Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on Part I'm Laura.
Speaker 2: Have you forgotten your name?
Speaker 1: You've had one way off and you've forgotten your name?
Speaker 2: Even I had four days off. Come on and I'm Brittany.
Speaker 2: Hi Brittany, and this is Life one cut.
Speaker 1: I'd just like to let you all know I'm very
Speaker 1: sorry that I wasn't there on Tuesday's episode. I was
Speaker 1: one hundred percent convinced that I was going into labor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's actually not even joking.
Speaker 3: So I walk in the door to do the record
Speaker 3: at night and everything's fine. She messaged me, She's like, hey,
Speaker 3: like still come up in an hour. I'm like, great,
Speaker 3: on my way. I walk in the door and you
Speaker 3: can hear the noise and Matt's face is white, like
Speaker 3: a possessed donkey.
Speaker 2: On All fours business donkey. And then we yeah, we
Speaker 2: all the.
Speaker 3: Three of us, and this is the relationship that it is.
Speaker 3: The three of us thought that Laura was going into
Speaker 3: labor for two hours.
Speaker 1: Of course, the obvious and you know, the obvious thing
Speaker 1: to do then was for me to be going into
Speaker 1: labor and for Britain Matt to record a podcast. Okay,
Speaker 1: so in our defense, we were like, Laura, go to
Speaker 1: the hospital, like I think this is early signs of labor.
Speaker 2: This is not normal, And she's like, the.
Speaker 1: Podcast must go on. She's like, I'm gonna sit here
Speaker 1: and watch you whilst I'm in labor record the podcast together.
Speaker 1: So for anyone who doesn't actually know what we're talking
Speaker 1: about because you missed Tuesday's episode, basically, Matt, my partner,
Speaker 1: he and Brittany didn't ask uncut episode instead. And look,
Speaker 1: I mean, I know we're making jokes about it, but like,
Speaker 1: this isn't my first rodeo. It's not like this is
Speaker 1: the first time I've been pregnant. It wasn't just like
Speaker 1: weird bracks and hicks cramps. I was getting like proper,
Speaker 1: really painful contractions and I call my midwife. My midwife
Speaker 1: was like, are you sure you don't just have gastro?
Speaker 1: There is one very important element that's missing, and that
Speaker 1: is the gas part. You know, I've done it before
Speaker 1: where I rocked up at the hospital and it turned
Speaker 1: out to be gas. That wasn't this, it was something else.
Speaker 1: But anyway, it all kind of like subsided. After three
Speaker 1: hours timing the contractions and everything, Yeah, and they were
Speaker 1: like fifteen minutes apart. It was all very intense last
Speaker 1: night here. But anyway, I still managed to deliver the podcast.
Speaker 1: We got you an episode out on Tuesday, and I'm
Speaker 1: back and I still have a baby inside of me,
Speaker 1: and I do not I did not go into preterm labor.
Speaker 3: So we do want you to know that when we
Speaker 3: do go rogue and things like that do happen and
Speaker 3: we're out of normal scheduling, it's always for a genuinely
Speaker 3: good reason. We don't just do it because we're lazy
Speaker 3: and we can't be bothered to do something. It's always
Speaker 3: because something. There's some sort of chaos in one of
Speaker 3: our lives which does happen, and we just try to
Speaker 3: find an alternative so we can still deliver you something.
Speaker 1: So that is why Tuesday's episode happened the way it did.
Speaker 1: We thriving chaos. So we always bring.
Speaker 2: The goods, guys. Honestly, imagine what we could achieve if
Speaker 2: you and I were organized.
Speaker 1: That's just funny itself, isn't it. I know, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know I've complained about it a little bit on
Speaker 1: past episodes, but you know, strap onto your nickers, guys,
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna complain again.
Speaker 3: Strap onto your nickers like a pad.
Speaker 1: Strap your nickers onto yourself. I don't know, put them
Speaker 1: on just whatever. Maybe there's someone out there listening to
Speaker 1: this not wearing onndies right now. I bet you there is.
Speaker 1: I bet you were going to get a DM in
Speaker 1: about fifteen minutes. That says, yeah, I was listening to
Speaker 1: this without my aunties on.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Anyway, second pregnancy sucks.
Speaker 2: That's all I wanted to What's been very different for you,
Speaker 2: hasn't it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like the first time, I was such a like a.
Speaker 1: I was just so glowy pregnant in my little element.
Speaker 1: I found everything so easier. I was still exercising. I
Speaker 1: just didn't have any I didn't have any cramps, and
Speaker 1: boobs didn't hurt, my back didn't hurt, my hips didn't hurt.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you were like a beautiful supermodel mermaid. No, let's
Speaker 3: not get to you were you were like that pregnant
Speaker 3: woman that like floats, you know, the ones that don't walk,
Speaker 3: They float down the street.
Speaker 2: Everyone's like, oh, she's so beautiful pregnant, and now I
Speaker 2: look like a that's donkey.
Speaker 1: Like I said, just everything kind of has gone a
Speaker 1: little bit skew with this pregnancy, Like everything hurts a
Speaker 1: little bit more. Everything's like, you know, it's just been
Speaker 1: used its secondhand now.
Speaker 2: Well the thing is.
Speaker 3: Too when you're pregnant the first time. I mean, I'm
Speaker 3: really stately obvious here. When you're pregnant the first time,
Speaker 3: you weren't running around after a toddler. You had this
Speaker 3: whole other aspect that didn't exist yet. So now you
Speaker 3: have an extra full time job on top of everything.
Speaker 1: I also didn't have the podcast then either, because we
Speaker 1: kind of started that just after Mally was born.
Speaker 3: This is true, so you've taken on. Your life has
Speaker 3: increased exponentially. So I feel like, once we really nut
Speaker 3: this out, we can see why life's crazy.
Speaker 1: So anyway, that is kind of where we're at. I
Speaker 1: still have ten weeks left with this pregnancy, Like I'm
Speaker 1: thirty weeks now, with thirty one weeks. Look, who knows,
Speaker 1: I've got to check the app. Look, we're getting closed.
Speaker 1: But we've got ten weeks left. So last night would
Speaker 1: have been a real disaster had it actually turned out
Speaker 1: to be pre term labor.
Speaker 2: But it wasn't.
Speaker 1: It was probably just gas. Speaking of pregnancy, this is
Speaker 1: like a little bit bit of weird side tangent, but
Speaker 1: it's something that I wanted to quickly touch on on
Speaker 1: the podcast. I saw something on Facebook the other day.
Speaker 1: Dan Andrews put up a post in regards to miscarriage
Speaker 1: and like, you guys know, if you've listened to our
Speaker 1: episode for a while, I did a really big well,
Speaker 1: we did really big, but it was my story. I
Speaker 1: guess we did a really big episode on miscarriage quite
Speaker 1: a few months ago. And I read this statement that
Speaker 1: Dan Andrews had put on Facebook two days ago and
Speaker 1: it really really touched me, and so I want to
Speaker 1: share it with you guys if you haven't seen it yet. Basically,
Speaker 1: what the Australian government is going to do is parents
Speaker 1: who have experienced early pregnancy loss can now apply for
Speaker 1: a commemorative certificate from birth, death and Marriages. It's a
Speaker 1: small thing, but I hope it helps. And this is
Speaker 1: the statement that Dan Andrews put out.
Speaker 2: Propably made me cry. What I read that was.
Speaker 3: More just about finally acknowledging that it is a big
Speaker 3: loss and it is a life and it gives you
Speaker 3: a way to, I guess, find some sort of closure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think everyone deals with it differently. Like
Speaker 1: I mean, I personally wouldn't have gone down the path
Speaker 1: of getting a certificate or a commemorative certificate, like that's
Speaker 1: not something that I felt like I needed. But there
Speaker 1: would be so many women out there who who feel
Speaker 1: like it's just not it's not validated by anyone, you know,
Speaker 1: there's no it's like this thing that happens to you
Speaker 1: and then you just get on with your life as
Speaker 1: though it never existed. But it did exist, and it
Speaker 1: was a little life, and it's just a really amazing thing.
Speaker 1: I think that like the government is taking a step
Speaker 1: to say, like, women need to be recognized in this
Speaker 1: suffering a women need to be recognized in their loss.
Speaker 1: And it gives people that ability to be able to
Speaker 1: take that step. And I just read it and it
Speaker 1: really touched me. And I know that there are so
Speaker 1: many women who listen to this podcast who have experienced miscarriage,
Speaker 1: because so many of you have reached out to me,
Speaker 1: and I thought this might be something that you would
Speaker 1: want to hear as well. We really are moving forward
Speaker 1: in leaps and bounds, isn't It was only not even
Speaker 1: within the last two years.
Speaker 3: Maybe we weren't even speaking about it. People were just
Speaker 3: suffering on their own. They wouldn't tell friends and family.
Speaker 3: There wasn't a lot out there publicly. And I feel
Speaker 3: like in the last few years.
Speaker 1: We've made it okay to talk about We've made it
Speaker 1: okay to sit in your sadness and sit in your
Speaker 1: loss and tell friends. And I think it used to
Speaker 1: come from a place where you didn't want to put
Speaker 1: your grief onto someone else. You didn't want someone else
Speaker 1: to make you didn't want to make someone else feel uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: or you didn't think that would.
Speaker 3: Understand, which a lot of people won't be able to
Speaker 3: understand because they haven't been through it. I haven't been
Speaker 3: through it, so I couldn't understand yours, but I could
Speaker 3: still understand loss.
Speaker 2: I can still understand pain.
Speaker 1: But then it's that thing that like, they're not talking
Speaker 1: about it, And this is what we got into when
Speaker 1: we did that episode. The not talking about it is
Speaker 1: what breeds shame, and it's what breeds guilt, and it's
Speaker 1: what makes people think, well that it's something wrong with me.
