Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud or
Speaker 1: the Order Kerni Whaltbury and a waddery woman. And before
Speaker 1: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
Speaker 1: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
Speaker 1: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,
Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming
Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing
Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for
Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
Speaker 3: She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money podcast. Let's
Speaker 2: you be pervy about other people's money habits for educational
Speaker 2: purposes of course, Welcome back to another one of our
Speaker 2: money diaries where we get to talk with one of
Speaker 2: our incredible She's on the Money community members all about
Speaker 2: their journey. Let's jump straight into it, because this week
Speaker 2: I got a message and it went like this, Hi
Speaker 2: V and the She's on the Money team. I got
Speaker 2: everything I ever wanted and then it burnt down. After
Speaker 2: listening to every She's on the Money episode. My partner
Speaker 2: and I decided to save for a house at the
Speaker 2: end of twenty nineteen. Then COVID hit, which pushed our
Speaker 2: plans back. We spent four and a half years living
Speaker 2: with our parents, saving every dollar we could. In February,
Speaker 2: we finally bought our dream home. By July we were engaged.
Speaker 2: Now we've split up. I've moved back in with my
Speaker 2: parents and I'm trying to work out what's next. It's
Speaker 2: been a roller coaster, but I'm slowly picking up the
Speaker 2: pieces to figuring out where to go from here. Money Diarist, Hi,
Speaker 2: and welcome to the show. Hi, Plot Twist, nothing that
Speaker 2: you ever wanted has seemingly worked out.
Speaker 4: Yeah, look at it was a bit of a surprise
Speaker 4: to me as well.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. I have so many questions and it's
Speaker 2: crazy because I feel like there are a lot of
Speaker 2: people in our community going through something similar. At the moment,
Speaker 2: I feel like there's a change in the wind, there's
Speaker 2: something going on, so I'm excited to get into it.
Speaker 2: But before we get there, Money Darist, if I asked
Speaker 2: you to give your money habits a grade from A
Speaker 2: through to air for, what would you grade them?
Speaker 5: I think a B plus is fair A B plus?
Speaker 2: All right? I love that. Let's start there and now
Speaker 2: let's get into the pervy bits money darist, Can you
Speaker 2: tell me a little bit more about your money story.
Speaker 5: Yeah, sure, so I guess for me, money is the
Speaker 5: thing that you need to get what you want. My
Speaker 5: mum and dad are very live in the moment people
Speaker 5: and always said things like, oh, the bank's got money,
Speaker 5: whereas I am very cautious and was always looking to
Speaker 5: do the safest thing, which is why I was a
Speaker 5: good saver, So you know, good and bad. I was,
Speaker 5: like you said, with my partner for eight years, and
Speaker 5: we went to Europe in the summer of nineteen pre COVID,
Speaker 5: and when we got back, we decided we wanted to
Speaker 5: live together, and we talked about how we wanted to
Speaker 5: do that, and we both decided we wanted to buy
Speaker 5: a house. So I did a massive research piece and
Speaker 5: a lot of XL spreadsheets about the houses that we
Speaker 5: wanted in what areas, and how much they were going for,
Speaker 5: and then what twenty percent of that would be, and
Speaker 5: then how long it would take us to save up
Speaker 5: that much, which at the time was about two years,
Speaker 5: which is what I pitched to my mum and dad
Speaker 5: when I said, can I stay here for a little
Speaker 5: bit longer? Yeah? And then COVID hit and it took
Speaker 5: us four and a half.
Speaker 2: Years, which is fair. I feel like that just threw
Speaker 2: everyone for a twist.
Speaker 5: It really did. And then eventually in February, we ended
Speaker 5: up buying a house in suburban Adelaide for eight hundred
Speaker 5: thousand dollars and we saved up thirty percent to cover
Speaker 5: the deposit and the fees, and then we also had
Speaker 5: thirty thousand dollars to furnish the house and a thirty
Speaker 5: thousand dollar emergency fund because I don't do anything without
Speaker 5: an emergency fund.
Speaker 2: Okay, you're a woman after my own heart. I mean
Speaker 2: I can't say the same because, like I absolutely royally
Speaker 2: mucked up my finances when I was a bit younger.
Speaker 2: But like I'm impressed.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean it took a really long time, but
Speaker 4: we got there, and then when we go into the house,
Speaker 4: we got engaged because that was the next thing, and
Speaker 4: then started planning a wedding.
Speaker 2: And I have to ask before we get to what
Speaker 2: we know has happened, did at any point you go
Speaker 2: this isn't right or this isn't going to work out
Speaker 2: or like, cause I feel like eight years is a
Speaker 2: really long time. And to have gone on a holiday
Speaker 2: together overseas and then come home and said we want
Speaker 2: to live together, Like, that's pretty big because after a
Speaker 2: holiday overseas, you could have driven each other up the wall,
Speaker 2: like I know, even traveling with my own husband. I'm like,
Speaker 2: all right, so we need some alone time. But you
Speaker 2: came home and said we want to live together. So
Speaker 2: at what point were you like, tell me more, like,
Speaker 2: did you know? Did you not know?
Speaker 5: I just it's so funny because I've had so many
Speaker 5: people ask me this.
Speaker 2: Sorry for repeating it, but now the millions of people
Speaker 2: that all listened to She's on the money, they're not
Speaker 2: going to ask you because they'll already know. So I'm
Speaker 2: basically doing your service.
Speaker 5: No, it's fine. I think we're very similar people. And
Speaker 5: what I needed at the time was safety and someone
Speaker 5: who would support me, which was lovely, but I think
Speaker 5: it was almost too safe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, yeah, and I.
Speaker 5: Think that's what changed. It's actually the catalyst for all
Speaker 5: of this was that a friend of mine at work,
Speaker 5: we went out and you know, we're having lunch and
Speaker 5: things like that. And then one night he said, oh,
Speaker 5: you know, some of us are going out. Do you
Speaker 5: want to come? And I said, oh, yeah too, sure
Speaker 5: and then we went out and for whatever reason, a
Speaker 5: bunch of people had pulled out and it ended up
Speaker 5: just being the two of us. And then he told
Speaker 5: me that he liked me. Oh no, yeah, and I
Speaker 5: was like, oh.
