1 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:02,720 Speaker 1: Get a. 2 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:10,119 Speaker 2: I'm Laala Berry, nutritionist, author, actor, TV presenter, and professional oversharer. 3 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,120 Speaker 1: This podcast is all about. 4 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,640 Speaker 2: Celebrating failure because I believe it's a chance for us 5 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:21,240 Speaker 2: to learn, grow and face our blind spots. Each week, 6 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,760 Speaker 2: I'll interview a different guest about their highs as well 7 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:28,120 Speaker 2: as their lows, all in a bid to inspire us 8 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,760 Speaker 2: to feariously fail. 9 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: Hello. Today on the pod, we have Nellie Thomas. 10 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 2: She's a comedian, speaker and MC and an author and 11 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,640 Speaker 2: on top of that, she is just an honest, funny person. 12 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,559 Speaker 2: I would say we met because she interviewed me on 13 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:51,239 Speaker 2: broad Radio a couple of months back, and I then 14 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 2: interviewed Joe Stanley, the co host and creator, and then 15 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 2: I thought, oh my goodness, I've got to interview Nelly 16 00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 2: as well. So that's why this episode exists. You love it, Nellie, 17 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:12,919 Speaker 2: You're wonderful. Nellie Thomas. Holy macrawl, mate, You've done loads. Comedian, author, broadcaster, 18 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 2: health ambassador, MC keynote, speaker podcast. 19 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: I've been demolishing your part. 20 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 2: I've just been listening, like for the last four days, 21 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 2: I've gone back to old epps. 22 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,399 Speaker 1: New EPs like yes. 23 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:29,480 Speaker 2: Listener question EPs, I like I'm loving it. So there's 24 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:33,760 Speaker 2: you do so much stuff. And we met about what 25 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 2: three weeks ago? 26 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, I know. We met on broad radio, 27 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:42,839 Speaker 3: which I'm now a co host on, which I'm really 28 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 3: loving and is such a it's such an innovation because 29 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 3: I have been doing this for, you know, over twenty 30 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 3: years and working in radio mostly ABC, which is for 31 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 3: international listeners, is the public broadcaster, but also some commercial radio. 32 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,040 Speaker 3: And I can't tell you the absolute jaw and privilege 33 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 3: of broad radio, Like it is genuinely such a different 34 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 3: experience to be in a job share model, to be 35 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 3: with other women and non binary people, to like the 36 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:15,040 Speaker 3: atmosphere is it's like night and day. It really is. 37 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 2: When I listen to that show, like and I listened 38 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 2: because you hosted with Mikayla yesterday, I believe, yes, And 39 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,960 Speaker 2: I literally felt like I was just having a cup 40 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 2: of coffee with you too, Like it's that very like 41 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 2: open hit chatty. And the thing that I love about 42 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 2: really listening to you because you have such an interesting 43 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 2: cadence to your voice as well, which I love. 44 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: That's how I book people on the I really do. 45 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 2: I deep dive people's voices. I'm like such a nerd. 46 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,239 Speaker 3: Oh I love this. 47 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: Well, think about your. 48 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,680 Speaker 2: Because your register is lower and I love that, Like 49 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 2: it's a grounded, earthy kind of sound. 50 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 3: Ah, thank you, But. 51 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was listening to it yesterday and I was like, 52 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 2: I just felt like I was just having a like 53 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,640 Speaker 2: a chin wag with you guys. Then I went and 54 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 2: listened to your pod and I know you've even before 55 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 2: that had another like critically claimed podcast, and there's something 56 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:14,920 Speaker 2: about I was like, oh, Nelly doesn't hold back. And 57 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 2: I mean that as a compliment, but you've got this 58 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 2: is the thing that's exciting about you. You have this 59 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,919 Speaker 2: the intelligence to back it up. So whatever you say, 60 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 2: I'm always like, oh. 61 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 3: Oh my god, you should be my agent. You know. 62 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 3: It's so interesting, Like there's a couple of things in 63 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 3: that one I reckon. The reason you and I bonded 64 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 3: and I had an immediate kind of feeling of a 65 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 3: kinsment with you is because in a way, like I've 66 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 3: been told that about my voice. Obviously I can't hear 67 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 3: my own voice, but I've been told it's that sort 68 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 3: of grounded thing. The thing I find interesting is like 69 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,360 Speaker 3: I'm an old bogan from Wa, like I grew up 70 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 3: like very working class, you know, first one in my 71 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 3: family to go to UNI, like all of that kind 72 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 3: of stuff. So to me, I sound rough as guts 73 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,360 Speaker 3: and yet to other people they're like, no, no, you 74 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 3: sound like really posh and this scape. But I'm like 75 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:13,080 Speaker 3: that I swear so much, like I don't what am I. 76 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 3: I don't like label starling. I don't like them. 77 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:19,520 Speaker 2: But I think also there's something so trustworthy about someone 78 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 2: that doesn't hold back with swearing, Like there's some study 79 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 2: about like people that swear you can trust them, and 80 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,280 Speaker 2: usually my intelligence I have to ask, because yes, I 81 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:33,159 Speaker 2: had no idea that you got into comedy by accident. 82 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 2: Talk me through this, talk me through. 83 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 3: Oh, it's actually a great story. You shouldn't say that 84 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 3: about your own story, but it is a great story 85 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:44,159 Speaker 3: because it's so like depending on whether you come at 86 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:47,039 Speaker 3: life from like the universe is handing you things or 87 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 3: you go this is all just a fucking giant shit 88 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:54,000 Speaker 3: show accident. Like it's great in both senses. So I 89 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:58,360 Speaker 3: worked in homelessness, I worked in family violence, I worked 90 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 3: around sort of child protection, like all these really intense areas, 91 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 3: and it will surprise you not I reckon in my twenties. 92 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 3: I burned out really quickly because I just didn't have 93 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:12,599 Speaker 3: the boundaries, Like I was all kind of saved the 94 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 3: world and no kind of save Nelly, you know, And 95 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:19,360 Speaker 3: you can't do that kind of work without being really 96 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:23,200 Speaker 3: healthy yourself and really boundaried. So I burned out. But 97 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 3: I was a volunteer Big Sister in the Big Sister 98 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,599 Speaker 3: Little Sister program. So I had the same girl I 99 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 3: saw every week for seven years, right, And I met 100 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,080 Speaker 3: her in secure lock up, like it was in tense 101 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:38,440 Speaker 3: like really intense training supervision. And I was twenty eight, 102 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,159 Speaker 3: and she wanted to go to this thing at the 103 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:45,839 Speaker 3: Melbourne Fringe Festival, comedy thing. I'd never been to comedy. 