1 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,520 Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. School starts for 2 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:13,159 Speaker 1: most students next week. There are a few holdouts who 3 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:14,880 Speaker 1: are going to have an extra week of holidays, but 4 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:17,560 Speaker 1: for most of us, school's back on the twenty seventh 5 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 1: after Australia Day next week. And today in the pod, 6 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:21,759 Speaker 1: we're giving you the checklist that you need, not the 7 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: checklist that most people think they need, because that's all 8 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,799 Speaker 1: the boring stuff that you're hearing about all the time 9 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,640 Speaker 1: at this time of year. We're going to give you 10 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 1: a little bit of that, but a whole lot of 11 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 1: another checklist that is going to change your child's and 12 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:39,120 Speaker 1: your world for the year. Stay with us. Hello, Welcome 13 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,320 Speaker 1: to the Happy Families podcast, where you get real parenting 14 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,680 Speaker 1: solutions every single day. This is Australia's most doubt moaded 15 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 1: parenting podcast. We're Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie, We're going 16 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 1: to talk today about how we can get our kids 17 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: ready for school. A lot of people are having this conversation. 18 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,279 Speaker 1: We're going to do it differently and I just want 19 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,800 Speaker 1: to emphasize at the outset, Holy cow, have we got 20 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 1: some experience at this Six kids, four of them have 21 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: now finished high school. That means that they've done thirteen 22 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,959 Speaker 1: years to do the maths on that thirteen times four 23 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:10,480 Speaker 1: fifty two days fifty two first days. Then we've got 24 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 1: the two younger kids who are obviously still going through it. 25 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: I've calculated I've been doing maths while you've been sitting 26 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,640 Speaker 1: there counting some coins. I don't even know why we've 27 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 1: got coins. Where did they come from? Does anyone use coins? Anyway, 28 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 1: let's not get distracted. 29 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 2: I think them for the trolley. 30 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,800 Speaker 1: Of course, we are well into the sixties in terms 31 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,400 Speaker 1: of sixty sixty four to sixty five first days in 32 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,640 Speaker 1: school is what we're up to. And because our kids 33 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,080 Speaker 1: have changed school so many times, with our interstate moves 34 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: and our big shifts from here, there and everywhere, too 35 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 1: many of those, it's actually embarrassing. And I don't want 36 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 1: to say it, but I did the maths. Not a 37 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,360 Speaker 1: single one of our children has done less than four schools, 38 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: and most of them have done several more than that. 39 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: So we have done a lot of first days in 40 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 1: new environments. Believe me, this conversation is for every family 41 00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 1: whose kids are going to have a first day next 42 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,680 Speaker 1: week or the week, and we're excited to share with 43 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,720 Speaker 1: you what we think matters most when it comes to 44 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 1: getting ready for a first day. Only three non negotiables 45 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,720 Speaker 1: that I've put in here, and then we're going to 46 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: get into the weird stuff, the things that I think 47 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 1: nobody's thinking about that should be on the checklist. Okay, 48 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: I'm going to start with the basics, like the really 49 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: basic basics, just because I want to get them out 50 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: of the way. You've got to buy the basics. You've 51 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 1: got to get the supplies. So, oh my. 52 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,679 Speaker 2: Goodness, I was just at office works yesterday. 53 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 1: Chaos the car park. 54 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 2: Yes, take a driver, don't park, take. 55 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 1: A driver, just get dropped off at the door and 56 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: send the text one you. 57 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,519 Speaker 2: I was in there. It was fine, it's the car park. 58 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 2: It was a nightmare. 59 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,840 Speaker 1: So you need the backpack of the lunch box, the 60 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 1: water bottle, the sciols, required supplies, list, the pencils, and I'm. 61 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 2: Praying for anyone finds any ferries lunchbox fairies. They're the 62 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:50,200 Speaker 2: scariest when somebody's forgotten to take their lunchbox out from 63 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:50,920 Speaker 2: last year. 64 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: Oh, I was thinking, what are you talking about? It 65 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: talking about tails and years again or okay, yeah, like 66 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 1: you're going to unpack somebody's December yeah, and find a soundwich. 