WEBVTT - It's time to OPEN UP! Talking open relationships with Bianka Ismailovski 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:22.560 Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:25.760 un Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura. And Brittany, what 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:28.440 the hell's been going down? Lady? Look, before we get 0:00:28.440 --> 0:00:31.480 into it, I just want to say thank you for 0:00:31.520 --> 0:00:34.400 getting dressed up for the occasion today. I've just soon 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:37.920 called into Laura and she's sitting here in a very beautiful, 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:41.480 mind you, very beautiful, very matching, like a baby pink 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:44.479 underwear set. So I'm really happy you put your undies 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:46.560 on for me. Well I'm hin just so you guys, 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:49.000 I mean you guys already know, like we're obviously recording, 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:51.080 these are very different time zones, and we always make 0:00:51.159 --> 0:00:53.320 jokes about how we are wearing our underwear, but today 0:00:53.360 --> 0:00:55.720 we are literally wearing our underwear, like both of us 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:57.560 Brits in a single and her undies and I'm hearing 0:00:57.560 --> 0:00:59.680 a Brian undies because do you know what, That's just 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:03.560 what friends do. It's literally like these podcast episodes, well 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:05.320 the start of them anyway, It's just like Zoom and 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:07.920 your bestie, sorry, Brett, Like we're at the point in 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:10.000 our relationship now where I don't need to put pants 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:11.759 on for you, and I'm not gonna have a shower. 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:13.640 What do you mean we're at the point now. This 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:16.480 has been like this from day one. This has not 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:19.640 been like a slow gradual ascent. Well, speaking of like 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:22.080 how disgusting I am, I do have a bit of 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:24.479 a story for you, which I've been saving to tell you. 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:27.200 And it's not like you come to the podcast with 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:29.560 like fun stories that you're doing in your life and 0:01:29.560 --> 0:01:32.360 then I'm just like this disgusting mom, and my life 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:38.160 is like slowly deteriorating. So this happened yesterday. You're not disgusting. 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:41.640 Hang on, I might change that train of thought after 0:01:41.640 --> 0:01:43.960 you tell me your story. Hit me with this story, okay, 0:01:44.000 --> 0:01:45.839 And I feel like every single mom is gonna relate 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:47.640 to this. Once upon a time, there was a time 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:49.560 where I used to look at other moms and I 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:51.920 thought like, oh, it's so disgusting how they'll put that 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:55.080 half like masticated piece of food that their child's been 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:57.720 chewing on in their mouth, or it's disgusting how like 0:01:58.040 --> 0:02:00.960 they don't mind that they touch who or like get 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:04.360 baby weirdness on them. Like all that stuff that used 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:06.800 to gross you out kind of just changes after you 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:09.920 become a mum. You're like you become weirdly okay with 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:13.000 every single bodily function that happens because it just happens 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:15.880 without you being able to have any control, partly by 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:18.000 yourself but also from your own kids. It's like when 0:02:18.000 --> 0:02:20.240 you see kids drop something. I remember, like I've seen 0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:22.320 kids drop their food what they're eating, like it might 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:24.320 be watermelon or something on the ground. Their mum just 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:26.240 picks it up, then they lick it clean, and then 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:27.880 I give it back to them, and I'm like, well, yeah, 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:30.200 like you'll suck a dummy. I mean, maybe not a watermelon. 0:02:30.200 --> 0:02:31.959 I don't think I would suck my kid's watermelon, but 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:34.320 I would like pick up Lola's dummy, suck the dummy, 0:02:34.360 --> 0:02:35.800 and then give it to her. So it's fine for 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:37.639 me to suck what's been in the gutter, but it's 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:39.640 not okay for Lola to suck what's been in the gutter. 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:42.200 You've got immunity, You've had a lot of things in 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:48.440 your mouth. Like even this is not the gross story, 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:50.680 but like yesterday, like Lola was sucking on a lamb 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:52.560 chop and then I was like, oh, there's still plenty 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:54.160 of meat left on that. So when then I ate 0:02:54.280 --> 0:02:57.000 the lamb chop. Hang on, is that you like five 0:02:57.080 --> 0:02:59.960 months old? What five month old? It's a lamb chop. 