Speaker 1: So I just thought that this was a really beautiful statement,
Speaker 1: and it's actually interesting because this has just happened as
Speaker 1: a real sort of synchronicity. Today's podcast topic that we're
Speaker 1: talking about is toxic positivity. And the very first time
Speaker 1: we ever talked about toxic positivity was when we talked
Speaker 1: about it in that episode. And how often people and
Speaker 1: family and friends and when you do talk about having miscarriage,
Speaker 1: how people always say, oh, this wasn't the right one,
Speaker 1: or you know, this baby wasn't meant for you, there
Speaker 1: must have been something wrong with it. They try and
Speaker 1: justify your sadness or justify your loss, where really you
Speaker 1: just want someone to sit in that with you or
Speaker 1: let you feel through it yourself. So we're talking about
Speaker 1: toxic positivity today, and yeah, we're gonna break it down.
Speaker 1: It's like a bigger topic that's well and truly outside
Speaker 1: of the whole realms of miscarriage. But just that was
Speaker 1: like a really natural and organic segue, which I wasn't expecting.
Speaker 3: There you go, in terms of segue, Oh god, for
Speaker 3: it is about to tell us Tommy something outrageous. Now
Speaker 3: speaking of like seguaying, I guess this is sort of
Speaker 3: on parting word.
Speaker 1: No it is, now can you segueghing somewhere? Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you can add I'm gonna.
Speaker 2: Go segueing over here. Yeah, I'm gonna seg Yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: going segwaying. Continue with your segue.
Speaker 3: No, but whilst we're talking about the whole everything to
Speaker 3: do with pregnancy and miscarriage, fertility, I am going to
Speaker 3: share my own little journey with you guys, because I
Speaker 3: love you all and you my family. And speaking of
Speaker 3: trying to dissipate the shame that is associated with anything
Speaker 3: to do with women trying fell pregnant or IVF for miscarriages.
Speaker 1: That's what we're here for. We want to make everyone
Speaker 1: feel like you are not alone. We want to make
Speaker 1: it more Okay, So I am going to take you
Speaker 1: guys on my egg freezing journey.
Speaker 2: Da da da. This is when, this is when it
Speaker 2: would be really great to put the clap on like a.
Speaker 1: Sound effect on the podcast.
Speaker 3: So we did the fertility episode with doctor Cherlfoi a
Speaker 3: couple of weeks ago now, and I was literally hooked
Speaker 3: to the episode.
Speaker 2: I learned so much.
Speaker 3: We had so many of your running saying how much
Speaker 3: that episode helped you, how much you got from it,
Speaker 3: and we love that.
Speaker 2: But the fact of the matter is I left that
Speaker 2: episode I left that interview and I literally booked in
Speaker 2: to do it.
Speaker 3: I was like, this is something that I feel very
Speaker 3: strongly about, and I felt like I had to start
Speaker 3: the process straight away, so I did so.
Speaker 2: I I'll just it's not gonna be a long process.
Speaker 3: It's actually quite short once you get going, So it's
Speaker 3: not like we're gonna be talking about this for a
Speaker 3: long time. But I may as well tell you what
Speaker 3: it's like as it happens, so that you guys are
Speaker 3: very aware. You literally go and get a referral. You
Speaker 3: go and say you want to freeze your eggs, You
Speaker 3: go and get a referral, and they're gonna give you
Speaker 3: a referral for a blood test and an ultrasound, and
Speaker 3: all that he's doing is checking your egg count and
Speaker 3: your follicles. They just want to know before you even.
Speaker 2: Start what level they're at.
Speaker 3: So I've done that, but I haven't got my results
Speaker 3: back yet. The sonographer said my follicles were great. She's like,
Speaker 3: there's plenty of them, they're great. But I haven't actually
Speaker 3: gone back to the doctors to get the results.
Speaker 2: That it will be next week. But it was actually
Speaker 2: quite funny. So I I.
Speaker 3: Went to my ultrasound I'd booked in and it was
Speaker 3: in the city, and it was the only day I've
Speaker 3: actually had to leave Bond in a long time that
Speaker 3: I've booked something that I cannot miss. Like everything else,
Speaker 3: usually I'm like, oh, I could postpone it, but this
Speaker 3: is like I couldn't. And it was the day that
Speaker 3: my car broke down this week. I had no way
Speaker 3: to get there. I was running really late. So my
Speaker 3: best friend Renee very kindly said, I'll take you to
Speaker 3: the ultrasound. So she came in with me. And now,
Speaker 3: because it's fertility, I didn't know this, but you get.
Speaker 2: A support person.
Speaker 1: It's like when you go and have an ultra sound
Speaker 1: when you're having a baby, you can have one person
Speaker 1: in the room.
Speaker 2: Now. Yeah, So Renee and I walk in and they're like, oh,
Speaker 2: is this your support person?
Speaker 3: So I was like, yes, yes, this is now. I've
Speaker 3: got a photo, a really beautiful photo on my screen. Slave,
Speaker 3: I'll just show you. It's me and Renee, and it looks.
Speaker 2: Like can guys make a beautiful couple?
Speaker 3: We look like a couple, So I'm pretty sure this
Speaker 3: I'm pretrave when they thought were a couple because we're
Speaker 3: very close. We're very touch and touchy pheely. So I
Speaker 3: think I didn't realize at the time, but I think
Speaker 3: they thought a couple. So then we walk into the
Speaker 3: room to have the old sound, and Renee sits in
Speaker 3: a corner on a chair and they're like, oh, you
Speaker 3: don't have to be that far away, come come closer.
Speaker 2: So she.
Speaker 1: I know exactly where this is going.
Speaker 2: So Renee gets out and like comes and sits down,
Speaker 2: and she's like, oh okay.
Speaker 3: So she comes and sits down like literally next to
Speaker 3: my tummy, like holding my hand, you know, like it's
Speaker 3: a pregnancy thing.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, cute, love this for us.
Speaker 3: She's doing the scan and everything and Renee is like
Speaker 3: having gray time. Then she's like, okay, time for the internal.
Speaker 3: So what happens is you have to get an internal
Speaker 3: ultrasound to really check the follicles and count them, and
Speaker 3: Renee and I just like sort of look at each
Speaker 3: other and I just look at it with these eyes.
Speaker 3: You know, when you're your best friend, you can talk
Speaker 3: to them like you're like without words, You're like.
Speaker 2: Is this cool? So like with my eyes, I'm looking
Speaker 2: at her.
Speaker 1: She's ultrasound tildo in front of you. Are you okay
Speaker 1: with us? I'm jealous that I wasn't there.
Speaker 2: You should have anary Renee sitting there. And I was like, yes,
Speaker 2: let's do that then, and Renee's like.
Speaker 3: She's moving this big white thing up and she's like,
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna give She did the ultrasound and everything,
Speaker 3: so then at the end she's like, we're all done.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to give you guys a minute, and
Speaker 2: I was like she definitely.
Speaker 1: Renee's like, mate, I have gone above and beyond for
Speaker 1: your ages. I held just sat through this while you
Speaker 1: got an internal vaginal sound scanned.
Speaker 2: Now she thinks for a couple ribs. So my question is,
Speaker 2: did NAE leave the room while you cleaned yourself up?
Speaker 1: Because I know what it's like when you're just coloring
Speaker 1: loub after having an internal with ultra Sanda.
Speaker 2: Were you like, oh, just look.
Speaker 3: We're already there now, now we're already we're so far
Speaker 3: past Like yeah, that's actually the funny thing was it
Speaker 3: wasn't even that unusual, like now there was felt uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: We were just like, look, I just looked at it
Speaker 2: with my wiggly eyes. I was like, is this cool?
Speaker 2: She wiggled her eyes back.
Speaker 1: She was like, this is cool, and we just also
Speaker 1: it shouldn't be uncomfortable, Like I mean, it's not like
Speaker 1: you're doing something that's sexual in there, Like it's something
Speaker 1: that's for your own health. And what I love, Like,
Speaker 1: what I get so excited about is the fact that,
Speaker 1: like we did that podcast on fertility and so many people.
Speaker 2: Are now going and getting their eggs checked. It's not awkward.
Speaker 3: And I was totally fine to do it on my own,
Speaker 3: Like I went there to do it on my own.
Speaker 3: Everything was planned for me to do it on my own.
Speaker 3: But I have to admit, and I will say this
Speaker 3: to anyone that's thinking about it, it was really nice
Speaker 3: to have someone in there doing it with you, because
Speaker 3: it's daunting and it can be sad because part of
Speaker 3: you this like I can't beat I'm just walking down
Speaker 3: this track now, and there's a part of you that's
Speaker 3: gonna think I can't be pever have to do this,
Speaker 3: especially that I have to do this on my own.
Speaker 3: So it was really nice that I feel like it
Speaker 3: was the universe's way of just like if I just
Speaker 3: crash a car and then make a strainer for old
Speaker 3: sound and then we know a best friend or step in.
Speaker 3: But it was, in hindsight, a really nice thing to
Speaker 3: have someone there in the room going through the process
Speaker 3: with you.
Speaker 1: But isn't it just a testament that you can like
Speaker 1: feel empowered and make a choice in something and be
Speaker 1: like cool, I'm going to take control of my own fertility,
Speaker 1: but then also simultaneously be allowed to feel a little
Speaker 1: bit sad or a little bit like, oh, this isn't
Speaker 1: exactly what I thought I was going to be doing.
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's both of those feelings can live simultaneously.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that like you shouldn't still feel empowered
Speaker 1: and proud of yourself, but you're also allowed to feel
Speaker 1: a little bit like, ah, all right, we're doing this
Speaker 1: like cool and making some choices.
Speaker 3: Well yeah, And the other thing is, you guys know,
Speaker 3: for anyone that's like an og life on cart listener,
Speaker 3: you know that we've constantly made jokes about me being
Speaker 3: emotionally void and like not not feeling my many emotions. Well,
Speaker 3: part of this is going off the pill. Now, I
Speaker 3: have been on the pill since I was fifteen.
Speaker 2: I had to go off the pill. It's been six weeks.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I have cried.
Speaker 1: Stone cold bitch is melting, she's she's long.
