Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait island
Speaker 1: of people's today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gadiger Land of the or Nation. Well,
Speaker 2: it's been an interesting start to the day, hasn't it
Speaker 2: just more interesting for some than others? No? No, no,
Speaker 2: I feel good. I feel cleansed, I feel clean, I
Speaker 2: feel ready and rearing.
Speaker 1: Wait till everyone way you feel cleansed and ready.
Speaker 2: Went to the toilet in Brittany's bathroom, and.
Speaker 1: I don't think going to the toilet adequately describes what
Speaker 1: just happened in my boom.
Speaker 2: I unleash the depths of.
Speaker 1: You, unleash some serious fury. It's get to our office.
Speaker 1: It's like down wait are we recording this? This is
Speaker 1: is not interes Just in case. Our office is down
Speaker 1: a corridor and then around a bend from the bathroom, and.
Speaker 2: I can still smell what happened in that. Brittany got
Speaker 2: incense out and started to like she's got the sage stage,
Speaker 2: she's cleansing the house like a demon in here.
Speaker 1: I try and I thought something died. I was like,
Speaker 1: has a dead possum falling out of the roof, But
Speaker 1: it was just Laura burning my brother.
Speaker 3: Well I feel better for it anyway.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 2: One Can't. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is our
Speaker 2: Thursday episode. This is ask on Can't, where we answer
Speaker 2: all of your spicy, deep, dark and burning questions and
Speaker 2: we have we have some good ones. We have some
Speaker 2: real sexy ones today. I know we say that pretty often,
Speaker 2: but like, I really enjoyed unpacking these questions. You guys
Speaker 2: are all, well, you're I mean, you know what, May
Speaker 2: is masturbation month, so you're all getting spicy spicy.
Speaker 1: That is actually a great little way to start the episode.
Speaker 1: It is fasturbation month.
Speaker 3: What does that mean?
Speaker 2: Seriously masturbated? Why is it masturbating?
Speaker 1: Is it because it's their stats that like it's the
Speaker 1: month that people masturbate the most? Or is it just
Speaker 1: a month where we're like encouraging people to masturbate?
Speaker 2: What the purpose? It's more about the alliteration and just
Speaker 2: having a month of sexual wellness where we all embrace
Speaker 2: and literally embrace our glitterists with our fingers.
Speaker 1: Well. I think masturbation months should be every month. I
Speaker 1: think if people should limit masturbating to four weeks of
Speaker 1: a year, I agree.
Speaker 2: And if you're here in Brittany Hockley's house, masturbation month
Speaker 2: is masturbation night every night. Every Everybody's not welcome.
Speaker 1: Wow, that was coming out.
Speaker 2: Everyone is bob.
Speaker 1: Yes, everyone should masturbate all you.
Speaker 2: You can have your own party for one at your
Speaker 2: own home, is what we're saying, or a party for
Speaker 2: however many you want to have and do it together,
Speaker 2: like you know, more makes it more fun.
Speaker 1: Like Lauras said, we do have some spicy little questions coming.
Speaker 2: Up, but before we do, I wanted to tell.
Speaker 1: You something really funny that I saw that I think
Speaker 1: everybody needs to know about. Like this is a PSA.
Speaker 2: This is a very.
Speaker 1: Important public service announcement. There's a video that's gone viral
Speaker 1: on the TikTok on the INTERWEBSITEE.
Speaker 2: If you need us to come up with some good content,
Speaker 2: you know where we're finding it these days. I just
Speaker 2: love it.
Speaker 1: I'm not actually on TikTok in terms of like I
Speaker 1: don't post, but there is so much great content that
Speaker 1: comes out of TikTok.
Speaker 2: I mean you might not be on it, but you're
Speaker 2: lurking in the back.
Speaker 1: You always lourk because so much stuff goes down. But
Speaker 1: this is one girl that went viral and I just
Speaker 1: lost it. It was so funny and I think it's quite relatable.
Speaker 1: Obviously it is because it's been viewed over fourteen million times.
Speaker 1: Like this video has gone bunk, it's probably more by now,
Speaker 1: has anyone been experienced when you're hooking up with a guy.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's one night stand, maybe it's a bit more
Speaker 1: longer term, but I feel like this happens usually when
Speaker 1: you're only just in the very early days with someone
Speaker 1: where you're getting frisky, you're about to have sex. Maybe
Speaker 1: you pull out a condom because you want him to
Speaker 1: wear a condom standard first, and he says, because you
Speaker 1: know I's coming, well, I think there are some one
Speaker 1: size fits all, but you can get sized condoms. So
Speaker 1: you pull out a condom and the guy says, oh,
Speaker 1: that's too small, like I'm too big for that. That
Speaker 1: will her, you know, knowing that the woman doesn't really
Speaker 1: know what that's going to feel like so she can't
Speaker 1: argue the point.
Speaker 2: Do they mean the whole thing is tight, like the
Speaker 2: whole elastic balloon is too tight, or do they mean
Speaker 2: like the rim, like the opening.
Speaker 1: I think they mean it like it's like a you know,
Speaker 1: like a tant trapped in string. You know that you
Speaker 1: put turkey in s trapped in string and it gets
Speaker 1: too tight and it bulges out. I think when a
Speaker 1: guy says it's too tight, it's like the end circular
Speaker 1: bit that's tight and it cuts into them. That's what
Speaker 1: I think. Oh, just like, yeah, like impresses it like
Speaker 1: a sausage skin.
