WEBVTT - MINI: Is the 12-Week Rule in Pregnancy Outdated?

0:00:10.379 --> 0:00:14.219
<v Speaker 1>High Heart podcasts, he More Kiss podcast playlist and listen

0:00:14.259 --> 0:00:17.899
<v Speaker 1>live on the free iHeart app. Now, something we were

0:00:17.899 --> 0:00:21.539
<v Speaker 1>talking about recently, and I think it's because my whole

0:00:21.579 --> 0:00:25.138
<v Speaker 1>algorithm at the moment is pregnancies, babies. It's like the

0:00:25.378 --> 0:00:27.819
<v Speaker 1>social media knows I'm pregnant and it's feeding me every

0:00:27.819 --> 0:00:31.019
<v Speaker 1>single article or Instagram post that has to do with pregnancy.

0:00:31.059 --> 0:00:33.299
<v Speaker 2>But the way it works, it does, doesn't it.

0:00:33.339 --> 0:00:36.418
<v Speaker 1>Well, Look, this is something that we've spoken about on

0:00:36.459 --> 0:00:39.299
<v Speaker 1>Life Uncut before, but I really do think that the

0:00:39.459 --> 0:00:42.619
<v Speaker 1>conversation around this is changing, and that is that there

0:00:42.659 --> 0:00:44.899
<v Speaker 1>is a bit of a silence that surrounds the first

0:00:44.939 --> 0:00:48.339
<v Speaker 1>twelve weeks of pregnancy. Now for most women, and I

0:00:48.339 --> 0:00:51.939
<v Speaker 1>won't speak for everyone. I'm certainly not the oracle of pregnancy,

0:00:53.059 --> 0:00:55.499
<v Speaker 1>but for a lot of women, we are told to

0:00:55.659 --> 0:00:59.259
<v Speaker 1>keep your pregnancy or your good news quite private for

0:00:59.299 --> 0:01:02.139
<v Speaker 1>the first twelve weeks. Now, the reasoning around that is

0:01:02.179 --> 0:01:06.139
<v Speaker 1>because during that first twelve weeks is when most miscarriages happen.

0:01:06.539 --> 0:01:08.779
<v Speaker 1>It's when the rate of which you can lose your

0:01:08.819 --> 0:01:11.499
<v Speaker 1>baby is quite high. And for anyone who doesn't know

0:01:11.539 --> 0:01:15.578
<v Speaker 1>the stats, one in four pregnancies does end in miscarriage.

0:01:15.658 --> 0:01:20.779
<v Speaker 1>Usually it's early miscarriage. And I myself have had two miscarriages.

0:01:21.059 --> 0:01:23.139
<v Speaker 1>I had one before my first daughter, Maley, and I

0:01:23.179 --> 0:01:27.178
<v Speaker 1>had one before my second daughter, Lola, and I always

0:01:27.219 --> 0:01:30.578
<v Speaker 1>found it quite a I guess, quite an interesting thing

0:01:30.578 --> 0:01:32.139
<v Speaker 1>that you're told to keep it to yourself for the

0:01:32.179 --> 0:01:34.619
<v Speaker 1>first twelve weeks, because the problem is is if you

0:01:34.699 --> 0:01:37.859
<v Speaker 1>haven't told anyone that you're pregnant, you also don't get

0:01:37.899 --> 0:01:40.259
<v Speaker 1>to share with anyone or explain to anyone why you

0:01:40.339 --> 0:01:41.539
<v Speaker 1>might be feeling really sad.

0:01:41.378 --> 0:01:42.619
<v Speaker 2>If something does go wrong.

0:01:43.059 --> 0:01:45.099
<v Speaker 1>And there's been quite a movement in a recent article

0:01:45.179 --> 0:01:48.499
<v Speaker 1>that's come out around really starting to shift the perception

0:01:48.579 --> 0:01:50.779
<v Speaker 1>around this secrecy of twelve weeks.

0:01:51.259 --> 0:01:52.899
<v Speaker 2>And the question is is who does it benefit?

0:01:52.939 --> 0:01:56.219
<v Speaker 1>Does it actually benefit new expectant mothers, or is it

0:01:56.259 --> 0:02:00.099
<v Speaker 1>something that just adds more shame around the whole feeling

0:02:00.099 --> 0:02:01.979
<v Speaker 1>of like, well, my body wasn't able to carry a

0:02:02.019 --> 0:02:05.659
<v Speaker 1>pregnancy to full term. If you are someone who unfortunately

0:02:05.699 --> 0:02:09.739
<v Speaker 1>joins that awful club of having a miscarriage, look it's.

0:02:09.619 --> 0:02:11.339
<v Speaker 3>A hard one. I've not been pregnant and I've not

0:02:11.379 --> 0:02:13.739
<v Speaker 3>had a miscarriage, so I can't speak to it like that.

