Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
Speaker 1: the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before
Speaker 1: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
Speaker 1: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
Speaker 1: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,
Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming
Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing
Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for
Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
Speaker 3: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Muney, the podcast
Speaker 2: for millennials who want financial freedom. Today, my friends, it
Speaker 2: is Friday, which means I get to round up the team,
Speaker 2: which this week is only Miss Jessica Ricci. Hello, and
Speaker 2: we get to talk about our incredible She's on the
Speaker 2: Money community. Today, we're going to be sharing our favorite
Speaker 2: money wins. We don't have a broke tip because Beck
Speaker 2: has bailed on us. We're going to be answering a
Speaker 2: juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about pay
Speaker 2: parody for the same job, and we're going to be
Speaker 2: unpacking something you slid into our DMS about which this
Speaker 2: week is finance in a polyamorous relationship. But let's start
Speaker 2: off the podcast, Jessica by asking you how your week was.
Speaker 4: It's been a roller coaster this week. I've been identity thief, thefted, stolen.
Speaker 4: My identity is stolen on the audes Instagram, on Instagram,
Speaker 4: yet not like my credit card in fish or anything.
Speaker 2: Yet they're closed.
Speaker 4: Don't even put the juju out there. That's so stressful,
Speaker 4: But just a little posa to anybody. There is a really,
Speaker 4: really good fake account. They have stolen two months worth
Speaker 4: of my content, videos, posts, They've copied all of my.
Speaker 2: Story highlight, one thousand followers.
Speaker 4: They've copied the number of followers that I like. It
Speaker 4: is as good as a fake.
Speaker 2: Really similar, really and it is Jessica with two eyes
Speaker 2: instead of one. And you'll use a name. And what
Speaker 2: are they trying to do, jess Trying to get.
Speaker 4: People to buy crypto of all the things that they.
Speaker 2: Could do, I just and I feel like most of
Speaker 2: our community is smart enough to realize that that's not
Speaker 2: a thing, or that you've been hacked if they do
Speaker 2: think it's your real account. But I thought it was
Speaker 2: very funny because someone slid into my DMS earlier this week, Jess,
Speaker 2: and they were trying to do a little welfare check
Speaker 2: on you because they were like, hey, they I hope
Speaker 2: this is okay to message you, but I think justice
Speaker 2: going off the rails. Oh my gosh, she's trying to
Speaker 2: sell me crypto via DMS. And I had to be like,
Speaker 2: that's not yes. Like so if anybody in the she's
Speaker 2: on the money team, you think ever messages you, especially
Speaker 2: to purchase anything.
Speaker 4: We will never.
Speaker 2: We have never asked you to purchase anything in DMS.
Speaker 2: We are dming you. It's probably because we know each other.
Speaker 2: So I would be really wary of any account. I
Speaker 2: don't care who it is or where it is. If
Speaker 2: they are messaging you and you've had nothing to do
Speaker 2: with them before and then all of a sudden they're
Speaker 2: trying to introduce you to an opportunity, massive red flags.
Speaker 4: Be so skeptical. They're so sophisticated nowadays, And I feel like,
Speaker 4: even just choosing the two eyes in the username, You're like,
Speaker 4: because I thought it was you.
Speaker 2: Your eyes just skip over them you tried to scam me.
Speaker 2: You're like, you've tried to scam me, and I.
Speaker 4: Was like, sis, not today, let me teach you a
Speaker 4: thing or two about finance.
Speaker 2: I didn't lead them down the garden path, and I
Speaker 2: was like, wow, Jessica, that sounds so interesting. Please tell
Speaker 2: me more time. Can I wait until I got the
Speaker 2: link to the bitcoin sign up And essentially what they're
Speaker 2: trying to do is get you to buy bitcoin, then
Speaker 2: give them your login details so they can steal it.
Speaker 4: Oh my godness, So yeah, please be hereful. We would
Speaker 4: never ever ever do that. If you're feeling generous and
Speaker 4: would like to report the page, we've been trying really
Speaker 4: hard to get it taken down. Turns out that's really
Speaker 4: challenging to do. More people who report it, the better.
Speaker 4: But otherwise you can always dam mus and double check.
Speaker 4: All of our normal accounts are just our names, and yeah,
Speaker 4: all of our official accounts, Victoria's account and the shes
Speaker 4: and money accounts all verified, so also look out for that.
Speaker 2: I just don't have the time to scam you. I'm
Speaker 2: really sorry. Like, if that's ites, I'm so glad that
Speaker 2: you found the time. But like, she's a busy lady,
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna have to up your work, Cloath.
Speaker 4: How has your week been.
Speaker 2: It's been good. I mean I got scammed by Jessica
Speaker 2: Ricky and I got to watch the Matilda's So that's
Speaker 2: a ten out of ten week for me. Let's jump
Speaker 2: into our favorite part of the week, jess I want
Speaker 2: to know what have you pulled out of the community
Speaker 2: to be our money wins of the week.
