Speaker 1: Most of us don't look forward to difficult conversations with
Speaker 1: someone at work, But what if they're not as hard
Speaker 1: as we make them out to be. For many of us,
Speaker 1: having to give someone bad news or maybe some necessary
Speaker 1: constructive criticism is something we spend a lot of time
Speaker 1: either planning for or stressing over. In our minds. We
Speaker 1: worry about what the other person will say, whether or
Speaker 1: not we might hurt their feelings, and countless other possible
Speaker 1: ways it could go poorly. Dom Price is at Lassian's
Speaker 1: work futurist, and he prides himself on his ability to
Speaker 1: handle tough conversations. With responsibilities spanning seven global R and
Speaker 1: D centers, he has had his fair share of difficult
Speaker 1: conversations with people, so I wanted to pick his brain
Speaker 1: on how best to handle these conversations. Welcome to How
Speaker 1: I Was, a show about habits, rituals, and strategies for
Speaker 1: optimizing your day. I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imper. On
Speaker 1: today's Quick Win episode, we go back to an interview
Speaker 1: from the past and I pick out a quick win
Speaker 1: that you can apply today. In today's show, Dom reveals
Speaker 1: the key tricks you can use to make difficult conversations easier,
Speaker 1: and the thing many of us are doing that actually
Speaker 1: turns normal conversations into difficult ones. I would love to
Speaker 1: know to start with, what are the main types of
Speaker 1: difficult conversations that you're finding you're having and maybe others
Speaker 1: at lassion and needing to have.
Speaker 2: In the workplace, it's almost always a derivation of feedback, right,
Speaker 2: And it could be feedback in there here's something you
Speaker 2: did or didn't do. It could be feedback in the
Speaker 2: every now and then, yeah, I work I saw this
Speaker 2: as well. We don't all have one hundred percent of
Speaker 2: self awareness, So every now and then it's one telling
Speaker 2: you something that you've not acknowledged or seen yet and
Speaker 2: you're like, oh, I don't know how that's going to
Speaker 2: go down. So it's normally pointing something out that is
Speaker 2: somewhat controversial or fueled in some way. Right, it's a
Speaker 2: hot topic where you're nervous about the consequences. Right, it
Speaker 2: feels like there might be recourse. That's why it's fascinating,
Speaker 2: because one of the first things is just reframe, Right,
Speaker 2: it's just conversation. The fact that we label it difficult
Speaker 2: conversation or crucial conversation suddenly we've upped the ards and
Speaker 2: you're like, oh no, this is now a difficult conversation.
Speaker 2: I must go and prepare for said in whose eyes?
Speaker 2: Is it difficult? Like we've already labeled it a bad thing? Right,
Speaker 2: so mindset wise, God knows chemically what's going on in
Speaker 2: our brain. When you're like, I'm now sitting you down
Speaker 2: for a difficult and I imagine this. Someone did that, Amantha,
Speaker 2: I'm now going to sit you down for a difficult conversation,
Speaker 2: You're like, why is it difficult? What's difficult about it?
Speaker 2: So I see the reframe of like, either if I
Speaker 2: don't say this what happens as you said before, or
Speaker 2: or otherwise I think about it as a gift. If
Speaker 2: it's someone's not seeing something and I'm helping them build
Speaker 2: more awareness, and I'm doing it with good intent, I'm
Speaker 2: not doing it for wantupmanship or for maliciousness, then that's
Speaker 2: a gift. It genuinely should be a gift. And if
Speaker 2: I reframe it like that, my words are very different.
Speaker 1: What else are you doing to prepare for that conversation?
Speaker 2: Lots of questions? If you know me well enough to
Speaker 2: know I suffer with an abundance of confidence, which can
Speaker 2: be quite destructive. And so I'm always like, oh, if
Speaker 2: I've seen something and I've used the halo effectacy again
Speaker 2: and again and again, what biases am I applying to
Speaker 2: this That might may or may not be true, but
Speaker 2: they're certainly influencing the way I'm seeing it. I always
Speaker 2: think that for any stimulus you put in the middle
Speaker 2: of a room, if hundred of us stood around a circle,
Speaker 2: we're all looking at the same thing, but we've got
Speaker 2: a different view. And so I have to check my
Speaker 2: biases every now and then. And then normally the hardest
Speaker 2: question to answer, but one that's full of wonderment is
Speaker 2: what might be going on for that person right now.
Speaker 2: It's not that you can ever answer that, but it's
Speaker 2: just one of going You probably know a fraction of
Speaker 2: a percentage of what's happening with them, so be careful.
Speaker 2: I don't don't make assumptions about what's going on with them,
Speaker 2: and therefore charging with answers, maybe charging there subtly, but
Speaker 2: with questions like what is going on right now? How
Speaker 2: are you going? Like? So the question I asked this first,
Speaker 2: I was like, how did you think that the workshop went?
