WEBVTT - Thanasi Kokkinakis - Ordineroli Speaking

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<v Speaker 1>Ordinarily Speaking people see the happy faith on corp, but

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<v Speaker 1>not a struggle behind it time.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello and welcome to Ordinarily Speaking, a podcast that celebrates

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<v Speaker 2>resilience in sport. My guest this episode is the Nasi Cochanarchus,

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<v Speaker 2>a young man who has shown enormous resilience to overcome

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<v Speaker 2>injury after injury after injury in a bid to chase

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<v Speaker 2>his tennis dream. Potential and talent has never been the

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<v Speaker 2>issue for the Nasi. He cracked the top one hundred

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<v Speaker 2>as a teenager and has beaten Roger Federer, who was

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<v Speaker 2>the world number one at the time. The problem has

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<v Speaker 2>been staying fit and healthy, and each time the Nasi's

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<v Speaker 2>body went, his mind would follow. Every setback would lead

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<v Speaker 2>to a rut. The candid and at times brutally honest,

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<v Speaker 2>twenty four year old opens up on just how dark

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<v Speaker 2>things got and how the love, even tough love, from family,

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<v Speaker 2>helped him get through. Tennis can create an interesting dynamic.

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<v Speaker 2>Family members are also teammates and advisors. I'm pleased to

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<v Speaker 2>say the Nasi is finally back on court and almost

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<v Speaker 2>upset the world number six and eventual semi finalist Stefanos

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<v Speaker 2>sits a pass at this year's Australian Open. Please remember

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<v Speaker 2>if this chat is triggering for you, there is help

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<v Speaker 2>out there. Beyond Blue or Lifeline are just a couple

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<v Speaker 2>of places you can go.

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<v Speaker 3>I really hope you enjoyed the chat, ook FANASI, thanks

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<v Speaker 3>so much for spending some.

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<v Speaker 1>Time with me, pleasure. Thank you for having me.

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<v Speaker 2>I've been through so much on the injury front and

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<v Speaker 2>the way that it has affected you as well.

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<v Speaker 3>And the adversity that you've overcome.

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<v Speaker 2>Can you take me inside your mind first, the moment

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<v Speaker 2>that you won that first round match here at the

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<v Speaker 2>Australian Open, because I feel like you had it a moment.

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<v Speaker 1>There well, yeah, definitely, definitely very emotional, try not to

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<v Speaker 1>cry too much, but that one kind of kind of

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<v Speaker 1>got it out of me. It actually started well, I

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<v Speaker 1>mean throughout the match. I was like at the start,

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, all right, let's just focus on this

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<v Speaker 1>first game, then first set, and I was like, I know,

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<v Speaker 1>there's a lot of work to be done. I won

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<v Speaker 1>the second set pretty easily, and I was like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm right here, but I know there's still a lot

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<v Speaker 1>more work to be done because all these doubts and

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<v Speaker 1>things come creeping in because you're like, hang on, what

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<v Speaker 1>if I lose from two sets to love? This is

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<v Speaker 1>like my golden opportunity. And I think if you're playing

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of matches and confidence, that doesn't even come

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<v Speaker 1>into your mind. But I'm like, shit, I don't want

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<v Speaker 1>to lose from two sets to love. So then luckily

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<v Speaker 1>I've got a good breakup. And then I got up

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<v Speaker 1>five love, and I was like, hang on, I'm still

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<v Speaker 1>not there yet. Like when you're up two sets love

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<v Speaker 1>and five love, you're like you've probably got ninety nine

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<v Speaker 1>point nine percent chance of winning the match, but like

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<v Speaker 1>it's not there yet. And then as I came up

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<v Speaker 1>from that change of events, I felt this loud roar

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<v Speaker 1>from the crowd and just this loud ovation, and I

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<v Speaker 1>started tearing up. At five love, I was like, shit,

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<v Speaker 1>I cannot focus here, Like this is bad, Like there's

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<v Speaker 1>no chance I'm winning this game. He served the first seven.

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<v Speaker 1>I think I had like a tier running like down

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<v Speaker 1>my cheek. But then yeah, just when I won, it

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<v Speaker 1>was he missed a passing shot by like an inch,

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<v Speaker 1>so I was it was just pure relief and pure elation.

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<v Speaker 3>I was, I was stoked because you've been through a lot.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Yeah, it's definitely been been a rough couple of years.

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<v Speaker 1>The last opportunity I had to play in Australia, I qualified,

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<v Speaker 1>I was the Open, but I knew I wasn't healthier.

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<v Speaker 1>I knew I tore my peck during the last round

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<v Speaker 1>of qualifying, so I knew I wasn't able to play

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<v Speaker 1>the first round I played, but looking back was a

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<v Speaker 1>massive regret because it almost ruined my year, or it

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<v Speaker 1>did ruin my year. But hindsight it's a wonderful thing

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<v Speaker 1>in tennis, and if I if I had hindsight the

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<v Speaker 1>whole way, I would have done things a lot differently

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<v Speaker 1>or a lot better. But yeah, itinite I had been

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<v Speaker 1>a rough, rough years.

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<v Speaker 3>What was it about that moment that sort of got

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<v Speaker 3>you emotionally?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, it's just playing and having that validation after a

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<v Speaker 1>few years of just not being able to compete, or

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<v Speaker 1>people asking me the same questions like healthy, healthy, healthy.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not even hey, how are you anymore? How's the body? Like?

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<v Speaker 1>That's literally the first question that I get, so just

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<v Speaker 1>to prove to myself and the people around me, especially

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<v Speaker 1>my mates. I hadn't seen me play Ausio Opened since

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<v Speaker 1>I was really young, seeing like all the work that

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<v Speaker 1>I've put in and the level I can produce on

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<v Speaker 1>the tennis court again still after all the adversity. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that was probably the relief and the happiness knowing that

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<v Speaker 1>hang on, like, I'm not that far away and we'll.

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<v Speaker 2>Get off to swear on this, we'll get off the

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<v Speaker 2>hardcore tennis shortly. But that moment again, Stefanos sits a

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<v Speaker 2>pass to push him. I know you obviously want to win,

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<v Speaker 2>but just to push him. How much did that give

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<v Speaker 2>you a mental boost given everything?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, definitely, Like I've come back in the p and

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<v Speaker 1>I've beaten some good players coming off an injury, but

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<v Speaker 1>to do it on the world's biggest stage at home,

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<v Speaker 1>it was tough. I won the first set, but I

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<v Speaker 1>just put so much physically into it that I kind

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<v Speaker 1>of died in the ass for a couple sets. And

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to be honest, after the first two sets,

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<v Speaker 1>the last three sets, I was cramping everywhere. So I

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<v Speaker 1>was just trying to manage myself and I tried not

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<v Speaker 1>to show it too much. I think I did a

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<v Speaker 1>good job of that. The pickle juice might have given

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<v Speaker 1>it away, but I was Yeah, I was trying to

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<v Speaker 1>push and the fact that feeling like I did physically,

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<v Speaker 1>like all that fatigued after the first two sets and

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<v Speaker 1>being able to last. This show showed what I can

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<v Speaker 1>do mentally, and I think I've proven to a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of people, including myself, where my tennis is at and

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<v Speaker 1>what I can do given the right chance. So yeah, hopefully,

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<v Speaker 1>hopefully twelve months time coming out with a W on

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<v Speaker 1>that one.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, so give me a list of all the injuries

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<v Speaker 3>and illnesses that you've been through.

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<v Speaker 1>I couldn't even tell you. Not many people know this,

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<v Speaker 1>but I was stressing before my first round of this

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<v Speaker 1>year because my body wasn't pulling up how I wanted

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<v Speaker 1>to in practice. So I got an MRI a few

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<v Speaker 1>days before my match just to make sure that everything

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<v Speaker 1>was okay, because I wasn't feeling that confident in my body. Luckily,

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<v Speaker 1>the scan gave me confidence. It said everything was all good,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe a little bits mentally, but at the same time,

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<v Speaker 1>I know what I'm feeling, so my coach and Fitnesstran

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<v Speaker 1>did a good job of managing it. But I remember

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<v Speaker 1>when I went in for the MRI, I had all

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<v Speaker 1>this lists of what I've gotten an MRI for and shit,

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<v Speaker 1>it was extensive. It was actually it was like twenty thirteen,

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<v Speaker 1>twenty thirteen, two and thirty and twenty fourteen, so they

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<v Speaker 1>were felt like there were three three things every year

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<v Speaker 1>that I was getting checked, they were either injured or

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<v Speaker 1>coming off an injury. So yeah, there's been knee when

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<v Speaker 1>like after my best result, I had probably the Federal win,

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<v Speaker 1>he was number one at the time in Miami, building momentum. Again,

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<v Speaker 1>the very next tournament in Monte Carlo, I fall and

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<v Speaker 1>a sponsors signed and cracked my kneecap. So just stupid

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<v Speaker 1>shit like that. It's just that that's been the tough part.

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<v Speaker 1>It's ever since I felt like I've started to at momentum,

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<v Speaker 1>something's kind of shut me down a little bit. So

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<v Speaker 1>it's hard. I've tried not to dwell on it too

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<v Speaker 1>much because I always think to myself, fuck, like, there's

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<v Speaker 1>so many years where I could have missed and seen

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<v Speaker 1>guys that I feel like I should be where they

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<v Speaker 1>are and they're having great success and making shit tons

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<v Speaker 1>of money, and I'm sitting there trying to whip out

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<v Speaker 1>my theorbands and make sure I can get through this

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<v Speaker 1>practice session healthy. So that's been the toughest part mentally

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<v Speaker 1>because when.

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<v Speaker 2>I spoke, I've spoken to your coach and your dad

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<v Speaker 2>and your brother, and they sort of say that with

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<v Speaker 2>every injury there's you know, every setback, there's a lull afterwards,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, and it hits you tell me about that.

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<v Speaker 1>It's tough because you know you're always looking and you're

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<v Speaker 1>always looking at the next thing, and you're like, maybe

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<v Speaker 1>this is the chance, this is the year where I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to have a good year and I'm healthy. It

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<v Speaker 1>just gets shot down like quickly with another injury. And

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<v Speaker 1>then not just injury, but it's the time to get

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<v Speaker 1>back as well and start building the confidence and playing

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<v Speaker 1>and knowing you can get through matches in practice and

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<v Speaker 1>then matches overseas against like high level competition. So it's

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<v Speaker 1>just hard. It's that stops stuff. But where I haven't

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<v Speaker 1>had that continuity, and it's just that reassessment of like

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<v Speaker 1>maybe this isn't for me. Every time you get injured

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<v Speaker 1>or have the big one, You're like, maybe my body

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<v Speaker 1>is just not meant for this. But then eventually I

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<v Speaker 1>I picked myself up and I'm like, fuck, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>have forever to do this, so I'm just gonna keep

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<v Speaker 1>pushing at it and see what happens.

