Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: un Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura. And Brittany, what
Speaker 1: the hell's been going down? Lady? Look, before we get
Speaker 1: into it, I just want to say thank you for
Speaker 1: getting dressed up for the occasion today. I've just soon
Speaker 1: called into Laura and she's sitting here in a very beautiful,
Speaker 1: mind you, very beautiful, very matching, like a baby pink
Speaker 1: underwear set. So I'm really happy you put your undies
Speaker 1: on for me. Well I'm hin just so you guys,
Speaker 1: I mean you guys already know, like we're obviously recording,
Speaker 1: these are very different time zones, and we always make
Speaker 1: jokes about how we are wearing our underwear, but today
Speaker 1: we are literally wearing our underwear, like both of us
Speaker 1: Brits in a single and her undies and I'm hearing
Speaker 1: a Brian undies because do you know what, That's just
Speaker 1: what friends do. It's literally like these podcast episodes, well
Speaker 1: the start of them anyway, It's just like Zoom and
Speaker 1: your bestie, sorry, Brett, Like we're at the point in
Speaker 1: our relationship now where I don't need to put pants
Speaker 1: on for you, and I'm not gonna have a shower.
Speaker 1: What do you mean we're at the point now. This
Speaker 1: has been like this from day one. This has not
Speaker 1: been like a slow gradual ascent. Well, speaking of like
Speaker 1: how disgusting I am, I do have a bit of
Speaker 1: a story for you, which I've been saving to tell you.
Speaker 1: And it's not like you come to the podcast with
Speaker 1: like fun stories that you're doing in your life and
Speaker 1: then I'm just like this disgusting mom, and my life
Speaker 1: is like slowly deteriorating. So this happened yesterday. You're not disgusting.
Speaker 1: Hang on, I might change that train of thought after
Speaker 1: you tell me your story. Hit me with this story, okay,
Speaker 1: And I feel like every single mom is gonna relate
Speaker 1: to this. Once upon a time, there was a time
Speaker 1: where I used to look at other moms and I
Speaker 1: thought like, oh, it's so disgusting how they'll put that
Speaker 1: half like masticated piece of food that their child's been
Speaker 1: chewing on in their mouth, or it's disgusting how like
Speaker 1: they don't mind that they touch who or like get
Speaker 1: baby weirdness on them. Like all that stuff that used
Speaker 1: to gross you out kind of just changes after you
Speaker 1: become a mum. You're like you become weirdly okay with
Speaker 1: every single bodily function that happens because it just happens
Speaker 1: without you being able to have any control, partly by
Speaker 1: yourself but also from your own kids. It's like when
Speaker 1: you see kids drop something. I remember, like I've seen
Speaker 1: kids drop their food what they're eating, like it might
Speaker 1: be watermelon or something on the ground. Their mum just
Speaker 1: picks it up, then they lick it clean, and then
Speaker 1: I give it back to them, and I'm like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: like you'll suck a dummy. I mean, maybe not a watermelon.
Speaker 1: I don't think I would suck my kid's watermelon, but
Speaker 1: I would like pick up Lola's dummy, suck the dummy,
Speaker 1: and then give it to her. So it's fine for
Speaker 1: me to suck what's been in the gutter, but it's
Speaker 1: not okay for Lola to suck what's been in the gutter.
Speaker 1: You've got immunity, You've had a lot of things in
Speaker 1: your mouth. Like even this is not the gross story,
Speaker 1: but like yesterday, like Lola was sucking on a lamb
Speaker 1: chop and then I was like, oh, there's still plenty
Speaker 1: of meat left on that. So when then I ate
Speaker 1: the lamb chop. Hang on, is that you like five
Speaker 1: months old? What five month old? It's a lamb chop.
Speaker 1: She's seven months. I'm not doing puraid food anymore. I'm
Speaker 1: doing this thing called baby lead weeding, where you just
Speaker 1: give them like pieces of food and they baby Basically,
Speaker 1: I'm like ready for her to move out of home.
Speaker 1: You just let them feed themselves. I've signed her into university. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she doesn't chew on the lamb shop, she just sucks
Speaker 1: on it. So, Okay, that's not what I did. That
Speaker 1: was gross. But every time that I think maybe she's
Speaker 1: done a pooh, I'll pick her up and smell her butt,
Speaker 1: right Like, I'll put her butt into my face and
Speaker 1: smell it. That is logical, makes sense. I'm here for that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So it's like you get very close to your child's
Speaker 1: butt to try and figure out whether they've done a
Speaker 1: pool or not. You could always just like maybe pull
Speaker 1: the back of their pants, like you know, or lift
Speaker 1: the back of the nappy out so you can check
Speaker 1: in there. But no, I like to like really immerse,
Speaker 1: like think about like putting your face into freshly washed
Speaker 1: sheets and being like a I do that, but into
Speaker 1: my child's ass. So okay, yesterday she was in the
Speaker 1: hard chair and she had obviously done a poop. Not
Speaker 1: only had she done a pooh, I like watched her
Speaker 1: grunt and groan and do the pooh. Then I kind
Speaker 1: of forgot the that's what she'd done, And a little
Speaker 1: while later I was like, oh, has she done a pooh?
Speaker 1: So I picked her up. I slammed my face into
Speaker 1: her butt with a semi open mouth and got a
Speaker 1: full mouthful of poo that had come through her pants.
Speaker 1: And at the time I was like, wow, that is
Speaker 1: so beyond gross. And then I was also like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's fine, whatever, where's the are you trying to tell me?
Speaker 1: There was physical, physically pooh on your face, on your lips.
Speaker 1: It was like, okay, imagine if you were to get
Speaker 1: a type of wet cheese, or okay, what's like a
Speaker 1: wet cheese, like cottage cheese, cottage cheese, and you're going
Speaker 1: to put it in a light weight material and you're
Speaker 1: going to drain the cottage cheese. It was like that,
Speaker 1: but it was pooh in my ants, in a nappy,
Speaker 1: and it came out of her pants and into my mouth,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I have hit the part of
Speaker 1: being a mum that is just so fut Like my
Speaker 1: barometer for what is gross is so far gone now
Speaker 1: that I don't think it's ever coming back. You literally
Speaker 1: ate shit, Yeah, you're inhaled and you so so hang on,
Speaker 1: let me get this straight. Lola gets a lamb chop
Speaker 1: and you get shit. Welcome to lockdown in the Johnson household.
Speaker 1: Laura's eating shit, and Mad's dress enough in women's clothes.
Speaker 1: It's been a big week.
Speaker 2: Guys.
Speaker 1: You know what I feel you on like a certain level,
Speaker 1: and I feel like I can relate, not in terms
Speaker 1: of kids, but when you're working with elderly especially and
Speaker 1: in a hospital, in an emergency department, like we see
Speaker 1: a lot and a lot of stuff goes down in
Speaker 1: our rooms with a lot of patients, And at the start,
Speaker 1: there were things that would have grossed me out. Ten
Speaker 1: years later, somebody could just like do a big shit
Speaker 1: on the table and you don't even blink an eye.
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, well, better get you back out and
Speaker 1: clean that up. Like it's just it just becomes I
Speaker 1: get what you mean, It becomes normal. But I can say,
Speaker 1: even after thirteen years an emergency I've never eaten a
Speaker 1: shit so you win, no, But it's like it's like
Speaker 1: your exposure. I mean, we talk about this in like
Speaker 1: toxic relationships. Whatever you've been exposed to on repetition, you
Speaker 1: become desensitized too. I am decent sensitized to how disgusting
Speaker 1: my children are now and how disgusting I have become
Speaker 1: because of my children. Put it that way, I don't
Speaker 1: even know where to go from here because you've just
Speaker 1: made me vomit a little bit in my mouth. We
Speaker 1: were trying to figure out what we were going to
Speaker 1: talk about in the intro of this episode, and just
Speaker 1: so you guys know, we have a freaking awesome episode
Speaker 1: for you today. We have been talking about doing an
Speaker 1: episode on open relationships for ages and now we are
Speaker 1: not the oracles of open relationships, like Britain and I
Speaker 1: have never experienced an open relationship because we're too fucking jealous.
Speaker 1: I'm lucky that I've even had a closed relationship after
Speaker 1: ten years of being single. BRIT's just happy to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship. Look, I had an open relationship with
Speaker 1: a couple of my exes, except I didn't realize the
Speaker 1: time they were just sleeping with other people. Then it
Speaker 1: was open for them. So we actually we had an
Speaker 1: awesome chick on the podcast. Her name is Bianca is Melovski,
Speaker 1: and I just want to preface this conversation by saying
Speaker 1: that for starters, this is just her experience of an
Speaker 1: open relationship. She's pretty new to it as well. She's
Speaker 1: been with her partner for a year now. They have
Speaker 1: been navigating what non monogamy looks like for them, So
Speaker 1: obviously there are still lots of this conversation that she
Speaker 1: is working at herself. But it was so interesting to
Speaker 1: sit down and talk to someone who is doing relationships
Speaker 1: fundamentally differently to what we have been taught is like
Speaker 1: the normal or the right or the traditional way to
Speaker 1: do a relationship. And it really kind of rocked some
Speaker 1: of my own and I when I say rocked, I
Speaker 1: don't mean like it didn't make me feel uncomfortable by
Speaker 1: any means, but it really made me think about why
Speaker 1: sometimes we have this like judgment or we think like,
Speaker 1: oh I could never do that, or that's like you know,
Speaker 1: I'd get too jealous, or like that's a bit strange.
Speaker 1: It really made me think about my own prejudice and
Speaker 1: where that comes from, my own judgments about other people's
Speaker 1: relationships and where it comes from, and this real concept
Speaker 1: of just because something doesn't suit you doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: somebody else isn't so happy in that environment and in
Speaker 1: that relationship. And yeah, I mean you guys will hear
Speaker 1: it from the conversation. Like Bianca is so in love
Speaker 1: with her boyfriend Tiger. They are super super happy and
Speaker 1: they have a very different type of connection because they're
Speaker 1: navigating an open relationship. I was so like everything you said.
Speaker 1: I agree. I was so into this episode and I
Speaker 1: could have spoken to Bianka for so long. I had
Speaker 1: so many questions. And also she's so funny. I think
Speaker 1: you guys, I can't imagine any of you are not
Speaker 1: going to love this episode. I just think, regardless of
Speaker 1: if you're curious about how to broach the subject of
Speaker 1: an open relationship with your partner, if you're single and
Speaker 1: just curious in general, or maybe you're really happy in
Speaker 1: a monogamous relationship, there really is something for everyone. Because
Speaker 1: Bianchor is so funny, it is so interesting and I
Speaker 1: was literally on the edge of my seat the whole time.
Speaker 1: So I really do think you all are gonna enjoy it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And you know what, There's actually a couple of other
Speaker 1: things in this that we touch on as well. Bianca
Speaker 1: has been sober for two years now, so we touch
Speaker 1: on a conversation around sobriety. But the other big thing
Speaker 1: about this is we get so many questions that come
Speaker 1: in from ask on Cut about open relationships, Like I
Speaker 1: cannot tell you the amount of women and men who
Speaker 1: write to us who have contemplated what it would look
Speaker 1: like or how they would navigate opening up their relationship.
Speaker 1: And the thing that's so interesting about Bianca's experience is
Speaker 1: that she was married before and she trialed an open
Speaker 1: relationship with her husband as a way of salvaging the relationship.
Speaker 1: And her views on that is something that was really
Speaker 1: interesting to me because I think a lot of times
Speaker 1: in the conversations and the questions that come in for
Speaker 1: us have always been around like, our sex life isn't
Speaker 1: that interesting? Maybe, you know me and my partner sex
Speaker 1: life isn't that interesting. Maybe we should open up our
Speaker 1: relationship to satisfy that urge that we have or satisfied
Speaker 1: those needs and wants. And Bianca's experience of that and
Speaker 1: she has navigated that in her past relationship is a
Speaker 1: really interesting experience. So I'm so excited to get into this.
Speaker 1: I think you guys are going to enjoy it. But yes, Brittany,
Speaker 1: before we do, there's more things we need to cover. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to ask you something, and it's something that
Speaker 1: I've been trying to think about myself. It was something
Speaker 1: that I read from some over in the news here
Speaker 1: in America. There was some Bachelor and Paradise American Bachelor
Speaker 1: in Paradise alumni, a couple. I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: heard of them. His name is Dean Unglert and I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. And her name
Speaker 1: is Caylin Miller Keys. Now, she's very, very popular. You
Speaker 1: would have seen her around the media. I'd certainly have not.
Speaker 1: I am like the worst person when it comes to
Speaker 1: anybody who is famous. I know who Brad Pitters. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, he's at the US Open final right now.