Speaker 4: Okay, my first money win this week comes from Teresa
Speaker 4: who said money win. My partner didn't get a tax bills.
Speaker 4: The money we'd put aside for a potential bill we
Speaker 4: paid the equivalent to almost six payments off of our
Speaker 4: car loans. Say they got almost six months of interest
Speaker 4: over the course of the loan. Money win, money win.
Speaker 4: And it is that time where people getting tax refunds,
Speaker 4: so good reminder. Think about what you can do with
Speaker 4: it and where the buying that new pair of shoes
Speaker 4: is the right choice. It could be. I'm not saying
Speaker 4: it's not.
Speaker 2: I just think there's a lot going on online at
Speaker 2: the moment just about girl math, yes, and how that
Speaker 2: can be taken into consideration. And I think it's really
Speaker 2: funny because I can see both sides of the argument, right,
Speaker 2: I can see girl math makes sense, Like if I
Speaker 2: was gifted a gift card for a coffee shop, that's
Speaker 2: free money to me, that's free coffee. That's exactly how
Speaker 2: that works. But I think a lot of people are
Speaker 2: extending that thought and feeling to money that they hadn't
Speaker 2: expected to come in, like your tax return, and they
Speaker 2: might get an extra thousand dollars. And instead of putting
Speaker 2: yourself in a better financial position, what you're doing is
Speaker 2: girl mathing it away and going, oh, well, actually I'm
Speaker 2: going to spend this on a few dresses or I
Speaker 2: deserve XYZ without really thinking a future you. So girl
Speaker 2: math trend kind of funny because like we've all done it.
Speaker 2: But I also think it's really stereotyping women into not
Speaker 2: being good at money, not being smart at money, and
Speaker 2: like being like, oh my gosh, hahaha, women don't know
Speaker 2: what they're talking about. It's girl it makes sense because
Speaker 2: clearly it doesn't make sense. That's why we're saying it.
Speaker 2: We're laughing at ourselves. But hopefully we're laughing at ourselves
Speaker 2: because we know we're better than that. We know we're
Speaker 2: more intelligent. And I mean, I'm still going to pretend
Speaker 2: I am one of the most financially literate people. Jess,
Speaker 2: I'm she's on the money. You still give me a
Speaker 2: gift card with money on it? Free money? Yeah, relatable,
Speaker 2: But I think we need to have that level of
Speaker 2: financial literacy that goes well, actually, could this go to
Speaker 2: something else? Do I have a solid emergency fund? Am
Speaker 2: I in any personal debt? Maybe it could just be
Speaker 2: a little treaty treat and that's okay, Yeah, but I
Speaker 2: think we need to think about it before we actually
Speaker 2: dive in.
Speaker 4: It was really interesting. We put up a post on
Speaker 4: our Instagram this week about the girl math trend on
Speaker 4: TikTok Yeah, and we very purposely didn't really comment our
Speaker 4: opinion on it, yeah, because we wanted to see what
Speaker 4: happened in the comments.
Speaker 2: We were just waiting to see or were baiting you.
Speaker 2: And it was really.
Speaker 4: Interesting because it kind of lent one of two ways.
Speaker 4: There were people who took it, I guess really from
Speaker 4: a political social perspective and said, Hey, like I hate this.
Speaker 4: I feel like we're really demeaning women. I feel like
Speaker 4: it's making implying that women are stupid and don't know
Speaker 4: as much as men. And then there were people who
Speaker 4: were like, oh my god, I do this all the time.
Speaker 4: This is so me and it's really interesting to look
Speaker 4: at because I think, as you said, it's really we
Speaker 4: should be looking at somewhere in the middle, Like, I
Speaker 4: don't think these trends are harmful necessarily because they can
Speaker 4: be a really good way for us to recognize those
Speaker 4: trends and go, oh, that's me whenever I get my
Speaker 4: little gift card.
Speaker 2: I'm so good at mean spending. Yeah, you're enabling my
Speaker 2: dopamine spending by giving me a gift card.
Speaker 5: Hell yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: It's one of those things where go, okay, well, I'm
Speaker 4: fine saying yeah, like I've girl baths some things, and
Speaker 4: I'm comfortable using that term. But when it becomes this
Speaker 4: mass thing that people pile on to and it starts
Speaker 4: to get recontextualized or I guess adjusted, and those those
Speaker 4: additional social things get laid over the top. Yeah, and
Speaker 4: that's when you go, oh, like, is it making people
Speaker 4: feel bad because they're talking about something they're not smart?
Speaker 2: Just a funny concept that I think we can all
Speaker 2: relate to, and I mean, boy, Matt Jes, that exists
Speaker 2: one hundred percent of oly math exists. How do the
Speaker 2: groceries get in your cupboard? Steven? How much does a
Speaker 2: round of golf cost? Was not that much according to him.
Speaker 2: But when I looked some rounds of golf for like
Speaker 2: one hundred bucks, and I'm like, wow, wait what he's like?
Speaker 4: If I hit that ball a hundred times, that's a
Speaker 4: dollar a putt?
