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Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr

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Speaker 1: the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before

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Speaker 1: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I

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Speaker 1: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land

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Speaker 1: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,

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Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming

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Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing

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Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for

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Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: Let's get into it.

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Speaker 3: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.

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Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Muney, the podcast

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Speaker 2: for millennials who want financial freedom. Today, my friends, it

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Speaker 2: is Friday, which means I get to round up the team,

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Speaker 2: which this week is only Miss Jessica Ricci. Hello, and

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Speaker 2: we get to talk about our incredible She's on the

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Speaker 2: Money community. Today, we're going to be sharing our favorite

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Speaker 2: money wins. We don't have a broke tip because Beck

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Speaker 2: has bailed on us. We're going to be answering a

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Speaker 2: juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about pay

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Speaker 2: parody for the same job, and we're going to be

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Speaker 2: unpacking something you slid into our DMS about which this

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Speaker 2: week is finance in a polyamorous relationship. But let's start

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Speaker 2: off the podcast, Jessica by asking you how your week was.

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Speaker 4: It's been a roller coaster this week. I've been identity thief, thefted, stolen.

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Speaker 4: My identity is stolen on the audes Instagram, on Instagram,

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Speaker 4: yet not like my credit card in fish or anything.

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Speaker 2: Yet they're closed.

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Speaker 4: Don't even put the juju out there. That's so stressful,

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Speaker 4: But just a little posa to anybody. There is a really,

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Speaker 4: really good fake account. They have stolen two months worth

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Speaker 4: of my content, videos, posts, They've copied all of my.

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Speaker 2: Story highlight, one thousand followers.

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Speaker 4: They've copied the number of followers that I like. It

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Speaker 4: is as good as a fake.

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Speaker 2: Really similar, really and it is Jessica with two eyes

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Speaker 2: instead of one. And you'll use a name. And what

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Speaker 2: are they trying to do, jess Trying to get.

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Speaker 4: People to buy crypto of all the things that they.

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Speaker 2: Could do, I just and I feel like most of

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Speaker 2: our community is smart enough to realize that that's not

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Speaker 2: a thing, or that you've been hacked if they do

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Speaker 2: think it's your real account. But I thought it was

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Speaker 2: very funny because someone slid into my DMS earlier this week, Jess,

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Speaker 2: and they were trying to do a little welfare check

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Speaker 2: on you because they were like, hey, they I hope

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Speaker 2: this is okay to message you, but I think justice

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Speaker 2: going off the rails. Oh my gosh, she's trying to

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Speaker 2: sell me crypto via DMS. And I had to be like,

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Speaker 2: that's not yes. Like so if anybody in the she's

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Speaker 2: on the money team, you think ever messages you, especially

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Speaker 2: to purchase anything.

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Speaker 4: We will never.

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Speaker 2: We have never asked you to purchase anything in DMS.

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Speaker 2: We are dming you. It's probably because we know each other.

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Speaker 2: So I would be really wary of any account. I

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Speaker 2: don't care who it is or where it is. If

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Speaker 2: they are messaging you and you've had nothing to do

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Speaker 2: with them before and then all of a sudden they're

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Speaker 2: trying to introduce you to an opportunity, massive red flags.

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Speaker 4: Be so skeptical. They're so sophisticated nowadays, And I feel like,

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Speaker 4: even just choosing the two eyes in the username, You're like,

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Speaker 4: because I thought it was you.

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Speaker 2: Your eyes just skip over them you tried to scam me.

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Speaker 2: You're like, you've tried to scam me, and I.

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Speaker 4: Was like, sis, not today, let me teach you a

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Speaker 4: thing or two about finance.

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Speaker 2: I didn't lead them down the garden path, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, wow, Jessica, that sounds so interesting. Please tell

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Speaker 2: me more time. Can I wait until I got the

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Speaker 2: link to the bitcoin sign up And essentially what they're

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Speaker 2: trying to do is get you to buy bitcoin, then

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Speaker 2: give them your login details so they can steal it.

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Speaker 4: Oh my godness, So yeah, please be hereful. We would

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Speaker 4: never ever ever do that. If you're feeling generous and

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Speaker 4: would like to report the page, we've been trying really

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Speaker 4: hard to get it taken down. Turns out that's really

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Speaker 4: challenging to do. More people who report it, the better.

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Speaker 4: But otherwise you can always dam mus and double check.

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Speaker 4: All of our normal accounts are just our names, and yeah,

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Speaker 4: all of our official accounts, Victoria's account and the shes

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Speaker 4: and money accounts all verified, so also look out for that.

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Speaker 2: I just don't have the time to scam you. I'm

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Speaker 2: really sorry. Like, if that's ites, I'm so glad that

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Speaker 2: you found the time. But like, she's a busy lady,

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna have to up your work, Cloath.

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Speaker 4: How has your week been.

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Speaker 2: It's been good. I mean I got scammed by Jessica

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Speaker 2: Ricky and I got to watch the Matilda's So that's

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Speaker 2: a ten out of ten week for me. Let's jump

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Speaker 2: into our favorite part of the week, jess I want

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Speaker 2: to know what have you pulled out of the community

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Speaker 2: to be our money wins of the week.

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Speaker 4: Okay, my first money win this week comes from Teresa

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Speaker 4: who said money win. My partner didn't get a tax bills.

