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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 2: once answers.

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Speaker 1: Now at a right about this time every year, Kylie,

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Speaker 1: missus Happy Families, and I. By the way, Kylie and

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Speaker 1: Missus Happy Families are the same person. In case you're

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Speaker 1: new to the podcast, Missus Happy Families and I sit

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Speaker 1: down and we review the year that's been. We follow

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Speaker 1: the same format that we follow with all of our meetings.

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Speaker 1: What's gone well, what hasn't gone well, and what if

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Speaker 1: we learn what can we do better moving forward. We

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Speaker 1: do it each week in our couple's meeting, we do

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Speaker 1: it individually, we do it with our family. We do

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Speaker 1: it every quarter, and at the end of the year

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Speaker 1: we kind of do a big zoomed out macro view.

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Speaker 1: We're going to share our insights, our ideas, and our

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Speaker 1: thoughts so hopefully inspire you to improve family living in

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Speaker 1: your own home. Starting with me today and the next week.

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Speaker 1: Kylie is going to pull together her list and we'll

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Speaker 1: chat about that sometime early next week. So Kylie, let's

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Speaker 1: dive into it. For today. I am going to start

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Speaker 1: off with the things that have gone well this year

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Speaker 1: for doctor Justin Coulson, and happy families. There's a handful

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Speaker 1: of things that I think have been really, really great.

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Speaker 2: I'm really excited to know what's on that list, because

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Speaker 2: at the moment, I can just see a lot of hard.

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Speaker 1: It's been a kind of a tricky back end of

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Speaker 1: the year, but there's been a lot of good this

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Speaker 1: year as well. So the first one I think we

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Speaker 1: have to talk about. We've become lolly and Pops. You're

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Speaker 1: lolly on Pops. We've become grandparents. We are so stoked.

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Speaker 1: Indiana Sky was born in September to our eldest daughter

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Speaker 1: and her husband.

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Speaker 2: And she can't really take that as an achievement on

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Speaker 2: your end. Oh no, I did nothing.

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Speaker 1: I think that I did a lot. I raised that

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Speaker 1: kid and now she's doing a great job and it's

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Speaker 1: so great to watch her living with her husband and

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Speaker 1: her baby and raising them. And a big thank you

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Speaker 1: as well to Karen Young from Hay Sigmund because she

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Speaker 1: was the one who inspired the name lolly and Pops.

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Speaker 1: We really like the oder have being lollipops. I just

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Speaker 1: really like that. And I guess while we're on the fan,

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Speaker 1: for the most part, our kids are actually hanging in

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Speaker 1: there and doing really well. We've got a daughter who's

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Speaker 1: doing some missionary work over in the UK. We've got

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Speaker 1: another daughter who's getting ready to go and do exactly that,

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Speaker 1: another one who's done pretty well at school this year. So,

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Speaker 1: like just the family stuff overall, I'm really pleased about

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Speaker 1: how that's gone. We've got a great team at work.

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Speaker 1: That's the second thing that I wanted to highlight. We

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Speaker 1: just have so many great people that work for us. Evelyn, Caroline, Elizabeth,

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Speaker 1: Anna Mim there's you working on the podcast with me,

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Speaker 1: Craig and Jr. We've also got Rachel and Olivia and

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Speaker 1: jet I hope I haven't missed anyone. We've got a

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Speaker 1: really big team doing a whole lot of stuff we do,

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Speaker 1: and their.

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Speaker 2: Commitment level just as an employee is amazing. But if

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Speaker 2: you add their belief in you and what happy families

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Speaker 2: is all about, we honestly we couldn't ask for more.