Speaker 2: And they were like amazing, And I was like, oh good,
Speaker 2: good in that case, would you like my view because
Speaker 2: as a participant, but my question to them was, what
Speaker 2: are you seeing that made you think it was amazing?
Speaker 2: Because I'm genuinely curious about that you They weren't lying.
Speaker 2: They genuinely thought it was I'm like, you explain your
Speaker 2: world and it'll make me more aware of what you
Speaker 2: what signals you took in. Too many of us enter
Speaker 2: the conversation to go so I'm going to persuade you
Speaker 2: why I'm right and you're wrong. And that's not a
Speaker 2: difficult conversation. That's a one way conversation. Versus, tell me
Speaker 2: more about your situation, your world, what's going on? How
Speaker 2: did you find that that that's bringing them into the conversation.
Speaker 2: It's a completely different model.
Speaker 1: It's interesting because I can see how that can apply
Speaker 1: to giving someone feedback. But I wonder when it is
Speaker 1: an objectively hard conversation, like let's just say it's pay
Speaker 1: review time. Someone hasn't hit their targets and you're there
Speaker 1: to tell them you're not getting a pay rise for
Speaker 1: another twelve months. Like that is not a fun conversation.
Speaker 1: There is no way of spinning that to go? But
Speaker 1: what's your perspective? Do you maybe think this is the undestading?
Speaker 1: How is it different in those instances where I think
Speaker 1: we can agree this is objectively not a good conversation
Speaker 1: to be having for anyone.
Speaker 2: Maybe I'm just like an absolute narcissist, But I've had
Speaker 2: those conversations in my career and I don't mind them
Speaker 2: because the normal normally based off a fact like this
Speaker 2: was your target. You did not hit that target. So
Speaker 2: I think facts are friends. When you've got a fact,
Speaker 2: you're like, oh, this isn't my opinion anymore. It's not
Speaker 2: I don't think you made your target. You didn't make
Speaker 2: your target. But you're like, cool, okay, so that didn't
Speaker 2: happen and the consequences of that are and then normally
Speaker 2: it's a reset to go. How do you feel about that?
Speaker 2: Because I always want to check in with the person.
Speaker 2: Does that make you feel if they're like I expected
Speaker 2: it and you hadn't in my target, but you're like okay,
Speaker 2: Or they're like I didn't meet it and I still
Speaker 2: think I should have had one hundred percent pay round,
Speaker 2: You're like, okay, that's a different problem to solve, but
Speaker 2: I need to know your perspective is a very important
Speaker 2: data point. But then that's a flip of a conversation
Speaker 2: to go. Do you want an invite? Do you want
Speaker 2: to have a career conversation about what thriving looks like
Speaker 2: here and how we can work together to do that,
Speaker 2: or don't you That's a genuine option, and because sometimes
Speaker 2: people are like, nah, I've reached my pinnacle or I'm
Speaker 2: done here. I don't like it and I want to
Speaker 2: move on, Like ol, there's no point in me sugar
Speaker 2: coating into the bad news. You're done here, and let's
Speaker 2: have a chat about how we help you gracefully exit
Speaker 2: and what's next. Or they're like, no, I'm in here's
Speaker 2: the circumstances that meant I didn't nail it last year.
Speaker 2: How can we have a conversation about what that looks
Speaker 2: like if I'm thriving. I think what makes that conversation harder,
Speaker 2: manth is how long we leave it for. It's the
Speaker 2: time difference between missing the target and having the chata.
Speaker 2: You missed the target, having that chat is in context, Hey,
Speaker 2: who's your target? We set that's fair, Let's have a
Speaker 2: meaningful conversation about why did you miss what the ups,
Speaker 2: what were the downs, what the circumstances. That's a great
Speaker 2: time to have that conversation. Three months later, when you
Speaker 2: book a meeting with the person, that's an ambush. It's like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is a fake complete you missed, you don't like
Speaker 2: it's over, and so I don't think that's a particularly
Speaker 2: engaging conversation. I want. I used to work with this
Speaker 2: so bad news doesn't get better with time, and it doesn't,
Speaker 2: but we just leave it too long with the hope
Speaker 2: that something magical will make it better. It doesn't, so
Speaker 2: it then feels like an ambush and it's too late.
Speaker 2: I can't cause correct, I can't do anything different.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this little quick win with Dom Price.
Speaker 1: If you'd like to listen to the full interview, you
Speaker 1: can find a link to that in the show notes.
Speaker 1: If you like today's show, make sure you gud follow
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Speaker 1: How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of
Speaker 1: the Worrange, Gary people, part of the Coolon Nation