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Speaker 4: The money we'd put aside for a potential bill we

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Speaker 4: paid the equivalent to almost six payments off of our

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Speaker 4: car loans. Say they got almost six months of interest

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Speaker 4: over the course of the loan. Money win, money win.

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Speaker 4: And it is that time where people getting tax refunds,

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Speaker 4: so good reminder. Think about what you can do with

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Speaker 4: it and where the buying that new pair of shoes

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Speaker 4: is the right choice. It could be. I'm not saying

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Speaker 4: it's not.

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Speaker 2: I just think there's a lot going on online at

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Speaker 2: the moment just about girl math, yes, and how that

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Speaker 2: can be taken into consideration. And I think it's really

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Speaker 2: funny because I can see both sides of the argument, right,

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Speaker 2: I can see girl math makes sense, Like if I

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Speaker 2: was gifted a gift card for a coffee shop, that's

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Speaker 2: free money to me, that's free coffee. That's exactly how

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Speaker 2: that works. But I think a lot of people are

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Speaker 2: extending that thought and feeling to money that they hadn't

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Speaker 2: expected to come in, like your tax return, and they

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Speaker 2: might get an extra thousand dollars. And instead of putting

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Speaker 2: yourself in a better financial position, what you're doing is

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Speaker 2: girl mathing it away and going, oh, well, actually I'm

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Speaker 2: going to spend this on a few dresses or I

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Speaker 2: deserve XYZ without really thinking a future you. So girl

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Speaker 2: math trend kind of funny because like we've all done it.

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Speaker 2: But I also think it's really stereotyping women into not

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Speaker 2: being good at money, not being smart at money, and

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Speaker 2: like being like, oh my gosh, hahaha, women don't know

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Speaker 2: what they're talking about. It's girl it makes sense because

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Speaker 2: clearly it doesn't make sense. That's why we're saying it.

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Speaker 2: We're laughing at ourselves. But hopefully we're laughing at ourselves

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Speaker 2: because we know we're better than that. We know we're

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Speaker 2: more intelligent. And I mean, I'm still going to pretend

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Speaker 2: I am one of the most financially literate people. Jess,

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Speaker 2: I'm she's on the money. You still give me a

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Speaker 2: gift card with money on it? Free money? Yeah, relatable,

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Speaker 2: But I think we need to have that level of

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Speaker 2: financial literacy that goes well, actually, could this go to

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Speaker 2: something else? Do I have a solid emergency fund? Am

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Speaker 2: I in any personal debt? Maybe it could just be

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Speaker 2: a little treaty treat and that's okay, Yeah, but I

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Speaker 2: think we need to think about it before we actually

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Speaker 2: dive in.

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Speaker 4: It was really interesting. We put up a post on

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Speaker 4: our Instagram this week about the girl math trend on

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Speaker 4: TikTok Yeah, and we very purposely didn't really comment our

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Speaker 4: opinion on it, yeah, because we wanted to see what

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Speaker 4: happened in the comments.

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Speaker 2: We were just waiting to see or were baiting you.

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Speaker 2: And it was really.

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Speaker 4: Interesting because it kind of lent one of two ways.

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Speaker 4: There were people who took it, I guess really from

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Speaker 4: a political social perspective and said, Hey, like I hate this.

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Speaker 4: I feel like we're really demeaning women. I feel like

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Speaker 4: it's making implying that women are stupid and don't know

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Speaker 4: as much as men. And then there were people who

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Speaker 4: were like, oh my god, I do this all the time.

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Speaker 4: This is so me and it's really interesting to look

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Speaker 4: at because I think, as you said, it's really we

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Speaker 4: should be looking at somewhere in the middle, Like, I

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Speaker 4: don't think these trends are harmful necessarily because they can

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Speaker 4: be a really good way for us to recognize those

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Speaker 4: trends and go, oh, that's me whenever I get my

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Speaker 4: little gift card.

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Speaker 2: I'm so good at mean spending. Yeah, you're enabling my

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Speaker 2: dopamine spending by giving me a gift card.

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Speaker 5: Hell yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: It's one of those things where go, okay, well, I'm

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Speaker 4: fine saying yeah, like I've girl baths some things, and

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Speaker 4: I'm comfortable using that term. But when it becomes this

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Speaker 4: mass thing that people pile on to and it starts

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Speaker 4: to get recontextualized or I guess adjusted, and those those

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Speaker 4: additional social things get laid over the top. Yeah, and

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Speaker 4: that's when you go, oh, like, is it making people

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Speaker 4: feel bad because they're talking about something they're not smart?

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Speaker 2: Just a funny concept that I think we can all

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Speaker 2: relate to, and I mean, boy, Matt Jes, that exists

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Speaker 2: one hundred percent of oly math exists. How do the

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Speaker 2: groceries get in your cupboard? Steven? How much does a

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Speaker 2: round of golf cost? Was not that much according to him.

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Speaker 2: But when I looked some rounds of golf for like

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Speaker 2: one hundred bucks, and I'm like, wow, wait what he's like?

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Speaker 4: If I hit that ball a hundred times, that's a

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Speaker 4: dollar a putt?

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Speaker 2: Baby, what have you seen? My handy cub like, absolutely not.