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Speaker 1: We do great work and we have a great team

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Speaker 1: who really buy into what we're doing because it makes

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Speaker 1: a difference in people's lives. I just had to chat

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Speaker 1: the other day. Somebody randomly bumped into me and they

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Speaker 1: just said, I think I recognize you. They obviously knew

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Speaker 1: me from the TV show or something, and they just

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Speaker 1: said a lot of these really really nice things, and

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Speaker 1: we do great work and we help people. So that

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Speaker 1: was great. Hey, a couple of other quick things that

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Speaker 1: have gone really well. I've released two books this year,

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Speaker 1: my brand new book, The Parenting Revolution, which is doing

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Speaker 1: so well and making such an impact in people's lives.

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Speaker 1: And we also released the second of my dummies books,

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Speaker 1: being a Great Dad for Dummies. So two books plus

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Speaker 1: a TV show, Parental Guidance Season two went out fingers

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Speaker 1: crossed for a season three. We're just waiting on the

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Speaker 1: word on all of that. The podcast's gone really nicely

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Speaker 1: with five million or thereabouts downloads this year, like four

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Speaker 1: and a half four point six million downloads. That still

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Speaker 1: blaze my mind, so so cool. We've launched new courses

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Speaker 1: on ADHD and autism this year that have helped so

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Speaker 1: many people in so many great ways. They're the things

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Speaker 1: that have gone really really well. So that's my what

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Speaker 1: went well part.

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Speaker 2: Well, You've shared a lot of happy family success. I'm wondering, though,

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Speaker 2: if there's anything personally that you feel has been you.

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Speaker 1: Know what, It hasn't been the most balanced, brilliant, year. Personally,

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Speaker 1: my exercise regime has fallen off a cliff. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's just been appalling. I'm not doing anything well listed. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, like, I'm serious that the stuff that I've

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Speaker 1: shared is kind of the stuff that's gone really well.

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Speaker 1: My systems, my routines, my personal rhythms have been really

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Speaker 1: out of whack this year. And other than the fact

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Speaker 1: that we've had lots of conversations about how we're trying

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Speaker 1: to do well as a family, at an individual level,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of room for growth. Maybe I'm being

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Speaker 1: hard on myself, but that's what's going to come up

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Speaker 1: in the next list.

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Speaker 2: Well, now that you've preempted it, I guess what's your

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Speaker 2: list of what didn't go so well this year?

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad you asked.

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Speaker 2: Thank you very much.

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Speaker 1: This is the bit where I get transparent and I

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Speaker 1: kind of hate what I'm going to share here, but

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Speaker 1: I want to go through it fairly quickly because the

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Speaker 1: learnings and where we're going next year is what matters

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Speaker 1: most out of this conversation. So, first off, because I

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Speaker 1: travel so much March, and for a range of other reasons,

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Speaker 1: my systems have fallen apart, so physical fitness and health.

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Speaker 1: I used to ride like ten or fifteen thousand k's

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Speaker 1: every year. This year less than two thousand. It's been

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Speaker 1: the worst year on my bike ever. I've tried to

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Speaker 1: swim a little bit, but haven't got that going. No

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Speaker 1: gym worked like physically, not real great. From a spiritual

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Speaker 1: point of view, my devotional practice has been pretty lackluster

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Speaker 1: as well. It just hasn't been happening. All the stuff

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Speaker 1: that matters to me that I'm supposed to be getting right,

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Speaker 1: I've prioritized other things above it and haven't gone well.

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Speaker 1: And now there are reasons for that. For example, my

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Speaker 1: body broke down in September when I broke my back

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Speaker 1: and my neck in a surfing accident. A couple that

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Speaker 1: with a running injury. I was training for a marathon,

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Speaker 1: but I only got three weeks into the training and

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Speaker 1: then my knee completely busted itself, and I've had this

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Speaker 1: shoulder injury. I'm sounding like a really old grumpy cup plan,

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Speaker 1: so I'll stop on that. But there's just been.

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Speaker 2: All that body breakdown.

