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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, the way that men respond to the women in

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Speaker 2: their lives teaches their children how they should respond to

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Speaker 2: the women in their lives.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 3: Gooday.

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Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Colson, the author of six books

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Speaker 2: about raising happy families. I'm here with my wife and

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Speaker 2: co host missus Happy Families. Who's looking a bit grumpy?

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Speaker 3: Why is that?

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Speaker 4: I hear myself. You're such a pain because I just

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Speaker 4: I couldn't help it.

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Speaker 3: You're being grumpy. You wanted to finish making the notes.

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Speaker 3: We need to get this done, so I just thought

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Speaker 3: i'd turn off your mics.

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Speaker 4: So impatient to do that.

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Speaker 3: I won't do it again, I promise.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Valentine's Day is coming up. It's Sunday, and I've

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Speaker 2: always been a bit of a grinchy Valentine over the years,

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Speaker 2: but I've come to really love it because of the

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Speaker 2: big deal.

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Speaker 3: That you've made about it.

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Speaker 2: And this is what I love about you is you're

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Speaker 2: so intentional about giving people great experiences, especially.

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Speaker 3: Giving our children great experiences.

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Speaker 2: But Valentine'sdae also ends up being a great experience for

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Speaker 2: us because of the effort you put in.

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Speaker 3: So I'm a convert. I love it.

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Speaker 2: And in today's podcast, we thought we'd talk about three

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Speaker 2: secrets to strengthening your relationship as a couple.

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Speaker 3: Now, not everyone's in.

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Speaker 2: A couple of relationships, so this won't be applicable to everybody.

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Speaker 2: But I think even if you're not in a couple relationship, many,

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Speaker 2: though not all, of the things that will share will

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Speaker 2: also be directly applicable to your relationship with your children.

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Speaker 1: Oh.

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Speaker 4: I think that everything we talk about today could be

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Speaker 4: not unless you've got a secret.

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Speaker 2: Ye, Not the intimacy stuff we're not going to oh no, no,

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Speaker 2: no, no no, but everything else pretty much. So what's your

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Speaker 2: what's your number one relationship secret? Your relationship hack for

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Speaker 2: making sure that we have a happy marriage.

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Speaker 4: Daily connection, It's imperative.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So let me define connection. This is the way

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Speaker 2: Brene Brown defines it, and I've extended it from there

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Speaker 2: because I just love what she said. Connection is being seen, heard,

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Speaker 2: and valued. And what I add to that is, just

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Speaker 2: like dollars are the currency of our economy, connection is

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Speaker 2: the currency of our relationship. So if people are not

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Speaker 2: feeling seen, heard and valued in relationships, then the relationship

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Speaker 2: has no life in it. You're in the red, the

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Speaker 2: bank account is overdrawn, and you've got problems. It's all

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Speaker 2: about seeing, hearing, and valuing the other. So what kind

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Speaker 2: of things do we do or do we see other

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Speaker 2: couples do that demonstrate that level of connection on a

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Speaker 2: day to day basis.

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Speaker 4: Well, I have to from the outset. I have to

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Speaker 4: say that you from day one have been just the

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Speaker 4: boss when it comes to daily connection. It used to

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Speaker 4: drive me insane.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: In fact, I was sharing some of our connection tips

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Speaker 2: in a seminar one time for couples, and I mentioned

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Speaker 2: a couple of things that we are really intentional about

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Speaker 2: doing in this lady was like, oh, my goodness, I

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Speaker 2: could never be married to you.

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Speaker 3: Just leave me alone for goodness sake, get off me.

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Speaker 3: None that of it.

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Speaker 4: So when we first got married, I didn't have a

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Speaker 4: job and we didn't have children, and I was at

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Speaker 4: home full time and you would ring me probably about

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Speaker 4: fifteen times a day.

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Speaker 3: Well, I was a radio announcer.

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Speaker 2: I was sitting in a studio, I was listening to

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Speaker 2: Bob Sieger's Old Time rock and roll for like the

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Speaker 2: five thousandth time, I didn't need to hear it, So

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Speaker 2: I'd just give.