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Speaker 2: There's girl math and there's boy math. And I think

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Speaker 2: it's just a way of saying, sometimes we justify spending

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Speaker 2: to ourselves in frivolous ways, and that's okay, but I

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Speaker 2: think that we do need to acknowledge that some people

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Speaker 2: have taken it as a stereotyping of women, and that's

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Speaker 2: not it.

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Speaker 4: We're smarter than that. We're talking about it because we

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Speaker 4: know agreed, agreed. Next money win that I have comes

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Speaker 4: from Nikki, who said money win. I'm away on holidays

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Speaker 4: at the moment and bought a travel ethim for fifty dollars,

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Speaker 4: saving myself one hundred and fifty dollars in data rooming

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Speaker 4: charges from Telstra.

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Speaker 2: I love that.

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Speaker 4: Got to look into that. If you're planning on traveling. Next,

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Speaker 4: I've got Emily who said I am thirty one years

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Speaker 4: old and for the first time in my profession life,

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Speaker 4: I have just started catching the bus to work.

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Speaker 2: Get it clean.

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Speaker 4: I will save two hundred dollars a fortnight in parking

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Speaker 4: and more in petrol and overall wear and tear on

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Speaker 4: my car. And I wish I had done it sooner.

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Speaker 2: I saw a video the other day guess where where TikTok,

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Speaker 2: obviously because I live on TikTok, but it was a

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Speaker 2: video talking about how developed countries seem to have mistaken

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Speaker 2: independence and wealth for driving yourself to work, when in

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Speaker 2: reality traffic could all be condensed down to three buses.

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Speaker 2: I feel like small, like you know, or bikes or whatever.

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Speaker 2: If we were smarter and is the hallmark of being

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Speaker 2: a developed country, not being smarter about money and resources

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Speaker 2: and making sure that they become more sustainable. So like

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Speaker 2: catching the train really sexy? Yeah, like so smart, Like

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Speaker 2: if you can definitely do it, catch the train, catch

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Speaker 2: the tram, catch the bus. Public transport is incredible and

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Speaker 2: I promise it's cheaper than driving. Oh absolutely, this economy.

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Speaker 4: Economy, we got to save those pennies where we can Next,

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Speaker 4: I've got a money win from Jasmine, who said, I've

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Speaker 4: been on a job search recently and I applied for

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Speaker 4: a position. Unfortunately I didn't get it. However, in their

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Speaker 4: email to me letting me know that I wasn't successful,

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Speaker 4: they snug a cheeky little discount in the email for

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Speaker 4: me one hundred dollars for applying for a position that

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Speaker 4: I wasn't successful for.

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Speaker 2: Oh, that's a bit of a money win. How random.

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Speaker 2: Sorry you can't come here but still buy our stuff

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Speaker 2: is how I saw that.

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Speaker 4: I'm wondering if maybe she meant gift cards, like one

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Speaker 4: hundred dollars fift.

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Speaker 2: Card, that would actually be that's really sweet. If that's

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Speaker 2: the case, that's what I'm thinking. I'm like, that's kind

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Speaker 2: of cool, girl, mass that's free made.

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Speaker 4: Next, I've got a money win from Caroline, who said

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Speaker 4: I batch cooked twenty three meals and two lots of three.

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Speaker 4: I'll be advertising more items for sale on various internet sides,

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Speaker 4: and I'm hoping to reduce my mortgage by an additional

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Speaker 4: ten thousand dollars by the thirty first of December twenty

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Speaker 4: twenty three.

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Speaker 2: Jessica, when you batch cook things, how many serves are

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Speaker 2: you doing, because like my max is like eight.

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Speaker 4: I Caroline, let us know what are you cooking?

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Speaker 2: How many they sets of tupware do you own? We're rich, Yeah, you.

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Speaker 4: Must have a huge freezer. And then lastly my money

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Speaker 4: in and then my last money in for this week

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Speaker 4: is from Rebecca, who said, money Win. I heard about

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Speaker 4: the thing where you call your internet provider directly and

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Speaker 4: asked for a better deal and was quite skeptical. Rebecca,

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Speaker 4: I'm shocked and offended that you doubted us, she said,

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Speaker 4: but hey, I figured the worst they could do.

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Speaker 2: We say, no, exactly.

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Speaker 4: I'm glad I tried, though, as I've ended up with

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Speaker 4: a cheaper deal for the next six months.

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Speaker 2: Money Win, Money Win.

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Speaker 4: There's a ebook on our website get a better deal,

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Speaker 4: a better deal.

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Speaker 2: We think we know what we're talking about, and it

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Speaker 2: turns out our community have only just caught up to

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Speaker 2: backing us. That's all right, So that's very kind, but

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Speaker 2: more of you should absolutely make use of that. All right, Jess,

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Speaker 2: we don't have the bexbro tip and I don't think

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Speaker 2: either of us could fake one. Well, so let's go

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Speaker 2: to a really quick break and on the flip side,

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Speaker 2: we're going to talk about pay parody for the same job,

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Speaker 2: and we're also going to be answering a sneaky DM

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Speaker 2: all about finances in a polyamorous relationship. So don't go anywhere, guys.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back everybody.

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Speaker 4: Let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.

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Speaker 2: Hi, there, have you got a money dilemma you just

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Speaker 2: can't solve. The She's on the Money team is here

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Speaker 2: to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big

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Speaker 2: and small, to answer your most burning money, career and

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Speaker 2: life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website

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Speaker 2: and leave us a short voice recording and you might

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Speaker 2: just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a

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Speaker 2: listen to this week's money dilemma.

