WEBVTT - Here we answer your burning questions for the week 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:25.200 Hey guys, and welcome to your free therapy session. Our 0:00:25.320 --> 0:00:29.240 Thursday episode of Life Uncut, Ask Guncut. This is where 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:32.880 we jump in and answer your dirtiest, deepest, darkest, best, 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:40.120 most embarrassing questions, and we actually, super super do love it. 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:41.800 We love that you guys are writing your questions. Our 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:44.640 inbox is overflowing and we are doing our best to 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:47.159 get to you. Every time I clear it, there's immediately 0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:49.639 another hundred questions. But we actually love it. We love 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:51.599 that you guys trust us enough. You guys are so 0:00:51.680 --> 0:00:54.160 messed up. Yes, some of you are proper messed up 0:00:55.120 --> 0:00:58.320 that no, we love you. We don't mean that. Like 0:00:58.360 --> 0:00:59.920 we've said so many other times that we've been to 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:03.680 in these episodes, it's so nice for us and for 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:05.880 us to read the questions and the troubles and the 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:09.119 dilemmas that everybody else is facing, and just to realize 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:12.759 how normal we all are and how we are all 0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:14.680 sort of dealing with these different ups and downs that 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:17.000 life throws at us. So say this to brit almost 0:01:17.000 --> 0:01:20.880 every week, but reading everybody else's problems makes me feel 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:23.520 really normal. I feel like I have been through the 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:25.560 exact same things at different points in my life. That 0:01:25.680 --> 0:01:28.480 is where our advice comes from. It comes from experience. Yeah, 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:30.560 you guys definitely help us just as much as we 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:32.360 help you, and we have said that before, but I 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:35.839 really really do believe in those words. Okay, anyway, Laura, 0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:38.920 for like four hours, you've been haaughing on about this 0:01:38.959 --> 0:01:41.720 story that you've remembered your friend reminded you of, and 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:43.400 you're dying. You kind of speak to me on the phone. 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:45.200 I can't even understand you. Can you bloody tell me 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:47.320 what the story is. I know that I share so 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:50.160 much on this podcast. It's actually a bit disgusting. Every 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:52.240 so often I see articles pop up in daily mail 0:01:52.320 --> 0:01:54.960 that have rewritten what I've said on this podcast, and 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:58.440 it reminds me that it probably shouldn't. But anyway, here's 0:01:58.480 --> 0:02:01.320 another one. So I was to a girlfriend from UNI 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:03.040 and we were talking about the podcast, and she said 0:02:03.040 --> 0:02:05.480 to me, she was like, I can't believe you haven't 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:07.360 told that story. And I was like, what story? And 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:11.200 she's like, Dude, that story. And then it occurred to 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:14.040 me that I had suppressed this story in the deepest, 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:17.400 darkest folds of my memory, because true trauma should just 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:19.519 be put in a box and hide away forever, and 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:21.600 we should never talk about it, definitely not on a 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:24.200 national podcast. Straightaway, she calls me. She's like, I've got 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:25.880 this story I want to tell you, but I can't 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:27.600 tell you yet. I'm going to read on the podcast, 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:29.680 but I'm going to pretend like it's someone that's written in. 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:31.120 She's like, because I don't want to have this to 0:02:31.160 --> 0:02:33.400 my name, and I'm like, this better be good. Yes, okay, 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:35.080 So I was. I was planning and pretending like this 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:38.080 was a written in accidentally unfiltered, but you know what, 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:39.840 We're just going to throw it into this episode anyway. 0:02:40.160 --> 0:02:42.400 It's quick. I feel like we've built it up now 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:46.920 too much. But god, okay, I better be fair with me. Okay. 0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:53.120 So I was at UNI and I was can't be 0:02:53.200 --> 0:02:56.720 that bad? Ah, so embarrassing. Okay. I was at UNI 0:02:56.800 --> 0:03:00.160 and I had just started dating this guy and I 0:03:00.240 --> 0:03:02.720 really liked him. Things were going really really well, and 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:05.480 we had gone out this one night and I had 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:09.880 gotten very very drunk, like very drunk, and ended up 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:12.120 back at his house. I think at the time I 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:14.400 thought I was gonna get lucky, but I definitely didn't 0:03:14.400 --> 0:03:16.400 get lucky. I just passed out in his bed. Did 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:19.080 your naked body get stuck in the window again? No, 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:22.040 although it does, I have something to do with the window. 