Speaker 2: I am like a puddle. I cry over everything. And
Speaker 2: I didn't know.
Speaker 3: I always thought I was like a low key sociopath,
Speaker 3: but I just like I couldn't feel anything, but I
Speaker 3: feel everything now.
Speaker 1: And you reckon that maybe being on the pill has
Speaker 1: stunted your ability to kind of like, yeah.
Speaker 3: Because your hormones go insane when you come off the pill.
Speaker 3: Because now my body doesn't like so the first month,
Speaker 3: this is what happens. Your hormones go a bit nuts
Speaker 3: because they've been suppressed and they've been artificially like monitored
Speaker 3: for more than half of my life.
Speaker 2: Everything just feels more sensitive.
Speaker 3: I will look at a child patting a dog and
Speaker 3: I'm like, it's so cute, and I'll start crying. I
Speaker 3: watched a Christmas watch a Christmas movie with my sister.
Speaker 2: Wait until you're pregnant.
Speaker 3: Well, I think it's the same thing. I think it's
Speaker 3: like it's just this out of whack hormone. But anyway,
Speaker 3: so yeah, I just cry all the time. Guys, if
Speaker 3: you see me down the street crying.
Speaker 2: I'm probably fine. Britnan's absolutely fine. I probably just saw
Speaker 2: a dog.
Speaker 1: Do you know what, You're gonna end up dating the
Speaker 1: next person, and you're gonna be like, I love this man,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna get married and spend the rest of
Speaker 1: our lives together. Because you're not going to be like
Speaker 1: emotionally shut down and push him away after four dates.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're gonna be like, holy shit, this was it.
Speaker 1: I just haven't been able to connect with anyone.
Speaker 3: I've actually been so I've actually been in love with
Speaker 3: every single person I've ever met.
Speaker 2: I just didn't not realize. I just had the bloody
Speaker 2: of what was it?
Speaker 1: Marvel on twenty five y has been getting in the
Speaker 1: way of my emotional connection. Okay, so before we jump
Speaker 1: into toxic positivity, which is the topic of today, it's
Speaker 1: time for our favorite part of every episode, and that
Speaker 1: is accidentally unfiltered.
Speaker 2: Do you want to hit it off? I will hit
Speaker 2: it off? Okay. It starts with fuck my life.
Speaker 3: So my partner and I went out your girlfriend, Yeah,
Speaker 3: you've got me there, that's enough. My partner and I
Speaker 3: went out together last night for some drinks. All of
Speaker 3: a sudden, I started to get some really bad cramps.
Speaker 3: It wasn't period pain though, and I knew that straight away.
Speaker 2: It was just gas. I could tell.
Speaker 3: So I went to the toilet and it was so painful.
Speaker 3: The pain is what I imagine the ring.
Speaker 2: Of fire would feel like.
Speaker 3: So I ran out to my boyfriend and we just
Speaker 3: went straight home. I was like, we need to go
Speaker 3: right now. I didn't find in front of him, but
Speaker 3: I really really needed help. Then I just remembered seeing
Speaker 3: this video i'd watched a little while ago on how
Speaker 3: to relieve gas from little babies. No, it's the one
Speaker 3: where you lay on It's.
Speaker 2: The one way you lay them on their back and
Speaker 2: you move their legs around like they're riding a bike.
Speaker 1: You pedal their legs, yes, and then they s pushed
Speaker 1: their legs into their belly.
Speaker 2: Yeah. You moved their legs around like pedaling a bike,
Speaker 2: and then you push their legs to their chest. So
Speaker 2: I asked him to do that for me. I was
Speaker 2: just so desperate. I was crying from the pain. So
Speaker 2: he did, and then I shout myself while his crutch
Speaker 2: was on top of mine. He laughed. I cried dead.
Speaker 1: Hell do we get so many farting and shitting stories
Speaker 1: the benchmark.
Speaker 3: It's because it's so relatable, because all these people now
Speaker 3: are realizing that they've had this missed, very very unfortunate moment,
Speaker 3: but then realizing that they're not the only ones having
Speaker 3: these moments. But imagining your boyfriend on you pedaling your
Speaker 3: legs to do a fart, that's bad enough. But then
Speaker 3: you shout yourself, but what.
Speaker 2: Did you think was gonna happen?
Speaker 1: Like? What was going to the I mean I think
Speaker 1: she thought you far the best end goal was that
Speaker 1: you're gonna fart on him, like because like, when has
Speaker 1: anyone seen the farting baby videos? Like you literally stand,
Speaker 1: you hold their feet, and you pedal them and then
Speaker 1: you push both legs back into their belly, which I'm
Speaker 1: sure it only works on babies and people who have really,
Speaker 1: really really bad gas. It evidently worked on her, and
Speaker 1: she's a grown ass woman. I have two, actually I
Speaker 1: don't have too. I've got one which is like the
Speaker 1: most innocent and lovely, accidentally unfiltered that we've had in
Speaker 1: a really long time. And then I also have and
Speaker 1: I can't believe they said that. Oh I love when
Speaker 1: you're bringing up I'm back in mad. I'm just here
Speaker 1: with the goods, all right. So I have one This
Speaker 1: is very innocent and it's very sweet. They're always so
Speaker 1: pooh inappropriate. There were sex and pooh and dildos and contacts,
Speaker 1: the good stuff of anal sex. Anyway, it's been a
Speaker 1: while since I've said anal sex on the podcast, so
Speaker 1: here we go. Just the other day, it was Black
Speaker 1: Friday sales and I went into my favorite shoe store,
Speaker 1: which is in one of the busiest shopping centers. I
Speaker 1: tried on a few pairs of shoes, and then I
Speaker 1: noticed a really cute pair of sandals on the floor
Speaker 1: next to a shoe box that obviously someone had just
Speaker 1: tried on, so I picked them up. They looked like
Speaker 1: they were my side. I can see this, and I
Speaker 1: tried them on. Here I am walking around the shop
Speaker 1: in these cute as pair of shoes that I'm one
Speaker 1: hundred percent going to buy as soon as i can
Speaker 1: find the price tag, when all of a sudden, this
Speaker 1: lady in her fifties calls out from across the store,
Speaker 1: which is heaving with customers, excuse me, why the hell
Speaker 1: are you wearing my shoes? I had literally put on
Speaker 1: another customer's pair of shoes that, on closer inspection weren't
Speaker 1: even you.
Speaker 2: So that is actually though, that is such an easy
Speaker 2: and there's something to do. I think that would happen
Speaker 2: all the time. No, I'm rare, surely, do you know what?
Speaker 2: I wear my shoes until they're literally falling apart.
Speaker 1: Nobody would ever mistake my shoes for new shoes and
Speaker 1: a shoe shop.
Speaker 2: Well, no one wu want to wear mine. I wear
Speaker 2: those like big reefs that like struck Rund your own
Speaker 2: cool like you, but you made them cool.
Speaker 3: Well, I feel I like them, but I had some
Speaker 3: of my friends pay me out, but I don't care.
Speaker 2: It would be my best life. I'm leaving my truth
Speaker 2: and I'm wearing my reef sandal I just like I
Speaker 2: also how Birkenstocks came back in style.
Speaker 1: Like like fifteen years Yeah, but they were like such
Speaker 1: loser shoes and then all of a sudden, a couple
Speaker 1: of hot people on Instagram started wearing them, and everyone
Speaker 1: was like, I need to get birkenstar.
Speaker 2: Well that's why I'm gonna keep somebody king. I'm bringing
Speaker 2: them back in.
Speaker 1: You guys might remember a while back we had a
Speaker 1: section on the podcast which just kind of like fleets
Speaker 1: in and fleets out whenever people send us some really
Speaker 1: really good quotes. But we did do a section for
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks there which was I can't believe
Speaker 1: they said that. And yesterday we got this message over
Speaker 1: DMS on Instagram and I was like, this one really
Speaker 1: takes the cake for me, Brittany. This one was specifically
Speaker 1: dressed to you.
Speaker 2: Great, it's gonna be a red flag.
Speaker 1: No, it was for Brittany, But I'm sure that you
Speaker 1: can both sympathize.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I once saw a psychic who told me that my
Speaker 1: soul is destined to be alone and that I never
Speaker 1: found love in all my previous lives, and if I
Speaker 1: found love in this life, it would be the first
Speaker 1: time my soul has ever been in love. I paid
Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty dollars for this. Great inside excuse me.
Speaker 1: Now I die alone and never find love and happiness.
Speaker 1: You imagine who says that?
Speaker 2: What is wrong with this? This is why I won't
Speaker 2: go to a psychic. Oh, okay, I've been to a psychic.
Speaker 2: What do they say?
Speaker 1: Actually, this is a funny story. I went to a psychic.
Speaker 1: I don't know why this problem happened to me twice.
Speaker 3: Oh, I feel so alone. No, my friend I was like,
Speaker 3: I've been to this psychic. She's great, you should go
Speaker 3: to one.
Speaker 2: You know what.
Speaker 3: Fine, I'm in this weird transition period of my life.
Speaker 3: I'd been broken up with my long timpano, and I
Speaker 3: was dating, and I wanted to be o a seat,
Speaker 3: I want to all these things. So I was like,
Speaker 3: fuck it, I'll go to a psychic. So I went
Speaker 3: to the psychic. She can't recommend him, and she she
Speaker 3: was asking about my love life and she's like, I'm
Speaker 3: feeling that you are unsettled.
Speaker 1: And I was like, yes, like literally, because every single
Speaker 1: person who comes to you is feeling unsettled.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, reason why they come here.
Speaker 3: Then she's like, I feel like there's two people in
Speaker 3: your life, two men, and they actually were like but men,
Speaker 3: and I was like I didn't know which one I
Speaker 3: wanted to date, which is the first and last time
Speaker 3: it's ever happened to me. So she says, I'm gonna
Speaker 3: help you. She's like, close your eyes. So I was
Speaker 3: really into this, so I close my eyes. She's like
Speaker 3: the two men.
