Speaker 1: My Heart podcasts, hear more Kiss podcast playlist, and listen
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Speaker 2: A pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura Burn.
Speaker 3: Brady, your work, our windows down, that's my world.
Speaker 4: Reason the dust only good, bab Doug all down.
Speaker 2: I don't much, but yeah I'm not.
Speaker 3: I'll big get and what I want.
Speaker 2: It don't matter where done.
Speaker 1: This is the pickup, Hi, guys, It's the pick up
Speaker 1: with Britt Hockley and Laura Burn.
Speaker 4: And it's the end of the week already. Is this
Speaker 4: literally the shortest week of the year.
Speaker 2: I think it is.
Speaker 1: Hi for anyone who didn't take these like three days off,
Speaker 1: I feel like we're all chumps.
Speaker 2: I say this because I am also a chump. We
Speaker 2: are also at work.
Speaker 1: But this long weekend holiday Easter Holiday into end Zac Holiday,
Speaker 1: it feels like it's the holiday that never ended. And
Speaker 1: some kids are in school holidays and some kids are
Speaker 1: back at school. I just think, like, just take it off.
Speaker 4: I love the idea that we've bookended public holiday, but
Speaker 4: it does feel unnecessary to come back for three days.
Speaker 4: I think a lot of people are calling in sick.
Speaker 4: I think a lot of people go to their bosses
Speaker 4: and say, hey, can I book annually? Their bosses say
Speaker 4: that chance, and they're like, cool, I'm going to call
Speaker 4: in sick. Anyway, we may as.
Speaker 3: Well make it a week long holidays.
Speaker 1: Those three days are the smartest three days to take
Speaker 1: your annual holidays in. Like, surely bosses are not rejecting
Speaker 1: that type of holiday unless you've already taken heaps of it.
Speaker 1: Surely there are that many bosses out there that are
Speaker 1: rejecting those three days and saying no, you've got to
Speaker 1: come in.
Speaker 2: Someone has to work.
Speaker 4: Every employee can't come and ask for the same week off,
Speaker 4: then there's no one at work.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 4: I imagine if your people came, like at Tony May
Speaker 4: your shop, and they all came and said, well, it
Speaker 4: makes sense, give us the week off to you.
Speaker 1: Never a lot of them did, though a lot of
Speaker 1: them have taken off. But I think in those situations,
Speaker 1: it's a first in best dress. So if like half
Speaker 1: the officers or it was smart enough to get themselves organized,
Speaker 1: then I'm kind of like fair play game on.
Speaker 2: But not everyone can do it.
Speaker 1: So yeah, my heart goes out to all the people
Speaker 1: who worn't smart enough. Aka Brittany and I to ask
Speaker 1: for these three days off, and here we are now
Speaker 1: asking kind of something we do on life funk Up
Speaker 1: podcast every week where we answer You're deep, You're duck,
Speaker 1: and your burning questions. So if you have a dilemma,
Speaker 1: give us a call and you might get through. We
Speaker 1: have Sarah on the line, and Sarah is a mum
Speaker 1: who is having a little bit of trouble, not with
Speaker 1: the friend that she's made, but with the kids.
Speaker 2: Sarah, what's going on?
Speaker 5: Hi, girls, I've finally made a mum friend. Our little
Speaker 5: kids go to school together. We have the same interest,
Speaker 5: the same value in our parenting. However, unfortunately it's our
Speaker 5: younger children that when we get together, they just clash
Speaker 5: and they're just constantly fighting.
Speaker 1: So you are worried that you can't be friends, or
Speaker 1: you like, is it possibly? Like what's the what are
Speaker 1: you wanting to do with it?
Speaker 5: So we are friends, However, I just find that when
Speaker 5: we go to catch up, I'm like, oh, it's going
Speaker 5: to be a bit dousing. You know, likes constantly the
Speaker 5: younger ones apart.
Speaker 1: I feel for you, Sarah, because it's it's actually so hard,
Speaker 1: not only just like when you're a mum, and you're
Speaker 1: trying to find someone who parents in a similar way,
Speaker 1: has similar parenting values. I think a really big part
Speaker 1: of it being like enjoyable for the both of you
Speaker 1: is that your kids have to get along as well.