Speaker 2: So I have a different impression of this because I've
Speaker 2: definitely dated a guy in the past who used to
Speaker 2: complain saying that condom was too tight. We all know what.
Speaker 2: He just didn't want to wear one, but he was
Speaker 2: saying that it was like the part at the base
Speaker 2: of the peanuts was too tight, like the elastic that's
Speaker 2: almost like the elastic band bit that keeps that it's secured.
Speaker 2: He was like, that is too tight for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm sure that, like, I'm sure that's a
Speaker 1: thing not I think ninety nine percent of the time
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, bro, but you're not that big, like the
Speaker 1: condom's going to fit you. We know, we know you're
Speaker 1: trying to pull the wall over our eyes. We know
Speaker 1: what you're trying to do. You don't want to wear
Speaker 1: the condom then?
Speaker 2: And gen to be honest that he wasn't that big
Speaker 2: either was he was very moderately sized. So I was like, well,
Speaker 2: if you're having an issue with this, why has nobody
Speaker 2: else ever had an issue with this? Well? There is
Speaker 2: and I have even't told you this video yet. It's
Speaker 2: so see how relatable it is.
Speaker 1: It's so funny on that before we get into the video,
Speaker 1: I have gone down a rabbit hole of penis data
Speaker 1: and it's actually way more interesting than you would think.
Speaker 1: But this World Data Info talks about the average penis
Speaker 1: sizes by country.
Speaker 2: When you say you went through some data of penis size, now,
Speaker 2: was this through your own subjective research experience? Prettany are
Speaker 2: the woman that you are or was this that you
Speaker 2: actually did some googling?
Speaker 1: Okay, no, this is definitely not research from myself, Laura.
Speaker 1: I have not had that much sex. But thank you
Speaker 1: for assuming that I have.
Speaker 2: Subject study one. But I can do a subject study
Speaker 2: around the world.
Speaker 1: Absolutely not No, But the data says that the average
Speaker 1: penis size is about thirteen centimeters when erect.
Speaker 2: But the resort of thought, yeah, okay, look, I'm like
Speaker 2: mentally trying to map out. Everyone who's listening to this
Speaker 2: is now kind of like with their hands trying to
Speaker 2: figure out how big they think all the penises are
Speaker 2: that they've seen in their lifetime. I would say, yes,
Speaker 2: it's about fifteen centimeters. Is probably browling the sweet spot.
Speaker 1: Well, the reason of this information, you're probably like Brittany,
Speaker 1: Wayne's this information crucial. This is crucial information. So thirteen
Speaker 1: centimeters to seventeen is the range. The reason this is
Speaker 1: critical is because the average condom size starts at seventeen centimeters.
Speaker 1: So the average condom size starts at the upper end
Speaker 1: of the average penis scale. Meaning there is no excuse
Speaker 1: for a guy to say I'm too big and I
Speaker 1: can't fit the condom. Now there's this TikTok user that
Speaker 1: she experiences, Right, there's these guys guys like I can't
Speaker 1: possibly put that on. I'm so well in doubt that
Speaker 1: this will hurt.
Speaker 2: It hurts. It's like having a tight torn Okay, why
Speaker 2: Paul Will's going to fall off.
Speaker 1: The video is of her really slowly, and she even
Speaker 1: surprised herself. She starts to put the condom on her
Speaker 1: foot right to show that it can stretch her over
Speaker 1: the foot, and then she keeps on rolling it up
Speaker 1: and she's like wow, and the music is this the
Speaker 1: whole thing is amazing that she keeps rolling it up
Speaker 1: and up and up. Look, Laura, I'm going to show
Speaker 1: you the video.
Speaker 2: Now. The condom stretches and it looks like she's with it.
Speaker 1: Looks like she's wearing tis. The condom goes up above
Speaker 1: her knee like knee high boots.
Speaker 2: She literally is wearing a knee high condom. That's how
Speaker 2: far it's stretched. I'm interested in knowing. Is this like
Speaker 2: an extra extra large condom? Is this is an average
Speaker 2: sized condom? She just went pixy average.
Speaker 1: One off the shelf. She's like, this, Will, there's no
Speaker 1: thought in this. We just because she's like, I didn't
Speaker 1: know what it's gonna actually go so long. I just
Speaker 1: thought it would go over my foot. But she's like,
Speaker 1: next time someone tells you it's too big, showed them
Speaker 1: this video because it is absolutely not. And it is
Speaker 1: that excuse now does not fly, so Tory Mum told
Speaker 1: dadte dog toy friends.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Yeah. But also, are we still living
Speaker 2: in a time where like men and I know we are,
Speaker 2: I know we are. It's been a lot, I know
Speaker 2: we are, but it's been a long time since I've
Speaker 2: been in the dating game. But like the excuses that
Speaker 2: are made in order to get out of wearing condom
Speaker 2: like condoms these days, if you you know, if you
Speaker 2: choose to wear them, and that's that's ther vibe. They're
Speaker 2: so thin, they're so ergonomic. There's been so much not
Speaker 2: me well, like it's like you can feel all of
Speaker 2: the sensations. Like the excuses are just so irrelevant now.