Speaker 2: Baby, what have you seen? My handy cub like, absolutely not.
Speaker 2: There's girl math and there's boy math. And I think
Speaker 2: it's just a way of saying, sometimes we justify spending
Speaker 2: to ourselves in frivolous ways, and that's okay, but I
Speaker 2: think that we do need to acknowledge that some people
Speaker 2: have taken it as a stereotyping of women, and that's
Speaker 2: not it.
Speaker 4: We're smarter than that. We're talking about it because we
Speaker 4: know agreed, agreed. Next money win that I have comes
Speaker 4: from Nikki, who said money win. I'm away on holidays
Speaker 4: at the moment and bought a travel ethim for fifty dollars,
Speaker 4: saving myself one hundred and fifty dollars in data rooming
Speaker 4: charges from Telstra.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 4: Got to look into that. If you're planning on traveling. Next,
Speaker 4: I've got Emily who said I am thirty one years
Speaker 4: old and for the first time in my profession life,
Speaker 4: I have just started catching the bus to work.
Speaker 2: Get it clean.
Speaker 4: I will save two hundred dollars a fortnight in parking
Speaker 4: and more in petrol and overall wear and tear on
Speaker 4: my car. And I wish I had done it sooner.
Speaker 2: I saw a video the other day guess where where TikTok,
Speaker 2: obviously because I live on TikTok, but it was a
Speaker 2: video talking about how developed countries seem to have mistaken
Speaker 2: independence and wealth for driving yourself to work, when in
Speaker 2: reality traffic could all be condensed down to three buses.
Speaker 2: I feel like small, like you know, or bikes or whatever.
Speaker 2: If we were smarter and is the hallmark of being
Speaker 2: a developed country, not being smarter about money and resources
Speaker 2: and making sure that they become more sustainable. So like
Speaker 2: catching the train really sexy? Yeah, like so smart, Like
Speaker 2: if you can definitely do it, catch the train, catch
Speaker 2: the tram, catch the bus. Public transport is incredible and
Speaker 2: I promise it's cheaper than driving. Oh absolutely, this economy.
Speaker 4: Economy, we got to save those pennies where we can Next,
Speaker 4: I've got a money win from Jasmine, who said, I've
Speaker 4: been on a job search recently and I applied for
Speaker 4: a position. Unfortunately I didn't get it. However, in their
Speaker 4: email to me letting me know that I wasn't successful,
Speaker 4: they snug a cheeky little discount in the email for
Speaker 4: me one hundred dollars for applying for a position that
Speaker 4: I wasn't successful for.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's a bit of a money win. How random.
Speaker 2: Sorry you can't come here but still buy our stuff
Speaker 2: is how I saw that.
Speaker 4: I'm wondering if maybe she meant gift cards, like one
Speaker 4: hundred dollars fift.
Speaker 2: Card, that would actually be that's really sweet. If that's
Speaker 2: the case, that's what I'm thinking. I'm like, that's kind
Speaker 2: of cool, girl, mass that's free made.
Speaker 4: Next, I've got a money win from Caroline, who said
Speaker 4: I batch cooked twenty three meals and two lots of three.
Speaker 4: I'll be advertising more items for sale on various internet sides,
Speaker 4: and I'm hoping to reduce my mortgage by an additional
Speaker 4: ten thousand dollars by the thirty first of December twenty
Speaker 4: twenty three.
Speaker 2: Jessica, when you batch cook things, how many serves are
Speaker 2: you doing, because like my max is like eight.
Speaker 4: I Caroline, let us know what are you cooking?
Speaker 2: How many they sets of tupware do you own? We're rich, Yeah, you.
Speaker 4: Must have a huge freezer. And then lastly my money
Speaker 4: in and then my last money in for this week
Speaker 4: is from Rebecca, who said, money Win. I heard about
Speaker 4: the thing where you call your internet provider directly and
Speaker 4: asked for a better deal and was quite skeptical. Rebecca,
Speaker 4: I'm shocked and offended that you doubted us, she said,
Speaker 4: but hey, I figured the worst they could do.
Speaker 2: We say, no, exactly.
Speaker 4: I'm glad I tried, though, as I've ended up with
Speaker 4: a cheaper deal for the next six months.
Speaker 2: Money Win, Money Win.
Speaker 4: There's a ebook on our website get a better deal,
Speaker 4: a better deal.
Speaker 2: We think we know what we're talking about, and it
Speaker 2: turns out our community have only just caught up to
Speaker 2: backing us. That's all right, So that's very kind, but
Speaker 2: more of you should absolutely make use of that. All right, Jess,
Speaker 2: we don't have the bexbro tip and I don't think
Speaker 2: either of us could fake one. Well, so let's go
Speaker 2: to a really quick break and on the flip side,
Speaker 2: we're going to talk about pay parody for the same job,
Speaker 2: and we're also going to be answering a sneaky DM
Speaker 2: all about finances in a polyamorous relationship. So don't go anywhere, guys.
