Speaker 1: Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
Speaker 1: lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
Speaker 1: elders past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on d Rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome
Speaker 2: back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm Laura,
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany, and we have a very special guest joining
Speaker 2: us once again. He's become a permanent fixture on the wall,
Speaker 2: on Britney's wall, on the shrine.
Speaker 3: On the shrine. Welcome to Life on Car. Did we
Speaker 3: not scare you off the first time?
Speaker 4: No, I had fun. I had fun.
Speaker 3: I mean, don't get too excited about it.
Speaker 4: Give us some in No, it's going to be good.
Speaker 4: It's going to be good. It's a new experience for me.
Speaker 4: I like new experiences.
Speaker 2: Everybody enjoyed having you on and listening to the ins
Speaker 2: and outs of the relationship side of you guys. But
Speaker 2: we did say that we were going to get you
Speaker 2: back on to answer some ask uncut questions from a
Speaker 2: male's perspective, and that's what you are.
Speaker 3: And that's what you do.
Speaker 2: But before before we answer some questions which for everyone
Speaker 2: who wrote the man like, thank you so much for
Speaker 2: all your questions, but some colorful questions for Ben there were,
Speaker 2: and there was something he's refused to answer, which I
Speaker 2: had to do with some men's genitalia.
Speaker 3: So I understand why.
Speaker 1: He asked, Yeah, no, there's a question about like a ballsack,
Speaker 1: and he was like, maybe we can.
Speaker 3: Pass that one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, nothing is off limits for us, but
Speaker 2: apparently you have limits.
Speaker 3: It is apparently Ben has self respect. That's what I'm.
Speaker 1: Getting discussing another men's ballsack wasn't high on your list
Speaker 1: for today?
Speaker 4: No, it wasn't what I imagine when I woke.
Speaker 1: Up to Well, I think the number one question to
Speaker 1: start with and it's a question on everyone's lips is
Speaker 1: how's your ballsack?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's great. Can confirm is the shrine the shrine?
Speaker 3: You saw it finally in real life?
Speaker 1: Is it as bad as everyone Laura producer Keisha, don't
Speaker 1: founder me in there.
Speaker 2: I had not seen the shrine. I was only being
Speaker 2: told secondhand about the shrine. I also saw it for
Speaker 2: the first time when Ben saw it.
Speaker 4: To be fair, it is a little bit weird because
Speaker 4: a shrine is meant to be for dead people.
Speaker 1: And I know it's not a shrine. They've told me
Speaker 1: it's a shrine. I don't think it's a shrine.
Speaker 3: Okay, guys, don't fight.
Speaker 4: I don't like it's meant to be meant to be
Speaker 4: a display of our love, which is fine, which is great,
Speaker 4: it's cute, but it's kind of like arranged, like I've
Speaker 4: deceased or something.
Speaker 3: It's like candles around on the floor. There's a few.
Speaker 4: It's like roses, white roses and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: All about it is three photos. That's it in my
Speaker 1: whole house.
Speaker 4: I think we need to add some more photos to
Speaker 4: kind of take the shininess out of it.
Speaker 2: As in photos not of you, photos of other things
Speaker 2: like Delilah with me being on.
Speaker 3: The wall, but that makes it more shriny.
Speaker 4: No, I think it's just it's just a Paris photo shoot.
Speaker 4: I think we have some lovely pictures together. I think
Speaker 4: we need to add some more so it's a little
Speaker 4: bit of diversity.
Speaker 2: Okay, right now, it's more like a homage to Paris.
Speaker 2: Although then I do want to kind of very romantic
Speaker 2: from me. By the way, Yeah, you did a really
Speaker 2: great job. You guys both are black models. But I
Speaker 2: do think that if it was to add more photos
Speaker 2: to the wall from different parts of yours, it's that
Speaker 2: makes it real shrining. Right now, it's just like a
Speaker 2: nice tribute, but we're heading real, We're heading really deep
Speaker 2: into shrine territory.
Speaker 3: I just want to make a.
Speaker 4: Tribute to my love.
Speaker 3: This is a tribute.
Speaker 4: Don't have to Ben, to be fair. We we have
Speaker 4: this thing where we take polaroid pictures and we have
Speaker 4: you're going.
Speaker 3: To make everyone's going to know how crazy.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 1: We have a whole book of poloids and it was
Speaker 1: Ben's idea. Ben bought a polaroid.
Speaker 4: No, it was my sister's Christmas gift.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but then you were like, let's take polaroids all
Speaker 1: around the world and make a polaroid book.
Speaker 3: So that's what we do. So we have a polaroid shrine.
Speaker 3: That's cute. No, I like that, but like it's it's
Speaker 3: nice that it's in a book where you don't have to.
Speaker 4: Look at it. Everyone.
Speaker 1: Okay, So what's the verdict. Take the shrine down you
Speaker 1: want to take because I'm gonna I'm going to I'm
Speaker 1: just going to take them all down. Stuff you all,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take all pictures down. You don't get you
Speaker 1: don't get a spot on my wall.
Speaker 2: Okay, can we stop fighting about the shrine. It looks
Speaker 2: very polished. It's hung a little bit too high for
Speaker 2: we're going to get critical, but it's great and I
Speaker 2: think the shrine is fine, and you know what, maybe
Speaker 2: produce a Keisha went hard on the shrine situation to
Speaker 2: start with, but our listeners came in hard for you.
Speaker 3: They taught you and they don't think it's shiny.
Speaker 1: And I appreciate that from every single listener because I
Speaker 1: felt really Victimi.
Speaker 3: It's not an interior designer. And one thing I'd.
Speaker 1: Like to add that I don't think people are aware
Speaker 1: of the criticism that did come through about the shrine
Speaker 1: was that they were too small and they were too
Speaker 1: high on the wall.
Speaker 2: That they are definitely too high. They literally bought.
Speaker 1: What I would like to say is I moved into
Speaker 1: Laura Burn's house and those holes were already there. I
Speaker 1: took the holes that you put on the wall have up.
Speaker 2: I had just had a massive picture of a palm tree.
Speaker 2: Mine was a shrine to summer. Anyway, let's move on
Speaker 2: from the shrine. Then, one thing that we did get
Speaker 2: off the back of last week episode was that we
Speaker 2: spoke a lot about the two of you, your relationship,
Speaker 2: how you guys met, but not really much about who
Speaker 2: you are as a person when you're not with Britney.
Speaker 2: So I guess like understanding a little bit of a
Speaker 2: background as to who you are, like where you grew up,
Speaker 2: I think would be a great way to kick off
Speaker 2: this before we get into answering questions. Now you don't
Speaker 2: get off scott free. We ask everyone who sits behind
Speaker 2: these microphones, what is your accidentally unfiltered story? Which is basically,
Speaker 2: if you are a true fan of the podcast, you
Speaker 2: know your most embarrassing story.
Speaker 4: In football, right, there's this thing where when you signed
Speaker 4: for a new team, you have to go up and sing.