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:26.840 So I don't remember. I remember going to sleep. I 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:31.320 don't remember much after that except that I woke up 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:33.480 in the middle of the night and I really needed 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:35.520 to be sick. I was like, oh my god, all 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:39.480 I could taste was tequila. Oh, and so I ran 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:42.080 to the window, which was directly because it was a 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:44.760 he lived a university dorm, right, so like everything is 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:46.440 super close to each other. The bed is next to 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:49.280 the window, is like next to the kitchenette area two 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:52.200 by two by two, totally tiny. So I ran to 0:03:52.240 --> 0:03:54.720 the window, which was right next to the bed, and 0:03:55.560 --> 0:03:59.800 I vomited out the window, only to realize that there 0:03:59.840 --> 0:04:05.480 was a fucking fly screen. There was a shot like 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:09.240 a locked fly screen, and I vomited it into the wise. 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:15.400 Did you know that that's what you were doing? No? 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:17.320 Well I did as it was happening, and then I 0:04:17.320 --> 0:04:20.040 couldn't stop it from happening. And then he woke up 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:22.600 and I was vomiting into the fly screen. Can you 0:04:22.640 --> 0:04:25.159 just imagine what that's like. It's like it's like throwing 0:04:25.200 --> 0:04:33.600 pasta through a sieve. It's exactly the same. Laura, I 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:35.680 feel like I really should have said this as though 0:04:35.720 --> 0:04:38.520 this came in from someone else. Firstly, I've got a 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:41.520 few feelings right now. First, I love that this other 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:45.280 story is about window. You've got an affinity to windows. Secondly, 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:47.880 I love that you thought this was the worst thing 0:04:47.920 --> 0:04:50.239 you've ever said, because you have sis so much worse 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:53.560 on this podcast. Thirdly, you just reminded me of the 0:04:53.600 --> 0:05:01.320 funniest stories. Okay, so when I was really young, I've 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:04.680 just literally thought about this. Now. I was eighteen, so 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:07.080 just start going out, and I was with my boyfriend 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:09.159 who I ended up being with him for eight years. 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:11.599 But I started dating him for six years. Just to 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:13.719 interrupt you, I didn't. I didn't end up with this 0:05:13.760 --> 0:05:15.840 guy for eight years. I didn't hear back from him 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:20.200 after this, so it didn't really work out for me. Guy, 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:22.240 he literally had to scrape the vomit off the window. 0:05:22.400 --> 0:05:24.720 Can't you imagine. I think you just have to throw 0:05:24.760 --> 0:05:26.880 the whole thing out. You'd have to do. You know 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:29.360 what I want to know? This is what I want 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:31.960 for next week's podcast. If any of you guys have 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:34.400 had a story where something horrific has happened like this, 0:05:34.560 --> 0:05:37.279 like on your first date, and you've continued to see 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:39.720 the person, They've looked past it, writ in I want 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:41.320 to know about it, because not a lot of people 0:05:41.360 --> 0:05:43.440 stay through that. Yeah, maybe you pissed the bed by 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:45.760 accident and then you ended up marrying the guy. I 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:47.920 hadn't know about it. I want to know. Okay, I'm 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:50.240 so sorry. Continue with your story. So I was eighteen 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:52.160 and i'd been with my boyfriend since I was sixteen. 0:05:52.600 --> 0:05:55.640 I had been out on a bender, you know when 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:57.640 you need to drinking, been out in a bender. I 0:05:57.720 --> 0:05:59.560 was walking down the main street and we're going home 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:01.840 and I saw a kebab shop, and you know, everyone 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:03.640 loves a kebab when you had been out drinking. And 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:06.120 I said to the guy, I was saying, oh, babe, 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:07.839 I want a kebab. Did you say it like that? 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:10.240 Like that, babe, get me a kebab? And he's like, 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:12.600 oh okay. So he got intop of kebab and he 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:15.000 got you know how big a kebab is? I ate 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:17.000 it in about two point two seconds. I inhaled it. 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:19.479 I was like, that was amazing. Can I have another one? 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:22.560 He was like like, you just had a whole kebab 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:23.919 and I was like, don't you tell me what I 0:06:23.920 --> 0:06:25.800 can eat? So I had another one. I had two 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:29.600 whole kebabs. Then the taste was so good. I was like, 0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:31.800 can be a third kebab. He's like, Brittany, I'm going 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:33.520 to put my foot down. You don't need a third kebab. 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:35.560 You drunk. And I was like, don't you dare tell 0:06:35.600 --> 0:06:37.080 me what I can and can't eat. Get me a 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:39.760 third kebab. Got a third kebab. By this time, I've 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:41.400 never eate this much of my life, Like, don't you 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:44.240 kebab shave me? He was kebab shaming me. We barely 0:06:44.240 --> 0:06:46.880 made it home. I laid down and then I got 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:50.360 the wave of nausea. I vomited a kebab. It was 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:51.960 almost whole. It came out whole, and I was just 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:53.320 like pulled it out like a whole kebab and I 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:55.040 was like, oh my god. And then I proceeded to 0:06:55.080 --> 0:06:58.440 vomit for like four hours of kbab. This is disgusting. 