WEBVTT - New Beginnings 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.800 My name is Ben. I'm a storyteller and Find and Tell. 0:00:03.160 --> 0:00:06.160 I grew up on Durall Country. I'd like to recognize 0:00:06.200 --> 0:00:09.399 the traditional Castanians of this continent whose land was stolen 0:00:09.440 --> 0:00:12.639 nearly two hundred and fifty years ago, in particular the 0:00:12.720 --> 0:00:16.840 Cameagle and Onere people whose land this podcast was recorded on. 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:20.720 And we extend our respect to all Aboriginal Torrestraight islander peoples, 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:24.480 the rich storytelling history of the world's oldest living culture. 0:00:24.960 --> 0:00:27.600 My culture is what we pay homage to when we 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:29.160 tell stories on Find and Tell. 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:37.120 Hello, I'm Jamilla Risby and this is Find and Tell, 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:42.120 the search for the next generation of Australian storytellers. Each episode, 0:00:42.200 --> 0:00:45.080 our storytellers go head to head to find and tell 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:48.960 a story based around a theme. The best story wins. 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:53.000 Now the steaks are getting high. This could be the 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:56.440 last time we hear from one or both of our 0:00:56.480 --> 0:01:00.400 storytellers today. This is big, guys. If you haven't been 0:01:00.440 --> 0:01:04.080 keeping score, here are how things stand. Ben, he's sitting 0:01:04.080 --> 0:01:08.320 pretty on two wins. Mark and Kate have one win each, 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:12.039 and Naan has suffered some very painful narrow misses. She's 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:15.560 yet to get a win. Today's theme is New Beginnings. 0:01:16.000 --> 0:01:19.360 First up is Naan. Let's hear what she's found for 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:28.199 what could be her final story. 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:30.679 Naan, welcome back to Find and Tell. 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:33.119 Hi, Jamilla, it's good to be back. 0:01:34.120 --> 0:01:35.440 We're here, we're about to hear. 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:38.120 Well, it might not be your final story, but it 0:01:38.160 --> 0:01:40.360 also might be your final story. It's the final of 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:42.680 this trio that we've started off with. 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:44.000 How does that feel? 0:01:44.760 --> 0:01:49.240 I thought this day would never come. It's been an adventure, 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:51.440 it's been a journey, Naan. 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:54.600 You have already served us up some really interesting interviews. 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:59.480 You're good at finding people with a story to tell. 0:01:59.640 --> 0:02:02.240 How do you pull that off, especially in a short time? 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:07.920 Prame, I'd like to say it's probably my nosiness. I'm 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:12.520 just very no natural curiosity. Yeah, whichever way you want 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:14.080 to spin it. Yeah, when it comes to people, I 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:18.239 feel like everyone has a story to tell, and especially 0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:22.320 with this one, I came across this event and the 0:02:22.400 --> 0:02:25.520 organizer of the event, and I thought they were too 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:27.760 good not to interview and meet. 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:32.440 So will extraordinary characters make for extraordinary stories? I'm excited 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.880 to hear yours. This is New Beginnings, which is your 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:39.200 third contribution to Find and tell, let's hear it. 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:44.720 The sender tables in here, which is your stuff? Like, 0:02:44.800 --> 0:02:52.359 as you say, there's angle grind, a commercial vacuum, you know, pumps, generators, surfboards, scooters, 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:55.400 power tools, all of that type stuff. 0:02:55.440 --> 0:02:58.680 That's easy Mike. He's arranging a catalog of items for 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:02.240 an auction. A lot of common household appliances and tools 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:05.679 and some not so common items. 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:07.880 Tricky little bits in the auction. There's a bud cutter, 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:12.280 which is a big machine for cutting up budheads, which 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:16.560 could be lavender. Yes, why don't know? 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:22.880 They've all been lost, stolen or seized because this is 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:23.720 a police auction. 0:03:24.639 --> 0:03:29.840 The stuff is exhibits, all right, so they're from events 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:33.160 like it could be a drug raid, it could be 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:36.360 a theft, a break in, stuff like that. 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:39.800 Until now, they had all been sitting in storage for months. 0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:43.200 Police either haven't been able to find the original owners 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:45.360 or just don't have the space to hold it forever. 0:03:46.120 --> 0:03:49.440 So they give easy Mic a call. He picks up 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:52.120 all the items and then sells them off. 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:54.920 Very few of these happened now the old school style 0:03:56.440 --> 0:04:01.880 police socials. Everything now so online you've lost all that. 