Speaker 2: My god, this is not what I thought tonight was
Speaker 2: going to be about.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and he asked me, what do you want? And
Speaker 5: I went home and told my partner and was like, look,
Speaker 5: this is what's happened.
Speaker 2: Oh good. I was about to be like, because okay,
Speaker 2: I'm a bit black and white and like literally no judgment.
Speaker 2: If you'd said I cheated on my partner, I'd be like, cool,
Speaker 2: can you tell me about that? Like it's not my
Speaker 2: decision you're making. But like, in that moment, why did
Speaker 2: he feel safe enough to be like, by the way,
Speaker 2: money Diarist, I have a raging crush on you, and
Speaker 2: I know you're already in a relationship, so what do
Speaker 2: you want? Were you like what the hell?
Speaker 3: Mate?
Speaker 2: Like, where did this come from? Or was this or
Speaker 2: like oh they're like yeah. There were eyes across the
Speaker 2: office like tell me.
Speaker 5: Well, I think I was very nicive because after I
Speaker 5: spoke to my team, they were like, yeah, did you
Speaker 5: not notice he came over like all the time and
Speaker 5: was like, you know, always trying to talk to you.
Speaker 2: And I was like, no, see, I'm a bit naive
Speaker 2: like that too. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, like if you don't
Speaker 2: put up a billboard that says I like you, like,
Speaker 2: I just assume we're friends, Like I just think we're POWs.
Speaker 2: Like were you when you were a bit younger, did
Speaker 2: you get accused of flirting with people as well? And
Speaker 2: then you were like but I wasn't And it turns
Speaker 2: out you were just super friendly.
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is not the first time this has happened.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, assume.
Speaker 5: Everyone's really friendly and helpful, yep, yep.
Speaker 2: And it just turns out maybe we're all just a
Speaker 2: bit friendly.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Oh gosh, So I spiraled for like a whole
Speaker 5: week and just really thought about what I wanted.
Speaker 2: But you went home and you told your partner yes,
Speaker 2: so awkward. How did you have that conversation? Oh, by
Speaker 2: the way, tonight I accidentally went on a date and
Speaker 2: the guy I told me that he really liked it
Speaker 2: was your partner like yeah, cool, like I like you too,
Speaker 2: or was your partner like what are you want money?
Speaker 2: Dires like, I don't know how this would have gone.
Speaker 5: Credit to him, he's a really lovely, patient, kind person.
Speaker 5: He was like, oh, I'm really sorry that happened, and
Speaker 5: you know that wasn't what you were expecting and that
Speaker 5: sounds really hard, Like if you need anything, let me know.
Speaker 2: And I was like, hey, what a guy, Because if
Speaker 2: my husband came home and said I went on an
Speaker 2: accidental date, I'd be like, cool, So have you got
Speaker 2: the keys?
Speaker 5: Though?
Speaker 2: If I got the keys because we're.
Speaker 5: Going yeah, literally no. He was lovely and I said, oh, look,
Speaker 5: I just need a little bit of time to just
Speaker 5: think about what happened and why it happened. And so
Speaker 5: then I went on like a week long analyzing party
Speaker 5: of my own and really thought about why I made
Speaker 5: the choices I had, and I was really lucky. I
Speaker 5: have a really supportive team at work and they made
Speaker 5: it so comfortable that I could actually make a decision
Speaker 5: like this. And I after a week said to my partner,
Speaker 5: because the poor thing was so anxious and worried, oh.
Speaker 2: He would have been stressing. Yeah, my partners just said, hey,
Speaker 2: I actually want to think about this guy that wasn't
Speaker 2: a prospect the minute before.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it was a I referred to it as
Speaker 5: a disaster quite often. And yeah, I said to him,
Speaker 5: I'm really sorry. I didn't realize, but this isn't what
Speaker 5: I want, and I'm really sorry, And take as much
Speaker 5: time as you need and reach out to me when
Speaker 5: you're ready to talk again, and we can.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. So within a week you went from
Speaker 2: being like weah, well la lah, I don't even mind
Speaker 2: to oh, by the way, so I've actually come to
Speaker 2: my senses and I don't want this at all. Yep, yep,
Speaker 2: it was a bit wild. Oh my gosh, did you
Speaker 2: give yourself whiplash? Because I feel like I've got whiplash.
Speaker 5: Yeah. It was pretty intense, and all the people around
Speaker 5: me were so shocked and confused, and I had to
Speaker 5: do a lot of explaining, which is when you're trying
Speaker 5: to process it. It's also quite difficult.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you're like, I actually don't know, but I
Speaker 2: just feel this way and I've made the decision, and
Speaker 2: I feel like that's the right thing for me because
Speaker 2: I feel lighter. But I can't even tell you why
Speaker 2: I feel lighter right now.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was a bit like that, And yeah, it
Speaker 5: just so much relief that, you know, I don't actually
Speaker 5: have to do all of the things that were set
Speaker 5: out before me, Like I don't have to have the
Speaker 5: big white wedding, I don't have to have kids if
Speaker 5: I don't want to. I can keep pursuing my career
Speaker 5: in the way that I have been. And it was
Speaker 5: just like so cathartic to be able to have choice again.
Speaker 2: So was it more of a I don't want a
Speaker 2: relationship at this point or was it like I would
Speaker 2: like to date this other person? Like how did that happen?
Speaker 2: Because I feel like there's a lot to it, and
Speaker 2: I feel like often, as you guys know, I have
Speaker 2: a backro in psychology, so these things are not always
Speaker 2: just straight laced and like, oh yeah, I just broke
Speaker 2: up with my partner and started dating someone else's full stop,
Speaker 2: end of story. It's kind of like a mix of
Speaker 2: emotions and I actually genuinely don't want the first thing,
Speaker 2: and now it's awkward because there's someone else there, Like
Speaker 2: what did that look like?
Speaker 5: Messy?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, understandably.