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<v Speaker 3>Were you always a determined kid or was there something

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<v Speaker 3>that made you that way?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I was always super competitive. I've told

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<v Speaker 1>a few people this when I used to play basketball

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<v Speaker 1>when I was younger.

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<v Speaker 2>Todd has told me this story your coach about coming

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<v Speaker 2>up and watching you in under tens.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it is. Yeah, exactly, I was pretty selfish.

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<v Speaker 1>I was a bit of a ballhog at times.

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<v Speaker 3>But he said, once I passed it to you, you didn't.

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<v Speaker 1>Get it bad. The way I thought of it is

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<v Speaker 1>if I felt like I was the best player on

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<v Speaker 1>the team, I'd give myself the best chance to score,

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<v Speaker 1>So my teammates probably wouldn't have been stoked. And that

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<v Speaker 1>probably explains why I chose tennis, because I said, if

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<v Speaker 1>my team wins and I don't play well, I'm pissed off.

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<v Speaker 1>If I play well my team losess, I'm pissed off.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was only happy one way is if I

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<v Speaker 1>played well on my team won. So maybe I thought

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<v Speaker 1>asball wasn't the sport for me, and yeah, I became

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<v Speaker 1>selfish and chose tennis.

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<v Speaker 2>So your coach did say that day, when you're about

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<v Speaker 2>ten years old, he went, yeah, I reckon, he's probably

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<v Speaker 2>better off with an individual sport exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm just super competitive, and that's a hard thing

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<v Speaker 1>when you're injured, because you want to compete, but you

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<v Speaker 1>know your body's not allowing you to the level that

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<v Speaker 1>you want, and you try and make it look somewhat competitive,

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<v Speaker 1>but deep down inside you know you have so much

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<v Speaker 1>more to give and you can't show that. Then of

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<v Speaker 1>course you read all the shit online saying like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>he's washed up, he's overrated, all this sort of stuff,

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<v Speaker 1>and then after a while you start to believe that yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's what can affect you mentally big time.

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<v Speaker 3>So social media has been really tough for you a

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<v Speaker 3>little bit.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean it's the cash twenty two. You know, you

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<v Speaker 1>love it when things are going well, everyone's praising, You're

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<v Speaker 1>pissing in your pocket a little bit, and then all

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<v Speaker 1>of a sudden it's like, nah, has been washed up.

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<v Speaker 1>But over time that used to affect me, But now

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<v Speaker 1>the last few years, I know what I'm capable of,

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<v Speaker 1>so when I see a headline or something, I kind

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<v Speaker 1>of laugh it off. So it used to bother me

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<v Speaker 1>a lot, but the last few years doesn't phase me at.

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<v Speaker 2>All when it was at its worst. How badly did

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<v Speaker 2>it bother you? Would you consume it constantly? Would you

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<v Speaker 2>scroll through? How bad did it get?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I think if you're gonna it got pretty bad.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think if you're going to read the good

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<v Speaker 1>stuff about you, you've got to read the negative stuff

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<v Speaker 1>as well. I don't know, I'm interested. I like to

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<v Speaker 1>see what kind of people are saying at times as well.

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<v Speaker 1>My dad's pretty keen on me just getting off it

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<v Speaker 1>and not worrying about it. But now I used to

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<v Speaker 1>worry about it, but now I just find it entertaining.

0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:29.679
<v Speaker 1>And sometimes more than anything, I use it as a

0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:32.320
<v Speaker 1>motivator if someone doesn't believe in me, and just anything

0:10:32.440 --> 0:10:33.320
<v Speaker 1>like that to get you going.

0:10:33.880 --> 0:10:36.120
<v Speaker 2>For me, it helps me tell me about the shoulder

0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:38.360
<v Speaker 2>injury because I hear that that was probably the worst

0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:39.199
<v Speaker 2>that it got for you.

0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:43.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Yeah, that was really tough, the shoulder injury. Obviously,

0:10:43.360 --> 0:10:45.600
<v Speaker 1>coming off my first year on tour, I played sort

0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:46.959
<v Speaker 1>of three quarters of a year and I got to

0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:50.880
<v Speaker 1>sixty nine in the world, just turning nineteen, and I

0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:53.040
<v Speaker 1>was playing really well on tour, and then yeah, I

0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:56.040
<v Speaker 1>just lifted some of the wrong weights and didn't really

0:10:56.559 --> 0:10:58.079
<v Speaker 1>wasn't aware of what I was doing in my body.

0:10:58.120 --> 0:11:01.080
<v Speaker 1>And then yeah, had the shoulder surge and kept trying

0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:04.080
<v Speaker 1>to come back, but wasn't really ready and I didn't

0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:08.080
<v Speaker 1>see a real finish line. Outside of my shoulder surgery.

0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:11.480
<v Speaker 1>I couldn't serve without pain for over a year, and

0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:13.520
<v Speaker 1>coming off your best year on tour, you want to

0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:15.959
<v Speaker 1>be able to back it up and coming back. I

0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:20.120
<v Speaker 1>said to my coach, had I think I had three

0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:23.559
<v Speaker 1>or four protected events left with my protected rankings, so

0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:25.760
<v Speaker 1>I could get into all the Grand Slams. I remember

0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:27.720
<v Speaker 1>I came back for my first tournament. It was against

0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:31.480
<v Speaker 1>istaman In Leon in Paris, and I played an absolute

0:11:31.520 --> 0:11:33.680
<v Speaker 1>stinker and I felt so bad on court. I felt

0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:36.240
<v Speaker 1>like I felt like I was maybe playing the level

0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:38.880
<v Speaker 1>of someone ranked about six seven hundred in the world,

0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:42.439
<v Speaker 1>and I was just like, wow, like I'm shit. Like

0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:44.319
<v Speaker 1>that's how I felt. After that match. I'm like, I'm

0:11:44.360 --> 0:11:46.559
<v Speaker 1>really bad, and I told I told my coach around me,

0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:50.079
<v Speaker 1>I was hating tennis. My body didn't feel good, and

0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:52.040
<v Speaker 1>I said, look, I've got these protected rankings, so I

0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:54.120
<v Speaker 1>as well just pick up the cash for this year.

0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:57.360
<v Speaker 1>If my tennis feels this bad, or if I feel

0:11:57.400 --> 0:12:00.400
<v Speaker 1>like I can't see myself getting better or improving, then

0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:01.959
<v Speaker 1>I think I'm I'm done with a sport. And he

0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:03.920
<v Speaker 1>could see it in me mentally. He could see I

0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:06.160
<v Speaker 1>didn't have the fight, and that's one thing I always

0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:08.080
<v Speaker 1>had when I was younger. I had that competitive spirit,

0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:10.600
<v Speaker 1>like I was trying to scrap for everything even when

0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:12.319
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't playing well. And I felt like I'd lost that.

0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:15.080
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, the very next week, I ended up playing

0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:19.280
<v Speaker 1>Nisha Kory in French Open, off barely any tennis, and

0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:21.680
<v Speaker 1>I pushed him to like the really tight four set match,

0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:23.480
<v Speaker 1>and I felt like I had chances of winning. And

0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:26.880
<v Speaker 1>probably since that moment, I thought, nah, I can still

0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:30.480
<v Speaker 1>do this, so yeah, probably French Open twenty seventeen, I

0:12:30.559 --> 0:12:31.920
<v Speaker 1>started kind of believing again.

0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:33.959
<v Speaker 3>How close were you walking away from it all?

0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:38.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh? Very close, very close. It's tough when you feel

0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:40.640
<v Speaker 1>like you're a shelly yourself and you're just not being

0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:44.760
<v Speaker 1>able to prove it. You feel like there's not much

0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:46.920
<v Speaker 1>for you to do on a tennis cord. I've got

0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:50.880
<v Speaker 1>really bad anxiety going places I hated, I hate, especially

0:12:50.880 --> 0:12:52.760
<v Speaker 1>when I was injured I hated going places, and I

0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:54.960
<v Speaker 1>just didn't feel like comfortable. I didn't feel like I belonged,

0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:57.600
<v Speaker 1>which is weird because from the outside obviously you can't tell,

0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:00.880
<v Speaker 1>but from the inside, like you know, you're battling through places.

0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:04.000
<v Speaker 1>So I don't know, I just I just definitely got

0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:07.760
<v Speaker 1>very close to quitting a few times. But eventually I

0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:09.800
<v Speaker 1>kind of I don't know if I need to do it,

0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:11.839
<v Speaker 1>but sometimes I go on YouTube and look up some

0:13:11.960 --> 0:13:14.839
<v Speaker 1>good results and it gives me some good hope. So

0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:17.760
<v Speaker 1>it might be a bit arroging my self absorbed, but

0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:19.400
<v Speaker 1>whatever I've got to do to get myself going.

0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:22.720
<v Speaker 2>Do you know I have heard that from so many

0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:24.920
<v Speaker 2>athletes on these post make you feel bad it. I

0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:28.680
<v Speaker 2>don't know what sports people did before YouTube, Yeah exactly.

0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:31.480
<v Speaker 2>I had Nathan Lyone on Season one saying I would

0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:33.480
<v Speaker 2>just go and watch my highlights. I'd go and watch

0:13:33.559 --> 0:13:36.079
<v Speaker 2>good you know, taking wickets in a good performance.

0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:37.959
<v Speaker 3>What does it give you?

0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:40.480
<v Speaker 1>I think it reminds yourself of what you can do

0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:43.959
<v Speaker 1>and why you play the sport. You're not always you

0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:46.760
<v Speaker 1>kind of always remember the bad stuff at times, so

0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:50.000
<v Speaker 1>to kind of reiterate the things you can do well

0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:53.800
<v Speaker 1>and to have a full crowd of places cheering you

0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:56.319
<v Speaker 1>and supporting you and having those memories that that's the

0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:57.559
<v Speaker 1>type of thing that keeps you pushing.

0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:01.440
<v Speaker 2>Is it almost reminding yourself of the reality as opposed

0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:02.880
<v Speaker 2>to what you've convinced yourself.

0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:05.320
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you're thinking of yourself in that moment.

0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:07.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, especially when you're injured, you kind of just think

0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:09.760
<v Speaker 1>all negative a lot of the time, or especially if

0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:11.240
<v Speaker 1>you've tried to come back and it hasn't worked, then

0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:14.760
<v Speaker 1>you're even deeper negative. So yeah, for me, just looking

0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:17.880
<v Speaker 1>at looking at some videos like that, and especially here

0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:21.800
<v Speaker 1>and looking at that show Court three banging on the

0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:24.080
<v Speaker 1>stands and having that atmosphere, It's like, fuck, this is

0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:25.640
<v Speaker 1>why I play like this is this is why I

0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:28.640
<v Speaker 1>want to do it. I still can believe in my

0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:31.600
<v Speaker 1>tennis and yeah, it just it comes from the practice court.