Speaker 1: He's so hot. I'm that annoying friend when people are like, hey,
Speaker 1: do you know who this actress is or actor is,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, I don't know it, and They're like,
Speaker 1: what do you mean It's George Clooney And I'm like
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know who that is. Can you
Speaker 1: show George who? Can you show me a photo? It's
Speaker 1: just because like names and faces don't match up in
Speaker 1: my mind. So yes, anyway, continue totally irrelevant to the story. No,
Speaker 1: in all honesty, I'm like that too. I've got to
Speaker 1: see somebody's face to know, Like I won't know a name,
Speaker 1: and that's the same with songs and stuff like that. Anyway,
Speaker 1: we're getting off track. What I want to ask you
Speaker 1: is this couple have come out and said that they've
Speaker 1: been together for a year or two. He cannot say
Speaker 1: the L word. He cannot say love. He refuses to
Speaker 1: say that he loves her, even though he loves her.
Speaker 1: He's just got something against the love word. So they've
Speaker 1: come out in this interview and said, oh, yeah, we
Speaker 1: just are in a relationship where we don't say we
Speaker 1: love each other. What I want to know from you is,
Speaker 1: do you think A. Do you think this is weird? B?
Speaker 1: Could you be in a relationship if the person could
Speaker 1: never tell you they love you? Ah? So the thing is,
Speaker 1: you know they love you, and you know that you
Speaker 1: love them, but you're not allowed to tell each other.
Speaker 1: And because he doesn't like to hear it either, so
Speaker 1: she can't say it back to him. So they have
Speaker 1: to have this relationship where they know that each other
Speaker 1: love each other because you know, you know the way
Speaker 1: you feel with each other, you know the way you act,
Speaker 1: you know the things you do for each other, but
Speaker 1: they can never say the word could you be in
Speaker 1: that relationship? Okay? Like I think that there are some
Speaker 1: very unusual factors here, and like I'm gonna say, yes,
Speaker 1: it is a bit weird. They need therapy. There is
Speaker 1: always a counselor that you can reach out to. No,
Speaker 1: but like I'm sure there's somebody who's listening to this
Speaker 1: who hearing I love you makes them feel uncomfortable, just
Speaker 1: like compliments make people feel uncomfortable. I would really strugg
Speaker 1: if we hadn't unpacked the like what's going on? You know,
Speaker 1: Like if we had sat down had conversations around why
Speaker 1: he feels uncomfortable using the word I love you? Like
Speaker 1: what is it about that that like it no longer
Speaker 1: kind of develops a deeper connection but actually makes him
Speaker 1: close off. I would need to better understand the why,
Speaker 1: and I think then maybe I would be okay. But
Speaker 1: I think that reassurance with being in love can come
Speaker 1: in so many different ways. There is also like, there's
Speaker 1: so many relationships where people say the word I love
Speaker 1: you over and over again, but the actions don't meet up.
Speaker 1: And I would much rather be in a relationship with
Speaker 1: someone who struggles to say I love you but shows
Speaker 1: me every day in their actions and in other ways.
Speaker 1: And well, we all know about love languages, and if
Speaker 1: you don't, you can go listen to that episode. But
Speaker 1: I think that there are much more important ways of
Speaker 1: showing someone that they love you. And I do think
Speaker 1: that words can be super vacuous and they can almost
Speaker 1: just be used as filler. So if my partner really
Speaker 1: struggled with the word I love you, it would be
Speaker 1: challenging for me, but it's not a deal breaker necessarily,
Speaker 1: I agree. So I don't think I could be with
Speaker 1: someone for my entire life, like marriage, kids, everything, every
Speaker 1: day and never hear I love you from them. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I could do it. I'm pretty big
Speaker 1: on the words of affirmation and time and things like that,
Speaker 1: but and I know I'd be all right for a
Speaker 1: little while, But eternity is a long time to not
Speaker 1: hear the word I love you, and I thought this
Speaker 1: was going to be a real rarity, right. So I
Speaker 1: was talking to Jordan and some of the other boys
Speaker 1: because I always run these questions by them because I
Speaker 1: want to get I want to get a feel for it,
Speaker 1: and I thought it was gonna be really rare. One
Speaker 1: of the guys said, oh, that my sister's like that.
Speaker 1: She's been in a relationship, she's got two kids. They
Speaker 1: don't tell each other they love each other. He's never
Speaker 1: told her and I said never, like never, and he's like, no, never,
Speaker 1: But they know that they love each other. I am
Speaker 1: wondering how common this is, so I want to I
Speaker 1: wanted to ask you, but I want to put a
Speaker 1: little pole out as well. I want you guys to
Speaker 1: tell us if you are in a relationship now or
Speaker 1: you have been in a relationship before where you can't
Speaker 1: and you won't for whatever reason, tell each other you
Speaker 1: love each other just out of curiosity. You'll always say anonymous.
Speaker 1: But I just want to know how common it is.
Speaker 1: Do you know? It's something I think I would struggle with.
Speaker 1: And this is like a bigger thing to unpack. Obviously,
Speaker 1: not everybody has kids, and not everybody even wants kids.
Speaker 1: But I would really struggle being with someone who can't
Speaker 1: use the words I love you, because I would kind
Speaker 1: of worry about would they be able to say it
Speaker 1: to our children? What impact does that have on children
Speaker 1: if they've never heard I love you before from their parents,
Speaker 1: because it's something that their parents struggle with. Like that
Speaker 1: would be the hardest thing for me, because I would
Speaker 1: worry that there would be some deficit in my kids
Speaker 1: and in their experience of having a loving relationship with
Speaker 1: their parents. But I'm sure there's lots of people out
Speaker 1: there whose parents maybe weren't very verbal in the way
Speaker 1: that they said I love you, but they were really
Speaker 1: physical and really attentive in other ways showing I love you.
Speaker 1: So this almost links so perfectly into the conversation with Bianca.
Speaker 1: What works for one relationship doesn't necessarily work for another one.
Speaker 1: And just because it's weird to you or weird to
Speaker 1: us doesn't mean that that relationship isn't completely healthy and happy.
Speaker 1: And so I think checking yourself of judgment, which is
Speaker 1: what this whole episode is about. What a perfect little
Speaker 1: tie in that you did not mean to make. None
Speaker 1: they came out and said like they came out and said,
Speaker 1: we're so happy, he's so romantic. I do all this
Speaker 1: stuff for him, he does this for me. We have
Speaker 1: so much great time. They've got a great relationship. It's
Speaker 1: got nothing to do with that. I just want to know.
Speaker 1: I just when I first read it, I was just like,
Speaker 1: maybe because for me, I reckon, I tell I'm a
Speaker 1: very verbal, very affectionate person. I reckon, I tell Jordan
Speaker 1: I love him. And I'm not exaggerating. This isn't exaggerating.
Speaker 1: I reckon, And it'd have to be for fifty times
Speaker 1: a day, or maybe you're just a little bit more
Speaker 1: needy than most. No, but like we say it in
Speaker 1: a way, he'll do it as well. We'll say it
Speaker 1: in a way like I'll get up off the lounge
Speaker 1: from a movie to go to and get a drink,
Speaker 1: and I'll be like, do you want anything, and He'll
Speaker 1: be like, num, right, and I'll be like, okay, love you, Katie,
Speaker 1: And then we just say love you all day and
Speaker 1: we just I'm just going to the fridge and I'm
Speaker 1: back in two minutes. I think that that's normal as well.
Speaker 1: Like I do that with Matt too, to be honest,
Speaker 1: Like I say I love you, and that's words that
Speaker 1: have said so free flowing in our household, like I
Speaker 1: love you as said a ridiculous amount of times in
Speaker 1: a day. But do you know what I think that
Speaker 1: there's sometimes when you say I love you and you
Speaker 1: mean it on a much deeper level than like the
Speaker 1: super if you're saying I love you and you're just
Speaker 1: getting up to the fridge, Laura, I mean it when
Speaker 1: I go to the fridge, I mean it. But what
Speaker 1: I mean is is like sometimes it can take on
Speaker 1: a more superficial meaning because in that moment, yes, of
Speaker 1: course you do love him, but you don't mean it
Speaker 1: with like a deep level of connection. You're just saying
Speaker 1: it as like the nice thing to say when you
Speaker 1: leave to remind them, whereas like there would definitely be
Speaker 1: times when you and Jordan would have more intense conversations
Speaker 1: and that I love yous are much more meaningful. Oh
Speaker 1: you should see it when I go to the oven.
Speaker 1: I just want to get serious. Okay, guys, you know that,
Speaker 1: like we're going to get into that accidentally unfiltered, and
Speaker 1: that is your most embarrassing stories where you write them
Speaker 1: into us so we all laugh at them to get
Speaker 1: the collectively individually big old life, uncut family that we are,
Speaker 1: and we have some doozies for you today. Actually mine
Speaker 1: is so like, it's so wholesome. Okay, that's great because
Speaker 1: mine always rank okay. So sometimes I don't know if
Speaker 1: these are actually funny or if they're just gross and
Speaker 1: I'm just a sick and that mixes the two up
Speaker 1: and here we go. Okay, guys, So I never ever
Speaker 1: cancel plans. I hate to cancel on people. A few
Speaker 1: years ago, I was so excited for a date with
Speaker 1: this guy. I really liked him. I was upset as
Speaker 1: I woke up with gastro or food poison. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure which one, but I had like hardcore, hectic, explosive diarrhea.
Speaker 1: I thought I would be fine if I went to
Speaker 1: the toilet all day, shat it all out, and by night,
Speaker 1: maybe i'd be good to go. I just didn't want
Speaker 1: to miss this date. I felt great all afternoon, so
Speaker 1: I was like, this is all in order, The date
Speaker 1: is going ahead. We went to a really nice sinner
Speaker 1: and when he went up to go to the toilet,
Speaker 1: I desperately needed to fart. The date was going so well,
Speaker 1: so I thought I would rip a fart off now
Speaker 1: while we're gone before he got back, and holy shit,
Speaker 1: I shat my fucking pants. I went to the toilet
Speaker 1: and I literally had to scoop out the poo. It
Speaker 1: was so gross. It wasn't a little squirt, it was
Speaker 1: a whole pooh. I thought I would be able to
Speaker 1: get through the rest of the dinner without him noticing.
Speaker 1: But a few minutes after we sat back down, he
Speaker 1: started to complain that someone nearby kept fighting and dropping bombs.
Speaker 1: I told him I fell. Oh, well, called an uber
Speaker 1: ran home. I never saw him. I can I can't.
Speaker 1: All I want to know is, once you have had
Speaker 1: to scoop the pooh out of your pants, how did
Speaker 1: you think he was not going to notice that? How
Speaker 1: did you think you could scoop back into the dinner
Speaker 1: at a nice, romantic restaurant and him not noticed that
Speaker 1: there was shit in your pants. My mouth is open,
Speaker 1: like literally just wide open like it was the other day.
Speaker 1: I am shook. No, Okay, if this happens, you have
Speaker 1: to throw your underwear away, right, Like, that's what you do.
Speaker 1: You run to the bathroom, you throw your nickers away.
Speaker 1: But then does it get into your pants? You cannot
Speaker 1: scoop that out. There is no amount of scooping you
Speaker 1: could ever do to have a clean enough pair of
Speaker 1: undies to go back to a date. Once you shut
Speaker 1: your paints, like girl, you got to go home. I mean,
Speaker 1: I feel like all adults have been in a situation
Speaker 1: where they've accidentally pooed themselves before, Like this has happened,
Speaker 1: This happens to everyone. I accidentally puod myself at work
Speaker 1: once when I thought it was going to be a fart,
Speaker 1: and it certainly was not. It was a real low
Speaker 1: light in my life that No, there's been lower, there's
Speaker 1: been lower. You've told me. I'm giving you my accidentally
Speaker 1: unfiltered okay, and it's wholesome and it's nice, and we're
Speaker 1: not going to end this episode talking about shit. So
Speaker 1: I just finished a night shift this morning, and I
Speaker 1: got home and I saw an email saying that my
Speaker 1: parssa was coming today. So I wrote a little note
Speaker 1: to my post he saying I'm sleeping after a night shift.