Speaker 2: I think ladies and gentlemen and friends, if you're out
Speaker 2: there and you're dating someone who's trying to, like, you know,
Speaker 2: swindle you out of using a condom, they're just a
Speaker 2: fucking jerk.
Speaker 1: And I would also love to know off the back
Speaker 1: of this, if you have like a brilliant if you
Speaker 1: have heard a brilliant excuse, if you've been looking up
Speaker 1: with someone and they have given you an excuse that
Speaker 1: he's so fucking far fetched or funny as to why
Speaker 1: they can't put a condom on. I would love to
Speaker 1: hear that, so please send that in.
Speaker 2: I once dated a guy who said he had a
Speaker 2: latex allergy, and I was like, be true, yes, could be.
Speaker 3: But you'll never never I will never know you.
Speaker 1: Like, where's your allergy bracelet?
Speaker 2: I want to see that.
Speaker 1: I want to see that shit on your wrist.
Speaker 2: I want I want some proof. Does it get You're
Speaker 2: gonna get hives if you put this on? No? Look,
Speaker 2: I remember it was very early days and I was like, hey,
Speaker 2: look through in one to put on. And he was like, oh, sorry,
Speaker 2: I can't. I've got a late text allergy. And I
Speaker 2: was like, that wasn't said in the way that you
Speaker 2: would have said it. If you had a late text allergy.
Speaker 3: How what can you do for that?
Speaker 1: If it's just hives or something, can't you say can
Speaker 1: I test that? Can I put a bit on your
Speaker 1: arm or something? Not necessarily the willy, but if maybe
Speaker 1: you could just rub it on the arm to test
Speaker 1: to see what happens, because you're not gonna have an
Speaker 1: anaphylactic fit, surely.
Speaker 2: I think it's just a rat. I think what I
Speaker 2: do is I ask him to wear it around as
Speaker 2: a kneehighoot for the day. All right, let's get into
Speaker 2: the questions for today and for everybody. I mean, we
Speaker 2: still get this question quite a lot. So if you
Speaker 2: guys don't know how to send us a question for
Speaker 2: USK Uncut and you want one for us to answer,
Speaker 2: or you've got something that's been plaguing your mind, all
Speaker 2: you have to do is jump onto at Life Uncut
Speaker 2: podcast on Instagram. Send us a DM right at the top,
Speaker 2: ask Uncut and it will go into the mix for
Speaker 2: next week's questions. It's that simple.
Speaker 1: Also make sure you hit follow, follow it.
Speaker 2: Follow the Instagram. You can also follow Lady in Cat
Speaker 2: and Britney Hockey Britney Underscore Hockey while you're at it.
Speaker 1: This is a short and sharp one kickstart just to
Speaker 1: get us going. How the heck do you tell someone
Speaker 1: to stop aggressively playing tongue hockey with you? That's it,
Speaker 1: that's the question. Oh, there's an AKA there, obviously a
Speaker 1: bad kisser.
Speaker 2: There's nothing worse is there than when you you really
Speaker 2: like someone. The energy is so high, you're like, the
Speaker 2: chemistry is there, You're so ready for that first kiss,
Speaker 2: and then you kiss and you're like.
Speaker 1: It's so bad because I might be on my own here,
Speaker 1: But kissing for me is probably like my favorite part
Speaker 1: of four play, Like I agree for me, if it's
Speaker 1: good and the chemistry's there, like that can do so
Speaker 1: much more. It really just either sets the tone or not.
Speaker 1: And if your eyes open in shock while you're kissing,
Speaker 1: there's something not going.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, when you say it's your favorite
Speaker 2: part of four play, I'm pretty sure it's the only
Speaker 2: four play we have. Now just kissed for two minutes,
Speaker 2: We're like, all right, get it on, roll over it in.
Speaker 1: There's not even any tongue, you just like lips only.
Speaker 2: I also think like a bad kiss can dictate how
Speaker 2: that connection then goes onto evolving. So for example, if
Speaker 2: you kiss someone for the first time and that kiss
Speaker 2: is beautiful and intense and like you feel connected, like
Speaker 2: that makes you like the person even more, that kind
Speaker 2: of really ignites that fire in you. And if the
Speaker 2: kiss is terrible, it can Yeah, it can set you
Speaker 2: in the opposite direction. The question being how do you
Speaker 2: manage how do you mitigate the situation when somebody is
Speaker 2: trying to penetrate you with their tongue. That word should
Speaker 2: not be in that sentence, I do think you can
Speaker 2: say less tongue like, I think you can say that
Speaker 2: it's definitely never hard. Yeah, it's never going to be
Speaker 2: a comfortable situation. Do you know what I think you
Speaker 2: can do?
Speaker 3: Though?
Speaker 2: I think you can also sometimes actually like massage the
Speaker 2: person into kissing the way that you want to kiss
Speaker 2: by physically doing it. You know, difficult, but it's doable,
Speaker 2: use your tongue in the way that you want them
Speaker 2: to kiss you back. Because people often mirror other people's behavior, right, Like,
Speaker 2: often when you're talking to someone, they'll mirror your body language.
Speaker 2: Often when you're caressing someone in a certain way, they'll
Speaker 2: do something similar back to you because you're giving them
Speaker 2: the indication of what you like by physically doing it. Now,
Speaker 2: I'm assuming and giving everyone the benefit of the doubt
Speaker 2: that they can read signals, and not everyone can. We
Speaker 2: know that, like, not everyone can pick up on the subtleties,
Speaker 2: and some people need to be verbally told what you
Speaker 2: do and don't like. So before you get like fully
Speaker 2: cash the ick and completely jumps walk away from the guy.