Speaker 4: So basically, you've never met those guys. You signed for
Speaker 4: a team. You say hello to everyone, Hey, nice to
Speaker 4: meet you, blah blah blah, I'm going to be here,
Speaker 4: whether it's on loan or new team, and you have
Speaker 4: to stand up at dinner. Everybody spang in their glasses
Speaker 4: and you are nervous, like nervous as hell like because
Speaker 4: you know after dinner you're going to have to sing
Speaker 4: in front of strangers and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3: So wait, what do you mean sing? Why would you sing.
Speaker 4: That initiation type of deal. I've been at teams where
Speaker 4: you have to pay money, or you have to pay
Speaker 4: for dinner for everyone's dinner, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4: But normally you're in training camp somewhere for the team
Speaker 4: bonding and pre seasons on the way, and you know,
Speaker 4: I've been on loan or I've been away from my
Speaker 4: parent club three times in the years. I had to
Speaker 4: sing three times in a year, and I hate it.
Speaker 4: It's really it's nerve racking. I'm like shaking. It was well,
Speaker 4: it was meant to be eight No mountain high enough.
Speaker 4: First of all, it's singing in English, which is obviously
Speaker 4: not my mother tongue. You're singing in front of strangers
Speaker 4: who are booing you, they're throwing food at you, fucking horrible,
Speaker 4: and you literally stand there with a little banana and
Speaker 4: your hand or soult shaker or whatever, and the room's quiet.
Speaker 4: You don't have a microphone, obviously very professional, and you
Speaker 4: just have to go for thirty seconds and if they
Speaker 4: don't like it, they just go right do another song.
Speaker 4: And all that kind of stuff and it really ruins
Speaker 4: your day. It's really embarrassing. I can't sing. I'm happy
Speaker 4: to play football in front of people, in front of
Speaker 4: a stadium, in front of a crowd. If I have
Speaker 4: to go up on stage on a chair and talk
Speaker 4: to people, install sphearing me. So we're literally standing there
Speaker 4: with my shake and going, we're not just.
Speaker 3: A tiny little bit. We won't make you do thirty seconds, just.
Speaker 4: Ten listen, baby, ain no mountain, Hi, ain't no valleylone?
Speaker 4: And then you.
Speaker 3: Ain't no realver?
Speaker 4: Why enough, baby? If you need me, call me, no
Speaker 4: matter where do you are, no matter how far.
Speaker 3: No worry, babe. I think it's woldy endearing. I think
Speaker 3: that's embarrassing at all. I didn't throw.
Speaker 2: Banana at you anything. Yeah it was that good, Okay,
Speaker 2: it was impressive. I really wanted to get to the
Speaker 2: encore though, I mean to the chorus. I wanted to
Speaker 2: get to the middle of it.
Speaker 4: Well, normally you pick a song where people can clap along,
Speaker 4: so everybody gets involved. But because you don't know the crowd,
Speaker 4: you don't know the people, you just pick which song
Speaker 4: you feel you can do the best.
Speaker 3: You're not picking like Celindi on ballace. No, no, you
Speaker 3: are the wind beneath my wings.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, well let's get into some of the
Speaker 1: questions and never hear you sing again.
Speaker 3: So the first one, first one that came in, how
Speaker 3: tall are you?
Speaker 4: Six? With six?
Speaker 2: It's so tall even I feel a little standing next
Speaker 2: to you. And that's a rarity, Like I don't really
Speaker 2: feel little next to anyone.
Speaker 3: No, neither do I. It's a nice comfort.
Speaker 2: Where you're Can we just unpack that for a second.
Speaker 2: It's a nice comfort.
Speaker 1: Why why do you need to feel little because I'm
Speaker 1: broad and I'm tall.
Speaker 4: She keeps complaining about her neck because she has to
Speaker 4: like look up to give me a kiss.
Speaker 1: Think about all the short girls I go to a
Speaker 1: chiropractice now since I'm that's not an exaggeration, since I
Speaker 1: started dating Ben's.
Speaker 3: I'm kissing guys. Yeah, use your imagination.
Speaker 1: I genuinely have to My neck goes at an unnatural
Speaker 1: bend to look up at him all the time.
Speaker 2: What Keisha, who's like four foot nothing is standing next
Speaker 2: to us, Like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 3: Five foot one? She's five? Right, it's good for you
Speaker 3: to do that, he just said.
Speaker 2: It's actually good it's good for you to look up
Speaker 2: because we're all on our phone so much looking down.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what can confirm it's not?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 2: Tell us a little bit about where you grew up,
Speaker 2: because you live in Scotland.
Speaker 3: Now that's not where you grew up.
Speaker 4: No. I grew up in Switzerland in a small town.
Speaker 4: Started playing football when I was six, and then kind
Speaker 4: of got scouted the first time by FC Bars which
Speaker 4: was like the big team, when I was ten, and
Speaker 4: that was like the first big step. You're going to
Speaker 4: professional academy and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: Is that very young for being sort of scattered or
Speaker 2: is that kind of a standard age.
Speaker 4: Kind of standard I think I really find it hard
Speaker 4: if somebody says, hey, he's six years old, he's ten
Speaker 4: years old, he's got a chance, he's got no chance.
Speaker 4: I think it's very hard on young boys. Girls dreams
Speaker 4: to somebody say a ten years old, hey, you've got
Speaker 4: a chance, so I think you can make it. I
Speaker 4: think there are many ways to become a professional athlete,
Speaker 4: whether it's people blossom early, people blossom late. But in
Speaker 4: the norm it's like the sooner you can get into
Speaker 4: an academy, the better.
Speaker 1: But ten years old seems pretty young for someone to
Speaker 1: say you're not.
Speaker 3: Going to be good enough.
Speaker 2: I think it also depends on the place in which
Speaker 2: you grow up, because I think it also depends on
Speaker 2: how prolific soccer is the town that you were living in.
Speaker 4: You know, can we refer to it as football?
Speaker 3: Sorry? Sorry? Sorry? Football blah blah blah. Do you not
Speaker 3: mean to offend you?
Speaker 2: But I do think, like, you know, for some people,
Speaker 2: they might get into the sport a little bit later,
Speaker 2: but where you grew up, it was colored massive. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and it was common for kids to start very young.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean Switzerland is lucky. We've
Speaker 4: got the Mountain, so there's a lot of winter sports, skiing,
Speaker 4: ice hockey's very popular, gymnastics and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4: So we're a small nation with a lot of options,
Speaker 4: for sure, but football is definitely number one.
Speaker 2: So when you actually got into and you were kind
Speaker 2: of I guess scattered at such a young age, what's
Speaker 2: the transition then, like, like do they kind of just
Speaker 2: keep an eye on you, do they have you in
Speaker 2: a specific team, do they really sort of push intensive
Speaker 2: training onto you at that age?
Speaker 3: Like how do you then move through the ranks?