67 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:00,959 Speaker 2: I'm praying for you all. 68 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,959 Speaker 1: It's so good. There's one more point that I do 69 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,920 Speaker 1: want to make about this, and that is that unless 70 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:09,600 Speaker 1: you're the kind of person who loves this and just 71 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:13,800 Speaker 1: wants to go bonkers, your child's success at school isn't 72 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,920 Speaker 1: defined by or determined by the pencil case of the 73 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: water bottle that they've got. So don't go crazy with it, like, 74 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,640 Speaker 1: don't blow the budget, don't bust out the credit card 75 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:25,240 Speaker 1: and go nuts. Because Pinterest and Instagram tell you that 76 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 1: you have to have a certain penci. 77 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:27,799 Speaker 2: Phase, it's almost certain they lose it. 78 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 1: Just su That's kind of what I'm experienced to doo 79 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:31,520 Speaker 1: many times. 80 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:31,799 Speaker 2: Yeah. 81 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 1: So, unless this energizes you're, unless you've got the cash 82 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: to blow, just the basics are going to be fine. 83 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 1: The kids will be okay. It's not the most important thing. 84 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 1: Get the supplies taken care of. Let's move on to 85 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 1: the much more important things on this checklist. 86 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 2: My favorite one is the emotional checklist. In our home, 87 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 2: we call this PPIs. That's personal progress interviews or personal 88 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 2: parenting into you, whatever you want to call it. It 89 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 2: can be as formal or as informal as you like. 90 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:58,800 Speaker 2: We usually do it on the bed every now and again, 91 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:00,360 Speaker 2: we might go for a walk down to the beach 92 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,000 Speaker 2: and just talk to them side by side. But it's 93 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 2: just this beautiful opportunity for you to connect with your 94 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 2: child and find out what's going on on an emotional level. 95 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 2: What are they looking forward to, what are they excited about? 96 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,680 Speaker 2: Who were they excited to spend time with at school? 97 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,040 Speaker 2: But what are they worried about? What are they concerned about? 98 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:22,799 Speaker 2: Those things really help us get an inside look into 99 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,919 Speaker 2: how our child is coping already with the idea of 100 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:27,800 Speaker 2: going back to school. 101 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, so this is really about listening and asking just 102 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: a handful of really good questions. I believe when I 103 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,280 Speaker 1: look at what the research shows, the quality of your 104 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 1: relationship with your child is going to be probably the 105 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,159 Speaker 1: most important or one of the most important predictors of 106 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 1: how well they're going to handle school this year and 107 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,560 Speaker 1: the challenges off So this conversation, this emotional check in 108 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 1: is really important. You don't have to be a therapist. 109 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:52,680 Speaker 1: You're just investigating, asking a couple of questions and offering 110 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 1: your support and tying in with that. The third and 111 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:58,599 Speaker 1: final thing on the non negotiables is what I've called 112 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 1: the who's got your back checklist, And it's really simple. 113 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 1: Just have a chat with the child and make sure 114 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 1: that they know who they can go to if something 115 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,960 Speaker 1: goes wrong. Do they know the name of the teacher, 116 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: Do they know the school counselor they've got a trusted friend. 117 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: Do they know how to get hold of you if 118 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 1: they need to? Just have a simple conversation where you say, hey, 119 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 1: if you feel scared, if you feel lost, if you 120 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: feel sick, if you feel unsafe, here's what you need 121 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:24,040 Speaker 1: to do. Basic stuff, and it really just gives them 122 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: the reassurance that you're there for them. It makes a difference. 123 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 2: One of the things that we've done multiple occasions with 124 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,840 Speaker 2: our children first days is just taking a walk around 125 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 2: the school, showing them where their classroom is, where they'd 126 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 2: put their bag, all of those kinds of things before 127 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,000 Speaker 2: the influx of school. 128 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,680 Speaker 1: I want to add two things not to worry about. 