Speaker 1: Please don't knock pop through the side gate and leave
Speaker 1: it on the table in the fresco area, please. I've
Speaker 1: done this plenty of times before and they always do it,
Speaker 1: which is so nice to the postman. Then, being a
Speaker 1: really cold morning, I popped the heater on in my
Speaker 1: room and the electric blanket. I had a shower, so
Speaker 1: it would be perfect to come back. So I came
Speaker 1: back in, turned the heater off, and I snuggled up
Speaker 1: under my nice warm sheets. Only I actually forgot to
Speaker 1: turn the heater off when I got into bed, so
Speaker 1: I woke up in fluffy winter pjs under three blankets
Speaker 1: with an electric heater on and the heater on sweating
Speaker 1: like crazy. So I stripped all my clothes off and
Speaker 1: went to put them in the dirty clothes basket. To
Speaker 1: have a shower. I went into the laundry, which is
Speaker 1: on the other side of my house. And just as
Speaker 1: I threw all my clothes into the laundry basket while
Speaker 1: standing one hundred percent naked, sweaty, and just woke up
Speaker 1: from a post night shift sleep, the postman walks directly
Speaker 1: past the glass laundry door, stops for a few seconds,
Speaker 1: looks me up and down, looks me dead in the eye,
Speaker 1: and then says, do you still want me to put
Speaker 1: the parcel on the back table. She's like, no, just
Speaker 1: give it to me, leave please. Also, I just love
Speaker 1: that she looked like she's just had wild sex, like
Speaker 1: sweaty hair, toussled or clammy and just nude making eye
Speaker 1: contact with the DHL men. What would you do? What
Speaker 1: would you do if you were the host? Do you
Speaker 1: pretend like you didn't see and just carry on or
Speaker 1: do you acknowledge I'd fiss pump it? At least one
Speaker 1: of us is getting some all right, guys, that is
Speaker 1: well and truly it from us. We are going to
Speaker 1: get into this interview with Bianca. We hope that you
Speaker 1: enjoy this episode. We hope that it answers some of
Speaker 1: your questions around open relationships. But like we said, it's
Speaker 1: also just a little insight into one person's relationship and
Speaker 1: how they navigate open relationships, so it doesn't come with
Speaker 1: all the answers, but it's definitely very interesting. Guys. We
Speaker 1: have such a great interview for you today. We are
Speaker 1: interviewing Biyankezmlovski and she is a comedian and actress and
Speaker 1: also a podcaster from the podcast damselnd Distress, who we
Speaker 1: have asked to join us today to share her journey,
Speaker 1: her relationship journey, and what it's like to be in
Speaker 1: a non monogamous relationship. Now, when we first talked about
Speaker 1: open relationships on Ask on Cut a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: we had so many of you slide on into our
Speaker 1: dms and tell us that we had to get Bianca
Speaker 1: onto the podcast. And now has already said that she
Speaker 1: is not the oracle on open relationships. This is just
Speaker 1: her personal experience, but we are going to be asking
Speaker 1: her all the nitty gritty, the ins and outs of
Speaker 1: what it is to be and to live in an
Speaker 1: open relationship. Bianca, Welcome to life on Cut. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Apparently it's just not talked about enough. So I'm the
Speaker 3: go to persons. The crown is heavy upon my head
Speaker 3: before we.
Speaker 1: Get into unpacking what it is like and how you
Speaker 1: navigate this. Do you have an embarrassing story for us?
Speaker 3: I had to rack my brains because I'm not an
Speaker 3: embarrassing person.
Speaker 1: But we can't all be so blessed.
Speaker 3: Oh I don't know either. I find I've just embarrassed
Speaker 3: myself on the rag and it's hard to pick one
Speaker 3: or if I just yeah, am that unself aware? Okay,
Speaker 3: So I'm sober. I'm over two years sober.
Speaker 1: Congratulations, I saw that.
Speaker 3: Thank you. So this is a story that happened before that.
Speaker 1: This is why you were two years sober off.
Speaker 3: This is a pretty clear indication as to why I
Speaker 3: had to stop drinking. So I accidentally booty called my boss.
Speaker 1: But was it an accident? This is the question.
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, it absolutely was an accident. So I must
Speaker 3: have been like twenty four twenty five at the time,
Speaker 3: and I worked for a surgeon who was like well
Speaker 3: into his fifties and in a very long term relationship.
Speaker 3: Like I'm not into him. I'm not into him, there's
Speaker 3: no basis for this to happen. But I was cooking
Speaker 3: up with some guy at the time, and I was
Speaker 3: drunk at laundry bar, and I decided to booty text
Speaker 3: and booty call this guy. And I pull out my
Speaker 3: phone and I start sending the text like hey you up.
Speaker 3: Like I don't know if I did say you up.
Speaker 3: I don't know what I said, but I remember it
Speaker 3: was like not it wasn't super a full on booty
Speaker 3: call text, but it was like ambiguity, like it could be,
Speaker 3: but it couldn't be. But the time stamp of three
Speaker 3: am is pretty clear.
Speaker 1: That it was three am. Spoke otherwise, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3: So I'm sending a message. Now, I'm quite drunk at
Speaker 3: the time, and I'm looking at the messages from before,
Speaker 3: and I see that their work related, Like I can,
Speaker 3: I can drunkenly make that out. And I remember at
Speaker 3: the time being like, why was I texting this guy
Speaker 3: about what? Like that was my thought. I'm not Oh,
Speaker 3: maybe I have the wrong number, maybe you're in the
Speaker 3: wrong message thread. No, I was just like, that's so weird,
Speaker 3: that's so random.
Speaker 1: So how many times did you text your boss at
Speaker 1: three am in the morning or did it go from
Speaker 1: texting and progresses to calling.
Speaker 3: I think it was a couple of texts and then
Speaker 3: I just went up the top to do the call,
Speaker 3: didn't get an answer, ended up just going home and
Speaker 3: thankfully passing out, and uh, you know, not having access
Speaker 3: to my phone because I was asleep. But then I
Speaker 3: woke up at like, you know, six in the morning,
Speaker 3: which just like dread of being like that fucking guy
Speaker 3: never text me back, Like already I was slumming it
Speaker 3: with this guy right like he was punched. So the
Speaker 3: fact that he wouldn't get back to me was like
Speaker 3: offensive to my ego.
Speaker 1: Why haven't you responded?
Speaker 3: I'm a tenth yeah, exactly, like give me thanking God
Speaker 3: that I would even bother sliding into your DMS kind
Speaker 3: of thing. So yeah, then I pick up my phone
Speaker 3: to be like oh Betty, Like Betty got back to
Speaker 3: me later, you know, just to like allay my concerns.
Speaker 3: You're still hot. People want you pick up my phone.
Speaker 3: He never texted me back, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: did I even text him? And then I see my
Speaker 3: recent text and I realized that I've texted my boss,
Speaker 3: and I want to die. I want to crawl into
Speaker 3: a hole. And like at that point, it was so
Speaker 3: obvious that I tried to foody text him.
Speaker 1: So then you obviously just sent in your resignation.
Speaker 3: Oh. I literally was like I could get fired for this, right,
Speaker 3: Like I don't know what the grounds would dismiss a lot,
Speaker 3: but this seems pretty on the money, and I just
Speaker 3: had to come clean. And I just said like, hey,
Speaker 3: that wasn't meant for you. And then like he just
Speaker 3: never texted me back for the whole day, So I
Speaker 3: was like great, And when I went into work on
Speaker 3: the Monday, thankfully, he thought it was hilarious. He told
Speaker 3: everyone about it and I didn't get fired, which was
Speaker 3: the good thing. But the bad thing is that I
Speaker 3: did it again another time. But I think intentionally, I
Speaker 3: don't know, I can't you know what, I don't drink anymore.
Speaker 3: And that's the moral of the story.
Speaker 1: Wait, you did it again to the same boss.
Speaker 2: Yes, But I think I feel like that there was
Speaker 2: this some like deep seated suppressed and you didn't even
Speaker 2: realize that you had like this attachment to him, and
Speaker 2: you're like, I'm just gonna text Daddy now, and then
Speaker 2: you're like, oh shit, that's my fifty year old boss.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I literally think I might have daddy issues. Like That's
Speaker 3: where I'm thinking about, is there some issue in there
Speaker 3: that has some deep seated, unrooted, subconscious issue that I'm
Speaker 3: unaware of? But yeah, no, I think I did it
Speaker 3: that time. The second time sort of like as a joke,
Speaker 3: like winking at it like hah Yeah. The first time
Speaker 3: definitely an accident. The second time, I don't know. It's
Speaker 3: very wishy washy, and I that is more embarrassing.
Speaker 1: We are so I'm speaking on behalf of law and myself,
Speaker 1: but and our listeners. We're so excited to be speaking
Speaker 1: to you today because I feel like open relationships are
Speaker 1: something that everyone is curious about. And they might not
Speaker 1: be curious in terms of they want to try it,
Speaker 1: but they're just curious as to literally, how does it work,
Speaker 1: how do you navigate this? What problems are? So we
Speaker 1: just have so many things to ask you before we
Speaker 1: get into the questions around open relationships. Bianca, you just
Speaker 1: touched on something and I'm so interested to know the
Speaker 1: reasoning why behind it. But you mentioned that you've done
Speaker 1: two years now sober, and I think that that's such
Speaker 1: a huge thing. We don't really talk about much, like
Speaker 1: what was your reasoning for wanting to be sober? And
Speaker 1: why have you not touched a drink in two years?
Speaker 3: You had me talk about me drunk texting my bus.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, but we've all done that. Come on, we've
Speaker 1: been there. No. I think, like you know, it's a
Speaker 1: big decision to make, and loads of people have like
Speaker 1: small amounts of drinking regret. I think that it's part
Speaker 1: of our current culture that it's okay to get blind
Speaker 1: drunk and do silly things, and we all think about
Speaker 1: it as being funny, But it's not that often that
Speaker 1: you hear about people who've taken a full stance. I'm
Speaker 1: going Okay, I don't like the person I am when
Speaker 1: I'm drinking, so I'm not going to do anymore. And
Speaker 1: I think it's interesting that we have someone and can
Speaker 1: ask like the reasoning behind that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally. I didn't like the person that I was
Speaker 3: when I was drinking. I never did. I never liked her.
Speaker 3: I was fully aware of that fact that I disliked
Speaker 3: my drunk self. I hated the way I felt the
Speaker 3: next day. I regretted so many of my decisions. It
Speaker 3: really made me feel like shit. But it was also
Speaker 3: sort of like a part of my identity being this
Speaker 3: like sloppy, drunk party girl. So while I hated her,
Speaker 3: it was also sort of like who I was. And
Speaker 3: as I got older, I'd always just sort of thought
Speaker 3: the drinking would calm down. I was like, you know,
Speaker 3: at some point, I will be like a sophisticated woman
Speaker 3: that takes a bottle of wine to a dinner party
Speaker 3: with friends, not a cask of goon to a backyard party. Like,
Speaker 3: at some point that will change, and it just it
Speaker 3: never did. If anything, it just got worse and worse
Speaker 3: and worse. Someone my husband at the time sort of
Speaker 3: alerted me to the fact that he didn't really like
Speaker 3: my drinking, and I think once I then became aware
Speaker 3: of it and try, I had to stop it, or
Speaker 3: started realizing how much it actually was affecting me in
Speaker 3: my life. I realized that it was harder to quit
Speaker 3: than I thought, and I didn't have as much of
Speaker 3: a handle on it as I thought because I liked drinking,
Speaker 3: so I never needed to stop or needed to slow down.
Speaker 3: But when you become aware of just how miserable it
Speaker 3: makes you, and you decide, oh, well, I'm just going
Speaker 3: to cut back. I can do that. That's easy, and
Speaker 3: then you realize that you can't. That was really hard.
Speaker 3: And I tried for about a year to moderate, and
Speaker 3: it just really kicked me down. And eventually I found
Speaker 3: a way that I could, you know, I just I
Speaker 3: had one hangover way too many. And I woke up
Speaker 3: one day and I picked up this book called This
Speaker 3: Naked Mind by Annie Grace. And I didn't go into
Speaker 3: it thinking that I was going to stop drinking. I
Speaker 3: just thought it was going to help me maybe cut back.
Speaker 3: And I read the book within two days and I've
Speaker 3: never touched alcohol since. It just gave me the freedom.
Speaker 3: I just realized that I could actually live a happy
Speaker 3: life without it, And yeah, I will never go back.
Speaker 3: I have no intention of drinking every again. It just
Speaker 3: made me so miserable and I'm such a better person
Speaker 3: without it.
Speaker 1: So you just never found that you did you try
Speaker 1: to monitor and like maintain your drinking and just think, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll just go and have one one tonight, did you
Speaker 1: and it just didn't work for you?
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, it didn't work for me. The thing is
Speaker 3: like drinking heavily did not work for me, Like it
Speaker 3: made me miserable. But then when you are a drinker,
Speaker 3: sobriety is sold to us as like a really hard
Speaker 3: road that you're just like white knuckling it. And I
Speaker 3: did not want that life. I just thought that sobriety
Speaker 3: equaled misery. So I was like, that's not an option
Speaker 3: for me. So I've got to find some middle ground, right,
Speaker 3: And so I would do these things of like I'm
Speaker 3: only going to drink two days a week, or I'm
Speaker 3: going to go out for three beers and like stop
Speaker 3: it three But that is substantially harder than just not
Speaker 3: drinking at all, because you really are monitoring. Like I
Speaker 3: would go to a party wanting to have fun, but
Speaker 3: all I'm doing is sitting there being like, well, when
Speaker 3: can I have my next dream call like don't have
Speaker 3: too many? Or the night you'd get away from me,
Speaker 3: and then the next day I'd wake up feeling like shit,
Speaker 3: Like it never occurred to me that just like going
Speaker 3: to the party and not drinking is actually a freer
Speaker 3: way to be than having to try and monitor what
Speaker 3: you're doing. And so, yeah, it didn't work because I
Speaker 3: don't think it. I don't think it does.