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Speaker 1: I know, it's been terrible. So a couple of things

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Speaker 1: that have just been not quite right. We put a

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Speaker 1: lot of money into developing the ultimate parenting platform online

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Speaker 1: and we failed spectacularly. That has the cost has been

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Speaker 1: enormous and we have ended up with no result. In fact,

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Speaker 1: the whole thing has ended up going in the bin,

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Speaker 1: and so absolutely heartbreaking to prioritize spending that way and

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Speaker 1: have people let us down. We've pulled the pin on

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Speaker 1: those agencies and there's a lot of learnings there, but

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Speaker 1: that's also been another thing that has not gone well.

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Speaker 1: It's been a two and a half year journey that's

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Speaker 1: been really really hard to take. And I think probably

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Speaker 1: two other things that I just highlight briefly. Number One,

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Speaker 1: holidays we're having them because we always talk at this

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Speaker 1: time of year about how we need to do our

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Speaker 1: holidays better. They're not going to plan still. So Holiday

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Speaker 1: one was a cruise. We went on a cruise, which

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Speaker 1: was the first time thing for me. I'd never been

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Speaker 1: on a cruise before. I didn't love it, But what

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Speaker 1: I really didn't love even more was that I got

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Speaker 1: so sea sick that I ended up having needles jabbed

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Speaker 1: into my cheeks.

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Speaker 2: I didn't love the extra ten kilos I brought home

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Speaker 2: with me.

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Speaker 1: And we spent seventeen days on the ocean and like

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Speaker 1: three days on land, and really I think it needed

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Speaker 1: to be around the other way we would have had

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Speaker 1: so I think that we would have more fun if

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Speaker 1: we'd done seventeen days on land and three days in travel,

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Speaker 1: whether it's on the ocean or airplanes or whatever. So,

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Speaker 1: and it was supposed to be a cheap holiday. You

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Speaker 1: got us this relocation cruise to Hawaii, so it really

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Speaker 1: really really cheap holiday. What was it six of us

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Speaker 1: or five of us to cruise for seventeen days? Like

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Speaker 1: it was super cheap, but then the airfares to come

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Speaker 1: home cost more than the entire cruise.

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Speaker 2: Well, when I gave you this spiel, I didn't actually

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Speaker 2: realize it was a relocation cruise. I thought it was

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Speaker 2: going around circle.

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Speaker 1: Yeah no, no, no, so not so cheap and not

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Speaker 1: so much.

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Speaker 2: Once I realized that I wasn't letting go of the dream.

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Speaker 1: That's right. So we did the cruise, probably not going

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Speaker 1: to do it again in a hurry. Holiday number two,

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Speaker 1: we were supposed to go to Canns. I normally don't

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Speaker 1: get sick. I got sick, and that meant that you

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Speaker 1: went on a holiday without me. I canceled my flight.

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Speaker 2: Well, I know you said it didn't go well, but

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Speaker 2: I had a really.

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Speaker 1: Quick great and then Holiday number four was canceled. We

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Speaker 1: have a tradition that at age sixteen, we take each

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Speaker 1: of our daughters on a special holiday, just that child,

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Speaker 1: you and I, and that trip to Queenstown was canceled

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Speaker 1: due to a family tragedy, which is kind of what

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Speaker 1: I'm going to end what didn't go well this year

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Speaker 1: on We've had two deaths in the last couple of months.

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Speaker 1: My elderly grandmother. We were sad that she died, but

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Speaker 1: also relieved. She was ninety five years old, long slow deterioration,

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Speaker 1: life well lived, and it was a relief mixed with

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Speaker 1: the sadness of farewelling her. But then tragically, in November,

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Speaker 1: suicide took my wonderful nephew, our wonderful nephew, Logan, at

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Speaker 1: age twenty. I wrote about it, We've talked about it

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Speaker 1: a lot on the podcast, and honestly, it changed me forever.

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Speaker 1: I just it's really kind of put a dampner on

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Speaker 1: everything that this year has been. It's overshadowed the year

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Speaker 1: in a really profound and powerful way, and I don't

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Speaker 1: really know how to deal with it. Yet I'm mostly good.