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:04.440 So a lot of people use these as like a 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:07.600 social event. I have people messaging me during the year 0:04:08.240 --> 0:04:09.080 when's the next auction? 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:12.600 The next one is tomorrow. Easy's been doing this for 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:15.760 thirteen years and he likes to make sure every item 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:16.719 gets a second life. 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:20.360 Absolutely none of this comes home, not one thing. If 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:22.200 I have to sell that fight for a dollar, it'll 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:22.840 sell for a dollar. 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:30.320 As you can tell, Easy Mike doesn't like waste, but 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:33.440 he does love to have a love. That's his real name, 0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:35.680 by the way, how do you spell it? 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:36.040 Yeah? 0:04:36.080 --> 0:04:36.479 Yes, why? 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:40.320 And that's your That's on my birth certificate, Medicare card, license, 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:42.480 passport everything. 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:45.880 Easy's mum was hoping for a girl, so she hadn't 0:04:45.920 --> 0:04:48.880 picked out any boys' names. She sent his dad to 0:04:48.960 --> 0:04:49.560 sort it out. 0:04:50.000 --> 0:04:53.599 She said, you go down the front and register it, 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:57.640 something Easy like Mike. He said, yeah, in norries it all. 0:04:57.680 --> 0:05:00.679 So I went down. He registered Easy. Mike sent Pikes 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:01.360 my middle name. 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:13.240 Another It pulls up at the showground with the next load. 0:05:13.720 --> 0:05:18.760 There's scooters, golf sets, TVs and baby seats all up. 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:23.400 There's thousands of items to be sorted, jewelry watchers and 0:05:23.480 --> 0:05:24.520 silver bullions. 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:28.520 Don't you touch anything, Nick, don't you buy anything. 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:33.360 Natalie and Nick are married and they've been helping Easier 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:37.200 run his auctions for thirteen years. They all met playing 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:38.039 online poker. 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:40.159 So we took our chances, didn't We. 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:43.560 Took our chances. 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:45.880 Didn't know whether it was a serial killer or not. 0:05:47.279 --> 0:05:48.800 But it worked out. It worked out. 0:05:52.080 --> 0:05:55.720 There's still dozens more items to unload and label. When 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:58.680 a visitor drops in unannounced. 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:01.960 Oh here it is, mister, or I come every time 0:06:02.040 --> 0:06:05.520 the day before and buy nothing. He never buys in. 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:09.599 In his play, a stout man wearing suspenders struts into 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:12.240 the hall and immediately starts poking around. 0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:14.560 And if he does, he doesn't rhyming because he's You 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:16.760 can't eat strawberry Jam, because you can't pass the seage. 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:24.240 It's a tight ash. Hey, Strawberry Jam, here you got. 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:29.040 II let you out of a home. 0:06:30.400 --> 0:06:35.320 Strawberry Jam promises to come to the auction tomorrow. He 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:46.320 never shows. On auction day. People arrive early for the viewing, 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.640 which sounds like a funeral but feels more like a 0:06:49.680 --> 0:06:52.800 garage sale. Easy greets everyone like family. 0:06:53.240 --> 0:06:56.240 We opened the door there at eight point thirty. We 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:59.880 had people here waiting. We opened the door. They were 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:03.000 they were registring. They were queued out this door. 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:07.520 It's hot and sticky inside the hall. People are stepping 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:09.560 over each other to get a good look at the display. 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:12.600 Greg is here showing his son his very first option. 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:14.360 He's starting to buy. 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:17.520 His own tools now, so I'm trying to teach him 0:07:17.560 --> 0:07:19.520 how to go to options. He hasn't lean to it 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:20.000 one yet. 0:07:21.040 --> 0:07:23.160 A lot of farmers and traders come to the police 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:27.200 action for tools, even the ones that don't work. Before 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:29.679 the auction. Easy make sure they all have some fuel 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:31.960 in them, or at least a sticker to let people 0:07:32.000 --> 0:07:35.200 know it needs some fixing up. Like he says, none 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:38.200 of this stuff comes home. It all kicks off at 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:41.200 ten am. Sharp trailer. 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:44.640 It is an ex police vehicle. What's the having been? 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:46.160 We've got a couple of thousand to kick it away? 0:07:47.040 --> 0:07:49.640 One thousand making tall fifty anywhere one thousand calls. 