Speaker 1: So I'm so impressed by this. And we've spoken about
Speaker 1: this in a very small capacity on the podcast before,
Speaker 1: because I know in my younger years it's something that
Speaker 1: I really struggled with, Like I was a real party drinker,
Speaker 1: and as you said, it was a huge part of
Speaker 1: my identity. I was the one that would go out
Speaker 1: get like fucking blind drunk, couldn't remember stuff, and people
Speaker 1: would be like, oh, silly, Laura, Like it was almost
Speaker 1: like a bit expected, And I guess it wasn't until
Speaker 1: I became a little bit older that I realized actually,
Speaker 1: when you're in your twenties, you can have a drinking problem.
Speaker 1: It's not just like a fun party problem. And it
Speaker 1: was only something that I became more aware of as
Speaker 1: I kind of got into my thirties and got into
Speaker 1: a serious relationship, became a mom, and I look back
Speaker 1: on that part of my life and I go, oh wow,
Speaker 1: I had really had a problem with alcohol. So I
Speaker 1: find that a really interesting conversation, especially when there's other
Speaker 1: you know, women or people out there who have decided
Speaker 1: to take a full road of sobriety and the choices
Speaker 1: behind doing that. We just took a totally different little
Speaker 1: side of it there. But we wanted to talk to
Speaker 1: you about open relationships. You wanted to talk to you
Speaker 1: how you navigate your relationship. We threw out the platform
Speaker 1: to our listeners and we asked, you know, whatever questions
Speaker 1: they have to ask, and I tell you there was
Speaker 1: an absolute truckload. But before we get into asking you
Speaker 1: all the questions that come from them, firstly, can you
Speaker 1: give us a little bit of information around like your history.
Speaker 1: You said that you were married before, what was your
Speaker 1: relationship pass like and how did you get into the
Speaker 1: relationship that you're in now?
Speaker 3: Mmmmm, yeah, that is a that's a hell of a tale.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I was married. I got married when I
Speaker 3: was twenty six, and I look back on it now.
Speaker 3: Like my ex husband, he's a lovely person, lovely person,
Speaker 3: but I definitely was getting married for the wrong reasons.
Speaker 3: I met him at a time that I was at
Speaker 3: my lowest, particularly when it came to drugs and alcohol use.
Speaker 3: He met me at a time when I really felt unlovable,
Speaker 3: and I ended up sort of just finding value in
Speaker 3: myself by being valued by someone else, and so I
Speaker 3: just wanted to hold onto that feeling. And I guess
Speaker 3: society just makes every girl believe that they're going to
Speaker 3: grow up one day and they're going to get married
Speaker 3: and have children, and I just thought that that was
Speaker 3: my destiny. So yeah, I got married, and that's fine
Speaker 3: for some people. Absolutely. I think people think that I'm like,
Speaker 3: at this huge crusader against marriage, but I'm not. It's
Speaker 3: just that I made that decision again when I was
Speaker 3: at a really low point in my life, and then
Speaker 3: I got sober and I realized that I became more
Speaker 3: of my own self and the woman that I am
Speaker 3: is not someone that wants to be married. I am
Speaker 3: more of an independent person. That lifestyle isn't actually something
Speaker 3: that I would choose for myself. I was sort of
Speaker 3: just like pushed into it, I guess, and so so
Speaker 3: the pandemic didn't help.
Speaker 1: It doesn't help a lot of things, Like I think.
Speaker 3: A pandemic really makes you realize like, holy shit, is
Speaker 3: this what I want? Like when you're trapped in a
Speaker 3: house and you have no outside distraction and it's just
Speaker 3: like this is your life, You're like, Okay, shit, I
Speaker 3: don't want this life. Yeah, my husband and I both
Speaker 3: we went through a really rough time during the pandemic
Speaker 3: in the first lockdown, then for the before the second
Speaker 3: one started. In that break in between, we had decided
Speaker 3: that maybe we should try an open relationship because I'd
Speaker 3: always been intrigued by them, and so yeah, we did that,
Speaker 3: and that's how I met my boyfriend, and then my
Speaker 3: marriage fell apart and now I'm with my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: So okay, there's so many questions within that story. So
Speaker 1: how long were you married for and how long into
Speaker 1: that marriage was it that you decided to start the
Speaker 1: open relationship, and then how long were you in the
Speaker 1: open relationship before you knew it had to end with
Speaker 1: your partner? Then I as a lot of questions in that,
Speaker 1: but I've just got I'm my mind is boggled. Right now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, totally. Well, I was married for just over
Speaker 3: three years, and we actually broke up during the pandemic.
Speaker 3: We broke up like two days before my thirtieth birthday.
Speaker 3: But it was a really confusing time, and also I
Speaker 3: just wasn't sure if like breaking up with someone is
Speaker 3: such a big deal, And even though I knew it
Speaker 3: wasn't what I wanted, I also didn't want to just
Speaker 3: like throw in the towel, and so I guess my
Speaker 3: last ditch effort was, let's open up the relationship, which,
Speaker 3: by the way, like don't do that. Don't open up
Speaker 3: your relationship to try and quote unquote say that because
Speaker 3: it's just not gonna work. You need to have a
Speaker 3: really solid foundation for it to work. So it was
Speaker 3: a misguided attempt. So we were only opened for a
Speaker 3: little while, and it was interesting. It was a good experience,
Speaker 3: I guess, to learn what not to do. But you know,
Speaker 3: like he was going on dates with some girls, like
Speaker 3: basically just walking dates actually because you know, the pandemic.
Speaker 3: But then I met my boyfriend, my now boyfriend. I
Speaker 3: went on a date with him and the date just
Speaker 3: never ended. I left that date and I cried on
Speaker 3: my way home because I just sort of realized I
Speaker 3: could not do it. Like I realized that I had
Speaker 3: just met someone that I felt really drawn to, it
Speaker 3: felt I really needed to be with. Like, I just
Speaker 3: was so overwhelmed with emotion. But I was also so
Speaker 3: upset because I was like, oh, holy shit, I don't
Speaker 3: know how I'm going to juggle doing both. Like, you know,
Speaker 3: I'm in this marriage that doesn't make me happy, and
Speaker 3: there is this person that I would like, I feel
Speaker 3: so drawn to. So I was just like overwhelmed with emotion.
Speaker 3: And then a week later, my husband ended things.
Speaker 1: And how did you bring up the conversation? And I
Speaker 1: know this is a question we'll get into it more
Speaker 1: later as well, but we're here now. How do you
Speaker 1: bring up that conversation with your husband with your partner?
Speaker 1: Was it you that brought it up with the idea?
Speaker 1: Was it him? Was there any pushback at the start
Speaker 1: or did you both want the same thing?
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally, I bought it up. I think because we
Speaker 3: did not have we weren't really sexually compatible, and I
Speaker 3: personally was really sexually repressed, and uh, it was just
Speaker 3: an issue that kept coming up in our relationship, and
Speaker 3: I just thought okay, well I could just outsource that.
Speaker 3: I was like, would I actually care if he slept
Speaker 3: with other people? And I kind of felt like, no,
Speaker 3: I wouldn't. And also, I think now I look back
Speaker 3: on it in retrospect and I actually think that we
Speaker 3: had tried to break up and then he was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I don't want to leave you because he really felt
Speaker 3: like he needed me, and I was like, you actually
Speaker 3: don't need me, right, Like you've never just dated. You
Speaker 3: should just get out there and date people. And I
Speaker 3: think it was sort of my way of being like, see, like,
Speaker 3: there is a whole world out there, there's a whole
Speaker 3: life out there, and just sort of trying to get
Speaker 3: him to see that so that he would realize he
Speaker 3: doesn't need me.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I bought it up because I had watched an episode
Speaker 3: of You Can't Ask That and it was about polyamory
Speaker 3: and I remember being like, Wow, that is so interesting.
Speaker 3: I'm so intrigued by this. This sounds great. They really
Speaker 3: sold it to me, but I just never thought I
Speaker 3: could do it because I was like, I'm too jealous.
Speaker 3: So I just, yeah, I bought it up. I was like,
Speaker 3: how would you feel about that? And we chatted at it,
Speaker 3: we sort of realized that the idea of like a
Speaker 3: traditional marriage wasn't really for us. Again in hindsight, like
Speaker 3: just marriage wasn't for us. But yeah, we sort of
Speaker 3: realized that like that lifestyle, Like we weren't even sleeping
Speaker 3: in the same bedrooms. We'd already decided that, like we
Speaker 3: didn't like having the same bed We were like, just
Speaker 3: because we're married, why we have to sleep in the
Speaker 3: same bed So we were already not having a traditional
Speaker 3: marriage as it was. We were like, oh, yeah, let's
Speaker 3: just do this too. We sort of just went about
Speaker 3: it that way.
Speaker 1: When you met your partner, So your partner's name is Tiger,
Speaker 1: and that's your boyfriend now who you're in a open
Speaker 1: relationship with, and you said you met him whilst you
Speaker 1: was still married to your husband at the time. Yeah, Now,
Speaker 1: can you explain to me a little bit about how
Speaker 1: you made that sort of transition where you were like, cool,
Speaker 1: I want to be in a relationship with you. But
Speaker 1: because the foundations at the beginning of that relationship was
Speaker 1: that it was open, how did that then progress into
Speaker 1: where you're at now? And how have you navigated the
Speaker 1: start of your relationship?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like the way do I start? Now?
Speaker 3: Well, it's interesting because when he met me, he didn't
Speaker 3: realize that my marriage was rocky, Like why would he.
Speaker 3: I wasn't going to tell him on my first date,
Speaker 3: like yeah, no, things aren't great, and I'm just doing
Speaker 3: this as a last ditch effort, Like I was like, yeah, no,
Speaker 3: you know, like because of course he asked me about
Speaker 3: it because it's on my hinge profile, like, hey, I'm married,
Speaker 3: so he asked me about it, and I was like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: you know whatever, you can love more than one person.
Speaker 3: Like I was so naive, so naive at the time
Speaker 3: about open relating, but you know I was, I was
Speaker 3: learning and so I think though when we started seeing
Speaker 3: each other, I think he had just always assumed I
Speaker 3: would want an open relationship. And I did want an
Speaker 3: open relationship because I could see the merit in it.
Speaker 3: And I was also I'd just come out of a marriage,
Speaker 3: so I don't want to just go from like one
Speaker 3: huge relationship into another and just be stuck in monogamous
Speaker 3: Like that actually terrified me, so I didn't want to
Speaker 3: be in a closed relationship. So we started dating, but
Speaker 3: we were dating in a stage four pandemic so we
Speaker 3: were actually monogamous because the Dan Andrews government sort of
Speaker 3: made it be that way. We couldn't sleep with other people.
Speaker 1: He cocklocked you basically, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3: So we were actually monogamous because we were only sleeping
Speaker 3: with one another and we were definitely catching feelings, like
Speaker 3: I was head over heels in love with this guy.
Speaker 3: But then when the state started opening up again, this
Speaker 3: is how we came about being in a relationship. I
Speaker 3: was talking to him about like I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm going to get back on hinge and he was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 3: yeah cool, because we'd never had any chat about being
Speaker 3: official or whatever. And then he slept with someone and
Speaker 3: I was so upset, like my little heart broke into
Speaker 3: pieces when he told me. But then we chatted about it,
Speaker 3: and then we sort of decided, well, you know, we
Speaker 3: should come up with some boundaries for one another if
Speaker 3: we are going to be sleeping with other people. And
Speaker 3: then but once we started coming up with boundaries, we
Speaker 3: were like, wait a second, so like, is this a
Speaker 3: relationship then if we're making rules for one another? And yeah,
Speaker 3: that's how we sort of decided that not only would
Speaker 3: we be boyfriend and girlfriend, but we would also be
Speaker 3: in an open relationship.
Speaker 1: So how long have you guys been dating for now?
