WEBVTT - Ask Uncut AFTERMATH!!! 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.200 This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. 0:00:12.080 --> 0:00:16.160 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:18.520 I'm Laura, I'm missus Segres. 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:25.279 Yes, okay, look, this is a rogue af episode. Firstly, 0:00:25.320 --> 0:00:28.240 BRIT's married. Can't talk about it yet because technically where we're. 0:00:28.080 --> 0:00:30.080 Recording this, it hasn't happened. 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:33.159 She is not married yet and I don't have Maragon 0:00:33.479 --> 0:00:34.480 have been wearing them though. 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:36.320 No, we're not gonna talk about it yet. Yeah, I have, 0:00:36.440 --> 0:00:38.720 we wearried. I'm sure you have. You have. Look, you're married. 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:39.839 It's happened. 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:42.640 We don't know exactly what happened, but we're assuming it 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:43.760 all went off without a hitch. 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:46.800 Oh my god. We're hoping I'm married. Well, yeah you are. 0:00:47.120 --> 0:00:48.000 Otherwise we'll make it. 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:50.640 We'll make a really like dramatic edit to this episode, 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:52.760 if not cut a lot, but just to kind of 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:53.960 bring you guys up to speed. 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:57.240 So I'm sure you are across parts of it. 0:00:57.280 --> 0:00:57.600 Now. 0:00:57.960 --> 0:01:00.320 We've been in Bali, Brittany got married, worried. 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:04.200 We are going to drop an episode tomorrow which really 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:06.920 fucks with the scheduling and produce a Keisha's having a kindniption, 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:07.760 but it's gonna be fine. 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:09.720 We're gonna help. We can't wait. This is one of 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:13.319 the things well, sorry, Kisha, but this is one of 0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:15.240 those things. No, this is one of those things where 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:16.679 it's like, we just want to get it to you, 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:18.080 we want to talk about it, we want to put 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:20.080 it out to the world. So we are I mean, guys, 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:22.000 it's all that crazy. We're bumping at twenty four hours. 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:24.520 Yes, so tomorrow is like tomorrow's it says, as she 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:26.280 doesn't ed it. 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:29.080 Literally, No, I mean crashes. I mean to the life 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:31.160 is like, don't be too spun out. It's just a 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:31.720 day early. 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:33.880 You can still listen to it at your regular time 0:01:33.920 --> 0:01:34.840 on Wednesday if you want. 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:35.880 It'll still be there. 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:36.520 This is true. 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:38.759 Britt who shows up just has to do the record 0:01:38.760 --> 0:01:40.240 and then goes home, goes it's going to be fine. 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:43.000 Guy, just one day earlier, will we find it? Edit? 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:43.399 Both of you? 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:43.679 Right? 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:47.600 Maybe I released it on an only fans like paywall 0:01:47.600 --> 0:01:48.720 make some bank no too much. 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:50.960 Well, if you want to watch this YouTube, brit is 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:53.880 also naked doing this as well, so that's really gonna 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:56.720 don't have a bra on guy, Rocket the engagement No, okay, 0:01:56.760 --> 0:01:59.440 look to be serious though, Britt got married in Bali. 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:02.440 We are going to talk about it on tomorrow's episode 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:04.520 because that will not be a pre record technically in 0:02:04.600 --> 0:02:07.240 the world of like the actual world of timing. This 0:02:07.400 --> 0:02:09.840 being a Monday, we're going to record that episode today 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:12.440 because we've just gotten back to Sydney and we want 0:02:12.480 --> 0:02:14.040 to get it to you as quickly as possible, So 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:16.160 the schedule will be a little bit out of whack tomorrow. 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:19.560 But we thought since everything is all happening all at once, 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:22.760 we would also treat you to the thing that we 0:02:22.840 --> 0:02:26.400 have been teasing for dount two and a half years, 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:31.600 Ask gun Cut Aftermath, proudly brought to you finally by 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:32.280 Life on Cut. 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:32.520 All. 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:34.239 Look to be honest, You guys have been asking for 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:36.480 an aftermath for so long, and we have been asking 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:39.239 you for an aftermath. This is a two way relationship. 