129 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,040 Speaker 1: The first is don't worry about the sleep situation. I've 130 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,600 Speaker 1: read so many blogs, so many Instagram posts, so many whatevers, 131 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:49,240 Speaker 1: everyone saying, oh, you've got to get kids back into 132 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,760 Speaker 1: a sleeproutee. I mean, good for you if you can, 133 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 1: and if you want to. I feel differently. Let the 134 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 1: kids enjoy the last few. 135 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 2: Days, I was about to say, and holidays go so quickly. 136 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, they're going to sort out their slip routine within 137 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 1: it within a couple of days of being at school, 138 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,440 Speaker 1: Like it will sort itself out. 139 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 2: When I think it. Just the recognition right expectations are 140 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:10,480 Speaker 2: the most the biggest predictor to our enjoyment of life, 141 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,839 Speaker 2: the quality of our the quality of our experience. And 142 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 2: if we just recognize that those that first week, there's 143 00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:18,279 Speaker 2: a transition period. 144 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's going to be heavy no matter what. 145 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 2: It's going to get messy, but it's okay because it's 146 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 2: going to get better from there. 147 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,839 Speaker 1: I've also had a bunch of people say, how do 148 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,440 Speaker 1: I get my morning routine right? I need to do 149 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,600 Speaker 1: a rehearsal. I need to make it stop. It just 150 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: you don't need to rehearse the morning routine. Remember that 151 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 1: your morning begins the night before. Get things organized on 152 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,760 Speaker 1: the night before school starts. You wake up half an 153 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: hour early the morning of school. The kids are going 154 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,040 Speaker 1: to be fine. If they're excited for school, it's going 155 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: to be easy. If they're not excited for school, that 156 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,039 Speaker 1: extra margin will make a difference. You don't have to 157 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,680 Speaker 1: rehearse it, you don't have to make a big deal 158 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 1: about it. We overthink parenting. This is one area that 159 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,600 Speaker 1: we absolutely do too much. 160 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,400 Speaker 2: But this is where family meetings come in and are 161 00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:58,479 Speaker 2: really really helpful. 162 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 1: Just do the work through the week and. 163 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 2: You sit down on the weekend and you utilize your kids' 164 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 2: minds as well. Ask them what's going well, what went 165 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,840 Speaker 2: really well this week, what didn't go well, and what 166 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 2: are we going to focus on to make next week better. 167 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 2: It's just it's a family conversation and it makes such 168 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 2: a difference when we're all involved. 169 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 1: Okay, I've said a new Year's resolution that we're going 170 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 1: to keep our podcast short. 171 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 2: Stop talking. 172 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, we've gone over time for the first half. So 173 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,280 Speaker 1: after the break, we're going to talk about the checklist 174 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 1: that we love and I can't wait to share it 175 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,000 Speaker 1: with you because the stuff we've talked about matters, But 176 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: the stuff after the break is the most important back 177 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: to school checklist you'll ever hear. Stay with us, We're back. 178 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. Four things on this checklist 179 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 1: that are going to be a game change, and not 180 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 1: just in week one, although, oh my goodness, to make 181 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,840 Speaker 1: a difference in week one, but throughout your entire twenty 182 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:02,200 Speaker 1: twenty six school year. This is the checklist that you 183 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 1: really need, and it starts with this. It's the how 184 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 1: can I help conversation. So in the week before school, 185 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,960 Speaker 1: you and I over the last number of years, have 186 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: sat down with each of the children and simply said, 187 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,040 Speaker 1: what do you want this year to be? Not what 188 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,480 Speaker 1: grades do you want, but what do you want this 189 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: year to look like? What's important to you? Where do 190 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 1: you want your focus to be? And then we've simply said, 191 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 1: how can I help? How can I support? And when 192 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,680 Speaker 1: the kids hear that, when they are the masters of 193 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 1: their destiny, when they are defining success on their terms, 194 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:37,120 Speaker 1: not ours, and they know that we've committed to support 195 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 1: them in the things that matter to them, they're just amazing. 