1
00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:11,280
Speaker 1: Step Thanks so much for coming on the podcast. Thanks thrilled,

2
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:12,760
Speaker 1: actually thrilled to have you here. Oh.

3
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:13,280
Speaker 2: Thanks.

4
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:15,640
Speaker 1: I feel a bit like a third wheel on being on.

5
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,200
Speaker 2: The end of the table because we've met before.

6
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,040
Speaker 3: I think it's no surprise that on the end of

7
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:22,919
Speaker 3: the table and you guys are texting.

8
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:26,360
Speaker 1: Now, I'm not in the group there. That's fine. Not

9
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:30,200
Speaker 1: bitter about it, but that's just how I feel safe space.

10
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:36,080
Speaker 2: Starting there. Oh, I'm sorry you feel that way.

11
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:40,280
Speaker 3: You that was the truth at the end, at the

12
00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:40,839
Speaker 3: bottom of it.

13
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:45,599
Speaker 4: But no, it's fine, is it? Because I know it's

14
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:46,920
Speaker 4: funny that I think this is the first time you

15
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,240
Speaker 4: actually met Wood face to face.

16
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't feel like it.

17
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've spoken a bit. Yeah, yeah on the show. Yeah,

18
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,000
Speaker 1: and you listen and you listen to the show, which

19
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,440
Speaker 1: we thought was very funny initially.

20
00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, and exclusively call up for kinky topics.

21
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,920
Speaker 2: I don't know why the way.

22
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,840
Speaker 1: What are the topics you've caught up for?

23
00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,280
Speaker 3: Does a guy playing with your dog get you going?

24
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,200
Speaker 1: Yeah? That was the first one.

25
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,600
Speaker 2: That was the probably I think so from memory one.

26
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, he has another one.

27
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,480
Speaker 2: Recalling a memory of watching a sex scene.

28
00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:18,800
Speaker 4: With your parents, which you called for while your mum

29
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:19,320
Speaker 4: was in the car.

30
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:23,000
Speaker 2: She was I walked in and into the house because

31
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,760
Speaker 2: she was baby seeing Harvey at the time, and so

32
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:26,800
Speaker 2: I told her instantly about it. She was like, great,

33
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,119
Speaker 2: not one of my best parenting moments, which.

34
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,880
Speaker 4: Was actually amazing because you told this the great story

35
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:36,759
Speaker 4: about going to watch Love Actually Yes, which seems like a.

36
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:37,720
Speaker 1: Family friendly movie.

37
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,080
Speaker 4: It does. I think a lot of people can really

38
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,840
Speaker 4: empathize with the fact that we all probably were our

39
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,759
Speaker 4: generation probably all watched that movie when we were sort

40
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:47,680
Speaker 4: of like very young. Yeah, and then as we got older,

41
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:49,320
Speaker 4: it just became.

42
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:53,480
Speaker 2: More and more intense, totally, yeah, because you actually learned

43
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,040
Speaker 2: what things mean.

44
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. And then you start and then like that

45
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,640
Speaker 1: that scene with Emma Thompson with the.

46
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,400
Speaker 4: CD at the end, it just the worst thing you

47
00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:06,640
Speaker 4: ever seen in your life. At the time, you're like,

48
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,480
Speaker 4: let's crack on with the gags, you know, when you

49
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,560
Speaker 4: were a kid, like, what is you crying over? It's

50
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,880
Speaker 4: a necklace and potato potato, And then as an adult

51
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,600
Speaker 4: you're like, that's the worst thing that could have ever

52
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,960
Speaker 4: happened someone. It gets worse and worse, and then it

53
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:22,960
Speaker 4: gets incrementally weirder until you realize that Kiera Knightley was

54
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,720
Speaker 4: eighteen when she shot that movie, and she was closer

55
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,520
Speaker 4: in age to the little boy Sade than she was

56
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,240
Speaker 4: to the forty year old men who were filming her

57
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,200
Speaker 4: NonStop at a wedding.

58
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,880
Speaker 3: That whole storyline with Kiera, it was very odd though, Yeah,

59
00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:40,600
Speaker 3: like wanting your best mate's wife.

60
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,840
Speaker 1: And then we felt sorry for him. Yeah, and she

61
00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:46,880
Speaker 1: felt sorry for him as well. Right, you're a dick

62
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,560
Speaker 1: kisses straight up dick. Yeah, and we were like, oh,

63
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:56,200
Speaker 1: that poor guy. Give him you what.

64
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:57,480
Speaker 2: You never thought about it?

65
00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:03,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, But we're here to talk about you, not love. Actually,

66
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,920
Speaker 1: we can talk about love. Actually, I've got.

67
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,359
Speaker 4: So much I wanted to ask you, and so I'm

68
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,600
Speaker 4: really grateful if you given my time, giving you your time,

69
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,359
Speaker 4: and I feel like there's lots of stuff that I

70
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:18,200
Speaker 4: would ordinarily have not asked you. But I messaged you

71
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:22,000
Speaker 4: during the week and I was like, what's not on

72
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,399
Speaker 4: the table? And he said nothing, which is I think

73
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,960
Speaker 4: one of the most admirable parts about you is you're

74
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,000
Speaker 4: incredibly transparent, and it's I think one of the reasons

75
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,560
Speaker 4: why he's so successful. But one of the first questions

76
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:36,240
Speaker 4: I want to ask is in and around something I

77
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,600
Speaker 4: was thinking about the other day, which is.

78
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:41,120
Speaker 1: Exercise.

79
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,760
Speaker 4: And this isn't normally like my area, but I was

80
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,200
Speaker 4: thinking about it. You know, I had a kid recently,

81
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,560
Speaker 4: and I was.

82
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:50,360
Speaker 1: Thinking about how easy and I was.

83
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,280
Speaker 4: Sort of obviously this is mirrored through my partner as well,

84
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,840
Speaker 4: how easy it is to get attached to the idea

85
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,000
Speaker 4: of looking good when you ex size a lot. Right,

86
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,760
Speaker 4: So you exercise a lot, you're obviously you start looking

87
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:07,440
Speaker 4: better or you better in terms of like what a

88
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:14,040
Speaker 4: physique stereotypically, Yeah, exactly, how do you because I think

89
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,080
Speaker 4: there's an inherent contradiction in exercise in a lot of ways,

90
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:22,880
Speaker 4: because you're working towards a goal, which is you want

91
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:24,600
Speaker 4: to look better for a lot of people a lot

92
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:28,000
Speaker 4: of people, right, But then at the same time, if

93
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:32,520
Speaker 4: that is your goal, then ultimately that's unhealthy in a

94
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,000
Speaker 4: lot of ways. So how do you work it so

95
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:39,560
Speaker 4: that and have you worked it so that your physique

96
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:43,839
Speaker 4: is a fringe benefit or a side benefit of the

97
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:50,760
Speaker 4: overall exercise phenomenon, and o'kaviate that with I know, I

98
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,880
Speaker 4: was listening to something the other day which said that

99
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,320
Speaker 4: one of the reasons it's so easy to lose weight

100
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:59,640
Speaker 4: versus keep weight off is because when you're losing weight,

101
00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:03,719
Speaker 4: you you see progress, and it's this idea of achieving.

102
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:05,880
Speaker 4: And we spoke about this on the Kick podcast as well,

103
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,840
Speaker 4: and that's probably more of a reflection on me. That's

104
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:12,400
Speaker 4: quite hard for me to exercise without having goals as

105
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,880
Speaker 4: to what I'm achieving, and often I get to a

106
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,080
Speaker 4: point where I have to remove any sense of timing

107
00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:23,160
Speaker 4: or measurement measurement to start enjoying myself again. Otherwise it

108
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,920
Speaker 4: just becomes this I'm not getting any better, so why

109
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,359
Speaker 4: am I doing this? So I think for a lot

110
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,560
Speaker 4: of people listening that's probably how they would treat exercise

111
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,080
Speaker 4: as well. It's this thing that they need to do

112
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:38,160
Speaker 4: in order to look better, and hence it becomes suffering

113
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,480
Speaker 4: for them one hundred percent.

114
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,600
Speaker 2: And I think when your number one goal that you're

115
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,000
Speaker 2: focusing on is to do with the way that you look,

116
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:49,839
Speaker 2: it can start off that way and start off semi healthy,

117
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,760
Speaker 2: but a lot of the time, especially when you really

118
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,120
Speaker 2: get into it, especially as you said, well, if you're

119
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:59,159
Speaker 2: someone who really can't exercise without having certain goals around

120
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,000
Speaker 2: how that looks to be your peb and you got

121
00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,520
Speaker 2: to push yourself to the limit to get progress or whatever.

122
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,719
Speaker 2: You kind of remove this whole idea of exercise just

123
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,760
Speaker 2: being good for you and good for your health, which

124
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:15,400
Speaker 2: is really the main thing. And I think because I

125
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,640
Speaker 2: have gone through a time in my life where I

126
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:21,120
Speaker 2: didn't really care about being healthy. I just wanted to

127
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,080
Speaker 2: look a certain way, and that was the only reason

128
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:27,360
Speaker 2: I ate the way I did or would exercise. I

129
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,480
Speaker 2: had this really unhealthy relationship with exercise and I hated it.

130
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,640
Speaker 2: And because I'd push myself to the limits and so

131
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:36,240
Speaker 2: I wouldn't enjoy myself during it. Therefore I would be

132
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,920
Speaker 2: super unmotivated to do it every time because I knew

133
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,680
Speaker 2: I wasn't going to enjoy myself. But then if I

134
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,320
Speaker 2: skipped it, I had an immense amount of guilt. So

135
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,920
Speaker 2: I think that's the trap thing you can get in.

136
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:50,120
Speaker 2: And I think because I'd been through that, I'm able

137
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,240
Speaker 2: to really love where I'm at now or when I

138
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:55,840
Speaker 2: do do a workout and I don't really care about

139
00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:58,440
Speaker 2: pushing myself to the limit, or I can do a

140
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,080
Speaker 2: five to ten minute kick work and that's totally enough

141
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,200
Speaker 2: because the reason I'm doing is just to make time

142
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,240
Speaker 2: for me and to move my body, or you know,

143
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,440
Speaker 2: practice strength exercises because I know it's going to be

144
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:09,960
Speaker 2: good for me in the long run, or for me

145
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,000
Speaker 2: to keep up with Harvey one day. And it's all

146
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,960
Speaker 2: around fitness and health, and it also makes me feel

147
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:19,080
Speaker 2: happier and good because of endorphins and everything that comes

148
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,160
Speaker 2: from it. Because I'm focusing on all of that now,

149
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:24,520
Speaker 2: I'm a whole lot more motivated to actually stay in

150
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:28,440
Speaker 2: a good routine because I'm actually enjoying it. And as

151
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,160
Speaker 2: you said, it doesn't mean that I have zero focus

152
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,520
Speaker 2: on the way that I look. It is a side

153
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:37,320
Speaker 2: effect of living a healthy lifestyle. But where it kind

154
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:40,160
Speaker 2: of seeps into an unhealthy lifestyle is when you're trying

155
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,360
Speaker 2: to aim for something that's just not because of your

156
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,360
Speaker 2: genetic makeup and the lifestyle that you live, it's just

157
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,640
Speaker 2: not feasible to sustain. And so like if you're for me,

158
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,400
Speaker 2: when I was really pushing myself and being really restricted

159
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,840
Speaker 2: with what I was eating, there was no way I

160
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,280
Speaker 2: was going to be able to sustain that for a

161
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:58,120
Speaker 2: long term. So my body might have been changing, but

162
00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,800
Speaker 2: I would have got to a certain weight and I

163
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,120
Speaker 2: just wanted to change more. It was never good enough,

164
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:06,040
Speaker 2: you know. So I think it's just it's important to

165
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,920
Speaker 2: obviously recognize that. It's really hard to say, like, don't

166
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,640
Speaker 2: worry about the way you look, and yeah, it's nothing

167
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,480
Speaker 2: to do with it because it's in us.

168
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,080
Speaker 1: Exactly does it still matters?

169
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,680
Speaker 3: Right, it still exists, it's just not making that the

170
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,520
Speaker 3: primary and sole purpose or focus for exercising. How did

171
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,840
Speaker 3: you get past the guilt thing? Because I have that, Yeah,

172
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,240
Speaker 3: if I don't exercise, I won't I'll think little of

173
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,920
Speaker 3: myself and berate myself and not exercise, and then I

174
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:34,240
Speaker 3: feel like that impacts my confidence and happiness for the

175
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:34,920
Speaker 3: rest of the day.