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:43.680 We feel so deeply privileged that over the last six 0:02:43.800 --> 0:02:48.200 years we have received and I mean thousands upon thousands 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:51.560 of ask Guncut questions, like we receive questions every single day, 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:55.040 sometimes in the hundreds, and it is such a privilege 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:57.639 that you all share with us so much about what's 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:00.079 happening in your life, and that we are able to 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:02.280 be there for the big sister advice for so many 0:03:02.320 --> 0:03:05.960 of you that the Life Uncut discussion group on Facebook 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:09.919 has been such a place for anonymous conversations around different 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:13.520 askun cuts. We really like, we cannot overstate how much 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:15.600 of a privilege that is. It's something that's always been 0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:17.600 the missing link of the puzzle, or the missing piece 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:18.280 of the puzzle, is. 0:03:18.280 --> 0:03:20.720 What the fuck happens? Yeah? Is that so many of you? 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:23.839 I mean, and I understand, like you've got shit going 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:25.959 on in your lives. You've got these problems to sort out, 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:28.320 and we don't always get the aftermath. We don't always 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:31.680 know what's happened. But recently Sherry has come on board. 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:34.680 So Sherry is BRIT's sister. She's working across the admin 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:37.800 side of Life on Cut, and she is actively reaching 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:40.360 out to people's whose questions we've answered and asking them 0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:42.240 for an update on like where their life is at. 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:45.160 What happened off the back of these questions that we've 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:47.400 all been sitting thinking, like, oh my god, what happened 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:50.040 to that person? In particular, I'm desperate to know what 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:51.720 happened to the person who was in the threesome. 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:53.800 And then there was a baby, and we don't know. 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:56.120 We don't have the answer to that question, but I 0:03:56.160 --> 0:03:58.720 wish Yeah, should we just get into it? Yes. 0:03:58.800 --> 0:04:01.600 So this is the ask cut aftermath that you've all 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:03.800 been asking for, and we are so thrilled to be 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:05.680 able to finally bring it to you and the fact 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:07.520 that we now have so many of them coming in. 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:09.440 This is going to be a really fun one for 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:11.080 you guys to go and watch on YouTube as well, 0:04:11.120 --> 0:04:12.840 because we're gonna put it all up and we do 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:16.200 flash back to when the questions were originally asked. The 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:18.640 funniest thing about this is if you guys know me 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:20.919 well and you've been following along, this is like that 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:24.880 really like really tight little insight into my life every question. 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:27.400 I have a different hair color like every question, and 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:30.800 I thought, wow, how what was happening to me? I 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:33.520 don't remember being in that style of clothing. Is a 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:36.479 different version of herself. I honestly think it. I loved it. 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:37.760 I was like, who was she that day? 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.800 Was like what mental breakdown was Britney having? Because it's 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:42.839 always akin to what's going on in your personal life. 0:04:42.880 --> 0:04:45.800 So it's like short hair, long hair, orange red brown, 0:04:45.960 --> 0:04:49.360 black bob stick in fringe and like ringe, I just 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:52.520 I really maybe one day we could like sit down 0:04:52.560 --> 0:04:54.080 and do the graph of it and figure out, like 0:04:54.120 --> 0:04:57.599 what was happening in the life of Brittany Hockley when 0:04:57.600 --> 0:04:59.640 she went and had a dramatic haircut. So it'll be like, 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:03.560 make up something happened at work, you know, somebody, wake up, 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:07.120 something happened at work. It's funny that I loved. No, 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:08.760 I only had one breakup. 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:10.800 Unfortunately, there was a few in there, but there were 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:12.880 just ones we didn't talk about. Yeah, well not yeah, 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:13.680 there's a situation. 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:16.760 Situationships, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, sometimes they hurt the most. 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:20.240 Well, what I think is funny when I watched this 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:23.880 back in preparation of this episode, every hair color and 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:26.920 cut that I had in the moment I really loved. 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:29.200 But then when I watched it back, I was like, 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:31.360 why did I do that? I was like, do you 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:33.400 know what I mean? Like at the time of my life, 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:35.080 I was like, guys, new heir, who is? And I 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:36.520 loved it? And now I'm looking back and I was like, 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:37.960 that was an unusual choice. 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:39.760 I want to be honest with you, there is a 0:05:39.839 --> 0:05:41.520 day that will come where you will feel that way 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:43.919 about the fringe. I just want you guys to know 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:46.440 I strongly disagree how much you hate the fffin. 