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Speaker 1: Now it's been over a month, I'm mostly good. But

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Speaker 1: everything again, I just had a really bad day or

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Speaker 1: a really bad moment, and I find it terribly hard.

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Speaker 1: Actually found a poem on Facebook. My mum found this

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Speaker 1: poem and she shared it. It's a poem from Donna

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Speaker 1: Ashworth called you Don't just lose someone once, and I

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Speaker 1: thought I'd read it if I can get through it.

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Speaker 1: It says you don't just lose someone once, You lose

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Speaker 1: them over and over, sometimes in the same day. When

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Speaker 1: the lost, momentarily forgotten, creeps up and attacks you from

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Speaker 1: behind fresh waves of grief as the realization hits home,

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Speaker 1: they are gone again. You don't just lose someone once.

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Speaker 1: You lose them every time you open your eyes to

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Speaker 1: a new dawn, and as you awaken, so does your memory.

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Speaker 1: So does the jolting bolt of lightning that rips into

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Speaker 1: your heart. They're gone. Losing someone is a journey, not

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Speaker 1: a one off. There is no end to the loss.

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Speaker 1: There is only a learned skill on how to stay

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Speaker 1: afloat when it washes over. Be kind to those who

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Speaker 1: are sailing this stormy see, they have a journey ahead

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Speaker 1: of them and a daily shock to the system each

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Speaker 1: time they realize they are gone again. You don't just

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Speaker 1: lose someone once, you lose them every day for a lifetime.

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Speaker 1: And I know that's kind of a bit of a downer,

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Speaker 1: But when you look at what's gone well this year

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Speaker 1: and what's not gone well, that's something that has not

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Speaker 1: gone well, and I'm just amazed at how it's impacted

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Speaker 1: me and how I've retained. That's sadness, that sorrow's In

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Speaker 1: the corner of our studio here is a surfboard leaning

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Speaker 1: against the wall. My sister was so kind she gave

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Speaker 1: me Logan's surfboard. I'm the only family member who really surfs,

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Speaker 1: and she gave me his surfboard. And every time the

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Speaker 1: surf's good, I take that outside go surfing with them.

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Speaker 1: Because I'm trying to turn into something good and I've

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Speaker 1: got this Happy Families platform and I'm trying to turn

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Speaker 1: into something good. I'm trying to make a difference in

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Speaker 1: people's lives in memory of a life lost too soon.

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Speaker 2: While those two lists are really important part of our

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Speaker 2: process of reviewing, I think the list that's most important

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Speaker 2: is what we've learned from it and what our plan

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Speaker 2: is to move forward. When you think about especially the

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Speaker 2: last handful of months of this year, it's been really hard,

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Speaker 2: and there's been there's been a lot to kind of

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Speaker 2: work through as a family and individually. But I'm really

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Speaker 2: interested to know what you're learning has been from the

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Speaker 2: hard times and the good times.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well, I'm going to share a handful of things

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Speaker 1: really quickly because our time is running out. First off,

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Speaker 1: a happiness lesson and it's actually been through the pain

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Speaker 1: of the life that this has really been drummed home

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Speaker 1: to me. I've shared this a couple of times on

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Speaker 1: the podcast this year, but Jid stood out to me

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Speaker 1: a lot. Where there is gratitude, there is joy. It

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Speaker 1: can also be sadness as well. But without gratitude, there

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Speaker 1: just can't be any joy. And so as I look

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Speaker 1: at you, or the kids, or our home, or the

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Speaker 1: lifestyle that we've tried to develop and create, or the

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Speaker 1: work that I do, or the team that I have,

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Speaker 1: or when I think about even the hard things that

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Speaker 1: we've discussed here, I try to find an opportunity to

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Speaker 1: be grateful. Because when I feel grateful, I feel joy,

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Speaker 1: I feel peace and consolation and goodness. So that's really

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Speaker 1: a big thing. If you're struggling to be happy, find something,

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Speaker 1: find something to be grateful for. It's not about finding