176
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:36,319
Speaker 1: How did you work through that?

177
00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:40,719
Speaker 2: We've got to be really realistic with your expectations on

178
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,000
Speaker 2: how much or how often you're going to work out. Like,

179
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:46,079
Speaker 2: if you're setting yourself a goal of working out every

180
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,520
Speaker 2: day for like minimum half an hour, and then you

181
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:53,000
Speaker 2: look at your actual lifestyle and that's probably a bit

182
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:57,480
Speaker 2: of a stretch, then don't aim for that. Yeah, Like,

183
00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,520
Speaker 2: something that I like to do is kind of aiming

184
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:04,040
Speaker 2: for less than what I think I can. For example,

185
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,240
Speaker 2: my goal at the moment is to move my body

186
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,520
Speaker 2: three days a week for like a minimum of twenty minutes,

187
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,600
Speaker 2: whether that's like a walk or it ends up big

188
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,760
Speaker 2: hick workout or something else further than that, that's awesome.

189
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,360
Speaker 2: But I'm aiming for three days a week, and I

190
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,280
Speaker 2: generally get to move my body a lot more than that.

191
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,120
Speaker 2: But at least I've got those kind of days set,

192
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,960
Speaker 2: Whereas if I was trying to commit to five to

193
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,880
Speaker 2: six days a week my life right now, that's very

194
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:34,760
Speaker 2: difficult for me. That means I have to really change

195
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,240
Speaker 2: up my structure and my schedule and probably spend less

196
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,720
Speaker 2: time with Harvey, which I'm not really prepared to do

197
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,080
Speaker 2: right now. And so it's just about being realistic and

198
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:47,240
Speaker 2: knowing that that can change my routine. Before having Harvey,

199
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,920
Speaker 2: I had so much more time and I could make

200
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,840
Speaker 2: it a lot more. I could put a lot more

201
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,679
Speaker 2: time aside, and that was achievable at that time. But

202
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,200
Speaker 2: then there's times in your life we might be really

203
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,640
Speaker 2: busy with work, we might be traveling, and so trying

204
00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:00,920
Speaker 2: not to be so fixated it on this like certain

205
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,520
Speaker 2: routine and that way, if you do miss a day.

206
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:04,960
Speaker 1: It's not the end of the world.

207
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,920
Speaker 3: What about the link with say not exercising as much,

208
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:15,000
Speaker 3: and then that relationship with food, So do you tweak

209
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,680
Speaker 3: what you're eating based on how much you're exercising.

210
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,480
Speaker 1: Is that something you think about or do you try

211
00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:21,280
Speaker 1: not to think about it?

212
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:25,160
Speaker 2: Try not to because my partial relationship with food was

213
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,160
Speaker 2: very much like, well, if I've eaten that or I've

214
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:30,880
Speaker 2: eaten too much of that, then I have to work out.

215
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:35,040
Speaker 2: It was very Yeah, it was. It was way too

216
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,160
Speaker 2: connected in that way, whereas now I just have a

217
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:42,560
Speaker 2: very constant calculus totally wow, which totally be exhausting. Yeah, yeah,

218
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,160
Speaker 2: and it's just horrible because I didn't want to continue

219
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,160
Speaker 2: to my life looking at food that way. We touched

220
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,199
Speaker 2: on it like I love cheese, I love cheese words,

221
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,679
Speaker 2: I'm probably going to devour half this before we're done,

222
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,600
Speaker 2: and it's my favorite food. But there was a period

223
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,160
Speaker 2: in my life where I would have been really, really

224
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,959
Speaker 2: restrictive of this, and if I did do that, it

225
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,000
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, I now need to go work off

226
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,520
Speaker 2: this or not eat this afternoon. It was just this

227
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:04,720
Speaker 2: horrible relation.

228
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:06,360
Speaker 1: How did you change itself?

229
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,840
Speaker 4: Because there's a there's a key shift there, and I

230
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,360
Speaker 4: think it's it's very easy for as you said before,

231
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,760
Speaker 4: it's very easy for people listening to to understand or hey.

232
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,319
Speaker 1: Here's here's the way I should.

233
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,560
Speaker 4: Be looking at things, versus here's the way that I

234
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:20,600
Speaker 4: am looking at things.

235
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,880
Speaker 1: What was this? What's the change for you? Like? Is

236
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,360
Speaker 1: it is? It? Is it just framing it?

237
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:25,520
Speaker 2: Is?

238
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:25,920
Speaker 1: It was?

239
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,000
Speaker 4: It was their therapy in there, Like how do you

240
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,440
Speaker 4: get how is changing your mind? Because it's a conversation

241
00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:36,360
Speaker 4: I've occasionally had with Woody because Woods is also just

242
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,000
Speaker 4: exercises so much, and a lot of the time when

243
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,560
Speaker 4: we're traveling and stuff, I'll be like.

244
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,599
Speaker 1: You know, how are you doing this? You know what?

245
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:43,240
Speaker 1: How are you?

246
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,800
Speaker 4: And for me it would get to a point if

247
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,480
Speaker 4: I was doing that, it would get addictive for me

248
00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:51,040
Speaker 4: and against damaging. Whereas I remember talking to you one time,

249
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,360
Speaker 4: Woods about the fact that you you said, I actually

250
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,520
Speaker 4: frame exercises like a bit of a treat for myself, you.

251
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,160
Speaker 1: Know, rather than getting it. I mean, like, here's the

252
00:11:58,160 --> 00:11:58,800
Speaker 1: thing I've got to go.

253
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,280
Speaker 2: On to get to do it.

254
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,040
Speaker 1: Sweet I get to go and do this. Now it's

255
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,120
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you're reframing that totally.

256
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,800
Speaker 4: Was that the same therapy that you used with food

257
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:07,880
Speaker 4: or how did you.

258
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,559
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a really good way of putting it. When

259
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,360
Speaker 2: you are trying to find motivation in moving your body

260
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,160
Speaker 2: or to get into a good routine, it's that you

261
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,720
Speaker 2: have the option to do that that is so amazing.

262
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,000
Speaker 2: So it's a really great way of framing it and

263
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,360
Speaker 2: having a better relationship with it, for for sure, particularly

264
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,760
Speaker 2: with people who have had poor relationships with it or

265
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,400
Speaker 2: forced themselves into it or Yeah, felt like it was

266
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,560
Speaker 2: a chore or a job to do, definitely, But I

267
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:37,440
Speaker 2: feel like for me, it was when I realized that

268
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,920
Speaker 2: it was all revolving around me trying to look a

269
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:45,080
Speaker 2: certain way, and that you know, I would lose weight

270
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,160
Speaker 2: or I would lose inches, and then my agency this

271
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,960
Speaker 2: is when I was like twenty years old, would tell

272
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,640
Speaker 2: me that there was like still further to go or

273
00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:57,160
Speaker 2: more to change, and I just was like this shell

274
00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,200
Speaker 2: of myself, like less confident than I'd ever been. My

275
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,640
Speaker 2: bubbliness nature had gone. I was getting changed like twenty

276
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,120
Speaker 2: times a day before I felt comfortable in something as

277
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,920
Speaker 2: in like I just was changing my clothes all the

278
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,080
Speaker 2: time because I just didn't feel like I looked skinny

279
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,600
Speaker 2: enough in anything. And that was when I'd really kind

280
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,960
Speaker 2: of realized that I'd lost touch with myself and like

281
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:20,640
Speaker 2: who I was, and it really took kind of speaking

282
00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:22,760
Speaker 2: to a few different people, and I didn't go to

283
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,959
Speaker 2: therapy at that point, but I did speak to a

284
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:31,560
Speaker 2: friend who was a trainer who I only really like

285
00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:33,320
Speaker 2: knew a little bit at the time. We wereent like

286
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,200
Speaker 2: super close or anything, but for some reason, I just

287
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:38,360
Speaker 2: felt like I could open up to him very randomly.

288
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,840
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm going to chat to him about it.

289
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:41,720
Speaker 2: And I had spoken to some of my closest friends

290
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,360
Speaker 2: or my family about it at the time, but I

291
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,079
Speaker 2: knew that he worked with some clients that had kind

292
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:51,000
Speaker 2: of gone through similar things, some women he was working with,

293
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,320
Speaker 2: So what was really helpful was just kind of having

294
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,280
Speaker 2: him check in on me and how I was feeling.

295
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,920
Speaker 2: And I think because he had this like non bias

296
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,520
Speaker 2: approach to how he was helping me, like he just

297
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,520
Speaker 2: love me and wanted to tell me that everything was

298
00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:04,960
Speaker 2: going to be okay, and the way that I was

299
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,520
Speaker 2: working on things is fine, because I feel like some

300
00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:10,319
Speaker 2: family members, particularly ones who don't relate to what you're

301
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,640
Speaker 2: going through or it's beautiful obviously, they just want to

302
00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:13,960
Speaker 2: be there for you. They can't always help.

303
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,280
Speaker 1: No, Yeah, that's a really good point. Actually.

304
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:20,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, so he just like helped me kind of understand

305
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,480
Speaker 2: a better way of looking at exercise and appreciating it

306
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,200
Speaker 2: and looking at food a little differently, and then just

307
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,560
Speaker 2: kind of checking in on me, which was really helpful.

308
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,720
Speaker 2: But really yeah, it took like coming home and kind

309
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:37,720
Speaker 2: of resetting my priorities and understanding that at the end

310
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,800
Speaker 2: of the day, my happiness was way more more important.

311
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,000
Speaker 2: And I think that's the really big thing here is

312
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:48,040
Speaker 2: like ever since I've kind of been revolving what I

313
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,400
Speaker 2: do in life and how I treat myself around trying

314
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:57,680
Speaker 2: to sustain like a happier lifestyle, it's been removing caring

315
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,680
Speaker 2: about what I look like. It's been the biggest thing.

316
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,120
Speaker 2: Because of that, I'm so much better with food.

317
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:05,400
Speaker 1: Did you avoid all.

318
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,640
Speaker 3: Measurements with say body shape and stuff now like it?

319
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:10,960
Speaker 4: Yeah?

320
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,160
Speaker 2: Pretty much. I don't weigh myself like I think when

321
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:20,560
Speaker 2: I was having to weigh myself through pregnancy, I wouldn't

322
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,120
Speaker 2: look at the scales or anything like that.

323
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,920
Speaker 4: Right, well, just the doctor would tell you what or whatever,

324
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,000
Speaker 4: kind of just let them out.

325
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:28,480
Speaker 1: You're all good.

326
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,200
Speaker 3: My partner is currently weighing herself every time the obstetrician.

327
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,160
Speaker 3: It's really interesting because I always saw that as, oh,

328
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,080
Speaker 3: but you won't.

329
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,560
Speaker 1: Care because you're pregnant.

330
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,840
Speaker 3: Just not the case, right, because she's still going and

331
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,160
Speaker 3: then she's still doing the math and going, I know

332
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,120
Speaker 3: how much the baby weighs.

333
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,880
Speaker 1: That means I've put on as much. It was really

334
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:50,160
Speaker 1: really interesting to see her go through.

335
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,280
Speaker 2: And I think it's it's really sad because like the

336
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,960
Speaker 2: number on the scale, number one, it's so inaccurate to

337
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,520
Speaker 2: somebody's like health, because you're putting on muscle, you're going

338
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,640
Speaker 2: to be putting on the way like it's it's so

339
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:03,960
Speaker 2: inact to be a scale and health number one, but

340
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:07,160
Speaker 2: number two it's just it shouldn't matter. It's not like

341
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,000
Speaker 2: that's not where you should find your worth or your

342
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:12,960
Speaker 2: value is, and like this number on a machine. And

343
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,800
Speaker 2: I think for me, I had to get rid of

344
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,880
Speaker 2: them because when I first started modeling, I hadn't like

345
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:22,200
Speaker 2: i'd keep puberty, but I hadn't like fully enter covity

346
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,960
Speaker 2: and developed, and so I wighed a certain way and

347
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,800
Speaker 2: looked a certain way and had certain measurements and then

348
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,600
Speaker 2: it was over those like first two years of my

349
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,960
Speaker 2: career that I started to develop into what is now

350
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:36,200
Speaker 2: my more womanly figure, and it was really triggering to

351
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:40,000
Speaker 2: see those numbers just kind of continue to climb even

352
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,120
Speaker 2: though I was focusing more than ever on what I

353
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,840
Speaker 2: was eating and how it's exercise.