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:48.080 Okay, sorry, I'm not going to stop wearing Singe. 0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:49.680 Well, look, the way that we're going to run this 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:51.599 today is that we're going to play for you the 0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:54.520 original ask guncut question. We're going to read to you 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:57.920 the response that we've received from our anonymous listener, our lifer, 0:05:58.200 --> 0:05:59.520 and then we're gonna have a discussion off the back. 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:04.080 So rock and roll on question Numblevland. My boyfriend's best 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:06.599 friend has a great partner and three kids who have 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:09.640 become a big part of our life. We always saw 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:12.479 them as the perfect family until two months ago when 0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:14.880 we found out that he's been cheating for over a 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:19.719 year and got a girl pregnant. Of course, pregante Jesus. 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:22.679 His partner was the one who told us and asked 0:06:22.760 --> 0:06:25.480 us not to say anything. She is a very proud 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:28.800 person and was obviously a mess. I supported her and 0:06:28.880 --> 0:06:31.480 of course trying to say all the right things. But 0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:34.840 nearly three months later, she's just still with him, seemingly 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:38.280 in denial, while he acts like nothing happened. My boyfriend 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:40.719 and I are struggling with all the lies as he 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:44.039 used their friendship to cover his tracks multiple times. Do 0:06:44.120 --> 0:06:46.440 I keep being friends with them and pretend this didn't 0:06:46.440 --> 0:06:49.160 cause so much hurt? I'm worried we will lose these 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:51.960 kids because we have hardly seen them since all this 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:53.719 has happened. I think she's saying, like the connection with 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:56.400 the children, and we really just don't know what to do. 0:06:56.520 --> 0:07:00.800 Advice, please, all right? This is the aftermath the other 0:07:00.839 --> 0:07:03.680 girl didn't go through with the pregnancy, and apparently he 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:06.039 has put boundaries in place now to try and build 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:09.400 back the trust, like checking the phones, et cetera. These 0:07:09.400 --> 0:07:12.720 things were necessary because he still sees the other woman occasionally, 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:15.679 as they do have mutual friends. But I just struggle 0:07:15.720 --> 0:07:17.880 to trust what he says, and my friend has sort 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:20.960 of started to remove herself from me. It's like she's 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:22.600 not wanting to talk because we are one of the 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:25.400 few people that know so many thoughts, and that she's 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:27.239 trying to block it all out as much as possible, 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:29.280 which I get it. It's so fair, but it is 0:07:29.320 --> 0:07:30.320 hard to ride the wave. 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:33.160 I feel so sorry for this one because no one 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:36.000 wins in this situation. I mean, you play the role 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:38.720 of being the confident and being the person that supports 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:41.080 your friend through literally the hardest thing that they're going 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:43.440 to go through in their relationship. But because there is 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:45.720 so much shame and embarrassment attached to it. And I'm 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:48.200 sure like this is what we discussed in the actual 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:53.560 question itself. There is so much embarrassment and probably and 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:55.160 I don't mean embarrassment about the fact that you've been 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:57.880 cheated on, embarrassment about staying and feeling as though that 0:07:57.880 --> 0:07:59.840 there's going to be judgment there. So you push a 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:03.360 the people who might have feelings about your husband because 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:06.560 of all the things that you've said. And I feel 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:08.720 so sorry for the person who wrote this in because 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:10.640 at the end of the day, she's not going to 0:08:10.720 --> 0:08:12.920 be as big a part in this kid's life, and 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:14.680 they're not going to be as big a friends as 0:08:14.720 --> 0:08:17.440 what they once upon a time were. And all of 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:21.120 this is because of the behavior of this girl's husband 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:23.360 and the fact that he cheated on and got another 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:24.280 woman pregnantly. 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:27.320 It's like a really really sad situation for everyone. Yeah, 0:08:27.360 --> 0:08:29.080 and it would still be really hard for your friend 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:32.720 knowing that even though the pregnancy didn't continue, he still 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:33.680 sees her all the time. 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:35.920 I can't even imagine that part of it would be 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:36.880 so hard to stomach. 