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Speaker 5: Hi, She's on the Money. So let's say three people

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Speaker 5: do exactly the same job I, who are one of

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Speaker 5: the people, get paid thirty eight dollars power another gets

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Speaker 5: paid forty six dollars an hour, and another fifty dollars

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Speaker 5: an hour, and plot twist they got hired after me.

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Speaker 5: How would you approach your boss with this information and

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Speaker 5: ask for a raise match preferably to the fifty dollars

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Speaker 5: of course, Thank.

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Speaker 2: You, Jessica, I feel like you've got a spicy opinion

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Speaker 2: and on this, what would you do?

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Speaker 4: I mean, I'd be calling somebody up, but I'd be

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Speaker 4: saying this is absolutely not good enough. It's hard to

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Speaker 4: navigate though, because I suppose you need to have a

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Speaker 4: look at is there a pay secrecy clause in your contract?

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Speaker 4: Just reminding people that that is, unfortunately still a thing

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Speaker 4: in some places if it was pre existing.

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Speaker 2: If it was pre existing, it can still be enforced,

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Speaker 2: but it's illegal for new contracts. I think a lot

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Speaker 2: of people are assuming that because it was made illegal,

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Speaker 2: then it null and voids their current contract, which unfortunately

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Speaker 2: it does not.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 4: So obviously, I'm assuming you've found this out because you've

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Speaker 4: had a chat with some of your teammates about what

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Speaker 4: you should be doing. We love to see it all

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Speaker 4: about that. Obviously, the difference between thirty six dollars and

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Speaker 4: the difference between fifty dollars is astronomical.

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Speaker 2: I did the math. Of course, you did a math,

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Speaker 2: be so hypothetically because I'm assuming you're probably in like

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Speaker 2: a casual or a part time role, which is fine.

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Speaker 2: I've just decided to pretend for the example, i suppose

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Speaker 2: that all of these are full time roles. So if

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Speaker 2: you were earning thirty eight dollars an hour, you would

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Speaker 2: be on fifty eight thousand dollars a year if we

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Speaker 2: annualize that into a full time role. If you're on

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Speaker 2: forty six dollars an hour, you're on sixty nine thousand

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Speaker 2: dollars a year. And if you're on fifty dollars an hour,

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Speaker 2: you're on seventy four thousand dollars a year.

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Speaker 4: Jessica, that's a huge difference from bottom to the top.

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Speaker 2: Jess annualize that's a difference of sixteen thousand dollars for

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Speaker 2: doing the exact same job.

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Speaker 4: Correct. And So I guess the thing that I would

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Speaker 4: be doing is approaching your manager or your HR department

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Speaker 4: or whatever is relevant to your employment situation. And I

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Speaker 4: would honestly be putting the numbers on the table, and

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Speaker 4: I would be comparing any responsibilities that you have as

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Speaker 4: compared to your coworkers, saying, hey, like I do x

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Speaker 4: Y and ZED, Joe does x y and Z, Sally

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Speaker 4: does x Y and Z, why are we being paid differently?

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Speaker 4: Because if your role responsibilities are the same, regardless of

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Speaker 4: experience and things, it shouldn't make that much of a difference.

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Speaker 4: The only time experience or time with the company really

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Speaker 4: should come into play is if within those roles you

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Speaker 4: have different levels of responsibility. Like if I'm only looking

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Speaker 4: after two tasks and Joe's looking after four, then maybe

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Speaker 4: it makes sense for Joe to be earning more than me.

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Speaker 4: But otherwise, if we're all doing the same thing, I

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Speaker 4: don't see any good reason for someone to be bated

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Speaker 4: a much.

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Speaker 2: Especially in the situation that you've given us, because the

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Speaker 2: way you've said I earn thirty eight dollars an hour

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Speaker 2: makes me think that it is more of a casual

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Speaker 2: slash part time role. It's not like, oh, Jess and

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Speaker 2: I are both full time, but Jess has been working

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Speaker 2: in the industry ten more years and she's actually super efficient.

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Speaker 2: Same roles, but super efficient gets way more done than

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Speaker 2: you know Victoria does, which makes sense. And you know,

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Speaker 2: HI could definitely talk their way out of that and go, well, Jess,

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Speaker 2: I see that maybe you've been talking to them, but

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Speaker 2: like their experience really comes into play, and those are

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Speaker 2: open ones conversations you should be having with your employer

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Speaker 2: anyway to go, well, you know, what would it take

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Speaker 2: for me to get there? Then how does that work?

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Speaker 2: But it's a kick in the guts to be finding

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Speaker 2: out that the people that I'm assuming started after you

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Speaker 2: and you try are now making more than you. If so, why?

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Speaker 4: When? Where?

