WEBVTT - A Study On Modern Day Dating 💔❤️‍🩹

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex

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<v Speaker 1>and Frooms catch up podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>It has Flex and Frooms on cat. It's about time

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<v Speaker 2>we talked about some dating content. I did make a

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<v Speaker 2>vow that anytime we'd discuss it, though, it would need

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<v Speaker 2>to be from a fresh, new angle, especially because by

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<v Speaker 2>the time this reaches you, people have plagiarized us already.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm talking in the mere minutes, it's gone from our

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<v Speaker 2>mouth to this microphone and uploaded into the airwaves. Some

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<v Speaker 2>other podcasts like this is good information and they've plagiarized it.

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<v Speaker 2>So in coming to you with information that only we could.

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<v Speaker 2>We've got tiktoks, We've got treachery. We've also got a podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>What what do you say? Wait for it, wait for it?

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<v Speaker 2>What do you think is the ultimate indicator of a

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<v Speaker 2>successful relationship. I'm talking at the early stages when you

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<v Speaker 2>just like first touched fingers with someone, when you first

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<v Speaker 2>even looked at them. What is the ultimate indicator? Is

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<v Speaker 2>it the level of attraction you share? Is it your

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<v Speaker 2>financial status? Is it? Is it the clothes you're wearing?

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<v Speaker 2>Is it the pheromones? According to research research, it is inconclusive,

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<v Speaker 2>inconclusive at this point, it's just vibes. Listen to this

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<v Speaker 2>TikTok by Ben Spalos. He'll do a much better job

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<v Speaker 2>at explaining the nonsense that is happening when it comes

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<v Speaker 2>to picking a partner and picking a mate. And I'm

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<v Speaker 2>sure he'll make you feel ashamed for how much effort,

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<v Speaker 2>how much specificity and strategy you put into it up

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<v Speaker 2>until this point, because it was all for no reason,

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<v Speaker 2>for nothing, for nothing.

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<v Speaker 3>And is this guy like a scientist?

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<v Speaker 4>I thought it was.

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<v Speaker 5>About this recently, so but no one saw this. Let

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<v Speaker 5>me just say this again so you can understand this.

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<v Speaker 5>I read a study recently called is Romantic desire Predictable?

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<v Speaker 5>And they found no, bro stick around?

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<v Speaker 4>What the fuck? After a hundred different fucking measures about

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<v Speaker 4>relevant traits and characteristics that are important for dating, they

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<v Speaker 4>found if they use machine learning to try and create

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<v Speaker 4>models to try and predict if people would like each

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<v Speaker 4>other when they met, they could predict how relative like.

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<v Speaker 4>They could predict people's tastes.

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<v Speaker 5>Kind of, they could predict how relatively attractive people are

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<v Speaker 5>generally to other people, but the effect was really small.

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<v Speaker 4>But dude, when two people came together, they couldn't predict anything.

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<v Speaker 4>It was completely in the dark. You know how they

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<v Speaker 4>started this article and the introduction they.

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<v Speaker 5>Talked about how speed dating apps make these claims that

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<v Speaker 5>they can do this, but that these claims aren't scientifically vetted.

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<v Speaker 5>The article is called is Romantic Desire Predictable? The primary

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<v Speaker 5>author Samantha Jowel. You can literally read this if you

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<v Speaker 5>look this up on the internet, please do recently, but

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<v Speaker 5>no one saw this.

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<v Speaker 1>Let me just jacko origin story.

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<v Speaker 2>So what we're hearing now, what we're going to discuss

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<v Speaker 2>now podcast is a lot of people, ourselves included, have

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<v Speaker 2>convinced ourselves that dating and finding a partner is a

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<v Speaker 2>series of strategic moves, right especially in that early stage

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<v Speaker 2>before you you even met someone. The way you're presenting yourself,

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<v Speaker 2>the social circles you hang out with, the energy that

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<v Speaker 2>permeates the room, all of this feels so intentional. So

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<v Speaker 2>it's to tract the right partner to have the right relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>But what we're finding is that, yes, you can dress

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<v Speaker 2>yourself in a certain way that will make yourself look

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<v Speaker 2>more appealing, you can go to certain places, you can

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<v Speaker 2>interact with certain kinds of people, But whether or not

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<v Speaker 2>there will be romantic compatibility is totally up to chance.