Speaker 5: So I obviously took that week to really analyze my
Speaker 5: own behavior and what I wanted. And I've been seeing
Speaker 5: a psychologist as well to talk through this because it's
Speaker 5: a pretty massive life decision and chatting to them about
Speaker 5: why I wanted this. And I think it's got an
Speaker 5: awful lot to do with being the good girl and
Speaker 5: doing everything you're supposed to do and getting a bit
Speaker 5: older and being a little bit more self critical and
Speaker 5: self aware, going well, is this actually what I want?
Speaker 2: It turns out it wasn't. It wasn't what you wanted.
Speaker 5: Exactly, And I think this person from work who am
Speaker 5: now dating? Hello?
Speaker 2: Who who saw that coming?
Speaker 1: Not me? Wow?
Speaker 5: I don't know right. It was so ridiculous because I
Speaker 5: was so shocked by it, but apparently the entire office
Speaker 5: was like, oh, yeah, we knew for ages And I
Speaker 5: was like, well, did anyone want to tell me? Yeah.
Speaker 2: This is when my best friend literally flew to my
Speaker 2: state from a different state to tell me that she
Speaker 2: was gay. And I was like, sorry, what, like you
Speaker 2: you didn't know? Like did you not know? And she
Speaker 2: was like what do you mean You're not shocked? And
Speaker 2: I was like really really, like I feel like everybody
Speaker 2: but you knew this at this stage literally, it was
Speaker 2: so like that at this stage, I just thought we
Speaker 2: weren't talking about it because you weren't that comfortable sharing
Speaker 2: that part of your life. Not oh, Victoria doesn't know.
Speaker 5: Oh, it was so funny and like so silly that
Speaker 5: everyone you accept me. And I think what's really nice
Speaker 5: is that I spent a fair bit of time working
Speaker 5: out what I wanted and good. I feel really comfortable
Speaker 5: knowing now what I want from life, and he's just
Speaker 5: you know, a nice added bonus.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I feel like having a conversation with you.
Speaker 2: And obviously the privilyg dry I have right now is
Speaker 2: I can see a body language and no one else can. Like,
Speaker 2: you are clearly quite emotionally intelligent about this. I feel
Speaker 2: like some people aren't. I could tell from the way
Speaker 2: that you were talking about it either you had a
Speaker 2: background in psychology, you've done a lot of inner work,
Speaker 2: or you'd seen a psychologist like you are talking about
Speaker 2: it in such a balanced way. And also, I'm so
Speaker 2: impressed with the respect you have for your past partner,
Speaker 2: Like the way that you're like, oh, no, he was
Speaker 2: really kind and safe and like I trusted him like
Speaker 2: that is such a beautiful way too. It's like, let's
Speaker 2: be honest, the messiest of situations because you probably are
Speaker 2: also dealing with a whole heap of guilt. You're like,
Speaker 2: I hate the fact that I met you literally right
Speaker 2: now and this is happening. Why couldn't this happen twelve
Speaker 2: months in advance instead of like out like all of
Speaker 2: those things. But it's very nice to talk to somebody
Speaker 2: about a situation like this. But like, yeah, it was messy,
Speaker 2: and it was awful and all of these things and
Speaker 2: not great, but it is what it is. So essentially,
Speaker 2: you burnt your own life down and now we're building
Speaker 2: it back up. Tell me what does that potentially look like?
Speaker 2: Because you said earlier, I don't have to have the
Speaker 2: big white wedding. I don't have to have kids if
Speaker 2: I don't want to, and I mean MESSI you already
Speaker 2: owned property with your ex partner, Like when she went hard,
Speaker 2: she went real hard.
Speaker 5: Yeah, my parents said to me when I made the decision,
Speaker 5: they were like, you didn't want to do it before
Speaker 5: the hellse And I was like, look, if i'd known, sure,
Speaker 5: do you know.
Speaker 2: What, guys, you're really lucky I did it before kids.
Speaker 5: Well exactly, And that was part of the reason why
Speaker 5: I was like, I need to make a decision sooner
Speaker 5: rather than later, because it's also unfair on my past
Speaker 5: partner as well. You know, he has a life to
Speaker 5: live as well. But yeah, no, it's crazy. Now I
Speaker 5: have so many options. But I literally got a call
Speaker 5: yesterday and found out that I got approved for a rental.
Speaker 2: Oh exciting. Wait, so this is super fresh, is it?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, this is like happened in October.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, because like in what you're reading, you were like,
Speaker 2: you know, in February we purchased. Now we've split up,
Speaker 2: like July. But it feels like maybe this was like
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks ago as opposed to a couple
Speaker 2: of months, like you know, four or five or even
Speaker 2: now six notes like real fresh.
Speaker 5: Hay, yeah, no, it's real.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, Well I.
Speaker 5: Think it's so lovely. People often reflect, you know, a
Speaker 5: year or so after, and you get to hear about
Speaker 5: what it was like. But I'm literally in the mess.
Speaker 2: Oh no, she's in it. Yeah, she's in it. So
Speaker 2: tell me more about this mess. Like you met at work,
Speaker 2: so I need to know what do you do for work?
Speaker 2: How much money do you earn.
Speaker 5: I work as a senior marketing engagement advisor for a
Speaker 5: not for profit and I earn ninety eight thousand plus
Speaker 5: or including super including super cool, very nice, nearly on
Speaker 5: six figures.
Speaker 2: Is that a goal that you have in your mind.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just, you know, I just kind of want
Speaker 5: to get there because it's so close. Now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's one of those lame things that I'm
Speaker 2: not saying that people should strive for this, But I
Speaker 2: remember in my head, I used to have this idea
Speaker 2: that I'd be like, you know what, by the time
Speaker 2: I'm thirty, I want to earn six figures. Like I
Speaker 2: feel like it's so common, And when I talk to people,
Speaker 2: I'm like, thirty sounds like that would be achievable, and
Speaker 2: like you're like, what two grand off? So like surely
Speaker 2: you're like, come on, I want to earn six figures.
Speaker 2: Like it's not about having more income or lifestyle. It's
Speaker 2: about like the marker, the milestone.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just it's so close, and I'm really lucky.