Speaker 2: If the guy's great or the girl's great, whoever it is,
Speaker 2: I do think you could say let's try that again,
Speaker 2: but with a little bit less tongue or whoa buddy,
Speaker 2: like getting a bit excited there, or something that indicates
Speaker 2: that maybe you're not loving it.
Speaker 1: Do you know I broke up with someone once because
Speaker 1: they're a bad kisser.
Speaker 2: I believe it. I think heaps of people have broken
Speaker 2: up because they're dat to people who are back.
Speaker 1: Yes, I was fourteen, but I still did it like
Speaker 1: it was my first experience. I was like, this can't
Speaker 1: be normal.
Speaker 2: Well, but I mean, fourteen is different because the poor
Speaker 2: kid has had no experience. But you would think when
Speaker 2: you're in your twenties and your thirties, you've probably had
Speaker 2: some experience it. Kissing the only like I've definitely data
Speaker 2: guys or being on like you know, Tinder dates or
Speaker 2: early dates where the kissing was really bad and it
Speaker 2: turned me off wanting to continue the relationship because I
Speaker 2: was like, I cannot do this for the next things
Speaker 2: two years of my life.
Speaker 1: I think it should be treated, and I agree with
Speaker 1: everything you said, Laura, but it's a hard conversation. It's
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of how I would say. I
Speaker 1: don't wouldn't necessarily say let's try that again without with
Speaker 1: less time, Like I don't think that would be my approach.
Speaker 2: Take two and action. I think that.
Speaker 1: I would first of all, and this is very doable
Speaker 1: and lots of people do this. You can, like Laura said,
Speaker 1: you can coach them into what you want to do
Speaker 1: by doing it to them, so like pull back a bit,
Speaker 1: don't open your mouth so much so it's like, don't
Speaker 1: even let that in, Like you don't let you, don't
Speaker 1: give them an opening, keep those lips taught, no, but
Speaker 1: you do what you want to do, and hopefully, like
Speaker 1: any every second person should be able to pick up
Speaker 1: your vibes and your energy. If you've tried this, if
Speaker 1: you tried to coach them in and it's just not landing,
Speaker 1: then yeah, you need to have the conversation because it
Speaker 1: doesn't everything else could be perfect. But you do have
Speaker 1: to enjoy kissing them because it's something that you need
Speaker 1: to do for the rest of your life. But I
Speaker 1: don't think they should be any different to we, and
Speaker 1: we're big advocates for this too. Sexual experiences in the bedroom.
Speaker 1: If you want something in particular or you don't like
Speaker 1: something in particular, we always say.
Speaker 3: Have the conversation.
Speaker 1: Like everyone likes something different, you can be open about it.
Speaker 1: I think the same thing can happen, it's just how
Speaker 1: you're gonna actually say it to not hurt somebody's feelings.
Speaker 2: Well, I think it's interesting that you find giving somebody
Speaker 2: kissing feedback difficult because we've had this conversation just recently
Speaker 2: in terms of like actual sexual feedback, like if someone's
Speaker 2: doing something in the bedroom that is not to your liking,
Speaker 2: you had said, oh, I have no problem with telling
Speaker 2: them like that's too rough or that's too hard, or
Speaker 2: you know, I don't like what you're doing there. So
Speaker 2: you feel more comfortable in giving someone feedback in terms
Speaker 2: of sex. But you more comfortable doing that than what
Speaker 2: you would giving someone feedback about kissing.
Speaker 1: Yes, I do, and I yeah, And I don't know
Speaker 1: why it's so interesting. Yeah, maybe because because maybe because
Speaker 1: I feel like people are more particular about what they
Speaker 1: like in the bedroom. But I find it easier one
Speaker 1: hundred percent to say that I like something different in
Speaker 1: the bedroom as opposed to kissing, because I feel like
Speaker 1: people would take more offense to the kissing thing. I
Speaker 1: don't know, I feel like it's more of a sensitive
Speaker 1: topic because people usually think you know what, I think people,
Speaker 1: particularly guys, probably think that they question how good they
Speaker 1: are sometimes in the bedroom. I think that there's a
Speaker 1: lot of performance anxiety and a lot of pressure on
Speaker 1: men sometimes. But I think every man thinks he's a
Speaker 1: good kisser, Like it's questionable in the bedroom, but I
Speaker 1: think every guy thinks he's a great kisser. So to
Speaker 1: hear that he's not, he's fuck.
Speaker 2: Fuck.
Speaker 1: I've been making out like this for fifteen years.
Speaker 2: And I do also think it all comes back to
Speaker 2: this idea that, like, not everyone likes the same thing,
Speaker 2: and some people think that, you know, to show how
Speaker 2: much they like you, like a really passionate, big open
Speaker 2: mouth kiss with lots of tongue is what's going to
Speaker 2: make you realize that they're super into the relationship or
Speaker 2: whatever it is, you know, like they're just like super
Speaker 2: eager to impress you or please you. And maybe they've
Speaker 2: been in relationships with somebody who really enjoyed that style
Speaker 2: of kissing. Like literally everyone likes things differently and there's
Speaker 2: no one shape fits all for anyone. So maybe someone
Speaker 2: in the past has really loved that type of kissing
Speaker 2: and it's just not what vibes with you. I'm still
Speaker 2: going back to like, if there's something that you don't like,
Speaker 2: you can say, let's look once again, let's try this
Speaker 2: with less tongue, or just like, well, you know, that's
Speaker 2: a bit too much tongue for me. I don't think
Speaker 2: you have to make a big deal about it, but
Speaker 2: hopefully they can get those subtle hints. And if you
Speaker 2: have to have some more less subtle hints, i e.