Speaker 1: That you're have feelings for are on a boat, but
Speaker 1: they can't swim, and I was like, oh.
Speaker 3: Shit, I'm gonna have to save someone, and oh there's a.
Speaker 1: Hole in the boat and the boat is slowly sinking.
Speaker 1: You can only save one. Who do you save?
Speaker 3: And I was like, bro, I actually opened my eyes
Speaker 3: and I was like, I would save both of them
Speaker 3: because I'm a good human.
Speaker 1: And she's like, you can't. You can only save one,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is not what a psychic does.
Speaker 2: Anyway. It was this big bullshit saga about trying to
Speaker 2: save one, and.
Speaker 1: I was like, maybe this is a really deep way
Speaker 1: and maybe I'm supposed to meet someone that's on a
Speaker 1: boat or like I was trying to like find an end.
Speaker 2: To it means like there's a third man coming with
Speaker 2: a super.
Speaker 3: But then I went back a year later to the
Speaker 3: same psychic and she did the exact same thing, word
Speaker 3: for word, and then I was like, this is bullshit.
Speaker 3: I was like, you're just repeating. She's forgotten that it
Speaker 3: was me. It's obviously just her spiel that she does
Speaker 3: to every single person.
Speaker 1: Well, I also had a very very similar experience for psychic,
Speaker 1: so maybe it was the same one you guys have. Actually,
Speaker 1: we've had people right in being like you need to
Speaker 1: get a psychic on to tell like your fortunes, fortune's futures.
Speaker 1: I don't even know give us like the Lucky lottery
Speaker 1: nuther fortune. I'm really skeptic about it, Like I find
Speaker 1: it really difficult to be open to it. But I
Speaker 1: have gone and spoken to psychics, usually when I've been
Speaker 1: in a period in my life where I felt like
Speaker 1: there's a fork in the road and they needed to
Speaker 1: choose something and I couldn't make that decision on my own,
Speaker 1: and I wanted someone to like appease my bad decision making.
Speaker 3: But the thing is, even if it's a placebo, that's
Speaker 3: sometimes why we go. It's like sometimes you want someone
Speaker 3: to just say, yeah, you're doing the right thing.
Speaker 1: Totally, or you want someone to answer the questions for you.
Speaker 1: Almost I'm not discounting it.
Speaker 3: Like I do think that there are some people out
Speaker 3: there in the world that do get feelings, They do
Speaker 3: speak to people in another world, they do get these
Speaker 3: feelings with people's past lives. I do think there are
Speaker 3: those people, but I think there are so many people
Speaker 3: taking people for a ride, for sure, Like you have
Speaker 3: to be very skeptical, you have take everything with a
Speaker 3: grain of salt unless they're really hitting things that are
Speaker 3: impossible for them to know. But I do think, Laura,
Speaker 3: that that is a good idea. I think we should
Speaker 3: if any of you guys know a really good psychic.
Speaker 3: But I mean, they have to approven themselves to you.
Speaker 3: You have to, they have to had to have said
Speaker 3: something to you that was so crazy that you're like this.
Speaker 2: No one else could know this.
Speaker 3: We want to know who that is because I think
Speaker 3: it'd be really fun to get them in on an episode.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm open to it.
Speaker 1: I definitely know that there are things in this world
Speaker 1: that like don't have rhyme or reason, and that you
Speaker 1: do not everything logical, and that people have can tap
Speaker 1: into things that I certainly can't.
Speaker 2: Like, I have full appreciation for that.
Speaker 1: However, I'm still skeptical when people try and tell me
Speaker 1: what they can see about my life, Like I'm a
Speaker 1: bit closed off to what I think. However, I don't
Speaker 1: know if any of you guys remember this, but this
Speaker 1: was from my season of Batch. On one of my
Speaker 1: minor Matt single days, we had to go and see
Speaker 1: a psychic that.
Speaker 2: Was like our single date that we had, remember that.
Speaker 1: So we sat down with a psychic and the psychic said, oh,
Speaker 1: you guys look like you have a lot of physical chemistry,
Speaker 1: but like, I don't know if there's anything more there
Speaker 1: other than physical chemistry. And I was like, I go,
Speaker 1: we'll see flash four three years. You don't even have
Speaker 1: sex anymore. Now, he's not here for the physical chemistry.
Speaker 2: You got it wrong.
Speaker 1: That woman who is the psychic on our season has
Speaker 1: been back over the last three seasons as like a
Speaker 1: different role. So she was a love coach on one
Speaker 1: episode and she's she's literally just an actor the Channel
Speaker 1: ten hires, and I felt so betrayed when she came
Speaker 1: back as a love coach in the seven season. I
Speaker 1: was like, that's our psychic, dressed very different with a
Speaker 1: different name.
Speaker 2: I recognize her. Let's be optimistic.
Speaker 3: Oh a different name, different name. I was gonna say,
Speaker 3: let's be optimistic. Maybe she went and studied further. Maybe
Speaker 3: she has multiple professions.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like what we do. No, she had a different
Speaker 1: name and a different wig.
Speaker 2: She was an actress.
Speaker 1: Sure was the same person. Oh my god, you just
Speaker 1: blew up the Bachelor franchise.
Speaker 2: Don't believe anything on TV, guys, It's not real. Oh
Speaker 2: it is, You're in love?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, guys, it's time to
Speaker 1: get into the real meaty part of the episode. And
Speaker 1: we mentioned at the beginning today we're going to talk
Speaker 1: about toxic positivity.
Speaker 2: Now, what is toxic positivity? Do you ask? I asked
Speaker 2: the same thing. It's not a term.
Speaker 1: Do you ask who was asking?
Speaker 2: No? I just asked whoever wanted to answer me?
Speaker 1: Like I asked this, I thought you knew, and you'd
Speaker 1: prepped for this episode. Well, no, because I I knew.
Speaker 2: I did. That's why I brought it up.
Speaker 3: But it was a term that I was thrown around
Speaker 3: by my sister. And It's like I always knew what
Speaker 3: it was, but I never knew it had a proper label,
Speaker 3: and I'd never gone into depth. I'd never studied it
Speaker 3: and researched it, and I never knew just how bad
Speaker 3: it could be.
Speaker 2: I never knew how prevalent it could be.
Speaker 3: Now, a lot of you probably haven't heard of toxic positivity.
Speaker 3: That's okay, because I'm going to tell you what it is.
Speaker 3: Toxic positivity refers to the concept that keeping positive and
Speaker 3: keeping positive only.
Speaker 2: Is the right way to live your life.
Speaker 1: It means only focusing on positive things and rejecting anything
Speaker 1: that may trigger negative emotions. So essentially, all those things
Speaker 1: on Instagram, all these people that are always saying good vibes,
Speaker 1: only keep your chin up, You'll be okay, Tomorrow's a
Speaker 1: new day.
Speaker 2: You've got this. That's all fantastic.
Speaker 3: We all love a bit of a pick me up
Speaker 3: and a bit of positivity, but toxic positivity is the
Speaker 3: idea that that is the only way to live your life.
Speaker 3: And if you're ever feeling down, you're not allowed to
Speaker 3: sit in that emotion. You're not allowed to explore that emotion.
Speaker 3: You're allowed to put it out publicly that you're having
Speaker 3: a hard time, that you need help, that you want
Speaker 3: to talk about something deep by that's going on with you.
Speaker 3: And we're seeing this so much in a lot of
Speaker 3: aspects in life, but so much on social media right now,
Speaker 3: and that's why.
Speaker 2: We wanted to jump in and have a little flesh
Speaker 2: out chat today.
Speaker 1: Well, I guess also like we live in a society,
Speaker 1: especially because of Instagram, where we put happiness on a
Speaker 1: pedestal and we talk about happiness so much like you
Speaker 1: should be happy, you should stay positive because you know,
Speaker 1: if you're it's like almost like if you're happy, like
Speaker 1: you're enlightened. But it's not possible for happiness to exist
Speaker 1: on its own. Like happiness, it exists amongst all the
Speaker 1: other emotions that we have in the world, you know,
Speaker 1: like grief and sadness.
Speaker 2: And fear and anxiety.
Speaker 1: All of these feelings are just as relevant and prevalent
Speaker 1: as happiness. And I think that like it's impossible to
Speaker 1: just be happy and stay positive all the time without
Speaker 1: the shade that comes from those other more slightly negative emotions,
Speaker 1: but not necessarily emotions that you should always shy away from,
Speaker 1: because there are situations in life, there are days, there
Speaker 1: are times, there are things that you will experience where
Speaker 1: all of those negative emotions are completely valid, And when
Speaker 1: you are presented by someone who almost dismisses the way
Speaker 1: you feel or dismisses the situation that you're in because
Speaker 1: they want you to be happy, that's when toxic positivity
Speaker 1: comes into place. So an example of this would be
Speaker 1: imagine like going to your girlfriend about something that's happened
Speaker 1: in your life, like maybe you've just lost your job,
Speaker 1: maybe a pet has passed away, something that is significant,
Speaker 1: but it could also be something that's not as significant.
Speaker 1: You could just be having a really shitty day, right,
Speaker 1: which you're entitled to have when we're all entitled to have.
Speaker 1: Imagine going to someone who you care about and saying like,
Speaker 1: this has happened to me and I'm feeling pretty shit
Speaker 1: about it, and their response being oh, you know what,
Speaker 1: it's so fine, You're totally going to find another job
Speaker 1: in a couple of weeks time, like, don't even worry
Speaker 1: about it, and therefore not allowing you the time to
Speaker 1: be at least that little bit of like feeling that
Speaker 1: fear or feeling that anxiety instead of saying, Hey, this
Speaker 1: situation is really shit. I'm really sorry this has happened
Speaker 1: to you. Do you want to talk about it? It's
Speaker 1: like you're being denied the ability to have those emotions
Speaker 1: at all.
