1
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,080
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

2
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,119
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

3
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:10,399
Speaker 2: Now.

4
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,800
Speaker 1: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coilson. Welcome to another Happy

5
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:16,200
Speaker 1: Family's podcast. Today on the podcast, I'm excited to talk

6
00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:21,079
Speaker 1: to doctor Joe Prendergast. Joe is a parent, a psychiatrist,

7
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:25,760
Speaker 1: and a stand up comedian based in christ Church. I

8
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:27,760
Speaker 1: was going to say based in Heaven, Joe, but we'll

9
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,920
Speaker 1: go to the christ Church. It's close enough, though.

10
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:32,520
Speaker 3: Isn't it. Justin looking out my window at the moment,

11
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,400
Speaker 3: looking at Littleton Harbor looking like a pond with all

12
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,040
Speaker 3: the boats reflecting in it.

13
00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:41,760
Speaker 2: In Heaven is pretty close.

14
00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:42,720
Speaker 3: Yeah.

15
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:45,520
Speaker 1: It's not quite Queenstown though, so that's why it can't

16
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:46,520
Speaker 1: be Heaven, right.

17
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:47,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's much quieter.

18
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:52,839
Speaker 1: And Joe, you've written a brand new book. It's called

19
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:56,720
Speaker 1: When Life Sucks. It's been published by HarperCollins. And this

20
00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:01,320
Speaker 1: is a book for parents who are raising teams that

21
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:05,480
Speaker 1: are having just the challenges, the struggles, the difficulties. But

22
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:10,319
Speaker 1: it's actually not a horrible hard book, even though even

23
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,800
Speaker 1: though you're a psychiatrist talking about difficult things. I guess

24
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:18,319
Speaker 1: being a stand up comic helps there. When you sat

25
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:21,280
Speaker 1: down and decide to write a book about when life sucks?

26
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,200
Speaker 1: What did you intentionally leave out?

27
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:29,840
Speaker 3: Probably about another hundred thousand words that I would have

28
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,480
Speaker 3: liked to put in the book. So the book was

29
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:37,920
Speaker 3: very much a case of pruning and sifting out gold nuggets.

30
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:43,720
Speaker 3: So I essentially translated all of my psychiatry knowledge, all

31
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:48,240
Speaker 3: of the practical things that I do and various subspecialty

32
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:52,200
Speaker 3: experts do to support young people who are struggling, and

33
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,160
Speaker 3: then tried to put all of those gold nuggets through

34
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:58,760
Speaker 3: a filter of easy to read conversational language with a

35
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:02,440
Speaker 3: bit of humor when it was appropriate, so that it

36
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:04,800
Speaker 3: was accessible to the average parent.

37
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,640
Speaker 1: Joe, when you wrote the book, you described three rs.

38
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:12,360
Speaker 1: Three rs of great parenting. I think this might be

39
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:15,040
Speaker 1: one of the most beautiful encapsulations of something that every

40
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,920
Speaker 1: parenting expert tries to teach all the time. Can you

41
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,480
Speaker 1: describe those three hours?

42
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:20,520
Speaker 2: Yeah?

43
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:26,239
Speaker 3: So essentially the three hours regulate, relate, and reason. So

44
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:30,320
Speaker 3: this came from Bruce K. Perry, who is a renowned

45
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:34,680
Speaker 3: American psychiatrist who was probably the big inspiration for my

46
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:39,400
Speaker 3: career listening to him talk about childhood trauma and the

47
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,280
Speaker 3: effects on brains and the importance c of early intervention.

48
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,520
Speaker 3: So he's an incredible person.

49
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,919
Speaker 1: He wrote a book with Oprah. I mean, this guy's

50
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:48,480
Speaker 1: a big deal.

51
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:49,520
Speaker 2: He's a big deal.

52
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,600
Speaker 3: And he came to Sydney and I was a first

53
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:54,600
Speaker 3: year registrar and I went, wow, this is mind blowing.