Speaker 2: Saying it directly to them. If they haven't gotten that feedback,
Speaker 2: then maybe they're kissing style just doesn't match your kissing style.
Speaker 2: And that's a very possible thing, and you probably would
Speaker 2: just eventually get the egg.
Speaker 1: Anyhow, good luck. Let's get into question number two.
Speaker 2: All right, question number two. So I've been seeing this
Speaker 2: guy for a few months and everything is going pretty perfectly,
Speaker 2: although he recently said to me that I wear the
Speaker 2: same perfume Chloe by the way, I love Chloe as
Speaker 2: his ex girlfriend who he was with for six years.
Speaker 2: He super politely said to me that every time he
Speaker 2: smells my PERFC, it reminds him of his ex, and
Speaker 2: so he kindly suggested that he's happy to get a
Speaker 2: different perfume I may like as a present. I can't
Speaker 2: decide if I'm a bit offended by this or if
Speaker 2: it was a fair request, as I also don't want
Speaker 2: him to be reminded of his ex every time he's
Speaker 2: with me. Would appreciate any advice as I'm in two
Speaker 2: worlds about how I feel about this now. Brian, I
Speaker 2: know you have a very clear cut thought on this one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Look I do for sure. I don't think that
Speaker 1: this has to be a big deal for you. And
Speaker 1: if I was putting myself in this position, yes, it sucks.
Speaker 1: If you'd really like a perfume right like it's what
Speaker 1: you've been wearing for a long time, it's your smell,
Speaker 1: you love it, that sucks. But if my partner had
Speaker 1: come to me and said, and you've said, he was
Speaker 1: so nice and polite about it. He just wanted to
Speaker 1: let you know. If he came to me and said,
Speaker 1: you remind me of my ex when you wear that
Speaker 1: like that smell takes me back to a place I
Speaker 1: would I would be in the shower scrubbing myself right now,
Speaker 1: and then I would be changing my perfume for sure,
Speaker 1: because smells like pheromones and smells are so powerful and
Speaker 1: if you just think a smell. Can you can smell
Speaker 1: something that you haven't smelled in years?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: You could walk past someone on the street and smell
Speaker 1: something and it will take you back to a memory,
Speaker 1: like we do attach memories and feelings to smells. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to know that every time I wear that
Speaker 1: that my partner is thinking of their ex. There are
Speaker 1: so many other perfumes out there, and obviously for him
Speaker 1: to bring it up, it's bothering him. If it didn't
Speaker 1: bother him, he wouldn't have mentioned it. So the fact
Speaker 1: that he's like, look you are, you're reminding me of
Speaker 1: like I think of her when I smell you, and
Speaker 1: can I buy you something else? I think that he's
Speaker 1: done it really politely and he sounds like he's very genuine,
Speaker 1: very loving, he very into you. I would be at
Speaker 1: the shop right now getting any perfume if that was me.
Speaker 2: I do think it's hard because I know how attached
Speaker 2: some people become to their sense, especially if you've been
Speaker 2: using a perfume for so many years, that perfume smell
Speaker 2: kind of becomes part of your identity. It becomes part
Speaker 2: of your morning ritual and your routine. And yeah, I
Speaker 2: do understand why you have an attachment to something that
Speaker 2: you love, and you also don't want to be like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: like your past and your ex is now taking away
Speaker 2: something that I love that's also part of my identity.
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, I think the big
Speaker 2: one with this and like, I do agree with you
Speaker 2: with everything you just said, Britt, smell is not something
Speaker 2: that you have control over. You can't control the things
Speaker 2: that spark a memory. You can't control the smells that
Speaker 2: you associate with different times in your life. I mean,
Speaker 2: for me, chewing gum reminds me of my ex, and
Speaker 2: every time I smell chewing gum, that's just my that's
Speaker 2: the memory that pops into my mind. And like, I'm
Speaker 2: never going to tell Matt not to eat chewing gum.
Speaker 2: But at the same time, it gives me like a
Speaker 2: moment where I'm like, oh, that's yeah, that's that memory
Speaker 2: that pops into my head. So I guess that the
Speaker 2: big part of this is like, you can't be offended
Speaker 2: that he's asked you not to wear it, but you
Speaker 2: do have the choice, and the choice is you can
Speaker 2: continue to do whatever the fuck you want to do
Speaker 2: if you want to wear it. Every day, wear it
Speaker 2: every day, but know that he also doesn't have control
Speaker 2: over the firing of those memories. You know that he
Speaker 2: doesn't have control the fact that that they're the things
Speaker 2: that it brings up for him. And so you can
Speaker 2: make the decision as to what you feel comfortable with.