0:07:50.800 --> 0:07:53.120 A man wearing a blue flannel and a Cubra hat 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:56.240 ends up getting the police trailer for around two thousand dollars. 0:07:57.200 --> 0:07:59.680 The serious buyers have put up with their own trailers, 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:03.840 ready to score a few bargains. There's even families with prams, 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:06.920 camping chairs and eskis settling in for a big day out. 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:15.000 A group of young guys are loading up their use. 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:18.120 But it's a six hundred cc engine off a sports bike. 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:19.720 It goes very fast. 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:23.320 Jack's and Worlder by trade and nabbed this engine for 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:26.400 two hundred bucks. He says, they usually go for one 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:29.000 and a half grand. But the boys are actually more 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:30.880 excited about where it could have come from. 0:08:31.520 --> 0:08:33.840 I mean, I don't know. My bike engine, for example, 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:36.560 could be from, you know, some sort of getaway vehicle. 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:39.000 You never really know. A few ovens on the back 0:08:39.040 --> 0:08:43.000 as well. There were a few ovens for marijuana, yep, 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:44.760 bug clippers, whatever you wanted. 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:47.080 They didn't get the ovens, but it made for a 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:48.480 good story to tell their mates. 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:51.320 Yeah, so we were standing at one of the tables 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:53.280 and we saw that there were a couple of lights, 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:55.640 funny lights in front of us, looked like a big, 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:59.600 massive array, and the auction that says said it was 0:09:00.120 --> 0:09:02.520 Ta Tree equipment, and a couple of the blokes the 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:05.080 back had a chuckle and then it dawned on me 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:07.440 this was actually being used for drug operation. 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:10.280 He's planning to make an off road go cut with 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:13.160 his purchase while his brother scored a couple of surfboards 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:13.920 for themselves. 0:09:14.200 --> 0:09:15.880 We weren't picking up this stuff and it all go 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:18.920 to landfill, so it'll just be chucked out and you know, 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:20.200 wouldn't have a second life. 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:28.360 As the auction wraps up, people prepared to hold their 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:31.839 winnings home. They're loading their trailers as others are waiting 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:36.920 for their ride. Even though all these items have had 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:40.520 some sort of criminal past, just like people, they deserve 0:09:40.559 --> 0:09:44.840 a second chance. Once again, all these unclaimed stolen goods 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:47.760 have a home. Police can welcome new items to their 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:50.880 storage while all the proceeds go back to state revenue. 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:54.280 And it's all thanks to a guy named Easy. 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:57.480 You know, I'm not the devil, you know, Okay, I 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:00.600 don't need to sell this stuff, like I'm really I'm 0:10:00.640 --> 0:10:09.880 like the undertaker, but I'm just finalizing things. 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:11.640 Naon. 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:16.319 That was like an infinitely less posh version of antiques Rocho. 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:20.360 I was so into it. That's awesome, thank you. 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:23.800 Honestly, that was like it was a delight to listen to. 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:27.040 I felt like I'd been transported from being here in 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:29.959 a studio. Yeah, I really feel like I was there 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:31.760 and like I saw some of the things that you 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:34.160 were using the audio to bring to life. 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:36.280 So congratulations, great work. Thank you. 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:40.040 So being a news reporter by trade, do you need 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:43.920 to be able to spot a great story? What initially 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:47.560 captured you about Easy Mike his name? 0:10:49.960 --> 0:10:53.199 Not only that, but I never heard of a police auction, 0:10:53.400 --> 0:10:57.400 let alone thought it was accessible to the public. It 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:00.680 was in Kempsey, which was a foreigner half our drive 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:04.000 from Sydney. But I thought, you know, surely there's got 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:06.840 to be stories out there as well. So and yeah, 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:07.679 it didn't disappoint. 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:10.040 Yeah, so you drove out there and then you spend 0:11:10.200 --> 0:11:13.520 you know what, like half a day or more around 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:17.320 this auction, talking to Easy Mike, talking to others and 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:20.680 trying to get a sense of what's going on. That's 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:23.720 going to mean you collect an enormous amount of audio. 