0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:33.160
<v Speaker 1>You know, you've got to go one step at a time,

0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:35.200
<v Speaker 1>and that's where for me, having such a good family

0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:37.920
<v Speaker 1>and good coaches around me and the good support stuff

0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:40.040
<v Speaker 1>is so important because they never stopped believing even when

0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:40.320
<v Speaker 1>I did.

0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:42.440
<v Speaker 3>How bad did it get mentally?

0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:47.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, very tough. Depression was a real thing. I didn't

0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:50.320
<v Speaker 1>I didn't take any medication for it. My dad wanted

0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:51.520
<v Speaker 1>me to, but I was like, no, I'm going to

0:14:51.560 --> 0:14:53.120
<v Speaker 1>get this. I'm going to get out of this myself.

0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:55.800
<v Speaker 1>Went and spoke to some people, but I didn't really

0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:57.480
<v Speaker 1>believe that they knew what was going on. Even when

0:14:57.520 --> 0:15:00.240
<v Speaker 1>you speak to professionals, it's like, yeah, they they can

0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.760
<v Speaker 1>kind of say the right things, but unless they're living

0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:04.640
<v Speaker 1>in your shoes, I don't think they have an idea

0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:08.040
<v Speaker 1>what you're going through. So especially the thing is everyone's

0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:10.960
<v Speaker 1>path is different. So for me, the mental health was

0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:14.960
<v Speaker 1>definitely a real thing. But I yeah, it was pretty

0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:16.640
<v Speaker 1>dark for a while, and just little things would bother

0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:20.080
<v Speaker 1>me over time, stuff that wouldn't even Yeah, I don't know,

0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:22.480
<v Speaker 1>as I said, I'd walk into cafes and I'd get

0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.160
<v Speaker 1>really bad anxiety and I'd like, I'm going to get

0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:24.480
<v Speaker 1>out of here.

0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:26.480
<v Speaker 3>What would happen? Exactly happen?

0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:28.680
<v Speaker 1>I just feel like really nervous. I could feel my

0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:32.680
<v Speaker 1>heart racing, real strange stuff, that stuff that I'd never

0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:36.920
<v Speaker 1>had growing up. And then eventually I just started doing

0:15:36.960 --> 0:15:38.760
<v Speaker 1>a lot more things that I enjoy hanging out with me,

0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:41.080
<v Speaker 1>it's going out and just like trying to put myself

0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:44.320
<v Speaker 1>around positive people and upbeat people and just doing stuff

0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:47.080
<v Speaker 1>I like watching NBA, like going to the beach and

0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:49.920
<v Speaker 1>then playing tennis. Over time, I started to get that

0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:52.360
<v Speaker 1>mojo back and that feeling back, and yeah.

0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:54.200
<v Speaker 3>When was it. That's worse.

0:15:55.680 --> 0:15:58.440
<v Speaker 1>It's worse. I've I've had different phases of it. Probably

0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:02.840
<v Speaker 1>twenty sixteen was pretty bad that year after the shoulder surgery,

0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:06.760
<v Speaker 1>after real Olympics, because I played the Olympics in Rio,

0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:10.520
<v Speaker 1>but my shoulder felt like I said, about thirty percent,

0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:11.760
<v Speaker 1>but I played because I was like, fuck, I don't

0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:14.600
<v Speaker 1>know what I'm doing. Four years so around there was

0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:19.880
<v Speaker 1>pretty bad. It also got pretty bad after, to be honest,

0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:22.200
<v Speaker 1>after I think it was twenty nineteen when I played

0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:25.320
<v Speaker 1>here Ossie Open, I tore my peck. I trained for

0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:28.680
<v Speaker 1>six months building my way back up, and then first

0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:30.920
<v Speaker 1>tournament back I tore the same thing when I had

0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:32.920
<v Speaker 1>a while cut into Monte Carlo the next week. So

0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:35.120
<v Speaker 1>that's when I didn't see like a little bit of

0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:38.280
<v Speaker 1>an out as well. But I'd say probably a few

0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:41.200
<v Speaker 1>years back was probably twenty seventeen. End of twenty sixteen

0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:42.160
<v Speaker 1>was when it was really bad.

0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:44.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, when you were on your own, left to your

0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:47.840
<v Speaker 2>own thoughts, what would happen and how long would you

0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:50.080
<v Speaker 2>be on your own four or just be dark?

0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:52.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I'd found myself crying like my brother

0:16:52.200 --> 0:16:55.000
<v Speaker 1>was then, and he flew back from Melbourne a couple times.

0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:56.680
<v Speaker 1>But I'd just be crying in my room for no reason,

0:16:56.800 --> 0:16:59.320
<v Speaker 1>like I just watch NBA and just didn't want to

0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:01.320
<v Speaker 1>I'd get anxiety going for a walk when there was

0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:04.720
<v Speaker 1>no one in the vicinity of like one hundred meters

0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:07.200
<v Speaker 1>of me. So it was strange. I couldn't even explain it.

0:17:08.320 --> 0:17:11.920
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, just over time, just shit changed and I

0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:14.920
<v Speaker 1>just felt more comfortable and I felt fine, started getting

0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:16.920
<v Speaker 1>in the gym again, building myself up physically, and I

0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:18.520
<v Speaker 1>think that definitely helped me mentally for sure.

0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:21.480
<v Speaker 3>Did you feel like your brain was just turning on you.

0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:24.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, like no positive thoughts ever came in, and if

0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:26.679
<v Speaker 1>they did for a second, it would like switch back

0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:29.200
<v Speaker 1>off really quick. I don't want to sound all doom

0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:31.960
<v Speaker 1>and gloom here because I'm good now, but it was, Yeah,

0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:33.879
<v Speaker 1>it was pretty grim for a while. It was strange.

0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:36.200
<v Speaker 1>You can't see the positives or you can't see any

0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:39.480
<v Speaker 1>good things at the end of the tunnel. So I

0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:41.199
<v Speaker 1>think only people that have gone through it can kind

0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:43.159
<v Speaker 1>of understand that. But even if there's good things like

0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:44.840
<v Speaker 1>right in front of you, you just can't see it

0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:46.920
<v Speaker 1>at that point because you're so locked and consumed in

0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:47.480
<v Speaker 1>your own thoughts.

0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:49.160
<v Speaker 3>What would you tell yourself, Oh.

0:17:49.080 --> 0:17:51.159
<v Speaker 1>I don't know it. I don't even know. It's just

0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:54.560
<v Speaker 1>a lot of negative stuff pretty much, just like I

0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:57.080
<v Speaker 1>just felt like I couldn't go outside. I felt uncomfortable,

0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:01.720
<v Speaker 1>like just the smallest I've seen people happy with like

0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:04.160
<v Speaker 1>make me, like set me off and make me cry.

0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:07.480
<v Speaker 1>It was real strange. There was just this one moment

0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:10.159
<v Speaker 1>when my coach's daughter, she's like two years old, she

0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:11.680
<v Speaker 1>like reached out me for a hug, and I just

0:18:11.680 --> 0:18:14.240
<v Speaker 1>started crying for no reason. Just weird shit like that.

0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:17.679
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, I don't know. I don't know, But as

0:18:17.720 --> 0:18:20.400
<v Speaker 1>I said, it's a real dark place and I don't

0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:22.320
<v Speaker 1>want anyone to go through it because as bad as

0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:25.280
<v Speaker 1>physical pain is, the mental pain is way way worse.

0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:28.960
<v Speaker 3>How bad was the physical pain as well? Was that

0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:31.400
<v Speaker 3>okay for you? Do you have a pretty good pain threshold?

0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:33.119
<v Speaker 1>Well? I think I did, but you wouldn't pick it

0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:35.440
<v Speaker 1>with how much I'm injured. So people call me pretty soft.

0:18:35.480 --> 0:18:38.080
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, no, I'd like to think now I've got

0:18:38.119 --> 0:18:40.200
<v Speaker 1>a pretty good pain threshold. But now the most pain

0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:42.520
<v Speaker 1>pain I've been on court was Ossie Open a couple

0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:44.520
<v Speaker 1>of years ago when I had to retire after a setup.

0:18:44.600 --> 0:18:47.520
<v Speaker 1>That one physically was the most pain I've ever been in.

0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:50.720
<v Speaker 2>What's your mindset in a moment like that? Like, tell

0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:53.119
<v Speaker 2>us for those of us who will never understand what

0:18:53.160 --> 0:18:55.080
<v Speaker 2>it's like to be an elite athlete, what's it like

0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:56.000
<v Speaker 2>in that moment?

0:18:56.280 --> 0:18:58.240
<v Speaker 1>I mean, when you're practicing in an injured you don't

0:18:58.240 --> 0:18:59.960
<v Speaker 1>really care because you can kind of just go off court.

0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:02.439
<v Speaker 1>You know yourself. You're like, fuck, my body's cooked here,

0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:04.240
<v Speaker 1>Like I've got to take the time. I'll be all right.

0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:09.680
<v Speaker 1>But for for that on court again, the anxiety sets

0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:11.480
<v Speaker 1>in because I was going on to court and being

0:19:11.560 --> 0:19:13.480
<v Speaker 1>like I can't last this, Like I'm going to play

0:19:13.480 --> 0:19:15.879
<v Speaker 1>a few games and retire. And then then you get

0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:19.920
<v Speaker 1>to let down. You feel the guilty feelings because they're

0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:21.440
<v Speaker 1>like all these people have come to watch you. It's

0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:22.840
<v Speaker 1>a packed house, they're going to cheer. They don't know

0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:25.080
<v Speaker 1>what you're going through, like physically, they just saw you

0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:26.719
<v Speaker 1>qualified and you're ready to go, and you're not going

0:19:26.800 --> 0:19:29.200
<v Speaker 1>to tell people in the media, yeah I'm fucked, like

0:19:29.600 --> 0:19:31.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna be able to play this match, so

0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:35.600
<v Speaker 1>I yeah, I don't know. That's the hard part. You're

0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:37.280
<v Speaker 1>going out on court knowing you're not gonna win, or

0:19:37.320 --> 0:19:40.480
<v Speaker 1>knowing you're going to pull out very shortly, and that's

0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:42.119
<v Speaker 1>the that's the tough part. So you just got to

0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:44.320
<v Speaker 1>kind of play and you feel like you've let everyone down,

0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:45.479
<v Speaker 1>and that's the hardest part.

0:19:46.320 --> 0:19:48.920
<v Speaker 2>Another common thing that I hear all the time, I've

0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:51.640
<v Speaker 2>I've let my family down, I've let my country down.

0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:53.840
<v Speaker 2>It's a lot to deal with as an Assiett.