Speaker 2: If you're okay with him being sort of thrown back
Speaker 2: into thinking about his ex because that smell reminds him
Speaker 2: of her, then keep wearing the perfume. Maybe in time
Speaker 2: the memory will be replaced by you, because you know,
Speaker 2: things do evolve and change in time. But I agree
Speaker 2: with you, Britt, I probably wouldn't want to be in
Speaker 2: a situation where I rocked into a room and I
Speaker 2: smell a certain way and then would have to worry
Speaker 2: about whether my now boyfriend, who I love and am
Speaker 2: like invested with, is then thinking about his ex girlfriend
Speaker 2: because of my smell. Totally, it's such an avoidable situation.
Speaker 3: Well, just like.
Speaker 1: Getting scientific for a second, but just in relation to
Speaker 1: what you just said, Laura about you know, maybe in
Speaker 1: time it'll be replaced. Scientists experts actually say that the
Speaker 1: memory associated with smells they do tend to be older,
Speaker 1: which means they've thought about less often, but when they
Speaker 1: are thought or triggered, they are very, very vivid. So,
Speaker 1: in fact, what you just said about maybe if we
Speaker 1: give it more time, the older the memory gets, the
Speaker 1: more vivid it gets when it hits him. So I
Speaker 1: think just getting you perfume, I think, like the really
Speaker 1: easy option is don't be offended by what he said,
Speaker 1: because there is no offense meant at all. Yeah, ol factory,
Speaker 1: which is the sense of smell. Olfactory is the strongest
Speaker 1: of all of our senses connected to memory.
Speaker 2: Go to David Jones and get yourself some Gucci Rush
Speaker 2: girlfriends and that's next there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, ask him what his favorite is, like, go and
Speaker 1: pick it together, and pick something that he's loving, that
Speaker 1: you love as well, and that you know is going
Speaker 1: to be, you know, a different smell for you and
Speaker 1: create different memories.
Speaker 3: So that's what I think.
Speaker 2: What's your favorite perfume? What's one you wear?
Speaker 1: I'm wearing Narsisco perfume at the moment. It's new for me,
Speaker 1: probably in the last six months. I've tried it and
Speaker 1: my sister Sherry bought it when she asked me to
Speaker 1: be her bride'smaid. She gave me like a little present
Speaker 1: with a card, and she gave me the perfume, and
Speaker 1: I'm really really loving it, and I have been. You know,
Speaker 1: I've worn the same perfumes for a very very long time.
Speaker 1: But it's one of my old perfumes that I used
Speaker 1: to wear. My ex boyfriend gave it to me, like
Speaker 1: back back in the day, the crazy one, and I
Speaker 1: loved that perfume so much. But every time I even
Speaker 1: wore it, it took me back to that time, like myself.
Speaker 1: It wasn't it was just reminding myself of that time.
Speaker 1: So I ended up having to scrap that, which was
Speaker 1: sad because I loved it. I'd want it for so
Speaker 1: many years, but I hadn't thought of that until right now.
Speaker 1: That's how strong these smells are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I use like Dove deodorant. I can't remember the
Speaker 2: last time it was perfect.
Speaker 1: Hey, you've used the air freshener before.
Speaker 2: I've used feberees. I've got a really I'm really attached
Speaker 2: to my scent.
Speaker 1: Actually, there's been so many times lower completion. She's like bye,
Speaker 1: driving Joden, and I kept forgetting to put it on.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, you could just got it.
Speaker 2: All like hands. So whatever, whatever is it everything from
Speaker 2: when I'm feeling really hormonal, I'm like, God, I really
Speaker 2: should get it with putting dedor anyway, all right? Question
Speaker 2: number three, Okay.
Speaker 1: Question number three, this is a more serious one. A
Speaker 1: couple of years ago, I had a breast reduction. Now,
Speaker 1: for those that don't know, breast reduction incisions look like
Speaker 1: a lollipop where they go all the way vertically down
Speaker 1: your and around your nipple. The surgery itself is pretty traumatic.
Speaker 1: I ended up with a nasty infection and really bad
Speaker 1: keiloid hypertrophic scarring, which means I have raised and wide
Speaker 1: scars that are really bad.
Speaker 2: I cannot wear.
Speaker 1: A top without patting the scars out because the scars
Speaker 1: show through. So if you guys don't know what keiloed
Speaker 1: scarring is, it is raised, bigger scars. It's just the
Speaker 1: way some people's bodies heal. So you can go and
Speaker 1: google that if you want to get an idea in
Speaker 1: your head. She says, I am now newly single and
Speaker 1: at a stage where I'm ready to date again. I
Speaker 1: do not know how to tackle dating with this deformity
Speaker 1: on my breast that I am mortified over. How do
Speaker 1: I bring this up? When I start dating and to
Speaker 1: a future partner, do I tell them prior to being
Speaker 1: intimate with them and warn them I don't have casual sex,
Speaker 1: but a new boyfriend means sex eventually. So how in
Speaker 1: the world do I manage this? I hated reading this, Like,
Speaker 1: I got a lot of feels about this, and I
Speaker 1: really felt for her and I really want to change
Speaker 1: her mind into how she views herself and thinks about herself.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean this is I guess, like the big
Speaker 2: part is you never have to tell someone if there's
Speaker 2: something that you're insecure about about your body, regardless of
Speaker 2: what that is, you don't have to give an explanation
Speaker 2: or like, And when I say give an explanation, I mean, like,
Speaker 2: there is nothing that you have to admit to someone
Speaker 2: about your body prior to having sex unless you want
Speaker 2: to because you feel like it's a safe and comfortable space.
