Speaker 1: Can I tell you what sucks about being middle aged?
Speaker 2: Now you're middle age?
Speaker 1: I am go people, I'm thirty six. People die at seventy.
Speaker 2: I hope I die seventy. Hope long before seventy.
Speaker 1: Don't wish for those kind of things.
Speaker 3: I told you sixty five.
Speaker 2: I'm tapping out. So you're middle aged, I'm halfway dead.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads. I am Mattie Jay
Speaker 1: and I'm This is a podcast all about parenting. It's
Speaker 1: the good, the bad, and the relatable. And if you
Speaker 1: have come wanting any type of advice, I'm going to
Speaker 1: stop you right now.
Speaker 3: Unless you want some advice on how to not get
Speaker 3: domestic injury.
Speaker 1: Then sit down and get comfortable, and I will just
Speaker 1: say a warm welcome to all the non parents who
Speaker 1: listen in. They are there an.
Speaker 2: Audience trying to tick all the boxes.
Speaker 1: My domestic injury was. I went to the gym trying
Speaker 1: to get back into waits had a great.
Speaker 2: How long were you waiting?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, had a great set overhead overhead press,
Speaker 1: second set, didn't exert too much, got off a machine
Speaker 1: and I was like, fuck dumb. My neck again, my
Speaker 1: neck from fucking two sets of overhead press. Welcome to
Speaker 1: middle age.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we spoke about this the other day. To remember
Speaker 2: domestic injuries. You never used to get them, but now
Speaker 2: thirty plus.
Speaker 3: I was coming back from going through drive.
Speaker 2: Through KFC O love KFC. Just gonna put that out there.
Speaker 2: This is not a sponsorship.
Speaker 1: Was it the payment or the receipt? There were two
Speaker 1: areas where you can get an injury.
Speaker 2: It was getting the zinger box off the passenger seat
Speaker 2: to get out of the driver's door. So I went
Speaker 2: like that to lean over, leaned over, threw my back out.
Speaker 2: I was literally bedridden for days. Disney Box was delicious.
Speaker 1: These injuries. They linger gotta watch out. I'm fragile, I'm weak,
Speaker 1: I'm precious.
Speaker 3: Let's crack a beer to that, then to being precious.
Speaker 1: This will toughen me up.
Speaker 2: Put hairs on your chest.
Speaker 1: Cheers, cheers, my friend, It's good to see you.
Speaker 2: Mmmm. That's delicious. What is that right now?
Speaker 1: Can people guess what we're drinking is a stone will?
Speaker 1: But try and gas right now? What it is?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: Huh you wrong?
Speaker 2: It is a hinter Land Hazy Pale out which was
Speaker 2: a limited release Matt, but now he's going to.
Speaker 3: Be part of their core range.
Speaker 2: Call add that to the other great beers that they have.
Speaker 1: Yes, Stone woud announce that this started this month.
Speaker 2: They were like they did.
Speaker 1: Yes, they were teasing us, teasing us with his limited
Speaker 1: release beers. But now she is here to stay. She's
Speaker 1: one of the family.
Speaker 2: You could say, yes and best enjoyed fresh out of
Speaker 2: the refrigerator, just like the ones we are drinking today.
Speaker 1: Ashle, I'm gonna put on the spot here and see
Speaker 1: if you can guess.
Speaker 2: One of the hops Galaxy from Tasmania.
Speaker 1: Also, yeah, they also saw it from Victoria. I believe.
Speaker 3: I believe, we believe.
Speaker 1: In addition to that, it's got the eclipse and the
Speaker 1: vic secret Hops. It's a secret that is what creates
Speaker 1: the golden haze and full bodied finish.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So that's juicy, vibrant and flushed with tropical fruit o rimas.
Speaker 3: We'd like to thank Stone and Wood, as we do
Speaker 3: every week, for making this episode possible. Cheers to the cheers, Yes, cheers.
Speaker 1: I want to ask you something I did a little
Speaker 1: real arrogant, but I thought it was quite funny, Ash.
Speaker 1: It was based on how you react when your wife
Speaker 1: says we should snuggle after the kids are in bed.
Speaker 3: I did see that.
Speaker 1: I don't normally light a candle for sex.
Speaker 3: Also, why not?
Speaker 1: I mean we don't we normally. I like a little
Speaker 1: bit of light. I tend to leave the lights. We
Speaker 1: turn the on sweet bathroom light on and have the
Speaker 1: door slightly Ajar, you've got.
Speaker 2: Well sometimes it's weird because his house have dimmers.
Speaker 1: No, because the dimmers, even when the dimmers are low,
Speaker 1: it's that's too bright. We like to have a little
Speaker 1: bit of light in the room.
Speaker 3: You want to see what you do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I don't want it to be pitch black.
Speaker 3: Imagine like eating in the dark.
Speaker 2: Weird.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you make mistakes. So I made a joke in
Speaker 1: the caption of that video and I said, I hope
Speaker 1: she's ready for the best six minutes, yes, And then
Speaker 1: I was curious to know. I was like, because a
Speaker 1: lot of people were like, well, six minutes, that's pretty generous.
Speaker 1: Stop bragging.
Speaker 2: That's a good innings.
Speaker 1: When we have sex nowadays, and this is post to children,
Speaker 1: it's vastly different from when we used to have sex
Speaker 1: before kids. Time is money, Yes, Ash, I like the
Speaker 1: spontaneity of just having sex in the moment. Do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like, often, as a married couple
Speaker 1: with two children, the most frequent time we have sex
Speaker 1: is in the evening at night time. Sometimes I want
Speaker 1: to mix it up, but you don't have the ability
Speaker 1: to do that because on the weekends, daytime sex rarely
Speaker 1: happens unless you're away, which also rarely happens now without
Speaker 1: the kids. So sometimes put on the Disney channel and
Speaker 1: you're like, hopefully.
Speaker 2: They don't come up.
Speaker 1: Hopefully this grabs their attention for five minutes.
Speaker 3: Okay, so you're going for distraction that.
Speaker 1: Is like once in a blue moon.
Speaker 2: April would never I.
Speaker 1: Know, Laura is not keen on it.
Speaker 2: She hates I have a friend who actually told me
Speaker 2: a story that he he did that.
Speaker 3: I was shocked and I'm like, how are you kids distracted?
Speaker 2: For thirty minutes? He said thirty minutes? He said thirty minutes.
Speaker 2: He said thirty minutes, and I was like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: He's like an ultra runner.
Speaker 3: Anyway, same thing.
Speaker 2: But I was shocked. I was like, how did your
Speaker 2: missus allow that? Because I would be all for it.
Speaker 2: April will be like nah.
Speaker 1: There is a level of anxiety with kids that increased
Speaker 1: the pleasure, not that I've done this.
Speaker 2: This is a podcast about sex.
Speaker 1: It's like having sex in public. It's like the fear
Speaker 1: of being caught. Not that I'm not into that, especially
Speaker 1: not by my children.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the last thing we need. What are they
Speaker 2: going to do though, I mean.
Speaker 1: Just it's gonna it's just got to rid of ruin
Speaker 1: the mood for the weekend. Although it has also become
Speaker 1: more complicated now in my household.
Speaker 2: Because ms.
Speaker 1: I can hear you out there, and she she's a
Speaker 1: night out, she's up late, she stays up till like midnight.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, see then, and.
Speaker 1: She loves a chat, loves the chat, loves also putting
Speaker 1: a doco that we're going to watch together. And so
Speaker 1: sometimes if we're upstairs and.
Speaker 3: She's just like a chaperone, She's like, I found the doco.
Speaker 1: Come downstairs.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm balls deep up here.
Speaker 3: Can you shut up?
Speaker 1: Okay? But yes, I put the question out there and
Speaker 1: I asked people how long does sex last with your partner?
Speaker 1: And I was more so trying to direct this towards
Speaker 1: people who are in long term relationships and ideally those
Speaker 1: who have kids, because that's where things really change. And
Speaker 1: I said five minutes, are under five to ten minutes?
Speaker 1: Ten to twenty or over twenty minutes? What do you think?
Speaker 1: Was the most common answer?
Speaker 2: Ash ten to twenty.