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Speaker 3: Your bars and say, I'm sitting in the studio on

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Speaker 3: board what are up to?

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Speaker 4: And I would have been halfway through a job, and

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Speaker 4: then I'd have to stop so I could talk to you,

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Speaker 4: and you would just interrupt my entire flow.

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Speaker 3: Sounds suffocating. I don't know why you've liked that.

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Speaker 4: I didn't back then, but then as life obviously progressed,

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Speaker 4: and when more children came along, and your hours and

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Speaker 4: especially your time away as you started to travel more.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I left radio and started traveling and doing the

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Speaker 2: work that I do now.

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Speaker 4: Left me just wanting those conversations.

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Speaker 3: Oh that feels good to hear. Let me say that.

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Speaker 4: So one of the things that I absolutely love is

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Speaker 4: that each of us take the time throughout our day

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Speaker 4: to just connect, whether that be a phone call when

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Speaker 4: we've got a spare moment, or just leaving a message

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Speaker 4: a text message. We just send little love hearts to

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Speaker 4: each other every now and again.

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Speaker 2: Or do you remember the time that I opened up

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Speaker 2: the fridge, pulled the butter out and wrote I love

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Speaker 2: you in the butter and then put it back in

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Speaker 2: so that when you pulled the butter out, you had

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Speaker 2: a little message from me.

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Speaker 3: You know, you don't remember. I thought that was the

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Speaker 3: most romantic thing I'd ever done. Oh my god.

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Speaker 4: But do you remember the time where I put little

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Speaker 4: notes love notes in your socks when you disappeared one

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Speaker 4: day and went on a work trip.

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Speaker 2: I do, I do, And that was such a treat

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Speaker 2: when I got to the hotel and put my socks

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Speaker 2: on the next morning, and I was like, oh, Kylie

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Speaker 2: thought of me.

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Speaker 3: So connection is critical.

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Speaker 2: I remember picking up a hint from somebody else as well,

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Speaker 2: early in our marriage. I can't remember his first name.

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Speaker 2: I think was David Swan lived in Rockhampton. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if that was it was it David. So this

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Speaker 2: is going like twenty three years ago now. But David

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Speaker 2: and his wife whose name.

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Speaker 3: I can't remember, David and Barbara, look at you go.

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Speaker 3: They had this rule.

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Speaker 2: It rule sounds a little bit too stern and serious,

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Speaker 2: but they had this rule that whenever they walked past

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Speaker 2: one another, they would touch.

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Speaker 4: I did not know. You got it from them.

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Speaker 3: That's where I got it from.

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Speaker 2: I didn't make it up I'm not that clever, and

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Speaker 2: so from that time, whenever I've walked past You've always

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Speaker 2: made sure that I squeeze your elbow or hold your hand,

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Speaker 2: or squeeze your fingers or whatever it might be that

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Speaker 2: I could squeeze, because it's just that moment of connection.

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Speaker 2: It's like saying, I see you, I'm walking past you.

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Speaker 2: I'm busy, I've got other stuff to do, but I'm

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Speaker 2: noticing you because you matter. So connection pillow talk, conversations,

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Speaker 2: touch messages, love notes, that kind of thing.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think I love the way that we

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Speaker 4: come together at the end of the night and literally

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Speaker 4: just before the lamp goes out, we'll lie down on

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Speaker 4: our pillows and just kind of reconnect and have those

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Speaker 4: conversations that we haven't been able to have throughout the day.

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Speaker 4: And usually that last all of three second three seconds,

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Speaker 4: because Justin was a sleep, very very fast.

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Speaker 3: What's your second idea?

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Speaker 4: Well, weekly date nights. This is something that we've actually

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Speaker 4: struggled with a lot over our marriage, because of time restraints,

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Speaker 4: because of children, because of a lack of babysitting options

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Speaker 4: available to us. But we have seen just how important

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Speaker 4: it is for us to be able to spend that quality,

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Speaker 4: uninterrupted time together, especially when you've got lots of children.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it compounds what we've we've had to be

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Speaker 2: creative over the years. We've either had no money or

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Speaker 2: we've had a lack of support, you know, in terms

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Speaker 2: of people being able to help with the children, and

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Speaker 2: sometimes it's just we're so exhausted.