54
00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:58,200
Speaker 3: This is so important. So he was probably my biggest

55
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,040
Speaker 3: inspiration to work in the area of early intervention and

56
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:02,880
Speaker 3: with young people.

57
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,120
Speaker 1: So let's talk about these three things. Okay, So if

58
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:06,760
Speaker 1: I'm raising, I mean, you don't even have to be

59
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,400
Speaker 1: dealing with a teenager here. Regulate, relate, and reason. This

60
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,120
Speaker 1: essentially sounds to me like we're dealing with a situation

61
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:17,400
Speaker 1: where kids are feeling disregulated. They're upset, they're crying, they're angry,

62
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,960
Speaker 1: they're moody, they're withdrawn. Yeah, and we're trying to talk

63
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,160
Speaker 1: to them and it's not going anywhere. So regulate, relate,

64
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:26,240
Speaker 1: and reason. It sounds like a It sounds like a

65
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,680
Speaker 1: simple process to get things back on track.

66
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:34,200
Speaker 3: I think the first step even before thinking about regulating

67
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,400
Speaker 3: the large, stroppy child who has just said that you've

68
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,920
Speaker 3: ruined their lives and you're the worst parent in the world.

69
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:44,240
Speaker 3: But the first step is to regulate yourself as a parent,

70
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,840
Speaker 3: because if you are disregulated and emotional, all wound up,

71
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:53,080
Speaker 3: that's going to be very difficult to regulate your young person.

72
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:56,880
Speaker 3: You know, if you go back to when kids were babies,

73
00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,400
Speaker 3: you know, just regulated baby is one that's kind of

74
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,040
Speaker 3: crying its lungs out, and so we'd pick it up

75
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:06,360
Speaker 3: and we'd see that and hold it and contain it

76
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,160
Speaker 3: and jiggle it around. You know, we did things to

77
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:13,160
Speaker 3: regulate and stop the crying. And so essentially we need

78
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,880
Speaker 3: to do that first with ourselves and then second with

79
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:20,159
Speaker 3: the stroppy teenager or other young person that's in front

80
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:20,480
Speaker 3: of us.

81
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,400
Speaker 1: So I want to talk about the stroppy teenager, but

82
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,120
Speaker 1: we need to talk about this first. When I talk

83
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,080
Speaker 1: to parents about this one, this seems to come up

84
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:31,040
Speaker 1: all the time, the ability to parent yourself before your parents,

85
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:35,360
Speaker 1: your child. What's your go to? And obviously every situation

86
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:39,160
Speaker 1: is different, but I'm thinking about the parent who is overworked, overwhelmed,

87
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,240
Speaker 1: maybe doing it on their own. They've been at work

88
00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:42,840
Speaker 1: all day, They've come home, the house is a mess,

89
00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:44,920
Speaker 1: there's ironing and folding to do, there's a dinner to cook,

90
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,480
Speaker 1: there's a child who's refusing to contribute and participate because

91
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,200
Speaker 1: they've had a crappy day as well. And now this

92
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:53,680
Speaker 1: parent's supposed to take three deep breadths and regulate themselves

93
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,520
Speaker 1: that they can talk to. How do we as parents

94
00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:01,960
Speaker 1: regulate ourselves so that we can be that adicult in

95
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:02,920
Speaker 1: the room for our kid.

96
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think that depends a lot on the

97
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,000
Speaker 3: individual as well. You know, if you're a parent who's

98
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:13,000
Speaker 3: had a pretty benign sort of upbringing yourself and are

99
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,960
Speaker 3: not struggling with mental health issues.

100
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:18,120
Speaker 2: So the average sort of stressed parent whose.

101
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,480
Speaker 3: Doesn't have a whole lot that they're dealing with themselves,

102
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,599
Speaker 3: they're often just walking out of the room literally taking

103
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:30,440
Speaker 3: some deep belly breaths to get your nervous system back

104
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:36,160
Speaker 3: into the sympathetic nervous system, to kind of call it

105
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:40,360
Speaker 3: the team chill tool kit in terms of the different

106
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:43,839
Speaker 3: things we can do to get more of that chilled

107
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:49,680
Speaker 3: out parasympathetic nervous system into our bodies is really important.