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:01.560 It was disgusting. Did you've went into a window screen? 0:07:01.560 --> 0:07:03.880 This is what I want to know. It was one 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:06.360 of my worst moment was the worst night I've had. 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:08.680 I feel like I was eighteen, So we're allowed to 0:07:08.720 --> 0:07:11.400 tell that story. I'm a mature, classy woman now, as 0:07:11.440 --> 0:07:15.800 she says as she swirls her wine. But also, guys, 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:19.360 just to really reiterate, Well, we haven't. We haven't iterated it, 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:21.480 but I'm going to reiterate. What I'm about to say 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:25.240 is that we don't condone binge drinking. We don't think 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:27.760 that this is smart behavior by any means. Yes, it's 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:31.400 made for some funny memories or lack thereof, but be sensible. 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:33.960 This is not funny stuff. Oh it's funny to look 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:36.320 back on, like fifteen years later, but we absolutely know 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:38.080 we don't condone it. But we can look back from 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:40.480 fifteen years ago and have a bloody good laugh and 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:42.680 still be very surprised that we both here to tell 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:46.560 the tale. All Right, Well, I guess it's pretty obvious 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:49.280 that we have made some pretty terrible life decisions and 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:51.840 still making them. But this is what I always say. 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:54.840 Our good advice comes from the terrible life decisions that 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:57.000 we've made. We can tell you not to drink because 0:07:57.160 --> 0:07:59.880 we've done it. I've done it. Go around, it's not 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:03.280 worth it. Trust me. Anyway, I think it's probably time 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:05.200 that we should get into the questions. All Right, I'm 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:07.440 coming at you hard and hot and dirty. Oh I 0:08:07.920 --> 0:08:09.320 like that. It's how you like it when I come 0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:14.040 at You're like that. Oh God, I'm very overwhelmed and flustered. Now, Okay, 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:17.360 so this is an interesting one. My boyfriend constantly wants 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:20.000 to give me a facial in the bedroom. I don't 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:22.920 really love it, but do I just roll with it? Okay, 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:25.120 I don't actually know what a facial is. My jaw 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:27.560 is on the floor. Yeah, Brittany just sprung this question 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:31.240 on me. We did not discuss this question. You just 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:33.960 threw that in there. I did. I went rogue. Okay, 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:35.960 So a facial is when a guy comes on your face. 0:08:36.000 --> 0:08:39.320 Well I got that, but I didn't know that before. 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:42.959 I have never heard anyone actually say call it a facial. Actually, 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:46.680 leading on from our last episode, the whole discussion around porn, 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:49.080 I think giving someone a facial is a very porn 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:52.680 esque move. Like I think that men who are really 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:56.080 sexually aroused by doing that. Like I just I don't know. 0:08:56.080 --> 0:08:59.359 There's something about it that I feel feels quite degrading, 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:02.600 Like it feels is quite it feels a bit porny. Yeah, 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:04.840 it feels so porny, and it doesn't feel like there's 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:08.240 a lot of respect or love or care for me. 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:11.440 It feels a little bit like I'm being degraded. But 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:14.440 I totally understand that there's different strokes for different folks 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:17.200 and definitely not hit a kink shame. If that's something 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:19.440 that you get off on and it's done within like 0:09:19.480 --> 0:09:22.800 a mutual and respectful way, and you get off on 0:09:22.840 --> 0:09:24.560 it as well, then like all for it. But if 0:09:24.559 --> 0:09:26.800 this girl is saying that she doesn't like it and 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:29.679 her boyfriend keeps pushing for it, like know that that 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:31.920 line in the sand can be pretty hard. It's so 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:34.240 it's so invasive, Like if you don't want a guy 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:36.200 to come on your face, don't allow for that. It's 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:39.920 such an intrusive thing. I completely agree. I can see 0:09:39.960 --> 0:09:41.840 both sides of this. Absolutely. I don't think there's anything 0:09:41.880 --> 0:09:44.160 wrong with it. If you're in a relationship and he 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:46.440 wants to do that and you are happy to do that, 0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:48.920 go for it. I mean, you're in a committed relationship, 0:09:49.000 --> 0:09:50.920 you trust each other as long as you've spoken about it, 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.240 and you're both on board with it. I don't see 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:55.760 a problem with it. I see a problem with this 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:59.000 only because she has said she's not happy with it. 