Speaker 4: So yeah, you're training really intensifies. So from your local
Speaker 4: team you where you maybe train once or twice a week,
Speaker 4: it's straight away to maybe four times when you're ten
Speaker 4: years o. And as you go through the ranks would
Speaker 4: be every day, you know, maybe six times a week
Speaker 4: obviously games on the weekend and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4: So you really progress with your age group. And it's
Speaker 4: literally like a pyramid system where at the end of
Speaker 4: every year, the weakest one kind of falls away, and
Speaker 4: maybe new additions come in and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4: So it's really it's really a competitive environment from a
Speaker 4: very young age.
Speaker 1: And are they instilling this disciplining you as a child,
Speaker 1: like I know as an adult athlete you obviously have
Speaker 1: to watch what you eat and you don't drink, and
Speaker 1: you train so hard and you have vitamins and you
Speaker 1: do all this stuff. Do they start doing that at
Speaker 1: ten twelve years old in the academy or do they
Speaker 1: give you still a little bit of leeway like you're
Speaker 1: still a kid, you're still maturing.
Speaker 4: No, they still let you be kids. I do remember
Speaker 4: we got this list in preseason and they says, okay,
Speaker 4: you can have this and this, like your parents supposed
Speaker 4: to pack you this lunch and supposed to have one
Speaker 4: slice of bread and ten grams of butter and one
Speaker 4: slice of ham. And my parents are like, let the
Speaker 4: kids be kids, let them meet what they want. But
Speaker 4: I think at ten years old they did a great
Speaker 4: job of giving you other stuff, like, you know, manners
Speaker 4: and all that kind of stuff. So to this day,
Speaker 4: if I meet somebody up, I take my hat off,
Speaker 4: because at ten years old, when the coach came, he said,
Speaker 4: well take your hat off when you say hello, and
Speaker 4: a firm handshake and all that kind of stuff. So
Speaker 4: they give you also stuff you need in daintly life,
Speaker 4: not just you have to take vitamins and all that
Speaker 4: kind of stuff. I think that comes maybe a little
Speaker 4: bit later, when you're more in your teenage years.
Speaker 2: And when you enter this kind of program at such
Speaker 2: a young age, do they still prioritize like schooling education
Speaker 2: alongside sport or does sport take a precedence.
Speaker 4: Sport is really at night, evening nighttime. I was still
Speaker 4: in normal school, which meant probably got home from training
Speaker 4: at I don't know, eight o'clock, and then it's quickly
Speaker 4: food and then it's another two hours of homework, so
Speaker 4: it's it is tough. Later on, I went into a
Speaker 4: sports school, if you will, where I was there with
Speaker 4: twenty twenty five other athletes playing different kinds of sports,
Speaker 4: where we would get Tuesday and Thursdays in the morning,
Speaker 4: we'll get off school, we would go to training, we'd
Speaker 4: have extra training. It's kind of a center of excellence
Speaker 4: type vibes. And Friday's afternoon we would have off as well,
Speaker 4: so your weekly lessons would reduce from thirty eight hours
Speaker 4: to about twenty five so you can balance your school.
Speaker 4: Make sure you know, on a Friday afternoon, if you
Speaker 4: needed to go to away games, you have time to
Speaker 4: do that. I was really lucky to have a supportive family,
Speaker 4: who you know, my grandparents would pick me up from
Speaker 4: school just to make it on time to training and
Speaker 4: pack my bags. And I've ruined about five washing machines
Speaker 4: just because of diving in the martin and sand and
Speaker 4: all that kind of stuff. So I always had my
Speaker 4: support system at home, so for me, it was always
Speaker 4: only football. Obviously, my parents made sure my mom in particular,
Speaker 4: that you know, you're going to have to get your
Speaker 4: grades and all that kind of stuff, which is very
Speaker 4: important of course, and the sports class kind of enabled
Speaker 4: me to do both because he can get a little
Speaker 4: bit too much. But I think it starts off as
Speaker 4: a dream, and I think football is still fun up
Speaker 4: to a certain age. And then when it comes to
Speaker 4: the point where you turn professional and start earning a
Speaker 4: little bit of money, I think that's when football starts
Speaker 4: to become a job. And I mean a job. It's
Speaker 4: a passion, it's something I love. It's something you should love,
Speaker 4: like I love football. But I think the fun goes
Speaker 4: out as a child and goes into a professional environment
Speaker 4: where it's really if I don't do well this year,
Speaker 4: I might not be here next year. And I think
Speaker 4: as a young kid, that's like it can be a
Speaker 4: little bit scary, and I think in a moment, you
Speaker 4: don't realize that this is actually the case. You just
Speaker 4: want to have fun and play football with your mates.
Speaker 4: But I think that's the switching point from it just
Speaker 4: being a hobby and having fun to right, I'm gonna
Speaker 4: have to make this work if I really want it.
Speaker 4: When I was sixteen, I left to go to England.
Speaker 4: I was scouted by a team called aston Villa, which
Speaker 4: is in Birmingham, and I was still in school and
Speaker 4: you know, eventually I left for England, spent seven years
Speaker 4: in England, really grew up as a young man as
Speaker 4: an adult, and to this days one of the best
Speaker 4: times I've had. Also because I had some difficult times
Speaker 4: with injuries where you know, you don't just recover in
Speaker 4: a week or two months on the sideline and during
Speaker 4: a foreign country with you know, people you're not familiar with,
Speaker 4: in a different cold show how things are done differently,
Speaker 4: communications differently, and I really enjoyed it. I still got
Speaker 4: friends to this day from my old team. And then
Speaker 4: I decided to go play in Switzerland, in my home
Speaker 4: country for two years, and I thought it would be great,
Speaker 4: and he wasn't great. I didn't enjoy living back home.
Speaker 4: I'm probably the only Swiss person who doesn't want to
Speaker 4: be there. Yeah, I want to be there.
Speaker 2: What was your reasoning for what? Not wanting to be there?
Speaker 2: I'm not enjoying it.
Speaker 4: It was difficult because I grew up British in a
Speaker 4: way where this is how football is done in an
Speaker 4: academy in the UK, the biggest league in the world,
Speaker 4: and I go to Switzerland and it was just a
Speaker 4: different mentality. It was a lot more me, me, me,
Speaker 4: what can I get, Look what I have, Look what
Speaker 4: I can afford type of mindset, whereas maybe the team
Speaker 4: spirit wasn't as good, which obviously showed we got relegated
Speaker 4: in the first year.
Speaker 3: Relegation means when a team is in the.
Speaker 4: Top division that dropped down one because they had a
Speaker 4: bad season. Right, So when those two years came to
Speaker 4: an end, I said, hey, I really want to go
Speaker 4: back to the UK. End up in Scotland, signed for
Speaker 4: Dundee United, played there for four years. It was a
Speaker 4: team who was, yeah, a little bit in in disarray,
Speaker 4: was in the Championship, which is the second division in Scotland.
Speaker 4: We were close to getting promoted. The first season we
Speaker 4: lost on penalties on the last day, which was heartbreaking. Yeah.