104 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 3: I'd never seen live comedy, like I'd watched Rozanne on 105 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,200 Speaker 3: TV or whatever. But it was not my world at all. 106 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 3: And I arrived and she didn't show up, and I 107 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,279 Speaker 3: went to the woman who was running it and I went, oh, look, 108 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 3: she hasn't shown up, so I'll just go. And she's like, 109 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:04,040 Speaker 3: you know what you've paid, Like why don't you stay? 110 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 3: And it was one of those moments where I just went, 111 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,480 Speaker 3: I'm at this crossroads in my life. I'm not sure 112 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 3: what to do, like why not? Like what have I 113 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 3: got to lose? And the homework so it was a 114 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,800 Speaker 3: two day thing. The homework was to go home that night, 115 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 3: prepare a five minute comedy routine and come and perform 116 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 3: it the next day in front of a group, like 117 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,359 Speaker 3: a panel of professional comedians, and they would mentor and 118 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,680 Speaker 3: give feedback. Can you imagine the terror petrifying? 119 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:34,479 Speaker 1: That's awesome? 120 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:38,120 Speaker 3: So I swear, Oh my god. So it's two thousand 121 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 3: and two. So Big Brother had just become like a 122 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,720 Speaker 3: big sensation Sarah Marie and smacking on the bum and 123 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 3: all that, and so I did this stupid routine about 124 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:50,039 Speaker 3: Big Brother. But there was a talent agent in the 125 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:54,400 Speaker 3: audience who obviously saw something and when can I offer 126 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:58,480 Speaker 3: you a gig? And I went all right, okay. So 127 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,560 Speaker 3: I ended up going and do and gig at the 128 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 3: Prince Patrick Hotel in Melbourne. And long story short, after that, 129 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 3: I entered the National Raw Comedy Competition and I won 130 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 3: the heat and went, oh, this is weird. And by 131 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 3: then I'd gotten better in the sense that I'd started 132 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 3: to be more in alignment with my own value. So, Lola, 133 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 3: my first routine was about refugee policy, really like. It's 134 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,480 Speaker 3: so when I look back at it now, I'm like, 135 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:31,360 Speaker 3: how mental to be going into a pub in Australia 136 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 3: talking about refugees? Right? So I win the hate. Then 137 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,160 Speaker 3: I get into the semifinal. I win that. I get 138 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 3: into the State Final. Now we're talking five six hundred 139 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:45,040 Speaker 3: people in the audience. I win that, and I'm literally going, 140 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 3: what the fuck is going on? I get into the 141 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 3: Grand Final, broadcast live on television in front of twelve 142 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 3: hundred people live audience, and I won. And the prize 143 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 3: for that was to do a show at the end Fringe. 144 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 3: So within four months of never being on stage, I 145 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 3: was doing my own show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. 146 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,320 Speaker 1: You have to tell me what on earth was that? 147 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 3: Like? 148 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 1: That's like so many dreams for people, you know, do. 149 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,040 Speaker 3: You know what? I look back at it now because 150 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,559 Speaker 3: people are like, oh, it must have been so brave. 151 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:23,880 Speaker 3: I can genuinely say, yes, it's brave to get on stage, 152 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 3: because that's terrifying. But that process wasn't because I didn't 153 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 3: know the industry, Like I actually didn't know what was 154 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 3: at stake. You know, when Triple J calls and goes, 155 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 3: oh can you come on? And you know, be on 156 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,240 Speaker 3: our show and Channel seven want to do it? Like 157 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 3: that wasn't my world. So I didn't understand what an 158 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,839 Speaker 3: opportunity it was. And in that sense that was good 159 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:47,839 Speaker 3: because I was complete. I wasn't invested. 160 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 1: Yeah you know, yeah, it would be holding on too tight. 161 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 3: I wasn't going, oh, I want to be I want 162 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 3: to show on Fox FM. I was just like, I 163 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,319 Speaker 3: want to do a good show. I want to do 164 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,760 Speaker 3: a good spot. I don't want people to think I'm 165 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 3: bad at this. And so in that sense, it was 166 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 3: all about the craft and not about the business. If 167 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Cool. 168 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 2: Have you had any like pinch me moments where you're like, 169 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:17,760 Speaker 2: I mean, that is a pretty cool one. 170 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: That story, the story from where to go? 171 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,959 Speaker 2: Really, but like if you had any moments where you're 172 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,679 Speaker 2: just like, how have I? 173 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:23,960 Speaker 3: Like? 174 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,439 Speaker 2: I feel like you're someone that must be highly adaptable 175 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,400 Speaker 2: to be able to like put yourself in different scenarios 176 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 2: and just be like, all right, well I'm here, let's 177 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,040 Speaker 2: be here for secause You're all about being present and 178 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,680 Speaker 2: in the moment as well. So has there been any 179 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:43,360 Speaker 2: moment where you're like, fuck out, how's this happening? 180 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: Right now. 181 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 3: Oh my god, I mean so many. Probably a couple 182 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 3: spring to mind. I got to do. I was on 183 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 3: the same lineup as Bill Bailey, who was one of 184 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 3: my heroes. So I'm not one, and I sent you 185 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,559 Speaker 3: on either. I'm not particular, like I don't get giddy 186 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,959 Speaker 3: around celebrities, but there's a few people if I really 187 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 3: respect them, that I kind of go. Yeah. Another one 188 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:12,760 Speaker 3: which is weird and any international listeners will not know 189 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,839 Speaker 3: who I'm talking about, but was Barry Cassidy. He's really respected. 190 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 3: He's a really respected ABC journalist, and he's just that 191 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,679 Speaker 3: kind of you know, that kind of man who's like 192 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:30,680 Speaker 3: his life is on his face, like these deep, beautiful crevices, 193 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 3: like that man has lived a life. If he said 194 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 3: to me ten people at your dinner party, he would 195 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 3: be on that list. So I have so much effect 196 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 3: for his brain. And probably the other one was I did, 197 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 3: which I think is very interesting in the context of 198 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,240 Speaker 3: your podcast. I got asked to do a fundraiser, as 199 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:54,719 Speaker 3: all performers are. This would have been twenty ten, and 200 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:58,320 Speaker 3: I did it. And my philosophy is, if you I 201 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 3: don't care if you're getting paid zero or twenty thousand, dollars. 202 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,280 Speaker 3: You do the same gig, yeah, right, you show up 203 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 3: present and at your best regardless if you've agreed to 204 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 3: do it like strap In, you know, and lucky I 205 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,959 Speaker 3: did because I did that gig and it was broadcast 206 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 3: I think it was on Channel seven or something, and 207 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 3: a publisher range me the next day and offered me 208 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,200 Speaker 3: my first book deal. 209 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 1: Right, that's unheard of. 210 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:30,080 Speaker 3: That's unheard off, unheard of actual money to write a book. Right. 