Speaker 1: Close Over three and a half thousand people said that
Speaker 1: they're having sex between five to ten minutes. Okay, But
Speaker 1: then a lot of people were arguing, or does that
Speaker 1: include four play?
Speaker 2: And my response, what the hell's that? What do you mean?
Speaker 3: We're not dating?
Speaker 1: But what are you talking about? I said, we're married
Speaker 1: with kids?
Speaker 2: Who has type of four player?
Speaker 1: Am I right?
Speaker 3: If you do it doesn't fall into.
Speaker 1: The heck on the cheek and a high five and
Speaker 1: then it game.
Speaker 2: On four players? Me taking my clothes off lucky.
Speaker 1: April, but ten to twenty Just over three thousand people
Speaker 1: said ten to twenty one.
Speaker 2: How many people said twenty minutes or more?
Speaker 1: April one vote April, which yeah, well we had one
Speaker 1: thy two hundred people say over twenty minutes over twenty.
Speaker 2: They are Egyptian because they live in.
Speaker 1: Denial, well said, Well said for me, I think we're
Speaker 1: looking at about an average of about seven minutes.
Speaker 2: Maybe that's acceptable.
Speaker 1: What are we looking at for yourself when we're having
Speaker 1: a little pleasure?
Speaker 2: Well, we only do one way. Now, what's that prefers? Cowgirl? Okay,
Speaker 2: so about twenty to thirty seconds, it's over.
Speaker 1: Nah, but I can't tell her if you've.
Speaker 3: Been mate who says that he squeezes his stomach in
Speaker 3: deterrent to not finish.
Speaker 1: Squeeze the stomach like he like, sell.
Speaker 2: Rabs it like he And I was, I was like,
Speaker 2: what the fuck is You've got to help bruise there?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: I'm like, doesn't hurt?
Speaker 3: He's like, that's the point.
Speaker 2: Mind you.
Speaker 3: This guy's very single.
Speaker 1: Why doesn't he.
Speaker 2: If abel turn around, I'm squeeze in my stomach, she'd
Speaker 2: be like, what are you doing? Your freight? Okay? Realistically,
Speaker 2: oh sub five minutes.
Speaker 3: I'm not hero.
Speaker 1: For those individuals who do not have kids but like
Speaker 1: to listen to the podcast, who may be a little
Speaker 1: bit confused right now.
Speaker 2: The issue with I don't blame you.
Speaker 1: Like when you've had a long day and you've dealt
Speaker 1: with the kids, you know, the quicker, the better dinner
Speaker 1: time is a punished bath time. The kids hate getting
Speaker 1: in the bath, they love them being in the bar
Speaker 1: and then getting out of the bath.
Speaker 2: It's just struggle after struggle, sick game.
Speaker 1: They then suck just every last energy out of your body.
Speaker 1: I'm so exhausted when it comes time to reading that story,
Speaker 1: and then I can barely feed myself ash that exhausted.
Speaker 1: I sit there at the coffee table and I've just
Speaker 1: got I've got nothing left. Yeah, and then to try
Speaker 1: and get back on top of the horse, it's I
Speaker 1: don't have time. I don't have time.
Speaker 2: I'm sure that a lot of people are listening to
Speaker 2: this right now and relating.
Speaker 1: And Laura is the same. She's exhausted, she's working twelve
Speaker 1: jobs right now.
Speaker 2: She wants just easy to just go to bed.
Speaker 1: We always have a peck good night. And if Laura
Speaker 1: gets any if Laura gets any more than just a
Speaker 1: simple peck, She's.
Speaker 2: Like, don't come on to me.
Speaker 1: He's like, what do you think you're doing? Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I'm like what what what? I'm like, I'm just giving
Speaker 1: you a nice kiss.
Speaker 2: The other day, I'll give us a coun just like no,
Speaker 2: like why, She's like, I know what you want, Like, no,
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't want that, but also I do.
Speaker 1: Want they can read us like a book. In my head,
Speaker 1: I'm like, just give her a little or like a
Speaker 1: little longer, peck on the cheek.
Speaker 2: Up on the bum and she's like she know, she'll go,
Speaker 2: you know what on my period. I'm like, WHOA, just
Speaker 2: trying to show you some affections. She's like, no, you're not.
Speaker 1: Can't husband's if their wives a passionate tap on the shoulder.
Speaker 2: Like a little like do that on my feet? Be like, no,
Speaker 2: thank you, I'm not touching those dogs.
Speaker 1: How dare you talk about it feet like that?
Speaker 2: Matt, Now, I don't know if you'd noticed that. On Monday,
Speaker 2: I attended the Easter Show with my children.
Speaker 1: I did notice that.
Speaker 2: And I also took my sister and my niece.
Speaker 1: Oh you took the full family?
Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you go?
Speaker 1: Big?
Speaker 2: No? Good?
Speaker 3: It's actually good. They do a very good job out there.
Speaker 1: They do it very were the kids excited, they know it.
Speaker 2: Very excited. So the night before got YouTube out to
Speaker 2: highlights of last year's Easter Show.
Speaker 3: Just to get them popped up, so they were happy.
Speaker 2: They were already rare and go.
Speaker 1: Did you use the threat of not going to the
Speaker 1: Easter Show as a way of disciplining them or getting
Speaker 1: them to behave.
Speaker 2: Yeah, where we're all going to go? And you're not coming,
Speaker 2: You're not coming.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can say I had to.
Speaker 2: I had to. That's part of it's the fun of
Speaker 2: being a parent.
Speaker 1: If I did, that's why we do this.
Speaker 3: If I couldn't do.
Speaker 2: That, I wouldn't want to your parent. Okay, now, very good.
Speaker 2: I am surprised at how well the kids behaved the
Speaker 2: whole time, really looking forward, except for like Macy loves
Speaker 2: petting zoo. He does shot no shockingly because if there's
Speaker 2: a bug in Macy's room, she'll scream and point and
Speaker 2: she's like like to the point where you have to
Speaker 2: get if it's on the roof, you're going to move
Speaker 2: her bed, get this tiny bug off the steel.
Speaker 1: She's into the pettings, but loved it.
Speaker 2: Oscar hated it, but or Macy was like walking around
Speaker 2: patting them, laughing at big thick like big ones like things.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, Lamas, and it's a really really good
Speaker 3: petting uo.
Speaker 2: They got there. It's huge.
Speaker 1: The animals are into it.
Speaker 2: Well, I guess they have to be because they get fed.
Speaker 3: It's great.
Speaker 2: I've got Macy enjoying it, and Oscar got like pick
Speaker 2: me up, pick me up, holding him and just like
Speaker 2: chotring On has it always been like that is no,
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Something's happened.
Speaker 2: I don't know. But anyway, other than that, really really
Speaker 2: well behaved. We saw all the animals, went to the horses.
Speaker 2: He was a bit scared of the cows because of
Speaker 2: how big theyre. Fucking huge, those cows award winning cows.
Speaker 1: You forget how big cows really are.
Speaker 2: You do you're doing tol You will pass one that's
Speaker 2: that big and you're like, holy, that's not.
Speaker 1: That big piece.
Speaker 2: We've had a knife and fork in a bit.
Speaker 1: Did they make the connection. It's always a little bit
Speaker 1: tricky when like the padding a chicken and they're like,
Speaker 1: they're so cute, and then they're like I want chicken
Speaker 1: nuggets and they're like, hang on a second.
Speaker 2: The chickens like excuse me now. One person who was
Speaker 2: not behaved was me. Take yourself back to a couple
Speaker 2: of days ago where I said I need to fix
Speaker 2: this rig.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you sent me a photo of your backside and
Speaker 1: you said I need to fix this, and I said,
Speaker 1: you look great. You don't need to fix anything. We've
Speaker 1: had quite.
Speaker 3: A fun month, let's say a fun month of the.
Speaker 4: Trip to Vegas full of burgers, burgers, you know, the
Speaker 4: cans again, chippies, pizzas, pizzas, beers, sounds.