Speaker 1: Like it's so hard to find that magic mix. My
Speaker 1: thing is is like, of course you can be friends,
Speaker 1: but you might find the overtime the friendship becomes hard
Speaker 1: because the kids make it hard, do you know what
Speaker 1: I mean?
Speaker 4: But can you not be friends outside of the kids,
Speaker 4: like you, I don't know if you guys have supportive
Speaker 4: families or partners or babysitters, but you can definitely have
Speaker 4: adult friends where you meet them for an early dinner
Speaker 4: or a wine or like, it doesn't always have to
Speaker 4: be involved with the kid dates.
Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, maybe a mix of both.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you can always do a mix. But
Speaker 1: but it's hard, brit Like, I mean, I know for me,
Speaker 1: with the friends that I have who are mums that
Speaker 1: we hang out and they've got kids similar age, you
Speaker 1: really want to find friends where your kids also get along,
Speaker 1: because it just means that they can run off and
Speaker 1: play and you actually get to have an adult conversation.
Speaker 1: Otherwise you spend the whole time catching up with this
Speaker 1: person that you want to hang out with, but you're
Speaker 1: just fighting fires because your kids are screaming at each
Speaker 1: other or having fired or like someone's breaking something like Okay,
Speaker 1: is it just like both kids in general are tricky
Speaker 1: or do you feel that there's like a one sided
Speaker 1: trickiness that's going on.
Speaker 5: I think they're just both similar personalities. So they're both
Speaker 5: like sort of stubborn, Whereas like my oldest son, he
Speaker 5: would normally give in and be like, Okay, you're gonna
Speaker 5: have the toy and my daughter, whereas my daughter's strong
Speaker 5: willed and she's at no way, I'm not giving into this.
Speaker 5: How old are they they're three. My daughter's three and
Speaker 5: her daughter's four, so a little bit of an age gap.
Speaker 5: But they're just both similar personalities.
Speaker 1: I think, you know what, though, they might actually get
Speaker 1: better the more time they spend together, Like the more
Speaker 1: we're out of it, Yeah, the more exposure they have
Speaker 1: with each other, and the more that they start to
Speaker 1: realize that this isn't something that they get to opt
Speaker 1: in on. That they're gonna you know, they're going to
Speaker 1: be spending time playing together. They're going to see more
Speaker 1: of each other. You might find that they have their
Speaker 1: own little friendship that develops as well. I think that
Speaker 1: stuff can take time, but.
Speaker 4: Our advice is exposure therapy, just like throw them in,
Speaker 4: let them more lines for.
Speaker 2: You and the other mom.
Speaker 5: Yeah, definitely persist through it. Do you think I see.
Speaker 3: To sacrifice a friend.
Speaker 4: I just think even if she does become a friend
Speaker 4: that's not a kid date friend, and you get to
Speaker 4: see it once a fortnite for a catch up, maybe
Speaker 4: you're going.
Speaker 2: For a walk together, whatever it is.
Speaker 4: It is really hard to meet people as adults that
Speaker 4: you connect with and you want to spend time with.
Speaker 4: So I do think that sometimes you need to try
Speaker 4: and make yourself a priority. And I know I'm not
Speaker 4: a mum, but I know all of my friends that
Speaker 4: are moms don't prioritize themselves. It's a part of being
Speaker 4: a mum, like there's always someone or something else more important.
Speaker 4: But at the end of the day, you do need
Speaker 4: to do some things for you too. If you've found
Speaker 4: someone that you enjoy spending time with and you know
Speaker 4: that's rare for you, I don't think you need to
Speaker 4: give it up just because your kids want to reap
Speaker 4: each other's hair out.
Speaker 5: Yeah, definitely, Sarah.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for the call, And for anyone who
Speaker 1: wants any advice next week, please go and enter your
Speaker 1: ask uncut on the wind page. We might get you
Speaker 1: on as well to answer your questions stuff being a
Speaker 1: parent it is, thanks Sarah. It's actually so hard and
Speaker 1: like it really is, trying to find the right mix
Speaker 1: of like a friend who you get along with and
Speaker 1: you vibe with, but also your kids get along impossible.