211 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,439 Speaker 3: And if I had been pissy about it, which I've 212 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,440 Speaker 3: seen many of my colleagues do, and I'm sure you 213 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:36,840 Speaker 3: have as well, and kind of gone, a it's a 214 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:38,800 Speaker 3: freak gig. I don't care, like I'll just find it 215 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:43,520 Speaker 3: in that wouldn't happen. So to me, it's kind of 216 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,160 Speaker 3: like there's a parable in it somewhere, you know. 217 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,200 Speaker 2: Well, it's also a testament to your value system and 218 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 2: being like I'm here, I'm giving it my auto no 219 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,839 Speaker 2: matter what, And that's like a really nice there's I 220 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:58,560 Speaker 2: don't know where I heard this. I think I've read 221 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 2: it recently, because I've got a lot La you know, 222 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 2: I live in LA and some days in the city 223 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 2: that can kind of spit you out a little bit and. 224 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,440 Speaker 1: Cheer up and spit you out. But I have a 225 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,760 Speaker 1: couple of friends that are just like beams of sunshine, 226 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 1: and I'm like, what needs going on? Whereas I'm like, 227 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,480 Speaker 1: I'm over it today, I'm out. I'm tapped out. 228 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:19,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, And there's some study about like people that like 229 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 2: can find the hope and the brightness and like can 230 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 2: still sit in the shit and the discomfort, but still 231 00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 2: somehow like like like you said you didn't phone that 232 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,120 Speaker 2: gig in, You're like, no, I'm gonna I'm going to 233 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 2: find the good inn I don't like do it. And 234 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,120 Speaker 2: I think that they say that those people usually are 235 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 2: more successful because of the energy they're putting out as 236 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,800 Speaker 2: just more like positive in general as well, could be hippie, 237 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:44,520 Speaker 2: but I like this. 238 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, I reckon, there's something there's something in that. I remember. 239 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 3: Do you know who Anie DiFranco is, No, I need 240 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:56,720 Speaker 3: to know, like a nineties kind of indie grunge singer, 241 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 3: which is I mean, I'm more Seline Dion right, like 242 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:04,480 Speaker 3: this is my general genre. But she said something in 243 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 3: an interview that I saw around that time that I 244 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 3: was getting into comedy, where a guy said to her, oh, 245 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 3: you're going to be the next big thing, and she said, no, 246 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 3: thank you, My thing's already the right size, and that 247 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 3: if I could define my career, that's it. Like I 248 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 3: have wanted, Like I've not invested in false hope, if 249 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,080 Speaker 3: that makes sense. Like I don't need to be the 250 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 3: biggest thing. I don't need to be the best thing. 251 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 3: I don't need to have the most money. I need 252 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:40,120 Speaker 3: to do things that I care about, because when I care, 253 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,760 Speaker 3: I show up and I've made the mistake of doing 254 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 3: things I don't care about, and I've done a shit job, 255 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:47,440 Speaker 3: and I don't feel good about myself. 256 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,640 Speaker 2: I don't think you're alone in that though, Like I think, Yeah, 257 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,080 Speaker 2: I think that's a real It takes courage to live 258 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 2: true to that. 259 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,400 Speaker 3: Yeah. And don't get me wrong, there's stuff I do 260 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:01,600 Speaker 3: for money that I wouldn't choose necessarily as my first thing. 261 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,559 Speaker 3: But I won't do anything these days. And it's hard 262 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:08,199 Speaker 3: for this, you know, I've worked really hard to get 263 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 3: to this place. But if it doesn't sit right, if 264 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:14,560 Speaker 3: it's rolling around in my that wrong, I won't do it. 265 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,240 Speaker 3: And I think that gives you a long career. It 266 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:23,040 Speaker 3: doesn't give you the bells and whistles career. It doesn't 267 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 3: give you you're going to be the most famous and 268 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 3: on all the panel shows career, But I think it 269 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,880 Speaker 3: has given me and I think will hopefully give me longevity, 270 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 3: if that makes sense. 271 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 2: Well, I always say to people you want to be 272 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,200 Speaker 2: in it for the long game, like it's all for 273 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 2: the long game, because especially if you love it and 274 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 2: like you've described it as a craft, which of course 275 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 2: it is, I think that long game is really the 276 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,320 Speaker 2: only option because any of that quick fixed stuff, for 277 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:52,400 Speaker 2: the viral staff, for the you're just not it is quick. 278 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,440 Speaker 2: Like it's like you want, you want the I say 279 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 2: that about acting and stuff as well. Everyone it's like 280 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,320 Speaker 2: you've aged out, you're too old, And I'm like, well no, 281 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 2: not as an actor, as an artist, you're totally so yeah, 282 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,680 Speaker 2: I like that. That's I like that quote you shared, 283 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 2: and I like that that's kind of how you would 284 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:15,240 Speaker 2: define yourself. I have to ask, is it true you 285 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:19,120 Speaker 2: were on stage and doing a gig and someone said 286 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 2: you're fat mole? 287 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:21,640 Speaker 3: Yes? 288 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:22,960 Speaker 1: Is that really true? 289 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah more than once. Oh yeah, yeah. 290 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 3: You want to hear my favorite her call stories. Yes, 291 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 3: it's interesting. So yeah, that was the first heckle I 292 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,560 Speaker 3: ever got. So I ended up writing a book called 293 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 3: fat Moles. So I'm all about that kind of reclaiming, 294 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 3: you know. I mean, there's some words that for me 295 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 3: and this will this is an age thing for some 296 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,600 Speaker 3: people listening, it won't land as hard. Like the words slut, 297 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:55,400 Speaker 3: for example, I can't reclaim that, Like, even though I'm 298 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 3: all for the slut walk and slut shaming not happening 299 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,400 Speaker 3: and all that kind of sex positive all the things, 300 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 3: it's just a word that's too painful to me to reclaim. 301 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 3: But something like fat mole, like it's a kind of 302 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,080 Speaker 3: it's a bit of a rupe aul sort of view 303 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:15,040 Speaker 3: of the world. It's like know thyself, Like, yes, I'm 304 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,360 Speaker 3: a larger person living in a larger body. I can 305 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 3: either when you direct that at me, take that on 306 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 3: as shame, or I can be like the wise lion 307 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 3: swatting it away with my tail, going you're not even 308 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 3: relevant to me, darling. I already know that it's right. 309 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 3: I don't take it. 310 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: That's amazing though. 311 00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 2: Like I've worked in morning tally in my twenties and 312 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:42,440 Speaker 2: someone was like, hey, saw your segment this morning, and 313 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,600 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, cool, and they're like, you shouldn't wear yellow, 314 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,800 Speaker 2: doesn't doesn't do any doesn't do any favors for you, 315 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,920 Speaker 2: or like there used to be like like blogs and whatnot, 316 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 2: and people be like, well, she's a failure of a 317 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 2: nutritionness and just likes to eat like the stuff. 318 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 1: We bored right about me. 319 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, so. 320 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 1: That you can reclaim it is. 321 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,160 Speaker 3: It's all about them. It's all about them, and it's 322 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,159 Speaker 3: an Indian. I think if it lands hard for me, 323 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 3: then I look at what's going on for me, Like 324 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,359 Speaker 3: I know what's going on for me with the with 325 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 3: the slut thing, because that was something that was used 326 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 3: against me as a teenager. Ironic Cloud's a virgin, but 327 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 3: it doesn't matter. This shows how ridiculous those kinds of 328 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,960 Speaker 3: insults are. Can I tell you my favorite heckle? I 329 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:33,160 Speaker 3: ever got my favorite heckles? This guy yelled out, EU 330 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:34,119 Speaker 3: frigid slut. 331 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:38,960 Speaker 1: Oh what did you do with that? 332 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,960 Speaker 3: I'm like, I can't even remember. I mean it was 333 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 3: something about him not understanding what either of the words, 334 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 3: like I can't remember the actual top just like it was. 335 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:54,000 Speaker 3: I just laughed like it was just so stupid. 