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:03.760 She's seven months. I'm not doing puraid food anymore. I'm 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:06.120 doing this thing called baby lead weeding, where you just 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:08.920 give them like pieces of food and they baby Basically, 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:10.400 I'm like ready for her to move out of home. 0:03:10.440 --> 0:03:13.360 You just let them feed themselves. I've signed her into university. Yeah, 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:16.080 she doesn't chew on the lamb shop, she just sucks 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:17.680 on it. So, Okay, that's not what I did. That 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:20.600 was gross. But every time that I think maybe she's 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:23.560 done a pooh, I'll pick her up and smell her butt, 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:26.320 right Like, I'll put her butt into my face and 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:29.720 smell it. That is logical, makes sense. I'm here for that. Yeah. 0:03:29.760 --> 0:03:31.959 So it's like you get very close to your child's 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:33.440 butt to try and figure out whether they've done a 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:35.800 pool or not. You could always just like maybe pull 0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:37.520 the back of their pants, like you know, or lift 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:39.360 the back of the nappy out so you can check 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:41.760 in there. But no, I like to like really immerse, 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:44.520 like think about like putting your face into freshly washed 0:03:44.520 --> 0:03:47.480 sheets and being like a I do that, but into 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:52.520 my child's ass. So okay, yesterday she was in the 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:54.680 hard chair and she had obviously done a poop. Not 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:56.720 only had she done a pooh, I like watched her 0:03:56.880 --> 0:03:59.360 grunt and groan and do the pooh. Then I kind 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:01.440 of forgot the that's what she'd done, And a little 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:03.520 while later I was like, oh, has she done a pooh? 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:07.000 So I picked her up. I slammed my face into 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:12.160 her butt with a semi open mouth and got a 0:04:12.240 --> 0:04:16.039 full mouthful of poo that had come through her pants. 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:18.280 And at the time I was like, wow, that is 0:04:18.480 --> 0:04:21.520 so beyond gross. And then I was also like, oh, 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:24.599 it's fine, whatever, where's the are you trying to tell me? 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:28.719 There was physical, physically pooh on your face, on your lips. 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:32.760 It was like, okay, imagine if you were to get 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:35.640 a type of wet cheese, or okay, what's like a 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:38.200 wet cheese, like cottage cheese, cottage cheese, and you're going 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:40.320 to put it in a light weight material and you're 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:43.039 going to drain the cottage cheese. It was like that, 0:04:43.480 --> 0:04:45.520 but it was pooh in my ants, in a nappy, 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:47.720 and it came out of her pants and into my mouth, 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:49.520 and I was like, I have hit the part of 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:52.520 being a mum that is just so fut Like my 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:56.839 barometer for what is gross is so far gone now 0:04:57.160 --> 0:04:59.440 that I don't think it's ever coming back. You literally 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:02.600 ate shit, Yeah, you're inhaled and you so so hang on, 0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:04.599 let me get this straight. Lola gets a lamb chop 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:11.560 and you get shit. Welcome to lockdown in the Johnson household. 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:14.440 Laura's eating shit, and Mad's dress enough in women's clothes. 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:15.560 It's been a big week. 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:15.840 Guys. 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:18.839 You know what I feel you on like a certain level, 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:20.560 and I feel like I can relate, not in terms 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:23.599 of kids, but when you're working with elderly especially and 0:05:23.640 --> 0:05:26.800 in a hospital, in an emergency department, like we see 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:29.440 a lot and a lot of stuff goes down in 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:31.640 our rooms with a lot of patients, And at the start, 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:33.280 there were things that would have grossed me out. Ten 0:05:33.360 --> 0:05:36.560 years later, somebody could just like do a big shit 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:38.680 on the table and you don't even blink an eye. 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:40.599 You're like, oh, well, better get you back out and 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:43.039 clean that up. Like it's just it just becomes I 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:45.520 get what you mean, It becomes normal. But I can say, 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:47.640 even after thirteen years an emergency I've never eaten a 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:51.760 shit so you win, no, But it's like it's like 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:53.599 your exposure. I mean, we talk about this in like 0:05:53.640 --> 0:05:57.640 toxic relationships. Whatever you've been exposed to on repetition, you 0:05:57.720 --> 0:06:01.799 become desensitized too. I am decent sensitized to how disgusting 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:04.239 my children are now and how disgusting I have become 0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:06.479 because of my children. Put it that way, I don't 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:08.039 even know where to go from here because you've just 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:09.840 made me vomit a little bit in my mouth. We 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:11.200 were trying to figure out what we were going to 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:13.080 talk about in the intro of this episode, and just 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:16.320 so you guys know, we have a freaking awesome episode 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:18.240 for you today. We have been talking about doing an 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:22.360 episode on open relationships for ages and now we are 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:25.279 not the oracles of open relationships, like Britain and I 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:28.359 have never experienced an open relationship because we're too fucking jealous. 