Speaker 1: We've been living the good life. And I said to
Speaker 1: you much was a dangerous month.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And I said, look, I've got like a
Speaker 2: month between now and when I've got some other stuff
Speaker 2: on that I that I want, you know, I just
Speaker 2: want to like fix the rig. So I went into
Speaker 2: the Easter Show eight before I left the house, ate
Speaker 2: something quite healthy, like some eggs and protein and blah
Speaker 2: blah blah, get ready to do some kilk kilometers. And
Speaker 2: it's like when you go to the zoo. As soon
Speaker 2: as you get there, your legs hurt and you're hungry immediately.
Speaker 3: It's like when you go to the shop, something to
Speaker 3: do with the lights.
Speaker 2: I get hungry and I'm like, I want a kebab.
Speaker 3: I want to Ali Barber kebab immediately in my mouth
Speaker 3: and those chips.
Speaker 2: That's it. Quit the record.
Speaker 3: We're going to Ali Baba.
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, I'm not gonna I'm not
Speaker 2: going to eat too badly until I walked literally physically
Speaker 2: walked in and I was like, well, I'm just fucking starving.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 3: It's ten thirty in the morning. Now, I just want
Speaker 3: to run you through.
Speaker 1: BASI was like patting a little piglet, and you're like, just.
Speaker 2: We hadn't got to it. We hadn't even got to
Speaker 2: the It was literally the first food truck.
Speaker 3: As soon as I walked in, I.
Speaker 1: Was like, oh, spoken like a true dad.
Speaker 2: We'll get through what.
Speaker 3: I ate over the course of the day.
Speaker 2: You mind you. I was home by four pm, so
Speaker 2: ten thirty to four pm.
Speaker 1: This is what was on the menu for Ashway.
Speaker 3: Okay, here we go. First thing to start.
Speaker 2: With the little coke zero, right, you love a coch.
Speaker 1: Just like wet the paltte, wet.
Speaker 2: The palette, but alongside that cleanse the palate, alongside zero Schnitzelberger.
Speaker 2: Next thing, Dagwood dog German sausage, Jesus homemade lemonade, a
Speaker 2: large one. Okay.
Speaker 3: Then I finished that off with a bit of ribs.
Speaker 1: Whoa half or what how many ribs we talking?
Speaker 2: That's half rack of ribs. I'm not judging, Okay. Chicken skewers,
Speaker 2: sarte chicken skewers, the extra sauce. They're lovely. That was delicious.
Speaker 2: Corn on a stick. You've got tymes too, you've got
Speaker 2: a chip on a stick times two fairy floss on
Speaker 2: a stick, also gosly May donut on a stick, followed
Speaker 2: up by another goslet May a meat one, this time
Speaker 2: because the veggie one was very good, the meat one awesome.
Speaker 2: Finished off with some ice cream, an ice cream Sunday
Speaker 2: to be exactly a flake one with extra sauce, and
Speaker 2: then I finished Oscars ice cream.
Speaker 3: Grand total, it's about two hundred.
Speaker 2: And thirty something dollars worth of food that I ate
Speaker 2: at the Easter Show. Oops.
Speaker 3: I literally could not stop eating.
Speaker 2: Remember we're coming back from Vegas and you're like, fucking hell,
Speaker 2: you've eaten all days is all you've done.
Speaker 1: There's two modes with you. You're either fasting. You'll have like
Speaker 1: a drink in the afternoon and that's all you have
Speaker 1: for the entire day, or you're just this machine tuning,
Speaker 1: just opening the dollar and just letting everything come in.
Speaker 2: I pretty much did the Easter Show tour of food trucks.
Speaker 1: Did April say anything? Was she?
Speaker 2: She wouldn't dare anyway.
Speaker 1: So when you say you finished Oscar's ice cream, is
Speaker 1: that because he couldn't finish it? Or you're just like
Speaker 1: I was like.
Speaker 2: I say, you go.
Speaker 3: He left it out.
Speaker 2: Also, he can't work out the structural integrity of ice cream.
Speaker 2: Okay on a cone. Okay, if you're eating a cone,
Speaker 2: you need to lick around it to keep it standing tall.
Speaker 2: He can't quite work that out. Tries to lick the
Speaker 2: top falls over. So I was like, you know what,
Speaker 2: I'm taken that and finish the ice cream.
Speaker 3: Now I know that I'm not the only man.
Speaker 2: To eat his way through the East Show like this.
Speaker 3: I guarantee you and I saw it.
Speaker 2: There were dads everywhere walking around pulling those trolleys that
Speaker 2: had pre made lunches and stuff in them for the
Speaker 2: kids and whatever. But dad's holing into a dagwood dog.
Speaker 3: I got a jumbo dagwood dog. Thing was fucking huge.
Speaker 2: It was like that big how many inches well, boost
Speaker 2: of how many inches I have, I would say it's
Speaker 2: similar to about twelve to thirteen inches. I don't know.
Speaker 2: It was big, full of better full of Tomo sauce.
Speaker 1: Do you know what, Sometimes you just need to treat yourself.
Speaker 2: I also had a hot dog that I just remembered. Anyway,
Speaker 2: all the.
Speaker 1: Vendors there are like we've had record profits.
Speaker 2: Well, do you know who has a truck there? Chebo
Speaker 2: has a truck there?
Speaker 1: Who's that again?
Speaker 2: You know? Chevo does the burgerscho But I I messaged
Speaker 2: him in the morning saying I'm coming to see and
Speaker 2: he was like, fatten down that.
Speaker 1: More beef.
Speaker 3: I couldn't find him, so they're still in business.
Speaker 1: I'm just imagining like they do the Parade of animals,
Speaker 1: like because the cows are on show and I'm.
Speaker 3: Just sitting there with a knife and walking that and.
Speaker 1: Like you're like walking onto the pitch and they're like,
Speaker 1: who the hell is this guy? And you're just like
Speaker 1: gnawing on a live cow. Just work.
Speaker 2: I've got one for me and one for milk.
Speaker 1: Where's my prize, daisy?
Speaker 2: Hell yeah. Anyway, other than that, each the show was
Speaker 2: very good. Kids fell asleep in the car at the
Speaker 2: most awkward time on the way home, so they were
Speaker 2: up all night.
Speaker 3: Probably I'm so tired still two days later.
Speaker 1: That explains a lot that does. But hey, from this
Speaker 1: moment on and again, you don't need to fix anything.
Speaker 1: Nothing's broken. But you've had You've had your fun. Now
Speaker 1: it's time it's time to knuckle down.
Speaker 2: I'm getting fat shamed in my own No, no, not here,
Speaker 2: I'm getting fat shamed. I'm glad you had fun, honestly
Speaker 2: the most fun I've had in a while. The food, Oh,
Speaker 2: I knew I was going to fail as soon as
Speaker 2: I walked in.
Speaker 3: There are you going back?
Speaker 2: And the first thing, I'm just going back for food.
Speaker 2: I'm going back for lunch.
Speaker 1: It's a good thing is out at Olympic Park and
Speaker 1: not more local to where you are.
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm getting the food shipped over.
Speaker 2: Uber Eats.
Speaker 1: Hey, look, i'd love to get your opinion on this, yep,
Speaker 1: because I feel like, well, based on how you feel
Speaker 1: about Christmas, I think you'll feel quite strongly about this
Speaker 1: date in particular Easter Easter.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, we're talk part of the four day We're
Speaker 2: talking Festival of Chocolate. Do you hate?
Speaker 1: I just hate the whole fucking thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a bit like that.
Speaker 1: This is very controversial. But hey, I'm going to say it.
Speaker 1: I hate Easter.
Speaker 2: I applaud you. Takes a big man to admit that.
Speaker 1: I never used to hate Easter. You know, I've got
Speaker 1: to finished record early today because I've got an Easter
Speaker 1: hat parade.
Speaker 2: Oh that's ridiculous.
Speaker 1: But yes, I don't know if any of the early
Speaker 1: educators from my daycare are listening, they may be. I
Speaker 1: think it is a lovely gesture doing an Easter hat parade,
Speaker 1: and ours is better than the ones that other people
Speaker 1: do because previously you had to make your own Easter hat.
Speaker 2: That's the phase what I'm in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's and like, so you didn't have to
Speaker 1: make yours. No, thank god they provided them. They make them,
Speaker 1: the kids make it and they lead up too, which
Speaker 1: is just that greade should be done.
Speaker 2: Trying to figure out how you hate it so much?