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Speaker 3: We've wanted what's the point in doing this? So some

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Speaker 3: of the creative things that we've done have been let.

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Speaker 4: Me just talk about that exhaustion. Because you took me

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Speaker 4: to a Billy Joel concert once, that's right, and I

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Speaker 4: was so exhausted that I actually fell asleep in a

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Speaker 4: Billy Joel.

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Speaker 3: Concept. It was a good concert, it was a brilliant concept.

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Speaker 3: What you remember of it.

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Speaker 2: In fairtas to you, you were heavily pregnant, I think

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Speaker 2: at the time, and you were just pretty well exhausted.

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Speaker 4: Had we were sitting right next to the speaker. I

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Speaker 4: don't know how I slept through word.

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Speaker 2: But we've been creative in coming up with ways to

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Speaker 2: date whereby when we had no support, we were friends

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Speaker 2: with another couple nearby and we said to them, Hey,

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Speaker 2: next Friday, how about if we babysit your kids, so

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Speaker 2: you guys go on a date, and then the following Friday,

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Speaker 2: you guys babysit our kids so that we can go

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Speaker 2: on a date. And so you'd go over to their

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Speaker 2: place and look after their kids. Well, I'd put hours

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Speaker 2: to bed and they'd go out, and then the following

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Speaker 2: week Elena would come over to our place and look

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Speaker 2: after our kids so you and I could go out.

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Speaker 4: They were the good old days.

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Speaker 3: We had nothing, We had no support. I mean, it

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Speaker 3: was so hard.

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Speaker 2: And yet by doing that, what we did was we

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Speaker 2: created opportunities to be together, stress free, to just let

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Speaker 2: go a little bit.

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Speaker 4: And we also lifted another couple in the process because

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Speaker 4: they would never have come up with that sort.

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Speaker 3: They didn't have that support either, did they.

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Speaker 4: That's right, and so I loved that idea. But yeah,

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Speaker 4: getting creative sometimes it might just be putting the kids

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Speaker 4: to bed a little bit earlier, shutting the door, and

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Speaker 4: spending some time together at home watching a movie or

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Speaker 4: you know, cooking a special dinner together. There are lots

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Speaker 4: of things that you can do that don't require either

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Speaker 4: extra expenditure or taking us outside of our space when

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Speaker 4: that's not actually an option for us.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, when we were poor UNI students, we would have

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Speaker 2: dates at home. We'd pull out like some popcorn, not

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Speaker 2: the microwave popcorn that was too expensive, just that, you know,

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Speaker 2: the popcorn in the channels. We pop them on the

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Speaker 2: stove and then we'd sit down. We wouldn't even we

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Speaker 2: didn't have Netflix or anything. We might go down to

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Speaker 2: Blockbuster back in the day. Yes, we did hire a movie.

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Speaker 2: Although I would also say movies are not going to

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Speaker 2: be the best way to connect. It can be fun

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Speaker 2: to watch a movie. I'm not saying don't, but there

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Speaker 2: might be better ways to connect and spend high quality

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Speaker 2: time with your intimate partner, the person that you love.

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Speaker 3: The most well.

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Speaker 4: I do believe you have one other tip for everybody,

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Speaker 4: but I think we might share that after the broak.

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Speaker 1: It's their Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 4: For a happier fan, try a Happy Families membership, because

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Speaker 4: a happy family doesn't just happen. Details at Happyfamilies dot

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Speaker 4: com dot au. I'm always looking for new ways to

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Speaker 4: stay connected with my children while giving them the opportunity

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Speaker 4: to have the same level of freedom I enjoyed when

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Speaker 4: I was their age.