354
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,840
Speaker 4: But you couldn't reverse the trend and that for you.

355
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:49,840
Speaker 1: So this is why it's so.

356
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,400
Speaker 4: Good to talk to you about this is because a

357
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,640
Speaker 4: lot of people, you know, this is something that exists

358
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,800
Speaker 4: in their heads, right and not so it didn't exist

359
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:05,359
Speaker 4: in your head. But you're your brand like who you are? Well,

360
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,920
Speaker 4: this is I use the word who there. What you

361
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:13,520
Speaker 4: are is different to who you are in a lot

362
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,040
Speaker 4: of ways. And that's actually really I really wanted to

363
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:19,840
Speaker 4: ask you about that because what you are to people

364
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:25,879
Speaker 4: Steph Claire Smith, in terms of like the model, in

365
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,399
Speaker 4: terms of the physique, in terms of like that that

366
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,520
Speaker 4: was must have been so hard for you to separate

367
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:39,959
Speaker 4: your existence your happiness away from how people saw you

368
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:45,080
Speaker 4: and identifying with what you needed to be versus how

369
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:49,000
Speaker 4: you actually felt. So I really want to ask you

370
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,680
Speaker 4: how do you do that? Because that, I mean, from

371
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 4: a radio sense, I find that hard.

372
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:54,720
Speaker 1: I find that really hard.

373
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,840
Speaker 4: To the point where I'm just at the point now

374
00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,359
Speaker 4: I just have to be myself on air because that

375
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:00,560
Speaker 4: just it just what was up.

376
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,200
Speaker 1: But I'm not retaining a.

377
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 4: Body image that is associated with a clean eating, healthy brand.

378
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,840
Speaker 4: How do you differentiate or not get lost in who

379
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,119
Speaker 4: you are versus.

380
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:14,280
Speaker 1: What you are?

381
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a really great question. I think when you know,

382
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,440
Speaker 2: our community first started to grow and my following side

383
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:24,879
Speaker 2: to grow, I really did have this like pressure to

384
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,520
Speaker 2: in my I thought I had this pressure, but I

385
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,400
Speaker 2: don't think anyone else was really holding me to account,

386
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:33,439
Speaker 2: but that I had to appear a certain way on

387
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,240
Speaker 2: Instagram and if someone was to walk up to me

388
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,520
Speaker 2: in the street, I like had to look like that

389
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,960
Speaker 2: and be that what they expected. Which is quite funny

390
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,800
Speaker 2: because in the modeling industry, like taking being an influencer

391
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,159
Speaker 2: or Instagram out of it. Prior to that modeling, you know,

392
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,000
Speaker 2: you were just a code hanger basically.

393
00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:53,480
Speaker 1: For a product and what people were looking at. Yeah,

394
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,240
Speaker 1: you didn't really have to a person behind.

395
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,359
Speaker 2: Them, show your personality or show what you stand for

396
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,159
Speaker 2: in life and all of that sort of stuff. So

397
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,520
Speaker 2: I think then there was this pressure. It's like suddenly

398
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,399
Speaker 2: I was sharing photos of myself sitting at a cafe.

399
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,880
Speaker 2: It's like, well, I can't look like shit in that photo.

400
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,840
Speaker 2: Still look good then, even though it's not, I'm not

401
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:10,359
Speaker 2: on a shoot.

402
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:15,399
Speaker 1: The whole thing's a show. Show? Yeah? Did that change?

403
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:16,720
Speaker 1: Was that? Is that an Instagram thing?

404
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,399
Speaker 4: Do you think like all of a sudden when I

405
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,840
Speaker 4: think so, yeah, right.

406
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:23,280
Speaker 2: I do feel like there was a period. So Laura

407
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 2: and I both had this period where we did both

408
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,600
Speaker 2: feel that pressure. And then I think with what we

409
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:31,720
Speaker 2: did with Kick was we realized that our community responded

410
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,720
Speaker 2: a lot better to raw and realness than they did

411
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 2: this like super aspirational and touchable look, so which was

412
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,479
Speaker 2: beautiful because it allowed us to actually open up and

413
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:47,200
Speaker 2: just be honest, be normal. And I think that's something

414
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:48,720
Speaker 2: that you guys would face all the time as you

415
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:53,360
Speaker 2: touched on, like you have this hilarious show and your

416
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,639
Speaker 2: comedians at such and like people must walk up to

417
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 2: you and expect you to, like say some funny joke

418
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,480
Speaker 2: and if you're not feeling right that day, well got

419
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,400
Speaker 2: to show up and be that person. But as you said,

420
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 2: will if you kind of show a little bit more

421
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,879
Speaker 2: of yourself and people kind of see you just as

422
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,200
Speaker 2: like another normal person. And so if you are having

423
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,600
Speaker 2: an off day or that was to happen, you feel

424
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,720
Speaker 2: a little bit more comfortable in not having to put

425
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:17,200
Speaker 2: on the show.

426
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,120
Speaker 1: And it's so tough, Like.

427
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:25,000
Speaker 4: I just can't imagine, like how I look right being

428
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 4: my brand?

429
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:27,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I.

430
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 3: Just that, Yeah, because I feel like for us, if

431
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 3: we just looking at me, I'm looking in his shirt,

432
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:34,320
Speaker 3: that you look good.

433
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:39,399
Speaker 1: I'm dressed like a twelve year old boy. I've got more.

434
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 3: Issues I look, but lucky, no one expects anything about

435
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:43,400
Speaker 3: the way we look.

436
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 1: But like we can just be sort of nice, right

437
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 1: if we're nice. It's sort of like tacks.

438
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,440
Speaker 3: There's a little bit of pressure there to be a

439
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 3: larger than life character. And I think me probably more

440
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 3: so than you, I would feel that pressure because I

441
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 3: just feel like I need to please that person.

442
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we'll elevate and.

443
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 3: I've probably had friends, but it happened on the weekend.

444
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 3: I was with friends at the footy and then some

445
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,840
Speaker 3: people came over and my mates will see me change

446
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 3: and it's not a huge change, but it's just like

447
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,800
Speaker 3: I'm trying. I'm making a big effort for this person.

448
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 3: Then I sort of feel a bit guilty as well,

449
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,879
Speaker 3: because I, you know, this is really quality time with

450
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,920
Speaker 3: good friends of mine, but I'm feeling like, no, it's

451
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,919
Speaker 3: really important that I give my time to this person

452
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,439
Speaker 3: because they're a fan of our show, and that was

453
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 3: big of them to walk over. And you get caught

454
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 3: in that like, oh, is it rude if I say

455
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:32,680
Speaker 3: no to them? But it's probably rude that I'm being

456
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,880
Speaker 3: stepping away from my mates now so they can be happy.

457
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 1: We can't relate to.

458
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 4: That the way you look or on the scale I

459
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:45,439
Speaker 4: mean of Steph, Like Steph's right, so famous, you.

460
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:51,159
Speaker 1: Are, like, it's that just must be so tough.

461
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,639
Speaker 2: It's you know what, as soon as we started sharing

462
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,880
Speaker 2: the reality of life and wearing makeup a whole lot

463
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:03,480
Speaker 2: less and being super normal and you know, I can

464
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:07,439
Speaker 2: go to Coles now in my sloppy pajamas with like

465
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,439
Speaker 2: no makeup on and wearing ugroots if I want to,

466
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 2: and I'm so fine if I bump into someone. So

467
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:13,679
Speaker 2: I think as soon as we started letting go of

468
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 2: that and we realized that nothing happened, like, no one

469
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,920
Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, that doesn't e look.

470
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 3: Like you, Like, no one lost all your followers, like

471
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:23,879
Speaker 3: she is ranked why we thought she was.

472
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, we realized no one actually really cared.

473
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 1: So interesting. Yeah, that's it's the individual, isn't it.

474
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 3: It's like I think that everyone will care, so that, Yeah,

475
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 3: just get over it if they.

476
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,679
Speaker 2: Do as well, Like, that's not I'm not, it's not

477
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 2: your issue.

478
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,680
Speaker 1: No thinking about what can we have a quick food break?

479
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 1: Is that food break? Like that's a good idea? All right?

480
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:57,520
Speaker 3: Was there a world where you would worry about going

481
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 3: out to dinner with friends? And this is more a

482
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:04,160
Speaker 3: question for when you were in your early twins and modeling.

483
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:08,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I would either avoid it or I

484
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,360
Speaker 5: just wouldn't really eat much before the dinner, and then

485
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 5: I would be like battle a lot afterwards when I

486
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 5: was alone in my studio apartment.

487
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:23,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, bloody hell, because.

488
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 2: I wouldn't ever want you You don't want people to

489
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,959
Speaker 2: know about it. So like I eat food because I've

490
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 2: been so restrictive. It was like, okay, it's in front

491
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 2: of me, like I'd gorge on it, I'd binge eat it,

492
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,480
Speaker 2: and then I would regret it later.

493
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, how'd you get through you?

494
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:42,920
Speaker 3: I heard your podcast with Hugh Van Cullenberg on the imperfect,

495
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 3: and I could relate to.

496
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 1: When you're trying to be healthy.

497
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 3: Or like, you know, you know, what is a healthy

498
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 3: level of trying to be healthy?

499
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 1: You know, it's obviously a fine line.

500
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:59,479
Speaker 3: But you talked about when you became obsessive with you know,

501
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 3: the way you looked et cetera. You started eating just

502
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 3: a lot of food that was good for you. Yeah,

503
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 3: thinking that like, oh, this is it's good, good food.

504
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 3: At the end of the day, it's it's still a

505
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 3: lot of food from overeating.

506
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 1: How did you work through that?

507
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 2: Well? Yeah, I mean it was happening because I was

508
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 2: restricting myself of like food that I actually enjoyed, and

509
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 2: so then I would just serve myself a massive Again,

510
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 2: I was living alone in New York, so there was

511
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 2: no one there to like kind of tell me that

512
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 2: it's a bit much like I might.

513
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 1: Ton of carrots.

514
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, for a while, I'm serving this in like

515
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 3: a pladder.

516
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was it.

517
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:44,199
Speaker 1: That was me.

518
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 2: And so yeah, it was it was that. And then

519
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 2: I would, you know, finish that off, and then I'd

520
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 2: go to the kitchen and I'd make myself a snack and.

521
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:54,919
Speaker 5: Then I'd finish that, and then I'd go back and

522
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 5: be like, oh, well, I.

523
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 2: Need something sweet now to balance off the savory and

524
00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 2: the sweet thing, and then well, but now I want saltant.

525
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,159
Speaker 2: It's just horrible because then I get to the end

526
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 2: of the day and obviously feel incredibly sick over age,

527
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,640
Speaker 2: but also mentally I was just a mess every night

528
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 2: because I just felt like I was continuously disappointing myself,

529
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 2: Like yeah, every morning, I'd wake up and be like,

530
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 2: don't do it, Like, let's have a day where you

531
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 2: don't binge eat on something, and then more often than not,

532
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 2: it just I would just ignore myself and then.

533
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,479
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's cyclical because it's obviously tied in with how

534
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 4: you're feeling as well. You eat for comfort, and they're

535
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 4: like yeah.

536
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:36,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, wow, Oh it just sounds really, really hard.

537
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 3: Can I ask you about you mentioned when you were

538
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:42,399
Speaker 3: talking about the trainer who you confided in and talking

539
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 3: about you know that when you're in a tough spot,

540
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 3: accessing over the way you look, and you said he

541
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 3: was a good confident on and then you brought up

542
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 3: you know, family and friends that were also supporting you.

543
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,320
Speaker 1: But the family and friends probably more been on the

544
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 1: side of just complementary you cut through?

545
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, how do you go with compliments these days? Because

546
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:07,880
Speaker 3: I think compliments is really interesting because you know, if

547
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 3: you can if you rely on compliments.

548
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:11,919
Speaker 1: Too much, that's not going to be healthy.

549
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:16,479
Speaker 3: But also believing compliments, yeah, I think is interesting.

550
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 1: Can you speak to that at all?

551
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it is hard. I think the hardest time

552
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 2: to believe in confidence is when it comes from someone

553
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:23,680
Speaker 2: that you love.

554
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 4: Yeah, because believe in a compliment from someone that you

555
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 4: love because you're like, you.

556
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 2: Love me that. Yeah, Like Laura, for example, she is

557
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 2: I know, I know kills me. It kills me too.