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:31.839 I'm lucky that I've even had a closed relationship after 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:34.240 ten years of being single. BRIT's just happy to be 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:37.680 in a relationship. Look, I had an open relationship with 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:40.240 a couple of my exes, except I didn't realize the 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:44.080 time they were just sleeping with other people. Then it 0:06:44.120 --> 0:06:47.080 was open for them. So we actually we had an 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:49.920 awesome chick on the podcast. Her name is Bianca is Melovski, 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:52.880 and I just want to preface this conversation by saying 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:56.000 that for starters, this is just her experience of an 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:58.560 open relationship. She's pretty new to it as well. She's 0:06:58.600 --> 0:07:00.479 been with her partner for a year now. They have 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:03.479 been navigating what non monogamy looks like for them, So 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:06.200 obviously there are still lots of this conversation that she 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:08.839 is working at herself. But it was so interesting to 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:12.040 sit down and talk to someone who is doing relationships 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:16.080 fundamentally differently to what we have been taught is like 0:07:16.160 --> 0:07:18.480 the normal or the right or the traditional way to 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:21.400 do a relationship. And it really kind of rocked some 0:07:21.480 --> 0:07:23.240 of my own and I when I say rocked, I 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:25.840 don't mean like it didn't make me feel uncomfortable by 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:29.200 any means, but it really made me think about why 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:32.480 sometimes we have this like judgment or we think like, 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:34.360 oh I could never do that, or that's like you know, 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:36.800 I'd get too jealous, or like that's a bit strange. 0:07:37.160 --> 0:07:39.520 It really made me think about my own prejudice and 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:41.960 where that comes from, my own judgments about other people's 0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:44.520 relationships and where it comes from, and this real concept 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:47.920 of just because something doesn't suit you doesn't mean that 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.920 somebody else isn't so happy in that environment and in 0:07:50.960 --> 0:07:54.080 that relationship. And yeah, I mean you guys will hear 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:56.640 it from the conversation. Like Bianca is so in love 0:07:56.640 --> 0:07:59.600 with her boyfriend Tiger. They are super super happy and 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:02.520 they have a very different type of connection because they're 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:06.480 navigating an open relationship. I was so like everything you said. 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:09.640 I agree. I was so into this episode and I 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:12.120 could have spoken to Bianka for so long. I had 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:15.640 so many questions. And also she's so funny. I think 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:17.560 you guys, I can't imagine any of you are not 0:08:17.680 --> 0:08:20.880 going to love this episode. I just think, regardless of 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:24.200 if you're curious about how to broach the subject of 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:26.760 an open relationship with your partner, if you're single and 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:30.080 just curious in general, or maybe you're really happy in 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:33.480 a monogamous relationship, there really is something for everyone. Because 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:36.560 Bianchor is so funny, it is so interesting and I 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:38.400 was literally on the edge of my seat the whole time. 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:41.280 So I really do think you all are gonna enjoy it. Yeah, 0:08:41.320 --> 0:08:42.840 And you know what, There's actually a couple of other 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:44.920 things in this that we touch on as well. Bianca 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.120 has been sober for two years now, so we touch 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:49.719 on a conversation around sobriety. But the other big thing 0:08:49.760 --> 0:08:52.679 about this is we get so many questions that come 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.280 in from ask on Cut about open relationships, Like I 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:58.080 cannot tell you the amount of women and men who 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:01.080 write to us who have contemplated what it would look 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:03.839 like or how they would navigate opening up their relationship. 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:06.920 And the thing that's so interesting about Bianca's experience is 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:10.080 that she was married before and she trialed an open 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:14.679 relationship with her husband as a way of salvaging the relationship. 