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Speaker 2: Ah, those were the days the space talk Adventurer Watch

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Speaker 2: has given our daughter the freedom that she craves, while

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Speaker 2: also giving us the peace of mind of knowing where

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Speaker 2: she is via GPS location updates, and we can also

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Speaker 2: easily check in with her via a phone call or

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Speaker 2: a text message to her watch.

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Speaker 4: Space Talk watches don't have access to social media apps

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Speaker 4: or any other Internet services like mobile phones do, so

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Speaker 4: you can feel good that you're providing them with a

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Speaker 4: safe and secure device that let's kids be kids in

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Speaker 4: a modern world.

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Speaker 3: And that's why we love it.

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Speaker 2: Available at major retailers and online at space talk watch

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Speaker 2: dot com.

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Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants answers now. And today we've

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Speaker 4: been talking about three simple ways that we can make

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Speaker 4: relationships strong.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Valentine's Day's coming up on Sunday. We want you

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Speaker 2: to have strong couple relationships. The strength of the family

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Speaker 2: is rarely stronger than the strength of the couple, and

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Speaker 2: so we really want to help you to make your

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Speaker 2: relationships better.

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Speaker 3: So take our message.

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Speaker 2: Number one, connect, Connect, Connect, do everything you can to

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Speaker 2: connect through touch, through messages, through whatever whatever you need

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Speaker 2: to do to connect. Number two Weekly Date Night, which

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Speaker 2: I'm looking forward to having a date night with you

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Speaker 2: this week. The week's running away way too fast, but

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Speaker 2: we've got to make sure that that happens. And the

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Speaker 2: last one that I want to share is especially for the.

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Speaker 4: Men I'm interested.

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Speaker 2: And I haven't told you what this one is, but

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Speaker 2: you haven't, but this is without question. Research from John

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Speaker 2: Gottman has highlighted that this is one of the most

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Speaker 2: powerful ways that a man can have a satisfying relationship,

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Speaker 2: a wonderful, delightful relationship with his intimate partner. And the

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Speaker 2: research says that men who take influence from their wives

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Speaker 2: have far more satisfying relationships than men who are less

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Speaker 2: open to their wives' opinions and ideas. And I don't

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Speaker 2: know if I've ever talked to you about this or not,

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Speaker 2: but when I read that research, probably ten or fifteen

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Speaker 2: years ago, I thought to myself, this may be one

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Speaker 2: of the most important things I will ever understand about

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Speaker 2: my marriage and about how to have a happy marriage.

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Speaker 2: And from this point on, no matter what, I have

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Speaker 2: got to listen to my wife more.

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Speaker 4: Well, you have not told me that, but I have

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Speaker 4: noticed over the years so that you have been increasingly

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Speaker 4: more willing to listen.

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Speaker 3: I'll take that as a compliment. I've been working on

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Speaker 3: this for a long time.

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Speaker 2: Believe me, when I was younger, I wasn't so keen

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Speaker 2: on listening to anybody.

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Speaker 3: But that's what the research shows.

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Speaker 2: Men who take influence from their wives significantly.

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Speaker 3: Happier in their relationships.

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Speaker 2: I might also add that gotman's research also show that

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Speaker 2: they have higher levels of sexual satisfaction as well, just

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Speaker 2: putting that out there. Men, if you don't like what

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Speaker 2: I've said so far, that might change too, So listen

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Speaker 2: to your wives.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: What I also love about that, though, is the way

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Speaker 2: that men respond to the women in their lives teaches

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Speaker 2: their children how they should respond to the women in

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Speaker 2: their lives. And we live in a world where there

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Speaker 2: is a high level of awareness around what can often

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Speaker 2: be a status and power differential between men and women

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Speaker 2: that should not exist. And I think part of the

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Speaker 2: reason that that still does exist is because in homes,

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Speaker 2: too many homes, there are not enough men who are

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Speaker 2: open to taking influence from their wives. And it's not

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Speaker 2: about it saying, well, you know, I wear the pants

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Speaker 2: or she wears the pants. That's not what it's about.

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Speaker 2: It's about saying we're in a partnership. I don't make

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Speaker 2: the decisions, we make the decision. We're a team.