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Speaker 2: How?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: I want to know all of that. I think the

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Speaker 2: conversation from my perspective would actually start around pay parity

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Speaker 2: and going all right, well, let's pretend Jess is my boss. Jess,

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Speaker 2: do we have pay parity or cross rolls? What does

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Speaker 2: that mean? How does that work? How do you manage that?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: Is pay parody something that's important? And they might go, oh, yes,

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Speaker 2: they'll know where you're going with the conversation, but I

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Speaker 2: think it really is. It's a touchy conversation, and if

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Speaker 2: you're going to have it, I think you need to

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Speaker 2: go into it as educated as possible. So, Jess, if

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Speaker 2: you're walking in the door and you're saying, well, I

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Speaker 2: found out that Victoria owns more, well that's great, but

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Speaker 2: could we have a look at what the industry average

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Speaker 2: is because you might all be being underpaid. And if

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Speaker 2: you're going to go into that for yourself, we need

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Speaker 2: to go into that for the whole hog. Right, We

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Speaker 2: need to make sure that maybe they're taking advantage of

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Speaker 2: all of you. Yes, one's being paid even more, but like,

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Speaker 2: let's have a look at what the hourly freelance rate is,

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Speaker 2: Let's have a look at what on average people make

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Speaker 2: in this role, just to make sure you're advocating for

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Speaker 2: yourself properly. So go do your research, find out, and

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Speaker 2: then have that conversation once you've worked out all of

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Speaker 2: that information, because it's much harder to say no when cold,

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Speaker 2: hard facts are being put on the table.

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Speaker 4: One hundred percent. It's interesting as well that the newest

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Speaker 4: employee is the one earning the most. And it probably

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Speaker 4: comes back to that conversation we've had before about job hopping,

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Speaker 4: and I know that we have an episode I believe

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Speaker 4: coming up on that topic in the next couple of weeks,

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Speaker 4: and the fact that often you can increase your salary

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Speaker 4: by going somewhere else. And it's just more of a

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Speaker 4: reason that even if you're not leaving your job, you

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Speaker 4: need to be reviewing your salary with your managers internally,

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Speaker 4: because it might just be that you came in and

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Speaker 4: you said, okay, I want sixty thousand, and your boss

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Speaker 4: said okay, no problems, and then the next person came

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Speaker 4: in and said, oh, I want eighty thousand, and the

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Speaker 4: boss said, okay, no problems. And theoretically, if they were

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Speaker 4: looking after pay parity and if they were an equitable employer,

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Speaker 4: they would be making sure that everyone was brought in.

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Speaker 4: You know, maybe the person on sixty thousand was brought

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Speaker 4: up to meet the person on eighty thousand. But unfortunately

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Speaker 4: a lot of places don't do that and they just go, oh,

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Speaker 4: sixty thousand, bloody bargain.

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Speaker 2: Exactly, That's all she asked for. So I agreed.

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Speaker 4: She's happy. I gave her what she wanted. I'm happy,

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Speaker 4: I'm under budget. Everybody's happy until they start talking.

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Speaker 2: So it also is I think employees have a lot

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Speaker 2: of audacity and assuming that you won't talk about your hourly, right,

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Speaker 2: we've got nothing else to talk about, bab Yeah, how

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Speaker 2: much do you earn?

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Speaker 4: Prove them wrong?

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Speaker 2: What are you putting your super?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Oh that looks expensive? Would you buy that?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 2: My Facebook marketplace? Girl? Like, we're all talking about money nowadays,

413
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Speaker 2: guys watch out. So I think it's really important to

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Speaker 2: just one advocate yourself, do your own research first. Don't

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Speaker 2: take it personally either, because it could have just been

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Speaker 2: a hiring decision, not immediately because they thought that they

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Speaker 2: were better. But maybe times were a bit more desperate.

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Speaker 2: You might have been with the organization for a couple

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Speaker 2: of years and it was much easier hiring you, and

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Speaker 2: now all of a sudden there's like one or two

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Speaker 2: candidates applying, and the candidates that are applying are asking

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Speaker 2: for ninety grand a year, and they're like, oh, far out, well,

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Speaker 2: we're going to miss out on this candidate and that

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Speaker 2: role isn't do you know what? Just offer them fifty

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Speaker 2: bucks an hour and we'll see what happens. And then

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Speaker 2: they said yes, And that might be how they landed there.

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Speaker 2: Is it okay? Absolutely not, But it might not have

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Speaker 2: been conscious. They might not have been going, oh, I

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Speaker 2: hope that Jess is okay with this, or I hope

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Speaker 2: the rest of the staff are being treated equitably. But

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Speaker 2: maybe it was an honest overlook where maybe a different

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Speaker 2: manager hired you versus you know, HR might have gone

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Speaker 2: in and hired someone else's The business has grown, so

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Speaker 2: I think it's I mean, we always make sure that

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Speaker 2: we dot all our eyes and cross all our teas,

436
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:34,520
Speaker 2: but I think that there's something really beautiful about expecting

437
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,720
Speaker 2: the best from people, and it's going into that conversation

438
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 2: not assuming that they're taking advantage of you, but going

439
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,239
Speaker 2: maybe they just don't know that this has come up.

440
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 2: Maybe they just don't know. And that's, from my perspective,

441
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,360
Speaker 2: a kinder way to approach it, because it also downplays

442
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:53,240
Speaker 2: your anger, like you should be mad. I totally get that,

443
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,440
Speaker 2: but like, let's take a step back and not be angry,

444
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 2: let's not be upset. It's actually just pragmatically work out

445
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 2: what the hell is going on? Jeh, yes, and then

446
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,159
Speaker 2: we can go from there if your boss doesn't want

447
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,760
Speaker 2: to talk about it. Babe, we're angry now, Yeah, we

448
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 2: are mad, and you know what, we're probably leaving and

449
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 2: finding a place that pays us sixty dollars an hour.

