WEBVTT - How Many Dates Should You Go On Before Going Exclusive? 💌

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex

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<v Speaker 1>and Frooms catch up podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, sweety prize, it's your phase. We're back.

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<v Speaker 3>I've come across a dating rubric and I always love

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<v Speaker 3>when you know conversations and topics are framed in a

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<v Speaker 3>way that's easy to understand. Apparently there's a certain number

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<v Speaker 3>of dates you need to be going on before you're exclusive.

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<v Speaker 3>The number is higher than you think. And I'm so

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<v Speaker 3>sorry to reveal this on a random Wednesday, but here

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<v Speaker 3>it is.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Flex and Frooms. I'm Kita.

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<v Speaker 4>I was on TikTok It again and I found this

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<v Speaker 4>really really interesting piece about IVF babies.

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<v Speaker 1>Play the tape, Mikayla.

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<v Speaker 5>My parents actually still have some embryos from the exact

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<v Speaker 5>same batch frozen because they wanted two kids. The first

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<v Speaker 5>two times were successful, but the doctor had extracted. I

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<v Speaker 5>don't know how many, so I don't know how many

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<v Speaker 5>embryos are left, but there are some of my twins

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<v Speaker 5>per se still sitting in a lab. So tell me why.

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<v Speaker 5>It has always been my desire ever I knew that

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<v Speaker 5>to you know, grow up, get married, didn't plan on

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<v Speaker 5>getting divorced, but get married again. Maybe eventually and have

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<v Speaker 5>my kids with my partner, but eventually also go through

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<v Speaker 5>the implant process myself and give birth to one of

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<v Speaker 5>my twin embryos. I just would want to know, especially

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<v Speaker 5>if it was a boy, what a little boys sibling

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<v Speaker 5>of me was like, and to bring that baby into

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<v Speaker 5>the world. And I'm just so curious, Well I actually

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<v Speaker 5>do it? Probably not, but am I so tempted.

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<v Speaker 4>Yes, I'd never even thought of that as a possibility.

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<v Speaker 4>But that's going to become more and more of a

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<v Speaker 4>possibility as egg freezing IVF becomes.

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<v Speaker 3>More And you can only imagine conversations about ethics and

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<v Speaker 3>the TikTok comments.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just it's not going.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, that's not mine for it.

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<v Speaker 4>Would you give birth to your siblings and have it

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<v Speaker 4>as your baby. Let's say both your parents have passed away,

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<v Speaker 4>but you have their eggs.

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<v Speaker 1>Would you?

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<v Speaker 2>No, I don't want to give birth that badly.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, but thank you, My pleasure, my pleasure.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay.

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<v Speaker 3>Somebody on TikTok called the problemed solvers that's with a D,

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<v Speaker 3>has come up with a comprehensive rubric on how they

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<v Speaker 3>approach dating to get to the point of exclusivity. I

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<v Speaker 3>will disclaim this is it's someone else. I've never seen

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<v Speaker 3>anything like it in my whole entire life. They go

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<v Speaker 3>on to say that date one should be ninety minutes flat,

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<v Speaker 3>no more, no less, and you should be checking for

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<v Speaker 3>mental stability. Are they a serial killer? Are they someone

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<v Speaker 3>who can hold a conversation? If so, maybe that's it.

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<v Speaker 3>You get in, you get out. Date two they call

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<v Speaker 3>this operational independence. What restaurants are they picking? You know?

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<v Speaker 2>Is there a vibe?

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<v Speaker 3>Can we build on something? And then this is the kicker.