Speaker 5: I have a really great manager and a really great team,
Speaker 5: and if I want to talk about things like that,
Speaker 5: they're very open. They were all so excited for me
Speaker 5: having this interview today and such, so.
Speaker 2: It's really love Oh I love this. I laugh so
Speaker 2: hard though, because I wish I was in your office.
Speaker 2: The drama in your office with being hot, like the
Speaker 2: water cooler chat. My god, nothing exciting happens in my office.
Speaker 2: So like, if you're looking for a new role, I know,
Speaker 2: I know that you said that you've got a really
Speaker 2: good team, but like everybody in my team except for one,
Speaker 2: is partnered up, and like we're kind of boring.
Speaker 5: Well I mean, frankly I was partnered up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I know, but like maybe somebody in my
Speaker 2: team needs to pull a stunt like this.
Speaker 5: It's wild, and I've often said to the team, you know,
Speaker 5: if I wasn't the person in this, I would think
Speaker 5: this is like the most wild gossip I've ever heard
Speaker 5: in my life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm here for it. I'm here for it, so
Speaker 2: tell me because life has changed significantly, but it's kind
Speaker 2: of like a self inflicted change. It's not oh, yep,
Speaker 2: I did this, but like you were on the trajectory
Speaker 2: to having the two point five key. It's the big
Speaker 2: white wedding, you had, the house, all of that. How
Speaker 2: have your money goals changed? Like do you know what
Speaker 2: you're currently working towards. Is it currently like you in limbo?
Speaker 2: Is it a mess? Is it a situation where you're like, actually, Victoria,
Speaker 2: I have more clarity than I've ever had in my life,
Speaker 2: Like what does that look like? What are your big
Speaker 2: money goals?
Speaker 5: It is a bit of a mess at the minute,
Speaker 5: and we've got a lot to work through with the
Speaker 5: house still. But the intention is that my partner will
Speaker 5: buy me out and I'll get my deposit back. So
Speaker 5: what I would like to do is use part of
Speaker 5: that to go see a financial advisor and start my
Speaker 5: share portfolio.
Speaker 2: Now, yes, I've heard that financial advisors are good eggs.
Speaker 2: If you need a recommendation, I'll give you one after
Speaker 2: the show.
Speaker 5: Thank you. So I think for me getting that money back,
Speaker 5: I really want to set up the kind of life
Speaker 5: where I can do what I want. So for me,
Speaker 5: I think i'd really like to have a million dollar
Speaker 5: investment portfolio by sixty which I think is reasonable and.
Speaker 2: Achievable, completely achievable.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but also have a little bit of money aside
Speaker 5: if I want to go back into property again. So yeah,
Speaker 5: it's definitely changed a lot, because yeah, it was you know,
Speaker 5: saving up for a wedding and for kids and stuff
Speaker 5: like that. Now it's like, no, it's very individualized. It's
Speaker 5: just me and for what I want now. So yeah,
Speaker 5: it's very different.
Speaker 2: I adore that, tell me, Like, it's just so fun
Speaker 2: talking to people who are like, oh, I've changed my mind.
Speaker 5: So tell me.
Speaker 2: What were those feelings that you had when you were
Speaker 2: saving for a wedding. Was it kind of just like
Speaker 2: autopilot you were like, right, well, the next step is wedding.
Speaker 2: I guess we should save. Or were you excited or
Speaker 2: were you I don't know, a little bit anxious about it.
Speaker 2: Like when you think about that period of your life
Speaker 2: where maybe you had a date night or something, you
Speaker 2: sat down and you talked about this wedding savings account.
Speaker 2: How did that work?
Speaker 5: It's so strange to think about it now because I
Speaker 5: remember when we got engaged. There was a moment where
Speaker 5: I had walked in and he was on one knee
Speaker 5: and I had this feeling like oh oh no. And
Speaker 5: at the time I was like, no, I must just
Speaker 5: be nervous.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, You're like ghastly yourself.
Speaker 5: Like I'm just excited. It's a big moment, you know,
Speaker 5: and then when we were planning the wedding, it was
Speaker 5: sort of autopilot and everyone's giving their opinions, you know
Speaker 5: what weddings are, like.
Speaker 2: Oh do I ever?
Speaker 5: And it's you know, we were very aligned as well,
Speaker 5: like we're very similar people and we both really wanted
Speaker 5: very similar things when it came to that. But there
Speaker 5: were a few times, like when I went wedding dress shopping,
Speaker 5: I tried on a dress and I felt like I
Speaker 5: should have been more excited and I wasn't. There were
Speaker 5: all these little things that I was flat out ignoring
Speaker 5: and in full denial.
Speaker 2: But all things that like can be anxiety, right, Like
Speaker 2: I have moments like this often, like where I you know,
Speaker 2: let's be honest. I do a lot of speaking on stage,
Speaker 2: and I am so excited about that, but like I
Speaker 2: have that moment of dread before I step on stage.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh no.
Speaker 5: Like yeah, and your stomach drops, yeah.
Speaker 2: And your stomach drops and you feel a little bit
Speaker 2: sick and like you're catastrophizing what could go wrong? Like
Speaker 2: I totally get it, but I know on reflection that
Speaker 2: that's actually anxiety talking. And it's so easy to gaslight yourself.
Speaker 2: But now what is it? Like, they say, like looking
Speaker 2: back as twenty twenty, So now you're like, oh, that
Speaker 2: maybe was an anxiety. That was actually maybe me needing
Speaker 2: to listen to myself a little bit more. Tell me
Speaker 2: about this idea of kids you mentioned before. And I'm
Speaker 2: being super pervy, so I super appreciate this. But you said,
Speaker 2: now I don't have to have kids, like you were like,
Speaker 2: I get to choose. Was that something where you were
Speaker 2: always like, all right, it's autopilot. How does this work?
Speaker 2: Like what's the next thing? Or was it a you
Speaker 2: know you're maternal, you just hadn't met the right person,
Speaker 2: Like what does that look like?
Speaker 5: Well, for me, I'd always been really good with kids,
Speaker 5: and I love kids. They're so much fun, and I'm
Speaker 5: very involved with my niece and nephew and my nieces.
Speaker 5: Two sets of twins my brother had it was wild.