0:19:53.880 --> 0:19:55.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, for sure, for sure, especially when you had a

0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:58.800
<v Speaker 1>lot of expectation growing up. And then, as I said,

0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:00.399
<v Speaker 1>when you've been injured and you come back, you're like

0:20:00.520 --> 0:20:02.040
<v Speaker 1>this is the year. But inside, you know, you're like

0:20:02.800 --> 0:20:04.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm pretty fuck to you, like I can't I can't

0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:08.080
<v Speaker 1>play this match. But eventually you've got to try and

0:20:08.160 --> 0:20:11.000
<v Speaker 1>do what's best for yourself. And people have short term

0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:13.160
<v Speaker 1>memories at times as well, you know, so it's like, yeah,

0:20:13.160 --> 0:20:14.680
<v Speaker 1>it's going to be shipped for the next few months.

0:20:15.200 --> 0:20:16.600
<v Speaker 1>People are going to remember you got injured or you

0:20:16.640 --> 0:20:19.200
<v Speaker 1>pulled out again. But I don't think people are thinking

0:20:19.200 --> 0:20:22.280
<v Speaker 1>about twenty nineteen now. So that's one of those things

0:20:22.320 --> 0:20:24.199
<v Speaker 1>where you've just got to build yourself up. And that's

0:20:24.200 --> 0:20:26.399
<v Speaker 1>so we're lucky as tennis players. That is one of

0:20:26.440 --> 0:20:29.359
<v Speaker 1>the positives. We do have another chance every week usually

0:20:29.480 --> 0:20:32.400
<v Speaker 1>to make things better. Thankfully, it's not like the Olympics

0:20:32.440 --> 0:20:35.600
<v Speaker 1>where most of the athletes have once every four years

0:20:35.640 --> 0:20:38.119
<v Speaker 1>to like really shine. Tennis, you get a lot of opportunities,

0:20:38.240 --> 0:20:40.080
<v Speaker 1>So that's the thing. You've kind of got to have

0:20:40.119 --> 0:20:41.880
<v Speaker 1>short term memory and be ready to keep going.

0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:45.480
<v Speaker 3>What is your family meant to you through all the adversity?

0:20:45.800 --> 0:20:48.800
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, I mean they've been everything for sure. I think. Yeah,

0:20:48.800 --> 0:20:51.600
<v Speaker 1>if it wasn't I wasn't having a strong backing from

0:20:51.600 --> 0:20:54.200
<v Speaker 1>my family and friends and coaches, I wouldn't be able

0:20:54.240 --> 0:20:55.840
<v Speaker 1>to get back and have that belief to get back.

0:20:55.920 --> 0:20:58.199
<v Speaker 1>So just being in Adelaide with them spending a lot

0:20:58.240 --> 0:21:02.120
<v Speaker 1>of time and then getting me from where it felt

0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:04.600
<v Speaker 1>like I was at point zero, helping me get back up,

0:21:05.200 --> 0:21:07.320
<v Speaker 1>give me the confidence, mum, giving me the good Greek.

0:21:07.160 --> 0:21:10.280
<v Speaker 3>Food to keep me going, and what's the go to

0:21:10.680 --> 0:21:10.800
<v Speaker 3>to go?

0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:13.680
<v Speaker 1>She makes his chicken thighs with a Greek salt and

0:21:13.920 --> 0:21:16.560
<v Speaker 1>just yeah, it's magical. So I don't know she knows.

0:21:16.600 --> 0:21:16.920
<v Speaker 1>I like it.

0:21:17.000 --> 0:21:22.359
<v Speaker 3>Every time your brother talks about almost this guilt that

0:21:22.480 --> 0:21:26.920
<v Speaker 3>he has of not being there all the time, have

0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:28.200
<v Speaker 3>you ever spoken to him about that.

0:21:28.359 --> 0:21:29.920
<v Speaker 1>No, he hasn't said that, So that's news to me.

0:21:30.040 --> 0:21:30.119
<v Speaker 3>Now.

0:21:30.200 --> 0:21:32.480
<v Speaker 1>It's very nice to hear my brother is. He's not

0:21:32.560 --> 0:21:36.840
<v Speaker 1>the most vocal guy, but he can tell he cares

0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:41.360
<v Speaker 1>and he thinks really logically, really clearly, when I don't sometimes.

0:21:41.440 --> 0:21:44.480
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, I definitely don't think he should put any

0:21:44.520 --> 0:21:47.080
<v Speaker 1>pressure on himself to do that. He's got his own

0:21:47.119 --> 0:21:48.720
<v Speaker 1>life to live as well at times as well. So

0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:52.440
<v Speaker 1>now he's been great. He's been good support. When I

0:21:52.520 --> 0:21:54.760
<v Speaker 1>was battling a little bit in Adelaide, he kind of

0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:56.879
<v Speaker 1>flew back and helped me out a little bit mentally,

0:21:56.920 --> 0:21:58.800
<v Speaker 1>even when he's gone through some stuff. I try and

0:21:59.240 --> 0:22:02.399
<v Speaker 1>it's weird because you're struggling yourself. You're okay to help others,

0:22:02.720 --> 0:22:04.760
<v Speaker 1>but you can't help yourself, so that that's the weird part.

0:22:04.800 --> 0:22:07.200
<v Speaker 1>And I think that worked for both of us. But no,

0:22:07.600 --> 0:22:08.560
<v Speaker 1>the family has been awesome.

0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:09.520
<v Speaker 3>This is what he said.

0:22:09.520 --> 0:22:12.480
<v Speaker 2>To me, he said, I had the conversation with the

0:22:12.560 --> 0:22:14.480
<v Speaker 2>old man. I should have done this, or I should

0:22:14.520 --> 0:22:16.359
<v Speaker 2>have traveled here. If I was there, I could have

0:22:16.520 --> 0:22:19.560
<v Speaker 2>changed it. You have sleepless nights yourself. I should have

0:22:19.640 --> 0:22:23.239
<v Speaker 2>sacrificed more. And then and then you go and your

0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:24.920
<v Speaker 2>butt heads again anyway, and you go, why if I

0:22:25.040 --> 0:22:25.480
<v Speaker 2>come back to.

0:22:25.480 --> 0:22:26.200
<v Speaker 3>See him again?

0:22:26.720 --> 0:22:30.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I know that happens all the time. But yeah,

0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:31.560
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I don't think he can be too hard

0:22:31.600 --> 0:22:35.000
<v Speaker 1>on himself for that sort of thing. It's, as I said,

0:22:35.080 --> 0:22:37.480
<v Speaker 1>hindsight as a good thing. Everything. At the time, you

0:22:37.560 --> 0:22:39.159
<v Speaker 1>make decisions because you think they're going to help you,

0:22:39.920 --> 0:22:41.560
<v Speaker 1>or you think that it's the right thing at the time,

0:22:41.680 --> 0:22:45.120
<v Speaker 1>and obviously looking back sometimes it isn't. But who knows.

0:22:45.359 --> 0:22:48.080
<v Speaker 1>Who knows. I think maybe things could have changed, but

0:22:48.119 --> 0:22:49.720
<v Speaker 1>we're in a good place now, and I hope, I

0:22:50.200 --> 0:22:51.880
<v Speaker 1>hope it's a sign of good things to come.

0:22:52.280 --> 0:22:53.600
<v Speaker 3>Did you know he cared that much?

0:22:54.200 --> 0:22:58.680
<v Speaker 1>I knew he cared, But do you smile? I didn't.

0:22:58.680 --> 0:23:01.520
<v Speaker 1>I didn't. I was expecting that it's from him. He's

0:23:01.560 --> 0:23:03.520
<v Speaker 1>not a very deep person like it takes him a

0:23:03.560 --> 0:23:05.960
<v Speaker 1>lot to open up as well. So I'm surprised here

0:23:06.000 --> 0:23:07.320
<v Speaker 1>and that stuff. But it's nice.

0:23:07.480 --> 0:23:10.679
<v Speaker 3>It's almost like him caring makes you feel more uncomfortable

0:23:10.720 --> 0:23:11.000
<v Speaker 3>than him.

0:23:11.320 --> 0:23:12.840
<v Speaker 1>That's cool. I don't know how to react to it.

0:23:13.400 --> 0:23:13.960
<v Speaker 1>Are used to it.

0:23:19.800 --> 0:23:24.240
<v Speaker 2>You're listening to ordinarily speaking with the Nassi Kochanarkus in

0:23:24.320 --> 0:23:26.720
<v Speaker 2>twenty twenty, talk me through that, because that started with

0:23:26.800 --> 0:23:29.639
<v Speaker 2>a big challenge as well for you health wise.

0:23:30.200 --> 0:23:32.159
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Well, it was tough because I spent sort of

0:23:32.280 --> 0:23:34.000
<v Speaker 1>all of twenty nine or at the end of twenty

0:23:34.119 --> 0:23:36.000
<v Speaker 1>nineteen trying to get my body right. I was able

0:23:36.040 --> 0:23:38.240
<v Speaker 1>to win my first round at US Open. I hadn't

0:23:38.240 --> 0:23:40.520
<v Speaker 1>want to run in the Grand Slam for many years,

0:23:40.560 --> 0:23:43.400
<v Speaker 1>and then I had had the night match with Rafa

0:23:43.480 --> 0:23:46.680
<v Speaker 1>and Nadal the next day, and I just remember after

0:23:46.760 --> 0:23:49.480
<v Speaker 1>my four hour match my I think I retore my

0:23:49.560 --> 0:23:51.639
<v Speaker 1>peck a little bit and it pulled up really badly.

0:23:51.720 --> 0:23:53.159
<v Speaker 1>So I was unable to play that match. And I

0:23:53.240 --> 0:23:56.240
<v Speaker 1>heard Kobe Bryant at the time was going to come

0:23:56.320 --> 0:23:58.720
<v Speaker 1>and watch that match, so I was super amped for that.

0:23:58.880 --> 0:24:01.520
<v Speaker 1>And then out of another Grand Slam. It's just the

0:24:01.560 --> 0:24:04.320
<v Speaker 1>same old story again. So that was really tough, and

0:24:04.880 --> 0:24:06.679
<v Speaker 1>I took time off to try and get myself right

0:24:06.760 --> 0:24:09.440
<v Speaker 1>for the January and I was coming into January feeling

0:24:09.480 --> 0:24:12.800
<v Speaker 1>really good, and then my throat started burning all of

0:24:12.840 --> 0:24:15.639
<v Speaker 1>a sudden sort of end of December, and I was like,

0:24:15.680 --> 0:24:17.120
<v Speaker 1>this is strange. I wasn't sure if it was something

0:24:17.119 --> 0:24:18.399
<v Speaker 1>to do with the air with the bush fires at

0:24:18.440 --> 0:24:22.120
<v Speaker 1>the time in Australia. And when I saw a GP,

0:24:22.320 --> 0:24:24.560
<v Speaker 1>they said, my tonsils have flared up like crazy. So

0:24:24.600 --> 0:24:26.600
<v Speaker 1>I was like a bit of tonsil artist. Whatever, I'll

0:24:26.600 --> 0:24:28.600
<v Speaker 1>be fine. Ended up getting a blood test. The lady

0:24:28.600 --> 0:24:31.280
<v Speaker 1>told me I glandula fever. So that wasn't good.