Speaker 2: Welcome back everybody.
Speaker 4: Let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
Speaker 2: Hi, there, have you got a money dilemma you just
Speaker 2: can't solve. The She's on the Money team is here
Speaker 2: to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big
Speaker 2: and small, to answer your most burning money, career and
Speaker 2: life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website
Speaker 2: and leave us a short voice recording and you might
Speaker 2: just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a
Speaker 2: listen to this week's money dilemma.
Speaker 5: Hi, She's on the Money. So let's say three people
Speaker 5: do exactly the same job I, who are one of
Speaker 5: the people, get paid thirty eight dollars power another gets
Speaker 5: paid forty six dollars an hour, and another fifty dollars
Speaker 5: an hour, and plot twist they got hired after me.
Speaker 5: How would you approach your boss with this information and
Speaker 5: ask for a raise match preferably to the fifty dollars
Speaker 5: of course, Thank.
Speaker 2: You, Jessica, I feel like you've got a spicy opinion
Speaker 2: and on this, what would you do?
Speaker 4: I mean, I'd be calling somebody up, but I'd be
Speaker 4: saying this is absolutely not good enough. It's hard to
Speaker 4: navigate though, because I suppose you need to have a
Speaker 4: look at is there a pay secrecy clause in your contract?
Speaker 4: Just reminding people that that is, unfortunately still a thing
Speaker 4: in some places if it was pre existing.
Speaker 2: If it was pre existing, it can still be enforced,
Speaker 2: but it's illegal for new contracts. I think a lot
Speaker 2: of people are assuming that because it was made illegal,
Speaker 2: then it null and voids their current contract, which unfortunately
Speaker 2: it does not.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 4: So obviously, I'm assuming you've found this out because you've
Speaker 4: had a chat with some of your teammates about what
Speaker 4: you should be doing. We love to see it all
Speaker 4: about that. Obviously, the difference between thirty six dollars and
Speaker 4: the difference between fifty dollars is astronomical.
Speaker 2: I did the math. Of course, you did a math,
Speaker 2: be so hypothetically because I'm assuming you're probably in like
Speaker 2: a casual or a part time role, which is fine.
Speaker 2: I've just decided to pretend for the example, i suppose
Speaker 2: that all of these are full time roles. So if
Speaker 2: you were earning thirty eight dollars an hour, you would
Speaker 2: be on fifty eight thousand dollars a year if we
Speaker 2: annualize that into a full time role. If you're on
Speaker 2: forty six dollars an hour, you're on sixty nine thousand
Speaker 2: dollars a year. And if you're on fifty dollars an hour,
Speaker 2: you're on seventy four thousand dollars a year.
Speaker 4: Jessica, that's a huge difference from bottom to the top.
Speaker 2: Jess annualize that's a difference of sixteen thousand dollars for
Speaker 2: doing the exact same job.
Speaker 4: Correct. And So I guess the thing that I would
Speaker 4: be doing is approaching your manager or your HR department
Speaker 4: or whatever is relevant to your employment situation. And I
Speaker 4: would honestly be putting the numbers on the table, and
Speaker 4: I would be comparing any responsibilities that you have as
Speaker 4: compared to your coworkers, saying, hey, like I do x
Speaker 4: Y and ZED, Joe does x y and Z, Sally
Speaker 4: does x Y and Z, why are we being paid differently?
Speaker 4: Because if your role responsibilities are the same, regardless of
Speaker 4: experience and things, it shouldn't make that much of a difference.
Speaker 4: The only time experience or time with the company really
Speaker 4: should come into play is if within those roles you
Speaker 4: have different levels of responsibility. Like if I'm only looking
Speaker 4: after two tasks and Joe's looking after four, then maybe
Speaker 4: it makes sense for Joe to be earning more than me.
Speaker 4: But otherwise, if we're all doing the same thing, I
Speaker 4: don't see any good reason for someone to be bated
Speaker 4: a much.
Speaker 2: Especially in the situation that you've given us, because the
Speaker 2: way you've said I earn thirty eight dollars an hour
Speaker 2: makes me think that it is more of a casual
Speaker 2: slash part time role. It's not like, oh, Jess and
Speaker 2: I are both full time, but Jess has been working
Speaker 2: in the industry ten more years and she's actually super efficient.
Speaker 2: Same roles, but super efficient gets way more done than
Speaker 2: you know Victoria does, which makes sense. And you know,
Speaker 2: HI could definitely talk their way out of that and go, well, Jess,
Speaker 2: I see that maybe you've been talking to them, but
Speaker 2: like their experience really comes into play, and those are
Speaker 2: open ones conversations you should be having with your employer
Speaker 2: anyway to go, well, you know, what would it take
Speaker 2: for me to get there? Then how does that work?
Speaker 2: But it's a kick in the guts to be finding
Speaker 2: out that the people that I'm assuming started after you
Speaker 2: and you try are now making more than you. If so, why?
Speaker 4: When? Where?