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<v Speaker 3>At the end of the second date, you say to them,

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<v Speaker 3>I would love to see you. I'm gonna let you

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<v Speaker 3>plan when and where we meet up next. Now, this

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<v Speaker 3>person goes on to say that it is a bit

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<v Speaker 3>red hot, but weed oubt people who aren't serious about

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<v Speaker 3>showing up for you or showing you good time, and

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<v Speaker 3>aren't gonna follow up and aren't good at organizing. We

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<v Speaker 3>can neither confirm or deny. But this is not our rubric. Now,

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<v Speaker 3>date three, according to this person's about sexual compatibility, hold

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<v Speaker 3>on now, it's about now you've confirmed that you can

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<v Speaker 3>hold a conversation. They're not a serial killer. Allegedly, they

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<v Speaker 3>know how to pick a date, where to go, how

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<v Speaker 3>to make sure it's in the calendar? Date three, sexual compatibility?

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<v Speaker 3>Now date four to twenty one. This is where we

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<v Speaker 3>start getting into communication transparency. Do we have the same interests,

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<v Speaker 3>shared values? Do we get along? Do we enjoy each

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<v Speaker 3>other's company? And then only after date twenty one can

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<v Speaker 3>you discuss exclusivity.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, what constitutes a date?

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<v Speaker 3>What is a date? I say a date has to

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<v Speaker 3>be a defined place in time. It has to be quality,

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<v Speaker 3>one on one time, and I would say a date

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<v Speaker 3>is more than two hours.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. Can a date be a booty call?

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<v Speaker 3>No, you have to talk for at least half the

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<v Speaker 3>time talk fine, a date can Now let's say a

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<v Speaker 3>date can be a bitty call? Yeah, so okay, I

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<v Speaker 3>think I think anything that you do offline together organized is.

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<v Speaker 1>A date, and twenty one of them until twenty conclusive.

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<v Speaker 3>So if we do a little bit of maths there,

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<v Speaker 3>if you do a date a week, then you've got

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<v Speaker 3>to be exclusive in five weeks.

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<v Speaker 2>Roughly four weeks.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't destruct you. You didn't struck me as someone who.

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<v Speaker 2>Is four weeks?

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<v Speaker 1>What a date a week for four weeks is four dates?

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<v Speaker 4>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>Sorry?

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<v Speaker 3>A date a week for my data week for a month.

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<v Speaker 3>Wait no, no, no, no, no, no no. We have never

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<v Speaker 3>behaved this stupidly in your whole life.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, I'm not like, I'm not prepared for you to

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<v Speaker 4>be that daft, Like I actually feel uncomfortable.

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<v Speaker 5>Was that?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay? It actually crazy, it's.

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<v Speaker 4>Actually horrible being the person that has more sense.

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<v Speaker 3>You don't feel good for me either, I will admit.

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<v Speaker 3>But that's to say we're all human in the room. Okay,

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<v Speaker 3>I will say I reckon that. The general idea is

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<v Speaker 3>that after three months you.

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<v Speaker 4>Consider being exclusive, but I think the four month approach

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<v Speaker 4>is probably the more considered.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, while I don't agree with what the rules for

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<v Speaker 3>date one, two and three are, I will say, if

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<v Speaker 3>you're planning for longevity, twenty one dates or four months

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<v Speaker 3>before exclusivity is reasonable because you know and I know

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<v Speaker 3>that it's not all well up here for both of us,

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<v Speaker 3>and we put on a good front.

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<v Speaker 4>Ye.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, the mask will slip.

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<v Speaker 3>The mask hast a slip, and at four at that

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<v Speaker 3>point it's off.

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<v Speaker 2>So if you want to stay, you've been warned. MUMMAE

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<v Speaker 2>can I listen to Flex and Rooms.

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and fromes O cater.

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<v Speaker 4>Not everyone knows this. However, I actually did a degree

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<v Speaker 4>in advertising at university. Yes, I went to university before

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<v Speaker 4>realizing the hex step was the thing. I thought university

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<v Speaker 4>was free.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, very confusing.

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<v Speaker 4>No one told us that that is really the biggest conspiracy.

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<v Speaker 3>You don't wun't see numbers when you apply for you

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<v Speaker 3>I wouldn't even know how much it spit costs just

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<v Speaker 3>I couldn't even dispute it.