336 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 1: That is hilarious. The audience would have just been like 337 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 1: in history, I. 338 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,240 Speaker 3: Say, you's something, I mean, are you interested in the heckling? Yes? Yes, 339 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,879 Speaker 3: look by this birth mating. This is a really it 340 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,600 Speaker 3: was a really pivotal moment in my career. So I 341 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:13,680 Speaker 3: was doing a late night show during the Melbourne International 342 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,680 Speaker 3: Comedy Festival, so it would have been a Friday night. 343 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:19,480 Speaker 3: People have been a footy. You know, it's raucus, it's intense, 344 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:24,960 Speaker 3: it's combative, not my preferred environment. And I walk out 345 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,520 Speaker 3: on stage and there's a young guy if I had 346 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:31,880 Speaker 3: to guess, eighteen maybe twenty tops, and he makes some 347 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:39,800 Speaker 3: really lude sexual remark and I fucking destroyed him blah, 348 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 3: Like I destroyed him and we're talking like a crowd 349 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,560 Speaker 3: of five hundred. There was a moment on stage though, 350 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:51,560 Speaker 3: where I went, this is not who you are. Like 351 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,880 Speaker 3: I came off stage. All the other comedians I don't 352 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,120 Speaker 3: know how many comedians you know, but they love that shit. 353 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,720 Speaker 3: It can be back then, especially a very macho kind 354 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,560 Speaker 3: of environment, Oh my god, you're amazing. And for the 355 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 3: rest of the festival have people like, oh my god, 356 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,360 Speaker 3: I had what you did at Festival Club the other night, 357 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:14,920 Speaker 3: mother blah, And I was so ashamed of myself because 358 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,119 Speaker 3: I knew, yes, he was in the wrong and he 359 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,199 Speaker 3: needed to be put in his place, no doubt, Like 360 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 3: you don't bring that kind of misogyny. And I was 361 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,439 Speaker 3: the only woman on the lineup and whatever, like I 362 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,840 Speaker 3: wasn't just going to let it go, but I went 363 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,199 Speaker 3: too hard, and I knew I had that moment of 364 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:35,199 Speaker 3: like it's like Lord of the Flies. I felt like 365 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,960 Speaker 3: I could have got the whole crowd to turn on him, 366 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,679 Speaker 3: like they could have destroyed him if I'd wanted them to. 367 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,680 Speaker 3: And I didn't like it. I'm like that, I don't 368 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:48,639 Speaker 3: want that kind of power to me. That is taking 369 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,080 Speaker 3: a kind of patriarchal power and going that's the only 370 00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:56,159 Speaker 3: way to do things. Yeah, I still am uncomfortable with 371 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,919 Speaker 3: it to this day. I've never invited heckling. Yes, I 372 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 3: can deal with that, like you know, I'll deal with 373 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,600 Speaker 3: it if I have to, but it's not what I'm 374 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,680 Speaker 3: about in the world. And I don't like combat. I'll 375 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:11,440 Speaker 3: go into defense and I'll defend anyone else, no question, 376 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 3: Like I can get my mum on, but I don't 377 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,080 Speaker 3: want to seek that out. But audiences love it, and 378 00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:19,720 Speaker 3: I find that a little bit sad to be honest. 379 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,399 Speaker 1: Do you think they still love it though, or do 380 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:23,639 Speaker 1: you get they do? Really? 381 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:28,080 Speaker 3: They do? Yeah, And if I have to doctor Phillip, yeah, 382 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 3: I think the reason they love it is because a 383 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 3: lot of people who go and see comedy in one 384 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 3: way or another, and maybe all people just to have 385 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,679 Speaker 3: been bullied. Like there's something about a group of misfits 386 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,400 Speaker 3: coming together. So maybe they've been bullied at school, for example, 387 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:50,119 Speaker 3: and they watch the bully get cut down. That's what 388 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:56,399 Speaker 3: a comedian quarterizing a hecklerice And I understand that, but 389 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:01,040 Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't want to meet bullying with bullying. Yeah, yeah, 390 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,119 Speaker 3: and we've got more bullying. 391 00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 2: I've heard you talk about as well, about like adults 392 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,160 Speaker 2: that haven't worked on in a child stuff. 393 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 3: Even Yeah, I've heard it. That's what it is. 394 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's and I've heard you say you now 395 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,960 Speaker 2: don't go on any of the school committees because you're like, 396 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:18,480 Speaker 2: it is. 397 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,880 Speaker 1: Just like watching mate, isn't it amazing? 398 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,480 Speaker 2: Though now we record we're recording this in twenty twenty 399 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:30,480 Speaker 2: four the end of the year, and like, I'm nine 400 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,800 Speaker 2: years deep in my therapy now. I do therapy once 401 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:37,199 Speaker 2: forvery two weeks and congraulation, thank you, thank you, But 402 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 2: it's fascinating to me that it's still oh, what's. 403 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:42,679 Speaker 1: Wrong with you? 404 00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:44,679 Speaker 3: Like it's yeah, it's weird. 405 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:49,280 Speaker 2: Not in America Australia though, yeah, like oh something it's 406 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,320 Speaker 2: something wrong or what did you have to work on? 407 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 2: I'm like, WHOA, Like it's it's kind of sad that 408 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,880 Speaker 2: people are missing out on this opportunity because I think 409 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,560 Speaker 2: it is taboo or that there is something wrong with 410 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,040 Speaker 2: you for you either want to work on yourself process 411 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:06,879 Speaker 2: past staff, but also just understand your own psychology and 412 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,560 Speaker 2: your own human behavior and your own habits. And I 413 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 2: think for you with your career and how your career 414 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 2: has like almost multi arms right where you can be 415 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,359 Speaker 2: all have your author had on one day, or you know, 416 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 2: with your pod or broad radio, you could be interviewing someone, 417 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 2: so you've got to be able to match their energy 418 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,280 Speaker 2: and hold that space. And I just think like therapy 419 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:30,440 Speaker 2: for someone that I mean for anyone, Yeah, yes, but 420 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,439 Speaker 2: I do think like it's a gamechangment. So I just 421 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 2: love the way that you talk so openly about one 422 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,960 Speaker 2: your feelings, like I've heard you do it on both 423 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:42,719 Speaker 2: your pod. Dear Nelly and on Board Radio when they 424 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:44,360 Speaker 2: do the Wheel of Feels at the. 425 00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:46,920 Speaker 1: Start, but you share, you'll be. 426 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,440 Speaker 2: Like, yeah on flat today, Yeah, I mean I'm going 427 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,159 Speaker 2: through it this week, like and you'll sometimes be like, 428 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 2: I'm not even going to unpack it with you guys, 429 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:55,960 Speaker 2: but I'm just leaving, you know, I'm going through it. 430 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:59,679 Speaker 2: And it's so empowering, Like thank you is what I 431 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 2: think I want to say, Like, I love that you're 432 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:09,119 Speaker 2: very comfortable sitting in that vulnerability because it makes it. 433 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,119 Speaker 1: So much more relatable to us the listener. 