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.920 It's wild to me, wild to have like still said, Hey, 0:08:39.920 --> 0:08:41.520 I cheated on you, I got someone pregnant, but she's 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:42.760 not having it. I still want to see those Is 0:08:42.800 --> 0:08:44.400 that cool? You can check my phone if you want. Like, 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:46.640 there's a lot to that, But I guess that's not 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:48.720 what this is about. It is sad that she is 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:50.840 pulling away from you. I'm sure you can still save 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:52.800 that if you really want to. Like, she doesn't want 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:55.640 to talk about it. She knows, you know, she's still embarrassed. 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:58.000 She's probably not overly happy with the life choices, but 0:08:58.040 --> 0:08:59.760 she's committed to them at the moment. Like, if you 0:08:59.800 --> 0:09:03.200 wanted to repair that relationship, I believe from the outside 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:03.600 you could. 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:05.720 Yeah, but I I mean, one of the big things 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:08.440 we covered in this and I still feel it, and 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:10.760 it was that the fact that cheating affects everyone. That 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:13.080 doesn't just affect the people that are in that relationship, 0:09:13.160 --> 0:09:16.320 but absolutely affects the friendships that are around it, especially 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:19.400 if you are the friend couple and you hold a 0:09:19.480 --> 0:09:22.600 high moral compass or like those belief systems don't align 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:25.720 with you. The behavior doesn't align with you because you 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:27.559 kind of feel as though, well, I don't know. 0:09:27.520 --> 0:09:28.680 Who this person is anymore. 0:09:28.760 --> 0:09:31.240 And like I kind of think it's very particular when 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:33.480 it's a situation where the two of you, like you're 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:35.959 a couple and you're friends with another couple, and this 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:38.800 other couple are going through it because you once upon 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:41.000 a time would have bonded over the things that you thought, Oh, 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:43.000 we had so many aligned values, like we got on 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:45.679 so well, Like we're similar people, and that's why as 0:09:45.720 --> 0:09:48.400 couple couple friends we get along so well. When you 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:51.160 find out that one person has like really done the 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:53.679 wrong thing by their partner and completely betrayed them, doesn't 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:55.920 just portray them, it portrays the friendship too, even though 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:58.800 that's like very secondary. So I understand how it affects 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:00.959 everyone in this instance, and I I think there are 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:03.880 no winners in this aftermath, unfortunately. 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.640 I also think about the woman who got pregnant, Like 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:09.760 I really hope she was supported throughout that process as well, 0:10:09.880 --> 0:10:13.200 like that decision process and also the physical process of 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:14.240 going through a termination. 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:16.280 You know, it's a careful situation for her as well. 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:20.880 It really is, all right, question number two, I'm in 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:23.800 serious need of some advice. I can't tell anyone else, 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:26.480 so you guys are it. I found my husband on 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:29.959 a gay dating platform. I went to look up something 0:10:29.960 --> 0:10:32.880 in Safari on his phone because mine was upstairs. This 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:35.280 is a normal thing to do, but it was there 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:37.800 when I clicked onto the app. I didn't know what 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:39.800 it was at the time, and I just moved past it, 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.320 but something made me look further into it later that evening. 0:10:42.640 --> 0:10:45.400 I found him on this app pretty easily, and I 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:48.160 don't know how to approach the subject with him. Ps 0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:51.360 The amount of married men on this platform is insane. 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:54.480 It's called Sniffys, which I have never heard of. 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:55.800 I'm googling it right now. 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:59.480 It's called Sniffi's and it's completely anonymous unless someone recognizes 0:10:59.480 --> 0:11:01.679 the body part posted like I did, so I'm assuming 0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:03.920 its like neck down and if someone has a tattoo 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:05.760 or like piercing or there's something you. 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:08.760 Know, okay, So to give you context, Sniffy's is a 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:14.000 map based cruising app for the curious. Sniffy's emphasizes cruising 0:11:14.160 --> 0:11:18.120 as an immersive, interactive experience, making it the hottest app 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:21.800 available for anyone who's not sure what cruising is cruising 0:11:21.880 --> 0:11:23.960 is searching for a sexual partner in a public or 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:27.719 semi public space. It's a term that historically roots is 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:29.959 a coded way for gay men to recognize each other 0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:33.240 and seek out sexual encounters. Something I learned is that 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:35.880 cruising does not mean you like going on cruise ships. 