0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:25.439 How do you make sure you've got all the bits 0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:26.320 you might need later? 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:29.600 Well it turned out I had too much audio in 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:32.840 the end, I think, because that was my only chance 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:35.320 to get everything that I needed at the time, so 0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:39.400 I think I over recorded. I ended up just recording 0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:42.400 the whole day, which turned out to be hours and 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:46.319 gigabytes of audio. So I kind of kind of shot 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:48.400 myself in the foot because that I had to go 0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:52.680 through all that, but it also made the cutting down easier. 0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:55.240 I was a bit more ruthless in terms of getting 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:56.600 rid of chunks of audio. 0:11:57.120 --> 0:12:00.280 Looking back on your experience, not just creating this episod, 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:04.320 but over the trio of episodes, what are you most 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:04.800 proud of? 0:12:05.400 --> 0:12:11.880 Oh, good question, I'd say sneaking to my gut. Even 0:12:11.960 --> 0:12:16.520 when I felt the pressure of time and the deadlines, 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:20.680 there were certain stories that I was really fixated on 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:24.319 or a bit stubborn about, and I felt I wanted 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:26.319 to do something to see a story that I was 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:29.280 one hundred percent committed to, rather than settle for something 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:33.120 and do something half fast. So I'd say listening to 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:37.480 my intuition and letting that lead the way sometimes. 0:12:37.920 --> 0:12:41.040 Naan, I just I want to congratulate you on all 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:43.839 three of your stories. You have got such a fantastic 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:47.880 talent for finding people who have a perspective or a 0:12:47.920 --> 0:12:50.920 story that's just not one we hear all the time, 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:53.600 and I really look forward to hearing more of that 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:55.079 from you in the future. 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:56.880 Well done, Thank you, Jumally. 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:57.840 It's been a blast. 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:05.800 What a fantastic story to kick off today's theme, New Beginnings. 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:08.480 We're going to hear what Kate came up with in 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:19.679 just a moment. This is Find and Tell and this 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:24.160 week's theme is New Beginnings. Kate's previous stories have been 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:28.240 so beautiful, and she's had some really impressive guests like 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:31.800 Elizabeth Day, and she's shown a lot of vulnerability by 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:35.920 sharing quite intimate details about her personal life. Let's see 0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:40.080 what she's made for us this time. Hey, Kate, welcome 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:41.199 back to Find and Tell. 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:43.439 It's the final countdown. 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:47.160 I know now with you, we've sort of we've taken 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:52.079 this almost trilogy approach in that we've been tracking your 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:55.800 experience of a really significant breakup. 0:13:56.920 --> 0:13:58.600 New Beginnings. What does that mean for you? 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:02.800 It means joy. It just simply means joy. It means 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:07.160 releasing everything that we've gone through in the first and 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:10.040 second story and starting the next chapter. 0:14:10.640 --> 0:14:13.080 Was there a moment in this process where it just 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:16.000 felt like it was impossible, like you weren't going to 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:16.840 get to joy? 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:23.920 I mean I feel that weakly. I think, yeah, going 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:26.440 through a breakup, it's not a linear journey by any means, 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:30.080 but you just have to celebrate the winds, and you 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:34.840 have to celebrate the growth and the change and there 0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:39.440 was so many things in telling this final story that 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:41.080 just made me smile. 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:43.920 How do you feel we're on the verge, We're about 0:14:43.920 --> 0:14:47.280 to press play, nervous still or if we settled in 0:14:47.360 --> 0:14:48.480 over a couple of weeks. 0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:52.200 I'm just excited for this one. It's yeah, I hope, 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:56.240 I hope everyone feels really happy listening to it, because 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:58.160 to me, it's a bit of a like, fuck. 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:02.200 Yes, that sounds like time to press play. This is 0:15:02.360 --> 0:15:05.920 Kate's new beginnings. 