0:24:31.359 --> 0:24:34.359
<v Speaker 3>And then in that moment, come on, you're feeling.

0:24:34.600 --> 0:24:36.399
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I was like, that's taking the piss now, surely.

0:24:36.640 --> 0:24:39.359
<v Speaker 1>So that one. That's exactly what I thought at the

0:24:39.400 --> 0:24:41.040
<v Speaker 1>time because I was actually healthy. I felt like I

0:24:41.080 --> 0:24:43.639
<v Speaker 1>had a good preseason. I remember I came back home

0:24:43.680 --> 0:24:46.080
<v Speaker 1>to Adelaide and started training. I was telling my coaches Todds,

0:24:46.160 --> 0:24:48.080
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I'm feeling good, I'm feeling fit, and

0:24:48.160 --> 0:24:49.960
<v Speaker 1>then like I was hitting for like two minutes and

0:24:50.040 --> 0:24:52.600
<v Speaker 1>gassing out. They're like, mate, have you done any any work.

0:24:52.640 --> 0:24:54.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I'm telling you I've been training. Something doesn't

0:24:54.960 --> 0:24:56.600
<v Speaker 1>feel right. Though, like I've got no energy and I

0:24:56.640 --> 0:24:59.200
<v Speaker 1>can't breathe, and they just thought I'd just been fucking

0:24:59.200 --> 0:25:02.040
<v Speaker 1>around a whole off sea and and not focusing and

0:25:02.119 --> 0:25:03.680
<v Speaker 1>not training hard. But I was like, I'm telling you,

0:25:04.000 --> 0:25:05.880
<v Speaker 1>I've been finished trainers with me, I've been training hard,

0:25:05.880 --> 0:25:08.359
<v Speaker 1>I've been feeling all right. And then yeah, it turns

0:25:08.359 --> 0:25:11.480
<v Speaker 1>out a glanzula fever and yeah, ended up being in

0:25:11.600 --> 0:25:14.600
<v Speaker 1>hospital for sort of five straight days, and a girl

0:25:14.600 --> 0:25:16.280
<v Speaker 1>I was seeing at the time told me I stopped

0:25:16.280 --> 0:25:19.439
<v Speaker 1>breathing when I was sleeping because my throat was so swollen.

0:25:19.800 --> 0:25:22.040
<v Speaker 1>So I'd like go through like thirty seconds a piece

0:25:22.160 --> 0:25:23.960
<v Speaker 1>where I just like stop breathing, which I had no

0:25:24.040 --> 0:25:26.040
<v Speaker 1>idea because I was like, sometimes you have a block nose,

0:25:26.080 --> 0:25:30.280
<v Speaker 1>so you kind of end up breathing lately or later.

0:25:30.480 --> 0:25:32.760
<v Speaker 1>But it was, Yeah, it was strange. So they hooked

0:25:32.800 --> 0:25:35.080
<v Speaker 1>me up to a monitor where if I stopped breathing,

0:25:35.800 --> 0:25:37.920
<v Speaker 1>the machine would beep and the nurse would come in

0:25:38.080 --> 0:25:40.680
<v Speaker 1>to make sure everything's fine. So that was that was grim.

0:25:40.680 --> 0:25:44.360
<v Speaker 1>I lost a lot of weight there. I lost, yeah,

0:25:44.400 --> 0:25:47.480
<v Speaker 1>sort of thirteen kilos and I'm not like the biggest guy,

0:25:48.760 --> 0:25:51.840
<v Speaker 1>so yeah, I definitely definitely looked looking out nourished. Was

0:25:51.920 --> 0:25:54.720
<v Speaker 1>not healthy, and I don't wish anyone to look like

0:25:54.760 --> 0:25:58.560
<v Speaker 1>one of those really old people with like sunken in

0:25:58.920 --> 0:26:01.160
<v Speaker 1>like cheeks and it was bad.

0:26:01.920 --> 0:26:04.200
<v Speaker 3>Evil character in a Harry Potter film was Yeah.

0:26:04.200 --> 0:26:06.520
<v Speaker 1>I remember I was in hospital and in my bed

0:26:06.600 --> 0:26:08.080
<v Speaker 1>and the guy next to me was like, I don't

0:26:08.119 --> 0:26:09.960
<v Speaker 1>care anymore, just put me down. I was like, oh shit,

0:26:10.040 --> 0:26:12.000
<v Speaker 1>this is not where I want to be. Yeah, So

0:26:12.160 --> 0:26:13.760
<v Speaker 1>that was like I think he was kind of taking

0:26:13.760 --> 0:26:15.960
<v Speaker 1>a piss because he actually looked all right, But I

0:26:16.000 --> 0:26:17.240
<v Speaker 1>don't know, It's just not what you want to be

0:26:17.680 --> 0:26:18.280
<v Speaker 1>in hospital.

0:26:18.560 --> 0:26:19.720
<v Speaker 3>How long were you in hospital?

0:26:19.800 --> 0:26:20.760
<v Speaker 1>For five days?

0:26:21.000 --> 0:26:22.879
<v Speaker 3>That's quite a lengthy stink.

0:26:22.920 --> 0:26:25.159
<v Speaker 1>Ye, it was pretty boring. I'm not gonna lie, especially

0:26:25.160 --> 0:26:28.480
<v Speaker 1>when you can't sleep for two three days because like

0:26:28.640 --> 0:26:30.640
<v Speaker 1>not even a minute because the machine will go off.

0:26:31.280 --> 0:26:34.080
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, I think it went to a I got

0:26:34.119 --> 0:26:35.720
<v Speaker 1>to a point where I told the nurse I was like, look,

0:26:35.720 --> 0:26:37.840
<v Speaker 1>am I going to die if this machine doesn't go off? Like, oh,

0:26:37.960 --> 0:26:40.399
<v Speaker 1>you should be okay, Well we're being safe. So I

0:26:40.480 --> 0:26:42.359
<v Speaker 1>was like, if I'm going to be fine, just please

0:26:42.400 --> 0:26:44.639
<v Speaker 1>don't please. I need some sleep because I was losing

0:26:44.680 --> 0:26:46.879
<v Speaker 1>my mind. I was checking my phone every five minutes,

0:26:46.880 --> 0:26:50.239
<v Speaker 1>I couldn't sleep. I was making the time go by

0:26:50.320 --> 0:26:53.000
<v Speaker 1>quicker at night, but it felt so slow. Yeah.

0:26:54.320 --> 0:26:57.879
<v Speaker 2>How long did the recovery take from something like that?

0:26:58.240 --> 0:27:00.400
<v Speaker 2>How long was it until you actually felt okay, I'm

0:27:00.440 --> 0:27:01.040
<v Speaker 2>healthy again.

0:27:01.280 --> 0:27:04.960
<v Speaker 1>Well that was the tricky part. That was also probably

0:27:04.960 --> 0:27:06.879
<v Speaker 1>a low point because coming back from the glandulo and

0:27:06.960 --> 0:27:09.000
<v Speaker 1>then the COVID stuff, meaning like I couldn't go out

0:27:09.000 --> 0:27:10.879
<v Speaker 1>and I couldn't like really go out and enjoy anything

0:27:10.920 --> 0:27:11.399
<v Speaker 1>as well.

0:27:11.359 --> 0:27:12.560
<v Speaker 3>And were you at high risk?

0:27:13.000 --> 0:27:14.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I was trying to be careful as well because

0:27:14.920 --> 0:27:19.840
<v Speaker 1>obviously my immune system was pretty pretty low. So yeah,

0:27:19.880 --> 0:27:23.120
<v Speaker 1>it probably took about five six months until I felt

0:27:23.160 --> 0:27:27.040
<v Speaker 1>like I was getting back to myself. That's one of

0:27:27.160 --> 0:27:30.879
<v Speaker 1>the I guess not good things because obviously it's not

0:27:30.920 --> 0:27:32.960
<v Speaker 1>a good thing, But yeah, silver linings in me not

0:27:33.080 --> 0:27:35.280
<v Speaker 1>being able to play it kind of gave me time

0:27:35.320 --> 0:27:37.240
<v Speaker 1>to kind of take time and not rush back to

0:27:37.400 --> 0:27:40.359
<v Speaker 1>shear all these stories about chronic fatigue when you come

0:27:40.400 --> 0:27:43.760
<v Speaker 1>back from glendula too soon. So I was trying to

0:27:43.760 --> 0:27:46.040
<v Speaker 1>be careful and luckily I was. That's where my mum

0:27:46.080 --> 0:27:48.040
<v Speaker 1>came in handy. I put the weight back on and

0:27:48.080 --> 0:27:48.960
<v Speaker 1>then some pretty quickly.

0:27:49.080 --> 0:27:51.520
<v Speaker 3>Thankfully, those chicken thies, those.

0:27:51.440 --> 0:27:53.960
<v Speaker 1>Chicken thighs got me. But again, yeah, hitting the gym

0:27:54.040 --> 0:27:57.080
<v Speaker 1>and those chicken thighs, I lost like thirteen kilos but

0:27:57.440 --> 0:27:59.679
<v Speaker 1>kind of put on like eighteen and that's a lot

0:27:59.720 --> 0:28:01.880
<v Speaker 1>of ways. So I was just like lifting and eating

0:28:01.920 --> 0:28:05.000
<v Speaker 1>everything I could find. I looked a bit like chunkier

0:28:05.040 --> 0:28:07.280
<v Speaker 1>than usual, but I knew when I started playing tennis

0:28:07.320 --> 0:28:08.040
<v Speaker 1>i'd lose that again.

0:28:09.280 --> 0:28:11.320
<v Speaker 2>Your dad tells me that when you sort of moved

0:28:11.359 --> 0:28:13.879
<v Speaker 2>in with your sister over in Melbourne that that was

0:28:14.880 --> 0:28:18.520
<v Speaker 2>a real almost positive for you, and I guess he

0:28:18.640 --> 0:28:20.280
<v Speaker 2>sort of said that your sister was maybe a bit

0:28:20.359 --> 0:28:23.000
<v Speaker 2>harder on you than your parents usually are.