0:02:13.939 --> 0:02:17.299
<v Speaker 3>But I do think it's interesting because I understand where

0:02:17.299 --> 0:02:17.939
<v Speaker 3>it comes from.

0:02:17.978 --> 0:02:20.499
<v Speaker 2>Like I understand why it's always been like, hey.

0:02:20.779 --> 0:02:23.258
<v Speaker 3>Don't tell anyone until you're quote unquote safe or in

0:02:23.299 --> 0:02:23.698
<v Speaker 3>the clear.

0:02:24.099 --> 0:02:25.019
<v Speaker 2>And I guess that is.

0:02:24.978 --> 0:02:27.579
<v Speaker 3>Because for a lot of people, if you tell a

0:02:27.619 --> 0:02:29.499
<v Speaker 3>mass amount of people, it does mean you have to

0:02:29.538 --> 0:02:31.899
<v Speaker 3>deal with it on a mass level as well. I

0:02:31.939 --> 0:02:34.499
<v Speaker 3>don't believe in keeping it a secret for the twelve weeks,

0:02:34.538 --> 0:02:36.939
<v Speaker 3>but I understand why. It's like, you know, maybe don't

0:02:36.978 --> 0:02:39.019
<v Speaker 3>go crazy with who you tell, but you definitely need

0:02:39.059 --> 0:02:41.099
<v Speaker 3>that support system. You need someone to be there with

0:02:41.099 --> 0:02:42.019
<v Speaker 3>you if you're going through it.

0:02:42.179 --> 0:02:44.619
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but you don't have to tell everyone. It's it

0:02:44.698 --> 0:02:45.298
<v Speaker 2>on Instagram.

0:02:45.299 --> 0:02:47.059
<v Speaker 1>But I mean you can tell your people at work,

0:02:47.219 --> 0:02:49.939
<v Speaker 1>you can tell your support systems. Actually, Samantha Payne, so

0:02:49.978 --> 0:02:52.419
<v Speaker 1>she's the co founder and CEO of Pink Elephant, and

0:02:52.459 --> 0:02:54.538
<v Speaker 1>she puts it so perfectly. She said this, the twelve

0:02:54.538 --> 0:02:57.538
<v Speaker 1>week rule tells us to stay quiet just in case.

0:02:57.978 --> 0:03:00.379
<v Speaker 1>But if the worst does happen, then you're suddenly grieving

0:03:00.418 --> 0:03:04.219
<v Speaker 1>in silence. You haven't told anyone, so there's no support.

0:03:04.499 --> 0:03:07.299
<v Speaker 1>And I do think that this is very relevant for women,

0:03:07.538 --> 0:03:10.299
<v Speaker 1>especially in a work environment, Like if you are suddenly

0:03:10.339 --> 0:03:14.339
<v Speaker 1>grieving and going through, you know, struggling with a miscarriage,

0:03:14.899 --> 0:03:17.379
<v Speaker 1>you've never spoken about the fact that you are or

0:03:17.499 --> 0:03:18.858
<v Speaker 1>might be pregnant or any of these.

0:03:18.739 --> 0:03:19.339
<v Speaker 2>Sorts of things.

0:03:19.339 --> 0:03:20.979
<v Speaker 1>But the first conversation you're having to have in a

0:03:20.978 --> 0:03:24.258
<v Speaker 1>workplace environment could potentially be, oh, I'm actually having a miscarriage.

0:03:24.379 --> 0:03:26.819
<v Speaker 1>I just think it adds to the stigma around it.

0:03:26.899 --> 0:03:29.299
<v Speaker 1>I definitely think it adds to the shame. And I

0:03:29.339 --> 0:03:31.699
<v Speaker 1>do think that as a society we're moving beyond that

0:03:31.739 --> 0:03:33.499
<v Speaker 1>a little bit. But I think that it should be

0:03:33.538 --> 0:03:37.539
<v Speaker 1>a case where if people want to talk about early pregnancy,

0:03:37.659 --> 0:03:39.739
<v Speaker 1>we shouldn't have this like, oh, you don't speak about it,

0:03:39.939 --> 0:03:42.379
<v Speaker 1>you might have a you know, it might not end well,

0:03:42.779 --> 0:03:44.699
<v Speaker 1>and it should be like, Okay, well, that's great knowing

0:03:44.739 --> 0:03:47.139
<v Speaker 1>that it is a possibility, but still holding so much

0:03:47.139 --> 0:03:49.659
<v Speaker 1>space for like the excitement and the joy. And I

0:03:49.979 --> 0:03:51.859
<v Speaker 1>say this because I remember when my sister told me

0:03:51.939 --> 0:03:53.979
<v Speaker 1>she was pregnant, and she told me really early. I

0:03:53.979 --> 0:03:56.379
<v Speaker 1>think she was only like maybe four or five weeks,

0:03:57.459 --> 0:03:59.539
<v Speaker 1>just found out like literally, you know, Pete on the

0:03:59.539 --> 0:04:03.219
<v Speaker 1>stick double lines, which you're so excited, And she called

0:04:03.259 --> 0:04:05.579
<v Speaker 1>me and my first reaction was a bit like, oh,

0:04:05.579 --> 0:04:06.579
<v Speaker 1>you're not meant to tell me.