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we've been together over a year now, like
Speaker 3: fourteen months, and it's it's just ever evolving. Like one
Speaker 3: thing I will say about an open relationship, it makes
Speaker 3: you a really proactive and really active participant in your
Speaker 3: relationship because you constantly have to be assessing how you feel,
Speaker 3: talking about how you feel, moving boundaries, discussing your needs
Speaker 3: and your wants, and listening to your partner. Like you
Speaker 3: have to really be proactive. It's actually exhausting, to be honest,
Speaker 3: but it's rewarding because aside from the fact that I
Speaker 3: get to sleep with other people, then he gets to
Speaker 3: sleep with other people, and we get to explore our
Speaker 3: sexuality together and separately. Aside from that, which I think
Speaker 3: everyone thinks of when they think of an open relationship,
Speaker 3: the benefits to our relationship together, like the foundations that
Speaker 3: we have built, are amazing. Look, I think there's so
Speaker 3: much that people in monogamous relations and ships could learn
Speaker 3: from open relationships. But in a monogamous structure, you don't
Speaker 3: really have to do it as much, like you definitely should,
Speaker 3: but it's not a necessity, whereas in our relationship, like
Speaker 3: we actually have to be doing that because we would
Speaker 3: not be able to survive otherwise.
Speaker 1: Before you was Tiger in monogamous relationships or had he
Speaker 1: always been exploring open relationships or was this a really
Speaker 1: new thing for him as well?
Speaker 3: It was a new thing for him. It was just
Speaker 3: a new thing for him to have a relationship. Like
Speaker 3: he hadn't been with someone for close to ten years.
Speaker 3: So like when he told his friends he was seeing someone,
Speaker 3: they were just losing their minds, like what the fuck?
Speaker 3: Like who is this chick? Because you know, like he's
Speaker 3: such a lone wolf even though his name is Tiger.
Speaker 3: And yeah, so for him, I think I think everyone
Speaker 3: was sort of like a bit just blown away that
Speaker 3: he was with someone. In general, add to the mix
Speaker 3: that it was an open relationship, I think everyone was
Speaker 3: a bit surprised because, yeah, it's not something that he's
Speaker 3: used to doing.
Speaker 1: Bank you touched on something which was like the biggest
Speaker 1: question that came in, And we're going to jump into
Speaker 1: some of the questions that came in from listeners, but like,
Speaker 1: and I can only imagine it is the one thing
Speaker 1: that everybody asked, But how do you deal with jealousy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, U's the number one question. Look, I will say,
Speaker 3: first of all, I understand when people are monogamous that
Speaker 3: they think of an open relationship and the first thing
Speaker 3: they think of is jealousy, and they think there's no
Speaker 3: way I could do that. And I need you to
Speaker 3: know that like I was that person too. I always
Speaker 3: was intrigued by open relationships, but I knew I was
Speaker 3: such a jealous person, and I was like, there's no
Speaker 3: way I'll ever get to a level of just being like,
Speaker 3: so chill with my partner, sleeping with someone. Now the
Speaker 3: thing is, now that I'm in an open relationship, I
Speaker 3: see that I was looking at jealousy from a monogamous
Speaker 3: point of view, And when you're in a monogamous relationship,
Speaker 3: you experience jealousy just like you do in an open relationship. Like,
Speaker 3: jealousy doesn't just go away, it's a feeling that exists.
Speaker 3: And so I used to get jealous in a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 3: Just watching my heart and a talk to a woman
Speaker 3: right like that would make me so jealous, but I
Speaker 3: wouldn't say anything because it seems one rather irrational to
Speaker 3: get jealous of him talking to someone and two. In
Speaker 3: a monogamous relationship, there is a fear surrounding bringing it
Speaker 3: up because if I was to say to him, it
Speaker 3: made me really jealous watching you talk to someone, which
Speaker 3: actually is not irrational. You can have that feeling like
Speaker 3: you don't. You don't feel bad for having a feeling,
Speaker 3: but bringing it up is almost accusatory to him because
Speaker 3: he's like, well, what do you like. He's not going
Speaker 3: to be like, oh, I hear that you're jealous. He's
Speaker 3: going to be like, well, I hope you wouldn't be
Speaker 3: about Usually the reaction is, well, I'm not doing anything,
Speaker 3: I'm just talking to her. Like you don't feel supported
Speaker 3: in having that jealous reaction, so you don't want to
Speaker 3: bring it up because you don't want to see m
Speaker 3: crazy and you. Jealousy is just never actually dealt with,
Speaker 3: So when you are dealing with that, that's how you
Speaker 3: do a jealousy in a monogamous relationship. Of course, you
Speaker 3: think there's no way I could experience an open relationship
Speaker 3: because all that jealousy would just eat me up, Whereas
Speaker 3: in my relationship and an open relationship, jealousy is not
Speaker 3: something that you're afraid of. You're not ashamed of it.
Speaker 3: You recognize it's something that's absolutely going to happen, and
Speaker 3: it does happen, it comes up. I get jealous naturally,
Speaker 3: but I get to deal with it in a really
Speaker 3: healthy way. I get to say to my boyfriend, Hey,
Speaker 3: I'm feeling really fucking insecure right now, which is something
Speaker 3: I would never have done in a monogamous relationship because
Speaker 3: I didn't want like I was a bad bitch, right,
Speaker 3: Like I didn't have feelings and I whatever. But in
Speaker 3: real life, like, I am actually a jealous and insecure
Speaker 3: person and that's totally okay. And I can just say
Speaker 3: that to my boyfriend and he'll hear me, and he'll
Speaker 3: support me through it, and he will put my fears
Speaker 3: to rest. And not only is it healthier for me,
Speaker 3: it's healthier for our relationship, and also it just sort
Speaker 3: of takes away the power that jealousy has. So yeah,
Speaker 3: I understand why people do immediately go to that fear
Speaker 3: of like, oh my god, jealousy, but you know, it's
Speaker 3: not something to be a shit. And I used to
Speaker 3: get so jealous when I was monogamous. As I said,
Speaker 3: like I would get jealous at a party if my
Speaker 3: boyfriend was talking to someone and I had this like
Speaker 3: full circle moment a few months ago because I was
Speaker 3: at a party and Tiger was talking to someone, and
Speaker 3: like immediately I just had that fear of like, oh shit,
Speaker 3: like I would go over there and like put my
Speaker 3: arm around.
Speaker 1: It to be like he's with me, claim your territory,
Speaker 1: yeah right right, like just like just so you don't
Speaker 1: get any ideas, sweetie.
Speaker 3: Like I had that initial feeling and then I just
Speaker 3: had this like, oh, I don't have to do that,
Speaker 3: because at the end of the day, Yeah, he might
Speaker 3: want to, he might be flirting with that girl. He
Speaker 3: might right now be thinking I really want to hook
Speaker 3: up with this girl, and you know what, maybe he'll
Speaker 3: get her number and maybe he will hook up with her.
Speaker 3: Like I don't know, but I know that I don't
Speaker 3: have to like go over there and mark my territory
Speaker 3: because I know at the end of this party he's
Speaker 3: going to talk to me and he's going to go
Speaker 3: home with me, and I can say to him, hey,
Speaker 3: it made me jealous when you were talking to that girl,
Speaker 3: and he'd be like what no, like I was just
Speaker 3: having a conversation, or he's going to say like yeah,
Speaker 3: it's pretty attractive to her. Maybe I'll see how it goes, Like,
Speaker 3: it'll get talked about, it will be discussed, and it
Speaker 3: will put my fears to rest, rather than me just
Speaker 3: sort of like going off in a half feeling I
Speaker 3: can't talk about it, getting angry, and then just letting
Speaker 3: it bubble up in unhealthy ways later, which is what
Speaker 3: it would happen in a monogama's relationship.
Speaker 1: God, Like, as you're talking, the questions just keep flying
Speaker 1: into my hand. I feel like I could talk to
Speaker 1: you forever. Now. Picture you at this party. You're at
Speaker 1: this party. He thinks some of the chick's hot, they're
Speaker 1: having a great time. You're mingling with someone else. I
Speaker 1: want to start getting into the rules. Is he allowed
Speaker 1: no to go home with her that night or does
Speaker 1: he If he's gone to a party with you, he
Speaker 1: leaves with you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is a rule. That's one of the rules.
Speaker 3: So like, if we're together, then we're together that night.
Speaker 3: And one of the rules is like we can't cancel
Speaker 3: plans with one another for an outside partner. So if
Speaker 3: he was with me, he's not allowed to walk up
Speaker 3: with people in front of me unless we've like arranged
Speaker 3: for that, and we're having a threesome. But you know,
Speaker 3: if he was just like at a party and flirting
Speaker 3: with a girl and then went home with her, that
Speaker 3: would be a big no no. But he would not
Speaker 3: do that because it's one of the boundaries of about relationship.
Speaker 3: But yeah, it's really important that your partner feels valued
Speaker 3: and wanted, And yeah, that would destroy me if that happened.
Speaker 3: So yeah, not gonna happen for me.
Speaker 1: Bianca, how did you set the rules? I think this
Speaker 1: is one of the other big questions, Like the top
Speaker 1: two were jealousy and then rules. But like I listened
Speaker 1: to your podcast, you actually, if anyone who was interested
Speaker 1: and wants to know more about like the ins and
Speaker 1: outs of Bianca and Tiger's relationship, Bianca and Tiger actually
Speaker 1: did a podcast episode together, and we'll link that in
Speaker 1: the show notes on this. But you mentioned that you
Speaker 1: originally when you first started dating and you first started
Speaker 1: this open relationship, that you had a lot of fear
Speaker 1: based rules and then you had to kind of strip
Speaker 1: those back again. Can you talk to me a little
Speaker 1: bit about what those fear based rules were and how
Speaker 1: it was completely like non constructive to like your relationship.
Speaker 3: When we first made the rules, because we didn't really
Speaker 3: have any understanding of how we would deal with the
Speaker 3: jealousy or how we would feel later it down the track,
Speaker 3: we were just like trying to control our fears. So
Speaker 3: my thing was like, if he's going on a date
Speaker 3: with someone, I need him to message me once the
Speaker 3: date is over, like I need to be I need
Speaker 3: to know that, like I'm still in his thoughts, So
Speaker 3: I need you to text me when a date is over.
Speaker 3: After time, you realize that that's just a fear. That's
Speaker 3: just like he's messaging me, not because he genuinely is
Speaker 3: like heybe what's up, or like I miss you. It's like, oh,
Speaker 3: I have to like write this text, and it's it
Speaker 3: just becomes more performative than anything. So we sort of
Speaker 3: realize like, that's not really a rule that we need
Speaker 3: to deal with, and as you just sort of become
Speaker 3: more secure, you sort of just realize like, oh, actually
Speaker 3: you don't have to worry about that. So that was
Speaker 3: one of the rules. Another rule that we had, which
Speaker 3: I think is one that people always ask, is are
Speaker 3: you allowed to have sleepovers? Because people, I think think
Speaker 3: that fucking's fine, But like don't you dare sleep together?
Speaker 3: Like that's too much no pillow talk, like get the
Speaker 3: fuck out. Actually that was a rule at first, but
Speaker 3: then we realized that it was difficult to manage because
Speaker 3: we had to have like a caveat in there that like,
Speaker 3: you know, at the time, Tiger was still drinking, so
Speaker 3: he's like, oh, like, you know what if it's like
Speaker 3: four in the morning and I'm really drunk, and I'm like, oh, well,
Speaker 3: then in that case, it's okay, And it just became
Speaker 3: a bit messy, so that we got rid of that rule. Also,
Speaker 3: even though that is a rule, like, it's no longer
Speaker 3: a rule if I have Like so he was going
Speaker 3: to be cooking up with another couple, and he was
Speaker 3: taking a girl that he'd been sleeping with instead of
Speaker 3: me to this foursome, and the girl that he was
Speaker 3: going with lived quite far away, and I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm putting my foot down, like I just want you
Speaker 3: to know one of my boundaries is that she can't
Speaker 3: stay over at your house after the foursome is done,
Speaker 3: because I don't want her to take my place of
Speaker 3: like coming home with you after it and debriefing with you,
Speaker 3: like that's a really private thing that I get to
Speaker 3: do with you, and that would be something I'm not
Speaker 3: comfortable with. So he heard that and was like, yep,
Speaker 3: no worries and made sure that that didn't happen. So
Speaker 3: those are just sorts of things that you know, while
Speaker 3: it's definitely not a rule, it's not doesn't mean that
Speaker 3: that's a blanket rule. And I have no right to
Speaker 3: just say, hey, actually, maybe not this time please, because
Speaker 3: everything's up for discussion and negotiation.
Speaker 1: So don't do you, banker, Like, I'm just so intrigued,
Speaker 1: Do you gone? Tiger's gone off with another girl to
Speaker 1: sleep with another couple, so they're having a foursome. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and the thing that bothers you the most is like
Speaker 1: that connection when they get back. So is there any
Speaker 1: jealousy of the physical side from you or is it
Speaker 1: just like, please don't please go and fuck do whatever
Speaker 1: you want, but don't form that connection, Like do you
Speaker 1: feel any jealousy knowing that he's having this I guess
Speaker 1: orgy of such?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, no, definitely that particular foursome. I'd actually met
Speaker 3: the other couple and we were going to do it together,
Speaker 3: but then I realized I'm not that into this actually,
Speaker 3: so I don't think I want to do it, And
Speaker 3: then he was gone to do it, but we'd already
Speaker 3: had a discussion earlier that like if I say no,
Speaker 3: is he allowed to take someone else and have that experience.