0:28:23.240 --> 0:28:25.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well, mum babies me a lot. I know a

0:28:25.280 --> 0:28:28.760
<v Speaker 1>lot of Greek families have that at times. But my

0:28:28.880 --> 0:28:31.600
<v Speaker 1>sister was kind of like a bigger brother sort of

0:28:31.640 --> 0:28:33.320
<v Speaker 1>figure there. She was kind of getting on to me

0:28:33.840 --> 0:28:35.760
<v Speaker 1>with things. But it was good because I love being

0:28:35.800 --> 0:28:39.640
<v Speaker 1>at home in Adelaide. Love Adelaide, but also I feel

0:28:39.680 --> 0:28:41.320
<v Speaker 1>like I needed something else to kind of get me

0:28:41.400 --> 0:28:44.640
<v Speaker 1>because Adelaide sometimes had been a had some like bad

0:28:44.720 --> 0:28:47.000
<v Speaker 1>moments there where, like when I'm back home. It always

0:28:47.040 --> 0:28:51.080
<v Speaker 1>means I'm kind of recovering from an injury or something negative.

0:28:50.720 --> 0:28:51.840
<v Speaker 3>At times a bit triggering.

0:28:52.040 --> 0:28:54.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So I wanted to get out out of Adelaide

0:28:54.240 --> 0:28:56.680
<v Speaker 1>and go to Melbourne and kind of yeah my sister.

0:28:56.720 --> 0:28:58.280
<v Speaker 1>I was living with my sister and our husband Will

0:28:58.800 --> 0:29:00.440
<v Speaker 1>and it was good, just had the spare room there.

0:29:00.720 --> 0:29:02.600
<v Speaker 1>I've got a lot of close mates in Melbourne as well.

0:29:02.640 --> 0:29:04.760
<v Speaker 1>Obviously it was a bit tough this past year seeing

0:29:04.760 --> 0:29:07.200
<v Speaker 1>them all, but it was definitely good. Good being back

0:29:07.240 --> 0:29:09.280
<v Speaker 1>in Melbourne. It's my favorite sitting in the world, so

0:29:09.680 --> 0:29:11.680
<v Speaker 1>brings back good memories and good VARs. Come here.

0:29:12.560 --> 0:29:15.000
<v Speaker 2>Have your brother and sister of a pooled you aside

0:29:15.040 --> 0:29:17.640
<v Speaker 2>and said, mate, you've gotten a bit ahead of yourself here,

0:29:17.760 --> 0:29:18.440
<v Speaker 2>pull back.

0:29:18.480 --> 0:29:22.080
<v Speaker 1>All the time. It's a rare compliment I get from them,

0:29:22.120 --> 0:29:25.000
<v Speaker 1>which is good. It's very rare. So when I get it,

0:29:25.080 --> 0:29:27.320
<v Speaker 1>I take it and hold it with both hands. It's

0:29:27.480 --> 0:29:32.040
<v Speaker 1>very it's a very rare occurrence. So yeah, my brother's

0:29:32.360 --> 0:29:34.440
<v Speaker 1>very short on compliments, but I know when he does

0:29:34.520 --> 0:29:37.120
<v Speaker 1>give him out it means something. So I'd rather be

0:29:37.240 --> 0:29:39.680
<v Speaker 1>it that way than them always telling me all the

0:29:39.760 --> 0:29:40.480
<v Speaker 1>good things I'm doing.

0:29:40.760 --> 0:29:42.560
<v Speaker 2>It's funny to hear that because he actually had a

0:29:42.600 --> 0:29:44.400
<v Speaker 2>lot of really nice things to say about you.

0:29:44.480 --> 0:29:46.000
<v Speaker 1>Because he keeps it in, he doesn't say it to

0:29:46.040 --> 0:29:46.600
<v Speaker 1>me too much.

0:29:47.040 --> 0:29:49.800
<v Speaker 3>It was the genuine love that I'm surprised by that

0:29:50.560 --> 0:29:52.400
<v Speaker 3>for you, it was actually really nice.

0:29:52.760 --> 0:29:55.680
<v Speaker 1>No, i'm surprised you saying that now. We actually are

0:29:55.800 --> 0:29:59.840
<v Speaker 1>really close. We do get along really well, and we're

0:29:59.840 --> 0:30:01.400
<v Speaker 1>not one of those people that are like, I love

0:30:01.440 --> 0:30:03.360
<v Speaker 1>you brother, like all that sort of stuff. But I

0:30:03.400 --> 0:30:05.800
<v Speaker 1>think it's just we just have a deep sort of

0:30:05.840 --> 0:30:08.200
<v Speaker 1>respect for each other and we just get along. Obviously,

0:30:08.240 --> 0:30:09.600
<v Speaker 1>I listen to everything he says. Has been on the

0:30:09.600 --> 0:30:12.840
<v Speaker 1>planet a bit longer than me, so he knows a

0:30:12.880 --> 0:30:14.920
<v Speaker 1>few more things than I do, So even if I

0:30:14.960 --> 0:30:17.520
<v Speaker 1>don't admit to it, I definitely listen to him.

0:30:17.760 --> 0:30:20.120
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you guys clearly have a really close relationship

0:30:20.160 --> 0:30:23.160
<v Speaker 2>and you have some pretty honest conversations I've heard.

0:30:23.280 --> 0:30:23.840
<v Speaker 3>Is that fair?

0:30:24.040 --> 0:30:27.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, for sure. I don't know. I've always been

0:30:27.280 --> 0:30:30.800
<v Speaker 1>a pretty honest person unless I get told not to

0:30:30.880 --> 0:30:34.280
<v Speaker 1>be at times. But sometimes I'm honest to a fault.

0:30:34.800 --> 0:30:36.880
<v Speaker 1>But that's yeah, I don't know, that's just how I am.

0:30:36.920 --> 0:30:39.960
<v Speaker 1>I struggle to bluffer a little bit, and I just

0:30:40.160 --> 0:30:41.880
<v Speaker 1>just kind of tell people what I think, whether it's

0:30:41.880 --> 0:30:44.040
<v Speaker 1>good or bad. Even about myself, I think I'm pretty

0:30:44.440 --> 0:30:46.400
<v Speaker 1>pretty open and honest about it, So I don't know,

0:30:47.200 --> 0:30:48.360
<v Speaker 1>I think that's the only way to be if you

0:30:48.400 --> 0:30:50.960
<v Speaker 1>want to get places as well, especially with the relationship

0:30:51.000 --> 0:30:53.480
<v Speaker 1>with your family. You can't sweet things under the rug.

0:30:53.480 --> 0:30:55.040
<v Speaker 1>You've got to kind of talk about it and lay

0:30:55.080 --> 0:30:56.520
<v Speaker 1>it on the table and go from there.

0:30:56.800 --> 0:30:58.920
<v Speaker 3>What's the most brutal conversation you guys have had?

0:31:01.120 --> 0:31:03.160
<v Speaker 1>I reckon it might've been in Lockdown. I don't know.

0:31:03.160 --> 0:31:07.640
<v Speaker 1>I can't remember one brutal conversation, but I just me

0:31:07.720 --> 0:31:09.120
<v Speaker 1>and my family kind of Me and my brother and

0:31:09.200 --> 0:31:10.760
<v Speaker 1>sister went out each other when I was in Lockdown

0:31:10.800 --> 0:31:13.200
<v Speaker 1>playing PlayStation. I just thought I was fucking around too

0:31:13.280 --> 0:31:16.520
<v Speaker 1>much and not putting enough serious time in and then

0:31:16.560 --> 0:31:19.160
<v Speaker 1>I just like went back at them for a little bit.

0:31:19.560 --> 0:31:21.840
<v Speaker 1>But it was just stupid shit that I think siblings

0:31:21.920 --> 0:31:24.520
<v Speaker 1>do when they argue. But no, it's been nothing too bad.

0:31:24.560 --> 0:31:26.960
<v Speaker 1>Everything because it's good because you know, everything is going

0:31:28.040 --> 0:31:29.720
<v Speaker 1>to a better place, or trying to make you a

0:31:29.760 --> 0:31:31.920
<v Speaker 1>better person, or trying to help your career or something

0:31:32.040 --> 0:31:34.120
<v Speaker 1>like that. So it's never trying to shoot anyone down.

0:31:34.160 --> 0:31:36.440
<v Speaker 1>It's always constructive criticism, even though I may not feel

0:31:36.480 --> 0:31:37.040
<v Speaker 1>like it at the time.

0:31:37.200 --> 0:31:39.040
<v Speaker 2>Do you ever think that maybe you'd be more suited

0:31:39.080 --> 0:31:41.560
<v Speaker 2>to beinging a professional gamer instead of ten.

0:31:41.560 --> 0:31:43.240
<v Speaker 1>Yes, all the time. Well that's how I was getting

0:31:43.240 --> 0:31:47.160
<v Speaker 1>my competitive fixed. So yeah, when I wasn't playing tennis,

0:31:47.160 --> 0:31:49.320
<v Speaker 1>I'd still try and get that build up and that

0:31:49.560 --> 0:31:53.880
<v Speaker 1>energy of beating people online. It's pretty funny. I'd cop abuse,

0:31:53.920 --> 0:31:56.160
<v Speaker 1>so like, yeah, use your mum's credit card for this game,

0:31:56.200 --> 0:31:57.880
<v Speaker 1>and it's just it's just funny, and I love going

0:31:57.920 --> 0:32:00.200
<v Speaker 1>back at them for it. It builds Nick as well.

0:32:00.240 --> 0:32:02.480
<v Speaker 1>He loves it too, and I think, yeah, when we

0:32:02.560 --> 0:32:05.120
<v Speaker 1>get online, we just we just like to abuse people,

0:32:05.160 --> 0:32:06.160
<v Speaker 1>especially if they abuse us.

0:32:08.840 --> 0:32:11.360
<v Speaker 2>I imagine, though, even though you're an individual sportsman, that

0:32:11.640 --> 0:32:14.840
<v Speaker 2>the family is just enormous. What role did they play

0:32:14.960 --> 0:32:17.640
<v Speaker 2>in getting you out of the headspace that you've been

0:32:17.720 --> 0:32:18.800
<v Speaker 2>in throughout your career?

0:32:19.320 --> 0:32:22.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean they were massive. You know, It's it's

0:32:22.160 --> 0:32:24.840
<v Speaker 1>one of the best things knowing you have a strong

0:32:24.920 --> 0:32:28.000
<v Speaker 1>family and there with the good times, you see them.