Speaker 2: How?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: I want to know all of that. I think the
Speaker 2: conversation from my perspective would actually start around pay parity
Speaker 2: and going all right, well, let's pretend Jess is my boss. Jess,
Speaker 2: do we have pay parity or cross rolls? What does
Speaker 2: that mean? How does that work? How do you manage that?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Is pay parody something that's important? And they might go, oh, yes,
Speaker 2: they'll know where you're going with the conversation, but I
Speaker 2: think it really is. It's a touchy conversation, and if
Speaker 2: you're going to have it, I think you need to
Speaker 2: go into it as educated as possible. So, Jess, if
Speaker 2: you're walking in the door and you're saying, well, I
Speaker 2: found out that Victoria owns more, well that's great, but
Speaker 2: could we have a look at what the industry average
Speaker 2: is because you might all be being underpaid. And if
Speaker 2: you're going to go into that for yourself, we need
Speaker 2: to go into that for the whole hog. Right, We
Speaker 2: need to make sure that maybe they're taking advantage of
Speaker 2: all of you. Yes, one's being paid even more, but like,
Speaker 2: let's have a look at what the hourly freelance rate is,
Speaker 2: Let's have a look at what on average people make
Speaker 2: in this role, just to make sure you're advocating for
Speaker 2: yourself properly. So go do your research, find out, and
Speaker 2: then have that conversation once you've worked out all of
Speaker 2: that information, because it's much harder to say no when cold,
Speaker 2: hard facts are being put on the table.
Speaker 4: One hundred percent. It's interesting as well that the newest
Speaker 4: employee is the one earning the most. And it probably
Speaker 4: comes back to that conversation we've had before about job hopping,
Speaker 4: and I know that we have an episode I believe
Speaker 4: coming up on that topic in the next couple of weeks,
Speaker 4: and the fact that often you can increase your salary
Speaker 4: by going somewhere else. And it's just more of a
Speaker 4: reason that even if you're not leaving your job, you
Speaker 4: need to be reviewing your salary with your managers internally,
Speaker 4: because it might just be that you came in and
Speaker 4: you said, okay, I want sixty thousand, and your boss
Speaker 4: said okay, no problems, and then the next person came
Speaker 4: in and said, oh, I want eighty thousand, and the
Speaker 4: boss said, okay, no problems. And theoretically, if they were
Speaker 4: looking after pay parity and if they were an equitable employer,
Speaker 4: they would be making sure that everyone was brought in.
Speaker 4: You know, maybe the person on sixty thousand was brought
Speaker 4: up to meet the person on eighty thousand. But unfortunately
Speaker 4: a lot of places don't do that and they just go, oh,
Speaker 4: sixty thousand, bloody bargain.
Speaker 2: Exactly, That's all she asked for. So I agreed.
Speaker 4: She's happy. I gave her what she wanted. I'm happy,
Speaker 4: I'm under budget. Everybody's happy until they start talking.
Speaker 2: So it also is I think employees have a lot
Speaker 2: of audacity and assuming that you won't talk about your hourly, right,
Speaker 2: we've got nothing else to talk about, bab Yeah, how
Speaker 2: much do you earn?
Speaker 4: Prove them wrong?
Speaker 2: What are you putting your super?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh that looks expensive? Would you buy that?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: My Facebook marketplace? Girl? Like, we're all talking about money nowadays,
Speaker 2: guys watch out. So I think it's really important to
Speaker 2: just one advocate yourself, do your own research first. Don't
Speaker 2: take it personally either, because it could have just been
Speaker 2: a hiring decision, not immediately because they thought that they
Speaker 2: were better. But maybe times were a bit more desperate.
Speaker 2: You might have been with the organization for a couple
Speaker 2: of years and it was much easier hiring you, and
Speaker 2: now all of a sudden there's like one or two
Speaker 2: candidates applying, and the candidates that are applying are asking
Speaker 2: for ninety grand a year, and they're like, oh, far out, well,
Speaker 2: we're going to miss out on this candidate and that
Speaker 2: role isn't do you know what? Just offer them fifty
Speaker 2: bucks an hour and we'll see what happens. And then
Speaker 2: they said yes, And that might be how they landed there.
Speaker 2: Is it okay? Absolutely not, But it might not have
Speaker 2: been conscious. They might not have been going, oh, I
Speaker 2: hope that Jess is okay with this, or I hope
Speaker 2: the rest of the staff are being treated equitably. But
Speaker 2: maybe it was an honest overlook where maybe a different
Speaker 2: manager hired you versus you know, HR might have gone
Speaker 2: in and hired someone else's The business has grown, so
Speaker 2: I think it's I mean, we always make sure that
Speaker 2: we dot all our eyes and cross all our teas,
Speaker 2: but I think that there's something really beautiful about expecting
Speaker 2: the best from people, and it's going into that conversation
Speaker 2: not assuming that they're taking advantage of you, but going
Speaker 2: maybe they just don't know that this has come up.
