,279 Speaker 3: as that dating progresses into a relationship that's going to 139 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,000 Speaker 3: ultimately form a marriage. 140 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,880 Speaker 1: In our case, in our. 141 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 2: Time together as husband and wife, I often think back 142 00:05:58,279 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 2: to those conversations you know. 143 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 3: What it's going to be twenty three years this weekend. 144 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 3: I'm just saying I don't know if you knew that 145 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 3: or not. But do I get branding points for knowing that. 146 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:10,599 Speaker 1: You sure do? What are we doing this weekend? That's 147 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,719 Speaker 1: for me to know and you to find out, is that, Okay, 148 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:13,600 Speaker 1: can I organize it? 149 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,919 Speaker 3: Since you obviously haven't because you're asking what we're doing? 150 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 1: I love it. Maybe I know and maybe I don't. 151 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,720 Speaker 2: But I often think back to those conversations and I 152 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:30,280 Speaker 2: think about the fact that at the time I thought 153 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 2: I knew all the answers. Yeah, I had so much 154 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 2: clarity about how I would respond to all of those 155 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:43,039 Speaker 2: different scenarios and difficulties that seemed to challenge everyone else. 156 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 2: But in my nineteen year old mind thought that there 157 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 2: was no way I was going to be stumped by 158 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 2: all of these things. And as we've matured and developed 159 00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:57,760 Speaker 2: as a husband and wife and as a challenge, not 160 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,679 Speaker 2: only have our answers all changed, but we don't actually 161 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:00,599 Speaker 2: have behind this. 162 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:01,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, we were. 163 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 3: We were pretty well aligned before we had children. And 164 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 3: what the research tells us is that when it comes 165 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,680 Speaker 3: to couples and being on the same page, ninety percent 166 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 3: of couples have more arguments after they have children, and 167 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,000 Speaker 3: they argue about so much stuff. The research says that 168 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 3: they argue, I'm surprised that men have as much to 169 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 3: say about many of these things that they do, since 170 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,120 Speaker 3: they affect mums so much more. But they argue about 171 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 3: bottle or breast, They argue about cloth or disposable. They 172 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,040 Speaker 3: argue about co sleeping versus sleeping in their own bed. 173 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,600 Speaker 3: As the kids get older, they argue about how many 174 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 3: extracurricular activities there are going to be or what school 175 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 3: the kids are going to go to, the biggest the 176 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 3: biggest argument, what do you think it would be about. 177 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:46,920 Speaker 1: It's all about discipline. 178 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,440 Speaker 3: So when we come back after the break, let's talk 179 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 3: about tonight's webinar and specifically a couple of things that 180 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:57,960 Speaker 3: parents can do to get on the same page, it's. 181 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 1: Their Happy Famili's podcast. 182 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:04,119 Speaker 2: For a happier family, Try a Happy Families membership, because 183 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 2: a happy family doesn't just happen. 184 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 3: Details at happyfamilies dot com dot au. 185 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:13,080 Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time 186 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now. And we've been 187 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 2: giving you a little bit of a sneak peek at 188 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 2: tonight's webinar. Parenting on the same page. 189 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 3: So the webinar is for all of our Happy Famili's members. 190 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 3: If you are not a Happy Family's member, you've got 191 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 3: to get on it. So the webinar normally costs thirty dollars. 192 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 3: You can buy it in the Happy Family's shop right now. 193 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 3: But if you're a member of the Happy Family's family, 194 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 3: you know that if you've got a Happy Family's membership, 195 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 3: it's twelve dollars a month or seventeen dollars a month 196 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,440 Speaker 3: for premium members. You save a whole lot of money 197 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 3: and you get a monthly webinar and loads of other 198 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 3: features that the membership brings you so much value, so 199 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 3: cheap Tonight's webinar. As you said, Kylie, parenting on the 200 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:50,840 Speaker 3: same page. 201 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,080 Speaker 1: There are eight. 202 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,720 Speaker 3: Different things that I'm going to share with parents to 203 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 3: get on the same page. Not to mention a whole 204 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,320 Speaker 3: lot of research about why we're not on the same 205 00:08:58,360 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 3: page and what's going wrong. 206 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,320 Speaker 1: But I reckon if in. 207 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 3: The time that we've got now, if we can share 208 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 3: two or three, maybe four of those ideas, maybe we 209 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 3: can help some people who are not Happy Family members 210 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 3: to at least get some alignment in their relationship and 211 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 3: their parenting. 212 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 2: Well, I picked my three favorites. 213 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: Okay, I'm ready. 214 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:20,560 Speaker 2: So the first one. You can't change your spouse, don't 215 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 2: we wish we could? Sometimes? 