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<v Speaker 1>Are some courses more sensitive than others? Surely?

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<v Speaker 6>Oh what I used to work at a university.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, Okay, we talk to you.

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<v Speaker 2>We've got friends in nine places.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I used to work in shit in admin. So

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<v Speaker 6>there's three different bands based on what degree you have.

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<v Speaker 6>So if you have an arts degree, you're in the

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<v Speaker 6>bottom band, which is at least expensive. Yeah, and it's

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<v Speaker 6>calculated based on your earning capabilities. Oh so arts degrees girls,

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<v Speaker 6>it's cheap because you probably won't earn very much.

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<v Speaker 3>Wow.

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<v Speaker 6>But if you are going to be a doctor, you're

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<v Speaker 6>going to swing scientific. You're probably going to mean band one,

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<v Speaker 6>which makes you degree. It is going to cost more.

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<v Speaker 1>That is so much.

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<v Speaker 3>I love when you speak, Bob. How can we get

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<v Speaker 3>you on the micromorphone obsessed with her.

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<v Speaker 1>That is the most backward stuff I've ever seen.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but we live in a backward society. Did you

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<v Speaker 3>or did you not see the maybolene mascar ad?

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<v Speaker 1>No, but I just saw it. Then the maybolene miscar.

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<v Speaker 4>Ad is a outdoor activation type. Okay, come degree, It

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<v Speaker 4>was seven years ago, but you know.

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<v Speaker 3>So there's a video of like a I think it's

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<v Speaker 3>like a train or a tube in London and it's

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<v Speaker 3>pulled in.

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<v Speaker 2>It pulls into a.

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<v Speaker 3>Station to have its oversized lashes kind of swept back

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<v Speaker 3>by a Mascar brush.

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<v Speaker 2>It's very meta.

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<v Speaker 3>It's like the telephone pole is a Mascar brush and

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<v Speaker 3>then the train has eyelashes.

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<v Speaker 2>And this is twenty twenty three.

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<v Speaker 3>I was watching this video a couple of weeks ago

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<v Speaker 3>that was from the eighties, and there was this guy,

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<v Speaker 3>a futurist, talking about how the world is on track

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<v Speaker 3>to get exponentially weirder and weirder and weirder, and we're

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<v Speaker 3>going to collapse from the weirdness and have to just

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<v Speaker 3>go back to the most base, sick, stale, hot together

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<v Speaker 3>lifestyle because it just gets so weird. We don't have

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<v Speaker 3>the capacity this is one of those moments if you

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<v Speaker 3>haven't seen it, you type it into Google when you

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<v Speaker 3>safely pull over a scar ad. The video is amazing,

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<v Speaker 3>it looks really great. But I had just revealed to

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<v Speaker 3>the girls that it was Ai. I met CGI. But

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<v Speaker 3>isn't all the same these days. But it's CGI, and

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not alone in thinking that it was real. Most

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<v Speaker 3>people couldn't discern the difference, which actually worries me quite

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<v Speaker 3>a bit because feeling like we're raised as this stuff

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<v Speaker 3>is happening, being children of the tech world, I feel

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<v Speaker 3>like we should have a sixth sense.

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<v Speaker 1>The digital literacy is not literacy.

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<v Speaker 2>Not literacy at all.

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<v Speaker 3>I feel like if we can see something so absurd

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<v Speaker 3>like a train with eyelashes putting on a scar and

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<v Speaker 3>not think it's real, we are the perfect candidates for advertising.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, we were made for this. I'm ready induction

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<v Speaker 1>at me, show us more.

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<v Speaker 2>I wish I could remember ads more often.