558
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:39,399
Speaker 2: Laura is my biggest cheerleader, Like she's the biggest support

559
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 2: and she's so amazing. But sometimes her compliments just don't

560
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 2: cut through because I also know that it's innately in

561
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 2: her to just always makes me feel better no matter what. Yes,

562
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,639
Speaker 2: so yeah, sometimes I'm like, you're just saying that because

563
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 2: you know, I feel like a ball grup right now. Yeah,

564
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 2: And that's really nice. But you know, and then it'll

565
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 2: take someone who I kind of early know, so like

566
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 2: tell me something amazing about me, and that I'm like,

567
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 2: oh yeah, yeah, it's it's very weird and I wish

568
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 2: it could be different, but I think that's something everyone

569
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 2: could relate to, and it does. It does go like

570
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 2: compliments is one thing, but yeah, as I said earlier,

571
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 2: it's also like opening up and getting like honest truth

572
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:23,199
Speaker 2: from some people. I mean, Laura and I can definitely

573
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,439
Speaker 2: open up and be honest with each other. Absolutely, So

574
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,400
Speaker 2: she's probably a poor example, but there it is hard

575
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 2: sometimes to find those relationships that also want to be

576
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,919
Speaker 2: honest with you, not just be nice all the time.

577
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,400
Speaker 2: And so sometimes it does take going to someone who

578
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,679
Speaker 2: appreciates you as a person or knows you enough, but

579
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 2: also hasn't been their whole life or like has all

580
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 2: these like you know, memories with you that they don't

581
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 2: want to your feelings. Yeah, and they can they can

582
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,159
Speaker 2: be honest with objectivity.

583
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, in terms of like a I particularly related to yeah,

584
00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 4: the compliments, but also apologizing is another one where when

585
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:04,160
Speaker 4: you know someone really well, it falls on deaf ears

586
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 4: because you're like, you're just like the apology is tokenistic.

587
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 4: It's like I just want to get through this, I'm sorry,

588
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 4: Can we move on? Often I think I find, particularly

589
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 4: with my partner, like in order to apologize, I have

590
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:21,640
Speaker 4: to You've got to really like, I'm actually saying sorry here,

591
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 4: and it's such a shame that you have to elevate

592
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:24,679
Speaker 4: your apology.

593
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 1: And I think there's a lot of power in the.

594
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,959
Speaker 4: Word thank you, and I think that the same can

595
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 4: apply with compliments as well.

596
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 1: Is giving a compliment to somebody.

597
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 4: I know we have this in our relationship now, and

598
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 4: I've sort of insisted on it because Sam's given birth recently,

599
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,640
Speaker 4: and so I will often said earlier, you look good,

600
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 4: and she'll be like, no, I don't and move on,

601
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 4: and so I go, okay, well I'm I'm going to

602
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 4: I'm not going to compliment you unless there's this acknowledgment

603
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 4: that I have complimented you. So I will often say

604
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 4: to her, well, oh yes, I just made that up.

605
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 1: Yeah sure, yeah, no, you don't. You actually look like shit.

606
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: I just felt like saying that, and I reiterate that.

607
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 4: So now we reinforce this idea of saying thank you

608
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 4: for a compliments exchange. I acknowledge that you think that

609
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 4: I look that way, and then even just in saying

610
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:17,960
Speaker 4: that they you actually receive it. You take it on

611
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 4: boo as opposed to dismissing it, which we all get

612
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 4: very good at And I think the same thing with

613
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,360
Speaker 4: apologies as well. If you if you actually say thank

614
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 4: you to someone for apologizing, you forego the opportunity to say,

615
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 4: don't worry about it. But then you're obviously still pissed off.

616
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 4: Someone goes I'm so sorry, and then you go thank you,

617
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 4: and then you go. But if you even know, if

618
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 4: someone says I'm so sorry and you don't say thank

619
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 4: you and you just carry on, you don't accept the apology,

620
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 4: you're carrying on. And then for the person who is

621
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 4: actually apologizing as well, when someone.

622
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 1: Says they still feel bad or whatever. But then at the.

623
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 4: Same time, if I apologize to you and you say

624
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 4: thank you to me and I don't mean the apology,

625
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,280
Speaker 4: it immediately makes me go, oh hey, and I'm not

626
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 4: actually sorry what I'm not giving you an apology, So

627
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 4: when you hit thank you back, you go, oh geez.

628
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 1: No, hang on, I'm not sorry at all.

629
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's so true. And the compliments thing is

630
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 2: a funny thing because it's something that Laura is incredibly

631
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 2: guilty of. This, like, if anyone ever gives her a compliment,

632
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 2: I think, particularly if I I don't know, if she

633
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 2: posts a photo says something like she looks beautiful or whatever.

634
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 2: Instantly it's like, oh, yeah, it's the lighting. It's just

635
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 2: it's such a nice stress and I could couldn't be

636
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 2: And I think when I picked up that, it's not

637
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 2: just Laura, like a lot of my friends do that.

638
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 2: And when I picked up on that, I started to

639
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,720
Speaker 2: realize that I myself was doing it a lot as well.

640
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 2: And so yeah, it does take practice though, just being

641
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 2: like oh thanks, yeah, And I think there's also this

642
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 2: thing in society, and I mean, I certainly found this

643
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 2: when I first started just saying thank you. It took

644
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 2: me back to in high school when I did have

645
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 2: a lot of confidence and I would tell people I

646
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 2: want to get into the modeling industry and they gave

647
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 2: me shit for it because suddenly I was like super

648
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 2: cocky in vain and eat myself for thinking that I

649
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 2: could do that.

650
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 1: Did you really have that reaction from people?

651
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:19,120
Speaker 2: Absolutely? Absolutely, it was like, oh, you obviously think you're

652
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,239
Speaker 2: hold a shit. Then it's like, yeah, it's not that.

653
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 2: It's just been a massive dream of mine.

654
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 1: And Australians hate that, don't they.

655
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 3: Australians just hate someone going hey, I want to be

656
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:30,520
Speaker 3: this they know how you averaged like.

657
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 1: The rest of us.

658
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 2: But I think because of that, and that's unfortunately quite normal.

659
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 2: It's like if you were to come across as really

660
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 2: confident or like take on a compliment, it's like someone

661
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 2: might look at that and be like, oh, okay, so

662
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,360
Speaker 2: they took that on, like they must think that of them. Yeah,

663
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 2: not that. I think that's what we needed.

664
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:53,479
Speaker 1: You're right, you're perpetuated. You dismissed it because you want

665
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 1: to perpetuate modesty.

666
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly.

667
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 4: I could never accept that I'm actually looking good there.

668
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 4: That's a really good point. It's a really Australian thing

669
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 4: as well, isn't it. Like I don't know if that's

670
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 4: necessarily or it's probably a British thing as well, But

671
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:11,480
Speaker 4: like that, the idea of being in Australia and sort

672
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 4: of putting yourself out as like a physically attractive person

673
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 4: who's doing.

674
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 1: Well because they are in that way, it must have

675
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 1: been so hard for you. I've got.

676
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 4: This kind of leads into another question I have because

677
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 4: I was thinking about lots of things to ask you,

678
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 4: and you're you, You're.

679
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 1: You're almost like impenetrable in a lot of ways.

680
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 4: You're so successful, you're so you're so beautiful, you're so young,

681
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 4: and I'm so interested in that because I think a

682
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 4: lot of people would look at you and think that

683
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 4: there's no chink in the armor.

684
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 1: What are you scared of?

685
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 4: Hmm?

686
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 2: I think, if I'm honest, disappointing people, but like not

687
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 2: just anyone. I think disappointing like the closest people in

688
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 2: my life is something that is just always on my mind.

689
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 2: And the annoying thing about that is often I getting

690
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 2: my own way of that, Like I'll do things that

691
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 2: I know are probably not right or probably going to

692
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 2: disappoint them, and then I'll just be upset with myself

693
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 2: for it because it's my number one thing that I

694
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 2: want to make sure I do. So I'm fearful of

695
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 2: that and it's something that I try and do.

696
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 1: What do you mean by that?

697
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 2: I think, like, I don't know. There's certain things like

698
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 2: if I don't approach the situation in a way that

699
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 2: I would want them to approach it, because I think

700
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,120
Speaker 2: that's something like I grew up with. It's like treat

701
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 2: people how you want to be treated, and I don't

702
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 2: always do that, and that really frustrates me because I

703
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 2: know that I don't do that, and I know it's

704
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 2: in me to be able to change that, but sometimes

705
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 2: I really struggle to know how to do that, and

706
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 2: so I'll react in a way that I know is

707
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 2: not necessary and I know is probably not the best

708
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 2: way and isn't going to be received well by my life.

709
00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 4: So sorry, you're saying you can't achieve the way that

710
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 4: you that you know that you probably should be doing it,

711
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 4: So you almost go so hard the other way because

712
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 4: you're kind of like spun out by the fact that

713
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 4: you can't get there, So you're.

714
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:10,759
Speaker 1: Like, you know what, screw it.

715
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I hold like high expectations on who I am,

716
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 2: I think, because I surround myself with people who I

717
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 2: think are incredible beings, like super empathetic, caring, beautiful natured people,

718
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 2: and I surround myself with them because I want to

719
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 2: be like that. And it's not that I'm not that person,

720
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 2: but I think sometimes there's times where I really let

721
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,840
Speaker 2: other stuff that's going on get in the way of

722
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:41,759
Speaker 2: me being that person, and then I just get really

723
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 2: disappointed in myself because I feel like I'm hurting people

724
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 2: around me, or I'm disappointing people around me and then

725
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 2: disappointing myself as well. But I don't really know how to.

726
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 1: And this time.

727
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:55,879
Speaker 4: It ties in really well to what we were talking

728
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 4: about when I was on kick Podcasts.

729
00:34:57,680 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 1: With this.

730
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:00,759
Speaker 4: I had this acronym that we spoke about on the

731
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,600
Speaker 4: ear the other day, which was soft, which was and

732
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 4: I was trying to exclusively keep it to men because

733
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 4: I try not.

734
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,280
Speaker 1: To talk from a woman's shoes.

735
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:11,400
Speaker 2: That's what you can relate to exactly.

736
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 4: Yeah. So the first part of it was it was

737
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:17,759
Speaker 4: relating to people partners who were depressed or anxious and

738
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 4: how you go about it, and that's something I often

739
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,319
Speaker 4: get asked, so I was trying to put it concisely.

740
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 4: And the first letter was S, so it was an

741
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:26,839
Speaker 4: acronym like an acrostic palm.

742
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 1: Soft.

743
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 4: First S was shitty, and it was if you're manifesting,

744
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:34,839
Speaker 4: if your partner's shitty, then that normally means it's something

745
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 4: else going on under the surface, and I know that

746
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 4: to be true for men with depression. I wasn't And

747
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 4: then you very sweetly didn't say anything because you were

748
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,959
Speaker 4: like in hinds, I don't kind.

749
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 6: Of remember looking at you and you're kind of and

750
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 6: it's like, guy, he's looking all this stuff going on

751
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 6: the surface where you were going like, oh my god,

752
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 6: that's me. And then the others were be open speak

753
00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 6: to their friends in therapy.

754
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 1: But I want to focus on this first one first,

755
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 1: because you message me afterwards.

756
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:03,319
Speaker 4: And you were like, I didn't want to say anything

757
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,879
Speaker 4: because you were talking about something else. But I really

758
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 4: struggle with that. Yeah, is that what we're talking about?

759
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:11,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, that's what. Yeah, yep, that's what I was

760
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 2: trying to get to better.

761
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

762
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 2: And it's really hard to explain. But I think why

763
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,600
Speaker 2: I'm so shameful of it, I think is because, I mean,

764
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 2: women often get labeled as crazy, you know, if we're

765
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:31,400
Speaker 2: if we're a bit feisty, and I know, it's so

766
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:32,360
Speaker 2: easy or a bitch.

767
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:36,279
Speaker 4: It's so it's such a quick, quick brand, isn't it.

768
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,479
Speaker 4: If you're a confident woman. I think I've heard Julia

769
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 4: Gillard speak really well about that.

770
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:43,400
Speaker 3: You can't be a confident woman without being a bitch.

771
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,839
Speaker 3: So don't show emotion. I feel like women get that, like, god,

772
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:50,239
Speaker 3: bit emotional. It's like, excuse me, am, I supposed to

773
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:52,799
Speaker 3: act like a robot, whereas men men don't get that man.