Speaker 3: And I guess at the end of the day, like
Speaker 3: when he first said that to me, when he first
Speaker 3: asked me that, I was so upset because I was like,
Speaker 3: absolutely not, Like I don't want you having these experiences
Speaker 3: without me. I need to be that person. But at
Speaker 3: the end of the day, like that then puts pressure
Speaker 3: on me to maybe want to have foursomes that I like,
Speaker 3: you know, I don't want to have. Maybe like if
Speaker 3: he's keen and I'm not keen, but he can't have
Speaker 3: it unless it's with me, then I might want to
Speaker 3: do it just to make him happy. That's actually going
Speaker 3: to be worse for my mental health. So it's actually
Speaker 3: better for me to just be like, you know what,
Speaker 3: you do this one, I'm not going to do this one.
Speaker 3: And yet if you want to take someone else, by
Speaker 3: all means, because actually, at the end of the day,
Speaker 3: I do want him to have those experiences, like his
Speaker 3: sexual journey and his happiness is something that I care about,
Speaker 3: and I don't want to stand in the way the
Speaker 3: discomfort that I feel can actually be talked through and
Speaker 3: worked out, and that's fine, and I'd rather do that
Speaker 3: than live with him in any way.
Speaker 1: I think it's really important to say as well in
Speaker 1: this that, like, we had other people who were listeners
Speaker 1: the podcast who wrote in who said that they were
Speaker 1: in open relationships. But we're in open relationships for potentially
Speaker 1: very different reasons to the reasons that you're in an
Speaker 1: open relationship. And I think that, like the rules can
Speaker 1: be different for each relationship, Like what works for you guys,
Speaker 1: isn't necessarily what works for somebody else. And I remember
Speaker 1: there was this one woman who had written to us
Speaker 1: and she was like, I've been married for fifteen years.
Speaker 1: I'm in an open relationship, but I'm in an open
Speaker 1: relationship because sexually, like that's not what I want with
Speaker 1: my partner. I can't satiate him anymore. And the pressure
Speaker 1: to do that was too great. And now we have
Speaker 1: a great relationship because he is basically she was like,
Speaker 1: he is serviced somewhere else. But he and I are
Speaker 1: still best friends and we have our loving relationship in
Speaker 1: that way. And so they had very different rules around us.
Speaker 1: She was like, I don't want to know what you do.
Speaker 1: So long as like you're part of this happy family unit,
Speaker 1: you can go and do whatever you want. And she
Speaker 1: could too as if she wanted to. So I think, like,
Speaker 1: from one perspective, it's interesting to hear how this has
Speaker 1: opened you up to a whole lot of new sexual experiences.
Speaker 1: But I think it's really important that you've got those
Speaker 1: sort of boundaries and parameters around things, where you say
Speaker 1: if you don't want to do or have a force it.
Speaker 1: The whole point of having an open relationship is more
Speaker 1: so that you're not forced into doing things that you
Speaker 1: don't want to do and the other person can still
Speaker 1: have those experiences the ankle. One of the big questions
Speaker 1: that we had as well, is is there ever And
Speaker 1: I know that a lot of these conversations come back
Speaker 1: to fear, But is there ever a fear of Tiger
Speaker 1: falling in love with somebody else, of actually developing that connection?
Speaker 1: And you know, I think that sometimes when we do
Speaker 1: have the physical, sometimes the emotional comes with it without
Speaker 1: our intention behind it. You know, is there ever a
Speaker 1: fear that he will develop that for somebody else? Or
Speaker 1: that you will develop that for somebody else.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, that is a natural fear to have.
Speaker 3: But first of all, I think I think we forget,
Speaker 3: particularly when we are monogamous, We forget just how shit
Speaker 3: it is dating, Like we forget just how many more
Speaker 3: dud dates you go on, Like there's more people out
Speaker 3: there that are not going to be a great match
Speaker 3: for so the chances are quite slim.
Speaker 1: You're like, I feel confident. I know what's what Fisher
Speaker 1: left in the sea. I feel confident.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, Like, but at the same time, like, not
Speaker 3: only so, not only would someone have to like tick
Speaker 3: a whole bunch of boxes, they would also have to
Speaker 3: be so much better in the sense of like the
Speaker 3: connection that he and I have and the connection that
Speaker 3: we have because we've been building this relationship is out
Speaker 3: of control. So I don't really see someone coming in
Speaker 3: and knocking that off. Like I know it's ironic because
Speaker 3: that's how I met Tiger, But at that time, that
Speaker 3: was a last ditch effort to save quote unquote a
Speaker 3: relationship that I was no longer really invested in. So
Speaker 3: I'm actually invested in this relationship. He's invested in this relationship.
Speaker 3: We love each other very deeply, and we're so open
Speaker 3: with each other, like no one on this earth knows
Speaker 3: me like he knows me, and I would say the
Speaker 3: same about him. So I think, like for someone to
Speaker 3: come in and threaten that, that would be really hard,
Speaker 3: really hard for them to do. It's a tall order, Babe.
Speaker 1: I love that. I love the confidence. I want to
Speaker 1: pause on that for a second and just go back,
Speaker 1: just back to the foursome. When you're organizing a foursome,
Speaker 1: when you're trying to look for that, how do you
Speaker 1: do that? Is there? Do you just go on to
Speaker 1: Hinge and say, I'm looking for another couple or is
Speaker 1: there an app that's dedicated to this kind of a thing,
Speaker 1: or just for just out of interest sake and for
Speaker 1: people out there that are looking to explore that with
Speaker 1: their relationship.
Speaker 3: This is not like my thing either. I need everyone
Speaker 3: to know that. Like I was so sexually repressed, and
Speaker 3: I actually think that like open relationships helped me in
Speaker 3: this way because I had been in quite long term
Speaker 3: relationships and yeah, when you're in a monogamous relationship, I
Speaker 3: used to like guilt myself just for finding someone else attractive.
Speaker 3: And I would say to people like no, And again
Speaker 3: as to my husband, h which was a lie because
Speaker 3: you're attracted to other people. You might see someone and
Speaker 3: you see that they're attractive, but I would shame and
Speaker 3: guilt myself just for having the fucking thought, so I
Speaker 3: would close off. I would put my blinders on and
Speaker 3: just like repress my own sexuality. Also, though, I wasn't
Speaker 3: really sexually satisfied in my marriage because my husband and
Speaker 3: I weren't really sexually compatible, so I was just like
Speaker 3: completely closed off. I also drank a lot, and alcohol
Speaker 3: was really the only way that I could have sex,
Speaker 3: so I was like not sexually satisfied at all, and
Speaker 3: I literally had closed off almost every sexual part of
Speaker 3: my being just to survive. So for me to be
Speaker 3: having foursomes, that's fucking crazy to me. Okay, because, like
Speaker 3: to I was so sexually repressed that I've now discovered
Speaker 3: that I'm bisexual, which is mind blowing to me. So
Speaker 3: it is actually crazy to me that I'm having these
Speaker 3: sexual experiences because before I could barely struggle to make
Speaker 3: out with someone on a couch while I was sober,
Speaker 3: like that was a struggle for me. So yeah, it
Speaker 3: is crazy to me. But It's great because I get
Speaker 3: to unleash and feel this sexual power inside of me.
Speaker 3: And I think it also really helps that I have
Speaker 3: my partner there with me. Yes, there is an app
Speaker 3: dedicated specifically to the things. It's called field Feld, and
Speaker 3: that is a dating app where you can sign up
Speaker 3: and you can go as a single person, or you
Speaker 3: can sign up and have your profile match to your partner.
Speaker 3: And I will say though, that having those experiences and
Speaker 3: being able to go with someone that I love, in
Speaker 3: care and trust so much has made it easier for
Speaker 3: me to do. If I was just a solo gal
Speaker 3: out in the world, there is no way in hell
Speaker 3: I would be rocking up to a foursome Like that's
Speaker 3: terrifying to me. I mean it's terrifying to me as
Speaker 3: it is, like they're fun and I really enjoy group
Speaker 3: sex and I've really started to enjoy that part of
Speaker 3: myself and it's really nice getting to learn this new
Speaker 3: aspect of myself. I guess, but I would never have
Speaker 3: done that before. Like it blows my mind and I'm
Speaker 3: the one doing it, so yeah, I totally care where
Speaker 3: you're coming from.
Speaker 1: You said that getting into an open relationship was part
Speaker 1: of what has like opened you up sexually and it's
Speaker 1: kind of changed your I guess it's fully changed your
Speaker 1: perception around sex and around relationships. But you also just
Speaker 1: mentioned that you more recently discovered that you're bisexual. How
Speaker 1: has this come about from? Has this been a result
Speaker 1: of being an open relationship? Has this been a result
Speaker 1: of being with your partner Tiger?
Speaker 3: Like, I really didn't think that I was good at sex,
Speaker 3: Like I just didn't think I was, particularly because I
Speaker 3: had been a drinker, so like I would need to
Speaker 3: drink in order to feel uninhibited to have sex. But
Speaker 3: then I would end up having pretty bad sex because
Speaker 3: it would be sluppy. And also when you drink, it
Speaker 3: really limits your capacity to orgasm, So I was not
Speaker 3: super sad as bad. And then on top of that,
Speaker 3: I would wake up the next day. I mean, when
Speaker 3: you wake up after a night of drinking, you have
Speaker 3: that anxiety. You're already dealing with a lot of shame.
Speaker 3: So add to the mix that I would almost only
Speaker 3: ever sleep with people when I was drinking. I would
Speaker 3: wake up not knowing who had been in my body,
Speaker 3: like feeling so shamed, like I was just there was
Speaker 3: just so much shame around sex for me, and also
Speaker 3: like I'm a woman, so naturally I'm just shamed for
Speaker 3: everything that day do under set And so when I
Speaker 3: met Tiger was the first time I'd really had sober
Speaker 3: sex with a new person. It was the first time
Speaker 3: I'd had really incredible, like soul opening sex. And he
Speaker 3: really helped me, I guess, in making safe, comfortable environments
Speaker 3: for me to be able to explore my sexuality. And
Speaker 3: did start having threesomes with him and other women, and
Speaker 3: it was enjoyable, but I never really like was like, oh,
Speaker 3: you know, I guess I'm somewhere on the bisexual spectrum.
Speaker 3: I guess, so like for me, I was like, even
Speaker 3: though I was sleeping with women, I was still like,
Speaker 3: I wouldn't call myself bisexual. But I guess over time,
Speaker 3: I've started to recognize sexual energy inside of me, and
Speaker 3: it's such a magical part of ourselves and it's such
Speaker 3: a shame that so many women close it down and
Speaker 3: don't access that part of you. But I can actually
Speaker 3: feel the difference in myself. I can feel my sexual
Speaker 3: energy and I'm no longer afraid of it. I'm no
Speaker 3: longer ashamed of it, and it has led me to
Speaker 3: experience some incredible sexual experiences with women, and yeah, it's
Speaker 3: made me realize that I'm so into that and now
Speaker 3: understand that I'm bisexual, which is crazy because I didn't
Speaker 3: even think I liked sex before.
Speaker 1: So let's jump into what I think is probably the
Speaker 1: most interesting part. Obviously, this is going to be different
Speaker 1: for every person and every couple. What are the rules
Speaker 1: basically that work for you? Guys? What have you decided
Speaker 1: is your set of rules is going to keep a
Speaker 1: really healthy, open relationship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so first rule is we have to tell each
Speaker 3: other everything. So if he was to hook up with
Speaker 3: someone and not tell me about it, then I would
Speaker 3: consider that cheating. So yeah, that's a rule. Another rule obviously,
Speaker 3: save sex, that's a given. No hooking up with each
Speaker 3: other's friends.
Speaker 1: That's a solid rule.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is a rule. Like, I definitely have some
Speaker 3: friends that like they'll like flirt with the idea. I
Speaker 3: think your friends are the ones that actually think that
Speaker 3: we would be so chill with them hooking up with us.