Speaker 2: Maybe they just don't know. And that's, from my perspective,
Speaker 2: a kinder way to approach it, because it also downplays
Speaker 2: your anger, like you should be mad. I totally get that,
Speaker 2: but like, let's take a step back and not be angry,
Speaker 2: let's not be upset. It's actually just pragmatically work out
Speaker 2: what the hell is going on? Jeh, yes, and then
Speaker 2: we can go from there if your boss doesn't want
Speaker 2: to talk about it. Babe, we're angry now, Yeah, we
Speaker 2: are mad, and you know what, we're probably leaving and
Speaker 2: finding a place that pays us sixty dollars an hour.
Speaker 2: So catch you because I now have all this experience
Speaker 2: and look I trained those stuff.
Speaker 4: Yeah, good luck without me, see you bye. All right.
Speaker 4: Should we take a little swing around because I have
Speaker 4: some questions about this week's community dilemma?
Speaker 2: I have some questions about your segue. Should we swing around?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that was really good. You know what,
Speaker 2: we're leaving that in let's jump into it. This week's
Speaker 2: community dilemma goes a bit like this. I'm in a
Speaker 2: polyamorous relationship and my main partner and I split everything,
Speaker 2: but he is currently seeing someone who has just lost
Speaker 2: her job and is paying for more things now they're
Speaker 2: in a relationship. I'm not jealous of their relationship in
Speaker 2: any way, but I'm getting a little bit frustrated as
Speaker 2: it's now affecting our budget. I'm not too sure how
Speaker 2: many people are actually in this situation, but I was
Speaker 2: wondering if you girls had any thoughts on how I
Speaker 2: should approach this issue.
Speaker 4: Can I start off with a dumb question?
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm not mean this thing around thing.
Speaker 4: I had an idea. I'm not one hundred percent across
Speaker 4: what a polyamorous relationship is, and I feel like my
Speaker 4: response is going to be dependent on what it is,
Speaker 4: So can you explain it to me?
Speaker 2: I think it's a good question because it's not the
Speaker 2: experience of lots of people right like you might have
Speaker 2: heard of it, and there's lots of things going on.
Speaker 2: But essentially I googled it, polyamory or to be polyamorous
Speaker 2: means that you are engaging in a form of ethical
Speaker 2: and consensual non monogamy. That involves having romantic or sexual
Speaker 2: partners with multiple partners at the same time. So from
Speaker 2: my understanding, this means, Jess, you could be dating James
Speaker 2: and you could also be dating me, But that doesn't
Speaker 2: mean that I'm dating James. But you have two partners, yes,
Speaker 2: and it could go in any way that you want
Speaker 2: it to go. You could have multiple partners, you could
Speaker 2: do whatever you want. But the most important thing here
Speaker 2: is that it's completely consensual. They're being adults choosing how
Speaker 2: they want to run their lives and run their relationships.
Speaker 2: And I think you and I were talking about this before.
Speaker 2: This is a legit question. I feel like it's really
Speaker 2: legit because you know what, if I was in that
Speaker 2: circumstance and my partner was spending our budget that I
Speaker 2: had allocated for like our first home or whatever, on
Speaker 2: something else that's not aligned to my values, I'd be like, Okay,
Speaker 2: well what's going on. We need to talk about it.
Speaker 2: But guys, sit down with the judgment. This is not
Speaker 2: the community for that. She's on the money, except literally
Speaker 2: anyone exactly how you are. And if you tell me
Speaker 2: that you're in a consensual relationship, I'm all for it.
Speaker 2: I don't care who, with, what, when, where, or how.
Speaker 2: That is none of my business. If you are happy,
Speaker 2: you are thriving, you have a relationship where you are
Speaker 2: completely in control. Ten out of ten. Yeah, so I
Speaker 2: feel like some of you needed that reminder because we're
Speaker 2: not rude.
Speaker 4: Before we jumped into it. Out of ten, but.
Speaker 2: Yess, what would you do?
Speaker 4: It's hard enough to budget for one person or two
Speaker 4: people if or in I suppose a traditional couple. I
Speaker 4: can't imagine how complex it would be when you start
Speaker 4: adding additional people in particularly if you are like in
Speaker 4: this situation, they're obviously spending money together in multiple partnerships,
Speaker 4: which is such a level of complexity. And that's why
Speaker 4: I asked the question, because my thought is, if the
Speaker 4: example you gave, so, I'm dating you and I'm also
Speaker 4: dating James.
Speaker 2: You lucky, lucky lady.
Speaker 4: What a good life I'm living. But in that scenario,
Speaker 4: to me, the finances operate independently, like my budget with
Speaker 4: Victoria and my budget with James operate as true separate entities.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would agree.
Speaker 4: It's not as if we're all three of us budgeting
Speaker 4: together with shared finances, because from what I understand, you're
Speaker 4: not dating James as well, so like you guys are
Speaker 4: sharing finances, but we are, and so it's kind of
Speaker 4: hard because really, any person who's dating multiple people and
Speaker 4: committing financially with multiple people, you have to budget your
Speaker 4: budget always.