450
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,760
Speaker 2: So catch you because I now have all this experience

451
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,600
Speaker 2: and look I trained those stuff.

452
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:18,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, good luck without me, see you bye. All right.

453
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,280
Speaker 4: Should we take a little swing around because I have

454
00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:24,280
Speaker 4: some questions about this week's community dilemma?

455
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 2: I have some questions about your segue. Should we swing around?

456
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,440
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that was really good. You know what,

457
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,679
Speaker 2: we're leaving that in let's jump into it. This week's

458
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,919
Speaker 2: community dilemma goes a bit like this. I'm in a

459
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,560
Speaker 2: polyamorous relationship and my main partner and I split everything,

460
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,680
Speaker 2: but he is currently seeing someone who has just lost

461
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:48,040
Speaker 2: her job and is paying for more things now they're

462
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:51,080
Speaker 2: in a relationship. I'm not jealous of their relationship in

463
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,160
Speaker 2: any way, but I'm getting a little bit frustrated as

464
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 2: it's now affecting our budget. I'm not too sure how

465
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,639
Speaker 2: many people are actually in this situation, but I was

466
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,080
Speaker 2: wondering if you girls had any thoughts on how I

467
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 2: should approach this issue.

468
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,560
Speaker 4: Can I start off with a dumb question?

469
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,440
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm not mean this thing around thing.

470
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:12,199
Speaker 4: I had an idea. I'm not one hundred percent across

471
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:17,200
Speaker 4: what a polyamorous relationship is, and I feel like my

472
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 4: response is going to be dependent on what it is,

473
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,119
Speaker 4: So can you explain it to me?

474
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,159
Speaker 2: I think it's a good question because it's not the

475
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 2: experience of lots of people right like you might have

476
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,560
Speaker 2: heard of it, and there's lots of things going on.

477
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 2: But essentially I googled it, polyamory or to be polyamorous

478
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 2: means that you are engaging in a form of ethical

479
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 2: and consensual non monogamy. That involves having romantic or sexual

480
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 2: partners with multiple partners at the same time. So from

481
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 2: my understanding, this means, Jess, you could be dating James

482
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,879
Speaker 2: and you could also be dating me, But that doesn't

483
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 2: mean that I'm dating James. But you have two partners, yes,

484
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 2: and it could go in any way that you want

485
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,440
Speaker 2: it to go. You could have multiple partners, you could

486
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,680
Speaker 2: do whatever you want. But the most important thing here

487
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,160
Speaker 2: is that it's completely consensual. They're being adults choosing how

488
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,439
Speaker 2: they want to run their lives and run their relationships.

489
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,320
Speaker 2: And I think you and I were talking about this before.

490
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 2: This is a legit question. I feel like it's really

491
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,399
Speaker 2: legit because you know what, if I was in that

492
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 2: circumstance and my partner was spending our budget that I

493
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,119
Speaker 2: had allocated for like our first home or whatever, on

494
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:22,240
Speaker 2: something else that's not aligned to my values, I'd be like, Okay,

495
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,199
Speaker 2: well what's going on. We need to talk about it.

496
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 2: But guys, sit down with the judgment. This is not

497
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 2: the community for that. She's on the money, except literally

498
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:34,560
Speaker 2: anyone exactly how you are. And if you tell me

499
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 2: that you're in a consensual relationship, I'm all for it.

500
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,640
Speaker 2: I don't care who, with, what, when, where, or how.

501
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 2: That is none of my business. If you are happy,

502
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,440
Speaker 2: you are thriving, you have a relationship where you are

503
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 2: completely in control. Ten out of ten. Yeah, so I

504
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:52,400
Speaker 2: feel like some of you needed that reminder because we're

505
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:53,119
Speaker 2: not rude.

506
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,919
Speaker 4: Before we jumped into it. Out of ten, but.

507
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 2: Yess, what would you do?

508
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,440
Speaker 4: It's hard enough to budget for one person or two

509
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 4: people if or in I suppose a traditional couple. I

510
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,680
Speaker 4: can't imagine how complex it would be when you start

511
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 4: adding additional people in particularly if you are like in

512
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:13,120
Speaker 4: this situation, they're obviously spending money together in multiple partnerships,

513
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 4: which is such a level of complexity. And that's why

514
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,639
Speaker 4: I asked the question, because my thought is, if the

515
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,680
Speaker 4: example you gave, so, I'm dating you and I'm also

516
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:22,919
Speaker 4: dating James.

517
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 2: You lucky, lucky lady.

518
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:27,399
Speaker 4: What a good life I'm living. But in that scenario,

519
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:32,679
Speaker 4: to me, the finances operate independently, like my budget with

520
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 4: Victoria and my budget with James operate as true separate entities.

521
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would agree.

522
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 4: It's not as if we're all three of us budgeting

523
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 4: together with shared finances, because from what I understand, you're

524
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 4: not dating James as well, so like you guys are

525
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 4: sharing finances, but we are, and so it's kind of

526
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 4: hard because really, any person who's dating multiple people and

527
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:58,159
Speaker 4: committing financially with multiple people, you have to budget your

528
00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,200
Speaker 4: budget always.

529
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 2: I just got lots of questions, like, you know, you

530
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 2: and James have been together for years and years. I've

531
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 2: just come on the scene. Yeah, why am I now

532
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 2: James's or your responsibility? Like why is that the case?