Speaker 4: The second year we got promotions, so we went up
Speaker 4: to the top but it was the COVID year, so
Speaker 4: it was no celebrations like you finally achieved what you
Speaker 4: set out to achieve and you celebrate it on the
Speaker 4: balcony because you're only allowed to leave the house for
Speaker 4: one hour. And then the following year was the first
Speaker 4: year in the Premiership, in the top league with all
Speaker 4: the big teams and there were no spectators there and
Speaker 4: you just kind of playing training ground games where you're
Speaker 4: playing match days, but there's nobody to cheer you on.
Speaker 4: All the big experience.
Speaker 3: Energy is different.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the energy is completely different. And then finally my
Speaker 4: last year there it was full house, soldout games, and
Speaker 4: then I decided not to extend my contract.
Speaker 3: Why did you want to leave?
Speaker 4: I just felt like I have proven myself over those
Speaker 4: four years or two years, especially in the top league,
Speaker 4: and I wanted to take that next step and play
Speaker 4: for a bigger team with higher ambition, with winning trophies,
Speaker 4: with you know, maybe international football. And then the opportunity
Speaker 4: came up to join Celtic, where I'm at now, which
Speaker 4: is by far the best club in Scotland, the most
Speaker 4: professional club in Scotland. I mean, the fan base is
Speaker 4: huge worldwide. Obviously I met britt here when I was
Speaker 4: here with Celtic and we had ten fifteen thousand people
Speaker 4: come to our stadium and watch our games. So everything
Speaker 4: that comes with a big team is what I wanted.
Speaker 4: A professionalism, the attitude, the coaching, the facilities, and Celtic
Speaker 4: really have it as it all.
Speaker 2: You said something interesting before, had the question, oh, we're
Speaker 2: just going to ask you some things, like, you know,
Speaker 2: where do you see yourself in five years time, and
Speaker 2: then responded to that with I have no idea where
Speaker 2: I'm going to be in five years time. And I
Speaker 2: think that could be confronting for some people, because some
Speaker 2: people have a very clear vision of where they want
Speaker 2: their life to be at each sort of milestone goal.
Speaker 2: But what you mentioned is that when you work in
Speaker 2: a professional football sense, or maybe in a professional sporting sense,
Speaker 2: it can be quite hard to pinpoint where your life's
Speaker 2: going to be because you're dictated by opportunities and you're
Speaker 2: dictated by the teams that want you. How do you
Speaker 2: navigate that inability to kind of grasp what's in the
Speaker 2: future in terms of like planning for your future, in
Speaker 2: terms of being able to set really clear goals, or
Speaker 2: are you okay with having that as a bit of
Speaker 2: a question mark.
Speaker 4: I think you need to be okay with having a
Speaker 4: question mark over that, because I think in football there
Speaker 4: are very little people can kind of choose where they
Speaker 4: want to play and how they want to play and
Speaker 4: at what level and all that kind of stuff. So
Speaker 4: if somebody said to you, where do you want to
Speaker 4: be in five years. I think that's more of a
Speaker 4: question of what would you have liked to achieved in
Speaker 4: five years rather than where would you want to be
Speaker 4: in five years. Because transfer windows, there are change of management,
Speaker 4: they are change of circumstances, injuries and all that kind
Speaker 4: of stuff, so it could really go in any direction.
Speaker 4: For boys. Obviously a global sports, so there are a
Speaker 4: lot of good teams across the globe, but it really
Speaker 4: is one of them ones where when the opportunity comes
Speaker 4: up of maybe a transfer or a loan which is
Speaker 4: when you kind of leave your parent club to go
Speaker 4: play for another team for six months, you have to
Speaker 4: evaluate those things and you just don't quite know what's
Speaker 4: around the corner. The boy's very short lived in terms
Speaker 4: of your career is in your younger ages, so you
Speaker 4: need to maximize your opportunity, your income and all that
Speaker 4: kind of stuff, but you just don't quite know when
Speaker 4: and where the next opportunity comes from, so you literally
Speaker 4: could be anywhere.
Speaker 1: I think it makes it hard in a relationship, and
Speaker 1: I think it's the most difficult thing that we have
Speaker 1: come across now is that we can't make plans and
Speaker 1: we can't see where we're going to end up or
Speaker 1: how we're going to navigate it, because every time I
Speaker 1: ask do you think I should move over there? In
Speaker 1: two years? Do you think you should come over here,
Speaker 1: it's always the same answer. I can't tell you. I
Speaker 1: don't know how to make that pl because I could
Speaker 1: be gone in a year, I could be gone in
Speaker 1: four years. So it's really hard in a relationship. It'd
Speaker 1: be hard even if we live together to make plans
Speaker 1: because you can't settle it because you don't know if
Speaker 1: you're going to move. But it's very hard when we're
Speaker 1: not physically the same kind.
Speaker 4: I would think it is harder for a partner of
Speaker 4: an athlete. I think the athlete kind of dictates of
Speaker 4: where it's going because of the longevity of the career
Speaker 4: and all that kind of stuff and maximizing it. But
Speaker 4: I think our case is a little bit different. Where
Speaker 4: I love where i'm at, you love where you're at,
Speaker 4: and then it's probably not a matter of where. It's
Speaker 4: probably just a matter of when, in terms of when
Speaker 4: are we actually going to be physically living together and
Speaker 4: all that kind of stuff. So it's maybe a question
Speaker 4: that's open ended where you don't know the answer. But
Speaker 4: I feel like if you talk about it and explain
Speaker 4: the situation, then the partner gets an idea of right,
Speaker 4: I understand why you can't commit to this. I understand
Speaker 4: why you think that way.
Speaker 2: Do you find and maybe this is more Christian Febritt,
Speaker 2: do you find the understanding makes it easier or do
Speaker 2: you still think it's challenging not having sort of like
Speaker 2: a clear direction, because like I mean, especially for women,
Speaker 2: when you want to have like a bit of a
Speaker 2: time frame for your personal self, do you find that
Speaker 2: hard or is it something that you can work to.
Speaker 3: It's a double edged sword.
Speaker 1: It makes it easier when you understand and one hundred
Speaker 1: percent understand. I know how it works now, and we
Speaker 1: talk about it all the time. But it's funny because
Speaker 1: I understand it and we have the conversation, and then
Speaker 1: three weeks go past and I ask the same question again.
Speaker 1: And it's not because I don't understand, it's because it's
Speaker 1: all I think about. And that also, I think has
Speaker 1: to do with where I'm out in life and where
Speaker 1: we're out in life, and by that I mean age.
Speaker 1: We speak about it many times. I'm thirty six. In
Speaker 1: a couple of months, so the kids and the family
Speaker 1: and a wedding and settling down as a couple is
Speaker 1: on my mind a lot. I'm freezing my eggs again
Speaker 1: because I think about it all the time. I think
Speaker 1: that's why I bring it up so much, because I
Speaker 1: can't comprehend how it's going to happen. I just can't
Speaker 1: understand and I can't find an answer because we we
Speaker 1: want to have kids and we want to be together,
Speaker 1: but I love my career and my life totally, and
Speaker 1: he loves his career in his life, and neither of
Speaker 1: us are ever going to ask the other one to
Speaker 1: give it up.