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:17.439 And her views on that is something that was really 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:19.880 interesting to me because I think a lot of times 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:21.880 in the conversations and the questions that come in for 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:25.200 us have always been around like, our sex life isn't 0:09:25.200 --> 0:09:27.640 that interesting? Maybe, you know me and my partner sex 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:30.000 life isn't that interesting. Maybe we should open up our 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:33.280 relationship to satisfy that urge that we have or satisfied 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:37.520 those needs and wants. And Bianca's experience of that and 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:40.720 she has navigated that in her past relationship is a 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:43.280 really interesting experience. So I'm so excited to get into this. 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:45.560 I think you guys are going to enjoy it. But yes, Brittany, 0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:48.480 before we do, there's more things we need to cover. Well, yeah, 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:50.600 I want to ask you something, and it's something that 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:52.600 I've been trying to think about myself. It was something 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:55.840 that I read from some over in the news here 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:59.240 in America. There was some Bachelor and Paradise American Bachelor 0:09:59.280 --> 0:10:02.120 in Paradise alumni, a couple. I don't know if you've 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:04.840 heard of them. His name is Dean Unglert and I 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:07.199 don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. And her name 0:10:07.280 --> 0:10:10.240 is Caylin Miller Keys. Now, she's very, very popular. You 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:12.920 would have seen her around the media. I'd certainly have not. 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:15.440 I am like the worst person when it comes to 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:18.240 anybody who is famous. I know who Brad Pitters. Oh 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:20.760 my god, he's at the US Open final right now. 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:23.520 He's so hot. I'm that annoying friend when people are like, hey, 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:25.160 do you know who this actress is or actor is, 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:27.240 And I'm like, no, I don't know it, and They're like, 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:28.959 what do you mean It's George Clooney And I'm like 0:10:29.000 --> 0:10:30.480 I don't. I don't know who that is. Can you 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:33.400 show George who? Can you show me a photo? It's 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:35.640 just because like names and faces don't match up in 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:39.120 my mind. So yes, anyway, continue totally irrelevant to the story. No, 0:10:39.240 --> 0:10:40.959 in all honesty, I'm like that too. I've got to 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:43.839 see somebody's face to know, Like I won't know a name, 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:45.640 and that's the same with songs and stuff like that. Anyway, 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:47.880 we're getting off track. What I want to ask you 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:51.920 is this couple have come out and said that they've 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:56.760 been together for a year or two. He cannot say 0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:00.960 the L word. He cannot say love. He refuses to 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:03.000 say that he loves her, even though he loves her. 0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:05.920 He's just got something against the love word. So they've 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:07.720 come out in this interview and said, oh, yeah, we 0:11:07.880 --> 0:11:10.080 just are in a relationship where we don't say we 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:12.400 love each other. What I want to know from you is, 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:14.480 do you think A. Do you think this is weird? B? 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:18.880 Could you be in a relationship if the person could 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:21.760 never tell you they love you? Ah? So the thing is, 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:23.600 you know they love you, and you know that you 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:25.520 love them, but you're not allowed to tell each other. 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:27.160 And because he doesn't like to hear it either, so 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:28.880 she can't say it back to him. So they have 0:11:28.920 --> 0:11:31.600 to have this relationship where they know that each other 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:33.160 love each other because you know, you know the way 0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:34.680 you feel with each other, you know the way you act, 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:36.160 you know the things you do for each other, but 0:11:36.600 --> 0:11:38.960 they can never say the word could you be in 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:41.320 that relationship? Okay? Like I think that there are some 0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:45.280 very unusual factors here, and like I'm gonna say, yes, 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:48.520 it is a bit weird. They need therapy. There is 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:50.600 always a counselor that you can reach out to. No, 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:52.640 but like I'm sure there's somebody who's listening to this 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:55.920 who hearing I love you makes them feel uncomfortable, just 0:11:55.960 --> 0:11:59.960 like compliments make people feel uncomfortable. I would really strugg 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:03.600 if we hadn't unpacked the like what's going on? You know, 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:07.000 Like if we had sat down had conversations around why 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:09.840 he feels uncomfortable using the word I love you? Like 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:12.480 what is it about that that like it no longer 0:12:12.679 --> 0:12:15.520 kind of develops a deeper connection but actually makes him 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:18.120 close off. I would need to better understand the why, 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:20.400 and I think then maybe I would be okay. But 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:23.079 I think that reassurance with being in love can come 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:25.560 in so many different ways. There is also like, there's 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:28.160 so many relationships where people say the word I love 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:30.880 you over and over again, but the actions don't meet up. 