108
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,240
Speaker 3: And even though it seems like a cliche of take

109
00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:55,960
Speaker 3: a deep breath, there's a lot of science behind doing

110
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:59,640
Speaker 3: that slow belly breathing in terms of actually changing our

111
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,640
Speaker 3: nervous system because that does seem to be a real

112
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:07,120
Speaker 3: connection between people. If one person's wound up, stressed all

113
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,120
Speaker 3: in their sympathetic fight and flight mechanism and they're in

114
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,599
Speaker 3: a room with someone else, it becomes contagious. We start

115
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:17,240
Speaker 3: kind of picking up that tension. So the real challenge

116
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,760
Speaker 3: is parents, is to get ourselves into a calm, mish

117
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:25,400
Speaker 3: enough state so that we can then regulate our young people.

118
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,200
Speaker 3: Because if you think of the crying baby, if you're

119
00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:32,120
Speaker 3: really overwhelmed as a parent, quite often, handing that baby

120
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:35,440
Speaker 3: to sort of grandma or a friend who's very calm

121
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,760
Speaker 3: and relaxed, the baby settles really quickly because they pick

122
00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:43,400
Speaker 3: up that calm, regulated sense from another adult. And so

123
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:47,039
Speaker 3: we're trying to do the soothing the crying baby with

124
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:50,600
Speaker 3: a disregulated teenager who's standing in front of us. So

125
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:54,880
Speaker 3: it is a bigger challenge because it is harder to

126
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:58,440
Speaker 3: regulate a teenager, and particularly one who's struggling with their

127
00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,159
Speaker 3: mental health.

128
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, emotions are so contagious as well, aren't they, Like

129
00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:07,640
Speaker 1: we really do. Yeah, we catch whatever vibe is in

130
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:11,360
Speaker 1: the air when our teenager storms in, or when they

131
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,200
Speaker 1: skulk in, or where they try to avoid us. Entirely.

132
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:15,560
Speaker 1: We kind of catch that, don't we.

133
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,840
Speaker 3: Ah absolutely, And I think one of the real challenges

134
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:23,880
Speaker 3: of parenting is understanding yourself enough to know what things

135
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,480
Speaker 3: really press your buttons.

136
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:25,960
Speaker 2: You know.

137
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:30,960
Speaker 3: I know, for me, being invalidated or blamed really presses

138
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:31,640
Speaker 3: my buttons.

139
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:34,960
Speaker 2: It's very hard. If a teenager goes, You've ruined my

140
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:39,320
Speaker 2: life by emailing that teacher about Dady dadda, you.

141
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,800
Speaker 3: Know, then it really presses your buttons. That is just

142
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,560
Speaker 3: and unfair. And I did something to try and help,

143
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,840
Speaker 3: and so you get wound up. They get wound up,

144
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,720
Speaker 3: and the whole thing escalates. And if parents have had

145
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:56,480
Speaker 3: their own trauma history, have had difficulties in the you know,

146
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,200
Speaker 3: I talk in the book about ghosts in the nursery

147
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,560
Speaker 3: in terms of our own experience of being parented that

148
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:06,280
Speaker 3: we bring with us at a very nervous system level.

149
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,680
Speaker 3: And often, you know, we might find ourselves slamming doors

150
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,000
Speaker 3: or kind of stomping around the house or saying something mean,

151
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:17,600
Speaker 3: or going into ignoring your kids, or you know, there's

152
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:21,440
Speaker 3: various things that happen that are often re enacting some

153
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:25,120
Speaker 3: of the experiences that we had developmentally. And I think

154
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:30,840
Speaker 3: that's where parents really understanding themselves, knowing what happens when

155
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:34,400
Speaker 3: I'm stressed, How do the ghosts in the nursery affect

156
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,760
Speaker 3: my own behavior when buttons are pressed is a really