Speaker 2: I just got lots of questions, like, you know, you
Speaker 2: and James have been together for years and years. I've
Speaker 2: just come on the scene. Yeah, why am I now
Speaker 2: James's or your responsibility? Like why is that the case?
Speaker 2: Like how serious is this relationship? And you know, it
Speaker 2: could be super serious, it could be really casual. But
Speaker 2: I think that that needs definition as well as to
Speaker 2: how you know, if you say dating, like, I don't know,
Speaker 2: it was a period of my life where I would
Speaker 2: have said I was dating multiple people Jessicah, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't know what the difference between dating and in
Speaker 2: a you know, committed relationship looks like in that circumstance,
Speaker 2: have they known each other for three weeks and they're
Speaker 2: just like, you know, full and head over heels and
Speaker 2: they're you know, in that love bubble and he's now
Speaker 2: funding her life?
Speaker 4: Yeah, And how do your goals, I guess, your long
Speaker 4: term goals, how do they align with each of those relationships,
Speaker 4: because James and I want to buy a house, so
Speaker 4: you know, we're obviously budgeting for that. But at some
Speaker 4: point are you and I going to want to buy
Speaker 4: a house, And if so, how are you defining or
Speaker 4: allocating your finance to achieve both of those goals, because
Speaker 4: that's a really hard thing to do.
Speaker 2: Do you think that there would be a delineation between
Speaker 2: a shared cost and a personal cost? And maybe there
Speaker 2: should be in this style of budget, you know, we
Speaker 2: break it up and then you've got your food, fuel,
Speaker 2: and fun account Jess, and I've got mine, and the
Speaker 2: fun part should be your spending on your other partner
Speaker 2: because obviously there's probably something in the budget around you know,
Speaker 2: going on dates and stuff, because like we might have
Speaker 2: our date budget Jess, where you know we go, okay,
Speaker 2: well we can spend two hundred dollars a month on
Speaker 2: going out for nice dinners or whatever. But then I'm
Speaker 2: assuming there's a separate budget so that you can go
Speaker 2: on dates with other people, which would make sense. But
Speaker 2: what does that budget look like? How have you allocated
Speaker 2: that and what are your values around how much that is? Yeah,
Speaker 2: I think it's worthy of a deeper conversation with your partner,
Speaker 2: and obviously that's a bit of a hard one because
Speaker 2: your partner would want to really help their new partner
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 4: Yes, And it's like in this situation, I guess the
Speaker 4: way that my brain is rationalizing it, and I don't
Speaker 4: know that this is the case because I've never been
Speaker 4: in one of these relationships that is there like a
Speaker 4: primary relationship and a secondary day yes, all equal, because
Speaker 4: that would again impact how you do your finances. It's
Speaker 4: very complex. But our listener who wrote in did actually
Speaker 4: ask less about how they budget and how they should
Speaker 4: approach it, which I feel like is something we can
Speaker 4: talk about.
Speaker 2: That's true. I think when it comes to any money conversation,
Speaker 2: I think the most important thing is giving your partner
Speaker 2: warning that you want to have a conversation about finances.
Speaker 2: Obviously this is a topic that could be a little
Speaker 2: bit icky, So going, hey, JS, I really want to
Speaker 2: go through our budget. I know that you're probably not
Speaker 2: in the mind frame right now because you're just making
Speaker 2: your week bigs. But do you think that later tonight
Speaker 2: we could sit down, or later this week we could
Speaker 2: sit down and have a chat and I might go, oh, whoa,
Speaker 2: what's prompted that just be like, oh my gosh, I
Speaker 2: just feel like, how Bud just getting a bit out
Speaker 2: of control, or I've just noticed you spending a lot
Speaker 2: more than I am, or you know, define it however
Speaker 2: you want, but planned enough of a seeds so they
Speaker 2: have reflection time so that they come to that conversation
Speaker 2: as prepared as you are, because right now you've trusted
Speaker 2: us with this question, which is so kind. But you've
Speaker 2: trusted us, You've had the thought to message us, You've
Speaker 2: had a lot of reflection time, you've probably had this
Speaker 2: whole podcast to talk about it before you're having this
Speaker 2: conversation with your partner. He might not see a problem.
Speaker 2: He might not have even had that on his radar
Speaker 2: and doesn't want to be side railed by it. So
Speaker 2: I think it's really important to yeah, hey, Jess, can
Speaker 2: we sit down and chat about it? And you know
Speaker 2: what the hell? Like, where did that come from? No worries,
Speaker 2: but at least you've given them enough notice, and then
Speaker 2: when you do sit down, really reiterate how comfortable you
Speaker 2: are with the relationship. Or that's what I would do,
Speaker 2: Just be like, oh, I don't see this as an
Speaker 2: issue between you and X, Like, I've got absolutely no
Speaker 2: problem with that, but just starting to stress a bit
Speaker 2: because we've got all these financial goals and I'm just
Speaker 2: wondering if you've thought about how this might impact our
Speaker 2: goal setting. Yeah, and I think that that's where if
Speaker 2: you've chosen this type of relation relationship, I'm assuming that
Speaker 2: stuff like this does come up. Do you and your
Speaker 2: partner now need to sit down and just realign some
Speaker 2: of your goals so that you can both live your
Speaker 2: best lives Because Jess, if I lost my job in
Speaker 2: my relationship with my husband, well I'd have to reset
Speaker 2: my goals because right now I need a bit more support.