0:11:35.920 --> 0:11:38.200 I was impact that I learned on that episode. Everybody, 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:41.080 I was about to say, we all remember when Klaura. 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:46.280 We remember when Laura Laura. We remember when Laura announced 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:49.880 very like adamantly, She's like, guys, I am now a cruiser. 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:52.200 I call myself a born again cruiser. 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:55.240 I want to say, after the back of this, ask 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:59.000 gun cut, I have never done so much research into Sniffy's. 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:01.640 If you had gone in to my Google history search, 0:12:02.040 --> 0:12:03.760 Matt would have seen that and thought that there was 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:07.000 something going on, because I was like, I'm fascinated Sniffy 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:09.000 this Sniffy that I was all about it. 0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:10.760 This is an interesting response. 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:13.760 Look, the response to this is a tricky one, and 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:16.959 we have some feelings. Thanks so much for your wonderful advice. 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:20.240 I approached Hubby about it and he denied everything, saying 0:12:20.280 --> 0:12:22.640 it must have been an ad off a pawn page 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:25.400 or something. He assured me that the profile I found 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:28.800 on there was somewhat else's, as he would never cheat 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:31.679 on me, especially with a man. He gave me his 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:34.000 phone to go through, and I swiped through the screens 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.760 and found a private messenger app that he'd paid ten 0:12:36.840 --> 0:12:39.920 dollars for. No messages in there, but I'm sorry who 0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:42.680 pays ten dollars for a private messaging app. I also 0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:45.320 found a photo album app that had a password that 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:47.040 he apparently can't remember. 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:49.320 Fuck. 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:52.840 I didn't dive any further as the whole thing just 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:55.680 felt awkward and I already felt like I'd invaded his 0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:59.160 privacy enough. My bones tell me that he is guilty 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:01.640 of something, but I'm not sure of the extent of it. 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:04.040 But then I've got him telling me it's all in 0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:06.400 my head and that he loves me. Could I be 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:07.199 losing my mind? 0:13:07.600 --> 0:13:07.760 Am? 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:10.160 I booked in to see a psychologist next Friday so 0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:11.720 I can get all of this out and have some 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:15.120 assistance in working through the next steps. Yes, he doesn't 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:18.000 want to join the session as he is against therapy. 0:13:18.280 --> 0:13:19.720 He sounds like he's healthy. 0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:22.640 Appreciate you all and the work that you do, your 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:25.120 advice and non judgmental approach is amazing. 0:13:25.200 --> 0:13:25.800 Thanks again. 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:29.920 This one for me is really hard because we don't 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:33.360 know the situation obviously from what she's saying. But I 0:13:33.400 --> 0:13:36.320 hate making statements, but I do want to say it 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:40.480 is so highly unlikely that you clicked on a porn 0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:43.360 ad that downloaded a dating app that signed you up 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:47.040 for ten dollars on your phone, Like that doesn't happen. 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:49.680 And then we have the added layer. And I'm very 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:53.319 conscious that this listener will highly likely be listening to this, 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:56.360 but I'm very conscious of using the word but he 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:59.080 is gaslighting you in this situation by saying like you're 0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:01.280 crazy and like you're imagining it and whatever. And I 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:03.480 love you. I have no doubt he loves you. I 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:05.080 don't think that is a question at all. But I 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:07.680 do think that your husband is really dealing with some 0:14:07.720 --> 0:14:10.360 stuff like these apps aren't just even if it was 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:14.800 downloaded to your phone accidentally, somehow it doesn't sign you 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:17.000 up and puts you on the dating app with your profile. 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:19.400 And so there's even more to this though, like the 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:22.440 fact that he has a photo vault in his phone 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:25.040 that he just simply can't remember the password too. Like 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:29.200 that to me alarm bells, Okay, reset the password, then 0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:31.560 you can do that, figure out how to get in there. 