196 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 1: I'm always astounded at how good they are. So that's 197 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:46,440 Speaker 1: the first checklist item. 198 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 2: The next one is the daily check in questions. So 199 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 2: we generally talk about gratitude things around the table, but 200 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 2: there are a number of other questions you could choose 201 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 2: to ask to get it a great insight into where 202 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 2: your child's at. 203 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know how the kids come home and you 204 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: say how its school and they say, fine, where'd you 205 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 1: do nothing? This is the game changer. So the daily 206 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,760 Speaker 1: checking questions include things like, and you could do this 207 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,200 Speaker 1: at dinner, you could do it at bedtime. Just pick one, 208 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,440 Speaker 1: rotate through and make up your own. You don't have 209 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,080 Speaker 1: to just do these three or four that we've jott 210 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: down here. What did you do today that was really hard? Like? 211 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 1: How did you show that you're resilient? Right? That's a 212 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 1: really powerful question that teaches kids that they can do 213 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 1: hard things because now they're on the lookout for them 214 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 1: and we can celebrate their strength, their fortitude, their capacity 215 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,920 Speaker 1: to push through hard stuff. What did you do today 216 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 1: that was kind? Who'd you help? Like when we say 217 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,880 Speaker 1: that we want kids to be respectful and kind and 218 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 1: to make the world a better place, you asked that question, 219 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 1: and so who was kind to you today? And how right? 220 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,560 Speaker 1: And so we're showing them that the people are good. 221 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 1: What made you laugh today? Is always fun? And who'd 222 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,960 Speaker 1: you play with? I just think these daily checking questions 223 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:03,560 Speaker 1: they give you gene when opportunities to build the relationship 224 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,319 Speaker 1: and understand what's going on at school, rather than just 225 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 1: saying how'd school go? 226 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:10,000 Speaker 2: The friendship audit? This is actually, this is really important, 227 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 2: especially for children who are starting at a new school 228 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:16,439 Speaker 2: or are studying, you know, understanding who they're spending time with, 229 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 2: because from there you're empowered as a parent to know 230 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 2: how best to support them socially. 231 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: So there's something that we're really emphasizing a lot with 232 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 1: a couple of our kids who are still well. One 233 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,680 Speaker 1: of them's homeschooled, and we're really pushing this hard because 234 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 1: of the homeschooling situation. But even now you're eleven, daughter, 235 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: we're still having these conversations. So I've got a formula 236 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,760 Speaker 1: here that works, or a pattern or a process. Number One, 237 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 1: You've got to ask your child who they're spending time 238 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 1: with that school, know their names, know where they fit 239 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 1: in the social group. Number two, keep a record of 240 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,040 Speaker 1: the three, four or five names that get mentioned the most. 241 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:55,079 Speaker 1: And then if you can get some parent contact info. Now, 242 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,520 Speaker 1: this can be tricky. Sometimes some parents can be evasive, 243 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: but usually parents do have a willingness to talk to 244 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,080 Speaker 1: their children's friends' parents. 245 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 2: The younger child is the easier, it is, Yeah, way easier. 246 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 1: And then to the degree that you can, again especially 247 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:13,439 Speaker 1: with younger children, set up a face to face playdate 248 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: or hang out or visit at the park or something 249 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,800 Speaker 1: along those lines. And then if you can commit to 250 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,439 Speaker 1: regular unstructured friend time, not just organized activities, but unstructured 251 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,840 Speaker 1: time because you're building social skills. It just makes such 252 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 1: a difference when the kids go to school and they've 253 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 1: had that out of school contact and Kylie, there's just 254 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: one more lucky last. 255 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 2: It's the activity opt out audit. I think this is 256 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 2: really important. Sometimes as parents, we get so excited about 257 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 2: all the things we want our children to do as 258 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,320 Speaker 2: far as extra curricula goes, and we push them into 259 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 2: these activities, thinking that they're going to grow to love it. 260 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, they better because I loved it when. 261 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,080 Speaker 2: I was a kid, or I never got to do 262 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 2: it and I so wanted to. And so what we 263 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 2: have strived to do with each of our kids is 264 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,679 Speaker 2: number one, give autonomy around the choices that they make 265 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 2: in what extracurricular activities they do. 266 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 1: I want to pick up on that before you go on. 267 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 1: There are a lot of people who say, yeah, but 268 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 1: the kids just don't want to put it in any efforts. 