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:01.200 Maybe she's happy for it in a blue moon. It 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:03.560 just sounds like it's his thing. I don't know where 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:07.800 he's gotten that from. But maybe if he's think is 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:11.040 obviously that he doesn't want to finish inside you, maybe 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:13.400 he doesn't have to come on your face. Maybe it 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:16.640 could be somewhere else. But there's so many other options. 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:18.400 So I think you just need to be really honest 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:21.400 with him if there's ever anything you're uncomfortable with in 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:25.200 the bedroom, whether that's the first time, a one night stand, 0:10:25.240 --> 0:10:28.480 a relationship long term, it doesn't really matter. It's your 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:30.959 prerogative to say no and to be honest and say 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:33.720 you don't like something. So you need to find a 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:36.439 compromise with your partner. Also, it's just like so messy. 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:38.280 Imagine if you have your mascara done and your makeup 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:40.640 done and your hair done like that's that's a whole 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:43.240 lot of clean up love. That is what you're worried about. 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:45.760 With everything you've said, Brett, If your partner has every 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:49.000 right to ask for something like we all have different fantasies, 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:51.520 and it's nice to be in a relationship where he 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:54.200 feels open enough that he can ask for something, But 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:56.560 at the same time he needs to respect that if 0:10:56.559 --> 0:10:58.520 that crosses your boundaries and it's something that you're not 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:01.520 comfortable with, then he shouldn't be pushing for that. And 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:04.560 I think that that's really unfair of him. If you've 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:07.080 explained that you don't feel comfortable and it's a no, 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:10.240 then that should be enough, Like no should be enough 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:13.000 having said that, And this goes for every aspect of 0:11:13.000 --> 0:11:15.800 a relationship, like literally to the point of what you 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:18.360 like to eat, Like I'm talking any aspect. If you 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:21.679 haven't communicated something ever before, how are they going to 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:24.240 know If you have never said that you don't like that, 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:26.360 they're never going to know. If you're going with it 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:28.440 and rolling with it, he's going to think, Oh, she's 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:32.760 into this too, she likes this too. Whether that's you saying, yeah, babe, 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:35.040 i'll have Indian for dinner, but you hate Indian, he's 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:37.199 going to keep ordering the Indian on that as well. 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:41.400 Like we can't expect people to understand on nonverbal cues, 0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:44.480 like I think that often we might feel a certain 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:47.280 way or we might feel like we're expressing a certain thing. 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:50.800 But unless you actually verbalize those words and make it 0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:53.440 very black and white for people, you can't expect that 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:55.880 they know what you mean or that they got the gist. 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:59.360 Like that's an unfair expectation. So, like brit said, with 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:02.680 everything relationship, you have to say if you're not comfortable 0:12:02.679 --> 0:12:04.720 with it, and physically say those words so that he's 0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:07.480 well aware. But like we touched on, if he's still 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:10.360 pushing for this and this is like the only way 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:12.839 that he's able to get his rocks off, then I 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:14.680 feel like he's been watching way too much porn and 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:16.520 that's something that he, like, you need to deal with, 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:18.439 And that's a whole other issue. I don't think it's 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:19.880 the only way he can get his rocks off. I 0:12:19.920 --> 0:12:21.760 think it's just something he likes and he thinks it's 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:24.360 okay because she hasn't said anything, so I of course 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:26.240 it's not the only way. He's just rolling with it 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:28.960 because it's been allowed and it's what they've been doing. 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:30.920 If it is something you have been doing up on 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:32.680 this point in time, like it's okay for you to 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:34.880 now change your mind and say you don't like something. Yeah, 0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:37.600 thank you. Next yes, thank you by Felicia. I don't 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:40.680 want you to come on, Mandy. It's very messy clean up. Yeah, 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:43.360 it's like you use your money maker. Oh maybe it's 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:46.160 good for the skin, all right. Question number two, please 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:48.840 do not try and just swing another one in here. 