Speaker 2: Oh that imagine, Like I've always thought that twins would
Speaker 2: be really fun. So like, if I get pregnant again
Speaker 2: one day and it's not twins, I'll be a little
Speaker 2: bit disappointed. But imagine two back to back.
Speaker 5: It's pretty hectic.
Speaker 2: Talk about getting kicked while you're down.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, especially when like they get to that point
Speaker 5: where they can walk and then one goes in one
Speaker 5: direction and the other one goes in the other direction.
Speaker 5: That's when you've got the issues.
Speaker 2: Oh, I can't imagine, and I'm assuming, like you know,
Speaker 2: obviously his money story. Also, if anybody listening has two
Speaker 2: sets of twins, I would love you on the podcast.
Speaker 2: I imagine going, do you know what we've got twins?
Speaker 2: We've just gotten through the hard part. Honey, do you
Speaker 2: want one more baby? Like a family of three? That
Speaker 2: would be so nice. Let's try and then you get
Speaker 2: another two? I would I like, what is this?
Speaker 5: It's so fun though, because that's all they know, and
Speaker 5: by default it's now all we know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's beautiful chaos.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's so much fun though. And I love being
Speaker 5: an auntie and you know, taking them to dance classes
Speaker 5: and soccer and all this stuff. It's so much fun.
Speaker 5: And I've always loved kids, so I thought naturally that
Speaker 5: would mean that I would want my own. But as
Speaker 5: I got closer and closer to the age where I
Speaker 5: thought it would be you know, reasonable and financially viable
Speaker 5: to have my own, I got really critical about it.
Speaker 5: I read this amazing book called The Most Important Job
Speaker 5: in the World by Gina Rushton, and it was really interesting,
Speaker 5: but it was all about trying to work out whether
Speaker 5: having kids is you know, what you want, and it
Speaker 5: went through all these different kinds of topics, and I
Speaker 5: think for me, I just didn't feel the need anymore.
Speaker 5: I just felt like I had, you know, been so
Speaker 5: involved with my nieces and nephew and my brother and
Speaker 5: sister growing up, and that I didn't necessarily feel the
Speaker 5: need to have my own. And it took a lot
Speaker 5: of pressure off as well, because I felt like I
Speaker 5: needed to have so many things lined up to be
Speaker 5: able to have kids, Like I needed to get as
Speaker 5: far as I could in my career before I had kids,
Speaker 5: and I needed to have a house, you know, and
Speaker 5: I needed to have a certain amount of money saved
Speaker 5: so that I could send them all to you know,
Speaker 5: private schools and make sure that I had, you know,
Speaker 5: enough money to deck out their room and all the stuff,
Speaker 5: and you know, make sure that they still you know,
Speaker 5: that we could actually afford to have them. And it
Speaker 5: just it felt like such a relief when I went,
Speaker 5: I don't have to do this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is wild, like in the best possible way,
Speaker 2: Like I adore that you've had this opportunity to go
Speaker 2: hold on, hold on is not too lo I can
Speaker 2: actually change my entire circumstance, and it's wild because I
Speaker 2: had Obviously, I am a mum now and I adore
Speaker 2: it and it is my favorite thing in the entire world.
Speaker 2: But growing up, same as you adored kids, was surrounded
Speaker 2: by them, had the best time ever. But with previous partners,
Speaker 2: I just didn't feel like parenting was for me at
Speaker 2: that time. I just didn't know, Like I'd always wanted kids,
Speaker 2: like very very maternal, but wasn't sure about how that
Speaker 2: would work until I met my husband and then I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, I don't want kids. I want your kids,
Speaker 2: and I think that that it's such a weird thing
Speaker 2: to say that. Now I was like, now I'm obsessed.
Speaker 2: Now I'm like, how many babies am I allowed to have?
Speaker 1: Rah?
Speaker 2: Rah? But I like that it's a choice. It wasn't
Speaker 2: a oh well, we got married and then the next
Speaker 2: thing that we should do is like we got to
Speaker 2: plan it out, and I just I'm obsessed with this
Speaker 2: idea that you got that reflection time and you were
Speaker 2: able to go hold up, hold up, this isn't for me,
Speaker 2: But to do that it would have been really challenging
Speaker 2: and really hard and as you said, really messy. I
Speaker 2: have a lot of questions. We're going to go to
Speaker 2: a really quick break on the flip side. We're going
Speaker 2: to talk more about this potentially million dollar investment portfolio debt,
Speaker 2: best in worst muddy habits, So don't go anywhere money,
Speaker 2: diarrist We are back, and I'm obsessed, Like I know
Speaker 2: that this is an honestly a roller coaster for you,
Speaker 2: but I feel like I've been let in on the
Speaker 2: gossip and oh, it's just it's so juicy. So I
Speaker 2: want to know you said, all right, my ex partner
Speaker 2: and I were selling the property, or you're selling your
Speaker 2: portion of the property to him, and you'll be brought
Speaker 2: out and you're going to take that money to a
Speaker 2: financial advisor. What are your thoughts on investing? Are you
Speaker 2: already doubling investing? Is this something that you've thought about before?
Speaker 2: Have you just like completely one aided and you've gone,
Speaker 2: all right, well we had proper Now I never want
Speaker 2: property again. Like, talk to me about your investment journey.
Speaker 5: Investing for me has been something that I've been really
Speaker 5: interested in for a really long time. So when we
Speaker 5: were saving up for a house, it was something that
Speaker 5: I was looking into and learning about through the podcast
Speaker 5: and through your book as well, and I just saw
Speaker 5: it as such an opportunity and I'd always really wanted
Speaker 5: to do it, but we were focused on the house,
Speaker 5: so that was the priority. But I had built into
Speaker 5: the budget a line for investing, so I had always
Speaker 5: planned to invest. And I think now that I have
Speaker 5: this amazing opportunity to get my deposit back, I think
Speaker 5: it makes sense to go and speak to a financial
Speaker 5: advisor and start my portfolio. And I'm actually so excited
Speaker 5: to chat through with a financial advisor about what that
Speaker 5: looks like and what i'd be investing in. And yeah,
Speaker 5: I can't wait.