Speaker 1: Well, because I hate it because well.
Speaker 2: April the last two days been halfing on about making
Speaker 2: this Easter hat. Okay at me because apparently it's my
Speaker 2: fucking job to do. So I got all the materials
Speaker 2: this morning.
Speaker 1: Where did you get the materials from?
Speaker 2: Just from some shit two dollars shop? And then I
Speaker 2: walk downstairs and she's got the super glue out. It's
Speaker 2: all over the table and her hands stuck to the
Speaker 2: fucking table just exactly, and she's stuck to the table
Speaker 2: and then stuck to her is like all this shit,
Speaker 2: and I was just.
Speaker 3: Trying to figure out what's going on. But anyway.
Speaker 1: So, well, that's the problem. I think parents have enough
Speaker 1: going on. The last thing they need to absolutely fucking
Speaker 1: unravel the week is the responsibility of making an Easter
Speaker 1: hat that's going to be on display for every other
Speaker 1: parent to fucking judge.
Speaker 2: Like, you sound like you lost an Easter hat parade.
Speaker 1: Well no, So what we used to do at the
Speaker 1: old daycare is my sister, who is very artsy and crafty.
Speaker 1: We would have an Easter hat that would do the
Speaker 1: rounds ah. It was like a slut of an easter hat.
Speaker 1: It went around it every day care. Everyone passed it around.
Speaker 3: They all went to different daycares.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we would like to get away with it.
Speaker 1: But by the time we would get it though, would
Speaker 1: be manky. It was like it had seen better days.
Speaker 1: It had been used and abused.
Speaker 2: April's friend used to make ours because she's real mumsy.
Speaker 1: What would you give her in return?
Speaker 2: What was her nothing? She just loved it.
Speaker 1: That's weird.
Speaker 3: But she didn't do it this year, and now I'm
Speaker 3: off it.
Speaker 2: Well, she's probably listening, So if you're listening, get back
Speaker 2: to it next year. I want them, I want a
Speaker 2: couple of them.
Speaker 1: I just I just think it's okay. So the good
Speaker 1: thing about the Easter Hat parade today is the fact
Speaker 1: that the kids have made it already. We're coming in.
Speaker 1: We don't have to bring anything, but you know, normally
Speaker 1: you're paying for daycare until like five five point thirty.
Speaker 1: We've got to get there early. We're going to get
Speaker 1: there early for the East to Hat parade swindled, which
Speaker 1: the kids, Let's be honest, they're all petrified walking out
Speaker 1: into like the outside. All the parents are there looking
Speaker 1: at them.
Speaker 3: And it's not like you can be like, oh, that
Speaker 3: was good parade, see your kids. Seeing in another two hours.
Speaker 1: Take the kids. So then all of a sudden, you're
Speaker 1: doing like almost a half day of daycare.
Speaker 2: There's all these parents out there right now listening to
Speaker 2: you tell this story, going fucking dare they I'm glad
Speaker 2: someone's standing up for us.
Speaker 1: Cancel, yeah, jesus. Okay. Then in addition to that, let's
Speaker 1: be honest, East Long Weekend is an absolute asshole of
Speaker 1: a weekend.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, all of a sudden, the population grows by
Speaker 2: like three or four times.
Speaker 1: Everyone is like, oh my god, we've got popped up
Speaker 1: on chocolate. We've got two extra days on the weekend.
Speaker 1: Let's pack up the car with every belonging that we have.
Speaker 1: Let's put the couch in there, the TV, the fishing rods,
Speaker 1: where's Nana? Put her on the back as well, and
Speaker 1: let's drive three hours away. Because it's every every.
Speaker 2: Bond the same. It's always three somewhere between two and
Speaker 2: a half and three hours.
Speaker 1: Traffic is an absolute bloody nightmare. Like the moment you
Speaker 1: leave your driveway, you just don't stand still traffic.
Speaker 2: What about those people who can't afford to go away?
Speaker 1: Man, you better thank your lucky stars. You're the lucky one.
Speaker 1: Traffic sucks.
Speaker 3: It's brutal. It's a shit weekend.
Speaker 2: It's also it's a religious weekend.
Speaker 1: What's your point.
Speaker 2: I'm not really except for that time my mum faked
Speaker 2: for me to be Catholic to get into that Catholic school.
Speaker 2: But that's the only time I've ever been religious. But
Speaker 2: then it's like, are we basing a whole.
Speaker 3: Weekend now around something one?
Speaker 2: Something that doesn't exist?
Speaker 3: Whoa, whoa, sorry you got kids in the car. Let
Speaker 3: me just a little trigger warning here.
Speaker 2: The Easter bunny Matt.
Speaker 1: Is written in the Bible.
Speaker 2: He's pooping out chocolate eggs. There's something wrong with that, bunny.
Speaker 1: Yeah. The fact that kids aren't.
Speaker 2: Questioning I don't know, man, I don't know.
Speaker 1: But yes, I'm essentially eating rabbit shit.
Speaker 2: I'm with you. I'm not as outspoken about Easter as
Speaker 2: I am Christmas because I kin't of just have forgotten
Speaker 2: about it until the two or three days before.
Speaker 1: Thank good.
Speaker 3: Also, I love chocolate.
Speaker 1: And it's and the I guess hot Cross buns I
Speaker 1: think are great. I think we should have Holt Cross buns.
Speaker 3: All year round, just the fruit ones.
Speaker 2: Or have you had the chocolate one of chalk chip?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: Or no full chock like a double chok? Yeah?
Speaker 1: No, I've had of the chuck chip. I think they're
Speaker 1: a great thing. When people complain that the hot Cross
Speaker 1: bunds have come out early, I'm like, why are we
Speaker 1: complaining about something good that's more accessible.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2: Because people love to find things that complain about.
Speaker 1: So I think from now on, from this moment on,
Speaker 1: we will no longer take trips away during Eastern But also,
Speaker 1: I guess maybe this is adding to it, is the
Speaker 1: fact that Laura is leaving me this weekend.
Speaker 3: She going away.
Speaker 1: She's going away on her own.
Speaker 3: No kids, Easter weekend.
Speaker 1: She's going to Bali for a week for work, divorce
Speaker 1: for work. So she's leaving me. And you know, I
Speaker 1: love I love having the kids on the weekend. It's great.
Speaker 3: I look forward to some sort of monster.
Speaker 1: I do enjoy it. But then comes Sunday afternoon, I'm
Speaker 1: pretty excited to drop them off.
Speaker 2: For day Monday morning, I'm like, yeah, it's a freedom,
Speaker 2: it is all about me now.
Speaker 1: But but to make matters worse, and I think this
Speaker 1: is what is the main issue here. Okay, daycare fees,
Speaker 1: you know we're going to say're very expensive.
Speaker 2: Can I just put a trigger warning in front of
Speaker 2: what you're going to say, because I know exactly what
Speaker 2: you're going to say.
Speaker 3: I think we winged about this last year.
Speaker 1: The fact that we're paying for Yeah, the kids go
Speaker 1: on Friday, I pay for that, both kids, Maley and Lola.
Speaker 1: And then Monday, public holiday, you're still pay You're paying
Speaker 1: for two kids to be at daycare.
Speaker 2: Thank god, But do you know what they say, at
Speaker 2: least we help them make the Easter hats, and you
Speaker 2: shut I know I've seen do you know how many tiktoks.
Speaker 2: I've seen people winged about this.
Speaker 1: I want to get on that train.
Speaker 2: You get me in there, get your phone out and
Speaker 2: just start talking to your phones. Yeah, slipstream you in
Speaker 2: into the Easter Haunds like Maddie's standing up for us.
Speaker 2: If you're listening and your own or run a daycare center,
Speaker 2: give us a fucking break.
Speaker 3: Give us a day in lou Give us a.
Speaker 1: Day in Lou. Day in lou Open up on a
Speaker 1: Saturday or a Sunday. Just give us one day back.
Speaker 1: Public holidays when you're when you have kids in daycare,
Speaker 1: are the fucking worst days.
Speaker 2: Get they've got. They've still got to pay their staff
Speaker 2: for that day, though they do, they do.
Speaker 1: I will say once again to all the teachers you
Speaker 1: look after my kids. You're doing a great job, and
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you're sending me broke.