Speaker 4: So in case you guys have missed it, I am
Speaker 4: getting married.
Speaker 2: No, no one has missed it, Britt.
Speaker 1: I just want to I want to let you know everyone,
Speaker 1: everyone who listens to the show and loves the show
Speaker 1: and knows you know.
Speaker 2: We know, we're all so happy for you. But no
Speaker 2: one missed it.
Speaker 4: The wedding is getting very very close, and I had
Speaker 4: a bit of a family get together on the weekend,
Speaker 4: and like I'd planned all the roles for everybody without
Speaker 4: actually speaking to them, you know, like how I'm like, okay,
Speaker 4: so the groom's been will bit the end, and then
Speaker 4: I'll have a flower girl and then I'm gonna have
Speaker 4: my nephew come down and then so I had everything
Speaker 4: planned in my head.
Speaker 3: I finally see my nephew.
Speaker 2: He's seven.
Speaker 4: He's a great little kid, and I'm like, hey, Parky
Speaker 4: and he's like yeah. And I was like so excited
Speaker 4: thinking that he's going to be so toughed. And I
Speaker 4: was like, how would you like to have the most
Speaker 4: important role? I was like, you're gonna dress up and
Speaker 4: you're gonna walk down with your cousin. You're gonna hold
Speaker 4: his hand, and you're gonna be holding some really important
Speaker 4: things and then when you get down to the end,
Speaker 4: you're going to hand them to Uncle Ben.
Speaker 3: Like I made this whole big thing. I was like,
Speaker 3: it's the most important role.
Speaker 2: Of the day. So he was the ring bearer? Is
Speaker 2: that what you were asking him?
Speaker 4: Well? Yeah, but I'm giving him multiple jobs, so he's
Speaker 4: not just the ring bearer.
Speaker 2: He's like doing a couple of things.
Speaker 3: Anyway.
Speaker 2: I was like, so what do you think?
Speaker 4: And I was expecting him to like hug me and
Speaker 4: like be like, oh, that's so fun and Dead.
Speaker 3: Qui and all the families around Dead Qui and he
Speaker 3: looks up he's like, you know what, No thank you, dude.
Speaker 2: And I said, I said, so what. He's like, no,
Speaker 2: thank you? And I said Oh.
Speaker 4: In my head, I was like, does he understand that
Speaker 4: was a rhetorical question, like he's doing it.
Speaker 3: I was like, what do you mean. No, He's like
Speaker 3: it's it's okay, but thanks for asking.
Speaker 2: And he's a kid.
Speaker 1: This is a kid who has been taught how to
Speaker 1: set good boundaries and I'm all for that. He's like, Brittany, Annie, Brittany,
Speaker 1: this is a boundary. And I don't want to be
Speaker 1: your ring bearer because that sounds like a shitty job.
Speaker 1: I'm not walking down holding my cousin's hand.
Speaker 3: And his mom was like, Parker, you're doing it.
Speaker 2: And he's like, oh, did he if you were a
Speaker 2: reason as to why you didn't want to do it?
Speaker 2: Did he say what? No, he didn't.
Speaker 3: And he was so polite. It was just like saying, hey,
Speaker 3: are you hungry? To you on some chicken?
Speaker 4: He was like no, thanks, Like that was it anyway.
Speaker 4: He came around at the end, but I just thought
Speaker 4: it was so funny. I was like, I can't force
Speaker 4: a kid, but I will bribe him.
Speaker 1: Also, what do you do on the day if a
Speaker 1: kid gets stage fright? All they changed their mind.
Speaker 3: Because oh, we had to not make him.
Speaker 1: We had so many kids in our wedding, all of
Speaker 1: like the nieces and nephews were there, like my kids.
Speaker 1: And at the time, Maley was three and Lola was two,
Speaker 1: And that's a pretty big responsibility for a three year
Speaker 1: old and a two year old to walk down the
Speaker 1: aisle and be the flower girls.
Speaker 2: And I will never forget.
Speaker 1: I was sitting in the car so like my like
Speaker 1: the car that I was in had pulled up, and
Speaker 1: my sister had gotten out with all the children.