434 00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:11,679 Speaker 2: Even if we're having a good day, we're like, we 435 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 2: can relate to that feeling of feeling like everything stacked 436 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 2: up against this or whatever it is. 437 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:20,119 Speaker 3: You know, it's all happening, you know. I mean a 438 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,320 Speaker 3: couple of things. One, when people have that attitude and 439 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 3: I think it is very Australian. I think it's shifting, 440 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:30,160 Speaker 3: but it's very Australian. And there's an English hangover there, right, 441 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,520 Speaker 3: there's a colonial hangover of oh, what do you mean 442 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,680 Speaker 3: you're in therapy? I just want to say to them, 443 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,280 Speaker 3: and sometimes I do say to them, ahla, don't you 444 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:42,280 Speaker 3: know you know, Like I'm looking at them going you 445 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 3: need therapy more than I do. Man, Like, what the 446 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,120 Speaker 3: fuck do you not know how mental you are? 447 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:48,800 Speaker 1: Yeah? 448 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:53,120 Speaker 3: And of course they don't know because they're too scared 449 00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:53,520 Speaker 3: to look. 450 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:53,960 Speaker 2: Yea. 451 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:59,320 Speaker 3: If someone is really defensive about therapy, my first instinct 452 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:04,200 Speaker 3: it's like someone who's really homophobic. I'm like, yeah, you 453 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,600 Speaker 3: got you got a little bit of a thing for 454 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:11,760 Speaker 3: a Yeah. So true, You've got a doodle and you're 455 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,439 Speaker 3: quite interested in other doodles. Is going on because I 456 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,640 Speaker 3: don't look at a drag quean and think sex. Yeah, 457 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 3: I look at a drag queane and think fun. Yeah, 458 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 3: Like you know, there's something about internalized shit that's going 459 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,439 Speaker 3: on the same with therapy. It's like, do you you 460 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,600 Speaker 3: know that you need it? That's why you're so defensive 461 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:30,160 Speaker 3: about it? 462 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, it is why it is. 463 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:36,719 Speaker 2: So there's this beautiful meme of I'm a millennial, and 464 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:40,159 Speaker 2: it's of millennials like having conversations with their parents and 465 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,480 Speaker 2: their parents thinking something's wrong with them because they've got therapy, 466 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:46,000 Speaker 2: and the millennials just nodding, being like, if only you 467 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,480 Speaker 2: healed your stuff. It's so it's I know, there's like 468 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:52,400 Speaker 2: a big generational conversation around it, as well, but it 469 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:52,679 Speaker 2: is to me. 470 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,920 Speaker 1: I'm just like, as a creative. 471 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:58,959 Speaker 3: It's obvious. It is obvious. Like the meme that I 472 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 3: love the most is that one that goes like I'm 473 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,000 Speaker 3: in therapy to deal with all the people who aren't 474 00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:06,720 Speaker 3: in therapy. Yeah, you know, and you're like, you don't know, 475 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,200 Speaker 3: Like if you're playing out the same pattern in every 476 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:15,399 Speaker 3: relationship you have, friendship, workplace, whatever, you need to look 477 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:20,040 Speaker 3: at what's going on. And youp speaking of in terms 478 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:24,359 Speaker 3: of showing up authentically, I think, like, I appreciate you 479 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,680 Speaker 3: saying that, and it's really lovely of you to say that, 480 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,760 Speaker 3: but I will say, hand on heart, at this age, 481 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 3: I just don't have a choice. Like I think I 482 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:37,280 Speaker 3: masked for so long and showed up all the time 483 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:41,040 Speaker 3: as like happy, clappy people pleaser. Hence why I burnt 484 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 3: out in my twenties. Like everything, I was trying to 485 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:48,359 Speaker 3: fix wounds from my own childhood by helping others, and 486 00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:52,080 Speaker 3: that's a much more productive thing to do than lots 487 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 3: of other things that we do with childhood trauma. But 488 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:56,560 Speaker 3: I can look back at it now and kind of go, 489 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,560 Speaker 3: you were that was not authentic. People pleasing is not 490 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,960 Speaker 3: authentic because you're pretending to want to do something you 491 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,400 Speaker 3: don't want to do. You're burning out all of those 492 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,520 Speaker 3: kinds of things. And I just got to the point where, 493 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,320 Speaker 3: and I think you and I have talked about this before, 494 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:15,400 Speaker 3: I kind of had to break and then rebuild. And 495 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,119 Speaker 3: these days it doesn't feel like an option. I can't 496 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,560 Speaker 3: get on the radio. I mean, I don't trauma dump. 497 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:21,760 Speaker 3: I'm not going to get on there and go and 498 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:25,720 Speaker 3: I happen. I don't like that either, But I'm certainly 499 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,800 Speaker 3: going to show up and go. As I think you 500 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,560 Speaker 3: probably heard me say, like, the last two months of 501 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,760 Speaker 3: my life this year have been the hardest two months 502 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:37,320 Speaker 3: of my life. So yes, I can still find moments 503 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,240 Speaker 3: of joying that and I'll have a laugh with my 504 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,160 Speaker 3: co hosts and blah blah blah. You can have two 505 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,199 Speaker 3: things can be true at the same time. You know, 506 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:50,359 Speaker 3: I'm limping, I can also smile. You know, it's just 507 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:55,240 Speaker 3: not I wish we would just be present, be present, 508 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,439 Speaker 3: and when you're present, you get the gift of the 509 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 3: presence from the other person. I would take that any 510 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:04,720 Speaker 3: day of the week over intelligence. You know, whatever we 511 00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:08,200 Speaker 3: think of charisma is whatever, Like if someone is present 512 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:12,160 Speaker 3: in a conversation with me, I'm like, all in. 513 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:17,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I agree. It's like time stops and nothing 514 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 2: else kind of like matters. In that moment when I 515 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 2: emailed you to come on this pod, I was. 516 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:24,399 Speaker 3: Like, do you want to? 517 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,359 Speaker 2: I was like, do you want to share like a 518 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,399 Speaker 2: failure that's kind of turned out to be positive and 519 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:33,320 Speaker 2: you were like, heck care capital letters divorce, So like, 520 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,720 Speaker 2: the floor is yours, my friend, whatever you feel like sharing, 521 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:41,160 Speaker 2: you know, I'm I'm here and like and just I'm 522 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,040 Speaker 2: in awe of how like we said, like you said, 523 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,320 Speaker 2: you've got another option but to be open and just 524 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:51,480 Speaker 2: like honest and raw. But I think it's I just 525 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,800 Speaker 2: love it, So say whatever you want about advorce. 526 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:55,800 Speaker 1: I'm here. I'm all is yeah. 527 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,720 Speaker 3: So I mean, like a lot of people, I think 528 00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:02,040 Speaker 3: because it was such a sign mixshift culturally and just 529 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:06,359 Speaker 3: in the ether and everywhere. My world was turned upside 530 00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:09,520 Speaker 3: down during COVID and I live in Melbourne, so I 531 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,680 Speaker 3: think we were the most lockdown city in the world. 