533
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 2: Like how serious is this relationship? And you know, it

534
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,439
Speaker 2: could be super serious, it could be really casual. But

535
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,320
Speaker 2: I think that that needs definition as well as to

536
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,239
Speaker 2: how you know, if you say dating, like, I don't know,

537
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 2: it was a period of my life where I would

538
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 2: have said I was dating multiple people Jessicah, Yeah, yeah,

539
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 2: I don't know what the difference between dating and in

540
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 2: a you know, committed relationship looks like in that circumstance,

541
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 2: have they known each other for three weeks and they're

542
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 2: just like, you know, full and head over heels and

543
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 2: they're you know, in that love bubble and he's now

544
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 2: funding her life?

545
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, And how do your goals, I guess, your long

546
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:48,440
Speaker 4: term goals, how do they align with each of those relationships,

547
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 4: because James and I want to buy a house, so

548
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 4: you know, we're obviously budgeting for that. But at some

549
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 4: point are you and I going to want to buy

550
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,680
Speaker 4: a house, And if so, how are you defining or

551
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 4: allocating your finance to achieve both of those goals, because

552
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,920
Speaker 4: that's a really hard thing to do.

553
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,160
Speaker 2: Do you think that there would be a delineation between

554
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,120
Speaker 2: a shared cost and a personal cost? And maybe there

555
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 2: should be in this style of budget, you know, we

556
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 2: break it up and then you've got your food, fuel,

557
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 2: and fun account Jess, and I've got mine, and the

558
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 2: fun part should be your spending on your other partner

559
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,919
Speaker 2: because obviously there's probably something in the budget around you know,

560
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 2: going on dates and stuff, because like we might have

561
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 2: our date budget Jess, where you know we go, okay,

562
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 2: well we can spend two hundred dollars a month on

563
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,160
Speaker 2: going out for nice dinners or whatever. But then I'm

564
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 2: assuming there's a separate budget so that you can go

565
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,080
Speaker 2: on dates with other people, which would make sense. But

566
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,640
Speaker 2: what does that budget look like? How have you allocated

567
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 2: that and what are your values around how much that is? Yeah,

568
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 2: I think it's worthy of a deeper conversation with your partner,

569
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 2: and obviously that's a bit of a hard one because

570
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 2: your partner would want to really help their new partner

571
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 2: as well.

572
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,119
Speaker 4: Yes, And it's like in this situation, I guess the

573
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,680
Speaker 4: way that my brain is rationalizing it, and I don't

574
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 4: know that this is the case because I've never been

575
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 4: in one of these relationships that is there like a

576
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 4: primary relationship and a secondary day yes, all equal, because

577
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,160
Speaker 4: that would again impact how you do your finances. It's

578
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,919
Speaker 4: very complex. But our listener who wrote in did actually

579
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,639
Speaker 4: ask less about how they budget and how they should

580
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,640
Speaker 4: approach it, which I feel like is something we can

581
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 4: talk about.

582
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:25,080
Speaker 2: That's true. I think when it comes to any money conversation,

583
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 2: I think the most important thing is giving your partner

584
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 2: warning that you want to have a conversation about finances.

585
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,160
Speaker 2: Obviously this is a topic that could be a little

586
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,119
Speaker 2: bit icky, So going, hey, JS, I really want to

587
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 2: go through our budget. I know that you're probably not

588
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 2: in the mind frame right now because you're just making

589
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:42,160
Speaker 2: your week bigs. But do you think that later tonight

590
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 2: we could sit down, or later this week we could

591
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 2: sit down and have a chat and I might go, oh, whoa,

592
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:47,960
Speaker 2: what's prompted that just be like, oh my gosh, I

593
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 2: just feel like, how Bud just getting a bit out

594
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,880
Speaker 2: of control, or I've just noticed you spending a lot

595
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,479
Speaker 2: more than I am, or you know, define it however

596
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 2: you want, but planned enough of a seeds so they

597
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,240
Speaker 2: have reflection time so that they come to that conversation

598
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 2: as prepared as you are, because right now you've trusted

599
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,640
Speaker 2: us with this question, which is so kind. But you've

600
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 2: trusted us, You've had the thought to message us, You've

601
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 2: had a lot of reflection time, you've probably had this

602
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 2: whole podcast to talk about it before you're having this

603
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 2: conversation with your partner. He might not see a problem.

604
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,439
Speaker 2: He might not have even had that on his radar

605
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,439
Speaker 2: and doesn't want to be side railed by it. So

606
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 2: I think it's really important to yeah, hey, Jess, can

607
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 2: we sit down and chat about it? And you know

608
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,400
Speaker 2: what the hell? Like, where did that come from? No worries,

609
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,199
Speaker 2: but at least you've given them enough notice, and then

610
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 2: when you do sit down, really reiterate how comfortable you

611
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 2: are with the relationship. Or that's what I would do,

612
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,719
Speaker 2: Just be like, oh, I don't see this as an

613
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,639
Speaker 2: issue between you and X, Like, I've got absolutely no

614
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 2: problem with that, but just starting to stress a bit

615
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,679
Speaker 2: because we've got all these financial goals and I'm just

616
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 2: wondering if you've thought about how this might impact our

617
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 2: goal setting. Yeah, and I think that that's where if

618
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:01,879
Speaker 2: you've chosen this type of relation relationship, I'm assuming that

619
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 2: stuff like this does come up. Do you and your

620
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,719
Speaker 2: partner now need to sit down and just realign some

621
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,439
Speaker 2: of your goals so that you can both live your

622
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 2: best lives Because Jess, if I lost my job in

623
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 2: my relationship with my husband, well I'd have to reset

624
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 2: my goals because right now I need a bit more support.