774
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, you're passionate. Yeah, when you're a bit.

775
00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:02,719
Speaker 2: Emotional what he's doing, Yeah, exactly. And I think because

776
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:09,359
Speaker 2: I do surround myself with people who really always hold

777
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 2: themselves in a way that's like the other person in

778
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 2: the room is more important than them, and you know,

779
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 2: always puts other peoples first. At least in my experience,

780
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:22,240
Speaker 2: I get really upset when I feel like I don't

781
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 2: do that, and I just get angry and I just

782
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 2: like let it out on Josh. It but you've just

783
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,160
Speaker 2: done yeah, nothing wrong. And I did actually go to

784
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 2: therapy a couple years ago. I only went to two sessions,

785
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 2: but even from what I got from those sessions was

786
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 2: that she kind of questioned why I get so upset

787
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 2: when I'm feeling upset, Like, like, why is it that

788
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 2: you get so angry at yourself if you're feeling angry, I, well,

789
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 2: I don't want to feel that way. And she's like, yeah,

790
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 2: but if something's annoyed, you like, you're allowed to be

791
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 2: annoyed and you're allowed to reflect that obviously, you know,

792
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 2: to an extent, you want to be able to kind

793
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 2: of manage your reactions to things. She's not saying like, yeah,

794
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 2: I just continue to lash out and yeah, but like

795
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:13,839
Speaker 2: being able to recognize when I'm not feeling myself and

796
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:18,120
Speaker 2: finding other ways to manage it rather than just like

797
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,640
Speaker 2: blowing up, because it never feels better when I do that.

798
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 1: Do you think you bottle in just from what you

799
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 1: were talking about before.

800
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 3: Which is women get seen as crazy, a bitch emotional?

801
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,879
Speaker 3: Do you think that you hold yourself, especially in the

802
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 3: professional world, hold back your I can't show I'm emotional,

803
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 3: I'm sad or whatever about something, and then that will

804
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 3: lead to the anger explosion.

805
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, yep. Likely. And it's funny, not funny, not funny.

806
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 2: It's great that it.

807
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 1: Can be funny. No, it's good. I think it's a

808
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 1: great expression.

809
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 4: I always use funny when I'm talking about the worst

810
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:59,800
Speaker 4: part because if you don't love, you cry.

811
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:01,080
Speaker 1: No.

812
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 2: But I think it's incredible how how much safer the

813
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 2: world is to be able to be open about struggling

814
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 2: with your mental health. I think it's great moving the

815
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 2: right direction. But I still think that when it comes

816
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 2: to things like maybe depression or yeah, anger, it's like,

817
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 2: it's like not a cool mental health issue to have,

818
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:26,399
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?

819
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 1: Yes, definitely.

820
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 2: I'm trying to say this in such a delicate way

821
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 2: because it's not like one mental health issue is harder

822
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,759
Speaker 2: to deal with than the other. It's absolutely not the case.

823
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:42,319
Speaker 2: And there's so many people who struggle with multiple But

824
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 2: I just feel like it's been really hard to speak

825
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 2: about or open up about, you know, anger issues. Yeah,

826
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,839
Speaker 2: I'm a woman, and like, what does that mean? Does

827
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 2: that mean I'm just crazy or my hormones are out of.

828
00:39:56,480 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 1: Whack, like you know what I mean, I do, but

829
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:01,760
Speaker 1: that it's just so not fair.

830
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 3: But I know that exists, that definitely exists, is if

831
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:07,439
Speaker 3: you're showing anger or you're crazy.

832
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:08,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, oh my god.

833
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then you'd beerate yourself or when you are

834
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:13,560
Speaker 3: when you let it out.

835
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,840
Speaker 2: Because for me, like being that like caring and pathetic person.

836
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 2: It's not just like what I think I should be,

837
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,120
Speaker 2: it's who It's who I want to be and who

838
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 2: I know I have in me. And I'm definitely am

839
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 2: a pathetic person. So when I'm not acting that way,

840
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 2: it just I disappoint myself.

841
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you think do you think and again I'm

842
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 3: not sure if it's the case, but do you think

843
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:36,919
Speaker 3: you get to the anger stage, because you're really hard

844
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,480
Speaker 3: on yourself and the way you talk to yourself is probably

845
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 3: full of anger, yeah for sure.

846
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 2: And it because I know when it's definitely bottling up,

847
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 2: because I'll react in a way that like five seconds later,

848
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 2: I'm like, why did I do that? Yeah, now I

849
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 2: need to go apologize, And it's going back to that

850
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 2: you say sorry, but if you do it so often,

851
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 2: it's like when does say like saying sorry actually mean something?

852
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,360
Speaker 2: And that's then where I battle again because it's like, no, no, no,

853
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 2: I really didn't mean to react that way, and I

854
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,920
Speaker 2: am sorry, But then you also know it's not the

855
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 2: first time, So like, how do I get out of

856
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 2: this pattern so that I'm.

857
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 4: Not yeah, yeah, you know there's you're so you're so

858
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,520
Speaker 4: right on the anger front like that that it's like

859
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 4: it's really demonized, like it's really like it's not a

860
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,400
Speaker 4: cool thing, and it's funny that like I don't want

861
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:29,080
Speaker 4: to say depressions cool, but it's acceptable now, you know,

862
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 4: like when you say you're depressed, I agree, I agree,

863
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:35,240
Speaker 4: I totally agree with you. But that's why I said

864
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 4: And that's what was important about that acronym is that

865
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:41,880
Speaker 4: like when I know, when I initially was sort of

866
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 4: coming into contact with being depressed, it was hard for

867
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:46,840
Speaker 4: me to explain to people that the reason I was

868
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 4: pissed off all the time was because I was actually.

869
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: Feeling that way.

870
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 4: And you're right, like anger gets demonized, but like if

871
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 4: you really focus in on what anger is, anger is

872
00:41:56,040 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 4: like the like greatest protector of your biggest insecurities is

873
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:04,759
Speaker 4: this thing that just like it's like it's like your

874
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:08,439
Speaker 4: last line of defense. No one wants to get angry.

875
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 4: It's a shocking feelings, it's horrible. It's like a full

876
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:15,319
Speaker 4: visceral sort of takeover. You have no control over it.

877
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,720
Speaker 4: And afterwards you say things, you do things, you regret

878
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 4: all of them. You would never choose to be angry

879
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:24,040
Speaker 4: at someone. And yet, and I suppose that's kind of

880
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:25,799
Speaker 4: why I asked you what you were scared of? Is

881
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 4: because I know that you were saying that you were

882
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:32,360
Speaker 4: getting angry. What are you what's your anger protecting?

883
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:37,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't know, I don't really know. I'm still

884
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:40,279
Speaker 2: working through it, but I think I think, like what

885
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 2: you said on our podcast as well being that like

886
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,880
Speaker 2: you know, you also could just be a dick, Like

887
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean, Like, I know, but

888
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 2: I think that's.

889
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:53,360
Speaker 1: What it's what you are thinking.

890
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 2: Am I actually not this like nice person that I

891
00:42:57,719 --> 00:43:00,120
Speaker 2: thought I was or that I want to be And

892
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 2: I'm just a bitchy Wow? That's like really hard.

893
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 1: That's what you're scared of. Wow.

894
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,400
Speaker 2: And so it's funny because when you're saying on the podcast,

895
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 2: because that obviously does exist, there is people who just

896
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 2: like they can be angry and like be so sure

897
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:15,600
Speaker 2: of that emotion. And it's not just that you can

898
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 2: be angry and and be sure of that emotion.

899
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,360
Speaker 4: It can be really constructive at times as well. Sometimes

900
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 4: you need anger to get a point across exactly.

901
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 2: So I'm definitely not talking about that type of anger.

902
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,240
Speaker 2: It's definitely when it's kind of bottled up from nothing,

903
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 2: and it's definitely not the best reaction to get through something.

904
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:37,359
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think that's the fear. Is that, like,

905
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 2: because it's happening and I haven't been able to I

906
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 2: sometimes I can manage it, and then yeah, a lot

907
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:45,279
Speaker 2: of the time I can't, And I think then it

908
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,480
Speaker 2: just makes me think, like I'm an asshole.

909
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 1: How does it go? How does it go with Josh? Like,

910
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 1: how does that how long is that?

911
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:57,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the thing. I've been dating for ten years

912
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:02,719
Speaker 2: and for a long time it's been happening, and we

913
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:05,560
Speaker 2: go through waves like there was a time. It's much

914
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 2: better now. I think as soon as I recognize that

915
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 2: it was like a that it became a lot easier.

916
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 2: But before that, yeah, he was like always questioning like

917
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 2: do you even love me? Like do you know? Because

918
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:25,440
Speaker 2: it was like I was often like horrible. Yeah. So

919
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:29,520
Speaker 2: it's like I think when that started to happen too often,

920
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 2: it was like no, no, no, I do love you, and

921
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 2: you're like the best person in my world and I

922
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 2: don't want you to ever feel that way. So there's

923
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,279
Speaker 2: obviously something going on because I'm not even angry at you.

924
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:39,839
Speaker 2: I don't know why.

925
00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:44,240
Speaker 4: I'm as you said to me, I think you're messaging

926
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 4: about you said, it's unfortunately it's it's the person closest

927
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 4: to me.

928
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:49,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the punching bag.

929
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:53,360
Speaker 4: I like turn around and I'm like, yeah, great, not great,

930
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 4: But like your first you're first up, you know, like

931
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 4: your partners, do.

932
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 2: You know that they're always going to be there?

933
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, which is so not the right way, but

934
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 1: but that's why it happens. That's not fair, but that's

935
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:05,000
Speaker 1: why it happens.

936
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:09,919
Speaker 3: You how do you and Josh go with asking for

937
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,839
Speaker 3: or getting what you need at any time?

938
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:17,319
Speaker 2: Where he's so good, He's such a good listener, he's

939
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:19,799
Speaker 2: such a good talker. Like if if there's something going

940
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 2: on with him, he really needs to open up about it.

941
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 2: And I really appreciate that because I know it's not

942
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:31,320
Speaker 2: super common, particularly males, to be able to really connect

943
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 2: with your emotion and like open up to your partner

944
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 2: about it and talk through things. But like he's like, no, no,

945
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:37,880
Speaker 2: if something's wrong, we need to like work through it

946
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:40,080
Speaker 2: and like talk about it, whether it's to do with

947
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 2: him or to do with us, or to do with me.

948
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 1: So does he how does he? How does he have

949
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 1: that conversation with you?

950
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 2: I Mean the hard thing is is if it's because

951
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 2: of something that I've reacted to, like we need to

952
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 2: like give it a little bit.

953
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 1: Sure, of course he's going to lose. He's going to lose.

954
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:58,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, he'll lose, but then I'll also end up in

955
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:03,200
Speaker 2: the other room feeling really yeah. So we've definitely like

956
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:05,839
Speaker 2: over time, worked out the best way to kind of

957
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 2: take those moments and like more often than not, I

958
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:09,360
Speaker 2: would just stand up and I'll just be like, I

959
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 2: just need a minute, and I'll just walk into the

960
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 2: next room and reset, even if it's for like thirty seconds,

961
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 2: and just walk out and just tell myself like, okay,

962
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 2: just like he has really hasn't done anything wrong. And

963
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:20,959
Speaker 2: then he'll just be sitting there and he'll be ready

964
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:21,239
Speaker 2: to talk.

965
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, this is when he brings out we need

966
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: to talk about this. You might have moment. It's just

967
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,279
Speaker 1: like I just need I have an initial feeling, right

968
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 1: for sure? Yeah, you had that initial reaction.

969
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:34,400
Speaker 3: It's so initial reactions are so interesting because I'll be

970
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 3: the same way. Like, it's funny how the anger or

971
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 3: the emotion comes first.

972
00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:39,960
Speaker 1: It's like the first bull out of the gate. You

973
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 1: just need to let that bull. You just let that

974
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 1: bull go. It's just like, well, bulls.

975
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:45,360
Speaker 3: Come out, let him run away out of here, and

976
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:46,680
Speaker 3: then okay, what is here?

977
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:50,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, bull's gone?

978
00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:56,319
Speaker 1: What the coach is clear? Do you think that's so?