Speaker 2: Let's add that to the list of piece people are
Speaker 2: going to be disgruntled by these podcasts. It's dentists, rural doctors,
Speaker 2: and now daycare teachers. We're not going to be allowed
Speaker 2: in any daycare, but I have.
Speaker 1: And also fans of Paramatta Eels, oh yeah them too,
Speaker 1: who hate Ashley, who.
Speaker 2: I've got many a death threat from Paramatta Eel fans.
Speaker 1: Ash, I am, of course, referring to the fact that
Speaker 1: you were a little joyous and the fact that paramounta
Speaker 1: Eels have an injured player.
Speaker 2: I wasn't joyous. I just said you.
Speaker 1: Can thank us and mainly see eagle.
Speaker 2: I did an eagle symbol and someone did send me
Speaker 2: a death threat and also a strongly worded email.
Speaker 1: People are very passionate about footy.
Speaker 3: Ash also get a life.
Speaker 2: But yes, of course, Matt and you can watch every
Speaker 2: game of every round on KO which are ko. Everyone
Speaker 2: is welcome, of course, even if you only go for
Speaker 2: the team because they have the best mascot.
Speaker 1: Who do you think has the best mascot in the NRL?
Speaker 1: Here's your pick.
Speaker 3: Look, I think the most confusing mascot.
Speaker 1: Is the Storm Terrible.
Speaker 3: How does that work?
Speaker 1: He's just a guy with a lightning bolt.
Speaker 2: It wouldn't it be the Thunders.
Speaker 1: I do like the Bunnies. I do like the Bunnies
Speaker 1: mascot Russell Crow. My favorite thing about going to Broncos
Speaker 1: games in Queensland and Brisbane was the fact they would
Speaker 1: have a horse horse up and down the sideline. The
Speaker 1: horse is probably petrified.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, what's.
Speaker 1: All this normal factory you talk about?
Speaker 2: Bron This weekend man is action packed. There's a lot
Speaker 2: going on, so get on board. What do we got.
Speaker 1: We've got the Japanese Grand Prix that is going to
Speaker 1: be three pm Australian Eastern Standard time, and with daylight
Speaker 1: savings ending on Sunday, which is the race day, it's
Speaker 1: going to be prime time for Aussies to watch that race.
Speaker 1: Not like the normal times you have to get up
Speaker 1: at all hours of the morning to night there.
Speaker 2: I just wouldn't do it.
Speaker 1: You're not a true fan like some of us. Like
Speaker 1: some of us, Yes, as there is also a massive
Speaker 1: weekend of NRL, your beloved Manly. They are up against
Speaker 1: remind me a formidable team.
Speaker 2: The Raining champions Penrose Panthers.
Speaker 3: At least it will be in four KA.
Speaker 1: I can watch my team get decimated in four K.
Speaker 1: Good luck, I hope.
Speaker 2: I'm actually planning on going to that game with Oscar
Speaker 2: his first ever game, so in true Manly fashion, I
Speaker 2: wanted to experience this point.
Speaker 1: We also have Broncos up against the Storm and.
Speaker 3: The Broncos are looking good, but do you know who
Speaker 3: returns this week.
Speaker 1: Munster, he's back. The groin is it's repaired itself right now,
Speaker 1: it looks good. We also have Cowboys versus Titans, and
Speaker 1: the Raiders versus the Eels, and once again ash all
Speaker 1: live and in four.
Speaker 2: K and no ad breaks during play.
Speaker 1: Love that there is plenty on for everyone this week,
Speaker 1: so get on board with ko. It's now also available
Speaker 1: on Hubble and.
Speaker 2: They do don't forget have that seven day free trial.
Speaker 1: Thank you for reminding us.
Speaker 3: Good, thank you for reminding us Aboutdalla's hoping it's ONNY
Speaker 3: on Sunday.
Speaker 2: Matt, something I do want to I don't want to
Speaker 2: directly blame Maley, your eldest daughter, for something that now.
Speaker 1: Would be very careful that Oscar does you word this sentence.
Speaker 3: It's not a direct blame, because we'll climb out.
Speaker 1: And no, she is a bit of a nightmare.
Speaker 3: She's an enabler. She enable yet nightmare not so much.
Speaker 2: She's lovely, she's very sweet, much better. I'm just gonna
Speaker 2: shit sandwich this. I've noticed that something Oscar has picked
Speaker 2: up from someone. I don't know if it's Marley, I
Speaker 2: don't know if he's picked it up from KINDI no
Speaker 2: other kids that Oscar hangs out with directly do this.
Speaker 2: And we have spoken about it before. It's not a
Speaker 2: secret that Marley sucks her thumb.
Speaker 1: Oh she loves it. Oh yeah, it's a vice for sure.
Speaker 2: So we did spend a week together on a cruise ship.
Speaker 2: We will very every meal together, every day together, the
Speaker 2: kids all together, all the time.
Speaker 3: Oscar has never sucked his thumb ever.
Speaker 2: Since then. And I'm not I'm not directly blaming Marley.
Speaker 1: I think I blame Marley.
Speaker 2: You blame her? Yeah, Okay, because I was trying to
Speaker 2: be nice. This morning was the last draw because I
Speaker 2: was like, I've seen it from a distance. I thought nothing,
Speaker 2: really too much of it, Like, okay, well I do
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 1: Recall we were getting the taxi back to the airport
Speaker 1: and we're sitting there and he put his thumb in
Speaker 1: his mouth, and you were like, hey, what do you
Speaker 1: doing there, buddy? Get that thing out of there. Doesn't
Speaker 1: belong there. I feel like with Oscar, you know those
Speaker 1: friends that didn't do any drugs or like drink much
Speaker 1: alcohol in high school and they got to their thirties
Speaker 1: and then someone was like, hey, try a line.
Speaker 3: Of casmthy We didn't go for anything real pg there.
Speaker 2: We went for the hard stuff.
Speaker 1: And they just go off the rails and it's when
Speaker 1: they get a taste of the good stuff that's Oscar
Speaker 1: for Oscar is essentially a thirty year old who's now
Speaker 1: smoking math.
Speaker 2: Yea me and Oscar.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so thanks for that.
Speaker 1: Lola is addicted to the dummy. Yeah, Marley's addicted to
Speaker 1: the Sometimes maybe this may be bad, but she's really upset.
Speaker 1: I'm like, just suck your thumb and then she's like,
Speaker 1: oh that's better, Like it just calms her right down.
Speaker 1: Just suck them yeah, and she's like, oh, that's right.
Speaker 1: It's this this guy.
Speaker 2: You mentioned addictions to dummy, which is not an obscure addiction,
Speaker 2: Like there's lots of kids out there that have to
Speaker 2: have their dummy. My kids have never had that. But
Speaker 2: Macy's picked up something that is and I'll call it
Speaker 2: an addiction, but it's only an addictions because we enabled
Speaker 2: it and we started it.
Speaker 3: So Eclipse Mints.
Speaker 2: You.
Speaker 1: Love a mint? Can I just inform the listeners that
Speaker 1: where whenever we go out with Ash is his phone,
Speaker 1: his wallet and a sack of mints.
Speaker 2: It's like a drug bag full of mint means it
Speaker 2: looks like it looks like it looks like pills. But
Speaker 2: we have them in the car all the time, and April,
Speaker 2: you think, I love Eclipse mints, the missus, so we
Speaker 2: have him in the car and I think one day
Speaker 2: Macy was like, I want one, and they're sugar free.
Speaker 2: Whatever I go to shut her up, we gave her one,
Speaker 2: and you know, it was nothing, It was nothing, It
Speaker 2: was harmless. Was it turned out to be a gateway,
Speaker 2: but like we would we were giving them to her
Speaker 2: when she would be like, I want one and to
Speaker 2: keep the peace, and it keeps her occupied because she
Speaker 2: holds it and she just sucks it for ages, kind
Speaker 2: of like stuck on a finger that dissolves.
Speaker 3: Imagine if Marley's fingers dissolved anyway.
Speaker 1: Sorry, don't need that kind of stress in my life anyway.
Speaker 3: So it started like that.