Speaker 2: Actually tell me how much are we to talking? What
Speaker 2: was your deposit and how much of that would you
Speaker 2: be considering investing.
Speaker 5: So my deposit was about one hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, you're going to have such a juicy
Speaker 2: little portfolio an er, right, Yes, it's gonna be so sexy.
Speaker 5: I can't wait. So I'm thinking, you know, about thirty
Speaker 5: thousand dollars to start, and then I would I'm hoping
Speaker 5: I'm in our chat to the financial advisor and make
Speaker 5: sure that this is, you know, in line with what
Speaker 5: would be best. But I'm thinking about, you know, adding
Speaker 5: about five hundred dollars a fortnight to it, and yeah,
Speaker 5: I think that's reasonable and achievable for me.
Speaker 2: So totally. And I think the thing about investing right,
Speaker 2: And I just asked you about a sum of one
Speaker 2: hundred thousand dollars and you said about thirty percent invested,
Speaker 2: and then you know, we'll see and I'll contribute ongoingly
Speaker 2: to that portfolio. It actually goes back to your risk profile.
Speaker 2: So we've talked a lot on the show about risk
Speaker 2: profiles and like your tenacity to take on risk. And
Speaker 2: I think it's so important to remember that that percentage
Speaker 2: of what you invest will be reflective of your risk
Speaker 2: profile and then on top of that of what types
Speaker 2: of investments you're investing in. So like if your financial
Speaker 2: advisor sits you down and says, hey, money, direst here's
Speaker 2: your pie chart. You know this many is like this much,
Speaker 2: or your thirty percent's actually going in shares, but we
Speaker 2: might actually do twenty percent in bonds. That you might go, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm so fine with that because that's really stable as
Speaker 2: opposed to it all being in shares or something. And
Speaker 2: it's just it's so fun to talk to people about this,
Speaker 2: And I would if I was a financial advisor right now,
Speaker 2: I'd be like, you, sure you don't want to work
Speaker 2: with me? Like can I do it? Because you're just
Speaker 2: so excited about it? And often financial advice, right we
Speaker 2: always get or when I was an advisor, you always
Speaker 2: get clients during life change, Like you don't just get
Speaker 2: a client who one day woke up and said, oh,
Speaker 2: probably should finally do something about that. You get people
Speaker 2: when they're planning a pregnancy. You get people when they're
Speaker 2: finally getting married. You get people when they're moving in together,
Speaker 2: you get people when they're retiring. Like you have the
Speaker 2: life stages and you are a stereotypical financial advice client
Speaker 2: in the best possible way. But let me know if
Speaker 2: you need a match because I don't know if you
Speaker 2: know this or if anyone listening knows. But I do
Speaker 2: a matching service on my website where I match our
Speaker 2: community with my trusted financial advisors that I've worked with.
Speaker 2: Because I'm no longer an advisor, I'm like, but you
Speaker 2: still need access to good advice, and like, nobody knows
Speaker 2: what a good advisor actually looks like anymore. Anyway, I
Speaker 2: want to know about your partner, like your ex partner.
Speaker 2: Tell me what did that look like when you said,
Speaker 2: by the way, i'm out, obviously they were financially stable
Speaker 2: enough to buy you out. Was that relieving? Was that,
Speaker 2: you know, anxiety inducing? What did that look like?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: How are they doing?
Speaker 5: Yeah, he's good. We're still in contact because we obviously
Speaker 5: have quite a bit to work out with the house.
Speaker 5: But the initial conversation he was quite upset, and as
Speaker 5: you can imagine, it was, you know, eight years of
Speaker 5: our life together and it was really hard. And I said,
Speaker 5: just reach out when you're ready, And it took him
Speaker 5: a couple of weeks, but he reached out and we
Speaker 5: had a really open conversation about, you know, why this
Speaker 5: had happened, and I tried to assure him as best
Speaker 5: I could that it's not necessarily anything to do with
Speaker 5: him as a person, because he is a wonderful person
Speaker 5: and will hopefully make someone else really really happy. It
Speaker 5: just wasn't me. And he's in a really good position
Speaker 5: in that his mum and dad have offered to buy
Speaker 5: me out so that he can then take on the house,
Speaker 5: and what is I'm really pleased about it because we
Speaker 5: both love the house, but there's no financially viable way
Speaker 5: that I can keep the house, so I'm really pleased
Speaker 5: that he gets to keep it because his intention is
Speaker 5: that he will rent it out with the hope of
Speaker 5: moving back in one day. So that's really good and
Speaker 5: I'm really pleased that that's happened. And I think the
Speaker 5: longer that this goes on, the easier it is, I
Speaker 5: think for him, which is really nice. And it was
Speaker 5: I felt incredibly guilty, as you can imagine. It's one
Speaker 5: thing to do something for yourself, but the impact it
Speaker 5: has on others is really hard to hold. What made
Speaker 5: me feel a lot better was we had a conversation
Speaker 5: a couple of weeks back and he said, you know,
Speaker 5: as much as this has been really hard, I don't
Speaker 5: miss you as much as I thought I would.
Speaker 2: Ouch, but also great, I know You're like, that hurts,
Speaker 2: but also sure, it's really.
Speaker 5: Good though, because I'm just so relieved that he's feeling
Speaker 5: that way, because I think it would have been harder
Speaker 5: knowing that he was still in that space of you know,
Speaker 5: wanting me, whereas he's at the point where he's like, no,
Speaker 5: I know this is for the best.
Speaker 2: Maybe it was two ways. Maybe it was both. If
Speaker 2: you had a really safe option and you were the
Speaker 2: one that pulled the trigger, and he's going to look
Speaker 2: back in twelve months and be like, I'm so glad
Speaker 2: she did that, even though, like, you know, I love
Speaker 2: her as a person, Like I feel like that's a
Speaker 2: maybe good thing. I want to get even more pervy.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Can I ask about the logistics? So leaving
Speaker 2: a relationship for a lot of people is really hard.
Speaker 2: So you came home one night after having an accidental
Speaker 2: date yep, and you probably crawled into the same bed
Speaker 2: because like what else were you going to do? What happened?