979
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 4: Because I feel like I can empathize with you in

980
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:02,399
Speaker 4: terms of you've got this you will like let's call

981
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:04,319
Speaker 4: it anger or like rage that you feel like you

982
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 4: need to tame. But I feel like, do you think that, well, mate,

983
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 4: I'll just talk about it from my experience first. I

984
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,120
Speaker 4: feel like I used to be really similar, and I

985
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 4: think a lot of the time that was because my

986
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,840
Speaker 4: anger was coming from a place where I was pulling

987
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 4: myself back in other places, and then there'd be sort

988
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 4: of this residual thing so that when it came to

989
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 4: I could be comfortable around people that I love, I'd

990
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 4: be like, oh my god, I've held myself back from

991
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:32,719
Speaker 4: so many people so far have some of this, And

992
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 4: I think that one of the things that I remember

993
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:39,880
Speaker 4: reading about, which I found really really helpful, was you know,

994
00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 4: like there here there are different personality types. I'm a

995
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:45,840
Speaker 4: dominant personality type. It will surprise no one in this

996
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 4: room to know that that's what I am. That's who

997
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 4: I am, And I was always really ashamed of that.

998
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:56,400
Speaker 4: I found it really really hard to be that person

999
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,160
Speaker 4: and I felt like I was.

1000
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:02,919
Speaker 1: A dick for being that way.

1001
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 4: Every other dominant personality type I thought of him, I

1002
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:07,799
Speaker 4: was like, I actually hate all of you guys, like

1003
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:11,000
Speaker 4: you suck. So do I want to be that way?

1004
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 1: No?

1005
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 4: So I would spend most of my life withdrawing from

1006
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:17,719
Speaker 4: being in a room and being like I can talk,

1007
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 4: or like I've got the space, or I'm happy to

1008
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 4: take the lead here because I am comfortable doing that.

1009
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:25,359
Speaker 4: And then the knock on effect of that was that

1010
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:27,839
Speaker 4: I wasn't really true to.

1011
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:28,799
Speaker 1: Who I actually was.

1012
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 4: And then I remember reading about the fact that people

1013
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 4: who aren't dominant personality types like people who are dominant

1014
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 4: personality types. And I don't think you're a bad person

1015
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:40,560
Speaker 4: for that.

1016
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:42,279
Speaker 1: That's just the quality of who you are.

1017
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 4: And I don't know if that's the same with you,

1018
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,839
Speaker 4: but you've added this whole extra.

1019
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:50,440
Speaker 1: Layer to it, which is that.

1020
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 4: I can lean into being a dominant because I'm a guy,

1021
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,320
Speaker 4: whereas you can't because you're a woman.

1022
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,880
Speaker 3: The guy might get a bit of a dick, woman

1023
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,719
Speaker 3: gets or emotional.

1024
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:07,439
Speaker 1: Don't worry about. Don't worry about a bit of a dick.

1025
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 4: Legend, knows his way around, grounded, strong, you know the

1026
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:15,800
Speaker 4: kind of person you want to follow.

1027
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 1: It's extraordinary. Whereas that the woman does it.

1028
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 3: Oh she can't lead, far too emotional tory, Oh my god,

1029
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:25,560
Speaker 3: sorry every.

1030
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 4: Time you and then for a leader, and then for

1031
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:30,799
Speaker 4: a leader for someone who you know, who is you?

1032
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:33,800
Speaker 1: That's really harsh.

1033
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I'm a positive I don't think you would

1034
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 3: be where you are now if you weren't the dominant

1035
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 3: and the same with you, like you should both feel

1036
00:49:42,719 --> 00:49:45,240
Speaker 3: very happy about the fact that you are these dominant

1037
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 3: personalities as well, because I don't think the if you

1038
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:50,480
Speaker 3: weren't that dominant personality, you wouldn't have been the girl

1039
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 3: at sixteen or fifteen going I'm going to be a modeler.

1040
00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:55,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, true, I owe a lot to my

1041
00:49:55,960 --> 00:50:01,600
Speaker 2: journey from when I allow my confidence to take Yeah,

1042
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:05,520
Speaker 2: it's when I, for some reason hold it back and

1043
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:08,880
Speaker 2: question everything that yeah, I start to spiral.

1044
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:11,400
Speaker 1: Because you can be dominant and you can be empathic.

1045
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you can do I think that.

1046
00:50:14,239 --> 00:50:16,799
Speaker 1: You can't you feel like they can know each other out.

1047
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, But then but then I think if someone like

1048
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 2: I know, I keep bringing her up, but she's the

1049
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:25,839
Speaker 2: female love of my life, Laura, Laura. But it's you know,

1050
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:30,160
Speaker 2: she is someone who is confident and driven, and you know,

1051
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:34,160
Speaker 2: as CEO, she has to be, she has to be

1052
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,800
Speaker 2: that way at times. But she's also the most empathetic, caring,

1053
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 2: sweetest person alive. So I know you can be both,

1054
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:44,360
Speaker 2: but it's like, am I not nailing it anyway.

1055
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:47,239
Speaker 4: It's amazing that, like someone let you feel that are

1056
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 4: listening that, Like, it's not surprising at all to know

1057
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 4: that you are as good as you are because you

1058
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 4: have such high standards for yourself.

1059
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 1: It's a trap, isn't it When we keep saying you

1060
00:50:57,239 --> 00:50:59,400
Speaker 1: are as good as you are? What's your initial reaction?

1061
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:00,000
Speaker 2: It's very weird.

1062
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:02,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you see it at all?

1063
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:02,960
Speaker 4: No?

1064
00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:06,279
Speaker 2: I mean, like I can appreciate I can appreciate my journey,

1065
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:08,359
Speaker 2: and I can appreciate my successes, and I think it's

1066
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:10,080
Speaker 2: really important to be able to reflect on stuff like

1067
00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 2: that and be proud of yourself. But like when the

1068
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 2: term like famous or stuff comes around, and that's weird

1069
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:17,400
Speaker 2: to me.

1070
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, you gave a very weird reaction when we were like,

1071
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:22,839
Speaker 3: you will get it a lot more than us because

1072
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:23,480
Speaker 3: you're famous.

1073
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:23,880
Speaker 1: It was like a.

1074
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:28,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I don't. I don't see that.

1075
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:32,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I have a question for you, probably going

1076
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:33,120
Speaker 4: my last question.

1077
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:37,439
Speaker 1: Oh wow, all in a dream? Yeah, I mean, god,

1078
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:40,120
Speaker 1: time really goes quick, doesn't it.

1079
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:40,840
Speaker 2: Thanks for sharing it.

1080
00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:46,279
Speaker 1: Are you feeling right about it? Yep? That really the

1081
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 1: anger the female is blowing my mind. Are you okay

1082
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:53,319
Speaker 1: about it. Are you feeling okay about Yeah?

1083
00:51:53,520 --> 00:52:00,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah am I cr no, I'm feeling fun. It's

1084
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:05,640
Speaker 2: been a whole lot better as of resear but it's

1085
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 2: just it's still kind of lingers there. But yeah, it

1086
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 2: was really a couple of years back when it started

1087
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:15,279
Speaker 2: to fester and get really bad and then it just

1088
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:17,880
Speaker 2: kind of creeps in every now and again. But getting

1089
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 2: a lot better recognizing when I feel like shit and

1090
00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 2: when I just.

1091
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:22,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that that that.

1092
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 4: Dicmbobulate anything about anger is it never actually lets you

1093
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 4: look at what's going on.

1094
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:28,480
Speaker 1: It's just anger.

1095
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:30,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, That's all you're feelings, So you can't get to

1096
00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:32,400
Speaker 4: the bottom of it when you're in the middle of it.

1097
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:36,839
Speaker 2: And I don't know, I don't think. I don't think well,

1098
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:38,640
Speaker 2: I don't know because I've never really liked spoken to

1099
00:52:38,680 --> 00:52:42,200
Speaker 2: someone about it. But you know, I don't think I

1100
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:46,400
Speaker 2: suffer from depression. But there's certainly there's certainly times where

1101
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:50,640
Speaker 2: you know, everything can be going well in life and

1102
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:53,240
Speaker 2: for some reason, I've just got this dark cloud above

1103
00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 2: me and I'm like just not seeing it go.

1104
00:52:57,640 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1105
00:52:58,239 --> 00:53:00,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, So mate, I said to you, I'll put you

1106
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 4: in touch with some people I.

1107
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:05,440
Speaker 3: Can often be though, you know, when like you're heading

1108
00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:07,440
Speaker 3: towards like a goal, it was a common thing, and

1109
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 3: then when it's going well and it's like, I, really,

1110
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:12,879
Speaker 3: I thought this would feel a lot better. Yeah, that's

1111
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 3: that's such a hard trap to avoid. It feels like

1112
00:53:15,719 --> 00:53:17,959
Speaker 3: everyone knows that trap. But then you're in it again

1113
00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:19,239
Speaker 3: and you're like, I.

1114
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 4: Definitely thought this isn't as good as I thought it

1115
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:21,840
Speaker 4: would be.

1116
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:29,680
Speaker 5: But the Quincy stuff, noma what you say, but not.

1117
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:32,239
Speaker 1: The Queen's mean the Queen's is a metaphor for life.

1118
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 4: No, Amazically, I was addressing both things. I haven't actually

1119
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:40,400
Speaker 4: tasted the quinces life awful.

1120
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:46,759
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, me and I are trying to do I've

1121
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:47,239
Speaker 1: fallen away.

1122
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 3: But I was really trying to set a need date

1123
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 3: for us to have every week, and then it would

1124
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:53,840
Speaker 3: have need a need date. So it's literally where we

1125
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:56,160
Speaker 3: sit down once a week and just say, what do

1126
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:58,759
Speaker 3: you what's something that you need at the moment. I

1127
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 3: love that something that's not something that you're you need

1128
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:04,279
Speaker 3: me to do or that we're trying to But I

1129
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:05,040
Speaker 3: suck at it?

1130
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 2: What do you mean you're suck at executing it? Or

1131
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:08,200
Speaker 2: suck at expressing what you.

1132
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:12,800
Speaker 3: Need sucket expressing what I need right awful at it.

1133
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 1: So so bad. So that's why I feel going to

1134
00:54:14,120 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 1: set a date. But now I just keep pushing that

1135
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: date off. We'll do it next week, or go like

1136
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:20,719
Speaker 1: that I don't need anything this week. And it says like,

1137
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:25,160
Speaker 1: what do you said this? What are the chances we're

1138
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:28,880
Speaker 1: in need data? And I'm needless again? See you in

1139
00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:29,600
Speaker 1: seven days.

1140
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 3: That's why the anger comes from me, because I was like,

1141
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 3: I'll trip over something so small, like I'll trip over

1142
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:39,239
Speaker 3: a cushion.

1143
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 1: For the fourth time that's sitting in front of a

1144
00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 1: drawer which has my short sinners. Okay, I like the cushion,

1145
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:48,239
Speaker 1: Just go you never asked me to move. And I'll

1146
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:54,920
Speaker 1: be like, that's a really good point. So you recently

1147
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 1: had a baby, not recently had a baby. You had

1148
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 1: a baby? What year? Half ago year?

1149
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:01,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fifteen month, all right, cool?

1150
00:55:02,160 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 1: Okay.

1151
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:08,120
Speaker 4: So one of the things that is really hard after

1152
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:11,480
Speaker 4: you have a baby is well, certainly from my perspective,

1153
00:55:11,920 --> 00:55:13,840
Speaker 4: is this idea and we touched on it briefly before,

1154
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:17,160
Speaker 4: as well as this idea of your partner of the

1155
00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 4: woman who gave birth feeling confident in her body and

1156
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:25,319
Speaker 4: also like the connection that you have again through like

1157
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:28,120
Speaker 4: being intimate with each other. And I read or I

1158
00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 4: think you spoke Jason PJ about the fact that you

1159
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,360
Speaker 4: guys are doing like some sort of like intimacy challenge

1160
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:34,839
Speaker 4: or something like that. I don't want to focus on

1161
00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:37,279
Speaker 4: that more so much. I want to focus on if

1162
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:41,680
Speaker 4: that's part of your answer, awesome, But how did you feel,

1163
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:45,040
Speaker 4: because it's something I'm really struggling with, really struggling with

1164
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:47,399
Speaker 4: it with Sammy. I'm really struggling with the idea that

1165
00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:55,400
Speaker 4: she doesn't see herself as anything but really like a

1166
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:59,719
Speaker 4: milk machine, like really like the only connection she has

1167
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:03,400
Speaker 4: to herself is this sense of like all I'm all,

1168
00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 4: I have been, all I was, and like, scarily genetically,

1169
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:13,400
Speaker 4: in an evolutionary sense, she has achieved the purpose that

1170
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 4: her body is not on the planet for so to

1171
00:56:17,120 --> 00:56:22,160
Speaker 4: like reinspire herself to be something which is more than

1172
00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:25,239
Speaker 4: that to me again, and like re engage with me.