Speaker 2: And then when we were away the other day two
Speaker 2: when we went on that cruise, we flew up, we
Speaker 2: stayed somewhere.
Speaker 3: So for that whole time it became something that she used.
Speaker 2: We would use also to distract her, kind of like
Speaker 2: a bribe, but distracting it will keep her quiet for
Speaker 2: like ten minutes or something like that, and one turned
Speaker 2: into having to double fist it having two.
Speaker 3: Oh god, And it was just like, oh, this is
Speaker 3: on holiday.
Speaker 1: Do you ever worry that other people would look at
Speaker 1: her and be like, is that kid double fisting to
Speaker 1: eclipse mins?
Speaker 2: Mind your business, That's what I say. Yeah, So I
Speaker 2: was like, this is a holiday thing. Yeah, it's fine,
Speaker 2: this is fine.
Speaker 1: Holidays. Rules go out the window. Whatever, whatever keeps kids happy.
Speaker 2: She's like a crack addict. Now, yeah, think about any
Speaker 2: drug addict activity that would do other than sucking dick
Speaker 2: in a bathroom. Sorry, so I've hidden them. She finds
Speaker 2: them because.
Speaker 3: They rattle as well.
Speaker 2: It's like she'll be upstairs and I'll rattle the mint.
Speaker 2: I don't have any on me.
Speaker 3: It's the first time I love having had any mints.
Speaker 1: Because MASI he's taken them.
Speaker 3: Moments we're out of mints. She'll but like what she'll do.
Speaker 2: I'll hear the chat the little kid's chair because she
Speaker 2: can't lift it up, so she's got to push it
Speaker 2: along the tiles. It makes that.
Speaker 3: I'll hear it from upstairs.
Speaker 1: I'll be like, are you freaking serious?
Speaker 2: And I'll go downstairs and she's in a random cupboard
Speaker 2: on the kitchen bench, flinging things around trying to find
Speaker 2: the mints.
Speaker 1: And then she doesn't get one.
Speaker 2: It's like, excuse us one more man, last time I
Speaker 2: got on quick, I'll go cold turkey. So we've actually
Speaker 2: had to remove all the mints out of the house
Speaker 2: because she can't have one, she has to have two.
Speaker 3: She hears it. She's like, ah, I'm going to try
Speaker 3: and get.
Speaker 2: Some footage for those of you listening at home.
Speaker 3: If she sees the mint packet and you don't give
Speaker 3: a one.
Speaker 2: All hell breaks. She's like screaming, stamping. First of all,
Speaker 2: she does this thing, she goes that like she's sad, and.
Speaker 1: It's like all the cycle of grief, yeah, literally the
Speaker 1: cycle of grief.
Speaker 2: And then she comes to acceptance and she's like why
Speaker 2: like accepting this on my whole life and anger and anger,
Speaker 2: then back to sadness. But she is a crack addict
Speaker 2: for eclipsements, and we are to blame for that.
Speaker 1: I think. I think in terms of addictions, it's not
Speaker 1: the worst one to have.
Speaker 2: The only problem is the side of the packet says
Speaker 2: excess consumption can cause a laxative effect.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean how long is a piece of strength? Right?
Speaker 1: Very good point, Like, can you be a bit more specific?
Speaker 2: The many does she need?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Like, what are we talking?
Speaker 3: She's pretty constipated all the time, so maybe she needs more.
Speaker 1: How many days she happen? Do you think on average
Speaker 1: on a weekend? Weekends? Must be weekends Mriday and Saturday
Speaker 1: night she's binging.
Speaker 3: I would say she has about six o'click eclipments a
Speaker 3: day far out, day in, day out.
Speaker 2: Judge me if you will, I will.
Speaker 1: Will.
Speaker 2: The meltdown's not worth it though, Okay.
Speaker 1: The path of least resistance I know.
Speaker 3: Anyway, speaking of meltdowns, let's go into our favorite segment.
Speaker 4: It's a fine.
Speaker 1: The final.
Speaker 2: Matt.
Speaker 3: Would you like to go first?
Speaker 1: First? I will just take this opportunity. And sorry, it's
Speaker 1: taken me so long to say this. You've trimmed your
Speaker 1: mustache and it looks great, so tends. This one's from
Speaker 1: Ali pitch Ford pitch forward.
Speaker 3: That was made up, but yep, that's I've never met.
Speaker 1: A pitch forward before. She picked forward. Not my child,
Speaker 1: but my niece fell over at a family gathering and
Speaker 1: she cut a knee open. Oh shame me. Naturally, being
Speaker 1: the nurse of the family cleaned her knee and put
Speaker 1: a band aid on. She then started crying hysterically. This
Speaker 1: is the child Ali. When I asked her why she
Speaker 1: was still crying, she said, I want my blood back
Speaker 1: from the wife I used to clean her knee. That's tricky,
Speaker 1: that's tricky. I was going to say, what you what
Speaker 1: you're got to do. Whenever the kids fall over, don't
Speaker 1: react unless it's like, unless it's life threatening or requires stitches.
Speaker 1: Just like, looked down. Don't even I wouldn't even like, just.
Speaker 2: Let him bleed out Iregan.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just one less mouth defeat.
Speaker 1: I say, the moment you react, the moment you give
Speaker 1: them any attention. I know he milk it.
Speaker 2: I know. I've told this story before that when this
Speaker 2: kid fell down the stairs where I used to work,
Speaker 2: and the dad was like, it was like, you're gonna,
Speaker 2: you know, attend to that kid, and he was like, nope,
Speaker 2: it was fine, thankfully.
Speaker 1: How many stairs did he fall down?
Speaker 2: I can't quite remember.
Speaker 3: It was a lot, It's the whole story.
Speaker 2: He fell down four stories of stairs. It was just
Speaker 2: like it was just like fifteen twenty steps and.
Speaker 3: I was on ten steps.
Speaker 2: All right, I'm going to give you my one, matt
Speaker 2: All right, now that we've laughed.
Speaker 3: That off, now this one is from Holly. Just bear
Speaker 3: with me because you know how good I.
Speaker 2: Am reading, and she already warned us that this is
Speaker 2: a bit of a bane.
Speaker 1: I shouldn't laugh.
Speaker 2: How's this for a brain bender? My three? My three
Speaker 2: year old son wanted to eat some banana bread but
Speaker 2: didn't want it in his belly?
Speaker 3: What are they gonna What do you think you're gonna.
Speaker 2: Do with it? Matthew? Should we do some questions?
Speaker 1: I think we should consider.
Speaker 3: I'm holding the iPad.
Speaker 2: Hey, I might as well just go first.
Speaker 1: What better time than now to have you asked me
Speaker 1: a question?
Speaker 2: So, matt this is from Lisa. Having two girls, did
Speaker 2: you or your wife have gender disappointment? I'm struggling with
Speaker 2: this big time personally. I don't know what this is
Speaker 2: because I have one of each.
Speaker 3: So all right, just rub it in my shallow and deep.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't know what that feels like because I've got
Speaker 1: one of both, and I'm such a good dad, and
Speaker 1: my sperm a grete because they give me one of each.
Speaker 2: Well, actually, right now, not so great because they're gone
Speaker 2: bit tied up. Actually, I was thinking about getting rid
Speaker 2: of my testicals altogether. I don't need them anymore. Hit
Speaker 2: what else do they do? Just hurt whenever I get
Speaker 2: whenever my kid head butts it, because it's perfect, get.
Speaker 1: Rid of them. I would like just one, please you both.
Speaker 1: If there's any doctors pickle them, just be nice to
Speaker 1: have it in a jar.
Speaker 2: Wouldn't it be.
Speaker 1: It's like, what's that? That's ashes nuts?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you would be like, this is what they're supposed
Speaker 2: to look like.
Speaker 1: I did. I did have a agenda disappointment. I will
Speaker 1: I will say I will caveat this answer with the
Speaker 1: fact that I do love my girls. I'm extremely happy.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't change my life with two daughters for any
Speaker 1: amount of money or anything in the world.
Speaker 2: You did try and steal my son.
Speaker 1: Oops, that was a moment of weakness on my behalf.
Speaker 1: I do. I love I love of being a girl dad.
Speaker 1: I think it's great.
Speaker 2: But at the.