Speaker 2: Well, the thing is, Okay, you lose your job.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you might find another job in a month, but
Speaker 3: that doesn't take away from the fact that right now
Speaker 3: you've lost your job, and right now you're scared about
Speaker 3: where your money's going to come from, and right now
Speaker 3: you're worried that you might not get another job. What
Speaker 3: it does is just not let you actually experience a
Speaker 3: completely normal human emotion like you just said, Laura, We're
Speaker 3: expected to be happy all the time, and we are
Speaker 3: taught that happiness is success.
Speaker 2: Happiness one hundred percent is success.
Speaker 3: But no one can go through life without feeling at
Speaker 3: a rollercoaster of emotions. You're to get to where you are,
Speaker 3: to be who you are, to be successful, you need
Speaker 3: to experience failure. We're all going to experience failure. We're
Speaker 3: all going to experience pain at some time, but it
Speaker 3: can actually be really detrimental to not let yourself sit
Speaker 3: in that and feel it. And toxic positivity can take
Speaker 3: a few different forms, so I'm just going to tell
Speaker 3: you a couple of them. It can literally be a
Speaker 3: family member who chastises you for having any form of frustration.
Speaker 3: Instead of asking why you're upset, they'll say, get over it.
Speaker 2: It can be a comment like, oh, look.
Speaker 3: On the bright side, be grateful for what you have. Okay,
Speaker 3: so you don't have a job, but you've got someone
Speaker 3: that loves you, like you should be grateful for that.
Speaker 1: I think that'd be grateful for what you have. One
Speaker 1: is really massive, like that's the one that sticks out
Speaker 1: to me is like a real sort of I mean
Speaker 1: red flag and this whole idea of toxic positivity because
Speaker 1: it's like, you can be grateful for what you have
Speaker 1: in life and still be sad about something that you
Speaker 1: didn't get. Like those things can coexist at the same time.
Speaker 1: But by like denying someone the right to feel sad
Speaker 1: and telling them that they should only be grateful all
Speaker 1: the time just means that that you're trying to shut
Speaker 1: down somebody else's human reaction to a situation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and don't get me wrong, I'm a big advocate.
Speaker 3: I do think it's really important to remember what you
Speaker 3: have all the time. But that's just to put things
Speaker 3: back into perspective in your life. It's not to take
Speaker 3: away from the fact that you're not experiencing a loss.
Speaker 3: It's literally just to say, you know what, I do
Speaker 3: have a lot to be grateful for. It's still just
Speaker 3: to try and I guess plateau. You might have really
Speaker 3: bad things that happen in your life. You might have
Speaker 3: really great things in your life. It's just to bring
Speaker 3: you back to a happy medium and be like, you
Speaker 3: know what, I can get through this. You can still
Speaker 3: be sad, but you're like, I do have a lot
Speaker 3: of good things that I'm working towards, and I'll try
Speaker 3: and redirect my focus. Some other things are and this
Speaker 3: is everywhere on Instagram and Facebook and social media. It's
Speaker 3: all these perpetual memes and these Instagram pages that are
Speaker 3: just constantly in your face about being happy, the good
Speaker 3: vibes only changing your outlook on life. I have unfollowed
Speaker 3: pages like that. I used to follow them because I
Speaker 3: love them. I used to be that person that used
Speaker 3: to want to throw out all these great quotes. The
Speaker 3: older I get now and the more life experience I get,
Speaker 3: I'm happy to share the downs of life, and we
Speaker 3: share them on the podcast.
Speaker 2: That's why we started it, because we were.
Speaker 1: Like, you know what, We want people to realize that
Speaker 1: it's okay not to be okay.
Speaker 2: It's okay to.
Speaker 1: Go through all these really really really hard times and
Speaker 1: to be able to talk to someone about it.
Speaker 2: And Laura and I are really good with letting.
Speaker 3: Each other feel bad feelings and letting each other feel upset,
Speaker 3: and letting each other sit in that we don't try
Speaker 3: and always say, you know, you'll be fine, look.
Speaker 2: On the bright side, Tomorrow's a new day. We actually
Speaker 2: are like, fuck, that's fucking shit.
Speaker 1: I think just what I said to you, I genuinely
Speaker 1: think that's a learned experience though, because like, I don't
Speaker 1: think I used to be like that. I and this
Speaker 1: didn't my my reaction to trying to help someone or
Speaker 1: trying to like give advice when someone would tell me
Speaker 1: that something was wrong, particularly friends, I have learnt in
Speaker 1: my age and in my experience, what is a better
Speaker 1: way to approach situations purely because when something bad has
Speaker 1: happened to me and I have received those words back
Speaker 1: from somebody else, it's made me feel like shit. So
Speaker 1: what I mean is is like back in the day,
Speaker 1: when my girlfriends would say to me, oh, I'm really
Speaker 1: upset about X, Y and Z, it would be my
Speaker 1: natural preset to try and fix it and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's this is okay because you've got this and like
Speaker 1: you should focus on these things. And I was definitely
Speaker 1: the person who would try and mask what they were
Speaker 1: going through, not because I didn't care about the way
Speaker 1: they felt, Like of course I could recognize that they
Speaker 1: were sad, but I wanted to fix it. Like there
Speaker 1: was a part of me that was like, oh, let's
Speaker 1: if I can you know, fix this problem, or I
Speaker 1: can make you see the good things in your life.
Speaker 1: You're not going to be so sad. But sometimes as
Speaker 1: a friend, and sometimes in all aspects and all relationships
Speaker 1: that you have, you don't need to fix a problem.
Speaker 1: You just need to allow someone to feel sad. And
Speaker 1: when someone comes to you to speak to you about
Speaker 1: something that's happened to them, they're not expecting you to
Speaker 1: have an answer. They're just expecting almost a sounding board.
Speaker 1: And I know that I've already mentioned this in this
Speaker 1: episode earlier, but like I learned that lesson when I
Speaker 1: went through my miscarriages and what happened with me. For
Speaker 1: anyone who hasn't listened to that episode was I spoke
Speaker 1: to a really close girlfriend of mine about it, and
Speaker 1: she very quickly wrapped the conversation up, and and I
Speaker 1: really wanted to talk to her because I was I
Speaker 1: was really struggling at the time. And she said, you
Speaker 1: know what, this baby wasn't meant this earth. There was
Speaker 1: obviously something wrong with it, so like you should be
Speaker 1: happy that you know this happened, because obviously the baby
Speaker 1: would have had problems. And I was like, fuck, yeah,
Speaker 1: of course I don't. I don't want to have a
Speaker 1: baby that has, you know, health issues. I don't want
Speaker 1: a baby whose life is going to be hard. But
Speaker 1: I still want to be able to be sad about
Speaker 1: the fact that this has happened. I don't want you
Speaker 1: to tell me to not be sad right now. I
Speaker 1: just want to have my feelings validated. And that was
Speaker 1: probably the first time in my life that I had
Speaker 1: experienced toxic positivity really directly back at me, without without
Speaker 1: really thinking about maybe I had done it in the past,
Speaker 1: and like, I know that she didn't do it as
Speaker 1: an intentional thing, and I know that that her absolute
Speaker 1: intention at heart was because she felt uncomfortable by me
Speaker 1: being sad.
Speaker 2: And that's what we do in our society.
Speaker 1: I think we have created an environment and we've created
Speaker 1: relationships where we are not comfortable with other people's pain
Speaker 1: and other people's hurt, and it makes us feel a
Speaker 1: bit like what are we gonna do now? And so
Speaker 1: we had this instant default to try and fix everything,
Speaker 1: and sometimes you just don't need to fix things. It's
Speaker 1: definitely a learned behavior, and it's definitely, like you said,
Speaker 1: there's never any ill intention behind someone that says things
Speaker 1: like you know, you've got all these other things to
Speaker 1: look forward.
Speaker 2: Tomorrow's a new day. There's definitely not ill intentioned.
Speaker 3: And I think that's why it's so important to talk
Speaker 3: about it now. It's because people do want to just
Speaker 3: take your pain away. They want to brush any discomfort
Speaker 3: under the carpet. Nobody wants to sit there and have
Speaker 3: an awkward conversation while their friends crying and not know
Speaker 3: what to do.
Speaker 1: But it may not have ill intentioned, but it's very dismissive.
Speaker 1: And that's the thing that wanted to unpack on this
Speaker 1: is y idea that by not validating it, you're dismissing
Speaker 1: it and you're not giving a voice to that person's sadness.
Speaker 1: And it also means that they can't move through it
Speaker 1: as quickly as what they would want to, or what
Speaker 1: they might be able to if they were actually able
Speaker 1: to feel those emotions properly.
Speaker 3: I remember you told me you had your first miscarriage.
Speaker 3: I remember you told me, and I just went, fuck
Speaker 3: that fucking sucks.
Speaker 1: And that was literally the only thing that you can say.
Speaker 3: And that was it because I was like, because there's
Speaker 3: nothing else to say in that situation, like nothing you
Speaker 3: can say, and I haven't experienced it, so it's not
Speaker 3: I can relate it to myself.
Speaker 1: And there was actually a really interesting study that was
Speaker 1: done in twenty eighteen and it was around emotional acceptance.
Speaker 1: And one of the quotes that came out of this
Speaker 1: study is that if you are always trying to be positive,
Speaker 1: you if you are like I have to be happy
Speaker 1: one hundred percent of the time and no other emotion
Speaker 1: I'm going to give life to or give value to,
Speaker 1: then what that does is actually creates something called meta emotions,
Speaker 1: and it's basically like feeling an emotion about an emotion.