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:33.520 And I would much rather be in a relationship with 0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:36.440 someone who struggles to say I love you but shows 0:12:36.480 --> 0:12:38.600 me every day in their actions and in other ways. 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:40.800 And well, we all know about love languages, and if 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:43.040 you don't, you can go listen to that episode. But 0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:45.880 I think that there are much more important ways of 0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:48.280 showing someone that they love you. And I do think 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:51.960 that words can be super vacuous and they can almost 0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:54.360 just be used as filler. So if my partner really 0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:56.320 struggled with the word I love you, it would be 0:12:56.400 --> 0:12:59.080 challenging for me, but it's not a deal breaker necessarily, 0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:01.200 I agree. So I don't think I could be with 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:05.719 someone for my entire life, like marriage, kids, everything, every 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.360 day and never hear I love you from them. I 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:11.280 don't know if I could do it. I'm pretty big 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:13.559 on the words of affirmation and time and things like that, 0:13:13.679 --> 0:13:15.520 but and I know I'd be all right for a 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:18.120 little while, But eternity is a long time to not 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:21.240 hear the word I love you, and I thought this 0:13:21.440 --> 0:13:23.920 was going to be a real rarity, right. So I 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:25.720 was talking to Jordan and some of the other boys 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:27.800 because I always run these questions by them because I 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:29.320 want to get I want to get a feel for it, 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:32.080 and I thought it was gonna be really rare. One 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:35.360 of the guys said, oh, that my sister's like that. 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:37.760 She's been in a relationship, she's got two kids. They 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:39.360 don't tell each other they love each other. He's never 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:42.439 told her and I said never, like never, and he's like, no, never, 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:45.640 But they know that they love each other. I am 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:50.160 wondering how common this is, so I want to I 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:52.200 wanted to ask you, but I want to put a 0:13:52.200 --> 0:13:54.280 little pole out as well. I want you guys to 0:13:54.320 --> 0:13:57.439 tell us if you are in a relationship now or 0:13:57.480 --> 0:13:59.800 you have been in a relationship before where you can't 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:02.200 and you won't for whatever reason, tell each other you 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:05.400 love each other just out of curiosity. You'll always say anonymous. 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:07.000 But I just want to know how common it is. 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:08.880 Do you know? It's something I think I would struggle with. 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:11.680 And this is like a bigger thing to unpack. Obviously, 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:14.760 not everybody has kids, and not everybody even wants kids. 0:14:15.080 --> 0:14:18.440 But I would really struggle being with someone who can't 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:20.800 use the words I love you, because I would kind 0:14:20.800 --> 0:14:22.560 of worry about would they be able to say it 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:24.920 to our children? What impact does that have on children 0:14:24.960 --> 0:14:27.640 if they've never heard I love you before from their parents, 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:30.200 because it's something that their parents struggle with. Like that 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:32.160 would be the hardest thing for me, because I would 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:35.200 worry that there would be some deficit in my kids 0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:37.560 and in their experience of having a loving relationship with 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:39.320 their parents. But I'm sure there's lots of people out 0:14:39.320 --> 0:14:42.200 there whose parents maybe weren't very verbal in the way 0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:43.720 that they said I love you, but they were really 0:14:43.720 --> 0:14:47.320 physical and really attentive in other ways showing I love you. 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:51.200 So this almost links so perfectly into the conversation with Bianca. 0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:54.600 What works for one relationship doesn't necessarily work for another one. 0:14:54.600 --> 0:14:56.560 And just because it's weird to you or weird to 0:14:56.680 --> 0:15:00.560 us doesn't mean that that relationship isn't completely healthy and happy. 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.600 And so I think checking yourself of judgment, which is 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:06.200 what this whole episode is about. What a perfect little 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:08.200 tie in that you did not mean to make. None 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:11.240 they came out and said like they came out and said, 0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:14.520 we're so happy, he's so romantic. I do all this 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:15.920 stuff for him, he does this for me. We have 0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:18.720 so much great time. They've got a great relationship. It's 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:21.000 got nothing to do with that. I just want to know. 