1173
00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:34,160
Speaker 4: Well sure, physically, but then also just connecting is really hard,

1174
00:56:35,760 --> 00:56:38,360
Speaker 4: and it's something we joke about and we kind of

1175
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:40,440
Speaker 4: get there, but I know that I can see how

1176
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 4: much it hurts her and I can see how hard

1177
00:56:42,719 --> 00:56:43,279
Speaker 4: it is to her.

1178
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:48,239
Speaker 1: How did you go about that? Where are you at

1179
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:48,759
Speaker 1: with it now?

1180
00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:51,040
Speaker 5: Yeah?

1181
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:51,800
Speaker 2: How old's max?

1182
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:54,279
Speaker 1: Max is three months? Three months old?

1183
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:58,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, so fresh, stelf, so fresh. And I think there's this,

1184
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:05,719
Speaker 2: there's this huge pressure in society of women having to

1185
00:57:05,800 --> 00:57:13,399
Speaker 2: bounce back both physically, mentally, mentally, mentally emotionally, and I

1186
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:16,400
Speaker 2: think society puts that pressure on us. But then also

1187
00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:20,240
Speaker 2: we do it ourselves because we want to still be

1188
00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:23,560
Speaker 2: in touch with that former self and like still recognize ourself.

1189
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:25,920
Speaker 2: But I think the truth is is like we're different.

1190
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:29,440
Speaker 2: It's a new version of us. And I think for me,

1191
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:32,520
Speaker 2: as soon as I let go of trying to feel

1192
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:35,240
Speaker 2: like I once did or trying to be that person

1193
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 2: I once was, it got a whole lot easier. Like

1194
00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 2: I accepted early in postpartum that like I might not

1195
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:48,360
Speaker 2: have felt sexy, like I was like, probably not going

1196
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:51,520
Speaker 2: to happen, not now anyway. And I just how much.

1197
00:57:51,360 --> 00:57:53,480
Speaker 1: Does that play because that's often.

1198
00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:56,880
Speaker 4: Like something that's massive, right, Yeah, Because I had this

1199
00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:58,760
Speaker 4: discussion with sim the other day and I was like,

1200
00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:04,160
Speaker 4: it's classic thing to do. I was like, so like,

1201
00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:07,600
Speaker 4: what do I need to do here? And there's nothing. Yeah,

1202
00:58:07,840 --> 00:58:10,800
Speaker 4: you have nothing, Like there's no tool that you can

1203
00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:13,120
Speaker 4: you're using any toolbox.

1204
00:58:12,680 --> 00:58:15,400
Speaker 1: That you might have anywhere that is going to make

1205
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:18,680
Speaker 1: me feel sexy. Yeah.

1206
00:58:19,560 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 2: No, And I would say that, like it's going back

1207
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:24,840
Speaker 2: to what you said before about compliments when they come

1208
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:26,320
Speaker 2: from someone that you love and like someone like your

1209
00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:29,000
Speaker 2: partner or your husband, it's like, yeah, you kind of

1210
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:30,760
Speaker 2: have to say that. If you didn't say that, you've

1211
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:34,400
Speaker 2: been a dick, like not make me feel amazing. So

1212
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:37,120
Speaker 2: but it's good of you to still be there and

1213
00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 2: still do that even if she pushes back for a while, right,

1214
00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:43,160
Speaker 2: because as soon as she starts to get a glimpse

1215
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:47,640
Speaker 2: of it in herself, she'll still really appreciate it coming

1216
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:50,320
Speaker 2: from you. I mean that's me anyway. That's that's kind

1217
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:54,520
Speaker 2: of what happened with me. And it took a while though,

1218
00:58:54,560 --> 00:58:57,880
Speaker 2: I think especially in those early months, like you're barely sleeping,

1219
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:00,160
Speaker 2: so you're catching up. I'm still catching up on sleep

1220
00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:03,320
Speaker 2: fifteen months and he's sleeping through. He's been sleeping through

1221
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:04,920
Speaker 2: for a while, but I still catch back with sleep.

1222
00:59:06,280 --> 00:59:08,920
Speaker 2: And so when you're sleep deprived, you're obviously your emotions

1223
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:13,240
Speaker 2: are heightened, your body has gone through all of these changes,

1224
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:18,680
Speaker 2: and especially if she's breastfeeding, and so I think it's

1225
00:59:18,760 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 2: just like letting go of this pressure of like trying

1226
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 2: to feel normal or sexy or how you once did.

1227
00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:30,360
Speaker 4: Just yeah, that's the tension. It's not necessarily that you're

1228
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 4: not there, it's more that you you think.

1229
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:34,080
Speaker 1: You should be.

1230
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:35,120
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1231
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:35,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1232
00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:38,320
Speaker 2: And it's been the same for me. Finding my confidence

1233
00:59:38,360 --> 00:59:41,280
Speaker 2: in work, to be honest, has been the same kind

1234
00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:45,040
Speaker 2: of similar journey to feeling sexy again. It's like I

1235
00:59:45,080 --> 00:59:48,600
Speaker 2: have accepted that I might not have the confidence that

1236
00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:50,720
Speaker 2: I once did in work, or at least for a while,

1237
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:54,320
Speaker 2: because things have shifted my mind. My mental load is

1238
00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:56,560
Speaker 2: completely different. Like even though I'm not the stay at

1239
00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:59,640
Speaker 2: home care I'm always thinking about his sleep, what he

1240
00:59:59,680 --> 01:00:01,720
Speaker 2: needs to eat, Like I just can't switch it off.

1241
01:00:01,760 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 2: And so my mental load is totally different. And so

1242
01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:07,400
Speaker 2: I need to work through things at work differently now.

1243
01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:09,600
Speaker 2: I need to have certain processes or certain things in

1244
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:12,680
Speaker 2: place for me to understand things different to how I

1245
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:15,080
Speaker 2: once did. And once could work on the fly and

1246
01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:18,680
Speaker 2: hustle and get it all done. It's different now. And

1247
01:00:18,720 --> 01:00:21,240
Speaker 2: so there was a while where I was really angry

1248
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:24,200
Speaker 2: at myself and upset with myself and really lacked confidence

1249
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:26,920
Speaker 2: because I had this pressure to just be able to

1250
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:30,360
Speaker 2: go back and just work out again and like perform.

1251
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:33,240
Speaker 2: But it's yeah, it's exactly the same with the relationship.

1252
01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:35,880
Speaker 2: But I think you just have to really be there

1253
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:39,400
Speaker 2: for each other. And then I mean it's kind of

1254
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:43,120
Speaker 2: going back to your soft acronym, like if it gets

1255
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,800
Speaker 2: to a point where you feel like you're a bit helpless,

1256
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:49,160
Speaker 2: like get other friends involved.

1257
01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:52,200
Speaker 1: No, yeah, that's certainly been a step.

1258
01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:54,560
Speaker 2: But the thing is is like every six I don't

1259
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:57,160
Speaker 2: think I've never met one woman that's had a baby

1260
01:00:57,600 --> 01:01:03,919
Speaker 2: that felt good them or felt like themselves or yeah,

1261
01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:06,560
Speaker 2: felt sexy or anything for a while. And everyone's different

1262
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:06,880
Speaker 2: as to.

1263
01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:07,720
Speaker 1: When that comes back.

1264
01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:10,080
Speaker 2: But I think just giving.

1265
01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:14,080
Speaker 3: The space can ask a specific question on the intimacy thing,

1266
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:16,320
Speaker 3: and I'll talk about my own relationships.

1267
01:01:16,360 --> 01:01:19,240
Speaker 1: I feel uncomfortable sleep both of yours.

1268
01:01:19,720 --> 01:01:23,000
Speaker 3: But I so MIM's got about ten weeks to go

1269
01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:26,640
Speaker 3: in pregnancy, and she again she's having that similar similar

1270
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:31,120
Speaker 3: feeling of feeling sexy and previously pre pregnancy, she was

1271
01:01:31,120 --> 01:01:33,439
Speaker 3: someone who probably made the first move more than I would.

1272
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:37,000
Speaker 3: She's the dominant time submissive if you had to put

1273
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:42,360
Speaker 3: two roles then And I'm now trying to because I

1274
01:01:42,360 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 3: don't want to get too personal here, but recently I've

1275
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 3: been making the first move more. But I've always been like, Okay,

1276
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 3: you're pregnant, you're tired and actually but sick at the moment.

1277
01:01:52,280 --> 01:01:54,960
Speaker 3: But I know that she really appreciated it when I

1278
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:55,560
Speaker 3: just took.

1279
01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:57,680
Speaker 1: The bull by the horns for you wants a better.

1280
01:01:57,480 --> 01:02:01,440
Speaker 3: Expression and just went for it lots of yeah, a

1281
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:06,720
Speaker 3: big bull guy post pardon and this is obviously something

1282
01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 3: that you're going through and you've been through. Is that

1283
01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:13,560
Speaker 3: Is that just communication there or were you wanting Josh

1284
01:02:13,600 --> 01:02:16,680
Speaker 3: to make a first move or how did that play

1285
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:17,800
Speaker 3: out for you if it's not.

1286
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:22,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean like obviously for everyone totally dependent

1287
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:25,120
Speaker 2: on their birth, there's a different like physical break that

1288
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:30,959
Speaker 2: actually has to happen medically speaking, yes, and then there's

1289
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:34,960
Speaker 2: a period of like having to be emotionally ready. And

1290
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:37,880
Speaker 2: I think that you know, everyone talks about this like

1291
01:02:37,920 --> 01:02:41,240
Speaker 2: sex this sorry not sex, what is it with me?

1292
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:43,800
Speaker 2: And you're talking to you guys about sex all the time,

1293
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 2: but six week check up and they're like, if you

1294
01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:50,560
Speaker 2: get the clearance from the doctor, then you're good to go.

1295
01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:54,840
Speaker 2: But like that might be a physical clear yeah, yes,

1296
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:57,640
Speaker 2: but a lot of the time you might not mentally

1297
01:02:57,680 --> 01:02:59,720
Speaker 2: be there yet. And I think that's okay. And I

1298
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:04,640
Speaker 2: think it's just really important that the partner is truly

1299
01:03:06,040 --> 01:03:09,360
Speaker 2: okay with that and gives gives space and time. And

1300
01:03:09,720 --> 01:03:12,120
Speaker 2: it's not to say like, don't make a move, yeah,

1301
01:03:12,200 --> 01:03:16,400
Speaker 2: because you also want to make sure that they're feeling, because.

1302
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:17,800
Speaker 1: That's that's the whole compliment.

1303
01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:19,480
Speaker 3: I think it's one thing to say you look sexy,

1304
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:23,440
Speaker 3: I want to physically show you exactly, but then also

1305
01:03:23,520 --> 01:03:26,200
Speaker 3: that that that balancing act which I'm which is like okay,

1306
01:03:26,240 --> 01:03:28,280
Speaker 3: but you don't want that right now, and I don't

1307
01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:30,240
Speaker 3: want to come across as then her thinking that, oh

1308
01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:34,160
Speaker 3: you need that, No, so now I'm over committing myself

1309
01:03:34,200 --> 01:03:34,600
Speaker 3: to make.

1310
01:03:34,520 --> 01:03:35,640
Speaker 1: You feel better totally.

1311
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:36,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard.

1312
01:03:36,520 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 4: You have to go, and I just go in, like,

1313
01:03:38,640 --> 01:03:40,720
Speaker 4: you know, knowing there's a nine to nine percent chance

1314
01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:41,240
Speaker 4: of failure.

1315
01:03:41,920 --> 01:03:45,000
Speaker 1: I just well, at the moment, at the moment, so

1316
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:46,880
Speaker 1: I thought you're saying, just like across the board, just

1317
01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:48,800
Speaker 1: like I turned to the troops, I'm like, all right, guys, we're.

1318
01:03:48,680 --> 01:03:51,360
Speaker 4: Going to go in everyone's going to die, but like

1319
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:52,120
Speaker 4: we're cool with that.

1320
01:03:52,320 --> 01:03:54,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you just you, just you, just because.