Speaker 1: So if you feel like you're having a shit day
Speaker 1: and you're sad, or you're sad for no reason, like
Speaker 1: maybe you know, we all have days where sometimes something
Speaker 1: has gotten to us and we've just feel a bit low,
Speaker 1: and yeah, things in our life are great, and maybe
Speaker 1: we don't feel justified to have a low day because
Speaker 1: like there's way worse things happening to whole lot of
Speaker 1: other people out there. But then you end up feeling
Speaker 1: guilty or you end up feeling disappointed on top of
Speaker 1: that original feeling that you have, so you feel bad
Speaker 1: about the fact that you feel bad. One of the
Speaker 1: most prime example that we've seen of toxic positivity, which
Speaker 1: I think like everyone will be able to identify is
Speaker 1: Donald Trump and how he has handled coronavirus and him
Speaker 1: running around being like everything's fine, there's no problem here,
Speaker 1: Like you know, we're beating it. Everything is great. This
Speaker 1: like constant projection that everything is awesome when things are
Speaker 1: not awesome really invalidates one people's fear around it. It
Speaker 1: also invalidates people's loss, Like hundreds of thousands of people
Speaker 1: have died in America, and it means that like these
Speaker 1: the people who are suffering and the people who feel
Speaker 1: fear are being told that they're silly fulfilling that because
Speaker 1: everything is great.
Speaker 3: Just I mean, you take what anything Donald Trump says
Speaker 3: with a grain of salt, right, But I.
Speaker 1: Mean when someone who's like in a leadership position and
Speaker 1: they are showing toxic positivity, it's like, I think that
Speaker 1: that's when it can become really dangerous. And we also
Speaker 1: see in other aspects as well. I think a really
Speaker 1: good example of it. We hear about a lot of
Speaker 1: people who have cured themselves through whatever medical ailment. It
Speaker 1: might be whether they have cancer or they have a
Speaker 1: terminal illness and they've decided to go off medicine that
Speaker 1: has been tried and tested and has all of this
Speaker 1: research studies behind it because they want to embrace maybe
Speaker 1: some more natural healing, but also this positive thinking and
Speaker 1: this idea that being positive is enough to be able
Speaker 1: to heal our bodies and actually put us back onto
Speaker 1: like a path of health. And maybe there is an
Speaker 1: odd case out there where something has happened where that
Speaker 1: person has been healed, but I guarantee you that for
Speaker 1: every case where somebody has been healed from positive thinking,
Speaker 1: there's going to be a hundred other cases where someone
Speaker 1: has passed away because they haven't gone down the path
Speaker 1: of what's been advised to them with traditional medicine. So
Speaker 1: positive thinking can actually be really dangerous as well. You know,
Speaker 1: sometimes these negative feelings that we have our body's warning
Speaker 1: system that something is wrong, that there is other things
Speaker 1: that you need to take into account in your life.
Speaker 1: And that's what gives you balance, It's what warns you
Speaker 1: against danger. It's what stops you from like making terrible
Speaker 1: decisions and just walking blindly into everything is roses and
Speaker 1: everything is amazing.
Speaker 2: Well, this idea of it's fine, it's fine, everything fine,
Speaker 2: I'm fine, I'm fine. It's the most common statement isn't it.
Speaker 2: How are you going like, No, I'm so fine, it's fine.
Speaker 2: Oh you lost your job. Yeah, but it'll be fine,
Speaker 2: it's fine.
Speaker 3: What this does is can actually exacerbate negative feelings purely
Speaker 3: because you're not letting yourself work through your deep seated issues.
Speaker 3: Like we all have things that we need to work through.
Speaker 3: But if you cover those up with a blanket and
Speaker 3: pretend they don't exist, they're.
Speaker 2: Going to fester.
Speaker 3: They absolutely will fester, and it will come out and
Speaker 3: be very detrimental. There's a woman called Natalie Detillo. She's
Speaker 3: a clinical health psychologist at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston,
Speaker 3: and I just thought she explained it really well. She says,
Speaker 3: think of it as having a few too many scoops
Speaker 3: of ice cream. It's really good and it makes us
Speaker 3: feel better, But then you can overdo it, she said,
Speaker 3: Then it makes you feel a little bit sick. But
Speaker 3: then imagine trying shove that ice cream into somebody's face
Speaker 3: when they don't feel like having ice cream. Or imagine
Speaker 3: if they were like dairy intolerant and you're trying to
Speaker 3: shove this ice cream into them. It's gonna make them,
Speaker 3: It's gonna make them feel shit, They're gonna feel sick
Speaker 3: feeding too much ice cream, They're saying, She's saying. It's
Speaker 3: the same thing with all these really positive memes about
Speaker 3: not letting yourself sit in your emotions. And I just
Speaker 3: thought that was like a really interesting way of saying,
Speaker 3: don't shove it onto someone all the time.
Speaker 1: We know this, We know this through relationships. We know
Speaker 1: this through like so many of the other conversations we've had,
Speaker 1: where like if you push something down and you don't
Speaker 1: recognize it, it'll only come up bigger later and down
Speaker 1: the track, right, Like we see this in relationships, if
Speaker 1: you don't talk about the problems you're having, if you
Speaker 1: don't communicate those issues, have open dialogue where you feel better,
Speaker 1: you feel recognized, you feel seen, and then then you
Speaker 1: can move forward from it. Those problems don't go away,
Speaker 1: they don't just dissolve because you've been super positive about it.
Speaker 1: They come back and they rear their ugly head and
Speaker 1: they're ten times worse because they're being compounded by this
Speaker 1: neglect as well. But I think, like this conversation is
Speaker 1: really interesting because I do think as a society, the
Speaker 1: language that we use, like when you said I'm fine.
Speaker 1: Like this idea of saying I'm fine, I think we
Speaker 1: use language that doesn't really allow people to talk about
Speaker 1: their feelings because we are, like we said earlier, so
Speaker 1: concerned about making people feel uncomfortable. Then another prime example
Speaker 1: of this is, like every day we do it with
Speaker 1: We do it in shops, we do it with people
Speaker 1: that we see on the street, like we do it
Speaker 1: in very casual conversations. We say, hey, how are you going,
Speaker 1: and we expect the answer to be I'm fine, I'm good.
Speaker 1: You never expect someone to say to you, actually, I'm
Speaker 1: not feeling great. I'm having a really hard day. So
Speaker 1: then why do we ask it? Why do we ask
Speaker 1: such a casual question about how someone is when we
Speaker 1: really don't actually care about the answer. It's because it's become.
Speaker 2: This polite, it's a pleasantry. It's a greeting almost now,
Speaker 2: how are you is almost We don't actually want to
Speaker 2: know how they are. It's it's like a greeting.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna walk into Gloria Jeans and be like, oh, actually,
Speaker 1: I'm having a really fucking hard day, Like my boyfriend
Speaker 1: just broke up with me, I lost my job, and
Speaker 1: I'm feeling pretty sad?
Speaker 2: Do you want to talk about it? People are down?
Speaker 2: Sometimes people do that and then you're like, WHOA, I
Speaker 2: didn't want to actually know?
Speaker 1: How are they are paying three dollars forty for a
Speaker 1: cafe latte, you are not paying for therapy session. But
Speaker 1: I think like this is something that we can be
Speaker 1: conscious of because language is really important, and the language
Speaker 1: that we use allows someone to talk about their feelings
Speaker 1: or its stifles someone's feelings. And if someone is having
Speaker 1: a really really hard time and we're like, hey, how
Speaker 1: you going, and they have to be like I'm fine
Speaker 1: when they're not fine, Like that can add to it
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 2: And it's not.
Speaker 1: Something I really thought about until I was actually in
Speaker 1: my own store the other day and I was having
Speaker 1: this very like trivial, transient conversation with someone where I
Speaker 1: was like, you know, all the niceties and the pleasantries,
Speaker 1: but I was like thinking about this topic because obviously
Speaker 1: we're gonna be talking about it, And I was like,
Speaker 1: why do I ask that? Why do I say how
Speaker 1: how are you? When I clearly don't care about the answer.
Speaker 2: It's food for thought, isn't it?
Speaker 1: But I don't know where we would go with a
Speaker 1: greeting other than Hi, how you going? Hi?
Speaker 3: I hope you are having a great day. No, I
Speaker 3: hope you are having a great day. Like I like
Speaker 3: the idea of it, but maybe it's impractical. But it's
Speaker 3: only impractical. It's because we've made how you're going so common?
Speaker 2: Sing.
Speaker 1: I want to tell you just about this study because
Speaker 1: we love studies here at life on com. We're well researched.
Speaker 1: This is a well researched, oiled machine, guys.
Speaker 3: I just find it really interesting. There was a ten
Speaker 3: year Stanford study and it found that denying negative feelings
Speaker 3: as a coping mechanism was linked to high levels of depression.
Speaker 3: So those people that didn't let themselves feel their pain,
Speaker 3: that didn't let themselves have any negative emotions, that constantly
Speaker 3: said I'm fine was linked to higher levels of depression.
Speaker 3: Another study in twenty eleven found that people actually felt
Speaker 3: more sad when others expected them not.
Speaker 2: To feel negative emotions such a sadness.
Speaker 1: Well, it's that thing right when you Okay, if I
Speaker 1: tell you look at this drink bottle, Now, don't think
Speaker 1: about the drink bottle. You can think about anything else
Speaker 1: but that drink bottle. When you try and tell your
Speaker 1: brain not to think about something. When you tell your
Speaker 1: brain not to do it, you are going to focus
Speaker 1: on it three hundred times more So, like if you're
Speaker 1: telling yourself, you know what, don't be sad about that breakup.
Speaker 1: You can just get on with it. You can exercise,
Speaker 1: you can just ignore it, and the pain will go away.
Speaker 1: It doesn't go away. Sometimes things happen and you have
Speaker 1: to sit in that pain, and the only way out
Speaker 1: of it is through it. And we do feel that, Yes,
Speaker 1: there's going to be times where you can mask it
Speaker 1: with doing different activities.
Speaker 2: You can mask with partying, you can mask it with drinking.
Speaker 1: You can mask with going out with the hot guy
Speaker 1: and having really great sex.
Speaker 2: You can mask be targing me.