0:32:28.040 --> 0:32:29.520
<v Speaker 1>You look up to your box when you're playing and

0:32:30.240 --> 0:32:32.600
<v Speaker 1>their they're front row cheering, even though my mom sometimes

0:32:32.640 --> 0:32:35.040
<v Speaker 1>has no idea how the tennis scoring system works. I

0:32:35.080 --> 0:32:37.440
<v Speaker 1>remember one year, one year I won the fourth set

0:32:37.440 --> 0:32:39.520
<v Speaker 1>and she got up and was ready to get out

0:32:39.520 --> 0:32:41.680
<v Speaker 1>of the stadium. I was like, mama's is a set

0:32:41.720 --> 0:32:43.360
<v Speaker 1>to go? There were two sets all. She had no

0:32:43.440 --> 0:32:46.800
<v Speaker 1>idea what was going on. It's good it's timeless with

0:32:46.920 --> 0:32:49.600
<v Speaker 1>her sometimes as well. She doesn't even really care that

0:32:49.760 --> 0:32:51.600
<v Speaker 1>much if I'm winning or losing. She cares more about

0:32:51.640 --> 0:32:53.480
<v Speaker 1>if I'm having the banana on the court to keep

0:32:53.520 --> 0:32:56.200
<v Speaker 1>my energy up. So it's good having someone like that

0:32:56.600 --> 0:32:58.720
<v Speaker 1>that doesn't really have too much idea what's going on

0:32:58.840 --> 0:33:01.760
<v Speaker 1>with tennis as well to balance it out. But you

0:33:01.840 --> 0:33:03.800
<v Speaker 1>can see as well, Yeah, it's obviously not about the

0:33:03.840 --> 0:33:05.400
<v Speaker 1>winning or losing. She just wants me to be happy

0:33:05.440 --> 0:33:09.560
<v Speaker 1>and enjoying life. And that's what the family is for

0:33:09.760 --> 0:33:12.720
<v Speaker 1>first and foremost, and then everything else is a bonus.

0:33:12.800 --> 0:33:15.080
<v Speaker 1>But now they've all definitely played their part and helped

0:33:15.120 --> 0:33:17.320
<v Speaker 1>me get back to this point. So yeah, I couldn't

0:33:17.320 --> 0:33:18.360
<v Speaker 1>be more happy with the family I have.

0:33:18.960 --> 0:33:21.040
<v Speaker 3>So how have you navigated your way through it?

0:33:21.360 --> 0:33:21.520
<v Speaker 1>Then?

0:33:21.720 --> 0:33:24.520
<v Speaker 3>How you say you're in a better place now? How

0:33:24.560 --> 0:33:25.520
<v Speaker 3>have you managed to do that?

0:33:26.440 --> 0:33:29.120
<v Speaker 1>It's just I think it just takes time. For me.

0:33:29.240 --> 0:33:32.040
<v Speaker 1>It was again looking back to get back on the

0:33:32.080 --> 0:33:35.120
<v Speaker 1>tennis court. If I'm injury free, I'm pretty happy most

0:33:35.120 --> 0:33:37.080
<v Speaker 1>of the time, and every time I've been injured, that's

0:33:37.080 --> 0:33:39.480
<v Speaker 1>when I've kind of started to have some dark thoughts

0:33:39.520 --> 0:33:42.080
<v Speaker 1>and dark moments. So just putting the work in off

0:33:42.120 --> 0:33:45.960
<v Speaker 1>the court to get myself in a good shape physically.

0:33:46.800 --> 0:33:48.240
<v Speaker 1>I know I've got a long ways to go, but

0:33:48.640 --> 0:33:50.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm definitely definitely happy with how things are going. And

0:33:50.880 --> 0:33:53.280
<v Speaker 1>then it allows me to be free and enjoy life

0:33:53.760 --> 0:33:56.360
<v Speaker 1>on the court and off the court. Being able to

0:33:56.400 --> 0:34:00.400
<v Speaker 1>play without pain. It sounds simple, but it's not some times,

0:34:00.480 --> 0:34:03.000
<v Speaker 1>and it makes things a lot easier. You look up,

0:34:03.120 --> 0:34:04.760
<v Speaker 1>you look forward to getting up every day. You're looking

0:34:04.760 --> 0:34:06.720
<v Speaker 1>forward to getting practice to try and get better, rather

0:34:06.800 --> 0:34:08.720
<v Speaker 1>than shuit. I hope I make it through this practice

0:34:08.719 --> 0:34:12.320
<v Speaker 1>session feeling okay. So it's just a massive mental shift

0:34:12.800 --> 0:34:15.040
<v Speaker 1>that helps, especially with what I'm doing in my career

0:34:15.040 --> 0:34:16.359
<v Speaker 1>at the moment, which is trying to be a tennis

0:34:16.400 --> 0:34:19.719
<v Speaker 1>player or doing that full time. It definitely makes my

0:34:19.880 --> 0:34:23.280
<v Speaker 1>life more positive and feel better. But for me, getting

0:34:23.320 --> 0:34:25.600
<v Speaker 1>back It was just about just looking back at all

0:34:25.640 --> 0:34:28.239
<v Speaker 1>the positive moments I've had in my career and kind

0:34:28.239 --> 0:34:30.480
<v Speaker 1>of using that as motivation and holding on to those

0:34:30.560 --> 0:34:33.520
<v Speaker 1>moments to every day to think what I can do

0:34:33.600 --> 0:34:35.560
<v Speaker 1>because I know I've proven it in the past, and

0:34:35.600 --> 0:34:36.880
<v Speaker 1>when I have played, I have been able to do

0:34:37.000 --> 0:34:39.960
<v Speaker 1>good things. And seeing guys my age do well pisses

0:34:40.000 --> 0:34:41.840
<v Speaker 1>me off at times, but it also I use it

0:34:41.880 --> 0:34:45.520
<v Speaker 1>as motivation and think, fuck, I'm either better than this guy,

0:34:45.640 --> 0:34:47.360
<v Speaker 1>or I can be as good as this guy. That

0:34:47.480 --> 0:34:49.160
<v Speaker 1>type of thing, and that's what you use.

0:34:50.320 --> 0:34:52.680
<v Speaker 3>How do you free yourself of the fear of getting

0:34:52.719 --> 0:34:53.319
<v Speaker 3>injured again.

0:34:53.760 --> 0:34:57.359
<v Speaker 1>It's tough. It's still still for sure in my mind

0:34:57.400 --> 0:34:58.759
<v Speaker 1>all the time, and I'm sure there's going to be

0:34:58.880 --> 0:35:01.320
<v Speaker 1>more injuries going forward, but I think now I'm smarter

0:35:01.440 --> 0:35:03.719
<v Speaker 1>with how to manage it, to make sure that the

0:35:03.800 --> 0:35:07.120
<v Speaker 1>injuries aren't long term injuries and they're smaller things that

0:35:07.160 --> 0:35:08.640
<v Speaker 1>you can kind of get on top of. I think

0:35:09.840 --> 0:35:11.880
<v Speaker 1>injuries are never going to go away if you're a

0:35:11.880 --> 0:35:13.799
<v Speaker 1>professional athlete, but I think if you can manage them

0:35:13.840 --> 0:35:16.839
<v Speaker 1>better and shorten the time that you're out, that's the goal.

0:35:17.120 --> 0:35:19.800
<v Speaker 3>Is that just about professionalism or what sort of stuff

0:35:20.080 --> 0:35:21.400
<v Speaker 3>helps you know in that side of it.

0:35:21.440 --> 0:35:25.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I definitely think professionalism is a big part of it.

0:35:25.280 --> 0:35:27.719
<v Speaker 1>Some injuries are unlucky, but a lot of things you

0:35:27.800 --> 0:35:30.000
<v Speaker 1>can kind of go back and see where you kind

0:35:30.000 --> 0:35:32.600
<v Speaker 1>of messed up and try and do things differently the

0:35:32.680 --> 0:35:34.640
<v Speaker 1>next time. It's obviously tough because I feel like I've

0:35:34.640 --> 0:35:37.080
<v Speaker 1>missed a big chunk of my career early. But one

0:35:37.080 --> 0:35:39.040
<v Speaker 1>of the good things was I am I did start young,

0:35:39.520 --> 0:35:41.759
<v Speaker 1>which means I'm still young and I've got a lot

0:35:41.800 --> 0:35:43.359
<v Speaker 1>of time to make it up in the back end.

0:35:43.480 --> 0:35:45.160
<v Speaker 3>Are you bitter about the time you've missed?

0:35:45.239 --> 0:35:48.160
<v Speaker 1>No, feelthy about it, to be honest. I try not

0:35:48.239 --> 0:35:50.239
<v Speaker 1>to look back with too many regrets, but it's tough

0:35:50.360 --> 0:35:53.600
<v Speaker 1>not to. But again, that's a good thing with tennis.

0:35:53.760 --> 0:35:57.000
<v Speaker 1>You know you've got a chance and I'm sure if

0:35:57.080 --> 0:35:59.239
<v Speaker 1>I can do what I want to do the next

0:35:59.320 --> 0:36:02.120
<v Speaker 1>sort of few years, so I'll be happy. And one

0:36:02.200 --> 0:36:05.320
<v Speaker 1>thing that stopped me or kept me going was I

0:36:05.360 --> 0:36:07.520
<v Speaker 1>would have looked back on it thinking I wish I

0:36:07.600 --> 0:36:09.960
<v Speaker 1>had a few more cracks at it if I decided

0:36:09.960 --> 0:36:13.520
<v Speaker 1>to just give up the sport. So while I think

0:36:13.560 --> 0:36:15.520
<v Speaker 1>I can still do it, physically, I'm gonna I'm going

0:36:15.560 --> 0:36:16.080
<v Speaker 1>to keep trying.

0:36:16.760 --> 0:36:19.240
<v Speaker 3>How much do you get out of keeping on going?

0:36:19.400 --> 0:36:22.759
<v Speaker 2>Like, have you learned something from because obviously you haven't

0:36:22.800 --> 0:36:26.160
<v Speaker 2>had the time, but the fact that it means I

0:36:26.280 --> 0:36:29.480
<v Speaker 2>guess maybe more to you because of what you've been through.

0:36:29.760 --> 0:36:32.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Yeah, for sure. It definitely definitely makes the moments

0:36:33.480 --> 0:36:37.000
<v Speaker 1>a lot more special. And just knowing you know where

0:36:37.040 --> 0:36:38.600
<v Speaker 1>you were and where you get to, I think it's

0:36:38.640 --> 0:36:42.760
<v Speaker 1>going to make the journey and the story or the sweeter.

0:36:42.960 --> 0:36:45.600
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, just just knowing where I'm coming from, and

0:36:45.760 --> 0:36:47.040
<v Speaker 1>I think it's going to be a good story. And

0:36:47.160 --> 0:36:50.640
<v Speaker 1>hopefully I can finish the book or whatever my career

0:36:50.719 --> 0:36:53.040
<v Speaker 1>and it's going to be a good one because hopefully,

0:36:53.040 --> 0:36:53.880
<v Speaker 1>again it's just starting.

0:36:54.080 --> 0:36:54.920
<v Speaker 3>How good can you be?

0:36:55.239 --> 0:36:57.359
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I think I can be pretty good.