Speaker 2: So she had three for five, six seven.
Speaker 1: She had seven kids, two of them under two, and
Speaker 1: most of them were walking down the island.
Speaker 2: She was kind of middle of the pack with these kids.
Speaker 2: And I'm looking from the car window and I just
Speaker 2: see Lola. She just veers off to the right. She's
Speaker 2: walking away. I think she saw a dark or something
Speaker 2: and she just starts walking.
Speaker 1: I'm yelling from the car for someone to get Lola,
Speaker 1: and then half the guests turned around there to me,
Speaker 1: there's me.
Speaker 2: Hanging out the window being.
Speaker 3: Like, get La, La.
Speaker 2: You can't trust him. You can't trust kids. They say,
Speaker 2: don't wait with kids or animals or both.
Speaker 3: It's one of those.
Speaker 4: Things where on the day you just have to accept
Speaker 4: that if there's a child that's upset or doesn't want
Speaker 4: to do it, then they don't do it.
Speaker 2: And I'm absolutely not going to make him.
Speaker 4: But it is big into football, like soccer, and I
Speaker 4: did have to pull out the bribes, and I said
Speaker 4: that Uncle Ben will teach him some football stuff if
Speaker 4: he can make it down the end safely. So I
Speaker 4: don't know if that makes me bad Auntie, I don't know,
Speaker 4: but I think we've got him there.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're a parent that's like reached nirvana if
Speaker 1: you don't use bribery on your kids.
Speaker 2: That's what I've realized.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like it's number one is nice and
Speaker 1: number two is bribes, and then number three is telling
Speaker 1: them that they're doing it. That's pretty much all you've got.
Speaker 1: I It is not a new thing that most people
Speaker 1: who are dating have used online dating apps Think Tinder,
Speaker 1: think Bumble.
Speaker 2: The criticism that's come with a lot of online dating.
Speaker 1: Apps is that even though most apps are trying to
Speaker 1: kind of encourage things like fill.
Speaker 2: Out your bio, answer questions.
Speaker 1: About yourself add more value, people still seem to get
Speaker 1: caught up in looking at the pictures and making their
Speaker 1: decisions based on the way someone looks over the person
Speaker 1: that someone actually is on a dating.
Speaker 4: App, which of course they're going to do that. That's
Speaker 4: like the first thing you're gonna look at. Whether you
Speaker 4: say you're not superficial, whether you say looks don't matter,
Speaker 4: Like when you are faced with a written bio and
Speaker 4: a picture of something, you're always gonna look at the person.
Speaker 2: And I've done every app. I shouldn't say every app.
Speaker 4: It in gone Grinder, but I've done most of the
Speaker 4: mainstream dating app Don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1: I think that there are loads of people who are
Speaker 1: not superficially in their dating, Like I think that there
Speaker 1: are loads of people who don't have a specific type
Speaker 1: who date outside the box, et cetera. But you will
Speaker 1: be swayed when you do see a photo because I
Speaker 1: think the thing is is like, if you want to
Speaker 1: go into dating unbiased, the only way to do it
Speaker 1: is to not have any clue what that person looks like,
Speaker 1: so that you're not swayed at all by their physical attractiveness. Now,
Speaker 1: we've seen TV shows like Love is Blind or even
Speaker 1: Love Triangle, which is on stand. For anyone who doesn't
Speaker 1: know what Love is Blind, is you match with someone
Speaker 1: and you grow a connection with them, but you don't
Speaker 1: actually see what they look like. So you choose the
Speaker 1: person that you want to be with based on the
Speaker 1: fact that you have chemistry and connection and shared values
Speaker 1: and all this sort of stuff, but you have no
Speaker 1: clue what they look like until you've committed. Well, there
Speaker 1: is a new dating app that's come out, and it's
Speaker 1: called Tribal. It's been created by a psychologist, and the
Speaker 1: reason for this is basically the same premise. You go
Speaker 1: on there, you match, you chat, you share what you're
Speaker 1: looking for, your values, everything else, but you cannot see
Speaker 1: the person's photos for seventy two hours.
Speaker 4: I think seventy two hours is the perfect amount.