Speaker 3: That makes sense, Like I think his friends might be
Speaker 3: like a little flirty, and my friends might be like
Speaker 3: a little flirty with him because they just think, like, oh,
Speaker 3: it's an open relationship. You guys are called and I'm like, no,
Speaker 3: you can't fuck him, okay the back off. Yeah, he's
Speaker 3: literally anyone else can except for you, bitch. No, Like,
Speaker 3: I actually have some friends that I wouldn't mind. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I actually wouldn't mind if he slept with them. But
Speaker 3: then there are some friends where I'm like, I don't
Speaker 3: know about you, so uh yeah, just to make it easier,
Speaker 3: no friends. Another thing is yeah, no canceling plans with
Speaker 3: one another for another partner. And what is the other rule?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, if we're together, then we're together. No hooking
Speaker 3: up with people right in front of one another. So
Speaker 3: that's about it on the rule front.
Speaker 1: At this point in time, when you guys do go
Speaker 1: and you're with somebody else, do you I know you
Speaker 1: said you want to tell each other. To what level
Speaker 1: do you tell each other? Is there one of you
Speaker 1: that wants to know more information than the other or
Speaker 1: is it like not spoken of, Hey, I hooked up
Speaker 1: with someone last night, just so you know, and that's it.
Speaker 1: Like what level of depth you go into?
Speaker 3: Well, it's interesting because I don't need much detail, Like
Speaker 3: for me, I'll be on edge, like if he's gone
Speaker 3: out or like he's going on a date. I'll be
Speaker 3: on edge until he tells me like yes, lot with them,
Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden, all of my fears
Speaker 3: just like it's like this chill over my body and
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, yeah, dope, Like I never ask any details,
Speaker 3: you know, Like he mentioned a detail the other day
Speaker 3: and I was like, WHOA, that is confronting. I did
Speaker 3: not like WHOA, Like that what the fuck? And he
Speaker 3: was like yeah, like don't you want to know more?
Speaker 3: And I was like I don't need to, like I
Speaker 3: don't need to know more, Like fucking no. Because I
Speaker 3: think what I've realized is that for me, I'm okay
Speaker 3: with him sleeping with other people because I know that
Speaker 3: the sexual relationship we have is fucking incredible. I know
Speaker 3: that the sex we have is really beautiful, and I
Speaker 3: love getting to share sex with him once we've been
Speaker 3: with other people, like it's so nice to reconnect with him.
Speaker 3: So I guess for me, my fear is when I
Speaker 3: don't know that he slept with someone, I feel out
Speaker 3: of the loop, and that's where I'm insecure. When he
Speaker 3: tells me, hey, I slept with this person, I realize again, like, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm his person. I'm the one he's telling this too, Like, yeah,
Speaker 3: he may have slept with someone else, but I'm the
Speaker 3: person that he shares that with, so that allays my
Speaker 3: fears enough. I don't really need to go into details
Speaker 3: about the sexual acts they got up to. It doesn't
Speaker 3: really phaze me because at the end of the day,
Speaker 3: I know that the sex I share with him is
Speaker 3: pretty damn good, so I don't I don't want to
Speaker 3: hear about it, Whereas the other way, he wants as
Speaker 3: much detail as possible because I think for him, he
Speaker 3: just wants to know all of the facts and once
Speaker 3: he has everything and there's no shadow of a doubt
Speaker 3: and he's got all of the information, then he can
Speaker 3: feel more at peace. So we're both very different.
Speaker 1: We talked about this a little bit before we actually
Speaker 1: hit record, and I want you to share this with
Speaker 1: everyone as well, But like, what happens and what's the
Speaker 1: long term plan for an open relationship? You said something
Speaker 1: really interesting, which was this concept of like, you can
Speaker 1: open and close a relationship as many times as you want.
Speaker 1: And I think that, like for a lot of people,
Speaker 1: the idea of getting into an open relationship might sound appealing,
Speaker 1: but then like where does that open relationship lead to?
Speaker 1: Where do you guys foresee yourself and where is your
Speaker 1: relationship heading?
Speaker 3: I think like so many people think that, oh, like
Speaker 3: open relationships is cool and everything, but when you settle down,
Speaker 3: like you'll settle down at some point, like you're not
Speaker 3: going to be open forever. But we're sort of like, well,
Speaker 3: we've gone through the really hard parts, like we've worked
Speaker 3: towards this, Like if anything, the more we do it,
Speaker 3: the easier it becomes. So I don't foresee that like
Speaker 3: we would just be like, well we're closed off now,
Speaker 3: like you know, like for us, seriousness doesn't equal monogamy,
Speaker 3: and monogamy doesn't equal seriousness. Also, there is like a
Speaker 3: part of me that does worry, like, oh god, you know,
Speaker 3: I'm so public about this and so many people ask
Speaker 3: me about it that like I don't want to become
Speaker 3: like the poster child for open relationships. And then if
Speaker 3: I was to decide that I don't like doing it anymore,
Speaker 3: that would be like me renagging and whatever. Like, but
Speaker 3: you know, there have been times that I've closed the
Speaker 3: relationship up because I've been not able to cope, like
Speaker 3: mentally or whatever. And I'm like, I just can't deal
Speaker 3: with this right now. So for this week, can we
Speaker 3: like we're closed off, Like it's just closed and that's fine.
Speaker 1: Just don't fuck anyone. It's closed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can't do that this week again, you can
Speaker 3: just open up and close. But I think for the
Speaker 3: long term, I mean, I don't want to speak for him,
Speaker 3: but I think we're pretty in this for the long
Speaker 3: haul with one another. And I do think that we've
Speaker 3: worked really hard to get to where we are, and honestly,
Speaker 3: there is still so much more to go, Like, I
Speaker 3: have so much more to learn, and I'm still not
Speaker 3: one hundred percent secure. Of course, I don't know that
Speaker 3: anyone is, even if they're in a monogamous relationship or not.
Speaker 3: I don't think anyone's one hundred percent secure. So I
Speaker 3: still have a lot of work to go and I'm
Speaker 3: enjoying the journey and I want to keep doing it
Speaker 3: with him, and I'm pretty sure he wants to keep
Speaker 3: doing it with me, so I think we'll just yeah,
Speaker 3: keep I mean, for me, after being married, I've realized
Speaker 3: a few things. I've realized that I never want to
Speaker 3: live with a partner full time again. That alone, in
Speaker 3: and of itself, I think people think is crazy. I
Speaker 3: think people think, well, at some point you'll settle down
Speaker 3: and you'll live together, but I'm like, that's just not
Speaker 3: in my future. So I think that for me, I'm
Speaker 3: probably not going to have a quote unquote traditional relationship. Ever,
Speaker 3: I think for me it's yeah, it's it's all up
Speaker 3: for debate. Everything can be chopped and changed. I think
Speaker 3: the like I genuinely, when I think about closing it,
Speaker 3: I feel unwell, yeah, like I love him so much
Speaker 3: and I want to be with him, but I think
Speaker 3: after having all of that freedom, to have that taken
Speaker 3: away actually just feels like a like bird getting caged.
Speaker 3: Like it really does feel so limiting. So I don't
Speaker 3: see it happening anytime soon. But yeah, I'm sure that
Speaker 3: people are just intrigued by it. And also I get
Speaker 3: hit on a lot by listeners, which is great. My oh,
Speaker 3: there's just like a dating pool right there in my
Speaker 3: damn's dope.
Speaker 1: But this is also because I know that when you say, like,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be the post a child for this,
Speaker 1: but I think because so many people don't talk about it,
Speaker 1: and like there's a woman who I follow on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Her name's Totally. She's from the UK. She was married
Speaker 1: for quite a long time. Same thing opened up her relationship,
Speaker 1: but it worked for her and her husband and they've
Speaker 1: been together having a very happy, open relationship. And she
Speaker 1: came up publicly and spoke about it, and she then
Speaker 1: went onto her Instagram and she was saying, like, you
Speaker 1: know the amount of trolling that she had received from people,
Speaker 1: because it threatens our idea of what is a normal relationship.
Speaker 1: And when I say no normally, I mean like quote
Speaker 1: unquote normal. We live in a society that's very monogamous centric,
Speaker 1: like that's where we feel safe, and these sort of
Speaker 1: like polyamorous or open relationships threaten our idea and threaten
Speaker 1: our normalcy around what a relationship should be. And I
Speaker 1: think for a lot of people who have been in
Speaker 1: long term marriages, it's almost like their greatest fear realized
Speaker 1: that maybe their partner might want to be with somebody else.
Speaker 1: And that was the way that she described it. She
Speaker 1: was like, I have received so much trolling from people
Speaker 1: who don't think that my relationship could possibly work, that
Speaker 1: I must be miserable, that we must not love each
Speaker 1: other or that we're not enough for each other because
Speaker 1: people can't necessarily see that different is also okay? Did
Speaker 1: you find it challenging at the start when you told
Speaker 1: your family, I mean, going from being in a very
Speaker 1: monogamous like married relationship to sharing with your friends and
Speaker 1: your family and your external community and also having a
Speaker 1: public profile just sharing it with your following. Was that daunting?
Speaker 1: Did you get backlash? What was that experience?
Speaker 3: Like it was difficult? I think for the most part,
Speaker 3: I'm actually kind of used to it because like being
Speaker 3: a sober person, I know that people's immediate reaction when
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, I'm sober, their immediate thing is I
Speaker 3: could never do that, or like or I only have
Speaker 3: like a couple of drinks a week, Like I only
Speaker 3: do this, And so I'm kind of used to already
Speaker 3: not being the quote unquote norm. And I know that
Speaker 3: the things that I do do challenge people's fears, like
Speaker 3: it makes them think and I don't agree with this,
Speaker 3: but I think people see that and they think I
Speaker 3: couldn't do that, So therefore it alerts a fear in them,
Speaker 3: and they are just like, well, like to tear it down.
Speaker 3: I have to poke holes in that because I don't
Speaker 3: think I could do it. I don't want them to
Speaker 3: think that they're better than me. I feel that they're
Speaker 3: better than me, so I'm going to just tear it down.
Speaker 3: So I totally understand that. And yeah, I've already dealt
Speaker 3: with it with sobriety, so like I guess I was
Speaker 3: kind of just used to it with open relationships, but
Speaker 3: I haven't really received much backlash, more just people being
Speaker 3: confused and people just saying, yeah, I don't get it,
Speaker 3: I don't get it. I don't get it, but I
Speaker 3: will say I too have struggled. Like I've also grown
Speaker 3: up in a monogamous centric world, so there are times
Speaker 3: where I have been like having to check myself and
Speaker 3: be like, this relationship is valid. I know how it feels,
Speaker 3: I know how much I love him, I know what
Speaker 3: he means to me. But of course I even have
Speaker 3: those feelings of like this is crazy. Do I really
Speaker 3: love him if I'm sleeping with other people? Like one
Speaker 3: hundred percent? I have those fears, and I understand them
Speaker 3: and why other people have it because they're not even
Speaker 3: experiencing the love and commitment and feelings of love that
Speaker 3: we have for one another. So I totally see how
Speaker 3: to an outside person it would feel that way.
Speaker 1: The way that this conversation came up originally was we
Speaker 1: had someone write in an ask on cut section and
Speaker 1: we were like, we can't give advice on this because
Speaker 1: we've not we don't have a lived experience on this.
Speaker 1: And the big question was this person was in a
Speaker 1: long term relationship they wanted to broach the conversation of
Speaker 1: maybe opening up the relationship. I want to throw the
Speaker 1: floor to you, like, for somebody who is in a
Speaker 1: long term relationship and they want to open up their relationship, now,
Speaker 1: how would you give advice on that or what do
Speaker 1: you think would be the best steps? I mean, I
Speaker 1: know that you said that you have done it and
Speaker 1: it was really difficult, but what do you think could
Speaker 1: be a better way of maybe tackling Matt Well?
Speaker 3: There are definitely books that you can read. So the
Speaker 3: ethical slut is sort of considered the bible of non monogamy,
Speaker 3: but there is another one. I just can't think of
Speaker 3: the name.
Speaker 1: Ethical slut. What a great name.
Speaker 3: Yeah, ethical slut, So that's a good one. I think
Speaker 3: what you have to realize, like you have to have
Speaker 3: a conversation with your partner. Absolutely. I think you also
Speaker 3: have to realize before you even brought it to that subject,
Speaker 3: what are you hoping to get out of it? What
Speaker 3: needs are you not getting met that you want to
Speaker 3: be met. Because when you just come to your partner
Speaker 3: and say I want to open up our relationship, naturally,
Speaker 3: their fear is immediately like, ah, I'm not good enough,
Speaker 3: you don't want to be with me, I'm not sexually
Speaker 3: satisfying you, Like you know, you're just flooded with jealousy
Speaker 3: and insecurity. But if you were to go to your
Speaker 3: partner and be like, hey, I specifically want this sexual need,
Speaker 3: or I've realized that maybe I want to indulge my
Speaker 3: bisexual side, or you know what, Like I kind of
Speaker 3: am into BDSM and I know that you don't like that,
Speaker 3: so I want to try that, Like, come up with
Speaker 3: what you want, what need is not getting met, and
Speaker 3: why you want to do it, and be really gentle
Speaker 3: and supportive with your partner. That's the first thing I
Speaker 3: would say, because yeah, I mean, it's it's natural to
Speaker 3: just like freak the fuck out when someone says I
Speaker 3: want to sleep with other people, So that would be
Speaker 3: the first thing.