0:04:07.139 --> 0:04:09.539
<v Speaker 2>I was quite young, and I don't think I had realized.

0:04:09.579 --> 0:04:11.699
<v Speaker 1>I think I was so conditioned by this twelve week

0:04:11.779 --> 0:04:14.499
<v Speaker 1>rule thing that I was like worried for her if

0:04:14.499 --> 0:04:16.378
<v Speaker 1>she had to tell me that something went wrong.

0:04:16.179 --> 0:04:18.819
<v Speaker 3>Because it almost is a rule without it being a rule.

0:04:18.899 --> 0:04:19.659
<v Speaker 2>That's how we grow up.

0:04:19.899 --> 0:04:21.859
<v Speaker 3>You can grow up knowing that when you hit the

0:04:21.899 --> 0:04:24.739
<v Speaker 3>twelve week mark, you're to talk about it. Even when

0:04:24.739 --> 0:04:26.939
<v Speaker 3>I'm trying to think about right now, I'm like, why

0:04:27.019 --> 0:04:27.939
<v Speaker 3>do we have that rule?

0:04:28.019 --> 0:04:30.419
<v Speaker 2>What are the repercussions of it? And it is shame.

0:04:30.579 --> 0:04:31.539
<v Speaker 2>That's the default, right.

0:04:31.539 --> 0:04:33.859
<v Speaker 3>It shamed you from saying, hey, my body wasn't able

0:04:34.259 --> 0:04:36.219
<v Speaker 3>to hold on to that, or maybe there's something wrong

0:04:36.259 --> 0:04:38.139
<v Speaker 3>with me, and that's absolutely not the case.

0:04:38.219 --> 0:04:41.859
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And I think for me, I didn't realize how

0:04:41.859 --> 0:04:45.779
<v Speaker 1>common it was because it's so rarely spoken about, especially publicly,

0:04:46.219 --> 0:04:48.499
<v Speaker 1>and so when it did happen to me, I thought

0:04:48.539 --> 0:04:49.619
<v Speaker 1>that there was something wrong with me.

0:04:49.659 --> 0:04:50.339
<v Speaker 2>That's the only place.

0:04:50.379 --> 0:04:52.659
<v Speaker 1>That's the first place your brain goes to, especially when

0:04:52.659 --> 0:04:54.939
<v Speaker 1>it's happened twice, You're like, Okay, there's something wrong with

0:04:54.939 --> 0:04:57.739
<v Speaker 1>my body and how it works. And it wasn't until

0:04:58.299 --> 0:05:01.379
<v Speaker 1>doing more research and having more conversations with family and

0:05:01.419 --> 0:05:03.739
<v Speaker 1>friends that I was like, oh, my good, people who

0:05:03.739 --> 0:05:07.579
<v Speaker 1>I'd never even suspected, family members I never even suspected

0:05:07.579 --> 0:05:09.738
<v Speaker 1>who had gone through miss carriage all kind of stepped

0:05:09.779 --> 0:05:11.339
<v Speaker 1>forward to was like, oh me too, like me too,

0:05:11.419 --> 0:05:13.579
<v Speaker 1>Like this happened to me. And I think it's only

0:05:13.899 --> 0:05:16.219
<v Speaker 1>when you are someone who's been through it do you

0:05:16.299 --> 0:05:20.019
<v Speaker 1>realize the volume of women who also experience the same thing,

0:05:20.059 --> 0:05:23.939
<v Speaker 1>which is why I think if you're pregnant, well, firstly, congratulations,

0:05:23.939 --> 0:05:26.819
<v Speaker 1>but if you are pregnant in that early twelve weeks

0:05:26.899 --> 0:05:28.499
<v Speaker 1>and you want to tell the people who you love

0:05:28.499 --> 0:05:30.899
<v Speaker 1>and who are in your surrounding networks, like, I don't

0:05:30.899 --> 0:05:32.579
<v Speaker 1>think that that's something that you should feel as though

0:05:32.579 --> 0:05:34.219
<v Speaker 1>you have to keep to yourself. Because the more we

0:05:34.259 --> 0:05:36.299
<v Speaker 1>talk about it, the more we normalize it, and it

0:05:36.419 --> 0:05:38.459
<v Speaker 1>just means that something does go wrong. It makes talking

0:05:38.499 --> 0:05:40.379
<v Speaker 1>about that okay as well. Absolutely