532 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,720 Speaker 3: Blah blah blah. It was rough as guts right. There 533 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,600 Speaker 3: was a moment I am ashamed to say as a 534 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,000 Speaker 3: health ambassador where I sat in the shed and ne 535 00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,600 Speaker 3: breats to pack a smoke solar, You know what I mean. 536 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:26,600 Speaker 3: It was fuck and intense, and I ended up getting 537 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,280 Speaker 3: what I would say in Verticomas Covid divorced. We were 538 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,760 Speaker 3: not married, but we've been together for twenty years, right, 539 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,359 Speaker 3: and we have two kids and a house and all 540 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:38,640 Speaker 3: the things. So for all intents and purposes married, And 541 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,400 Speaker 3: I think there's a couple of ways to come at that. 542 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:46,320 Speaker 3: Like the narrative about long term relationships ending is very 543 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:52,239 Speaker 3: much that relationship failed. I still do not see that 544 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:56,920 Speaker 3: relationship as a failure. I think it was mostly good. 545 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:03,600 Speaker 3: It ran its course and to adults made a grown 546 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:07,479 Speaker 3: up decision to let each other go. Now I'm not 547 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:11,720 Speaker 3: saying there hasn't been shit. I mean, mate, I mean there, 548 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,560 Speaker 3: you know, it turns you inside out, and it turns 549 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:18,200 Speaker 3: your whole world inside out, and there's kids involved, and 550 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:23,600 Speaker 3: it's intense. But I remember reading Bill and Melinda Gates 551 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,600 Speaker 3: broke up at around the same time, and I remember 552 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:30,280 Speaker 3: seeing an interview where Melinda Gates said we had a 553 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:36,360 Speaker 3: relationship successfully for thirty two years. This is a success. 554 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 3: And I was so glad I read it because all 555 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,600 Speaker 3: the narratives about divorce in middle age or even just 556 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:45,720 Speaker 3: being single in middle age. Are you're done, You're over 557 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:49,520 Speaker 3: the heel, You'll never have sex again, no one will 558 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:52,080 Speaker 3: cuddle you again, you've got no one to go to 559 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 3: the movies with, and particular single women, and just it 560 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:00,360 Speaker 3: has not been my experience like it has been. And 561 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:04,560 Speaker 3: that's why I started the podcast to help both podcasts 562 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,920 Speaker 3: really to help other people in that situation. Go, you're 563 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:12,200 Speaker 3: just getting started, girl, You are just get Like if 564 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:15,720 Speaker 3: you tell yourself you're done, you'll be done. If you 565 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:20,600 Speaker 3: tell yourself, all right, this is a new season. And 566 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 3: there's a couple of things. If anyone's listening and they're 567 00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:28,680 Speaker 3: going through heartbreak, Ten to your own garden. My beautiful daughter, 568 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:32,320 Speaker 3: I think she's sort on TikTok. She's seventeen. She said, 569 00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,400 Speaker 3: there's this thing about ten to your own garden, and 570 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:39,000 Speaker 3: then the butterflies will come. And even if the butterflies 571 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,600 Speaker 3: don't come, you've got a beautiful garden. And that is 572 00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:46,520 Speaker 3: one hundred percent my philosophy. Like work on yourself, do 573 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:50,719 Speaker 3: your therapy, do your bloody dance classes, like whatever it 574 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:55,040 Speaker 3: is that fills your cutwork on your friendships. If someone 575 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,480 Speaker 3: comes into your life romantically, fantastic And if you want 576 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:00,959 Speaker 3: to seek that out, fantastic. If you're happy just been 577 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:01,960 Speaker 3: in your own garden, do that. 578 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know that. It's so true. 579 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:10,680 Speaker 2: It's so true though, And I think as well, if 580 00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,360 Speaker 2: you are tending to that garden, you are looking after it, 581 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:14,720 Speaker 2: you're bringing in. 582 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,160 Speaker 1: A very like much more of a mirror. 583 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:22,680 Speaker 2: Energetically as far as like mental and emotional, yes, intelligence 584 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:27,120 Speaker 2: and health versus if you're jumping like lily pad to 585 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 2: lily but you know, like jumping for you don't want 586 00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:30,880 Speaker 2: to be alone or you're scared of. 587 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 1: Being middle aged and left alone. 588 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:39,800 Speaker 2: Then that's a scarier I think that's a much yuckier 589 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:41,560 Speaker 2: space if you're just jumping around or not. 590 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:43,720 Speaker 3: I vividly remember. 591 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,800 Speaker 2: My my therapist saying one day after I think the 592 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 2: third breakup, he'd talked me to and he's like, Lola, 593 00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:51,680 Speaker 2: how long would you like to date narcissists? 594 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:52,320 Speaker 1: For my friend? 595 00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:57,120 Speaker 3: Oh? Speaking of patterns? 596 00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:00,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's so especially as a people, please, that 597 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,160 Speaker 2: would have been a hard way to break. 598 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,080 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, me too. I'll happily put my hand up 599 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:08,160 Speaker 3: and say that not all obviously. Yeah, I have definitely 600 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:12,000 Speaker 3: had that as a recurring theme. Can I tell you 601 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,840 Speaker 3: my favorite dating story? Like, I reckon you love this 602 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,760 Speaker 3: especially as millennial. So I first went on the app, 603 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,800 Speaker 3: so it was probably i'd probably been single for about 604 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:24,280 Speaker 3: like a year. Yeah, and keep in mind my last 605 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:27,360 Speaker 3: date had been nineteen ninety eight, Got you, and we're 606 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,760 Speaker 3: talking like twenty twenty, right, so we didn't even have 607 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:34,800 Speaker 3: you couldn't text when I was dating, right, So I'm 608 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,320 Speaker 3: I download the app, and you know, I write for 609 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,360 Speaker 3: a living, so I'm like, I reckon, I can put 610 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,280 Speaker 3: a good profile together. I've got a few nice photos, 611 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:45,360 Speaker 3: blah bla blah. Put this up. And it's on an 612 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 3: app called her, which is like a queer women's dating Yeah, 613 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,760 Speaker 3: well it's like Tinder, I guess for queer ladies, for 614 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:57,560 Speaker 3: LGBT ladies. And I put my fing up and then 615 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:02,560 Speaker 3: I was in unders I'm not to like? And I thought, 616 00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:06,360 Speaker 3: is this like a fresh meat situation? You know what 617 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,320 Speaker 3: I mean? Like, I can't is either my profile is 618 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 3: that good? Like I mean, my self esteems okay, but 619 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 3: I don't think I'm that fucking hot? Like what is 620 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:19,479 Speaker 3: going on? And then I realized what I'd done, and 621 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,600 Speaker 3: I was trying to describe myself. I don't know how 622 00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,520 Speaker 3: much you know about queen women's dating stuff, but you know, 623 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,240 Speaker 3: there's still from my generation. There's a kind of butch 624 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:30,080 Speaker 3: fem thing okay, you know, okay, which is a bit 625 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,480 Speaker 3: kind of frowned upon now, and it's a bit old school, 626 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:37,760 Speaker 3: but stereotypically lesbian, short hair, you know, like hot kind 627 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:41,880 Speaker 3: of Bunnings lady. And then there's me, you know. So 628 00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:45,000 Speaker 3: I'm trying to describe myself as fem without going fem 629 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:49,440 Speaker 3: because it's outdated. So I described myself Lola as a unicorn. 630 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:55,760 Speaker 3: I didn't know what that meant. So for those listening, 631 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:58,440 Speaker 3: what it means is you're offering to be the third 632 00:33:58,560 --> 00:33:59,600 Speaker 3: for a straight couple. 633 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 1: Know is that really what? I did not know that. 634 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:06,080 Speaker 1: So there he. 635 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:12,560 Speaker 3: Had literally put in the public domain, these straight married 636 00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:17,160 Speaker 3: couples will be your third And I no, I mean, tim, 637 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,560 Speaker 3: I don't do three sons, like I don't even share biscuits. 