Speaker 1: Well, seventy two hours is a good amount of time
Speaker 1: to know if you've got banter with someone, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: know if you've got chemistry with someone.
Speaker 3: You're not too deep that you can't divorce them.
Speaker 2: You're not married. Yeah, it's not a marrit at first
Speaker 2: site situation.
Speaker 4: But then it gets a bit awkward, right, If you've
Speaker 4: got seventy two hours of like proper banter, it's going
Speaker 4: really really well. When you release each other's faces and
Speaker 4: for some reason you really are not physically into it
Speaker 4: at all and you do want to call it quits.
Speaker 4: That's an awkward conversation.
Speaker 2: Okay, But here's the kicker, right.
Speaker 1: I think that it's a pretty good litmus as to
Speaker 1: how superficial you might be or how much you prioritize
Speaker 1: looks in your dating and in your relationships, because if
Speaker 1: you're having these great connections with people and then you're
Speaker 1: matching with them, and then you're seeing their photos and
Speaker 1: afterwards you're like, hmm, not even going to entertain a date,
Speaker 1: like if that seems to be your predetermined preset or
Speaker 1: like over and over and over again, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: maybe you need to date outside the box and try
Speaker 1: someone that isn't your quote unquote classic type, because there
Speaker 1: might be a reason why the relationships aren't working out.
Speaker 1: Your type might not be a good type for you.
Speaker 1: Your type might be an asshole. We've all been there,
Speaker 1: we've all done it. I had a type once one
Speaker 1: a time as well.
Speaker 2: I do think it'll stop.
Speaker 4: The gamification though of dating and I think of dating apps, sorry,
Speaker 4: And I think it will increase more intentional dating because
Speaker 4: it's sometimes you go on dating apps for the validation,
Speaker 4: like you want to go on. You want to say, oh,
Speaker 4: these I've matched with all these hot people.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: You to feel confidence, you feel.
Speaker 3: Good about yourself.
Speaker 4: You get to chat to a hot person briefly, whatever,
Speaker 4: someone you know, subjective that you think is hot. But
Speaker 4: in this it has to be more intentional because you're
Speaker 4: only going on there to put the effort in. You
Speaker 4: have to have the connection. You have to have the
Speaker 4: banter before you discover who are If you were dating,
Speaker 4: would you try and app like this, Yeah, I would,
Speaker 4: but just for the content, probably to bring it to
Speaker 4: you here.
Speaker 1: Really I reckon I would not just for content. I
Speaker 1: would happily try it. I think I definitely got to
Speaker 1: a place in my online dating where I didn't trust
Speaker 1: my ability to make good judgments on people. So if
Speaker 1: I could match with someone and have like good bantering
Speaker 1: chemistry with them, I think it would have gone a
Speaker 1: long way.
Speaker 2: Also, a guy who can make you laugh, Oh, that's it,
Speaker 2: that's all most women want.
Speaker 3: Nah, that's a lie.
Speaker 4: People say that there's plenty of people that can make
Speaker 4: you laugh that are not good catchers. Like, there's definitely
Speaker 4: more to that, but of course personality is everything. I
Speaker 4: would one hundred percent try this because I was exasperated
Speaker 4: by the online dating community. I was on there for
Speaker 4: so long that it was just the same people in there.
Speaker 4: I was seeing the same people on there, which means
Speaker 4: they were seeing me as well for like eight years.
Speaker 2: She is again, Yeah she's back.
Speaker 3: But I was like that.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, here he is again.
Speaker 3: You actually get to know these strangers.
Speaker 2: But don't in your area.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally. Don't you update your profile photo though. So
Speaker 1: it's different because that's the thing. I remember being on
Speaker 1: the dating apps for a long time, and it would
Speaker 1: be the people whose profile I.
Speaker 2: Know you too well.
Speaker 4: Doesn't matter if your updated profile, you know, you know,
Speaker 4: it's an updated profile.
Speaker 1: Alright, Look, guys, if you were in the trenches of dating,
Speaker 1: this might be an app that you want to give
Speaker 1: it a try. It's called tribal I think I wish
Speaker 1: I thought of that. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I wish
Speaker 1: I thought of a lot of apps put it that way.