Speaker 2: Somebody who judges you for having scarring on your breast
Speaker 2: is not somebody who you should be spending any time
Speaker 2: or any energy in. And when you say, like you
Speaker 2: want to get back into dating or I guess, like
Speaker 2: you know you're not saying you want to have casual sex.
Speaker 2: Casual sex is probably different. You may come in contact
Speaker 2: with someone who might judge you that makes them a
Speaker 2: fuck with, right, But like, you don't have control over that.
Speaker 2: If you're meeting new people all the time, if you're
Speaker 2: having new connections and you don't have like an emotional
Speaker 2: connection to them, then there may come a situation where
Speaker 2: someone may be outwardly judging. They probably won't actually say
Speaker 2: anything to you, they might just think it. But like,
Speaker 2: who fucking cares what that person thinks, because they're irrelevant
Speaker 2: to your life. But in the instance which what you're
Speaker 2: saying is that you're getting into more long term dating,
Speaker 2: somebody who likes you and who cares about you is
Speaker 2: not going to care about scars on your breast in
Speaker 2: the exact same way that if you like a guy
Speaker 2: and you've started dating a guy and they had had
Speaker 2: open heart surgery, for example, or surgery on their chest,
Speaker 2: or they had a big scar on their arm, you
Speaker 2: wouldn't look at that and think, oh, God, like I
Speaker 2: can't date you because you've got a big scar on
Speaker 2: your chest. I truly don't think that anybody else is
Speaker 2: going to think that of you. And I also think
Speaker 2: as well as like these are your own insecurities about
Speaker 2: something that's obviously been super traumatic for you, and that's
Speaker 2: also part of your identity. But I think like sometimes
Speaker 2: we can be our own worst critic, and that's not
Speaker 2: how other people view us one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: And like everything you said, I wouldn't add anything to that.
Speaker 1: It's absolutely accurate. It's the old those that matter don't mind,
Speaker 1: and those that mind don't matter.
Speaker 3: The people that at least bothers.
Speaker 1: You don't want those people around anyway at the end
Speaker 1: of the day. This is definitely something that you obviously
Speaker 1: feel very self conscious about, but you shouldn't feel self
Speaker 1: conscious about it. And exactly what Laura just said, we're
Speaker 1: ourselves pick up things in our own body and our
Speaker 1: own situations and our own lives that nobody else even sees,
Speaker 1: Like no one else sees what we see about ourselves.
Speaker 1: And if you've met someone that is just frothing you
Speaker 1: and so into you, this is not going to be
Speaker 1: an issue. If it makes you feel better, maybe you
Speaker 1: could just say tell them about your operation. Maybe say, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, I used to have huge breast, but I
Speaker 1: had a retroduction for you know, back pain or whatever.
Speaker 1: Maybe you can just talk about the fact that you
Speaker 1: had had an operation, if that makes you feel better
Speaker 1: and you want to get that out on the table.
Speaker 1: But I don't think you should ever have to apologize
Speaker 1: for warn someone and you use the word worn, what
Speaker 1: are you warning them about, like about your beautiful body?
Speaker 2: Yeah, about your beautiful body.
Speaker 1: So please don't ever feel like you have to warn
Speaker 1: somebody that, Oh, just so you know, when you take
Speaker 1: my top off as a scar like And I.
Speaker 2: Think this question is very relative to a lot of people,
Speaker 2: not just in terms of scarring, but I know that
Speaker 2: there are people who have different types of disabilities or
Speaker 2: different types of maybe something that isn't what we would
Speaker 2: expect to be quote unquote normal, and then they feel
Speaker 2: like they need to explain away something or they need
Speaker 2: to tell there is nobody is deserving of that explanation.
Speaker 2: You know, nobody needs to be explained to as to
Speaker 2: how your body works or what is different about your
Speaker 2: body unless you feel comfortable and you want to do it.
Speaker 2: But there's nothing wrong with your body. It's just the
Speaker 2: way that it works. It's just the way that it
Speaker 2: looks and everything that the spectrum of what is actually
Speaker 2: normal is like this infinite scale, right, And also on
Speaker 2: that as well, Like you having scars on your body
Speaker 2: makes no difference to the sexual experience that you're going
Speaker 2: to have if it's something that you had to then
Speaker 2: work around in terms of sex, Like if there was
Speaker 2: something that compromised the sexual experience that you were going
Speaker 2: to have, then I would say, yeah, maybe have a
Speaker 2: common station before you get into the bedroom. So it's
Speaker 2: not a shock or it's not something that's going to
Speaker 2: come as a surprise and then you're going to feel
Speaker 2: judgment for it. But something that's on your body, I
Speaker 2: truly don't feel that anybody. I don't think that you're
Speaker 2: going to be judged for that. I think that your
Speaker 2: fear around your own insecurities outweighs how other people will
Speaker 2: react to it, especially people and someone who you've been
Speaker 2: dating for a little while and someone who actually cares
Speaker 2: about you.
Speaker 1: I think that the important thing to think of here
Speaker 1: is anything that you do or want to say, or
Speaker 1: want to tell the other person, do it for you.
Speaker 1: Don't do it for them because you think that you
Speaker 1: need to give them this pre warning. Do it for
Speaker 1: you because it's going to ease a situation for you,
Speaker 1: or ease your anxiety, or make you feel more comfortable.
