Speaker 1: Tata Flex and Firms Flex and Firms.
Speaker 2: This is the Flex and Firms catch Up podcast.
Speaker 3: It is Flex and Firms on CATA. We have come
Speaker 3: across a phenomena called the fuzzy wrecking ball friend correct
Speaker 3: kind of sounds.
Speaker 2: Like it is? It is what it sounds like.
Speaker 3: The friend who is really sweet and they mean well
Speaker 3: and they're very unassuming. It somehow they annihilate everything that
Speaker 3: comes in their path like a truck.
Speaker 2: Listen to this.
Speaker 4: I think the hardest friendship dynamic to reconcile is the
Speaker 4: friend who is a fuzzy wrecking ball. And by that
Speaker 4: I mean this friend may not be wantonly malicious. It's
Speaker 4: not like one of those the call is coming from
Speaker 4: inside the house type of situation. They may even be
Speaker 4: so sweet and so fun and such a good time
Speaker 4: to hang out with. But because they may not be
Speaker 4: the most emotionally mature or dare I say even the smartest,
Speaker 4: a lot of their actions definitely inconvenience you and go
Speaker 4: beyond inconvenience you and kind of like mess your life
Speaker 4: up in a lot of ways, whether it's hitting on
Speaker 4: the person that you have a crush on, saying something
Speaker 4: to a group of people, that they shouldn't have said
Speaker 4: that was super personal to you. Whatever it may be,
Speaker 4: it could be in small ways and it could be
Speaker 4: in big ways. The thing you need to know about
Speaker 4: the fuzzy wrecking ball friend is that even though they're fuzzy,
Speaker 4: even though they're so sweet, they are still a wrecking ball.
Speaker 4: What she was trying to say to me specifically was
Speaker 4: that my intuition has never really been off, So why
Speaker 4: do I continue to give certain people so many many chances?
Speaker 4: And I think there's definitely a difference between a gut
Speaker 4: feeling and something that's like a panic response from something
Speaker 4: that happened in the past.
Speaker 2: You know what's so crazy.
Speaker 3: When I told Freumi about the concept of a fuzzy
Speaker 3: wrecking ball friend, she points to out producer Brow and
Speaker 3: she says, and I quit, I see that for you,
Speaker 3: which is just the craziest thing to say to someone.
Speaker 3: But then she did double down and say no, because
Speaker 3: we're so similar. And let me askually, we're so similar
Speaker 3: clarified place place I hadn't heard.
Speaker 2: I think a definition. I think it's a self made term.
Speaker 2: Bye again. I can tell these bloody and quote a
Speaker 2: millionaire number four. Ever, that's the person that started it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, started this mess. Just the term fezzy fuzzy, fuzzy
Speaker 1: wrecking ball. I saw Brookie, our producer, and her and
Speaker 1: I soon doubling down. I doubled down, and then I said,
Speaker 1: I'm the same, so I'm allowed to say it. I've
Speaker 1: had enough of TikTok. I've got nothing more to add
Speaker 1: to this. You just can't be in peace anymore.
Speaker 3: Just know that every single quirk or slightly annoying characteristic
Speaker 3: that you thought was just like hidden't slightly concealed from everyone. No.
Speaker 2: No, it's been clocked and it's been named.
Speaker 1: Seriously, we should just start doing a series of them.
Speaker 1: This is my theory on the dolphin smooth back friend.
Speaker 2: This is my theory.
Speaker 3: It's the bit you've never had back me and you
Speaker 3: know as for that reason, she doesn't understand what it's
Speaker 3: like tennis skin insecurities.
Speaker 1: She does not have the same lived experience period, and
Speaker 1: we need to.
Speaker 2: Respect her anyway. I see where they're going.
Speaker 1: Personally, I'm probably at the end of my tether in
Speaker 1: terms of investigating friendship.
Speaker 2: Sounds so wound up.
Speaker 3: Right at the end of my text, I pressed, I
Speaker 3: love that this has a name for it because you know,
Speaker 3: we've had one one too many, we'll say conversations generally,
Speaker 3: but about friendships, and it's the same archetype that gets
Speaker 3: called out, the same Oh they never like reply or
Speaker 3: they never plan anything, and it's like, can we get
Speaker 3: it right? But when you push that to the side,
Speaker 3: there are these other, like slightly more unique archetypes that
Speaker 3: do just as much damage. But unfortunately for us, did
Speaker 3: not have a name. You know, when people like, you know,
Speaker 3: I don't like the person, she's just too nice.
Speaker 2: You're like, what is that? What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: What is clutching?
Speaker 3: It's clutching. But also it's like, oh no, what you're
Speaker 3: perceiving is to be nice. It's like you feel like
Speaker 3: this person's like generally manipulative, so anything they do is
Speaker 3: not gonna come across. Well, so now you found a
Speaker 3: way to frame nice as like a negative characteristic.
Speaker 2: Back to the fuzzy wrecking ball though, what do you
Speaker 2: actually do with that?
Speaker 3: Because I think that I've kind of like, I don't
Speaker 3: have any fuzzy wrecking ball friends. I think I just
Speaker 3: have like ditsy wrecking ball friends. She did mention ditzy
Speaker 3: being one of those characteristics but I've just had in
Speaker 3: the past one too many friends that are just so
Speaker 3: acutely aware of the damage that they do and how
Speaker 3: disruptive they are, not only to themselves but to other people.