Speaker 3: But then what's the answer?
Speaker 1: So it puts us in a really difficult place and
Speaker 1: I get really upset by it.
Speaker 3: Ben's like I don't know where to go, and I'm
Speaker 3: like neither.
Speaker 4: It's hard when you ask a question you don't feel
Speaker 4: like you get the answer, because everybody wants to have
Speaker 4: an answer, even if you don't like it. Sometimes you
Speaker 4: just want to have an answer. But I think it's
Speaker 4: a really open question where we don't know the answer,
Speaker 4: but those are the options.
Speaker 2: And you're so right, like, even if you don't like
Speaker 2: the answer, people want something definitive because then they feel
Speaker 2: like they can control their life and otherwise without something definitive,
Speaker 2: it's like, well, it could be four years, it could
Speaker 2: be two years, it could be And I understand why
Speaker 2: that kind of like arbitrary openness can be anxiety inducing
Speaker 2: in terms of like football and like your ongoing career
Speaker 2: and your age. What is like kind of the maximum
Speaker 2: age that people will stay in and when that comes,
Speaker 2: do you have a plan for what life could be
Speaker 2: like after football in terms of career options or where
Speaker 2: you might see yourself.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So goalkeepers tend to play a little bit longer
Speaker 4: because we need to run.
Speaker 3: Less, which is there a lazy player.
Speaker 4: One of the perks of my job. The downside is
Speaker 4: I get hit a lot with alls and the flying
Speaker 4: boots and stuff like that. So you know, I've seen
Speaker 4: goalkeepers play till the forty three, forty two.
Speaker 3: It's a way longer career. And Ben's thirty one.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so hopefully I still still have many years to go.
Speaker 4: As a goalkeeper at my age is kind of like
Speaker 4: your prime if you will, You're still athletic, you're still fast,
Speaker 4: but also you have the experience of being a goalkeeper
Speaker 4: because in football everybody wants an experienced goalkeeper who is
Speaker 4: twenty years old. And I think, like any other job,
Speaker 4: everybody wants experienced people who are seventeen, eighteen or too
Speaker 4: young to be experience. Yeah, too young to actually have
Speaker 4: the experience. So experience as a goalkeeper is also part
Speaker 4: of the package of the talents. So yeah, So hopefully
Speaker 4: I have many years left and then I've always said
Speaker 4: that I'd love to move over here eventually. Again, when
Speaker 4: and how we don't know, but Sydney.
Speaker 3: FC, if anyone wants to take Ben as a goalkeeper, I.
Speaker 4: Have a few more things that I want to achieve
Speaker 4: with my club. With Celtic, that end is kind of open.
Speaker 4: But I've always been into fitness. I can probably see
Speaker 4: myself being somewhat in the fitness industry after I retire
Speaker 4: from professional sports.
Speaker 3: But I told him it can be a stay at
Speaker 3: home dad.
Speaker 4: I've seen how much work it is with Laura, so
Speaker 4: it seems like a full time job.
Speaker 3: Well, I think that's a nice, little proper introduction to
Speaker 3: who Ben is. And I'm genuinely.
Speaker 1: So glad I get to introduce you to somebody like
Speaker 1: Ben and such an important person in my life.
Speaker 3: Because at the end of the day, Laura and I
Speaker 3: have been doing this for fall so long, four years.
Speaker 1: And like four hundred and fifty episodes, and I feel
Speaker 1: like we share so much with you, and you've been
Speaker 1: on the whole ride with us from the very beginning,
Speaker 1: and we all know that we've all been through ups
Speaker 1: and our downs, and we've had our moments, and it's
Speaker 1: nice to be able to share that I'm on a
Speaker 1: hike and I've met somebody, a really beautiful person, and
Speaker 1: your support that you guys have given us so many
Speaker 1: lovely messages about Ben, but also I reckon I have
Speaker 1: had and I'm not exaggerating, thousands of messages since I
Speaker 1: announced Ben and I've been sharing the relationship of people
Speaker 1: just writing I'm so happy seeing you're happy, and that's it.
Speaker 1: Just like this one message and it means so much. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's get into the questions. Question number one. I think
Speaker 1: this is a really good one for Ben. You'd weigh
Speaker 1: in on because it's definitely the perspective of a man.
Speaker 3: It literally starts with Ben, I need your help, says Ben,
Speaker 3: I need you.
Speaker 1: This is quite a long one, so I'm going to
Speaker 1: try to summarize it, and we would also just like
Speaker 1: to say that Ben has zero experience in this.
Speaker 3: I mean, we don't have much, but we have a
Speaker 3: little bit more than him. So hopefully the advice.
Speaker 2: Don't take it to heart and don't come and see
Speaker 2: us if it's terrible, don't make any humongous life decisions
Speaker 2: based on whatever comes out of it. Yeah, but it
Speaker 2: could be great, Ben, this could be your new career.
Speaker 2: You might be a psychologist after this.
Speaker 1: Well you're Ben is Actually really the number one thing
Speaker 1: I was attracted to with Ben was how emotionally engaged.
Speaker 3: He was, not intelligence, just engage.
Speaker 1: Well he's clogged in, but it's just he's emotionally engaged
Speaker 1: and emotionally intelligent.
Speaker 3: And sometimes the things you came out with I was like, Wow, anyway.
Speaker 4: Maybe i've read your book.
Speaker 3: You did read that book?
Speaker 1: Okay, God, I hope you didn't, do you know? I
Speaker 1: don't think we've said this, but Ben, the first time
Speaker 1: we hooked up on the one night stand, I had
Speaker 1: obviously a book then, proud of it, I've.
Speaker 3: Got one book, and proud of it. I've got one
Speaker 3: single book.
Speaker 1: I've got it, and he said can I take this?
Speaker 1: And I've just like the first hook up, and I
Speaker 1: was like okay, and he goes, can you sign it?
Speaker 4: And I was like, what is a good joke. It's like,
Speaker 4: I leave Australia with a signed book and I've never
Speaker 4: met anyone who's written a book.
Speaker 3: So I was like, hey, sign your book. Your book,
Speaker 3: it's your book, do you know.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure that was the only copy that we
Speaker 2: had because it was during press time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he took it.
Speaker 5: It was our mutual way and enjoyed it. Okay, all right,
Speaker 5: A right up everyone, if you want to go and
Speaker 5: buy the book, it's still available. It's a fucking great book. Ben,
Speaker 5: I need your help. I met this beautiful man on Hinge.
Speaker 5: We planned to go bowling have dinner. A few days
Speaker 5: after talking, we got along really well. We both agreed
Speaker 5: that we were ready for something serious and don't like
Speaker 5: the concept of sleeping around because it doesn't align with
Speaker 5: our morals. We saw each other a few more times.