Speaker 1: Every single decision should be for you, not for the
Speaker 1: other person in this situation. I don't know if you
Speaker 1: guys remember about a little while back, we actually interviewed
Speaker 1: this amazing woman named Ellie and she's from the is
Speaker 1: She has the Instagram handle comfortable in My Skin and
Speaker 1: also has a website called Flip through My Flaps. And
Speaker 1: the reason why she started Flip through My Flaps was
Speaker 1: to try and destigmatize the way that women view their body,
Speaker 1: to show women these like hundreds, if not thousands, of
Speaker 1: different volvers, so that women could flick through and go, oh,
Speaker 1: my vulver is normal, the way my labia looks is normal,
Speaker 1: And to try and destigmatize women who have been thinking
Speaker 1: maybe that they need labiaplasty or whatever it is, cosmetic
Speaker 1: surgery to improve the LaBier because we've been conditioned to
Speaker 1: think that the female body should look a certain way. Now,
Speaker 1: Ellie also has the same concept, but for breasts, and
Speaker 1: now I think it could be really great for you
Speaker 1: or for anybody listening to this, if you feel self
Speaker 1: conscious about your breast or about your vulver, to go
Speaker 1: and have a look at a normal female gallery of
Speaker 1: how fucking different everybody's breast look and let me tell you,
Speaker 1: I think we've been conditioned on Instagram to see beautiful,
Speaker 1: perky breast. So many people have breast implants, which there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with, but I think we've forgotten what normal
Speaker 1: breasts look like and what a normal vulver looks like.
Speaker 1: There are so many different types of breaths in the world,
Speaker 1: and yes, sure some of them have scarring, some of
Speaker 1: them are saggy, some of them nipples look down, some
Speaker 1: of the nipples look up, some of the nipples are inverted,
Speaker 1: they look left, they look right.
Speaker 2: It's all different. And I think when you actually look
Speaker 2: around and you start to appreciate those differences and maybe
Speaker 2: really go and do a deep dive on this gallery,
Speaker 2: it can make you less self critical. And I know
Speaker 2: for myself it made me less self critical, especially with
Speaker 2: how much my breasts have changed since breastfeeding. They're completely
Speaker 2: These are not my boobs. These are someone else's boobs.
Speaker 2: If you told me my boobs were going to look
Speaker 2: like this two years ago, I would have said, I
Speaker 2: don't even know what you're talking about. But now they're
Speaker 2: like sad little pancakes. And you know what I love
Speaker 2: these sad little pancakes because they've done their purpose. You know,
Speaker 2: they mean something different to me now. And three years ago,
Speaker 2: if you told me that this is what my breasts
Speaker 2: were going to look like, I would have been shocked
Speaker 2: and probably horrified. But now I'm so much more comfortable,
Speaker 2: and I really did like I went and did a
Speaker 2: deep dive on the side as well, and I saw
Speaker 2: like just it made me so less self critical, and
Speaker 2: I think that that's probably the place where I'd say
Speaker 2: to start, well for.
Speaker 1: Anyone that does want to have a look. It's comfortable
Speaker 1: in my skin, and she has flipped through my flaps
Speaker 1: like it's like an album on there. But on the
Speaker 1: same website she has brows from my boobs, so she
Speaker 1: has all the boobs on there. I'm looking at them now.
Speaker 1: There is literally everything from missectomis to like Laura said,
Speaker 1: all different shapes to piercings, to scars to stretch marks
Speaker 1: to you know, everything you can imagine. And I'm scrolling
Speaker 1: it now. There's hundreds of boobs and it really does
Speaker 1: make you be like wow, there is literally nothing and
Speaker 1: no one that is normal. Normal doesn't exist because there's
Speaker 1: no such thing as normal. Everyone is different, everyone is beautiful,
Speaker 1: and I think, like Laura said, it made her feel better,
Speaker 1: it makes me feel better too. I think everyone should
Speaker 1: go onto this website. If you didn't listen to that
Speaker 1: episode too, just just go back and have a browse
Speaker 1: through that because it was a really great eye opening episode.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I guess, like the last thing I want
Speaker 2: to add to this is like nor when we say
Speaker 2: it makes you feel better, it's not because you're comparing
Speaker 2: down and you're comparing to somebody else who's got worse
Speaker 2: boobs or better boobs or whatever. It's not about the comparison.
Speaker 2: It's about the inclusivity. It's actually about looking at how
Speaker 2: fucking different everyone is and being like, cool, it's okay
Speaker 2: that I'm also different. I think that that's the real
Speaker 2: take home message from it, and knowing that what you
Speaker 2: see on Instagram is absolutely not the normal so all,
Speaker 2: and I think that that is it from us today, guys,
Speaker 2: A short, shut, quick down, dirty, easy little You know,
Speaker 2: I don't even know where I'm going with this, ask gunkat,
Speaker 2: but if you have a question for us you want
Speaker 2: us to answer for next week's episode, slide on into
Speaker 2: the DMS, like I said, it's at Life Uncut podcast
Speaker 2: on Instagram and that will go in the mix for
Speaker 2: next week. Or if you want to send us a
Speaker 2: voicemail message, you can also voice record on Instagram as well,
Speaker 2: and then we can use those ones on the radio show.
Speaker 1: And don't forget it's Tony mum'say dad kay dot ta.
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