216 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, John Gotman did this. John Gotman is like the 217 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:28,440 Speaker 3: marriage guru of the globe. Nobody knows marriage like Gotman. 218 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 3: He's just got this reputation of being extraordinary. And what 219 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 3: Gotman's research shows is that when you this sounds really bad, 220 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:36,560 Speaker 3: I'm saying. I don't know if he says it like this, 221 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 3: but the way I say it is when you marry somebody, 222 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 3: you actually marry a set of problems. 223 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 1: Now, some people are like people relieve. 224 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,559 Speaker 2: Their socks under the kitchen table. 225 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 1: You do, and to leave the toilet. 226 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 3: See, though, you want to be really careful about the 227 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:54,319 Speaker 3: set of problems that you choose, because nobody is perfect. 228 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:56,000 Speaker 3: Everybody brings with them a set of problems. 229 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 1: And I think my. 230 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,720 Speaker 2: Dad warned you about mine, didn't it. 231 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 3: I'm going to I'm going to ignore that and just 232 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:06,200 Speaker 3: keep on talking. And what happens is that not only 233 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,840 Speaker 3: do you marry a set of problems, but so does 234 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 3: your spouse. In other words, you become a set of 235 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 3: problems to somebody else, as well as them being becoming 236 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,120 Speaker 3: a set of problems to you. And Gotman's research also 237 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,959 Speaker 3: shows that about seventy percent of the problems in your 238 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 3: spouse will never change. Some will, some won't, But the 239 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 3: ones that do change, they change because your spouse wants 240 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,959 Speaker 3: to change them, not because you pestered them and hassle 241 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,600 Speaker 3: them and harangue them and tell them that they need 242 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 3: to be better and they're not quite who you thought 243 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,679 Speaker 3: they were when you married them. And the more you 244 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,719 Speaker 3: try to change your spouse, the more they dig their 245 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:45,200 Speaker 3: heels in, the harder they are to work with to 246 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,679 Speaker 3: get on the same page, to have any sort of 247 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,959 Speaker 3: alignment with it. Like it's a personal affront when you 248 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,959 Speaker 3: keep on saying you need to stop doing that, you're 249 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,400 Speaker 3: not good enough, change this, change that people don't like 250 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 3: being around you when you do that. 251 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 2: It's really tricky when your spouse has or your partner has, 252 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 2: you know a t's right that it really kind of 253 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 2: just rubs you up the wrong way, though it's really 254 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,040 Speaker 2: hard to kind of work through that. So number two 255 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:12,959 Speaker 2: is build your relationship, And I think that this kind 256 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,959 Speaker 2: of can help us in that process. 257 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:17,920 Speaker 3: One of the things that happens when couples get out 258 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,199 Speaker 3: of alignment. It's kind of like, can you imagine being 259 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 3: in a kayak or a canoe and trying to paddle 260 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 3: in one direction while your paddling partner is pushing in 261 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:31,800 Speaker 3: a different direction. You go nowhere, or the person who's 262 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:35,559 Speaker 3: got more energy just overpowers the other one, and it's 263 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 3: a miserable experience for everybody. That's what happens in a 264 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,480 Speaker 3: relationship when there's no alignment, when you can't get on 265 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:43,600 Speaker 3: the same page, and it's such a waste of energy. 266 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,600 Speaker 3: But if we can build our relationship, what happens then 267 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 3: is we start to understand one another better, We start 268 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 3: to work together, we start to be interested in one 269 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:55,640 Speaker 3: another again. You build the relationship by investing in what 270 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,559 Speaker 3: I call the emotional bank account, that is your kind 271 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 3: to one another. You listen, you take influence from one another, 272 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 3: You develop a sense of trust, and as that trust builds, 273 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,560 Speaker 3: you start to influence one another in hopefully positive ways. 274 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,400 Speaker 2: Isn't that what happens when you date and you know you're. 275 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 1: Well in the perfect world, yes, courtship, and. 276 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:18,240 Speaker 2: Yet somewhere along the line, we kind of lose sight 277 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,839 Speaker 2: of all of those, you know, things that we would 278 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,800 Speaker 2: do to build a relationship because life takes over. 279 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:27,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, and as the relationship deteriorates, trust is undermined and 280 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,160 Speaker 3: influence goes out the window. It's so so important to 281 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 3: be able to say to your partner, I trust you, 282 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,600 Speaker 3: I back you if this is the way that you 283 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 3: think that we should go that I'm open to that. 284 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,640 Speaker 3: I'm willing to take influence from you, but I would 285 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:43,320 Speaker 3: love to know that if I feel strongly about something, 286 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:44,439 Speaker 3: that you might do that as well. 287 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 1: It's about give and take. 288 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,920 Speaker 3: And the research again shows that in the relationships where 289 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 3: we get this right, we have much higher relationship satisfaction. 