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:23.200 I just when I first read it, I was just like, 0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:26.920 maybe because for me, I reckon, I tell I'm a 0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:30.360 very verbal, very affectionate person. I reckon, I tell Jordan 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.600 I love him. And I'm not exaggerating. This isn't exaggerating. 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:38.520 I reckon, And it'd have to be for fifty times 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:40.280 a day, or maybe you're just a little bit more 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:43.480 needy than most. No, but like we say it in 0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:45.360 a way, he'll do it as well. We'll say it 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:47.360 in a way like I'll get up off the lounge 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:49.080 from a movie to go to and get a drink, 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:50.800 and I'll be like, do you want anything, and He'll 0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:52.440 be like, num, right, and I'll be like, okay, love you, Katie, 0:15:52.520 --> 0:15:54.320 And then we just say love you all day and 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:55.640 we just I'm just going to the fridge and I'm 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:58.240 back in two minutes. I think that that's normal as well. 0:15:58.280 --> 0:15:59.800 Like I do that with Matt too, to be honest, 0:15:59.880 --> 0:16:01.640 Like I say I love you, and that's words that 0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:04.080 have said so free flowing in our household, like I 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:06.840 love you as said a ridiculous amount of times in 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:08.920 a day. But do you know what I think that 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:10.920 there's sometimes when you say I love you and you 0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:13.040 mean it on a much deeper level than like the 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:14.720 super if you're saying I love you and you're just 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:16.880 getting up to the fridge, Laura, I mean it when 0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:19.080 I go to the fridge, I mean it. But what 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:21.560 I mean is is like sometimes it can take on 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:26.480 a more superficial meaning because in that moment, yes, of 0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:29.120 course you do love him, but you don't mean it 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:31.920 with like a deep level of connection. You're just saying 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:33.840 it as like the nice thing to say when you 0:16:33.920 --> 0:16:37.280 leave to remind them, whereas like there would definitely be 0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:40.720 times when you and Jordan would have more intense conversations 0:16:41.120 --> 0:16:43.520 and that I love yous are much more meaningful. Oh 0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:45.000 you should see it when I go to the oven. 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:52.440 I just want to get serious. Okay, guys, you know that, 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:54.840 like we're going to get into that accidentally unfiltered, and 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:58.040 that is your most embarrassing stories where you write them 0:16:58.120 --> 0:16:59.920 into us so we all laugh at them to get 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:04.040 the collectively individually big old life, uncut family that we are, 0:17:04.160 --> 0:17:06.359 and we have some doozies for you today. Actually mine 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.640 is so like, it's so wholesome. Okay, that's great because 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:14.000 mine always rank okay. So sometimes I don't know if 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:16.320 these are actually funny or if they're just gross and 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:18.280 I'm just a sick and that mixes the two up 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:21.480 and here we go. Okay, guys, So I never ever 0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:25.400 cancel plans. I hate to cancel on people. A few 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:27.879 years ago, I was so excited for a date with 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:30.960 this guy. I really liked him. I was upset as 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:33.600 I woke up with gastro or food poison. I'm not 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:37.800 sure which one, but I had like hardcore, hectic, explosive diarrhea. 0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:39.800 I thought I would be fine if I went to 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:42.400 the toilet all day, shat it all out, and by night, 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:44.920 maybe i'd be good to go. I just didn't want 0:17:44.920 --> 0:17:47.320 to miss this date. I felt great all afternoon, so 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:49.440 I was like, this is all in order, The date 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:51.840 is going ahead. We went to a really nice sinner 0:17:52.000 --> 0:17:53.760 and when he went up to go to the toilet, 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:57.600 I desperately needed to fart. The date was going so well, 0:17:57.920 --> 0:17:59.600 so I thought I would rip a fart off now 0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:03.040 while we're gone before he got back, and holy shit, 0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:07.960 I shat my fucking pants. I went to the toilet 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:10.280 and I literally had to scoop out the poo. It 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:12.639 was so gross. It wasn't a little squirt, it was 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:14.639 a whole pooh. I thought I would be able to 0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:17.040