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<v Speaker 3>But what I'm a big fan of generally, and we

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<v Speaker 3>don't do this enough just product placement. Because I don't

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<v Speaker 3>know if you've seen any of those videos, but there's

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<v Speaker 3>this one girl on TikTok who has this series of

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<v Speaker 3>when like let's say in the Kardashians, for example, when

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<v Speaker 3>Kim's in her bathroom and they're not promoing Kim's own product,

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<v Speaker 3>She'll take a screenshot of like Kim's vanity and try

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<v Speaker 3>and like zoom in on the photos and retouch and

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<v Speaker 3>to figure out what products she's using but not actually advertising.

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<v Speaker 3>So like, what are people actually using generally? Or I

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<v Speaker 3>love being in a movie and be like, oh, that's

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<v Speaker 3>part replacement. If ever, you see a car driving and

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<v Speaker 3>I see the emblem of the logo of the car placement,

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<v Speaker 3>you're holding a phone placement, Why can I see what

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<v Speaker 3>your laptop brand is placement?

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<v Speaker 1>And I love it.

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<v Speaker 2>I want to see more of that.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, that is flexing from's tips advertising onkter. I was

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<v Speaker 4>doing my weekly scroll on TikTok believe it on and everyone.

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<v Speaker 4>I actually only go on TikTok once every ten days. Really, yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>for some reason, the algorithm you are.

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<v Speaker 3>Such a anomaly. Not an anomaly. What's the other word

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<v Speaker 3>I'm looking for?

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<v Speaker 2>You know the word?

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<v Speaker 3>She's not an anomally she enigma, yes, and enigma. Just everything

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<v Speaker 3>about the firm's experience, in not a derogatory way, is

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<v Speaker 3>so extremely contradictory.

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<v Speaker 2>I cannot wrap my head around it.

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<v Speaker 3>Frum is one of the most online people I know

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<v Speaker 3>who just managed to have like zero screen time. I

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<v Speaker 3>don't understand the quirkiest person I know hand on heart

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<v Speaker 3>who doesn't want to be seen or described as quirky.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just like every day.

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<v Speaker 3>But please continue, I yeah, don't need to defend yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>One every ten days.

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<v Speaker 4>Yes, TikTok exploration simply for content reason. And I came

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<v Speaker 4>across this by a person called Dana Dozzy. That's two

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<v Speaker 4>z's and two wives. On the end, she writes, when

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<v Speaker 4>you discover that your nervous system holds the key to

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<v Speaker 4>the way you experience reality, and being dysregulated means you

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<v Speaker 4>will literally be shown a scarier world on purpose as

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<v Speaker 4>a way your body is trying to ensure youse is

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<v Speaker 4>a wild realization to have. Regulating your nervous system is

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<v Speaker 4>the first layer to building a life you don't need

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<v Speaker 4>to escape from.

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<v Speaker 1>This should be taught in schools, but you're learning it now.

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<v Speaker 3>Me going on Google and writing what does it mean

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<v Speaker 3>to regulate your nervous system?

0:11:14.520 --> 0:11:14.840
<v Speaker 1>Please?

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<v Speaker 2>Is it so?

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<v Speaker 1>What I got from this TikTok?

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<v Speaker 4>First of all, I thought it was quite revolutionary because

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<v Speaker 4>I believe there is a fallacy that most of us

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<v Speaker 4>subscribed to myself included in a previous time, that your

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<v Speaker 4>life is dictated by things that are happening outside of

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<v Speaker 4>your control and outside of your physical body.

0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:33.480
<v Speaker 1>Flex Please tell me what your findings are.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, here are some signs of a disregulated nervous system.

0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:39.440
<v Speaker 3>I think that might be quite helpful. Elevated or irregular

0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:44.679
<v Speaker 3>heart rate, anxiety, agitation, nausea, feeling off, shortness of breath,

0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:49.160
<v Speaker 3>feeling frozen or stuck, sweating, feeling on edge, feeling overstimulated.

0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:51.360
<v Speaker 3>I think that paints a pretty good picture.

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<v Speaker 1>So high levels of cortisol.