638 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:26,280 Speaker 3: I'm not fucking sharing a party. No, no, so many matches. 639 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:29,000 Speaker 3: It was not my beautifully crafted profile. 640 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:32,200 Speaker 1: That was so funny. I lived when you said unicorn. 641 00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,840 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, that's I mean, that's like cool, 642 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:35,200 Speaker 1: like and. 643 00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:40,120 Speaker 3: Like high fam kind of alpha, because how do you 644 00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:43,440 Speaker 3: describe like, I know, I'm a big personality. You know, 645 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:48,360 Speaker 3: I know, I'm confident, So saying fem to me doesn't 646 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,920 Speaker 3: convey that. So I was sort of trying to go like, 647 00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:52,799 Speaker 3: I like my makeup, and I like my dresses, and 648 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,520 Speaker 3: I like my hair. But you know, don't buss this 649 00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:56,160 Speaker 3: bitch around. 650 00:34:56,280 --> 00:35:01,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know that is so funny. Whole smokes, 651 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,080 Speaker 2: that's hilarious. 652 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 3: So I had to learn the hard way about all 653 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:05,960 Speaker 3: the acronyms. 654 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,320 Speaker 2: I was gonna say, you didn't get yourself into a pickle, 655 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:09,520 Speaker 2: did you. 656 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:11,560 Speaker 3: No? I mean I just went, oh, you're a bit 657 00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:15,560 Speaker 3: older that. I mean, even things like E n M. 658 00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,600 Speaker 3: You know, I thought that was like the enneagram, you know, 659 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:25,319 Speaker 3: the IONTP ethical non monogamy, so this is someone who's 660 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:28,480 Speaker 3: in a relationship where they're allowed to date other people, 661 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:34,399 Speaker 3: which again whatever, totally kind of although polyamory I think 662 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,360 Speaker 3: is more that you're all in a relationship, but that 663 00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:39,080 Speaker 3: one's basically like I'm allowed to go outside the relationship. 664 00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 3: But none of these I knew. 665 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:45,480 Speaker 1: Well, you're teaching me, that's mate, navigate. 666 00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 3: All of these. It's going I keep fucking this up 667 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,279 Speaker 3: because I don't know what the things mean. 668 00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:54,040 Speaker 1: That is hilarious, holy man. 669 00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:56,920 Speaker 2: But that's also why I do love your pod, because 670 00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:00,960 Speaker 2: you are so open about Like the one that I 671 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:04,040 Speaker 2: listened to on the way on the way home today 672 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,000 Speaker 2: was like someone being like, how do I like have 673 00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:10,160 Speaker 2: sex and date when I've got kids full time? 674 00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:12,640 Speaker 1: And I love that. 675 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:16,520 Speaker 2: You were like, listen until it's like until it's like 676 00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:20,040 Speaker 2: you want to introduce that person to the kiddos. 677 00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:26,680 Speaker 1: White lies are fine, which I was like, makes total sense. 678 00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:28,640 Speaker 1: It avoids so much unnecessary drama. 679 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:32,719 Speaker 3: Get an alibi, right. I am the alibi for a 680 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:36,880 Speaker 3: friend of mine, a straight dude who doesn't want to 681 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,360 Speaker 3: tell his kids yet that he stayed, which is fine 682 00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,279 Speaker 3: because it's none of their business, Like until it's a 683 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,680 Speaker 3: relationship that they're going to be involved in, they don't 684 00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,560 Speaker 3: need to know. And he just says, I'm going for 685 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:48,440 Speaker 3: dinner with Nellie. 686 00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,000 Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. 687 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,439 Speaker 3: It's all right. It's not a harmful lie. I say 688 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,600 Speaker 3: the same thing to new mums, like when people go, oh, 689 00:36:56,640 --> 00:37:00,319 Speaker 3: you know you breastfeeding full time? Just go yeah, Like, 690 00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,120 Speaker 3: whether you are or not, have they got a dummy 691 00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:05,239 Speaker 3: courts not Yeah, put the fucking dummy in, Go buy 692 00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:08,360 Speaker 3: some formula, do whatever you want to do, none of 693 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:09,040 Speaker 3: their business. 694 00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:09,640 Speaker 1: Totally. 695 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:14,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like it's it's it's it's almost like picking 696 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,839 Speaker 2: your battles, but also like it's a boundary as well 697 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,520 Speaker 2: of just being like it is my inner sanctum is 698 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:20,200 Speaker 2: who get to know? 699 00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:21,400 Speaker 1: Who gets to know? 700 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:25,240 Speaker 2: But I do love that you say, like, have bound 701 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,319 Speaker 2: like on it and respect your kids boundaries, but also 702 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:30,759 Speaker 2: have them for yourself as well, which I was like that, Yeah, 703 00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:32,239 Speaker 2: it makes I don't have a kid, so it was 704 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:33,600 Speaker 2: interesting to hear. 705 00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:37,080 Speaker 3: Keep it for you. Yeah, you know, like I see, 706 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:40,840 Speaker 3: especially women, but probably people have all genders turning themselves 707 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,440 Speaker 3: inside out about you know, should I lie? Should I 708 00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,080 Speaker 3: not lie? I'm like, especially if you've come out of 709 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,640 Speaker 3: as a lot of my listeners have long term relationships 710 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:53,400 Speaker 3: ten twenty thirty years and you are going through in 711 00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:59,239 Speaker 3: some ways of second adolescence, keep that for yourself, enjoy it, date, 712 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:05,160 Speaker 3: be fun. And if you have had a difficult relationship 713 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,319 Speaker 3: and or difficult childhood, and I'd say both apply to 714 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,320 Speaker 3: me in different ways, you probably have trouble with play 715 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,760 Speaker 3: with being light, Like I've had to learn to be 716 00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:19,360 Speaker 3: playful and light and I've only really learned it, I 717 00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,759 Speaker 3: reckon the last ten years, and dating has been so 718 00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:24,640 Speaker 3: good for me for that to just kind of go, 719 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:29,440 Speaker 3: don't have such a huge investment that zero to one hundred. 720 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:32,360 Speaker 3: And people can smell that. If I sit on a 721 00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,120 Speaker 3: date now with someone and you can tell if they're thinking, 722 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:36,279 Speaker 3: are you going to love me? 723 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:37,520 Speaker 1: Yeah? 724 00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:40,759 Speaker 3: And it's really off putting. Whereas if you sit there 725 00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,399 Speaker 3: and go, hey, like, let's have a little flirt, let's 726 00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:46,360 Speaker 3: see how this goes. Let's you know, it is what 727 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:47,360 Speaker 3: it is right now? 728 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:49,719 Speaker 1: Oh, I love it. It's a game back to your 729 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,120 Speaker 1: presence thing? Really, yeah, that's right. 730 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:53,120 Speaker 3: Yeah. 731 00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:56,440 Speaker 2: So if we could look into a crystal ball, what's 732 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,600 Speaker 2: next finale? Like what you know two years from now 733 00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,000 Speaker 2: when you know we're cross pars and grab a coffee 734 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:07,880 Speaker 2: next time we're both in the same state of course, Yes, 735 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:09,960 Speaker 2: what will you be telling me? What will be new 736 00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:10,399 Speaker 2: for you? 737 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:13,040 Speaker 3: Well, you would have set me up with a hot 738 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,320 Speaker 3: butch no that you've found in your travels. Nice, okay, 739 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:21,040 Speaker 3: who's emotionally aware and understands attachment theory. Nice, right, and 740 00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:25,120 Speaker 3: we'll be dating. That's what will be happening. What I 741 00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:28,040 Speaker 3: have my big thing this year. So I turned fifty 742 00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:30,680 Speaker 3: this year and I did two things. I got my 743 00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 3: first tattoos nice, which I am obsessed with, like and 744 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:41,719 Speaker 3: I may be getting addicted. And I enrolled in a 745 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:46,279 Speaker 3: counseling course, as in to become Whether or not I 746 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:49,400 Speaker 3: become a counselor a's a whole other thing, but I 747 00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:53,000 Speaker 3: kind of in different ways, have done that in my 748 00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:55,719 Speaker 3: work all the time anyway, and I think it will 749 00:39:55,800 --> 00:40:00,480 Speaker 3: enhance that. So hopefully my studies will be finished nice. 750 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:03,040 Speaker 3: And going back into study at my age is like 751 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:05,600 Speaker 3: no small thing. Like my eldest is in year twelve. 