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:32.240 I want to see it. 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:34.120 I'm not saying that you need to hold that sort 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:37.240 of intervention and then like you know, you've said it 0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:40.000 already forel awkward and that you totally invaded his privacy enough. 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:42.040 It is like he doesn't have to give you that 0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:46.080 level of inclusion into his privacy. But there are enough 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:48.400 red flags here for you that your intuition is screaming 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:50.600 at you. And I am such a big believer that 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:53.600 if your intuition is raging, that is your internal warning 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:55.600 system telling you that something is wrong. We have said 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:57.960 that since day one of this podcast, and I think 0:14:57.960 --> 0:14:59.680 that that has been a current theme in the advice 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:03.600 that we've given. I'm not saying you should leave your relationship. 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:06.600 I'm not saying that it's over. I'm not saying that 0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:11.440 he can't come around and maybe Look, everyone is different, 0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:13.520 you know, some people are able to move on from 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:18.280 situations and not know everything. I myself are someone who 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:21.000 like I need clarity, I need like a bow on 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:23.920 the problems, and I need to feel as though my 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:27.280 feelings of insanity are being validated because I know I'm 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:29.720 not just an insane person that creates drama for no reason. 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:32.360 And I dare say, with the very level question and 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:34.760 the very level response that you have sent in, you 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:38.120 are not insane either. The fact that he refuses to 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:42.280 do therapy because he's against therapy doesn't really show me 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:46.000 that he's working towards solving this problem. He's saying there 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:48.080 is no problem and the problem is you, which I 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:50.400 don't think fixes this at all. And I hate that 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:51.720 you don't have a solution to this. 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:55.840 But also and I don't have a solution for you either. Unfortunately, 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:58.080 I don't know what you can do in this situation. 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:00.880 What I will, hands down say he said it's in 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:03.520 your head. It's not. It's physically there. You've seen it, 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:06.480 so we can scrap that. And I feel like you 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:09.240 can say that to him, babe, this is not in 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:11.680 my head. We obviously need to talk about it. We 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:16.600 do need to be hyper aware that there is something 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:20.760 huge going on with your partner internally, like he's not 0:16:20.960 --> 0:16:23.240 admitting it. You are married, you are a man and woman. 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:25.440 He's on a gay dating app. You have seen him. 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:28.160 Of course, he's going to be defensive, like that is 0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:30.400 always going to be his first port of call. You 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:32.240 are never going to have that conversation and say, hey, 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:33.840 I found this gay dating app and he's going to 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:36.920 say you got me, like our marriage is a scam 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:38.880 or whatever. Like it's never going to happen on that 0:16:38.920 --> 0:16:42.440 first confrontation. But you do need to continue the conversation. 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:45.120 You said, I feel in my bones something He's not right. 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:47.840 You need to sit in that. But I don't know 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:50.080 what else to say to you, because I would normally say, 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:51.760 you guys need to go and speak to someone. But 0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:54.800 if you can't physically drag someone there, if he doesn't 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:57.040 want to, if he says no, I don't believe in it. 0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:59.080 You need to continue the conversation though. 0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:01.680 But you know what the really relieving thing is. Sometimes 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:04.320 it's not about going to therapy together. Sometimes it is 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:06.640 about going to therapy by yourself or going and seeing 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:10.400 a psychologist. Because we don't have all the information. Obviously, 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:12.840 we get what you guys give us. And this was 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:15.199 particularly a question that we got a lot of responses to. 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:18.000 And the thing is is going and speaking to a 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:21.000 therapist can either give you the tools to help fix 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:23.679