Speaker 3: And I think, you know, when you are the doctor
Speaker 3: phil Oprah friend, it's it's really validating to be able
Speaker 3: to help someone with their problems.
Speaker 2: You're like, oh, this is really sick. They need me.
Speaker 3: And then you're like, no, like the common denominator is you.
Speaker 3: And while you're doing that wrecking everybody's lives, you just
Speaker 3: go on about your day like you're just like starting
Speaker 3: storms and leaving, starting storms and leaving. And you know,
Speaker 3: I read what my issue was with that, or where
Speaker 3: my fault was, is that I wasn't very good at
Speaker 3: defining what types of friends I had, so I was
Speaker 3: kind of like accumulating all these people that I just
Speaker 3: was around a lot by virtue of us like both
Speaker 3: being DJs or both living in Sydney, or both going
Speaker 3: to the same parties and spending a lot of time,
Speaker 3: and then having like that claim by proximity, and you're like, damn,
Speaker 3: like now I'm claimed by default and I didn't even
Speaker 3: like you that much, and you're a problem. Yep, you
Speaker 3: got a reputation.
Speaker 2: That precedes you.
Speaker 3: People do this when your name comes up, and I
Speaker 3: don't mind that generally when it's like well received, like
Speaker 3: you've earned your reputation of being like annoying or like
Speaker 3: Caddy or whatever.
Speaker 2: But then a reputation by proxy. No, I do not
Speaker 2: want to be near that. So you are the fuzzy
Speaker 2: wrecking ball friend. I couldn't be if I tried.
Speaker 1: I'm very sensitive and clever and I'm not ditsy and scene.
Speaker 2: What are you? Are you the wrecking ball friend you
Speaker 2: ever been? No, I'm a doctored pheel friend. Do you
Speaker 2: know what friend I used to be? Though?
Speaker 3: I had to really grow out of that really quickly.
Speaker 3: Remember I told you I was like a bit of
Speaker 3: a reserved friend. Like I was there, you asked me
Speaker 3: a question, I'll answer it. But I had like my
Speaker 3: own little special interest, so I like was in the group,
Speaker 3: floating around, but never in the drama or whatever. And
Speaker 3: then I got to like sixteen seventeen eighteen, I was like,
Speaker 3: these people need me. I gotta say some shit, right.
Speaker 3: So you do you stand up for your friends, You
Speaker 3: stick up for the person in class, You assert yourself
Speaker 3: and it goes well. But then everyone's like, great, well
Speaker 3: default to you.
Speaker 2: You got it. I don't need to do anything because
Speaker 2: Lil has my back. She got me.
Speaker 3: And then what happened is that I had to become
Speaker 3: an authority on like everybody's personal issues. And then I
Speaker 3: became the radically honest friend.
Speaker 2: Oh we hate that. You don't always want to be that.
Speaker 3: You know, No, sometimes I don't want to tell you
Speaker 3: the truth because you living on delusion is way more fun,
Speaker 3: you know, like I had, I could picture it vividly.
Speaker 3: It's like a friend would come to me for advice
Speaker 3: and I would tell the truth in like the most
Speaker 3: brutal way, because I like, this is my purpose, it's
Speaker 3: my role. And now I'm like, come, you cheated on
Speaker 3: your boyfriend won't cuddle. He was weird anyway, he didn't
Speaker 3: right finger. You did write by yourself. You chose yourself.
Speaker 2: Well, shout out.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely the Ellen friend coming for a dawn. Yeah,
Speaker 1: some inane chat.
Speaker 2: You are the Ellen friend. It's a good it's a
Speaker 2: very good skill to have.
Speaker 1: I'm a lot less Ellen now that I have the
Speaker 1: brown hair.
Speaker 3: Well, that was a jump scare because I was expecting
Speaker 3: blonde to come out and the way you just like
Speaker 3: folded it backwards.
Speaker 2: My eyes, my eyebrows a raised.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh not what I will say though,
Speaker 3: being the Ellen friend is a good skill because the
Speaker 3: one great thing about through me, especially in like a
Speaker 3: social context, she can maintain the vibe.
Speaker 2: Like she's down.
Speaker 3: And that's a very special characteristics because she never doing
Speaker 3: too much. At least I never see you doing too much, right,
Speaker 3: because I'm the opposite, Like I can start a vibe,
Speaker 3: but I will never sustain. I'm like, you've got thirteen minutes.
Speaker 3: I maybe cooked in the corner having it.
Speaker 2: What do you call it? A d and M a
Speaker 2: dn M or you're just vibing when you're like VI
Speaker 2: just in your own space. Yeah, I'm like, this is great.
Speaker 1: It was quite beautiful to be in your presence.
Speaker 3: But we have different skills, and like, that's an amazing
Speaker 3: skill of yours that I don't know. There's a full
Speaker 3: bra on the ground. Remember that time fast forward when
Speaker 3: sum is like I'm a particular person. Everything goes where
Speaker 3: it should. I'm never messy.
Speaker 2: I would have left out there.
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