Speaker 2: And maybe that's the way we should be seeing this.
Speaker 2: Your partner actually needs a bit more support because their
Speaker 2: partner does, and that's just the way it's going to work.
Speaker 2: But we do need to have open, honest conversation about
Speaker 2: how that works and what that actually looks like, because
Speaker 2: there's no normal right, Like, there's no normal budget, there's
Speaker 2: no normal relationship, there's no right or wrong. I think
Speaker 2: it's just more Jesse, you happy with what's going on
Speaker 2: right now. Our listener isn't happy with what's going on
Speaker 2: and needs to talk about it, but often communication is
Speaker 2: the key. Maybe they've got a new job and your
Speaker 2: partner hasn't told you that yet. Maybe something has popped
Speaker 2: up and they're getting a lot more support. Maybe you
Speaker 2: know they're taking some time off and reassessing their goals
Speaker 2: and they're going to move into a shouse, like we
Speaker 2: don't know what that looks like. So I think opening
Speaker 2: the conversation, but letting them know you want to open
Speaker 2: that conversation is really important.
Speaker 4: Yeah, clarity is key. What did everybody say outside of
Speaker 4: some of the slightly judgmental comments.
Speaker 2: Oh, I just blocked in deleted those people. So that's fine.
Speaker 2: So some people said, allocate pocket money for you to
Speaker 2: use on things solely for one partner like their girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Someone said, I think him supporting his other partner would
Speaker 2: be seen as a gift and not a shared cost.
Speaker 2: Someone said this is tricky. I honestly have no idea,
Speaker 2: but I can't wait to listen to the pod.
Speaker 4: I hope you enjoyed.
Speaker 2: Someone said, you just need an honest conversation about splitting
Speaker 2: costs with other partners. So it's fair both ways. This
Speaker 2: could happen to you.
Speaker 4: Well, that's a very good point, is there exactly. You
Speaker 4: could be on the other foot and then you're seeing
Speaker 4: somebody else and then a youth committing financially so exactly.
Speaker 2: Someone said, you shouldn't be using money from the primary
Speaker 2: budget for the other partner. Your partner should be using
Speaker 2: his own fun money for this. Someone said, I wouldn't
Speaker 2: be okay with this impacting on my budget, And yeah,
Speaker 2: I think everybody was, as I guess, pragmatic as we
Speaker 2: are about just have a conversation, work it out. You know,
Speaker 2: you could be in this circumstance because what goes around
Speaker 2: comes around. I'm assuming that you might be in a
Speaker 2: similar circumstance and might want a little bit more grace.
Speaker 2: At some point, someone else said, we really need some
Speaker 2: more information, like how long have they been dating? That's
Speaker 2: what I asked. I just feel like, you know, what
Speaker 2: if you found out, Jess that they've been dating for
Speaker 2: five years on the side, Yeah, to me, that's a
Speaker 2: different relationship and a different level of commitment that you've
Speaker 2: got to that person. So I don't know. I just
Speaker 2: feel like having open, honest conversation is going to be
Speaker 2: the best way forward, and you can never go wrong
Speaker 2: with that, especially if you approach it from a position
Speaker 2: of kindness and not judgment, but more frustration. Yeah, Like
Speaker 2: you're not approaching it from a position of frustration where
Speaker 2: you go, oh my god, Jess, I'm so annoyed that
Speaker 2: you're spending all this money on this other person and
Speaker 2: I just can't believe it. Like that's not going to
Speaker 2: go down well for anybody. Yeah, so I think talking
Speaker 2: about your feelings is just going I just feel like
Speaker 2: I'm not completely across this, Like, what's going on? How
Speaker 2: long might this last? Because you might find out it's
Speaker 2: only going to last another two weeks and you might go,
Speaker 2: it's not even worth having the conversation now. Yeah, so
Speaker 2: open honest conversations always.
Speaker 4: I love that. A perfect place to leave it.
Speaker 2: All right, I think we're all done. We can wrap
Speaker 2: this up just goo Ricci. I'm sorry Beck's not here
Speaker 2: because I feel like she would have had some really
Speaker 2: good conversation or really good points agreed to add. But
Speaker 2: we can just ask her offline. That's all right, you
Speaker 2: guys miss out. Sorry, we will see you next week
Speaker 2: for an episode of Money Diaries on Monday. But till then,
Speaker 2: have the best weekend, and we love you lots.
Speaker 4: Goomtelda's who.
Speaker 2: The advice shared on She's on the Money is general
Speaker 2: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
Speaker 2: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should
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