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Speaker 1: a silver lining. It's not about saying I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be optimistic and breathtakingly happy no matter what. That's not

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Speaker 1: what it's about. Rather, it's about looking at that surfboard

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Speaker 1: in the corner and feeling grateful that I have it

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Speaker 1: because I can have the memory of Logan with me

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Speaker 1: all the time. It's finding something to be grateful for,

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Speaker 1: and it actually brings joy, It brings consolation, it brings goodness,

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Speaker 1: whether it's focusing on that sort of stuff or much

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Speaker 1: more positive things. So that's the first thing. Second thing,

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Speaker 1: really quickly and really easily. When you want something done,

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Speaker 1: do it yourself. Do it yourself, yeah, or find someone

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Speaker 1: like how hard is it to find somebody who can

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Speaker 1: genuinely and trustworthily do something now? Obviously, if I'm going

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Speaker 1: to build a house, I'm going to pay someone to

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Speaker 1: do that, right. But in terms of building this digital platform,

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Speaker 1: we've decided to bring it in house. We've made some

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Speaker 1: really really big positive developments and it's going better. So

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Speaker 1: that doesn't always work with everything, but certainly we're finding

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Speaker 1: that's working for us. Third thing, this is something that

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Speaker 1: I've learned that doesn't actually apply to either of the lists,

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Speaker 1: but it's something that's really really working for me at

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Speaker 1: the moment. Our brains lie to us all the time

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Speaker 1: in terms of what's going to make us feel good.

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Speaker 1: Our brains are designed to make us feel good more

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Speaker 1: than they're designed to help us be better, I think,

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Speaker 1: is how I would say it. So our brains make

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Speaker 1: us think that we want the chocolate or the greasy chips,

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Speaker 1: or whatever the unhealthy stuff is.

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Speaker 2: I was looking for the next dopamine here.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right. We want it so badly because of that.

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Speaker 1: Our brain wants it, but our body doesn't. And it's

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Speaker 1: the same with our emotions. Our brain loves to release

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Speaker 1: those big emotions like anger and anxiety. It feels so

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Speaker 1: good in the moment. But while our brain is lying

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Speaker 1: to us about feeling better by expressing our anger and anxiety,

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Speaker 1: or eating the food or staying in bed, or presuming

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Speaker 1: whatever selfish outcomes we're chasing, it's not actually working for us.

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Speaker 1: Our body and our relationships, in our psychology, they all

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Speaker 1: need us to listen to them more than we listen

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Speaker 1: to our brain, because our brain is actually deceitful and

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Speaker 1: does not work in our best long term interests. So

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Speaker 1: that's been a really big eyeapna for me. And as

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Speaker 1: I've recognized that, I've become really indifferent to eating junkie

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Speaker 1: food for example, Like I'm still happy enough to have some,

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Speaker 1: I guess, but whenever I eat it, I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: my brain wanted it, but my body didn't. And it's

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Speaker 1: much easier for me to make healthier decisions.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: That's just an insight and something that I'm looking forward

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Speaker 1: to focusing on more in the new year.

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Speaker 2: Do you have any others?

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Speaker 1: I've got a couple more, but I think I shouldn't

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Speaker 1: even have usd Yeah, I know, I know, but I'm

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Speaker 1: only going to Well, when I say a couple more,

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Speaker 1: I've got about eight more, but I'm only going to

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Speaker 1: share two more. Okay, So losing Logan, I mean this,

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Speaker 1: Like I said, this permeates everything for me at the moment,

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Speaker 1: and it probably will for a long time. Yet, saying

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Speaker 1: goodbye to Logan might have been one of the hardest

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Speaker 1: things I've ever had to do in my life and

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Speaker 1: something that we've talked about on the podcast before. But

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Speaker 1: it's really stuck with me. Whenever somebody said I love

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Speaker 1: you to him, he'd always stop and say love you who?

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Speaker 1: Or what do you mean? Or finish the sentence, or

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Speaker 1: like he would wait until they said love you logan.