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:10.840 So we did these marriage of ours together as a group, 0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:14.880 and by the end of it, everybody was screaming them 0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:18.200 and crying. My kid was there, who's twenty one, and 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:21.840 she was like, Mum, I've never seen anything like this. This, 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:25.400 this is electrifying. And then basically the DJ kicked off 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:28.840 and everybody danced their hearts at and there were people crying. 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:32.040 There were elderly moms with their adult daughters being held 0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:36.040 one on each arm, crying and just having that moment 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:41.440 and that permission to release the disappointment and the heartbreak 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:44.960 of having so much hope, so disillusioned. 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:51.920 That's Humi Stein's author, podcaster and basically someone who I've 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:55.400 been obsessed with since her Channel V days. She's telling 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:57.960 me all about the divorce party that she held back 0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:02.120 in feb to celebrate the end of her marriage. Yeah 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:05.520 you heard that, right, celebrate. I'll let her explain. 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:10.920 I got divorced myself after a ten year marriage last year, 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:15.000 and I was like, now what. And the whole process 0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:18.320 of getting divorced, it's not just you know, signing some papers. 0:16:18.640 --> 0:16:21.880 It's a marriage first, and then it's the disintegration of 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:25.480 a marriage. It's a marriage breakdown. It's finally accepting that 0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:28.600 the marriage is no longer. It's a really long, elongated 0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:32.680 process that's really quite painful, and actually the divorce part 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:34.560 is kind of really good. 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:40.280 So just to be completely transparent, I've never been divorced 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:44.080 and I haven't even been married, but I absolutely can 0:16:44.160 --> 0:16:45.360 relate to what Yumi are saying. 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:49.360 We've done the hard thinking and the hard decision making 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:52.040 and now we can finally kind of tie a bowl 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:53.760 around it and say, well that was now in the 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:57.600 past and we're moving on. And what I discovered was 0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:01.600 just there aren't that many rituals or to celebrate divorce. 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:06.000 So I wanted to ritualize in a joyful way and 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:09.880 a feminist way. The end of a relationship. 0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:13.320 Last year, just like you me my eight year long 0:17:13.359 --> 0:17:18.000 relationship ended, and this conversation it really made me realize 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:22.439 that I'd been unintentionally creating my own small rituals to 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:26.320 try and help process my heartbreak. I'd done really tiny 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:31.479 things like getting a fringe groundbreaking I know, or just 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:34.280 remembering the date that i'd been broken up with and 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:38.000 telling my friend AJ about it viral whatsapped voice message. 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:43.960 Yeah this week, it's four weeks, so almost at the 0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:48.480 month mark, which is crazy. It's been two months this week, 0:17:49.280 --> 0:17:52.119 which is exactly at this time. I was being broken 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:55.160 up with three months ago, and here I am writing 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:59.280 the case for me. Oh my gosh, it's my it's 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:03.600 my form Broaca anniversary today all but celebrate you mean 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:09.240 like again? Actually yesterday was six months broke up? Whoo 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:13.840 I survived. I went out to celebrate the anniversary with 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:16.520 two of my friends a woman new red dress that 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:19.960 I put from the op shop, which was great. I 0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:25.639 felt like a new renewal thing. And the idea of 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:28.840 celebrating a divorce or a breakup might sound a little 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:32.919 bit weird, but just think about how many engagements, baby 0:18:32.960 --> 0:18:37.480 showers weddings, first birthday, parties you've been to. So why then, 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:40.560 when it comes to celebrating something like the end of 0:18:40.600 --> 0:18:44.679 a relationship, which can be such a profound experience of 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:49.199 grief but also of survival, are there no rituals like 0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:52.439 not even one. You me and so many of the 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:55.280 people at the divorce party felt exactly the same way. 