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<v Speaker 4>So I haven't really done much research, but from all

0:11:56.760 --> 0:11:58.800
<v Speaker 4>the things I've read over my lifetime, I think there

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<v Speaker 4>are a few things you can do to that your

0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:03.960
<v Speaker 4>nervous system. Number one, do not consume too much alcohol

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<v Speaker 4>because this will spike your dopamine and will lead to

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<v Speaker 4>some horrible days afterwards if we're abusing.

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<v Speaker 3>Before you get to point two and three, just referencing

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<v Speaker 3>the TikTok, the fact that it says being dysregulated means

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<v Speaker 3>you'll literally be shown a scarier world on purpose. Yes,

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<v Speaker 3>that I find so harrowing because I've had a lot

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<v Speaker 3>of feedback in my time that people think that I

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<v Speaker 3>come across a little bit like toxicly positive or so

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<v Speaker 3>optimistic about stuff like.

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<v Speaker 2>Just gonna work out, like everything's fine.

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<v Speaker 3>But I really feel that way a lot of the time,

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<v Speaker 3>and like, I don't think that.

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<v Speaker 2>I am a realist or toxically positive at all.

0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:43.600
<v Speaker 3>But then, in contrast to this, if people are literally

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<v Speaker 3>experiencing a far scary world, like if I walk into

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<v Speaker 3>a room of people and feel quite safe by virtue

0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:51.079
<v Speaker 3>of just that being my experience, and you walk into

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<v Speaker 3>a room and feel nervous because you're like, who are

0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:53.400
<v Speaker 3>these people?

0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:54.160
<v Speaker 2>I don't know them.

0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:57.079
<v Speaker 3>Of course you're not gonna validate my experience, like I'm

0:12:57.160 --> 0:12:58.400
<v Speaker 3>not validating yours.

0:12:58.720 --> 0:12:59.280
<v Speaker 1>Can I say that?

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<v Speaker 4>I think people who think that you are that way

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<v Speaker 4>are people that have just seen how colorful your Instagram

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<v Speaker 4>is and haven't actually watched anything.

0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.240
<v Speaker 2>And she wears all black every day in a row

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<v Speaker 2>for six months.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone's helb encoded.

0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:11.439
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, everyone's like no, But like if you see.

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<v Speaker 3>Past the or black, just a bubbly girl, Yeah, I

0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:17.040
<v Speaker 3>think as well.

0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:19.880
<v Speaker 1>The breathing techniques are very important. Often.

0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:22.400
<v Speaker 4>I've been finding myself in the last few months realizing

0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:25.320
<v Speaker 4>that I haven't been breathing. I've been not breathing deeply,

0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:28.720
<v Speaker 4>so I go I started breathing through my nose because apparently,

0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:30.240
<v Speaker 4>O your mouth is bad.

0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:31.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, which I never did, but I know you're a

0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:32.400
<v Speaker 2>mouth breather.

0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:34.400
<v Speaker 4>I don't think I am either, but I've just when

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<v Speaker 4>I realized, oh, I'm not breathing, I think, oh, okay,

0:13:36.480 --> 0:13:38.280
<v Speaker 4>I'm gonna breathe. I'm gonna do it through my nose

0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:40.200
<v Speaker 4>because when I realize I'm not breathing other than go

0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:43.680
<v Speaker 4>through my mouth. So that's the second phase of training.

0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:48.679
<v Speaker 4>Learning about cortisol dopamine, how certain things that you consume

0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:53.480
<v Speaker 4>changes those chemicals in your brain is very helpful. Like

0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:55.840
<v Speaker 4>I said, the realization for me that your brain and

0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:58.160
<v Speaker 4>your body are connected, or so your gut is connected

0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:02.280
<v Speaker 4>to your brain and you're oceans has been very helpful.

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<v Speaker 4>Do I take that into account in what I eat

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<v Speaker 4>and what I consume? No, However, it's always great food

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<v Speaker 4>for thought.

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<v Speaker 6>You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.

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<v Speaker 6>For more, Tune Indicator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.