157
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:41,839
Speaker 3: important part. So that regulate the parent before you even

158
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,680
Speaker 3: try to regulate the kid is like a whole book

159
00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:49,120
Speaker 3: in itself, really, but you know, that's and the reality is,

160
00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:53,480
Speaker 3: you know, anxious kids often have anxious parents. Kids who

161
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:58,520
Speaker 3: are neurodivergent often have neurodivergent parents. Kids who are traumatized

162
00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:02,839
Speaker 3: often have traumatized parents, you know, So that makes that

163
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:07,559
Speaker 3: regulation even harder if your kids. You know, for example,

164
00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:10,240
Speaker 3: in my family, where there's quite a lot of neurodiversity,

165
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,280
Speaker 3: one of my big struggles is being on time, and

166
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:17,600
Speaker 3: so having neuro divergent kids who also struggle being on

167
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:20,920
Speaker 3: time creates a huge amount of stress because it's like,

168
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,600
Speaker 3: I'm trying to do my thing better, but your kids

169
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,800
Speaker 3: are making it even harder. And I know this is

170
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,640
Speaker 3: the thing that you really struggle with, and so this

171
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:34,240
Speaker 3: is tough, you know. So I think parents really knowing

172
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:38,400
Speaker 3: themselves what they bring to parenting. I use an analogy

173
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:43,080
Speaker 3: about parents being the foundation of the house, and that

174
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,480
Speaker 3: knowing what you do when the going gets tough is

175
00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:49,959
Speaker 3: really important. You know, do your foundations get ultra rigid

176
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,080
Speaker 3: where you have lots of consequences that haven't been discussed,

177
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,480
Speaker 3: or do you get all soft and wobbly and there's

178
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,400
Speaker 3: no kind of direction and the kids just fend for

179
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:03,400
Speaker 3: themselves when you're stressed, you know, so thinking of parents

180
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:07,000
Speaker 3: being the foundations and the kids be the walls at

181
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,480
Speaker 3: the house that be to kind of be supported by

182
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:10,439
Speaker 3: the foundations.

183
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:14,480
Speaker 1: Joe, when does life suck for teens a lot?

184
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:20,480
Speaker 3: I think the reality is that for most teens, there's

185
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,840
Speaker 3: a lot of really big emotions to deal with, and

186
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:27,520
Speaker 3: so a relationship breakup is way more intense. There's much

187
00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:31,359
Speaker 3: bigger feelings, and those feelings are not very well connected

188
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:34,920
Speaker 3: with the frontal lobe where decisions and choices are made,

189
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:39,480
Speaker 3: so there's often risk taking behavior or you know, things

190
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,640
Speaker 3: that add fuel to the fire. So that's just sort

191
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:48,000
Speaker 3: of you know, this change, loss, rejection, being bullied. You know,

192
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,280
Speaker 3: there's so many things that happen just in a standard

193
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:55,520
Speaker 3: teenager's life, and you know, increasingly with tweens and teens,

194
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,760
Speaker 3: they're dealing with big things as well. And then if

195
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,880
Speaker 3: you add another layer in terms of struggling with anxiety

196
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:08,600
Speaker 3: or depression, or starting to develop eating problems or having

197
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,800
Speaker 3: learning problems, or you're a divergence. That make it all

198
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,640
Speaker 3: a lot harder. You know, you've put another layer on that,

199
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,520
Speaker 3: and then you add COVID isolation and missing out on

200
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:22,439
Speaker 3: developmental milestones, and you know, the sort of layer layer

201
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,160
Speaker 3: upon layer, and then you know, is our world going

202
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,640
Speaker 3: to catch fire in a few years, what's my future?

203
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:32,679
Speaker 3: You know, there's a lot going on for young people developmentally,

204
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:36,080
Speaker 3: and then just adding on top of that mental health

205
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:40,800
Speaker 3: struggles and living in the current world. So when life

206
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:44,280
Speaker 3: sucks is a lot and life sucks quite a lot

207
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,480
Speaker 3: for a lot of parents as well. So it's that combination.