Speaker 1: That you can mask emotions, but the only way to
Speaker 1: really kind of get through to the other side is
Speaker 1: actually feeling the spectrum of feelings that you have, and
Speaker 1: no feelings are bad. I think the important thing to
Speaker 1: know is that everything has an equilibrium, so long as
Speaker 1: that being positive and being happy is something that's on
Speaker 1: your equilibrium, so long as that's fifty percent of your life,
Speaker 1: and then you have all the other emotions that are
Speaker 1: scattered around for the other fifty percent, then I think
Speaker 1: that that's a really healthy balance. But to think that
Speaker 1: you have to be happy all the time, it's just
Speaker 1: this most absolutely outrageously unrealistic standard that we've set for ourselves.
Speaker 2: It is so brought on by social media as well.
Speaker 1: One thing that I personally see is like mummy bloggers
Speaker 1: and how unrealistic parenting looks like on social media, and
Speaker 1: how I and I know it's not real, but I
Speaker 1: see it. I think other people are just fucking killing it.
Speaker 1: And then I look at my shithole of the house
Speaker 1: and how nothing works and my kid's constantly sick and
Speaker 1: this clothes everywhere, and I think I'm failing because I'm
Speaker 1: not living in this perfection of bliss. And I think
Speaker 1: all of this stuff ties into this real ethos of
Speaker 1: toxic positivity that ends up making people feel worse about themselves,
Speaker 1: not better.
Speaker 2: Rant and stand No, I completely agree.
Speaker 3: But the one thing I took out from that was
Speaker 3: when you were like, when you're like, I put the drip.
Speaker 2: Boil here and I'll tell you don't look at it,
Speaker 2: and all you can do is looking at it.
Speaker 3: It's like when you tell I've ready to my friend
Speaker 3: down the street the other day, this guy, and we're
Speaker 3: just chatting, and the harshest guy I have ever seen
Speaker 3: was like right behind him, and I just I stopped
Speaker 3: mid conversation and I was like, oh my god, don't look,
Speaker 3: but the hot exky ever is behind you. And immediately
Speaker 3: he whips his head around, he goes where and I'm like,
Speaker 3: and the guy was half a meter away and he
Speaker 3: looked Blake and me.
Speaker 2: I was like, you just fuck I just I got
Speaker 2: him out of bond right now. Thanks, look what you've done.
Speaker 2: I was like, when someone says to.
Speaker 1: You like, don't touch it, don't touch it, don't do it,
Speaker 1: don't look at it, all you want to do is
Speaker 1: be like I need to look so bad all you
Speaker 1: want to do. It becomes like the main focus. That's
Speaker 1: why you can't say to someone, hey, there's someone really
Speaker 1: hot behind you. Of course they're going to turn around.
Speaker 1: I just really like this one quote that I want
Speaker 1: to throw in before we get into some ways to
Speaker 1: deal with toxic positivity, and that is recognize that how
Speaker 1: you're feeling is valid no matter what, and it's okay
Speaker 1: to not be okay, So don't beat yourself up about it.
Speaker 1: If you're having a day where you know what you
Speaker 1: are struggling. It doesn't make you ungrateful. It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that you don't appreciate all the other wonderful things in
Speaker 1: your life. It doesn't mean that your life isn't wonderful.
Speaker 1: It just means that you're allowed to feel everything that
Speaker 1: you feel.
Speaker 3: We all want to feel better than we do when
Speaker 3: we're feeling shitty, but you can't. I can't put that
Speaker 3: pressure in yourself to constantly be on a high. So
Speaker 3: first of all, just recognize that.
Speaker 2: Just be like, you know what, I.
Speaker 3: Feel shit and that's okay. Similarly, if your friend has
Speaker 3: come to you and said that they feel shit, you
Speaker 3: need to let you need to recognize that as well.
Speaker 2: You need to acknowledge that.
Speaker 3: You need to say, you know what, I'm so sorry
Speaker 3: you feel shit, what's happening, what's happening in your life?
Speaker 2: What can we do about it? And it's going to
Speaker 2: take you down a whole other conversation with them on
Speaker 2: what you can do to help them, and just let them.
Speaker 2: Don't take that away from them, because that's what it is.
Speaker 2: It's literally saying you're not entitled to feel that when
Speaker 2: this person obviously has just said I fucking feel that, like,
Speaker 2: this is what I'm feeling. Things are.
Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like when you read them and
Speaker 3: when I tell you them, you're gonna say, like, yeah,
Speaker 3: these all seem very obvious. These are all very obvious things.
Speaker 3: It's just that we don't do them. We don't allow
Speaker 3: ourselves to do them, and we don't do.
Speaker 2: Them to other people.
Speaker 3: But it's literally keeping the attention on the other person.
Speaker 3: If they've come to you with their problem, don't relate
Speaker 3: it back to you. Don't say, well, I know when
Speaker 3: I did this, and I know when I lost my job.
Speaker 3: That is nice, but right now, you can get to
Speaker 3: that later. Right now, it's about them. It's about the
Speaker 3: job that they've lost, and they don't want to know
Speaker 3: how you got through and succeeded and now have this
Speaker 3: wonderful life. They just want you to listen to them
Speaker 3: and validate their feeling ask what they need, let them
Speaker 3: let them tell you their problems, ask them what they need,
Speaker 3: validate their feelings. You could say things like, what will
Speaker 3: be the most helpful thing I can do for you?
Speaker 2: I understand this situation is really hard.
Speaker 3: Sitting your feelings feel it you feel shit, feel fucking shit,
Speaker 3: validate it. Yeah, And it's like they all seem so simple,
Speaker 3: but you don't have to like slap your face and
Speaker 3: get yourself out of it and go for a run
Speaker 3: and be like, yeah, I love life, like sitting in
Speaker 3: your bed and cry if you want, if that's what,
Speaker 3: if that's what your body needs right now.
Speaker 1: This year twenty twenty has been a real year of
Speaker 1: toxic positivity, where people are like, use this time to
Speaker 1: start a new business and do this and do that,
Speaker 1: and maybe, like this conversation would have been great for
Speaker 1: the very beginning of the pandemic when there was all
Speaker 1: of this like let's try and look on the bright
Speaker 1: side of things. But sometimes when you're like working from
Speaker 1: home in a tiny one bedroom studio and you have
Speaker 1: a child that's no longer going to school, like there's
Speaker 1: just so many aspects where you're like, it's not possible
Speaker 1: for me to use this time productively, right, there's so
Speaker 1: many things where you like and I was seeing on
Speaker 1: social media where I was like the Gwyneth Paltrow thing
Speaker 1: where she's like, make sure you use this time to
Speaker 1: better yourself, Like we're never going to get a time
Speaker 1: like this again in our lives and by I'm my
Speaker 1: fifteen thousand dollars vagina candle and steam, you're a vagina.
Speaker 1: But I was like, I hope we never have another
Speaker 1: time like this in my life, Like I need to
Speaker 1: go to work in my office, I need to be
Speaker 1: able to send my kid to daycare, like I need
Speaker 1: those creature comforts that a pandemic doesn't allow me to thrive,
Speaker 1: in which I'm sure a bazillion other people felt exactly
Speaker 1: the same. So my big pointer is remove people from
Speaker 1: social media whose lives seem so perfect and who are
Speaker 1: so positive and so polished that it makes you feel
Speaker 1: shit about yourself, because that is a whole other form
Speaker 1: of toxic positivity. And it's not that you're being invalidated,
Speaker 1: but it's the comparison that everybody else's life is perfect
Speaker 1: and great and everything like radiates on this high frequency
Speaker 1: of happines and then you don't match up to that.
Speaker 1: And I think that that is something that we experience
Speaker 1: all the time with social media, is this idea that
Speaker 1: like we're not quite enough.
Speaker 2: Well, it's our favorite saying, isn't it. Comparison is the
Speaker 2: thief of joy, that's.
Speaker 1: Your favorite sand baby, But I really like it too.
Speaker 1: I love it, but it's the truth. Absolutely is the truth.
Speaker 1: So I think, like it's always good to do a
Speaker 1: social media clear out, cleanse your life of that bullshit
Speaker 1: and just like get some real people who are authentic
Speaker 1: and genuine and show the light and they show the
Speaker 1: shade and they show the shit and they show the
Speaker 1: great stuff.
Speaker 2: That's what you need.
Speaker 3: I hope this has giving you some food for thought,
Speaker 3: and I hope you've sort of having a look at
Speaker 3: your own life and your friend's life and think about
Speaker 3: the way you react to someone that comes to you
Speaker 3: with a problem. Next time, you might be a little
Speaker 3: bit more hyper aware of the way you speak to
Speaker 3: them or the way you deal with the situation.
Speaker 2: That's what we wanted to do.
Speaker 3: We just wanted to break your attention that you might
Speaker 3: not have realized that you were even doing it, or
Speaker 3: you might not realize that there are people in your
Speaker 3: life doing it to you.
Speaker 2: But now you know what, I want to wrap this up.
Speaker 3: We're the quote that I like, as I know, you know,
Speaker 3: I love to finish on high deep.
Speaker 2: It's just a short one, but positivity, love and.
Speaker 1: Laugh, and we're gonna stick it on the wall with
Speaker 1: some drift wood. Positivity must live alongside compassion. Oh, I
Speaker 1: love that I read that as well. Actually, and you're
Speaker 1: reading my research because I wrote it in the know.
Speaker 1: I read it in the article that.
Speaker 2: You read it from.
Speaker 3: Yeah, positivity must live alongside and compassion. I love that
Speaker 3: they go hand in hand. Do you want to unpack
Speaker 3: that a little bit?
Speaker 2: Not really, I think we just did in the whole episode,
Speaker 2: didn't we.
Speaker 1: Positivity lives alongside compassions.
Speaker 2: You can't have one without the other. I know.
Speaker 3: Let's just leave the quote is the quote?
Speaker 1: Oh, I hope you all learned something.
Speaker 2: Thanks for coming to our ted talk.
Speaker 1: All right, guys, you know that we never finished an
Speaker 1: episode without our suck and our sweet, our highlight and
Speaker 1: our low light of each and every single week. Brittany,
Speaker 1: you look like you're still thinking about it, so I
Speaker 1: can got it?
Speaker 2: Okay, all right? What is your suck? Okay?