1321
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:57,960
Speaker 4: It's a really really hard thing to get rejected by,

1322
01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:02,280
Speaker 4: particularly not used to making an approach in your relationship. Yeah, yeah,

1323
01:04:02,280 --> 01:04:04,960
Speaker 4: it's really hard, even if you are the one that's

1324
01:04:05,040 --> 01:04:07,120
Speaker 4: used to making the approach on the other one. It's like,

1325
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:11,280
Speaker 4: there's nothing more deflating than being like, yo, I am

1326
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:13,720
Speaker 4: up for this, I'm feeling good and like making a

1327
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:15,440
Speaker 4: play and then them going no, and you're.

1328
01:04:15,320 --> 01:04:17,880
Speaker 1: Like, I feel like it's almost like you're embarrassed.

1329
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:20,280
Speaker 4: You know, You're like, you feels so shit about yourself.

1330
01:04:20,280 --> 01:04:24,479
Speaker 3: I would care more about her, thinking that she wants

1331
01:04:24,480 --> 01:04:27,120
Speaker 3: to say no but hasn't because she's worried about me.

1332
01:04:27,280 --> 01:04:28,720
Speaker 3: So I feel like I would almost go and be like,

1333
01:04:28,760 --> 01:04:29,560
Speaker 3: you can reject me if you want.

1334
01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:30,800
Speaker 1: You can reject me if you want, but I'm going

1335
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:35,680
Speaker 1: for it. You know what I mean, swat me if

1336
01:04:35,680 --> 01:04:38,080
Speaker 1: you want. Yeah, No, that's what I'm saying. That's what

1337
01:04:38,160 --> 01:04:38,520
Speaker 1: I'm saying.

1338
01:04:38,520 --> 01:04:40,200
Speaker 4: You almost need to have this approach where you're like,

1339
01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:42,040
Speaker 4: I'm making a play. I think you look great, but

1340
01:04:42,040 --> 01:04:45,040
Speaker 4: but yeah, swap me back any point.

1341
01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:47,439
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, you're almost like a bit of a blowfly. Yeah,

1342
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:50,080
Speaker 1: you know, just like I'm hanging around. I'm hanging around

1343
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:51,600
Speaker 1: and hanging around. You can kill me if you want,

1344
01:04:51,640 --> 01:04:54,280
Speaker 1: or you can let me land on you. Yeah. Yeah.

1345
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:58,720
Speaker 1: And then with well that I land that I land

1346
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:07,560
Speaker 1: on Sam. It's much smoother than that. It's like landing

1347
01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:10,600
Speaker 1: on it. There's no landing. It's like it's a better process.

1348
01:05:10,960 --> 01:05:13,360
Speaker 1: What is it. It's just it's just it's more streamlined,

1349
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:16,680
Speaker 1: like a dragonfly. You know, you and streamline should never

1350
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:19,200
Speaker 1: go in the same sentence. It doesn't work.

1351
01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:22,479
Speaker 4: It's not landing on her, you know, like it's cooler than.

1352
01:05:22,360 --> 01:05:23,680
Speaker 1: That cheese man.

1353
01:05:28,520 --> 01:05:29,560
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

1354
01:05:30,640 --> 01:05:32,000
Speaker 1: Well I'm glad we come with that. Do you have

1355
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:32,720
Speaker 1: more questions? Yeah?

1356
01:05:32,760 --> 01:05:37,040
Speaker 3: No, Is that is the physical the blowfly over here

1357
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:39,760
Speaker 3: going for the landing as a compliment.

1358
01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:42,720
Speaker 1: Is that better to take though? Because I feel like.

1359
01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:47,680
Speaker 3: If you are physically doing something like that, that's better

1360
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:49,720
Speaker 3: than words.

1361
01:05:48,680 --> 01:05:50,640
Speaker 1: It's a person I.

1362
01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:53,920
Speaker 2: Mean it is, but I think if it's happening like

1363
01:05:54,720 --> 01:05:58,440
Speaker 2: every day time, then yes, then you're like, okay, you're

1364
01:05:58,480 --> 01:06:02,400
Speaker 2: making me feel like I and you feel really guilty.

1365
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:05,600
Speaker 4: Yes, And you know, actually one of the chats we

1366
01:06:05,640 --> 01:06:09,200
Speaker 4: had with our midwife postpartum was that was something that

1367
01:06:09,240 --> 01:06:11,000
Speaker 4: we had like a counseling session. We sort of went

1368
01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:13,560
Speaker 4: through the whole everything, and that was one of the

1369
01:06:13,560 --> 01:06:16,320
Speaker 4: things that she quite deliberately brought up in front of

1370
01:06:16,320 --> 01:06:19,959
Speaker 4: Sem and me. She was like, and I was quite

1371
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:24,400
Speaker 4: offended because she was like, is Will expecting you to

1372
01:06:24,400 --> 01:06:25,040
Speaker 4: have sex with him?

1373
01:06:25,320 --> 01:06:26,720
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1374
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:29,480
Speaker 4: And Sam was like, well, firstly, no, he wouldn't get

1375
01:06:29,480 --> 01:06:30,200
Speaker 4: with you and turn meters.

1376
01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:34,720
Speaker 1: I mean, but it's a real thing.

1377
01:06:35,000 --> 01:06:37,959
Speaker 4: Yeah, Because and she was like great, she was like, Will,

1378
01:06:38,680 --> 01:06:40,520
Speaker 4: I'm not suggesting that it is the case with you,

1379
01:06:40,600 --> 01:06:42,760
Speaker 4: but I get a lot of people where guys are

1380
01:06:42,840 --> 01:06:47,200
Speaker 4: just like, well, we're back on yeah, and that's outrageous.

1381
01:06:47,560 --> 01:06:49,880
Speaker 4: So you kind of I think the communication thing is

1382
01:06:50,320 --> 01:06:52,360
Speaker 4: onie hundred percent key because even if you're not necessarily

1383
01:06:52,400 --> 01:06:53,840
Speaker 4: approaching them with your words, you.

1384
01:06:53,760 --> 01:06:59,120
Speaker 1: Can talk about it afterwards. Yeah, you know. Sometimes I'll

1385
01:06:59,440 --> 01:07:00,920
Speaker 1: actually maybe I can't.

1386
01:07:00,720 --> 01:07:02,439
Speaker 4: Reveal this, Maybe I can, who cares, we can delete

1387
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:05,600
Speaker 4: it afterwards. But sometimes if I and this is I

1388
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:08,080
Speaker 4: mean something that's come to the four recently. Semin I

1389
01:07:08,080 --> 01:07:11,120
Speaker 4: always joke around the fact that like if we tongue kiss,

1390
01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:15,760
Speaker 4: then offer it's leading somewhere, absolutely, if your tongue is

1391
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:18,720
Speaker 4: leading somewhere right right, yeah, So, and this has been

1392
01:07:18,760 --> 01:07:20,400
Speaker 4: something that's been part of our relationship forever.

1393
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:22,120
Speaker 1: I don't know why it's really.

1394
01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:24,280
Speaker 2: I don't know that it's very funny, except when we

1395
01:07:24,280 --> 01:07:25,760
Speaker 2: were in high school, you could like maybe it.

1396
01:07:27,480 --> 01:07:29,880
Speaker 1: Was going to go any yeah, exactly, like that was

1397
01:07:29,880 --> 01:07:34,640
Speaker 1: the goal. You're on. You're like, sweet, everything's achieved. So

1398
01:07:34,880 --> 01:07:37,560
Speaker 1: we stay to each other. When someone else goes for

1399
01:07:37,560 --> 01:07:38,040
Speaker 1: a tounkiss.

1400
01:07:38,040 --> 01:07:45,680
Speaker 4: Whoever initiates it says tunkish tunks sex or tnkish no sex.

1401
01:07:46,120 --> 01:07:48,600
Speaker 1: Hilarious code, isn't it.

1402
01:07:48,560 --> 01:07:52,920
Speaker 3: Actually, because otherwise you go, we're on but mid mid tunkish,

1403
01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:54,480
Speaker 3: so like a pull away and like a tounkish no.

1404
01:07:54,480 --> 01:07:55,680
Speaker 1: Sex either, just beforehand.

1405
01:07:55,680 --> 01:07:57,640
Speaker 4: So like someone goes in open mouth and you go

1406
01:07:58,040 --> 01:08:01,240
Speaker 4: turnkys no sex and it's like, okay, cool, yep, no worries.

1407
01:08:02,720 --> 01:08:05,080
Speaker 1: Who does the audible there either either of us.

1408
01:08:05,360 --> 01:08:08,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, but what if one of you goes tunk is

1409
01:08:08,800 --> 01:08:11,880
Speaker 3: no sex and the other one goes tunky happens oh.

1410
01:08:11,760 --> 01:08:15,760
Speaker 1: No, sometimes it happened rock off. No. Well, no, that's

1411
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:18,000
Speaker 1: not the way to solve it. But sometimes it happens.

1412
01:08:18,120 --> 01:08:20,719
Speaker 4: Sometimes I go sometimes I go tunkys, no kids, no sex,

1413
01:08:20,720 --> 01:08:22,320
Speaker 4: and Sam, we'll go what about tnky sex?

1414
01:08:22,320 --> 01:08:24,640
Speaker 1: And I'll be like, well, no, not up for it.

1415
01:08:24,640 --> 01:08:26,639
Speaker 1: I mean, that hasn't happened in a year at least.

1416
01:08:27,200 --> 01:08:30,080
Speaker 4: But but but that I used to think was a

1417
01:08:30,120 --> 01:08:34,000
Speaker 4: really archaic, really kooky, strange thing about going about this.

1418
01:08:34,280 --> 01:08:39,320
Speaker 4: There's actually been really practical recently because the code exists

1419
01:08:39,360 --> 01:08:40,920
Speaker 4: and some can just say to me on the spot,

1420
01:08:41,240 --> 01:08:42,280
Speaker 4: no tnky is no sex.

1421
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:46,519
Speaker 2: They are still getting that yeah yeah yeah, and it's

1422
01:08:46,520 --> 01:08:47,320
Speaker 2: giving her the space.

1423
01:08:47,320 --> 01:08:49,120
Speaker 1: They're just like clean swamps.

1424
01:08:49,120 --> 01:08:51,040
Speaker 4: I don't even try like there's no there's no murky

1425
01:08:51,080 --> 01:08:51,800
Speaker 4: waters there where.

1426
01:08:51,840 --> 01:08:55,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, I think this is leading Yeah

1427
01:08:55,320 --> 01:08:58,720
Speaker 1: yeah whatever way, I am right. I think we can

1428
01:08:58,800 --> 01:09:02,280
Speaker 1: leave it there. Steph. Thank you, Yeah, thank you. You've

1429
01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:04,360
Speaker 1: got us back to sex. This is your fum, this

1430
01:09:04,439 --> 01:09:11,640
Speaker 1: is your influence. Seriously, it's been such a pleasure. I like,

1431
01:09:13,040 --> 01:09:13,880
Speaker 1: thank you for sharing.

1432
01:09:14,080 --> 01:09:15,800
Speaker 4: I know you shared a lot there that I know

1433
01:09:16,000 --> 01:09:17,960
Speaker 4: was like, yeah, superpersonal.

1434
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:19,360
Speaker 1: So I really appreciate it.

1435
01:09:19,439 --> 01:09:19,719
Speaker 2: Thanks.

1436
01:09:20,880 --> 01:09:22,320
Speaker 4: And I think a lot of people get a lot

1437
01:09:22,360 --> 01:09:24,640
Speaker 4: out of that, honestly, Like that's I think there can,

1438
01:09:24,760 --> 01:09:28,759
Speaker 4: particularly by the sounds of it, women who don't feel

1439
01:09:28,760 --> 01:09:32,920
Speaker 4: like they can engage with a lot of their emotions

1440
01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:34,479
Speaker 4: because they're afraid of how they'll be viewed.

1441
01:09:34,520 --> 01:09:35,360
Speaker 1: For them, I.

1442
01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:38,920
Speaker 3: Hope men too. I just think they're careful. I've taken

1443
01:09:38,920 --> 01:09:42,120
Speaker 3: that from this. Just be careful labeling a woman crazy

1444
01:09:42,240 --> 01:09:46,760
Speaker 3: or emotional if she's showing emotion, especially in the workplace.

1445
01:09:46,360 --> 01:09:46,719
Speaker 1: I reckon.

1446
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:50,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is thanks guys, thank you.