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:57.720 It was a moment of joy, It was a moment 0:18:57.800 --> 0:19:01.399 of reflection, a moment to celebrate their resilience and just 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:03.240 release all of that emotion. 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:06.760 And so we got maybe seven different people to come 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:09.359 up and talk about a really good story that they 0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:12.639 want to share about their divorce. You know. One was like, 0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:16.240 I gave birth to my daughter. It was our second kid. 0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:18.480 And then my husband was like, I think I want 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:21.000 to leave because I really like my weekends. 0:19:22.160 --> 0:19:26.440 No, the audacity of men is unparalleled. 0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:29.800 I really like my weekends, and now having kids, things 0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:31.600 seems to just get in the way of me doing 0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:33.840 all the things that I want to do. And it 0:19:33.880 --> 0:19:37.479 was heartbreak, but it was also like rage. So it 0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:40.760 was a bit of a blood letting, like let's pour 0:19:40.840 --> 0:19:42.760 it out and let's scream it out. 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:46.679 After the blood letting, you me held her own version 0:19:46.920 --> 0:19:47.920 of a wedding. 0:19:48.440 --> 0:19:54.120 A ceremony of marriage to ourselves, where we chose ourselves. 0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:57.600 And one of the things that I did was reconceptualize 0:19:57.680 --> 0:20:00.679 marriage vowls. If you think about what you can remember 0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:04.439 off the cuff of the marriage vows, it's we are 0:20:04.480 --> 0:20:09.480 gathered here today and it's also till death to us part. 0:20:09.520 --> 0:20:12.240 That's the bit that people remember. So in the new 0:20:12.359 --> 0:20:14.439 vows that we wrote, where we marry ourselves or we 0:20:14.480 --> 0:20:18.720 commit to loving ourselves, I just mentioned that when we die, 0:20:19.160 --> 0:20:20.879 like where we're going to be the ones that we 0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:24.480 die with this This is our longest standing relationship. So 0:20:24.520 --> 0:20:27.320 wouldn't it be great if we were happy to go 0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:31.000 together with us with me? And also it's a really 0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:32.919 grim thought, you know, it's kind of grim that we 0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:34.120 all die alone, right, but. 0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:36.080 Also incredibly freeing, right. 0:20:37.119 --> 0:20:41.240 I totally agree. So we did these marriage vows together 0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:44.240 as a group, and by the end of it, everybody 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:46.760 was screaming them and crying. 0:20:48.000 --> 0:20:50.760 And so what did that feel like for you to 0:20:50.800 --> 0:20:51.560 be in that space? 0:20:52.000 --> 0:20:54.520 Oh? It felt amazing, you know, because there was a 0:20:54.560 --> 0:20:57.520 whole spectrum of people there in attendance. There were quite 0:20:57.560 --> 0:21:01.080 shy people who said to me really quietly. I've never 0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:03.560 really even acknowledged that I got divorced. It was my 0:21:03.600 --> 0:21:05.560 own private pain. And then there were other people who 0:21:05.560 --> 0:21:08.520 were just like making an absolute rucous about it and 0:21:08.640 --> 0:21:12.399 have been for years. It was such a great feeling 0:21:12.480 --> 0:21:17.639 to kind of facilitate people being able to ritualize their divorces. 0:21:18.720 --> 0:21:20.600 I've found that coming to terms with the end of 0:21:20.640 --> 0:21:22.960 a chapter of your life it can be really tough, 0:21:23.560 --> 0:21:27.439 but it also can be so freeing The impermanence of 0:21:27.480 --> 0:21:31.480 it all feels really important. Things that we never expect 0:21:31.640 --> 0:21:35.320 to happen just do, and things that we expect to 0:21:35.359 --> 0:21:37.240 stay the same just don't. 0:21:38.680 --> 0:21:41.240 If somebody runs a cafe, let's say, for seven years, 0:21:41.320 --> 0:21:44.199 and it's really good and it's popular, but then it 0:21:44.240 --> 0:21:46.560 starts to not make so much money, and so that 0:21:46.640 --> 0:21:50.280 he decided to close. Technically they've failed, But for seven 0:21:50.359 --> 0:21:53.800 years it was really successful. So did they fail or 0:21:53.800 --> 0:21:55.480 did they just decide to wrap up when the time 0:21:55.560 --> 0:21:57.520 was right. So that that, for me is kind of 0:21:57.520 --> 0:22:00.200 a comfort. When you think about a failed relationship, it's 0:22:00.240 --> 0:22:03.400 not all failure necessarily, It's just you know, at the end, 0:22:03.160 --> 0:22:06.119 it didn't last, and not everything should last. 0:22:06.960 --> 0:22:10.480 And it's it's really the rituals that mark the endings 0:22:10.480 --> 0:22:13.640 of these relationships and that help us to move on. 0:22:15.200 --> 0:22:17.000 And so I just wanted to take what Yumi had 0:22:17.040 --> 0:22:19.959 said and just really commemorate the end of my breakup 0:22:20.080 --> 0:22:23.240 year and just celerate the start of the next chapter 0:22:24.040 --> 0:22:29.000 something that felt feminist and joyful, but also a little 0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:31.680 bit like home Tod b. 0:22:31.840 --> 0:22:37.840 Shepherd that been kidde in care chickat the person who 0:22:37.960 --> 0:22:42.560 was so ungrateful or did not deserve money. Yeah, this 0:22:42.800 --> 0:22:44.040 is going cry now. 0:22:45.040 --> 0:22:49.000 In Persian culture, we have this ritual called halahafez when 0:22:49.040 --> 0:22:52.040 around Maru's which is our your ear, you put your 0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:55.000 hand on a book of poetry, ask a question and 0:22:55.080 --> 0:22:58.760 get an answer half as his poetry is. It's kind 0:22:58.760 --> 0:23:01.320