752 00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,839 Speaker 3: Next year, my youngest is starting high school, and I 753 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:12,040 Speaker 3: just feel like it's time. It's been a time for mum, 754 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,440 Speaker 3: you know, Like I want to kind of do that 755 00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:19,360 Speaker 3: and just see where that goes. But I do not 756 00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:22,840 Speaker 3: have You might have heard me nerd out about Elizabeth 757 00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:26,400 Speaker 3: Gilbert's kind of concept of cherished outcomes. I don't have 758 00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:29,600 Speaker 3: a cherished outcome with it. It's enough to just do it. 759 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:35,840 Speaker 2: Oh, you know, there's something so beautiful about constantly learning 760 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,960 Speaker 2: and expanding, and I love being a student and enrolling 761 00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:42,000 Speaker 2: into new classes I'm always the oldest one in there. 762 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,080 Speaker 1: I don't give two shits. 763 00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:44,480 Speaker 3: I'm like, I love it. 764 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,200 Speaker 2: It's the best, and you like I swear it does 765 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:50,160 Speaker 2: something for your neuroplasticity as well, because you're just of 766 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:52,839 Speaker 2: course it does. You're getting outside your comfort zone, You're 767 00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:53,719 Speaker 2: learning something new. 768 00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:54,080 Speaker 3: I love. 769 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:56,440 Speaker 2: My favorite thing is if I've got a spare weekend 770 00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:59,000 Speaker 2: or go and do like a different voice acting course, 771 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:02,600 Speaker 2: like whether it's in like animation or video games. 772 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,439 Speaker 1: I don't even play video games, and now. 773 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:07,879 Speaker 2: I'm just like it doesn't matter, just to like learn 774 00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,000 Speaker 2: something new and get outside it. But like counseling and 775 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,000 Speaker 2: new that is like chef's kiss. 776 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:16,880 Speaker 3: I feel like I'm told I'm so blessed. My oldest 777 00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:19,319 Speaker 3: friend I've known since I was three, so forty seven 778 00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:22,160 Speaker 3: year friendship, right, and she lives in London. I'm in Australia, 779 00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:25,120 Speaker 3: so you know, it's hard to connect, but we text 780 00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,680 Speaker 3: every day and whatever. And when I told her, she 781 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,080 Speaker 3: was like, oh, finally you'll be getting paid for it. 782 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,640 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, Like you have been doing this 783 00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:37,080 Speaker 3: since we were kids. 784 00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,799 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah. 785 00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:44,440 Speaker 2: Even in the way you communicate is so that startling. 786 00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:46,080 Speaker 2: So like I think this is a no brainer, but 787 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,920 Speaker 2: even it'll I'd be fascinating to see what kind of 788 00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:50,719 Speaker 2: books you write off the back of that as well. 789 00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:54,439 Speaker 1: Oh you know, like I really think totally yeah, I look. 790 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,440 Speaker 2: I think you're absolutely flip and wonderful, my friend, and 791 00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:01,080 Speaker 2: you've got a fan in me. I can't write oh, 792 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:03,239 Speaker 2: I can't wait to see what is next for you, 793 00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:07,880 Speaker 2: and I will be championing you from across the Thank. 794 00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:11,480 Speaker 3: You so much? Can I say genuinely too, Like, I 795 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:15,319 Speaker 3: just think I love whenever I have the opportunity to 796 00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:19,719 Speaker 3: meet someone, especially a woman who's younger than me, that 797 00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:23,040 Speaker 3: opportunity to say, like, what you are bringing to the 798 00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,719 Speaker 3: world is beautiful in and of itself, and like you 799 00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:31,320 Speaker 3: are this is how shit changes. Right. There is Margaret 800 00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:35,120 Speaker 3: Meade who's an anthropologist who's often quoted. She has this 801 00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:39,480 Speaker 3: saying where she says, is it possible I'm paraphrasing, but 802 00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:43,480 Speaker 3: is it possible that a small group of thoughtful people 803 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:46,319 Speaker 3: can change the world? And she says yes, it's the 804 00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:50,319 Speaker 3: only thing that ever has. And what you're bringing to 805 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:53,600 Speaker 3: the world in terms of empowerment and positivity, but not 806 00:42:53,719 --> 00:43:02,120 Speaker 3: the toxic positivity which drives me absolutely bonkers grounded in reality, right, yeah, 807 00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:03,400 Speaker 3: and in reality. 808 00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:04,400 Speaker 1: Yeah. 809 00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:07,640 Speaker 2: I love the way you say I'm gonna you say, 810 00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:10,920 Speaker 2: I'm only going to recommend something that i'd actually do myself. 811 00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:19,280 Speaker 3: I think you're the same, and that authenticity breeds authenticity. Yeah, 812 00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:21,560 Speaker 3: you know, And I think that that's why you can 813 00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:24,040 Speaker 3: shut one day and go sitting in the shit today, 814 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,600 Speaker 3: and then the next day I'm flying high. Then people 815 00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:30,000 Speaker 3: could believe it. If you're always flying high, I'm sorry, 816 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,560 Speaker 3: I don't believe you. Yeah, you're not paying attention to 817 00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:34,080 Speaker 3: the world. 818 00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:35,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah. 819 00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:38,239 Speaker 2: There's a weird vocal thing to people that are that 820 00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,439 Speaker 2: pretend to fly high and lie a lot. They sit 821 00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:45,000 Speaker 2: their cadences, not cadence. Their voice is higher. They're My 822 00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:47,759 Speaker 2: boyfriend's a composer, and sometimes he'll meet someone and he'll 823 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,840 Speaker 2: be like, oh, they're not telling the truth, and I go, 824 00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:53,120 Speaker 2: what do you mean The tone's not right. He's like, 825 00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:54,880 Speaker 2: I can tell they're not telling the truth. And I'm like, 826 00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,880 Speaker 2: you're like got a superpower power. 827 00:43:58,080 --> 00:43:59,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, how are you feeling today? I'm good? 828 00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:01,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, emailed it. 829 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:05,879 Speaker 3: Yeah, and you go, yeah, I'm sitting in the ship mate, 830 00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:06,560 Speaker 3: but I'm all right. 831 00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:07,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. 832 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,719 Speaker 2: You know, I take the ladder any day of the 833 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:12,879 Speaker 2: week like honestly, you are a breath of fresh air. 834 00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:16,560 Speaker 2: And please let's stay in touch. I'd love that, Yes, please, 835 00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:20,279 Speaker 2: I would love it. Nelly, you flipp and wonderful. Thank 836 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:20,879 Speaker 2: you so much. 837 00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:24,399 Speaker 3: That's a wrap on. 838 00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:29,759 Speaker 2: Another episode of Fearlessly Failing. As always, thank you to 839 00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:33,640 Speaker 2: our guests, and let's continue the conversation on Instagram. 840 00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:38,720 Speaker 1: I'm at Yumo Lullerberry. This potty my word. 841 00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:43,279 Speaker 2: For podcast is available on all streaming platforms. I'd love 842 00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:46,400 Speaker 2: it if you could subscribe, rape and comment and of 843 00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:48,000 Speaker 2: course spread the love.