290 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 3: The research also shows that we have much higher sexual 291 00:12:54,880 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 3: satisfaction and we also do better as parents. 292 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,080 Speaker 2: And the last one you've actually just touched on briefly 293 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:06,560 Speaker 2: is being open to influence. Now, this is probably the 294 00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 2: area where you know, as I read between the lines 295 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 2: often and some of the comments, I feel like mums 296 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 2: find particular struggles with their partners not wanting to take 297 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:26,320 Speaker 2: you influence or direction or guidance or even collaboration from them. 298 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,400 Speaker 2: They kind of see something one way and that's the 299 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,800 Speaker 2: only way that they're going to kind of move forward. 300 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:35,400 Speaker 2: So how do we work through that when we're open 301 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 2: to it but our partner's not. 302 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 3: Often we think we're open to it so long as 303 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 3: they're willing to do what we say. So I might say, 304 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,880 Speaker 3: of course, I'm open to your influence. This is what 305 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 3: I think we should do, and then I wait for 306 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:47,320 Speaker 3: you to agree, so I can say that I've been 307 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 3: open to your influence because when you agree with me 308 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,840 Speaker 3: that I'm open to your influence. And I see that 309 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,720 Speaker 3: happening a lot, not just with dads but with mums 310 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,040 Speaker 3: as well, we get really fixed, we get really rigid. 311 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 1: We're pretty sure that. 312 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 3: The values that we're bringing to the situation are the 313 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 3: right ones, and everyone should just bow down to what 314 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,840 Speaker 3: we're saying. So I would say to both partners, but 315 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 3: especially to any dads who are listening every now and again, 316 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 3: just pause and instead of saying this is what we're 317 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,360 Speaker 3: going to do, or you never listen to me and 318 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,439 Speaker 3: this is how it's got to be, I would say, 319 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,080 Speaker 3: I'm really curious, what do you think. There's something that 320 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 3: is just so powerful about saying to your partner, what 321 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,480 Speaker 3: do you think? And that's different to saying, oh, look, 322 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 3: I don't care, figure it out for yourself, which many 323 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:28,040 Speaker 3: people will do because they become apathetic. And often one 324 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,240 Speaker 3: parent will say you look after the kids and I'll 325 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 3: look after this, or you know that kind of thing. 326 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 3: That's not what I'm saying. When you can really get alignment, 327 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 3: you sit down and talk about an issue and say 328 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,840 Speaker 3: I'm really struggling with this and this is what I 329 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 3: think we should do. 330 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,440 Speaker 1: But what do you think? What way would you like 331 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:42,760 Speaker 1: to go? 332 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 2: Same Page Parenting webinar tonight. For those of you who 333 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 2: are members, you have access to that. For those of 334 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 2: you who are not, you can grab your tickets at 335 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 2: Happy families dot com. 336 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 3: Dot you, or you can just become a member of 337 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 3: the Happy Families family. If you do that, you get 338 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 3: the membership, you get a whole lot of other stuf, 339 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,480 Speaker 3: and it's all yours for as little as twelve dollars 340 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,560 Speaker 3: per month. We really hope that you've enjoyed the Same 341 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 3: Page Parenting podcast. I only said webinar that's tonight. If 342 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 3: you did enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating and 343 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,640 Speaker 3: review because those ratings and reviews help other people to 344 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,760 Speaker 3: find out about the podcast and make their families happier. 345 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 3: We did receive a response from Valentina, who said, I 346 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,040 Speaker 3: just wanted to send you a short thank you for 347 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 3: your amazing podcast. I've been listening for a few years now. 348 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,240 Speaker 3: I'm a mum to one daughter who's just turned six, 349 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 3: and I've honestly struggled with getting my head around it 350 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 3: all because as soon as I do it, changes are 351 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,040 Speaker 3: juggling dropping the balls of life with kids. I find 352 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 3: so much value from your offerings, and I'm loving the 353 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 3: new format with Kylie and Justin together. I've laughed, cried, 354 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,920 Speaker 3: nodded with enthusiasm as everything you discussed really resonates and 355 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 3: transfers to my own world. Thank you again, Val Well, Val. 356 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 3: We really appreciate the feedback, five star ratings and reviews 357 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 3: wherever you listen to your podcasts or send us an email. 358 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 3: Podcasts at Happy Families dot com dot Au really appreciate 359 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 3: the work of Justin Rulan from Bridge Media, and our 360 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 3: executive producer is Craig Brew. If you'd like more information 361 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,120 Speaker 3: about making your family happier, including those memberships, you can 362 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 3: get it all at Happy families dot com dot Au.