Speaker 1: Then?
Speaker 2: Were you like, oh, I really need to think about this,
Speaker 2: and you went and stayed with mum and dad or
Speaker 2: you moved into the spare room, or like, how did
Speaker 2: the logistics work?
Speaker 5: Well? I stayed at the house until I made the decision,
Speaker 5: and I was just really like quite anxious, and it
Speaker 5: took days for me to get to the point where
Speaker 5: like I could actually speak about it, because it was
Speaker 5: really very self critical as a person, and I was
Speaker 5: working through in my head all of the possible scenarios
Speaker 5: and how it would affect everyone, not just me, and
Speaker 5: it was really hard. But my partner at the time
Speaker 5: was really lovely and gave me a lot of space,
Speaker 5: and we sort of carried on as best as we
Speaker 5: could and in as normal way as we could until
Speaker 5: I had made that decision. And I think that was
Speaker 5: really helpful because it was really good to you know,
Speaker 5: you're going to the same place, you're cooking, your getting ready,
Speaker 5: in the same place. You don't have to like worry
Speaker 5: about I need to move all my stuff now and
Speaker 5: then I need to think about this massive life decision.
Speaker 5: So then once I'd made the decision, I called my
Speaker 5: sister and was like, oh my god, break up.
Speaker 2: And I said, can you tell mom and dad? Did
Speaker 2: you see that coming?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 2: She was like, what the heck?
Speaker 5: Are you sure?
Speaker 2: Are you drunk?
Speaker 5: To her credit, she was really good. She was like,
Speaker 5: oh my god, are you okay? And I was like,
Speaker 5: I think so. And then I was like, could you
Speaker 5: tell mom and dad for me? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't wanted to tell.
Speaker 5: Then literally she was like, yep, okay on it. So
Speaker 5: she took over the logistics of like telling them and
Speaker 5: you know, making sure there was somewhere for me to
Speaker 5: sleep and stuff.
Speaker 2: Okay, but that's exactly what I would have done, if
Speaker 2: I'm being honest, I'd call my sister and be like,
Speaker 2: can you tell mom and dad? I don't know how.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Literally, it was a bit wild because about six
Speaker 5: months earlier, she'd broken up with her long term partner
Speaker 5: and called me and was like, can you tell mom
Speaker 5: and dad?
Speaker 2: And your parents are like, why can't any of you
Speaker 2: just talk to us?
Speaker 5: Yeah? And our parents are like, what the heck? But yeah,
Speaker 5: it was a bit wild. So then I moved back
Speaker 5: in with my mum and dad and that's sort of
Speaker 5: how we did it until he was ready to have
Speaker 5: a chat. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Wow. So moving into this, you're obviously in a situation
Speaker 2: where you're going to get your money back, you're going
Speaker 2: to start an investment PORTFOLI, But do you have any
Speaker 2: debt at all at this point?
Speaker 5: Technically I'm still on the mortgage, so technically we still
Speaker 5: have a debt of six hundred and eighteen thousand dollars,
Speaker 5: but obviously that won't be in my name for much longer.
Speaker 5: And then I don't have any other debt except for
Speaker 5: hextet obviously, are.
Speaker 2: You paying for that right now? Like, how does that work? Yeah,
Speaker 2: so that's the cost. That's your cost.
Speaker 5: Exactly, that's my cost. And I said to my then partner,
Speaker 5: I said, you know, I'm more than happy to pay
Speaker 5: the mortgage up.
Speaker 2: Until yeah, until it's actually yours, like yeah, otherwise, yeah, no,
Speaker 2: that's fair.
Speaker 5: So as well, when it came to like avoiding any
Speaker 5: possible stamp duty issues, I said, look, I had committed
Speaker 5: to this, so you know, if we need to get
Speaker 5: to the end of the year of our mortgage for
Speaker 5: them to change the terms or whatever, like, I'm happy
Speaker 5: to take that on and continue paying my half because
Speaker 5: I don't want him to be in a worse off
Speaker 5: financial position because of a decision I made.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fair, it's fair. Now tell me. I feel
Speaker 2: like you've been the good girl for a very long time,
Speaker 2: which means that you probably do have some pretty good
Speaker 2: money tips for us. What do you think is your
Speaker 2: best money tip.
Speaker 5: I am just a really consistent saver. So if I've
Speaker 5: got a goal, I just know how much I'm putting
Speaker 5: in there, and it goes in there every fortnight. And
Speaker 5: that's it. I don't think about it ever again, which
Speaker 5: is great until I reached the goal and then it's fun.
Speaker 2: So how was that instilled? Did you grow up with
Speaker 2: consistent saving parents? Did you just lock it away and
Speaker 2: that just became a habit? Like how do we do that?
Speaker 2: Because so many people that are listening are going to
Speaker 2: be like, that's great money, direst unrelatable content. Because the
Speaker 2: second I lock it away, all I do is think
Speaker 2: about it, and then the second I want Uber Eats,
Speaker 2: I go in there, I pull it out and then
Speaker 2: I buy my Uber Eat. How do I stop that?
Speaker 5: I think I was really lucky. My nan and my
Speaker 5: mama both incredible savers when they have a goal, and
Speaker 5: they sort of instilled that in me a bit. And
Speaker 5: I'm also a little anxious gal. So I love having
Speaker 5: savings and seeing the money go up and knowing that
Speaker 5: like I've got that there and I don't have to
Speaker 5: worry about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, love, All right, now, tell me what is
Speaker 2: your worst money habit?
Speaker 5: I spend an awful lot of money on food. Fair
Speaker 5: It's just I love food and it's so much fun
Speaker 5: and I see it as like a celebration and I
Speaker 5: love cooking and things like that. So and I work
Speaker 5: really close to a market that has incredible food, So
Speaker 5: that's been a real hit my wallet lately.
Speaker 2: Fair and I feel like, is there a fair bit
Speaker 2: of comfort eating going on as well?
Speaker 5: Oh, one hundred percent. I think it's fair.
Speaker 2: Oh, there is no judgment here, like, in fact, I
Speaker 2: think it is warranted. In fact, is that not an
Speaker 2: investment in your mental health?