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Speaker 3: And I think that's the way that it should be.

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Speaker 2: You've got one last idea about Valentine's Day, but it's

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Speaker 2: not actually related to making couples relationships happier. This is

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Speaker 2: just something that you wanted to share because you wanted

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Speaker 2: to share it.

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Speaker 4: Well, the reality is that a family is usually more

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Speaker 4: than just a couple.

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Speaker 3: Yes it is, and.

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Speaker 4: Valentine's has always been a out you know, your relationship

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Speaker 4: as a couple. But I decided that it was a

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Speaker 4: really important thing to include our children in the process.

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Speaker 4: And so this actually came about because we were having

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Speaker 4: baby number six and there were quite a few children

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Speaker 4: who were a little bit disgruntled about an extra addition

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Speaker 4: in the family, and so I decided that I needed

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Speaker 4: to make this year awesome. And so when Valentine's Day

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Speaker 4: came around, I decided that I was going to do

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Speaker 4: something super special for them, and so I packed them

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Speaker 4: their very first Valentine's lunch box.

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Speaker 3: Right, this is the pink lunchbox.

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Speaker 4: Pink crimeber box. Everything in it was pink, and I

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Speaker 4: tried really hard to kind of give them healthy lunches

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Speaker 4: throughout the years. So when Valentine's Day comes around and

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Speaker 4: they get pink cupcakes and pink milk and strawberries, you know,

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Speaker 4: love heartcut sandwiches and you know, all of those yummy

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Speaker 4: little treats and they just love it and there's always

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Speaker 4: a little love note in there. And it has become

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Speaker 4: their apps solute favorite school lunch box.

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Speaker 2: It is the highlight of their school year when it

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Speaker 2: comes to school lunches. Valentine's Day, you make a huge

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Speaker 2: effort and Valentine's Say, becomes special for them. They know

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Speaker 2: they've got a Valentine at home, or at least someone

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Speaker 2: who loves them, if not a romantic interest.

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Speaker 4: You know, they're a little bit disgruntled this year, don't

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Speaker 4: you know that? Well, Valentine's is on Sunday.

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Speaker 2: Sunday, no school. We can do a Valentine's lunch. We

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Speaker 2: can have pink cupcakes and sandwiches theave time.

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Speaker 4: We they have to celebrate Valentine's a day late. They

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Speaker 4: want a prospective.

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Speaker 2: Well, you know what, we really hope that Valentine's Day

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Speaker 2: is a special day for you this year. If you're

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Speaker 2: not in a situation where it can be. We hope

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Speaker 2: that that changes for you in a positive way, or

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Speaker 2: that you're able to share a special Valentine's moment with

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Speaker 2: your kids in a way that works and feels authentic

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Speaker 2: and good for you. We also hope that these tips

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Speaker 2: to make your family happier have made a difference and

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Speaker 2: that your family will be stronger and better because of it.

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Speaker 2: Just thank you so much for listening to our podcast.

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Speaker 2: We are so grateful for the significant increase of people

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Speaker 2: who have been listening lately, and we're delighted that it's

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Speaker 2: making a difference in your family. The podcast is produced

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Speaker 2: by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Our executive producer is

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Speaker 2: Craig Cruse. And there's one more thing that I'd love

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Speaker 2: to mention. When you leave a rating and review of

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Speaker 2: the podcast, it helps other people to find out about

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Speaker 2: it and that helps other people's.

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Speaker 3: Families to be happier.

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Speaker 2: So wherever you listen, but especially on Apple Podcasts, we'd

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Speaker 2: be so grateful if you'd open the app, go into

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Speaker 2: the library, click on our podcast, and then just click

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Speaker 2: on the reviews bit where it says write a review.

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Speaker 3: Your five star ratings and reviews make all the difference.

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Speaker 2: For more information about making your family happier, please log

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Speaker 2: onto happy families dot com dot au check out the memberships.

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Speaker 2: We'll do all that we can to help your family flourish.

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Speaker 2: Happy families dot com dot Au