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:52.280 I stick to the script, bretty okay. Question number two, 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:55.520 how do you know if and when you should be 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:59.200 a proactively going for a guy, i e. Making the 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:02.800 first move because maybe they're shy or be Do you 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:05.199 wait patiently for them to make a move. If he's 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:10.280 into you, surely he'll let you know. Right. Guys are 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:12.600 just as nervous of rejection as girls are. Guys are 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:14.360 just as scared that you're going to say no, especially 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:16.760 if it's someone who you've met quite a few times 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:19.080 and you kind of have like an acquaintance or a 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:22.040 friendship with. They might think that that you don't like 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:24.840 them as well, And so I think, grab that ball 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:27.960 by the balls, not literally, but get in there and 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:31.280 ask him out for coffee. For sure. I'm so about 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:35.120 sending out the first message, chasing them sliding into their dms. 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:38.360 I've asked people out in public in the bars. I've 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:41.440 messaged them, I've you name it. I think if you're 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:45.319 interested in somebody, there's absolutely nothing wrong with approaching them 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:48.640 first and letting them know that you have that interest. 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:53.200 And I think these days, if it's online, which let's 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:56.920 be real, ninety five percent of nine our interactions and 0:13:56.960 --> 0:14:01.280 communication is showing somebody you're in tested straight away. Might 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:05.480 be literally on Instagram liking two photos, giving them a follow. 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:07.520 You could sit on that for a few days and 0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:10.720 see if they reciprocate, or you could just slide straight 0:14:10.760 --> 0:14:13.240 into their dam. I actually did this once to this 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:15.400 guy who I was really interested in. I didn't know 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:18.400 it much Sorwy on Instagram, liked a photo, gave him 0:14:18.400 --> 0:14:20.000 a follow, and then I just slid straight into his dam. 0:14:20.040 --> 0:14:21.440 I didn't even wait and I just said, dude, you're 0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:23.640 actually so funny. I've laughed at your Instagram page for 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:26.480 an hour. We should grab a coffee sometime if you're keen. 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:28.840 That's it. And in my mind, who cares if he 0:14:28.880 --> 0:14:30.840 writes back and says no, or if he doesn't write back. 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:33.080 And he did and we ended up hooking up and 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:35.720 having a great time and it was amazing. But on 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:37.760 the flip side, to what you're saying, britt Like, I 0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:40.400 also think that there's situations where maybe you've known a 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:45.280 guy for months or years or whatever, and maybe you 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:47.680 guys you know, you're at the same work or you've 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:50.280 got the same friendship group or something, but you've had 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:53.840 this long term crush on them, and maybe you have 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:56.520 great banter or great energy, and you think, like, why 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:58.600 hasn't he asked me out? Like there's something here. I 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:00.760 know there's something here, but he hasn't ask me out yet. 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:03.280 There's a very good chance that he is just fearful 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:05.440 of rejection as well. There's a very good chance that 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:07.640 he doesn't think that you feel the same way. So 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:10.840 I think, what have you got to lose? Like, unless 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:13.040 it's a really close friendship circle where things are going 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:15.400 to be a bit awkward for a little while, ask 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:17.080 the guy out for a drink, or you're going to 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:19.320 keep waiting and he's going to find another girlfriend, or 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:21.120 you're going to get a boyfriend. Like, these are just 0:15:21.160 --> 0:15:23.680 opportunities that could pass you by, and I can guarantee 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:25.320 you and won't be you getting a boyfriend. It'll be 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:28.120 him getting a girlfriend. And you're kicking yourself, why didn't 0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:31.160 I say something earlier, like I feel like that's always 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:33.320 the case. Do you know what a really good, like 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:36.520 very modern and contemporary example of this is. And you 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:38.520 guys might have seen it on the media recently, but 0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:42.040 Jimmy Fallon recently came out and said that when he 0:15:42.480 --> 0:15:44.760 had become friends with Kate Hudson, that he had a 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:47.120 massive crush on her and he would have asked her out, 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:49.480 or he really wanted to ask her out, and like 0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:52.040 they were friends for ages and like he'd interviewed her 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:55.200 and they'd worked together and they just stayed friends and 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:57.320 then she got a boyfriend and now she's married to him. 