Speaker 5: Exactly? Thank you?
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly, Money diarist, I feel like you've got your
Speaker 2: shit together at the same time. Is it completely falling apart?
Speaker 2: Is that fair to say that? Like, you know, if
Speaker 2: you're going to go through a situation like this, you've
Speaker 2: kind of got the perfect storm. Like it probably feels
Speaker 2: terrible and you're like, Victoria, this is not perfect. But
Speaker 2: you've got an ex partner who is so kind, and
Speaker 2: you are amicley working it out. You're going to get
Speaker 2: your deposit back. All of that stuff is happening. You know,
Speaker 2: you're finding your feet moving forward. I mean, you're dating
Speaker 2: someone now, but who knows what's going to happen there.
Speaker 2: It sounds like you're setting yourself up to be an
Speaker 2: independent finance girl. And I love that as well, which
Speaker 2: I think is so important. But you said at the
Speaker 2: start you were a B plus, but you're a really
Speaker 2: good savor, So tell me a little bit more about
Speaker 2: what it would take to get to like an A
Speaker 2: or an A plus, because I feel like I don't
Speaker 2: know what you could individually do better at this stage.
Speaker 5: Well, thank you. I think the B plus is just
Speaker 5: reflective of the point in time that amout because I
Speaker 5: was very financially stable when I was with my partner
Speaker 5: and we had really clear goals and really clear saving
Speaker 5: plans and things like that. And I think it's just
Speaker 5: the upheaval of change. And I'm hoping that I'll increase
Speaker 5: my grade when I go see my financial advisor and
Speaker 5: get my share portfolio set up. I think that for
Speaker 5: me is what will bring it up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I find it such an interesting concept, right, this
Speaker 2: idea that you were. Let's pretend you're an A plus, right,
Speaker 2: like you're with your partner and you're an A plus.
Speaker 2: What about going through this situation makes you worse at money?
Speaker 5: I think it's just the not knowing of how things
Speaker 5: are going to play out and how long and what
Speaker 5: it looks like.
Speaker 2: But that doesn't mean that you're worse at money. See
Speaker 2: I like, and I'm not trying to start an argument
Speaker 2: with you, but I really am. I have done a
Speaker 2: lot of financial advice in my career, and some of
Speaker 2: the people that are the best at money are the
Speaker 2: ones with the least amount of it, but they're just
Speaker 2: good at managing money, understanding what's going on. And some
Speaker 2: of the people that I would say are like F's
Speaker 2: in my book, have the most amount of money. And
Speaker 2: I think that we so clo tie our abilities to
Speaker 2: how much is sitting in our bank account, like and
Speaker 2: I swear if you were like, oh, actually Victoria earned
Speaker 2: three hundred thousand dollars, I'm making bank. I'm doing this,
Speaker 2: I'm doing that. Animals a going through this situation, I
Speaker 2: think that you might have seen it a little bit differently.
Speaker 2: You'd be like, oh no, I'm still in a plus
Speaker 2: at money, Like money is not my situation. I would
Speaker 2: challenge you to think about money not potentially being tied
Speaker 2: to what you're going through, but rather a completely separate entity,
Speaker 2: because from what I'm looking at, Holy Moley, you're going
Speaker 2: through this absolute roller coaster over time, but then also
Speaker 2: you're still managing to come out on top, and like
Speaker 2: that's an a plus because how many people go through
Speaker 2: these situations. How many money diaries have we heard of
Speaker 2: people going through situations and going I'm gonna have to
Speaker 2: start again, Like, Oh, I'm so excited for you, though,
Speaker 2: money diarist. This has been so pervy, like delicious. This
Speaker 2: has filled my gossip cups. So thank you for that.
Speaker 2: I appreciate it. The type of gossip is the gossip
Speaker 2: that I'm not involved in, like the type where I
Speaker 2: get to listen, I get to hear it, you tell
Speaker 2: me all the pervy details, and then I say, thank
Speaker 2: you so much. This has nothing to do with me,
Speaker 2: but I'm glad that we got to share this journey.
Speaker 2: But you are just so well balanced, Like I'm sorry
Speaker 2: that you're going through this, But do you think it
Speaker 2: would be possible if you and I do a money
Speaker 2: diary in twelve months to see where you are and
Speaker 2: what that looks like.
Speaker 5: I think the next twelve months are going to be,
Speaker 5: hopefully slightly less of a roller coaster, but I think
Speaker 5: there's going to be a lot of growth, and I'm
Speaker 5: really excited for it.
Speaker 2: I'm so excited for you. I'm just I'm so excited
Speaker 2: that you're so emotionally intelligent throughout this process, and that
Speaker 2: you're so aware of who you are and not what
Speaker 2: you want. You don't know yet, but like you're so
Speaker 2: aware that you're going to work that out. And I
Speaker 2: just think the next twelve months for you are going
Speaker 2: to be pivotal and that is so exciting. And I'm
Speaker 2: glad that we have you in our community and that
Speaker 2: you wanted to share your story because do you know what,
Speaker 2: there are probably some people that listening to this and
Speaker 2: they're a little bit confronted because they're like, oh, no,
Speaker 2: this is me about to.
Speaker 5: Go on a week spiral.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's okay. We have to go through what
Speaker 2: we grow through.
Speaker 5: Right Exactly. I really wanted to share while I was
Speaker 5: in the middle of the storm because I think, you know,
Speaker 5: we get both sides of it, and I just wanted
Speaker 5: people to know that as much as it's hard, it's
Speaker 5: definitely worth it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, I love it. I feel like it's an emotional
Speaker 2: time and the Taylor Swift quote I cry a lot,
Speaker 2: but I am so productive makes a lot of sense
Speaker 2: right now. Thank you so much, money, Darst. It has
Speaker 2: been a pleasure. Did buy shared on She's on the Money?
Speaker 2: Is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances.
Speaker 2: She's on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and
Speaker 2: should not be relied upon to make an investment or
Speaker 2: financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product,
Speaker 2: read the PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored
Speaker 2: towards your needs. Victoria Divine and She's on the Money
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