625
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 2: And maybe that's the way we should be seeing this.

626
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,800
Speaker 2: Your partner actually needs a bit more support because their

627
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:25,440
Speaker 2: partner does, and that's just the way it's going to work.

628
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 2: But we do need to have open, honest conversation about

629
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:32,640
Speaker 2: how that works and what that actually looks like, because

630
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,120
Speaker 2: there's no normal right, Like, there's no normal budget, there's

631
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,840
Speaker 2: no normal relationship, there's no right or wrong. I think

632
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,239
Speaker 2: it's just more Jesse, you happy with what's going on

633
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 2: right now. Our listener isn't happy with what's going on

634
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 2: and needs to talk about it, but often communication is

635
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,479
Speaker 2: the key. Maybe they've got a new job and your

636
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 2: partner hasn't told you that yet. Maybe something has popped

637
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 2: up and they're getting a lot more support. Maybe you

638
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 2: know they're taking some time off and reassessing their goals

639
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 2: and they're going to move into a shouse, like we

640
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 2: don't know what that looks like. So I think opening

641
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 2: the conversation, but letting them know you want to open

642
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 2: that conversation is really important.

643
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, clarity is key. What did everybody say outside of

644
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 4: some of the slightly judgmental comments.

645
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 2: Oh, I just blocked in deleted those people. So that's fine.

646
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 2: So some people said, allocate pocket money for you to

647
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 2: use on things solely for one partner like their girlfriend.

648
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 2: Someone said, I think him supporting his other partner would

649
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 2: be seen as a gift and not a shared cost.

650
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 2: Someone said this is tricky. I honestly have no idea,

651
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 2: but I can't wait to listen to the pod.

652
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 4: I hope you enjoyed.

653
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 2: Someone said, you just need an honest conversation about splitting

654
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 2: costs with other partners. So it's fair both ways. This

655
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 2: could happen to you.

656
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 4: Well, that's a very good point, is there exactly. You

657
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 4: could be on the other foot and then you're seeing

658
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 4: somebody else and then a youth committing financially so exactly.

659
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 2: Someone said, you shouldn't be using money from the primary

660
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 2: budget for the other partner. Your partner should be using

661
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 2: his own fun money for this. Someone said, I wouldn't

662
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 2: be okay with this impacting on my budget, And yeah,

663
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 2: I think everybody was, as I guess, pragmatic as we

664
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 2: are about just have a conversation, work it out. You know,

665
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 2: you could be in this circumstance because what goes around

666
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 2: comes around. I'm assuming that you might be in a

667
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 2: similar circumstance and might want a little bit more grace.

668
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 2: At some point, someone else said, we really need some

669
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 2: more information, like how long have they been dating? That's

670
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 2: what I asked. I just feel like, you know, what

671
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:27,400
Speaker 2: if you found out, Jess that they've been dating for

672
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 2: five years on the side, Yeah, to me, that's a

673
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:32,680
Speaker 2: different relationship and a different level of commitment that you've

674
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 2: got to that person. So I don't know. I just

675
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 2: feel like having open, honest conversation is going to be

676
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 2: the best way forward, and you can never go wrong

677
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 2: with that, especially if you approach it from a position

678
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 2: of kindness and not judgment, but more frustration. Yeah, Like

679
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 2: you're not approaching it from a position of frustration where

680
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 2: you go, oh my god, Jess, I'm so annoyed that

681
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 2: you're spending all this money on this other person and

682
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 2: I just can't believe it. Like that's not going to

683
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 2: go down well for anybody. Yeah, so I think talking

684
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,239
Speaker 2: about your feelings is just going I just feel like

685
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 2: I'm not completely across this, Like, what's going on? How

686
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 2: long might this last? Because you might find out it's

687
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 2: only going to last another two weeks and you might go,

688
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 2: it's not even worth having the conversation now. Yeah, so

689
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 2: open honest conversations always.

690
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,959
Speaker 4: I love that. A perfect place to leave it.

691
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 2: All right, I think we're all done. We can wrap

692
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 2: this up just goo Ricci. I'm sorry Beck's not here

693
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 2: because I feel like she would have had some really

694
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 2: good conversation or really good points agreed to add. But

695
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,400
Speaker 2: we can just ask her offline. That's all right, you

696
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 2: guys miss out. Sorry, we will see you next week

697
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 2: for an episode of Money Diaries on Monday. But till then,

698
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 2: have the best weekend, and we love you lots.

699
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 4: Goomtelda's who.

700
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 2: The advice shared on She's on the Money is general

701
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 2: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's

702
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 2: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should

703
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 2: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.

704
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 2: If you do used to buy a financial.

705
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 6: Product, read the PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice.

706
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 2: Tailored towards your needs.

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00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 6: Victoria Divine and She's on the Money are authorized representatives

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00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,120
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00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 6: b N three two one six four nine two seven

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00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 6: seven zero eight afs L four five one two eight

711
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,200
Speaker 6: nine