Speaker 1: Time issue was both male and lola. I think I
Speaker 1: said it many times. We didn't know the sex of
Speaker 1: our child and we found out were surprised at birth,
Speaker 1: which for me, I'm not into.
Speaker 2: I think that's a terrible thing to do.
Speaker 1: I want to. I think childbirth is amazing enough that
Speaker 1: you don't need the added surprise of like, what's it
Speaker 1: going to be? It's probably yeah, you don't need that.
Speaker 1: Laura was like, there's absolutely no way that I'm going
Speaker 1: to find out. I want to find out in the moment,
Speaker 1: you know, in the delivery room, as soon as that
Speaker 1: baby comes out. It's me And I'm like, but just
Speaker 1: I didn't want to argue with it, because I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: this is you know, you're going through a lot more
Speaker 1: than I am right now, so that if that's going
Speaker 1: to make you happy, so be it. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to push back. If we have a third There's absolutely
Speaker 1: no way we're not going to find out. I want
Speaker 1: to do like you want to do it, like gender
Speaker 1: reveal with a carding a burnout and where it's pink
Speaker 1: smoke or blue slish. That's how I wanted to happen.
Speaker 1: Absolutely beautiful. And then with Marley, I was having these
Speaker 1: vivid dreams, vivid dreams of playing with my son what
Speaker 1: I thought was going to be my son.
Speaker 2: That Marley.
Speaker 1: And as well, everyone was looking at Laura, looking at
Speaker 1: the shape and going, that's a boy.
Speaker 2: The way that it's sitting love that ship people. Fucking
Speaker 2: I fucking hate that so much. Also, what I hated
Speaker 2: is when people would say, oh, what are you having?
Speaker 2: I don't know, a fucking baby, you idiot, Well this
Speaker 2: is awkward.
Speaker 1: It's a cat. Yeah. Yeah, So in the moment ash
Speaker 1: when Marley was born, and I also thought it was
Speaker 1: like the movies. It would play out where the doctor
Speaker 1: would announce to the room in a loud voice, Congratulations,
Speaker 1: it's a boy or it's a girl. Like I thought
Speaker 1: that's how it happened, and I remembered how it happens
Speaker 1: not for us, bro I don't know because I found
Speaker 1: out early.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course I found out immediately.
Speaker 1: So when Marley came out, I kind of looked at
Speaker 1: the obstetrician and I was like, so, what is it?
Speaker 2: And he goes, it's a baby, dummy, and I.
Speaker 1: Kind of said, like, what you know, when's when's he
Speaker 1: gonna clear his throat and announce it to the room And.
Speaker 2: It's it's so drum roll? Is that what you were expecting?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like, what are the Trump? Whether the trump is going
Speaker 1: to start playing the drummer boys?
Speaker 2: Where's the parade? Yeah, where's the praid?
Speaker 1: This doesn't seem right, and he just goes so you
Speaker 1: can take a look. And so there was this kind
Speaker 1: of awkward moment where Laura was holding Marley, like, you know,
Speaker 1: she's crying around she's crying holding, you know, our firstborn child,
Speaker 1: and I was kind of like grabbing away, like lifting
Speaker 1: it up to see what it was if you do
Speaker 1: with the dog. Yeah, Like there was like, and excuse me,
Speaker 1: if I'm being really honest, there was a split second
Speaker 1: moment where I was like, oh, it's a girl, Like
Speaker 1: it just wasn't what I was expecting, right, And there
Speaker 1: was this and I hate the fact that there was
Speaker 1: this split second of disappointment.
Speaker 2: I guess disappointment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think surprise is more.
Speaker 2: I think naturally it's not like it doesn't have to
Speaker 2: be like a devastating disappointment.
Speaker 3: It's like you can't sometimes you can't control what your
Speaker 3: brains think.
Speaker 1: Well, I just yeah, it is disappointment. That disappointment in
Speaker 1: that moment didn't live beyond. It was a second of like, oh,
Speaker 1: this isn't what I was planning. It was like ordering
Speaker 1: a steak and the chicken comes and you're like, I
Speaker 1: think there's been a very.
Speaker 2: Big difference because you can send that back.
Speaker 1: I tried get back in. Laura was like, what are
Speaker 1: you doing? And it happened a little bit second time round.
Speaker 2: With Lola, the same same thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was another surprise, But did you have.
Speaker 2: That did you feel the same.
Speaker 1: There was a split second moment where you know, I
Speaker 1: think I want I do want a boy. I did
Speaker 1: want a boy, and people always say, oh, it's the
Speaker 1: dream to get one of each. You know, You're like,
Speaker 1: then you're done, You've got a boy, You're a girl,
Speaker 1: like job done, happy days. And then I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've got I got two girls, and Laura and I
Speaker 1: at this stage kind of spoken about maybe we'll just
Speaker 1: have two. So then there was this again split second
Speaker 1: moment where I was like, oh, this wasn't what I expected.
Speaker 1: And then I kind of thought as well, in that moment,
Speaker 1: maybe I'll never have a boy.
Speaker 2: Go deeper as sorry, goodness, you're fucking right, Yeah I know.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. They said, like the moment you're at a
Speaker 2: crossroads that you're trying to tell me.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But then people don't want to talk about gender
Speaker 1: disappointment because it sounds so utterly selfish.
Speaker 2: It does in that moment, and honestly, I could imagine
Speaker 2: that you would feel somewhat ashamed, even though you shouldn't totally.
Speaker 1: Well, I just experienced one of the most amazing moments
Speaker 1: in life. And the fact that you should have any
Speaker 1: emotion that's not just elation, you're an asshole.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well it's not true though. Now that I have Macy,
Speaker 2: I've got a girl and a boy. Again, I'll remind
Speaker 2: you have a girl.
Speaker 3: I had the boy, but then it was like we
Speaker 3: found out it was going to be a girl really
Speaker 3: really early on.
Speaker 1: And what was your reaction in that moment?
Speaker 2: I think I was just going to be happy either way.
Speaker 2: But now like Macy's the best, it's a bit cheeky.
Speaker 3: You didn't have preference on I didn't want a house
Speaker 3: full of boys.
Speaker 1: So do you think you would? Okay? Do you think
Speaker 1: then it's hypothetical if Macy was a boy. Do you
Speaker 1: think there would have been disappointment in that moment now
Speaker 1: knowing that you don't want to have a house for
Speaker 1: the boys.
Speaker 2: I don't think so. It would have been what it is.
Speaker 2: What it is fair enough, but I would have never
Speaker 2: have gone for a third never ever, ever, If you
Speaker 2: only had that feeling for such a minute moment. Is
Speaker 2: it gender based? Do you having a third or not? Well,
Speaker 2: if you had another girl, would you feel then?
Speaker 1: I think I'd be fine with it. I think some
Speaker 1: people do have a preconceived idea of what their family
Speaker 1: is going to be like, and when you it doesn't
Speaker 1: play out, I think it's really difficult for those people
Speaker 1: to digest it.
Speaker 2: Do you think they might feel like they're not content?
Speaker 1: I do think that people may feel like they've missed
Speaker 1: out okay, which is a normal feeling to have.
Speaker 2: Do you think that your discussions with Laura about having
Speaker 2: a third revolve around gender or the fact of having
Speaker 2: a third?
Speaker 1: No, I'm pretty content now. I am very much at
Speaker 1: peace with the fact that I may not have a boy.
Speaker 1: That's totally fine, because I'll be honest, I look at
Speaker 1: little boys and I'm like, let's say, grubby and naughty
Speaker 1: and oh loud all the time. Oscar's great, by the way,
Speaker 1: just that's not directed all.
Speaker 3: Of a sudden, He's well behaved.
Speaker 2: I don't know how it happened.
Speaker 1: I think if I was to have three girls like perfect,
Speaker 1: I almost think that would be great because a I've
Speaker 1: got like all the toys that are very like girly.
Speaker 1: I've got all the clothes already, like.
Speaker 2: I've your practice.
Speaker 1: You know, girls are great.
Speaker 2: Yeah, girls, I.
Speaker 1: Absolutely love being a girl. Dut If I had a boy,
Speaker 1: that'd be great as well. But the fact that we're
Speaker 1: discussing a third, it's not because I feel like there's
Speaker 1: a missing piece of the puzzle.