0:36:57.440 --> 0:36:58.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to put a number on it, but

0:36:59.880 --> 0:37:03.279
<v Speaker 1>I've just you know, I don't know. I believe in

0:37:03.320 --> 0:37:04.719
<v Speaker 1>myself and I believe in what I can do. I

0:37:04.800 --> 0:37:07.000
<v Speaker 1>push one of the best players in the world the

0:37:07.120 --> 0:37:10.719
<v Speaker 1>other day off playing two matches in about two years.

0:37:10.960 --> 0:37:14.719
<v Speaker 1>So it's yeah, I think, I honestly do believe the

0:37:14.760 --> 0:37:17.800
<v Speaker 1>sky is the limit for me. Sometimes you need matches

0:37:17.880 --> 0:37:21.080
<v Speaker 1>to validate that. You know, we've all got weaknesses and strengths,

0:37:21.080 --> 0:37:23.040
<v Speaker 1>and I've obviously got to get a lot better. But

0:37:23.160 --> 0:37:24.879
<v Speaker 1>I think I can do that by staying on court

0:37:25.080 --> 0:37:27.759
<v Speaker 1>and given myself a chance, because that's the one thing.

0:37:28.080 --> 0:37:30.920
<v Speaker 1>It's hard to put a limit on my ranking when

0:37:30.960 --> 0:37:32.719
<v Speaker 1>I haven't even given myself a chance. I haven't played

0:37:32.760 --> 0:37:35.000
<v Speaker 1>a full schedule ever. So if I can have a

0:37:35.040 --> 0:37:37.480
<v Speaker 1>full year or a full few years back to back,

0:37:37.719 --> 0:37:39.560
<v Speaker 1>then I can start getting a feeling of how good I.

0:37:39.600 --> 0:37:41.080
<v Speaker 3>Can be, because that's the other thing, isn't it.

0:37:41.120 --> 0:37:43.399
<v Speaker 2>And Grand Slam for example, that's two weeks, Like it's

0:37:43.400 --> 0:37:45.120
<v Speaker 2>a lot of tennis back to back to back for

0:37:45.239 --> 0:37:47.080
<v Speaker 2>somebody who's missed Yeah.

0:37:46.960 --> 0:37:48.640
<v Speaker 1>A lot of time. Yeah, And that's what makes the

0:37:48.680 --> 0:37:50.480
<v Speaker 1>top players so impressive to be able to do that

0:37:51.400 --> 0:37:54.360
<v Speaker 1>over the years, for how long they've done it. It's

0:37:54.440 --> 0:37:59.160
<v Speaker 1>super impressive and an ultimate testament to them. But that's

0:37:59.200 --> 0:38:00.600
<v Speaker 1>the thing. I've got to give my self a chance

0:38:00.640 --> 0:38:02.839
<v Speaker 1>by playing tournaments and having a full schedule to see

0:38:02.880 --> 0:38:03.400
<v Speaker 1>how good I can be.

0:38:03.760 --> 0:38:06.120
<v Speaker 3>When you reflect on it, what have you learned about yourself?

0:38:07.440 --> 0:38:10.600
<v Speaker 1>That the mind's pretty pretty strong thing at times negatively,

0:38:10.719 --> 0:38:13.200
<v Speaker 1>but more so you have the power to overcome anything.

0:38:14.080 --> 0:38:17.759
<v Speaker 1>And just having that belief and that just confidence to

0:38:17.840 --> 0:38:20.719
<v Speaker 1>keep pushing forward and having that resilience. I think it's

0:38:21.280 --> 0:38:24.600
<v Speaker 1>it's made me pretty tough person going forward. So I

0:38:24.680 --> 0:38:26.839
<v Speaker 1>feel like, honestly a lot of things that get thrown

0:38:26.880 --> 0:38:29.040
<v Speaker 1>my way now feels like nothing compared to what you

0:38:29.120 --> 0:38:32.400
<v Speaker 1>went or what I went through back then. So I

0:38:32.480 --> 0:38:35.239
<v Speaker 1>feel like, even if it's another little injury here or there,

0:38:35.840 --> 0:38:37.520
<v Speaker 1>I'll kind of brush it off and I'll be good

0:38:37.520 --> 0:38:37.680
<v Speaker 1>to go.

0:38:38.320 --> 0:38:40.600
<v Speaker 2>What have you told yourself in your mind? What is

0:38:40.640 --> 0:38:43.440
<v Speaker 2>it that you've you know, for people listening who are

0:38:43.520 --> 0:38:46.280
<v Speaker 2>wondering how to get themselves out of their own dark places?

0:38:46.840 --> 0:38:49.439
<v Speaker 2>What is this sort of shifting mentality that you've made

0:38:49.520 --> 0:38:49.799
<v Speaker 2>you think?

0:38:50.719 --> 0:38:52.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. For me, as I said, it was

0:38:52.560 --> 0:38:54.359
<v Speaker 1>just about doing things that made me happy and made

0:38:54.360 --> 0:38:57.040
<v Speaker 1>me enjoy it. And then from tennis part, I just said,

0:38:57.120 --> 0:38:59.319
<v Speaker 1>let's just fucking give it one more crack. And then

0:38:59.320 --> 0:39:01.359
<v Speaker 1>I just kept saying give it one more crack every time.

0:39:01.520 --> 0:39:03.600
<v Speaker 1>So it started off as give it one more crack,

0:39:03.640 --> 0:39:05.680
<v Speaker 1>but it's probably turning to give it seventeen more.

0:39:05.560 --> 0:39:07.440
<v Speaker 3>Cracks, But just keep getting back up.

0:39:07.480 --> 0:39:09.400
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. Fuck it, to be honest, that that

0:39:09.560 --> 0:39:10.960
<v Speaker 1>was my motto. I'm just going to keep having to

0:39:11.000 --> 0:39:13.839
<v Speaker 1>go and whatever happens happens. Yeah.

0:39:14.800 --> 0:39:18.040
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate you giving me the time today and the

0:39:18.160 --> 0:39:20.600
<v Speaker 2>fact that you are. You're very genuine, You're very honest.

0:39:20.760 --> 0:39:21.320
<v Speaker 1>I try to be.

0:39:22.280 --> 0:39:24.560
<v Speaker 2>What would it mean to you to actually have a

0:39:24.680 --> 0:39:26.960
<v Speaker 2>healthy run at it when you take a step back

0:39:27.040 --> 0:39:29.879
<v Speaker 2>and everything that you've been through, what would that actually mean?

0:39:30.200 --> 0:39:33.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh, it'd be massive, it'd be massive. It's more just

0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:36.040
<v Speaker 1>the unknown for me of what I can do. I

0:39:36.080 --> 0:39:38.759
<v Speaker 1>don't know. I don't know I could, I could have

0:39:38.840 --> 0:39:42.040
<v Speaker 1>reached my peak. Who knows. I don't think I have obviously,

0:39:42.200 --> 0:39:44.840
<v Speaker 1>But you know, I just don't want to die wondering.

0:39:44.960 --> 0:39:46.320
<v Speaker 1>That's the thing. I want to want to know what

0:39:46.440 --> 0:39:48.560
<v Speaker 1>I can do and give it a crack and give

0:39:48.640 --> 0:39:51.800
<v Speaker 1>myself a good chance. And I don't know whatever happens happens,

0:39:51.800 --> 0:39:54.040
<v Speaker 1>but I'm going to give it a go. Yeah, it's

0:39:54.040 --> 0:39:54.640
<v Speaker 1>pretty much it.

0:39:55.080 --> 0:39:57.560
<v Speaker 3>I look forward to watching the journey onfold.

0:39:58.040 --> 0:39:58.319
<v Speaker 1>You are.

0:39:58.480 --> 0:40:00.640
<v Speaker 2>You are really fun to what and you are the

0:40:00.760 --> 0:40:04.280
<v Speaker 2>kind of player that Australia does like to get behind.

0:40:05.400 --> 0:40:07.120
<v Speaker 2>Maybe we just haven't seen enough of you to get

0:40:07.120 --> 0:40:07.680
<v Speaker 2>annoyed of you.

0:40:07.920 --> 0:40:10.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you probably sick me seeing but I know this

0:40:10.200 --> 0:40:13.279
<v Speaker 1>guy again, but hopefully not. Yeah, hopefully I can keep

0:40:13.320 --> 0:40:16.320
<v Speaker 1>it interesting. I like to hopefully entertain people, and obviously

0:40:16.360 --> 0:40:19.080
<v Speaker 1>that's why I like playing in Australia and having that

0:40:19.120 --> 0:40:21.440
<v Speaker 1>support in the crowd, especially over the last few weeks.

0:40:21.480 --> 0:40:24.720
<v Speaker 1>As meant everything, I didn't expect the traction that I've gotten,

0:40:24.840 --> 0:40:27.239
<v Speaker 1>so it's been unreal and hopefully I can give everyone

0:40:27.280 --> 0:40:28.120
<v Speaker 1>a bit more to cheer about.

0:40:28.239 --> 0:40:30.160
<v Speaker 3>You're proud of yourself, Yeah I am.

0:40:30.520 --> 0:40:32.759
<v Speaker 1>I am to be honest, but yeah, I've got a

0:40:32.800 --> 0:40:35.399
<v Speaker 1>long way to go so I can be proud of Yeah,

0:40:35.840 --> 0:40:36.600
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much.

0:40:36.640 --> 0:40:37.520
<v Speaker 3>I really appreciate it.

0:40:37.640 --> 0:40:38.600
<v Speaker 1>Thank you appreciate it.

0:40:41.800 --> 0:40:42.680
<v Speaker 3>Too soon time.

0:40:44.480 --> 0:40:47.320
<v Speaker 2>Thanks for listening to Ordinarily Speaking. I hope you enjoyed

0:40:47.360 --> 0:40:49.840
<v Speaker 2>the chat with the NASI. He is hoping he gets

0:40:49.920 --> 0:40:52.600
<v Speaker 2>a proper run at it. Don't forget if you want

0:40:52.640 --> 0:40:56.160
<v Speaker 2>to get in touch at ordinarily Underscore Speaking on Instagram

0:40:56.480 --> 0:41:00.360
<v Speaker 2>or at narrowly Underscore Meadows on Twitter. Haven't you up

0:41:00.480 --> 0:41:04.120
<v Speaker 2>on Wednesday? He'd subscribe and tell you mates, thanks again?

0:41:04.840 --> 0:41:11.560
<v Speaker 3>Mother loving you look at them, you know the silence, sound.

0:41:14.360 --> 0:41:16.719
<v Speaker 1>I can use a lead from you.

0:41:17.040 --> 0:41:20.440
<v Speaker 3>Ride a bad Tell me that you want to be

0:41:23.880 --> 0:41:27.800
<v Speaker 3>Just Let me that you want to be God because

0:41:27.800 --> 0:41:34.640
<v Speaker 3>I'm compensrateing the fire. Send me that you want a

0:41:34.800 --> 0:41:35.000
<v Speaker 3>big