Speaker 5: We had fun. We were very comfortable. He'd say things
Speaker 5: like you're beautiful, gorgeous and perfect. I could get used
Speaker 5: to being with you now. He's aware that I am
Speaker 5: a big overthinker and continuously tells me that I have
Speaker 5: nothing to worry about. However, it's been three weeks now
Speaker 5: since I have seen him. Whenever I tray and make plans,
Speaker 5: he's busy, has something on, or has something the next
Speaker 5: day that he can't make it to. He never really
Speaker 5: has proper reasons for this. It worries me because when
Speaker 5: we started seeing each other, he was super keen on me,
Speaker 5: staying and hanging out all the time. He tells me
Speaker 5: he likes me and he likes spending time with me,
Speaker 5: but he's not actually spending time with me. His voice
Speaker 5: is concerned that he doesn't want to get hurt again,
Speaker 5: and he thinks it's moving too fast, and he says
Speaker 5: he has his walls up now. He says he's not
Speaker 5: sure if he wants something serious.
Speaker 3: Oh just glieve.
Speaker 1: Also the first girl he has slept with and seen
Speaker 1: since his ex, but that was a year ago. I
Speaker 1: am constantly reassuring him that I'm here for him and
Speaker 1: I am not going anywhere, and I will be patient
Speaker 1: with him. I'm happy to take things slow because I
Speaker 1: have strong feelings. Am I going to get hurt? What
Speaker 1: should I do in this situation? Because are these current
Speaker 1: actions he's displaying red flax?
Speaker 4: So lot just summarize, says Yeah, this is why dating
Speaker 4: is so difficult to summarize.
Speaker 3: They started off red hot, they were both keen. He
Speaker 3: has complained the slow fade.
Speaker 4: I think she might run the risk of being just
Speaker 4: a rebound because I think she mentioned that she was
Speaker 4: the first person he's been with after but a.
Speaker 3: Year later, I mean, was he the first person?
Speaker 4: Yeah, well we've got to go off what she says,
Speaker 4: right or what he says.
Speaker 3: Not always the truth everybody that's true.
Speaker 4: Yeah, difficult one. I think just every right to kind
Speaker 4: of speak to him and kind of say, hey, listen,
Speaker 4: I feel like you've been really keen. I feel like
Speaker 4: not s key anymore, Like it's everything. Okay. You can't
Speaker 4: just be coincidence, you know, being busy and changes in
Speaker 4: his lives. But I would just be blunt and kind
Speaker 4: of say, hey, look, I really like you, but if
Speaker 4: you kind of don't like me back, then just let
Speaker 4: me know. And obviously it might not be nice for
Speaker 4: her to hear, but I think she's better off knowing
Speaker 4: and kind of reaching out to him and say, listen,
Speaker 4: this is how I feel. But if she then gets
Speaker 4: nothing back and it's just short answers and all that
Speaker 4: kind of stuff, I think you might not be into
Speaker 4: it that much.
Speaker 2: Well, I also think on that, like, I mean, I
Speaker 2: completely agree, but I feel like if somebody's gone from
Speaker 2: being hot, like they've made you a priority and then
Speaker 2: you've barely heard from them for three weeks, Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: definitely like three weeks is a long time your accents
Speaker 2: don't match. It's a really long time in early dating
Speaker 2: to not hear from someone, or for them to not
Speaker 2: make any effort to see you because they're too busy.
Speaker 2: Because even if they're too busy with work or whatever else,
Speaker 2: they'll FaceTime you, they'll call you if they're really interested.
Speaker 2: If they can't physically see you, they will make you
Speaker 2: feel like you're still a priority in other ways, I think.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think with we were literally spending every single
Speaker 4: moment calling each other. So I was like, this happened
Speaker 4: to me, I want to tell her, or all that
Speaker 4: kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: I also think there's an aspect here. He's basically pulled
Speaker 1: back and he's giving you nothing, and you are still
Speaker 1: saying I am here for you, I will not rush you,
Speaker 1: I will wait, I have strong feelings for you.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna hurt you.
Speaker 1: You've given him every single thing saying that I'm available
Speaker 1: to you when he has said he's not available to you.
Speaker 1: So I think that there's an aspect of you being like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be here for you no matter what,
Speaker 1: and he's like, cool, I can go to whatever I want.
Speaker 2: Then totally it's like you literally went eighty five percent
Speaker 2: and he's come fifteen percent. He didn't have to come
Speaker 2: anywhere to try and meet you.
Speaker 4: In that instance, I think she can maybe pull back
Speaker 4: and then see if he kind of reaches out to her,
Speaker 4: because we always kind of last minute want to hold
Speaker 4: on if we just feel like it's just leaving us
Speaker 4: or it's just running away from us. So maybe that's
Speaker 4: the way to get him back on board a little bit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, back a bit.
Speaker 2: And I think also I personally don't think it's necessarily
Speaker 2: healthy when you're in a very early stages of relationship. Yes,
Speaker 2: you might really like someone, but I don't think it's
Speaker 2: healthy to make yourself so available to somebody who's not
Speaker 2: investing in you. Back and you say like you're an overthinker,
Speaker 2: and I don't think that you're overthinking when somebody hasn't
Speaker 2: shown you or done anything to reaffirm that they're interested,
Speaker 2: or that they're invested over a three week period, like
Speaker 2: if you've only just started dating and then they've gone
Speaker 2: from hot to cold, that in itself is a very
Speaker 2: confusing thing. And so you're now saying that you're totally
Speaker 2: available to him, that he you know you're not going
Speaker 2: to hurt him. You're taking on all of the risk
Speaker 2: in this situation. He's taking on absolutely nothing, and you,
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, are going to be
Speaker 2: the one that gets hurt in this. So I think
Speaker 2: having some self preservation early on is really important and
Speaker 2: sort of saying I like you, but I need to
Speaker 2: have some clarity around where you're at in this because
Speaker 2: I'm not going to wait. I'm not going to sit
Speaker 2: around whilst you figure out your life. I'm here. If
Speaker 2: I'm still interested when you are available and you're interested,
Speaker 2: then we can work it up then. But I think
Speaker 2: completely keeping yourself open without limits only puts yourself in
Speaker 2: a position where you can be manipulated or you can
Speaker 2: be hurt.
Speaker 3: There is a chance to like, let's give him the
Speaker 3: benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 1: There's a chance that you are the first person who's
Speaker 1: been with he was really hurt in his past relationship.
Speaker 1: It's early days and you've come on too hot, and
Speaker 1: when you've said I really want to be with you
Speaker 1: and just you, there's no one else. He might be
Speaker 1: a pressure. Yeah, he might be a little bit scared.
Speaker 1: So you might have come in a tiny bit hot
Speaker 1: in those early days.
Speaker 3: So maybe take Ben's.
Speaker 1: Advice, try and match what he's given you and pull
Speaker 1: back a bit and let him think you're out doing
Speaker 1: other things. You might be seeing other people, let him
Speaker 1: come to you, let him message you and check in
Speaker 1: on you.
Speaker 4: If he doesn't message, you've got the answer as well. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I think it's very black and white.
Speaker 2: Yeah, fair cool, Take your foot off the gas, all right.
Speaker 2: Question number two, I have a short shot one for you.
Speaker 2: Is it always a case of if he wanted to,
Speaker 2: he would or a guy's sometimes a little bit more complex? Now?