Speaker 2: Do you think the listener's struggling with it because they're
Speaker 2: discussing a third and that she really will Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think I know there is, Like there are some
Speaker 1: dads that I've spoken to that absolutely devastated that they
Speaker 1: don't have a boy.
Speaker 2: For someone who's discussing and still on the fence about
Speaker 2: having a third, you've you got two girls, would you
Speaker 2: give her any advice?
Speaker 1: I think if you are having another child purely with
Speaker 1: the hope that you're trying to get a certain sex,
Speaker 1: I think that would be the wrong reason to have
Speaker 1: another child.
Speaker 2: That's pretty valid.
Speaker 1: I think because that's why there's such a hard chance
Speaker 1: of being disappointed. I think you should want to have
Speaker 1: a child because you want to have another family member
Speaker 1: in the mix, not because you feel like you're trying
Speaker 1: to get that missing piece of the puzzle based only
Speaker 1: being a boy or a girl.
Speaker 2: Because then think of that, I can't imagine the disappointment
Speaker 2: again again.
Speaker 1: Yeah. The thing to remember is, though, if you are
Speaker 1: experiencing gender disappointment, it's so important to talk about it
Speaker 1: and know that this isn't going to impact your ability
Speaker 1: to be a good parent or how much you're going
Speaker 1: to love your child.
Speaker 2: Talk to a professional, I would say that's.
Speaker 1: Not here's another child birth question, ash, Oh, yeah, would
Speaker 1: you still have children if you were a woman and
Speaker 1: you had to go through all the process.
Speaker 2: Of absolutely not. Yeah, I'm just gonna flat out and
Speaker 2: say that men are not strong enough we honestly, I
Speaker 2: get the sniffles and I'm fucking down like a fucking.
Speaker 3: Bag of shit.
Speaker 1: I remember being about have you ever pushed out a
Speaker 1: really big poo, Matt? Think about that awful bit of
Speaker 1: relief afterwards, which I guess the feeling the euphoria. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the euphoria of pushing out a baby would be nice
Speaker 1: to experience that.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: I remember my older sister. We must have been like
Speaker 1: six and seven and maybe like seven and eight. We're
Speaker 1: really young, and she was like, hey, I just found
Speaker 1: something in mum's closet watch this and I was like,
Speaker 1: what have we got? And she was like, I think
Speaker 1: we waited till mum was out. The video that my
Speaker 1: sister had found was a woman giving birth, and it
Speaker 1: was an educational video where somebody was just narrating, like
Speaker 1: exactly what was happening? Was it?
Speaker 2: David Attenbro.
Speaker 1: I remember watching this video and I was like, oh my,
Speaker 1: it was full on. It was very graphic, and I
Speaker 1: remember in that moment thinking, I am so glad that
Speaker 1: I never have to experience anything that remotely relates to
Speaker 1: this right now.
Speaker 2: But it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: It is beautiful. Man.
Speaker 3: Oh we could do it.
Speaker 2: Man, do that.
Speaker 1: Let's just thank our lucky stars that not you, not me,
Speaker 1: nor any man out there has to go through childbirth,
Speaker 1: because the human race would last.
Speaker 2: Like thirty seconds. Yeah, the first cold and flu ye spinning,
Speaker 2: fighting for our lives.
Speaker 1: Very quickly, you know, I'm quick, mate.
Speaker 2: Better not be six or seven minutes.
Speaker 1: God, there will be two minutes. Okay. We asked last week,
Speaker 1: the very good listeners of this show, what are some disasters.
Speaker 3: That have started them? Yes, yes, from going out we did.
Speaker 1: We got some great responses, we sure did. I will
Speaker 1: just highlight a few of my favorite mm ash. These
Speaker 1: are disasters that have stopped parents going out and socializing.
Speaker 1: One here is my baby removed their nappy and smeared
Speaker 1: their shit all over the wall.
Speaker 2: Classic. That's a classic one.
Speaker 1: There is so much shit related disasters.
Speaker 2: Oh, I bet shit seems to be the main one.
Speaker 2: For example, one twin fed the other his shit.
Speaker 1: Perfect.
Speaker 2: That kind of did me in for the day. Another
Speaker 2: one here our doorters split their head open and had
Speaker 2: to go to hospital as they were about to leave
Speaker 2: for a wedding. Oh fuck, that would have ruined the wedding.
Speaker 1: One more here ash one of my favorites. They found
Speaker 1: their toddler in the toilet bowl, just playing in the
Speaker 1: toilet water merge inside the bowl. There, No, it was
Speaker 1: not was not not not emerged. Baby was fine above
Speaker 1: the water, sitting in there to the bowl, just splashing around. Yes,
Speaker 1: having a great time. And these answers are great. They
Speaker 1: are great because they have got the creative juices.
Speaker 2: Flowing juices, are.
Speaker 1: Pulsating if you will get them up. And it's good
Speaker 1: to know because other parents out there ASH that are
Speaker 1: struggling with the fact that it's hard to go out
Speaker 1: and socialize once you've had kids, if you want to go.
Speaker 2: Out and socialize without them, even with them, but without them,
Speaker 2: it's near impossible.
Speaker 1: Near impossible. And we thought, wouldn't this be a great topic.
Speaker 1: It is a great topic for a story.
Speaker 2: One quest, might they say.
Speaker 1: Any quest? It would be a quest for kids? Would
Speaker 1: it be to read at nighttime?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yes, okay with you.
Speaker 1: What we're trying to say is we're writing a kid
Speaker 1: We are, Yes, we are. We're writing a kid's book.
Speaker 2: Yes, and thanks to you, because we didn't have no
Speaker 2: idea what to write until you send us all these
Speaker 2: which keep coming, man, keep coming.
Speaker 1: So we've only just started.
Speaker 2: Yours might end up in a book.
Speaker 3: We do nothing original around here.
Speaker 1: What we need is for you to do the work
Speaker 1: for us.
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you.
Speaker 1: So we are writing a kid's book. Not a word
Speaker 1: has been written so.
Speaker 2: Far, but we're going to write it.
Speaker 1: We're writing it. You're me, You and me both soon
Speaker 1: to be published authors.
Speaker 2: Who's going to publish us?
Speaker 1: Just when you thought that you you've had enough of
Speaker 1: Matt Nash, we're now creeping into your bedtime routine with
Speaker 1: your kids.
Speaker 2: Creeping into your bedroom, your kid's bedroom.
Speaker 3: Who would have back it up.
Speaker 1: Not what we mean. When will the story be written?
Speaker 2: We don't know when, but we're working on it. We're
Speaker 2: working on it, We're working it. Time is of the
Speaker 2: essence when you have kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're busy, busy men. Honestly, how hard can it be?
Speaker 2: Let's not insult that I'm not Look, this is a
Speaker 2: Matt comment. I have nothing to do with this one.
Speaker 2: How hard could it be to write a kid's book?
Speaker 1: On that note, let's get out of here.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's been a long, long, arduous, arduous, a.
Speaker 2: Very informative episode, and if you have enjoyed it, please
Speaker 2: share it with someone and please leave us a review,
Speaker 2: leive us a little star review if you like, and.
Speaker 1: We will actually, just before we go, we will say
Speaker 1: that we have been dropping bonus episodes kind of randomly
Speaker 1: on a Monday every now and then, like one or
Speaker 1: two a month. We will now after the Buckleys. So
Speaker 1: this week there's obviously no bonus episode, but next week
Speaker 1: we will have a bonus episode. So every fortnight on Monday,
Speaker 1: we will be speaking to a mum or a dad.
Speaker 1: So if you have anyone you would like us to
Speaker 1: speak to, please send us through your suggestions and We'll
Speaker 1: do our best to make that work.
Speaker 3: And don't send a suggestion saying speak to John like
Speaker 3: we just give us someone we people know.
Speaker 1: We will acknowledge that a lot of people have asked
Speaker 1: for our wives.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're working.
Speaker 3: We've said, a couple of glasses of wine.
Speaker 1: As she's in perfect we'll get her plastered.
Speaker 3: But also she's anyone's.
Speaker 2: That's it for me, look at it okay.
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
Speaker 2: people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal Land.