269 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 1: So they'll say, no, I don't want to do it, 270 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 1: no matter what it is. I don't want to do swimming, 271 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:17,559 Speaker 1: or I want to do piano, or I don't want 272 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:20,319 Speaker 1: to do I don't know what footy or whatever. And 273 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: my response to that is, they don't have to do it, like, 274 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 1: as long as they're not sitting at home on a screen. 275 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,000 Speaker 1: I know plenty of really functional adults who can't play 276 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 1: the piano, and I know plenty of really functional adults 277 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 1: that have never played competitive soccer. Right, So we have 278 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:35,959 Speaker 1: this thing in our head the kids have got to 279 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,439 Speaker 1: be doing these structured activities after school because it's really 280 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 1: important for their well being and their extracurricular capacity and 281 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,200 Speaker 1: their development and all that sort of stuff. And we 282 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 1: are right, generally speaking, but if it's a fight to 283 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 1: get them out the door, I just don't think it's 284 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 1: worth it. So, yes, it's an important conversation to have, 285 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 1: but no, it shouldn't be compulsory. 286 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 2: So one of the questions that would be great to 287 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:01,199 Speaker 2: ask your children if they're involved in extra curricular activities 288 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 2: is if we weren't doing this already, would you choose 289 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:04,520 Speaker 2: to do it? 290 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, that's right. If we already didn't have two 291 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,880 Speaker 1: years under our belt, would you choose to start doing 292 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: it today? 293 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,000 Speaker 2: I think sometimes as parents we get caught up in 294 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 2: this idea. I've invested so much already, I've spent so 295 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 2: much money, I've brought uniforms, I've you know, time. 296 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,319 Speaker 1: You've got to make the right team. You've got to 297 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,319 Speaker 1: get to grade five on the instrument. Like, Yeah, it's 298 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,280 Speaker 1: like the sunk cost matters so much, and. 299 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 2: It feels like it almost feels like a failure when 300 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 2: our kids decide that they don't want to be a 301 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 2: part of something that we've invested into so much. And 302 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 2: I think, too, there's an idea that we've wasted that time. 303 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 2: But honestly believe you've never wasted time by giving your 304 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,320 Speaker 2: children opportunities to explore things. 305 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:47,440 Speaker 1: So, if you weren't already doing it, would you choose 306 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 1: to start it today? If the answer is no, consider 307 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 1: letting it go, Consider quitting it. 308 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,839 Speaker 2: And then the next question would be, well, what lights 309 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,120 Speaker 2: you are what would you like to do? 310 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:58,360 Speaker 1: Yeah? Which ones feel like obligations and which ones feel 311 00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:58,920 Speaker 1: like a treat? 312 00:13:59,160 --> 00:13:59,679 Speaker 2: Yeah? 313 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,960 Speaker 1: And then let your kids know they have permission. If 314 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 1: you don't feel that this serves you anymore, then you 315 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 1: are allowed to quit. So they are our four checklist 316 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 1: items that we think every family needs as we head 317 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: back to school. We really hope that it's helpful. Hopefully 318 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 1: it's simple, Hopefully it's doable, Hopefully it's game changing. Tomorrow 319 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 1: on the pod, I'll do about it tomorrow We're going 320 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,200 Speaker 1: to review our holidays. Oh my goodness, so much to 321 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: tell you about. This is our show and tell date. 322 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 1: That's tomorrow on the pod. The Happy Families podcast is 323 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 1: produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Mim Hammond's provides research, 324 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,640 Speaker 1: admin and additional support and if you'd like more info 325 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 1: to make you family happier, you'll find it at happy 326 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 1: families dot com dot au