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Speaker 1: And our family has adopted that in the way that

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Speaker 1: we speak to each other now. It's changed how we

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Speaker 1: feel about each other. And some other things that we've

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Speaker 1: made the commitment to do. We're going to have a

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Speaker 1: monthly weekend away, even I it's just camping or staying

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Speaker 1: with family or going to a big four caravan park

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Speaker 1: or something like that, just that we can reconnect deeply

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Speaker 1: each month. You've pointed out the importance of that. I

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Speaker 1: hadn't picked up on it, and I'm really excited to

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Speaker 1: to make sure that that happens, reminding each other that

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Speaker 1: we love each other no matter what. Focusing on actually

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Speaker 1: getting our holidays happening next year is a big one

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Speaker 1: for me. There's so many learnings about making holidays work better.

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Speaker 1: But my last I guess learning from the year. A

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Speaker 1: little while ago, maybe two weeks ago, I was catching

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Speaker 1: an aeroplane to go and give a talk somewhere. I

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Speaker 1: think it was going to Melbourne and they were trying

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Speaker 1: to shift my seat. Because I fly so often, they

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Speaker 1: give me four free upgrades a year, four complimentary upgrades

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Speaker 1: to business class, and I wanted to get an upgrade.

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Speaker 1: I always forget to use them. I usually don't use them.

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Speaker 1: I just sit wherever i'm told. I'm pretty relaxed like that,

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Speaker 1: but I decided to go and ask for it because

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Speaker 1: I just was feeling really down. The whole Logan thing

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Speaker 1: was really in my head. And they went to upgrade me,

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Speaker 1: and exactly literally the same moment that they pushed the button,

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Speaker 1: somebody else pushed the button and the other person got

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Speaker 1: the seat, not me, And she was really apologetic. Lady

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Speaker 1: behind the counter was I'm so sorry I got this

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Speaker 1: wrong and it's my fault. And I just said, well,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm probably oversharing here, but I lost

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Speaker 1: my nephew, Logan a couple of weeks ago. He took

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Speaker 1: his life, and it's helped me to really take perspective

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Speaker 1: on stuff and what you're describing to me about how

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Speaker 1: somebody else got the seat that I wanted. It's so unimportant.

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Speaker 1: I'm not bothered about it. It would have been nice. I'm

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Speaker 1: not sad. I'm not upset, I'm not cranky. I'm totally

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Speaker 1: fine with whatever. And she kind of looked at me like,

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Speaker 1: first of all, I'm really really sorry, But secondly she

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Speaker 1: was like, we do get kind of worried about the

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Speaker 1: wrong stuff, don't we. And it reminded me of a

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Speaker 1: quote from an author and futurist called Robert Wilson, Robert

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Speaker 1: Anton Wilson, who said, and I quote, you are precisely

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Speaker 1: as big as what you love and precisely as small

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Speaker 1: as what you're allowed to annoy you. And I think

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Speaker 1: for twenty twenty four, my main goal is just to

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Speaker 1: not let small things annoy me, hopefully not even like

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Speaker 1: big things annoy me. I want to be bigger than that.

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Speaker 1: And I think the last couple of months have really

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Speaker 1: cemented that for me. So that's my annual review. They're

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Speaker 1: my insights, They're the things that have stood out to me.

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Speaker 2: Well, I guess I'm going I have to get busy

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Speaker 2: writing a list, aren't I.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear it's well, you've got to share.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry for you're going over time. I just got well,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm like. The hack Families podcast, though

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Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Rowlan for Bridge Media. Craig Bruce

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Speaker 1: is our executive producer. I really hope that this has

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Speaker 1: been useful and thanks for letting me share. We'll be

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Speaker 1: back tomorrow with our top books for twenty twenty three.

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Speaker 1: Mine and Kylie's the favorite book that we've read over

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Speaker 1: the last year that we think might inspire you across

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Speaker 1: the sub