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<v Speaker 1>Whoa chance vibes.

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<v Speaker 2>Is this University of Pennsylvania rooms is like, unfortunately, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>going to debunk the science.

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<v Speaker 1>And even there's more to discuss.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's debate this because something about the way that relationships

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<v Speaker 2>are the fifty percent at minimum divorce rate speak, the

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<v Speaker 2>amount of dating just conjecture and squabble and discussion there

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<v Speaker 2>is it's not really getting people to this end goal

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<v Speaker 2>they think it is. Even if this study isn't real,

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<v Speaker 2>we're just hypothesizing that of all the things you can

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<v Speaker 2>change about yourself to make yourself more romantically appealing, none

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<v Speaker 2>of that really holds weight on the compatibility that you'll

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<v Speaker 2>have with a person. There's like a random element.

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<v Speaker 1>How does that make you feel excited? Oh? Good?

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<v Speaker 3>I think because I like the feeling of meeting someone

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<v Speaker 3>and they smell nice and it's not what you expected,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, and I couldn't have perceived that going. And

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<v Speaker 3>then also, do you ever have a dream that you

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<v Speaker 3>could just and you just and you can.

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<v Speaker 1>And you can do anything? I mean, yeah, I get

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<v Speaker 1>it for me.

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<v Speaker 3>I reckon like something that can't they can't predict on

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<v Speaker 3>the apps is like, for example, your upbringing, and I

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<v Speaker 3>if I'm thinking back at all of it.

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<v Speaker 2>Broies, I mean, I mean, why did you say it

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<v Speaker 2>like that? Some of them just can't predict.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean no, I like, I mean more family dynamics,

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<v Speaker 3>like if you if your family has the same sense

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<v Speaker 3>of humor as like someone else's family, or the same

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<v Speaker 3>way of expressing yourselves. Like if someone really gets along

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<v Speaker 3>with their siblings and they're all like kumbaya, it's kind

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<v Speaker 3>of probably not gonna work for me.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, you know what I'm saying.

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<v Speaker 3>If you guys are a little bit too tight, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>getting freaked out.

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<v Speaker 1>This is interesting, do you know what I'm saying? Like,

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<v Speaker 1>I like people who you like an estranged king, so

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<v Speaker 1>you can have more to yourself. I get it.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I'm gonna be honest. We need to be having

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<v Speaker 3>Christmas and my family home. This is to me what

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<v Speaker 3>happens when when this happens and it's Christmas time, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>not hanging out with your family. In my experience, you

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<v Speaker 3>always go to the if you're in a heterosexual relationship.

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<v Speaker 3>In my experience, it always seems to be going to

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<v Speaker 3>the man's side. I cannot repeat that history. And thankfully,

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<v Speaker 3>I really like my family. So we're we going to

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<v Speaker 3>come into my family?

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 3>Anyway, Yeah, I say this sort of say the way

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<v Speaker 3>someone smells can't predict on the apps, and that's.

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<v Speaker 1>That's getting in the way of everything. I'm serious.

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<v Speaker 3>You could be the hottest person ever, but if I

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<v Speaker 3>don't like the way you smell, I can't.

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<v Speaker 6>I couldn't do it.

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<v Speaker 1>This is very interesting.

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<v Speaker 2>What I will say is that I think there is

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<v Speaker 2>merit in us viewing ourselves as Neanderthals no better than Neanderthals.

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<v Speaker 1>And what I mean by that.

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<v Speaker 3>Wait, you know, Neanderthals are different to human beings.

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<v Speaker 1>I think my point remains.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, I'm gonna say animals like, okay, we're no different

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<v Speaker 2>to lions, monkeys, whales in the sense that from how

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<v Speaker 2>we perceive them to live, things are quite simplified. And

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<v Speaker 2>like the way that we've optimized social dynamics is getting

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<v Speaker 2>in the way of us being social in the sense

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<v Speaker 2>of I think that most people are quite charming in

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<v Speaker 2>real life.

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<v Speaker 1>You get into a conversation.

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<v Speaker 2>With most people at the butcher, at the park, in

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<v Speaker 2>the airport, it's fine, if anything is quite enjoyable.