Speaker 2: I think that sometimes we can say, and I we've
Speaker 2: said it before, that if someone wants you, they'll make
Speaker 2: it away to you like they want to.
Speaker 3: Be with you. You're gonna know if you're confused, they
Speaker 3: probably don't like it. But do you think it's a
Speaker 3: clear cut when it comes to men.
Speaker 4: I think men are more complex than that, But I
Speaker 4: do think. Yeah, I do think we go after what
Speaker 4: we want, as you experienced it yourself. But I think
Speaker 4: it also depends of maybe the guy is a little
Speaker 4: bit more shy. I think we've spoken about this. Brit
Speaker 4: said to me a if we met in a bar,
Speaker 4: would you have come over to me? And I said, no,
Speaker 4: that's not that's not how I feel comfortable.
Speaker 3: So maybe you're an online person only, not.
Speaker 4: An online person only, But I just I wouldn't have
Speaker 4: come up to her.
Speaker 3: Not so you would never hit on a chicken a bar.
Speaker 3: You would never.
Speaker 4: I would, but like it just not me. No, nine
Speaker 4: out of ten times. I'm very reserved, and I would
Speaker 4: just like see if she would make the first move.
Speaker 3: You could like a sign from yeah, you need.
Speaker 4: You need a little bit of a sign. So maybe
Speaker 4: this guy needs a little bit of a sign.
Speaker 2: Okay, I have a question what constitutes a good enough sign?
Speaker 2: Then if you're at a bar and you're in a
Speaker 2: nightclub and you see a girl and you really like her, like,
Speaker 2: how much of a sign do you need to be
Speaker 2: able to go over and talk.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean, if she's literally there staring at you,
Speaker 4: there's a good chance she likes you. She fancies you,
Speaker 4: But then there's been more complex than that. There's a
Speaker 4: lot of things you need to see as well, like
Speaker 4: how much have you had to drink? How much have
Speaker 4: she had to drink? Who is she there with? She
Speaker 4: there with like five of her friends and it's just
Speaker 4: one of you. Then it's like, this is awkward because
Speaker 4: if she says no, it's five of them kind of
Speaker 4: potentially laughing at you.
Speaker 2: So you wouldn't approach a girl who's been staring at
Speaker 2: you in a nightclub or in a bar if she
Speaker 2: was there with her friends.
Speaker 3: This is.
Speaker 4: I need my backup, noither. But it really depends on
Speaker 4: the mood and everything.
Speaker 1: And well, I think that this is a really interesting
Speaker 1: insight because this is not something we realize. We often
Speaker 1: go out with our friends because you go out for safety.
Speaker 1: You don't want to go and sit in a bar
Speaker 1: by yourself and be like a hope a guy approaches me.
Speaker 1: But I don't think there are many women out there
Speaker 1: that are like, oh, he's not approaching me because I'm
Speaker 1: with my friends. We think he's not approaching me because
Speaker 1: they're not interested. And we would also, I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: speaking on behalf of us, not all women We would
Speaker 1: never laugh if a guy came up to us and
Speaker 1: hit on us and we weren't vibing it and we
Speaker 1: like shut it down in a nice way. We would
Speaker 1: never turn around and being hysterics at that guy. But
Speaker 1: it's interesting because you think that we would all be
Speaker 1: laughing at.
Speaker 2: I think that if you were somebody, a guy who's
Speaker 2: super attractive, and you walked up and hit on a
Speaker 2: group of chicks, you would be more likely to be
Speaker 2: let down nicely than if you were somebody who was
Speaker 2: not attractive. And this is obviously not a nice thing
Speaker 2: to say at all, and I'm not saying that it's
Speaker 2: how it should be. But if somebody who you thought
Speaker 2: was completely unattractive, who had absolutely no chance quote unquote,
Speaker 2: came up and was like, hey, I'm like, you know,
Speaker 2: really vibing you, I think a group of girls would
Speaker 2: very easily be like, ugh, go away, way more than
Speaker 2: what they would if a guy was typically a super
Speaker 2: handsome guy that walked out of GQ magazine.
Speaker 3: Well maybe that's.
Speaker 1: Just me then, because I would never ever and I
Speaker 1: don't have friends that would ever laugh at somebody that
Speaker 1: came up and respectfully nicely approached it. Maybe if they
Speaker 1: came up wasted off their head, you would laugh. If
Speaker 1: somehen he genuinely came up shot their shot respectfully and
Speaker 1: it was no, I would never ever laugh in their face.
Speaker 3: Maybe there are people that do.
Speaker 2: I don't mean laugh in their face, but I mean, yeah,
Speaker 2: I think you're taking it too literally.
Speaker 3: I just mean rejection wise.
Speaker 2: And I think it's easy to say to someone who's
Speaker 2: attractive that it's you know, you should just go up and.
Speaker 3: Speak to people.
Speaker 2: But people who are super attractive have a way better
Speaker 2: hit rate with picking up in the public rather than
Speaker 2: people who feel like they're not socially atypically super attractive.
Speaker 1: Okay, but this is interesting because Ben is generally an
Speaker 1: attractive person.
Speaker 3: You're tall, your hands, That's.
Speaker 2: What I'm saying. So if it's hard for you, it's
Speaker 2: hard for everyone. So for this.
Speaker 1: Question, then, is it a case of if he wanted to,
Speaker 1: he would or a more complex because we get this
Speaker 1: a lot from women being like, do you think I
Speaker 1: keep even my friends?
Speaker 3: Do you think I follow up? Do you think I
Speaker 3: double text?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 1: Do you think he's just been really busy and he's forgotten?
Speaker 1: Do you think he does really like me and he's
Speaker 1: just hasn't had time to write back.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think the double text and all this it's
Speaker 4: a little bit overthinking as well. But eventually the person
Speaker 4: if he really likes you and if he really wants
Speaker 4: to go after you, if you will, then he will text.
Speaker 4: And that's not after a week or two weeks. That
Speaker 4: is literally the next day, the next morning. My fields.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my advice would be generally speaking, I think a guy,
Speaker 1: if he's interested in you, is going to let you know.
Speaker 3: But it's not always a case like you said.
Speaker 1: They might be shy, or they might be really busy,
Speaker 1: or they might need more of a sign from you.
Speaker 1: So I would give them the one sign. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: another follow up text, one, hey just want to see
Speaker 1: if you were free his week and love to catch
Speaker 1: up with you again, one more very clear I'm interested,
Speaker 1: and you're going to know from their response. It's either
Speaker 1: going to be I'm busy with no follow up, or
Speaker 1: it's going to be like, ah shit, I really can't
Speaker 1: but let's do wednesday. But I think give them that
Speaker 1: one sign in case they are like Benja said, that
Speaker 1: kind of guy that wants to have that confirmation of oh,
Speaker 1: this is going to be a safe place for me
Speaker 1: to shoot my shot because she shown me she's interested.
Speaker 1: So give them that one little bit of interest, so
Speaker 1: they without doubt, unequivocally know that they're safe to ask
Speaker 1: you out.