208
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:53,080
Speaker 1: I wouldn't go back and be a teenager today for anything. Yeah,

209
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,600
Speaker 1: so much compassion for kids being raised in twenty twenty three.

210
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,240
Speaker 3: Oh absolutely, I think you know, I think we're sort

211
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,920
Speaker 3: of similar of being teenagers. You know, back then it

212
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,440
Speaker 3: was just you know, all my parents, let me go

213
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,080
Speaker 3: to the school dance. You know, does my brush like me?

214
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:12,160
Speaker 3: You know, very small? You know, is the surf going

215
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:16,120
Speaker 3: to be good today? You know, the issues just seem

216
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,640
Speaker 3: so much more manageable back as a teenager in the

217
00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:24,240
Speaker 3: eighties and nineties. That the descent, you know, and that's

218
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,800
Speaker 3: what the statistics are telling us as well, especially after COVID.

219
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:33,560
Speaker 3: You know, one in three teenagers is suffering from very

220
00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:37,839
Speaker 3: high levels of distress, you know, and pretty much all

221
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:41,760
Speaker 3: of the mental health issues have shot up in Victoria

222
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,160
Speaker 3: and New South Wales and particularly in particular, they're not

223
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,960
Speaker 3: really coming down either, which is very concerning.

224
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, Joe, So I'm a parent. I'm listening to this

225
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,360
Speaker 1: conversation and I just want one thing that I can

226
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:58,320
Speaker 1: do because it feels like if I was to ask

227
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,760
Speaker 1: my teenager teenager, they would say, you, actually, your life

228
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,880
Speaker 1: does suck right now. If I am that parent and

229
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,839
Speaker 1: I want to do just one thing this afternoon that's

230
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,000
Speaker 1: going to make a difference all this morning or whenever

231
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,120
Speaker 1: we're listening, what would that one thing be. You have

232
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,720
Speaker 1: an entire book about it. There's so much in the book,

233
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,439
Speaker 1: and I've actually been through every single page of the book.

234
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,760
Speaker 1: There is a lot of information about so many of

235
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,680
Speaker 1: the challenges that our teenagers are facing. But what would

236
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:24,800
Speaker 1: be your number one thing?

237
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:30,880
Speaker 3: I think probably the number one thing is you need

238
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:34,800
Speaker 3: to regulate yourself. You know, no matter what your teenager

239
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:38,960
Speaker 3: is going through, if you can find ways to be

240
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:43,080
Speaker 3: in an okay place yourself, then every interaction you have

241
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,160
Speaker 3: with your teenager is likely to go better. And it

242
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:50,920
Speaker 3: was Bruce Perry again, my go to guru, talks about

243
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:55,760
Speaker 3: that a connected interaction with a caregiver is worth an

244
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,840
Speaker 3: hour of therapy. You know, it's a really really powerful thing.

245
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:04,120
Speaker 3: So if you can find ways of being calm and

246
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:10,199
Speaker 3: connected and present and noticing your kid, that in itself

247
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,800
Speaker 3: is likely to make any situation better.

248
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,440
Speaker 1: I wish we could talk all day about Joe. Doctor

249
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,760
Speaker 1: Joe Prendergast is the author of When Life Sucks, Parenting

250
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:24,800
Speaker 1: your team through Tough Times, a parent psychiatrist, and a

251
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:28,080
Speaker 1: helpful person to have in your pocket when you or

252
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,480
Speaker 1: your kids are having a rough time. Joe, it's been

253
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:31,840
Speaker 1: such a delight to be able to chat with you

254
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,200
Speaker 1: on a Happy Families podcast. Thank you for joining me today.

255
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:35,560
Speaker 2: That's no problems at all.

256
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,440
Speaker 1: The Happy Famili's podcast is produced by Justin Rawan from

257
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,120
Speaker 1: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. If you'd

258
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,640
Speaker 1: like more and fo about how to make your family

259
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,640
Speaker 1: happy at visitors at happy Families dot com, dot i