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<v Speaker 3>Great, I just had a great go and getting us

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<v Speaker 3>some drinks great with the chat guy from finance.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not surprised, seriously, you know, it's just there's something

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<v Speaker 2>about you put two people together, you get them talking,

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<v Speaker 2>and then suddenly you're able to see past whatever projection

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<v Speaker 2>you put onto them, and you get the quirks and

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<v Speaker 2>the charisma and the charm and the interest and the

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<v Speaker 2>strength and the weaknesses, and suddenly they're appealing. But online

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<v Speaker 2>or when you're thinking about dating conceptually, we're not leaving

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<v Speaker 2>room for that immeasurable vibe, that thing that you just

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<v Speaker 2>don't anticipate for that need to be there for this

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<v Speaker 2>to work. For example, you put all your your good

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<v Speaker 2>on paper qualities and I can bring you ten people

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<v Speaker 2>who fit that criteria and you'll probably only vibe properly

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<v Speaker 2>romantically with.

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<v Speaker 1>Three of them.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and of those three, you might sustain a relationship

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<v Speaker 2>that lasts for six weeks, and you'll wonder, is it me?

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<v Speaker 1>Is it them?

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<v Speaker 2>Do why need to change? Do they need to change?

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<v Speaker 2>It's like, this is just the nature of creating a

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<v Speaker 2>relationship with someone that is like shrouded in social norms

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<v Speaker 2>that unfortunately feel more important than the vibe at play.

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<v Speaker 6>Unfortunately, they do and so while we're here being like

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<v Speaker 6>a lean undate someone who has this job and is

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<v Speaker 6>this tall and is this whatever, part of me thinks

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<v Speaker 6>you should be sticking tighter to that because vibes at

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<v Speaker 6>this point are not enough.

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<v Speaker 2>For a lot of people. Love is not enough for

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of people. You're fully in love with someone

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<v Speaker 2>and you're thinking what else could there be? Sometimes that's

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<v Speaker 2>like on your own, like you need.

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<v Speaker 1>Help, whatever it might be.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like, I'm almost of the belief that if it's

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<v Speaker 2>all random, then people should be sticking a lot closer

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<v Speaker 2>to not their arbitrary like superficial, like I want them

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<v Speaker 2>to open the door the stuff that really matters. Like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, if you're truly embarrassed because the person you're

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<v Speaker 2>dating is wearing sperries and not vans, then stick a bit,

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit closer to that, because putting someone through

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<v Speaker 2>emotional turmoil because you don't like the.

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<v Speaker 1>Way they dress doesn't feel worth it.

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<v Speaker 3>And it's very mean. It's very mean, and you know what,

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<v Speaker 3>you might you might regret it.

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<v Speaker 2>That's another thing I'm struggling with personally these dice. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>what is like honesty is the best policy type vibe?

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<v Speaker 2>How do you give someone information or feedback that is

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<v Speaker 2>just your personal preference. Like, for example, if you came

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<v Speaker 2>into the office today and you smelled, Oh, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know how I would tell you. I mean, that's a

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<v Speaker 2>bit different. I think i'd be like babes. Actually, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know the context. I'm trying to think of it.

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<v Speaker 2>But because you're a friend, I think i'd be like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>she'll get it, like she'll know this is coming from

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<v Speaker 2>a good place. But then, like I think strangers and

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<v Speaker 2>romantically and professionally, I'm like, I'm not built for these interactions.

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<v Speaker 2>The stakes are too high. Everything is too personal. No

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<v Speaker 2>one comes out on scathed. It's scary, wish, especially when

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<v Speaker 2>it's just a preference. Like you don't like the way

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<v Speaker 2>someone speaks to you, but that's the way they speak. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>what are you gonna do about it?

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<v Speaker 1>That's a good one.

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<v Speaker 3>I want to talk about that in a few weeks,

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<v Speaker 3>about like we're going to forget in that time. I

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<v Speaker 3>don't know what remember how your boss speaks to you,

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<v Speaker 3>Like what is a quote unquote illegal in the workplace verse?

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<v Speaker 3>Like them just their style.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, it's all too much.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, miss you guys, So deeply so dearly dm us

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<v Speaker 2>on flex and Rooms. Let's get connecting, let's touch base.

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<v Speaker 1>You've been listening to the flexen Froom's daily podcast.

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<v Speaker 3>For more, tune Indicator on d' a b or stream

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<v Speaker 3>it on iHeartRadio.