Speaker 3: I stuck with my car break down at midnight after
Speaker 3: a really long shift that's gonna cost me thousands of
Speaker 3: dollars and I've been three days without a car now,
Speaker 3: hands down my speaking so quickly. I did that on
Speaker 3: purpose because I was just trying to get my stuck out.
Speaker 1: Okay, just so you guys are aware, Brittany owns like
Speaker 1: the bougiest of boogiest fucking car. She owns a range
Speaker 1: Rover and it broke down. And when she called me
Speaker 1: to tell me, she's only had it three year and
Speaker 1: a half. When she called me to tell me that
Speaker 1: it broke down, I was like, I owned a Hayundai
Speaker 1: Excel that I ran on literally the smell of gas.
Speaker 2: I didn't even put any water in it. I didn't
Speaker 2: put any oil in it.
Speaker 1: I didn't put anything in it for probably six years,
Speaker 1: and I was certain it was good.
Speaker 2: It never blew up.
Speaker 1: The thing was like the most reliable car I've ever owned.
Speaker 1: I think it cost me about five thousand dollars. I
Speaker 1: had that car for so long until I ran it
Speaker 1: into another car. Mine and technicality, minor, minor detail, but
Speaker 1: like how does a range how does a range Rover break?
Speaker 1: Those things tell you they're like, hey, something's wrong, something's wrong,
Speaker 1: something's wrong.
Speaker 2: Seven weeks beforehand.
Speaker 3: I've got the same questions, why is it broken?
Speaker 2: Range Rover?
Speaker 3: If you're listening, dms no, I had a Jeep that
Speaker 3: I bought for five grand. It was like one of
Speaker 3: my first cars. Like you just said, it just lasted forever.
Speaker 3: I didn't do anything to it. It was the oldest car.
Speaker 3: It was so so good.
Speaker 1: And then I went and treated myself and look what happened. Anyway,
Speaker 1: that's my sack, My sweet was. We need some dating stories.
Speaker 1: We need some like good romance. I need uh you
Speaker 1: got you got blasted by an ultrasound device in front
Speaker 1: of your girlfriend and all of me above?
Speaker 2: Can I have all over?
Speaker 1: Nah?
Speaker 2: My sweet was?
Speaker 3: I went to breakfast the other day and someone bought
Speaker 3: me a cookie from Bennett Street Deairy.
Speaker 2: It doesn't take much, does it? That's it?
Speaker 3: I was like what I was just like it was
Speaker 3: a really kind gesture, like I was just in a line.
Speaker 2: They brought me cookie. Now that you know me.
Speaker 3: It was just like, you know, I'll get that for you.
Speaker 3: And I was like, that's so cute, so now I've
Speaker 3: got to pay it forward. That wasn't even trying to
Speaker 3: get my pants.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I believe that. I feel like
Speaker 1: he was trying to get in your pants and the
Speaker 1: I'm pretty.
Speaker 2: Bad at that.
Speaker 1: But it was like at your number and you were like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm number seven in line waiting for my coffee. What
Speaker 1: like my bumble video exactly?
Speaker 2: Anyway, that was mine? You tell me yours? Okay, my suck.
Speaker 1: Oh look, I'm gonna sound like a real complainer, but
Speaker 1: like I already told you that I felt like I
Speaker 1: was going into labor.
Speaker 2: That was pretty sucky. That lot sucky.
Speaker 1: Mat had gastro most of this week, which I know
Speaker 1: you guys know because you listened to last episode. Mary
Speaker 1: also had gastro. And then I did the stupidest thing.
Speaker 1: I left my phone on top of my car.
Speaker 2: Oh, yes you did. So.
Speaker 1: I was getting out of my car the other day
Speaker 1: and I like, I had just had lots of bags
Speaker 1: and I had Maley, and I put my phone onto
Speaker 1: my car and then I went inside and I left
Speaker 1: my car on the street. And about four hours later,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, where's my phone. Can't find it,
Speaker 1: must be in the car. Go out to my car.
Speaker 1: This also is kind of my sweet as well. Go
Speaker 1: out to my car and there's a note on my
Speaker 1: car and somebody had found my phone sitting on top
Speaker 1: of the car.
Speaker 2: They had left a note.
Speaker 1: But it just meant I had to drive like several
Speaker 1: suburbs away to go pick it. Up, which is really
Speaker 1: not even a suck. It's a sweet. That is like
Speaker 1: completely a sweet. I found my phone after losing it
Speaker 1: for hours.
Speaker 3: That's actually a very funny that you left your phone on.
Speaker 2: The roof of your car.
Speaker 1: I do it all the time. I have left my
Speaker 1: phone on my car for an entire day at the
Speaker 1: office and left it parked on Oxford Street and nobody
Speaker 1: took it.
Speaker 2: That's amazing. Now you're lucky. That's actually really that's a
Speaker 2: good deed.
Speaker 1: You've got to pass a deed on too now because
Speaker 1: they did a good deed for you. Do I have
Speaker 1: to go buy a hot guy a cookie, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then get his number for me. Anyway, guys, that is
Speaker 1: it for this week's episode. I'm sorry that we had
Speaker 1: to do the little switcheroo this week and that we
Speaker 1: brought this out on the Thursday. But still, variety is
Speaker 1: the zest of life. Maybe this really put a spring
Speaker 1: in your step today. Variety is the zest of life?
Speaker 1: Is that the saying I don't think it is, No,
Speaker 1: it's it's the something of life.
Speaker 2: It's the spice of life. Well it could be the
Speaker 2: zest as well, guys.
Speaker 3: Laura does have one other thing and that I'm just
Speaker 3: gonna reminder of that, she wants to say.
Speaker 1: Okay, so this is like a little bit of housekeeping.
Speaker 1: This made me a bit sad, but I'm sad to
Speaker 1: end on in a low note, but I'm gonna I
Speaker 1: want to share it with you guys because I know
Speaker 1: that this is something that's happened as one of those
Speaker 1: situations in life where you just kind of don't think
Speaker 1: about how your actions might like lead to somebody else
Speaker 1: feeling bad. Okay, Basically, we absolutely love and adore all
Speaker 1: of you guys who have been organizing meetup groups and
Speaker 1: you've been doing life on cut meetups all across Australia.
Speaker 2: It's incredible. Nothing makes us happier.
Speaker 1: Honestly, it feels us with so much joy. We cannot
Speaker 1: freaking wait until there's one organized in Sydney because we.
Speaker 2: May come and crash it one day.
Speaker 1: But I got a message from somebody who had organized
Speaker 1: a meetup in I won't say where because they don't
Speaker 1: want to make this a big thing about who didn't
Speaker 1: come or anything, but they'd organized a meet up, many
Speaker 1: people had RSBPID and then on the day of the meetup,
Speaker 1: nobody actually canceled or didn't say that they were coming,
Speaker 1: but literally nobody but one person showed up and they
Speaker 1: wrote to me and they were quite upset about it.
Speaker 1: They felt really rejected, and like, you know, we talk
Speaker 1: a lot about ghosting on this podcast, we talk a
Speaker 1: lot about how we treat our romantic relationships.
Speaker 2: But I think just in this instance.
Speaker 1: There's this probably just this thought that like, oh well,
Speaker 1: like it doesn't matter if I don't RSVP or I
Speaker 1: don't cancel, because somebody else is gonna go, like they're
Speaker 1: not gonna miss just me. But obviously what's happened is
Speaker 1: that everybody's had that same thought. Nobody has messaged on
Speaker 1: the data say that they weren't gonna come, and nobody
Speaker 1: showed up.
Speaker 2: So this is just a.
Speaker 1: Reminder that like, we don't organize these meetups, we don't
Speaker 1: have control over them, but we really love that there's
Speaker 1: something that's inclusive where everybody feels like they're able to
Speaker 1: make friends that have common goals and they have common
Speaker 1: like ideologies, and we just really hope that everyone continues
Speaker 1: to feel supportive in that. So if you do say
Speaker 1: that you're gonna go to a meetup and you decide
Speaker 1: that you can't go for whatever reason, life gets busy,
Speaker 1: spanner in the works, just write a message like I
Speaker 1: just send a little text I can't come.
Speaker 3: It goes for any part of life, Like would you
Speaker 3: ever do that? If you were going to meet up
Speaker 3: your friend for coffee? Would you just not go? No,
Speaker 3: you'd see you send them a message like I don't,
Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm big on this and.
Speaker 1: I know it's not malicious that this has happened, but
Speaker 1: just you know, let people know if you change your mind,
Speaker 1: because someone was really sad about it, and it made
Speaker 1: me really sad that like that could happen as a
Speaker 1: byproduct of this podcast. So I just wanted to bring
Speaker 1: that to everyone's tention. And I don't want to end
Speaker 1: in a low No. We want you to keep meeting up,
Speaker 1: but just make sure you go anyways.
Speaker 2: That is it from us.
Speaker 1: If you haven't joined the Facebook group, it's Life on
Speaker 1: Cut podcast. If you want to send us some dms
Speaker 1: for our Ask Guncut episode, or if you want to
Speaker 1: send us an accidentally unfiltered story, then please send it
Speaker 1: through to Life on Cut Podcasts, on Instagram or on
Speaker 1: I can't believe they said that, or any other random story,
Speaker 1: send us your fucking crazy story.
Speaker 3: Oh guys, we do want to be adding some new
Speaker 3: little segments in like for us send me a little
Speaker 3: revamp come twenty twenty one.
Speaker 2: So if you guys have any little ideas or something
Speaker 2: funny that's.
Speaker 3: Happened to you, feel free to swing them our way,
Speaker 3: because we want to keep this evolving. We want to
Speaker 3: keep it to things that are relevant to you and
Speaker 3: things that are actually happening to you, because that's what
Speaker 3: makes everyone else feel better abound their life.
Speaker 2: And you know the drill, tell your mom, tell you to,
Speaker 2: I'll tell your dog.
Speaker 1: Takes this to tell your house, and tell just everybody
Speaker 1: and share the love because we love love