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.400 And then Kate Hudson had come out and said, I 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:03.120 had a crush on you the whole time. Yeah, why 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:04.920 didn't you do anything? Why didn't you make a move. 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:08.840 So he was kicking himself because he's like, I didn't know, 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:10.600 and she's like, of course you didn't know. You didn't 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:13.000 ask me. Do you know what came out after that 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:15.280 came out? It came out that the exact same thing 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:18.200 happened with him, Jimmy Fallon and Nicole Kidman. Kidman had 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:21.080 this huge crush on Jimmy Fallon to the point that 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:24.120 she got her agent to set it up so that 0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:26.120 she could go to Jimmy's house and they were going 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:29.680 to talk about like maybe an interview or whatever. So 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:32.760 they set it up. She goes to Jimmy Fallon's house. 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:35.720 He turns up in like pajamas stool he track pants, 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:37.960 opens the door, lets her in. She comes in. This 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:41.600 is Nicole Kidman. He says, I didn't even pay her attention. 0:16:41.720 --> 0:16:43.720 I just sat there and played my video games and 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:46.320 sort of half heartily talked to her over my shoulder. 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:49.800 Nothing gave her nothing. Nicole Kidman was like, I've really 0:16:49.840 --> 0:16:51.880 worked for it. I was there for four hours trying 0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:54.680 to strike up conversations about like records and PU six 0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:56.400 mid day, she's like, maybe we should crack a wine? 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:59.240 What about wine at this work meeting? And she's like 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.600 after four hours, I was like, wow, he has no 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:03.800 interest in me. So she left and she told him 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:05.879 this later on, and he was like, are you kidding me? 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:08.800 I could have had a golf Kidman again, he just 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:11.040 gave it nothing because he thought there's no way this 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:13.600 person would be interested in me. Honestly, some guys are 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:16.920 so oblivious, just like some girls are oblivious, Like, if 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:20.439 you haven't necessarily given him reason to think that you 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:22.960 like him for fear of rejection, then there's a good 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:25.720 chance that he won't act on it because he thinks 0:17:25.760 --> 0:17:27.679 the same thing. He's scared that you're going to reject 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:29.440 him as well. I think if you like a guy 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:31.720 as a woman, we can make the first move. It's 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:36.200 twenty twenty own that make him your bitch. Confidence is sexy, 0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:39.000 and a lot of men actually like that. They like 0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:41.440 it takes a pressure off them if a woman comes 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:44.440 and approaches them, they're like, oh wow, like Ae, she's confident, 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:48.159 be she's sexy. See I didn't have to do any work. Also, 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:50.240 just on what you just said, there's this really great 0:17:50.440 --> 0:17:52.200 like love coach who we've talked about a couple of times, 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:56.280 Matthew Hussey, and he sort of explains this theory. He's like, 0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:59.200 as a woman, if you don't go out and get 0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:01.560 the men that you want, then you're always going to 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:04.479 be the woman who settles for whatever wants You. Just 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:07.440 means that you're always the receiver of whatever comes to you. 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:09.240 You never get to choose the person that you want 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:11.639 to date. And so I think it's really important that 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:13.880 if you do have feelings for someone, or you do 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:16.000 think that there's someone who you have a connection with, like, 0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:18.399 you need to be proactive in that because because you 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:21.000 know what the saying is wrong. Good things don't come 0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:27.159 to those who wait. Okay, you can tell them late 0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:30.880 Laura is the pessimist. I'm the optimist. No, Look, they're 0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:33.800 the realist. I'm not a pessimists. They equally come to 0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:37.000 those who wait, but they also don't. No, I think 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:40.280 opportunity favors people who are proactive and also ready for 0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:42.639 it in their life. Yeah. Sure, you may get lucky. 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:45.359