Speaker 3: But I do think we over complicate this.
Speaker 2: I think it's a pretty good and safe rule to
Speaker 2: say that if someone's interested, you will know, and if
Speaker 2: they're not interested, you'll be confused. And look, there's a
Speaker 2: big difference between interest and actually someone who is like
Speaker 2: not just interested, but is available, is wanting a relationship,
Speaker 2: is like open to what you're open to. Because someone
Speaker 2: might be interested in you, they might find you attractive,
Speaker 2: they might want to have sex with you, doesn't mean
Speaker 2: that they want the things that you want. And that's
Speaker 2: what will leave you feeling confused. And it shouldn't be
Speaker 2: that complicated and it shouldn't be that hard. And if
Speaker 2: you're sitting there at nighttime unsure as to whether they
Speaker 2: like you, they don't like you, they're into you, they're
Speaker 2: not into you, it's probably not the fucking right relationship
Speaker 2: because it shouldn't be that confusing, is how I feel
Speaker 2: about it. All right, last question to round this out,
Speaker 2: how does a man who is emotionally unavailable suddenly become
Speaker 2: emotionally available, A.
Speaker 1: Had the million dollar questions.
Speaker 3: I mean we've all dated.
Speaker 2: Every single person has dated someone who is emotionally unavailable
Speaker 2: who then very shortly afterwards got into a long term
Speaker 2: relationship and seems to be doing just fine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like we've all seen that half of I think.
Speaker 4: It's really simple that one girl. So I'm sorry to disappoint,
Speaker 4: but what do you mean.
Speaker 1: Just like, if it's that person, all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: you're you're here, I'll give you what you want.
Speaker 4: I'll tell you my did start to see in the
Speaker 4: case of we'll had that relationship before the relationship and
Speaker 4: whatever your ex partner thinks about you, If you're not
Speaker 4: emotionally available and all of a sudden you hear that
Speaker 4: is really emotional available with this new partner, then you
Speaker 4: weren't the one and the new partner is the one.
Speaker 4: I think it's really that.
Speaker 3: I mean, I absolutely agree with this.
Speaker 2: I think sometimes we overcomplicate it when it comes to
Speaker 2: relationships and trying to like figure out like why are.
Speaker 3: They not as invested in me as as I'm invested
Speaker 3: in them.
Speaker 2: But I do also think that there are some people
Speaker 2: who will just have the same bad behavior, but in
Speaker 2: their new relationship, you know, like they'll go from they
Speaker 2: might be in a relationship with you, they're not emotionally available,
Speaker 2: it's toxic, it's not working out. And then we have
Speaker 2: this fear that, oh, they're going to move on with
Speaker 2: someone new and they're going to be the perfect partner
Speaker 2: to that new person, and often they move on to
Speaker 2: someone new and an awful person in that relationship as well.
Speaker 2: I think that, you know, people don't always miraculously change,
Speaker 2: but in the instances that they do miraculously change, it's
Speaker 2: because you just want the person and they've found that
Speaker 2: person who aligns with them better.
Speaker 4: In my experience, for example, is I am naturally a
Speaker 4: reserved person, keeping to myself, maybe a little bit of
Speaker 4: a guard up, walls up. And then I met you,
Speaker 4: and in order to make this work, we decided to
Speaker 4: have open communication on anything because of our different circumstances
Speaker 4: of having a long distance relationship. And I found that
Speaker 4: it's very easy to open up to you, which is
Speaker 4: something previously it took me a long time to warm
Speaker 4: up to a person and long time to feel comfortable
Speaker 4: opening up. So I think, yeah, in my experience that
Speaker 4: it comes easy with the person when you know it's
Speaker 4: that person.
Speaker 2: Do you think part of that for you, Ben, is
Speaker 2: because of the pressure of making the long distance relationship
Speaker 2: work or do you think it's a combination between how
Speaker 2: much you have to give when you're in a long
Speaker 2: distance relationship verbally to be able to make a work
Speaker 2: and also the fact that it's bread.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, you definitely have to give more in a long
Speaker 4: distance relationship because those daily things are missing. But I
Speaker 4: think it's not a case of pressure, it's more. In
Speaker 4: my case, it was more of a case of I'm
Speaker 4: wanting to do this, So I think when it comes
Speaker 4: from a want, it's more genuine and it comes more natural.
Speaker 2: Also, can I just say the last part on this,
Speaker 2: if someone goes through being emotionally unavailable to emotionally available,
Speaker 2: there's a good chance I've had some therapy because that's
Speaker 2: also a really blinking important part of the Yes, yes, everybody.
Speaker 1: If you listen to the podcast, maybe that's tough and
Speaker 1: hard on one serious note on this, are you also,
Speaker 1: and I'm asking you to ask yourself, is are you
Speaker 1: emotionally available to them?
Speaker 3: And are you giving them anything?
Speaker 1: Because it's psychologically and scientifically proven that as humans, when
Speaker 1: you disclose something that is really personal or deep, or
Speaker 1: could be traumatic, or could just be something that really
Speaker 1: means something to you and is emotional to you, when
Speaker 1: you disclose that to another person, they want to disclose
Speaker 1: something back. This is something to ask yourself. Are you
Speaker 1: emotionally giving to him and he's not returning or you
Speaker 1: just feel like you're not giving anything because he doesn't
Speaker 1: give anything, so it's all stale made, all hands off,
Speaker 1: because that is something to try and maybe try opening
Speaker 1: up to him in a capacity that you feel comfortable
Speaker 1: with and seeing if he shares anything back.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean that comes back to this idea of like vulnerability.
Speaker 2: Right when we are vulnerable, people are vulnerable in return.
Speaker 2: But it does I mean that is a really hard
Speaker 2: thing to do when you feel like you're coming up
Speaker 2: against someone who isn't giving you anything. To constantly be
Speaker 2: the person who's giving the vulnerable parts of your life
Speaker 2: and your story and to not receive that back can
Speaker 2: kind of really amplify when someone is emotionally unavailable. So
Speaker 2: I think like, if you are doing those things, if
Speaker 2: you are sharing and you are being open and creating
Speaker 2: space for somebody to be emotionally available to you, but
Speaker 2: they continue to not be. Then that's when you have
Speaker 2: to make the decision that maybe this is not the
Speaker 2: right relationship for you.
Speaker 3: Well, I reckon, that's it. I reckon. That's a wrap
Speaker 3: on life Uncut featuring so much Ben for coming on
Speaker 3: the pod, Did you just fizz Pump?
Speaker 4: Yes? I hope I could help in some capacity.
Speaker 2: If you enjoy the episode, go on and leave a
Speaker 2: review on Apple Podcast. You can slide into britz DM's
Speaker 2: and tell you her how happy you are for her,
Speaker 2: because that's really cute too.
Speaker 3: And you know the drill.
Speaker 1: Tell your mum to your dad, tell your dog two
Speaker 1: friends to share the love, because we don't love, yeah,
Speaker 1: don't we Literally listen to your friends