Speaker 1: So coming with an objective, a solid objective.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, a solid objective. And also just like remind
Speaker 3: them of the fact that you're with them, like you
Speaker 3: know that it doesn't you don't want it to threaten
Speaker 3: your relationship. But also like just be prepared because it
Speaker 3: is a fucking it's so hard. Like I'm not gonna lie,
Speaker 3: it's there's a lot of work because there's not just
Speaker 3: the fact that you're like trying to handle this new
Speaker 3: form of relationship, but you're also going to deal with
Speaker 3: so much programming in your own head regarding relationships already,
Speaker 3: because we might even if you are intrigued by an
Speaker 3: open relationship, there's no doubt that we are just like
Speaker 3: force fed monogamy so much like it's really hard to
Speaker 3: undo that. I've actually found that to be like one
Speaker 3: of the biggest challenges. Yeah, there's just so much work
Speaker 3: that goes into it. Also, just be like open to
Speaker 3: the fact that like you can ask a partner and
Speaker 3: at any time either you have the option to revoke
Speaker 3: the openness, because that is a really important thing. I
Speaker 3: don't think people people are afraid maybe that like if
Speaker 3: we open it up, then it's open and I don't
Speaker 3: like it, and I don't want to be able to
Speaker 3: say it. You have to be open to like stating
Speaker 3: your boundaries. I used to be such like a cool
Speaker 3: chick that like never wanted to tell someone that they'd
Speaker 3: hurt me. Not anymore. Now I'm like, I'm insecure, I'm
Speaker 3: feeling jealous. I need this, I want this. This is
Speaker 3: how I want you to treat me. Get used to
Speaker 3: being really open with your feelings and how you're feeling
Speaker 3: and telling someone that because there's no hiding how you feel,
Speaker 3: You've got to be really open and in touch with
Speaker 3: your own emotions.
Speaker 1: Are you able to see the same person multiple times?
Speaker 1: Is this a rule for you? Like? When is the
Speaker 1: limit of you starting to form this other sort of
Speaker 1: relationship with someone else?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Totally. That is one of the most asked questions. Actually, yeah,
Speaker 3: Like is there a limit? Can you only sleep with
Speaker 3: someone once? No, there is no limit. Interestingly, I think
Speaker 3: we all know just how fucking hard it is to
Speaker 3: find good sex sometimes and how annoying hinge conversations are,
Speaker 3: and how much tedious work goes into just getting on
Speaker 3: the first date, let alone having sex with someone. So no,
Speaker 3: there isn't a limit. We just are so open and
Speaker 3: honest about how we're feeling. So I was sort of
Speaker 3: seeing someone I was dating a girl, and I was
Speaker 3: developing feelings for her, and that was new territory for us,
Speaker 3: and we were sort of working through it, and I
Speaker 3: definitely handled some things shittily, And it's really trial and error,
Speaker 3: that's the thing. It's about, like figuring out because I'm
Speaker 3: learning how to first of all, just to date women,
Speaker 3: but also doing it while having a boyfriend, and then
Speaker 3: learning how to maybe have feelings for two people at
Speaker 3: the same time. Like I'm struggling, I'm trying to keep
Speaker 3: my head above water as well. So there's just like
Speaker 3: so much at play. But I guess at the end
Speaker 3: of the day, like having respect for your relationship and
Speaker 3: love for your partner is the most important thing.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being one so vulnerable, so
Speaker 1: open and sharing literally like the deepest darkest corners of
Speaker 1: your soul and your relationship to us. We are so
Speaker 1: grateful and so appreciative, and it is so interesting to
Speaker 1: speak to somebody who is challenging our very traditional views
Speaker 1: of what monogamy and what a happy relationship can be.
Speaker 1: And for anyone who's listening to this, and for anybody
Speaker 1: who has felt maybe like you know, or I couldn't
Speaker 1: do that, or maybe they've felt uncomfortable or judgey, like
Speaker 1: I think it's easy to feel judging of somebody else's
Speaker 1: relationship when we don't understand it. I just want to,
Speaker 1: like maybe preface, like to take a moment to think
Speaker 1: about where those feelings come from. And you know, just
Speaker 1: because something doesn't necessarily work for you doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: somebody else isn't completely happy and in a really safe space.
Speaker 1: And so I'm really grateful for you to share your story, Bianca.
Speaker 1: And also we know that you have your comedy show
Speaker 1: just can't be tamed coming to fringe festivals or a
Speaker 1: comedy show across Australia. When is that happening since everybody
Speaker 1: is now in lockdown.
Speaker 3: Yeah, look, it was meant to be happening in two weeks,
Speaker 3: but that's not happening, so like TBD at this point.
Speaker 3: But I'm planning on going to Adelaide fringe. I think
Speaker 3: that'll be the first one I can get to at
Speaker 3: this point, like fingers crossed, Like if everyone gets a vaccine,
Speaker 3: then like maybe we'll be out of here. But yeah,
Speaker 3: Can't Be Tamed will be coming to a fringe festival
Speaker 3: or comedy festival near you at some point.
Speaker 1: Can you please tell everybody where they can find you
Speaker 1: and how they can follow you if they want to
Speaker 1: find out any more about you, your relationships, your comedy
Speaker 1: and everything else that you put out into the world.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Sure, you can follow me on Instagram at Bianca
Speaker 3: is Malovsky and Bianca is spelt with a K instead
Speaker 3: of a C because fancy my mum's like Chris Jenner,
Speaker 3: just throws in a K where a C will suffice.
Speaker 3: And yeah, that's where you'll find everything on me and
Speaker 3: your podcast. Oh yeah, you know, I forget about it.
Speaker 3: My podcast is called Damsel Undistressed. I originally started it
Speaker 3: as you know, my journey post divorce, but it's sort
Speaker 3: of just turned into being this podcast about challenging society's
Speaker 3: norms on relationships and dating and being a woman.
Speaker 1: Thank you. You are an absolute legend. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for giving us your time today and your wonderful wisdom,
Speaker 1: and we wish you nothing but the best in the
Speaker 1: best sex possible in your wonderful relationship. Thank you for
Speaker 1: coming on life I'm cut.
Speaker 3: Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: You know, we don't end an episode without our sucking
Speaker 1: our suite, our highlight and our lowlight. The best and
Speaker 1: the worst thing to happen to us in this week,
Speaker 1: and Laura, can you kick start it for us today?
Speaker 1: I am just heading like headfirst with full excitement and
Speaker 1: enthusiasm towards Freedom Day. But my highlight of this week
Speaker 1: is that on Saturday night, Matt and I ordered China Diner.
Speaker 1: We got like fancy takeaway, we got a bottle of
Speaker 1: jalapeno mugger eaters, and we just got a bit tipsy
Speaker 1: together and had a great, great night. Cute. It's very cute.
Speaker 1: We stayed up, we talked, stayed up to like nine
Speaker 1: thirty pm. It was it was wild. We talked about
Speaker 1: the kids. Oh my god, it was crazy. No, but like,
Speaker 1: we spend so much time together, but sometimes it's not
Speaker 1: quality time. So it was really nice to just like
Speaker 1: have I don't know, like have like a couple of
Speaker 1: drinks and feel young again. Yeah, so that was my
Speaker 1: Saturday night. I love that for you, and I'm happy.
Speaker 1: But I also love the fact that we've now been
Speaker 1: doing this podcast for over two years. We have one
Speaker 1: rule that suck goes first, and every week you're still
Speaker 1: throwing me the sweet first. Oh, I always forget whatever,
Speaker 1: Like you know what, I'm here to break rules, like
Speaker 1: no one cares, no one's keeping tabs. Okay, my suck
Speaker 1: is such a bad us Yeah, real, real, crazy, real
Speaker 1: breaker over here with my spicy Jilipino margeratas. I was
Speaker 1: just really excited to tell you about them. It's the
Speaker 1: best thing that's happened to me all week. No, I'm stoked.
Speaker 1: It sounds like a good night It really was. And
Speaker 1: also like the weather has just gotten so good. So
Speaker 1: even though we're in this perpetual lockdown, we are very
Speaker 1: very fortunate in the fact that, like it's not winter,
Speaker 1: even just having like a nice sunny day is such
Speaker 1: a moodlifting experience that this weekend has just felt so
Speaker 1: much better than the last couple of weeks that we've had. Yeah, yay,
Speaker 1: love that for us. So and then my suck for
Speaker 1: the week. My suck for the week is something that
Speaker 1: I've spoken about loads, but it's just still happening. I'm
Speaker 1: really struggling with Lola's sleep again, like she's she's kind
Speaker 1: of had another sleep regression. She got really good for
Speaker 1: a little while there and was only waking up like
Speaker 1: twice during the night, which is still not great, but
Speaker 1: it was a lot better than what it was. And
Speaker 1: now she is back to waking up like six seven
Speaker 1: times a night, and it's just we're in a bit
Speaker 1: of a tricky situation at the moment because she is
Speaker 1: seven months old, but we live in a two bedroom
Speaker 1: apartment and so she's still next to us in the
Speaker 1: bassinette in the bedroom and I can't transfer her into
Speaker 1: her own cot or into her own room because there
Speaker 1: physically isn't a room. We don't even have a study,
Speaker 1: like it's actually quite a small apartment. So yeah, at
Speaker 1: the moment, we just have to kind of keep on
Speaker 1: doing this nighttime juggle with the kids until we can
Speaker 1: kind of find somewhere a bit bigger to live. And
Speaker 1: lockdown's making it really hard to find accommodation, and so
Speaker 1: that's just been like an ongoing battle of the last
Speaker 1: couple of months. Totally. Yeah, it really was exasperated this week.
Speaker 1: I mean, like I don't, I can't even relate, just
Speaker 1: I can't. You actually can't, Like I remember the days
Speaker 1: before I had kids, where I slept through an entire
Speaker 1: night and what that felt like. It is wild to
Speaker 1: think back on those times in my life. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think I've slept a solid night without waking
Speaker 1: up in almost a year and a half. I feel
Speaker 1: like mums say that for like the first ten years,
Speaker 1: don't they. Yeah, I hate to break it due, but like,
Speaker 1: thanks God, they are so far off seven a half
Speaker 1: more years to go, let's do this. My second suite
Speaker 1: are actually just really simple and easy ones. My suck
Speaker 1: for this week is that it's hurricane season over here,
Speaker 1: So that's great. It just means there are a lot
Speaker 1: of hurricanes, there's a lot of rain, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of wild weather, there's a lot of power outages. So
Speaker 1: that's definitely the suck. My sweet was, you know what.
Speaker 1: It's so simple, but Jordan is so competitive and he's
Speaker 1: actually one of those people that's really good at everything
Speaker 1: that he does. But he has beat me at everything
Speaker 1: that we done. We play minigolf sometimes twice a day.
Speaker 1: We've been playing minigolf NonStop and I've never beat him,
Speaker 1: and I beat him for the first time yesterday, and
Speaker 1: that is my sweet because it is like a monumental
Speaker 1: feat to beat him at anything. So that was my
Speaker 1: sweet of the week. It's cute, it's small, it's nothing,
Speaker 1: but it made me very happy. It's all about the
Speaker 1: small little things that kind of you know, contribute to
Speaker 1: the second suite. But I can actually hear the thunder happening. Now,
Speaker 1: can anybody else hear that? Okay, so that's yeah, if
Speaker 1: you guys can hear that. Sorry, that's just started. But
Speaker 1: like I said, it's hurricane season and it is. It
Speaker 1: is hectic. It's crazy outside. It usually comes in the
Speaker 1: afternoons in the evenings and it's six forty eight pm
Speaker 1: here and it's just rolling in. It's gonna get insane.
Speaker 1: Button down the hatches, guys. That is it from us.
Speaker 1: Thank you to everybody who's listened to the EP. We
Speaker 1: hope that you guys enjoyed this discussion around open relationships
Speaker 1: and hearing about Bianca's very unique experience with this. And
Speaker 1: if you guys have any questions for askur Cut, which
Speaker 1: is on Thursday, you know that you can slide into
Speaker 1: our dms at Life Uncut Podcasts. Also, you can join
Speaker 1: in the conversation on Facebook on our discussion group which
Speaker 1: is his Life on Cut discussion group and I'd better
Speaker 1: get out of here because I feel like the RUF
Speaker 1: is about to blow off. So you guys know that
Speaker 1: you will tell your mom, tay, Dad toe you talk Wow,
Speaker 1: tell your mom, tell you Dad, tell you dot to
Speaker 1: your friends and share the love because we love love